#im an illustration student for a REASON...

[kureijei]

Ib gif i had to make for class !! i put a genuinely absurd amount of hours into this for ONLY a walk cycle (i have animated like. close to never.) and its kind wonky but again... i put way too much time into this to keep it all to myself..

also not sure how well this will post as i have no idea how to optimize the gif to have it look good- but not be disgustingly large file.. but i tried T_T

[hardrockshrimp]

I feel insane whenever people I still follow from my old art school will post shit about how many problems it has, and then they're like >:( "change needs to happen now!!!!" And they're still. Going to that school. Like y'all know the best thing you can do is to drop out/transfer right... and not promote the school and try to get others to go. Maybe I'm stupid but like 🧍‍♂️ this institution only has power over you because it's making money off of your dream of being in the arts when almost no art(s) job is worth a damn if they care more about your degree than your actual skillset... anyways that's me being serious for 5 seconds, back to being silly.

[chamoemileclown]

How do you art, and where do you art?

hi my name is moe! i've doing digital 2d art since about 2017 and here's a big post about the how and where of it!

the program i use for my 2d art is firealpaca! the version i use is free to download with the exception of a popup ad that shows up when you start up the program! it's a great, very consistent, program that has updated a lot and improved since i started and i don't think i can vouch for it more. everything i include in this post applies to firealpaca specifically though you can probably do similar things in other programs im a college student on a budget and im very comfortable working with this program.

the three main brushes i use i got off firealpaca's brush marketplace! they're all free crayon brushes the first one hard one being the one i use for lineart, the second sort brush i use for sketching, and the third hard one i use for coloring. i think this might be the reason why i get some stuff about people associating my art with childhood/ children's illustrations, im a big fan of using texture where i can and these help to add a lot of visual interest.

seawatt jumpscare

you may see that my finish pieces don't have a lot of flat colors if you zoom all the way in. that's because i use a lot of noise to make the colors look less flat. it sort of reminds me of construction paper, gives a little bit of a fuzziness to it.

i have it set to color at usually around 50. i turn it down sometimes if im working on something smaller. my canvas sizes usually are about 1500 x 1500 just to keep a more consistent square shape across most of my drawings.

another thing i do to make my art pop is i duplicate my lineart layer, use protect alpha to color the duplicated layer another color that's usually brigther than the original layer, put some gaussian blur on it and add multiply or add to the blending on that layer.

with versus without the added layer! i have this set to add on 31% opacity and ill add more or less if i want the effect to be more or less subtle. it's not very noticable but i think it helps a lot with line clarity and can make something almost glow if you wanted that effect.

here's another example with a multiply layer (i turned up the opacity to give a better example) subtle and it fights a lot with tumblr image degradation but it makes me happy.

i also make a lot of use of halftoning as you can see in the examples above. I usually only use it to make shadows darker and highlights stand out but they're also really good at filling up dead space like backgrounds to make them more visually appealing

with versus without halftoning! in firealpace you achieve this by using a 8-bit layer (one highlighted) once you add the layer hit the gear icon by the layer and use that to modify the halftoning to your choosing

i usually have mine with a density of 40 but you can tweak it to your choosing. you can also change the blending type on these types of layers i usually just use multiply/ add and occasionally overlay. mess around with the opacity! make it more or less subtle! have fun!

halftoning is tricky to use in firealpaca however due to the way it works. usually i apply it with my soft crayon brush since it hangs around 35% opacity. you can get a more dense halftoning using more or less opacity on your brush and can go back and forth over the halftoning to layer more on. you can also layer two different layers of halftoning to create interesting effects

two different halftoning layers laid on top of each other ^

more opacity + two different halftoning layers laid on top of each other ^

when you go to combine all your layers however because 8bit layers when combined with regular layers lose their halftoning properties. my way around this when combining everything is going layer > merge all when going to finish up and convert everything to png.

that, for the most part is all the technical stuff. i wish i could tell you how i knew what colors to pick but for me i usually pick some variation of green and just go with it. i usually pick the lineart color with my background colors in my mind and go from there until i get bored. complimentary colors such as blue/ orange and red/ green are usually good picks.

did you notice the background/ lineart is green in this picture? that's because the red cancels it out. i sneak it in there sometimes C:

that's pretty much the how of it all, as for the where, usually my bed

that's all

[thatswhywelovegermany]

der Elefant im Raum

literally: the elephant in the room

A potentially disruptive problem that all parties are aware of, but that is not addressed due to several reasons, such as the fear of personal disadvantages and repression, the fear of hurting someone – possibly those present –, ​​breaking a taboo or generally disregarding unwritten rules.

Origin: The saying is a metaphor originally from Russia, but is now particularly widespread in the English-speaking world and has also gained popularity in German since the turn of the millennium. The expression has been used in English since 1959. It goes back to Dostoyevsky's Demons (1873), which refers to a short story by Ivan Krylov ("The Curious One", 1814), a description of a museum visitor who is so focused on small exhibits that he misses the taxidermied elephant. The passage in Dostoyevsky reads: "Just like the Curious One in Kryloff's fable, Belinsky did not even notice the elephant in the museum, since he was devoting all his attention to the French socialist beetles."

The phrase "elephant in the living room" is documented in the New York Times on June 20, 1959. The shorter "elephant in the room" became common in the 1960s. Early use of this expression, however, referred only to facts that were impossible to miss, without the implication of concealment due to social convention. The earliest use explicitly with today's meaning dates from the 1980s.

The Anglicism “elephant in the room” became comprehensible in German around this time, but has gained traction from 2008 on, initially in translations from American English and has now become a common phrase.

The elephant as a metaphor or trivial example of a fact that cannot possibly be overlooked or disputed has a more complex history. For example, the 1915 British Journal of Education cites "Is there an elephant in the class-room?" as an example of a question that every student can be sure to answer correctly. The philosopher Alfred North Whitehead used the example to illustrate the validity or objectivity of immediate sensory impressions. Related to Whitehead's example is the question "is there a rhinoceros in the room?" which Bertrand Russell and Ludwig Wittgenstein used to discuss the problem of philosophical realism (around 1912). Russell raised the question of the rhinoceros against Wittgenstein's position that denied the existence of any facts that went beyond mere asserted propositions.

[bapouro]

If you have the time and if it’d be fun at all, can you talk about how going to school for art is/was? Like what was bad about it but what did it make you realize about why you create? What was originally incomprehensible that became digestible after being surrounded by it? I’m just curious because I really only got into art after college age.

Hi

ive finally handed in my final project ever last friday and after somewhat recovering i can now answer u. (ill put an aside here that before i started uni, i saw a lot of the online umming and awing about art school and it being a scam etc that made me nervous going into it. i dont really think it has been for me but keep in mind im doing this in the uk. i think if i was in the usa or somewhere where it was that expensive i think youd get just about as many benefits going to somewhere like a community college instead. its worth a bit of money but not a lot of money.)

i realised while turning over your questions in my head last week how much doing my degree (illustration undergrad) during covid lockdown, illustrated (haha) the point art school had for me. and the point being that after trying to stick it out for the first few terms during lockdown, i deferred, i didnt really see the point i had already spent my entire life making art in my bedroom online for free, without somebody telling me what to do. practically what that degree offered me was physical facilities and resources, but really what i wanted it for was that vague miasma of drive and something bigger than myself to physically 'prove' myself to. i was and still am very interested in that gap between the online environment i learnt art within that felt a world away from my 'real life', and coming to meet with that 'real life' was kind of my goal. i needed both to meet on a very basic level for my quality of life. and id say i succeeded. twice now somebody i was originally mutuals with online turned out to be in my class. i live with one of them now. and i feel some pride now looking back on how much i felt like i had to separate my 'school' art and my 'personal' art during secondary school and now theyre practically one and the same. in fact one piece of advice ive kept with me from the uni tutors here is they consistently wish the students wouldnt 'hold back' so much on the kind of work they make: one of my friends, the one i now live with, was doing a tasteful furry pinup statue for a project and one of the tutors essentially asked them why the statue was being so sexually subtle with it, for example.

so what was bad about it! man... thinking about it the same reason i gave for why i came back after lockdown could also point out how flippant the reasoning was. its still a lot of time and effort let alone money to be putting into something that you dont Need an institution for. and art and academia, as much as you might try, arent going to be as neatly married as maybe STEM and academia. not that there isnt a place for it. we need it in there. but basically your work still has to get 'graded' on things so they can prove themselves as an institution so they can still get money to run. i ''apreciated'' the deadline part, for what it was, because i was(/am) a serial put-er off-er and i knew i needed something big to try and train me out of it. but the actual mark scheme and trying to work off of it is never not going to be nebulous. what the hell does it mean to 'demonstrate my awareness of the changing landscape of contemporary illustration' graded between 0 - 100 via a 3d animation. ive done pretty well. sometimes id get top marks. a couple times i wouldnt even pass and id have to do it again. the only pattern i could really see between what got those marks for me and what didnt was effort? so take with that what you will.

yea that being said, what it helped me realise why i create... i am thankful my particular course at my particular uni is so into their experimentation / medium diversity. because it proved to me again that experimenting is something i love to do. i could keep doing it forever maybe. but that also made me realise after trying to do that project after project that its only one part of the enjoyment. i couldnt sink my teeth in as much as i wanted. part of why im glad to leave is im glad to try and focus on just a few things now. take a project at my pace... reeeally get way too into it. hopefully.

what was originally incomprehensible that became digestible after being surrounded by it? mm.. i think getting to see a lot of the behind the scenes and the people actually doing illustration as a job kind of softened my glare on some art styles / ways of working i dislike. not that i Like them now but that kind of flat illustrator thing.. for some people it really is more of a job than anything else. i think thats fine. theres all kinds of other art to enjoy outside of their 9-5. i just hope they like it too. but of course it does set a precedent for what clients expect/what you feel like you should be making..? oh also i did actually end up really enjoying the couple of art essays we needed to write. reading cultural/art/etc pdf essays was something i already liked to do like reading baudrillard and ellen dissanayake and things but it was great to actually get to apply it in writing. and i think it certainly became more digestible to realise that these kinds of writers and this kind of writing wasnt some hard to penerate academia i couldnt be a part of really but turned out to be writing about things that already applied to life, whether i went to uni or not. really the whole experience... for me i felt like it was just something i needed to do. if anything just to get away from my family and make my own life. im glad i did it. but really art is art no matter where you find it. uni gave me a push to go further, i could sit around and say i couldve done it without uni but i think we overestimate ourselves. i think i couldve but i bet it wouldve taken longer and i may have experimented less, challenged myself less. who knows. just dont ever let something like that put you off art, it will always find you again eventually. im glad you got into it too.

[skullhaver]

Im late for the Major Arcana asks, and I want to ask one too many. I'll keep it simple: The Magician for Edric and Aristide, The Empress for Edric and Athren, The Lovers for Ari and Athren. Death in Reverse for whomever!

The Magician: How does your character unleash their creativity or resourcefulness?

Edric - As a magic teacher! I headcanon that after the events of DAO-A, he goes to Antiva City with Zevran. While Zev is embroiled in his efforts to dismantle the Crows, Edric gets curious about new ways to teach young mages how to safely control and explore their powers. He ends up leading an underground mage school, starting with Crow recruit kiddos freed by Zevran. Edric is a patient and warm-hearted teacher who really loves finding new ways to connect with students.

Aristide - Ari has artistic inclinations as both a visual artist/illustrator (they've had to get very good at conveying people's faces for their illusion powers) as well as being a good dancer. In a kinder world, Ari's artistic side is one of their core traits. In a real world/modern AU, I've been toying with the idea of making them a professional dancer--an ensemble performer for touring/off-Broadway type musical productions.

The Empress: Who has been a positive female figure in your character’s life?

Edric - Leliana. During the events of DAO, Leliana was a major emotional sounding board for him. Exhausted by dealing with blunt people like Morrigan, Sten and Oghren; frequently frustrated by Alistair's immature behavior and unexamined self-deprecation; dealing with complex Wynne feelings as his former teacher; and frankly unable to have an emotionally vulnerable conversation with Zevran until Denerim; for all her eccentricities, Leliana helped Edric keep his sanity.

Athren - His mom Intrae has been a mentor and guide for all of his life. His childhood friend and later lover Jinarra frequently challenged him and inspired him. Even the ruthless Waterdeep-Zhentarim Master of Trade and Coin Istrid, he regards as a kind of mentor and possibility model. But tbh for this I really want to say his fellow PC Thia MacDonald 🥺Athren's identity was so tightly wound around being a younger sibling, but his friendship with this weird teen warlock has allowed him to explore new sides of himself: a confident, knowledgeable mentor to someone else, and feeling protective and nurturing.

The Lovers: Which of your character’s relationships has been the most positive? (Romantic or otherwise)

Aristide - the easy answer of course would be their lover, partner, and Crow compañera Renata. She's single-handedly changed the trajectory of their life by helping them doubt some of the brainwashing and abusive ways that their Crow mage teacher has spent the last decade instructing them. With Renata, they have the opportunity to be both vulnerable and strong in ways they have never before experienced, getting to set aside some of the masks they always wear and live more authentically.

Athren - gotta say his fellow PCs, who I tend to refer to as the Trollskull Tavern Crew! For similar reasons to what I said about Thia. The dynamic with them is totally different than anything he's experienced before, and he kind of loves who he gets to be around them/on their behalf: someone confident, ambitious, daring, powerful in a fight, charming, with a wry sense of humor. In some sense, it's who he's always been, but he's really never gotten to manifest that before spending time with them.

Death in Reverse: When has your character tried to fight change?

Looking at my suite of OCs, most of them do not have arcs around trying to fight change. If anything, they tend to instigate change and push for more of it than what they usually get. But they're protagonists, so of course they are subjected to some Inciting Incidents that involve trauma and unwanted change.

Edric didn't want to be a Grey Warden; he ratted out Jowan, why is he getting punished??

Ari was taken in by the Crows as a child following a magical accident where they killed people.

Athren would have preferred to stay in Menzoberranzan rather than flee to the surface followed the failed coup, but he felt his family had no other option.

[saturndigital]

how would you rate your overall experience at RMCAD? im unsure if i wanna go to art school but if i DO end up choosing to, RMCAD is pretty high up on my list!!

Anon, I'm going to give a good, honest review about this college. The only reason I'm graduating from it is that it was the most affordable option for me, and by the time I realized this college really wasn't what it advertises itself to be, I was already two years in and said "screw it let's keep pushing".

Do not get me wrong, the on-campus professors at this college are incredible. I am an illustration major so I cannot speak on every single professor, but the illustration department across the board has been so wonderful. Only one illustration professor was iffy when it came to their course formatting, but that was one from the 4 years I've been here. Another good thing about the college is the campus, I haven't had issues with the campus and the resources on campus are great! My peers have been wonderful and have made it even more worth being here for 4 years. Techbar and the Fablab staff are great and they've helped with anything I need to get made or fixed.

For the bad: The organization from the financial team and scheduling is abysmal. I will not go into all the details, but if you want a god-awful crunch due to 8-week classes, no summer break, constant advisor changes that make it awful to communicate what your schedule needs, and student finances fumbling around even just a few times (sometimes a lot)? Then apply! It is an exhausting school not even because of the workload. Online courses sometimes are also just nothing-burger classes with professors that have bad communication.

No college is perfect, applying to any art college you will have your flaws and benefits. I know other classmates have had it worse while on the other end, I've had classmates move through the college fine! More the former than the latter, unfortunately.

I cannot speak for other colleges. I do not know if others are worse and maybe my college is a godsend in comparison to others, but this is my honest experience. Don't let my harsh criticism of my college drive you away from art school if you want that degree go get it hell yeah!!

I hope your college search goes well anon! I'm rooting for you!! If you want to talk more about either my college or just college search you're free to dm me o7

[omi-papus]

My teachers have all pushed drawing more on us this semester as the last few have been taking up by mostly autocad and Illustrator and most us us have gotten used to sumply using pictures in our projects. But now I have to do multiple drawings per assignment and I have set myself a goal of improving my drawing skills.

Because you see. Im good at making pieces of art, Im not so great at actually drawing. Line confidense, speed, motivation. I get so lost in the anxiety of how to make a drawing good that most of the time I end up making nothing at all. So through my projects I am going to begin to work on better line confidence, getting faster, and getting back into the flow of drawing often. Im going to stop worrying about perfect lines and tiny little details and working on building the skill to block out big ideas quickly.

Here are some that Ive made recently in less than an hour that I feel very proud of. In chronological order

You can tell how Im getting more and more confident in just a week. Ive started to let go of this idea that I need to prove myself with every drawing. Back in school drawing was the only real thing I was good at. I did terribly in school. And the only reason I wasnt compleatly forgotten about was because I was the art kid. I was better at drawing than averyone else. I only really continued drawing because I would get praised for it.

But Im not in school anymore. Im not the class failure anymore, I do well in my classes and Im treated like Im the same as everyone else.

And Im not the art kid anymore. Every student in this program HAS to be able to draw to some digree and I see a few that I consider better than me. That fear, that I was no longer the one that was good at drawing paralyzed me. I would rather not draw than look even average compared to my peers.

But this time Ive realized that it dosent have to be like that. I dont have to prove Im the best with every drawing. If one croquis turns out a little shitty it dosent mean I failed. As long as its comprehensive and as long as I made it on time, it did what it was suposed to do. Hell Ive resorted to drawing people like this for eficiency.

Dont worry. Robin isnt going to be looking like that in my next piece, but I want to share some of my jurney here, of how I am working on improving my skills. And honestly recomend anyone who suffers from perfectionism paralysis to pick of a habit of making croquis or fast functional drawings to practice.

[nerves-nebula]

kinda crazy that my dad is like really invested and aggressive about me getting an MFA cuz i already want to get an MFA???????? and possibly become a professor???? just maybe not immediately out of college?? cuz like. my graphic design professors told me that no good graduate programs will take people who haven't worked in the field so u gotta like. do ur practice for a bit first.

tho i've heard from other graduate students that this isn't the case for other majors. so i could probably go straight into graduate school for something other than graphic design, like illustration or something. which might be cool. and might be EVIL. i mean there's a reason i chose graphic design to study i kinda hate doing most other kinds of art for ppl. anyywayy. chop chop im almost done with this workkk

[vicciouxs]

10 FACTS ABOUT YOU tag game !! tagged by @moonwoodhollow and @skaterboisims thank u sm 😭💐

⠀01 ★ I love writing. When I was little I wrote and illustrated my own stories, but as time went by I focused more on writing and I have even won awards for short stories. ⠀02 ★ Another of my hobbies is cooking. Above all I love baking, I could even say that it is my "love language", if I love you I will surely make you your favorite cake for your birthday or any dessert that you crave at that moment. In general I love cooking for the people I love. ⠀03 ★ Since I was little I have done sports like basketball, ballet, flamenco, swimming, running and I currently go to the gym. But my metabolism is low af, so I guess I'll be a strong chubby girl for the rest of my life. ⠀04 ★ I'm from a town in the south of Spain, so I have grown up surrounded by mountains, horses, goats, deers and wild boars (and temperatures above 45 degrees in summer 💀) ⠀05 ★ Cinema, literature and art are my favorite topics of conversation. I can talk for hours about my favorite artists and writers down to the smallest details. My favorite movie is "Dead Poets Society", book is "The Little Prince" and "The Fall" by Camus and painting is "The Frogpond" by Monet and "Monk by the sea" by Friedrich. ⠀06 ★ My mother has always liked video games and so have I. her favorite game is "Resident Evil: Code: Veronica" and that's why my name is Verónica. My favorite game is "Silent Hill 2" ⠀07 ★ I am a philosophy student. From a very young age I was always interested, so I never saw a problem in making it my dream. However, people tell me that I won't amount to anything, but I just want to be a philosophy professor and write a book. ⠀08 ★ Related to the above, philosophy has helped me see things in different ways, so I am a very calm person and I would say that few things can disturb me. ⠀09 ★ Im a listener. Sometimes people complain that they talk too much, but I don't care, I even prefer it!! I just have a hard time starting conversations (even with some of my best friends) Just listening is enough for me. ⠀10 ★ This last one is a funny one, because as a child, dogs used to follow me and stay near me. Since I didn't understand the reason, dogs always scared me, but then my little old boy come to my life and I'm no longer afraid of it.

tagging: anyone who feels comfortable doing it <3 (since is not related with ocs or something I dont want to tag anyone 😭💐)

[saw-facts]

your post inspired me so here's who I think certain saw characters favorite artists would be with no explanation at all:

hoffman: george bellows

amanda: paul cezanne

john: osman hamdi bey

lawrence: allan kaprow

adam: marta minujin

lynn: doris salcedo

strahm: caravaggio

oh i like this!! i want to add some:

the eerie quality of henri de toulouse-lautrec's work (at least imo) feels like it'd be appealing to hoffman. along the same vein, i'd say edvard munch too. ALSO FRANCISCO GOYA. im surprised he wasn’t also painting fucked up shit on his own walls.

amanda would love louise bourgeois, ana mendieta, joan mitchell, and eva hesse. i feel like she'd also be really into fiber arts in general (tamara kostianovsky, kiki smith, raija jokinen). also we know she likes some renaissance/stylistically classical art bc she has the birth of venus print next to her bed in saw 3! i think this is more for gay reasons but i bet she'd like john william waterhouse’s mythological paintings.

i love this one for john! the obvious one for him would be da vinci as well- john's drawings actually remind me a lot of his. i think he wouldn't be into abstraction because “it lacks intellect” or some shit. probably dark, dramatic, pensive baroque art.

i feel like lawrence would be into impressionism but NOT post impressionism!!! he'd be so annoying about it. monet, degas, cassat, etc. i also think he'd enjoy botanical illustrations. probably a fan of edward hopper too.

adam would like jc leyendecker. just based on vibes. others i think he'd enjoy include john singer sargent, norman lewis, lee krasner, yoshitaka amano, salman toor, yayoi kusama... these are all over the place uhhhh i just think he'd enjoy a wide range of styles. now ofc he has favorite photographers, but that is not at all my area of study and the only one i could think of off the top of my head that would fit him is robert mapplethorpe.

for lynn, andrew wyeth makes sense to me- the lonely, empty, desolate feeling his paintings give you would probably speak to her :( agnes martin (ESPECIALLY agnes martin) and louise nevelson would probably appeal to her too.

strahm liking caravaggio is basically canon to me. like of fucking course. for one, he'd just loooove telling people that the Old Master painters are the finest of fine artists just bc he's a dick (and doesn't know shit about art made after like the 18th century). but also caravaggio was gay and killed someone and was murdered so. it fits. he'd probably scoff at rene magritte paintings but deep down he'd really enjoy them.

im obsessed with this ask and i've been drafting this response for a hot minute bc i wanted to put some real thought into it. VERY fun and a great way to procrastinate on work as an art history grad student

[skunkes]

I think recently im experiencing some frustrations with neopets that I also do with screenprinting/printmaking and stickers.

I love printmaking but I'm not very creative. I had access to printmaking tools for the majority of my college life and I was the only invested student that didn't use em. Because I dont have Ideas. Im not actually (a) creative. I love stickers and decorating my journal with em, and wish I could make sticker sheets people could use too!!! But I can't. No ideas.

You'll notice in general I don't draw very many sorts of things + if I woke up tomorrow magically mastering art I'd still just draw figures standing there lol... I just cant think Creatively i guess. I'm never gonna be artist who makes gorgeous illustrations or meaningful comics or has a voice or story to tell. Im just Here taking up space for some reason.

+ it frustrates me because I Love these things so much, I want to be a bigger part of them than just an enjoyer...i wanna wrap myself in em fully! I want to participate so badly!

Its the same with neopets rn, I wish there had been more paintbrushes made because I love alt colors for things. I could just make a fan one, right, but I'm stupid. I wanna make neopets ocs or alt brush colors but I suck at character design!! Nothing comes to me. (+ Then whats the point of an oc if theyre just meant to be drawn standing there doing nothing etc etc)

I'm left sitting here really tense and feeling like I need to be squeezed (idk how else to word it) because I can't love something, in my own way, to the extent I would like to. The same tension a toddler feels, wah. A very strong, relentless, But I Want It I Want It I Want It I Want It.

[another-dra-anew]

Hi there! I was actually pretty confused about the floorplan of dra beta, and a quick reference would be very much appreciated! No presh tho lol

aaaaaa!!!!!! (/pos!) heard loud and clear, i’ll get started on that! the only area of the school which i’ve drawn a layout of before is the dorm area, so i went ahead and made a digitalized version of the dorm area, which is under the cut with some notes on the layout! i’ll make floor plans for the other areas, im not even going to try and guesstimate a timeline because. my timelines never pan out, but! tysm for letting me know you’d like a reference, i’ll for sure get that done for the other floors/areas!

in geeeneral, the layout is going to be similar to canon thh, for two reasons. one, that’s effectively canonical hopes peak, so for a hopes peak set killing game, it makes sense! secondly, when beta was first created, dra was near inaccessible, sooo while i draw from dra’s layout more now that there’s gameplay videos which let me see how the schools organized, there was initially NONE of that

there’s definitely some deviations and things to be on the lookout for, and there’s some changes that have been made since posts were first written which i’ve been wanting to go back and update (there’s been changes to how e handbooks function, as well as some things to note about dorm rooms), so! while you can generally use thh as a reference, there’s changes which a floor plan will definitely help illustrate, so i’ll be sure to get on that ☆〜（ゝ。∂）!!!

tldr- you can kinda use thh’s layout, but for assorted reasons, that’s not really accurate, just a little thing to use as reference while i finalize the floor plans!

under the cut, the dorm floor plan + some notes! no spoilers (at least, not past like.. ch1 daily life/the first investigation of the school) just under the cut for length

so, a quick key!

the dorms are color coded because on the original/traditional drawing of the layout, the kids were divided into a-block (green), b-block (red), and c-block (blue). keeping them color coded just helped make things more distinct, andddd i like color <3. yellow spaces are sections which are walled off- the space is unused, there’s no room there, just wall. kobashikawas dorm is at the end of his hallway, and next to him is just. wall. finally, the purple-gray color is the floors of the dorm area, and the white is further parts of the school, leading towards the dining hall and other areas, just… not drawn in

this area is heavily based off thh (which! means it’s also the same as dra, as both games have the same set up), so you can use that to place this area relative to the dining hall, the laundry room, etc. really, this layout isn’t all too special, im mostly showing this to show the dorm placements!

though, i do want to quickly note some details/changes which i need to go back and add into early ch1 posts, when maeda is chatting with tsuzuna about the dorms.

-the dorms are not sound proof. tomori was able to hear tsurugi panic as maeda passed out, and when they tried speaking with each other, it was difficult, but they could communicate while one was in the dorms, and the other in the hallway. they have to be loud- they can’t hear each other when casually talking, but if either of them yelled, the other could hear -they both note that oh, this is where their luggage wound up- their rooms appear to be furnished with the things they were planning to decorate with, and clothes they brought with them have been placed in their closets/etc. -maedas room is very plain, and while most students got one set of school spirit items, maeda has received multiple shirts/sweatpants/other such hpa merch clothing.

map note: unlike canon, maedas handbook does not come with a map of the school. he has a directory which gets updated when he finishes investigating a new floor (which i’ll add to his handbook over on @another-dr-another) but that simply lists the rooms each floor has! more on the functions of this later, but this is relevant because! the floor plans i create are effectively maedas reconstruction of what he sees.

so, in this case, maeda can see the placement/order of everyone’s rooms, however, he has no guarantee that they’re all the same size and shape, he just assumes that’s the case because that’s the standard layout. in future areas, the floor plan mayyy not be a 1:1 recreation of things, simply because maeda isn’t confident of how they’re laid out- he may place the kitchen as being 1/3 the size of the dining hall, when it’s really 1/2 the size, etc etc.

[xamvjay]

|Video call sesh - Armin x afab!reader|

**WARNINGS: contains smut, explicit language, and sexual themes. MINORS DNI although I know yall horny out there reading it**

The picture above is NOT MINE and goes to the rightful credited owner.

All characters mentioned below are NOT MINE and belong to the Original Creator/Author/Illustrator.

This piece is a work of fiction and is pure imagination and is not real and does not involve in the original story/timeline.

Genre: smut, romance,

cw: afab!reader, college au, thiskindasucks, sorry about the long ass zero activity, phone sex, dom!afabreader, sub!arminarlet, not proofread, no you didn't see me change pics

A/N: YALL this too waayy too long (procrastinated like crazy) but damn yall really like armin- but i mean he deserves it. im glad this got a lot of attention although this isnt my best/fav work. anyways enjoy~

wc: 4.2k sheesh---------------------------------------------------------

I just couldn't sleep. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but every once of exhaustion just happen to leave me the moment my back hit the mattress. Staring at the ceiling for as long as I could remember, weird patterns and swirls started to form in this pitch blackness of a room. I kicked of the blanket in frustration and kept tossing to both sides hoping the coolness of the pillow could lull me to sleep. Not working. Turning to switch on the small beige lamp that sat at the center of my nightstand, I grabbed the phone that was charging.

“Hm, who should I bother at this time?” I questioned myself as I swiped up to see the enlarged numbers displayed in front of me to show how late it was already. It was half-past two in the morning and still, no signs of sleep were showing. Hovering on the white outlined app that resembled a polaroid camera, I decided to click on it knowing it was a bad idea. ‘Great, now I totally won’t sleep today.’ I thought to myself mindlessly as I went away, doing the usual – infinite scrolling and hitting rock bottom. Sudden thought arose in my smart head as I went to check the people who were online. And lo and behold it was Armin.

He was that one geeky nerdy student that you barely ever saw him socialize with and was always alone with a book in his hands, reading away. After several group projects and being enamoured by his adorable self I decided to exchange ids. funnily he didn’t have an account and after countless bothering he finally gave in and reassured that he would be making an account and have his id. Grinning at the idea I clicked on his profile once again and saw that he had ten followers. Going through the list I noticed the majority were people not from our college and seemed like it was either his family or random strangers. One particularly caught my eye, it was a girl who sported a similar innocent, rather simple appearance and enjoyed rather few hobbies, similar to Armin.

My eyes glided over the bio-status she had written on her page, and it said ‘Armin Arlet’ coupled with emojis. But the emojis had a rose and a teddy bear. Interesting. Who was she exactly? Scrolling down to see her images that had a couple of selfies wearing different outfits and each had glasses on her face. Some were with friends, family, pets, adventures, and Armin. Armin? ‘Woah okay so they must be childhood friends or something’ I wondered. “Or girlfriend,” I spoke out into the dark as I stared at the ceiling once again. For some reason, that thought bothered me.

Armin being in a relationship? I didn’t enjoy that idea. A flicker of jealousy was igniting inside me. Him having a partner while I didn’t annoy me for sure. Staring at the photo where they both sat together with an ocean behind them and a pretty sunset. I started to notice how cute the girl was. She was wearing a white wool cardigan with a pink frock and a white tie on the waist. Her hair was done in pretty, tight curls, and she had this cool brown complexion as her bright brown orbs were staring at him. Her glasses were slightly down the nose bridge and her smile was so bright like her eyes.

My eyes then went to look at him and he had a very neutral to a more relaxed expression. He wore also dark-framed square glasses. His blonde hair was neat yet messy possibly from the wind. A navy-blue v-neck sweater was worn, and a white-collar shirt was exposed. His eyes. A beautiful shade of baby blue that was staring straight at the camera. It didn’t hold any specific emotion, but it felt like it twinkled at the sunset scenery. He looked so beautiful. Clicking out of the selfie, I scrolled up fast to the start of her page and read her username. @Claireuwu. So, it’s Claire huh. A cute name for a cute girl I must admit.

Sighing I went to check my unread DMs sent by my boisterous yet fun buddies of mine a thought popped to my head. Tapping on his profile as I thought of a response to message him with. I wondered what he was doing this late in the morning. Maybe we could hold an intellectual conversation like we did last time when we were making our way to the next workshop.  

Me: Yo, you busy?

Hello, no I’m not busy. :ArminArlet

‘Pretty formal, even during texting.’ I chuckled at his cute trait.

Me: well okay can I call you?

At this time? It’s too late, I cannot talk right now. Sorry. : ArminArlet

Me: Hm, funny coming that from you.        Whatre you doin up this late?        Thought you got sum curfew to follow lol

A couple of seconds passed as I waited for his response.

 Hey! I like to have an organized schedule. And me being up this late should not concern you. I will leave now. Have a good night: ArminArlet

My eyes shot up as I saw him go offline immediately. What the hell? Not even waiting for a reply back from me? Nope. I HAVE TO think about something. ‘Think! Think!’ I chanted in my head like a mantra.

Me: Heyy waittt dont go away        Yk I saw this news that this person uhh think his name was Sir Syukuro? Ik you adore him        Dont rlly remember his last name but he finally got a nobel prize alongside with sum1 else over uhh       OH physical modelling of Earth’s climate. Sir Klaus and Sir Parisi is involved

I nibbled on my bottom lip hoping that he would come back online and read my messages. A few minutes passed and so did my patience. I was seconds from calling him directly until I saw him typing. Yes! Oh, the relief of not appearing as an irritating person who disturbs someone with uncalled actions.

Really? I must look that up right away. Thank you for letting me that know. Although how did you know that Sir Syukuro Manabe was one of my favoruite physicst? : ArminArlet

Me: Hahaha glad I have your attention.        Uhm about that yk theres sumthin called paying attention?       Yea thas what I did wit you armin

Ah, I see. Thank you for listening to my rambles. I suppose. And what exactly is ‘yk’. I’m sorry I’m not familiar with these… slang or whatnot. : ArminArlet

Me: I could explain this and a lot more if we could just talk yk?

Fine. Since you are persistent with it, I will allow a maximum of 5 minutes. I cannot raise suspicion in my family.: ArminArlet

Did he say, family? Does he live with his family? That’s kind of fun not going to lie. I live in my own single-bedroom apartment – catering to college students that were closer to the campus. I guess he lives kind of far so he’s always seen rather extremely early on the campus.

Me: Yes sire. I shall call you now.

Wait! Not yet, I need to do…somethings then it’ll be safe for me to talk. I will give you, my signal.: ArminArlet

Something? Hmm. What could that be? I remember all these efforts that I had to put up through when texting my exes at late night during my high school stages. What a hassle. Glad I got a taste of my freedom and peace from that toxic household.

Me: alright whenever youre ready

Moments passed and then I got the green signal. ‘Perfect.’ I thought. the sense of winning washing over me. I never tried this hard for anyone just to come to my terms but having that done for Armin was an interesting one. A few rings went by and at the fifth one, he finally picked up.

ArminArlet joined the call.

Me: Hey, there buddy, you okay?

Armin: Uhm…yes. Yes, I am. Please make it fast.

Me: Okay damn. Uh, yea before that did you have your dinner?

A couple of silence and shuffling passed.

Armin: Uhm, yes, I did have my dinner. And what about you?

Me: If you considering snacking dinner then yea I did.

Armin: Snacking? Did you skip dinner? That’s not a proper nutritious dinner. Please try to have a better breakfast before today’s class.

Me: Do I hear worry? *laughs* don’t you worry about me hun, I’m alright, and yes, I will take breakfast for today’s class.

Armin: I-I… wasn’t being concerned! I was just acting like any normal person would do.

Me: Sure, whatever you say. That’s what my ex used to say. *snorting a bit*

Another wave of quietness wafted through the speakers until he spoke up with curiosity.

Armin: …What happened with them? Y-y-you don’t uhm have to answer this if it...makes you uncomfortable!

He spoke out with such care, caution and interest.

Me: Ah, don’t worry it’s quite fine. That son of a bitch slept with a girl I used to have beef with. And had the nerve to dump me. A 2-year long relationship went down the drain. And to be honest he was kind of a walking red flag that I decided to ignore. 

Armin: …I’m really sorry about what happened. I don’t understand why he would do that with someone who’s really smart and gorgeous. Wai-

Me: Gorgeous? *laughing* Did you just admit that I’m gorgeous? Thought I was too intimidating for you?

Armin: Uhm… uh I mean in a good way! You look really cool and all. I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I promise.

He stuttered out as fast as he could. How cute.

Me: Awe, thank you *smiling* I’m glad you find me good-looking. Anyways enough about me, what’re you doing up this late?

Armin: Uhm…shoot, I was just busy with some things. Yeah, that’s all.

Me: That doesn’t sound as convincing as it may sound to you *laughing softly*

Armin: I promise you I was just busy with some important stuff that’s all.

Me: Sure *elongating the pronunciation* whatever you say, hun. Well, how’s your family? Claire?

A sigh was pushed out from him, assuming it was a sigh of relief.

Armin: Oh, yeah, they are fine too. Claire’s fine t- Wait! How do you know her?!

Me: Hm? Oh, her yea I came across her from your followers list.

Armin: Oh…what exactly were you doing in my…page?

Me: Ah I was just curious. I’m interested in your whereabouts and connections since you are really private.

Armin: Uh…yea I see. That’s kind of strange but alright.

Me: Ah, sorry I tend to do that with people I’m interested in. My b-.

Armin: Wait did you say interested? You are interested in…me?

Me: Bingo. I am. I hope you are too just as how much I am.

The stillness was floating in the air as I waited for him to say something back.

Armin: Uh…I’m not that interesting I p-promise. Please don’t w-waste your time on m-m-me…

Me: Shh, it’s alright hun, I like you for you. I’ve always found you fascinating and caught my attention every time you were present. Heck, you were on my mind even when you’re not there. It’s crazy.

Armin: …I’m…I can’t believe. I…

Me: It’s okay, take a breather. You don’t have to feel the same way. It’s totally fine. I just felt the need to say it *smiling sadly*. What was is it that we wanted to talk about origin-

Armin: No! Wait I uhm…I really do like you too. I don’t know I never really felt like this but I feel warm inside. You m-make me feel t-things…*whimper noises*

I was quite stunned by his confession. He liked me back? Never thought in a million years would I hear those words coming from his cute lips. I sighed in relief as I felt another wave of victory wash over me. Smiling at his pretty whimper noises I decided to explore furthermore.

Me: so…you like me too? You can’t even imagine how happy I am hearing you admit the same feelings I feel for you.

Armin: Y-yes. I really do l-like you…

Me: I’m glad babe but are you okay there?

Armin: Oh! Yes, I’m fine. Yes, I am. Oh, s-

A sudden cut of noise occurred as I looked back at the screen. He muted himself. Someone must’ve come over at this time. I decided to hang about and moved around to find another comfortable position.

Armin: Hey…sorry I had to uhm abruptly mute because my pet dog came over so suddenly it scared me. I h-had to stop him from barking. *laughs nervously* yeah, really sorry.

Me: *laughing* it’s quite alright babe. So…what exactly were you doing at such time?

Armin: Uhm...nothing really…stuff.

Me: Armin, baby please tell me, I won’t repeat myself. What were you doing?

A few whimpering noises were heard and a nervous chuckle until he spoke once again.

Armin: I-I was on your page…

Me: Go on.

Armin: ….looking at your posts, your selfies.

I smirked at the idea of him being on my page and stalking my posts. I clicked and went to my page as I asked him further questions.

Me: And were they nice?

Armin: Uhm yes, they were…really pretty.

Me: I’m glad, what did you like the most?

Armin: T-the one where you w-w-ore bunny ears…

He spoke so softly, nervously as his sweet voice faded away. I swiped around to finally find the post he was talking about. Hmm, not a bad taste. It was the photo where I was having a pretty shitty day and decided to dress up while I was high. I was sporting a photo where I lay on my chest on the bed in front of the camera. My bangs framed my face as the black playboy-styled bunny ears settled on my head. Loose curls flowed down my black t-shirt-covered back. Almost unattached buttons were done so a good amount of cleavage was exposed. Almost seemed that it was flowing out of the shirt. Inside the shirt, I wore a black halter-style swimsuit. My perfectly smooth ass was exposed to the camera too. Pretty legs that were covered in fish stockings were presented nicely too. Dark red lipstick was covering my beautiful lips. A tongue was stuck out showing the cute piercing I got on it.

‘Interesting choice.’ I thought once again. Noticed I was silent far too long as those cute whimpers brought me back to the present situation.

Me: What is it that you liked about it?

Armin: Uhm…e-everything. You looked…a bit more gorgeous.

Me: Awe baby thank you *smiling* well, what did that photo make you feel?

Quicker breathing was spotted coming from the receiver’s end as I waited patiently.

Armin: It i-it made me feel s-so many things…

Me: Like what exactly baby?

Armin: *a little moan escaped his mouth* I-it made me f-feel h-hot and painful d-d-own there.

He stuttered out with great difficulty. I smirked at the thought of his current situation. Poor baby. He needs some sort of relief. And I’ll help him.

Me: Can you switch to video call for me? I need to see you, so I can help you. I promise darling.

Armin: …D-do you promise?

Me: I promise baby.

A few moments passed as I looked at the request that came up on my screen. Accepting it, I adjusted my camera where a teasing amount of cleavage showed from my thin shirt. Seconds later the dark screen vanished, and his face popped on my screen. A disoriented look he was wearing.

His blond hair was flying everywhere, and his eyes were a bit red, but those beautiful blue eyes were so vibrant. The glasses sat wonkily as his nose bridge and cheeks were a pretty shade of pink. Parted lips as a wet muscle swiped over to moist those luscious lips. Earbuds were connected to his ear as he softly shook his head, probably removing those dirty scenes his head was mustering up.

I panned the camera to my face as I tucked my hair and smirked and bit my lip.

“Damn baby you look so good right now,” I whispered out. That puppy look of his was more visible as he pouted and the shade of pink turned darker. “T-thank you,” he whispered out too. “Could you show me the problem you were facing, hm?” A shy nod was done as he slowly went down to show a grey boxer. A large tent, no, a whole fucking campsite was donning there. It looked so hard and huge that I gulped at the scene. ‘Fuck that’s hot’ I mindlessly thought.

“It seems like a big problem babe. Could you remove those cute boxers of yours?” I spoke out after analysing that tasty scene. A hum was heard as his pale pretty hands went to remove the boxers and showed me his problem. ‘God, it’s so pretty,’ I gawked at it. There it was. The tip was flushed an angry shade of red and a large vein ran at the bottom of his dick. The tip was already leaking with a generous amount of clear pre-cum fluid and dribbled down to the base of his dick, connecting his balls.

“Baby, you got a pretty cock, did you know that before?” I spoke out softly as I kept a trained gaze on it. “N-No, not really…” Well good, no one was there to see him at this state and got the privilege to see the gem he holds. “Awe, well now you know. C’mon now, show me what you know.” I urged. “Uh…I don’t really know w-what to d-do, sorry…” Oh. Shocker. I mean it was expected of him, but this was fascinating. “Oh. Is that so? Well, let me guide you, okay?” A hum was heard again. Awesome. “So, do what I say accordingly if you want to feel maximum pleasure, alright?” Another hum was heard. “You gotta speak up baby, otherwise I won’t know.” “Ah! S-sorry, yes, I will follow accordingly…” A beaming grin appeared on my face as I stared at the screen.

“Good boy. Now I want you to wrap your pretty hands on that pretty cock of yours, okay? Start moving up and down and make sure to tease the tip.” As I finished my words he started to follow shortly to my advice. A few moans escaped his mouth as he did a continuous motion.

“Good boy, Now fasten up the pace just a bit,” Seconds later he started to go at a faster motion. The precum that was present now was slobbered over his pretty cock as it glistened in front of my eye. “Use your thumb to occasionally rub over the tip. Make sure you use your other hand to play with yourself.” I stated breathlessly. The scene displayed in front of me was just so fucking hot. Better than any porn I watched. More sweet noises were released from his fluttering lips and entered my ears. I relished the sight that was displayed in front of me.

His cock was reddened from the constant rubbing of the up and down motion. His hands started to slow down and let out a low grunt. “God, t-this feels s-so good…”. He faltered out followed by a small moan. “I’m glad you are enjoying this babe, c’mon quicken that pace.” Seconds later he followed the motion as I ordered him to do so. “Tell me, what are you imagining,” I whispered out as I bit my moan, feeling hot and bothered down there. “I-I ima-magine y-your uhm c-chest near my uh d-dick…and touching i-it.”

Oh. Oh wow. I hadn’t expected him to imagine something like that. This started to get me more excited. He’s got to have more kinks and deeper desires which I get to unravel and delve into his likes and dislikes. Maybe we have things in common and we can share them and enjoy them. “Go on darling.” I urged him impatiently wanting to hear the end of this imagination. “A-nd y-you thrust my dick in between them and…gosh this is embarrassing...” He let out with a quiet whine. “Hey, it’s not embarrassing. I’m learning to understand what you like or don’t like so we can further explore it with each other, next time that is. So please don’t be embarrassed for having preferences and desires, okay?” I reassured with as much as reasoning I could. I deeply wanted him to be comfortable with me and be able to share everything with me that is comfortable and not crossing his limit.

He panned the camera towards his face where he nodded and wiped something away from his eyes, what I presume are his tears. “T-thank you. I really appreciate it.” He spoke with a wobbly smile as he kept wiping his tears away. Giving a sad smile I motioned a half-hug where I put my phone to my chest and cradled it with my arms. After a few moments, I stopped and propped the phone on my blanket as I posed the same way I did in his favourite picture of mine. Smirking I motioned with my hand to keep the ball rolling. His eyes glistened as I felt the red tones forming on his youthful-looking cheeks. He nodded as he placed the camera view back to what now belongs to me. His moans kept reaching a new octave as I quickly reminded him. “Darling~ you can’t be too loud otherwise you will get caught now.” I spoke teasingly knowing he has no self-control over himself. “Oh y-yes s-sorry y/n…” coupled with some groans.

His hands went faster this time than before, probably gained some energy from the small rest when we shared a heartfelt conversation. More pre-cum leaked out and dribbled down and reached to the base of where his balls rested and now were covered by a slick of his juices. Getting lost in the view and the sweet sounds soothing my ears, an idea popped inside my head. I got on my knees and saw how my waist was only in view. I discarded my shirt and massaged my boobs. Going down again I spoke up “Hey sweetcheeks, have a look at what I’m showing.”

“Oh f-fuck, you ungh you have v-very beautiful uhh breasts.” He spoke out with great struggle. His tone sounded more pitchy, and his breath was significantly quicker than before. “Thank you~. I assume you are getting closer?” I questioned as I massaged my tits and pressed them together. “Y-yea-“and his response was cut short by a delicious revelation to me. a white spurt of cum jetted out from the tip and messily landed everywhere on his abdomen, milky thighs, and sheets. A louder moan was ripped out from his throat as he clenched his dick with his right hand.

That was a hot sight. “Mhm babe that looks so good. Wish that cum was on my chest though.” I spoke out in a daze light voice. My head imagined the scene right now and how I would have tasted them and kissed him, allowing him to taste how divine he was. Oh, there’s a great substitute for that. “Babe, scoop some of those precious cum on your fingers and stick it in your mouth. Show it to me while you’re at it.” I said laying on my back and holding the phone close to my face. A hum was heard as his slim fingers were coated by the slick juice and stuck it in his mouth that was drooling with saliva. A more satisfied moan was heard from him. it made me tad bit jealous that he got to taste himself and I couldn't. Well, I got to plan the next meet up as soon as possible which is today technically. “How’s the taste babe?” I inquired. “O-oh it tasted a bit tasteless but uhm it had a bit of sweetness to it. It wasn’t bad.” Hmph my turn better come up as soon as possible.

“Good, good. Well tell me how was it? Did you enjoy it?” I asked curiously. “Uhm oh yes! I felt really good and thank you for helping me w-with this.” He panned to his face where clearly showed his embarrassment and gratefulness. “That’s my job babe. I promise the moment the next time will be better when I’m there with you physically.” I smirked and let out a laugh. Noticing his tiredness and the time too I started to wrap up this amazing videocall I had experienced.

“Goodnight baby, I’ll see you today, okay? Rest well. You did well today” I spoke reassuringly as he let out a tired yawn and rubbed his eyes and nodded faintly. “Mngh, yes y/n. Thank you for today and night night”

I stared at him as he managed to fall asleep immediately. What a cutie. A few minutes later I ended the call and connected the phone to the charger. He’s so fucking adorable it kind of hurts. His feminine yet boyish looks are what caught my attention. Not to forget his smart intelligent brain that happens to solve critical problems in such a brilliant way, it was amazing. Well, I should go ahead and take a shower because that show he put up for me…was just extremely hot and gave me a problem.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

[runawayballista]

some misc sketches from the last few days. some spy x psycho, some other self-indulgent au/oc shit, etc. still feel like im warmin my hands back up

finally drew some bandori au mp100 guys.... i'm still working on getting ritsu's hair down and teru's came out a bit fluffy but in general i think its more fun if they more or less keep the same hair as girls. its important that tome, mob, and ritsu all go to hanasakigawa specifically for interacting with sayo reasons. i Need ritsu & sayo on the student council together. i need sayo abolishing the telepathy club. she & tokugawa would get on great. shou goes to haneoka and is definitely buds with tomoe. and teru ofc is a tsukinomori student. what else

kinda want to turn that sketch of mob, teru & anya at the cafe into an illustration! Challenge Mode

[arthotsglasses]

Admin's Little Simp Diary

So yesterday yk suffering from "post Clavis Simping" phase, I found out about AI that create illustrations from the keywords you type in. My Twitch chat was telling me all about it and I got to use it.

And that moment, I completely lost it. my existence felt so useless, worthless, because some machine now has way better art skill and speed within seconds. Ai produces things that would take me so much time and effort to make. All my hard work to learn the skills, anatomy, perspective, etc, felt so useless. As a freshman college student trying to get a job in the art industry, I've been bombarded within the past few weeks of people telling me to apply to this and that, internships, competitions, projects, sooooo much work. I couldn't do it, I didn't feel good enough, I was devastated. I didn't know how I was gonna overcome this Ai thing and get a job. There is nothing that I can do better compared to the ai. I fell into this depressing moment of questioning my existence.

Chat asked me, if I exist to draw, and at first I said yes. But the more I think about it, I don't. I exist to simp, I genuinely enjoy that feeling of loving 2D anime boys.... and drawing/art is a method of simping where I can contribute to the content and fandom for my enjoyment.

spoilers for Clavis route below lel

Then Clavis came into my mind... he was born to face Chev who is literally a god, genius, gigachad. He can't be beaten in any skillful way. So ofc I can imagine how painful that would be. But, there was something that even Chev couldn't do. To be a decent compassionate human being. The imperfections of Clavis (aka humanity) having to work so hard to reach a certain level, caring for minority, and how he would go to die for some small amount of people, it made me realize that's who we are. We can't always make best decisions for the world, create the most technically correct art to perfection (Chev). But what really matters is what I want to do. idgaf if anyone else can be more dedicated to their 2D mans than me, what matters is the love and connection I feel towards them and how it makes me happy (but that is also really hard for me because my nature is very competitive and I hate it when anyone is better than me). because that's what separates us from Ai (till the day ai gets emotions and free will to destroy us all haha) but then again, I dont care if ai can simp better than me either. Not my problem good for you gl hf.

I love Chev, I think he is such a cool guy and literally good at everything yes. But I dont want to be him. I would rather be Clavis who enjoys life, face his fears, have insecurities, compassion, and selfishness to only give a fuck about his small group of people who he loves. So I'm starting to accept my fears and lack of ability as who I am and understand that that is a beautiful thing. Because I think Clavis as a person is beautiful. The vast scale of ups and downs of emotions I feel are what makes life joyful and appreciated. Plus, I always tend to forget that I don't always have to achieve grand massive world scale goals. Like Clavis, if I am happy, loved by people who I want to be loved by, care for the people who I care, that is enough. I can work at a small game studio just enough to feed myself and some spare change to simp, and Im good. that is enough for me and I think I can manage to do that much in life (because I have crippling anxiety that I will never get a job and starve to death homeless fr).

Come to realize it now, this is the reason why I felt Clavis' route so amazing yet painful. It made me uncomfortable but I took steps to reevaluate my world views and what matters most. and at the end of the day, I'm here on earth for a bit, so might as well enjoy it to the fullest. There are qualities of Clavis that makes me love him so much, and I also happen to have some the same qualities. So, why not love myself a bit too? It's gonna be a long journey and this is only a baby step for my self love, but I have some hope. He also said if you haven't given up, if you haven't died, you haven't lost. So, I will continue to try even if I fail, I will apply to those internships, competitions even if I dont win. And one day, I hope I can find someone like how Clavis found MC because oh boy did Clavis look so happy at the end. I believe I can reach that point one day too.

Just remember, answer to everything is to simp.