#im an “artist” I CAN DRAW WHATS IN MY HEAD
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this is them
is it really bartkon if bart’s not planning out kon’s murder in his head bc kon did/said some stupid shit???? sometimes love is stored in the intrusive thought
#love is ABSOLUTLY stored in the intrusive thoughts <3#everytime bart says hes gonna murder kon he just knows its another way of saying i love u ur so annpoying#bart tells him 1nce a way hes planning out his murder & kons just#“aww u think about me so muhc” idfk askjFHJKLASF#insert anime scene of bart like#man i can just draw this#im an “artist” I CAN DRAW WHATS IN MY HEAD#I FINSIHED#its been so long since ive drawn themmm#listen if u dont get it u dont get it#but liek this is them 2 me#listen sometimes bart just gets rlly rlly........irritated sureeee#& he needs 2 cool off#& kon just stares @ hsi man like anime filters & flower petals#man idk#asKJHFKJLsf#bart will apologize afterwards <3#but still stick 2 whatever he said in like.....man im justthinking about the super cycle#2 POST 2 I COUNT POSTS MAKING ME THINK ABOUT IT#anyways i love them i never stop thinking about htme ajkgsfjhasgfjas#hope u dont mind me drawing ur posts :3 or like.....kinda drawing it? idk ATTACHING MY DRAWING???#kart#konbart#bartkon#kon el#bart allen#dc#reblog#puppee art
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got him off-balance!
#my art#ds9#star trek deep space nine#julian bashir#elim garak#garashir#watercolor#image desc in alt text#i normally post on mondays but. today im breaking my pattern! getting a little silly. getting a little wild. garashir jumpscare#“tumblr user chitinleg garak would neot easily let himself be swooped off his feet into a hug like that” yes i know BUT!#look at his expression. look at how his arms r pinned. he didnt let this happen LMAO julian just surprised him. grabby huggy human behavior#if you look really closely you can see the tiniest frown in the world on Garak's face. because he's like “EEP !”#cant see bashirs face at all in this only his body but i think we can all imagine that whatevers going thru his head. he needs this hug bad#ALSO. for anyone wondering what the fucked up shadow is that starts at the juncture of the teal sleeve-cap where its set into the armhole#the jumpsuits have a bit of a fold of extra fabric (called an Action Pleat) there which allows for a little more maneuverability of the bod#AND creates a really sleek and flat back panel#because you can see the fabric twists along the side arent grabbing the flat back fabric theyre grabbing the fabric folded beneath it#often times i think about drawing out a dissection of kiras first uniform and this voy era one for other artists to use. bc god knows#i struggled at first to find full body references#they like to shoot ds9 very close to peoples heads. and the camera is so blurry. they smeared butter on that thing. god bless
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they’re in love your honor
#FUCKING GUESS WHAT#soapghost brainrot real#THIS ONE FOR THE BITCHES WHO ENJOY THOSE STUPID FLUFFY CIVILIAN FICS#ME IM BITCHES#u can take it as canon soapghost#but in my head this is florist ghost with tattoo artist soap#god i love that fic so much#or yknow what this can also be that one fic#where ghost is a veteran in an antique store and johnnys a famous footballer#me drawing simon: im about to make this bitch look like he never seen the sun#me drawing johnny: im about to make him Devastatingly Bright#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#simon ghost riley#john soap mctavish#simon riley#john mctavish#soap x ghost#ghost x soap#cod mw2#call of duty#cod#modern warfare 2#mw2#call of duty modern warfare#cod modern warfare 2#my art
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it starts and ends in a garden.
i keep coming back to the good omens mianite AU so have a funky little illustration :] I just. I just love them a lot
Ref + what story I've thought about below the cut!
(Spoilers for Good Omens S1 and S2 ahead, be wary if you haven't watched and wanna get into it without prior knowledge)
At its core, this AU is basically good omens but with the cast of Mianite, with a few revisions to tie it a little into the mcytverse (while also not like compromising the integrity of the show version of the story) I got inspired by AdamMonter's AU and decided I wanted to give it a go myself after i watched S2 and reawakened my fixation :D
Jordan is this universes Aziraphale- the angel stationed to guard Eden and look out for humans (intended to instill in them the ways of goodness through righteous balance and justice in the name of the High Goddess) - and Tom is Crowley, or the snake in within the Garden, sent up to cause chaos and tempt humans towards evil shenanigans in the name of Dianite, or the devil in this case. They stand on two opposing sides of whats meant to be an all out war between Heaven (under Ianite) and Hell (by Dianite) on whether Ianites form of order (borrowing this from Aitheaca) or chaos will reign supreme- or basically the big ol apocalypse. I made Mianite the Metatron because idk what else to do with him mianite im sorry i didnt wanna make ianite the metatron if i swapped it even though it would make more sense for mia and dia to be fighting SOBS
Tom n Jordan grow close over their centuries on Earth together that when everythings meant to go down and destroy the world they've made their own, they fight to stop the apocalypse from happening, and by the end of it, are subsequently punished by their respective sides- only to not be affected and left alone when they seem to have absorbed the powers of the other (no one seems to realize they can swap bodies). Series 2 follows what they uncover by the end of it a plot to restart armageddon, in which they want Jordan to take over as the head of it after the former champion/supreme archangel is ousted for disagreeing- and had shown up with a non-existent memory nonexistent at Jordan's.
(im switching to list im done with prose xD)
Jordan runs an antique shop instead of a bookshop, he seems like he'd be more into little trinkets and old school machines, stuff he could tinker with. its still got that certain charm to it though
Capsize is Nina from the coffee shop (give me coffee or give me death seems like a thing Capsize would name something) and Sonja is Maggie who runs a record shop. aka the lesbians from across the street you know what I am
For something hilarious Tubbo is the Antichrist, aka the child meant to start and lead the War (leaving it as is bc its funny but not the literal antichrist) He's meant to join a government family to put him in a place of power, but due to a mix up ends up with an In the meantime, Tom and Jordan act as godfathers to the other child (who they assume is the antichrist, it would be funny to make this Crumb or something) in hopes that influencing them to good/evil respectively would neutralize them out- only to eventually realize its the wrong kid
Wag is Anathema, the descendent of a prophetic wizard who was scrutinized for their foresight and becomes the carrier of those prophecies (for my sanity ive chosen to get rid of the Newt-Anathema romance thing idk it. it just aaaa and turn into wag and his bros aka FyreUK tryin to use what they know to stop the apocalypse from their end)
Angels are Ianitees (save for Capsize), and Demons are Dianitees. Ive gone back n forth with who would be who and I still have no answer so. all I'll say is that Andor is Muriel thats all thats important /j C:
The other option was to make Satan the Darkness/World Historian and Dianite is the Lord of Hell (Beelzebub) with Mot as Gabriel but do i look like I know? idk do we need ineffable bureaucracy i could always alter that a little too... idk
tubbo as the child of the world historian who wouldve thought… edit what if like carrier of the darkness
anyway thats all enjoy this nonsense ;)
and screenshot I referenced for the drawing! I know its low qual dont worry about it i just needed to see where the trees were so i knew how many to paint LMAO
#ineffable champions AU#mianite#mianite au#captainsparklez#artists on tumblr#tom syndicate#good omens au#mcyt fanart#story development#gkm arts#lafakiwi draws#digital art#illustration#where i can put tucker? idk#again im not like. doing a lot with this#just sitting here. brairnotting. rotating them around in my head#the plan was that i was gonna try to break off from mianite for some art variety by hyperfixating on something new but whats happened#is that theyre holding hands now and forcing me to realize the parallels between them in AU form#i never plan to write more of this just doodle it once in a while smiles#captainsparklez fanart
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god artists really do just pass around the same $20 bill cause dude over half my clients are other artists 😭 and usually they're the ones that tip well!! i just wish i could afford to also commission other artists and buy stuff from their shops!
#as soon as i get my grants/scholarships im gonna buy some shit from artists i like#i gotta get some things for my wall cause i live in an empty white box#im going to a zine fest soon too so im excited to talk to local artists!!#gonna splurge on 1 big poster or something#i hope someone's selling sculpted magnets or other unique decorations#i gotta make a list of ppl i wanna buy from#idk if I'll commission anyone tho cause that's a whole other deal and more expensive#idk what i would commission#it'd have to be something from an artist who can draw that thing wayyyy better than i ever could#enough to justify me spending over $50-100 cause you know im not gonna pay pennies even if they're undercharging#i swear if i had a regular job id spend money on art every month#genuinely i think my ideal achievable life rn is working a head empty office job 30 hrs a week and doing art the rest of the time#building streams of casual income until i have enough to pivot to full-time art again MAYBE#but from what ive heard from post college full time artists... that shits hard and confusing and stressful...#these tags rly lost the plot huh...#just rambling#not art
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sometimes i feel like i wish i could unlearn art & relearn, because im so much more of a traditional 'draw from observation' than this learn the ratios and shapes and to simplify and create from just your mind that seems to be so prevalent in self taught artist spaces online. it helps that i will have plenty of free time soon to try and expand my skills but sometimes it feels like im not good in the right way, i dont draw or create in the most consumable and monetizeable way, or even the way i want to show my charecters- i want to do comics and animations and redraws that arent just style studies but i just didnt learn that way. so i do portrait after portrait, struggeling with so much as drawing hair thats not part of the refrence.
#thebirdspeaks#god i need to talk to a traditional artist in person soon#anyway the reason why im shy about doing 'fandom' stuff#im just not good at pulling things out of my head!#its not how i work my best!#but sometimes i feel like only people who are already there for me will ever really appreciate my work#thats not the best worded but i just cant offer what some people can#my drawings are grounded and refrenced and i cant just create fantastical scenes and interactions#and im to much of a perfectionist to start from the bottom again
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...
#aye. in another life i would have loved to be an illustrator#i dont like to do digital tho and i dont wanna b a starving artist and i like science too much#but it would make me so hsppy if i was allowed to draw all day everyday#forever and ever drawing#but nooo i wanted to get a phd in microbial evolution. and im procrastinating working on my preproposal#literally doing anything to not work on it. i coulf have been a illustrator. an endocrinologist. a neurobiologist. a paleontologist. but i#chose microbial ecologist then thought no fuck ecology and went for photosynthetic mechanisms#bc i do love my lil cyanos and i do love Microbiology. i love those underapprecated lil guys#the world is so big and beautiful and all i wanna do is understand. but my stupid brain doesnt work right and ive burried my wonder for so#long i wonder if ill ever have it back. i was reading a bunch of lil notes i wrote this semester and i go from#everything is so beautiful i cant stand it. there are angels in the sunbeams and they feel like healing. to im the world around me is#warping beyond my control. i cant feel any joy. my head is sending me terrible ideas but im not even scared. it feels inevitable#but last week i was so full of energy i couldnt sleep. nothing changed but the chemicals in my head#hopefully next semester will b better and i can stop feeling like damaged goods and feel bad fro my advisor#for having to deal with me. hes v nice and has a bip0lar brother so he's sympathetic but i wish he didn't have to b#i want to stop fantasizing about being something else and just focus on being better at what i am#but im such a pathological perfectionist that its so difficult to make any progress. but whatever ive been feeling alright for the#past week or so. hopefully that carries through. and maybe somedsy i can illustrate something for my precious baby cyanobacteria#unrelated
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Did or does anything inspire your art? It’s so fun and unique
I do have artists (both Established and like Peers/Mutuals) I enjoy and I do pluck traits from art I like as I see fit to mold my own but I don't have any conscious inspiration ykwim...ive had ppl tell me my art looks like or reminds them of things i like, whether "vibe based" (stuffed animals) or a specific media (care bears) but i dont consciously draw inspiration from care bears ykwim... I could tell u i loved archie comics as a kid and i love the art style but thats not a good answer to the question bc it doesnt present itself in my work (and if it does its not on purpose) ykwim...i hope dis makes sense.
I always bring up Urasawa when this question comes up, like I love urasawa's art and often save lots of it for inspiration but my work doesnt really ever come out as an emulation of his as a result, it's more osmosed as I try to figure out how I want to draw, bc I haven't seen anyone who draws the way I'd like to yet. (Also using him as an example, as this is how I feel about all my other "inspirations").
Theres tons of different ways to draw every possible trait of a face or body etc, so I just do that, taking shapes and such from other artists i observe along the way without really picking up the influence (and if i do its never for very long), since I've yet to find anything im very happy with
#ive never understood how people do those inspiration boards and you can SEE how all the people they list influence their art#if i could scrounge together enough artists that inspire me then i dont think you'd even be able to tell unless you Guessed#if that makes sense#similarly i do have thousands of folders of artists and mutuals' art i have saved#to go look back at for inspiration...but its not direct inspiration#like zaftiguy2 on twitter (NSFW) is an inspiration of mine....you would never guess though bc what I osmose from his work doesn't#present itself very upfront in my stuff‚ if at all#does this make sense? i feel when ppl ask others this question is bc they wanna see more art adjacent to that of the person theyre asking#but unfortunately its not like that for me ykwim :(#id be much much better if there was someone who drew the way i want to draw that i could copy off of LOL#my art is so bad BECAUSE i feel like im making it from scratch. and im bad at coming up with things#anonymous#skunk mail#so thank u for thinking its unique bc i personally think its very generic as a result#like. entry level art style#off the top of my head artists i LIKE are kemafili manaohu and yawningyawns#on twitter....kemafili is on here though (kemafili1 on twitter)#those are artists i have in my ''fave'' folder. theres others i think but thats the only ones i can think of rn#i also have tons of artist folders saved in general but read my above statements about inspiration#eraserplains is another one... they're on tumblr too#i like raymodule (tumblr) and robottoast (twitter) but again not in a way where im like wow i want to draw exactly like that lets try
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I just want to commend you artists, you writers, you game designers and cosplayers and anyone who does creative stuff out there on finding the courage to create. Many of you out there are plagued with depression, anxiety, lack of confidence, imposter syndrome and so many other worries and doubts about your ability to create. I am one such person, and though I have so many ideas and stories in my head i could explode, I lose confidence in my ideas and skill so rapidly from just holding a pen, basically nothing ever gets put on page. I'll tell myself I'm lucky if I even get a single drawing done in a year, frankly calling myself an artist is more a fraud than anything.
But you people, you creative amazing people manage to overcome that. No matter how good you think your work is or your level of skill, you draw and write and do it anyway, some of you even post it online for people to see, something I'm almost always ashamed about doing in fear of someone I know seeing it (why do u think I'm hiding here on tumblr where none of the much more talented people I know go). I've always admired yet envy you amazing people, who are passionate about art, who sit down and still make stuff after a long day of work because it makes u relax, who see art as joy than something you need to do because it's work, who would draw and create despite all the hardships and doubts and worries the world and yourself have place upon you.
The fact that you're able to get pass all that and get a sketch, a word, an idea down on a page, I think you all are so very incredibly brave. Much braver than me at least. No matter where you are on your creative journey right now, keep doing what you're doing and create. It is those that keep going that make it to success in the end. I unfortunately will not be one those people, but I hope that I can keep cheering others on instead.
#art#artists#honestly its late and i might delete this in the morning#i just wanna get this out of my head so i can sleep#artists on tumblr#i feel like if i ever get drunk this is what my rambles would be like#idk cos i dont drink#but i hope ill be an encouraging drunk more than a sad drunk#right now with half my brain begging me to sleep i feel like both#keep drawing guys#thats the long and short of it#i came out of art school learning that i could never be an artist#not because of skills or anything its bcos i just have no drive to create like others#no matter how well i did in school it was always just to get a good grade#that when i left school there were no more assignments and i never could draw like i did in school again#it was then that i realise i could draw if i had to but i could never truly be an artist who draws bcos they want to#its just something i accepted and i need to learn to move on from#anyways night rambles#im gonna delete this later#im like that snowman in Undertale#i wont be able to go where you all go but i hope youll take a piece of me with you through all your art#anyways drink lots of water stayin school fuck AI and im gonna pass out#artist on tumblr
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ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it
#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something#but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized.#and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this-#-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace-#-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller#which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this#and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely#oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it-#-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart#so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it.#fun./sar#i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to#because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get-#-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of#its probably the resilience though#im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically#this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it#just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear#it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over.#i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts#this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement.#its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every-#-time achievement#what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past.#even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again#if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa
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hi tumblr im pyrr pyrriax and im in my trimonthly artist arc, lord help me and all the projects that are currently sitting in my drafts while i am lured in by the siren song of drawing
#haunted ecosystem#this is not helping with how much my hands hurt on a daily basis this is why i type and dont handwrite/draw very much.#im lured in regardless and i really need to find an artform that doesnt Hurt but for now. digital art <3#like theres a difference between my dumb doodles (quick easy not much different from regular computer usage) and actual art#but im an artist at heart i spent sooooo long being an artist and thinking i was shit at writing. that is wrong! im actually kinda good#im rambling in tags today because i have been not social (my partner is in genshin hell and my beloved is. somewhere.)#okay but on another note i reread the first. couple chapters of wtds this morning? the pacing is a little weird and the tense is fucked#but its actually a lot better than i thought it was? you can tell i was fleshing everybody out in my head and i totally forgot about how#i described the watcher [who i am STILL redacting the name of until we get there] and just. ough. pandora being very logical#and then jumping to the latest chapter and fucking sobbing because i forgot about how it went and just. pandora and his.#whatever the fuck is wrong with him.#i have gotta start recommending people read that again. its surprisingly friendly without context because of how i approached it#that fic has taught me so many things its actually a little comical. it also made me relearn how to make and write ocs so thats fun#once i finish that main fic (and i WILL i am actually planning to sign up for a thing. im finishing it i swear.) i finally get to show off#more of the world and characters ive crafted. showing backstories and what-ifs and all these oneshots ive been keeping close to my chest#for like absolutely ages because i dont want any spoilers on my tumblr#and. im finishing that fic in pseudo-memoriam of somebody who deleted their accounts everywhere. still miss you dane!#ok this has completely gone off topic ily tumblr im going back to drawing and i might make a new pfp#it'll still be lavius but it'll be fray lavius since i think about him a lot and i like his color palette.
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ren and stimpy adult party cartoon ranked from worst to least worst imo
6. naked beach frenzy - already not very fond of the contents of the episode but knowing anything about john brings it all down for me
5. ren seeks help - mostly extremely boring to me but it did have that nice walking segment and that one frame i took a screenshot of
4. fire dogs 2 - just didnt care for it. laughed
3. onward and upward - a little gross at times but generally left a positive impression on me. laughed
2. stimpy's pregnant - would be my favorite if it werent for the poop twist tbh. i dont know what else to say about it
1. altruists - would be significantly improved if it was shaved down 10-15 minutes but like other than that it was just fine for me. actually I don't remember if I laughed watching this one.
#apc watchblogging#was not irrevocably changed#i dont really have many thoughts on this outside of huh. yeah. near complete creative control can make shit really fucking suck#to me its kind of a testament to how a lot of creative projects arent ever good because of One Person. but the general public will often#attribute beloved pieces of media as being great because of One Person when it's more like. a handful of people.#and multiply that by how many layers to a production there are for a project. it all adds up.#not to make everything about myself but it makes me think about how I'll go about my creative endeavors#i used to want to work in animation but i never really went anywhere because i didnt really Get it. i kind of just meandered#while picking up general animation knowledge. and now im fucking around with being a 'writer' and I Draw Thangs type artist.#just honing those crafts for... something. that i hope can see the light of day. who knowwwws#and i'll try not to get a big head if i need to work with other people. or something.#on a side note i might watch a bit of ren and stimpy to see what the hype was about. just now watched a clip of happy happy joy joy#and its fucking visceral in a way that i never really got from apc. like woah! what the fuck!#who did that? perhaps one day i will find out.
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and if i said the mtt reminded me of these three idols then would i get tarred and feathered
#YES!!!! anyways when will someone draw them all in straitjackets istg#ive been on a bit of a new artist roll today. just discovered akali. and then checked out these 3#ikigusare idols i knew you 3 were mtt from the moment i saw you no doubt. a shame sango is green instead of purple#anyways mtt connection i like how niigo's left eye is the same eye that flickers killer's sans part ish eye#but like the eye is literally sewn and kept open forcefully. like hey sans part of killer you gotta b part of this 2! no looking away!#was thinking the 3rd eye on sango could be like papyrus. like 2/3 of the head is dust and 1/3 is paps#took seeing his brother to whole different level!#horror's is obvious his eye's just 1 because he's got his whole 1 eye symbolism#mtt but they all have body disformations and its all related to their eyes somehow#can just imagine like...... killer's left eyesocket bashed open and the eye floating in there while the dt goop constantly flows out of it#ikigusare idols all have the same voice and#the mtt would.... as well..... bc theyre all yhe same guy#these idols dont have canon lore im like 80% sur i can make as many crazy mtt connections to them as i possibly can#their music is so like. just a LITTLE bit off. like obviously the voices but just like the notes are just SLIGHTLY off and its so duchahahhh#im not gonna listen to them regularly bc it not my thing but hahahaha mtt........ mtt reference#my english notes have mtt references in them. my friend makes mtt references now because of me#i squeeze my shampoo into my hand in a sparkle star heart shape because of the mtt#it was 4:30 in the morning today and i saw a tiktok comment mentioning the mtt and i tried not yo scream#yk i think ive convinced myself that im not as deranged as i really am about these 3 but lime........ erm what the murder this is freaky!#someone said in a gc that they auditions for acapella and wondered if they got in#this is so mean but my first verbal reaction was literally hell no💀 its SO MEAN#theyre rubbing off on me help. i cant just say it was all the mtt's fault when i'm a goddamn asshole#NO OFFICER I SWEAR IT WAS THE SKELETONS THE THREE SKELETONS THEY POSSESSED ME TO SHOOT THE#yeah....... lets not continue down that path (i say as i made several 9/11 jokes today unprompted)#god typing out tags with silly comments like these are so satisfying :3 always forget how much i luuuuv thumblr#DAMN my typing style has changed a LOT from what i remember. in just a couple of months ive evolved#tricule rant
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He’s better off without you.
#qsmp cellbit#qpurgatory 2#my drawings#look i don’t draw At All but the mental image was too strong so here we are#anyway thinkin abt what he said abt qroier being better off far away from him#yeah#might write something for this later who knows#anyway it feels weird to say this but if ANYONE wants to redraw this you have my full permission#just send me an ask and ill give ya the greenlight#i just needed to get this out of my head ya kno? im not an artist. what i see in my brain is so much different than what i can produce lmao
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i have GOT to figure out how to commission people without being forced to personally hand over my legal info, my Mental Problems will not let me do that
#i wanna commission that artist so bad oh my god i fell in love with the colors so fast#please. please barry and scarf Please#i commissioned a buddy of mine by buying something off their steam wishlist JHDJDJ#sadly that wont work for most ppl bc most ppl would actually like cash to spend#i can like. order groceries to your house or something. hand over ur address **]^=%*^]+]{**#dude i hats p*yp*l please give me an I AM TRANS AND IN DANGER option#augh.#i also dont know how to do comms in terms of like. refs to hand over n stuff. or what i want#im not specific. if i was i would draw it myself bc i'd already have a good idea in my head#one day i'll get stuff sorted out but today is probably not that day 😔#chat
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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