#im also feeling extremely hot and cold at the same time and i cannot get comfortable | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

formulawonu · 3 years

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flutters / mick schumacher

(not my gif! creds to owner <3)

warning: kissing, getting a little touchy,, and just being flustered idk

summary: *requested by @gpiggy98 <3* mick has just finished an intense race and you’re the only person he really wants to be around at the moment since you’re his best friend. you’ve secretly liked him for a while now and offer/give him a massage to cool down after the race and you can’t help but get flustered at the intimacy of the moment.

a/n: honestly. what would i give to have mick as my best friend. what would i give to basically have mick in my life. FOR REAL. ugh mick schumacher supremacy. anw i didnt know how to end this one properly so idk if im 100% satisfied but it was fun writing hsjakdhasd but enjoy anyway x (i’m always open to requests btw!!!!)

It’s the end of the Hungarian Grand Prix and you feel like you can finally breathe properly after a couple of hours. You’d think you’d have gotten used to going through race weekends by now but you always seem to find your breath caught in your throat and worrying over the safety of your best friend. Mick had finished in p12 - his current best finish throughout the season - and you were extremely proud of him. Despite how well he did defending from other cars on the field in the car he has, you can tell from the way his brows furrow together after removing his helmet that he’s far from satisfied. Watching him go through the procedure after each race required by the FIA from the garage, you decide to make your way back to the hospitality in order to not get into anyone’s way. You figured that you would just talk to Mick when he was free and tell him proud you are of him. What you were not expecting was Mick to show up at the hospitality earlier than you had expected, his body language clearly still tense, and motioning you with just his head to follow him up to his assigned driver’s room. He doesn’t really stop to wait for you or anything because he knows you understand that he doesn’t want to be around a lot of people right now. It leaves you feeling pleased that you’re still the one he wants to talk to. Perks of being his best friend.

“Hey, you.” You say as you enter Mick’s room, shutting the door behind you. You stand there for a while, leaning against the door as you take in Mick sitting down on the couch, his eyes shut with his head thrown back. His hair is all messy from wearing his helmet but it looks good anyway. You knew this wasn’t the right time to be thinking it, but you’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t acknowledge how Mick made looking stressed extremely attractive. Sexy, even. Mick pops open one eye as he lazily looks at you. “I’m so frustrated.” He mumbles. He then pats the space beside him, telling you to come sit beside him. You make your way to the couch and plop down beside him, trying not to mind the way your heart beats faster as the distance between you both has marginally decreased. Immediately after and without warning, Mick drops his head on your lap. You want to blame the lack of AC for the sudden rise of temperature in the room you’re both in, but you know that the heat is really just rising in your cheeks as you imagine how close Mick is to your body. “I’m so tired.” He continues, shutting his eyes again. You can’t stop the way your heart is rapidly beating inside of your chest and you wouldn’t be surprised if Mick could actually hear it. The vibrations that come from Mick’s voice run through your whole body, leaving you to slightly shift your thighs closer together. You bring your hands to run through his hair, hoping to distract yourself from your own thoughts by giving him a small massage. Mick hums in response. You rub small circles into his temples, picturing him doing the same thing to you in another area of your body. You have to stop yourself there. You seriously cannot be thinking about this while you’re trying to distract yourself from the fact that Mick, your best friend, is all hot and sweaty. Well, there’s always points for trying.

You don’t realize you’ve stopped the small massage you were giving him until you feel Mick’s hand grip your knee. “Why’d you stop? That felt so good.” The heat rushes to your cheeks and you can feel Mick’s eyes on your face. You can’t bring yourself to meet his eyes because you’re flustered at how dirty your thoughts had gotten because of a few words Mick had muttered in passing. The fact that his hand was still on your knee also did not help your case. It was something you had come to terms with a while ago: you deeply liked your best friend - that was why you were acting like this around him. You had tried your best to ignore the fuzzy feelings that came up every time you thought of him or the way your stomach would drop whenever he was around. You tried to deny and cover it up by saying you just really appreciated him as a person, but you eventually gave in and realized it was pointless to fight your feelings. It didn’t matter anyway. Mick was still your best friend, regardless of whatever feelings you had for him.

“Oh. Sorry.” You mutter, still refusing to look at him as you try to will the heat in your cheeks to disappear. You knew not to make eye contact with Mick because those damn eyes knew you almost better than you knew yourself so meeting them would just spell out disaster for you. He would figure out something was off immediately. You begin moving your hands again through Mick’s hair, kneading in a new pattern. Your eyes land on the hand still resting on your knee. You focus on it as you continue to massage Mick when suddenly it begins to draw circles of its own nearer your inner thigh. Your breath hitches in your throat and you accidentally tug at Mick’s hair because of your unguarded reaction to his hand. You quickly look at his face to see if he’s felt that (though surely he has) and you find yourself looking into a pair of amused eyes. There’s a hint of playfulness in them as he’s probably made the connection that you are... well... currently going through it. “You okay, there?” He whispers, raising an eyebrow at you. You try to play it off, as you usually do. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I-” His hand moves higher up and you involuntarily pause. “-be.” You swallow and desperately try to focus on anything else but the hand that is now closer to you than you had ever imagined it to be. How white the wall is, how cool Mick’s helmet is, how comfortable the couch is. Mick suddenly shifts his position and the hand on your thigh disappears. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding in. The place where Mick’s hand once was now feels incredibly bare. Mick is still moving around until he’s positioned himself to be facing you, still lying down, with his head propped up by his hand. The arm propping his head up is over your legs - suddenly, you feel like you’ve fallen into a dangerous trap.

“Hey there.” He whispers, smiling at you with those damn eyes filled with amusement. Like he knows. “Hi?” His free hand moves to trace lines up and down your arm. Goosebumps immediately come and you shiver. He smiles even wider, noting the way your body has unintentionally reacted to his touch. “Are you cold?” He continues to run a finger up and down your arm, mindlessly drawing his own patterns. His eyes never leaving yours. You know you should be answering him now, replying with anything really, but his hand has made its way back down and is now drawing circles on the part of your thigh he’s resting on. “Am- Am I what?” You ask, not remembering what he’s just said a few seconds ago. Your eyes move to glance at Mick’s hand then back to his face. Mick then fully sits up, this time lifting your legs to rest over his lap. “Something’s bothering you.” He says, gently turning your chin to have you face him. Your eyes land on his lips before you meet his eyes. “Not at all. I am just peachy.” He chuckles as you inwardly cringe, knowing full well that you didn’t sound convincing at all. What were you supposed to do when his other hand was now drawing those same distracting circles this time on your side. You had never been this close with Mick. You weren’t supposed to be this close to Mick. His eyes drop to your lips. “Can I try something to get whatever it is off your mind?” He whispers. You nod before you can think about what he’s just offered, too taken by how Mick’s face seems to be inching ever so closely to yours by the second. Your eyes flutter shut when you feel the touch of another pair of lips on yours. It starts out slow, almost shy, as if he’s checking to make sure you’re okay with what’s happening. But then you pull him closer to you, slightly parting your lips to invite him in. Your hands make their way around his neck and tugging at the ends of his hair. The pace has suddenly shifted and Mick has lifted you on top of him, letting you straddle him as he now moves his hands up and down the sides of your body.

There was no way this was actually happening. All you wanted to do a couple of moments ago was tell Mick how proud you were of him. You push your body closer to his, trying to eliminate the almost nonexistent space between the two of you. Mick moans in your mouth, his hands gripping your waist tighter. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you for so long.” He says in between kisses. He’s trailing kisses down your jaw then your neck. “Me too. You have no idea.” You breathe into his ear. You’re about to kiss him again when suddenly you hear a knock at the door. You both pause, looking at each other wide-eyed.

“Mick, it’s Guenther. We need to debrief quickly. Won’t take long, I swear.” You slowly move off of Mick, trying not to make noise. You were sure no one thought you guys were doing anything weird anyway but you didn’t want to be caught looking like it. Mick is still sitting next to you, both of you trying not to laugh. It’s almost like he doesn’t want Guenther to think he’s in the room. “Mick,” You hear knocks coming from the other side of the door. “The earlier we start, the quicker you can get back. Hi to Y/N, who is in there too.” You both burst out laughing, the jig obviously up. Mick finally gets up, chuckling and accepting he has to go and start debriefing.

“I’ll see you when I get back. Still need to get that thing off of your mind.” He says, winking at you as he steps out of the room.

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hes-writer · 4 years

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Ruin

Summary: im not sure how to summarize this without spoiling the story

Warning: angst, bits of fluff here and there

Word Count; 4158 words

A/N: the long-awaited part 6 of the Tarnish series! A collab with @devilinbetweenthesheet-s. My attention span is short itself so I've decided to split it up into two parts.

UNEDITED

___

Harry tried to see the brighter side of the situation because it truly was something to look forward to. Having the chance to get to know Halo was something that he should be grateful for. As Y/N said, Harry did not deserve to be a part of her life, despite the fact that he was the father. And somewhere, somehow— he understood where she was coming from.

Harry honestly wouldn’t know what he would do if the roles were reversed; if Y/N were the one to have been cheating on him. He would not have a clue if Harry would be as kind to her as she was with him. If an outsider were to assess the situation between Harry and Y/N, they would definitely choose her side to be in favour of. So far, Harry still wasn’t able to pinpoint what exactly Y/N had done wrong for him to be swayed by an illicit affair. Was there even a moment in time that he could vividly see where he made the decision to just up and betrayed her trust? Because if there was; either his memory has gone to shit or Harry was more of a jerk than he served himself.

To put things into perspective, Y/N was the perfect partner and Harry had somehow lost sight of that by cheating on her. Don’t get him wrong; Camille was good, great, even. Yet Y/N was an amazing woman who knew exactly what she wanted. Coincidentally, those were the same type of things that Harry needed, too. As much as it pained him to say it, Camille’s rejection of their own little family made him rethink his decision-making process. Harry has learned more about himself in these past few months than he did in his entire lifetime.

For starters, he cleared it up that he had absolutely no excuse for cheating on Y/N except the fact that his retention span lasted a good few years before he was in search of something fresh; something new and exciting. Maybe it scared him just how serious she was in having a family in the future that his subconscious thought that Harry needed one last hurrah to get the infidelity out. Besides, divorces are more complicated when there are children involved.

Secondly, being with Camille was an infatuation that lasted for a long, three years—beginning while Harry was in a relationship with Y/N. Feelings were still there for sure, but he just didn’t know if it was enough to make him stay, especially when Y/N and baby Halo were right there waiting for him. They actually weren’t; Harry just liked to pretend that they were so that he could justify the consequences of his actions.

Camille was trying to make things work with him; Harry could see that. However, there were only so many things that she could do to improve their relationship before she had to change the choices that she had made years prior. Camille really didn’t want to say that she had refuted the idea of not having kids for the sake of making a relationship prosper, but maybe it was what she had to do to make him stay. She wanted a happy life with someone who wanted the same things as her. Harry wasn’t the man who shared a mutual agreement and she was pushed to question her options.

Nonetheless, Camille and Harry stuck with each other because they were all they knew for the past three and a half years. It was definitely ironic for Harry to say that he couldn’t just leave a three-year relationship behind for another woman; because he had done that before. Now, he was a hypocrite too? His ego cannot take it.

____

Connor wrapped his arms around Y/N’s middle as she washed the dishes in the sink. Their water heater was broken so the stream that came from the faucet sometimes teetered from freezing cold to extremely hot. Right now, she was scrubbing the sponge on the porcelain as quickly as possible while the water was at the right temperature.

Y/N turned her head to the side, pressing a kiss on Connor’s cheek. He rested his chin on her shoulder, bobbing up and down as she moved her arms.

“Is this really a good idea, baby?” Connor asked, staring at the way her lashes fluttered in a pregnant pause, taking a deep breath.

She nodded, reaching over slightly to rest the wet dish on the drying rack. “Halo deserves to at least know her real father,”

And it was true. What kind of mother would Y/N be if she kept a secret like that from her own daughter? The past two years was a constant ping-pong battle of reaching out to Harry and sharing the news to him; then, Y/N would be hit with a shot of realization, wondering if this would ruin his current lifestyle.

“I understand. What if he leaves again? Hate to remind you but Harry left you once before, don’t think he’ll hesitate to do so again,”

She froze at Connor’s words. Y/N was aware that he only said that in good faith, to remind her of how hurt she was at the time and just how long it took for her to be able to finally breathe again.

One side of Y/N urged to still defend Harry. She wanted to turn and around, yell at him because Connor doesn’t know Harry as she does. Harry wasn’t the type to build a child’s dreams up only for him to personally manhandle the heart and crush it in his fist. There was a reason why he was a godfather to so many kids; Ruby, Arlo and Jackson—because he was capable. Harry was a nurturing father who put himself on the back burner in favour of making sure that the little ones were safe and secured. He had no problem being third if it meant that the kids were first, then Y/N, then him.

It all sounded so good in Y/N’s head; so well-rehearsed and very well thought out. The monologue that had somehow stuck in the sides of her brain like a script taped to the wall, ready for the time it needed to be recited. The shredded pieces of paper also reminded her that Y/N might’ve known Harry before, but she certainly doesn’t anymore. In fact, she knew just as much as Connor did.

Just like Y/N had grown and evolved into a new person, Harry was not the same guy he once was when they were together.

“I told him the consequences if he did,”

Connor pulled back, stepping away from her. “But wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t take that chance? Who knows what he might do. . .” He trailed off, grabbing a dry rag to wipe the water dripping from the dish.

Y/N took a leap of faith in letting Harry in. He was a wild card. He could promise one thing but would mean another. Or he could recite a vow and completely annihilate the person as he did with her. Yet somehow, Y/N couldn’t resist the opportunity to give him one chance. Maybe it was because a small part of her craved to re-create a happy family that they had always wanted.

“It’s a risk. I know that” Y/N rinsed a cup, swirling the water in circles. She felt like that whenever Harry was around.

“So why are you still doing it?” Y/N opened her mouth to answer, “And tell me the truth this time, yeah?”

Her boyfriend stared at her with an unreadable emotion in his eyes, lips drew taut in a straight line and arms were crossed over his broad chest. The pressure was immense on Y/N’s shoulders. She was torn between admitting what she had buried deep below the sand or simply glossing over it like a figure skater. Nonetheless, Y/N was on thin ice.

For years, she had flicked away the remaining feelings that stayed with her. But they were persistent in sticking by her side. It wasn’t like Y/N could completely erase Harry from her life--from who she was. She still dressed like him, evidenced by the matching pair of Gucci loafers she chose not to wear for the night in fear that he would coincidentally be sporting the same footwear.

Furthermore, they had a child together! Halo was the spitting image of him. It was hard not to be reminded by a man she once loved when their little baby was both of them mixed in one. So did Y/N still love Harry? She couldn’t deny how much her heart fluttered seeing him stutter over his words at the park. Y/N just wasn’t sure if it was from anxiety and nervousness or excitement and anticipation.

Unbeknownst to the couple, Harry had sneakily closed a sleeping Halo’s bedroom door. His trek back to the kitchen was slow, slightly afraid of the awaiting talk he and Y/N--and possibly Connor-- have yet to have. Harry wanted to be there for Halo and for Y/N every step of the way, but he knew that Y/N would not allow him around if his intentions were to cater to a relationship with her. She was already tolerating him as is.

Standing behind the thin wall that acted as a partition from the hallway to the kitchen, Harry carefully placed his hands against the barrier to steady himself. He didn’t know if his legs could take whatever answer would spill from Y/N’s mouth. If she admitted her true feelings, he would stumble and melt into a puddle. He would be confused, but Harry wouldn’t be opposed to it; he was in a relationship after all. If she denied it--which was the more likely option--, his heart would break silently in his chest.

Harry numbed himself of the guilt raking at his ankles. He was well aware that this was a private conversation but hey; it was not his fault that he had ears straining to listen to Y/N’s reply.

“Do you still love him?” Connor followed up, voice grim. Almost fearful to find out the truth. Harry was, too.

Y/N paused her thoughts as well as her actions, flinching at the sudden intrusion of Connor’s question. She flinched, yelping a little and jumping backwards when the broken water heater subdued the filtering liquid into a burning hot splatter on her skin. Connor picked his feet up in alarm, grabbing at Y/N’s wrist to see the minor injury on the back of her palm.

“Ow!” Y/N whisper-shouted, soothing the ache by situating it between her thighs before shakily showing it to Connor; the doctor.

“Let me see, baby,”

Harry peeked his head around the corner, almost losing his cover with the way his feet instantaneously wanting to move towards a hurting Y/N. Good thing he caught himself. Surely they would put two and two together and realize that Harry was eavesdropping.

That decision came with a laceration to his heart. Harry got a first-class ticket to register that the couple was everything he and Y/N were. The pet names, the domesticity of their actions. The caring glances and constant check-ups.

Deciding to come out of hiding, Harry almost had a heart attack when he turned the corner and was met face to face with Connor. His brows had dipped in worry, face determined to grab some cream to apply to the burn from their first-aid kit in the bathroom. Harry guessed that his whizzing thoughts failed to hear the quiet instruction.

The man jolted in surprise, stopping quickly in his tracks, “Oh hey! Is Halo asleep?” Connor gave him a smile despite the confusion etching in his forehead. Harry nodded dumbly, lips pursing like a fish. “Y/N’s just burned her hand, nothing too serious though,”

He looked over his shoulder to see Y/N eyeing the both of them suspiciously, still clutching the burnt skin close to her. “Oh, I see,”

Connor smacked a firm hand on his shoulder, stepping around him to grab the cream. Harry walked towards Y/N, noticing that she was soothing the painful ache with ice wrapped in layers of tissue. She was softly hissing through her teeth once in a while.

“You okay?”

She tilted her head at him, appearing to be dazed out in her thoughts. “Yeah, uh, nothing too bad,”

Harry kept his distance, leaning on the other side of the counter. He started off by saying, “Thank you for giving me this chance,”

Y/N graced him with a smile, standing up straighter when Connor appeared with a tube in his hand. Harry watched as he unscrewed the cap, placing it beside her. He squeezed a bit of the cream unto his fingertip before applying it directly on Y/N’s skin. She winced, wanting to pull her wrist away from his grip but Connor didn’t let her, “It’s gonna be fine, baby,”

He pressed a kiss to her temple, continuing to rub circles on the burn until Y/N visibly relaxed through slouched shoulders and less shaky breaths.

Harry was staring at them like a kicked puppy. He was fussy and frustrated all in one. He wanted the attention that Y/N was giving Connor. He wanted to be Connor, but both of them were too wrapped up in their little love bubble to notice Harry’s squinted eyes and pinched brows.

He was frustrated because even if he wasn’t the direct cause of her pain, Harry had somehow found a way to continue hurting her and Connor was always there to pacify his wrongful actions. Harry hated that this was how fate had planned his life.

Harry cleared his throat, raising a fist to his mouth, “Think I should go,” His thumb pointed over his shoulder, “Uh thank you again,”

Y/N snapped her head to him, gaze lowering in a timid manner as if she forgot that he was even there in the first place. Connor was the first to reply, “Alright, man. See you whenever,” He capped the tub, shoving it in his back pocket to return to its place.

She leaned on her tiptoes to press a kiss on his lips, muttering something in his ear that had Connor teasingly wrapping his hands on her hips. Harry looked away, taking long strides to the entryway instead.

“Harry, wait!”

He shuddered at the memory of the words that had changed his life when Gemma told him the truth. Harry’s shoe was half-way one when he turned around. “Yeah?”

Y/N was holding a folded brochure, “Halo has a recital this weekend for her dance class,” She handed it to him, “Maybe you’d want to go? You can bring Camille if you want but I think it would be better if you didn’t. She’s still new to this and I don’t want her asking too many questions until she can unders--,”

“I’ll go,” Harry cut her off, unfolding the folded paper. The venue was about twenty minutes away from his place. It was only an hour-long considering the skill set of two-year-olds but it was a fun way for parents to cheer on their little ones. Harry’s previously sour mood was now replaced with giddiness at the sight of his daughter in a pretty pink tutu, twirling on her feet. He was sure that Halo was born to become a performer like him.

She sighed in relief, puffing her cheeks out cutely, “It’s a private dance class. Pretty high end so the security should be okay,”

And there it was again. The constant reminder that Harry was otherworldly to some people. As much as he loved living his lifestyle, he sometimes wished that he was a normie. That was a lot to ask for considering his current situation with his daughter, but a man can dream.

“Got it,”

Y/N leaned over to show him the back of the leaflet, “Just show them this ticket and security should let you in. Halo wanted me to give that to you because she was too shy earlier. I know it’s short notice but I guess she was comfortable enough to ask you,”

Harry blushed at the admittance, mentally patting himself at the back for making his daughter feel at ease in a short amount of time.

“I’ll be there,” He pushed his heel to adorn his sneakers. Y/N bit her lip, she looked hesitant, “It’s okay if you don’t want to go, by the way. I can explain that you’re busy. She’ll probably understand,”

He placed a hand on her shoulder. Harry wasn’t going to ruin his progressive relationship with his daughter on ‘probably’. “Y/N, s’alright. No problem, yeah? I’ll be there,”

___

Where was he?

It was two days after the dinner and Harry’s promise of attending Halo’s recital was vanishing with each passing second. Every time the hand of the clock ticked to indicate that another minute had elapsed. Harry still wasn’t jogging through the carpeted middle of the small theatre to where Connor and Y/N were seated. Two empty seats were left at the end of the aisle to aid Harry--and possibly Camille--a smooth arrival without creating any distractions.

There were only five minutes left before the stage crew were to dim the spotlights illuminating the room. Y/N was checking her watch what felt like every second, clicking her phone on and off once in a while worried that something may have happened to Harry. Maybe security wouldn’t let him in. The gnawing feeling at the pit of her stomach suggested that Harry just forgot the event tonight but Y/N would cross the bridge when they got to it. Regardless, her nerves were left unsettled as swallowing proved to be more difficult with the way a sip of her water had her gulping audibly. Connor wasn’t there to lend a soft hand on her upper back to help her breathe.

Speaking of, Connor had taken the initiative to visit Halo backstage. The ballet teacher was growing weary of the way the little dancer ran out from beside the stage to stop in front of her parents, asking, “Where’s Hawwy?”.

Halo had done it three times in hopes of receiving an answer aside from, “He’s not here yet,” Y/N tucked a fallen strand of hair from the otherwise sleek bun from beside her cheeks. Her daughter’s form slouching as her pretty eyes watered slightly, “He’s not coming? You told me he was coming, mama,”

Y/N glanced at Connor nervously, being met with an ‘I-told-you-so’ look which didn’t really help the situation. Luckily, the teacher had approached them with a clipboard on hand, searching for the ballerina. The teacher had suggested that one of them stay with her behind the curtain until the show began. Connor volunteered.

“Better hope he comes or else we’ll have to deal with the consequences. I really don’t want to see her heartbroken before of a promise he couldn’t keep,” Connor muttered, following the woman but not before thumbing circles on Y/N’s flushed cheek.

Y/N knew that he meant well. She also didn’t want to comfort a heartbroken Halo because Harry failed to show up where he promised he would be. And now, with a little less than two minutes before showtime, Connor was sent back beside her. Parents were being ushered to find their seats before the lights dimmed and it would be difficult to maneuver through knees and legs.

“Is he here?” Connor questioned, draping a hand on her shaking knee. Y/N shook her head, casting another glance at the auditorium doors. He waved at Halo who peeked her head between the silk curtains, wandering eyes looking at the empty seat beside Y/N.

“No. Hasn’t texted or answered his phone either,” Y/N was about to dial Harry’s contact once more in a desperate attempt to reach him. However, the dimming lights indicated that it was too late. Connor laced their fingers together, offering apologetic eyes and a tight-lipped smile; they would have to nurse a broken heart later tonight.

_____

Harry was in the middle of buttoning his patterned shirt, staring at his reflection in the mirror to silently judge his fashion choice for the night. Was it too much for a kids’ ballet recital? He deemed that it was, stretching his arms to remove the fabric adorning his chest, moving to grab the pink, flamingo patterned shirt instead. He took his time, granted that he had about an hour before the recital started.

He smoothed the fabric over his broad shoulders, pausing when Camille walked in. Harry locked his green eyes at her through the mirror as she walked to their shared bed, sitting at the foot of it.

“What d’ya think?”

She hummed in response, absentmindedly nodding in agreement when Harry asked if it was good. Both Camille and Harry had talked about his relationship with Halo as soon as she landed at the airport. He didn’t want to keep any secrets from her. Fortunately, Camille was very understanding of his situation, offering him support and encouragement to build a bond with his daughter.

What Camille didn’t reveal was that she was a bit antsy of Harry’s relationship with Y/N. She meant everything she had said to him, but it was no guarantee that Harry would ignite another connection with his ex-girlfriend. Not that Camille didn’t trust him. It was just a bit concerning because she believed that how a relationship starts is how it will end. Harry certainly had a history of straying away from his present partner.

Harry was currently in their walk-in closet, finding a pair of slacks that weren't too formal or casual. Camille mulled the thoughts in her head. She loved Harry dearly and would do anything for him. Well, anything except having children of their own. He had mostly accepted her decision, only wincing a little when the topic of a family was brought up by mutual friends and family once in a while.

Truth to be told, Camille was scared. She was afraid that Harry would leave for Y/N because she had Halo. They were the family that he had always wanted and although Camille wasn’t too keen on giving him the same; she was debating on it.

“How’s this, Cam?” Harry retreated with two pairs of pants. On one hand was a pair of straight-leg skinny jeans that he hadn’t worn in years. The other held brown, corduroy, striped slacks. “Or this one?”

She bit her lip, standing up slowly, walking over to him. “What do I think?”

He nodded, innocently jutting his bottom lip at her as he looked back and forth.

Camille swathed her hands on his shoulders, ghosting her mouth over his ear, “I think I like you better without them,” Her finger traced his collarbone, swirling at the dip of his throat. “Without anything,”

Harry gulped harshly. He felt Camille unbuttoning his shirt, gliding her palms downwards until she was cupping his bulge, “Camille, wait,” He flicked his watch to check the time. It took twenty minutes to get there, maybe even more with traffic and parking.

She dragged him to the bed by the ends of his opened shirt, locking her lips with his plush ones. He rested a knee on the mattress, his hands at the back of her head as Camille continued to pull him down.

Pulling away, Harry panted, “What are you doin’?” He laid his creased forehead on hers.

Camille supported herself on her hands, moving her face back until she was able to get a clear view of his perplexed expression, “I was thinking that maybe we could. . . try having a baby, H,” Her voice was soft, almost timid and she was doing her best not to break eye contact to show her sincerity.

Harry gasped in surprise, “Wha--? Really? Are you serious?” His tone gained a pitch as excitement enthralled his senses. The smile on his face was wide and reached his bright eyes. “Baby, are you sure?”

Camille nodded, grinning softly. “Yes,’

“Oh my--this is. . .,” Harry pulled at the locks of his hair, pacing around the room. “This is great! Our own family. Jesus. I can’t believe it,” Tears sprung on his corneas.

He kneeled between her legs, taking her wrist and pressing a gentle kiss on her skin, murmuring ‘I love you’ repeatedly.

“Are you going to keep doing that?” Camille asked, spreading her legs rhetorically. Harry observed her position, nodding enthusiastically.

Another glance at his watch indicated that Harry was absolutely pushing it with being late to Halo’s recital. Yet one enchanting kiss from Camille wiped his thoughts clean. He was getting what he wanted; a family of his own.

___

Let us know what you thought! The seventh part of the Tarnish series will be uploaded on Patreon on Sept 29!

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tottymatsuno · 3 years

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Fics I'm working on! Updated Feb 2nd, 2023. Includes the multichapter Ichi ideas I have. Last update Jan 24th, 2022.

I didnt unfortunately finish this upsate bc im tired, but heres some of the new stuff

Totty fics up front!

Apostasy - demon au based off of the Akuma riders hesokuri set. Todomatsu steals a traumatized skitzo virgins soul bc she just so happens to be the only one who ever found him attractive. 9.5/18 parts completed. NSFW. 😈

Equal Footing: A tsundere office worker totally hates her rival Todomatsu because he's an asshole! She definitely hates his cute lil smile and no longer has any good will towards his sexist ass. Nope, not at all. 4/6 parts completed. NSFW

Peach Boy: Currently being reworked but childhood friends having an equally inexperienced hot and cold relationship with one another because they're both petty and rude. Somehow they might make it work?? 8/??? parts completed. NSFW

I believe he's not my butler: Snobby rich girl falls for ugly man who has no prospects or capital despite his shitty personality. 1/2 parts completed. SFW

It's not cheating if we're broken up: Identity theft as a small plot point, reader goes on a romantic rendezvous with her soon to be ex's high school chum. Fucks him and then steals ex boyfriends money. Catches feelings specifically because she understands that Todomatsu is an awful piece of shit and that terribleness is an extremely attractive quality in a man for her. 2/3 parts completed. NSFW

Idol Worship: Fujio Rock/Idol au. Skeptical assistant hates her boss' attempts at romance bc he was such an asshole she can't believe he's a decent guy. Meanwhile Totty is in love and is sick from it. 3/4 parts completed. SFW for now.

Oh please, oh please: Totty and reader are annoyingly cutesy and then fuck. 1/2 parts completed. NSFW obv.

Pink Angel From hell: Host club au based off of the drama cd. Yall better do the required reading this time I s2g. Toxic Totty realizing he is worth love bc of the only dumb virgin who is in lust with him. A character exploration about parallels and oscillating expectations between two people who care for each other but do not express it in the same ways trying to meet each other finally in the middle. There's direct parallels, inversed and subverted parallels, there's symbolism and direct hypocrisy! It's gonna be good I promise to see these two and their arcs work out. Love isn't bought its cultivated and grows over time, not bc someone pays for it. You cannot expect a transactional relationship to become a romantic one right off the bat. Plus I find asshole evil Totty super hot so begone if u want initially healthy loving Todomatsu. Dip ur feet in the acid, my dear. The toxic is great this time in spring! 5/??? SFW for now, will be NSFW later.

Your body often finds my coffin: vampire au, half inspired by the lines in Love me dead, the horror of our love by Ludo and also the song twisted teeth from the 35mm musical. One of my rare serious fics and a lesson in open communication and consent. It's lust to hate to accepting to love story. I've only written the original one shot at this point but I really wanna write more and a multichapter fic of it. SFW as of now but idk it could get spicy.

In the peach pit, saw you fake it: punk rock bookstore worker has an enemies to friends to lovers with Todomatsu after they go on a bad tinder date. They're coworkers too. One of the few Totty fics I actually establish an entire initially platonic relationship on screen instead of in the background. If you love edgy traumatized autistic punk girls who are tryna recover and be her most authentic and happy self and Todomatsus ugly ass you'll enjoy this. Oh yeah and Totty and Karamatsu go to substance abuse counseling! ???/??? current chapters uploaded are sfw but it doesnt stay it. I'm nearing the end writing it though? I just need to bump it with some content and get everything in one document and in order.

Pure Snow, Muddied Tracks: Totty at a mixer bags an equally inexperienced virgin. They fuck and then enter once again an unhealthy relationship. It's really weird but this one was written because I wanted to see how Todomatsu would be an a legit fucked up boyfriend. I'll trigger warn it. There's no sexual abuse but Todomatsu does get gaslighty and possessive. This was written explicitly bc I wanted to see him be evil, it does not fully go into outright abusive territory and stuff but yeah I mean viewer descrection. Wouldn't read this one if you've been in an emotionally manipulative relationship. ???/??? NSFW Changed the title too.

Talked refine: based off of the Hozier song Talk and that one set where the matsunos get blackout drunk. Totty actually has game for once but still fumbles the bag. Doesn't lose his virginity even tho his brothers didn't even fuck it up for him. 0/2 parts completed. Suggestive with an alt NSFW ending.

The Dust Settled Under your Starry Night eyes: trans guy reader and trans Tottimi. Outlaw western au. Reader is a bank robber who spots Tottimi on a hit with her brothers. It's love at first sight, they become their most naked and real selves within the dusty night. 0/3 parts completed. Suggestive but like in a poetic way :^)

Eyes Always Seeking: Story about death and rebirth. Todomatsu buries his dead spouse in a pet cemetery and they come back wrong. Mostly completed. SFW...I dont really have a pervy idea for it tbh. I might later?

Mutually Creepy: Two virgins hit on each other in the most bizarre and frankly creepy ways. NSFW One-shot (this ones almost done)

Codependency: A coworker of the girl Todomatsu and Karamatsu fought over has DPD and a crush on Todomatsu. He takes advantage of it (another bad guy totty fic??) Based a little bit off of the song June 6th/Boyish by Japanese Breakfast. Anyways these two are codependent in a weird little way. 0/2 SFW.

Better To Eat You With: This one is kinda weird, sorry. There's a new cast member on Osomatsu-san who keeps trying to seduce Todomatsu. First skit Todomatsu has with this new character is her as the big bad wolf and him as Little Red Riding Hood. It's a character study, it's a deconstruction of ososan's reality, it's about how the mechanics of the characters reality works, its about loneliness and desire and wanting to be wanted and infatuation and a critical analysis! It's a lot! Todomatsu kisses his hand! It's sexy im sorry. It's a oneshot but is over 8k so I'll have to post it on ao3. NSFW

Cracked Vanity Mirror: no actual love interest, just Todomatsu being lonely scrolling through tinder. sfw

What Do You Call This Emotion?: Todomatsu tries to play games but isn't experienced enough to win them. sfw so far

Ash To Ash, Back To Back: punk band au. probably nsfw

Broke and Dusty: love and collecting old electronics. sfw And They Were Roommates: An exchange student comes back to Japan after cutting off her narc family and decides to live her best life rebelling and not listening to what shes told! She's supposed to rent out and manage a rental property but says fuck it lol. Asks her bffs Sacchi and Aida who should move in w her and they say "Totty, go save that boy PLEASE!" bc they wuv him. anyways Totty and the reader link up and become like best friends forever!! There's not REALLY tension at first, they're literally just friends and its very cute, like vibing really hard. anyways yeah they were roommates! I havent written much for this one yet but im trying to figure out what's gonna make it shift to a romantic dynamic. Anyways best friends to lovers. I think its gonna be nsfw. 3 chapters written so far.

Wait, Why Am I Your Second Choice?!: Todomatsu has a unionized rotation of girlfriends bc Sacchi and Aida want him off those damn sugar apps. He's too naive and stupid to be getting into that so his very good friends have been taking applications to join his platonic girlfriend roation. The requirements is that each person has to be in a pair. Anyways reader and her bff joins and they become good friends w Totty! But Totty likes the reader's friend and not really the reader intitally. Friendship, unrequited affection, rejection and mutal understanding are the major themes here. i havent decided how it ends yet! sfw

Bambina: Vaguely based off of my experiences with my baby lol! Very personal djkjkdsg....todomatsu gets hired as a handy-man after he and matsuyo spend sometime watching a milf get attacked by an infant for a few weeks. The reader is related to Kin-chan! Kin's her older sister <3 anyways reader lives with her grandma after her divorce and Totty is paid to fix shit around the house. they fall in WUV <3 ????/???? i havent written any nsfw yet for it but itll be there

With Ya Old Ass: Totty takes reader to his fishin hole and is an old man about it. They are bi4bi. sfw

THE PERSONALS!!! AKA I probably wont be posting all of these

Quit Playin': this one is me getting my feelings hurt lol...

DieTai: I literally will never post this but its about if I were an anime character and the genre it'd be and if Todomatsu would like me the same amount I like him. A deconstruction of the OI ive been reading, a deconstruction and critique of whump as a genre. its about thinking you know someone until you meet them, and about romanticising bad traits because you cant be harmed by them bc theres a level of safety and the fear of rejection is gone when youre kissing a screen and not another set of lips. this one makes me SO sad!!!!! its cathartic. its nsfw because of its many themes

Green Ribbon: It's a very personalized story about my trauma that involves some body mutaliation and extreme depictions of child abuse. Makes reference to the Scary Stories about the green ribbon. this one makes me sad so i havent finished it, but Totty asks me a question during my grieving season and I cant answer him. sfw and unsexy too

Crying Over Spilled Milk: Idk it was october and I wanted to process my grief a bit better. It's about if Totty saw me the day my mama died lol.....it's a very realistic take on the ososan universe imo where theyre just actors and like regular ppl w/o any weird reality bending or anything. just the brothers as childhood actors w references to kun and other akatsuka characters. anyways like totty goes out peacocking after the 2nd episode airs and sees me and tries to nonverbally flirt and eavesdrops on my phone convo and then watches me have an entire breakdown on the trainplatform bc i found out my mama died! I literally will never ever post this but im typing it here so i can remember it by next october. this did not stay sfw

I'll Be Back Tomorrow Or The Next Day: based very much off of my real life and real marriage and if totty was there ig. nsfw

Strip Yourself Bare For Me: By The Layers about tottys year in America in 2017. We were penpals and he moves in w me after being homeless in Japan. we fall in love-love. ends sadly bc he goes back to Japan and we break up </3 nsfw

Don’t lead me on!: posted. 1/2 done. Im best friends with todomatsu and i tell him i love you like i say to all of my friends constantly and forever and he takes it WAAAAYYY too seriously.

I’LL KILL YOU!!: @itchypinefield is here! First words said to you by your soulmate au. He’s threatening to kill me, im doing the same <3

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HOW COULD I FORGET TO ADD MY TOTOKO SET!!

For Someone Like Me: based off of susie save your love, totoko has unrequited feelings for me while i rush head first into a pretty unhealthy relationship with todomatsu. We become girlfriends <3

You’re a star, baby!: Choromatsu gets fired and Totoko replaces him with a brand new social media manager that leans into her heel with a babyface behaviors but she realizes that her new agent/secretary/assistant/sns marketer is kinda cute and really into her.

Shred me with your teeth: making out with totoko but shes got shark teeth and shes cute and needy 🥰

Summer Crush: in tottys pov, and an ot3 fic with me, him and totoko. Todomatsu and Totoko are roommates living in America trying to get their careers to take off after their sketch comedy reboot fails flat in the water. Ex child stars who want to be taken seriously in their prospective niches, Todomatsu in theater and Totoko as a television actress. They both have a lot of sexual tension but Todomatsu has a crush on me bc he sees me on hjs jogs. Totoko is initially jealous and investigates until she also gets a crush on me bc i truly am adorable. Anyways we eventually all date

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AUS WITH FRIENDS/SERIES WITH FRIENDS! These all have porn im sorry

Erina section! @girlymatsu co-owns these aus with me! Some if not most of these have very little actually written 😭

You're Kinda Just Some Guy, Huh?: Normiematsu au with Erina, Benimatsu are actually very well respected actors in their gag anime, and are still virgins. They're just some guy though, very practical, not particularly innocent but they do respect women and try not to be creeps. They end up trying to hard to not be creeps they become majorly repressed freaks. Nsfw

Mixer Set!: One of these includes @ichikos but the rest are me and Erina ending up at mixers with benimatsu. one involves the matsunoir au thingy. Another one is they get yucky at a mixer and then do public stuff on a train like a week later sorry, and the final one i fogor

Won’t You Be Mine, Earth Angel: osomatsu and todomatsu are incredibly good at their angelic duties, and have been tasked with saving two lost souls from damnation in an experimental therapy. Lots of worldbuilding but despite being super nsfw its a ton of wishful fulfillment for me personally about unconditional love and family.

Mechanical: mecha au! Erina is an intergalactic warrior princess, Osomatsu is a half mixture of himself and proper Osomatsu. He has mixed feelings about his duties, osokun still canon but the brothers are child soldiers and this is NOT a good thing! 18!Todomatsu is assigned evil by playing gta v in what should’ve been a 2 minute simulation and is given a service dog mecha/friend who he then eventually marries

Sleepover slumber party!!: benimatsu go to a sleepover with us and slut it up <3

Mononoke au (i dont have a title sorry): this one splinters but idk theyre cute theyre the mononoke i have no brain to type out the plot but theres a plot I swear nsfw

Two slow dancers: based off of that s3 episode and is Evan’s au! Osomatsu is divorced, behind on child support, living alone in a house he can barely afford bc of his gambling addiction, and the woman he flirts with at holiday parties moved across the street from him. He starts getting his life together but has to deal with the guilt of ruining his first relationship and thinking his three kids hate him, but also dealing with the fact he still has a life to live and wants to he in love. On the flip todomatsu has dead wife syndrome and is very confused by his work wife because we look exactly alike. Anyways a marriage by convenience and then falling in love or w/e. Nsfw

Put a collar on that mutt: based off of the billionaires werewolf au, i dont think theres really a plot i think its just sex tbh.

Magical Girls: osoko has a big comphet problem, and erina is bisexual but then dates osoko’s sleezy alternative self! And also Totoko also has a problem, her evil alternative self is getting married to her true love!

Investment: based off of e3.5 or whatever where they’re the unused brothers. Todomatsu flirts with me, gets my number, then gets up and flirts with erina and i get mad. I see him again when we’re both getting pressured at a mlm conference, we get lost on the way home and i realize whar a cringe fail loser he is (osoeri are falling in love btw) and Totty gets a crush on me bc i dont throw him ina river.

Eros’ Arrow: cupid au, ough i wish i had the energy but its VERY lore heavy, very based off of greek mythology along with world building about cupids as a society, as a species, as a job, and like how love is crushed out of ppl bc of capitalism. Cupids falling in love with humans is an expected flight of fancy that they have to grow out of, but these two dont.

Dragon au: inspired by @chorotchi’s dragon au, very lore and fairytale inspired. Erina is a “cursed sacrificial bride” but actually is a witch, im a holy knight. Beni kissing.

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Mobile Games Are Lame!: An otome isekai but with Ichimatsu! The reader played a mobile game for a while but died and got reincarnated and realized that she was gonna have to get married to one of these brothers. she picks Ichimatsu and they have a veeery sweet romance where they communicate through notes bc ichi is shy <3 sfw and a oneshot project with my friends, and also splinters off. I’ll probably write the whole idea down when i get the chance, but every major character gets a route. This is also the villainess au with my friends and where it alll originated from

I Don't Love You: Reader falls in love with the weird guy who keeps feeding her cats. NSFW 1/4

Sakura Petals: childhood friends who lost connection and then fall in love. I started writing this years ago but didnt get very far. sfw

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Loving You Is Easy Because You're Dead: ghost boyfriends! All of the brothers have died except for the ones that arent dead! You some how manage to date them. 6/6 done, epilogue planned

Who You Actually Are: Story about all the brothers growing up, moving out and becoming healthier people. Involves LOTS of growing pain and looks at their relationships under a critical lense. Has a happy ending but its really hard getting there. There's probably like 5/20 chapters done. SFW

Valentines Day/White Day: Preplanning this, hoping to have my queue cleared out before these dates tho!

Ache & Bake: Request! Outlines done! Just need to get the emotional stamina to write them. Multichapter fic based off a request 2/6

Birthday Bash: Request, outlines done. Christmas Party: Request, outlines done. Road trip: Request, outlines done! Another multi chapter request.

Through Rain or Shine: Request with shy!Karamats taking the lead.

#my WIP page!#roros projects #screaming and crying why do i have so many open projects asjkskjkjefs #roros wips #hard hat is on!

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hwangdol · 5 years

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l.jn: just shoot your shot

summary: can jeno just be confident in himself? pls? pretty pls?

pairing: student-athlete!jeno x tutor! (fem) reader

warning: PROCEED WITH CAUTION! GRAMMAR MISTAKES! AND CRACKHEADS! ALSO CURSING! i’m back and i’m not dead so here’s some athlete!jeno that everyone was looking forward too. just a reminder, this is apart of my collab with @huangsren so check out her art-hoe! renjun and childhood-friend! chenle in our dreamies highschool au. i’m not really satisfied with this piece compared to my other two. hopefully, this still slaps. also, there will be for sure a second part to this so yuh. enjoy.

okay so let’s get this straight lee jeno is THAT guy whose in like all of the sports teams on campus

basketball, baseball, football, soccer, track and field, cross country, pickleball, etc he’s on them all

he was deadass about to join the cheerleading team just so he could have the clout of being on all of the teams

ngl imagine a cheerleader!jeno,,,hell yeah that’s my shit

but he didn’t bc he isn’t as big of a crackhead as one like to think

jeno has the reputation of the silent cold guy, but in actuality is a big FLOOF ball especially with his close friends (aka jaemin)

he’s well-liked by everyone bc he’s hecka nice once they look pass that cold exterior and he’s realllly hot.

just picture sweaty!jeno after practice using his shirt to wipe off his sweat allowing everyone to have a glimpse of his abs.

sign me the fuck up

he’s just extremely shy and socially awkward so he doesn’t really know how to interact w people when he meets them for the first time so a lot of people just think he’s that distant, angsty type

it still shocks a shit ton of people when they find out he’s best friends with the social butterfly/ fboi! jaemin but don’t get him wrong bc he doesn’t go around town breaking hearts left and right like his best buddy does

as much as jeno likes to deny it, he is a ROMANTICIST

way back in freshmen year, jeno was captivated by a teenage romance which he blames ara (from fucq-boi! jaemin au) for roping him into all those barbies and chick-flick movies.

like his heart flutters at the idea of his significant other wearing his jersey to his games or sharing a milkshake at the local ice cream parlor,,,he wants to give them his hoodie and cuddle on the couch (hopefully watching barbie princess charm school)

BABY BOY JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED !

but he doesn’t want it to be superficial like what jaemin does

he highly disapproves of jaemin’s casanova ways

jaemin is probably really glad about the bros before hoes rule bc he would have lost jeno a long time ago with all of the girls he goes through

jeno knows that love is a delicate thing and should be treated seriously which is why he’s so against jaemin’s date and ditch

and jeno wants to be in a relationship! but he can’t bc he has like NO time for the lovey-dovey highschool bs (also bc he’s highkey scared that he might ruin any relationship he gets himself into)

the boy has back to back practice from all the sports he decided to take on

on multiple occasions, different practice times interfere with each other and instead of just missing one like he SHOULD, jeno decided to take em both on at the same time

catch him sprinting from the soccer field to the football field back and forth in between break times

one time, basketball and swimming practice collided w each other so jeno thought it was smart to go back and forth from the school’s pool to the gym after he’d finish a 1000M IM set and shot at least 15 3-pointers

let’s just say he flashed a lot of people, running half-naked with only his drag suit on when he forgot to put on his sweatpants in one of his runs back and forth

art-hoe! renjun never lets him live it down much to his embarrassment

“remember that one-time jeno displayed his junk to the whole student body? good times, good times”

cue jeno throwing a pencil at renjun or chasing him down the halls

jeno’s abs were the talk of the school for at least a whole month and our boi had red cheeks every time he heard someone talk about it

because of that jeno double-checks, quadruple-checks to make sure that his pants are on before booking it to the gym to shoot hoops

ALSO

another reason why a lot of people find jeno so intimidating and hard to approach was bc of the fight that happened between his ex-friend! stoner-boi!haechan sophomore year

no one expected that the calm, seemingly unbothered jeno could throw punches that hard. it was like he transformed into the hulk or something

except jeno didn’t like the new reputation he gained over a stupid fight with his once close friend.

there’s one nasty habit that jeno can’t seem to let go of no matter how much jaemin and renjun tell him to fix

the boy holds onto grudges like there’s no tomorrow

there was one time where jaemin had to borrow jeno’s phone for something and he accidentally dropped it

“hey can i borrow your phone to call someone? mine’s dead.” jaemin asked him.

“no, last time i gave it to you, you cracked it”

“dude! it was one time”

“say that to my cracked screen”

“for goodness sake, jeno, i only cracked your screen protector!”

“still you broke it”

yeah, jaemin never got to use jeno’s phone ever again.

someone didn’t give back the pencil he lent them? he doesn’t even look in their direction until jaemin nags him enough to just let it go

which is probably why he and haechan still vehemently hate each other even though renjun and jaemin are ready to go talk things out with haechan

some part deep down insides knows he should just let it go and actually talk things out with haechan on why he initiated the fight bc haechan was once someone jeno considered as a bro

and jeno doesn’t give out bro passes as easily

he just doesn’t know how to approach haechan or if haechan would even be willing to talk it through

it’s kinda sad how the two of them don’t even look each other in the eye or acknowledged each other existence anymore

other than that jeno is practically flawless, jk

as much as he is very enthusiastic in physical education, when it comes to math, science, etc, jeno is basically flunking. like borderline passing in all of his classes

he was for sure failing math though which is a HUGE problem…bc to stay on any team sport, he CAN’T be failing a class

which is why jeno was currently spending his free period, in the library, furiously erasing his wrong answer for the problem he tried multiple times to solve. it was the first math problem on the remedial work packet that his math teacher gave him for extra practice.

even his friend, smartass renjun gave up on helping him and went to go toy around with his telescope, going on a tangent about renjun’s alien conspiracies theories.

if only jeno could have renjun’s genius brain, life would be so much easier

slamming his head on the table, jeno let out a low groan of frustration at whoever decided that it was a good idea to mix number and letters together.

“dude, can you not?” he heard someone say from next to him.

he lifted his head to take a peek…and this is where you come in, glaring at him with murder on your mind

jeno’s just staring at you and the fool does not recognize you at all

NCT High isn’t a big place either so he would have come across you once or twice, but you were simply a new face to him.

you, at this point, grew annoyed at the boy who was just shameless staring at you.

“is there something on my face?” you asked with a raised eyebrow

slowly he shakes his head ‘no’

“keep it down, i’m trying to sleep” you warned him before laying your arms now with your head resting on it, faced away from jeno.

jeno, who was awe-struck for second at your frank personality, decided that it was time to have another go at the problem and looked at it again

yeah there was no way in hell he was going to be able to solve it, he was too fucking lost

atm jeno is like .000000001 seconds away from having a mental breakdown because if he doesn’t pass his test this friday he’s going to be benched and if he fails the class then he loses his status of team captain and his spot on the soccer team which he cannot afford to bc it was SENIOR year and he should be living in all of his sports glory right now

and what if he can’t graduate? he can’t be a super senior like lucas wong like nooo that can definitely not happen

literally, jeno, stop freaking out - sincerely admin minnie

suddenly while he was having an overthinking session, his paper and pencil were taken away from him. he watches as the culprit (you) quickly solve the problems on the piece of paper in record time with wide eyes

letting out a small huff, you gave him back the paper wordlessly before going back to your previous sleeping positions hoping to get back to your precious nap time. your actions leaving jeno’s mouth opened in awe as his eyes glances back and forth between the answer sheets and the ones you provided him, both matching up perfectly with no mistake

he looks back at your sleeping form and wonders if you’re an actual prodigy like renjun

but jeno also feels really bad for disturbing your nap so he lets you be and tries to quietly work on the other problems and review how you solved the ones he had trouble on earlier

except he’s even more confused bc there was more numbers and letters;; no comprendo

jeno’s brain: ajadkf;dskjhg;ajdsvf;

he contemplates ask you for help or a basic explanation since there was no way that jeno learned how to solve that in class (he did, he just slept through the lecture because he was dead-beat tired after a heavy soccer practice from the night before)

jeno’s fear of flunking overweighed his social awkwardness so he pokes you gently with his pencil eliciting a grumpy “what do you want, now?” from you

gulping, jeno mumbles a small “can you help me, i don’t understand how you solved this”

you looked intently at jeno not answering his questions causing the boy to instantly regret asking, but surprisingly you replied

“what don’t you get?” you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and shifted towards the male

“i don’t even know what i don’t know”

i felt that jeno. i felt that.

he pulls the piece of paper between the two of you and points to a problem that you did with ease

“oh, so you’re so supposed to…” you launched off into an explanation filled with math terms that adds more to jeno’s confusion

sensing that jeno still wasn’t understanding, you let out a big sigh

“sorry, it just doesn’t make sense in my head” jeno admitted shyly

at first, you were gonna say something snappy about how even an eighth-grader could do this problem easily, you held it back because you actually felt bad since jeno was trying so hard

you also weren’t going to deny that lw jeno looked quite cute with that adorable slight pout on his face

“let’s just take it slow, i’ll explain step by step”

so you did just that, patiently teaching the methods and theorems to jeno who constantly made that confused noise every time you introduced something new to the table

the two of you worked through five of the worksheets and jeno was actually understanding it! horray!

you were explaining the last problem to jeno when he stops you with a question that was completely off-topic

“why are you helping me?”

it was simple question so you answered it simply.

“because you looked like you need it.” you shrugged “i was trying to take a nap earlier but it was too loud for me with your constant erasing”

“sorry” jeno said looking down at his lap, embarrassed that he was a nuisance to you

you kind felt bad ngl so you quickly reassured him

“don’t worry about it. you remind me of my idiotic friends, not that you’re an idiot though. actually, no comment.”

we love a blunt y/n.

you clicked the pen you were holding and placed it down, “i moved here a couple months ago so i barely know anyone. now that it’s senior year, everyone already has their own friend group so why bother trying to join them?”

jeno makes another confused noised at your blunt statement.

you wondered if that particular noise has some type of effect on you due to the fact that you have a sudden urge to explain your situation to the boy you hardly knew for more than the hour

“i used to go to miroh high, but my dad got a transfer here so he decided to enroll me at this school without my say. i left all my friends back there sadly”

“that sucks,” was all that jeno could say.

damn his inability to socialize like a normal human being.

you nodded, “yeah, it does, but it’s not that bad. my friends make an effort to come down here most weekend and sometimes i drive up there too.” you turn to look at him and jeno freezes at the sudden eye contact “actually, you remind me of my friend hyunjin. he was kind of a ditz in anything that wasn’t sports”

“wait, how do you know that i play sports?” jeno asked confused

“dude, everyone knows that you’re the school’s mvp.” you said as if it’s obvious “you’re not as intimidating as they say you are though.”

damn it

he was hoping you had no idea who he was so that could relieve his guilt of not knowing who you were despite being in the same graduating class.

at the same time, he was glad that he seemed to have made a good impression on you

“don’t worry, i won’t spill your little secret” you gestured to the worksheets which had red pen markings all over it, signs of jeno’s failures. you figured that the school’s star jock didn’t want the school knowing his inability to solve basic 12th-grade math problem

you reached under the table to grab your backpack, causing jeno to reach a hand out to grasp your wrist

“wait, where are you going?”

a part of him was afraid that he was going to forget everything you taught him once you left, but the other part was extremely curious about you and wanted to know more

“i have somewhere to go?” you looked down at his hand and back up at him “you have something else you want to say?”

sensing that his grip was making you feel uncomfortable, he quickly pulled his hand away. rubbing the back of his neck. he avoids your eyes, opting to stare at your feet instead.

“this might be a little weird, but can you please tutor me? at least until next week when i have to take my make-or-break test.” jeno plead, embarrassment rushed to his cheeks in the form of a red blush when he realized how desperate he sounded.

you let out a tiny giggle, totally different from your persona earlier.

you took his pencil that was laying on the table to scribble something on the corner of his worksheet. patting his shoulder, you quickly left the boy staring at the piece of paper.

don’t get confused (127) 312-0325 :)

a stupid smile made it’s way onto jeno’s lips as he quickly packed up his things in haste. he practically skips to soccer practice. maybe he even heel-clicked.

lee jeno is not failing math!

cute tutor acquired!

woohoo!

but also, there’s this weird tingly feeling that jeno has inside.

he doesn’t know what exactly it was but most likely it’s probably the reason why he was a goofy-ass smile on his face

“dude, are you okay?” one of his teammates ask after he gets hits in the head with a soccer ball

jeno, not even fazed by it one bit, just smiles and gives his teammates a big thumbs up

“coach, i think there’s something wrong with jeno!”

anyways, that night he’s extremely excited to text you.

imagine jeno on his bed, laying on his stomach feet up in the air, taking at least an hour to construct a response that doesn’t make him seem lame or a fifty-year-old man like all of his friends say he texts like

jeno is probably the type of person that texts, with all the correct capitalization and actual punction plus awkward spacing and usage of emojis

this time he tried to be chill about it

jeno: hey, it’s me, jeno. sorry for bothering you this late at night, but i don’t understand this problem. can you help me pls?

sent.

now jeno was currently awaiting your response….however, you don’t reply right away like jeno for some reason expects

he takes the waiting time to scroll through his social media and it’s the usual things he sees every day

he sees the juniors’ chenle and his weird little friend talking about some sort of prank they’re going to pull, jaemin’s spam post on how he was stuck making prom decorations to fulfill his community service requirements, etc

however, a sudden post from @/luccasss caught his attention

especially the girl sitting on top of an old blue car with the senior, middle fingers up

his eyes glance at the caption quickly

me and my main bitch fucking it up (pc to our little kiddo)

wait a minute.

jeno could remember you saying how you didn’t bother making friends w anyone, so what are you doing with the lucas wong?

now lucas wong doesn’t have that great of a reputation around campus, especially since he was a held back his senior year. he blows off class and jeno has heard that he’s in cahoots with the stoners on campus too

your account is tagged in the picture and luckily it’s on public, so jeno could secretly and shamefully stalk your page

while looking through your photos, jeno realizes that he really doesn’t know anything about…. you

tbh he didn’t even know your name until he saw your bio and username. (facepalm @ jeno)

scrolling through your photos, he saw you posing with other boys and girls that he didn’t recognize making him assume that they were your friends from your old school

his fingers land on a picture where you’re kissing a cheek of ridiculously good looking guy. checking the tag, he sees that it’s a guy whose username was something along the lines of cb_97

imma miss my ddy chan <3!! owo

as he scrolling through the chan guy’s instagram, jeno becomes more dejected bc maybe he was too deep in his imagination that he got from watching too many dramas with ara

letting out a sad sigh, jeno clicks his phone off and settles into bed. the more he thinks about it the more he feels insignificant to you which he was.

for all he knows, he’s just a random kid in the library that you helped with a few math problems

the next day, jeno walks into school with no pep in his step :(

and as his certified besties, jaemin and renjun drag him into an empty classroom during lunch prying him to confess what’s got him down in the dumps

and jeno knows he can’t hide anything from his besties so he just lets it all out

jaemin, taking a long blink after his bff’s rant to process the newly acquired tea “wow, bro. you got the feels”

“exactly,” jeno groans “i only talked to her once! she doesn’t even know me!”

“she knows you suck at math,” renjun points out

and jeno threatens to throw a chair at his friend, but jaemin quickly stops him

“okay, how about you just take it slow? like get to know her and let her get to know you. it could be that you’re just overthinking her kindness for helping you when you were desperate. appreciation is different from admiration” ngl jaemin was kinda-sorta right

“btw, who is this chick anyway? you haven’t told us who it was” renjun asked, sitting on one of the empty desks

“y/n, she transferred a couple months ago from miroh”

renjun abruptly jumps to his feet, “the y/n l/n? the new math teacher’ daughter?”

“you know her?” jeno quirks an eyebrow

“dude she’s in my ap calculus class and she has the highest grade, but she never shows up to class,” renjun tells him. “she’s a straight, badass genius”

jeno feels stupider as renjun continues to list all of your achievements and the art boy makes it seem like all of them were done effortlessly.

how stupid was he in your eyes when he couldn’t solve regular senior math problems while you were out here solving college-based ones?

now you seem like a person farther and father away from him.

jaemin, his good-ol-buddy knows that jeno is over-analyzing the new information renjun was telling him, and he tries his best to hype is buddy up

“c’mon, you might not be a genius at math but you certainly are on any field, pool, and court. have some confidence!”

deep down jeno knows that he should listen to his friend and that he should just be more confident in himself, but he can’t shake his feeling of insecurity and doubt

so the next time he sees you laying on the empty table in the non-fiction section sleeping, he’s a bit more reluctant to approach you. instead, he quietly sits in the seat next to you as he pulls out his practice sheets to work and miserably fail on

except you don’t wake up for a looong time until jeno accidentally sneezes too loud, causing you to awaken

opening your eyes, you see the boy look at you with wide eyes as if he’s done something terribly wrong by waking you up

“why do you look like i’m about to kill you or something?” you giggled watching as the boy in front of you became very flustered “why didn’t you wake me up when you came here?”

“oh, you look like you were in deep sleep, so i didn’t want to wake you up”

you stretched your arms out, one hand over your mouth as you let out an inaudible yawn, “don’t worry about it. i’m always sleeping”

you blamed all of your fatigue on lucas as it was his fault that you were tired out of your mind from the little night adventure he roped both you and a junior named eun (y/n from childhood-friend!chenle’s au) into.

honestly, if it weren’t for lucas’s annoying ass laugh waking you up from your nap that one day, you probably wouldn’t have befriended the big bumbling bafoon.

“yeah, but apparently i’m failing the twelfth-grade again bc i’m not allowed to just go to homeroom and p.e. i mean, who wants to learn about FUNCTIONS when you could just be looking up memes in the library?!?” - lucas wong, 2019

despite lucas’s overwhelming personality, you were quite thankful to have him as he reminded you of your old friends back at miroh, it was nice.

eun was a soft-spoken child that often had to turn to you or lucas (which wasn’t always a good idea) for advice that you both were happy to give to the underclassmen.

personally, you didn’t care that you only had like two friends, quality over quantity right?

“earth to jeno?” you waved your hand in front of his face as he stayed unresponsive

he mumbles something inaudible and points at a problem

your eyes gloss over it taking in the problem, before quickly grabbing a pen and solving it. you spoke slowly as you explained the step-by-step solution that jeno had to do.

when you look back at jeno to make sure that he was understanding the content, you noticed how the jock is off in his own universe and not paying attention to you.

“please don’t make me repeat that again,” you sigh, catching jeno’s attention. you capped the pen and lightly tossed it on the table, proceeding to stretch out your hands above your head.

“sorry”

“what’s up with you?” you asked, wondering why the boy who seemed desperate for your help yesterday, was now acting like he could care less. “and don’t give me that stupid, generic “nothing” bullshit.”

“sorry, football was tough last night,” jeno said quietly, focusing on the problem.

despite not being involved in the school festivities, you knew that it was well past football season. and that meant that jeno was lying to you.

there was a slight pang of disappointment, but you pushed it aside. what were you expecting anyway? he probably only saw you as a tutor.

you weren’t even his friend for fuck’s sake

“let’s move onto the next problem” you say, quickly changing the subject.

honestly, the two of you were fucking idiots. smh

despite there being awkward tension between the two of you, you’re tutoring was actually very very helpful for jeno. he could actually understand what was going on in math class now.

remember that test he had to take to ensure that he could play for his soccer match? jeno passed that with flying colors thanks to your careful explanations

even after that test, the two of you kept your tutoring arrangement;;;and maybe jeno was falling even harder for you.

he couldn’t help it though! the way you run your fingers through your hair or the way you puff out your cheeks when you’re trying to think of a way to explain something to jeno just makes leaves him star-struck. and every time he gets a problem right without your help, the proud smile that you give him makes his heart leap

it wasn’t like you were safe from the love bug either!!

lee jeno was hard not to like and he was even harder to not fall for.

the little cute noises that he makes when he’s lost, the way his eyes go wide when he finally understands the problem, and the eye-smile he gives you when he gets a problem right.

your heart literally went uwu when jeno offered you his hoodie bc the two of you were sitting underneath the ac vent and you were shivering.

when you tried to give it back to him, he just shook his head and said “keep it, just in case you get cold”

lee jeno was not healthy for your heart. uwu hours 24/7

but the two of you were stuck in this weird relationship bc the two of you weren’t exactly friends, but also not strictly tutoring. you would share laughs here and there, but then quickly it would dial down and returned back to the math problems

some times when he was texting you, he would send a cute gif to show you that he understood and sometimes you would tell him about something funny/stupid lucas+eun or your other friends did.

“just ask him out,” lucas tells you bluntly as the both of you chilled on the bleachers during lunch.

“hard pass”

“fine, then i’ll do it.” lucas shrugs, eliciting a hard smack from you

“don’t embarrass me, you asstwat”

“who said i was asking him out for you? that boy is a fine piece of meat”

“istg, lucas, i’ll actually gouge your eyes out” you deadpanned.

but big ol’ oaf lucas doesn't see you as an actual threat. and he reaches out to grab your cheeks causing your face to form into a fish pout

“can you even reach me?” he teases, shaking around your face

and this the part where you’re pulling lucas into a headlock, oblivious to the fact that jeno was watching your toughy actions from afar

he kicked the soccer ball angrily into the goal causing jaemin to duck with a small shriek to avoid getting his head decapitated by jeno’s fastball

“dude wtf!” jaemin shouts

“sorry,” jeno mutters.

jaemin looks over to where jeno was staring at and saw you and lucas being really handsy with each other. from that distance that the two boys were looking it, it didn’t look like the roughhousing the two of you were actually doing

you pulling his hair to them looked like you were playing around with it

jaemin’s buddy jeno be looking like a kicked puppy rn, muttering under his breath about his shortcommings

jaemin is bout ready to slap him upside down the head for having no confidence or whateves

“can you stop talking shit about my bestfriend now?” jaemin @ jeno but the boy is on a whole ass rant on why he sucks in comparison to lucas

“of course she doesn’t like me. she has a whole lucas wong and he’s 6′0 ft of handsomeness. he’s fun and exciting, i’m staler than a moldy piece of bread!”

can jeno just love himself??????? is that to much to ask?

“i’ll just never be good enough for her. i’m not her type, she can do better than me.”

cue jaemin intense internal screaming

one day, jeno was going to your usual sitting spot in the library when he sees lucas chilling with eun—a girl that he’s seen around with his friend chenle. they were both laughing at something on lucas’s phone.

jeno looks at the sight confused. cause like aren’t you and lucas a thing? like why was this boy looking really chummy with this underclassmen?

so jeno clears his throat to catch their attention and both of them look at him like “who tf are you?”

“where’s y/n? she’s suppose to be tutoring me” jeno says

a look of recognition flashes across lucas’s and eun’s at the sound of y/ns name. the younger female whispers something to the senior causing him to clap his hands.

“oh so you’re, jeno??” lucas says in this voice

and jeno awkwardly nods

“yeah, y/n is skipping school today so she told me to tell you to look over the notes she wrote out for you” lucas pulled out a notebook and handed it to jeno

jeno flips through it carefully, examining the words you wrote in your familiar handwriting; there was also a highlight code system and little side comments to help him

“thanks” jeno about to leave but lucas’s next comments stop him

“you’re lucky that y/n likes you enough to do that for you. she wouldn’t even tell me whats 4x4 when i asked her” lucas slumped into his seat

“that because she thinks you have chronic stupidity” the underclassmen said, giggling

“aren’t you suppose to be on my side you little pipsqueak” lucas says jokily, rubbing her head.

and jeno is watching the exchange, getting more and more confused

did y/n know that lucas was hanging out w another girl without you?

“did you need something else, jeno?” eun asked him

jeno is about to say no, but different words left his mouth

“aren’t you dating y/n, lucas?”

there was a silence that lasted for a good minute, both lucas and the underclassmen giving jeno a blank stare….

until lucas bust out into ugly laughter, bent over his seat delirious and eun was also laughing along but not to the same degree.

was it really that funny? jeno be staying confused

it wasn’t until the librarian came to shush the two did they stop laughing

lucas wiped away tears of laughter from his eyes “that was a good one!”

“what do you mean?” jeno asked

“pffft eun would rather date a rabid animal than me,” lucas said “she’s only friends w me bc i forced her to be”

oh! that was news to jeno

“besides, lucas isn't y/n’s type” eun revealed, shocking jeno

oh really now?

“yeah, you fit her type really well,” lucas stated nonchalantly.

eun is like BRUH WHY WOULD YOU REVEAL THAT but doesn’t say anything and kicks lucas underneath the table. she could already picture the pure anger once her friend found out that lucas spilled her secret crush that easily.

robot jeno is just standing there holding the notebook and deep in thought.

“is he okay?” lucas whispers, looking up and down at jeno. eun shrugs in response

bOOM jeno zoom zooms away and the two high schoolers shrug at the jocks before returning to looking at dank memes

jeno basically charges down to the only female he’s friends with for advice, ara. (go read my fucqboi! jaemin for the backstory!)

conveniently, he finds both his jaemin and ara standing at her locker talking. tbh it looked more like jaemin trying to flirt with ara and her ignoring him.

but right now his friend’s girl problems were the least of jeno’s concerns!

so jeno basically hulk yanks jaemin away from ara and has the most serious expression on his face “i need your help, ara”

“huh?”

and he drags ara off to a more secluded place to explain his current situation to, ignoring jaemin’s whines

“to be honest with you, i think you need to have more confidence. now that you know that she isn't interested in lucas, why don’t you just take the initiative to confess?” ara says once jeno explained to her every juicy detail of his hopeless love story.

“because i don’t think that she likes me. there’s nothing special about me. the only things i’m good at are sports and that’s not very interesting!” jeno exclaims “she probably thinks i’m an actual idiot!”

“jeno, listen, i’m only going to say this once, but please please understand that you’re a very special person, okay? you’re extremely hard-working, nice, and honestly very fun to be around. it would take a fool to not like you, lee jeno.” ara sighed, patting her friend’s shoulder “just shoot your shot. if it doesn’t make it in, it’s okay.”

but jeno doesn’t like leaving things to chance. he wants to be sure and he hates uncertainty.

“when you’re competing or playing against someone, you have no idea how the whole game is going to pan out. all you know to do is to try your best and go all out to ensure the very best result so that you can win. liking someone is like that, you just have to go forward and hopefully, you’ll be able to score a home run or a touchdown.”

that was sum deep shit

after listening carefully to ara’s words, jeno came to a conclusion

maybe

just maybe

jeno will take a chance.

reaching into his pocket, he pulls out his phone and sends a text.

jeno: can you meet me at neo ice cream later? i have something important to tell you.

y/n: yeah ofc. i’ll see you at 4

he had soccer practice today and for the very first time, jeno was skipping practice, his favorite time. the only time where he’s ever fully confident in his abilities, where his stupid insecurities can’t get to him.

this was more important the temporary self-gratification that jeno gets when he’s able to fly through practice with ease

lee jeno was taking a leap, unsure of where he’ll fall.

today, he’ll shoot his shot. and hopefully, you’ll catch.

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mousehole5000 · 4 years

Text

tgcf lb the third chapter 14 - 21

okay hit me with the lore

Xie Lian hadn’t spoken his next words before the teenager said, “He dug it out himself.” Startled, Xie Lian asked, “Why?” The teen replied, “He went mad.” -digging out your own eye okay worm

If there were demons in this world who would scam or entice the hearts of people, then there would also be humans who would fool demons. There would exist much ongoing exploitation and betrayal. He said, “If it was handed over in infatuation, yet only results in broken bones and scattered ashes, it would indeed render one’s heart to feel aggrieved.” okay also kind of dope i love it when humans and demons get some back and forth. also this feels like it could be foreshadowing

awwww xie lian giving away his only steamed bun what a sweetheart

everyone keeps telling me this book is also a tragedy but now im just laughing at the visual of headless ghosts carrying their heads around and bickering

chronic bad luck and chronic good luck meet... what will happen to our heroes...

Xie Lian raised his head, softly saying, “You are tenacious, extremely dedicated, and despite many bitter encounters with frustrations and dashed hopes, you’ve stayed true to your heart. More often than not, your misfortunes will turn into blessings, calamity to prosperity. You will continue to have good fortune, my friend, your future is radiant and will blossom spectacularly.” All the things he said were made up on the spot, so they were complete nonsense. - fhklasjksldfdfh i know this is a ploy but still this was funny. also why didnt xie lian try to pick up palm reading from another source when he fell? are they just not as good? is he pretentious like that? either way i hope we find out more about what he got up to during those 800 years

Xie Lian felt rather skeptical on how he only ate half a bun for the duration of the entire day. If young people took advantage on their good health like this, sooner or later they would surely end up passed out on the streets. - xie lian is directly calling me out for my quarantine eating habits im sorry king ill do better

Previously, it had always been Xie Lian telling other people ‘it’s alright, it’s okay’. Today was the first time he heard those words spoken back to him, leaving him with an indescribable feeling. - awww okay this got me

oh my god there was only one bed

again comedy of the year. “oh you’re putting up a curtain that repels evil thats so interesting. on an entirely unrelated note im going to make you a door”

Brushing past him, San Lang pulled out the bamboo chopstick. He swayed it twice in front of him before saying, “It got dirty. I’ll throw it out later.” - edgy bastard moments begin

Xie Lian could hear the deliberation win Ling Wen’s tone. One thing he could be sure of was that she must be in a difficult situation. He said, “Okay, I understand. Since this is inconvenient for you, then there’s no need for you to say more. In addition, the two of us never had this conversation in private.” - awwwww considerate crown prince xie lian

“What, do you guys know him?” Xie Lian said. “……” Fu Yao coldly replied, “No we don’t.” - all men do is lie. also love the petty little broom dispute. i know its actually quite intentional and that only makes it funnier. also guys stop wrecking xie lian’s home he just got it fixed up!! if anyone breaks the new door ill be highly disappointed in them

Xie Lian nodded his head. “That’s right. I wrote it. If you guys continued fighting in there, I would be pleading for reconstruction instead of renovation. Then, I would really have no dignity left.” - see xie lian said if youre not going to contribute to it then please dont fight in my monastery its been through enough

Earlier, when Fu Yao had entered, he hadn’t gotten to examine the interior furnishings. Now, after standing in this crooked, shabby house for quite a while, he was able to see it all. As if his entire body, from head to toe, was uncomfortable, he asked, “You live in a place like this?” Xie Lian handed him a chair and said, “I’ve always lived in these kinds of places.” - ive seen this quote before and it really is just that “damn bitch you live this like?” meme. amazing

Fu Yao did not sit, his expression also turning rigid for a second. It was hard to tell what the look on his face was. It seemed nine parts blank shock and one part schadenfreude. - THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE EXPRESSION I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT

In the desert, the difference in temperature between night and day was drastic. During the night, the freezing temperature was cold enough to seep into one’s bones, yet it was still tolerable. But come daytime, it was a whole other experience. The sky here was incredibly clear and expansive with dashes of white clouds, but likewise, the blazing sun was just as fierce. The group continued to walk, but the more they walked, the more it felt as though they were going into an enormous steamer basket. The hot air emitted from deep within the earth felt as though a day’s worth of walking could steam a person alive. - YES DESERTS YES

okay xie lian is so kind and so generous? he keeps giving stuff away when he has almost nothing and making sure that others are taken care of first..... love him

Xie Lian watched them put on airs. But when such airs were discarded, they finally got physical. Separated by the space of the table, the three of them fought with the poor water bottle, pushing it back and forth. - if these three really are who i think they are this is even funnier. the very clear toying thats going on is truly delightful

Even before, Xie Lian had always thought that although this teenager was always smiling, his smile often made it hard for people to distinguish whether it was actually genuine, or whether it was mockery in the guise of compliments. However, this time, anyone would be able to tell that there wasn’t even half an ounce of goodwill in his smile. - yeah that about sums it up. not even half an ounce of goodwill damn that sure the hell is not a lot of goodwill

He had Ruoye go grab onto something sturdy and stable, but Ruoye ended up grabbing onto San Lang! - awwww thats kind of cute. also the mental image... im going to make this its own post too but

im waiting for xie lian to cough up all that sand hes eating and say something funny when we’re back on the ground. i hope we get more very literal decisions from ruoye

It should be noted that there was a common saying within the mortal realm—a powerful dragon cannot crush a snake in its old haunts. - oh i like this and the translators note This is an old Chinese adage that basically means, ‘even a powerful man cannot crush a local bully.’

“General.” Nan Feng and Fu Yao both spoke at the same time, “What?” - CONFIRMED I CALLED IT tbh it was kind of obvious now ig now im just waiting. also again hysterical. if youre gonna hide your identities boys fucking lkafjfjlkdaf; try harder to remember that youre hiding

To be demoted again and again, to the point one couldn’t be demoted any further…… this kind of experience honestly felt too familiar. Xie Lian felt two gazes collectively fall on his body, but he pretended not to notice and continued reading the text on the stone slate. - this is a funny little set up for what seems to be a parallel between xie lian and this central plains general. he tripped on his own bootlace??? this HAS to be xie lian parallel what does it mean. oooh the common people on both sides of the conflict were the ones who commemorated him? interesting..

San Lang faintly smiled before he whispered, “No, I made that up. Since they had laughed at him before, making them kowtow to him now wouldn’t be asking too much, right?” Xie Lian looked and saw that it was really true. There was already no more text left to translate on the stone slate. He had originally wanted to sigh, but now he just found it funny. Thus, he also whispered, “Why are you so cheeky?” San Lang stuck out his tongue. The two of them were laughing when suddenly, someone screamed, “What is this!!!???” - okay they are funny and i respect the deception. also oooh scorpion tailed snake. oooh a horde of them. a classic cave blunder

“Yeah! The results are relatively the same as worshipping that rubbish immortal! The more you worship, the unluckier you become! “ “……” For an arrow to hit the bullseye despite being in a place so distant and unrelated, Xie Lian was left with no words. - oh my god xie lian are you wearing a spiritual “kick me” sign because it really feels like you are

HE GOT STUNG XIE LIAN NO

#i need to take a break from this i got fic to write #tgcf liveblog #mouse mumbles

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lesbianrobin · 5 years

Note

Im dying to know, do you have any holiday-themed Steve, Robin, Party, etc. headcanons?

god you KNOW i do!!! first of all i celebrate christmas and i dont rly know anything about other holidays this time of year so im just gonna... work on the assumption that they all celebrate christmas, but if anyone who doesnt celebrate or celebrates something else wants to reblog and add their own hcs i encourage it!!! okay this is gonna be so scattered but:

steve never really liked christmas very much. it was always just stressful and he hated having to spend time with his family and he always got like the most generic expensive boring gifts from his parents and it just wasn't really fun... the first christmas he really got into it was the christmas he spent with nancy and after they broke up, he was like oh christmas just fucking sucks!! but then...

that next christmas dustin invites him over for christmas eve and he brings a pie that he bought from the grocery store and claudia thanks him a million times and he wishes that he'd baked it himself so he didn't feel so guilty

dustin gives him a little baseball bat ornament and claudia is like "oh i thought you played basketball!" and steve is like "oh uh i do but i like baseball too :)" and he and dustin kinda smile at each other and steve ruffles his hair and they watch rudolph on tv and steve is like oh christmas.... is good......

speaking of dustin he always starts thinking about christmas gifts in like october but somehow ends up with absolutely nothing on december 20th and he has to run around in a panic finding gifts for the party

he drinks hot chocolate like a maniac... he doesnt drink water the entire month of december it's hot chocolate or it's nothing

hes one of those people who will say "come on it's christmas!!!" on like the tenth

lucas is one of those people who will say "no asshole it's december tenth"

lucas loves christmas!! he just thinks that it's a day and not a whole fucking month!!! he thinks anything before like december 15th is too much

the only thing he hates about christmas is that his parents always make him and erica pick out gifts for each other with no help from them... and since erica is an evil genius she always gets lucas the perfect gift just so she can hold it over his head for the entire year when he accidentally gets her a toy she already owns

she literally watches him open his present like >:) and lucas is pissed when it's this extremely specific action figure that he's wanted for a long time but he swears he never even mentioned it to anybody

and then he just sits there feeling like a stupid asshole as she unwraps a random doll that lucas figured she might like since its hair looks kind of sort of vaguely like erica's and she's like "thanks lucas :) i think i have this one already but it's sweet" and his parents are like "hey it's the thought that counts! erica see your brother knows what you like :)" and she's like "yeah :)" and then as soon as their parents aren't looking she sticks her tongue out at lucas and he sticks his out back at her

the sinclairs have such a disgustingly perfect christmas like they bake cookies together and shit it's adorable

speaking of adorable families the byers house is so full of love on christmas

almost all of the ornaments on their tree are handmade little crafts from when will and jonathan were younger and they buy tinsel at the dollar store and just go fucking ham with it their tree always looks like a hobby lobby threw up

growing up joyce would usually try to get them some things they need on christmas and then like one or two special things for each of them and she could never buy the fancy new toys that were in all the ads on tv and in magazines but she knows her boys.... jonathan got his first camera on christmas and it was from a secondhand store and kind of dinged up and definitely old as shit but he loved it..... will always got some new construction paper and crayons or markers so by the end of christmas day joyce would have new drawings to put up on the fridge or a new little ornament that he made for her.....

sometime in november jonathan would always be like "okay will i have a secret mission for you, you need to find out something mom needs that we could give her for christmas!" and will would be like "you have to say your mission should you choose to accept it" and jonathan would say "well i know you're gonna accept the mission" and will's like "jonathannnnn" and jonathan would be like "okay fine your mission should you choose to accept it" and will would be like >:) im a spy >:)

so little baby will would action roll around the house humming the mission impossible theme and peeking around walls at joyce and then after like a week he'd say "i think mom needs a stool she keeps jumping to try and reach stuff high up in the cabinets" and jonathan's like awesome thanks and he finds a cheap folding stool and some chocolates that he can afford with whatever money he has saved up and he has will wrap it because he figures it's like ten times cuter that way and joyce cries when she sees the little christmas card will put with the stool for her

i'm going way more in depth than i need to thvjdjcd but basically the byers house is all love man... so much love ..... they don't use colored lights anymore they only use the solid strands but they still have fun decorating together and will makes paper chains and stuff to hang up and i'm about to make myself cry

so!! this is getting super long fjvndmcmd

nancy is absolute dogshit at buying presents for people she's just terrible at it. she always just asks mike and holly and her parents what they want and buys exactly what they tell her and if they don't tell her anything then she has like a mental breakdown about it and panics and buys like. a flannel pajama gift set from the department store.

when she's dating steve he tells her not to worry about getting him anything which she takes at face value until her mom asks what she's giving steve like three days before christmas and then she starts panicking and she goes to a sporting goods store and just asks the first employee she sees what a teenage boy who plays basketball might like

steve can't tell if he should be like happy or vaguely offended that his girlfriend gave him like shoe deodorizers and a water bottle and socks for a sports team that he doesn't root for... she tried though and thats all he cares about

she and jonathan agree they'll exchange gifts but nothing over like MAX fifteen bucks which is easy she just finds a tape or a record she thinks he'll like and she's set (she spends a full hour in the music store and almost just gets a gift certificate for him but eventually she just says fuck it and picks some random shit she's never heard of and hopes he likes whatever it is)

mike on the other hand is actually like... insanely good at gift giving because he pays close attention to the people he cares about and he just like Knows if lucas or dustin or will is gonna like something

he just doesnt really buy into christmas all that much?? it's cool to get free stuff and eat cookies and all but he thinks people make it into a bigger deal than it should be

holly still believes in santa though so he likes seeing how excited she gets on christmas... it warms his cold tween boy heart.....

the first christmas he gets to spend with el he turns into a fucking christmas enthusiast and he makes her hot chocolate and gives her a tape full of christmas songs and he asks his mom for a bigger gift allowance because he has a GIRLFRIEND now and she's never- uh, THEY'VE never celebrated christmas TOGETHER so it has to be SPECIAL MOM!!!!

karen is like buddy calm down but it's so nice to see him excited about something again that she caves and gives him like forty bucks and tells him not to tell nancy or his dad

el and hopper christmas... i cannot go into detail or i WILL cry but hopper takes her with him to pick out their tree and she's so meticulous about it like examining all of them and he's just standing there in the cold freezing his ass off letting her do her thing because she's so excited that he doesn't have the heart to tell her they're basically all the same and to just hurry up and pick one

he gives her a lot of books... there are so many books under their ugly fucking tree because el picks one thats extremely crooked because she says it seems nice and hopper cant find any of his old decorations so they have to start from scratch...

el enlists the whole party for help finding hopper a present because it has to be the best present of all time!!!! they're like well what does he like and she's like uh tv.... coffee.... gun...... and they're like uh we can get him a coffee mug?

so on christmas morning el presents him with a "BEST DAD" mug full of candy and he hugs her so she won't see that he's fucking crying

she also gives max a drawing she did of max as wonder woman and it isn't very good but max says it's her favorite present she's ever gotten and she keeps it folded up in her nightstand

max has mixed feelings about christmas

i should not have saved her for last this is depressing

fuck her family fuck all of that okay max spends christmas eve with the sinclairs and christmas day with el because her mom and neil don't really feel like celebrating this year and so for the first time in a long time her christmas is full of love and joy and hopper makes them cinnamon rolls for breakfast which el has never had before and it's great

the party usually does a big gift swap and they don't get each other anything too fancy or expensive but it's sweet... they all gather in mike's basement like the day after christmas and eat the leftovers from the wheelers' christmas dinner and give each other comics and action figures and dice

once robin enters the picture she and steve lowkey get smashed on christmas eve together off peppermint schnapps and they play rockin around the christmas tree like ten times and jump around until they get dizzy...

they give each other little things like every other day leading up to christmas so by the end of december they've exchanged gifts like ten times but it isn't their FAULT okay!!! steve just saw these earrings and thought of her so he got them... and robin couldn't just leave that wham! crop top sitting in the store...... and steve couldn't resist the cheap bff necklaces he found while looking for a gift for erica....... and what is robin meant to do, ignore the stuffed kermit doll she saw in a store window?

it's just unrealistic

i like to think that everybody gathers at the byers house for lunch or dinner on christmas eve... they just hang out and exchange presents and make cookies and watch christmas movies and argue over which ones suck and which ones are actually good...... they just spend time together without any fear or danger and it's good

#stranger things #christmas #god this is so long gifmcmdj #em talks #asks #long post #define-lying

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toho-literature · 4 years

Text

Curiosities of Lotus Asia - Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Illusionary Bird

Marisa visited Kourindou carrying one of the beautiful crested ibises that had been increasing in number in Gensokyo lately. After catching it near Hakurei Shrine, Marisa was planning to cook it and eat it with Reimu. In the now lively Kourindou, the owner Rinnosuke was immersed in thought about the reason for the increase in the ibises...

Chapter 2 of an original story based on the Touhou series!

Illusionary Bird

“Hey, Kourin! What's up? Today's our routine hot pot day!”

She shouted as she threw open the door. As far as I'm concerned, today's Animal Protection Day.

“Oh, it's you, Marisa? What's the meaning of coming here and claiming this to be a 'hot pot day'?”

Marisa showed me what she had in her right hand, and there it was, a limp, red-and-white lump...

Some way from the Human Village in Gensokyo is the Forest of Magic, and close by this forest is my shop, Kourindou. In other words, it's halfway between where the humans live and where the youkai are. I thought that I could do business with both humans and youkai in this location, but the truth is that I almost never have clients of either kind. Well, it gets lively at times, but...

“Isn't that a crested ibis? What happened?”

“Yeah, I caught it by the shrine. Reimu's preparin' stuff for the hot pot, so she'll be late.”

“And why did you decide to meet at my place? You never even asked.”

“What are you talkin' about? This'll make a great meal! Sure, he looks a bit worse for the wear, but...”

The crested ibis. More and more of these birds have been appearing in Gensokyo every year. Wherever they become roused, the sky would become dyed in their colors. Yet their meat tastes good, despite their shabby appearances. The hot pot too, would end up dyed in that ibis color, almost a scarlet red. Not a nice way to put it, but it'd look like a human hot pot made by a vampire.

“Well, I guess it's fine, but why hot pot, all of a sudden?”

“Isn't it obvious? Cold days are all about hot pots.”

Marisa continued to chatter while barging into the kitchen. "Well, I just found 'im by chance, but he was pretty lively until a while ago."

Gensokyo is, quite literally, a place where illusionary creatures dwell. At some point, the people in the outside world wrote off “illusionary creatures” as nothing more than “fantasy creatures”. But, of course, illusionary creatures and fantasy creatures are very different. A fantasy creature is just another name for a delusion, misinterpretation or misunderstanding. On the other hand, an illusionary creature is one that can only be found in Gensokyo. It goes without saying, then, that both Marisa and I are also illusionary creatures.

However, the reason behind the sudden proliferation of crested ibises is something I don't understand. Could it be that they have become “illusionary birds”? That would be unthinkable in the outside world I knew, but then again, too much time has elapsed since then. As much as I try to imagine the outside world from limited literature and old memories, it would amount to nothing more than imaginations. An imagination plagued by imaginations is no more than a fantasy. For imaginations, I rank them in the order of Fantasy, Delusion, Prediction, the Virtual, and Illusion.

“Sorry for the wait! Marisa is here, too, right?”

“...I wasn't waiting. How could I when you girls showed up so suddenly?”

“Well, of course we came suddenly. But you should be waiting at all times. Isn't this a shop and everything?”

Reimu came just as Marisa said. She was carrying several bags with her. Ingredients for the hot pot, I guess.

“Hey, Reimu! Took ya long enough! Let's get this hot pot cookin'.”

Marisa had her arm outstretched, with a feeling of “C'mon, hand it over!” to it.

“I brought everything, yes.”

“Huh? This is red miso. Who told you to bring red miso?”

“I didn't need to be told. Red miso is the obvious choice for ibis broth!”

“Hey, hey! The hot pot is already red enough, so we should make it with white miso. Putting red miso in red broth? Are ya some kind of Communist?"

“It's not like you aren't going to eat because of the color. Since ibis meat is red to begin with, it shouldn't bother you, right? And why white miso? This isn't the Genpei War.”

The two of them went on about food coloring, but I wasn't listening. Regardless, Marisa was holding the ibis, and every time she gave it a squeeze, the ibis would squawk. It was kind of weird, like the ibis was supporting her. I'm sure Marisa was doing that on purpose.

"Don't red pickles go with tonkotsu? Wouldja put it in miso ramen?"

"And doesn't fukujinzuke go with curry? But knowing you, you'd probably throw it in cream stew.”

“Having somethin' red in the middle of somethin' white is the sign of a Japanese soul!”

“I'm already red and white enough. And what part of you has a Japanese soul, Marisa? Do you even know what 'Wabi-sabi' is?”

“I don't think ya know yerself, Reimu.”

“Of course I don't.”

“Anyway, we're not makin' a hot pot like that.”

“Wasn't it you who came up with the hot pot idea? We can't eat this ibis raw.”

“So is that how it is? Alright then, let's just divide it now.”

“Decide it?”

“Yeah, that'll work, too. Wanna go?”

In the end, it seems like they decided to settle the matter in a shooting duel, without so much as asking for my advice (even though they came to my shop uninvited). The rules were: 1-on-1 with Spellcard Rules. If Reimu won, the hot pot would be done her way; if Marisa won, she'd apparently make her go buy white miso. Never mind that I had white miso in my place, they seemed to be enjoying themselves, so I just let them be. Speaking of which, I actually know the tastiest way to cook a crested ibis...

“Marisa, what do I always tell you?”

“If you're gonna fight, then go outside, right?”

“More importantly, could you divide the bird up for Marisa, Mr. Rinnosuke?”

Their objectives seem to have changed already. Whatever the result is, I guess they'll happily eat it however I cook it. I could go as far as to think they arranged this scenario from the beginning, since it always follows the same pattern. Those two are frequently dueling to decide the most insignificant things. On top of that, they've been using attacks with lots of projectiles. It's extremely bright, and hard on the eyes.

Their duels are always a study in contrast. Against the gung-ho Marisa, Reimu – either on purpose or naturally – fights in a more laid-back style. The duels mostly go Reimu's way, but Marisa doesn't always lose. It's just that Marisa attacks with all her skill and might against Reimu, who looks just like she was made of air; it's like trying to pound a nail into dust. In any way, when looking at Reimu, she gives off a feeling that she is not quite from our own world. Anything more than that is something one cannot quite grasp.

“Hey, that's dangerous! What if it had hit me, Marisa!? Geez...”

“Aw, c'mon! Why didn't it hit?”

“Your bullets swerve to avoid me on their own. How nice of them!”

“They're flyin' straight...”

Since I could hear their voices, I went to see how things were going. Reimu looked like she would practically teleport at times. And her bullets would fly guided in impossible directions. It was kind of unfair.

Well then, this nice, round ibis looks really tasty; I've never seen one like it before. Speaking of which, Marisa said something that bothered me...

“Sorry for the wait, we've just made a decision.”

“Yes, you always make me wait like this. I already made the hot pot. With red miso, as expected.”

“Grrr... You already prepared the hot pot? What would ya do if I had won, Kourin?”

“I would have had you eat an ibis cooked in the tastiest way.”

The Hakurei Shrine is located in the edge of Gensokyo. And by edge, that doesn't mean only in the physical sense. There is the border between the outside world and Gensokyo. Because of that, the Hakurei Shrine is not an entirely “illusionary place”. And Marisa said she caught the ibis by the Shrine. It may be that this ibis is indeed from the outside world. So it would seem that crested ibises are not Illusionary Birds yet. I feel somewhat relieved.

#i wonder if animals that go extinct here appear in gensokyo...#also how does marisa know what communism is #touhou cola #curiosities of lotus asia #touhou #touhou project #project shrine maiden

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nautseverywhere · 5 years

Text

OC Interview

Was tagged by @rakimaiirisa

Thanks honey! I took your additions and ran with them!

Rules

1. Choose an OC. 2. Answer them as that OC. 3. Tag 5 people to do the same.

I choose my Fallout 4 OC Christian Washington. His hair is usually down to mid back but, he cut it in a fit of rage after his first trip to the Institute.

1.“ What is your full name? ” Christian Washington.

2. “Do you know why you named that?” My family were extremely religious....for me, they picked Christian and my twin sister got off lightly with Christina. Damn the teasing we got for practically having the same name.

3. “Are you single or taken?” I am happily taken....by that angry looking guy tending to the power armor over there....he’s a sweetheart really.

4. “Have any powers or abilities?” I can disassemble a gun quicker than you can ask me to but that's about it.

5. “Stop being a Mary sue” Do not fucking insult me.

6.,“Whats your eye color?” Blue.

7. “Hair color? ” Very very red......

8. “Have any family members? ” Not any more....well.....a son but, that in itself is a very long and not pleasant story and I do not wish to go into details.

9.“ Oh, how bout pets? A German Shepherd called Dogmeat.

10. Moving on to something different, Are there things you don’t like?”

Everyone says raiders these days but me? I hate Assaultrons...those bitches can fuck me up royally!!!

11. “Do you have any activities or hobbies you like to do?” I do like cooking, even though.....well....my eating issues and my mind stopping me eating much of the time (I am working on it) but, I love looking after my friends and companions. I do like going hunting with MacCready, the occasional Jet with Hancock much to my partners displeasure and ofcourse, traveling with my partner.

12.“ Have you hurt anyone on purpose before? ” Yes. They deserved it.

13. “Ever…killed anyone before? ” Yes....see above.

14. “What kind of animal are you? ” ……….

15. “ Name your bad habits?” I smoke too much....way too much. I wouldn't call my eating disorder a bad habit but it feels like it at times. I swear too much but, well...have you met Cait? Fuck, she can put me to shame.

16. “Do you look up to anyone at all?” Paladin Danse....well, just Danse now. He took me under his wing, taught me to be a soldier again. Taught me about this strange world I woke up in (don't ask). Sounds corny as fuck but he taught me to feel again.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual? I’ m gay but labels like this don’t sit well with me and really, nobody in the wasteland cares who I fuck.

18. Do you go to school? I did when I was a kid, dropped out at 15. Fell in with the wrong crowd.

19. “Do you ever want to be married and have children?” Ahhhh…..I do have a son. I donated for my best friend before the war. She didn't want to sleep with a guy to have a kid so she went through everything artificially. Damn cute kid if I do say so. I’ve been married just over a year....remember I mentioned Danse? Yeah, him.

20. "Do you have any fanboys or girls? ” What the fuck?

21. What are you most afraid of? I cannot lose my new family. I cannot.

22. “What do you usually wear? Generally my black fatigues, combat boots, either my old BadWolf (mod) t-shirt or one of Danse’s old BoS ones. Sniper rifle always strapped to my back and my bag here...need to carry loads of shit back home to sort through and break down for components. Danse hates lugging everything back. Tough luck, he is built like a brick shit house and can carry EVERYTHING!!!!!

23.whats one food that tempts you? I don’t feel comfortable talking about this. Sorry.

24. "Am I annoying to you? ” Everything is irritating these days.

25. “Well, it’s not over.! ” Ugh, I am loath to reluctantly accept my fate.

26.what class are you(low/middle/high?“ Fuck I was low class when I was young. I left my family, ran rough in the streets for a bit, joined the army. Then I moved in with my best friend Summer and that was good. She accepted me for me. Wierdly I have enough caps these days to put into production but, class systems don’t really work here...

27. "How many friends do you have? ” A few I trust implicitly. The top ones being Danse, Curie, Cait, Preston and MacCready.

28. “What are your thoughts on pie? ” ……...

29.Favorite drink? An ice cold cherry cola....shame it’s a rarity these days

30.“Whats your favorite place?” Home Plate. Our private getaway from the world. The place where I feel safest and loved.

31. “Are you interested in anyone?” My husband? Have you seen him? He is fucking hot. And a caring, kind, flawed human. Don’t know what I would do without him.

32.“Im sorry, that was a stupid question. ” What?

33.Would you rather swim in a lake or an ocean? “ And get roasted with rads? Nope.

34. "What’s your type? ” That guy (points to Danse) but seriously, I love a guy who can make me laugh, make me roll my eyes at him, comfort me when I am down and most importantly, help me when I need it. I am in therapy now with Curie and Danse is always there, silent and strong with me but who also will not put up with my bullshit.

35. “Any fetishes?“ Oh hell no, I am not talking about my private sex life with anyone.

36. Camping or outdoors?

Is that not the same thing? I like being inside at night, less ghouls to munch on me.

#oc interview #fallout oc #male sole survivor #oc christian

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sicklylittlesnowflake · 6 years

Note

BLESSED OKAY! SO! After Shiro is brought back to life and everyone returns to earth, reuniting with their families, Lance continues to be wracked with guilt every time he looks at Shiro. He is beating himself up over the fact that he couldn’t help Shiro in the astral plane and if it wasn’t for Allura, it would’ve been too late. He struggles to look Keith and Shiro in the eye and the guilt starts to have negative effect on him, to the point where it makes him ill. Cue Keith taking care of him (1)

(Anon, great ass prompt?? I loved writing this! i havent written voltron in a while, so please forgive any rustiness but aaa!! I’m back in vld hell lol)

He’d dreamt of this moment for so long.

He dreamt about leaping into his mama’s arms as they reunited, cuddling with his hermanos and hermana and his tios and tias and his sobrinos and sobrinas and his abuelo and abuela. He dreams about the moment he feels while again. Lance fantasises about this moment and the absolute sunshine that would reign upon him as it happened. But when it does actually happen he feels so empty and broken and it feels so wrong.

He shouldn’t be celebrated. He’s no hero.

Lance has caused so much pain. When he walks into his living room he sees his abuela’s altar with his picture next to his papa’s. When he looks into his family’s eyes he knows that there’s something in them that has been broken and it can’t be fixed. It can be taped back together but the damage has been done. It can never be quite whole.

Lance did this to the family who worked to the bone, all scraping just enough cash to send him to the Garrison. He looks at his beloved mama who left her entire life behind for him, moving to America for the sake of her precious mijo. She looks much older, and her eyes are heavy.

Lance is at his breaking point.

His heart can’t take much more. In fact, he was surprised that it took as much as it did. Lance had definitely felt extreme lows before, there’s no denial in that, but this has to be the lowest he’s ever felt in a while. His first heartbreak, feeling incompetent, feeling left out and unwanted, feeling so so alone, especially with Keith gone for so long, a near death experience he hadn’t quite processed and most of all, a tremendous feeling of guilt that seems to plague his brain.

Every time he so much as moves he can feel the guilt rushing through him. He can’t pour himself a glass of water, because his hand is shaking so much. He feels a little bit sick every time he so much as glimpses over at Keith or Shiro.

He’s always known he wasn’t the brightest; and especially next to super geniuses like Pidge or Hunk. But he never thought he was this stupid, so stupid as to not even piece together what Shiro was trying to say to him. It was so painstakingly obvious when he thought about it, and it nearly cost his dear friend his life. And he hates himself for it.

In his dreams he sees a world where it was too late. He watches Shiro cease to move, he can hear Keith’s agonising screams as his leader is hauntingly still. Void of life. He can vividly see his friends’ tears and wails in grief for their friend. All because of him. And when he wakes his pillow is wet and the room is dark and it’s nowhere near time to get up, but he can’t fall back asleep, and all he can do is fall deeper and deeper into the swirling abyss of guilt he finds himself further and further entangled in.

He’s numb. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t eat. Lance had been most vocal about missing home, but now that it’s finally here he cannot feel a thing.

He’s so angry. He doesn’t understand why he can’t just feel happy. Lance told himself he would finally feel happy when he got home; and why is it that he still feels so blue? Was there any hope for him? Maybe this was all there was for him.

Lance woke up on an air mattress on his bedroom floor, and momentarily he felt warmth. He feels the sunshine basking on his face coming through his window, and he looks up to see the glow in the dark stars plastered onto his ceiling. He saw his Star Wars and Star Trek posters still perfectly in tack. No one touched his room since his disappearance. And that’s when the warmth began to conduct away from him and he’s filled with that cold feeling again.

He got up slowly, looking if Keith was awake–finding his bed empty. As he had no family to reunite with on Earth, he decided to come with Lance–besides, he wanted to finally try out the Varadero beach Lance kept on raving about. Then Lance became aware of a pounding headache and the hot and cold tidal waves swashing up and down his bloodstream. He shivered violently, feeling absolutely miserable. He knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, considering the maximum two hours of sleep he was getting per night.

Lance forced himself up slowly, coughing harshly into the crook of his arm. He shuffled into his kitchen to find his Abuela hovering over Keith and continuously offering him more and more food, to which Keith was trying to politely refuse. It had been their fourth day now, and his Abuela had already fallen in love with Keith.

“Ay, mijo! You are so skinny! You need more food in you, no?” She insisted, a plateful of eggs in her hand.

“O-oh, no m'am, I’m really fine..Thank you so much though–”

“Abuela, él está lleno!” Lance chimed in, trying to rescue Keith, cringing at how raspy his voice was, as he sat himself down in the chair next to Keith.

Keith blinked at the croaky nature of his voice, and the two semitones his voice seemed to drop.

“Oh, fine!” His Abuela gave in, giggling a little as she leaned in to give Lance a quick kiss on the to of his head.

“Uh, Gracias,” Keith piped up as she began to walk away.

He raised an eyebrow, “..So..you’re not going to poke fun at my pronunciation?”

Lance jolted a little, having zoned out and looked at Keith, before a pang of guilt hit him and he couldn’t look at him, only being able to see the sorrowful Keith in his dreams, “U-uh, yeah, crappy accent, Keith–hh–wait, sorry..”

Lance turned away from Keith, cupping two hands around his face to four ticklish, soft yet harsh sneezes.

“Salud!” His mother called out as she placed bacon on her son’s plate, booping him on the nose as she did.

“Gracias,” Lance smiled half heartedly, missing his mother and abuela’s cooking dearly but feeling so sick he didn’t have an appetite.

Keith looked suspicious, but also concerned, “You alright, man?”

He nodded, trying to stay calm and avoid any worry over him, it’d just make him feel worse, “Yeah, yeah–my nose is just bothered by sleeping with you all night. Well uh, next to you–near you–in..in the same room as you.”

Keith rolled his eyes playfully, but looked away from Lance with a slight blush on his face, a silence falling between them as they continued to eat.

“Mijo, you’ve barely touched your food!” His mother exclaimed, “Is there something wrong with it?”

Lance shook his head, smiling weakly, “No, mama, of course not–I’m just taking it slow because I know I’ll eat too much too quickly!”

“We don’t want a repeat of Marco’s birthday dinner,” Veronica giggled as she passed by the kitchen, starting to get ready for their planned beach day.

His mother seemed to be happy with that, and left to get ready too, leaving just him and Keith. Lance could feel Keith trying to sneakily eye him up, and he could feel the anxiousness creep up, fearing that Keith was starting to resent him for not realising what he had nearly done to Shiro.

“You sure you’re okay, buddy? You look..kind of pale, you get much sleep?” Keith asked quietly.

“Yeah, I slept like a log!” He lied.

“Look..Lance, you haven’t been able to last two seconds without zoning out, look at me, please?” He asked gently.

Lance began to fiddle with his hands nervously, “Im fin–”

He burst into a sudden coughing fit, whipping away from him quickly and doubled over into his arm, the coughs hurting his chest. He began to feel a little lightheaded from the lack of oxygen entering his body.

Keith patted his back firmly, until the coughing eventually subsided. Lance had been so drained and exhausted by the fit he leaned against the kitchen chair, panting and trying to regain a steady tempo with his breath. Whilst Lance was weakened Keith placed a cool hand on his forehead, “Quiznack, Lance–you’re burning up! You need to head right to bed!”

“No!” Lance hissed–sharp as a knife, causing Keith to retreat just a little.

Lance looked at his hurt expression, and sighed, feeling his heart fill with self loathing and regret. “I’m..I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Keith–I didn’t mean to..to yell at you like that. I just..”

He pressed his lips together to try and suppress any emotion. “We’ve only..got a week together and I can’t ruin this. I ruin everything and I promised Sara and Geronimo that I’d build a sandcastle with them and I cannot stand to hurt anyone anymore,” He said quietly, a stark contrast to the lively and bubbly Lance that Keith knew. This Lance was deflated. And tired.

Keith softened a little, feeling very torn. Lance did only have a week with his family. It was precious time. But he was genuinely so sick, and he was worried. “God dammit Lance..Fine. But if you get worse..we have to come home, okay?”

“I’ve gotta get dressed,” Lance said hurriedly, speaking with Keith only making him feel worse and worse. Keith’s concern was not warranted, he didn’t deserve to be cared for and worried over, after everything he had done.

“Wh–wait, Lance, I was gonna ask–” Keith tried uselessly, but he was gone.

“..what you meant by ‘I can’t hurt anyone anymore’”, Keith finished to himself, sighing, unable to hide the concern etched onto his face.

Lance had barely heard Keith walk into his bedroom, all dressed for the beach.

“You should take something, at least,” Keith suggested, completely taking Lance off guard and breaking his trance.

He jolted a little, “Huh? No–I’m fine.”

He twisted and angled his body away from Keith, three ticklish sneezes into his hands.

“Bless you–look, Lance, uh..”

Suddenly the door busted right open, revealing two excited and bubbly children.

“Lance!” They squealed with delight, bouncing up to him and giving him a tight hug.

“Hey you guys!” Lance beamed, a sudden shift from his more solemn, dull exterior just then, suddenly back to the bright and bubbly self he usually was. But Keith knew there was something not quite right. Something was missing. He wasn’t really whole.

Lance began to push them off him gently, stifling a cough against his sleeve, “C'mon, guys, we’re wasting precious sunlight! Let’s go!”

The two children took a hand each, skipping merrily out of the house, one of them grabbing for Keith’s hand.

Sara smiled brightly at him, “Are you Tio’s friend?”

Keith managed a small smile back, “Yeah, yeah I am.”

He wished he could be. He seemed to be drifting away.

Lance could feel the rippling of the ocean. He felt light. He felt graceful as he swam across, feeling the oceans warm embrsce against his fingertips. It hugged gently at his legs as he threaded, looking upon the vivid blue sky. He finally felt at peace, where he finally belonged at last. All he could hear was the sweet swirling of the water, and all he could see was the light sparkling on its beautiful blue entirety. For a second he felt whole.

He let himself relax, for the first time in weeks, floating upon the surface of the ocean and blue and letting his burdens fall away for a second. He felt nothing but tranquility.

And suddenly a sudden tickle at the back of his throat and he forced himself upright, the water splashing against his face as he doubled over into a forceful, violent coughing fit that seemed to stab knives into his chest every time he coughed.

He felt a pair of hands holding him steady, the one of the hands left him to rub up and down his back soothingly.

“Lance, are you okay? Maybe you should sit down..” Keith suggested softly, his eyes so kind that Lance wanted to cry.

He didn’t understand this. He didn’t understand how because of him Keith nearly lost one of the most important people in his life, and yet he still showed him so much kindness. He wondered that maybe this is some twisted joke life is playing on him, tugging at his heart strings and causing that deep hole of guilt to only widen more. Lance didn’t deserve this.

“I’m fine–” He sneezed twice. “I just..drank some sea water.”

“Lance! Come here please!” Geronimo called out, waving over to him, having built the foundations to their sandcastle.

“Coming!” Lance replied, giving Keith a small smile as he began to swim towards them, and began to help them build their sand castle.

As he sat next to them, he was overcome by another two ticklish, forceful sneezes he directed away from them and into his arm.

“Salud! Are you okay Lance?” Geronimo asked.

He managed a weak smile. “Yeah! Someone here just reeks!” He joked, reaching in to tickle his nephew.

Despite his feigned brightness, he felt absolutely miserable, on a physical sense and a mental sense. He was angry that he couldn’t just suck it up just for a little while, devote himself to his family and just have a good time. He had started to wonder if he ever could again, or if it was too late for him.

But he was given some sense of hope when his niece grabbed for his hand in the sweetest way imaginable, and he felt some warmth ignite within his heart and he knew maybe, just maybe, there was still hope for him.

Time had begun to pass and a fiery lustre began to cascade down onto Veradero beach. It was quiet, save for the sound of seagulls and the tides coming in and occasionally the sound of his family’s laughter.

As the day began to fade so did Lance’s energy, and while he could feel like his blood was boiling it was like his skin was covered by a layer of bitter ice. He watched the sunset, and the way its blazing hues rippled against the ocean. It was magnificent.

He could feel the warm rays of the sun soaking into his skin, and he felt at home again. He felt safe. Secure.

Then his mind took a turn and he wondered what Shiro felt like trapped in that astral plane. Perhaps he felt unsafe. Insecure. Trapped in this dark, dark place. Maybe it was cold. And bitter. And he was all alone.

A wave of anxiety and guilt crashed against his heart, causing him to tense up and claw at the material of his shorts. He bit his lip, his breath beginning to pick up as that blanket of guilt began to engulf him once again.

“Hey man,” Keith greeted as he sat down next to Lance. “Quiznack, that sunset is really something, huh?”

Lance looked up to see him, and his nose was so sensitive the slight shift in pressure caused his breath to hitch. He had been sitting with his knees up, so he buried his face into his knees and sneezed harshly four times, a very forceful and sickly sounding fit compared to his usual tickly, soft fits.

Keith frowned, “Bless you. That doesn’t sound too good, Lance.”

Lance glanced over at him, but he couldn’t bare to look at his kind, warm gaze. It made him feel like he was deceiving him.

Keith tensed a little, and sighed, looking away from Lance and into the sunset, “Alright. Just tell me, what did I do?”

Lance blinked, “What?”

He shifted to face him, “Tell me what I did, Lance. You can’t even look at me. You’ve been so odd around me lately. What’s going on? Look, if you’re mad, you’re mad–and I’m sorry. But I can’t fix things if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m not..I’m not mad. And..it’s not your duty to fix,” Lance murmured, feeling uncomfortable now he was on the verge of revealing the more vulnerable side to him.

“What do you mean? Of course it is. If there’s something that’s bothering you about me then I have to fix it.”

Lance bit his lip hard as tears began to well up in his eyes, beginning to cloud his vision, “I..It’s me. It’s all me. It’s all, stupid me who can do nothing but mess everything up. You can’t..can’t fix this.”

A few tears managed to spill from his eyes, which he aggressively wiped away with humiliation.

Keith was alarmed, “Wait..what? What are you even talking about, Lance?”

Lance didn’t even know what came over him, but the waters had been pushing the dam too long and it was about time it burst.

And it all came crashing through.

The tears couldn’t seem to stop falling down his cheeks, “Shiro. He tried telling me. Only I was too stupid to see. Pidge and Hunk are out here cracking and creating algorithms daily and i can’t even figure out a message that is point blank in front of me. We are meant to be saving lives and I nearly lost Shiro his because I was too stupid.”

“God, I don’t even know why I’m here half the time, in this seventh wheel that nobody asked for–I have nothing to offer and the only thing I have ever contributed to the team seems to be mistakes everyone has to go and clean up.”

“Every time I see you or Shiro I feel like my heart is being stabbed because every time I’m reminded by what I nearly did to you and him. And yet you’re still so so nice to me and you’re so soft and so gentle and every time I look at you I feel sick to the stomach because you don’t even realise what you’re looking at.”

Keith couldn’t do anything else but just stare at him for a good minute. There was so much just said and it needed a little while to process. Keith was in a state of disbelief, unable to comprehend how he had never known. How he had never even realised that this is how he felt. How someone like Lance could feel this way.

His brain was an absolute storm of clashing thoughts but eventually it calmed down, so he could finally collect himself, “I know what I’m looking at, Lance.”

Lance still couldn’t look at him.

“I’m looking at a guy who loves so deeply and cares so much for his team mates. I look at a guy who works so hard, goes the extra mile and achieves more than anyone ever expected from him. I see the heart of Voltron, who we certainly don’t deserve, but desperately need.”

He looked away with a slight flush on his cheeks, “I see a guy who I’ve grown to care about. Maybe a lot more than I thought my heart was capable of.”

Lance couldn’t really say much because he was still crying, and all he was capable of was pulling Keith close to him into this hug, burying himself into his warmth and clinging on to him to make himself feel safe.

“I’m cradling you in my arms,” Keith joked weakly, “You better not forget this time.”

“I never did,” Lance whispered softly.

Keith blinked, incredulous, both feeling kind of annoyed, but also moved at the same time.

But he couldn’t dwell on that feeling because he had just become aware of the intense heat his friend was radiating.

He pulled Lance away slightly, enough so that he could lay a hand on his forehead, “Quiznack! Lance, we need to get you home..”

Lance’s mother came plodding along the beach, towards them, “Are you boys alright?”

Keith shook his head, “Lance has a fever, I think–he hasn’t been feeling well all day and I think it’s just gotten so much worse.”

His mother’s eyes widened in alarm, placing a hand on her son’s cheek, worry etched on her face, “Ay, mijo, you’re so sick! You always do this..”

“I just..didn’t want to disappoint anyone again, mama,” Lance whispered softly, voice croaky and weak.

“Mi amor, you never did. There has never been a day where I have never been proud of you, now, let’s go home,” She reassured, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead as Keith guided Lance to his feet, beginning their journey home.

Keith tucked Lance into his covers (after much fighting over Lance taking the bed, there was no way Lance would let his guest take the floor, and there was no way that Keith would let his sick friend take the floor–and one of them was currently stringer and healthier than the other, and they won) he laid over a cool cloth over his head.

“That feel better?” He asked softly.

“Much,” Lance muttered.

Keith absentmindedly ran his hands through Lance’s soft, messy hair, making a map in his mind of all the features of his face, gazing at him with all his attention focused on him.

“Lance?”

“Mm?”

“You know there was nothing you could have done, right? That Shiro would not want you to make yourself this sick worrying and guilting over something that was not your fault?”

“It doesn’t make it not my fault, though.”

“But it wasn’t. You put this burden on yourself.”

Keith smiled softly, “Lance, you love the universe so much you would much rather blame yourself for its horrors. It’s what makes you a hero. But you can’t save everybody, Lance. It sucks. It does, but you can’t. You’ve got so much hope and you’ve got to hang on to that, because sometimes it’s all we really have, and we can’t lose that. You need to guide us through the dark.”

“You gotta look after yourself too, buddy.”

Lance smiled feverishly, “I feel a lot lighter.”

He fell asleep shortly after that. Keith did too eventually, a few hours later they woke to a harmonious melody. The lively and bright timbre of a traditional Cuban folk song.

Keith wrapped Lance up in a blanket and slowly walked him out to the family backyard where they joined in on the music. The night was alive with the sound of Marco’s maracas and Veronica’s guiro and Lance’s guitar. It finally felt like the moment he had fantasised about in his dreams. There was a milky twilight above them but Lance could feel the sunshine reigning upon them. And when he looked at Keith he didn’t feel sick, he felt so alive.

And for the first time in a few weeks he felt free.

#lance mcclain #keith kogane #langst #klance #klangst #vld lance #vld keith #voltron #whump #voltron s6 spoilers #voltron spoilers #sickfic #vld #voltron legendary defender #prompts #lance's family

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theyweresoulmates · 7 years

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kdramas that everyone should watch

Playful Kiss

:) this drama has a special place in my heart

i found playful kiss because i had just finished the anime adaptation(which is really good, pls check it out its called itazura na kiss)

basically female lead is dumb as rocks but she has a crush on cold male lead who is really hot and extremely smart

her house collapses in an earthquake and male leads family are friends with her dad, so they move into male leads house aaaaand you can assume what happens

very sweet and lighthearted although sometimes you wish female lead would give up on male lead cause he’s super rude and shes THAT stubborn

Boys Over Flowers

idk why you wouldnt know about this one

kinda overrated but really good overall

girl starts going to rich kid school and cold male rich lead falls in love with her

this drama is why i love Lee Min Ho

some parts might make you angry cause male lead can be infuriatingly selfish

took me forever to finish

Heartstrings

my girl park shin hye is in this and shes cute as hell

male lead is cold and hot (i love cold guys)

basically playful kiss except girl isnt dumb and theres music

solid OST

Pretty Man

this drama invented melodrama lol

like its SUCH a soap opera sometimes

but also its cute

it took me a couple tries to get through it

IU is in it and shes basically the heart of this show

male lead is unbelievably hot as the title insinuates

IU loves male lead but he could really care less

then his mom dies and shit hits the fan quick

basically he has to seduce women and build a business to get this passcode thing his mom left behind

spoilers

male lead is actually in love with IU’s character Bo Tong the whole show but it takes him forever to realize it

i love IU

Shining Inheritance

SUCH AN UNDERRATED DRAMA

basically the same idea as Boys Over Flowers but they’re graduated

kind of melodramatic

male lead is typical cold guy (lol)

female lead becomes poor after her dad ‘dies’ and then her autistic brother goes missing and this poor girl omg i feel for her she goes through SO MUCH

somewhere in the drama she becomes an heir to another families fortune and male lead is PISSED (as is the rest of his family)

side characters are really annoying ngl

i watched this drama really fast

its so good

The Heirs

this drama is BASICALLY Shining Inheritance and Boys Over Flowers combined

but minus all the stupid parts and drawn out storylines

park shin hye AND lee min ho are in it

they’re the leads

i lowkey got second male lead syndrome but got over it cause <3 <3 <3 Lee Min Ho

male lead isnt as cold as the previous male leads mentioned but he isnt super nice either

Strong Woman Bo Dong Soon

if i could rewatch this drama a hundred times i would

if this show doesnt make you melt and giggle like a child you arent human

male lead is unbelievably cute

and female lead is so so so cute too

the love triangle is actually tolerable unlike the dramas previously listed

i love the male lead in this one tho so much

bo dong soon (our female lead) is super strong and male lead is a CEO so he hires bo dong to be his bodyguard

EVEN THOUGH HE HAS HIRED HER AS A BODYGUARD HE STILL TRIES TO PROTECT HER DESPITE HER BEING UNBELIEVABLY STRONG

its also SO FUNNY ive never laughed so hard watching a drama

the chemistry between the leads are tangible i swear to god i cant

mamamoo sings a song for the ost ;)

Cinderella and The Four Knights

the second drama to actually make me cry

overall a really cute show

i dont understand the ads for this show tho cause dramafever advertised it as like a sequel to Boys Over Flowers but ITS NOTHING like Boys Over Flowers

she lives with her stepmom and stepsister who suck

and then her dad kicks her out after a wicked plot twist

so this ceo guy is like “move in with my grandsons they are awful people you can help them but dont date them”

so you KNOW from the get-go she’s gonna have to date one of them!

so theres three male leads

one cold rebellious guy (ha)

the rich spoiled brat

and the nice one whose a singer

also theres the butler dude but he isnt really romantically linked to female lead, hes just a chill dude who has his own storyline (WHICH MAKES YOU WANNA SCREAM)

cannot stand the side romance in this between two characters i wont name

second female lead gets on my nerves

however, the main romance, i eat that shit up

it takes a while for them to get together but totally worth and hella cute

i adore this ost???? so much????

on the lowest of keys i had second male lead syndrome

Scarlet Heart: Ryeo

this drama destroyed my will to live

its SO SAD

i’d explain the plot but its complicated and very convoluted

i dont really like historical dramas but i LOVED this one

also

IU is in it :)

OST is the greatest ever

WE NEED A SEASON 2

spoiler: ending will make you wanna die

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo

idk why this did bad in Korea

but im happy its gained a lot of popularity recently

its so so so cute

the relationship is so loving

both leads have such GOOD chemistry together

the plot seems simple: she’s a weightlifter and he swims and they were childhood friends uh kind of

then they hit you with that heavy shit

you just have to watch

#kdramas #playful kiss #scarlet heart:ryeo #cinderella and the four knights #weightlifting fairy kim bok joo #strong woman bo dong soon #pretty man #the heirs #boys over flowers #heartstrings #kdrama #korean drama #2017

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irregulardiaryposts · 3 years

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00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

#why does tumblr break up the paragraphs like this #there isnt supposed to be paragraphs #maybe i should change that #anyway off to fix all my post so far and tag the all like ->#june 2021 entry #2021 the year of fun

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yasugapped · 7 years

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Tagged by @superjojolimon , considering how vague the “rules” are i have Rebelliously Interpreted the questions as changeable so i just like swerved whatever seemed 2 plain for my tastes. also a lot of these just seem repeated/too similar?

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you wanna get to know better

gender: female

star sign: sag rising, libra sun, taurus moon ;^)

height: 5′3″ but can and will kill you

mood: a dimly lit image of a possum eating oreos. munchin crunchin havin a good night

favorite bands: death grips ..... i’d say more but i’ll let u all think on that one for awhile ....

song stuck in my head: like. the ending credits to spongebob

favorite animal: trick question its All of Them.

last movie I watched: i watch NOTHING ......... i have. never watched shit or fuck in my entire life?? ?. .. i actually cant remember i Really dont watch movies, the only ones i really like are perks of being a wallflower, internal sunshine of the spotless mind, and donnie darko

last text u sent: ok i screenshot this picture of funny valentine and his stand like “couple goals” ... .. . .. .

when did I create my blog: i dont know or care but when i made it i hadnt even read part 8 ??? i literally was committing to yasugap before i even really knew what it was like ............ im such an authentic fan,.. also, the only other part i’ve read is 4, which i read solely because i saw a picture of josuke and loved him with my Life .. i literally only read it for josuke content and didnt care much (and still dont) for the real story of it. i enjoy part 8, story wise, way more but also i love josuke2.0 a lot and i just.. . love josuke And josuke bitch whathe thefculk1!!!

fear fear fear fear fear: i am extremely hesitant to invest in any potentially horrific or goretastic display because i have like. the worst paranoia. in january youtube kept playing when my sister and i fell asleep and when i woke up it was on a video of markiplier playing an scp game and it Shook me so much. i have literally never been the same. theres an scp thats just shadows on the wall and now i cant stop hyperfixating on the shadow on my bedroom door at night... it iis !! the worst!!!! bitch!!!! :^(

another strange fear is that, i sometimes get this extreme paranoia im not alone in the bathroom and i will typically pull back the shower curtain to make sure nothing’s hiding. i’ve also legitimately checked under my bed and in my closet, but the bathroom fear is a lot stronger than those for some reason.

last thing I googled: oh my god its “funny valentine” ... w-what a shock!! wh..o wouldve guessed. ... .. have i mentioned i havent read part 7,

sipp: i actually cannot live ... without coke ... uhm ..., i prefer coke entirely flat but also cold. i pour them out into a cup and set them in the fridge to fizz out. literally. also i cant stand ice in drinks.

hmmm one of those uh GET THE BOOK NEAREST 2 U AND READ THE 69TH WORD OF THE 420TH PAGE: ok so this book is house of leaves. it is my favorite book and has been for a few years but i’ve never finished reading it ;^)

i think the technical 69th word was ‘in,’ but here’s the whole lil paragraph there: “Near the centre, in crisp focus, squats Delial, bone dangling in her tawny almost inhuman fingers, her lips a crawl of insects, her eyes swollen with sand. Illness and hunger are on her but Death is still a few paces behind, perched on a rocky mound, talons fully extended, black eyes focused on Famine’s daughter.” this book has a writing style i extremely admire. it is filled with senseless, mindnumbing extents of detail and confusion, it feels almost like a modernized version of poe’s style???? also neat about this book is the looks - if you’re interested, try looking up just pages from house of leaves.

last thing u devoured viciously: we went 2 this mexican restaurant i’ve been to a bunch, i always get the same thing, but this time i got this taco salad. it was disappointing. like it literally wasnt good and i was upset,

NAME???? i just realized this question isnt here like how are u going to get to know me without THIS ...: like,, i dabble a ton in original content & characters, and my ... sonas are always named maizzey starr, and “maizzey starr” is like my BRAND so i go by maizzey a lot but as far as my real literal name ITS KAMRYN !!!!!!! like im so unique and good ..... ... ... starts crying

password style: i have only had like four different passwords in my Life. this makes it supremely easy to figure one out on a really old account or website.... i dont understand people who ...... make up different passwords for everything,, i also never initially use capital letters unless prompted. i do use numbers in like one of them.

favorite colors: i usually like colder colors more than warm, but in general i prefer bright and colorful things. rainbow rainbow rainbow rainb

average sleeping hours: oh my god ........... this is wild. i don’t have any kind of sleeping schedule whatsoever. my schedule will do fucking FLIPS 3 times a week - i recently got melatonin gummies to try and get myself on a schedule but i legitimately think i have like a sleeping issue :^(

what am I wearing: d-dont ask questions u arent prepared 2 hear the answers to.............

dream u can remember: my last dream sequence went like this. i lurking forums for club penguin. people were discussing a penguin who was kin with napoleon. like kin as in the THIS IS ME not kin as in family. and other people - .. penguins....- were also starting to be napoleon kin and it was a trend and the original napoleon penguin was angry? this vision entirely dissolved and i was in my room at night, in my bed, and i looked over to my closet as an unknown, fleshy figure leaped for me. this is literally the most terrifying dream i’ve had in my entire life. oh my god

last meme u made: FUCK .... also this

how do u have pizza: I PREFER PEPPERONI ... im ok with plain cheese especially like when its cold??? i odnt like hot cheese pizza idk why ,, .. im not very adventurous with my pizza.... i really want a dessert pizza

weirdest thing u’ve Actually put in ur mouth: nail polish...... i saw one of those my strange addiction episode with a girl who ate nail polish. i think i tried like three different colors - they burn slightly, the taste isn’t totally disgusting but its also not like.... appealing?? OMFEJFSDJJDGDHJFDJFDSGFD

also one time i thought. we had a those huge bricks of baker’s chocolate BUT IT WAS WAX CUBES so ive tried cinnamon wax cubes too oops!!!!!!! i mean they tasted like cinnamon so..., .h-heh , , ,..kvkfkj

any pets: YES BITCH . .,, . i have.. THREE (3) entire whole living dogs. and also ! three guinea pigs. i love dogs more than i love anything. .. ,, . .. .

also im 2tired 2 tag so i mean u kno goodnight

#drinks nail polish and eats wax cubes as a nice midday snac #how late is this??????????????????#tagm #squeaks

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