#im at the phase of my life where the latest i can stay up is 10:30

[britneyshakespeare]

i need a hug and also i NEED to go to bed

[angrylizardjacket]

dirtbags // 2: Lola

Summary: High school AU, 1984, Winter. It’s hard to make friends when you’re the new kid starting halfway through Junior year, but slowly Lola seems to be making a few. It’s much easier to have a rumour started about you, especially when you tend to make questionable choices at parties, but that’s much less fun.

A/N: 8173 words. Lola’s dad is the MVP, trust me. i meant to put this out a week ago whoops!! also im allowed to reference my own Queen oc as a treat. @bluehourmotel, @misscharlottelee and again, interludes are A Softer World quotes.

[ m a s t e r p o s t ]

the best revenge is living well. the second best revenge is fire ants.

The fact that after being in town for a total of two weeks, Lola’s closest friend is the gas station attendant a full fifteen minute drive away from her house is kind of sad. Not that she’s disappointed to be Mick’s friend, he’s got a dry sense of humor but a good heart and he’s refreshing honesty, but she’s been at this new school for about a week and a half, has already made out with at least one person, has possibly convinced said-person’s cousin that she’s trying to corrupt him, and started to make a name for herself - whether it’s good or bad is yet to be seen -, and yet Mick Mars, nineteen-year-old gas station attendant, apprentice electrician, and aspiring guitar player is her closest friend. 

But she’s always been kind of terrible at making friends her own age.

“You have lost all respect from me,” Mick told her on Monday morning after the party, over the counter of the gas station as he’s ringing her up for her smokes and iced coffee before she went to school, “you could have picked anyone to mack on at that party, and you chose Tommy fuckin’ Lee?”

“He was nice to me, what was I meant to do?” Lola declared, realizing too late that that statement revealed absolutely too much about herself to a near stranger. Mick, however, just gives her a flat look.

“You need higher standards.” He doesn’t seem too phased by her. Lola takes this in stride, and nods, agreeing with a sigh. 

“What time do you finish work?” She asks, changing the subjects quickly as she’s pulling out a bill from her back pocket, “dad said he’s happy to let you have a look at that weird light switch that doesn’t do anything that I was telling you about.” 

“I finish at ten tonight, I’m working a double,” he groans at the very thought of it. Lola gives him a sympathetic look, and tells him to only come around if he’s up to it, otherwise leaving it for another day.

That’s the day that Lola realises the whole school knows about her and Tommy at the party, that she has Art with Charlotte before lunch, and also that Charlotte can’t look her in the eye.

Tuesday the school realises that she’s not just Lola Who Gives It Up For Free At Parties, but that she’s Lola The New Girl and that they don’t know anything about her beyond that. There’s a guy in her wood working class with long black hair and a dangerous smile that winks at her; she flips him off, knowing all he cared about was knowing if the rumours were true. She’s got AP French last period with that ginger from the party who wouldn’t stop laughing, Eileen; she’s a lot more serious, sober. The cheerleader, Heather, won’t stop giving her these weird, calculating looks.

Wednesday there’s a new rumour, that she was expelled from her last school. The population of the school hasn’t decided what exactly they think she was expelled for yet. Turns out she has English with that guy from her woodworking class, he just hadn’t turned up for their lesson on Monday; he sits at the back like Lola, in the other corner, and the teacher calls him Nikki in a tone like she’s already disappointed. Lola can see why, he fell asleep at his desk. Art last period with Charlotte; she still barely looks at Lola. 

Thursday. Heather asks in AP French if Lola’s heard what everyone’s saying about her; her tone is sweet and dangerous in equal measure and Lola doesn’t trust what’s about to come out of her mouth. The new rumour is that Lola was expelled for sleeping with a teacher; something about the glint in Heather’s eye is cruel, and Lola asks her sweetly if she’s more jealous of Lola or the teacher. That shuts Heather up fast, and Eileen’s cough behind them sounds more like she’s trying to hide a laugh. But it still gets to her; Lola focuses so hard on ignoring the girls gossiping loudly about her at their station behind her in Home Economics that she burns the apple danishes she was attempting, and she throws the burnt pastries, and the tray they’d been cooking on, into the bin until she realises her mistake and sulkily fishes the tray out again. Thankfully, the teacher didn’t notice.

Friday, and Lola hasn’t paid much attention to Vince, whose house she’s been to but who she hadn’t properly met until their classes had P.E at the same time; he’s in the year below her, but still manages to sidle up to her while they’re both waiting for their teachers to prepare the field for whatever torture they’re masquerading as physical exercise today. She tells him to fuck off; there’s something about the way he conducts himself that she doesn’t like, like he’s putting on a show of being shallow and vain and the life of the party. Instead, Vince’s voice goes quiet and he tells her that Tommy’s a good kid with a good heart -

“You give this speech to everyone you caught making out at your parties, or just me, ‘cos you think I’m a bitch and I’m gonna hurt one of ‘your bros’?” She snapped, lip curling, and Vince’s brow creases into a frown, “I’m not his fucking girlfriend, we made out a little, you don’t have to act like I’m going to break his heart, so piss off.”

A moment passes, and he appears to don his shallow, playboy mask when he asks her slyly if the rumours are true. She shoves him hard enough that he skitters back a few feet, and Lola earns her first after school detention.

The thing is, she and Tommy are already on the same page about this, it was a what happens while drunk at a party stays at that party. Or at least, it’s meant to. Either way, Charlotte’s protectiveness, and Vince’s... attempt at protectiveness was unwarranted. Maybe it’s because Tommy, for whatever reason, has started hanging around Lola at lunch.

She doesn’t sit in the cafeteria like the rest of them, or even on that little section of the roof the intimidating pack of punks, rockers, and smokers have found a way to get to. Lola sits against the fence near the science building, close to the carpark that’s always open for some stupid reason, as though she’s contemplating bolting.

“Don’t you have friends?” Lola’s tone is kind of hard, and perhaps her words are on the nose, and a little cruel, but it’s Wednesday, and this is the third day in a row he’s found her and spent the entirety of lunch with her. They don’t speak much, Lola smokes and picks apart whatever her dad’s latest cooking experiment is before she eats it, and Tommy practices twirling his drumsticks. 

“I have friends, do you?” Tommy responds, more than a little defensive, rubbing at his brow where he’d just managed to hit himself mid-drumstick-twirl, taken aback by her question. Lola gives him a flat look. “Someone told me you were expelled from your last school,” Tommy’s gaze shifts to the carpark, to the last car and it’s telltale rocking and fogged up windows.

“They say why?”

“Nah,” Tommy shakes his head, scowl softening as he gets back to practicing, “it true?” Lola’s picking out and eating the apple chunks from the slice of pie her father had packed for the day, still watching the car with the mildest of interest. She shakes her head. Tommy hums noncommittally. They spend the rest of lunch in silence.

“He keeps hanging out with me!” The following afternoon, Lola gripes to Mick on his smoke break after she gets out of school for the afternoon.

“You keep hanging out with me,” Mick points out, peeling the label off of a bottle of soda.

“And?”

“I don’t tell you to fuck off.”

“Yeah? So?”

“Because,” and Mick heaves a heavy sigh, like it pains him to admit, “we’re friends, Lola,” but he pauses and amends, “God knows why.”

“Fuck you, I’m a delight,” Lola huffs, and pulls her oversized denim jacket tighter around herself to ward off the chill of the afternoon breeze. If this were pretty much any other state, they’d be knee-deep in snow; thank God for LA, snow’s pretty for five minutes before it’s a pain.

“Do you tell him to fuck off?” Mick asks pointedly, as if exhausted that he has to spell it out for her. Lola’s quiet, but her answer’s clear. Mick clears his throat with a cough. Lola’s scowl deepens. 

She brings it up to her father that night. 

“Do you reckon Tommy’s trying to be my friend?” She asked, gaze intense as she focuses on slicing apples into little cubes. Leo, her father, who was kneeding a blend of spices into a ball of dough that would end up being a pie crust, paused.

“The kid who has been hanging out with you at lunch?” He thought for a moment, “the one from the party?”

“I told him it was nothing serious-” Lola tried, exasperatedly cutting the apples a little rougher, but her father’s warm, gentle laugh cut her off.

“Yes, I think he’s trying to be your friend,” he told her, which Lola hadn’t exactly wanted to hear, but the information was easier to digest coming from him than it was coming from Mick, “he obviously likes you -”

“But I told him -”

“I know, you told him it wasn’t serious, but dear, that doesn’t mean he likes you less as a person - you’re a very cool cat, I can see why he’d want to be your friend,” he gives her finger guns, and Lola can’t help but laugh softly at his attempt to be hip. 

“Christ, dad,” Lola huffs, smiling fondly, but he’d managed to cheer her spirits considerably. 

“I burnt my danishes today,” Lola’s voice goes quiet as she goes back to focusing on her task, and her dad makes a noise of intrigue, “got distracted and crisped the whole tray.”

“You’ll get ‘em next time; just fifteen minutes, remember?”

“Fifteen minutes, no distractions,” Lola agreed, almost by rote, thankful that he doesn’t ask about what had distracted her. She can still hear the whispered gossip and giggles that had come from the cooking station behind her in Home Economics.

Her dad knows that her peers think she was expelled from her last school, but she keeps her mouth shut about the fact that today they’d decided it was because she had relations with a teacher; he knows almost everything about her, but he didn’t need to know about a whole school calling her a slut. He’d blow it out of proportion, and it isn’t getting to her since she knew for a fact it wasn’t true. 

They finish the apple pie with it’s rosemary and lemongrass crust in good spirits. The flavours don’t go together as well as Leo had hoped, but it’s another step closer to the perfect apple pie he’d been trying for. Leo packs her two of the leftover slices for lunch, as a not-so-subtle hint. 

On Friday, Lola hands Tommy a plastic container with a piece of apple pie, with a rosemary and lemongrass crust in it.

“Is it poison?” He asks. Lola doesn’t look at him, picking the individual apple pieces out and eating them one at a time.

“The crust tastes weird if you eat it with the filling,” Lola’s voice is flat as she explains instead of answering, “but the apples are sweet.” She eats another cube of apple, then breaks off a corner of the golden, perfectly cooked crust, now cold and stiff from spending the night in the refrigerator. 

“Why are you giving me this?” 

“Eat it or don’t, I don’t care,” Lola tells him, hunching further in on herself; like this, she can’t see the way Tommy’s expression has broken out into a smile.

“Thanks Lola,” but the smile is evident in his voice, confirming all of her suspicions at once. Tommy took her at her word when she said the rumours weren’t true, even if the rest of the school believed them, so Lola supposes she’s actually okay with the fact that her second ever friend in the entirety of California is the marching band geek in the year below her who she made out with at a party once. 

Also maybe she’s just kind of terrible at making friends.

you and me baby! we are the future! and the future is bleak.

“Wait, you’ve never met Nikki Sixx?” Tommy asked, sitting patiently with his back against the fence, his hand resting on her knee as she fills in the the nails of his left hand with black sharpie, “didn’t you go to his gig the other week?”

“I didn’t know anyone,” Lola pointed out, and Tommy makes a thoughtful noise.

“You’d love him, he’s so fucking cool,” he assured her, which made Lola give pause; Tommy also thinks Vince is fucking cool, and she wants to throw Vince out a window, “he was the one on bass.” 

“The one in the leather pants?” Lola couldn’t help but smile at the memory; she’d appreciated it at the time, and could appreciate it now. Tommy, however, rolled his eyes.

“The girls love the leather pants,” he gave a quiet sigh, before adding, almost to himself, “wish I had leather pants.” 

“Leather pants would look good on you,” Lola pinches at his thigh for a moment, and goes back to filling in his nails. missing Tommy’s pleased, flustered little smile. 

“You know Freddie paints his nails like this,” Tommy says instead, changing the topic of conversation.

“Freddie?”

“Mercury. From Queen; you know Queen, right?” And he sounds kind of skeptical, like if she doesn’t know them, they can’t be friends anymore. Lola pauses again, her hand soft on Tommy’s where she’s filling in around his ring finger’s cuticle.

“I wanna climb John Deacon like a fucking tree,” she mutters, which startles a laugh out of Tommy, his hand jerking up to cover his mouth, making Lola leave a black line against his knee, through the rip in his jeans. When she looks up at him, however, her eyes are shining with mirth, “come on, man, you must have seen the video of them performing in Montreal last year!” And she licks her lips, watching Tommy’s blush grow steadily darker. After a beat, Lola bursts out laughing, shattering the tension and shifting to sit beside him, idly doodling on her own hand with the marker as Tommy shakes his head with amusement.

Lola starts humming Back Chat to herself, and Tommy leans his head back against the wire of the fence, listening for a moment.

“You and Charlie would get along great too,” he considers, and Lola doesn’t stop humming, nor does she look to him, “she likes Roger, but probably just because she thinks he’s pretty.” Lola can hear his eyeroll without even seeing it, and she’s not sure why, but she files that information away in the back of her mind; she’d never gotten an especially shallow vibe from Charlotte, but there was a uncertain undeniable appeal to Roger Taylor’s pretty-boy charm.

“Didn’t his girlfriend leave him for Bowie?” Lola asks mildly, barely pausing to speak between humming notes.

“Rocket Mercury?”

“Her name’s Rocket?” Lola snorts, finally looking at him, and Tommy’s lips twisted into an amused grin. 

“Her name’s Ash, but everyone calls her Rocket,” he says, like he’s in the know, and Lola stays quiet, nodding and trying not to laugh, “and yeah, I think so, she’s been with a few people since him I think; Bowie, this girl from this English band Hawkwind, Elton John maybe? Or someone around him I think.” Tommy nods, and Lola’s kind of intrigued as to why he knows so much about Queen’s drummer’s partner, but something else has caught her attention.

“A girl from Hawkwind?” Tommy doesn’t seem to notice the way Lola’s voice has softened, or how her expression has dropped to something carefully neutral. She’s drawing a little flower on the knuckle of her thumb.

“One of their dancers, Stacy, maybe?” Tommy’s own tone is light, like he doesn’t even realise Lola’s hanging onto his every word regarding this one little detail about a woman she doesn’t even know, “was kind of a scandal, but it was years ago; she’s Freddie’s sister after all, maybe it’s genetic.”

“Genetic?”

“Liking girls and guys, you know?” And he pauses. Lola’s frozen beside him, the marker pressed hard against her skin, breath caught in her throat. He throws it out so casually, so easily. Her hands are shaking. The words so kind when he says them, so unlike what she’s used to hearing. Tommy’s already moved on to the next thought. “actually, I’m not sure if Freddie’s like, legit her brother, but anyways, she and Roger are back together; I’m glad.” As if a sixteen-year-old’s opinion on a rock legend’s love life mattered, “he seems happier with her, all his best live shows were when they were together.”

“I’d kill to play half as well as him,” it’s almost wistful when Tommy says it, interrupting Lola’s thoughts, his gaze trained on the sky, as if imagining he’s on stage himself. Lola lets out a long, quiet breath, recentering herself as she looks to him.

“You wanna play drums?” 

“I can play drums,” Tommy tells her like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “but not nearly as good as Roger Fucking Taylor, can you imagine?” But Lola’s more focused on the -

“I thought you just played in the marching band, can you play, like, full -” and she sits forward, gesturing like she’s tapping on a full drumkit, eyes shinning. Suddenly, in the face of her rare, unrestrained smile, Tommy feels himself growing nervous, like he’ll let her down if he’s not actually as good as he thinks he is.

“I’ve got a kit in my garage,” he admits, and Lola pauses, letting her excitement simmer, as though realising it had gotten the best of her, breaking her cool and aloof facade.

“That’s cool as hell,” she does add, however, and Tommy beams.

“Thanks,” he mumbles, all flustered at even the slightest praise, “man, you’d really like Charlie, I know she looks all fancy and intimidating, but she’s a real softie inside.”

“You are really pushing hard for me to be friends with your cousin,” Lola notes, giving him a sidelong glance, and Tommy’s nose scrunches up, caught out.

“She thinks you’re trying to corrupt me,” he grumbles, “but if you guys met she’d know you’re not.”

“I am corrupting you,” Lola smirks, “next week I plan on peer pressuring you into smoking.”

“I’ve smoked before!” Tommy’s up in arms, like the implication that he hasn’t done something as low-level cool as smoking offends him.

“Dude I was kidding, I gave you half my cigarette yesterday,” Lola reminds him, and the bell rings.

While Lola was more than happy to let sleeping dogs lie, it appeared that Charlotte was not, and less than two days after her conversation with Tommy, Lola finds herself sitting by Charlotte’s side in their shared art class.

It’s the last class of the day, and Charlotte’s the one who sits by Lola. There’s no preamble, barely acknowledging the decision, just opening her notebook and focusing on the theory the teacher had already started to jot down on the whiteboard.

When they’re given free time, however, to work on personal projects, Charlotte opens her sketchbook and sharpens her pencil, and without looking at Lola, begins speaking quietly.

“Tommy thinks we’d get along,” Charlotte sounds completely innocent and perfectly harmless, but Lola remember how Charlotte had looked at her, part deer-in-the-headlights startled at the realisation, and knee-jerk protective fury, at Vince’s party when she realised who Lola had been kissing. 

“So I’ve heard,” Lola doesn’t look up, but Charlotte’s pencil stills on her paper. After a beat, Lola turns to see Charlotte giving her a curious look. Propping her head up on her hand, Lola gives a thin, amused smile, “he also thinks I’d be good friends with Nikki Sixx; was he the one you yelled at, at the gig?”

Instead of being flustered or going red at the mention of the moment, Charlotte’s expression lights up, as if the idea somehow delights her, and slowly she’s nodding. All her earlier reservations and hostility was quickly leaving her.

“Yeah, actually I told Nikki you reminded me of him, actually -”

“I remind you of Nikki?” Lola’s grin widened, and she shifted to face Charlotte further. 

“He’s kind of a tool -” Charlotte blurted after a moment of contemplation, and Lola’s eyebrows raised in amused surprise. Charlotte’s quick to backtrack, “I mean, I’m not saying you are- well, I don’t know you, but I mean, Tommy -” Charlotte frowns at that, expression falling as she considered quietly, “actually, I mean, I love him, but he’s not the greatest judge of character; he thinks Nikki hangs the stars, despite never really speaking to him,” she pauses and heaves a sigh of realisation, “that probably why he thinks so highly of him -”

“I thought they were friends,” Lola’s genuinely surprised, given how kindly Tommy had spoken of him.

“Half the school is terrified of Nikki, half seems to be in love with him; Tommy’s in the second half.”

“And which half are you?”

“I’m the only person who seems to think he’s just kind of a pest,” Charlotte’s response is surprisingly mild, as if she doesn’t quite believe what she’s saying.

“He’s talented, though,” Lola offers, and Charlotte looks back to her, as if brought from her own thoughts. There’s a pause, a lull. Lola puts down her pen, and turns more fully to Charlotte, stretching her arm out over the desk, and resting her head fully on it, like a particularly smug cat stretching out in the sun. Charlotte is slower to put down her pencil, but does so after another moment, pristine fingernails drumming against her sketchbook for a moment. 

“He was talented,” Charlotte agreed, thought it sounds like she doesn’t quite want to, “my ex actually got me into his kind of music, he was a fan of Nikki’s too; I’d tell Nikki I enjoy his music but it’d go straight to his ego,” and she casts Lola a sidelong look, lips stretched into a smirk, which Lola returns. 

“I am a little bit of a tool,” Lola finally admits with a self deprecating grin, and Charlotte shakes her head.

“You’d fucking love him,” Charlotte tells her, with a strained, sort of resigned huff of laughter, like the concept of them meeting was a little bit horrifying, and already exhausting.

“You like his kind of music,” Lola circled back around to quickly, “never pictured you as a hard rocker, you’re very...” and she trails down, looking at Charlotte’s pristine cheerleading uniform, and thick, black tights, the only thing protecting her legs from the Winter air. The blonde shifts a little uncomfortably under the scrutiny, brow furrowing.

“I know,” Charlotte says flatly, crossing her ankles, far too self aware in the moment, “you expect me to just be listening to nothing but Abba and Madonna all day?” She sneers, suddenly haughty again, and Lola licks her lips, intrigued; she can tell she’s pushed a button, and debates for a moment if she wants to press it further. 

“Not all the time,” Lola said, sitting back up slowly, “but I mean, I’m kind of partial to Does Your Mother Know, there’s no shame in loving Abba,” she shrugs, and Charlotte lets herself visibly relax. 

“Never pictured you as an Abba fan,” Charlotte actually grins.

There’s a distinct lack of hostility in the air between the two girls by the time the class ends, after spending the entire class gushing over various bands across a surprising range of genres, and Lola quickly finds she appreciates how wrong her initial impression of Charlotte had been.

As they’re leaving for the day, or well, Lola’s leaving, and Charlotte’s heading to cheer practice, the conversation lulls as Charlotte grows thoughtful.

“Hey, just... Tommy’s kind of a hopeless romantic,” and even as she speaks, she knows Lola’s growing irate at Charlotte’s hesitant tone, “and honestly, the girls he goes for usually don’t... they don’t usually give him the time of day, and he obviously thinks the world of you, I just don’t want you to -”

“I’ve told him that I don’t want to date him; he’s the one who keeps hanging around me,” Lola’s own tone appears to surprise Charlotte, now that she understands the root of the other girl’s protectiveness, “we’re...” and the word catches in Lola’s throat for a moment, knowing that speaking it makes it true, “friends.” 

Lola glances at Charlotte out the corner of her eye, and sees the way Charlotte’s lips twist into a pleased little smirk.

“I was just making sure.”

love is stupid. happiness is admitting we aren’t better than stupid.

Leo Fields, thirty-nine years old, owner of soon-to-be-named Leo Diner’s in suburban LA, a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America, who worked in the luxurious Parker House restaurant in Boston and quit after ten years there, including three years as Sous Chef and one year as Head Chef, only to open his own 50s style diner a mere ten minutes away in Salem, has and will always claim his favourite food is Easy Cheese.

Once, a long time ago, Lola had asked him why.

She’s asked him a lot of things, why he’d left his high-end restaurant to essentially flip burgers, why he kept his hair long, what his tattoos meant -

Lola’s eight, sitting on the counter and swinging her legs while Leo was crushing garlic to add to their dinner, his hair tied back into a large bun atop his head.

“People will try and tell you that just because something is expensive, fancy, or higher class,” Leo had rolled his eyes exaggeratedly at that, putting on a voice to make his daughter laugh, “that it’s better; they are wrong. If something brings you joy, it is better than all things that do not bring you joy, no matter how fancy the things you don’t like are,” he’d told her very seriously, “better is not real, better is what you believe; better for you means healthier, and that’s real, but when people use better to mean good, they mean that it’s good in their mind, and maybe you agree, but maybe you won’t.” And he scrapes the garlic into the pan and oil cooking on low as he then began dicing onions.

“I use all my fancy training and knowledge to make foods I think are better, but now I get to also serve them with a smile, and I get to talk to the people I’m giving the food to, get to know them, let them know they’re welcome here,” he tries to smile while his eyes are watering from the onions, almost finished cutting them. “People in my old fancy restaurant didn’t want that, they wanted you to think they were better than you, and if you thought their food wasn’t good, that’s because you’re not fancy enough, and you’re not welcome here.” 

“But that’s wrong,” Lola said with a slight frown, looking to her father for confirmation, and after he wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, he beamed.

“Exactly,” he nodded and scraped the diced onions into the pan too, moving easily about the kitchen to pull mince from the refrigerator, “people liking something different to you is actually great; if everyone in the world liked Easy Cheese, we’d never be able to buy it!” And Lola laughed at that, the example making it easy for her to understand his point, “but making them feel bad for liking those things, that’s bad; that’s why I have my hair long, why I have my tattoos, they’re part of who I am, they’re part of my family’s history and where I come from, and I like them. If someone else is rude to me because of them, then I know right away that’s not someone I want in my life. People like to think they’re better than other people for stupid reasons sometimes.”

“Like if they’re fancy or not?” Lola asks, and Leo gives her a fond smile and nod.

“Like if they’re fancy or not.”

Leo’s not sure if Lola even remembers this, but he does. So when Lola, seventeen years old, standing in the kitchen, eating a ham and Easy Cheese sandwich after school, tells him that Charlotte, the girl in her art class, Tommy-from-the-party’s cousin, complimented her jacket, the pin-and-patch-covered, black, denim, proto-crust-punk, heirloom he’d loaned to her since she’d asked to wear it when starting a new school, and had barely gone a day without it, he can read into her smile even when it’s hidden behind her sandwich.

“Sounds like she has good taste,” Leo leans his hip against the counter top, legs feeling the warmth of the oven where he’s got a loaf of herb and garlic bread baking away. 

Lola spends a full twenty minutes enthusing about Charlotte’s taste in music, eyes bright and tone animated. He only interrupts her to hand her a packet of prosciutto and a bundle of asparagus, so she could help him prepare for dinner, but it doesn’t slow her down, hands working quickly, while Leo boiled potatoes and simmered some garlic in butter on a low heat. 

Both Lola and Leo know why Lola’s been so hesitant to make friends since moving, and she knows he’d never push her into friendship, but Lola also knows it hurts him to see her lonely.

“Hey dad, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Lola says after a long pause, finally taking a breath after she’s finished recounting her day to him, “you know Queen, right?”

“Do I know Queen?” Leo jokingly scoffed, “Lola, I’m the one who introduced you to Queen.” He reminded, and Lola gave a small smile, but her heart wasn’t in it; she wasn’t usually nervous, but talking about this sort of thing still made her heart race a little. Seeing her hesitant expression, Leo’s own softens, and he turns down the potatoes to turn his full attention to her, “what about Queen?”

“I didn’t know Freddie’s sister was with the drummer,” Lola starts, fiddling with the final piece of asparagus. She’s quick to follow it up before she can chicken out, “and I didn’t know... she’s like Bowie, and Fred, and... and me, you know?” Lola finally wraps up the final vegetable and places it on the glass baking tray with the rest, before she looks to her father who was watching her pensively, hoping he understands what she’s trying to say.

“That’s little Rocket Mercury you’re talking about, isn’t it?” He asked as a smile stretched across his lips, “I heard that about her, I always thought she was so cool, she worked on Spinal Tap, you remember I took you to see Spinal Tap a few months ago?” 

Lola’s heart eases in her chest at his words, his warmth, the way he seems to reflect positively on the news. While Lola knew she didn’t have anything to worry about, since the whole reason Leo had taken her and moved across the country was her mother’s less-than-kind reaction to the news of Lola dating a girl, the memory of it all still made her nervous.

Leo’s entire face lights up, and he makes a loud exclamation, like suddenly remembering some vital information, snapping Lola out of her dwelling.

“How have I never played you any Dusty Springfield?” He announces, picking up the glass tray from the table and placing it to the side, “I’ve got some of her records in my collection,” the oven timer goes off and he asks Lola to watch the potatoes so they don’t overboil while he takes out the bread and puts the asparagus in, “Dusty’s like you too; she’s a pop-star from the sixties, lovely voice, told the Evening Standard she liked girls and boys all the way back in nineteen-seventy.” He says as he sets the timer for the asparagus, and Lola wraps her arms around him from behind, if only to hide how wide she’s smiling.

“She pretty?” Lola asked, grinning against his soft, woolen sweater. Leo gently pet her hands where they were wrapped around his middle, giving a warm laugh.

“Very; it’s no wonder girls and boys liked her too.”

Lola had never seen her father flinch in the face of change, and for that she would always be grateful for him. The only time she’d ever seen him lose his cool was when he’d come to her defense against her mother’s bigotted views; apart from that, she’d never known anyone more willing to go with the flow.

Take last week, for instance, Mick had taken Saturday off from the gas station to go look at the fixture Lola had mentioned not seemingly connected to anything. Leo had finally had the red and white, checkered floor installed earlier that week, and the booths had been reupholstered over Thursday and Friday in a shiny, inviting, deep peach, to compliment the warm aesthetic completed by the pleasantly sunny walls. 

One of the many things about Lola is that she know when people look at her father, they never expect him to be the embodiment of sunshine; six-foot-something, built like a tank from doing a majority of the manual labor around his diners on his own. His traditional, Hawaiian tattoos were on full display today, across his chest, arms, and legs, wearing a singlet and shorts despite it being the middle of winter, after spending all morning hauling an industrial freezer into the kitchen, with what little help Lola could offer. He wears his long, wavy black hair in a ponytail down his back; the only thing that ever betrayed the warmth of his personality was the crows feet by his eyes, the laugh lines around his mouth, and the kindness in his eyes themselves.

Leo Fields, teddy-bear in the body of a GI Joe, took one look at Mick Mars, the weary, rather scrawny teenager with barely any face visible for his long, shaggy, dyed black hair, and gave him a bright smile, ushering him inside. He introduces himself, and immediate asks what kind of music Mick listened to.

“I fucking hate Kiss,” Mick had said immediately, knee-jerk hostility, the way he was shifting his weight from one foot to the other being the only giveaway to how intimidated he felt.

“They can be a lot some times,” Leo had shrugged, gesturing to the jukebox, “I’ve already put a few of my favourites in, you wanna see if anything catches your eye?” Mick moves quietly, as if afraid to make a noise, even stepping in combat boots he barely makes a sound, and Leo makes mention that he’s going to freshen up, and that Lola knows what switch needs to be looked at. 

“Hendrix?” Mick says with a hint of pleased surprise, right before Leo leaves, and Lola’s father gives a nod.

“Put it on, man, turn it up loud; it’s Electric Ladyland in there, right?” And at Leo’s question, Mick nods. Leo gives a delighted thumbs up, and heads upstairs to the flat above the diner.

“That’s your dad?” Mick asks, voice low after Leo’s disappeared, hitting play on the Jimi Hendrix record. Lola’s sitting on the counter, swinging her legs; she knows looks like him, same face, same long, dark hair, same copper complexion, it’s usually the staggering difference in their respective physicalities that seemed to trip people up, so his confusion wasn’t a surprise.

“That’s my dad,” Lola agrees, with a slight nod, looking around the warm and inviting diner that still smelled like new vinyl from the seats. She’d light a candle or two later. 

Lola knows the rumours going around town about the diner, about how it’s owner was a chef, about how it’s hopefully going to serve better food than the last owners, but also how everyone knew very little about the new owner beyond that. It made her giddy, like she had a secret, to know that her father was capable of blowing their expectations out of the water with his food alone. Back in Salem, Leo’s was known for restaurant-quality food at, well, diner prices. All the fries were hand cut, there was always home made pie or slice or cookies on sale, the beef patties were made with real mince and mixed with Leo’s special blend of herbs and spices, and fish was delivered fresh, daily. 

Lola knew her father knew what it was like to be discriminated against based on his looks, and how hard he’d fought to prove his skills as a chef, so in turn, he hired based on attitude and experience, and trying to give those who may not have had a fair shot an opportunity. Leo had always paid well, treated his workers with kindness, and tried to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. The diner had only ever made a modest profit, despite it’s popularity, but it had never been about the money for her father.

Back at Lola’s old high school, if you were popular, you looked for a job at the mall, but if you were an outcast, a loner, or a stoner, you applied for Leo’s; her dad had the ability to bring out the best in people, no-one wanted to disappoint Leo.

Her dad would never go anything as gauche as brag, but he has always prided himself on the quality of his diner and his food, glad to be putting his years of training and experience to use for people who’s appreciate it. 

Mick clears his throat, snapping Lola out of her thoughts.

“Light switch?”

Mick thinks the switch probably connected to an exhaust fan the previous owner had removed, which baffled both Lola and Leo, seeing as how they’d had several exhaust fans installed, and the idea that this place had it’s one removed is unthinkable; how had they ever gotten the smell out?

After, Leo invites Mick up to have a look through his record collection, to recommend some for the jukebox, while he attempted a maple and walnut soufflé. 

The moment Mick mentions he wants to join a band, Leo lights up, peppers him with questions, what type of music he likes to play, his influences, what type of band he’d like to form. Seemingly unused to the overwhelming interest and positivity regarding his aspirations, Mick is almost startled into being forthcoming, and quickly warms to Lola’s dad.

While the soufflé’s in the oven, the three of them sit on the roof and smoke, while Leo reminisces about seeing Cream live, a few months after Lola was born, and how he’d swaddled her in his concert shirt, only for her to take a liking to it, and had used it as a blanket up until she started daycare. At hearing this, Lola ducks her head to hide her smile, knowing she still had that shirt, though it was more hole than shirt at this point, hanging in her cupboard. 

Occasionally, when she looks to him, Lola sees Mick regarding her with confusion, and okay, maybe she can understand why; he knows her to be reserved and dry, but with Leo, she’s outgoing and talkative and smiles so wide he can see her teeth. There’s barely a hint of her aloof façade around her father, and as Mick spends more time with him, it’s clear he can see why.

“Mick’s cool,” Leo announces with a grin when Mick himself has left, putting foil over the leftover soufflé for later, while Lola washes the few dishes and is more than happy to agree with him.

They spend Sunday decorating the diner, making it look less sparse with photos and hanging and various bits of music and pop culture memorabilia, while the jukebox blared rock and roll. A few people pass by in time to see Lola and Leo in an air guitar competition, but neither of them really care. Leo’s looks more like home by the time the sun goes down. 

there will always be someone better than you. but on the bright side, who cares?

Eileen sits next to her in AP French during the entire last week of school for the semester. Everything she does seems so perfectly calculated, this change in seating included, but she refuses to acknowledge it. Heather clicks her tongue, clearly annoyed that Eileen had taken the seat she had previously vacated the day Lola staked her own next to it, and judging by Eileen’s innocent little smile, that alone made it worth it.

Lola tries not to pay too much attention to Heather, pretty, mean, and popular, almost the exact stereotype Lola had assumed Charlotte to be before she’d actually befriended her. They only have French together, but Heather keeps watching her, Lola sees it out of the corner of her eye, but her glare has become more speculative, more thoughtful as the weeks have passed, and Lola’s not quite sure what to make of it. Whatever scathing personal attack Heather’s probably working on is her business, she doesn’t know shit about Lola, so Lola tries not to care.

Once Eileen sits next to Lola, the glare comes back in full force anyhow.

On Thursday, the last AP French lesson for the semester, Eileen offers Lola a stick of spearmint gum, and it feels kind of like a test. Lola takes the gum anyways, and Eileen smiles at her, surprisingly genuine. 

“You’re Charlotte’s friend,” Lola says, and Eileen’s smile widens.

“You’re the girl who kissed her cousin,” she says. Lola’s whole expression falls, mouth flattening into a thin, unamused line, ready to go on the defensive. 

“And?”

Eileen shrugs, says nothing more on the subject, instead, glancing at Lola’s hands.

“My mom would kill me for wearing black nail polish, but it looks so cool on you,” She says, and Lola bites back a jaded response about her own mother, looking to her own hands, and the fresh and shiny coat of polished she’d applied the night before. 

“Your mom kind of sounds like an asshole, if black nail polish is enough to get her riled up,” Lola says, without even thinking about how harsh the words sounded, but once the words are out, she adds, “and I know from asshole moms,” for good measure. Internally, she’s berating herself; if she talks about her mom, she’s terrified that she’s eventually going to answer questions about her mom, like where she was, and why Lola hates her.

“She’s just a perfectionist, and I don’t think black would suit me anyhow, so it’s not really an issue,” Eileen responds, as if she barely cares that Lola implied her mother was an asshole, and Lola lets herself relax a little, “I’m partial to a french tip,” Eileen holds out her hands to show her own manicure, the pale pink and white practically gleaming, obviously salon done. 

“I coloured Tommy’s nails with sharpie,” Lola says while looking at Eileen’s elegant fingers, and Eileen actually huffs a laugh at that.

“I saw; he’s very proud of them.” 

Something in Lola’s chest tightens at that; Charlotte seemed to be a good enough judge of character, and she liked Eileen well enough, so that, for now, was good enough for Lola.

Perhaps that’s why Lola had taken so long to actually speak to Nikki Sixx, despite both Charlotte and Tommy being adamant they’d get along, Charlotte’s proclamation that Nikki was kind of a tool held her back.

It’s not that she doesn’t know who he is; she’s figured out the guy who sleeps through her English classes, is trying to make an acoustic guitar in shop, and who is part of her music classes - once she’d decided to show up to those - is the same person she’d seen on stage in leather pants back at the pub. The guy who Charlotte had yelled at. A tool. Apart from the week the rumours had started circulating about her, he never paid her much attention, so she never felt the need to introduce herself. If he was a tool, she could leave him well enough alone.

Until the first day of the Winter break, apparently. Though for the record, he was the one who spoke to her.

There were technically two music shops in the local mall, a ten minute walk from Lola’s flat above the diner; she’s glad to be close to the CBD, but it also means she can’t justify asking her dad for a ride when it would take her less time to walk than it would for him to find parking. 

But Monday, December 27th, was absolutely fucking freezing. 

The mall itself is teeming with people looking to spend the money they’d gotten over the holiday period, and the workers had already taken down the gaudy Christmas Tree that had sat in the middle of the food court. 

Lola was there at her father’s behest, sticking up and handing out flyers announcing New Year’s Day as Leo’s grand opening, and that they were hiring. She gives everyone at the food court a flyer, sticks up several in various locations, and thinks about heading back to the food court for a second round, to catch any newcomers, or anyone she may have missed, when she spots the music shops.

Bass and Treble were owned by the same people, however Treble seemed to be geared towards more classical music, with pianos and violins and flutes and all manor of orchestra-esque instruments available, while Bass seemed to be committed to rock and roll. 

Nikki Sixx finds Lola crouched in front of the display of sheet music on sale in Bass. 

“Lola, right?”

Lola stands so fast at his voice that her head spins, but she tries not to let it show. She’s on alert when she looks at him, tense, already scowling, which only deepens when she sees who it is.

“Nikki Sixx,” his name is not a question when it leaves her lips, but he seems pleased rather than concerned, that his reputation apparently preceded him. He nods, and looks over at what she’d been examining. 

“Anything good?” He asked, and Lola looks over her shoulder at the display. She’d been seriously considering a book of Elton John’s hits for piano before he’d come along. 

“Still deciding; why?”

“No reason,” he shrugged, taking his time to look nonchalantly at the various amps nearby, “you look like you’d be into this sort of thing,” he notes, acting all smug and coy and weird; Lola rolled her eyes, but didn’t answer.

“You were at my gig, we’re you? Hanging out with that guy from the gas station, right? Mick?” Something about his tone had Lola on edge and defensive.

“You guys were okay,” she says flatly, making it clear as she can that that’s barely a compliment; Nikki, however, smile widely.

“Glowing review, I’ll add it to our poster,” he smirks, before he finally looks her over, gaze zeroing in on the flyers in her hands, “speaking of -” and he snatches one, not that she’s protesting, that’s another one she doesn’t have to get rid of. Nikki’s reading the flyer and frowning, while Lola lets her attention wander to the various keyboards they have on display.

“Where’s this?” Nikki pipes up, sounding genuinely interested, while Lola’s idly playing scales with one hand on the closest, off keyboard.

“A few blocks away,” Lola still hasn’t quite gotten the hang of the town’s geography, “across the road from The Kings Hotel, where I saw you play -”

“The old MacCready place?”

“It’s Leo’s now,” Lola says, arms crossed, sitting low in her hips as she regards Nikki, and the way he’s going over every little detail of the poster, “Charlotte says you’re a tool.”

“Charlotte just hates that she likes me so much,” Nikki doesn’t even miss a beat before answering, and when he looks up to catch Lola’s reaction, his grin is all teeth. Lola can’t help the slight smile she wears as she takes in his response.

“I can see why,” Lola’s not quite sure what she’s going for with her own response, but it comes out more teasing than cutting, and there’s something in Nikki’s eye, or in his smile, or maybe it’s in his easy laughter, that has her heart beating weird in her chest.

A moment passes between them, a shift in the tone, the energy of the interaction as Lola drops her immediate hostility; she’s been doing that a lot lately, but she tries not to dwell on it. It’s now she gets a proper look at him, at his ripped jeans and all black, leather jacket, hair sprayed to high heavens like he’s about to join Poison; he looks unkempt and mean, and Lola’s kind of really into it.

They’re checking each other out, sizing each other up, and they both seem to find something in the other they like, because Nikki’s grinning at Lola when gaze meets hers again, and she’s smirking right back.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” she tells him, hip cocked for a moment before she saunters past him, knocking into him with her shoulder purposefully. When Nikki stumbles back, he huffs a laugh, and Lola calls over her shoulder, “Leo’s is hiring by the way, Leo himself would probably love a fucker like you.”

[effieduan]

The Fox, the Hound, and the Witch || Raina & Effie

TIMING: Present

LOCATION: Near the town common

PARTIES: @rainaim, @effieduan, and a Basset Hound

SUMMARY: Raina finds Effie in a tree.

“Nice doggy,” Effie called, her voice wavering as she clung to the tree branch. The rotund basset hound was still barking at her, and she swore she saw evil intent in its eyes. “Nice, nice doggy.” Look, it wasn’t like she disliked dogs. Her family had a golden retriever named Noodle growing up, and while Noodle preferred hanging out with her sisters, she would always let Effie pat her on the head in passing -- something Effie only did when wearing her gloves of course. Her big, bright pink gloves were doing nothing to help her stay clinging onto the branch. She had just wanted to go for a run like she always did, and now some owner’s dog was off their leash and decided to chase her. Foxes and hounds did not mix, even in real life, apparently. Effie scrambled slightly as she felt her grip slackening, heaving herself upright on the branch. Her small pack that had her phone in it fell off when she was scrambling up the tree. No hope for calling animal control. “Nice doggy,” she tried again. “Pretty doggy. Who’s a good dog? Who’s a good puppy.” The dog’s loud snarling answered her. She was going to be up here a while, huh?

Raina liked to mind her business. Or, she at least liked to try. She wasn’t the type of person to crane her ear at the sound of conversation, but when it came to shouting? Raina typically found it hard to ignore. Though it was hard to get herself to run towards the sound due to the embarrassment of possibly causing a scene, she felt like she couldn’t ignore the fear that hung in the stranger’s voice. It was evident. At least, to her it was. She’d experienced that same fear time and time again since arriving in White Crest and she wanted nothing more than to just… Well, help. She steadied herself against a tree once she arrived, searching for whoever it was that needed help. Instead, she was faced with a woman in a tree, and a dog who wouldn’t stop barking. She replayed the scene of herself and Milo in her head before taking a step back. Except what this scene had that hers had not was an actual dog. She looked between the two and awkwardly walked towards them, still keeping enough space between her and the pup in case it was feral. “Are you okay? He didn’t bite you or nothin’, did he?” She looked up into the tree, then to the dog who, in her opinion, wasn't barking as viciously as she had originally heard. “Heya,” She called to the dog, bending down to grab a stick. She could handle a normal dog. Normal was good. “Here, doggy!” She echoed the woman in the tree and waved the stick around, but it wouldn’t divert its attention. “Uhhh,” She paused looking around. “Gimme a minute!” She said before she started to dig into her bag.

Ah. Effie had a savior, apparently. “No, he didn’t bite me,” she called down to her. That didn’t mean he didn’t want to, though. She looked down at the dog. He was running around, his big floppy ears flapping as he ran around under the branch she was clinging too. It would be cute if Effie wasn’t convinced that the hound was going to eat her. “Don’t - Don’t call animal control,” she heard herself saying. “I don’t want him to go to the pound, he probably just got off his leash or something!” Though she couldn’t see a collar. Then again, she couldn’t count how many times Noodle had slipped her collar growing up. Hell, she even slipped her harness a few times. Dogs were houdinis. The latest round of barking broke her from her train of thought -- “I don’t think he likes the stick too much,” Effie said, disappointed. “You don’t happen to have dog cookies in your purse, do you?”

Raina decided to take it as a good sign that the dog hadn’t bit the woman. It had chased her up a tree, sure, but it hadn’t bit her. She pulled out a stick of beef jerky she’d purchased earlier from the convenience store and started to unwrap it. “Nah, but I got jerky!” She held it up as if a trophy to show off and shuffled closer to the dog who was now running laps around the tree. A part of her was afraid that he’d trip and stumble over his own ears. She held it in the air and wiggled it some more, but the dog seemed disinterested. It looked harmless. At least, from what she could tell. “C’mere, doggy,” She cooed, echoing the way she’d spoken that evening in the woods with Milo. The dog finally looked at her and broke free of the loop it ran around the woman’s tree and trotted over to her, whining for the treat she had. She knelt down and showed the back of her hand to the dog’s nose before offering the jerky. It took it gratefully. Raina looked back to the woman in the tree. “You don’t happen to got anythin’ on ya that’d make it act like that, huh?” She was no dog expert.

“Jerky??” Effie asked. Well, that would work. Dogs liked meat, right? Even if it was fake meat. Was it fake meat? Or just overly processed meat? Actually, Effie was certain she hadn’t had a piece of jerky in her life, which was probably good for her digestive system. Since the piece of jerky was currently saving her life, Effie was pretty certain she didn’t have room to judge the woman on her snack choices. Hell, maybe she’d even try some jerky if this worked. Effie watched in fascination as the dog sniffed the piece of meat, before taking it out of the woman’s hand gently. Gently. The dog that had been barking up a storm two seconds ago was wagging his tail and munching on the tough meat happily. “Uh, no, I don’t,” Effie said. Other than her being a fox. Effie carefully began to dismount the tree, and less than gracefully managed to get back down onto the grass, looking at the dog doubtfully. “I was jogging. Maybe he thought we were, I dunno, playing or something,” she said with a shrug. She was hesitant to go near the thing still, though. Hounds eat foxes!!! Effie looked back at the woman. “Do you, uh… How much do I owe you for the jerky? Thanks for, you know, saving me.” She eyed the dog warily, but he seemed tame now that he had a snack.

Raina watched as the dog began to work on the jerky. It wouldn’t take long before it devoured it, it wasn’t that big of a piece. She watched the woman as she scaled down the tree and she took a step back before looking down to the dog whose tail was now wagging. It was strange, she thought. That it’d be barking at this woman for no reason at all. Raina refrained from asking if something had happened, or if the stranger had scared it in some way. “Could be.” Raina hummed, “Don’t know too much ‘bout dogs, but it seems like it had some reason t’chase you.” She looked from the dog, then back to the woman and shook her head at the question of how much was owed for the jerky. “Nah, s’fine, I’ve got more back home.” The dog licked its chops and looked between the two women for a moment before sniffing the ground from where it had laid the jerky. “Are you afraid of dogs?” She asked innocently as she approached it once more, giving it a quick scratch behind its ears. It wagged its tail happily and tilted its head back, its ears lopping over its head.

The dog had some reason to chase her alright. What, did he sense she could turn into a snack? “It’s not that I’m afraid of dogs,” Effie said, though she knew she was absolutely afraid of this dog. Hound dog. Basset hounds. Those were hunting dogs, right? There was a whole disney animated movie about why fox and hounds did not mix. At least, that’s what she thought it was about. Truthfully, the disney phase had skipped over her growing up, likely because she had other more life threatening things to worry about. Effie examined the dog, who seemed to be content gnawing on his jerky and being pet by the other woman. “Alright,” Effie admitted. “I’m a little afraid of dogs,” she said with a sigh. She eyed the dog, and sighed turning her attention back to the woman. “Thank you for distracting him. Really. I don’t even want to know how long I was going to be stuck in that tree.”

Raina wondered silently why she’d been chased up a tree. She decided to shrug it off. It wasn’t hers to worry about, and besides, the situation had been resolved. The woman was out of the tree and the dog was happily snacking on the jerky that Raina had provided. When the stranger finally admitted to being afraid of dogs, Raina suppressed a laugh. “I think sometimes when they can sense you’re afraid, it makes ‘em anxious or somethin’.” She took out another piece of jerky from the 2-pack and offered it to the woman. “Maybe if you give this to ‘im he’ll understand that…” The witch thought for a moment, “well, that it was all a big misunderstandin’.” She smiled and shook her head at the thanks that was given. “No, no! I saw you in trouble, so of course I was gonna do somethin’. Not like you can hang out in a tree forever.” She knew that especially, considering the situation she’d gone through with Milo.

“Something like that. I think it’s the same thing with horses,” Effie said, trying to remember back when Emme had decided she was going to be a jockey. That dream was quickly changed to ballerina to tap dancer and then finally to journalism. The Duan household quickly became experts on many different activities. Effie still remembered that horrible knitted horse stuffed animal their mother knit for her for Christmas that looked like a blob. Effie looked at the jerky doubtfully, but she reached for it anyway, happy her gloves prevented contact with the greasy meat stick. “That’s true, I work out but I’m not exactly prone to hanging in things for a long period of time.” She knelt down, holding the jerky out to the basset hound. “I’ll have to give you a discount next time you come to my store though.” The dog looked up, finishing his first piece of jerky, and looked at Effie. His lip curled, and just before she was ready to snatch her hand back, the dog lurched forward, ripping the jerky from her hand before turning to run away. “... I guess that’s progress,” Effie said, flatly.

Raina was glad that her offer wasn’t being declined. She looked back towards the dog as the woman offered the jerky to it. It leapt up slightly, and as a shock to Raina, it nipped the food away from the woman before cantering in the opposite direction from where they were. To her, it seemed playful. Though, the witch could see the small amount of fear still etched onto the girl’s features. She offered the woman a smile. “I guess it is.” She readjusted the strap of her messenger bag over her shoulder and hummed, “well, I guess you ain’t gonna see him again, so no worries, right?” She wondered who the dog belonged to and had half a mind to go and track him down, to ensure its safety. Maybe it had run back to its owner. She looked down at the watch on her wrist and grit her teeth at the time. “I’m so sorry, but I gotta get to where I was goin’. It was real nice to meet you!” Raina beamed at the woman before she retreated the way she’d come, hopeful she’d make it to work before they’d call and ask where she was.

Effie watched the dog scamper away, slightly exasperated. “Yeah, no need to worry, I guess.” But she looked over at the woman when she said she had to go -- “Oh! Of course, I’m sorry if I made you late. Feel free to drop by my store any time if you need anything!” Effie called after her. She felt slightly bad for making her late, but grateful that she and her jerky had walked by. With a sigh, she blew a piece of hair out of her face, and bent to pick up her forgotten bag from the foot of the tree.

The walk back to her car was short, which she was grateful for. All that climbing made her sweaty, and honestly, Effie wanted to go home, take a shower, and take a nap. She opened her car door, going to shove her stuff in the trunk. Effie should have figured this would be a mistake. Yawning as she rounded the car, she heard a low bark. Effie froze, glancing up from her phone to see the Basset Hound sitting squarely in her passenger's seat. He barked louder now that she was paying attention to him, tail thumping against her leather seats.

“Nice… Doggy…” Effie said weakly, reaching forward. He let out a growl and she let out a loud shriek. “Nice doggy!!!”

[cagestark]

I dunno if ur still doing requests but im having trouble with my weight, and ofc I have to self project a ironwinerspider or starker doc with a weight or eating theme plz

Typically topics like this can trigger me (not that I wouldn’t write them! It can be cathartic too), so without any defined requests, I kept it low key. I hope it’s okay. Sending love to you 💖

-

Peter watches from behind his phone.

He’s got a link open to one of his biochemistry classmate’s discussion posts with the purpose of making a ‘thoughtful response’ to keep banking easy points for the class - it wasn’t thrilling before his boyfriend came into their bedroom and it’s even less thrilling now.

Tony has brought work home with him tonight, cellphone pressed between his ear and shoulder while he argues with the person on the other end about setting a new release date for one of Stark Industries’s latest innovations. His anger is as scary as it is breathtaking (when it isn’t aimed at Peter, though it rarely ever is).

Then the man begins to undress, suit jacket left on the bed beside Peter’s feet, cufflinks abandoned on the dresser. He works open the buttons of his dress shirt, revealing a dark undershirt beneath, and when it slips off to reveal the wide, strong shoulders, Peter’s mouth goes dry. His thumb hovers over his phone, no longer scrolling.

Tony works off the undershirt, continuing with the heated phone conversation. He is softer now that he’s retired from Avenging, no less strong, but certainly less defined. He tenses his abdomen while unbuckling his belt and shucking down his dress pants, and Peter watches as Tony is left in nothing but his boxer-briefs and the mismatched argyle socks he’d donned that morning. No matter how much Peter swallows, his mouth stays dry.

God, no one turns him on like Tony does. Looking at pictures of Tony Stark when he was an adolescent (the man had an absolute obsession with taking his clothes off in the late 90’s), Peter never could have guessed that one day he would have the real thing: his hero, his idol, his lover. Everything about him is so much better in person, and seeing him change inside and out as he enters the next phase of his life - a phase where he doesn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulders and thus doesn’t need the muscles to carry it - makes Peter’s heart clench as much as it makes his cock twitch between his legs.

“What are you looking at on your phone, kid?”

Peter has been so distracted that he didn’t notice the call ending. Now Tony’s full attention is centered on him, eyes flickering between the obvious tent in his leggings and the phone in his hand.

“Nothing?” Peter says.

“If you’ve got porn, you had better be sharing,” Tony says.

“I’m not looking at porn,” Peter laughs. “I was looking at you.”

Tony’s face goes blank. He turns to the dresser for a shirt that he tugs on, hiding the sight of his soft chest and stomach. He keeps his back to Peter as he says, “Me. Right. Next time kid, come up with a better lie. Or better yet—don’t lie at all.”

“Why would I lie?” Peter asks, face twisting. He turns his phone to reveal the monotonous text regarding bio plastics. “I was looking at you, Tony.”

“Just—don’t,” says Tony. “It’s all the tabloids are talking about: how fat Tony Stark has gotten in his old age. I don’t need coddled. I look in the mirror every day, Pete. I’m aware of how I look.”

“Fat?” Peter gapes. “You’re joking right? You couldn’t convince me of a universe where you’re anything less than smoking hot. You, you think your weight could change that? No chance. It’s impossible. Hey—come here.”

Begrudgingly, Tony walks to the edge of the bed. Peter sits up and let’s his hands come to rest gently on the man’s hips, touch reverent. He leans forward and presses a kiss below Tony’s sternum, feeling briefly the wild thudding of his lover’s heart.

“It’s safe to say I’m always going to be attracted to you,” Peter admits more than a little bashfully. “Even if Loki cast that spell on you like he did on Clint last month.”

Tony snorts. “You’d be attracted to me if I had two extra arms and legs?”

“Just more of you to love. I want to love every piece and part of you, whether you think those parts are extra or not. Always. For, like, ever.”

“When did you get such a silver tongue?” Tony asks, letting one hand cup the nape of Peter’s neck. His eyes are glossier than usual, vulnerability that he can’t curb or hide. That he doesn’t have to curb or hide, not here with Peter.

“You bring it out in me,” Peter says. “Can’t help it.”

[leviiackrman]

Introducing my latest OCs:

Rob Young: Pinterest | Faceclaim

Sakiya: Pinterest | Faceclaim

Rob is an old uncharted oc I never fully fleshed out (until now!) and Sakiya is my new earthbending baby!

More info under the cut (i apologise, theres a lot of info/context for sakiya...):

Rob Young:

is best friend to J. Drake’s father, being around often when she was little until becoming her mentor later in life (also her godfather)

is the reason she got out of Panama (he bailed her out after tracking down her runaway ass)

helped to guide/train her (left that mostly to lara tho - and yes I like to think uc and tr are in the same universe, lara and nate would NOT get along to begin with)

works as the ‘informant’ in the treasure hunting business - knows the contacts and finds the jobs for everyone basically (including jess + charlie)

old friends with one Victor Sullivan - though they but heads often on how to do things ‘properly’

runs an underground bar where he conducts his ‘fortune hunting’ business, yknow, totally legal stuff...

likes to think hes classy enough for a suit - ‘the business man’ aesthetic,m but then wears dirty jeans/old leather jackets that smell of ash over the top so hes still ‘down with the cool kids’

doesn’t have a family or kids but considers jess his adoptive daughter - later grows to like sam too but deffo does the whole ‘im the dad, i will kill you’ thing

prefers being the ‘stay behind’ type during jobs - leaves his office only if necessary but enjoys a good adventure

is scary to his employees to keep the reputation up, but has the best sense of humour and cuddles

hes about 6′4, so can be intimidating - even to the gangly fucker that is sam

shaved his head when he was younger to be ‘cool’ (*cough* more like more streamlined... *cough*) but soon went bald anyway so it didn’t phase him

is the definiton of ‘bad grandpa’ to jess + sam’s kids - deffo didn’t give tobin a switch blade for his 6th bday...

Sakiya (translates to ‘cherry blossom growing’ in Japanese):

father Chozu was a part of the fire nation military (and experienced fire bender), mother Kaiya was a civilian earthbender from a small village in the earth kingdom

parents met during a patrol, her father was instructed to monitor the village for a few weeks and soon fell in love with her mother

kaiya used a carved staff to channel her earthbending, later teaching sakiya a few tricks with it - and later giving it to her

to keep her safe, he thought that bringing her willingly back to the fire nation would be safest - ‘right under their noses’ as it were... he was wrong...

years pass and they have Sakiya, raised as tho she were fully fire nation

mother worked as a handmaiden in the royal palace

she began bringing Sakiya with her to work to keep her out of trouble, where she later met Zuko and Azula - their mother encouraging she be a friend for Zuko while Azula played with Mai and Ty-Lee

grew friendly with the group over the years, eventually sneaking her pet puma Hayami with her for their play dates (at the other kids request)

hayami loosly translates to ‘rare and unusual beauty’ in Japanese, due to her abnormal puma size and powerful roar - she ain’t a normal puma if ya catch my drift

Azula grew frustrated with her preferring to be best friends with Zuko, and so out of jealously when Sakiya was 12, she discovered her families secret

Chozu was arrested and sentanced to death for his betrayal, while Kaiya was poisoned in their home, later discovered to be by a hired assassin of Azula’s doing

Sakiya was arrested while at the palace (in front of Zuko mind you) and taken into prison where she was interigated (whipped with fire on her back basically, to put it bluntly)

later covered her scars with tattoo engravings of a cherry blossom tree

Hayami - not being your average puma - helped her escape and brought them both to the earth kingdom

kept herself safe by cutting her hair off and running into the woods after being pursued by A LOT of assassins and bounty hunters

found a collection of ‘Elders’ - a group of older woman living in the canopies of the forrest - using the resources around them to survive + make poisons

they taught her how to balance herself emotionally, channeling her wisdom and tranquility into her earth bending skills

had taken her mothers staff with her upon her escape and so utilised her unique bending technique

they also named her Shen (loosly translating to ‘spiritual’ + ‘deep thinking’ in Chinese - to erase her past)

spent 3 years with the ‘Elders’ before leaving the safety of their camp as word of the Avatar’s return spread

saught out team avatar to aid them, proving she could help them through the guidance and wisdom she shared - also her earthbending but she’d prefer to resolve things without using it

she and Toph grew v close - their mix of personalities proving opposites do attract and they were practically besties

also assumed Zuko was involved in her families fall, so held a quiet grudge when he reoccured often in their adventures

saught him out at one point when she heard he was banished but was only faced with his anger - didn’t help the sitch much huh?

didn’t last v long tho as they grew close again when he joined the team

has a new family with team avatar and travels with them often

zuko taught her how to dance because she’s a monk of sorts, so she never knew how

has never seen snow before so katara was keen to show her

later also becomes chancellor to zuko when he becomes fire lord! because besties!!

whole other plot line of how her staff was techincally cursed with a ‘defence’ spell by her mum to keep her safe when she used it but backfired when she activated as it used her tranquility against her, releasing all the anger she surpressed over the years

general point - has never really been attracted to anyone and so never saught out romance, she was content with what she has which is her found family and amazing pet puma *heart eyes*

[unfortunatelysirius]

╰☆☆ ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝕐𝕆𝕌ℝ 𝔾𝕀ℝ𝕃𝔽ℝ𝕀𝔼ℕ𝔻 ☆☆╮ [Sirius Black – Marauders Era] [Part 14]

Previous Installments: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13

╰❂╮ prompt ╰❂╮ ☾ ¡Original! ☾ With the perpetrator on their tail, and Sirius’s prejudices no longer something that can be ignored, relationships shatter and a safe way out is near unimaginable. ╰❂╮ author’s note ╰❂╮ Sorry this is so, so late. I hope the installment is to your satisfaction. AND IM SORRY IT’S SO SHORT BUT PLS, FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED AND I’LL BE MORE PROMPT ON UPDATES. Will be updating Chocolate Frogs and Love Notes soon. Tell me if you want added to any of my tag-lists! ╰❂╮ warnings ╰❂╮ Angst, Swearing, Violence ╰❂╮ word count ╰❂╮ 2043 ╰❂╮ tag-list ╰❂╮ @kapolisradomthoughts @rageofcaliban @saucyleftovers @bunnymother93 @siriuslyr5 @apareciumimagines  @random-quartz @ruefulposts @seabasstiantrash @starlightspidey @pinkettepoet @peppermintspecks @jiongyongguk​ @bethanystan​ @raindancer2004​ @where-are-my-gummy-bears​ @cutebutnotinorcent​

           IT WAS NEARLY MIDNIGHT, and a disturbing sort of cold Y/N thought she might never experience in her lifetime, shivers up and down her spine within the dark, suffocating corridor. The stars were like silver dewdrops splattered across the navy sky, visible through each old window’s silhouette littered around the castle; with every passing step, Y/N caught another glimpse of Nature’s finest canvas. She was curled into Sirius’s side, squished between his subtly muscled body and James’s near-identical shape, both Remus and Peter trailing the three of them by seconds. It was reminiscent of times that seemed so far away.

         Y/N thought it was all too good to be true. Everything, from her and Sirius falling back into same-old, same-old routine like they’d never left the honeymoon phase to James looking quite sullen compared to his usual upbeat, enthusiastic self. She wondered if it was all a twist on reality to make her think things were fine when really, Sirius wasn’t anywhere near, James still hated her, and the Marauders were leading her somewhere to hex and discard their latest “conquest.”  It made all the more sense the longer she thought about it, but thoughts of the way Sirius felt—flesh, bone, whole—made her realize she was daft, and just a little bit mad.

         He was so obviously here, a living, breathing wonder, and she was trying to make it a mirage. She wanted it that way.

         Or maybe she’d just went long enough with things going wrong that miracles seemed far too good to be true.

         “I have to meet with Regulus,” murmured Y/N into the quiet air, after the silence became a tad bit too smothering. She was also alert of her own negligence, from her delirious daze to her angry soul’s demands for an apology, as Sirius’s arm looped around her became a bone-crushing reality. Not so much a reality she craved anymore, but one that needed multiple bandages slapped across it; the Muggle way of rekindling old flames and licked wounds. Y/N was beginning to grow agitated and nervous, as this reality crushed down on her. As her newly-put-together world fell apart in the wake of unanswered questions. “He—wants to help. He thinks I was Obliviated.”

         Sirius glanced down at her, looking unsure, his own face not betraying the inner turmoil running their world ragged. The two of them didn’t know how to approach their current problem, the one that kept them from falling together as happy memories asked them to; Y/N was afraid of what lay in wait, Sirius’s admittance that he thought so lowly of her that for even a millisecond he thought she might have been a slag, and Sirius dreaded the moment he had to let his betrayal out into the open. Neither of them were willing to ruin their reconciliation by simple, trivial ire, the kind that winded up someone alone and heartbroken, the kind that could get anyone and everyone hurt.

         Even the most painful of thoughts were best kept internalized, if it meant staying locked tight in a dream.

         Even now, the two of them were so different. Differences Y/N once overlooked in favor of what made them compatible.  

“Regulus doesn’t care about anyone except for himself,” Sirius snapped at Y/N, the three Marauders looking nervous in anticipation for the argument to come. “He’s a Slytherin. The bloody git is tricking you.”

         “How the fuck would you know?” Y/N was never one for confrontation. This was all new territory. She was tired, and depressed, and dying of questions; she loved Sirius, she did, but he was still the prejudiced, arrogant prat he was before they started dating. He’d always hate Slytherins because he grew up in a world full of snakes that rejected him for being who he was, and maybe that was a drawn line for why they weren’t meant to last. He was the charismatic, hateful railroad tycoon, and she was his subdued wife that tiptoed around his temper. Stupid, foolish—she was letting herself use another goddamned Muggle analogy—Americanized, no less. Maybe Y/N was running low on a lucid mind as much as she was excuses.

         He knows nothing about Regulus, she thought anyway, looking into those silver grey eyes she’d always loved. Sirius didn’t. He refused to talk to his brother; maybe Regulus was growing into himself and losing that part of him that preened and prawned from pleasing his parents. If he was scared, if he was determined to find the truth because he wanted to sabotage dark plans, he never once betrayed it. But deep down, there was nothing else rational to explain his motivations, and Y/N knew he was a scared little boy afraid the monsters would someday catch up to him—

And they’d eat him alive like all wolves just so happen to do.

“Regulus is your brother,” continued Y/N. “He doesn’t want to be part of whatever it is your parents do. I can see it in his eyes.”

“You didn’t grow up with him. You didn’t see him do nothing when his brother was lying on the ground, with their father standing above him,” seethed Sirius. “Don’t act like you know him; you sure as hell don’t.”

Y/N felt like crying, as she wrenched herself away from Sirius’s warm, comforting embrace. “Don’t act like you know me,” she spat. Sirius’s jaw fell downwards, a flicker of hurt flitting across his face. “Go mope in your dorm. I’m getting down to the bottom of this, with or without you.”

Sirius was silent. Y/N continued to watch him, imploring him to say something, wishing he wouldn’t just let her leave. If she left, she could get hurt, and Sirius wouldn’t be her knight in shining armor. They went so long in turmoil that Y/N wanted there to be some sort of compromise; if they could argue and fight for so long, the two a mess with their friends on the fence on how to fix them, then they sure as hell could be soft and melted together, too. Maybe they were different, maybe Sirius couldn’t let his old ways go, but truth be told—Y/N always wanted to show him a new perspective.

She’d tried doing that before things went wrong.

“Really, Sirius?” she said now, staring brokenly at him. “We could finally figure this out, and you’re backing down? Really?”

“Whoever’s done this is dangerous,” Sirius told her. His voice had lost all its shake, all its fury, rendered a new sort of mellow Y/N had hardly ever seen from him. He looked like he itched to hold her and reassure he was just an asshat, but his asshat ways betrayed none of his true love for her, or his need to protect her. None, nada, zilch: right? He was a teenage boy, a prat, but he didn’t mean anything out of his pathetically unfiltered mouth. “I want you safe, Y/N. We should leave this to the professors.”        

Those words were foreign out of his mouth. Y/N took a heavy breath and she said, “Sirius, do you even hear yourself? Merlin, what’s happened to you?”

“What’s happened to me? Me?” Sirius’s laugh was humorless. “You’re bloody mad.”

“Sirius, Y/N, this isn’t the best time,” said Remus, looking between the two with apprehension.

“This is the best time, Remus,” Y/N said, refusing to look at any of them. She knew Peter was fidgeting; she knew James was gap-mouthed like a pufferfish; she knew Remus was trying to hide his trepidation. She knew Sirius was silently seething. All of them, they weren’t clearly thinking. They didn’t have their nerves together. Y/N was terrified that solving the bottom of the mystery would never come if they fell apart before they came together. But Y/N could no longer go on if her experience with the love of her life was only going to be heartache and pain, two things she had felt since coming to this God-awful school.

You’re not any better than him, thought Y/N, her brain suddenly going to Ashton. He was dead, and she’d never get to see him again; she’d never get to tell him she was sorry, that she never meant to use him, that he was someone she came to love in her desperation to feel. He taught her about love. He taught her that it was okay to be without for a little while because wholes always regain their lost pieces. Maybe he threw her into an abyss after he broke her heart that left her sad and lost of all hope, but now, with her head on her shoulders again, she could safely say he taught her a lot—yet she gained nothing.

Y/N was happy with Sirius, but he did not teach her anything. He was a fun partner in crime, but when it truly came down to life lessons, he wasn’t a teacher; he was along for the ride, a mere passenger in a bus packed to the brim with faces from the crowd.

Standing in the hallway, letting these thoughts wash over her, Y/N could not do this anymore. She needed to find Regulus and reach the climax of this game. Someone was toying with her and her feelings, and if she didn’t put a stop to it, if she didn’t find a way to draw the villain out and stifle the madness, there was no way for her to get peace—and she’d stay stuck in an endless cycle of being a living ghost.

“I can’t anymore, Sirius,” whispered Y/N. “I can’t.”

She turned around and ran.

The Marauders watched after her, one looking horrified, two looking shocked, and the one this mattered to most—he looked heartbroken.

And none of them even bothered to go after her, as the guilt sunk in and they realized—

Was the love-potion maker truly the villain? Or was it them?

-

Y/N had stopped running after reaching the fourth corridor. She eventually stopped walking altogether. Her pace slowed until it was nonexistent, her harsh, shaking breaths fell into soundless sniffs, her erratic thoughts slowly but surely came to a close. All she could think about now was Regulus, who was waiting at the library for her presence. And that half-blurry, half-familiar memory of a white-haired girl in the very same forest Y/N was in herself

Y/N knew it mattered. She knew she’d been Obliviated, and she was foolish not to go to Headmaster Dumbledore for help in retrieving her memories… but she was a foolish girl, and foolish girls wanted to figure out mysteries by themselves.

“I’m a bloody fool,” mumbled Y/N to herself, clutching her head like that would heal all trace of confusion, as well as her sadness. It wouldn’t, but it felt like it did—so Y/N continued to grope at her temples and scalp. The corridor echoed with spooky creaks and even spookier whistles. Y/N felt regret seep into her bones, as she realized she was still a bit of ways away from the library—and she was totally, utterly, completely alone.

Y/N heard someone laugh.

“You are a bloody fool,” they said.

Out from the end of the corridor emerged a girl, whose entire face and hair were obscured by shadows—but the pretty little patch on her robes had a snake on them. Y/N knew it was a Slytherin. But all she saw was the patch, as her body and face were near invisible—and even then, the patch’s emblazoning was blurry to her. She felt her head grow light, her eyes squinting to see within the darkness. She was so caught in looking at the patch to even pay any regard to the words the stranger spoke or the wand as it lifted, pointing right at Y/N’s chest.

“Who are—”

The girl flicked her wrist. “Stupefy,” she said.

Suddenly Y/N was knocked off her feet by a powerful spell, the backlash sending her head cracking against the corridor wall, rendering her immobile and near-unconscious.

She felt her body crumble, but only half of the way—a steady stream of numbness shooting through her like lightning.

         The stranger walked up, a laugh emptying from her mouth.

“Got you!” the girl sang happily.

That was when things went black.

[i-growl-growl-growl]

(Oml I accidentally clicked a button and everything I was typing is gone 💀💀💀) anyways for good ramen I always use buter so the seasoning mixes better uwu but that’s only if I drain the water :D as for the groups I stan Oml I don’t even know where to start!! As of now I stan Ateez, Oneus, NCT, Seventeen, BTS, Got7, Stray Kids, Day6, EXO, Shinee, Vixx, Monsta X, MCND, aaand A.C.E o-o jeez that’s a lot now that I think of it!!! How about you? :D

aww im so sorry about that, i hate it when that happens or when the app crashes! 😭 i never thought of using butter before, i’ll definitely try that next time i eat ramen!

also, i would like to say that’s a lot of groups, but i used to stan the same amount (if not, more) as you at some point during my time in the kpop fandom! but eventually from summer of 2019, i only focused on exo, shinee, red velvet, and nct and soon i dropped them all except for nct until april 2020 when i got sucked into the anime fandom! i still continue to write for them on this blog since i feel their yandere personas are completely separate, but i kinda snapped out of the kpop bubble when i realized how much of mental and financial stress it caused me.

however, i did start with bts right before their DNA era but first heard of them when boy in luv(?) was introduced through a friend! i didn’t take much interest into them at first until my mental health took a huge blow and i fell in love with how much they promoted self love and mental awareness. i pushed through my depressive spiral and became much happier so while i don’t stan them anymore, i still admire them greatly! i’m korean myself and grew up constantly being generalized as a chinese or japanese person and faced a lot of discrimination/racism, so i am very proud that korean culture has reached people globally!

during my years of being a kpop fan, i blew through so many groups and from the top of my head, i started with bts, then seventeen, got7, nct, monsta x, tried golden child when they first debuted but couldn’t get into them, day6(same thing, their songs weren’t my style tbh), red velvet, blackpink, twice, a bunch of soloists but especially hyuna and hyolyn, then i just became an sm stan so every single group or duo was stanned by me thanks to superstar smtown, a very brief winner and astro phase, mamamoo, big bang, g-(idle), gfriend, 2ne1, bol4, akmu... i could go on and on but i don’t want to clog up the dashboard :D but there’s a TON because i honestly got bored of every group at some point until i fell hard for nct. constant content?? like seven youtube channels?? unlimited members?? hilarious fandom with long term online friends??? beautiful, woke, talented people taking the world by storm?? SIGN ME UP!!!!

for a while i moved onto k-hiphop and kr&b for a change of scenery but came back to kpop.

eventually i just settled with nct and red velvet for a kpop group and alternated for music. oh! i just took a quiz to see how many kpop groups i knew out of 370 and i scored 99, so it’s a good chance that i’ve at least heard of the group haha! 

but right now? i stan a grand total of zero kpop groups but proudly would drop to my knees for 2D boys. personally, there’s nothing wrong with being a kpop fan, but it just became overwhelming for me in the fandom and how scared i was about the next scandal. there’s no room for error in the industry and the toxicity was too much to handle after so many of the same ridiculous netizens/news outlets stirring up drama. i also got tired of the music and it just wasn’t my thing anymore, you know?

i still have soft spots for all the groups and considering that i only left the fandoms recently, i often keep up with basic news such as comebacks or my online friends inform me on the latest scandals (mainly around taeyong 💀💀💀). kpop has been such a huge part of my life so to leave the fandom entirely, something i never dreamed would come so soon, is a very big change in my lifestyle. i don’t have to stay up for comebacks anymore, no longer stream or vote, get into fights HAHA, nor do i have to try and stress over the newest “cancelled” star and worry about where my morals stand in these situations.

do you listen to any other artists anon besides kpop? for me, i’ve moved onto people like keshi, zedd, troye sivan, conan gray, niki, rich brian, (88rising in general haha), rini, and currently listening to melanie martinez! i wonder if you know any of these artists? if not, i can drop some recommendations and you can as well if you would like! 👀💓

love love love,

celeste 💞💞💞

[takerfoxx]

An entirely too long ramble about how much Imperfect Metamorphosis means to me

(Tumblr please actually show that submissions are not just text posts please)

So. It’s almost the last day of the decade. I usually get weirdly sad and nostalgic in the last 30 minutes of New Year’s Eve, but this time it’s been like, a whole week, and I’ve been reflecting on this decade as a whole as well as like, my path in life.

The 1990’s were the decade of my birth and early life.

The 2000’s were the decade of being REALLY into Harry Potter.

And my 2010’s were, wholly and singularly, defined and shaped by Touhou. 

I got into Touhou sometime around Easter 2010 when McRoll’d came into my YouTube feed, and something about the music was just so god damned catchy I just had to know where it came from. So I discovered Flandre’s fight and from there, I learned just how great the music of this weird bullet hell game made by some rando in Japan. It quickly became my Thing. When I wasn’t playing sucking at the games, I was listening to the music, and if I wasn’t listening to the music, I was at school (where I’d probably not be paying attention let’s be real here).

So there I was, happily consuming fanart and fansongs and fangames and doing that little smile in appreciation when you see a reference to a thing you like (shoutout to raocow for also playing a few Touhou fangames way back when). It expanded my gaming interests into the sphere of “modding games to make them harder can be fun and cool”, which then lead to a general interest in playing modded and moddable games. It even made me interested in visiting Japan (on my bucket list), not in that stereotypical “weeb” way of visiting all the anime and manga stores, but more in the “something I like put a country on my radar and holy shit some of those restaurants, l want to eat at ALL of these places because they’re gorgeous” way.

You’ll notice that I specifically withheld from mentioning Fanfiction. See, as a teenager who did have the “try something once and if I don’t like it I’ll probably hate it forever because it’s always like that” mentality, I had the unfortunate experience of coming across My Immortal. 

That, and the fact that one of my close friends in High School had taken to reading Twilight Fanfic (and complaining at almost every story she read and their bad use of tropes) kinda solidified fanfiction as “something dumb and stupid written by people who solely want to roleplay fucking the protagonist”. And on that pedestal sat the entire concept of fanfiction for a long-ass time (actually it was about a year and a bit).

Fast forward a while. Patchouli had cemented herself as All Time Favourite Character, I’d begun to grow out of my Harry Potter phase in search of new stories, and I’d made some new friends, one of whom said they read fanfiction all the time and some of it was actually better than original, published books because they had the freedom to explore ideas that weren’t entirely publishable. But also to roleplay fuck their waifus.

At some point in Summer 2011, not too long after it came out, I decided to replay Portal 2, and something about the story left me feeling… incomplete. Empty. I sought people discussing what they thought of the story and hidden nuggets of info peppered throughout the game, and at some long buried comment section on YouTube, someone mentioned how some fanfiction went into a headcanon and took it further. I read it, considered it for a moment, deemed it worthy of being called “not trash”, and immediately set to looking at the Touhou section on FF.net.

The first fanfics I read of Touhou were… Well, they were. There were some good ones and not so good ones. But they were all, in some way, at least interesting. I quickly discovered the frustration that New Friend had brought up once, of when you discover something great but it’s over all too soon. Setting FF.net’s search to include only 100k and up fanfics, I was delighted to discover that there was a fanfiction called “Imperfect Metamorphosis” that was over 350,000 words long. And then my carefully crafted plan of going to bed at a sensible time to maximise Summer Gaming Time was devoured by staying up until 4:30am, reading fanfiction on a shitty laptop that could barely run UFO. Thank fuck it was the summer holidays.

There was something special about Imperfect Metamorphosis. The characters all had their own personality, their own history, their own implied history beyond what was written, they had goals, thoughts, feelings, and different takes towards other people working to further their own goals. And it was all wrapped up in a package that started with a simple premise, grew to encompass a world more broad than mere canon or fanon, and then billowed into an eldritch monster of ungodly size (hi, Yuuka!)((kind of like this post huh)). 

I was so fucking hooked on IM. I went back to school with theories buzzing about my brain as to what was going to end up happening, my mind wandering to the latest chapter and the bits I thought were cool, actually having the drive to focus and actually learn something about story structure in English Literature. I suddenly had the tiniest flame of interest in creating. Maybe one day I could write fanfic, and do my tiny part in expanding the universe of fan-content.

Regardless of the fact that my own attempts at conjuring stories weren’t successful (for a while), IM was there to be read throughout my last years of Normal Schooling, and it served as both a rock and an escape from the stress of school. I laughed with the jokes, I took Marisa’s death harder than the sum total of Harry Potter’s entire bodycount, and I could never hear Soulja Boi without thinking of Mima trolling Satori.

Just like how Touhou expanded my gaming and cultural horizons, Imperfect Metamorphosis expanded my horizon with Literature. I got into reading Neil Gaiman’s work, I read some Lovecraft, I consumed all kinds of works of fiction, across a multitude of genres, which all felt, in some way, like I was reading them because of IM. I mean I only started watching Madoka, and any anime beyond that, because of Resonance Days. Interesting way of coming across a show filled to the brim with spoilers.

It’s been three years since you put Imperfect Metamorphosis onto hiatus, and I have never read anything that has filled me with such emotion to the same extent. Other things have come close, some of them were even written by other people! (the most recent mega-update of Walpurgis Nights hit me particularly hard). And Swiftly Descending Darkness has been such a great read thus far, the slowly ramping tension is so. god. damned. good.

And as I think I mentioned a while back, I finally managed to start grinding out a touhou fic at my own, absolutely glacial, pace. I always find myself asking “is this canon to Touhou, or is it just canon to IM?”. The line has forever blurred in my mind.

I’m not asking anyone to read my work. This isn’t a plea for you to return to the original IM at any speed, I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you for writing Imperfect Metamorphosis. For the work that’s been a steady constant throughout the vast, vast majority of this decade. For inspiring a wealth of emotions and ideas in the mind of a British guy who you’ll never meet. For just, plain writing a good story.

And for making Marisa the biggest badass to grace the land.

Here’s to the 2020’s not sucking, and to the ever expanding list of stories written by Internet user Takerfoxx. Here’s hoping you find great success.

Thank you.

P.S. Oh, and The Friend Who Said Fanfic Was Good Actually? They’re now my Fiancée, as of last month. Funny how the world works like that.

@diggertron, dude, you honestly have me feeling pretty humbled right now. I have to admit, it’s getting harder and harder not to see anything but the flaws when I look back on IM or RD, to the point when anyone compliments me about my writing my reflexive response is to be self-deprecating about my weaknesses, but this has helped me gain some more perspective about my older work, and for that I thank you, and am glad you have stuck around for so many years. 

And congratulations on your engagement as well!

[sapphicsaro]

tony + anya, three years

requested by @jackxangelica: “Tony & 3 years old”

 okay, i fucking love tony with anya, im telling you now!!!!

---

It was 2:38 in the morning, or maybe late evening? 

As everyone in Avengers tower slept, Tony Stark was wide awake. Like always.

He sat in his lab, fiddling with he screens in front of him, reading through the mass amounts of code. “Friday, I can’t for the life of me see the little bugger that’s messing this up. Try phase four, if you could.”

“Of course, sir.” The screens all shifted, running new operations, as Tony sat back, a toothpick hanging out of his mouth. “Ah, here we go, that’s much better-”

There was a loud crash near the door, and then a little voice shouted, “I’m sorry!”

Tony stood up from his chair, heading towards the sound, which came from a metal tray falling. He saw the reason why it fell, too. All three feet of it. 

Little Anya stood in her tiny floral pajamas, her red curls messy, and her cheeks flushed. She was holding onto a stuffed bear, eyes wide and her bottom lips stuck out slightly.

 “Um, hello tiny assassin, what are you doing here?” He knelt down in front of her, looking over his glasses at the girl. 

She looked away from him, eyes on her stuffed bear, “Mama’s away with Uncle Steve, and papa’s asleep.”

“Still doesn’t explain why you are here, though…”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Tony stood up, heading back to his chair to see the progress of his latest test run, “Ah hah, and you came here, because?”

Anya followed him, walking carefully through the space, not wanting to knock anything else over. “I…I ripped my bear. It’s my special one from mama, and I don’t want to tell papa that I broke him.”

Tony turned to face the three year old, her eyes slightly watery, “Mhmm, and did you bring this said bear?”

Anya held out her hands, the bear in one hand, his arm in the other, “Can you fix him, Uncle Tony?”

“Lemme see,” he carefully grabbed the pieces from her, seeing a clean rip where the arm used to be. “Ah, he is broken. He’s gonna need some surgery, have you checked with Banner?” Anya tilted her head, a look of confusion washed over her face. “Uncle Bruce,” he clarified. 

“Oh, yeah, I tried. But he’s sleeping. Mama told me to never, ever wake him.”

Tony pointed at her, “Good call kid, don’t want him to Hulk-out on you.”

Anya walked closer to him, trying to peak at his work, “What’s Hulk-out mean?”

He chuckled, “Don’t worry about it.” He examined the stuffed animals’s ‘injury’, looking around his workspace, “Let’s see…What do I have that could fix a sick bear...” He glanced around before finding a cheap sewing kit hidden in the corner. “Ah hah!” He grabbed the kit, starting to work on the stuffed animal. 

Anya crawl up the chair next to him, sitting with her legs under her, watching her Uncle work. Tony continued sewing, glancing at her intense face, “Normally I charge for this, but seeing as how you are a three year old, I’ll make an exception.” The little girl stayed quiet, as she chewed on her bottom lips, eyes still watery. Tony kept working, “You okay, little bird?”

Anya shrugged, “I just need my bear to be better. Mama isn’t here and it’s hard to sleep without her. My bear helps, but not when he’s broken.”

Tony nodded, as he finished patching up the stuffed animal, “You miss your mom?”

Anya picked at the bottom of her pajama shirt, nodding, “Yeah. But mostly at night. She would tuck me in and tell me this poem.”

He slowly weaved the needle through the furry fabric, “Hmm...well, what if when she comes home, we record her saying the poem and we put it in your bear?”

“You can do that?”

Tony chuckled, “Yeah, if Build-A-Bear can do it, I think could easily do it.”

Anya craned her neck to watch as the arm was slowly being reattached, “Can we not put it in my bear though? That’s a little weird.”

“Hmm, what were you thinkin’ then?”

She shrugged, “I dont know.”

Tony sat back for a second, “Huh… um… How about a bracelet?”

“For me, or my bear?”

Tony shook his head, “I’m not making a bracelet for a stuffed bear; it’ll be for you.”

“And it’ll have mama’s voice?”

“Yes, spy kid.”

Anya thought for a second before saying, “Okay, that would be good. I’d like that.”

“Mhmm, I’m sure you would,” Tony said, finishing up his work. He tied the knot, and then cut the excess thread. He held the bear out to Anya, “Voila, your bear is all better.”

Anya’s face lit up, as she had the bear back in her hands, “He’s perfect! Thank you Uncle Tony!” She reached her arms out and he leaned down, wrapping his arms around the small child. 

“Anytime teeny terror. Now, let’s get you to bed before your dad has a panic attack.” He held out his hands, picking her up and placing her on the ground. 

“Okay,” she replied before letting out a small yawn.  

He held her hand as they walked towards the elevator, heading down to the Romanoff-Barton floor, where the family lived. The door was still open from when she left earlier, so they slid inside and headed towards her room. She pushed open the door, revealing her gray and white room with her small bed by the wall. He picked her up, placing her in the bed, pulling the blankets over her tiny body. He tucked the bear into her arm, and smiled at her, “You good, kid?”

Anya nodded, her eyes closing shut from exhaustion. “Goodnight, Uncle Tony.”

“Night, night, ninja.”

Tony stepped out of the bedroom, exiting the apartment. He was going to head back to his workspace, but decided maybe it was his time for bed, too. 

He pulled out his phone, sending a text to Natasha, as he headed towards his bedroom: “I need your voice box when you get home. No ‘Little Mermaid’ shit, but your daughter has requested my assistance.”

[bitc0insteven]

+bent+

mood visualizer // adele - water under the bridge

Holaa everybody! Took me another year to post something here again. How are y’all doing? Sorry for being MIA for the Nth time, anywaaays here’s the latest sheeesh.

This covid situation is defooooo still a pain in the ass but yenno everyone’s trying to cope up and i just wish strength for everybody especially my friends and family. A lot has happened when I was gone tbh and it seems like there is so much on my plate that i got fat HAHAH literally. // circle

i always talk about people, and friends, and acquaintances and for some reason there are things that you would really understand only if you talk it out. At this age we must be open to criticisms and comments that would contribute to our growth. I guess it is the right time to listen but still remain grounded to fully be aware with what's happening here and there.  as of late, regarding my circle, well its fine. There is just this space that only specific people can fill regardless of how may shits you’ve went through. As much as possible Im trynna be kind, thats it. // mechanical engg Currently on my 4th year as an ME student and maaaaaaaan this shit gets tougher and tougher but hey im still up and at it because a little bird told me HAHHA may mga nagdadasal daw na sana wag matuloy HAHHA mga bwiset kayu ha wag kayo hihingi chocolate mga bo2! Anyway still pursuing this “i-just-tried-to-love-course” because its already here and as the saying goes its all or nothing hikhok. uwu. // tattzi I got a tattoo gaiz HAHAHHA it is an anatomical heart labeled with special peoples birthdates HAHAH yeeesss u guessed it roit mamshi’s, jae’s, sean’s, ricci’s, zald’s, pelep’s, erin’s and ofcc my bortdi. la lang jst wanna share bc di ko sinasabi sa iba lol sabi ko na lang tayaan sa jueteng. // gbmovie Following up my last post regarding GB, damn the movie was even better i----- I just hope that creators would remain making such a masterpieces without ‘gay-baiting’ bc I have seen some and people are acting as if being apart of the RFAM is just a fucking trend. mga bobo ba kayu???? // sad bois club Wala lang, i just feel like i have to emphasize how i am genuinely happy having Z4LDX and P4MC with me errtime errday. I feel lucky to have unproblematic str8 guys as friends by my side. Saying that they’re mabait and mabuti is such an understatement like tf ms merriam any word reco to describe these two plis??? HAHAHHAHA  message uwu: labyu bois ket lagi ko naman sinasabi hahah wala na ko ma say so by doja cat basta alam nyo na yon thank you berimats gaiz sanay lumaki na tt nyo like mine. HAHHHAHA ++++++MORE KOPI SHOP HUNTS KAHIT SAMA SAMA NA TAYONG MAGTAEMNIDAAA!!! // naenae Now i understand kung ano sinasabi mong magshare ng problema bc u feel like its always u sharing yours. I get it now buddy, tho it took me time to understand, tysm because u never really got tired and u were rlly there kahit di ko naaappreciate. just know that i got u fam and im all ears man! kahit ano pa yan hehehhhehehehhehe KD. Thank u for the acceptance dinn u know the rest ror tanginamo gago beng beng // bent :) ending  this post to let errwan know that i aint str8 SURPRISE. lol i really dont fucking know where to belong fr fr. I feel like im not gay enough to be gay and also not straight enough to be straight sooooo im just bent, bent af. HAHAHHAA i guess im just going to be your typical cool friend who like fashun, docus, short haired chinta girls with glasses and a sprinkle of guys on the side. again i am writing this here for people to know that its always better to do stuff at your own phase and timeline. Anything forced is disturbing and painful. Its ok rfam to stay where u are :))) enjoy life as it comes, u ken do it littol by littol and i promise dude pare chong it gets easier everyday :))))))) remember that “coming out” is out and “letting people in is in”. To my readers! welcome to my loif HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH  PS: tf do I buys some chrome hearts patches bro i gon be broke soon. +++++pleeeeees send me tips on how to break in dr martens bc damn they would defo kill my feet when they arrive.  bitc0insteven +102421+ // 2:35 A.M.

[tumblunni]

Man, god, im just suddenly thinking about "ak/ur/oku" and like.. How the fuck did that even become such a huge thing in early 2000s fandom? Dear god so much early gay shipping in fandom was super unhealthy "sinful" bullshit made by straight people for fetishy purposes rather than genuine representation. But a/kurok/u was such a weird one because it was like.. Just globally accepted and never aknowledged to be problematic?? Man i still remember how lil 13 year old me didnt know there was anything wrong with it, like seriously when stuff like this becomes popularized it ends up sending bad messages to actual queer youth. Learning about your sexuality via the internet cos there's no sex ed irl for you, abd you end up stumbling into toxic fandoms before you have the critical thinking skills necessary to know that this stuff is bad and shouldnt be imitated. Like seriously one of the things i worry about EVERY NIGHT AT 2AM THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING is that stupid lil 15 year old me made a post on deviantart going like "are pedophiles really all bad? I mean it sounds like an illness. I mean maybe theyre just scared and they want help." Like im terrified constantly that someone will find that old thing and judge me as if i still believe that apologist crap, or as if it was actually an opinion i formed from a fully developed mind, rather than from a kid who (as far as i knew) had never met a pedophile, thinking about pedophiles in the abstract, while being influenced by fuckin pedophile-dominated fandoms and having NO IDEA. and of cooooourse i wanted to believe that i was mature for my age, i thought that was a compliment.. Uuuuugh...

Sorry, going a little offtopic there.

But anyway isnt it kinda weird how akur/oku was just.. Not even regarded as pedophilia? And when i was a kid it wasnt just me not understanding the gross parts of the fandom, i legit never thought axel was that much older than roxas. And it was one of the more popular gay ships cos at that point as far as we knew it was the only person axel had any sort of backstory with, and he cared so much about this guy that he was willing to sacrifice his life to help sora even when he knew roxas would never come back. At the time without further context it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make? And it wasnt until Days that i realized axel was intended to be an adult rather than a teenager, and even worse A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO MADE THAT SHIPPING ART KNEW THAT. Uuugh it was so gross in retrospect to go back and see all the clues i missed that these people were fetishizing roxas's inexperience and veey much writing him as underage. AAAAAAA!

Anyway im glad that shit is now recognized as shit and now we have canon evidence of this dude being old as balls. And honestly i love the relationship of him as a big brother/dad to roxas and xion a lot more, even though as a kid i was desperate for any kind of queer representation in kh. Like.. I never really actually liked the ship that much or felt any chemistry? I just latched onto a few bad writing flubs that could potentially be interpreted as Gay Evidence because i was SO damn desperate! Like i felt like i had to support all these gross abusive ships in fandom cos if i wasnt then i was being 'homophobic', i mean they were THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTIONS, right? :( Its only now ive grown up i can see how wrong that was, and how people just used it as an excuse to make gross shit and get away with it. Like how in Black Butler all these 'yaoi fangirls' kept erasing the rarest of rare things, a canon trans woman, because 'its sexier if its gay'. Ughhhh. And seriously that discourse still exists for poor Grell, and there's still a lot of these shitty bigoted people pretending to be allies, but like seriously this was EVERYWHERE in 2005! And lgbt rights and even lgbt communities at all were way smaller and less available to the poor teenagers who really needed that positive influence while they were figuring out who they are. So man the abusive side of yaoi fandom was WAY more powerful, and wya more.mainstream, with barely any criticism. And the whole content of this fandom was creepy fuckin adults making pedo porn, and kids who just discovered they were queer and tried to headcanon their favourote characters as being like them. Fucking predator heaven! So yeh that ruined KH for me and definately made me scared of returning to Black Butler for almost a decade. And then i found out that the manga itself has none of that pedo shit and that one of the fandom's biggest abusive gay man archetypes was actually a trans woman this entire time, and just gahhhhh....

Also like seriously this is a tad offtopic but can we kill the anime trope of either everyone looking young or everyone looking old? Or creepy things where just one character looks the wrong age in order to fetishize pedophilia? I dont think kingdom hearts was one of those intentional ones, like i mean there's super bad shit where its like 'this 5 year old looking person is really 9000 years old/actually 18 and just hasnt had their growth spurt yet' (somehow its even more insulting when theres not even a magical excuse) Or the other way around and we have a character thats canonically underage but drawn looking sexually mature with big ol knockers so its somehow okay. The existence of those horrible things is why i end up feeling uncomfortable even seeing ambiguous ages as just a trope in completely innocent anime, yknow? Like in pokemon and digimon all the 10 year old protagonists are exactly the same height as all the adults, and all the female love interests for ash have to be early bloomers in terms of chest and hips, while notably Iris is the only one who actually looks her age and also the first non love interest. Its another reason why i prefer the new art style for the latest season, they make everyone look like kids and Lillie continues to look like a kid even though she's the main girl and has all the cute scenes with Ash. The girls even got very normal looking kiddy swimsuits in the beach episode! Why is that so uncommon, to find the bare minimum thing of underage kids not being sexualized at the beach??

Soooooo yeah, thats at least part of why kid me thought axel and roxas were within a similar age range. Like i thought roxas was maybe 16 and axel was 18?? Somehow?? I dont even know, kingdom hearts isnt even SUPER bad with the 'kids look like older teens,all adults look like age 20 at the most' anime syndrome. Its probably more because id been raised on games and anime that followed that trope, before i played kh. And as a kid you just dont really know the exact differences between 'old', like i mean i knew teenagers were tall and boys get a growth spurt, so somehow it made sense to me that axel could be the same age as roxas?? And man even if i knew he wasnt, i was barely educated at all about pedophilia and i didnt know the nuances of it. I just knew 'its bad for adults to marry kids' like man i was really behind the curve in general learning due to my undiagnosed autism and abusive parenting so like HERE'S 12 YEAR OLD ME NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE SEX ASPECT. And i didnt know that adults in relationships with teenagers was bad too, or like 16/17 year old teens dating kids... I was so fuckin dumb... I really cant believe that not only did i believe stupid adults saying 'pedophilia isnt bad if you're non offending, its okay to make cartoon child porn as long as you dont physically abuse real kids' but also i somehow just DID NOT EVER REALIZE that axel was an adult and roxas wasnt even a goddamn older teen...

So yeh im making a lot of excuses for why my stupid younger self was blindly parroting bullshit, but im not trying to excuse how goddamn wrong and bad it was. I still wake up ashamed in the middle of the night for crapoy decisions i made as a dumb kid, and in terrified that some shreds of it might still exist out there on the internet and maybe someone else could read it?! Gahhhh! Seriously could i have accidentally helped spread that bullshit brainwashing to other kids? And seriously when people say this shit is harmless they just need to look at this, look at how being into problematic yaoi is such a common 'phase' for ACTUAL CHILDREN. Like its not fuckin NATURAL for kids to fall into this stuff, they do it because they dont know any better but the people making the goddamn founding blocks of the fandom are fuckin grown women fetishizing gay men or grown men fetishing lesbians. There's people who do know better who actually conciously decide that a/kurok/u is a good ship while knowing all the goddamn details of what it actually is and exactly what theyre supporting by shipping it. Ughhhhh!

So yeh fuckin Please Stay Safe In Fandom, Kids

And pedophiles have absolutely none of my sympathy, please ignore that goddamn shit i wrote as a little kid being fuckin groomed by a fandom without even knowing it.

This also applies a lot to the rest of LGBT+ aside from just gay shipping, like seriously it took me til age 18 to find any positive representation of trans people or even a proper explanation of what being trans is, yet before i was even 8 years old i'd seen a million 'lol gross man in a dress who gets sexual gratification from wearing women's underwear' jokes in kids shows. And when i was 12 i'd already been exposed to the fuckin hell of m/pre/g thanks to its prevelance of untagged n/sf/w shit in the kh fandom. And by age 15 i'd been exposed to pedophile apologists arguing whether child porn was okay if they only got off to that and didnt personally abuse that kid with their own hands. All of that shit but actually learning about homosexuality and gender in sex ed would have been 'too much' for someone my age...

God what a fuckin mess. Fuck im really really fuckin worried that any of my ignorant comments at those ages could have been read by other ignorant kids and contributed to that disgusting fandom atmosphere. Fuck i think about this so damn often im so damn ashamed of how ignorant i used to be yet i know the adult fuckfaces making pedo shit never reel one lick of shame any damn day of their life. I used to excuse their shit as an actual kid cos i just ASSUMED they would be ashamed and want to seek help! Gahhhh..

[theday]

tagged by @ikyh and @younghyuuns ill be doing both sets !! :D thank you both for tagging me!! this got long so yall dont hav 2 read <3

ru?? rushee’s set!! me: wow ru does not sound like rushee at all ? djsjdhhjd im dumb but i realize now

i. do u believe in astrology? whats ur sign and do u line up with the features usually attributed to it?

fucc... i guess i do ;-0...... and yeah i think?????? like they say capricorns are cold bitches and funny nd im like ya thats me... but they also say we’re hard workers and im like uh.. dont know abt that karen !

ii. what’s ur favorite pair of socks?

bbbbbbb..... socks huh...... i guess my ankle ones? there are also socks that have actual designs on them and those r usually thicker.. keep my feets safe! most of them have pkmn designs bc.. yeah... love the poke mans

iii. what’s a food that reminds you of a specific moment/memory?

i could think of anythiing and get reminded of one situation if that makes sense.. but i thought of pineapple..pizza... anyway the memory isnt anythngn special its just me staring at my delicious hawaiian pizza..... at my favourite pizza place.... love that shit

iv. what’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping?

i dont have the actual hours but the latest ive stayed up.. like willingly would be until 2am

v. how has ur taste in music changed throughout ur life?

went from 1d to 5so/s + other bands to utaite.... they cover vocaloid songs ig i never kno how2 explain what utaites r then 2 kpop.. but i still listen 2 bands + kpop and utaites.... so nothing much has changed ive just gone broader.. wider... expanded my tastes... 

vi. who’s ur fashion icon?

oh definitely kim wonpil

vii. what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done without realizing?

i breathe dumbass particles.. i cant think of one bc my brain probably blocked off all access to my horrifying past but ive been thinking abt how i used 2 send the boy i used 2 like 1d songs....................... 12 y/o old me rly thought. he’d listen.... 12 y/o me thought spamming him was a good idea glad ive learnt from that! 

viii. what’s something you want to brag about?

my grades but it didnt get me into psychology so nvm ! its still good though i didnt expect to get an A1 (hghest grade) for combined humanities since ive had a B my whole life without it i wouldnt be able to move on education wise lmao so thank god for that thanks cambridge thanks bell curve sunbaenim 

ix. when you imagine urself being happy in the future, where exactly are you (like the location!)?

oh definitely an apartment somewhere where its always windy and the curtains are always Moving and the sun just Shines in the room but its not that hot either its just full of warmth and yeah thats the dream maybe also walks in the park without having 2 worry abt sweating my pits out u kno! tldr anywhere but here

x. what’s something you’ve always wanted to own?

let me Think.... i dont need a lot/?? but id love hm.............. i want stability but realistically i want all the hh pcs from the code albums. 

xi. how’ve you been lately?

good good! i finished my *** fic and its. im proud of it though i know its not that good nd i can do better but its done ! and hm i could be going to see mx but asking my mum is stressing me out speaking of her she wont stop Coughing and she refuses to see the doctor ;-/ love those sleepless nights ! other than that i just want 2 get out and feel the sun ???/ wanna get out of this house yea but i need to be.. shady with my money i cant get a job because school is starting in a month and im going overseas again sometime next month so ! no ones gonna hire someone who can only work for 2 weeks at most dhzjhhs shouldve worked when i had the time dumbasses only

ok now falen

1. what’s been on your mind??

hm redacted feeling towards my mum but i cant say them bc itd be insensitive 

2. what are you looking forward to? 

mx? possibly but also finishing my enrolment papers

3. story time!: how and when did you get into day6!!!!!

fuck...... listen up LADS. 

ive told the same story like 10 times but im never gonna get tired of saying this shit bc i love miss boxy so much nd she deserves the appreciation anywy she introduced me 2 day6 after i saw this one (1) picture of brian in minion glasses and instantly i knew in that Fucking moment thatd id die for him. so i asked for the name of my murderer and was introduced to day6 whom frankly id never heard of b4 bdjhjh she sent me all their mvs and i still remember the night . i remember walking out of this japanese restaurant, twitter open, chat wiht boxy there and i was like.. interesting ill go listen when im home so i Did! and my mind was blown away bitch? i honest 2 god expected them to be a boy group,,, dancing and shit yknow? i didnt know k bands existed ! so as a previous 5/sos stan i was like wow. this??? this shit is 10/10 a fucking BANGER thats what i felt listening 2 i smile and just going :O over the fucking instruments so idk if how can i say was the last or second song but Damn. .. it made me scream thanks mister j** he rly dragged me by the collar of my shirt and threw me face first into Heaven so i watched everything i asked my friend for video recommendations and after boxy sent me a page with their face and names i was like this jae kid is 182 cm? wow gotta stan now im stupid and stupid for glasses and tall people so ! it happened bithc,, ugh i lov eday6 so much i remember binge watchng all their vlives after the july after party live (that being the first vlive i watched Ever in my entire life and i laghed so hard despite not understanding a damn thing) please id giv my heart and soul2 day6 im so happy with the way ive progressed as a myday :^( 

bonus when i first started stanning it was 26th june and shortly after i made a stan acc teasers were being dropped but i didnt kno why ppl were freaking out i remmeber seeing jae’s teaser nd going ? ok? its just a pic damn ;-/ and then eveeryone was like: dowoon! choker! me: wdhs? what

4. ????do you have any allergies????

did u think of jae and no i used to be allergic 2 dairy products but thats disappeared

5. a fond memory???

bowling with friends and im just a disaster of a friend im always so loud with them and i thank god everyday that they handle my energy ? i would cheer for them even if they got a gutter or whatever and when they got a strike id go clap like crazy i love my friends i also went i have the power of god and anime on my side before flinging the ball and theyd laugh despite not knowing what vine that was from i love my friends... psg if ur out there yall are the best x i miss hanigng out with them as a trio.. three of us :( 

6. do you paint your nails?? if so, what are your fave colors to use?? if not, why??  

thats so.. tiresome.......... dont u have 2 wait for it 2 dry and shit ? my mums always worried abt ruining the colour or some sht nd im like !!! okY!!!!!!! tldr its a pain in the ass

7. what are your favorite colors?? what are your fave colors to wear??

i like hte colour of the sky... all the colours........ yeah love that bithc and lately ive been wearing a lot of black shirts finally went out of my embarrassing colourful phase ! 

8. what languages would you like to learn?? for what reason(s)??

japanese nd korean jp because i listen to a lot of things in japanese and korean for the same reason but my priority would be jp even tho id love to communicate with my faves i just... yeah although im not exactly making an effort 2 learn bc im lazy but if i Could.... itd be those two

9. when you get stickers, do you use them or do you keep them??

DHDGFHDHDGDSJHJSJAKSSJHFHS THIS FEELS LIKE A CALL OUT???? i keep them......... 

10. are there any groups that you might get into/want to get into?

hm... well theres knk ive learnt their names and im finally able to put name 2 face so thats nice svt too if htey didnt have such large numbers... thats all for now i think?? i love evry girl group though i love gIRLS... 

11. how are you???

idk im constantly just fine?? not the im sad but im fine kind of fine im literally just neutral half the time wjhddshs wild 

both of your questions were really unique and i loved answering them thank you so much for tagging me and if youve read until the end thank you i hope you have a good day!

[styczniowy]

okay questions 1-70 ily babe

there's a lot of twenty one pilots in this...

1. A Song you’re ashamed of likingthat terrible valentines day song from jacksfilmstbh im ashamed of even liking jacksfilms

2. Favourite lyrics"but there's hope out the windowso that's where we'll go"

3. Favourite band/artisttwenty one pilots

4. Top 5 Favourite songs at this momentalt-j - bloodfloodfall out boy - hold me tight or don't run the jewels - downthe neighbourhood - you get me so highflatsound - sleep

5. Latest song that made you smileboyinaband - spectrum (ft cryaotic and minx)idk i just like this songand i also like dave and cry so

6. An overrated bandfifth harmony

7. An overrated songdua lipa - new rulesit's not that good.

8. Latest song that made you cryode to sleep by twenty one pilots because i accidentally played the live version and i wasn't expecting the feels

9. Artist/band that saved your life twenty one pilots

10. If you could see any band/artist live, who would it beeither twenty one pilots again or adele

11. What song/album/band/artist always brings back memories for youamerican authors - best day of my life

12. saddest song you knowtyler joseph - literally the whole npi album

13. Favourite song to sing in the showerjon bellion - all time low

14. If you played an instrument in grade school, what was iti didn't

15. What song would you like to have your first dance to at your wedding elvis presley - can't help falling in lovepreferably with tyler joseph singing it live but that's just a detail

16. 5 Songs to have sex tothe weeknd - oftenthe weeknd - earned itthe weeknd - where you belongbeyonce - crazy in love (50 shades version)frank sinatra - witchcraft(i know almost all of these are from 50 shades of grey thanksan yes, i like the weeknd a lot)

17. One band you’d have get back together/bring back from the dead@my chemical romance when's the reunion tour

18. You’re forced to listen to only one album for the rest of your life, what album is itvessel by twenty one pilots

19. A song that gets you through shittwenty one pilots - guns for hands (and also truce)these two got me through a lot of shit.

20. A song to shut everything outfall out boy - the phoenix

21. A song that’s a joke between you and your friends i don't have friends bye

22. A song to jam out to at 4amliterally any song by jinsang

23. A song that punches you in the gut every single time my chemical romance - welcome to the black paradei don't think this is a suprise

24. A song that calms you downthe deli - 5:32pm

25. A song that makes you feel alive twenty one pilots - trees

26. If you could get any lyrics tattooed, which would you choose"stay alive, for me."i'd tattoo the all over my body if i could.

27. What band/artist would you get your children addicted to at an early age ALL OF THEM, MAKE THEM SUFFER FROM FANDOMS

28. Can you play any instruments, if so, which no, but i want to play the drums ((:

29. If you could be a member of any band for one show, who would it bei'd be josh dunso i could play drums, look hot, and look at tyler's butt for an hour

30. CDs or Vinyls cds because i'm poorbut i wish i could have like 9284957 vinyls

31. 25 songs to play at your funeral HOOO BOY GET SOME POPCORN1. (i was going to list all of my favorite twenty one pilots songs but that's more than 25 so just play all and count them as one.)2. troye sivan - heaven3. alt-j - deadcrush4. alt-j - in cold blood5. my chemical romance - cancer6. dodie - i have a hole in my tooth (and my dentist is shut) (this song is so dumb i love it)7. dodie - 6/108. adele - set fire to the rain9. patrick stump - spotlight10. panic! at the disco - girls/girls/boys (a song about a threesome? why the fuck not)11. mike bliss - the disconnect (mike is a blessing to this worls and i love him)12. jesse cale - the saddest panda (because i love jesse too much)13. fall out boy - the phoenix14. fall out boy -i don't care15. fall out boy - the last of the real ones16. imagine dragons - demons17. run the jewels - down18. run the jewels - panther like a panther (only bc it makes everyone uncomfortable)19. run the jewels - early20. alessia cara - scars to your beautiful 21. thirty seconds to mars - up in the air22. thirty seconds to mars - kings and queens23. sia - breathe me24. sia - cellophane25. depeche mode - where's the revolution

32. What are some song titles that you love"nothing good comes from being gone" - flatsound"it's thursday, january 12th and this is the last time i'll talk about drowning" - flatsound"our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued" - fall out boy"i'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off" - fall out boy"the only difference bteween martyrdom and suicide is press coverage" - panic! at the disco"lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off" - panic! at the disco

33. If your life ended today, what song would you choose to represent itidubbz - i'm gaybecause this song is dumb and i am gay.

34. Give me a random 10 song playlist 1. fall out boy - dance, dance2. the 1975 - if i believe you3. quebonafide - bollywood4. boyinaband - christmix 35. royal blood - little monster6. pierce the veil - circles7. harry styles - kiwi8. muse - madness9. lp - tightrope10. idealism - a moment of silence

35. A heart wrenching songtyler joseph - drown

36. A band/artist you’re proud ofbry. MY BOI IS POPULAR

37. A song that has a lot of meaning to youfor the 100th timetwenty one pilots - guns for hands

38. A song that reminds you of schoolleathermouth - 5th period massacre

39. A song not sung in your native languagelil' kleine - krantenwijk(i could've chosen any song in english, but i thought that's too boring so this one's in dutch :))

40. An instrumental songflatsound - consciousness

41. A classical songuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

42. A song with no percussionsayuw - see you

43. Something you’ve heard performed livedo you want the whole twenty one pilots ers setlist or..?

44. Something you’d give ANYTHING to hear performed live5 words: twenty one pilots dual drummers

45. A song from a band/artist that’s from your town/city/state/province i don't listen to any so idk

46. A song made suddenly precious because of a special someonethe neighbourhood - wiressuddenly i like it more than i should

47. A song made suddenly painful because of someone specialeeeeh idk

48. A song that demands lip syncing and a makeshift microphonepanic! at the disco - miss jackson

49. A song from a band/artist you met/knowi have never met any artist really??

50. A song that you would rock at karaoke fall out boy - i don't carei can't sing but i'm ready to fuck your ears up

51. A song you can’t help but dance topatrick stump - run dry

52. A song that makes you want to dance on a table panic! at the disco - don't threaten me with a good timethis song is wILD

53. Your 10 song stripper playlistcan i skip this question?i can. NEXT!

54. Favourite Disney song hakuna matata!!!

55. A song that starts with the first letter of your namechristina perri - jar of hearts

56. A song from an artist still alive dillon francis - love in the middle of a firefight

57. A song from an artist who’s deadfrank sinatra - chicago

58. A song you love by an artist/band you hate justin bieber - love yourselfi despise him as a human but this song is really nice so hsjfhksjf

59. A song you love with a colour in the titletroye sivan - blue

60. A song you love with a number in the titlefall out boy - 27

61. A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget abouti don't think i really have one???

62. A song that needs to be played LOUDfrnkiero and the cellabration - .blood infections.

63. A song that makes you think about lifehonestly just most flatsound songs.

64. 15 Songs that get stuck in your head easily alt-j - breezeblocks  little mix - shout out to my exadele - rolling in the deepportugal. the man - feel it stillmajor lazer - get freetwenty one pilots - polarizeparamore - hard timespanic! at the disco - golden daysfall out boy - jet pack bluespatrick stump - spotlightfoxes - youthvesperteen - insanej balvin - tranquilacamila cabello - havanakaty perry - e.t.

65. A song that you think everyone should listen to twenty one pilots - gonerat least once.

66. A song that makes you want to fall in lovei'm already in love sooo

67. A song that makes you think about ‘him/her’troye sivan - talk me down

68. A song that you remember from your childhoodi had a shakira phase, i guess any song from she wolf shdhdhdgddb this is embarrasing bye

69. A song that reminds you of youa what

70. Okay what’s the real answer to number 1trippple nippples - lsdI HAVE NO REGRETS

[graysonpuzzle]

Unstable

NOTE: Freshly edited this. I’d like to warn that in this chapter there is a panic attack/anxiety. Also, for the rest of this fic (I like to call it a book lol) this warning will apply, and all of the anixety/panic related things are based on my own experiences, so if you think they are weird/innaccurate, I am basing them off my own panic attacks and anxiety. There is also violence, cussing and all that stuff. I would love some feedback on my writing!

THE PUZZLE 

Chapter Three

----------------------------- June 6th, 1990

“Mommy please don't go!” I remember telling my mom, as I pulled on her shirt.

“I know honey, but mommy and daddy have to help their friends, ok?” She replied and my dad came galloping down the stairs

“Ready girls?” He asked and grabbed his car keys.

I didn't think much of the ride to my grandparents house, but now I think of that car ride constantly; that was the last car ride I'd have with my parents. My dad picked me up out of the car and carried me to grandpas front door. I cried when they left, begging them to stay.

Grandpa said they would be gone for a week at the most. A week passed, then another. In the kitchen of the second week, Grandpa answered the phone and he dropped the phone, letting it hang by the cord. I tried to ask him what was wrong, but he composed himself and acted as if it was nothing. Even though I was small, I knew something was wrong. I was always a smart kid, and could read people before Grandpa made me learn.

Weeks turned into months and everyday I asked my Grandpa when my parents were coming to get me. His replies were always the same: ‘They'll be here in no time, Gray.”

One night I had a nightmare, the first of many that would take place most nights for the rest of my life. I went to my Grandpa's room looking for comfort but instead, he was weeping on the edge of his bed. I ended up doing the comforting.

“It’s ok, Grandpa, I miss Mommy and Daddy too, but you said they’ll be here soon,” I tried to explain, but I didn't understand why he kept crying.

He pulled me up onto his lap and through his tears told me, “Mommy and Daddy went to heaven, we won't see them for a long time.”

As I got older, I understood and remembered every detail of the last day I saw them. I think of my mom when I listen to her favorite music. I think of my Dad when I wear the necklace he gave my mom when they were teenagers. It’s a small chain with the moon on it; I remember my mom loving to go outside and look at the stars, the moon represented her love for the night and stars.

On my birthday each year Grandpa would give me something of theirs. I could tell it pained him to let go of those things, but he always told me they would want me to have them. Everywhere I go I wear the necklace, I listen to the music in the car, and read the books they used to own.

December 29th, 2006

“New York really is pretty in the winter,” I think outloud.

“It’s going to be even better when we kill this werewolf,” Dean states.

We check into the first motel with vacancy and I check in first.

“One king please,” I say to the woman behind the counter, getting money out of my pocket.

“Sorry, sweetie, the only room left is a double queen,” she replies with a severe smokers voice. I look at Sam and Dean, they just nod, whatever that means.

“The three of us will take that room then,” I say and hand her money, and she hands me the keys.

We walk down the hall to find our room. I unlock the door and stand in the entrance in shock. There are mirrors on the ceiling, no wonder it was rather expensive, and it was the last room left. The brothers walk in and Dean just starts smiling like a wierdo. Sam doesn't seem to care and sets his bag on the couch. I drop my bag on the floor and make my way back to the check in desk.

I ring the bell and the same woman comes to the counter, “Yes?”

“Are you sure there aren't any more rooms left, there's um-”

“Mirrors on the ceiling? I know, Sorry hon, it's the last room we got, surprising though since it's almost New Years,” she says.

I walk back to the room, a little disgusted by the room that I have to share with two guys. I get a shiver down my spine and open the door. I throw myself on the first bed and can't stop saying the word ‘ew’ in my mind over and over again.

“We should get started on the case soon, only a few hours until it's dark,” I hear Sam say and sit up.

“Well let's head to the station then,” Dean says.

“Alright,” Sam agrees and they both look at me.

“I think I'm going to check on the latest scene and see if I can find anything,” I say.

“What? No,” Dean says, “I think you should stick with us.”

“Why? Because I’m ‘unstable?’ I can handle myself,” I argue.

“Yeah, actually that's exactly why,” he admits.

“Listen you prick, you don't know me, you have your problems and I have mine,” I snap.

“Dean, come on-” Sam starts but Dean cuts him off.

“STAY OUT OF THIS SAM!”

“Look at that, you just think you're the boss of everyone! Do you always talk to your brother like that?”

“I don't think you're experienced enough to hunt by yourself,” He replies and ignores my question.

“Really? I've been training since I was 7 years old, I could kill you right now just by poking the right pressure points.”

“That doesn't mean anything.”

“It doesn't? Fine, how about I use my knife throwing to defend myself? Or how about archery? Maybe even mixed martial arts?” I list, and Sam raises his brows, impressed by the skills my grandfather made me learn.

“None of that means that you make good decisions!” Dean yells.

“Oh, so it's my judgement?”

“YES! You freaking took on a vampire nest by yourself and now you want to take on a werewolf? Are you insane?”

“You know what, since we're pointing out things ‘wrong’ with me, why don't I point out yours?” I ask sarcastically, “Let's see, who is it that made enemies with Gordon and got me attacked because of it? And you won't even tell me why!”

“That has nothing to do with what we're talking about!” He yells.

I ignore him and continue, “You know what, maybe I will listen to you, if you're honest. Thats one thing I got over you, buddy, at least im honest. Yeah, I'm a little too confident, sometimes I think I can handle these things by myself, but you know what?”

“You're getting on my nerves,” he fumes.

“I can tell just by looking at you that you lie all the time. You lie to make yourself feel better, you lie to your brother quite a bit, and I know for a fact that you bottle everything inside just so people don't see it,” He looks frustrated now, I think I hit him hard, “But I can see right through you, so next time you want to accuse me of being unstable, just look at yourself.”

I put on my jacket, gloves and hat and go to the door, “And just in case you were wondering, psychology is another thing my grandpa trained me in you asshole,” I finish and slam the door behind me.

I make my way to the scene, which is a rather long walk. I get on the street where we think the most recent attack took place. The last kill was in an alleyway. I hear trashcans moving in an alley and go to it. It’s only a cat, scrounging for food, I’m guessing. I pull out what's left of a pack of teddy grahams and give it to the cat. She takes them and rubs against me.

“You're not a big bad wolf, are you?” I say and scratch her head. She looks up suddenly and runs away.

“Fine.” I'm hurt, I thought we were bonding. I turn around to see what the cat saw, there a man standing at the end of the alley. “I don't really feel like getting mugged right now, so leave me alone,” and I keep walking, sure that I can kick his ass if he tries anything.

As I approach, he doesn't move and I can see him better with each step I take. Hes muscular, tall and overall sketchy looking. He stares at me as if I'm an old friend.

“Kelly?” He asks.

“Uh, sorry pal, I'm not the girl you think I am,” I say and walk past him, but he grabs my arm and squeezes hard.

“You look just like my Kelly,” he breathes rather hard and continues, “Beautiful Hazel eyes, waved chestnut hair...”

“Ok, creep, let me go,” I say and jerk my arm out of his grasp and continue walking. I hear a low growl then look back at the man, “look, back off- oh my god.”

The man doesn't look how he did seconds ago...he's the monster im hunting. I pull out my gun and shoot, hitting him in the shoulder as he charges at me. I sprint down the street to get away but I can feel him on my heels. Think, Grayson, think. I take a sharp turn down a different alley that I passed earlier. There's a high fence at the end, it might not stop him, I just hope it gives me time to get away. I get to the fence and climb as fast as I can, but after getting a few feet up, it's over; I feel his claws latch themselves into my ankle and wrench me down. I land on my back and aim my gun but he smacks it from my hand. I crawl backwards like a crab until my back hits the fence.

He puts his face inches from mine and just stares for what feels like minutes. He makes an animal noise and I close my eyes, I don't want to see what he does next. I expect him to kill me, but instead he lifts me up and I open my eyes. Hes carrying me over his beastly shoulder. Shit shit shit, this is not good.

I constantly try to fight, but he squeezes me with so much strength that I have to gasp for breath. He ends up taking me to an abandoned building or something, maybe an old dog kennel, judging by the cages. He literally throws me into one and I land on my tailbone.

“So what now? Trust me I'm shallow and won't fall in love with you based on your personality,” I say, hoping to get a rise out of him so he makes noise or gives me a chance at escape.

He just growls and locks the cage. All I have left is the knife I always have strapped to my thigh and some silver bullets for the gun left in the alley. My phone must've fell out of my pocket while he was chasing me. I've never seen a werewolf act so human while in the animal phase.

Through a small window I can see that the sky has finally gone dark. Hopefully this mutt will stop pacing around in circles and leave so I can make a break for it.

“Alright buddy, if you're going to kill me, might as well get it over with.”

He replies with a low growl.

“So what's the point of keeping me here, huh? You killed all your other victims on the spot, why the sudden change?”

He ignores me and continues pacing. Bitch. I sit on the cement floor and rest my back on the kennel wall. I get out my knife and twirl it around for fun. More hours pass.

“You know, my Grandpa made me get training in knife throwing, if these bars weren't between us, I could hit you right between the eyes,” I say out loud, knowing he either won't respond or do so with a growl.

Either I got used to his paws constantly touching the floor, or he left. Quietly I get up and look out. Hes gone, maybe he's turning back or getting food. I walk to the back of my kennel and kick the chained door as hard as i can. Nothing. I try again, but no luck. Next I try to pick the lock with my knife, which from the beginning was a stupid idea, but was worth a shot. I hear a distant noise and step back. The werewolf comes back, but looks more enraged than ever.

He runs at the bars and his claws scrape the metal on the door. What the hell was the point of trapping me just to have a harder time attacking me? I panic as he begins breaking through. I get an idea and begin climbing up two of the kennel walls, stretching one leg on each side. He breaks the lock and chains and barrels through. He jumps at me and I jump down, kicking him with both feet in the chest. It knocks the beast down and I run as fast as I can out of there.

I get out of the room and enter a long hallway. There are bigger windows and I can tell the sun is about to rise. When he changes I can kill him. I look back for a moment and he breaks through the door and his eyes lock on me. I push myself to run as fast as I can, but he easily catches up just like before. I go into a random room and slam the door. It's a heavy door, so it will take him longer to get through. It looks like an old office or something, because there is a desk and a bunch of random paperwork on the ground.

There's a big window behind the desk. The pounding and scratching on the door is constantly reminding me to hurry. I push the desk out of the way easily and pull the blinds all the way up. Its one of those protected windows that doesn't open, like ones that I see in schools sometimes. I pick up the desk and throw it the best I can manage at the window. The window shatters seconds before the door breaks down.

I jump out the window and bolt down the narrow alley. I get out to the empty street and look around as I turn the corner; I have no idea where I am. I look back for a mere moment and the wolf is nowhere in sight. I decide to go back and see if he changed.

I check the alleyway and the abandoned building, but there's no sight of him. He must've changed back. Now I have to figure out where the motel is and yell at Sam and Dean for not finding me, if they bothered to look. As I walk, the streets get busier and I get dirty looks from a lot of people. I walk past a large window of a building and see why; my clothes are ripped in places, I’m covered in dirt and a little blood, not to mention my hair looks like I brushed it with an eggbeater. I'll take a shower as soon as I get back.

Somehow I make it to the alley with the big fence and find my gun but no phone. I shove it in my jacket and walk back to the motel. I knock on the door of the room I’m sharing with the Winchester brothers and step back waiting for the door to open, arms crossed. Dean opens the door.

“Where have you been?!” he asks frantically.

“Thats a good question Dean,” I reply casually, pushing past him to walk into the room.

“What happened to you?” Sam asks looking at me up and down, seeing the mess that is me.

“I don't know, maybe last night when I was by myself I got attacked by the werewolf and he literally trapped me in a cage the whole night.”

“Why didn't you call us?!” Dean asks, as if I didn't think of that.

“Well, while I was running from him or when he tossed me over his shoulder I lost it, you must think i'm really stupid, why didn't you two try to find me?”

“We did, we found your gun and your hat-” Sam starts.

“We searched all night, we called a million times. At about 4 am we decided to come back here and look for anything that might have helped,” Dean finishes explaining.

“Did you find anything?” I ask.

“Well the first victim was the guy's girlfriend and she looked a little bit like you,” Sam states.

“Kelly…” I whisper to myself.

“Yeah, how'd you know?” Sam asks, confused.

I look up at Sam, Dean looking at me waiting for an answer. “Before he changed, he said I looked just like her but when I tried to walk away he changed and attacked me,” I explain.

“But you said he put you in a cage?” Dean asks.

“Yeah, he didn't hurt me, he just put me in the cage the whole time. He was pacing the room the whole time.” I respond.

“I think I know what's going on here,” Sam states, Dean and I look at him with curiosity.

“Well are you going to explain it to us?” Dean asks sarcastically.

“Amara looks like Kelly right? So when he saw her maybe the animal inside took control.”

“What?” I ask.

“When he saw you, it triggered something, he was supposed to kill you, but he didn't,” Sam finishes and Dean gets a look of realization, but I still don't get it.

“Looks like Wolfy has a crush on you, Sunshine,” Dean says and laughs.

“So he didn't kill me because…?”

“He was protecting you from himself is my guess,” Sam says and I just let out a long sigh.

“So I guess we know how to find him and end this,” I state, dreading what I know I have to do.

Later, I take Sam and Dean back to the kennel place the wolf--Hal is what Sam told me his name is-- took me to last night. We look through the building thoroughly and decided to wait for him to come, if he does come.

After about 2 hours of waiting we hear footsteps coming down the hall I escaped from this morning. The door opens and Hal sees me.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” He asks, panicked.

“I thought I’d pay you a visit.”

“You-you can't be here, you saw what happened, I-”

“Turned into a werewolf?”

“Yes...you need to leave, or it will come back, he's already trying to get out.”

I look at him with my eyes slightly squinted. “Why did you lock me up last night?”

“I was trying to stop it, I- he wants you, it's like he owns you, or at least that's what he thinks.”

“Stop calling it ‘him’, thats you.”

“No...no it's not, I try to keep it in but he just-he just takes control and-” And he starts breaking down in tears.

“Look, I need to end this before you kill more people, or take innocent girls in the middle of the night.”

“What do you mean?” he asks through his bawling.

I just pull my gun from my jacket and his whole mood changes.

“No-I won't let you-AGH- I WON'T LET YOU GET AWAY FROM ME AGAIN KELLY!” He shouts as he turns from human to wolf.

“GUYS!” I shout and the brothers come out from their hiding places and aim their guns at him as I do.

He charges towards me and the three of us shoot simultaneously. He dodges most of the bullets and once again grabs me as I shoot at him. I just can't get a break. Once again I'm thrown over his shoulder as he runs away. I look back at Sam and Dean running after the beast, they are not nearly as fast and I lose sight of them. I still have my gun and try shooting at the back of his feet, but it's hard because of all the movement. I don't want to waste the last bullets I have and decide to wait until the timing is better.

He ends up taking me to woods. All I see is trees in every direction. He sets me down and sniffs me. I seriously hate this. I get my gun out but he sees and scratches my hand and I scream in pain, he knocks the gun feet away and my right hand is covered in blood. The sound of a twig snapping makes him dart his head and he runs. I crawl to my gun, then get up. I take off in the opposite direction that he went and go as fast as I can, hoping that if I go straight I will eventually get out of the woods.

I hate werewolves so much now; maybe I hate them more than shapeshifters. Who am I kidding? Those things will be at the top of my list since what happened with Cameron.

I keep running and dodging trees but surprisingly I haven't found my way out. I stop to climb a tree and see if I can see city lights. I have a hard time- I'll admit I suck at climbing- but I manage to get pretty far up despite the clawed hand. I look and I've been running the wrong way this whole time, guess I have to take my chances with wolf buddy. I get down and go back the way I came. My right leg is starting to hurt from the healing stab wound. I slow down only a little bit and keep going.

I hear the shaking of leaves close by but keep going. Then I hear it; I hear the vicious growl of a werewolf. I turn my head and he pounces on me. My face hits the ground, snow getting in my mouth and eyes. He flips me over onto my back and pins my arms with his mutated paws. His saliva drips on me while I grit my teeth; once again this thing has me waiting for my demise. He barks-more like roars- in my face and I can feel my eyes watering and my chest becoming heavy. If I'm going to die I might as well admit to myself that I'm horrified. I rest my head back and try to look past the beast and at the stars.

Hot tears run down the sides of my cheeks and start to heave. I can feel it coming, a panic attack. The wolf doesn't do anything to me but keep me pinned so he can scare me. The tears start rolling out faster, breathing becomes harder and I start sweating profusely. I'm going to die and my last moments will be spent having a panic attack-great, exactly the way I don't want to go.

The werewolf starts growling and I can see what he's trying to do now, he's trying to bite me. I'd rather die than be a werewolf. I scream and cry as he licks his chops and puts his jaws closer to my skin.

“HEY FURBALL!” I hear someone shout, followed by a gunshot. It hits the thing, but not in a fatal spot. I hear him whimper and he gets off me fast enough that I don't hear another shot go off. Without his weight on me, I can feel my body moving much more from the panic. I stay on the ground, in the same position he had me pinned and keep crying, not able to move. I know I can't control it, so I don't try to. My vision is blurry and it's dark, but I can see someone standing above me, crouching down.

“Grayson, come on, he's gone,” I hear the person say, and realize its Dean. I try to respond but it comes out garbled and I can't even understand myself. Next thing I know he is putting his arms under my knee and arms, lifting me up.

“Put me down, I can walk myself,” I try to say but it sounds more like ‘Puh meown Ikin wall myself.’

“I can't understand you, just focus on calming down,” He replies and keeps walking.

He walks us out of the woods and I see his car, Sam standing there waiting. He looks at me like he's worried but I don't want him to see me like this and turn away, my face in Dean's jacket like a little kid.

He slides me in the back seat and drives. The panic attack is still strong; I can't help but think about how Grandpa would react to this. As he trained me this would happen a bit and he would make me finish the hunt on my own sometimes to try and teach me that staying calm is a big part of hunting, and the only way for me to learn was to make me do it alone so I would get over it. I was 10 when he started doing that.

The car stops and they get out, Dean comes to get me, but I push him away and get myself out. I can tell that I've sweat through my shirt and everytime I think about Grandpa it's like another wave hits me and the attack gets strong again right as I feel like it's going down.

The three of us walk into our shared motel room, Sam in front of me and Dean behind. I go to my bag to get clothes and walk to the bathroom without saying anything to them. I take a long shower and calm down to normal before the water gets cold. When I'm done getting dressed I brush my teeth and get the first aid kit out. My right hand has deep claw marks, but I don't need stitches.

I walk out Sam and Dean are watching tv on the couch. After hearing the door open, they both turn around to see me.

Dean turns off the tv, “We need a lot of sleep if we're going to catch this asshole soon.”

“Agreed,” I reply, “Where do you think they keep the extra blankets?”

“That closet maybe?” Sam suggests and points to the small closet by the entrance.

I go and there are in fact extra blankets and pillows. I grab them off the top shelf and start making my bed on the couch, since it doesn't look like a pull out.

“Hey, i’ll take the couch,” Sam volunteers.

“It's fine,” I say.

“Just take my bed.”

“Sam, I don't-” I start but he walks over and takes the blankets and pillow from me, “Fine. Thanks.”

He starts setting up the couch and I go get in the bed Dean isn't in. When done, Sam shuts off the lights and I try to sleep.

“GRAYSON RENEE REED! YOU ARE PATHETIC!” My grandfather shouts then slaps me, knocking me to the ground.

“I'm sorry!” I cry and rub my cheek. Then Mom and Dad walk in.

“I am disappointed to call you my daughter,” my mother states and kicks my lower stomach while I’m down.

“I never wanted you, I always knew there was something wrong with you,” my father adds.

My grandpa then pulls my hair to make me stand, “Even these two think you're horrible and they just met you.” Sam and Dean appear with disgusted looks on their faces.

“We just feel sorry for you. Why else would anyone ever voluntarily spend time with you?” Sam asks, his head turning to the side to put emphasis on confusion.

“You unstable bitch. You're lucky I don't kill you myself,” Dean states, aggression forming in his face.

“No- No I didn't, I can't control it, I-” I start but my grandfather slaps me to the ground again.  Cameron appears and looks down at me.

“I can't believe you actually thought I loved you, are you really that pathetic?” Cameron asks.

“I'm happy we died, so we don't have to see you screw up!” My mom yells and then I start crying. I can't feel the tears but I know they're there.

“I HATE YOU!” My father yells, then everyone joins in and more people appear to take turns Even that bastard Gordon appears along with faces of familiar hunters.

“STOP!” I screech.

I wake up from my dream sweaty with moist cheeks, I push the covers off of myself and look at the clock. Its nearly 3am. I get up out of the bed and walk outside. The motel has two stories and were on the second level. I walk out in only my shorts and a t-shirt despite the cold. The brisk air immediately cools me down.

“A little cold to be dressed like that don't you think?” I turn and see Mindy walking towards me.

“What do you want?”

“Just checking up on my favorite hunter,” she smirks.

“Stop following me, if you're going to kill me, just go ahead and try.”

“No. Remember our talk last week? I like to play, and you are very feisty,” she taunts.

“I asked you why you're here, now talk.”

“I'm just keeping an eye on you, seeing if you make any progress.”

“Progress? What the hell are you talking about?” I'm seriously confused.

“You don't know. Ha, they never told you,” she laughs and I glare at her, eyes are daggers, “I suggest you look up your family history, you're related to some powerful people.”

“So what? You've been killing my family because they are strong?”

“Trust me, just look up your family tree. You will not be disappointed,” she says and walks off. I don't understand, if she wants to kill me why is she telling me this?

I watch her drive out of the motel parking lot. I take a deep breath and realize I'm freezing. I try to open the door as quietly as possible. I see Dean sitting up in his bed looking right at me.

“You okay?” He asked groggily.

“Yeah, just getting some fresh air, go back to sleep,” I tell him and he shrugs and makes himself comfortable in his bed.

“I just want to finish this hunt and go home,” I state, loading my gun with silver bullets.

“Well it might take longer since we have to stay together,” Sam reasons.

“Where to first?” Dean asks.

“Lets try his house,” Sam replies.

“Screw looking for him, let's lure him to us.”

I can tell Sam doesn't like the idea, “that didn't work the first time, we should try-”

“Please Sam, we can let him follow my scent and take him off guard.”

“That actually doesn't sound too bad,” Dean says, wow he actually agrees with me.

“Fine, but we shouldn't go after him until it's almost dawn so we don't have to fight him too long,” Sam says, so we wait all night until its 6am. The plan is for me to walk ‘alone’ down the streets but Sam and Dean will be close enough to come help if something happens.

I walk down the empty street, my hands in my jacket pockets with my gun on the right side. It's cold enough for me to see my breath. I take a turn down an alley and lean against a wall, waiting. After a few minutes I check the street again, but see nothing. I turn to look deeper into the dark alley and see glowing eyes. I grab my gun from inside my pocket and click the bullet into place. The eyes emerge out of the shadow and I recognize the werewolf.

He stalks towards me, growling. I don't want to move suddenly and cause him to attack me or worse, take me and trap me in a freaking cage again. He gets nearly 10 feet away and I pulled out my hands and aim my gun; he hesitates, but then continues towards me.

“Look, if you leave me alone, I won't shoot you,” I lie but it doesn't make him stop. He starts circling me. It's the perfect opportunity to shoot, but it seems too perfect. What is he doing?

I push the thought to the side and shoot. He lays dead on the cement, bleeding out of his chest. That was too easy. After all the fighting, he just let me shoot him. Did he hold back or something? Did he see Kelly and hold back? I guess I’ll never know the answers.

The brothers give me a ride back to my grandpas cabin and I can't help but think about what's happened in the past 2 weeks: Gordon kidnapping me, the more frequent panic attacks, Mindy telling me she killed my family and then hinting to look up my family tree.

“So..” I start, getting Sam and Deans attention, “Are you guys going to tell me about the whole Gordon thing yet or?”

“You want the truth so bad, fine, go ahead and tell her Sammy,” Dean says not so friendly.

“Well, I-uh- sort of have these premonitions and there are other people like me around the country...long story short, because I'm a psychic, Gordon thinks I'm a monster and wants to kill me,” Sam explains, that is not what I expected.

“So he kidnapped me to lure you, so that he could kill you?”

“Pretty much, yeah,” Sam answers.

“Well, why would he do that if I barely know you guys?”

“He probably thought he could easily take you off your guard,” Dean interrupts.

“And how would he know when to take me off my guard if I’ve never met him before then?” I ask teasingly, “were you guys talking about me?”

They exchange glances. I raise my eyebrows, waiting.

“We met him and we were talking about good hunters we know,” Dean says under his breath.

“I'm sorry what?”

“When we met him we got into a conversation about hunters, and you happened to pop up because you are a hunter,” Dean repeats, I couldve swore the first time he said ‘good hunters’.

“So you think I’m good enough to tell other hunters about?” Man, this keeps getting better and better.

“I'll admit that when you took out that nest when we first met was pretty kickass.” Man, I guess Dean does have a heart after all.

They drop me off at the cabin and I wave as they drive away. Now I can look into the family tree like Mindy suggested. But where to start?

So that’s the end of Chapter three. There are some things I would want to change, but I decided to just edit it for mistakes and post it how it is and focus on writing newer chapters. If you read it, THANK YOU!! Please if you have any suggestions or questions let me know! I will probably post chapter four soon.

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 56 - 62

This has been a hard one. So you know how Ramadan is the month you fast and al and your supposed to strengthen your spirituality and all. Well Ramadan went well Alhamdulillah but it is more like all these things happened to me this one week more compared to during Ramadan. 

So I started walking on the treadmill. I planned on 2 hours a day but ended up doing one hour everyday. Well when i decided on 2hrs it was what i ‘preferred’. 1hr, duh, is the ‘minimum’ and more than 2 hours is highly appreciable but im still proud i could at least do the bare minimum this week yay! well proud is exaggeration tbh, im just not panicking and depressed  because I maintained the bare minimum but im not like ‘happy’ or impressed cause I dont see any progress. But then again, the way i define ‘progress’ is kind of too high standard as always so yeah I am kind of harsh on myself ‘as always’ again so maybe I am kinda doing okay i guess. well but bottom line, im not really ‘impressed’. 

Aha ok so theres that. then um oh! me catching cold after coming from Makkah, Well in the beginning i was sooooo tired for a day or two like i couldnt function at all. But then yeah all the classic symptoms started to arise. coughing, sneezing, throat irritation, blocked nose, runny nose, greenish sputum, difficulty breathing. Oh God, you name it! so I have been on medication for a week now and I have to continue for another 1 week. And its just not going away yet. like its there, constant! except for just last night when my throat wasnt itching much and luckily i could sleep like a babyyyyyyyyy for a change after a week. Oh so this whole week I used to go to bed around 12 to 1 or at 2 latest! Now whether I could fall asleep is a different story. Well most of the nights I did try to fall asleep like till fajr and i could like sleep for an hour or 2 max and then I would just wake up from coughing so much. and then Id just lie down till fajr and then get up and pray and then go to bed. 2 of the mornings I worked out after fajr and then took a shower and then slept around 7 in the morning. 

during the day, well i wake up always keeping in mind that I should not miss zuhr so lol that mean i kinda wake up usually around 2pm or even later sometimes. Since im talking about the entire week, this is like what i did majority of the days. Some days i woke up earlier though. but maybe thats like a day or 2 out of 7.  So its so hot during the day, like you dont even need to ‘move’ and youll already be sweating! I totally hate it and I have never been that tired of any weather ugh. Like I totally love winter now. not cause idk its fun or something but like i hate summer so muchhhhhhh that yeah i can basically go like i love winter 

Ok so the week kinda started with me being kind of tired mentally. parents were in the middle of a huge argument so yeah the whole atmosphere in the house was kinda blue and then I started eating so less and then starting with the treadmill and all and well it was just a bit tough to move from a phase to another. I wasnt having negative vibes and all but i just wished for more from life. I mean sometimes it is kind of too much to take. I get all the stuff about life not supposed to be perfect and how it is just temporary and how we should not get attached to worldly things. Yes all of that is cool and i get it but then when you are actually experiencing those ‘downs’ in life, youre obviously not going to be ‘okay’ with it and ofcourse youll wish things were better or youd just feel mentally drained out - despite knowing the entire “concept” of life - 

So yeah thats the phase I was in for a few days and then after a lot of thinking how I suddenly got out of the phase was when I was thinking about how every single person is subjected to life is a completely different way. Like you can never compare. You might think your life is horrible and so much shit has happened to you and everything and maybe someone else who never had to face anything similiar to the ‘shit’ you went through. Well maybe they had to experience something else. Something you are too blessed to even be aware of. What I am trying to say is how sometimes we wish for things is life and other people have it, that what you want. Or maybe they dont have what you want, but then in general it seems like there life seems ‘happier’ than yours. Well I dont really think it is true anymore. I kind of think everyone goes through almost an equal share of good and bad. and how do we define what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’? Well we just cant tbh. Because what might seem good to me and I would wish for could be something someone has and feels cursed with. I mean its all about perceptions. So someone maybe suffering in their own way but you are not just seeing it. Basically the point is, 

We should always be thankful, be patient and keep breathing. We should be aware of how our life is not going to be a compilation of scenes you get to watch in movies or be picture perfect. And we also need to protect ourselves from getting attached to anything or anyone so much! We need to be okay with letting go of things or people if we ever have to! And we also need to know that every single person out there ~ Everyone’s life is perfectly imperfect. Yes, of course I cant really disagree to how some people might seem to have better lives but then again, all the hardships you go through, you are being tested and you are being rewarded for them so at the end of the day it all balances off. 

So I was kind of really bored with life in general and also my days were boring too. Well theyre still pretty much boring but like i was also bored of life. Then I started thinking of certain people who are having more boring lives than mine, and who dont even have the blessings I am gifted with. And everything started to just get more acceptable. And then I started thinking of my brother. I mean its so cool he is going to move to Canada in like less than 2 months inshaAllah and all. I am really happy for him and wish nothing but the best of the best for him and all but but but.. I mean just think of it. At first I was thinking of my some of the people Ik who arent really in a pretty place maybe because of financial reasons. Then there were people that came to my mind who arent in a pretty place because of just family reasons. And then ones who are just simply having to work a bit harder and so theyre not at a pretty place. Some who are away from friends, family because of life. So yeah. then I started thinking of my brother. I mean he is going to move soon and he will be living in a dorm and I mean he will be in Canada in one of the top 5 universities in the country and he has a scholarship. MashAllah that all sounds so great. Something Id want too but but but. then i started thinking of life in general. I mean he will be living on his own. He doesnt have to cook though, he has subscribed to a meal plan so he doesnt have to worry about preparing his food. but like living alone in his dorm room. I mean coming home every day to his room. Well cool thing though he wont be sharing a room with anyone and he will have his own toilet and stuff but then again, i mean he will be alone. Im not saying that an alternate scenario could be one where hed come home to his family and woah everyone would be partying and laughing and smiling and all. I mean even when he is at home right now he is like always in front of his computer busy with his own stuff and all but like idk Id still prefer coming home and having some other humans who are family. Atleast once in a while you know. or maybe its just me. but then still, i mean uni and studies are stressful enough, id just want to see people i love around! And yeah that is one of the main reasons why I didnt finally decide to study abroad right after high school! 

So yeah then I started realizing that there are so many ways I already am blessed. Even on every one of my ‘boring’ days, there are blessings i am encountering which many people arent getting even on their normal days. Yeah that kind of cheered me up! 

So this week, more like this month or like the entire 2 months will be about my bro lol. I mean theres a lot of shopping to do. like clothes, toilet stuff, laundry stuff, bed, pillow, shoe, laptop, tootpaste, mug, spoon and what not. literally everything. I mean its actually fun. Like you go to a shop and literally anything you touch, is something in the shopping list for him!! i mean normally somethings are like just too basic, youd never in years touch them in a shop cause like you have it, its there!!! but for him, have to get everything since he will start from scratch! 

Ok so now about myself! Well like i said, the week started pretty rough because of the whole change in phase. parents fighting, me not eating much considering how food is one of the means by which i look for comfort, and then life just being boring in general and then how getting on the treadmill is such a pain in the ass in the first place and not to mention the extremely hot temperature these days and then you dont really see any difference. I mean duh. DUHHHHH howd i even be thinking to see any difference? I mean i KNOWWW its too soon for any difference but like all these staying patient emotionally, mentally about so many different aspects in life..It all can get pretty heavy sometimes!!!! Oh and then its like i really really really love myself. Like a LOT LOT. now like i said, once you already love someone, I mean, well, to fall in love ofcourse the person needs to have good qualities most of the time but then like once you already love someone, you love them despite their imperfections. Well, thats how you love ‘another person’. but when you love yourself. Forget qualities!!! you love yourself regardless lol! Where I am getting with this is!!! I mean right now, i really am not AT ALL happy with my body, like not. at . ALL. Infact I have never been this unhappy about my body ever in my life. And also I kind of feel really dumb. Like wow, Alhamdulillah whatever I did in my exams and all, i am thankful for that but like as a person in general. I really dont feel smart enough plus I literally dont remember anything i studied. like i actually wonder how tf did are they just not there in my head anymore. Like i definitely did study them or else i wouldnt pass my exams so now where the hellllll did all that go awaaayyyyy whatttttttttt

yeah so 4th year basically you need to know your shit. like you actually need to know what they taught you in the last 3 years. like youre actually be walking with doctors and interacting with them one on one. its not going to be like the last 3 years where like it doesnt really matter whether you are alive or dead, asleep or awake. like you just make sure you have your name signed. so theres the attendance part covered. and you make sure you finish every lecture and to do that you have time till before you enter the “exam code” on your laptop and start the exam!!!! You see, now! you actually need to know shit, you actually need to go see patients with the doctors and even without the doctors, you need to go to patients, and take history from them which TADAAA will be in arabic. oh wow!! So yeah if you dont know arabic you need a friend/ translator! yeah and then you need to tell your history to your doctor in english thank god lol :p but like yeah, and you ll be in small groups of 6 - 10 with a doctor and like he might bring up a disease he wants to discuss and SURE af it wont be something they found out about 2 minutes ago. ofcourse it will be something we are expected to have covered in the last 3 years or uni and you cant just go like. OH I never heard about it!!!! Idk what it is!!! Ok lol i guess im freaking out now. 

Anyways so what i was saying. yeah so not happy with my body, plus i think im really dumb and then its just TOO DAMN HOT i cant do anything, I CANT EVEN MOVE. so yeah its pretty disturbing! Also not to mention how not eating much is so hard Ughh! 

Ok so i have been typing for over an hour now. I kind of think I covered everything I wanted to blog about for the whole week but like Im not sure and I dont want to read all what i wrote right now cause its already so boring cause its like always in my head anywaysssss and yeah thats one nice thing about blogging. Ahh. like once i hit the ‘post’ button and then woah!!! all these thoughts just turn into feather in my head!!!!! hahaahh!! 

But i still do read what i write again everytime, prolly at the end of the day to make sure nothing is ‘misunderstood or sounds completely opposite of what I actually wanted to say and all. blablaaa. So yeah if somethings mssing, ill fill it up

okay enough blabbering. Tataa!!!!!! :) 

[mountain-soul]

Like so many of those questions..u should do them all if ur up to it

get toknow me 

i know i dont really talkto you guys but i want you to get to know me. so heres 100 questions you canask me, just send a number or make up your own questions.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

·       Just A Phase by Adam Craig

·       Round Here Buzz by Eric Church

·       Heartache on the Dance Floor by Jon Pardi

·       Déjà vu by Lauren Duski

·       Either Way by Chris Stapleton

·       It Just Wont Quit by Meat Loaf

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, whowould it be?

·       Emma Watson or Sophia Bush (I cant choose)

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page23, give me line 17.

4: What do you think about most?

·       Getting myself out of debt

5: What does your latest text message fromsomeone else say?

·       “Headphones!!”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

·       Giant T shirt

7: What’s your strangest talent?

·       I can pick up a lot of things with my feet

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finishthe sentence)

·       Girls kinda suck

·       Boys kinda suck

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

·       No

10: When is the last time you played the airguitar?

·       Lol I couldn’t even tell you

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

·       Airport security

·       Masked creatures like the Easter Bunny

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

·       no

13: What’s your religion?

·       protestant

14: If you are outside, what are you mostlikely doing?

·       Sitting on the patio drinking and hanging outwith friends

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera orin front of it?

·       behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favoriteband?

·       The Doors

17: What was the last lie you told?

·       “Im not mad at you”

18: Do you believe in karma?

·       I believe in justice

19: What does your URL mean?

·       That the mountains are where I belong

20: What is your greatest weakness; yourgreatest strength?

·       Weakness: I trust and forgive far too easilywhen I love someone

·       Strength: I love to prove people wrong

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

·       Julian Edeleman

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

·       Yes

23: How do you vent your anger?

·       I usually just lock myself in my room and stayaway from people for awhile. Or I’ll go see hot bartender and go line dancing at my favoritecountry bar

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

·       Pretty big vinyl record collection

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone orvideo chatting online?

·       Phone call

26: Are you happy with the person you’vebecome?

·       A lot happier recently

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

·       Hate: anything that sounds like nails on achalkboard

·       Love: thunderstorms

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

·       What if Im not good enough to be someonesfirst and only choice

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How aboutaliens?

·       Ghosts: yes

·       Aliens: unsure

30: Stick your right arm out; what do youtouch first? Do the same with your left arm.

·       Either side of my desk

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

·       Freshly printed paper

32: What’s the worst place you have ever beento?

·       Honestly, not a huge fan of NYC. Too muchgoing on there

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

·       East Coast for sure

34: Most attractive singer of your oppositegender?

·       Sam Hunt

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

·       To leave people better than you met them

36: Define Art.

·       Whatever makes you feel something, be itmovement, writing, picture, drawing

37: Do you believe in luck?

·       Not really

38: What’s the weather like right now?

·       Rainy, which is okay because im home from work

39: What time is it?

·       6:01 PM

40: Do you drive? If so, have you evercrashed?

·       Yes, and Ive been rear-ended

41: What was the last book you read?

·       TheGirl on the Train

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

·       Yes

43: Do you have any nicknames?

·       Nicki, Nic, Princess, Pumpkin

44: What was the last film you saw?

·       Shutter Island

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

·       Well I fractured my ankle when I was 10 and shouldvegotten a cast and didnt so still dealing with that 13 years later

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

·       yes

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

·       Cold brew coffee

·       The Bachelorette

·       Reading

·       Candles

·       Old time radio shows

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

·       Straight

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

·       Lol, lets count them all

50: Do you believe in magic?

·       Part of me does

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against peoplewho have done you wrong?

·       Lolololololol yeahhh

52: What is your astrological sign?

·       Taurus

53: Do you save money or spend it?

·       I try to save. But I do save to spend

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

·       A salad

55: Love or lust?

·       Depends on the person Im with

56: In a relationship?

·       Uhhh kind of

57: How many relationships have you had?

·       4

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

·       Nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

·       Work

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet ofyou?

·       My pig pillow pet

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

·       Always

62: What’s your favourite animal?

·       An otter

63: What is your secret weapon to get someoneto like you?

·       Playing hard to get

64: Where is your best friend?

·       Far away

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs onTumblr.

66: What is your heritage?

·       Portuegese, English, Swedish, French Canadian,and Mohawk Indian

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

·       Watching The Fosters even though I should havebeen asleep

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

·       Lololol I think he has too many

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

·       Damn straight

70: Are you the kind of friend you would wantto have as a friend?

·       I think so

71: You are walking down the street on yourway to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street.Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do youdo?

·       Save the dog dude!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she hasjust informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tellanyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remainingdays? c) Would you be afraid?

·       I would tell my parents, and S.O.

·       I would try and do everything I’ve ever wanted to do

·       Id be terrified

73: You can only have one of these things;trust or love.

·       love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happywhen you hear it?

·       That’s What I Like by Bruno Mars

75: What are the last four digits in your cellphone number?

·       6504

76: In your opinion, what makes a greatrelationship?

·       Respect, communication, trust, admiration

77: How can I win your heart?

·       Corgis

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

·       Or more insanity

79: What is the single best decision you havemade in your life so far?

·       To not get another restaurant job

80: What size shoes do you wear?

·       8

81: What would you want to be written on yourtombstone?

·       “Love her, but leave her wild.”

82: What is your favourite word?

·       Love

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mindwhen you hear the word; heart.

·       ache

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

·       Bless

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

·       Objects in the Rearview Mirror by Meat Loaf

86: Basic question; what’s your favouritecolour/colours?

·       Gray, very light purple

87: What is your current desktop picture?

·       A quote that says “Do what makes your soul happy”

88: If you could press a button and makeanyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

·       Lolololol too many

89: What would be a question you’d be afraidto tell the truth on?

·       Are you over him?

90: One night you wake up because you heard anoise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. Themummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed.What do you do?

·       Go back to sleep

91: You accidentally eat some radioactivevegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you withthe super-power of your choice! What is that power?

·       Invisibility

92: You can re-live any point of time in yourlife. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your pastwould you like to experience again?

·       The last half hour I spent with my Buppa

93: You can erase any horrible experience fromyour past. What will it be?

·       All the bullying I experienced

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with themusic-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

·       SAM HUNT

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere.You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

·       English countryside

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

·       Surprisingly no

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

·       Oh yeah

98: Ever been on a plane?

·       Yes

99: If the whole worldwere listening to you right now, what would you say?

·      To quote Cinderella “Have courage and be kind”