#im also jobless and broke as hell

[some-name-in-progress]

Being a broke Guilty Gear fan is so funny because you could hold me at gunpoint and ask me some stupid obscure question like how long does Gear pregnancy last, and I would most likely answer correctly; but if you asked me how to do a Roman Cancel? Shoot me immediately.

[ally1uvsu]

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury | Choi Su-bong (Thanos) x Nam-gyu

⨉⠀⠀─⠀⠀Series .⠀›⠀Trans Namgyu Week 2025⠀‎ꪆৎ day 6; Body Worship/Overstimulated sex — Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5

·⠀warnings info⠀· NSFW — . wc; 11.6k (yeah..)

Summary; Nam-gyu was broke, and that was no secret. But what would happen if he went into a party with See-mi who was accompanying her rich girlfriend? Maybe it was a bad idea, but maybe not so much more of one after meeting a certain purple haired man.

Tags; Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Sugar daddy thanos, Except they meet in a party and it only becomes a title after they bang, Trans Namgyu (Squid Game), Thanos is referred as choi su-bong, Namgyu-centric (Squid Game), Tbh I swap their povs a lot, Bottom Namgyu (Squid Game), Namgyu Wears Glasses (Squid Game), Pathetic Namgyu (Squid Game), Top Choi Subong I Thanos, Namgyu is a law student, He's also really broke, Semi and Namgyu are best friends, House Party, Business Party, Car Sex, Kind Of, Cunnilingus, Multiple Orgasms, Unsafe Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Boypussy, Drinking, Smoking, Safe Sane and Consensual, Riding, Missionary Position, Doggy Style, they go multiple rounds, Creampie, Squirting and Vaginal Ejaculation, Body Worship, Se-mi and Mi-na are gfs, Dirty Talk Namgyu is referred by his name properly, Orgasm Edging, Accidental, well kind of, Sexual Overstimulation, Overstimulated Sex, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Religious analogies (unsure how else to put this lol), DID SOMEBODY SAYYYYYYY SERVICE TOP THANOS? 😻, Crying, Dacryphilia, They're so fucking gay I hate them, Thanos is just a little mean, he's also whipped, Love at first sight ahh type of shit, Soft Choi Subong | Thanos, Aftercare, Butt Slapping, this is so foul im sorry, Downright DIRTY too, Possessive Choi Subong I Thanos, Idk if it's is a kink or if he genuinely likes to see his cum drip out, THIS SOUNDED WEIRD SORRY, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Author Regrets Everything, Slut Shaming, There are a lot of mood swings, Rough Sex, But Also Gentle Sex, Hair-pulling, Kinky, Praise Kink

Notes; OH MY FUCK IM FINALLY DONE I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR HOURSSSSSS 😭😭🙏 enjoy guys… This might cover for the whole week altho I have a day left.. sighs! Also me and my 75 tags against the world smh!

Nam-gyu was burnt out, it was the easiest way to put this. He had to study and work, and his life basically revolved around that. He would spend countless hours studying for his exams and doing assignments everywhere and anywhere— which is how he ended up in this situation.

"Nam-gyu, I get it. You're in college, but you have to pay attention to work." His manager said frustrated, hell, what was the problem with that? He couldn't even use this phone and the store was practically empty all the damn time. He only worked here because when he saved up it covered his college tuitions.. ignoring how he was nearly getting evicted from his apartment.

"This is the tenth time, Nam-gyu. Not the second or third, tenth. You've been warned before." Nam-gyu gritted his teeth, hands clasped behind his back as he bowed along with a murmured apology, not that he was sorry. His manager and this store could all go to hell in his honest opinion.

"You know I don't have any time to do my school work or study— plus, the store is always empty." Nam-gyu said with a frustrated sigh, tucking his hair that was already greasy behind his ears. He heard the older and grumpy man in front of him take a deep breath, and this was where he knew he would be jobless. "Alright, you have to pick between that or your job. You surely must have more time to study and do your.. homework."

Was it dumb to quit his job when it was his only source of money? More than definitely. But Nam-gyu couldn't care less anymore, taking off the vest he was given to be identified as an employee and tossing it on the floor, Nam-gyu stared at him in the eyes. It was no wonder nobody ever wanted to work here, no wonder this place was constantly fucking short staffed. "Yeah? Well, fuck you too." Nam-gyu spat as he snatched his bag and pushed the door of the shop open.

It was terribly stupid to be upset over something like this, and he knew it was. But life wasn't doing him anything good, he was far more than broke, he was nearly getting in debt. Sure, his job covered his college tuitions but it didn't change the fact that he still had bills to cover for his apartment.

Nam-gyu loved to study, always had. He was the smart kid back in his high school years and below, but now getting burnt out was inevitable. He couldn't find the motivation to study, all of the times he studied at work and at home was him forcing himself to make his money worth.

He watched the sun beginning to set in the horizon, creating an otherwise peaceful atmosphere. The breeze felt soft as it brushed against his hair, he stared through the leaves of the trees as the dimming gaps of sunlight reached his face. Was this all really worth it?

Staring ahead of him, he saw someone's face stamped on the billboard. Something about this guy being a billionaire and hosting some party for the rich. Screw them, screw all of the rich who care about no one but themselves. Screw that fucking purple haired man on that billboard who had that damn smile on his face.

They were all just privileged little shits in the end, either they lived off of a family fortune or because of that fortune they smoothly went through college and graduated, it wasn't fair.

But maybe life never would be fair on him, and that's okay, too. He could just find another job and keep studying, become a lawyer.. or something. He crossed the street, his feet feeling heavier than they normally felt. His brain was seconds from blowing up, and he knew damn well those bills would be there to haunt him the second he went back to his apartment.

People all around were laughing and giggling, kids, adults, couples.. he wished he had a shred of what they had.

Truly, Nam-gyu always had to fend for himself. His mom was never around and his dad died when he was eight, leaving him all by himself. He had no siblings, which he was mostly grateful for because he could barely care for himself. But then there was his mom— when he came out as trans, it just got worse. If she wasn't present in his life previously, a day after she had vanished.

He had to pick himself up financially, learn how to get his shit together, and carry on.

Gripping his bag tighter, he turned the corner to his apartment complex. Getting through the gatekeeper that stood there mostly doing nothing, Nam-gyu began going up the long stairs to the fifth floor since the already rusty elevator broke.

The routine was tiring, but Nam-gyu didn't have a choice. Even if he was in the bottom of the pit, he had to work something out.

He reached for his keys, hearing the comforting jingle as he reached for the door '631', sliding it in the lock and turning. The door creaked open in a loud noise, but it felt otherwise grounding. Once that was done, he slid it back out and tucked them safely in his pocket, stepping in and letting out another heavy sigh as he stared at the pile of letters on the entrance floor.

Tossing his bag aside with what probably was frustration, maybe anger.. he kicked his shoes off, sliding down the door and leaning his head in his hands. It was as if the universe was testing him, maybe life was just insistent on dragging him down.

Maybe Nam-gyu all along was meant to be nothing in the end, forced to go with the flow.

A few minutes passed, they felt like an eternity in his mind. The air was suffocating, his responsibilities were. Yet even then, albeit the nagging headache and the soreness in his muscles, Nam-gyu reached for the stupid pile of letters before he ended up falling asleep in that position.

He teared the letters open one by one, some were just newspapers, some were just bills, bills, and more fucking bills. They were all just tossed aside, uncaring about how he was drowning in them. 

Nam-gyu should have felt relieved that he reached the last letter, but he felt upset even further as he checked the contents on that last one. A fucking eviction letter— what fault did he have if he couldn't cover college and a place to live? Shit, somedays he would have to eat half of a fucking ramen and leave the other for later or tomorrow.

It was all infuriating. 

It pissed him off how people who didn't have a proper condition had to be squashed like bugs by filthy rich people or people who had some kind of sustenance. It wasn't fair how people who were perfectly fine looked down upon people like Nam-gyu, none of it was fair.

He ripped the letter in his hands, standing up as he tossed it aside. Maybe he could smoke a cigarette? Those normally always worked whenever he was stressed. But then again, he needed to go out to the supermarket and buy some more.

He checked his savings box, it was barely enough to pay his tuition.. shit. It all bubbled up in his damn veins, and before he could even realize he was being driven by his own rage again, he was tossing a glass cup against the wall.

The sound of it shattering brought him back to reality, watching the shards fly everywhere. Maybe he just needed some air, yeah.. maybe that's what he needed. 

Reaching for the pair of glasses he kept above his nightstand, slamming the door of his apartment shut and not even bothering to lock it as he ran down the flight of stairs.

He was supposed to have a meeting with the landlord roughly around now, but it didn't mention anything about it being fucking mandatory. This wouldn't cover his tuition, he would need another paycheck. So, with a few money he grabbed from that stupid piggy bank, Nam-gyu began making his way towards a convenience store. 

Getting himself some cigarettes would probably make it better, along with some food since his stomach was rumbling and growling. He pushed past some people, unsure as of why he was running. He took in a heavy breath as he finally reached the crosswalk, only then realizing his legs burnt and his breath was uneven.

The light flicked red finally, and he began crossing. Only jumping back when a car sped through without a bother, making him audibly gasp as his money fell on a puddle of water. "Shit! You asshole! Watch where the fuck you're driving towards!" He called out towards the car that had already left, grabbing his money with a bunch of 'No's spilling from his lips.

Inside the car, Su-bong's head snapped towards the window with a furrow of his brow, was someone.. shouting at his driver? "What was that?" He asked as he looked away from the window, fingers pausing at the keyboard on his laptop.

"Nothing, sir. It was just merely a pedestrian who tried to cross in the wrong timing." The man replied, unbothered. Currently, Su-bong was on the way to that little business party he was hosting to discuss a few.. matters. It wasn't the best thing in the world, matter of fact, it was boring as fuck. But whatever kept the money going, he guessed.

"How long until we get there? We have to get there before our guests." Su-bong said with the same calm tone of voice, matching it to how the man driving had been speaking. "Around ten minutes, Mr.Choi. Don't worry, I'll make sure you get there before your awaited guests."

Su-bong hummed in response and in approval, focusing once again on the stocks open on his laptop. At least there would be drinks there, and likely a bunch of gossip, maybe this night wouldn't be entirely boring. (Even if he knew this expectation would likely lead him towards deception.)

Across the street already, Nam-gyu was trying to figure out ways to dry the money in his hands. None of these cheap stores had fucking dryers in the bathroom, normally, Nam-gyu wouldn't mind. But he needed that now more than ever.

His eyes lit up as he caught sight of a fancy store not too far away from him, he had his fingers crossed that they had a bathroom. And just to his luck, they did!

He stood there for some time, ignoring the bubbling heat in his hands as the air did some favor into drying the won bills. Some people passed by and looked at him weirdly, but they didn't matter as much as his money.

While standing there, Nam-gyu got some time to think. Maybe he should quit college for once and for all? Law was something he liked to study, but then, if he didn't graduate.. he could only get so far.

His gaze was far away, focused on a point in the wall while waiting for the money to dry at least a little bit. For some time, the pain and the heat became unbearable eventually. But lucky for him, they had dried well.

A breath of relief was punched out of Nam-gyu's lungs as he tucked the money inside his pocket, he really didn't feel like facing his landlord who was likely inside his apartment waiting for him right this moment.

Now, all he had to do was go to the convenience store. Maybe he would quit college in the end, use whatever was in his savings for the tuition to pay rent and find himself another job.

Now that he had that done, he could finally stop getting those weird stares. Feeling a little bit more lighter, Nam-gyu got out of the bathroom. Hopefully, they would accept the money back at the store. Maybe he could meet up with Se-mi later today and have a few drinks like they normally did on days like this.

Pulling his phone out, he dialed the all too familiar numbers and brought it up to his ear, walking while looking at his own feet. A small smile sprouted on his lips as he heard Se-mi's voice, it sounded.. faint, she was probably previously sleeping. "Shit.. what the hell do you want?" What a ray of sunshine, Se-mi really was an amazing friend.

"I'm about to drop around the convenience store, you down for tonight?" Nam-gyu asked, feeling weirdly hopeful. Maybe these were the small joys of his life, moments like this where he could just drink away his worries and get high. 

"..I was kind of going out today, shit— the time, fuck!" Nam-gyu furrowed his brows as he eyed the time, did she have a date or something? "You got a date or something?"

He chuckled as he heard the rustling sounds across the phone, and the loud clatter of the girl's phone against what Nam-gyu assumed was her nightstand. "Yeah, something like that!.." 

Well, looks like everyone was getting someone for this valentine's day. Even Se-mi, and she was younger than him. Maybe Nam-gyu would die alone at this point. "Who's the unlucky girl?"

"Shit, didn't I tell you? Crap, I must have forgotten.." Se-mi trailed off, yanking her closet open as she began going through her clothes. "I began dating this one girl, Mi-na. I don't know how the hell I bagged her but she's one of those rich ass people, y'know?"

What.

"Wait, what? Say that shit again?" Now this was just Nam-gyu being utterly unlucky, Se-mi wasn't even in debt and got a rich girlfriend! Sure, he's gay and all that jazz but he really needed that money.

"Yeah, I know, right? I found out two days ago when she asked me to go out with her to this party today." He heard the younger girl scoff, and Nam-gyu was completely dumbfounded. "You really took getting a sugar mommy seriously." Nam-gyu said with a chuckle, hearing a few muffled curses spill from Se-mi's mouth.

"You wanna come?" Se-mi asked suddenly, and Nam-gyu actually froze on spot this time. It wasn't the best idea.. Nam-gyu didn't have clothes or whatever, he would feel completely out of place there. "Uh.. I- shit, why would I? I'd be completely out of place there."

"Well, I feel bad now, of course." Nam-gyu rolled his eyes, he'd think it was because she'd feel lonely, but of course not. "Damn, you hurt my feelings like this."

"Come on, Nam! If you'd feel out of place, imagine me. Plus, we can shit talk together, enjoy fancy shit, and I don't know— live a little. Plus, maybe you can find yourself a rich man over there." Nam-gyu let out a nervous chuckle, shit. This was a bad idea, but it wasn't like he could go back to his house today, anyway.

"I don't even have proper clothing." Nam-gyu stated anyways, which was true. And even if he did— again, he couldn't go home. "You can borrow some suit of mines." Se-mi retorted back, and he could practically see her standing there with a hand on her hip.

"I'm nowhere near your house, and even then your girlfriend probably would be bothered." 

"We can pick you up, and she told me I could invite someone over if I wanted to."

"You'll both be late if you wait for me to get ready."

"She can wait, the party doesn't have a timing to end."

"But—" Maybe Se-mi was a little bit too good at these kind of arguments, whenever he threw in an excuse, she'd have a perfect solution for it. Which sometimes just would make him say no.

"All I'm hearing is excuses, excuses, and more excuses, Nam. Just get your ass over here already before I give up on you already, jeez." Se-mi complained with a tinge of annoyance, and Nam-gyu did go.

—

"Se-mi, I really don't think this is a good idea." Maybe he shouldn't have come here, after all. His head was tilted back as Se-mi applied some sort of.. whatever is it that she was doing in his eye. The clothes, even if they fit him, were a tad uncomfortable. But at least his hair wasn't greasy anymore, he felt overly fancy when he shouldn't even be here. It was a weird kind of feeling.

"Shh, stay quiet, I'm nearly done. Mi-na will be here soon." Se-mi scolded, running the tip of her brush with black eyeshadow along Nam-gyu's upper eyelash line. It wasn't really makeup, just something more to enhance Nam-gyu's eyes. Naturally, he already had eyes that kind of resembled a cat's, all Se-mi really had to do was make them pop off just a bit more.

 "I really shouldn't be going, tho—" Nam-gyu said with an impatient whine as Se-mi finally pulled away, and Nam-gyu managed to pull his neck forward. Rubbing the back of his already sore neck, he stared at Se-mi who was standing there, proud of her work. "You. Look. Stunning!" She said with a grin, and Nam-gyu stood up to stare at himself in the mirror, technically, she wasn't wrong.

Maybe Nam-gyu could let himself enjoy this evening and let go of his troubles and worries for a bit.

"Yeah, yeah. I guess." Nam-gyu said with an amused smile, and Se-mi already began putting her stuff away. "See? It will be fun! We'll go, drink, get high, and have fun together while drinking rich people shit, what else could be better than that?"

"Yeah.. you know what? You're not wrong." Nam-gyu said along with a hum of approval, fixing his tie for the tenth time. "My question is why the hell do you have two suits?"

Se-mi wasn't wearing a dress, she was wearing a suit just like his, save for the fact it was black and his was navy blue. According to her, dresses were too much of a fuss and you can move freely in a suit. Nam-gyu couldn't necessarily disagree with her. "Dunno, I like both colors. I have both just so I could have an option of colors."

Nam-gyu nodded after a long dragged and low 'ahh..', they would have been silent if it wasn't for the soft buzzing of Se-mi's phone. While the other finished whatever she was doing, Nam-gyu reached for her phone to see the name of contact tagged as 'Princess'. It made him cringe internally but.. the girl Se-mi's dating is indeed pretty, that he couldn't deny.

"Here, your little girlfriend is calling you." Nam-gyu said with a face feigning disgust, and Se-mi simply rolled her eyes as she snatched her phone back the same second she shut her bathroom cabinet. "Hey, you here already?"

Nam-gyu didn't bother picking up on the details, instead, he focused on fixing his tie for the tenth time already in front of the mirror. Fidgeting with his rings and pushing his glasses back from the tip of his nose. 

"Alright, let's get going. She's outside." Se-mi called out as she slid her shoes on by the entrance, turning the doorknob open. Nam-gyu was quick to ease his shoes on, being somewhat glad that he and Se-mi wore the same size of shoes. Their clothes were close enough, he assumed.

Trailing closely after Se-mi who was still busy on her phone, he took the chance to look out the window to try and spot any car out there that could be waiting for them. Maybe she wasn't here yet and just really close?

Stepping outside, Nam-gyu was met with the fresh breeze for the third time of the day. This time, though, the sun was far gone. The stars danced across the sky and the lampposts reflected a warm light on the sidewalks, creating a cozy atmosphere.

Not even two minutes of standing later, Nam-gyu caught side of a fucking Bugatti turning the corner. Shit, even if Nam-gyu saved up all of his money altogether, he could barely reach the bottom of what that Se-mi's girlfriend likely spent on this.

"Bring up your jaw, we'll both be seeing more than this, Nam." Se-mi said with a laugh, opening the passenger door and sliding in. It took Nam-gyu a few seconds to recompose himself, but then he also got inside the car.

It smelled like luxury, not that Nam-gyu was used to it. But it was a nice smell as overwhelming as it was. To the side, he could see Se-mi greeting the girl he had seen on the phone a few seconds ago, presumably her girlfriend. "Ew, I'm here too, y'know." Nam-gyu huffed as the car began to move.

"Right, right. Sorry." Se-mi grumbled as she reluctantly pulled away, and Mi-na's face finally came into full view. She eyed him up and down before smiling, nudging Se-mi's arm and whispering something inaudible to her, to which Se-mi nodded.

"You must be Nam-gyu, right?" Mi-na said when she pulled back, extending her hand for Nam-gyu to shake, and he did. She was.. nice, that's what he could tell right off the bat. Maybe a little mean and sassy, but otherwise nice.

He wouldn't have thought she was much fun, but in matter of seconds, the trio was laughing as the car nearly reached their destination. Nam-gyu covered his mouth with his hand as another laugh bubbled up in his chest, and Se-mi looked happy that they were well.. getting along well.

"You know, Nam-gyu. With that face of yours and your sense of humor, you might end up finding someone to fund you out there." Mi-na suggested with a mischievous glint in her eyes, it made Nam-gyu suspect that she was probably making up a plan in the back of her mind.

"Nah, I wouldn't think so. All of these fancy ass people in there and someone would like a broke college student? Pfft, no way." Mi-na immediately gasped at that, smacking his hand away as she observed his face. "Nonsense! I mean, you do have a very beautiful face. I don't think money counts when you can sway the heart of anyone there." 

"Can't say I disagree with that, Nam." Se-mi butted in, hand resting lightly on her girlfriend's waist as she pulled the other down to her sit. "Just saying, if you end up on someone's bed tonight, don't call me. I'll leave you to be because your broke ass does need some money ASAP."

"What an amazing friend.." Nam-gyu uttered under his breath as he changed his gaze from the two girls towards the window, right timing. He caught a glimpse of a huge fucking building outside, and if it wasn't fancy Nam-gyu didn't fucking exist.

"Okay, now I'm 100% we'll feel out of place here." Nam-gyu said as he snapped his head towards Se-mi, and Mi-na simply waved her hand as she crossed her arms. "Relax, normally business parties like this rarely involves business unless you bring it up. It's just a bunch of rich people gathering and shit talking while getting drunk."

Not that it made anything any easier.. but Nam-gyu swallowed the lump in his throat as he nodded. The car eventually halted in front of the gate as the driver handed a neatly made paper roll to which the gatekeeper opened, checking it, and then finally allowing their entrance.

Stepping out of the car, Nam-gyu adjusted his clothes at least for the tenth time only in an hour. Se-mi and Mi-na intertwined their arms together, and Nam-gyu just kind of tagged along by Se-mi's side.

The people here smelled expensive, they acted expensive as if it clung to them like a second skin. Every step they gave while passing by them, Nam-gyu couldn't help but feel smaller and smaller. His fingers fidgeted with one of his rings, he was unsure how the other girl seemed so at ease.

The laughter was filling the air, rich sounding laughter to which Nam-gyu nearly cringed to. All of this people were probably filthy rich, a kind of luxury Nam-gyu likely would never experience once in his life. But his thoughts were snapped away as he sat down on some couch nearby the pool as his two companions sat down.

"Jeez, this feels overwhelming." Nam-gyu complained with a huff, tucking his hair back behind his ears. Mi-na simply laughed, head leaned on Se-mi's shoulder as she grabbed a glass of wine from some waitress that was moving around. "You'll get used to it, just have a couple of drinks and you'll be just fine. People here aren't that bad, some may be snobby but in the end.. they're just other people, too."

Well, that made Nam-gyu feel more at ease. His fingers wrapped lightly around the bottom of the glass, bringing the cup towards his lips as he took a sip. The taste was bitter, it made Nam-gyu initially grimace, but then he was slowly drinking it. Getting used to the taste which after all, wasn't that bad.

"I'll be back, m'kay?" Mi-na said with a giggle as she kissed Se-mi's cheek before darting off somewhere. Nam-gyu took this opportunity to slide closer to the girl, sighing as he tilted his head back. "I was supposed to have a meeting with my landlord today, I mean, I got an eviction letter."

Se-mi paused, raising her brow. "Is it because of the rent you barely ever pay?" Nam-gyu hummed as he nodded, taking another sip of the bitter wine coating his tongue. "Might quit college because of it."

"You know you can stay by my place as much time as you need, right?" Nam-gyu nodded once again, but either way, he wouldn't have enough to pay the tuition anyways. "It's fine, I won't be able to pay the tuition anyways." He shrugged, pausing as his eyes flickered to the people loudly speaking with a small grin. "Ay, you see that woman over there? Look at where her hand's going.."

Se-mi smacked his arm playfully, as if playing to scold him but either way she let out a quiet chuckle. "We shouldn't be talking about people so openly like this.. but shit, yeah. In public is crazy."

Nam-gyu laughed, covering his mouth with his hand as laughter bubbled up from his chest. He loved these moments with Se-mi, sometimes the worse of situations just went away with simple little moments they have together.

Not very far from them, Mi-na looked for someone in specific, a bright smile appearing on her lips as she caught sight of three men standing nearby the garden. Rushing forwards as much as she could in the heels she was wearing, she tapped someone's shoulder, someone who was all too familiar.

"Su-bong! It's been so long!" She said as the face of the familiar man came into view, and Su-bong returned her smile. "Señorita! It has been a long time." He replied with a side hug, a grin plastered in his face. "How have things been? Still trying to find someone?"

"No.. not really, I found a girlfriend." Mi-na said cheekily, watching as Su-bong's face fell for a second. "Jeez, who's the lucky lady? She here today?" Mi-na nodded, pointing towards the couch that was obscured by a few standing people. "She's sitting there with her friend, wanna come meet them?"

Su-bong thought for a second, setting down his glass as he waved bye to the men he was previously talked to. "Of course."

With that, Su-bong followed Mi-na's lead. Greeting some people here and there on the way until they finally reached the couch where the two Mi-na mentioned would be. But to his surprise, only who Su-bong assumed was Mi-na's girlfriend was there.

"Heyy, I'm back!" Mi-na announced as she plopped down next to Se-mi, finally realizing Nam-gyu wasn't there. "Where's Nam-gyu?"

"He went inside the house.. probably on the balcony he saw for a smoke." Se-mi said as she casually threw her arm over the older girl's shoulders, looking at Su-bong. "And who might that be?"

"Oh, he's my childhood best friend! His name is Su-bong, Su-bong, this is Se-mi." Mi-na introduced them cheerfully, watching the pair shake hands and give each other a polite smile.. well, for Se-mi's part. Because Su-bong was already pulling the whole señorita shit.

Before it could even get any further, Mi-na chimed in, an idea popping up in her mind as she squeezed Se-mi's hand, whom she hoped would get the idea. "Ay, Su-bong. Since you know the house, why don't you go call Nam-gyu for us?"

Su-bong furrowed his brows, crossing his arms. "Why don't you go? He's your friend." Well.. that was a good one, sure. But now, Mi-na kind of felt like playing matchmaker. "One, you're the host. Two, you know the building better, andd three, I'm kind of busy with my girlfriend here."

Su-bong rolled his eyes, a heavy huff of protest leaving his lips as he mumbled a flow of 'whatever's' as he turned around and left. The second Su-bong was gone, though, Mi-na looked at her girlfriend with a wicked grin. "A hundred bucks they'll hook up."

"Mm, bet." Se-mi replied with a chuckle, shaking her head. Mi-na had weird way of trying to match people together.

Above on the balcony Nam-gyu reached inside the house, the strong smell of cigarettes filled the air. One was already crushed by his side, a faint mark of something burnt in the wood of the railing he was leaning against. 

The breeze caressed his face and hair softly, doing nothing to shake away his thoughts of what he would even do with his future.

He inhaled the comforting smoke, eyes prying shut with relief as he pulled the stick back, holding it in for a minute before slowly exhaling it. Cigarettes and drinks were comforting to him, maybe it was because they had its own way to numb down his brain.

The faintest sounds of footsteps in distance reached his ears, even then, he didn't turn. The soft padding of feet mingling with the whooshing wind, and it just grew closer.. until it stopped. Right behind him.

Nam-gyu made no move to turn around, uninterested. It wasn't Se-mi, likely not Mi-na either. They'd probably be calling out for his name all around. "Smoking alone out here?" He heard a deep voice say, it was an unfamiliar one, mayhaps belonging to a very much older man.

"No, the corpse of my dead father is next to me." He replied dryly, and he heard the rustling and padding of feet again as they finally leaned into the railing right next to him, their eyes meeting.

Nam-gyu turned his head reluctantly, a tad annoyed that someone ruined his moment that he had been using to calm down his mind and think, but these eyes were mesmerizing.

Nam-gyu then remembered, this was the same man he had seen earlier on the billboard. But up close, with the dim lighting of the moon glinting softly above them, maybe he wasn't that bad. Purple hair, yet not the entirety of his hair was purple. He had a sharp jaw, defined cheekbones and.. blue eyes. 

It momentarily snapped him out of the moment again, but the deep rumble of a chuckle brought him back to reality. "You have another one of those?"

Nam-gyu nodded, reaching inside his pocket for another stick and his lighter. Su-bong reached for it, bringing it up to his lips as his fingers created the friction against the lighter, watching the flame be lit and burn into the cigarette.

Handing the other the lighter back, Su-bong stared off into the view Nam-gyu had previously been admiring. And then, he turned to Nam-gyu's face. He normally didn't remember anyone he invited, he just knew they came. But Nam-gyu.. he was sure he never met anyone that intrigued him so much as Nam-gyu did.

His eyes were a beautiful shade of black, almost cat like, too. Despite the lack of warmth in them, the fact they were devoid of anything, they were gorgeous. His skin was pale, tinted with barely visible freckles. Maybe coming here to call after Mi-na's friend wasn't so much of a bother anymore.

"You work with anything in particular?" Su-bong asked after a few seconds of awkward silence that seemed to stretch into eternity. Nam-gyu initially shook his head, not saying anything. Su-bong would have thought that Nam-gyu just wanted to be left alone in the end, but before he really could put his mind into it, Nam-gyu was speaking.

"No. I go to college, though." Interesting, well, maybe Nam-gyu really just came around because he was invited. "What major?" Su-bong really was unsure why was he dragging this on, maybe it was because Nam-gyu had a certain allure to him, or maybe it was just because the raven haired man managed to pick his interest.

"Law, but I'm probably going to quit." Nam-gyu said nonchalantly despite the tug on his heart he felt as he said those words, inhaling more smoke to drown the feeling. "Mm, how come? Got tired of it?" Su-bong said, genuinely curious as his fingers tapped against the wood of the railing. Now more focused on Nam-gyu than the cigarette, the view, or the laughter downstairs.

Nam-gyu let out a heavy sigh, normally, he wasn't one to go around and spill his guts to the world. But then again, he was talking to one of those rich and privileged people, it was likely he'd never see Su-bong again. "My job covers most of my tuition but.. I don't have enough to pay my damn rent. And either way, the job I work at is mostly empty all the time, even then I can't study. So I would just work for nothing and fail."

Su-bong pursed his lips, averting his gaze once again thoughtfully. "Sounds pretty tough," he began off. 

Nam-gyu was definitely one of the people who were financially struggling, and him being here was just mere luck because his friend is dating Mi-na. Su-bong normally didn't pay attention to these kinds of people, most of them just wanted money or something— anything, to drag them out of the situation they're in. But Nam-gyu seems decided, maybe a but too much. He looked unbothered or at least tried to convince himself he didn't care about this.

"It's not a tough decision, college can make you go towards the path of success, but if you slowly give yourself up in the end.. none of it is worth it. Even though I like studying, it's the truth." Nam-gyu murmured as he pushed his glasses back to the ridge of his nose, observing below them the glinting lights and the people socializing.

"I didn't catch your name yet." Su-bong suddenly mentioned, maybe he was just trying to change the uncomfortable subject.. whatever. Nam-gyu nodded, leaning his upper body forward as he enjoyed the soft and warm summer breeze. "Nam-gyu, Roh Nam-gyu."

Pretty name for a beautiful face.

That was Su-bong's first thought as he finally got his name, a smile appearing on his lips only to be brushed away. "My name's Choi Su-bong, it's nice to meet you, Nam-gyu."

Nam-gyu nodded, and he would have thought the conversation might as well have ended there. Yet, countless minutes later, to which he didn't even bother counting, he was still here. Still here sitting down on the floor as he laughed away with Su-bong as if he had known him his whole life, all while he held an already out cigarette.

"For someone so rich.. I wouldn't have thought you're funny, y'know? In my opinion, rich people can be so snobby.. it pisses me off." Nam-gyu said with another laugh coming right after as Su-bong snorted, waving him off. "Hey, now you know we're not snobby.. at least not all of us are, anyway."

They both stopped talking again, but this time, for some reason it felt weirdly different. The atmosphere was carefree and yet draping over them like a blanket, it was just enough to make Nam-gyu's heart begin thudding with excitement for reasons he couldn't even place.

"Do I piss you off?" Su-bong asked in a low murmur, hand moving from his own thigh to just tilt Nam-gyu's chin up. Sure.. Nam-gyu initially cursed him off but in the end, Su-bong wasn't bad. "No, not at all." Nam-gyu replied nearly breathlessly.

It was a tense moment charged with unspoken desires and unsaid words, Nam-gyu felt as if he had known this intriguing but weirdly attractive man since forever. He didn't know why he felt like this.. or what kind of spell Su-bong had on him (if he even had any), for him to feel the way he was feeling. He wasn't one for impulsive actions, but for some reason, his mind was screaming at him to give in.

And then, after a moment of hesitation and pondering, their eyes locked again. No words were exchanged at all, but it was as if they could read into each other's minds as their lips locked together.

It felt right, way too right. The alcohol clouded his mind and the smell of cigarettes clinging to Su-bong.. or maybe it was him, which in the end was both, was slowly getting to his brain. A groan spilled from Nam-gyu's lips as he reciprocated the kiss eagerly, eyelids fluttering shut against his will.

The way they melted together felt as if they were meant to do this, call Nam-gyu cheesy but he couldn't deny how good it felt. 

Su-bong was practically devouring him whole, hands wandering all around him as if trying to memorize his body through the barrier of their clothing pieces. Naturally, Nam-gyu didn't believe in God. But the second he pulled away, heavy and panting, and met Su-bong's eyes, the first thought occurring to his mind was that this man was his savior.

Nam-gyu let out a chuckle, tilting his head down as to hide his smile. He didn't know many things, but he knew he wanted Su-bong. Not because of the money, not because of where he is placed in society, but because of who he is.

"Wanna get out of here?" Su-bong asked just as equally breathless with a different gleam in his eyes, it was as if he felt it, too. "You're just.. leaving your guests here?" Nam-gyu asked, was he really getting to the point he was leaving his own party for him?

"Don't worry, I can't manage a party all by myself. I have assistants here that know how to take care of things without me." Su-bong said as he stood up, pulling Nam-gyu along as they sped walked out of the house.

It was as if Su-bong's assistants all knew his own rhythm and how he was, it surprised him, honestly. Especially when the man he assumed was the driver began making their way towards some limousine— maybe Su-bong really had it all thought out.

Following suit after the older man, he got inside the back seat. Of course the limousine had a damn partition, and Su-bong had never been so glad he came here with it.

The door behind Su-bong clicked shut as he rolled up the window, completely obscuring the driver from their view. And in an instant, their lips were on each other again.

Nam-gyu grabbed Su-bong's hair, feeling the silky and surprisingly strands beneath his fingers as they eagerly made out. Nam-gyu pressed against the seat, and Su-bong on top of him. The kiss broke with a wet 'pop', Nam-gyu was panting, but Su-bong didn't seem to mind catching his breath at all. His kisses descended all the way towards Nam-gyu's jaw to his neck, kissing and biting softly around the skin.

Su-bong began undoing the tie Nam-gyu wore, easing off the blazer all while he paid extra attention to the milky skin beneath his lips. But he didn't take off his shirt, thinking it'd be too much of a waste of time to put it back on once they reached the penthouse Su-bong stayed at.

And yet, he still was inpatient to just stick to kissing. His hands fumbled with Nam-gyu's belt as he heard the other pant and let out noises, the way his chest heaved and fell was nothing short of addictive.

Nam-gyu's heart stopped as he was brought to reality when he felt cold air hit his legs, realizing that Su-bong wasn't on top anymore, but kneeled down between his legs. Nam-gyu wasn't one to sleep around mainly because of this reason, most people in Korea were far too judgmental.

And yet, as Su-bong pulled down his boxers, he didn't say a word. He looked back up at Nam-gyu with a look he swore could suffocate him. Nam-gyu would have sworn he could feel his blood rushing just by how Su-bong was staring at him. With those eyes of him so hazy and practically begging, it made him think and know that right this instant, Su-bong didn't want only his body.

Nam-gyu nodded, and that was all the permission Su-bong ever needed. Firm hands gripped the back of Nam-gyu's thighs as they were thrown over his broad shoulders, it was as if Su-bong needed this— needed him like the air he breathed.

If he was unfocused before, all of his focus was brought back to reality. The reality where Su-bong buried his face between his legs, an expert tongue flat against his folds before it licked a stripe up his slit. A moan elicited from Nam-gyu's lips, a hand immediately burying itself on the purple hair since he couldn't really grasp onto anything.

Su-bong could have sworn he would lose his mind just from how good Nam-gyu tasted, shit, he if Nam-gyu accepted getting paid just for Su-bong to have him. His nose buried against the other's clit as he slid his tongue in with a groan, hearing the pleasurable sounds spilling from Nam-gyu's lips, maybe Su-bong was indeed in heaven.

Alternating between licks and thrusts of his tongue, Su-bong finally latched on the other's clit, one of his fingers pressing against his entrance to slowly sink in up to his knuckles.

Nam-gyu clenched around his fingers, as if he was desperate to keep them in. A hand flew over Nam-gyu's mouth as to muffle the series of noises he was letting out. Su-bong definitely did this before, he was doing this so confidently and so easily that it was making Nam-gyu's mind fog up. For a moment, he felt bad for the driver in the other compartment of the car, but now?.. maybe not so much. Despite his efforts to stay quiet, the feeling was too fucking good to ignore.

His gaze was dazed and distant, looking at everywhere but Su-bong's eyes. His biggest mistake was to look at them anyways, because the sight was genuinely breathtaking. The man had a determined face and even then, had this wild look in his eyes. It was enough to feel a familiar tightness in his core, making Nam-gyu throw his head back as the hand that was on Su-bong's hair forced him closer, if that even was possible.

The only sounds heard in the car was either Nam-gyu moaning or the obscene squelching sounds, Nam-gyu began grinding his hips against Su-bong's face, eyes rolling back from the sheer pleasure of it all. His thighs were restless, especially when Su-bong sunk a second finger just as equally deep as the first one. Nam-gyu didn't know if he wanted to press closer or squirm away from just how intense this all was. But either way he couldn't move, all due to one of Su-bong's arms pressed around one of his thighs, holding him down.

It was fucking pathetic how Nam-gyu was whimpering and moaning like a bitch in heat, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Everything was muffled as if he was underwater, he felt too good to bother. He locked his eyes with Su-bong again, who let out a groan against his cunt. Nam-gyu shuddered, shit, he was so close—

And then the car came into a halt, making Su-bong pull back. Nam-gyu whined in protest as he lost the feeling of Su-bong's fingers and mouth on him, but he was quickly shut with a heated kiss as Su-bong pulled up his pants. Nam-gyu was so fucking horny it physically hurt. The throb in his pussy was insistent, strong, shit had he really gone that long without sex?

"Why'd you stop?" Nam-gyu said with a frown and even annoyance in his voice, and Su-bong gave him a stupid grin full of teeth before kissing his jaw, close to his ear. "Maybe because the car stopped.. we're here. But then again, maybe you were too fucked out on my tongue to notice. Especially when you moaned like you were in heat."

Nam-gyu's face earned a bright tint of red at Su-bong's words, smacking the other's arms as he opened his mouth to clearly argue back against the statement, albeit knowing it was nothing but the truth. But their lips met again in another kiss, and this time, Nam-gyu could properly and definitely taste himself on Su-bong's tongue. A knock on the window was heard before they even got too heated, the driver announcing they had arrived, and Su-bong pulled back.. still with that damn cheeky grin. This time, he leaned in directly in his ear, enough to make him shudder, and whispered;

"I have enough money to pay you to have you staying on display in my bedroom allll day, and I most definitely could pay you to let me eat your sweet cunt for hours, mm? Would you like that?" Su-bong said in a breathy voice, it was deep and a bit raspy, making Nam-gyu feel a tingle down his spine. "I'd be between your legs so much that instead of complaining, you'll be crying for me to stop. But then again, you'll probably like it." And with that, Su-bong pulled away. Taking Nam-gyu's hand into his as he led the other out of the car.

Disheveled, flushing, and panting, Nam-gyu met the driver's eyes. Thankfully, his face was devoid of any emotion, even if Nam-gyu knew he was moaning loudly enough for the older man to hear. A man could certainly hope, right?

The sight in front of him momentarily had him dazed, making him forget about a lot of things in the moment. The building was definitely fancy, it shone bright and was well decorated. It had beautiful details, details that Nam-gyu was sure that even a single piece standing outside for decoration was worth more than he was. Su-bong chuckled, but didn't mention it further as he hastily dragged Nam-gyu inside. He greeted a few people along the way to the elevator, some staff doing the same as they politely bowed towards each other. Normally, Nam-gyu would feel extremely awkward and out of place, but he really just wanted Su-bong's hands roaming everywhere around him once again— so he really couldn't bring himself to care at this point.

The ride inside the elevator felt excruciatingly slow, his grip tight on Su-bong's hand. He was definitely just as eager as Nam-gyu was, considering how he would impatiently squeeze Nam-gyu's hand back from time to time. 

The door to the elevator dinged open just in time, to his relief. By now, Su-bong was just rapidly dragging Nam-gyu through the halls until they stopped by a particular door.

Su-bong's hands stubbornly shook as he slid the key inside the keyhole and twisted it. Hastily opening the door, he tossed the keys aside and shut the door with an unintentional slam when Nam-gyu walked in. The poor man didn't have a chance to admire how fancy the whole place was before he was swooped up in the other's arms, maybe Su-bong was even more horny than he was, after all.

In matter of seconds, he was thrown against the bed with an oddly gentle care. The blankets and mattress felt comfortable against his hands, it was definitely some kind of velvet. The rustling of clothes called Nam-gyu back to reality, only to see Su-bong standing there shirtless. He definitely went to gym, having a toned and defined upper body. Su-bong not only had a great personality but he was fucking hot. These same hands were back on him, undoing the buttons of his pants and carelessly throwing them aside along with his underwear, despite having previously been naked seconds earlier— he still couldn't help feeling a bit exposed.

Air felt a bit scarce as Su-bong slid off his shirt, Nam-gyu couldn't help feeling overly conscious over the two scars shaped in crescents there. But it was way better than when he still had his boobs, dysphoria wasn't as bad anymore. His shirt was also thrown on the floor somewhere with his clothes, leaving him bare for the air to caress his skin.

Su-bong stared at the man beneath him, all of the weight in the world seemed to be in those beautiful black eyes and Su-bong felt like he was swept off his feet. Nam-gyu was still somewhat panting, his once neat hair was sticking everywhere but most importantly, around his head like some sort of halo. His chest heaving and falling, hands slightly gripping the sheets in anticipation, and Su-bong decided right there that Nam-gyu wasn't too far below the gods. Matter of fact, he likely was one. "Shit," Su-bong mumbled as he pressed his face against Nam-gyu's neck, kissing the skin there as both of his hands held his waist firmly.

"You're fucking divine, you know that?" Nam-gyu gaped his lips, his heart stuttering in place as he processed the words. He got called a lot of things throughout the course of his life, hot, pretty, gorgeous— but being called something such as this in such a raw unbridled way, a way that sounded so genuine, tugged at his heart.

"Su-bong— please." Nam-gyu whined back, those words were all sent straight to his core. He wasn't aware he had a thing for getting praised and worshipped like this, but he wasn't complaining. Those warm and open mouthed kisses became bites, etching and craving themselves on his skin with a pleasurable sting of pain.

Su-bong was everywhere, his mouth marking the pale skin of his neck, his shoulders, his collarbones— and then he finally pulled back, panting slightly with a satisfied smirk on his face. "You're fucking gorgeous, you sure you're not a god in disguise?" Su-bong genuinely asked, fingers tracing the marks under his chest with an utter tenderness Nam-gyu swore he would cry.. not only from his eyes, of course.

"Su-bong, shit— please, just fuck me." Nam-gyu said with a frown, it really wasn't his fault when his cunt was throbbing too fucking hard just from how turned on he was. "Needy." Su-bong mumbled in reply as he latched on one of his nipples, a moan tearing from Nam-gyu's throat. Initially low, but when Su-bong slid in two fingers inside of him again with no warning, it essentially grew higher in pitch.

His thighs shook as Su-bong shoved his fingers deep enough to reach that spongy spot inside of him, crooking and scissoring in an almost teasing manner. He could feel his erection pressing directly on the thigh he was hovering over, and Nam-gyu really just wanted to be fucked dumb over and over again by this man.

Su-bong pulled back, smirking at Nam-gyu who was by now grinding his hips down as much as he could against his fingers, a hand coming up to caress his cheek in an almost mocking way. "You gonna cum, baby?" With those words, he sped up his movements. The palm of his hand slapping against Nam-gyu's already tortured clit with each thrust.

Nam-gyu nodded, gripping the sheets as moans tore from his throat. The knot in his core slowly unraveling, "Come on, cum around my fingers, you earned it." And he did, hard. Nam-gyu's eyes nearly rolled back (they probably did, but he was too out of it to even tell.) As his thighs tried to clamp shut out of pure instinct, gushing around Su-bong's fingers.

Su-bong worked Nam-gyu through his orgasm, watching Nam-gyu squirt and pulse around his fingers with genuine awe. Peppering his face in kisses, down to his jaw, neck, and stopping at his shoulders. A grin plastered on his face as Nam-gyu finally came down from his intense high. He eased his fingers out, earning whines of what looked like overstimulation and bringing his fingers to his mouth as he sucked them clean. "You taste real good, y'know?" Su-bong murmured against Nam-gyu's shoulder before pulling back to look at him in the eyes. Nam-gyu looked a little out of it, maybe it was that good in the end. "You with me?"

Nam-gyu slowly snapped back to it, the initial haze of his orgasm fading as he was met with Su-bong's grounding eyes. He nodded, although he was barely catching into the words. He propped himself up on his elbows, chasing after Su-bong's lips as they met with a kiss. It wasn't soft, nor tender. But it wasn't feral either, instead, it exhaled the feelings unspoken; passion, may-haps. And definitely lust.

With a surprising ease, as Su-bong allowed it, Nam-gyu slowly swapped their positions so he was properly sat on his lap. A hand burying itself into the mix of purple and black hair while the other deftly unbuckled Su-bong's belt and unzipped the zipper of his pants, and with a minimum help from the older man, he shoved them down along with his boxers, whom Su-bong kicked somewhere in the room.

Breaking the kiss apart and yet without breaking eye contact, Nam-gyu grabbed the other's already red cock— the poor thing already leaking. And Nam-gyu couldn't even judge him, he was fucking sopping wet. Pumping it once or twice in his hand as Su-bong let out quiet groans, he pressed it slowly against his entrance before he began sinking down.

Moans and grunts from both of them were heard in the room and yet they still stared at each other. Su-bong held Nam-gyu's hips firmly, thinking he had never looked so divine. He felt like gummy around him— and shit, he was tight. He would have guessed it had been a little while, and the thought almost made him smile. Almost.

"Shit— you're s'big" Nam-gyu groaned into Su-bong's neck, he felt so fucking stuffed and full and yet Su-bong was only halfway in. "Relax, just take a breath, 'kay?" Su-bong said as he as gently as possible, eased Nam-gyu down into his dick. Rubbing circles on his hips with his thumbs, after what felt like an eternity, Su-bong bottomed out. Pulling Nam-gyu in for another kiss to help him distract himself.

The pain was stinging, it definitely had been more than months since Nam-gyu had sex with someone. But it was good, that was something he couldn't deny. But it slowly eased away as they kissed, forcing himself to focus more on the feeling of Su-bong's lips on his than the slightly uncomfortable feeling. "Sh- shit.." Su-bong said with a breathless moan, eyes darting to see Nam-gyu perfectly adjusted on his lap. 

"You feel good, fuck," Nam-gyu moaned, lifting his hips a tad shakily before dropping down. Su-bong's hands aided him on the movement, although he did let Nam-gyu work it in his own pace. "Fucking christ, you're a dream." Su-bong said with a groan, head hitting back against the headboard and fingers tightening around the other's hip when he let out a sound equal to a whimper.

The initial pace was slow, a measured drop and rise of hips that had them both moaning and allowing them to savor the feeling. But then again, it only took a few moments for that pace to change into a much faster one. In question of seconds, Nam-gyu was going faster and faster until he was practically bouncing on Su-bong's lap. Mewling and moaning helplessly, it was a hell of a fucking sight.

Su-bong took a little while to appreciate Nam-gyu's appearance before anything else, the way Nam-gyu had his arms thrown over his shoulders, the way his eyes were glazed and unfocused, sometimes rolling back.. the way his lips, already swollen and red from kissing parted to let out the most sinful moans Su-bong has ever heard.. he swore Nam-gyu could make a pornstar feel ashamed. And the way he was nearly drooling, fucking himself dumb on Su-bong's cock as if it was his life purpose.

Tugging at Nam-gyu's hair for a split second, he watched the latter whine at the feeling before being pulled into a messy and sloppy kiss. It was as if they were trying to swallow each other, maybe that's how both of them wanted it to be. Su-bong dug his nails into Nam-gyu's skin, hoping that it was strong enough to leave a mark— any mark he could leave on this being that Su-bong so dearly believed was a god. And maybe the altar was Nam-gyu's hips, where Su-bong worshipped him.

Nam-gyu moaned breathlessly against the kiss, his movements all jerky and uncoordinated as he got closer and closer. And as their lips parted, Nam-gyu was coming for the second time— and fucking hard. To the point his vision was all blurry and Su-bong became just a flash of purple hair.

Su-bong groaned as he felt Nam-gyu squeeze the life out of him, his cunt gripping his dick so tight he would have guessed Nam-gyu never wanted to let him go. He bit down on the other's shoulder, thrusting up as their bodies moved in sync. And then he finally released, pushing himself as deep as he could go before flooding the other's insides. It was an addictive kind of feeling, one that Su-bong definitely wanted to get used to. "Good job— shit, good boy"

Nam-gyu whimpered at the name, their bodies altogether slowly halting to a stop. For a few moments, both of them stayed still, starstruck. Nam-gyu was the first to move, whimpers and moans he tried so hard to suppress falling from his lips desperately until the other's cock limply slid out of his cunt, biting his lip at the mere sight of it.

Su-bong observed it just as well as Nam-gyu did, his tongue kissing his teeth as he watched his cum slowly slide out of Nam-gyu's gaping and spasming hole. "For someone who was dying to get fucked, you're really wasteful, y'know?" Su-bong murmured as he pushed two of his fingers in, earning an overstimulated moan from Nam-gyu who smacked his shoulder. "Asshole.. I'm still fucking sensitive."

But really, Su-bong couldn't care less. Tapping Nam-gyu's clit with his thumb, "Get on your knees and hands." It was an authoritative kind of voice, demanding, too. But not forcing, if Nam-gyu wanted to stop there, Su-bong would stop. But a wicked grin spread on his lips as Nam-gyu did just exactly as he was told to, maybe he might as well keep Nam-gyu all to himself in his bed.

"Tsk, maybe you really would like being in my bedroom, wouldn't you? Fucking slut." Su-bong murmured, not even giving the other a warning before he pushed himself straight in with a groan. His hand, heavy and willing, slapping against the skin of his ass. 

Nam-gyu let out a surprised yelp at that, he shouldn't have enjoyed it but.. he weirdly did, the sting of pain slowly fading away only to be etched again. "F-fuck!— Su-bong!" A broken moan tore from his throat, and this time, Su-bong wasn't letting him take his time.

The thrusts were relentless, nearly wild if not more than that. The combined feeling of his insides being ravaged and the sharp smacks against his ass were too much. His upper body slumped forward, leaving his ass perked up as he gripped the sheets below him. His thighs shook, Nam-gyu for a split second believed he would pass out and slump forward completely if it wasn't for the firm grip of one of Su-bong's hands so tight on his hip. "F-fuck, Su-bong— it's too muc- ahn!.. shit, slow down!-" 

And yet the older man made no move to slow down, he didn't had intentions to, after all. Another demanding hand smacked against Nam-gyu's ass, tearing moans from the back of the other's throat. Su-bong watched with satisfaction as the once pale skin became a blooming red, deciding to give the poor boy a break and moving his hand to press Nam-gyu's head against the mattress. "You take what I give you, hear me? You asked for this."

A shiver ran down Nam-gyu's spine at how deep and rough Su-bong's voice was, his eyes prickling with tears as he moaned uselessly like some cheap slut against the blankets. The grip he had there was enough to make his knuckles whiten. His mouth opened and didn't even close again as a series of 'ah, ah, ah's' left his lips. His mind was blank, the only thing etched into it was Su-bong deep inside of him, Su-bong pressing his face down, Su-bong who was now pressing kisses down his spine. Su-bong, Su-bong, Su-bong. Everything was him, he was everywhere.

Pulling Nam-gyu's head back by the hair, Su-bong kissed his shoulder as he watched him practically drool, pathetically sobbing as he clenched hard against Su-bong's dick. The sight was nearly enough to make Su-bong cum right there and then, but he held it in. "Come on, touch yourself f'me." Su-bong instructed as calmly as he could despite how restrained his voice sounded.

Nam-gyu nodded, or at least tried to. And even as he felt highly overstimulated and out of it, two of his fingers pressed against his clit, jerky and deft as he rubbed himself. Nam-gyu swore his soul got sucked out seconds later when he came once again, nearly passing out as he kept gushing around the other. Su-bong moaned and grunted as he fucked Nam-gyu through his orgasm, all it took for him to cum too was a few more thrusts before he buried himself to the hilt, cumming to the feeling of Nam-gyu's gummy walls gripping him as if he was going to disappear if it let go.

Despite the haze of his orgasm, Su-bong kissed the side of Nam-gyu's neck as he slumped forward, murmuring sweet words as he heard Nam-gyu genuinely sob of pleasurable overstimulation.

"Think you can do one f'me, baby? Just one more?" Su-bong asked as he stilled his movements, letting Nam-gyu come back to reality. The raven haired man shook his head, overstimulation slowly drenching up his brain. Sobs left him as he completely ignored the drool leaving his parted lips.

Su-bong eased himself out of the other, flipping him on his back only to be met with the most fucking erotic and yet still infuriatingly beautiful sight. A sight that knocked air out of his lungs.

Nam-gyu's eyelashes were wet, his eyes were shining with tears and they were slightly bloodshot. They had an alluring shine to them, and Su-bong found that Nam-gyu was fucking gorgeous when he cried. There was drool etched on his cheek from the previous moment, his chest heaved and fell in a rapid pace. His lips red and swollen, sweat on his forehead and hair sticking to his face. And Nam-gyu still was the most beautiful man Su-bong had ever laid eyes on. "Come on, baby, just one more and I'll let you rest."

Nam-gyu whined in protest, shaking his head as he sniffled. But with just a little bit more of convincing— a few sweet words here and there, he was agreeing. "Just one more.. i'm fucking tired." Nam-gyu murmured with a furrow of his brows.

Su-bong nodded, kissing his cheek and wiping his tears tenderly with the back of his hand. This time, maybe it wasn't because Su-bong wanted to fuck Nam-gyu, he wanted to downright worship the god that somehow ended up in his bed. Nam-gyu's eyes fluttered shut with a throaty moan as Su-bong slid himself back in for what felt like the tenth time only tonight, and he cursed himself mentally for agreeing with this at first, but Su-bong didn't move at first, catching Nam-gyu off guard.

Instead, the purple haired man began descending kisses down Nam-gyu's neck, slowly and throughly. So gentle that Nam-gyu thought that for a second, Su-bong was treating him like a piece of frail art. "You're so gorgeous, shit." Su-bong murmured against Nam-gyu's heated skin, determined to leave his lips in every single inch there was. "If I knew you were friends with Mi-na's girlfriend, I'd have taken you for myself a long time ago." Su-bong said as he kissed the scars Nam-gyu was so insecure of, gentle, and willing. As if he was trying to make Nam-gyu carve into his brain that he was perfect, even with the small crescent scars beneath his chest.

And Nam-gyu thought he might begin sobbing all over again, especially when Su-bong finally began moving as slowly and tenderly as he could, and yet deep— in a way Nam-gyu actually could feel just how deep inside he was, and just how big Su-bong felt— stuffing his poor cunt full. "I'm not religious or anything, but fuck— I think I want to worship you everyday of my life." Su-bong said as he placed one of Nam-gyu's legs over his shoulder, his gaze holding so much care, something so undeniably sweet, that Nam-gyu's heart couldn't take it. Nor the way his chest felt like it would burst.

"Would you like that? Fuck— staying with me? Let me worship like the god you are? Honestly, you're not too below that." Su-bong said with a shaky laugh, mixed with a moan as he moved himself quicker. His free hand caressed Nam-gyu's body, tracing every scar, every stretch mark in view, every little detail. And committing them to memory.

"Su-bong— yes, shit! Yes, yes, yes— please!" Nam-gyu chanted over and over again, careless about the tears spilling down his cheeks as he felt Su-bong's thumb firmly press against his clit, circling it slowly in soothing motions. The feeling of it all was genuinely overwhelming, in a good way. Dragging another orgasm out of him as he chanted Su-bong's name over and over again as he came for the fourth time only tonight.

Su-bong's breath hitched, gripping Nam-gyu's leg firmly as he tossed his hair back, overstimulating himself with a few more thrusts before he buried himself to the hilt once again, in a way that felt right, and came. Slowly fucking his cum inside the other with gentle and little thrusts until he stopped fully.

Dropping Nam-gyu's leg down, none of them moved for what felt like an eternity, instead.. they just stared at each other's eyes in a moment of unspoken emotions. "Good job, you did so well f'me" Su-bong was the first to speak, already peppering kisses all over Nam-gyu's face as he slid out of his pussy who spasmed and clenched around air, leaking out his cum. Nam-gyu was out of it, too out of it, to be honest. He felt half unconscious and half conscious, just barely catching onto Su-bong's words.

"Stay here, I'll run you a bath." Su-bong said with a smile even though Nam-gyu could barely move a muscle. Showering was just as tender, his hair was washed throughly like every part of his body. All with the utmost care. His hair was dried with a blow dryer and he was changed into some clothes that were a little bit too big on him, and finally, he caught up with the moment when he was in bed.. laying next to Su-bong. Face pressed into the other's collarbone.

Su-bong was absentmindedly tracing circles on Nam-gyu's arm as he hummed quietly, inhaling the shampoo scent emanating from his freshly washed hair. "Do you still want to go to college?" He asked abruptly, making Nam-gyu pull back to look at Su-bong in the eyes. "If I had the money, I'd keep going." He said a little bit resentful, knowing he'd have to quit.

"I'll pay for your tuitions, and you can also.. stay with me, if you want. I meant it when I said I wanted you for me." Su-bong said sheepishly, fully expecting a 'no' or 'we only slept once, get lost.' From Nam-gyu. But in reality, Nam-gyu gave him the most beautiful smile he could muster up along with a chuckle and nodded. "If you wanted to date me, you could have just said so. Going to college is just part of the package."

Su-bong smiled back, shaking his head before burying his face into Nam-gyu's hair. "Alright, guess I'll be living with a future lawyer, then."

Nam-gyu was the first to fall asleep, lulled by the good feelings and how light his heart felt. And Su-bong slept right after, observing Nam-gyu's face until slept caught him too.

And if the poor driver ever heard them previously? That was for him to keep it to himself. (With a little bribery of an extra payment.)

-

BONUS!!!

Nam-gyu groaned as he sat up straight, rubbing his eyes as he felt arms draped over his waist. He sighed as he looked at Su-bong, reaching for his glasses and phone left on the nightstand. Clicking on his phone, he was startled to see the amount of messages and missed calls from Se-mi, shit.

Calling the other girl back immediately, he barely had the chance to say hi as Se-mi asked; "Did you guys hook up?"

In the back, he could hear Mi-na giggling. So all along.. they had been planning this. Ever since the car ride where Mi-na whispered something to Se-mi, tsk. Clever little bitches. But he still couldn't help feeling a little embarrassed. "Se-mi!" He scolded, a huff leaving his lips.

But Nam-gyu didn't mind it, not at all. Especially when he got a caring boyfriend along the way.

[pupuseriazag]

Tw: venting (mentions of death trauma, family problems, etc)

I think I am going through another episode like years ago, I have tried my best to keep myself stable and silence the dangerous and panic inducing thoughts but I dont know how much more I will be able to endure.

For those that dont know, I have major anxiety and phobia to death. In 2021 I had to be taken to a psychologist because I broke down in my moms arms, not being able to stop the constant storm of my brain making me panic about how one day Im not going to be here,that I could die any moment and I dont have a guarantee of whats going to happen after that... Its hell, its horrible I love living so much and I know I should already have processed the thoughts... But I cant man. I cant and its horrible to live like this.

I was medicated with anxiety pills (my mom was afraid I could get addicted to antidepression pills until months later another doctor actually prescribed them to me) and ever since I "became better" I've been feeling guilty to ask her to buy me more because I dont want to worry her more.

Before turning 18 I NEVER visioned myself getting to live 24. I cried the early morning I turned 18 because I just didnt knew what to do. I still dont know what to do.

Im at 24 and Im getting let down more and more by life. Situation at home is still shitty and I just... Dont see a way for us to leave here.

Its been 5 fucking years since we began searching for a home to move away from my dad (to clarify: my dad is not physically nor verbally abusive. But he is a cheater, a selfish person and emotionally manipulative jobless liar.) and we cant... We just cant. Everywhere expects you to be paying 400$ a month for a one room apartment or 90k for a home thats falling apart, we cannot afford to move to another departament because of my university and her job. Traffic from other cities like San Marcos, San Martin and even Mejicanos is just too fucking much. Its already too much where we live.

Even if I had a job, we couldnt be able to move somewhere better, we have been stuck here for 5 years, two fucking years taken from covid and 3 to try to stabilize ourselves after that (plus his medical bills after he got kidney stones riiiight after leaving his job, very fucking convenient)

We cant even move to my grandma's or my mom's sister's house. They live on the other side of the country and they have always been very vocal about being against my mom and siding with my dad. And even tho we have the support of some of my dad's sisters... We just cant move to their home.

Everyday I wake up here is like being stuck in a time loop. Every day is the fucking same and I just find a way to distract myself before being yanked back to reality, same with my mom. And you know the worst? I also have to be my moms therapist.

Im tired man, all of this is driving me crazy and the hopelessness I feel when I realize my position is just... Overwhelmingly sad. I hate this life, I hate the life I was given and I hate being brought to a broken family, I hate that my life could have been better if ONLY my dad was not a piece of shit cheating on my mom and putting HIS family side before us, I hate that things could have been so... So much different if only he was a good person. Im not strong enough to continue pretending its not affecting my mental health, no wonder the intrusive thoughts increased these months... These past days.

I feel miserable, I feel worthless, I feel like everything is not worth it. I have insomnia until like 4 am and I panic when I cant find anything I can listen to so I can get some sleep. I havent been able to draw because I dont feel its worth it... I have only been able to distract myself playing and going to uni.

And even putting my family problems aside, I still cant find joy or hope. National news and seeing how this country its being turned into the gringos/politicians playhouse, how even if my life was "better" Im still in danger for being a queer afab person. How people still have blind faith in a fascist regime and money runs lower and lower for the working class meanwhile they proudly announce the inauguration of gentrified beaches and zones of San Salvador, displacing markets and historial establishments to put a fucking starbucks and other multinationals to be more gringo friendly while zones like Apopa and Soyapango are heavily militarized and the police can just say you are linked to the gangs to abuse you.

On top of that coming to terms that I may not end up working in anything art related and having to accept thar if I ever get a job Ill have to rot in an office, seeing how even tho I want to stay away from the norm I feel forced to join it... And that also means having to ""accept my prewritten gender role"".

Everyday that passes feels as if life will force me to live as a straight cis woman or otherwise I will just have to accept being alone the rest of my life.

I know Im being too negative right now, Im letting out how I've been feeling because lately its just been... Too much. Last night I even had a small disagreement with my mom because Im just not in the mood for being her therapist during this we're dealing. I know my dad is an asshole and I know hes using the few money he has to pamper his other woman instead of helping with the bills, I already know he tries to lie to us and acts as the victim. Its tiring to go through the same conversation about him everyday.

So yeah, back to my life... I just wish for some peace you know? I wish for a house where I can actually see the sky from my window and not worrying about at least my family problems. Srry for the sudden emotional explosion

[jiwonsssi]

— worth it.

It's always difficult to stay sane in relationships. Especially if it's about Eun Jiwon.

warnings: unprotected sex, oral sex (like a tiny attempt), swearing.

characters: Eun Jiwon, 'you'.

The thing is, Jiwon was never an easy task. To talk with, to work with, to live with, to date in general; he had always been able to find a topic to bicker about just as a part of his hobby. You were wondering everytime that happened; like, how one person can make so much noise? It's funny and cute most of the times; he didn't ever crossed a line. Never complaint about your cooking skills, or your clothes, style; appearance. Your way of life was also never a topic for his antics even when you were one hundred percent sure he had some troubles with accepting this or that.

He never meant to hurt you in any way; although he did. And it hurts like hell now. Because his 'I didn't say anything wrong' is the problem, not his words about something you don't even remember for now. Seeing you barely able to control tears and still continuing to step on what got you crying. He might be right a hundred times, but it didn't matter. It still doesn't and would never be. At least for you.

And when you leaved him, advising him to think about what he says, Jiwon was still sure that he did the right thing. He's really unpredictable sometimes, because heaven knows, it's the first time you realised just how stupid, stubborn and insensitive he could actually be.

So you didn't talk for, somehow, four days. And it broke your heart even more. He texted you once, but lowering your expectations and being okay with this treatment? Thank you, no. He's not busy now and you know it. And he knows where you are. It's not like he's not able to come to talk, to sort things out. At this point it's not about crying and complaining how he mistreated you and so on and so forth; it's about fighting him for greater good. Good old rage. At the first day, you cried like a bitch; fighting with him was never that harsh on you while you were never that sensitive. Just the whole situation, and stress, and him not paying attention to that. So if he would have been here then, it would be alright. You didn't even need his apologies, you just wanted to cry not in a pillow all alone, but in his shoulder. At the second day, you were a lot calmer. That's when the text happened and that 'you alright? im sorry' even made you uncertain in some way; but.. not so much. At the third day came alcohol and best friend, and they made everything so much easier. Maybe it helped because the whole evening you two were just playing games, without discussing anything. It surely cleared your head so now, at the forth day, you were certain in the fact that you want to show him just how angry you are.

- 'Im sorry', pff, you sure should be, - muttering it under your breath while trying to open the door in apartments when he lives, you tried to keep your mind clear. You really tried. But the thing is, you love him so much, that you totally not going to lose him over some fight when you two were just stressed out. And you love yourself enough to make him understand that that's not going to happen again.

- Why did you ignore me? - and here he stands, clearly just out of bed. It's not even a mid day, it's evening and he was sleeping. Not surprised. He looks like an angry bird with that messy hair and messed up shirt and pants. Yet you are here not to admire his sleepy cuteness.

- Hello, dear, - does your voice sound as pissed as you are? Kicking your shoes to the corner, you made your way past him. And he just continued staying in a doorway with his hands crossed on his chest and eyes scanning your every movement then following you into bedroom.

- Why? - he particulary screams this part, more like makes it long, loud and annoyed. He should be annoyed. Must be.

- That's all you have to say? - you continue almost throwing your papers in a document folder, trying your best to not to lose patience. And, somehow, cry. Out of anger and sadness, because now he's doing the same thing again and that shit hurts.

- Not really, - he comes closer, taking all of the documents from your hands and shaking it in front of your face, - But I don't think you are here to listen. Those fucking pieces of paper are the only things you care about!

- No, I-

- Shut up, please, I'm talking, - his tone is solid, serious and angry, and you barely saw him this worked up. But you still want to say what you have to say. Even tho he has rights to speak, - You know what I see most of the times when I come home? You, sleeping around the table or you, sleeping on a coach because you are so tired you barely able to walk to the bed. Am I right?

- Yeah, but..

- Still not finished, - he throws documents he holds to the floor, making it flowing in different directions and you want to kill him for that. You organized them for so long and he just threw it away like it was nothing. You don't realize how your face is changing because of it but he gets even more pissed, - See? You care more about work than about my speech. I told you one hundred, one million and billion times to stop overworking yourself. I believe in that you want to be the best, you want you career to be perfect, but I want you, only, fuck, only you, to be healthy.

You start to slowly realise what he is talking about. He's worrying about you. But yet still, there is a bubbling feeling in your chest you can't just forget about.

- And when you were hurt by my words, God, I wanted to comfort you more than anything, but you wouldn't understand any fucking thing because your brain only works when you are this angry, - he pokes your forehead with his finger and exhales slowly, closing his eyes, - I don't care about any of your achievements if you would continue killing yourself. I would never support that. And that's why I don't care about what you want to say, what excuse you want to make up. That's bullshit, I don't buy it, - Jiwon looks you directly in the eyes and the last time you saw him this serious.. you never had, to be honest, - And you can be angry with me for as long as you want to if that means you would understand what I mean.

Your anger has, well, just slightly calmed down. It's difficult to be angry when he is like that. You were lectured like a child and that's one of the very few times you felt his age authority. And he maybe even right. Pursuing your lips a little, you avoid his gaze for a few moments in order to put your thoughts together. You don't like being lectured and he's so calm now. And that is the most confusing about the whole fight. Does he really mean it? But!

- Aren't you trying to find more reasons to stay angry? It's all written on your face now, - Jiwon steps aside a little, stepping on one of the papers on the floor to test your limits. On his face. It's all written on his goddamned face.

- Stop it, - you move in his direction and he moves further back, making sure to stop on every fucking piece of every fucking document he finds on his way, - Stop!

- Then you stop taking extra work hours and bringing it home, - he puts special treatment to one of the contracts you were working on for the longest time and you know that you already ready to beg.

- But I can't! I need to, - you try to get on your knees to save maybe something, but give up on it when you see basically everything is damaged, - Oh fuck. I'm jobless now. God..

- I offered you a good deal without that shittyass boss who uses you like a conveyer, - paper cracks under him and you push oxygen out of your lungs with such a power that your head slightly spinning so you support your forehead with a palm. Jobless, for real.

Actually you don't know why are you not upset about it.

- I can't take it.

- Because it's a good deal? How thoughtful and logical, I love a smart girl!

- Shut up, you! - you throw a paper at him. Now he just annoys you. No anger. Pure hate.

- Get ready to a cheesy line, - he smirks and you roll your eyes fully aware of what he's going to say, - Make me.

And you do. You crash your lips on his, feeling his hands on your waist momentary. He pulls your incredibly close, enough for your sides to ache slightly in places he touches you.

- I missed you, - he murmurs into your lips, pushing you slightly to the bed until your legs touch it's border, without breaking constant contact between your bodiesand lips. You can tell that he smoked by the strong smell of cigarettes and bitter taste on the tip of your tongue. God, you love it.

- Me too, - biting his lower lip, you fully realise that is not going to be gentle. You can clearly see it in his eyes; he needs that stress to be gone. And you totally can relate.

You feel his lips moving down your neck, leaving small hickeys; the only thing he has patience to actually do. He's impatient and turned on; his hands are barely able to unzip your jeans but Jiwon does it with such a determination, you giggle.

And then he rips off the button, sucking on your skin so hard you jerk aside a little. No giggling. Understood.

- That was new and I'm jobless now. So, would you be my sugar daddy? That's what you wanted all along? - somehow you find a strenght to tease while feeling your head spinning when he pushes you to the bed. His face is priceless tho.

- You need to earn it, babygirl, - he smirks, looking at you from the top and slapping your tight roughly. You are not into that daddy thing and he never ever called you like that, but Jesus fucking Christ, that was hot as hell.

Jiwon takes off a shirt, when you particularly jump out of your pants and hoody. Now it's his time to smile because the determination on your face is precious.

Sex always starts with the hot, rough vibe and in the end you find him smiling like that and there is no way you can keep that mood.

- Jiwon, please, - you move closer to him, pushing your thighs into him, feeling his erection against your hip. Jiwon lets his hands roam your body, stopping near every damn piece of underwear you have on yourself and that's just rude.

- I thought it 'daddy' now, - he pushes his pelvis harder between your legs, making you squeak in front of him at the sudden friction. It's obvious that he's kidding, it's all in his shit-eating grin. Unbearable.

- You wish, old man, - you get on your elbows, before he's able to do anything, to grab him by the neck for a kiss. Sometimes he really needs to keep his mouth shut and that's the best way to do it. The kiss sends you on fire, he's crashing you against his body with full force, one of hands snake your waist firmly and other squeezes your ass to give it another light slap. You squirm, digging your nails into his shoulders and moan into the kiss, feeling him smirking.

- So you have a thing for old men then? - you basically roar with anger, tugging on his hair so hard, he hisses and slaps you harder this time. Almost a year of relationships with him taught you that it's better to just shup up now so you won't end up bickering for an hour.

He puts you on the bed again, after striping you out of your bra, howering on top and places short wet kisses everywhere he can manage to reach. You try your best to not to squirm like crazy, but fail obviously. With him grinding against you core, you're not sure how much longer you can wait. The feeling of him against your body is like addiction; addicting euphoria of which you would never be able to get rid of.

You've been angry with him for so long, yet now it's impossible to fight with him. You are gone for; surrendered without a battle. Cause you love him like that. Jiwon looks incredibly hot when he's serious and concentrated. You would never confess it to him; but his dominant side might have you on your knees, pleading for him, in seconds. He didn't even need to do anything.

He takes off your panties and you grasp on bed sheets with a loud moan when he's pushing one finger inside, adding the second right after, making you lose your breath for a while. He moves his hand fast, gently pinching one of your nipples with another, kissing that place right after. There is not a single thought in your head; just him. His lips, when he kisses you, swallowing small noises you make and the way he's circling your clit with his thumb. He builds sexual frustration in you methodical, knowing for sure what to do to make you cum. And he's extremely generous today.

Jiwon is quick to make his way down your body to settle between your legs. You don't fully realise what happened when you feel his tongue instead of his thumb, sucking you harshly, just the way you liked it. He brings you just what you need, just the way you like it. Tangling fingers in his hair, you push him closer, not caring to control your actions. As well as moans and everything else. Because, damn, he's tongue can send you on edge; in every way possible.

He curls his fingers, continuously pumping the same spot and you are done for in a moment. Feeling every nerve and muscle in your nody being tensed with anticipation, relief comes upon like a blessing and even tho Jiwon guiding you through your orgasm, you so fucking lost, you don't understand where you are for a second.

You feel him pulling away, mewling something at the loss of him and touches on extra sensitive skin. And he buries his head in a crook of your neck, placing small kisses over and over again while you try to calm your erratic breathing.

- Another one for me. Please, - his voice is so tensed, low, he particularly grunts it to your ear, kissing it gently, while lowering his pants and boxers, - Okay?

It's not like you are able to answer him when your head is still spinning anyway. He receives a shaky nod from you, kissing your lips shortly and furrows his brows, lining himself between your folds. You let a long, high-pitched sound escape on top of your lungs when you feel it; and you hear him sucking on his breath, pressing your foreheads together.

- Look at me, - you mess his hair even more and look him in the eyes; he is so beautiful. Just like that. Messy hair, sticking to his skin because of sweat and how he's worked up; how his lips parting slightly and brows furrows when he slides himself into you. And that pure bliss on his face when he starts moving inside. He feels amazing; God, the best you have ever felt.

And he thinks the absolute same about you.

Jiwon's heavy hot breathes stuck on your lips, you digging your nails in his shoulders lightly, when you feel the coiling in your stomach starts to boil exponentially all over again. Especially when he pulls you into erratic kiss, chasing your small moans with his lips. He's so hot, his skin radiates the warmth you are so used to, but now you feel like burning, when trapped beneath him. Jiwon still smells like cigarettes, slight aroma of his perfume that is imprinted on his skin now and something that you can't describe. Something, that makes him Jiwon you love; and being drowning in his scent, while he steadily pounds into you, murmuring something that you can't even understand - you wouldn't change it for anything.

You place a kiss under his jaw, right below his ear, fully aware of what it does to him. You feel chills running down your spine when he fastens the pace, squeezing your hip harder. You can't last forever, every brush against your extra sensitive now skin makes you squirm and he continues to brush that particular spot with his tip.

But never uncomfortable. He gave it to you nicely the first time, now he tortures you again. That's just how he likes you - when you are on the edge, but not able to do anything. He craves for your moans, for seeing you going crazy beneath him, for how you bite your lip or scratch his spine with your nails. He loves you like that. Like nothing in the world.

But he loves you better when you lose it. When your toes curl and you shut your eyes tightly, holding your breath for seconds while he thrusts into you harder, faster and you hold on him for dear life, releasing that one loud moan of relief in the end.

And he mixes it with his pleasure, when you kiss right below his lower lip; so gently, delicate while you pulse around him and squeeze him so tight it hurts and when releases deep inside, thrusting in you forcefully, losing his control.

That's how he likes it the best.

Hell, he could fuck you for hours. If he wasn't so exhausted after.

Because even containing himself and pushing himself off you, it's hella amount of work for which he has no strength.

- I love you, - you murmur it quietly in his temple, turning your head a little, because he just burrowed his face in your neck to calm down.

- Me too, - his voice sharp and raspy, he lifts his head up a little, kissing the tip of your nose and his smile is incredible. It's amazing how he changes after sex. Everytime. He just smiles fully yet so tender, looking at you with full adoration; you could forgive him everything. His kisses are so light you barely feel it, Jiwon leaves a kiss everywhere he sees a hickey and hugs you so delicate like you are made of glass.

- I missed you, - you giggle, when he blows on your neck and looks up at you, rolling to the side to pull himself out, - How are you able to be so sweet? That's impossible.

- You are always free to check that. Just saying, - he laughs, seeing your firstly confused than hella 'not disappointed and not surprised' face and pulls you into a bear hug, showering you with kisses so he could make you smile again.

Every nerve you lost on him is worth it.

[viewofsal]

Alrighty. EFF IT- LIFE UPDATE POST!

Soooo a lot of good things have been happening in my life. I know from my posts I sound bitter, sad, heartbroken, blah blah but its been a rough time in my life and I’m finally understanding and accepting my life, my lessons, my blessings, my mistakes and experiences. *Someone told me recently my blog is very raw* but I like to keep it real and what not, plus no one knows me on here lol i have followers from all over the US to international countries as well. Also I feel like I haven’t done an “intro” about myself in a long time.. I think since I’ve started blogging so what the hell…. this is going to be long but hey whatever!

Intro!-

Hey guys! Im Salia Sheikh, 25 (old af, jk!), I look younger than my age (thanks to good genes lol), I am still in school, pursuing a career in Business. I love to read, write (duh I have a blog for a reason!), paint, work out, try new food, BIG FOOD JUNKIE, binge watch amazing shows on Netflix (bae for life), I love the color purple and blue. If school wasnt so damn expensive and I didnt have a timelime (being brown aint fun… sometimes) I would definitely get a degree in business of course, dermatology and psychology. I love learning new things and expanding my mind. I come off as a bitch sometimes to people because of the way my face can be… AKA RESTING BITCH FACE. But honestly its just me observing and understanding how people think and work. I know I am a weirdo but whatever! Humans are so freaking interesting. Oh did I mention I live in PNW!? Seattle. <3 Rain city lol. If I could live anywhere else it would be California, Chicago or New York. Anywho enough about me… lets get into the juicy stuff right?

This summer I had a lot going on! I was at the doctors a lot, i went through a lot exams for my breast cancer and it was a very rough time… but I got through it. Alhumdulillah I have such amazing friends and family to support me and were there for me. Along with that,  I went through a very harsh break up and I know that a few posts below this one I went off on my ex FJ, but in this post Im not going to bash on him or anything. Honestly…. my tumblr isnt made to bash on anyone. I wouldnt want to be talked about on the internet but sadly… it happens. So anyways, I went through a rough heart break that honestly I dont blame anyone but myself and because of this heartbreak I am beyond hard on myself with a lot of things but especially guarding my heart, my feelings and letting anyone in. I was told by someone that I wore my heart on my sleeve and that I took this relationship too seriously. Its true, I was madly and crazy in love with him but he wasnt. I would push and force him to make it work but when the other person doesnt see any solution or anything to fix it, you should really just back off Sally. One person cant do all the work, it becomes so draining. I literally have so much love to give but at the same time Im just kind of tired, exhausted, bitter and numb. Its weird because I just said Im full of love but at the same time a heart break really gets you guarded. But you know this was a lesson for myself, to not get ahead of yourself, dont have expectations and if you arent getting what you deserve please walk the fuck away, like ASAP. Just abort lol. Because at the end of the day as hurt as I was, I made myself go through hell because I chose to be like very stupid, LIKE VERY. But at the same time, I take it as a blessing in disguise in many ways and a lesson I would love to teach my daughters and possibly sons. Anywho… along with this I was in school UGH, but because I have a goal and I am so motivated I didnt let it affect my school at all. One thing I did do in the past was let such little things like this get in the way of my focus in school and at the end of the day my dreams and career will be right next to me but the person whos temporary will not be. I will not sacrifice my school for anything. This summer I went to Atlanta with all of my cousins and we had so much fun! And then I came back and attended another wedding. It was a lot of chaos but a lot of fun. I come from a very huge family on both sides, and if youre brown you know three day weddings are HECTIC AS HELL! But I gotta say it was a roller coaster type summer.

Once all of the wedding shenanigans were over and all of my cousins flew back to the East Coast and I started school again. After my break up I really started focusing on my mental health, focusing on school, having a better relationship with my parents (its been a rough road but alhumdulillah I am so blessed with such amazing parents. esp my mom helping me a lot through my break up and all .) I didnt even think about talking to any guys or whatever it was literally not even in my head because I was so focused on myself. But a little birdie out of the blue and into my life for a short time but a sweet time. HA is literally every brown girls dream man. A little white wash (EDM LOVER), knows urdu, deen, open minded, handsome as hell… and family orientated. OH AND TREATS A WOMAN RIGHT! Honestly my first impression was like “fuck boy. STRAIGHT UP F BOY! Cocky, too into himself, thinks hes better than anyone…” OH ALSO- didnt meet him off of dating apps lol, its called IG thats the new hook up spot jk! But when you actually talk to him and stuff omg… he is so different. I dont think I have laughed this much while talking to someone, he is so hilarious. He opened my mind to a lot of things that I didnt know about or he pushed me to see things differently, which I loved. When we started talking I was very upfront and blunt with him. As a brown girl I dont have the freedom to just get up and leave for a guy. Period. He understood that and accepted it. He told me he had no expectations. What I really liked about him was that he would always communicate, he was very honest and he was really respectful. When I say REALLY RESPECTFUL, like super. We were talking about our exes (no I didnt say bad shit lol) and he brought it up and he told me that his ex would everyday for six months since they were together would ask, “when are we getting engaged?” Not once did he say, omg shes bat shit crazy.. or annoying or whatever. He just said that much and he was like “you know I felt pressured and I wanted to explain myself why I broke up with her.” I mean if he wanted too he could made her the victim… but damn. Very kind. Not just that when he came here he was showing me a convo with this girl who was kind of mentally not there, and she would act weird its really hard to explain but he talked to her respectfully and was like “hey listen if you want to make friends you have – “ something along those lines. He was just really nice to her because he knew that something wasnt right with that girl at all. I mean I know a lot of people who would straight up just cuss her out… like without a doubt. I remember one time he asked me over FaceTime, “why are you waiting after you get your degree to get married?” I kind of just ignored it lol. But then one night he was with his cousins and cousin’s wife in DC and he FT’d me and all I heard was a girl yelling, “Who are you talking too!? Who is this bitch!?” And he goes “oh this is bae”, and after she saw me (without make up and my raspy voice at 12am lol) she was like “OMG SHES SO PRETTY and her voice is so cute! Shes such a good girl  being at home lol.” Then he goes, “Hani, ask her why she wont get married while being in school?” And she said, “look Im 23, still in CC and Im married, you can too.” I wasnt going to put anyone under the bus and be like “well arent you going to be rolling the dice on me!?” - (because someone said that once to me…) like I said, I dont bash on my ex at all. Even after that, he asked me again lol, “IF we were to get married why wont you get married, transfer your credits and stuff? You can work if you like but even if you dont its okay… just go to school. I gotchu bae.” Im just like “uhh…. wouldnt you want someone who has everything set?” He literally probably wanted to slap me for saying that and he was like “No… what am I here for?” Honestly he was so accepting of me, my past, my dreams, my goals, honestly everything. Even when he came here it was like I knew him from a long time ago, it wasnt causing me to have anxiety or feel scared. We laughed so much, watched so many shows and ate such amazing food. OMG. It was so good to be true, i mean we trusted each other, communication was there. He told me some things that really made me realize wow he is so freaking amazing… His brother doesnt have his AA or degree, his sister in law has her AA but he helps a lot around the house. Hes such a good son and omg, when I say more guys should be like him I MEAN IT.  He was suppose to be a police man lol but then he went back to school and took a few classes and became a consultant. He didnt have a stable job until he came back to VA. I mean he was on contract to contract and even jobless for a few months but he was so positive and happy, which is why I loved being around him. Whenever he would FT me, he would be around his cousins and they would always say, “H is so loyal and faithful, family orientated and he will treat you right.” like as if I didnt know that lol. But you know after he left something really unexpected happened and it wasnt in our control to save it. But it was no ones fault either, sometimes life does a plot twist on you when you least expect it but I had accepted the unexpected and like someone wise said (Jatin, this is your shoutout), “you cant compete with history.” It took me a while to understand but I definitely knew that he was always honest, communicated with me and he was amazing. We didnt really need closure but trust me the way we had closure was like I dont even need to talk about this again. Not every situation needs it but sometimes you need it. But you know, this was Gods way of showing me and saying, “Salia… dont lose faith in guys. There are good guys out there.” And you know, there are. But I dont want anyone right now. Im perfectly fine being single. Plus I am already a brat, sassy mc sassy… with me being a little numb sometimes… I think I have a lot to say sometimes and I have a strong personality lol, it would drive someone nuts. But Idk everytime I talk about HA my heart melts just a little because I was treated with so much respect and he would always tell me that I was a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. But sometimes good things dont last forever. I accepted it.

Along with losing him, I chose to cut off a friend who meant the world to me. She was like a little sister and a best friend. After going through so much in just a few months I realized what I want, who I want in my life and what Im going to do about it. I cant handle negativity… like AT ALL. Friends are suppose to support you, be happy for you and be there for you. This friend lol.. she wasnt there for me at all during my break up, i get it YOU DONT LIKE FJ but I need my girl to be there for me.. shit. I felt like she was jealous and trust me I aint hot shit… Im very like normal, pakistani, short girl… living life. But the vibe and the way she started acting about HA was weird. None of my best friends asked me questions like, “Did he kiss you?” like what…. thats not why he flew here for from VA…. But either way she was asking weird questions like, “was it just fun and games”- PAUSE! So I know Im 25, brown girls get the pressure once theyre in their 20s… But I am in no rush to get married and that is not because I dont have a degree- TO HELL WITH THAT. I can burn that shit and I would still be amazing. But like you dont talk to a guy and jump into the marriage topic, wth? HA and I had a very clear understanding that we are going to take baby steps, no telling parents, siblings, whatever… no labels. TAKE IT SLOW. But either way she was just a total bitch. She loves saying, “I told you so.” Either way I had enough of her, her nazar (evil eye) and negativity. Like I dont need that… I need to be around people who support me, love me and dont bash on my ass. I love my circle small and ever since I cut her off of my life, I am doing so much better because I dont have a gun to my head. It wasn’t even over a guy that I ended our friendship… it was because she wasn’t a good friend and she was jealous. She was never truly happy for me about anything. She envied the relationship I have with my mom and would always be like oh your mom was okay with that? Isk just very weird vibes…. I really wish that she changes her way of approach and what not. No guy is going to love a girl who expects so much and no girl is going to be with a friend who is so judgemental as fuck. Period. I never cuss any of my girlfriends out ever. But she really pissed me off and I felt judged and like a hoe. I really dont need that, thanks anyways.

Now that I got that out of my way, like I said earlier… I have been working on myself. I started going to the gym but its been a while because of school and working a ton of hours. But now that I am on break I am going to go back to the gym, start reading my book- EVERYONE MUST READ “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life“- literally eye opening and so funny! It has changed my life. Reading really does help with your knowledge and growing as a person. If anyone knows any good reads, please drop me a message! :) Im also going to start reading the Quran but in English translation because I really want to know what Im reading and what the Quran is saying, I just want to self educate myself and know about my religion, I am not religious at all… but one thing I do want to start doing is praying and being connected with Allah. I think having a spiritual connection is so good for the mind and soul.

As I was turning 25 I was thinking a lot about myself, my past and my future. I am a thinker but I also love testing myself. When I was 23 going to 24 I was a very weak person. I was fragile and sensitive to a lot of things. I didnt have thick skin at all. I will admit that and I was little a push over. I lost myself at the age of 23, I had a stalker who ruined my life. I never had anxiety my whole life… I took everything like it was nothing. But after dealing with that… it made me weak. I wasnt the Salia that everyone knew. But now that Im past it, I went through some tough stuff in 2017… it made me wiser, smarter, grateful and stronger.  I dont get affected by anything lately… and I was very hesitant to post this but its my blog, my page and I will do whatever to it. Plus I love to write. I feel like a lot has happened but I have been just writing bits and pieces here and there. But I guess I thought I would write something its been a while. lol.

ALSO- Im flying out to Arizona next week for the weekend and I am so excited! to celebrate and have a vacation and to be not dealing with school for a month! Hell yaaaaaa. *THIS WAS MY FAV LIFE UPDATE IN THIS LONGGGGGG POST*

Okay guys… its 1246am here! Im off to bed. Have fun reading this, judging this, whatever you want :D