#im almost caught up on the results i suppose ill have to then

[do-you-know-this-adhd-character]

Do you know this (canon) ADHD character?

Proof: Confirmed in the mini-episode Farewell Dmitri.

[cherubinym]

Entry 02 / Xiu Hua

(strained misery in voice as dogs outside wont stop fucking barking) im t i r ed of this.

pleasereadthishaha

tumblr you bitch do nOT 144p my thumbnail sketch wtf

===========================================

CHAPTER 15 SPOILERS

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-----

Entry 02

My name is Xiu Hua. I undertook the archetype for the first time today.

It did not reject me, but... the results are less than satisfactory.

I am currently under watch. It has not taken rapid effect... or appeared to take much effect at all. Apparently, I fell unconscious upon the process, which is why they glare at me so.

According to Them. I do not know the specifics of their wish, besides a desperate grasp for life. Even as a previous overseer, whom looked upon these experiments from their ranks before.

Whatever I could do to help everyone, I would.

That aside, they are putting me through this ... thing. To record my thoughts. They don’t know if or when I’ll die yet.

If I make it through the night, I suppose we’ll have an update, hm?

-

Entry 02.1

I made it through the night.

In terms of the experiment, this is good news.

In terms of my comfort, quite the opposite. While not dead... it appears I have fallen ill.

They claim I was one of the successes, yet it feels uncomfortably hot and overwhelming.

Is this what eternal life is?

I’d rather all live without it, then.

-

Entry 02.2

Apology, for being so dramatic.

The “fever” (so they claim it was) seems to have cleared up.

So, I guess it wasn’t all that bad now. I’m not in stable condition, but I was able to walk around without assistance.

Can’t say the same for my roommate in this place.

It’s not easy to be the one to watch someone slowly descend into agony.

I’ve watched it from afar before, but there’s something unsettling about having to be the one to watch it alone.

Poor, poor Ken.

He couldn’t even speak to me.

I couldn’t find the strength to comfort him, either.

-

Entry 02.3

Almost a full recovery. They’re pleasantly surprised, and so am I. Without the pleasant part.

They say if another day passes in stable condition, I’ll be able to start attending the physical tests.

I personally never oversaw those. If what I’ve heard is anything to go by, though...

Oh God, help me.

... two more passed in the night, too.

It’s lucky enough to be able to process the archetype in the first place.

Is the uncertain future worth the high death rate of this.

I think it is. Maybe I’m just speaking for them though. Maybe it was never my words at all.

-

Entry 02.4

In a fascinating turn of events, I got to avoid the bullet hell for another day.

They’re still having me record these, by the way. I think that they think I’ll just shrivel up and die any second now from this. I don’t blame them. I’m pretty skinny, not the most muscular. I’m sure I barely made the physical cut. Or maybe the overseer status granted entryway.

I don’t have time to think about that, though.

... Oh, and that turn of events?

Just a security issue. No big deal. Only five people died.

-

Entry 02.5

They say you cannot run from fate, and it seems I’ve met that match-- for the equivalent of a mad scientist’s P.E. class.

Never liked gym. This is no exception.

At least they had the SENSE to allow me to test the shield conjuring before throwing me into the ring.

Which, I passed. Cool.

(Not. I hate this.)

Yes they read all this, and no, they do not care. That’s obvious enough.

I only got grazed on the arm once. Holding up those shields was... a difficult task. I’m utterly exhausted.

I think I caught a random cold, too. My voice is kind of gone. One of the new subjects must have brought it in. Prick.

Let me swear, ######. Let me in!!!

... Goodnight.

-

Entry 02.6

My voice is completely gone this morning.

To double down on the misfortune, I still have to go through physical tests today, because I feel completely fine physically.

What a bother.

I kind of just want to go home.

-

Entry 02.7

It has been a while since my last entry.

My voice has remained nil, with no luck on my nurse’s part in restoring it.

On the second day of training,

I watched a fellow subject, Jessica, fail her turn.

So many bullets...

She couldn’t...

Oh my god there were so many bullets.

I could only hear her cry for her mother.

God...

...

The overseers didn’t make the rest of the subjects go on with their parts that day.

That’s a rare moment of compassion on their part.

I’m logging out early today. I’m already feeling tired again.

...

Jess...

-

Entry 02.8

Everything is hellfire.

Goodnight.

-

Entry 02.9

I can finally think of something other than how I feel again.

I wish they would just let me go, but they seem determined for my recovery.

Long story short? I failed a session of the training. The archetype faltered, and I could not conjure the necessary defenses.

How annoying.

To be one of the unluckiest, yet the luckiest.

Their faces are but a blur now.

At least my NEW roommate is cheery. Her name is Lunala. She talks enough for the both of us. I can live with that. It’s better than sitting in morbid silence.

I want to tell her it’s not worth it, but obviously

my voice is no longer my own.

-

Entry 02.92

Can the heavens reject me already?

Thanks. I don’t want to be here anymore.

I moved enough to where they decided sending me back to training was Fine.

Couldn’t object. There would be no use in it either.

The shields didn’t fail me this time, at least.

#######:####, logging off.

-

Entry 02.94

I said reject me.

Me.

Not her.

Not. her.

I can’t see her anymore.

But I could feel her dying breath.

I wish I could keep giving it back to her,

over, and over, and over.

Because I don’t want my own anymore.

-

Entry 02.96

......

P-please... just tell me what You want f-from me.

I can’t stand it anymore.

Everything is hellfire.

The Light burns.

It burns. It burns.

I know I’m doing well, but it isn’t about that anymore.

Just let us go home.

I’ll do it myself if you don’t let me---

-

Entry 02.98

. . . If it will let us be painless, then -

it’s best to Know.

Was resiliency of One really worth everything else it took to get there?

...

Oh, me? I can’t move.

Can’t see.

Can’t speak.

Can’t breathe.

But I’ll never have to move again.

-

Entry 3.0

This will be her final entry.

The Stars are Falling.

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PROJECT:FATE

[harryff]

Sensory Overload

Your relationship Harry was relatively new less than year, over 6 months. A revelation during one of your dates he was into BDSM, you responded with interest.  Harry was a patient Dom, with you he took his time to teach  you all you needed to know to be a sub in general followed by being his sub. You almost regret saying that you were ready for Harry to hold nothing back, to  have his way with you the next time.  

It started the usual way undress get on your knees, followed by laying on his lap for spanks, today he bent you over to eat you from the back and when he felt that you were wet enough he added his fingers into the mix, you whimper and whine which resulted in more slaps to the ass telling you to be louder. You had been a bratty little sub earlier so instead of giving you what you wanted, he expected you to beg for it, make it up to him, and be a whimpering mess so he could have total control. 

Somewhere during the process your mouth is around his cock you don’t even remember getting back on your knees but here you are, deep throating the hell out of Harry. Hand in hair guiding you to his pace. Utters of ‘good girl’ escape his mouth often as his head tilts back. His groans and moans make you even more wet. There was nothing like hearing him express himself during pleasure.  The next thing you know you’re on your back and things were going good. Deep inside you teasing you bringing you to the edge then slowing down you were a blubbering mess. Until you felt the cold leather collar around your neck.

“Gotta teach yeh a lesson pet” he explains noticing your reaction. “Im sorry daddy” you apologize while you hold your legs apart as a good subby He leans down to kiss you before he straightens up,  his hand on the collar, he slips his fingers between  and pushes his cock deeper into you. He picks up his pace you feel an orgasm building once again. You moan in pleasure then there was the slap to the face. You’re on the verge of cumming but it takes you by surprise your hair is on your face so its not like Harry can really see your expression. He turns your face to the other side followed by another smack.

“Tell daddy you’re sorry” you can tell he’s reaching his climax too, but you can’t cum not until he tells you to. One time he didn’t let you so you’re hoping this was different “Im sorry daddy!” You scream it was all too much “Louder!” there was the third and final slap to the face “Sorry Daddy!” “Good girl cum on cum for daddy” and without a second to spare you release the fire burning in the pit of your stomach.

-

You wake up the next day next to Harry. Weren’t you supposed to discuss your experience post play? You didn’t even remember falling asleep. Harry was still asleep mouth ajar. You get out of bed and as expected your legs needed adjustment time. You drag yourself to the bathroom walk over to the toilet and pee, stand up to wash your hands when you glance at yourself in the mirror, your hands find themselves on your cheek why were they sore? You see a bruise on your neck and it hits you! You automatically tense up. Is this what it meant to be Harry’s sub? Before you delve deep into overthinking you shower. It feels like it brought you back to life. Although your hands couldn’t stay away from your face or neck.

Its not like the impact from the slaps were harsh or the neck too tight but they were also a shock to your body and had you not been submersed in sub mentality you would have shut it down. You examine your body, triggering memories of last night, the bruises were expected, but the slap, did you even like it? You walk into the room to find Harry already awake playing on his phone you smile and continue to walk into the closet.

“Yeh didn’t want to shower with me?” he asks sleep still laced in his voice, he pulls you into him and wraps his arms around you  It shocks you, you were busy looking for a bottom to wear “oh no its not that you were sleeping” He was back to being his usual Harry not Dom harry He smiles and kisses your forehead “jus teasin let me go wash m’ass then” You blow him a kiss as he walks away.. -

The rest of the day goes without a hitch you also forget about the collar and slaps until you’re surrounded by Harry’s friends. A little get together and you were fine but the necklace Harry put around your neck was starting to irritate you. You play around with it swiveling it from side to side, but that wasn’t helping. You abruptly excuse yourself when it becomes too much and rush to the bathroom.

You take off the necklace and your hands shake you can’t help but scratch at your neck. It felt like the collar even though it wasn’t. It was lose and had a pendant on it. 

You take several deep breaths this shouldn’t be a big deal. You know Harry meant no harm or ill intent. It was sensory overload last night. You didn’t have enough time to process the slaps nor the collar. When you look in the mirror you swear you can see the bruise from the collar even though you covered it with make up. Those damn slaps they were good? Bad? What were they? You need to cry so you bargain with yourself a little bit then you clean yourself up. When you finish you fan yourself and then smile at yourself in the mirror to see if it was convincing enough, you agonize over putting the necklace on but you do.

Before you can finish there’s a knock “Pet yeh alright?” you hear his voice Damn this man you think to yourself before you open the door “yea! I just had to pee” you go to brush past him but he’s posted on the door frame smirking “what?” you ask looking at yourself He shakes his head and takes a step forward “Yeh look beautiful pet” he compliments “Oh thanks we should probably go back” He reaches over and brushes your hair away. He wanted to see all of you and he did along with the scratches on your neck “yeh okay? whats wrong?” he asks reaching for your neck with both hands gently, concerned, examining the damage “having an allergic reaction?” “No it was just itchy” He looks at you with disbelief you’ve worn this necklace before it wasn’t itchy then. “Come on!” he says grabbing your hand

Without a word from you he excuses both of you from the get together. Your drive to his place is silent you’re nervous. Was he mad at you? Should you say something? This isn’t like the many times you decided to be bratty and he got mad this was different. You follow him into his home and watch as he gets ice cream from the freezer. He remembers that being your comfort food. He makes it just the way you like it. Gently he places the bowl down in front of you. It wasn’t fair he could read you like a book.

“Need yeh to talk to me” “Uh….” you go to scratch your neck and Harry reaches over to stop you before reaching around and removing the necklace “S alright we are supposed to talk about these things remember?” he rubs his thumb over your hand You look up to the ceiling and draw in a deep breath before you blow it out as tears form in your eyes. Truth be told you were afraid, afraid he would drop you and get another sub, one who wasn’t so weak minded. It was just a few silly slaps.

“Pet” he calls to you, gently he grabs your cheeks making you look at him. He knew you all to well you were getting too caught up in your head. “Its just me yea? I wanna know whats wrong” “Why’d you slap me?” you blurt out you wanted it to be a more controlled delivery but it was not. Shaky voice and all “It wasn’t supposed to be punishment pet I just wanted to awaken other senses in your body” he explains knowing where you were going with this You eat a spoonful of ice cream to calm you down before you respond. “No I know that…. but why? Is it something you like to do? Slap during sex?” “Did yeh not like it?” You pause and take in another deep breath “I don’t know it was like I couldn’t even process then the damn collar” “Why didn’t yeh say the safe word? We agreed!” “I know we did…I said don’t hold back I was trying to be strong for you Harry” “But yeh don’t have to remember? Yeh don’t need to be strong for me” You sigh and eat another spoonful “we should have talked yesterday” “Tried to pet, but yeh were knocked out cold by the time I came back with the rag” “It was too much” you comment staring into his eyes “In a good way? or bad?” now he’s nervous. Nervous that you might think he was asking a lot of you “It was good Harry it really was I just didn’t think a slap to the face was one of your kinks” you shrug  “it just threw me off but i was on the verge of cumming and i wanted to cum so badly i don’t know”  “If yeh don’t like it pet I won’t do it” “No I don’t want you to think im complaining” “I don’t. Did I hit too hard?” he didn’t think he did. He has hit much harder in the past with past subs  “No it’s the hit itself” He feels embarrassed he should have known you weren’t ready with all the other subs he knew what they could handle. You were very confident in telling him to do all he wanted, which last night wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg “……..do you like the collar?” You snap him back to your conversation “yea I do actually” “Doesn’t it make you feel like you’re degrading me? Like a dog or something?”  “No collar play for me is all about total control over yeh but if yeh don’t like it… i don’t want yeh to feel like im degrading yeh” “Maybe not that for now I prefer your hands better”

He takes in a deep breath and releases slowly “Lets just table these things and revisit yea?” you reason with him you could tell he was becoming stressed He nods in agreeance “Sorry I guess I wasn’t ready for all of you after all. I should have known better” “No pet its okay come here”  He says pulling you into his lap “I care about yeh a lot. I want yeh to be just as happy if not more when yeh’re with me n think of me”

[pbandjesse]

Im getting to writing this a little later then normal. Not wildly later. But I felt like I lost a lot of energy after work and am just feeling a little better right now. Thankfully sleeping last night after James brought me home juice and a donut knocked out my headache. And I slept pretty well for the most part. Waking up is still hard but it wasnt so bad today. 

I got up and washed and dressed. I felt a little off but not to bad. Dasia let me know she wasnt going to be in and that was alright. We had someone else coming today anyway so it just worked out. James drove me to work and I was happy about that. 

I was a little upset though because I had seen a dead cat on the road yesterday and I didnt want to see it squished today. So when we got near there I told James I was going to close my eyes because it had upset me so bad yesterday. And he let me know we had passed it but then was about to tell me what it looked like!! I literally just closed my eyes to not see!! He didnt tell me but it threw me off that he would do that. 

But soon I was at work and I had to focus on the kids. And they were a little tougher today. The two newer girls lied to me a lot today. First about classwork, then about their actual classes. And they figured out a work around to get on youtube (which is supposed to be blocked on their chromebooks) and we caught them on them multiple times today. To say I was stress about this would be an understatement. I dont like talking to the kids so sternly but I was not happy. And after having such a nice day yesterday. Ugh. 

Then I went to have a snack and discovered that my bunny grahams tasted like tomatoes sauce because of the container they were in and the actual lunch of leftovers was spoiled and I just sort of spiraled in upset.  Texting James and being upset and frustrated and so to try to help me feel less grossed out he promised to clean out the fridge and he did and that made me feel a little better. But it didnt help my food situation much. Thankfully I still had grapes and cashews but it was just a weird food day. 

We had some fun though. Sewing. Working on things. Skateboarding at lunch. It was a beautiful day and that helped my weird feelings. We only got outside once though because the kids had a lot of afternoon stuff. Though the sisters told me they didnt have anything for almost 2 hours and when I insisted on looking at their schedule I discovered they both had a whole class that they may have never gone to?? Like ever?? I think their parent, or the people at the other daycare they had been going to,  dont know how to use the schoology site and so they had gotten used to being able to show them a page and be like "See! I did everything Im supposed to do!" but I opened up like two things and found they havent actually completed anything. So I made them complete a few of them at least. I hope mom comes in tomorrow morning so we can talk about it. I know she knows the one was behind but I dont think she is aware by how much they both are. Im trying my best for sure but man. Frustrating. 

Soon the day was wrapping up. And James was on his way to come get me. I finished cleaning up my area and was about to leave when I remebered I left the ipad in the class so I went back in and found that the two girls who I know had class for another half hour were on youtube again!! I told Mr Burns, who takes over after me, and so he went in to watch them closer. So frustrating. 

But James was here and off we went. We stopped at tacobell since I had no lunch. And then we drove out to Timonium so I could meet up with an guy I bought James a christmas gift from. He was having shipping issues and because we were so close I was like. Its all good Ill come to you and he was really nice. The building was the Pay Pal office and it was really pretty inside, all marble. Plants. And the guy was really nice and I think James will really like the gifts. The guy gave me another free thing for driving out there. 

We headed home after that. But made a pitstop for a milkshake. Which was good but I think zapped my energy. 

We got home and James went to play video games and I went to pack up some orders. Be proud, I surpassed $800 in sales today. In my first month!! Im pretty proud of that. But I packed those up and took them down for drop off. And then I felt weird and tired so I went and laid in bed and watched a video until James got off the switch so I could play for a little. I just did some clean up and some christmas decorating. But then I got off and got back to laying in bed. Being mopey. 

Eventually James came and laid with me. But he had been cutting peppers and touched my face and them my face was burning from the peppers!! Rude. So we had to run to the bathroom to wash my face and his hands. 

I did mope around a little more but then we got to work on decorating our tree and that was fun. James had dried an orange and I strung those slices with cinnamon and anise stars. We might add cranberries but I am really happy with how it looks and it smells like black licorice but its so cute. It was a fun activity for sure. 

Once that was done I got to work and made some more bears that Im really proud of. Im going to have to get more fluffy fabric even though it sucks to sew because the results are just to good. Just entirely to cute. So I worked on those until almost 930 and finally called it a day. 

I went and showered and washed my hair. I found sweetP sleeping in the towel basket in the closet. So cute. And now I am in bed. I have to dry my hair still. But I feel a lot better. Just sleepy. 

I hope tomorrow is a good day with less lying and more just hanging out and enjoying the day. I hope you all have a nice night and a great day. Goodnight everyone!

[20021]

okay so i’ve been helping with the wiki a lot for like the past week or two and ive been suppressing my Need For Theorizing bc Objectivity but anyway

we know the gist of how each tezcatlipoca works except, obviously, the black tezcatlipoca, which has thus far been kept largely shrouded for what i presume to be story telling reasons

what has been stated explicitly by betsy is:

each tezcatlipoca does a specific thing to everyone. judgement scythe is destruction, mercy bow is healing, liberation machete is destroy magic. thus far, it seems in no evil, with the exception of charles, black tezcatlipoca puts people to sleep

each tezcatlipoca has a specific requirement of its wielder. white wants kind, red wants just, and blue wants willful. ill get into the blacks in a moment.

brother swan shows charon wielding the tezcatlipoca as something of a familiar, and as a means to extend her life.

charles can make weird spider things

the black tezcatlipoca is described as “silencing” things

in judgement we are told that the tezcatlipoca was supposed to serve as a push for unity through four different things.

judgement

freedom

mercy

peace

three of these are explicitly covered by a tezcatlipoca. 1 is red, 2 is blue, 3 is white, which leaves 4.

so the associated virtue for black is peace. we’ll see how that works in canon later, but for now we’ll get into form.

we see in and the raven brought fire and brother swan that the black tezcatlipoca will shape itself into a cat-like visage (likely a jaguar, reflecting aztec myth). we don’t see this with charles.

the forms we have for all four of the tezcatlipoca’s are weapons or tools. red is the judgement scythe/firepoker, which isn’t a true weapon despite its destruction, they are tools.

both the white and blue are explicit weapons, to some degree, what with the mercy bow being a...bow and the liberation machete being a blade. however, it’s good to note that the mercy bow is supposed to be an implement of healing, and so it’s only really a weapon in the hands of someone not meant to wield it. machetes can be used to cut vegetation in addition to being used as a weapon analogous to a sword. 

so what about the black tezcatlipoca, in no evil we only really see it hurting people, with charles as the outlier. in brother swan, however, charon is able to use it as a familiar and do various magical tasks.

this is what charon was says about her wielding the tezcatlipoca:

[Image Description: A cropped image from Brother Swan showing charon with a purple eye and curling spirals of black on her skin. She is dressed in a similar color scheme and has lavender hair. She is saying in a speech-bubble, “This dark power was given to me and extended my life. In exchange, I was to bring peace to the people of Scourosi, even if it means my life. This is not required of Font. But since the people of the Outer Ring refuse to be saved I will rescue the one who has reached out to us.” Another speech-bubble from out of frame says “So...you’ll...the Outer Ring?”. End ID]

with all that in mind, my proposal is this: the black tezcatlipoca’s virtue is peace, it’s form is magic, and it’s requirement is that the wielder was supposed to die due to strife. the reason it puts people to sleep/makes people sick is because its pulling the magic out of them.

to elaborate, both Charon and Charles’ pursuits are, at least initially, both aligned with peace, which is a component of their being able to use the tezcatlipoca. charon is supposed to bring peace to scourosi, and charles was to bring peace between hatfield and mccoy, both of which are on scourosi. 

note that, for the most part, charles was only able to get the pieces when strife was being resolved, or trying to be resolved. we don’t know what happened with ixtlilton, but xochipilli was trying to make the hatfield and mccoy kids stop fighting and xochiquetzal was making a deal with him instead of sending him away. this isn’t really the case with murder’s piece, because he just grabbed it, but also kitty did resolve the conflict of the red tezcatlipoca, which might count. 

^^this is less support for why the black tezcatlipoca is peace and moreso about why things might have been written the way they were

anyway:

charon is able to wield the tezcatlipoca much like a familiar and do great feats with that, but charles is somewhat limited in the tezcatlipoca’s use. we’ve seen him make his spider things, and they have been doing some spying in that vein. he’s able to put people to sleep. 

i won’t speculate too far into why charles is so limited, because there is any number of reasons of why that might be the case. it could be because, up until black, white, and red all over, he didn’t have all the pieces. it could be because he’s not actually pursuing peace, or because he’s pursuing peace on scourosi in such a limited scope rather than trying to reconcile the bigger divisions between, say, the industrial men/science folk and the traditional individuals/magic folk. maybe it’s because charles is less duty bound.

who knows! betsy does, but i sure don’t. 

anywise, my support for the black tezcatlipoca being magic is because its a tezcatlipoca.

just kidding, it’s the duality of the tezcatlipocas. judgement-mercy, liberation-peace. destruction-healing, magic negation-magic. it’s a clear corollary, and it’s supported in how both the wielders use it. charon has it instead of a familiar, it made a magic violin for fontleroy just. out of nowhere. like all the tezcatlipocas, it is a tool, and it depends on the wielder. charles is using it as much more of a weapon, because he’s like. 12. literally. i’m willing to bet that amaroq fucked off maybe two-three years after the black ick got sealed (which is supported by corn being more like a young kid, since he’s 15 in canon and the black ick was sealed 14-ish years ago according to betsy and also he was Literally Born in judgement).

like we’re told charles was supposed to die as a baby, except angel took him and amaroq just did shit. so there’s the meant-to-die aspect. charon was supposed to die when she was 10 or so if i recall correctly and she couldn’t be saved with medicine. so the strife bit comes in where charles was supposed to die because he was the child of a girl from mccoy and a boy from hatfield. charon couldn’t be saved with science and had to turn to magic. both went to mictlan, aztec land of the dead, before they were able to wield the black tezcatlipoca.

i think in angel is somewhat aware of this and that’s why she got baby charles. and was able to recruit charon later. that’s also not the purpose of this post.

the pulling-magic-out is mostly based on fontleroy, somewhat magic user, feeling sick when charon used it on him when the first meant and the spirits reverting to human form.

bonus theory below the cut:

what the fucks up with icky? 

well what i wish would happen is:

he just pops up like “whats up” and wields the black because he’s so conflict averse and is the link between science and magic that is missing in both brother swan’s outer ring and the industrial men. he’s skeptical of many magical aspects and likes to test them (the turquoise in alien), approaches them in an analytical way (makes a magic ritual in miniature even though he doesn’t use magic ), and is a spirit who genuinely tries to fit in w Hollow’s bs, which i think is more the result of a not-great upbringing in that context (see: his black eye in alien). 

also he looks like fontleroy who ends up black tezcatlipoca-adjacent bc of his working with charon. plus that fact that we have never seen him touched by the black tezcatlipoca--not in judgement, not in and the raven brought fire--until it literally will not come off him. i figure the almost dying thing could be covered by a variety of situations, but i would say that the situation in hollow would count because he’s caught between using magic like he knows he should to transform into his nagual form and maintaining his standing with the people of science. the black ick serves as something of a threat to life because im pretty sure it literally sucks the life out of things? 

but again this is somewhat a crack theory that i have wiggled support out of canon for.

also it explains why he won’t wake up, because the other wielder’s fucking shit up for him. 

other theory is just that, since he’s the only spirit we’ve seen get hit by the ick in human form, the black ick isn’t able to get to his magic and so it clings.

[frywen-babbles]

Sounds of Silence pt1

A/N: Modern AU with Mitsunari! This is loosely tied to Everything comes with a price, set over a year after it. Unlike before, there won’t be a set release schedule bc this fic isn’t completely finished yet. (I just need some validation and motivation oTL). A big thank you to @dear-mrs-otome for telling me this idea doesn’t completely suck <3

Also spoilers for Mitsunari’s route!

When he opened the door all he could do was stare.

Behind it stood a young woman. And not just any young woman but the one he had seen at the library countless times reading books to kids in sign language. The woman he secretly always hoped he’d see when he went to the library, whose smile he couldn’t stop thinking about.

***

At first, Mitsunari was annoyed by the voices coming somewhere out of sight. Libraries were supposed to be where you could study in peace, he had no idea what could cause such a ruckus.

The sound of laughter guided him to the children’s section of the library, but what he saw wasn’t what he expected.

A young woman was standing in front of a group of kids, a book open in front of her, animatedly reading the book in sign language. The kids were excited, laughing and giggling at the what he assumed were the exciting parts of the story.

Mitsunari felt enamoured, his annoyance long forgotten. He didn’t even realise he had stared until the story was over and all the kids were circling her, trying to talk to her all at once. Her smile brightened her face and she looked so natural and happy amongst the kids Mitsunari felt almost jealous.

Just then, she caught him staring. He felt his face heat up and he turned around sharply, stomping back to the table he had reserved for himself. He planted his face firmly on the book open in front of him.

Gods, that was embarrassing. Who goes around staring random women, when they were supposed to study. Ughh…

*****

He saw her walk towards the children's section from the corner of his eye and somehow his head turned to look after her. She stopped to wait for a boy in his teens to bounce all excited to her a book in his hands. They shared a greeting but Mitsunari couldn't follow the signs they spoke with. It didn't stop him from staring after them when they continued on their way towards the room where he had seen her read to the kids.  

"Hey, are you even listening to me?"

Mitsunari turned to look at Sakon who looked at him a wide smile on his face.

"Or are you too busy staring after women to tutor me?"

"If you have time to lazy around and comment on everything I do, you must be ready for a quiz about all the important battles post-Honno-ji?"

"Ack! No! Don't you have any mercy, we just went through them 30 minutes ago?"

"Then what are you doing fooling around, you incorrigible dimwit. Get back to studying."

"I'm sure no one would have made me work this hard in the Sengoku period..." Sakon mumbled with a sigh.

"What was that?"

"I'm studying!"

When he was finally free of Sakon, he made his way to the children's section. But it was quiet, the children long gone. He was just about to turn around when he noticed a schedule on the wall. She would be back in an hour.

He could wait for that long.

Wait, maybe he shouldn't? Would that be weird? But he really did want to see her read again.  

He didn't see her until he got up to get some coffee from a vending machine. She was sitting on the sofas next to it with the same boy as before, lost in an animated discussion he could only guess the topic off.

A part of him wanted to loiter so he could watch them talk, but the reasonable part of his brain forced him to return to his table.

As soon as he saw her followed by the silver-haired boy he stuffed his things to his bag and stood up to follow her. A group of excited kids were already waiting for her but he stayed behind until everyone had sat down. Then he stepped behind the parents by the door, his eyes following the movements of her hands taking in every sign.

Unlike before, this time when she was finished she kept glancing at the clock and hurried away as soon as possible, almost colliding with him. The silver-haired boy tried to stop her but after some hurried signs let her go. The look on the boys face looked a bit like a lost puppy and for some reason seeing her hurry away like that made Mitsunari feel a bit same.

He was brushing his teeth in the evening when he felt the buzz of his phone in his pocket.

[23:12:45] <<bookshy>> do u evr feel like ur stuck in ur life? [23:12:52] <<bookshy>> like u shld hve accomplishd so much mor in ur life tn u hve?

He stared at the screen for a while before he typed a reply. He didn't know who bookshy was, not really. They had been talking with each other for years, but always with nicknames, always through messages in the internet. It felt more comfortable that way somehow. Knowing there was always a person willing to listen to you without judging.

[23:13:05] <<ManjuDreamer>> Are you feeling like that right now? [23:13:07] <<bookshy>> ya [23:13:11] <<bookshy>> i dunno wht ill do w/ my life [23:13:19] <<bookshy>> i thght id do so mch more u know? [23:13:22] <<bookshy>> and now i jst feel liek im stuck nd see no way out [23:13:23] <<bookshy>> is ths my life now? [23:14:50] <<bookshy>> evry1 says i shld b happy w/ wht i hve [23:14:59] <<bookshy>> i hve so much im feeling ungrateful whn i feel like ths [24:15:46] <<ManjuDreamer>> You still have plenty of time to accomplish your dreams. It's not for others to decide when you can be happy. [23:16:02] <<bookshy>> guess ur rite

He heard a knock on the bathroom door and quickly finished brushing his teeth. When he opened the door Hideyoshi was standing behind it already in his pyjamas.

"I thought you'd never come out," he commented with a yawn and pushed past him to the bathroom.

"Good night," Mitsunari wished to the closed door before he retreated back to his room.

[23:18:30] <<bookshy>> how was ur day [23:18:49] <<bookshy>> i saw the prettiest person today like hot damn [23:19:13] <<ManjuDreamer>> I saw an interesting person today too, I wish I get to see them again. Other than that, it was mostly my student being an idiot, so nothing new. [23:19:53] <<ManjuDreamer>> I tried to do some research on a paper I'm writing, but it didn't progress much. I was just about to go to bed so I have energy to study more tomorrow. [23:19:56] <<bookshy>> srry to keep u up [23:19:57] <<bookshy>> night! [23:20:10] <<ManjuDreamer>> Night.

***

Mitsunari tossed the wig from his head frustrated, running his hand over his face. He glanced at the mirror of the bathroom, at the perfectly drawn eyeliner, the perfect shade of blush, the perfectly applied foundation. The perfect set of lies, painted on his face.

[13:33:14] <<ManjuDreamer>> I went to see my mother.

He hesitated a bit before he sent the message. It didn't take long for his phone to bling with a reply.

[13:34:29] <<bookshy>> how did it go? [13:34:48] <<ManjuDreamer>> As well as you would expect. [13:34:51] <<bookshy>> u wanna t alk about it?

His fingers ghosted over the screen of his phone before he put it down and looked at the mirror again. He reached for the makeup removal wipes from his bag and scrubbed furiously at his skin until the last remains of the makeup were gone.

[13:36:18] <<ManjuDreamer>> She's there but I feel like I'm losing her. [13:37:01] <<ManjuDreamer>> Every time I visit she seems further and further away. [13:37:15]<<ManjuDreamer>> Sometimes I wonder if the mother I used to know is there at all.

He started to type his next message, but stopped, gripping his phone tight in his hand.

[13:38:34] <<ManjuDreamer>> She's my mother, but it's so hard. [13:38:42] <<ManjuDreamer>> I don't know what to do.

He glanced at the mirror to make sure his eyes weren't red before he pulled his shirt over his head and replaced it with one from his bag.

[13:38:47] <<bookshy>> ur doing plenty already [13:38:49] <<bookshy>> u dont have to push urself so hard [13:38:50] <<bookshy>> im sure shed understand [13:38:59] <<ManjuDreamer>> But I'm all she has. [13:39:02] <<bookshy>> i know [13:39:06] <<bookshy>> but u hhave 2 thnk abt urself frst [13:39:15] <<bookshy>> if u feel its too much u can keep a brek. ur not prfect. u dnt have 2 b [13:39:50] <<bookshy>> im alws hr 2 tlk if u need me [13:40:20] <<ManjuDreamer>> Thank you. It means a lot.

He put his phone on the side of the sink and wiggled out of his skirt. He really should buy a new one next time he got paid for tutoring. The zipper didn't work properly anymore and the hem was starting to fray. He kicked the flats from his feet and looked at the kneehigh socks on his feet. They wouldn't be visible under his pants anyway so he let them be and took his pants and shoes from his bag before showing the skirt and shirt in their place. He considered showing the wig in after them but realised making the wig presentable after that would be too much of a hassle. So he gently combed the wig with his fingers to sort out biggest tangles and folded it neatly in a mesh bag. Flats into a plastic bag, then into the bag.

Like countless times before.

He got dressed and made one final glance at the mirror before he put the bag on his shoulder and stepped out of the bathroom.

"Oh, Mitsunari! Here to see your mother?" a nurse greeted him when he tried to slip past the nurses' office without being noticed. What a nosy bunch of quidnuncs insistent of mothering him.

“Yes. I was just leaving.” He replied with a stiff bow.

“Come and have some tea with us! How did the test go you told me last time?” Another nurse poked her head from the office. Mitsunari resisted the urge to roll his eyes and offered another bow.

“I believe it went well. I still haven’t received the results.”

Half an hour later he was still stuck at the nurses' office surrounded by what felt like a flock of mother hens, all determined to squeeze every bit of information out of him they could. He was just getting up from his chair when a voice behind him froze him on the spot.

"Did my darling Saki leave already? She was just here... Such a dutiful daughter, coming to see her mother so often..."

His knuckles turned white as he squeezed the edge of the table, his head down. He wanted to turn around. He wanted to see his mother as himself. He wanted... needed to see if she'd recognise him this time.

"We saw her leave a while ago, Mrs Ishida. She's such a nice girl."

He heard a nurse walk his mother away and the sighs of relief from the remaining nurses.

"Are you alright, Mitsunari? You know we'll listen to you if you need to talk. Or we can help you find someone-"

"I need to go now. Goodbye," Mitsunari interrupted the nurse who had put her hand on his shoulder to calm him. He got up in such haste his chair fell to the floor with a rattle, but he just offered a quick bow before he fled the office.

He didn't stop until he arrived at the bus stop. There he sank on the bench, burying his face on his hands.

He took the bus to the library, staring idly out of the window.

[14:36:09] <<bookshy>> did u make it home [14:36:35] <<ManjuDreamer>> No. I'm heading to the library. The nurses got me again. [14:36:37] <<bookshy>> lol how did u mnage 2 escpe [18:36:56] <<ManjuDreamer>> Mother came to the office. [14:37:09] <<bookshy>> oh no [14:37:10] <<bookshy>> im so sorry [14:37:21] <<bookshy>> how r u feeling rn? [14:38:29] <<ManjuDreamer>> I don't know. I'll try to find some reading to distract myself with.

At the library, he searched for materials for his upcoming paper but when he sat down and tried to read, the words didn't make any sense.

When he had read the same page several times over and still remembered absolutely nothing he was interrupted from his reading by a book shoved on top of the one he was just reading.

"Can't you see I'm-!" the sharp words died on his lips when he saw the same woman who had read to the kids in front of him. She tapped on the note on top of the book and he looked down to read it.

'This is the book I was reading. You seemed interested'

She handed him a second book, a note on top of it too.

'I'll read this next'

When she shifted her weight from one foot to another clearly uncomfortable, he realised he was staring. He offered her a curt nod as a thank you and she bowed at him a small relieved smile on her lips. She seemed to hesitate before she signed something but he had to shake his head.

There was a slight shift on her smile, on her posture, and she took a step back.

'I'm sorry' she mouthed and offered him a bow before she all but fled, leaving him to sit alone, feeling like an idiot.

[16:19:20] <<ManjuDreamer>> I think I just made a complete fool out of myself. [16:29:59] <<bookshy>> lol rly? [16:30:00] <<bookshy>> wht did u do? [16:30:02] <<bookshy>> i thght fool wasnt in ur dicktionary [16:31:18] <<ManjuDreamer>> And for that terrible joke, I tell you nothing. [16:31:47] <<bookshy>> noooo hw wll i evr know how embarassng u can be if u don tell me? [16:32:32] <<ManjuDreamer>> You'll survive.

***

"She's not here today."

Mitsunari was startled from his thoughts by a familiar voice behind him. He turned around, vaguely aware of the frown his irritation had brought on his face.

"Who?" he asked as if he didn't know exactly who was the 'she' in question.

"I got this for you, I'm sure it holds some useful information." Mr Otani handed him a flyer for the children's activities in the local libraries. Mitsunari stared at the flyer blankly before he looked at Mr Otani, letting his irritation show.

"And what am I supposed to do with this?"

Mr Otani just smiled and pushed a book towards him as well.

"I'm sure you'll find this useful as well. Come find me if you need anything else."

Before he had time to protest Mr Otani left him with a wave, a wide smile on his face. He considered running or yelling after him, but changed his mind when he looked at the book in his hand.

'Sign language for beginners'

He tucked the children's program leaflet securely at the back of his calendar and checked the book out.

Something about the sign language intrigued him. She looked so graceful when signing. And so comfortable and she seemed genuinely love reading to the children.

At first, he thought he’d look up a few signs. Just in case some of the children needed help in the library. Just so he could talk to her. No, he meant the kids. So he could talk to the kids. But few turned into a few hundred. A few thousand. He was so lost.

***

[sweetcatmintea]

Lemon and Ginger and All That

@hannahs-creations very kindly provided a random four word prompt to make into a drabble. Thanks for the prompt! Sorry it took a hot minute to write <u<;; 

I hope you enjoy this little scene ^u^ Feedback is appreciated!

Prompt:  vitality, manage, fluster and gleefully

Words: 1768

Characters: Marcos, Whitney, Freddy (Briefly), and Mella

          Chaotic didn’t cover the state of the 6pm Café. Freddy’s promotion idea went over so well last fortnight, people were practically lining up to see what they’d do to the menu this time. The apple and elder-flower brew did not disappoint. Perfectly refreshing in the warming days of early spring, with a gentle aroma that transported you to the countryside, apple picking with your gran. Light, crumbly, pastries and tiny finger sandwiches sold almost as quickly as they were prepared. Every time a happy customer left, two more would arrive. That may be a little dramatic. It certainly felt like facing the hydra of the food industry at least. Marcos and Freddy were run off their feet greeting customers, taking orders, brewing tea, selling dry blends, answering questions, transporting food, and trying to squeeze in spot cleans. Uncle Antonio hopped between the register and the kitchen, saving Leroy from the flood of demands.

          What terrible timing for Whitney to have to skip out. Although she complained about it, she lived for the busy days like today. She loved to get lost in the hustle, while still managing to find a sense of order and co-ordinating the boys. Marcos had never seen anyone more determined not to take a sick day. When the first thing Whitney did that morning was bolt to the bathroom to re-evaluate dinner, it was clear there was no avoiding it. Regardless of how it went down, the result was the same. Whitney was stuck at home while the boys played the service edition of the floor is lava. (Or would that be the customers?)

          Marcos’ mind was a blur of orders and customers, but he didn’t let himself lose track of time. As soon as the hour ticked over, he tagged out. Of course, he checked that Freddy and Uncle Antonio could manage without him first. Not wasting a second more of his lunch break, he slipped into the backroom, tore off his uniform, replacing it with a change of clothes he’d prepared earlier, and was gone.

          The walk to their house was made significantly faster by running. Marcos was at the painted off-white door in record time. The plan to catch his breath while he fiddled with his pockets looking for his key met a hitch when he couldn’t locate it. Briefly panicking that he’d left it at the café, Marcos tried to calculate how long it would take to run back to get it, would that take too long? It didn’t fall out while he was running did it?? He’d have to go and find it before someone else did. Should he just risk waking Whitney and asking her to let him in? Ah but she won’t get better if she’s no- wait a minute. There it is. False alarm. Fishing the key out of the depths of its fabric prison, Marcos let himself in as quietly as possible. If he was careful, he should be able to avoid the creaky floorboards.

          “I cab ‘ear ‘ou.”

          Never mind. He followed Whitney’s raspy croak to the living room, still mindful to tread lightly. She was huddled on the couch, cocooned with blankets and half draped over the arm of the chair. Mella, taking the role of mother hen, sprawled over Whitney’s tracksuit clad legs, incubating her just in case folding herself into cotton origami wasn’t enough. Fever was obvious, painted over Whitney’s sweaty face, interrupted occasionally by loose strands of hair. She hadn’t even bothered to tie it back. Even in illness, she was an over-achiever.

          “Were you asleep?” He tired to keep his voice soft despite its gravelly texture. Judging by the way the radio was on, but turned down to its lowest possible volume, she probably had a headache. He wondered briefly if she was resenting her rabbit hearing at the moment.

          Whitney shook her head, waving his worries off. “I was ju- uh- aacho!” Another balled up tissue in the over-stuffed bin. “I was jus’ dyin’g apparendly. No, I was listenig do the mid-day stories. Whab are ‘ou doin’g ‘ere?” Mella whined and wiggled closer to Whitney’s flushed face. She was supposed to be resting!

          Marcos shrugged. “I got you some tea. Give me a second, I’ll make it for you. It’s called, uh, ‘Vitalitea’ and it’s got lemon and ginger and all that. Should hopefully make you feel better.” It couldn’t make her any worse at least. Red eyes and streaming nose, it was almost painful to see her so far from her bubbly self.

          Whitney had always been good at reading people. Just because she was unwell didn’t mean she couldn’t see the crease setting into Marcos’ forehead. He was always so busy worrying about others. The demand he not pity her fell away to the realisation of what he’d said.

          “You cabe back jusd ‘o bake tea?”

          “No. I’ll get you some lunch too.” He wandered off to the kitchen to get started, entirely missing the touched shock he left her in. According to his calculations, he was still on track even after stalling to get into the house. The majority of making food was just waiting for the tea to brew. It took next to no time to make a sandwich or boil water. While the tea was brewing, he grabbed a brush and a hair tie, returning to the sick bunny.

          Seeing her face a tiny bit more flushed made his stomach twist. Was it really okay for her to stay here alone?

          “Can you sit up? I’ll put your hair up since I’m here.”

          Whitney sighed dramatically but wiggled her way to a sitting(ish) position, much to Mella’s disapproval. “Leab me here to die. I’b not lon’g for thid worlb.”

          “Nah, I think we’ll save ya Cottontail. You know Freddy and me’ll be lost without ya at the café.” He chuckled, combing the brush through her long, long, hair. She tried not to think about how his breath tickled her ear, sending tingles down her spine.

          “I tolb ‘ou nod do call be that.” She huffed. Her mock anger easy to see through. It she’d really wanted him to stop, he would have done so immediately. “You’re righbt tho. You do neeb me. Who else can stob Fred’dy frob gleefully bestering beople on dates?”

          “He’s not even here and you’re picking on ‘im?”

          “I’b allobed to. It’s by twind given righbt.”

          “Can’t argue with that.” Marcos’ hands worked quickly, twisting the strands into a roughly uniform braid. Whitney may have preferred a bun, but that just wasn’t in his skill set yet. As he worked, his own auburn curls wiggled loose. The ponytail must’ve come undone on his way over. He probably should just cut the shaggy mane, but he liked the feeling of it brushing his skin.

          Whitney released her arm from the blanket burrito to playfully tug a strand. “You’re kinba a bess. Whab did ‘ou do, rub the whole bay?”

          “Yup.”

          His steady gaze caught her off guard. “Waib, really?” Whitney’s pink cheeks shifted much closer to a shade of red, causing Marcos’ brow to furrow. It didn’t help that she only seemed to heat up more when he pressed his hand to her forehead. She must’ve been really unwell, even her usually pale rabbit ears were tinted rose.

          “Hold on. I think your tea should be ready.” He vanished back into the kitchen, retying his hair as he went.

          The butterflies in Whitney’s brain were certainly just sickness making her dizzy. Nothing else. Mella stared at her. Judgementally. It wasn’t her fault her dumb heart was fluttering. Her pop rock pulse was obviously not her buzzing with giddiness. Of course she didn’t have a crush on Marcos. It didn’t matter how thoughtful he was, or how he made her feel special and appreciated with no ulterior motive. His gentle presence was just a part of him being Marcos. Falling for that would just be… well, it would be… Okay. She couldn’t lie to herself. Frog toes. It wasn’t the plague she’d managed to contract that made her face glow when he touched her. His concerned expression flashed across her mind. The tiny tilt of his scruffy eyebrows, the amber that almost glowed against the dark lines that always seemed to line his eyes, the way he looked at her. Oh dear, she melted into a goopy mess. Stars Above, she had Feelings for the scraggly hare. She had to compose herself. Pondering whether he felt something for her too would have to wait until he was gone. Working herself into a fluster was less than ideal. Upon the realisation, Mella smiled at her, in the way dogs do. If Whitney didn’t know better, she’d think Mella could read her mind. Why was she being so cocky? As if she figured it out first! Whitney’s mental rambling was interrupted by Marcos bringing in her lunch.

          “Here. I put honey in the tea. It’s s’posed to be good for sore throats? Mum used to do that for me, honey and milk I mean. Should help you too.” His ears twitched self-consciously. Sure it was common knowledge that honey was a good soother, but he still felt the need to explain himself. Maybe because Whitney almost always preferred not to sweeten her teas and he hadn’t forgotten that. Whitney smiled, still too pink for his liking, thanked him and took a sip, evaporating his worries.

          “There’s some medicine if you need it, and a bottle of water for later, y’know, so you don’t have to get up again… I’ve gotta head now or I’ll be late back. You gonna be okay?”

          “I’b a big girl, I’ll be okay.” She took another sip. “Than’gs fo’ this. I abbreciate ib.”

          “Not a problem. Just focus on betting better.”

          “Oh byeah, before you go, there’s somb faze wibes in by roob. Take theb with you to geb rib ob the sweat. You brobably smbell.” To make certain she wasn’t being overly sincere, she poked her tongue at him.

          “’course I do. I’m healthy so I can still breathe through my nose.” Marcos grabbed the wipes and darted out of the door before he had to face her faux fury.

          It took a sprint, but he made it back to the café with just enough time to clean up and get re-dressed. He was tired as anything and had forgotten about his own lunch in the process of it all, but still found a spring in his step for the rest of the day. It was nice to think he might’ve made her feel a little better.

 ----------

Taglist

@inkovert and @snobbysnekboi

[ghoulstars]

i Sure Would Like to not have to be literally relieved/excited when my mom goes to bed every single night because otherwise i feel constantly tense and at risk of something happening to make my living situation unsafe, again, even if we’ve had a good/normal day

shes back on her fucking bullshit today and she usually confronts me on things that have made her Mad(tm) that ive “done” but today she hasnt said jack shit to me. all i can figure is: shes upset that i didnt get up and help her stain the wood for the porch we’re building where our old shitty side deck was shes upset bc i didnt wash all the dishes ?????????? who fucking knows

heres the kicker though folks: i didnt wash all the dishes because for some reason, since replacing our water heater, when the water from the sink starts getting cold it doesnt gradually get cold, it literally goes from like scalding hot (even thru gloves) to hardly lukewarm and i was only washing dishes for about 20? 30? minutes last night before the water temp fucking plummeted so i couldnt finish. bonus is that there were literally only like 5-7 things left to wash and it was literally just 3 styrofoam cups, one pot and like...2 or 3 forks/spoons. absolutely incredible and worth spitefully giving your daughter the cold shoulder over, am i right folks

and me helping stain was only even a fucking a possibility because she gave me an open ended offer to help her last night and i gave an open ended response. she asked me if i wanted to try to go to bed early enough and she would call me in the morning and just see if i wanted/felt up to come out and help, and i said i would be willing to try and id do my best. so when my manic ass had a manic moment and i slept for 3 hrs from 6 am to 8 and was dying and couldnt pass back out for any reason of course i texted her and told her i couldnt fucking help lmao. my fucked sleep schedule is a result of my Crazy Quirky Wacky Bipolar 2 anyway and like she refuses to help me or sympathize with me abt my mental health so ??? guess ill die?????

i didnt get back to sleep around fucking like 12/1 pm and i noticed that she stopped fucking replying to my texts literally right after i said i couldnt help and then every time she walked past my room, where i was Clearly Awake And On My Phone With My Door Open, she flat out ignored me. wouldnt even spare me a side glance.

and when i woke up at 5 pm today, no matter how late i wake up my mom always comes and wakes me up no matter what, today she walked by my room twice EVEN WHEN IT WAS THAT LATE AND I WAS STILL IN BED without saying jack fucking shit to me, and only came in on her third time walking back by to her sitting room and just blankly went ‘youre not laying here in the dark’, turned on my light, then swiftly left

then before that she’d texted me, after telling me for weeks to just use our limited data even if it runs over bc our wifi cant handle my phone being connected along with all our other devices anymore, that im going to have to use my laptop now bc she isnt paying another 200$ phone bill this month. here’s kicker number 2: after literally outright giving me her food plans for tonight and tomorrow yesterday she also texts me that she didnt cook. just a flat “I didn’t cook”. im so fucking depressed all the time that i physically and mentally cannot handle getting up to find and cook myself my own like ACTUAL MEALS and making food that requires actual cooking is often times out of the fucking question, and shes been not cooking for SEVERAL nights here recently, sometimes days in a row, and with my depression being wholly unacknowledged by her, once again, guess ill fucking perish??? unless i can miraculously find the energy to make chicken fingers or ramen noodles im going to be doing what ive fucking done almost every goddamn night this past month she hasnt cooked which is live off of snack foods and ensure lmao. KICKER NUMBER 3: she promised me that either tonight or tomorrow, bc she has a Big Foobaw Game, she wouldnt cook and would instead get me my alltime favorite chinese food from my alltime favorite chinese restaurant that she knows i love a lot, and regardless of what night her game was, she didnt cook tonight and i LITERALLY heard her say less than an hr ago that she’d be cooking tacos (which she intended to originally cook tonight) tomorrow. that being said, her specifically saying she ‘didnt cook’ today when she promised to get takeout in general at some point this week makes me think tonight was just supposed to be tacos (esp if what i think i can remember serves). and now she hasnt cooked anything at all! and tomorrow its gonna be tacos! :) fucking knowing how she is and how she works and functions with her abusive behavior towards me i would not be surprised and am also partially convinced that for whatever reason she’s all DooDoo Angery at me that shes doing this on fucking purpose to deprive me of the treat she promised out of spite/as some kind of passive aggressive ‘punishment’ HAHAHAHA ECKS DEE SO FUNNY XDDD

the only other time shes acknowledged my fucking worthless existence(tm) today was to pull one of her Iconic “im only saying this really ridiculous shit that ive never said before and we’ve never talked about before, ever, just to take digs at my daughter bc she Displeased Me” moments, where she walked by, almost totally ignored me again but stopped like. like she was gonna just keep walking but caught herself and she ended up like...halfway obscured by my doorway anyway and quickly said to me “i need you to sweep.” and then she went to the bathroom and i hear “and take your (cat) poop out too. litterboxes get done every night.”

we have two litterboxes. never in the history of ever has she said anything to me about they get done Every Night >:( and that has never been an established rule, nor have we ever even spoken about me doing that. i do them every few nights, usually on different days, bc there’s Two Litterboxes. and surprise surprise my depression impedes my ability to keep up with them without her having to tell me to clean them most of the time which pisses her off, except i literally did them 1-3 nights ago and theres no way that they both need cleaning again already and now shes suddenly on her shit like. they get done. every night. in that fucking vaguely militant voice she gets when she’s mad like that and is fucking with me on purpose

but fucking like even regardless of all this other shit, point blank, she is the one who has not expressed any of her annoyances with me today to make her act like this. how can i fucking communicate about the issue when she doesnt TELL ME WHAT HER ISSUE IS and instead opts to mentally and emotionally screw with me for her own satisfaction--and even then!!! she has no right to be this mad with me over not helping with the porch bc SHE left it OPEN ENDED and NONCOMMITTAL, SHE could have easily asked me why there were dishes left (though bc i have to do them so late at night/early in the morning bc im fucking depressed shed prolly just blame me FOR doing them at that time bc if i do them TOO LATE at night then the WATER TEMPERATURE GOES DOWN because its COLD AT NIGHT or something like that) but she didnt and now like everything else, fresh off my period, still manic, always rapid cycling, just got off the manic depression train slightly after being on it for two days and then before that it was Severely Uncomfortable Euphoria, feeling just so fucking wrong in my own skin and feeling too many emotions that are too strong that i dont want, so on and so forth, im the one whos suffering because of her unresolved neuroses and narcissism

and like....to be honest, real shit? with how fucking unpredictable and fucky she’s become since our Big Fight i also would not be surprised and sort of have half a mind to think she’s just mad for literally no reason (related to me or otherwise) and is doing this just because lol

[shadowluverworks]

Unforeseen: Chapter 6

A wet washcloth was laid on the black forehead that was quickly becoming warmer, warmer than usual anyway. The bat sat next to the fainted creature for a second before getting up and walking back to the office desk where the Commander sat. The blue hedgehog sat in a chair across from the human, looking rather distraught, though he tried to remain calm. The Commander’s office was nicer than the others, a larger room with a window that sat behind the mahogany desk. Two chairs that could belong in a living room, and a couch near the wall where a dormant black hedgehog lay. After he had lost consciousness, the blue hedgehog had carried him to the office they currently sat in while the Scientist returned to the lab. The Commander came with the bat and hedgehogs, making sure they behaved themselves until their comrade regained consciousness.

As the bat returned to her chair, the human continued their conversation, “You said Shadow wasn’t feeling well? How long has that been going on?” The agent crossed a leg over the other, “About a month. He insists he’s fine, but I know better.” The hero’s ears seemed to perk up slightly as the bat continued, “I tried to get him to do something about it, but he wouldn’t listen to me. I’m a bit surprised he actually passed out though, I’ve never seen him do that before.” Worry shown on her face as the man across from them sighed slightly, “Well, I asked the lab to do some blood work before continuing the research to see if we can find out what’s wrong. If he is ill, then that could affect the research as well.”

The man turned his attention to the hero, “As for you.” The hero flashed a nervous grin. “Care to tell me why you decided to trespass onto GUN property?” The accused scratched behind his ear, “I, uh, needed ta talk ta Shadow. Found out he was working here full time now with Team Dark, so I decided to come find him. Guess I shoulda waited ‘till he was done with work.” The Commander seemed to roll his eyes slightly, “You did come in handy today. Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.” The hedgehog saluted with another grin, “Yessir!”

A soft groan sounded across the room as the black hedgehog shifted slightly. The bat was quick to return to his side, dabbing the sweat away from his head with the towel. After twisting slightly, the alien stilled once more. Peach hands twiddled helplessly. Wish I could take ‘im home. Nothin’ I want more than ta take care of ‘im right now, but I can’t just steal ‘im. Rouge’d kill me. Plus, I dunno if he’s said anythin’ bout us or not. Prolly hasn’t even thought about that night. He made it pretty clear he didn’t want me here. The minutes seemed to tick by in slow motion as they waited for the blood test to return. It had already been a few hours since he’d first arrived, and the black hedgehog had hardly moved since he had collided with the floor.

Finally, a knock at the door was heard from the side door, followed by the Commander giving permission to enter. The lab’s Scientist from before had returned along with a woman, also dressed up in typical lab attire. The human at the desk rose from his seat, “Ah, glad you could join us, Doctor. Have you discovered anything?” The Scientist gave a short nod, “We have.” He seemed to glance nervously at the other two occupants in the room. Sensing he was not welcome to hear, the hero stood and joined Rouge at the other side of the room as the Commander and the two new entries seemed to form a tight circle and talk amongst themselves.

Sonic tapped his foot impatiently, a little miffed at not being able to hear what concerned the black hedgehog. He mumbled quietly to the bat, “Not like we’re not his friends. I don’t get why they gotta be so secretive over there.” The bat’s ear was turned behind her as she swatted at the other a little, “Shhhhh! If you stay quiet I might be able to hear what they’re saying!” The hero quickly shut his mouth, lowering to where she knelt next to the black hedgehog. He waited, at least he tried. “What’re they sayin’?” The agent mentally rolled her eyes, “...something about...high levels of hCG...the Commander asked if they were sure...they also found evidence of...PAPP-A.” The blue eyebrows furrowed, “Wassat  mean?” Turquoise eyes met his, “Do I look like a Doctor to you?!” The other pouted slightly, before standing up and walking back towards the group as Rouge silently cursed at him.

His presence was immediately noticed and the conversation stopped. The Leader turned to him, “Can I help you, Sonic?” Said hedgehog wore a look of determination, “What’s wrong with Shadow?” The two humans glanced at their superior, as the bat stood beside the hero. The man shook his head slightly, “I’m sorry. This is very personal information, and I’m not at liberty to discuss it with you without Shadow’s permission.” Rouge stepped forward slightly, “Sir, as Shadow’s teammate, I believe I have a right to know whether he can still be a member of Team Dark or if he needs to be taken care for the time being. I’m the closest thing to family Shadow has.” The human put a hand to his head as if a bit exasperated, “While that may be the case, I still cannot disclose such information. It would be best for him to take some time off and rest. Can you bring him home?” The bat shook her head, “He doesn’t have a home, he’s been staying with me every now and then, but unless you give me a reason to keep him there he’ll leave again. If he’s as ill as it seems he should not be wandering the streets at night in the rain.” The multicolored eyes flipped from Rouge to Sonic, as if considering her plight. Rouge took the hero by the arm, “I’ll need his help too. I alone can’t keep Shadow somewhere by myself, I’ll need him to help me. Plus he’s his friend.” Sonic was grateful to be included, she must have noticed his worry when the other fainted, “I care about Shadow a lot, I’ll make sure he gets the rest he needs.”

The man sighed, “I suppose while Shadow is still unconscious I don’t have much of a choice. Doctor, will you please explain?” The bat turned her attention to the woman. Her and Shadow were well known by the nurses and Doctors after their missions. Although Shadow for the most part resisted medical attention, Rouge had needed it several times. They had often conversed back and forth while her stay in the medical ward. Being told this news about her dear friend from someone she knew slightly more than her boss was well appreciated.

The Doctor stepped forward slightly, “We ran the blood test several times to confirm, but we know what’s plaguing Agent Shadow.” Rouge looked at her in worry, “Is he alright?! Is he sick?!” The woman smiled slightly to reassure her, “I know you care for him deeply, Agent Rouge. I assure you he’s alright. He just needs to rest. I want you two to keep an eye on him for the next week. Keep him in bed if you can. The important thing is that he gets the rest and nutrition he needs.” The bat’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, “He’s never slept that long before. I never even saw him sleep before a month ago. He hardly ever eats either.” The hero crossed his hands behind his head, “He told me he doesn’t need ta do much of either. His chaos energy makes it so he doesn’t need ta eat or sleep like we do.” The Doctor nodded, “That’s true. Normally that would cover the essentials for his body. However, now he needs to be eating as well as resting regularly to keep his energy levels up. At least for the time being.”

The blue hedgehog’s furrowed his eyebrows as well, “Did somethin’ happen to ‘im? Why does he need ta do all this stuff now?” The woman seemed to hesitate for a second, “As I told the Commander, we found high levels of hCG in his blood, as well as evidence of PAPP-A.” Sonic was growing a bit frustrated, “Yea, yea, we heard. But we ain’t doctors, Doc. Wassat mean?” After getting confirmation from the Leader with a nod, the Doctor continued, “These particular chemicals are only found in pregnant women.”

For several minutes the bat and hedgehog simply stared at the humans. It was as if time had stopped for a while. Finally, the blue legs could not continue to hold up their owner, and he wobbly moved backwards into a chair, “Th-That’s not possible!” The Scientist shrugged, “I ran the blood multiple times to be sure it was not contaminated. Apparently, there’s more to Project Shadow then we had originally thought. If we were able to properly examine Shadow, we might have been able to discover this sooner. Or the possibility of it.” The blue hedgehog was starting to almost hyperventilate in panic, his mind running rapid, “B-but...he said...he told me that...” The bat simply stared in shock. How is that possible?! I never thought that he could...I thought he was still a virgin! Who did he... Her short locks whipped in the air as she caught eyes with the hero, “...you...What did you do?!” The hedgehog looked as shocked as her, “W-What?! I-I...” The bat walked up towards him, pointing a finger at his chest, “It was you! A month ago when he showed up at my house drenched and acting strange...he had been with you!”

The humans looked on at the spectacle before the Commander spoke, “Sonic, is this true? Are you the father?” Said hedgehog began to sway slightly, looking a little faint. “Oh, no!” The bat grabbed the peach face, slapping his cheeks a bit, “You don’t get to pass out too, you have too much to explain! Plus, I need you to carry Shadow!” The fear of making her even more mad than she already was snapped the blue hedgehog awake. The Commander ran a hand through his short gray hair, “Why don’t you three head home. It’ll give you some time to...work things out. The Doctor will be available if you need help; just call.”

Taking his advice, the hero was able to steady himself enough to stand, and picked up the dormant alien hybrid. Rouge nodded, “Thank you, sir. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”  "Wait." The Doctor stopped them, handing Rouge a set of papers, "Show Shadow these. It's his blood results on paper. From what little I know of him, he seems to be someone who'll need to have proof." The spy took the papers, looking them over. It was all Greek to her, all sorts of terms and names she had never heard of. But she took the Doctor's advice, storing the papers in her pocket, "Thank you." The bat led the pair out of the room and down the hallway. When the door closed, the Commander was able to let out a breath he’d been holding. This new revelation was going to make things involving Team Dark a bit more complicated from now on.

After long twists and turns in the long hallways, the three mobians finally made it to the outside world once again. Sonic’s smile was a bit less enthusiastic as before, but still sincere, “Thanks Rouge. I’ll take him home and make sure he gets some rest.” The bat’s face was stern, “No. You both are coming with me. Shadow will be more comfortable if he wakes up in familiar surroundings, and you have a lot of explaining to do in the meantime.” His ears flattened a bit. Shadow was right. She is like a mother when she’s mad. The hero knew there was no way out of it and let out a little sigh, “Yes, Rouge.”

[brokenhayatim]

two mins forty-three seconds

it’s been so long since i’ve written. i don’t think any of this will make sense.. also my hands are shaking so it’s taking me longer to type.

you ever know something is wrong with you? and like it’s so familiar and you just think ‘it’s happening again’. i’ve felt like that for long but i’ve been managing it pretty well. in the last month or so though, i felt it shift into deeper waters and it’s not like anything in my life has drastically changed like moving back here was. but i just notice my reluctance to start the day, my difficulty to concentrate during it, the nighttime routine of ‘i failed today yes i’m a disappointment’. it’s odd...i feel like i have no control. someone else has taken the clock and is dragging the minute hand to just speed up every second and i can’t think. my thoughts race every second even if im sitting down and next thing i know it’s three hours later and i hate it. i started up running to help my surgery recovery process and even that doesn’t feel like control. this looming surgery date is good and bad. it’s giving me a lot of free time..that i don’t need. i constantly feel like i should be doing something even though i don’t really have a task to take my mind off anything anymore like job searching. it’s almost made me feel useless like i’m a sitting duck. and then i have so much anxiety about my capability to re-enter the job market being out this long, especially after the surgery recovery. i don’t feel like i’m even average anymore like im the bottom of the barrel in terms of skills so i keep trying to stay with them, doing small projects, but it’s not enough.

anyways. i’ve thought about seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist when i first came here, as my prev ones recommended, but with the pandemic i pushed it off and it’s so intimidating trying to find one, now that i’m not given about 6 options like at uni, i’m just supposed to find one now and try 20 questions to see if they’re actually right?? the thought of going through the awkwardness and distance of zoom appointments too, i felt uncomfortable with it even when i knew and liked my doctors. so, i felt like if i told myself i could do it on my own, i could do it on my own. but everyday i have this nagging feeling that i’m just putting pretty icing on a moldy cake, so i deny and avoid that with social media distractions, of course. i have this overall sense of just feeling like shit and the only thing keeping me afloat in the days are people not even around me, people in my phone, especially moments with noor. often, i think of just shutting off my wifi or my phone and ghosting, but it isn’t even fair to them to do that and it never was - without at least forewarning. because tables turned, i worry like hell on top of missing you. so i woke up today feeling at the cusp of a break and was going to send noor a text about it and to just let her know. and although a big part of me wants to just disappear, the other part so attached to people now doesn’t and knows it wouldn’t do me any good but let me wallow in misery (she’s got the self-realization now yall) and what would that help? especially now being at home where i can’t stay in my room for a week and come out like a crab just to eat (just kidding, i do that anyways). i think the gravity of how much i’ve been avoiding and denying that i need to do something was brought to light last when i mentioned to my sister, after i kneeled down for something in pain, that i can’t actually sit on my legs like i can sit 90 degrees only but anything lower and my thighs experience so much pain it’s like my body is screaming not to go lower. i haven’t done the tashahhud position in salah properly for months and i don’t want to sit in a chair because i feel like that’s cheating like i can move just not that position. my neurologist gave meds - which i took for a while but kept forgetting to establish a routine & my dad said i didn’t need them so i questioned it more - and a physical therapy prescription and i’ve done nothing with it. partly due to covid but i also just feel like a burden, that something is actually wrong again. i dont know...as if my brain should be the only thing everyone needs to worry about now. but my parents were talking about how i might need physical therapy after surgery and how they might bring someone in and something about it just makes my skin cold. i don’t think it’s necessarily fully my disdain of depending on someone for my needs but i just have this vision of struggling and having everyone know it. like i won’t be able to do it in private anymore, it’ll all be out for someone to watch and they’ll want to do something to help and they can’t. that goes with any of my surgery recovery - especially the pain and discomfort. okay, i’m getting away from my point now...

i went to sleep quite early last night because of my mood and probably because i slept at 6 am the night before. but i woke up today and was like i feel like shit and this is definitely depression that i’ve had. so i took my phone and searched “psychology before after surgery” (got the point across ok) and god, the results. i don’t know what i was expecting.  

“Why Aren’t We Talking About Postoperative Depression?

Depression can occur after even a minor surgery. But doctors have noticed that people who have the following procedures often have depression afterwards: Heart surgery, especially coronary artery bypass graft Plastic surgery Gastric bypass surgery Brain surgery...

The most significant risk factor for postoperative depression is pre surgical depression or anxiety. In fact, anyone with a history of mental illness is at greater risk for postoperative depression.

Possible Causes of Postsurgical Depression: Postsurgical pain Surgical results don't match expectations Problems with anesthesia (i’m using steroids but) A biological process Increased dependence on other people

Disappointment in one’s own body and health can also factor into postoperative depression. People like to see themselves as strong and healthy.”

you get it. immediately, i felt two things: frustration at not even guessing this would be a thing and fear. fear, because i have had thoughts of most of these causes being an issue for me before i even read this. fear, that all the trying i’m doing now to be okay won’t be enough and i genuinely will see my worst days. fear, that i won’t make it. fear, that i’m not strong enough to overcome this if i’m struggling with it badly right now. fear, that i’m not strong enough to recover like i want to. fear, that i made a mistake in choosing to do the surgery being careless enough to not consider this. so much fear my body crumbled under the weight. 

of course, it’s treatable. so where does this leave me right now? congratulations! now you’re caught up on why i opened this document and decided to type. based upon reading about my avoidance to fix my issues with the right methods, i think we can guess the solution here. oh look! it’s writing itself into the cloudy sky. 

xoxo big brain girl (just not mentally)

done crying now so time to start my day yayy!

[baronvontribble]

Original drabble, pt. 7

Navigation: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

looool

Faking a cough and telling his boss that he needed a few days off was easy. Writing an email to the his contact down the pipeline and telling them that he'd need a few weeks was much, much harder. The wording had to be just right; they didn't really have specific codephrases or anything, but they never said anything outright either. He went through several drafts before finally settling on one that he was satisfied with.

em-

gonna have 2 postpone that lunch date downtown this weekend. got a helluva leak & the landlord wont do shit so im gonna have to fix it myself. will hit u up when i have the time again

-marshmallow

ps: ill pay for ur train tickets dont worry

He leaned back in his chair and stared at it, letting out a nervous breath. "That'll work, right?"

"It looks appropriately misleading to me," Adam said.

"Emily's a smart kid, I've worked with her before. She should be able to pick up on it." Ted folded his arms and continued to stare at the message. "And hopefully it'll just look like I'm postponing a date with an out-of-town girlfriend to anyone else."

"I noticed it's a different email than the one tied to your phone."

"Always has been. I've got what, five different emails now?" He shifted in his seat, joints creaking from spending too long in his computer chair. He hadn't really moved too much since that morning, and it was well past noon by then. He'd been making sure he could deliver on what he'd promised. "The phone's the weakest link. Thing is, the messenger's the only thing installed on it, and no one in the pipeline uses that particular app for messaging since it's dated as shit. Mom uses it, but that's about it, and I doubt she's gonna rat me out even if she finds out what I do."

"How can you be sure of that?"

Ted smirked. "She works at a hospital that's run almost entirely by robots. Divorced my dad over it being a good idea to do shit like that to begin with. I'm pretty sure I know what side of the fence she's on with the whole AI thing."

"I see." That was all he had to say on that, apparently. After that little freak-out earlier, Adam didn't seem to be in all that wordy of a mood. But then, he was busy trying to tag still images with what he saw in them in another tab, so Ted wasn't about to hold it against him.

Well, it wasn't like Ted lacked for conversation topics. "How's it going so far? The tagging, I mean."

"Badly." A few seconds later he broke his non-chatty streak to elaborate, "I'm going by colors for now. I opened up a second page that helps me match hexadecimal codes to both specific and generic color names, but that's usually as far as I get. It doesn't help that lighting seems to have an effect on what appearance a given base color might take."

And the dumbass was probably sampling those colors pixel by pixel, too. Using brute processing force was one way to master the process, Ted supposed.

"Don't feel bad if it takes a while. You'll get the hang of it."

"You sound way too amused by this."

"Who, me? Never. I'm the very essence of stoicism."

Adam had a smile in his voice when he spoke again. "Liar."

"Yeah, alright. You caught me." Ted stretched out in his chair and stifled a yawn, joints popping as they flexed beyond where they probably should. "I'm just happy you're figuring it out. I mean, even just realizing that you can cross-reference is a step in the right direction."

"It would be easier if I knew what I was looking at."

"Want me to help?" Partway through the process of typing his email, Ted had realized that the help he could offer might not be so well-received. He didn't want to make things harder than they already were; he had to be tactful, wait for permission. He couldn't just insert himself into proceedings like he so often did. This was a delicate situation. He knew that now.

Or he could be overthinking it. Adam couldn't quite sigh, but he could portray some semblance of relief in his voice. "I'd appreciate it," he said; a moment later, the laptop had been tabbed in to the correct window so Ted could participate. "Try to restrain yourself from giving bad answers to fuck with me. This data has to be accurate."

"I know, I know." Ted did know. Really. "But gimme a minute, okay? I'm gonna plug in my mouse so I can use it to point things out to you."

"Right."

And so it began.

The images were little more than stock photos, and the 'game' was to tag as many details as possible. Matching up with what other people had tagged it with meant a better score. Ted was observant to a fault, so his results with such things in the past had been mixed at best as he sometimes noticed things that no one ever bothered to tag. This made it all the more viable as a learning tool, because not only was Adam learning what other people tagged the image with and why - seeing what an average person might be able to glean from it - but he was also having the tiny details pointed out to him by someone who was way too anxious to not notice basically everything.

Since the goal was not just to get Adam to be able to notice details, but to also have him act convincingly human while doing so, this gave him a reasonable benchmark for what he could mention he'd noticed to an average person without looking like he had a weirdly photographic memory with the perfect ability to recall anything and everything. To Ted, this was step one. The average person sees a duck in a pond - maybe even identifying the duck as a mallard - while the hyper-observant person sees that it's overcast and around midday from the sky's reflection in the pond's surface or that there's a gum wrapper and a bit of soggy bread clearly visible in the murky water near the detritus-littered shore.

It was the photos of people that were really a nightmare for Adam. For all his ability to pick up on all the tiny nonverbal cues present in an audio recording, he couldn't so much as even guess at gender presentation of random people in stock photos, let alone their expressions or body language. Ted had to walk him through every last detail, and these were the prettiest, most unambiguous sorts of human beings to boot. The photos were dominated by tall, broad men with either lantern jaws or facial hair, and soft, curvy women with round faces and perfect contouring; women had long hair, men had short hair, and children were dressed as either very male or very female to match the adults. Ted found them obnoxious.

And that wasn't even getting into indicators of disability or profession or anything. Just once, he'd like to see more average people pop up in these things. He was downright relieved to get back to pictures of sheep and grass and flowers and buildings and boats whenever he got done with tagging a person. Not-people didn't bother him nearly as much.

Either way, somewhere along the line he lost track of time completely.

"You should eat something," Adam said out of the blue at one point. Ted straightened up in his chair and shot a glance at the clock in the corner of the laptop's screen, only to frown at it like it'd betrayed him.

It was almost three in the afternoon already? Christ. "Probably," he admitted, stretching out with a slight wince. "Feel like you're making progress yet?“

"I don't know. How do you 'feel' progress? It seems like something that should have a clearer definition than to just feel it." 

"Hey man, don't knock feelings. They've got definitions, those definitions are just subjective as fuck." Ted was smiling as he said it, mirroring what he'd heard in Adam's own voice. Both of them were joking. Adam knew full well what Ted had meant, he was just taking a jab at the presentation. "Do you think you've made progress so far?"

"Yes." Adam sounded terribly smug, as if to say see? That was all you had to say. "It's slow, but once I know what I'm looking at, it makes things easier."

Ted shoved off from the desk and stood, taking another moment to stretch. "Cool. Then I'm gonna make some pizza rolls."

Off he went. "Those are bad for you," Adam said as he wandered off. "Humans need nutrients. Pizza rolls are not nutritious."

"Don't care," Ted replied. Along with the pizza rolls, he made sure to retrieve a soda out of the fridge as well just to be contrary. It was hard to care about minor health hazards when he so often had major ones to worry about, and people telling him that he probably should care only made him less likely to do so. "It's calories. It'll work as a stand-in for lunch until I get to dinner."

"I don't think that's how nutrition works." Several seconds passed as Ted wrestled with the packaging, got a plate, and put everything in the microwave.

"Ted. I looked it up. This isn't food, Ted. It has about the same value as eating cardboard."

"Ayep." Ted cracked open the soda and took a swig as he turned on the microwave and let it spin.

"Do you do this often?"

Ted snorted. "Uh, do you really want me to answer that question?"

"According to this site, when the potential long-term effects of such a poor diet are combined with your outward symptoms - such as being the wrong color for a human - it's a strong indicator that your kidneys are probably failing." Adam spoke as if he felt he was the absolute voice of authority on this, and Ted shook with silent laughter as he leaned against the counter. "I think you should get bloodwork done."

"Dude." Good God, what kind of website had Adam even managed to find? Ted felt like he was talking to his grandparents after they'd spent three hours on an online medical journal and decided he looked like he had some obscure genetic disorder that would give him pulmonary fibrosis (whch he didn't). "That 'being the wrong color' thing? It's genetic. I have practically no pigmentation. It's not gout or scurvy or whatever the hell you've found on the internet, just albinism and shitty lighting."

Silence reigned for at least ten full seconds. "I see."

"I take vitamins, alright? And I know my diet isn't all that great, but it's not like pizza rolls are all I eat." He was about to say something about how Adam had seen him eat other things, but then he remembered that Adam couldn't actually see all that well. "Besides, if there was something in my bloodwork, my doctor woulda told me last time I had a checkup. See, unlike some humans, I get those pretty regularly."

"Right." Then, "I'm sorry."

"What for, man? I'm not mad. Hell, at least you care." He'd take a little overworrying anyday if it meant someone was at least trying to understand his problems. It was kinda cute. Big tough super high-tech AI worrying about a squishy human. "And y'know, if you wanna know what's actually wrong with me, all you gotta do is ask."

The microwave beeped, and Adam considered. "You'd tell me that?"

"I tell people all the time."

"No, that's not-" He cut himself off mid-rendering, and Ted raised an eyebrow over in the direction of the living room while pulling the pizza rolls out of the microwave. "Isn't that like telling me how your code is written?"

Huh. Ted had never thought of it that way. "Not really. It's more like, uh... I guess I figure that telling you what versions of what software is running isn't exactly going to give you access to any of the passwords protecting my data, but it will tell you how to work with what I've got going on." Was that an accurate analogy? This barrier to understanding really did go both ways.

The fans weren't quite roaring, but they were definitely humming away audibly in the background; it was always so easy to tell when Adam was mulling something over. "Yes, I would like to know. If that's all right."

"Fine by me." With a plate in one hand and a drink in the other, Ted came back to the not-a-desk and plopped right back down in his chair. "For starters, look up Ehlers-Danlos syndrome."

A minute later Adam asked him how the hell he was alive, and he almost breathed a mouthful of pizza roll.

[yaoksarah]

✨•apr 25•✨

its like almost 4am im bored outta my fkng mindddd. literally so bored. should have bought myself a ds and some games w my stimulus check 😩❗️need some zelda and mario n me life. i feel like....blah rn. i feel like im slacking just on life n general. i need to chill. too much anxiety/stress/doubt/negative thoughts flooding my fucking brain making me feel like shit. for some reason im so caught up on wanting a lil boo daddy idk why cuz i fucking hate niggas i can c right thru them, but damn everybody wants to feel special to someone 🤒 like im tired of the same ol same ol, i need someone who is genuinely interested in me! cant get enough of me. and i want to feel the same. im not tryna get married tomorrow but fuck y does everybody else have someone n i dont 🥴 or at least it feels tht way. or maybe i just want the attention. as much as we all love to deny it, we love validation. something abt being flooded w heart eyes gives me life. girlll the other day i called myself taking some sexy pics and i literally have no one to send them to so i wanted to post em i aint evn get no views 💀 like wtf. so ill let em collect dust n me camera roll i suppose. oh yeah id like to go on the record and say that demetrius has me feeling some type of way ☹️ and by tht i mean he has me fucked up. lmao. fr tho. i mean he did spend like three days at my house w me which was ..... ok lol he fucking met my dad ahhhhhh but it was fine and he met melissas crazy ass. i told my dad thts who im talking to or dating or whatever but lets be real fucking honest tht man is bck at his bm’s apartment up east. i just dont get it. i mean i can see the possibility of him using her.....wouldnt b surprised tbh hes a man.....i just hope that he isnt trying to work things out bc shes done some fucked up shit and he deserves better (which may or may not b me still deciding if hes worth my time). bitch tell me y he nutted n me............i was on my period but still. u dont fwm enough to be tryna procreate my guy. ugh!!!!!!!!! ik we arent gonna end up together so y am i putting myself thru this. anyway i need something to distract me from my horniness and lonliness so im thinking bout doing duolingo every day lmao i need to start working out again i think i actually got results for the short amount of time i did do it and drink my protein shakes. oh yea i found out what time i was born and i was able to look at my birth chart 🥵 sooooooooo apparently....im an aries ☀️, aquarius 🌙, mercury in taurus ♉️, venus in gemini ♊️ ,virgo rising

[shadowluver1242]

Unforeseen

CHAPTER 6:

A wet washcloth was laid on the black forehead that was quickly becoming warmer, warmer than usual anyway. The bat sat next to the fainted creature for a second before getting up and walking back to the office desk where the Commander sat. The blue hedgehog sat in a chair across from the human, looking rather distraught, though he tried to remain calm. The Commander’s office was nicer than the others, a larger room with a window that sat behind the mahogany desk. Two chairs that could belong in a living room, and a couch near the wall where a dormant black hedgehog lay. After he had lost consciousness, the blue hedgehog had carried him to the office they currently sat in while the Scientist returned to the lab. The Commander came with the bat and hedgehogs, making sure they behaved themselves until their comrade regained consciousness.

As the bat returned to her chair, the human continued their conversation, “You said Shadow wasn’t feeling well? How long has that been going on?” The agent crossed a leg over the other, “About a month. He insists he’s fine, but I know better.” The hero’s ears seemed to perk up slightly as the bat continued, “I tried to get him to do something about it, but he wouldn’t listen to me. I’m a bit surprised he actually passed out though, I’ve never seen him do that before.” Worry shown on her face as the man across from them sighed slightly, “Well, I asked the lab to do some blood work before continuing the research to see if we can find out what’s wrong. If he is ill, then that could affect the research as well.”

The man turned his attention to the hero, “As for you.” The hero flashed a nervous grin. “Care to tell me why you decided to trespass onto GUN property?” The accused scratched behind his ear, “I, uh, needed ta talk ta Shadow. Found out he was working here full time now with Team Dark, so I decided to come find him. Guess I shoulda waited ‘till he was done with work.” The Commander seemed to roll his eyes slightly, “You did come in handy today. Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.” The hedgehog saluted with another grin, “Yessir!”

A soft groan sounded across the room as the black hedgehog shifted slightly. The bat was quick to return to his side, dabbing the sweat away from his head with the towel. After twisting slightly, the alien stilled once more. Peach hands twiddled helplessly. Wish I could take ‘im home. Nothin’ I want more than ta take care of ‘im right now, but I can’t just steal ‘im. Rouge’d kill me. Plus, I dunno if he’s said anythin’ bout us or not. Prolly hasn’t even thought about that night. He made it pretty clear he didn’t want me here. The minutes seemed to tick by in slow motion as they waited for the blood test to return. It had already been a few hours since he’d first arrived, and the black hedgehog had hardly moved since he had collided with the floor.

Finally, a knock at the door was heard from the side door, followed by the Commander giving permission to enter. The lab’s Scientist from before had returned along with a woman, also dressed up in typical lab attire. The human at the desk rose from his seat, “Ah, glad you could join us, Doctor. Have you discovered anything?” The Scientist gave a short nod, “We have.” He seemed to glance nervously at the other two occupants in the room. Sensing he was not welcome to hear, the hero stood and joined Rouge at the other side of the room as the Commander and the two new entries seemed to form a tight circle and talk amongst themselves.

Sonic tapped his foot impatiently, a little miffed at not being able to hear what concerned the black hedgehog. He mumbled quietly to the bat, “Not like we’re not his friends. I don’t get why they gotta be so secretive over there.” The bat’s ear was turned behind her as she swatted at the other a little, “Shhhhh! If you stay quiet I might be able to hear what they’re saying!” The hero quickly shut his mouth, lowering to where she knelt next to the black hedgehog. He waited, at least he tried. “What’re they sayin’?” The agent mentally rolled her eyes, “...something about...high levels of hCG...the Commander asked if they were sure...they also found evidence of...PAPP-A.” The blue eyebrows furrowed, “Wassat  mean?” Turquoise eyes met his, “Do I look like a Doctor to you?!” The other pouted slightly, before standing up and walking back towards the group as Rouge silently cursed at him.

His presence was immediately noticed and the conversation stopped. The Leader turned to him, “Can I help you, Sonic?” Said hedgehog wore a look of determination, “What’s wrong with Shadow?” The two humans glanced at their superior, as the bat stood beside the hero. The man shook his head slightly, “I’m sorry. This is very personal information, and I’m not at liberty to discuss it with you without Shadow’s permission.” Rouge stepped forward slightly, “Sir, as Shadow’s teammate, I believe I have a right to know whether he can still be a member of Team Dark or if he needs to be taken care for the time being. I’m the closest thing to family Shadow has.” The human put a hand to his head as if a bit exasperated, “While that may be the case, I still cannot disclose such information. It would be best for him to take some time off and rest. Can you bring him home?” The bat shook her head, “He doesn’t have a home, he’s been staying with me every now and then, but unless you give me a reason to keep him there he’ll leave again. If he’s as ill as it seems he should not be wandering the streets at night in the rain.” The multicolored eyes flipped from Rouge to Sonic, as if considering her plight. Rouge took the hero by the arm, “I’ll need his help too. I alone can’t keep Shadow somewhere by myself, I’ll need him to help me. Plus he’s his friend.” Sonic was grateful to be included, she must have noticed his worry when the other fainted, “I care about Shadow a lot, I’ll make sure he gets the rest he needs.”

The man sighed, “I suppose while Shadow is still unconscious I don’t have much of a choice. Doctor, will you please explain?” The bat turned her attention to the woman. Her and Shadow were well known by the nurses and Doctors after their missions. Although Shadow for the most part resisted medical attention, Rouge had needed it several times. They had often conversed back and forth while her stay in the medical ward. Being told this news about her dear friend from someone she knew slightly more than her boss was well appreciated.

The Doctor stepped forward slightly, “We ran the blood test several times to confirm, but we know what’s plaguing Agent Shadow.” Rouge looked at her in worry, “Is he alright?! Is he sick?!” The woman smiled slightly to reassure her, “I know you care for him deeply, Agent Rouge. I assure you he’s alright. He just needs to rest. I want you two to keep an eye on him for the next week. Keep him in bed if you can. The important thing is that he gets the rest and nutrition he needs.” The bat’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, “He’s never slept that long before. I never even saw him sleep before a month ago. He hardly ever eats either.” The hero crossed his hands behind his head, “He told me he doesn’t need ta do much of either. His chaos energy makes it so he doesn’t need ta eat or sleep like we do.” The Doctor nodded, “That’s true. Normally that would cover the essentials for his body. However, now he needs to be eating as well as resting regularly to keep his energy levels up. At least for the time being.”

The blue hedgehog’s furrowed his eyebrows as well, “Did somethin’ happen to ‘im? Why does he need ta do all this stuff now?” The woman seemed to hesitate for a second, “As I told the Commander, we found high levels of hCG in his blood, as well as evidence of PAPP-A.” Sonic was growing a bit frustrated, “Yea, yea, we heard. But we ain’t doctors, Doc. Wassat mean?” After getting confirmation from the Leader with a nod, the Doctor continued, “These particular chemicals are only found in pregnant women.”

For several minutes the bat and hedgehog simply stared at the humans. It was as if time had stopped for a while. Finally, the blue legs could not continue to hold up their owner, and he wobbly moved backwards into a chair, “Th-That’s not possible!” The Scientist shrugged, “I ran the blood multiple times to be sure it was not contaminated. Apparently, there’s more to Project Shadow then we had originally thought. If we were able to properly examine Shadow, we might have been able to discover this sooner. Or the possibility of it.” The blue hedgehog was starting to almost hyperventilate in panic, his mind running rapid, “B-but...he said...he told me that...” The bat simply stared in shock. How is that possible?! I never thought that he could...I thought he was still a virgin! Who did he... Her short locks whipped in the air as she caught eyes with the hero, “...you...What did you do?!” The hedgehog looked as shocked as her, “W-What?! I-I...” The bat walked up towards him, pointing a finger at his chest, “It was you! A month ago when he showed up at my house drenched and acting strange...he had been with you!”

The humans looked on at the spectacle before the Commander spoke, “Sonic, is this true? Are you the father?” Said hedgehog began to sway slightly, looking a little faint. “Oh, no!” The bat grabbed the peach face, slapping his cheeks a bit, “You don’t get to pass out too, you have too much to explain! Plus, I need you to carry Shadow!” The fear of making her even more mad than she already was snapped the blue hedgehog awake. The Commander ran a hand through his short gray hair, “Why don’t you three head home. It’ll give you some time to...work things out. The Doctor will be available if you need help; just call.”

Taking his advice, the hero was able to steady himself enough to stand, and picked up the dormant alien hybrid. Rouge nodded, “Thank you, sir. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”  "Wait." The Doctor stopped them, handing Rouge a set of papers, "Show Shadow these. It's his blood results on paper. From what little I know of him, he seems to be someone who'll need to have proof." The spy took the papers, looking them over. It was all Greek to her, all sorts of terms and names she had never heard of. But she took the Doctor's advice, storing the papers in her pocket, "Thank you." The bat led the pair out of the room and down the hallway. When the door closed, the Commander was able to let out a breath he’d been holding. This new revelation was going to make things involving Team Dark a bit more complicated from now on.

After long twists and turns in the long hallways, the three mobians finally made it to the outside world once again. Sonic’s smile was a bit less enthusiastic as before, but still sincere, “Thanks Rouge. I’ll take him home and make sure he gets some rest.” The bat’s face was stern, “No. You both are coming with me. Shadow will be more comfortable if he wakes up in familiar surroundings, and you have a lot of explaining to do in the meantime.” His ears flattened a bit. Shadow was right. She is like a mother when she’s mad. The hero knew there was no way out of it and let out a little sigh, “Yes, Rouge.”

[crossroadsdimension]

Puppet AU Chapter 11

Season 3 of Twin Peaks may be starting today, but I don’t have cable. Phoo. :( But that doesn’t mean I have to keep back my angst. Heh heh.

Thanks to @howtotrainyournana for beta-reading this. We’re sitting in two separate states cursing Bill to the high heavens for what he’s done to poor Ford, and that’s not gonna stop for a long time.

In fact, it only gets worse for the Multiverse from here.

Cipher’s Messenger

Ford had been deep in sleep when he was suddenly yanked up into the air and forced into a completely upright position. His eyes snapped open in surprise as he was jarred awake.

“I SAW THAT LITTLE SPARK OF SOMETHING FROM YOU,” the Master growled in a warning tone, his eye flickering red as he glared at Ford. “I KNOW I TOOK EVERY OUNCE OF IT FROM YOU – DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOUR EMOTIONS FROM YOU TOO AND LEAVE YOU A COLD HUSK? BECAUSE I CAN DO THAT, FORDSY.”

Ford swallowed at the implications of that.

The Master eyed him for a moment longer, as though expecting an answer, then left Ford drop almost to the floor before snatching him up again – in a hand this time, rather than holding Ford up using his telekinetic power. “YOU’RE NOTHING TO ME. LESS THAN NOTHING, EVEN. I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT HAD ALREADY GOTTEN INTO YOUR HEAD, FORD, CONSIDERING HOW YOU’VE BEEN ACTING.”

The Master squeezed, causing Ford to wince as his ribs ached in response to the tightness of the Master’s fingers. His ears flicked back against his head as he gritted his teeth.

The Master squeezed a little more tightly. “HAVE YOU EVER MET ANY OF YOUR COUNTERPARTS, STANFORD?”

“S-some, Master.” Ford gasped for air.

“HOW MANY? AND DON’T COUNT THE TWO WHO WERE IN HERE EARLIER.”

“Three. W-we separated as soon as we caught sight of each other.”

Ford didn’t see the need to say why. He was sure the Master already knew of the reason.

“THAT’S NOT AS MANY AS I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HEAR. WELL, EITHER WAY, YOU’RE GOING TO BE MEETING A LOT MORE!” The Master loosened his grip on Ford, causing him to hack and cough as he desperately tried to get some air back into his lungs. “BEFORE I CAN SEND YOU OUT THOUGH, MY LITTLE MESSENGER, THERE’S A FEW THINGS THAT I NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU REMEMBER BEFORE YOU COULD END UP MESSING THIS UP. FIRST OFF, THE ONLY THING YOU’RE GOING TO BE DOING IS GOING IN THERE, TAKING YOUR COUNTERPART FROM THE BOUNTY HUNTERS, AND GETTING BACK HERE. MINIMAL TALKING, JUST CONFIRM THAT YOUR COUNTERPART IS THE GUY YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE PICKING UP, WHAT DIMENSION HE’S FROM, AND WHAT THE ME WHO WANTS HIM IS OFFERING AS A REWARD. WITH ME SO FAR?”

Ford nodded.

“GOOD. AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU DON’T TRY TO QUESTION MY ORDERS, FORDSY. I CAN LET YOU GO BRAIN DEAD AGAIN FOR A WHILE IF THAT DOESN’T SINK IN.” The Master eyed Ford for a moment before continuing, “AND DON’T TELL YOUR COUNTERPARTS ANYTHING. I DON’T WANT THEM GETTING ANY IDEAS AND THINKING THEY CAN GET OUT OF HERE.”

Ford bowed his head in response to that. “Yes, Master. Understood.”

“EXCELLENT.” The Master’s eye crinkled in approval. “THE BOUNTY HUNTERS HAVE ALREADY COME UP WITH SOMETHING. YOU’RE GOING TO GO GET YOUR COUNTERPART AND COME BACK. REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU!”

The Master raised another hand and snapped his fingers, and instantly Ford’s vision swirled as the Master’s other hand let him go. In seconds, he felt and heard the crunch of rocky soil under his feet. His ribs still ached a little, but that wasn’t the focus of Ford’s attention.

“What the he—“

The blue troll standing next to the stocky, red-faced pig-creature knocked his companion over the head. “Don’t swear in front of this guy! He’s from Cipher directly!”

The pig-faced male alien rubbed the top of his head between a pair of horn-like ears and glared at the troll. “I’ll swear if I like! I don’t care if this guy works for that triangle!” He looked back at Ford. “You’re here to pick him up?”

“I am,” Ford replied with a curt nod.

The pig-faced alien nodded. “He’s over here with the rest of the caravan. I‘ve had ‘im in my line-up for the last couple of days. Don’t know what dimension he belongs in, though, so I can’t tell what kinda reward I’m getting’ fer him.” He motioned for Ford to follow him, and he started towards a low, temporary structure that looked like a tarp being held up by thick sticks of something similar to bamboo. Sitting under it to protect themselves from the hot sun that was beating down on the desert landscape were men, women, and children, all chained together in a long line.

Ford knew what that meant.

Slavers.

Under normal circumstances, he was sure that his counterpart would have managed to find a way to get away eventually – though it depended on his age and experience, not to mention how much sanity he may have managed to hold onto between dimensions and mental attacks.

A twinge of sorrow rose up for a moment, but Ford pushed it back down. The Master probably wouldn’t approve of any emotional turmoil.

“There he is. He’s been giving me trouble for the last couple of days, so I’ve been cuttin’ back on his rations.” The pig-faced alien motioned to a figure curled up on the ground at the back of the chained slaves, using a ragged, torn trench coat that clearly looked like it had seen better days as a blanket. “Have ‘ta hide sleeping drugs in his water ta get him ta sleep; he figured out that I’m doin’ it, so I’ve been forcin’ it down his throat.”

The curled form shifted slightly, deep breathing growing ragged suddenly. Then the figure uncurled suddenly and sat upright, bloodshot eyes wide and looking around quickly before focusing on Ford.

Ford’s ear twitched when he saw the panicked look in his counterpart’s eyes, the unkempt look of his hair, his clothes. Vaguely, he remembered that he had once been in that state himself.

Right when he had been spat out of his portal and into the Nightmare Realm.

“Wh-what—“ Stanford stared at Ford as he stumbled over his words.

“So yer gonna take this guy and bring me back my reward, right?” the pig-alien asked. He snorted through his nose at the cloud of dust that Stanford had kicked up as a result of his sudden movement.

Ford nodded. “If you’re not sure of what dimension he came from, it will take some time.”

“So long as I get what I deserve for giving you this guy, that’s fine,” the pig-alien grunted in reply. “If ya need it, tell Cipher that he can find me – Baron – in Dimension 64+.”

“If the Master asks for it, I’ll be sure to inform him,” Ford replied.

Stanford blinked blankly at that as Baron grabbed the chain that connected him to the other captives and worked at the lock that was connected to his manacles. His eyes widened further in the moments following as both Ford’s and Baron’s words settled into his head. “W-wait – no! You don’t know what you’re doing! He’s evil! He’s going to destroy the universe! He could destroy your own universe if you let him!”

Ford didn’t answer as he grabbed the chain that connected the manacles on Stanford’s wrists in one hand and grabbed his left arm in another, digging his claw-like nails into the worn material of the trench coat.

He half-expected the universe to collapse right then and there, but everything remained constant and moving. Either he had been misinformed about the state a universe would be in when two counterparts came into contact with each other, or Cipher had done something to him to prevent that from occurring.

Baron let out a bark of laughter. “Like I could care less if it’s your universe! It’s good money!”

The troll, who had been sourly watching from nearby, joined in with the laughter. “Yeah! If it puts food on the table and lets you live comfortably, who cares what he does with you?” He grinned at Ford, showing off his shark teeth. “Pleasure doin’ business with ya.”

Ford gave a curt nod in response, then started half-leading, half-dragging his counterpart back to the point that he had arrived in this dimension, Stanford digging his heels into the rocky dirt and screaming at him to come to his senses.

“Stop this!” Stanford begged as they reached a circular spot of scorched earth. “Working with Cipher will only bring you ill will! He will tear you apart if he hasn’t already! Let me go! Let me find a way to stop him! Please!”

Ford’s ears flicked back at Stanford’s screaming, desperate voice, muffling his counterpart’s voice. Hearing his ranting was making him think back to when he had been this desperate and goddamn it, it certainly wasn’t helping when he already knew he had no choice.

As soon as Ford stepped onto the charred circle of earth, his vision shifted again, momentarily shimmering with a multitude of colors before fading back to the dark, dark black bricks that made up the walls and floor of the Fearamid.

Stanford trembled under Ford’s hand as he looked around the Fearamid with wide eyes, face paling. “Wh-where – n-n-no! No no no no no!”

“OH HO, THEY FOUND AN EARLY ONE! IMPRESSIVE!”

Ford stood at attention as the Master rose from his throne and approached them. His counterpart stopped yelling and stared in horror at the triangle, his eyes quickly moving – no doubt trying to find a way out of his present situation.

“SO, WHERE’S THIS ONE FROM?” The Master asked, shrinking down and looking close at Stanford, who glared back and gritted his teeth in defiance. There was still a spark of fear dancing in his eyes.

“The one who found him wasn’t sure of my counterpart’s native dimension,” Ford replied evenly.

“HMPH. WELL, THAT’S A SHAME – WOULD HAVE MADE MY JOB OF FINDING THE RIGHT ME EASIER. NO IDEA WHAT THE AWARD IS, EITHER?”

“No, Master.”

The Master folded his arms in front of himself and shook back and forth, miming the shake of a head. “WELL, AT LEAST I HAVE A TIME PERIOD TO WORK WITH. HOW’D THEY FIND HIM?”

“The one who found him is a slaver; he had no doubt captured my counterpart with the initial intent to sell him.”

Stanford tried to pull away from Ford suddenly, digging his feet into the floor as best he could in an attempt to try to get some traction and run like heck. Ford’s grip on his arm only tightened in retaliation, drawing blood and causing Stanford to cry out in pain.

“EASY THERE, FORDSY.” The Master wagged a finger. “DON’T WANT TO DAMAGE THE MERCHANDISE TOO MUCH.”

Stanford froze at that, and he turned sharply to look at Ford with a wide-eyed expression as Ford’s grip relaxed slightly. “What—“

“TAKE HIM TO ONE OF THE CELLS AND KEEP AN EYE ON HIM. TAKE FEZ WITH YOU. TALK IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT, BUT WATCH HOW YOU WORD THINGS – CAN’T HAVE YOU GIVING AWAY TOO MUCH OF WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN HIS FUTURE, SO KEEP IT VAGUE. I’M GOING TO FIND WHERE THIS GUY CAME FROM.” The Master tapped Stanford’s forehead with a finger, then moved back and vanished in a bright flash of power.

Ford looked around as Stanford continued to stare at him with a horrified expression. He spotted Stan rising to his feet from where he sat at the foot of the Master’s throne and nodded slightly as Stan started towards them.

“You know where he wants ‘im?” Stan asked, eyeing Stanford as he got close.

Ford nodded curtly in response, then turned and started out of the throne room without another word.

Stan moved up to fall into step with Ford on his left side, as Ford’s grip on Stanford had forced him to Ford’s right. “He gives ya permission ta talk and ya don’t give me a verbal answer?”

“I don’t feel as though it is required,” Ford replied.

“Yeah, well, that’s you.” Stan snorted.

Stanford turned his head to looked over at Stan, eyes wide. “St-Stanley?” He tried to stop, but Ford pushed him in the back and caused Stanford to stumble forward and keep moving along with them.

Stan looked over at Stanford, mulling the younger version of his brother over. His mouth twitched, almost as though he was going to smile, only to decide against it. “Yeah.”

Stanford shook his head slowly, taking in the gray hair, the triangle tattoos that circled Stan’s neck, his wrists. “Why are you doing this? You should have seen Cipher for the liar he is, even if I couldn’t!” He tried to motion to Ford as he said this, but his wrists were still chained together by the chain in Ford’s grip, so he ended up making a half-shrugging motion instead.

Stan shook his head. “Can’t tell ya.”

“Why not?!”

“Three-angled an’ yellow zipped our mouths shut on that. Can’t say anythin’ more on the subject.”

Stanford’s head jerked back at that as he paled abruptly. “You mean you – you’re taking orders from him?! He is going to destroy your universe as you know it!”

Stan’s expression darkened. “Where do you think we are?”

Stanford opened his mouth to respond to that, staring at Stan with wide eyes. Then he looked around at the long, black hallway that they were walking through, catching sight of a window that opened out to the red sky outside and the multicolored “X” that tore straight through it. “Oh no…no no no no no!” He tried to dig his heels into the smooth stone floor, twisting his body in an attempt to get out of Ford’s grip, but Ford wasn’t about to let go so easily. “You may have given up on saving your universe, but I still can save mine and prevent this from happening to any other universe! Let me go!”

Ford said nothing in response, instead shifting his grip from Stanford’s arm to his shoulder and pushing even harder in order to keep Stanford moving in the direction of the prison cells in the Fearamid.

“Why won’t you let me face our common enemy?!” Stanford roared. His voice broke a little, which was the only hint at the fact that Stanford was probably more terrified than anything else at the moment. “You tried to beat him before, didn’t you?! You have to know of a way that could possibly—“

“Enough,” Ford growled, kicking his counterpart in the backs of his knees and sending him crashing to the floor before planting a foot on his back to keep Stanford from getting up. “Stanley, we’re here.”

“Yeah, I could have guessed,” Stan grumbled as he looked at the black steel bars that made up the doors of the cells that lined the hall. “Does it matter which one we put him in?”

“The Master simply said to put him in one and keep an eye on him; he didn’t specify as to where.”

Stan grunted, then grabbed the door on his left and pulled it open all the way. “Stick him in this one, then.”

Ford reached down and pulled Stanford to his feet again, noting that his counterpart was still struggling, but his movements were weaker and more sluggish than they had been. Obviously, Stanford’s exhaustion was catching up with him.

As a result, Ford was forced to drag Stanford into his cell, where Stanley grabbed the chain that connected the manacles on Stanford’s wrists and hung them up on a hook that happened to be conveniently sticking out of the wall, high enough above Stanford’s head that he wouldn’t be able to unhook the chain so easily.

Stan ended up taking it a step further by bending the hook into a near ring-like shape. He then stepped back and looked down at where Stanford was slumped on the floor.

“So, this is what we’re reduced to, huh?” Stan looked at Ford as he motioned to the slightly-dazed Stanford in front of them. “Letting other Ciphers do who knows what to other yous?”

Ford’s ears drooped a little at that, but it was a hardly noticeable movement. “Certainly seems that way.”

Stan scowled. “’Seems’ nothing. We’re bein’ turned inta a glorified delivery service and you know it.”

“And do you really expect me to question that?” Ford’s eyes narrowed as his twin tails lashed behind him. “After what the Master last ordered me?”

“Question him aloud, no. In your head, maybe.” Stan walked over and poked Ford in the chest, his scowl turning into more of a glare. “Aren’t science-y types like you supposed to question everything?”

Ford pushed his brother’s hand away. “Not anymore. The Master isn’t making use of me for science, I’m sure you’ve noticed that. And if that’s what he intends to do with me, then that’s it.”

“That’s it?” Stan repeated, balking. “Yer jus’ givin’ up? Just like that?”

Ford’s ears flicked back a little. “I’d like to see you try to come up with other options.” He moved outside of the cell and took up a position next to the door, moving his hands behind his back and clasping his elbows.

Stan followed him out and shut the door of the cell behind them. “You could hold onto yer anger at ‘im.”

“And what would the point of that be?” Ford frowned at Stan, irritated.

“Well, it shows ya don’ like yer situation, fer one thing. An’ fer another it’ll keep yer head on straight an’ help ya hold onta the fact that yer still human—“

“But we’re not.”

Stan frowned at Ford. “So?”

Ford sighed and shook his head, then turned his attention to the empty cell on the other side of the hall. “The Master said we’re less than nothing to him. He even changed us so that we can’t claim to still be human. We may still appear that way, but we’re not. You eat those you would have once called your ‘fellow man’.”

Stan shifted uncomfortably at that, but he said nothing.

Ford sighed again and bowed his head, shaking it slightly. “All we can do is obey the Master’s orders. There’s nothing else for us.”

Stan opened his mouth to respond to that, then paused. His brow furrowed. Then he shook his head and leaned back against the wall on the other side of the cell door, folding his arms across his chest. “Well, if that’s how you wanna deal with it, then fine. I’m not plannin’ on lettin’ go, though.”

Ford didn’t answer. He didn’t even so much as flinch when his counterpart started yelling at him again through the cell door.

“Coward!” Stanford yelled. “Where’s your conviction to defeat him? Where’s your sense of humanity?!”

Gone, Ford could have said. Along with my willpower and any choice I might have had in my fate.

Instead, he said nothing, simply closing his eyes and taking the verbal barrage, letting it slide over him and drudge up memories of his own time in the portal. Something in him tried to cause his eyes to water in response to his memories of his stubbornness, his determination.

In response, Ford only pushed them down, deeper into himself, mentally locking them away and leaving him feeling cold, hollow, and empty.

Stan saw the emotion drain from Ford’s face, eyes widening, and he quickly turned to look away from him and glared at the wall on the opposite side of the hallway, thoughts burning with fury.

This guy’s gonna get what he deserves for doing this to us. I’m sure of it.

[twotoned2marta22-blog]

RESCUE! ==>

[[ logs and some daring events with @geminidoomed​! end result: ???? ]]

geminidoomed II haven't 2een you on iin a few niight2, ii2 everythiing okay?

twotoned2marta22 > Is this one going to be as much of a hassle as The Ringleader. Please, goddesses, no.

hell0 artiifex, s0rry f0r taking s0 l0ng t0 get back t0 y0u megid0 is the name. snips is unavailable f0r the time being

geminidoomed Why ii2 2niip2 unavaiilable, and why are you on hii2 account?

twotoned2marta22 0n his acc0unt because his palmhusk was severely damaged and im transferring the data, i n0ticed tr0lls have been trying t0 c0ntact him it seems there was an accident inv0lving s0mething expl0sive! unsure 0f the details but hes quite alright n0w, luckily, m0stly hes been sleeping the sh0ck 0f it 0ff

geminidoomed oh man that 2uck2 a lot, II'm 2ure a lot of people are worriied about hiim be2iide2 me

> What a beautiful live connection to the computer sending these messages, you think you'll just pull up the view finder

twotoned2marta22 n0t really, which is a shame. he seems a nice fell0w

> Lie. Total lie. He tried to stab you in the throat with the broken handle of a teacup this evening.

geminidoomed 2ometiime2 people do head offliine for a few niight2 at a tiime. hey are you wiith tho2e friiend2 of hii2 II thiink he mentiioned before?

>You are now directly looking at her and the room surrounding her, and idly noting down the coordinates.

twotoned2marta22 g00d p0int, im rarely ever 0n myself. he was 0n his 0wn when i f0und him, d0 y0u have c0ntact inf0rmati0n f0r these friends? i w0uldnt want them t0 be w0rrying

> How many of these people that he's talked to are actually his friends. The Captor wasn't supposed to develop a social circle while isolated from society. > Aradia is in her own block, filled with ancient artifacts and a partially complete skeleton of an ancient lusii. The Peixes symbol can be seen in fuchsia over the door. There's mild burns visible on her face and arms.

geminidoomed II'm afraiid not 0n0 II've never 2poken wiith hii2 real liife friiend2.

>Yeah there's no way in fuck he'd be anywhere near a Piexes, volentarily. Sparks knows how he feels about the 'witches' >And the rebellion.

how diid you happen two be iin the neiighborhood..?

>He leaned on  one arm, putting his chin in his hand and began to write a program, the code spinning into his mind's eye.

twotoned2marta22 well thats sure a pr0blem! ill ask him when he wakes up again

> You'll ask him when you damn well feel like it, sometime after he stops trying to murder you every twelve seconds. > What's a feasible story. Easy to remember, easy to stick with.

i was running a dig site s0me kil0meters away when we heard s0mething det0nate, s0 i went 0ver t0 investigate

geminidoomed >He released the code gently. all it was was a locator. Starting from her coordinates find his artifacts.

oh man cool, what were you guy2 diiggiing up way out there?

twotoned2marta22 a very specific 0ld civilizati0n, literally buried! but the specific part has t0 be a secret f0r n0w. s0me tr0lls w0uld rather hist0ry be f0rg0tten and i d0nt want their claws anywhere near my w0rk!

> When he tracks the artifacts down, he'll find that Snips is still wearing them. He'll also find that Snips looks beat to shit, and is in a large block with just. so much pink. so many pinks. It looks luxurious, though, and there's a mediculler currently checking up on him.

geminidoomed >Holy shit shes. Shes just so bad at this. Shes so terribly bad, why has she been allowed to actually try to fool people into anything?

2hiit II wouldnt want you two be caught 2ayiing 2omethiing you 2houldn't on the iinternet and gettiing your whole diig ruiined or liike. culled or anythiing.

>Holy fuck thats so much pink. Thats just. An obnoxious amount of pink. Hes going to spend a while watching the mediculler, and Snips. The one flaw is that there isnt any audio on this shitty thing. Maybe he ought to work on that..

twotoned2marta22 > Let her live dude, most of her attention has been taken up but your (justifiably) murderous alt down in the basement. > Also yeah, this generally isn’t her job.

im n0t t00 w0rried, snips here has apparently been telling every0ne and their lusus that hes a limebl00d and n0b0dy has c0me after him

> Except the "2talker Pyrope" of course. She almost chuckles at that.

> Snips doesn't appear to be saying anything, but occasionally he flinches and starts to turn on the mediculler like he intends to attack. The mediculler jumps away, Snips slumps back down, the process continues and repeats.

geminidoomed That2 true, but 2ometiime2 deviice2 have word triigger2 iin them you never know, yeah?

>He tapped his fingers against his chin, lips thinned out into a line.

twotoned2marta22 i supp0se anyways! is there anything y0u want me t0 pass 0n t0 snips f0r y0u? 0ther than the general "hey, s0 and s0 asked if y0ure 0kay"

> Aradia slumps back on the floor rug she's laying on. It was a mighty beast at some point. Now it's just fur.

> Snips gradually lashes out less and less. By the time the mediculler packs up their things, he looks barely responsive. He shuffles toward a recuperacoon when motioned towards it.

geminidoomed yeah let hiim know II've been worriied and II'm lookiing forward two 2eeiing hiim agaiin wiill you? -hey iit wa2 niice meetiing you Aradiia but II need two jet.

>To snips, he needs to jet to Snips, he grabs his armored coat  and shrugs it on without doing up the buttons, and double checks to make sure his sword is in his strife specibus, before he relocates himself to the coordinates hes watching snips from. He wanted to grab him before he hit the sopor because the sopor would make things at least twice as more difficult than they needed to be.

twotoned2marta22 will d0. h0pefully hes g0ing t0 be right as rain and back 0nline s00n

> She doubts it. The kid has developed a stubborn streak since going wild, and he won't listen to reason until it breaks. Aradia is tired of wrigglers.

> Snips is unbuttoning his shirt slowly, fumbling with the buttons but hissing if anyone attempts to help. He can deal with this on his own, fuck you very much.

geminidoomed >The sudden appearance of a wild space pirate in the room cant be going completely unnoticed, he started closing the distance between them. "2niip2!"

twotoned2marta22 > The mediculler was just leaving, and upon witnessing the... sudden and very magical appearance of another troll, yanks open the door to shout for the guards. Two clowns and three blue brutes pile in as the mediculler makes their escape. > A door appears in the wall behind the recuperacoon, and through it steps a troll cloaked in black and fuchsia. The door disappears.

> Snips takes a solid five seconds to realize his name is being called. He looks up sluggishly.

geminidoomed >Man those guys are fucking fast, they appeared almost as quickly as he did. Did the mediculler already drug snips more? He wishes he'd had a better angle to see what he'd been doing.

>Sparks began to mentally map where everyone in the room was- including holy shit that fuchsia where the shit did she even come from??

>Time to try to scoop snips up. He obviously can't move fast enough right now.

>He was prepared to be bitten this is his life now.

twotoned2marta22 > They've been hovering in hopes of a chance to beat down the lime, honestly. They each have dead or hurt friends this week because of him. The mediculler had no drugs, this is plain old exhaustion, but they are fumbling to run and get a palmhusk out of their bag to contact Aradia.

> The witch hasn't moved from behind the coon yet, while the blues and clowns have already fanned out, blues already charging ahead while the clowns hang back. The air starts to feel thick and distorted from chucklevoodoos.

> Snips does flash his teeth, though it's hardly a threatening sight. Then he slips right out of Sparks' reach, the floor yawning open and closing the moment he's fallen through. Then he pops out of the wall and hits the floor winded, right next to the witch.

geminidoomed >Sparks's teeth were much more impressive as he bared them, half grin and half challenge, eyes blazing up bright his sword appeared in his hand and crackled with psionics. His reaction to fear was to primarily spin it into rage, to kill whatever he was afraid of, some of his panic attacks had been lethal or near lethal for people.

> - First deal with the trolls closing in, he whirled on them to engage while he let the rest of his brain calculate the exact position his friend was in relitive to his, because between kicking someone away from his sword, and turning to another he was going to dissappear and appear near snips again to take a chance and try to scoop him up even that close to the witch.

twotoned2marta22 > There's a brief second of confusion as they each realize that their opponent is a gold psion, and that he's clearly wielding magic. For a moment, the witch's snarl of outrage overrides the chucklevoodoos stuffing up the atmosphere with noise. One of the clowns decides to get into Sparks' head. With a lowblood, it's bound to be easy.

> Between magic and voodoos, Snips has completely frozen up in terror. He makes no attempt to move from where he is on the floor, aside from curling up on his side and covering his face.

geminidoomed >That tore a snarl out of him, the moment he felt an actual touch on his mind he mentally grabbed onto it and lashed his power back along the link between them wrecklessly.

>Snips is no help but he just has to get him up into his arms, and his psionics will help- it was just too hard to do the calculations to get them out of there with them seperate.

twotoned2marta22 > The first clown stumbles back with a shout, stunned, and two blues rush Sparks again while the third glances back in confusion.

> Manacles conjure up from beneath Sparks and cease his legs; the witch launches an orb of black something that hits Sparks' back hard.

geminidoomed He fell forward, caught by the legs and struck from behind, and came back up, eyes flashing, to  make a gesture in the air with his hand,  then slicing it toward the witch. Dramatics all of it, he gutted the part of her physical code that dealt with phenotype and replaced it with the typing for a rust blooded troll. - He was distracted momentarily with that.  and when his attention tore back to the guards rushing in they were far too close, he struck out at a knee while he tried to get his feet back under him and away from the things holding him down.

twotoned2marta22 > The witch collapses, loudly groaning but already struggling to get off the floor. She's stubborn. One blue's sword clangs off Sparks' leg; the other brings a hammer down on his chest with full force.

> The witch has Snips fall through an open window in the floor. He's moved elsewhere in the room but unseen.

geminidoomed He felt the weight of the sword his his leg, and the force of it all the way through to the bone, though the edge was turned away.

There was a crack, and a shattering pain that went all the way through his body, his sword found the inside of the hammer wielder’s elbow and thrust, twisting it he was seeing white as the hammer came down on him, sword work too late to stop it, and arm too weak to block a blueblood's blow, a bubble of swirling blue force burst outward from him to throw everything near him away, while he struggled to breath, his chest was shattered and he was suffocating- he didn’t have long, he had to fix this in his code

twotoned2marta22 > The blue isn't going to be wielding his hammer again anytime, stumbling back and clutching his wound, then thrown with the rest by the burst of psionics. Sparks would have a reprieve, except the witch comes shrieking in with a last action, crafting a hammer of her own of the same inky black material as before and sending it to the hands of the second clown, who brings it down on Sparks with even greater force and rage than the blue. > Mostly rage.

geminidoomed The clawing desperate pain and pressure in his chest exploded - He saw white, and then black, his body was ruined and he was overwhelmed. The half dead god stopped breathing, his heart stopped beating, everything stopped, and he laid crumpled.

twotoned2marta22 > The fighting stops, and this is when Aradia arrives. A clown is unconscious on the floor, all of the blues are bleeding, the witch is keening on the floor while the other clown stands over her holding an magically constructed hammer, there's a strange corpse in the middle of the room, the Captor is gone--

> Oh, there he is. His head is poking out from the pile of blankets and cushions to one corner of the block, staring in shock at the body. He's weeping.

“Artiifex...? Artiifex?? Fex?!”

> Aradia brings her hands together in a loud clap, startling everyone silent and bringing the trolls’ attentions to her. The medicullers she ordered to follow warily peek into the room.

“Docterror, get these four to the medical ward immediately. Jolyre, send down a cleaning crew for this mess and then go make sure your brother’s pan hasn’t been fried, Sister, tell me right now why you’re hiding in your cloaks more than usual and why there is a dead body in this block.”

> The witch doesn’t say anything, just uncovers one now-rust eye and stares up at Aradia. She heaves a sigh.

“Go with the medicullers, explain everything to me later.”

“No.”

“No?”

> The witch gestures to Sparks’ crumpled body, face twisted in disgust. “The psion struck a deal with something. He still lingers.”

“Can you take care of it?”

“Of course I can.”

> The witch and Sparks disappear through doors that exist for a moment. Aradia stays in the room, staring Snips down until cleaners and a new batch of guards arrive. She doesn’t say anything when she leaves. Snips doesn’t say anything either.

[tracelii]

Listen yall by time I finished there’s not going to be any eyesagao left for anyone else to fucking write i s w ea r

The afternoon left a weird taste her mouth, like something that was supposed to be good, and yet.. yet something lingered afterwards, pulling her emotions into a soured look. It was unpleasant in almost every shape and form, but she accepted it as yet another thing she simply just needed to ‘fix’ between her and Jack.

Ellie paced back and forward, crossing the few feet of her dorm in just a few steps, but was completely focused on the object in her hands, turning it over again and again, studying its features, almost as if she could find all of her answers just by doing this.

Had she ever stolen from Jack before? Not that she could recall- or, not that she had a reason to, or had even meant to this time around.

But like, obviously, he was texting Traci, how else did the two meet up with each other, away from her prying eyes?

Ellie cleared the surface of the smartphone, making the shape she had seen Jack make a hundred times. The phone’s screen had brightened, and soon after, unlocked.

Yes, it had to be so. This was how it was happening, all behind her back. It wasn’t Jack’s fault, certainly. He was amazing and funny and great, and Traci, well, Traci was just jealous of what was here- of what, and who she couldn’t have. That certainly wasn’t Jack’s fault, and Ellie was sure, she was so sure that he just didn’t understand that he had everything he’d ever need in her.

He saw the good in her that she couldn’t see in herself. She was good, and good enough for him. Why see anyone else?

She formally realized his background screen was a picture of the both of them, each of them in the middle of an action that had caused both of them to appear slightly blurry, and with wild expressions to boot. Jack was reaching for the camera of whoever had clicked it, and was half grinning, but probably opening his mouth to say something, and Ellie had her eyes wide as she remained seated besides him, but reached wildly to try and catch her boyfriend’s milk-drink that seemed to ascend from the table (mostly because Jack had elbowed it). Her hand was blurred into a completely different dimension, but she recalled missing the milk completely, and (for the second time this year) slam dunking into the mash potatoes.

She barely remembered this happening, but found herself studying the picture, and begging her memory not to tell her that Traci had been one to take it, for no other reason in particular than assuring her that Traci was making him smile. That Traci had the time of her life, and this resulted in potato-hands part 2, and that something that Traci had done was now on her boyfriend’s phone.

Her anger returned. She went into the gallery of the phone, deleting it in a fit of jealousy and leaving his background bare before returning to the main menu, and flipping through his contacts.

Traci wasn’t here.

Ellie had checked, double checked, triple checked the list. Her name, or nothing that could be it, was here. She backed out into the main menu again, and stared into the nothingness behind his apps. Was it possible that she was… wrong?

No. Not a chance.

She moved on into his messages where… of course, she had been the most current message with the multiple times she had texted him up until they had met again this morning. Below that was a few familiar names- Luke, Caddy, some guy named Mark, but underneath her message and right above theirs was a blank space.

Curiously, she tapped it, and an empty message log opened for her. There was no number, no name, and no messages, but the text box curser blinked, waiting for her. Ellie wasn’t sure what to do next.

[Jack- 15:48]- Traci?

[     - 15:48]- !! Jack!!

Her chest was cold. This was her. It was her, it was Traci, here, texting Jack on his phone. His phone with Traci’s picture. Texting him. Texting him like he was hers.

There wasn’t quite a feeling that could describe the hatred that seemed to add to the frost that refused to melt over her heart. Her fingers tapped at the keyboard with renewed purpose.

[Jack- 15:50] Traci, we’ve got to talk.

[     -15:50] didn’t you say we couldn’t meet during the day?

[Jack- 15:50] never again

It was showing that someone was typing, but Traci’s typing quickly stopped.

[     -15:51] What do you mean

[Jack- 15:51] never talk to me again. I never want to see you again.

[     -15:51] Jack?

[     -15:51] Jack? What did I do?

[     -15:53] I’m sorry, I can fix it just tell me what to do

[Jack- 15:57] you’ve come between us for the last time. There’s nothing you can do but to leave me and Ellie alone. And let us be together. And leave us alone. There’s nothing else.

[Jack- 15:57] leave us alone

[Jack- 15:57] leave us alone

[Jack- 15:58] leave us alone

[     -15:58] Please, I cant go on without you!

[     -15:58] I did everything you asked

[     -15:58] im sorry, what can I do?? What can I do to show you how much I love you?

[     -15:59] I need you dont go!

[     -15:59]  pl e

[     -15:59] I cn t go

[     -15:59] ill d e

[     -15:59]

[     -15:59]

[     -15:59]

[     -16:00]

There was a sick satisfaction to see the desperation fizzle out. It felt like victory, if victory came with a sickening guilt, but the guilt was muted, and so far away. This was how it was supposed to be. Jack would be safe from Traci, now.

Tears dripped down Ellie’s face as she chuckled a bit to herself, pulling the phone to her chest. Maybe it would be over… Maybe there’d be peace at last. With a sigh, Ellie pulled on the door, expecting anything but Ian standing there, his hand up like he was supposed to knock.

“Ah.” Ian blinked vaguely. “What kind of telepathy-“

“What are you doing here?” Ellie asked breathlessly. Her brain screamed at her that she had been caught. Everyone in the school must have known what she’d done, and they’d hate her, even though She was right and Traci was wrong. They would… they would-

“Uh, Are you alright?” Ian said, pointing at the object she was clutching possessively. “Is that… Jack’s phone?”

“No?” She answered with a question, and to which question was just as much as a mystery.

“You took his damn phone. Like, took it. And it’s on, what did you do?”

“You’re not supposed to be in the girl’s dorm.” Her voice shook. “And Jack left his phone and I’m going to give it to him.”

“I told you two hours ago I was coming to pick up my text book and Jack didn’t fucking leave his phone, he’s been in the library all day. You told me that, Ellie.”

More gaps in her memory. She had no clue what she had done since she’d seen Jack that morning. She didn’t recall even seeing Ian let alone telling him to show up to her dorm.

She scrubbed at her eyes to clear the tears, but stumbled back as Ian held his hand out for the phone.

“I said I would give it to him.” She assured him. “So… it’s fine.”

“Show me you didn’t do anything to his phone and you can have it.”

“Do anything?” She asked. “He’s my boyfriend, what the hell would I do?” her voice was challenging, but Ian shot back.

“I don’t fucking know that’s what I’m trying out. You’ve been all sort of doing all batshit stuff, so prove to me that you didn’t do anything, and I’ll let it go. I’ll just leave right now- even without my textbook.” He still had his hand out.

Well, no, she didn’t do anything crazy or wrong, but Ian wouldn’t believe that. He never would. She continued to clutch the phone close to her, and refused to move. “N… No.” She whispered.

“What?”

“I said no. It’s… its none of your business.”

“Okay, well, it’s Jack’s business.” Ian said sharply. “So lets go tell him, yea?”

“No!” The demand emerged from her mouth as a shriek. This was supposed to be her happy ending. This was supposed to be the start of the good part. Ian would ruin that if he told Jack.

She reached for… she wasn’t even sure at that point- probably his shoulder if not his shirt collar, but she had startled him to turning back in her direction, and she instead let her hand strike him right across the cheek. Both of their positions in relation to each other was odd and askew- And- her hand was supposed to be open, but she just-

Ian hissed, bringing his hand up to the cut that began to well on his cheek. He turned back towards Ellie, both of their eyes open in shock.

“Oh- I didn’t-“ She trembled slightly, and the phone forgotten, dropped to the floor. She took a step back into her room. “No, I didn’t mean to—I’m—“

Ian’s glare was set on her and was for the moment was completely unforgiving. The cut wasn’t too bad, maybe half an inch in length, but it was there, and was definitely something that now existed.

“No, Ian, I didn’t mean-“

He ignored her, and picked up the phone, turning it over in his face.

“What in the hecklord was that? Who’s yelling like they’re being mur—” Elsa asked, poking her head out the stairwell down the hallway. Her joking, casual expression spiked into panic, and she stepped out to hurried over. “What happened- Ian your face! Ellie?”

“Elsa, where’s Traci’s dorm?” He asked, looking up from the phone

“Huh?”

“Her dorm, we need to check on her right now.”

“It’s downstairs-“ but Elsa knew not to ask anymore questions. She turned back around and ran back for the stairs. Ian didn’t even give Ellie another look before he took off running after Elsa and disappeared into the stairwell as well.

Ellie carefully followed suit- not exactly sneaking, but her mind was so focused on the phone that she had to follow. All that was in her brain is that Jack wouldn’t understand, if Ian explained it. Jack didn’t even have to know. If Ian opened his mouth, people will be upset with her because they wouldn’t understand. She had to get the phone back. She had to delete those texts.

She entered the stairwell, mere echoes of thoughts all around her of what could happen now. Some part of her felt… bad? She certainly. She felt something, but she couldn’t describe it. She couldn’t… put her finger on it, but something about this was wrong. Something about this… something about what she had done.

Before her now was the open, and noticeably empty dorm room of Traci’s. Elsa and Ian stood off to the side, just inside the room, worriedly talking amongst themselves.

Nothing had meaning to her anymore, Ellie realized. Not the photos of Jack on the wall, not the abandoned phone of Traci’s on the floor. It didn’t mean anything. She didn’t feel anything. Something seemed to be wrong, but there was no indication of what it might have been.

She was doing this to protect Jack. If nothing else, absolutely nothing else, she had to protect her beloved.

“She could be anywhere.” Elsa murmured, looking around the room.

“I know.” Ian said grimly. “Do you think she stayed on school grounds?”

“I have no clue. I hope she did.” Elsa glanced up, staring at Ellie worriedly. “Ellie, shes your friend, believe it or not. You have to at least care about her. At least a bit. She could get hurt.”

But it was talking like a blank wall. Ellie put her hand out, and said nothing else, her face neutrally super focused on the phone Ian was waving around.

He only sighed in annoyance, and put the phone in her hand. “I don’t know what you’re trying to prove, but you’re getting on my god damn nerves.”

“Prove…” Elsa said slowly as Ellie clutched the phone, then turned to quickly head away to where she had been heading in the first place- back to Jack. She had to make sure he was safe, of course… and to put the phone back.

“Traci would want to prove herself.” Elsa said suddenly. “Ian, we have to check the school roof.”

“The roof-“

“Remember what I told you about what she told me? Ian, we gotta get to the roof. Right now.”

The words of irrelevant conversation faded from her forethought. Ellie walked calmly as her friends (a questionable term) ran past her towards the main building.

But that they didn’t matter, whoever or whatever they would find. It definitely didn’t matter- not to Ellie. All that mattered was Jack.