#im also mind you *cough* depressingly mostly a charlesposting girl

[barnbridges]

If you shared any thoughts you had on the twins as children/their childhood I'd commit unspeakable crimes for you

if you asked....

TW: mentions of sexual assault, mentions of eating disorders, religious trauma ;

Charles' first taste of guilt was that it was for him and him alone that Camilla was brought into the world. His father wanted a son to name after himself and pawn off to his mother, and their mother wanted a ride home on a winter night. Camilla came out first and screaming and left their father angry, to where he missed Charles' birth getting fucked up at the bar. They were named Charles Lycurgus IV and Camilla Róisín by their Pop and Nana, with vague agreements from their parents and maternal aunt.

Senator Charles Lycurgus Macaulay III got sworn into office a couple of days after the birth of his children, and was off to DC more than he was ever at home. Cecelia Macaulay was a girl herself at 17 and read them Oliver Twist to both lull them and sleep herself. She never wanted to go to DC. Her 17th birthday she debated if she wanted to go to Rutgens or Columbia, her 18th birthday had her two children in pretty pink onesies in attendance. The picture of the 3 of them with "Momma, Mille and Lee" neatly scribbled atop it used to rest at Charles' desk at the Childhood Education Center.

Their aunt Minerva was kicked out of the funeral for announcing her pregnancy at the service. It's why she even tried to fight for custody, a bit of spite (a bit of trying to bring her last surviving brother back, the one she lost way before he was dead). Mary Gray Addelson was not there to listen to the Macaulay dramatics of any of it. They sort of got forgotten in a room with cousin Catie and Miss Louvinia from Charlotte, but who could blame someone of sparing such small children the sight of their dead parents. They brought Camilla in to throw a fistful of dirt, Charles was asleep.

They were miss Mille and mister Lee before anyone realized how and why, they just grew into the nicknames and never wondered. "Lala" and "Charlie" never stuck besides on old kindergarten clothes with dirty labels.

Pop tried taking on teaching them to read, but was too blind for Ma's ripped paperbacks of Twain and Fitzgerald that she brought with her from South Carolina when moving in. Ultimately, it was miss Minerva they telegraphed from Roanoke to spend the hours reading to them so they could learn to speak. Camilla's first word was "bear", Charles' was "please". They began speaking with others at age 3.

Birthdays were always spent with aunt Minerva and cousin Jay, usually the most memorable part being the drive from Virginia to South Carolina. Aunt Minnie has never been mean to them, but there has always been a cold air between the pictures of the blonde woman and the three children she's walking around the amusement parks. The neighbor's cats made the children happy, at least.

Charles bit cousin Jay's finger at Christmas when he was 5 and Jay was 4 for trying to climb into bed with Nana, it makes her sad. Aunt Minnie left in a ruckus and Pop took up smoking again. It's called the incident, and they don't discuss it to the day.

The majority of Macaulays are blond with dark blue eyes, it was their mother Cee who had iron grey eyes and mousey brown hair. Charles doesn't want to admit he feels he desecrates her by bleaching his. It's a knot in Charles' throat that Camilla and Jay look too much like aunt Minerva and father at their age that never leaves, no matter how old they are.

Camilla was always Pop's favorite, picking him wildflowers and listening in while he gardened. For their 13th birthday, he gave Camilla Father's signet ring, the C III turned into a CM. Pop taught her to read in French and took her to singing lessons with miss Petunia Bell, the old lady of the town. Charles loved helping grandma in the kitchen when he was small, but eventually was kicked out because it was not a man's job.

Mawmaw stabbed Pawpaw and herself before they were even born, but from Mother's side of the family, they did meet Mary Gray and Ormie, back then a junior at Williams. Ormie was cozy with the uncles and bought Nana chocolates from when he went to Europe for a summer. Miss Catie or Cousin Lalie always snickered behind the back of the awkwardness of Mary Gray's smoking problem, she's always been less about the colors of azaleas and more on the drinking bar.

Charles painted Camilla's nails since grandma's hands began shaking too badly to keep up the perfect glazy pink. They always ended up chipped within the hour, but it became a ritual. Aunt Mary Gray showed up to their confirmation dinner a bit springy but with a tiny box of lacquers and a bigger box of mini bottles, and both ended up in Charles' side of the room.

They spent one summer with Ormie's folks at Cape Cod, some folk endeared by that Charles could butcher Gaelic and sharply calls her Roe if she walks too far ahead of him. He called Minnie to pick them up within three days.

It was aunt Minnie who taught them Greek on a whim, gardening with Camilla on a Saturnday and mumbling lowly about mandrakes and the Greek superstitions. The knowledge of names of pill bottles long expired from the long-since closed cabinet of Dr. Constance Minerva Macaulay herself, bits and pieces on herbs and Latin superstitions. The Last July she even drove Pop from Virginia to spend a couple of weeks with the three of them grandkids in the dirt of the garden in Gable, a stick's throw away from Charleston. He'd die less than 2 weeks after they are back in Virginia, but it was not a surprise for anyone. Charles Macaulay Jr had been a good man, but it was time he joined his son and daughter in law.

Charles took it worst, already a child seemingly without rest or purpose beyond walking behind his sister's skirt or talking up aunties, just rapidly free-fell. He stopped eating at first, and even Camilla couldn't get through to him. He studied his Greek and his Latin and flowers and closed himself off to their prodding eyes. He began sleeping in the attic, leaving the little shared childhood bedroom with only Camilla's bed touched for months. Neither Orman nor Mary Gray, even the cries of Jay scratching at the doors really did much, "he is possessed". They called a priest.

It was about salvation and confession, and things Charles whispered behind the attic door to a face unseen, that made him finally get out and face them once. The Father held his hand as he went down to eat something besides dried flowers and moldy crackers for the first time in weeks and brushed his hair for him. Charles began going to church, dragging Camilla wordlessly with him. He began playing the organ then. The piano came later, with Mrs Carter from church asking if he cared perhaps for her son's confirmation. He never learned to read notes proper, but his hands played fast.

He was a youth pastor at the local church fast, a story to smile at politely when old ladies began clinging to him about it. Camilla never quite understood his comfort in the crowds of them, but it made it easier to forget and live on. He did not go to either Minnie or Mary Gray for the summer, choosing to stay in Virginia with Nana and the church.

By the beginning of July, Nana called Camilla back and paid for her ticket from Boston, Lee was sick again. They never get to why, and Camilla knows better than to ask. He chewed at wallpaper and shaved his head, he tried to sign up for the military, he pulled a gun on another pastor. He began drinking for the first time. While he was calm, it was Minerva who called, face white and hands shaking, that the Institute for Troubled Youth of Something Something take him, no matter the price. Charles was in Nevada, undergoing Christian wilderness therapy for the evils in less than a fortnight. Camilla told their aunt he's never speaking to her again.

Survive the wilderness Charles did, but vacant doesn't begin to describe it. He came back thinner than he left, gaunt and prone to fevers and wild swings. Nana tried taking him to the doctor's but he never listened. He too, never would step foot in South Carolina again.

[Part 2]