#im also definitely missing some thoughts but eh. sorry future me.

[ria-the-camel]

gotta write down my act 3/ season 2 thoughts while they’re still warm (watched act 3 then slept on it)

okay so.

first things first, Isha. I deeply dislike her character. I can’t really dislike her because homegirl barley has exists as anything other than a plot device

the minute she was introduced she felt like some plot device (plus i don’t like her character design at all), then she started following jinx around and yeah. I knew exactly how she was gonna get used, by dying to break jinx even more.

the main issue have with her is that with sooooo much stuff going on in the show, they didn’t really have time to grow her as a character I could care about, other than Jinx’s little buddy, so it really had no impact, I barely accepted that Jinx cared for her at that point.

And it’s very disappointing when you see a character and all you can think is “oh yeah, that’s a tool that theyll use later” instead of a character I could actually grow attached to.

Plus! she’s entirely irrelevant to act 3, straight up barely mentioned! I personally think they didn’t really need her, I think they could have done something great with just Jinx and Sevika and the rest of the Undercity using her as a symbol. the pieces were there but it didn’t really feel like they delivered.

And in general, I think the biggest gripe I have with season 2 is how unsatisfying their handling of the whole Piltover vs Zaun thing was. That was the main issue in season 1 (along with Vi/Powder, but I’ll get there) and here it took such a background spot. Ngl, it felt bad! the final battle being “there’s a common enemy so let’s put aside our differences and fight these sexy zombie-robots!” was sooooo disappointing. What the fuck??? that was the whole point of the story! Zaun is still oppressed!! oh weaaaow they put sevika in the. council? The right hand man? the brawler? alone in a room filled otherwise with piltover’s rich ass people?

yeah, truly satisfying.

I liked in act 1 how they showed the power vacuum after Silco died, how inadequate the chem barons were, but like, they did not deliver on that storyline either, they let it frizzle out. “sure now theres just a bunch of leaderless gangs, one has blue hair and pronouns”. eh

The other big thing that made me legitimately sad, and i did mention it before, is how dirty they did Cait in act 2. I loved the direction they took her in act 1, dictator Cait,Fascist Cait, after being the fish outta water, the damsel in distress being kidnapped while in the shower, girl got her traumas! The visceral and emotion numbing hatred she had for Jinx was so intresting. she hated her, she feared her, thought everyone was on that same page because she was blinded by her own grief. And she was so so wrong!! and she got manipulated so easily by Ambessa!

And I just wish they’d given her more time to show how that pain and power and relentless hatred eroded at her soul. I had no doubt they would have her go back on her choices (tho a part of me also wanted to see her get dragged so low she couldn’t climb back out. What can I say, I love a tragedy and Cait is one of my favorite characters), get back to Vi, but I wanted it to matter, to really show how fucked up she was.

And it didn’t feel like enough. There were hints of her disagreeing with Ambessa, with her use of power and violence, but never of her changing her goals really, she still seemed to be ready for anything as long as they got Jinx. And then she bumped into Vi and they didn’t show us how they came to that betrayal, only that they did. and uh? I didn’t like it.

In act 3 I liked her a bit more, idk if it’s because i had time to mourn dictator caitlyn and how little of her we actually got to see, or if maybe seeing her and Vi actually talk about how they were still mad placated me a little.

though, fuck me I really disliked the cell sex scene. Not the animation of course! shit was fucking well done, though some shots were so purposely for the camera that they felt kinda like porn, but I mostly laughed at that. No I didn’t like that it was in a jail cell, I didn’t like that it felt kind of outta nowhere? like yeah sure showing them fucking is a good way to hint at them having made up (cos Cait decided Jinx wasn’t so scary after all I guess? Like I can bekieve that, I just wished they’d shown ita bit more, but like I said, I liked it more than act 2), but the timing felt so off, Jinx just ran away to do gods know what, Vi is locked in a prison again, little fucked up?

Also the editing was, uh, a lot. I think of the Jayce/Mel sex scene as one of the best, the music, the cuts with viktor, the was the blood/magic and sex all mixed and crossfaded on screen? Holy shit that scene rules! So this one was… a bit disappointing once again.

(Maybe if season 1 didn’t exist I would have had a better time with s2 as a whole., but it does exist!!!)

anyway I was saying, I feel like a tasteful fade to black would have been better, tho my best choice would have been for them Not To Fuck in that scene, save it for later, or find something that works to make flow it a bit better (that isn’t king princess blasting in the speakers lmao)

I liked the choice to have the sniper lose an eye, girly did some war crimes and the like, a little bit of karma was needed there, plus I love when my faves get scarred forever.

speaking of karma, Maddie. Another. for the “why would they introduce her” pile. first time I saw her, approaching Vi in her drunken pit, it was either she’s a spy or shes gonna die tragically, same “plot device thing” as isha, then she slept with cait and yeah, if she’s not a spy i would have been surprised. what was her purpose tbh? Showing Cait rebounding was eh, didn’t feel that needed but sure alright. she tried to convince her to back out? so that ambessa could fully take over? if that’s the case it wasn’t reaaally clear. why was she there.

I didn’t get why Loris was so prominent at all. Sure use him as a sort of Vander stand in but also. They didn’t really??? It almost felt like they had ideas for a deeper story but they had to cut them for time and all that was left was this discount Vander who would sometimes pop up.

I just don’t feel like we really needed the fascist police squad to have names and relevance tbh, unless they were gonna be given some time, which they weren’t, because there was sooo much shit going on!!!

Now Vi, I have a more difficult time decoding how I feel about her, the line about whatever choice she makes being wrong kind encapsulates her character perfectly tbh. And I love that for her, absolute disaster woman with a heart as big as the sun. I wished they’d given more space to her choice to join the enforcers, explored that conflict more deeply, and also her feelings after the timeskip, but I have to admit I probably was only disappointed because I had seen the teaser of her emo phase in the pit, I feel like i would have enjoyed that sequence more if it hadn’t been shown already! I was thinking there was gonna be more but nope, just jinx showing up about Vander. And that’s again a core aspect of her, she fights Jinx about it for like, two seconds, before giving in. She loves her, she loves Vander, she wants to believe hes there, that their family could finally get back together, as broken and bruised as it is. And yeah I liked ep 5 the most out of that batch, because I did like how they dealt with their family (only gripe was isha, who had no real reason to be there but sure)

I hate her longer hair tho. I get thats its a bit more LoL accurate and that just makes me dislike it even more lmao. in the finale she was kinda there, punching and stuff, good for her. I didn’t reaaaally like her ending though, she lost everything, again, and she just goes to Piltover to live wth her rich cop gf? What about Zaun? Is the “you’re never getting rid of me” meant to say she’s joining the cops again? Cos I know she’s always a cop in LoL, but man, does that Not feel like the right move. All she seems to have left is Cait, is that supposed to mean she’s renounce her identity too? Cos if that’s the case it sucks ngl.

With Jinx, I have mixed feelings aswell. Like I said I wish they hadn’t used Isha. I don’t think she was needed, she’s broken, she’s hopeless, but she still wants to fuck shit up. Give more space to her and Sevika!!! Show her recognizing something of Silco in her!

Idk I need to think on her some more. I enjoyed the shot of her in the cell with her hair loose, got an honest gasp outta me. All she wanted at the end was to stop the bad feelings, save her sister and stop her father from suffering, and I guess she did! We’ll see her again for sure.

Vander/Warwick felt so underutilized, just missing parts of what would have made a great story. He didn’t even get to ball and cause much damage 😔 I wanted him to maim and destroy more shit even before the Viktor switch. I kinda wanted him to really hurt Vi or Jinx or someone they cared about. Tbh the show could have worked if they straight up not had him in it. He would have been perfect if season 2 had continued on the Piltover/Zaun and Vi/Jinx, but it did not, so he just felt like another loose thread flapping about.

Jayce and Victor are the people that in the overarchinseason I liked the most. It became their story, and it shows, even through hiccups and the many many things still going on. I’m unsure as to why Viktor agreed to ally with Ambessa, I probably gotta rewatch a few of his scenes. Was it to get help from Singed? idk.

Loved when Jayce showed up and killed Viktor in 6, and loved his Annihilation jaunt through bad ending Piltover, (ep 7 in general was amazing). I called the mage being Viktor and I liked that Jayce stayed consistent to his character from the very beginning, in that all he really wants is for his partner and him to help people and each other. Love wins! win for the yaoi fans. And I mean that truly, an ending so tragic and impactful, that ruled for them.

Mel… oh Mell… how they butchered you… It makes me so sad. The black rose plot was so egh. Unnecessary, took away time and for what? Mel and Ambessa already had reasons for conflict! no need to throw a new party into the mix. and so she spent most of the season in storage. Sad!

And then, she shows up and gets magic powers? That whole sequence with the magic lady whatever felt like a high value trailer for the new LoL champion!! coming soon to console and pc(tm). Didn’t feel like they let it breathe enough. Oh she got magic now, and people think thats bad for… reasons. That’s never been the point of Arcane, idk if it’s bigger in the game, but again, irrelevant. reminded me of that episode of Adventure Time where a dude who hates dark magic tries to kill Peppermint Butler, but instead Pep just turns all his children into monsters and the children are delighted and the dude just walks away with his monster kids. Which is to say, a bit silly, since in AT monsters and magic are just, everywhere.

I thought her design was still cool as hell, my roommate disliked it, I agree that her season 1 look was better tbh.

But the main thing is that she was so cool because she was just a very smart normal woman! That was amazing in a world filled with freaks who do freak shit! She was a political manipulator, ambitious but cautious, her character was so interesting and prone to mistakes because she was surrounded by freaks! and she was too normal to predict their shenanigans.

I can’t even remember the scene where she reunites with Ambessa rn, how is that possible? It must have been important, c’mon.

I did enjoy Cait and Mel being the ones to fight her together, though the choreography wasn’t too exciting (it felt a bit static with ambessa practically standing still as the girls threw themselves at her, though it did work in showing just how strong Ambessa was), I liked that Cait got at least a little bit of recognition from Ambessa, and got to show her why she was more than a tool.

Heimerdinger fucking exploded, funniest shit I’ve ever seen. He’s also probably still out there somewhere, being tossed around in the multiversus.

Ekko was so good. His only problem was the fact that he was missing for all of act 2. ep 7 like I said was one of the best of the series, Probably my fave of the season, but it was so unrelated to it that it’s difficult to put it on the same plane. I did roll my eyes at him building his time device from LoL, but they did manage to integrate it pretty seamlessly! (unlike the gloves and hammer in s1, but you gotta accept some shit) And it’s forgiven because he blows it up in Viktor’s face almost immediately ahahah

I’m a sucker for alternate realities in stories, the What ifs are always so intresting to me. Also, Vi is dead, is Jayce also dead in this universe? I didn’t catch any hints he is if they showed them.

I’d love to play in that reality a bit more tbh, I might read some fics in it if I find them. Like what’s Cait doing? Is Viktor dead? How did Zaun get to be almost as rich as Piltover just by having Vi be dead? It’s fun!

general thoughts are: wished they’d stayed with the relatively smaller scale of season 1, focused on piltover-Zaun, on Vi-Jinx, on Caitlyn dealing with that shit, made Ambessa stay a secondary villain character, have Mel stay a normal motherfucker dealing with just so much shit, explored the undercity unrest more, Viktor and Jayce could have still had their big confrontation in the last ep cause it worked so well imo!

I am glad I enjoyed the last act a bit more than the second, it means when I do my rewatch I will probably be more optimistic about the stuff that bothered me.

Anyway fascist Cait deserved more screen time committing atrocities RIP to a queen.

[vettelcore]

I finished watching Hello My Twenties and I have many thoughts so

S2 was kinda disappointing after binge watching S1 in like, 2 days was it? It wasn't ~bad~ but so many of the plots i just ended up skipping over either because they were cringy or I was pissed about them xjwnsbs

1. The only story line I was actually very interested in was Ji Won's. She didn't really have much of a role in S1 other than being the comedic relief character but her figuring out her trauma and just like... her character in general in S2 I loved. I also liked her relationship with Sung Min, even though it kinda ends in a cliff hanger? not quite? Because you know they're gonna end up dating sooner or later, they had very great chemistry and Sung Min was more a friend, supporting her and helping her out with her trauma, than a dumb love interest like typical kdramas. dk if what I just said makes sense but whatever, it makes sense to me. They had a very healthy relationship.

I also saw there was a post ending scene that wasn't shown in the netflix version where a kid is sitting in the bench outside the house the girls lived in, and then the father comes out and she asks if that's where her mother lived, he responds yes and they walk away. The actress that played Ji Won confirmed it was set 8 years into the future, and that was her and Sung Min's daughter after Ji Won died because of her "job" or smt like that, and im SOBBING about that lmfao I guess the job was the investigation about Hyojin's sexual assault by the teacher? anyway that's the only thing in S2 that made me cry and it wasn't even in S2 xjwjshshah but im so upset because she was my favourite character

2. Jin Myung's plot was ok, I wasn't really interested in Heimdal's plot but I'm very happy they didn't force the characters into a romantic relationship like I was fearing they would do. She was great, I dont have many feelings about it though, just eh

3. Ye Eun's plot... kinda the same too? I liked it, found the scenes with Ho Chang very cringe but whatever, its a kdrama. Of course there had to be some sort of "nerdy character dates preppy/normie person and they change their appearance into a normie". There were some parts I was just.... huh? like when they brought up her ED but then she gets magically cured because someone's mum was eating shamelessly in front of her. That was weird lmao

Her plot was 6/10, it was cool, I was interested. But I didn't have any feelings about it

and now what made AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH about S2

4. Eun Jae.......................... they had to change the actress because the og one had conflicting schedules. Ok, whatever, not a big deal, plenty of series have had this happen and they pulled it off. but.............. definitely not hello my 20s lmao like just introduce a new character for the new actress??? the personality was completely different? ~muh character development~ my ass lmao her S1 character was shy, but like... ah, i dont know how to describe it.... believable? Her S2 personality was irritating, like it was a completely different person from S1. I'd just rather they'd gotten rid of the eun jae character and just introduced a new one? I wouldn't have hated it nearly as much as I did lmao I just found it very hard to relate to her.

The whole "I am obsessed with my ex because he was my 1st love" plot was so. fucking. cringe. So bad. 1/10, and I'm only giving it the 1 because, somehow, Jo Eun's plot pissed me off even more lmao

5. Jo eun............ I had so many expectations...... I already made a post complaining about it because SERIOUSLY I WAS SO PISSED SJWBDUAUA THE QUEERBATING!!!! I feel like I can hardly talk about her because I ended up skipping most, if not all, of her scenes with Jang Hoon out of spite jwhdhehs

HOW ARE YOU GONNA GIVE ME AN ANDROGYNOUS CHARACTER, WITH A FEMME/YANDERE* FRIEND, HINT AT THEM BEING A COUPLE FOR LIKE 4 EPISODES, THEN OUT OF NOWHERE INTRODUCE A MAN IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ALL AND MAKE HIM HER LOVE INTEREST WHEN THEY DONT HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON OR ANY CHEMISTRY AT ALL IM SO PISSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD IM SO FUCKING PISSED ABOUT THIS

I ALSO HATED THAT WHEN SHE WAS 1ST INTRODUCED SHE DRESSED ALT, BUT AS HER RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT MANLET DEVELOPED SHE TURNED MORE NORMIE BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO IMPRESS HIM OR WHATEVER LIKE FUCK OFF!!!!!! HER TOXIC ASS RELATIONSHIP WITH YERI WAS FAR MORE INTERESTING THAN WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY DID WITH JANG HOON

I WASN'T EXPECTING ANYTHING BECAUSE 2017 KOREA, NOT EXACTLY THE MOST LGBT FRIENDLY, BUT I WAS STILL LET DOWN. THAT'S HOW BAD IT WAS.

*sorry for using the word yandere it's just the best way to describe her?

also i missed yina a lot, wished she had kept a main role :( but alas, the actress was involved in the t-ara bullying drama so she was relegated to a minor character that only showed up like twice lmao sigh

I wished they had done a 3rd season, because they sort of hinted at it with Song Min and Ji Won's relationship being left on a clifdhanger and not confirming wether she ended up going to jail for accusing the teacher of sexual assault. I guess they gave up in the series after Song Min's actor went to jail for the DUI/running away from an accident/trying to get a younger actor to take the blame for everything thing which is.... understandable, but fuck lmao A spin off series about those two would be pretty sweet jdjahsbs if i was any talented, I'd write a fic about it myself, but alas, i can't write for shit

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-05-19

Figured an upd8 was coming, it’s felt like enough time has passed for one.

Huh, looking at my last post I’d completely forgotten I was supposed to play through Pesterquest sometime... work is busy and stressing me out a bit, I’m not sure when I’ll have the energy on the side to do that.  (Maybe I’ll livetweet it like I did Undertale a while ago, but this time not looking at my twitter replies so I don’t get spoiled by One Guy™?)

Also, including bonus commentary on A Threat Sensed.

Okay, going in completely blind.  I’d guessed from context that we’re hopping over to Meat side to get a chapter there before we can come back to actually see Yiffy?

Yep.  Okay, what is this about exactly?

(Agh, dammit, I’ve been copying and pasting so much at work remoting into Windows lately that now I’m automatically trying to hit control-C instead of command-C to copy.)

> CHAPTER 9. How Goes The Eulogizing, Dear?

CONTENT NOTE: This chapter contains Child Abuse.

Which one???

Wait

JANE: (Where is he?) JANE: (It's a question I've found myself asking many times in recent days.)

Holy SHIT we get two Candy chapters in a row???  So we might see her right away??  No, it’s gotta just be another tiny glimpse.

(Has two Candy chapters in a row happened before?  Future Boots, scroll back up and put this here. FUTURE BOOTS: “I forgot to scroll back up and put that here.” EDIT: Also, not the first time with two in a row, but it IS the first time with THREE in a row, huh.)

So Jane has to be talking about either Tavros or Dave.  --Oh, if this was a Candy Side chapter title, I guess Rose or Jade is eulogizing Dave for John?

> (==>)

JANE: (Where now is our merry savior?) JANE: (Where is the horn that was honking?) JANE: (Where is the cape and the codpiece, and the...) JANE: (The...) JANE: (Oh, fiddlesticks.)

What?  Is she reading a childrens’ book?  --Oh.  She’s eulogizing Gamzee.  So that gives us a third option, where the rebellion crashes the funeral somehow, probably audiovisually rather than in person.  (Which would make sense, given Candy practically began with Gamzee crashing Dirk’s funeral.)

> (==>)

Ah never mind, she’s still writing it.

That sure is a single button drama-remote that’s going to be pressed at some point.  Oh, and who the fuck keeps a spork in a pen cup???  --No no, don’t say it’s one of those pens with a spork at the eraser end, either ready-made or rubber-banded to the side.  That would make sense.  You totally know it isn’t that and is just a spork.

JANE: (Okay, poetry is out.) JANE: (What else?) JANE: (Hrm...) JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.)

Why were you crying in Jake’s arms about his death if you didn’t care that much?  Did you just want him to hold you and kinda make him feel in on things again?  Or did you just cry yourself out about him?

JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I bet the rest of Earth C figured out a more inclusive term millenia ago FUCK I accidentally added millennia to my dictionary misspelled instead of correcting it hold on--

...There, killed the entry for it.  ...Huh.  Take a look at my Chrome dictionary’s custom-added words over the years, apparently:

Caliborn Eridan Kanaya Matriorb Meenah Tavros alchemiter dichotomic nephilim reblogged uncaptchalogues uncaptchaloguing

That’s fun.

Okay back to reading. Millennia.  Phew!  Where was I.

JANE: (One really good and calculated weep could do it, I think.) JANE: (But then there's the danger that I might get carried away and do it for real.) JANE: (And I can't risk that.)

So still feeling something, just too used to calculating over the past years.

JANE: (What can I say about him that will stir up their emotions?) JANE: (Do I mention the stuff about the milk?) JANE: (Think Crocker, think.)

WHY would you-- how much did Gamzee normalize adult breastfeeding?!

JAKE: Ahoy over there!

Not the best time.

(The thing with the divorce papers from the Epilogue and John implying he was planning with Jake to execute something that sounds like a divorce... is that going to be sprung here?  Did her lawyers send the divorce papers way back when she was in a fit of pique, and he just had them available to sign now at the tactical moment? Or... let me pull the exact text...)

JOHN: now, harry anderson, i know that you and tavros haven't always gotten along. JOHN: but i am going to have to ask you to try and look out for him for the time being. JOHN: your uncle jake and i... well, i'll explain later. JOHN: let's just say that gamzee isn't the only family member jane is losing today.

(So is John going to submit the papers? Or did they already go through a while ago and default custody to John or something who’s going to adopt him too or some nonsense?  And did he plan this out with Jake NOW, or a while ago, and if only a while ago, is Jake going to KNOW whatever John’s about to pull in that respect is about to happen??)

> (==>)

Butte

Janepalme

> (==>)

JAKE: Er... how goes the eulogizing, dear?

Gah.  I completely forgot again that capitalized-first-letter chapter names don’t mean KANAYA is saying them.  That probably makes a lot more sense out of my wondering about the chapter title earlier to those of you who didn’t realize I was making that mistake.

JANE: It turns out that it's mighty difficult to find touching things to say about a person, the relationship with whom was predicated on deep-seated mutual loathing.

Hah!

--A loathing you regarded as largely more important to you than Jake ever was, by the way.  You asshole.

JANE: I imagine this is one of the reasons no funerary tradition was ever established on Alternia, besides the barbarism of their culture. DIRK: Jesus christ. JANE: Not only did a significant proportion of their interpersonality depend on romance in the form of hatred, but it was a society based on cruelty and violence. JANE: What reason could they have had to provide for the dead? JANE: What kind of last rites could they have even imagined?

I wondered for a moment why (bg!)Dirk of all people would react to a single line of her starting to bring up prejudices, but then I realized that (1) Brain Ghost Dirk is a little more Jakey, and (2) Dirk knew that more ranting would follow the first line.

JANE: I can't think of anything good to write about him because deep down, I hated his guts. JANE: But he was and is beloved of the multitude, so I have to think of something regardless. JAKE: Im not sure i understand. JANE: Don't worry your pretty little head about it. JANE: This is politics, Jakey. JANE: Lying through your two front teeth about people you hate is about as good a definition as it's possible to get. JANE: But, by gum, is it tiring work.

Mm.  It’s a position Jane put herself in, but it’s still a legitimate position once you’re there.

JANE: The funeral is tomorrow, after all.

Got it.

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

Wait, bowl?

Oh god damnit which of you had the idea to feed her with a DOG BOWL.  Either of you could have thought of it, and either of you would be horrible for it.

> (==>)

Huh, that outfit on Yiffy looks familiar, like a reference to something.  And a black tail?  This definitely isn’t quite the look I was expecting from Jade Plus Rose, but I suppose the snazzy tie is a Roseish vibe.  Also reminiscent of Jade’s old Dead Shuffle dress.  Formal wear and soccer cleats??

JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN.  I don’t see anything over her mouth!  Did she stick something in it, or drug her?  File her fucking teeth???

I mean I did forget the Child Abuse trigger warning to be fair.  Hoping whatever would be on her mouth is just not shown in-panel yet for stylistic reasons.

> (==>)

JAKE: Its only mac and cheese, sorry. JAKE: Its all I know how to make, haha. JAKE: ... JAKE: I um... hope you can safely partake of cheese? JAKE: ... JAKE: Well, JAKE: Bon appetit.

How the fuck did Jake eat on his island then?  --Oh right, preserved food cans that Grandma Jade stored up, I think I remember.  Why would cheese not be a thing for them, if it’s fine for Jade?  I know he’s probably not just worried about lactose intolerance.

Either way, if she’s drugged here, that’ll mean we won’t get a good idea of her for a while, so which is it...

> (==>)

DIRK: Bon appetit. DIRK: Seriously dude? JAKE: (What? Did i pronounce it wrong?) DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???) JAKE: (I feel awful enough as it is without you getting on my case about it.)

Ah, missed the bone pun.  AND, yeah, Jake, you’re a fucking idiot, you could have put it in a cup or something.

JAKE: (So far ive yet to see anything come of that brilliant plan of yours.) JAKE: (Are you sure sending that message to the others was enough?)

Okay, so he IS coordinating this slightly.

> (==>)

Horrifying image to contemplate, eh Jane?

Or anger-inducing?

> (==>)

Seems about right!

> (==>)

Oh that’s a GREAT exasperated Jane face.

JANE: I hope you're not expecting dessert, young lady.

I like how Jane didn’t notice, comment on, or care about the bowl.  How can you hate a kid so much??

> (==>)

Oh I know why I felt like I recognized the outfit style, it’s because it’s ANIME AS FUCK.  Feels like some Persona 4 Arena nonsense, and I say that not having played any of those games or even remembering what they looked like.  Also, white hair, black fur’d dog parts?  Nice change of pace.

YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR... JANE: Oh no you don't.

Red text?  What color exactly... “#D00009”?  Huh.  That’s nowhere near Alt-Callie’s #FF0000, and darker than Dave’s #E00707.  In fact, let me go back and check those spilled color pins the commentary pointed out from an update or two ago...  no, the red pin is #E63225, closer to Dave’s color.  (Also, is Yiffy blocking the doorway out?  That’s a pretty slack chain then.)

Did Jane see to it that she wouldn’t bite with like, a water spray bottle?

(EDIT: Oh my FUCKING GOD, THAT's why it's #D00009...)

> (==>)

FUCK I didn’t notice the shock collar in the Yiffy image!  FUCK YOU, Jane.

> (==>)

Keeping someone in line with collars, especially ones that punish whenever one strays out of line, has always been a decent way for her to mix in some Doomy control of others to show how she’s “grown” to balance her main role and her Tiara-controlled-like inverse for more power.  Doom in part represents boundaries that you can’t cross without getting hurt or punished.

> (==>)

FUCK, those little buck teeth!?  D’:

JANE: That's more like it.

She HAS to have more of a reason for hating her than hating her parents, right?  Like, more than that and general racism applying to partdogfolk?

> (==>)

Hey fuck off with that!

> (==>)

This is a pretty cool ima-- are those piercings on her dog ear?  I didn’t notice that in the first shot, neat.

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over. JANE: Do I make myself understood?

What the fuck?  WHY would you do that?  Why does Jane run "Ms. Paint’s Home for Inconvenient Girls”?  What did Yiffy do to piss her off so much there, how much trouble could she have caused?

I don’t know if she’s referring to the behind-Kanaya’s-back part as disgusting or she’s just being MORE racist.

> (==>)

JANE: We don't want you passing out during the ceremony, do we?

Oh, just showing the hostage off during the clown funeral, huh?  Classy much?

> (==>)

JANE: Now, be a good hostage and get some rest, Yiffany dear. JANE: We've got a big day tomorrow.

For a politician, Jane’s not good at looking at herself in a mirror.

> (==>)

JANE: Night night. JANE: Hoo hoo.

> (Yiffy: Lights out.)

Huh, dream stuff is gonna be relevant out in Candy then? *click*

Okay, dark background all of a sudden.  Properly dramatic?  You even have to highlight the non-link “>” part of the Next link to see it.

> (==>)

-- thespiansGlamor [TG] began pestering adamantGriftress [AG] --

Well, I don’t know WHY it’s happening, but the white-backed pesterlog suddenly on the dark site framing is certainly evocative.  Of like, a mood, or something.

TG: i thought he was pretty quiet down there. TG: we'll make a rebel of him yet! AG: Lol. AG: I think it's more that he can't sleep. AG: I know how he feels. TG: yeah. TG: today was a lot. AG: ... TG: do you wanna talk about it? AG: Ugh, not you as well.

It’s really jarring to transition between Homestuck’s “kids jarringly mentally resistant to freaking out about the end of the world” to HS^2′s more realistic “kids traumatized by their first firefight even though it was an overwhelming victory-escape”.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Are they about to have an “I wonder what Yiffy’s like” talk?

> (==>)

Very similar Tav/Vrissy convo to the previous one.

GG: I havent ever shared a bedroom before,,, GG: Not even for a slumber party,,, AG: Tavvy, you are just a8out the saddest person I've ever met.

Well, we have an even better idea how horrible Jane can be with kids, now.  From Nanna to THIS is quite jarring.  I wonder how the double Nannasprites that must still be around here somewhere feel?

> (==>)

TG: nothing about my dad is cute. TG: what are you even saying. AG: Lmao. TG: seriously! TG: i think he has something against that word, even. he gets super weird about it. AG: He's a strange and funny m8n. TG: yeah. TG: ... TG: i think something bad must have happened.

...um.  What?  Why would John have some sort of trauma about the word cute or being called it?

Did John dress up as a hint of his buried June ambitions as a kid and Dad lavish him with “SO CUTE” praise in an epic supportiveness backfire that caused him to shelve the idea of wearing non-masc clothes and being happier on the flipside of gender ever again???  Because if that’s how June gets canonized as promised, it’s a little harsher than the back of my mind was hoping.  I guess it kind of had to be though from the premise of how it was read into his childhood for the original idea, though.  Fuck, I hope this Cute business is about something different from that (like a Terezi reference or such) just to get less John Sads.  (But still June.  Definitely still want to get June.)

> (==>)

Oh, and now Vrissy is doing nothing but talking about what she said she didn’t want to talk about, of course.  (Also I like how JANE’s now being called the Batterwitch.)

AG: And the worst part was they didn't even fight a8out it! AG: That made me madder than 8nything else. AG: It felt like I was the only person who even W8S mad! GG: I dont think thats true,,, AG: What would you know a8out it?! GG: Maybe nothing,,, GG: Sorry,,, GG: Its just,,, GG: To me,,, all the way through the conversation,,, aunt kanaya looked even angrier than you,,, AG: ... AG: Adults are so fucking weird.

Guh, I don’t want to be reminded how hurt a good chunk of the fanbase is by Kanaya getting hurt this badly.

Original Tavros was always SLIGHTLY perceptive of others sometimes, but maybe perceptiveness is being hinted at as a Tavros specialty?  We still don’t know his classpect/hero-title or have any firm guesses based on purely him evidence.  (Also, frightened kids of abusive households tend to learn to get perceptive pretty fucking quickly I hear.)

> (==>)

TG: dad was sitting in the cafeteria with aunt jade and your moms. TG: it looked like they were discussing something important... they were whispering and stuff.

[etc etc] Alright, the what-happened-to-Dave bit.  And I imagine they’re kind of helping John grieve there, since Rose and Jade have talked that out already.

TG: aunt kanaya's was the only face i could see. TG: she was standing next to them, but she wasn't looking at what was going on. TG: almost like she couldn't bear to. AG: I doubt it. Kanaya's got a8out as much Emotivity as a very reclusive stone. TG: ok, i think that is bullshit but whatever. TG: she saw me standing there, but didn't say anything. she just shook her head slightly, and pointed back out into the hallway i came down.

Yep, giving them some space to grieve.  Also-- gosh, shouldn’t Vrissy have the same emotive senses that Aranea implied Vriska shared with her?  Kanaya isn’t that EXPRESSIVE but she’s certainly full of emotion.  Also, I hope part of her not bearing to watch wasn’t lingering anger toward Jade and Rose mixing with that, but there probably was a bit of that too, though Dave being gone is so much harsher than that. --I just realized they might not have broken the news to Karkat yet, either.

AG: I guesadxcxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz TG: vrissy?

Put to sleep by someone slumping down on your phone keypad, or surprised by something about the other conversation?

Oh shit, “other conversation” reminded me I didn’t look at Tavros’s chumhandle:

glutinousGymnast [GG]

HHHHHhhhhuh.  Hm... huh? hhhh.  huh?  what, but.  Why would.  ?????

I really don’t understand what that chumhandle or any of its entendres should signify in this context.

Also, this means for our new four kids we have TG, GG, AG, and ??.

> (==>)

GG: I think she might have succumbed to sleep quite suddenly,,, GG: It would explain the,,,,,, interesting messages I've been getting for a while,,, TG: hehe. TG: i guess that tracks. TG: she does that from time to time.

That’s... strange.  Homestuck’s taught us to be suspicious of that.

TG: ... TG: tav? GG: Yes,,, harry anderson,,,? TG: what does it feel like to know someone who's died?

Who is Harry referring to? (EDIT: Yes I know Gamzee for Tavros, but I meant Harry talks like he's worried he'll have to feel that way soon?)  Is he just kind of inferring that something bad might have happened to Uncle Dave?  Got that perceptive “parents are about to tell me about a death in the family” vibe?  Or did he overhear more than he let on to Vrissy?

...alright, that’s the last page of this update.  Looks like this chapter is going to continue to have a good bunch of grieving, or talk around it.

---

Now for Bonus Commentary for A Threat, Sensed.  For some reason I have a dim memory of like... reading this myself without commenting on it?  Or skimming it?  But I’m pretty sure I didn’t do that.  Weird.  Must have imagined doing it.

Ah, I think I saw the opening paragraph scrolling Patreon, and my mind kinda filled in the blanks, this is still looking new to me.

Okay, mostly banter and japes in the commentary here.  About Dirk “throwing a huge tantrum in his philosophy cave”.

We’ve had quite a bit of speculation on whether this is “really” Andrew. To that, I think we’d say that it doesn’t “really” matter.

Really?  That was speculated about?  :/

Here we discover that Dirk has not, as some people have speculated, been directly intervening into the Candy timeline, or influencing it in any way. In fact, he has a very hard time seeing anything going on there at all.

Mhmm, and that was a pretty important thing to learn.

A couple of years ago I might have agreed with the take that everything happening in Candy is simply too outlandish to ever happen naturally, without direct, villainous interference, but that was before literally every fucking batshit insane thing that has happened on Real Life Earth started going down, and now I will believe literally anything. 

This is a nice bit of distraction from the idea that at least the opening parts of the Candy story were written/narrated by Original, Alive Calliope over on meat side.  To refresh your memory of what was pointed out to me:

ROXY: back when jade first got all effed up callie saw somethin and it made them freak out ROXY: it took me weeks to convince them that it was safe to come home ROXY: but now we got the opposite problem and they arent leavin the house at all ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls TEREZI: WH4T? ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise ROXY: some of it is like ROXY: weird and violent?? ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um ROXY: nudity???? TEREZI: >:? ROXY: yeah yikes ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

Which tracks with the initial out-of-character-seemingness of almost everyone at the start of Candy, and how they kind of tried to railroad things back onto the “Happy??” track after Dirk derailed it with his weird self-accumulation suicide, along with some of the flowery-idyllic descriptions of characters seeing each other bathed in a halo of light and such.

Of course, they’re not going to out-and-out STATE that Calliope was at fault for that narration, helping the Candy story not necessarily fall out the way it did “naturally”, until we finally get a glimpse of her on the heroes’ ship in Meat probably still painting the continuing Candy events, inspiring them into the void of the singularity with her latent powers.  Til then, it’s a bit of misdirection whenever the topic is to be brought up.  Along with a mix of Roxy’s late-Candy point to John of more or less “why COULDN’T we have done this naturally? you don’t know”.

He might even think that he has more direct power over the narrative than Hussie does himself. Surprise, motherfucker, you are a fictional character. 

:p

I’ll quote this next part in full:

There’s been talk of whether or not this bonus was written in the two days between its release and the Yiffy reveal chapter. The answer is--no. It was written over a month ago. But I think the things it addresses were not difficult to suss out. Obviously, Dirk is highlighting the issues that the readership are having with Yiffy, in his typical Dirk fashion. If it seems a little defensive, well...I suppose it is. Yiffy is one of the two hard lines drawn in the sand, and all of us love her, and we’re hoping that everyone else will love her too. But more than that, it focuses on the fact that update culture has a rhythm to it--shock, revulsion, acceptance (or not), and then excitement (or not). Will it follow that pattern this time? Who knows. I guess we’ll find out. 

Yeah, given what was going to be dropped on us I expected they would have had exactly this lined up, especially because Andrew specifically mandated Yiffy.  --I wonder why they aren’t mentioning that somewhere in the commentary and only on one of their Twitters?

Also quoting this:

There’s something both incredibly “cringe” and self-indulgent, as well as philosophically intriguing, about the author arguing with his villain, especially since he’s writing both halves of the conversation himself. You are, for all intents and purposes, trying to solve a problem that you have created for yourself. You are looking an aspect of your personality in the eye and asking, hey, what the fuck, man?

But in the end, isn’t that what every story is? Trying to untie knots that you put in the rope yourself?

Since it’s part of the central struggle of this story, and kind of the question Andrew’s tried to imply with every Homestuck work about what right we have to keep these characters trapped in a story, and if they’d be better off escaping it.

I’m really trying to avoid quoting so much of this, since the commentary is paid...  but I think we can make an exception here?  I’ll have only quoted about half of it; just, the really plot-important half.  Plus, I left out a LOOOT of japes.

Dirk has a certain idea of how stories are supposed to go. That’s pretty much what the Epilogues is about. The audience also has a certain expectation of how a story is supposed to go. In a way, the Epilogues were also about that. They were taking a story that had reached the traditionally “acceptable” happily ever after, and saying, wait, no. What happens next? Thinking past happily ever after in any story is a terrifying prospect. Once Cinderella marries the prince, what then? Sure, she got what she wanted, but who knows that it will be everything she dreamt it would? What if she changes her mind, if not today, what about ten years from now? What if the prince dies of malaria? 

And I’m...

Yeah I don’t have anything else to add here, I’m kind of out of brain juice to think about this tonight.  BUSY day I had.  Y’all take care!

[cr-scribbles]

Oh no what's this? It's back again? Yup! Welcome back! It's me the judy, back here with another review! This time you think it's gonna be easier, buT NOPE IT JUST HURTS MORE! The second chapter is my favorite so far just because I get so much feels from these heckies! The third chapter was also good, but I will get there once we're finished with this one. Here is the link to the first part along with the second one too! > https://cr-incorrect-quotes.tumblr.com/post/190279246139/cr-incorrect-quotes-hello-welcome-to-my-first

This post will most likely be the same due to there being so many pages that I want to talk about to the point of not being able to fit everything into one so yeah! Expect a part 2 for Chapter 2! If you want to read the comic, here it is > http://children-rekindled.top/?c=1&p=1 Let's start!

Oh no we all know what this means that little heck is finally back and I was already screaming because of course I would be?? I missed him so much y'all- ALSO DANIEL SOUNDS SO CONFUSED AND THAT HURT CAUSE I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS COMING AND I DON'T WANNA READ IT AGAIN, but surprise! Bon made it worse this time!! I'll get to that later-

EW EW E W EW When I was first reading this and even now, iT'S SO DISGUSTING?? The visual of a soul just having to come out of a mouth of a corpse is gross in all ways omg I wonder if there is a reason behind Freddy having no eyes in the first panel though?? Apart from the fact that it is just creepy, it doesn't show up anymore. Instead, on the same page, it just goes back to the normal eyes. It was probably just a creepy factor put into it to make it look more morbid, but sometimes creators have reasons!

Sometimes I sit here, glad nothing else was shown because I would rather not have to see him climb out of there. aLSO SAMMY HELPS HIM OUT AND THAT MAKES ME UWU! he really needs all the help he can get and I'm glad someone is there for him. Y'all don't know how much I love this blind babey boy

BABEY NOOO IM COMING TO HELP YOUUU This panel is good, bUT SO SAD OMG I WANNA HELP HIM CAUSE HE'S IN A LOT OF PAIN QMQ I don't even wanna know his thoughts right now and how confused he is internally. Does he even consider how he would still be moving around even when suffering this really bad pain? He's probably just in too much shock and denial to wrap his head around it.

SOBBING SOUNDS Daniel freaking out over this hurts me every time omg I just want to hug him?? He just wants to go home and we all know that at this point, he can't even do that anymore.

BIANCAAAAAAAA What was she even doing?? Unlike Daniel, she had somehow already gotten out, but was just staring at the ground?? Was she confused about something and just lost in thought to the point of completely zoning out till Daniel realized she was there? Maybe she wasn't even there for long. She could have been still processing all of this pain(?) ALSO DANIEL'S REALIZATION THAT HIS NAME WAS SAID MAKES ME SOB I LOVE HIM SM

can Bianca hug me like that??? Please???? I want someone to hug me like that one day I'm gonna beg- SHE'S HECKIEING CRYING AND THAT HURTS A LOT IM QWQ I mean of course she would be?? She saw Daniel die right in front of her. Bianca being so worried yet not even questioning how he isn't just dead already due to the severe blood loss makes me really wonder how much denial they are going through at the moment. Although who would wanna think they died and became a ghost? For people who don't even believe in that stuff, it would be hard to even accept. If you're a ghost, that means you're dead. There's no going back. ALSO THE PUPPET STARES INTO MY SOUL AND IS TERRIFYING- everyone thank bon for giving us another terrifying image

AHAHA N E C C the smol good girl is coming very soon and I'm so excited!! I love her sm,,why is she hiding though?? Did she get scared due to all of the screaming and sounds going on around that she just decided to hide behind this big animatronic that could protect her from the dangers out there?

THANKS FOR CALLING HER OUT CAUSE SHE'S SMALL BIANCA- Well Charlie's design is definitely a lot different than the one in the original! She still looks heckieing red and burned up, but doesn't have that weird mouth like last time.

OH NO OH NO NO NO SAMMY WHAT HAVE U DONE- Charlie is already starting to freak out and that hurts. I love the different reactions we get here because Charlie is just in denial, hoping it is a dream while Daniel doesn't even look like he has proceeded it all fully yet till the next page where he is basically having a complete mental breakdown. I really want to know how Bianca feels about this entire thing too.

THERE IS A LOT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HERE! For one, it might be one of my favorite pages that really hit me hard to the point of being my emotional mess of a self- I feel as though Bon really portrayed them reacting to being dead rather well? Or at least he did with Daniel and it hit in the feels right enough. Being someone who would die for Daniel, it hurt reading this for the first time because I'm sure we all want to do what Bianca does and just give him a tight hug. Did them freaking out happen in the original? I don't remember actually? from what I remember, Bianca was the one reacting the most to all of it- Bianca just crying over how Daniel is having this mental breakdown really hurt because she wants him to be okay and realizing they aren't would just hurt to the point of actually going and comforting him. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HOW SHE FEELS WITH THE SITUATION- Was her breaking down because of Daniel being all sad mixed with her just reacting to the entire thing?? It's also shown in Chapter 3, but Bianca is really caring towards Daniel and most of the time wants to make him feel better in certain situations. If she wasn't able to save or even help him before, this is her chance now.

FRANCIS IS CRYING AGAIN I REPEAT FRANCIS IS CRYING-

Like I said before, the difference in reactions towards all of this is great. It's obvious that he was emotional about it too, but instead of having some sort of mental breakdown, he just "accepted" it and tried to figure out what they can do. It's understandable cause what else are they supposed to do when in front of reality??

OMG POOR BOYO!! HOW IS HE EVEN STANDING AIAUFIAKF for a while, I just thought his side got slashed and he bled out, nOT THAT HIS ENTIRE SIDE JUST GOT RIPPED OUT LIKE WOW OK THAT MUST HURT LIKE HELL- honestly Francis feeling really sorry about not being able to save Charlie just hurts sm?? THESE KIDDOS FEEL BAD CAUSE THEY WEREN'T ABLE TO SAVE ONE ANOTHER AND IT JUST HHH 

OH NO NOT THIS AGAIN DAMMIT- At least this time it's not coming out of a mouth of a corpse, but jeez Sammy pls chill- I love how the black substance just goes along with the mouth so it looks like the inside of the Puppet's mouth is just oil or some black liquid. Speaking of that, I also love how the blood is black!! I forgot the reason for that, but it gives them a cool look!

sammy please chill

they don't even know him yet and he's acting like a complete psychopath. If I was logical, I would think he is! Being there for who knows how long would do something to someone! Especially something would could easily be hinted at here through his insanity even when just getting out. 

I don't trust his cute face, but dammit I love him so much already?? Like he was just acting all crazy a pAGE BEFORE, AND NOW HE LOOKS LIKE A SMOL SQUOFT??? It really shows how much he can switch between personalities. I fear for the future after this experience. 

"Oh, you noticed. Heh." UH YEAH OF COURSE?? IT'S A KNIFE IN YOUR CHEST???

ALSO AHAHAHA FRANCIS'S FACE I CAN'T HANDLE IT

Honestly I feel bad for Daniel because all of this stuff is going on and he can't even see anything?? Like if something really bad just suddenly happened, he would have no idea because all he can get from the situation are the reactions from his friends. I wonder how terrifying it would be when there's so much sound around like during the day?? Big hugs for Daniel y'all 

wow possession! That's really cool, bUT WHAT IS GOING ON NOW OH NO- 

OH HECKIEING BEES THAT'S NOT GOOD- Michael's design was heavily changed from last time, but honestly I adore this design sm?? There is a lot less wires so yay he isn't just a bloody mess like last time!! Okay but I wonder if Michael could still take off his head like last time?? Last time, that was shown through some anger from Francis, but this time it's different and that's not shown!! I wonder if it will ever be though.

MICHAEL NO THAT'S NO WHAT A SANE PERSON SAYS- although I mean?? He does have a point! Even though being dead is a huge hit in general and idk how that would even feel, actually being with friends could have a huge impact on the situation. Imagine if only one died and was stuck there? That would have a completely different impact. I don't think Michael should brush off the fact that they are all dead now, but I do understand why he even mentions that. Trying to stay positive, but maybe try a bit differently babey-

The part I feared the most, but actually turned out really good? Around the beginning at least! In this version, Francis has much more of a reason for actively being really upset at Michael especially due to what he just said. Although maybe he should chill a bit because some things he says are really eh?? Michael never meant it like that and Francis is just freaking out and yelling at him, but like I said, he actually has a reason and I can't stay that mad. I would hate this entire thing too, although I would be a lot more emotional than angry 

OKAY THAT'S REALLY OVER THE LINE FRANCIS HOLY HECK-

Charlie has all the rights to be upset at him because him just saying that iS AWFUL?? LIKE DUDE YOU ALL ARE DEAD AND YOU ARE APOLOGIZING FOR SAVING HIM AND SAYING THAT IF YOU HAD KNOWN, YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST LET THE PERSON KILL HIM?? UH- THAT'S NOT NICE AT ALL PLEASE APOLOGIZE

TELL EM SAMMY!

at least in this version, he gets to the point and it isn't just walls of text aHAIDIAOGKS Sammy please don't blame Daniel though?? He's heCKIEING BLIND WHAT THE HECKIE COULD HE EVEN DO?? wAIT OH NO. IF THIS IS A REBOOT THEN SOME SCENE WITH DANIEL AND SAMMY MIGHT BE REDONE HH IM AFRAID IT'S GONNA EITHER BE MORE FEELS RELATED OR JUST MORE CHILL THAN LAST TIME DUE TO THE PACING?? Sadly it’s time for me to go and make the next part thing to take away from this? This chapter is my favorite so far because of all the feels and there is more so get ready for that!! I'll be back with part 2 eventually! Most of us knows what happens there. Will Sammy find Michael? How will he actually help? Find out next time on aaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[ahmuteun]

1-140 :)

I switched the format to bullets cause numbers were annoying to deal with lol sorry

3 Fears 

not graduating on time/ failing

idk i dont have many fears

3 things I love

my dog

my family

my friends

2 turns on

im not gonna include being attractive cause that feels like a given so sense of humor

plays piano or guitar

2 turn offs

being an asshole

bad hygine 

My best friend

cat and jen

Sexual orientation

bi

How tall am I

5′2

What do I miss right now

idk no one really cause i got to see my family today and i just got back from seeing jen

i guess jacob and tim?

Favourite color

blue!! :D

Do I have a crush

lmfao no

Favourite place

my college town

What am I listening to right now

a lets play lol

Shoe size

7 or 6.5 depending

Eye color

brown

Hair color

black/ dark brown

Meaning behind my URL

alliteration lol

Favourite song

i have too many

Favourite band

shinee? i dont really know lately

How I feel right now

sleepy lmao

Someone I love

my brothers and mom

My current relationship status

hoe lmao

My relationship with my parents

good with one and not so good with the other

Favourite season

fall or spring

Tattoos and piercing i have

tattoo on my forearm and one piercing on each ear

Tattoos and piercing i want

tattoos: theres a few lol

piercings: none

The reasons I joined Tumblr

because it looked like fun and for fandoms

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

i get goodnight texts/ snaps sometimes 

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

no

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

it depends, anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?

yep

Where am I right now?

jaden’s room

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

reasonable but sometimes loud

Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

i live in my apartment at school but other than that with my momma

Am I excited for anything?

this festival thing next weekend but also lowkey worried for it lmao

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

uhh yeah i do

How often do I wear a fake smile?

whenever im uncomfortable i guess

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

someone who will pay off my tuition and loans

What do I think about most?

freaking out drama stuff i guess?

although thats mainy just been these past few weeks

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

i only really like being in front aslong as it’s with other people

What was the last lie I told?

ummm probably something about my drinking or “love life” to my family

Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i dont mind either but probably phone call so i dont have to worry about what i look like

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

lol ghosts, oh the irony

but yes to both

Do I believe in magic?

nah

Do I believe in luck?

ehhh kind of

What’s the weather like right now?

hot as balls and im not here for it

What was the last book I’ve read?

im reading the simpsons and their mathematical secret rn and i like it a lot

Do I have any nicknames?

way too many lmao

Do I spend money or save it?

it used to be save but as of lately ive been spending way too much money sooooooooooo lol fuck me

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nope

Favourite animal?

my doggo

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

talking to jen

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

idk twice songs i guess??

What is my favorite word?

i dont have one

My top 5 blogs on tumblr

idk lol 

everyone i follow, how about that lmao

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

stay hydrated and i take donations

Do I have any relatives in jail?

not to my knowledge

What is my current desktop picture?

isnt it so cute? :D

Had sex?

yeah

Bought condoms?

yeah

Gotten pregnant?

no thank fuck

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

nope

Had job?

yes i had job

Smoked weed?

nope, but my mates want me to smoke with them next weekend

Smoked cigarettes?

nope

Drank alcohol?

yepppp lmfao

Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nahh

Been overweight?

not technically

Been underweight?

nah

Gotten my heart broken?

nope

Been to prom?

yep

Been in airplane?

yep

Learned another language?

yep

Wore make up?

almost everyday

Dyed my hair?

nah, i thought about it tho but i bitched out

Had a surgery?

um i mean my wisdom teeth got removed, does that count?

Met someone famous?

yeah i did on two occasions it was dope

Stalked someone on a social network?

i think so? idk

Been fishing?

yeeeee

Been rejected by a crush?

ive never shot my shot nor have i had an actual crush in years so no

What do I want for birthday?

realistically, nothing

Do I like my handwriting?

eh i mean it’s okay but not really

Where do I want to live when older?

idk but i wanna stay on the east coast

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

sneaking out: no cause ive never snuck out, not technically i guess

doing something bad: i mean it depends on your definition of “getting caught” but yes

wait it’s a definite yes lmao whoops

What I’m really bad at

everything probably lol

but specifically lying i guess

What my greatest achievements are

choreographing modern with chris in march and it went really well i was so proud of my dancers

idk if this counts but this past year i partied with some of our schools football players and lydia paek told me that she wants some of my butt so basically i’ve peaked 

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

honestly idk, i probably agreed with them 

What I’d do if I won in a lottery

pay off my loans/ debt

pay off my mom and brothers’ debt

get my mom a house and vacation to the phillipines cause she really wants to go

get my mates gifts

invest

What do I like about myself

uuuuummmmmmmm 

My closest Tumblr friend

idk lol

Any question you’d like?

lol welp

Are you outgoing or shy?

in the middle i guess but probably more on the outgoing side

What kind of people are you attracted to?

attractive people with nice smiles i guess??

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

lmfao god no

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

nah but it depends on the context 

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my mom and brother??

What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“rip”

What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

eric nam - honestly

amine - heebiejeebies

hyorin - dally

blackpink - ddu du ddu du idk how its spelled

john mayer - new light

hayley kiyoko - what i need

cardi b - i like it

yoon mi rae’s entire gemini 2 album

this is more than five i know but theyre all bops and u should listen to them if you havent already

Do you like it when people play with your hair?

yes but only if i know them

Do you think there is life on other planets?

yes, even if it’s just bacteria

Do you like bubble baths?

no i actually really dont like baths

Do you like your neighbors?

i dont really know them

Where would you like to travel?

korea/ asia

Favorite part of your daily routine?

talking to my mates

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

which part aren’t i uncomfortable with lmao

What do you do when you wake up?

turn off my alarm or look at my phone usually

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

well my arms got tanner cause i drive with my arm out the window so i wish my arms were lighter so it would match the rest of my body again lol

Do you ever want to get married?

lmfao can we not talk about future commitments?

cause no probably not

If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

do u mean is my hair long enough? cause yes

Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv

Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yeah when i was like 12

What are your favorite stores to shop in?

forever21, and h&m probably

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

it depends on the situation

Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

well i mean the cat is already out of the fucking bag for the one thing (well one of the things) i was desperately trying to hide soooooo

Ever wished you were someone else?

when i was younger but not in recent years

Favourite makeup brand?

for foundation i like fenty and tarte

for lipstick smashbox and i also liked kat vond but she is against vaccienes sooooooo

Last thing you ate?

chips lol

Ever won a competition? For what?

idk

Ever been in love?

i thought i was but eehhh i dont know anymore oh well 

Facebook or Twitter?

twitter

Twitter or Tumblr?

i use twitter more so twitter

Are you watching tv right now?

nah

What colour are your towels?

white

Favourite ice cream flavour?

i dont have a favorite

First person you talked to today?

uummmm my mom?

Last person you talked to today?

chris

Name a person you hate?

i dont hate people but im really pissed with justin rn

Name a person you love?

my mom

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

fuCKING JUSTIN

Do you tan a lot?

lmao no

Have any pets?

yes and i love him

Do you type fast?

eh its a moderate speed

Do you regret anything from your past?

lmao yepppp

Ever broken someone’s heart?

oooohhhhhhh boy, yeah kind of....

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

no

Is cheating ever okay?

on people, no

Do you believe in true love?

idk

What your zodiac sign?

gemini

Do you believe in ghosts?

i answered this already

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“geeky mathematician with a master’s degree. By contrast, when he” from the simpsons and their mathematical secrets :D

[sanguinesprout]

Therapy/Counselling Diary #5 (and some general bits of feels)

Last week I got the flu and was a total zombie so I had to cancel the therapy appointment. I’m about 80% better now, just the typical cold type symptoms to get rid of cough cough snot snot wheeze wretch eye water ugh. I phoned about 30 mins before the app time ‘cause I was really intending to go but that day was the peak of my ills (and I accidentally slept in after waking up the first time thinking my app was 1 hour later than the actual time and had a small panic too  lol). I was overthinking about what I would say to them on the phone but they didn’t ask anything other than if I’d be in for the next appointment after I told them I didn’t feel well enough to go in for this one.

When I went to this week’s app, the therapist was waiting for me at the reception desk (I was about 5 mins late, but I’ve been late to things so often in my life it kinda just felt like eh lol). She was kind and asked if I was feeling better and stuff like that and said she was thankful that I phoned in and that it didn’t matter it was last minute. (If you miss an app without phoning in you could lose all your future apps .__.)

We went over some stuff about self esteem and again about thinking ahead/assuming the worst. She asked me if I’d filled out the sheets from the last appointment and I was like ‘huh?’ because I wasn’t given any and had like a mini internal panic then too. Maybe she got me mixed up with someone else, either way it felt kind of unnerving and reminded me of the times I didn’t manage to complete some of the homework at school and got in trouble. Feels bad man ;;

So she got the sheets out, some of those scoring sheets about self esteem and I did them there. I kinda feel like whenever I do those types of multiple choice/grading things I’m never sure of what to pick. I definitely have very very low self esteem and on the scores it showed for most but was on the line for some, but I feel like I kind of lied maybe? Or like I just threw down the choice with too much uncertainty.

I sort of teeter in between the two sides of the choices in everything like this and even get worried that what I’ll pick is wrong or will sound bad. It feels so awfuls, sometimes I feel I don’t know myself very well at all... Or is it my chronic indecisiveness or worry of judgement taking over? It’s probably a big ol’ mix of everything >< I have a scoring sheet for depression and anxiety (doesn’t actually say it on it, but I recognise the questions) which I do every week and give to her in but I just get so unsure and quickly wing it just to get it out of the way. I wonder how it charts up, if there is actually any improvement or if it’s just all random... Ah, oh dear ^^” I’m being much too negative..! These things are only super general indicators and I needn’t worry about them too much!

Um, anyways after that we went over the diagram from last time again with the vicious cycle of negative thoughts and behaviours and added some more examples to it and discussed it some more. I am writing this the day after the app and my mind is already blanking ahhh my mind blanks all the time during the actual app too, it’s like I’m half awake xAx Maybe I need a break... (not that I haven’t procrastinated and looked at random other things already at least 5 times since beginning this post lol)

Okay, after ogling my phone, eating and spilling water on myself when trying to drink it and then ogling my phone some more, I think I’m ready to resume writing my extremely slow and bleh account ^v^ 

So, one of the examples we used was me going to a shop I was intending to go but avoiding, I did it and my expectations (which were initially negative) turned out to be disproven by my actual experience. So she asked me what I expected and to give a percentage of how much I believed in it and I said it’d be awkward and said I assumed this 80%. Then she asked me how it actually was and there was all this nice stuff I learned from going, it was a generally pleasant experience and and my score for awkwardness was rethought to 10%. It’s actually a really neat way of showing yourself how overthinking is so ridiculous and irrational. She said to try and do this for other things I find difficult and to try and then prove my thoughts wrong, I’ll... I’ll try!

She also went over this sheet of unhelpful/negative habits and it has some short descriptions all the different types and I actually have to write examples relating to the ones which I have/often fall into as homework eep! Some of the bad habits listed are predicting the future, mind reading, comparing yourself, catastrophising etc. 

She asked me what I thought she was thinking about me then (or well earlier on) and I said that she was thinking I was silly, but she said nope and she was actually thinking of how proud she was that I did the shop thing I was avoiding..! :D Also when she asked what is the unhelpful behaviour I do and I said avoiding things, she said thanks for being so open and truthful ^^ It feels nice to be praised and to know that my mind is just an asshole a lot of the time lol!

I‘m pretty anxious about writing things down as I always am but also she said not everyone has all these habits, but the more you have the harder it is for you to move forward. Looking at them I feel like I have them all aughhhh... but I guess it explains why I am having such a hard time with everything, it’s good to be able to understand more about my thinking.

Sorry, I’m not really elaborating or writing anything particularly useful. Ahhh what am I saying sorry for >< I keep worrying about my post sucking, but what does it matter if it does or not, I am doing this for me, it’s okay to be selfish... that was one of the things on one of those scoring tests there were a few selflessness statements and ahhhh I die x3x

I also gotta try and do the phone call order practice thing which I’m still avoiding the hell out of cryyyy... it sounds easy but it’s just so hard to get past my silly fears and just do it. Ahhhh c’mon, I can do it... ahhhh... it’s tough... I’ll get there, I hope, and then it’ll be smooth-ish sailing ;v;

Besides being sick and going to that app, in the past week, or well actually yesterday I went to my sis’ house again and made a really basic chocolate cake (was actually meant to be brownies, but oh welp lol). I did it yay! The results weren’t perfect but it is good enough and I guess I learned more about what I can do better (not substitute ingredients maybe lol). I feel a bit more confident using the oven and just combining the ingredients and cracking eggs which is nice! x3 Practice makes perf- slightly better to much better results hah! :3

I was kinda sad cause my parents aren’t really interested in my stuff that much? :< Like the other day I wrote a super nice picture message note thing directed to my parents (I do things like this all the time though and I put in a lot of effort and love) and my dad didn’t even say anything about it, just said he was too busy to look/doesn’t have time for nonsense kind of thing and it just... it really hurt and brought my spirits down so much... ;; My mum chuckled at it at least, I wrote a reference to something funny on it after all, but I wonder if it’s because of the reference that my dad doesn’t seem to like it? But that’s only one tiny part of the picture, it doesn’t make sense... ><

They haven’t tried my cake yet either or shown any interest in doing so, I mean they’re not obligated to and they probably will sometime later, but idk it’s just like... a disappointing and deflated sort of feeling like when a kid makes something and strives for attention or some sort of praise and gets none or hardly any acknowledgement at all... except I’m not a kid... or well, I’m an overgrown kid .__. Am I being too unreasonable or greedy? I want to make them proud at least a little or have even the tiniest bit of encouragement... I just want to be loved... :’C <//3

Um, welp I guess I just have to be more serious and do the grown up things they probably want me to do. Yeah, I’m not a kid anymore... I know I’m really childish, but I can’t help it, it’s just who I am... is it wrong? Should it be another thing to add to the list of why I’m so ashamed of myself..? No, stop, I’m being to harsh on myself.

Aw man, um... well I didn’t mean to fill this post with angst but uh... I guess better out than in. My feelings... they’re so... annoying... but valid and they matter and I matter. I can always learn love myself and I have my sister too. My parents do love me, it’s just not as conventionally expressed I guess. I gotta be grateful for what and who I do have, no comparing them to others either ^^

Lately (like I’ve said in the many many previous posts) I’ve been wanting to post my random art stuff or to try and make more serious attempts at making art or practicing it but I just... it’s hard. I feel like I’m so very close to being able to take that step forward but then I’m hesitating again, overthinking, trying to plan things, doing all of the negative and unhelpful habits and ending up too scared to do anything at all. 

It’s a pretty big hurdle, all the things Im facing are, and I can see over it but I’m scared to take the jump, it’s so intimidating but I have to just let myself know that even if I trip, even if I fall, it’s okay and at least I tried and get up to try again! I can do it! I keep losing my focus, but I’ll keep trying to get it back until I do it!

Oh! OH! My dad called me from downstairs, said he tried my cake, described its kind of flaws which I already knew and told of but said it was better than this other cake he bought before, that it was just better than my other attempts (Um.. I haven’t baked a cake before though lol) Anyways he said it all with a happy tone and I was reading into things too negatively before, man I was being so impatient and oh my overthinking mind when will you just slow down and take the time to enjoy the breeze and smell the flowers.

It feels like.. like idk... like I just got a mood and motivation to try harder next time boost. I’ll try harder next time and I’ll wow him and if not next time then the time after or after that, but each time I’ll improve some even if I fail some. This must be how people feel in competitions or in movies or in, well just life. How interesting! That phrase about life being boring or meaningless without challenge, I guess makes more sense now c:

I’m glad I wrote my post even though it took me hours and I stressed some and took so many breaks but I was able to pull around and add some positivity back into my gloomy mood and re-encourage myself in general which is awesome! I gotta toughen up and get around all these negative obstacles, I gotta pace myself more consistently but not get ahead of myself. Slow and steady wins the race! Yeah I’ll just throw out more proverbs and sayings even if I remembered them wrong or used them wrongly but whatever yolo! xD

I’m stronger than I think, I can do things, I can do them right now! I will do them or at least begin to do them right now! I won’t overthink or if I do I will unravel my worries with rationality! If I don’t do any of the things I just said then whatever and there’s no need to worry about it! Hell yeah!! >:D

Okay, imma do some productive stuff now :3 Like my counsellor said, there’s no point focusing all my energy on worrying and wearing myself out when it’s much better to put all my energy towards actually doing things and making myself happy.

If I don’t manage to do everything I hope to today, it doesn’t matter, I can resume it later another day. If I do something wrong, I’ll learn from it, I can now do even better and there’s no need to beat myself up about it. There isn’t always a right and a wrong, just go with the flow, there’s no rules and no obligations! My forgotten mini mantra yay! *power up!*

I really need to put my little self motivations somewhere I can see them more frequently. Oh yeah! In illustrations which I wanted to do... I kind of forgot about all that, but I’ve remembered! Hnnrgh no overthinking, no comparing, do it for myself, believe in myself! I’ll get round to it soon hopefully! c:

Keep fighting, keep going! Have a great evening! ^0^

[bugclub]

ALL THA QUESTIONS

it wouldn’t let me copy the numbers ;:) so here we go fellas

Who hurt you the most?geez idk maybe my dad altho in retrospect he was right and i was wrong but he said some really messed up stuff to me sometimes and he also was usually the reason i would ever c** my***f

Who have you hurt the most?probably my dad as well. i was fucked up as a teenager and i know it was hell for him

Who do you miss the most?no offense but my dad. i just rly miss ig how life use to be when i lived with him.

Who do you want out of your life the most?the bitches and freaks that send me anon hate. begone demons

Who had the biggest negative impact on you?the white trash xanax junkies i met in 2014.

Who do you wish you could be honest with?i suppose emilio. im not holding any secrets in but i dont tell him a lot of stuff like when my emotions are dangerously out of whack or im having a panic attack or anything like that. i think if i were more open about stuff like that we’d communicate better when im actually freaking out

Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings towards?hmm.. coworkers come to mind just cause sometimes i dont agree with things they say but i dont want to make working with them uncomfortable by saying anything. other than that just crushes from my past probably

Who would the world be better off without?donald trump, racists, rapists, heroin dealers, etc

Who do you wish you’d treated differently?grace…i use to not like her because someone was feeding me lies…im so sorry grace my beautiful raspberry girl

What was the worst day of your life?probably the day i woke up in a daze post being raped with all my money stolen from my car . or i suppose the day it actually happened

What’s your greatest fear?losing my mind

What’s your biggest insecurity?hmm…not sure. honestly im not very insecure like i know i have insecurities but nothing comes to mind immediately. i wouldnt know til im insecure about it

What’s your biggest regret?getting hooked on xanax

Describe your ideal world.boondock saints are in charge and they’re my best friends

Describe your personal hell.donald trump is in charge and my best friend is my bong rosalina

What’s a hopeless dream you’re still holding on to?damn idek, probably just that every day of my life i wish emilio and i would meet sooner than we did but obviously there’s no point in that

What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?one time i let a girl borrow my phone in hs and her nosy ass went thru my shit and found…sensitive content. i was embarrassed for a long time. i only recently remembered this happened

What’s the angriest you’ve ever been?various evenings at my job at dominos. i fucking hate those bitches

What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?in the mental hospital

What’s the most scared you’ve ever been?this took me forever but it was DEFINITELY my bad trip. i thought i was dead lmao

What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?probably also during that acid trip. i thought i was not coming out and this was it. it felt like real life was melting away and i was gonna be stuck in some blank universe alone. horrible. im gagging

What’s the most frantic you’ve ever felt?i dont really get frantic ever. im good at staying calm especially in dire times

What’s the best case scenario for your future?emilio and i get married and have a family. i dont really want or need anything else

What’s the worst case scenario for you future?i try heroin get really fucked up and die alone

What’s the most physical pain you’ve ever felt?the pain from the last time i punched a wall was ridiculous and came in big waves which was awful. utis can hurt a lot and im prone to those for some reason. when i had the flu my body ached like ive never felt

What’s the most emotional pain you’ve ever felt?i dont want to talk about this one

Describe a time you felt like a hypocrite.i dunno.

Describe a time you felt like a traitor.obviously getting with emilio at first…but ik its not actually that messed up now so 💁 irrelevant

Describe a time you felt like a hero.i dont know. i use to help out my junkie friends a lot

Describe a time you felt inhuman.almost always

Describe a time you felt like a failure.in fourth grade i got an f in math because i kept putting the plus sign on the wrong side of the problem and my teacher failed me on all my homework. no one was even mad at me but i couldn’t look anyone in the eye for days

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?i dont know..i use to spew out hate in like 2010-2012. i hate that

What are you proudest of?my relationship with emilio, our good dogs, my recovery (not rly done yet but so far so good)

What’s your relationship with your family like?good. weird and a little distant at time but good

What’s your relationship with religion like?non-existent

Talk about someone you’ve lost.eh.

Talk about someone who abandoned you.eh.

Talk about a desire you have that scares you.not sure this is a thing for me

What’s something you wish you were capable of?wish i had more motivation for things that could make my future better like college

What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?not rly afraid of anything id do

Describe the kind of life you wish you’d been born into.mine was fine

Describe your worst heartbreak.i was subjected to things i shouldn’t have been because of bad timing. i wouldnt have wanted it any other way and things worked out

Describe your worst disappointment.not sure dont want to dig this deep rn

Have you ever taken a fall for someone?yes. and i still get shit on for a lot of it

Have you ever forced or let someone take a fall for you?i honestly dont think so. correct e if im wrong

Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?never on purpose (so far)

Have you ever done serious emotional harm to someone?probably. my bad

Have you ever self-harmed?yes

Have you ever attempted suicide?yes

Have you ever stolen something?yes

Have you ever cheated on someone?no

Have you ever been cheated on?no

Have you ever taken revenge on someone?nah

Have you ever seriously considered killing somone?yes 😂 oops

Have you ever betrayed someone who trusted you?allegedly

Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?yes

thanks 💝🍓

if anyone reads all tis i love you and urr one of my best friends