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scatterbrainedbot · 8 months ago

Text

redraw of one of my very first tmnt drawings!!

had meant to do it exactly the one year later mark, but i blinked and suddenly april was may was june -- so ended up being more like a year and 1.5 months lol

May 11th, 2024 vs. April 6th, 2023

its so funny seeing them nest to each other now, but i remember when i finished the first version last year, i was so proud to have finally made a proper 'finished' piece.

like, yall, i struggled for years to every be able to create a piece i would ever call close to 'done'. part of that is me being a very knit-picky kinda person, and wanted to continue to tweak everything all of the time forever, but on top of that i also do work slow af, and before last year i didnt really have access to any digital media. and i love traditional mediums, but im defintiely not practiced enough to be able to get the results i was looking for with any sort of speed. like im genuinely not sure i created a single 'finished' work in my life -- not in school, not in work, not even in the free space of silly fandom doodles.

and then this piece happened!

and i knew even then that it was messy and rough af, but it had a background!! and color!! sure, the linework wasnt polished at all but still, for a silly little fanart? it was defined enough to distinguish the separate characters, and read expressions! there was even a little tiny bit of lighting!! i hate lighting!!

seeing the two versions side by side honestly i kinda have to laugh at how Rough the first version looks now. but you know what. im still so so proud of it. the colors are muddy, theres no shift in value; their clothing designs arent at all defined, leos teeth look weird af and theres lines on caseys face that are definitely from me accidentally dragging my fingers across the tablet when i didnt mean to but like. its there! its finished! i did it!

idk. ive never had a piece ive ever wanted to hang on my own fridge before. :)

#disappears off tumblr for like two months #im alive i swear #my art #human tmnt #rottmnt #redraw #did the old one in early April of 2023 and this new version May 11th 2024 #(and then promptly forgot to post it for like a month)#i genuinely didnt think my art had changed that much this past year #besides just getting more comfortable with the digital media #but im actually really really pleased and kinda proud with the improvements!#understanding values and composition esp #always struggled with having characters feel like they actually existed in the same space #and werent just stiff seperate drawings that happened to be next to each other #and color and lighting have always been enemy number one #still definitely cannot begin to say i 'understand' them #but im starting to be able to fake it better #:)

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defnotv11 · 3 months ago

Note

Jd fic where it’s inspired by trash (basically cheating on u with groupies, fem reader pls ty!)

𐙚 Never Again - Jonathan Davis x Fem!Reader

Authors note-I found out that he was doing this during the family values tour so I based it off that! This post has gotten deleted so many times and I had to redo all of it multiple times but here we go

Summary: Your boyfriend is finally sober and your very proud and happy! Little did you know he’s coping with it by cheating on you. Takes place in 1998!

warnings: mentions of sex, cussing, Jon being a dick.

In your relationship with Jonathan, he was struggling. Struggling with addiction. His eyes were always red and glassy, and he seemed distant most of the times. You understood that he didn’t mean to be so aloof with you but the drugs had a strong hold on him. He’d even do some hardcore drugs behind your back, knowing how angry you would be if you found out.

Of course, you did all in your power to assist him overcome his addiction. You were hurt to see him in this state. So depressed and mentally exhausted.

Until he actually hurt you.

After Korn had played their last song, they took a moment to say their goodbyes to the crowd. They had just played all in the family with limp bizkit. Still, the audience applauded and tossed objects onto the stage.

As for you, you were sitting backstage waiting for your boyfriend. Happy that the show was over so you could finally see him and have his attention. You continued to patiently wait for him, bouncing your leg up and down slightly. You could still hear the crowd yelling and begging for more.

I looked up I heard footsteps approaching and thought I saw my boyfriend walking towards me, I felt my heart skip a beat in anticipation. However, as the person got closer I realized it was not my boyfriend, it was just Munky. I felt a pang of disappointment wash over me, but quickly tried to hide it with a smile. I was happy to see him, but I couldn't help feeling a little let down at the same time.

“Hey y/n,” He said slightly breathing heavily, sweaty from the show. “Hi..” I said giving him a smile before speaking again. “Have you see Jon..?” My tone had a hint of hope. Oh- uh” He turned a little, his eyes darting around before turning back towards me. “Umm…no I haven’t but I’m sure he’s somewhere.. probably in the dressing room..” He said reassuringly, smiling.

I nodded and stood up from where I was sitting, letting out a muttered 'thanks' as I began to walk away. I couldn't help but feel a bit frustrated and confused as to why my boyfriend hadn't come to find me yet. Normally I’d be the first thing he’d come to after every show. I made my way through the crowded backstage area

I had finally made it to the dressing rooms and felt wave of relief. I saw that all the rooms were open except for one. I couldn't help but feel a bit puzzled, but the thought that he was probably in there filled me with excitement. I reached out and placed my hand on the knob, twisting it gently, only to find that the door was locked.

My heart sank a bit, disappointment and confusion washing over me. Why was the door locked? Was he avoiding me for some reason? I was about to knock on the door until I was caught by a faint moan coming from inside. The sound sent a shiver down my spine and my heart skipped a beat. It was a feminine moan, and it was coming from the dressing room where my boyfriend was supposed to be. I leaned in closer, carefully trying to listen in more, my heart racing and body shaking.

“Fuck, your such a slut…letting me use you, huh?”

I felt my heart stop for a moment as I heard Jonathan's voice coming from inside the dressing room. The shock and disbelief paralyzed me for a few moments as I tried to process what the fuck was going on. The words that I had just heard. His voice was unmistakable, and the vulgar language and the tone left no room for doubt. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and I felt my stomach drop.

I leaned in closer to the door, trying to listen more closely to what was happening inside. Every word that I heard made my heart sink further. I could hear sounds of skin and movement coming from inside, it seemed like they’ve been at it for a while.

I couldn't just stand there any longer, listening to the sounds coming from inside the dressing room. I couldn't just accept what was happening. I took a deep breath and tried to collect myself. I was so overwhelmed with everything right now that I just needed to leave. I walked away from there and I made my way back into the crowd of people and tried getting out. I just wanted to get away. I stumbled upon another dressing room, one that I didn't know existed. Without thinking, I went inside and closed the door behind me.

I leaned against the door, my breathing ragged and my mind racing. The reality of what I had just witnessed was sinking in, and the pain and anger were starting to set in. I felt a lump form in my throat and tears threatening to spill over, but I held them back. For now I just needed a moment to myself to process everything that had just happened and figure out what to do next. I felt sick, almost nauseous.

I leaned against the door completely lost. I couldn’t believe this was happening and it was real. I’ve been there for him pretty much all his life and helped him through everything. I felt anger and betrayal. I was there alone, standing there vulnerably in my tears. What the fuck was wrong with him?

The sudden knock on the door startled me, causing my heart to race again. I had been lost in my thoughts, completely wrapped up in my own world, and the sound brought me back to reality. I was irritated at the interruption, wanting nothing more than to be alone. I stood there for a moment, contemplating whether to ignore the knock or answer the door. But the again, the knocking wouldn’t stop unless I went and answered it.

I took a deep breath before opening the door, preparing myself for whoever was on the other side. As the door swung open, I was met with the sight of Munky standing there, looking a bit sheepish. He gave me a hesitant smile and said, "Hey, I saw you come in here, you …good?” He was quite concerned of my state.

I was a bit taken off-guard at his presence, but I tried to hide my feelings with a nod. "Yeah, I just... needed a minute," I mumbled. Munky seemed to notice my somber mood, his smile faltering slightly. "Is everything okay?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. I hesitated for a moment before deciding not to burden him with my problems. "Yeah, everything's fine," I lied, hoping he wouldn't press further.

Munky looked at me skeptically, like he knew I was hiding something, but he didn't press the issue. "Alright," he said finally, "just wanted to let ya know we’re heading out." I gave him a small smile, appreciating his concern, but also relieved that he wasn't pushing further. "A-alright.”

I walked out of the dressing room, closing the door behind me with a soft thud. As I turned to walk away, I felt a wave of conflicting emotions wash over me again. Part of me wanted to just find Jonathan and confront him about what I had seen, but another, larger part of me was afraid. I didn’t know why. I decided to take a deep breath and try to calm myself down before making any hasty decisions. I walked aimlessly for a few minutes, my mind still reeling from the earlier events. Suddenly I heard a familiar voice calling my name.

“Y/n? Where were you?? I’ve been trying to look for you.” Jonathan said walking up to me, putting his hand on my waist. His voice was casual, like nothing had happened, but the touch of his hand angered me. I tensed at his touch, I didn’t want to feel it.

“Here only.” I muttered not even looking at him and moving his hand off me. Jonathan seemed caught off guard, though his expression was a little irritated. "Whoa, hey." he said, his voice a little stern. "Why are you acting like this?”

“You had a good time backstage, huh?” The words left my mouth in a sharp, bitter tone. I could see the flash of surprise on Jonathan's face followed by a moment of realization, before his expression hardened. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice guarded. My eyes narrowed as I began to speak bitterly. “Don’t give me that shit.” Jonathan's irritation quickly turned to anger, his eyes narrowing as he snapped back. "Watch your tone," he said, his voice sharp and authoritative. I stepped back from him. “Oh really?”

Jonathan rolled his eyes slightly, clearly not giving a shit. “So what, I fucked her okay? ‘Not a big deal.” I could feel my heart sinking into my stomach as the words stung. He didn't even seem to care or realize the gravity of what he had just said. "Not a big deal?" I repeated, my voice shaky. "You cheated on me and it’s not a “big deal?!” I look at him in disgust which kinda hurt him a little but didn’t change his cold demeanour. “It was a one time thing! Didn’t mean anything.”

I felt my anger and hurt rise up even more. How could he be so calloused about it? "It meant nothing?" I repeated incredulously. "You say that like it's supposed to make me feel better?" He took a step closer to me, trying to salvage the situation. "Look it’s just sex, it didn’t mean anything. I didn’t expect you to get so upset over this-“

“Of course I’m upset! You fucked someone else behind my back, what if I did that to you?!” Jonathan seemed a bit taken back by this, even more than he usually is. "You dont.. you wouldnt do that.. you arent like that..“ he mumbled the last part. He couldn’t imagine you sleeping with someone else.

“Exactly ….I’m not like you.” I muttered coldly. That seemed to tick him off. Jonathan raised a brow, he was definitely surprised by that. His mood now changed to cold and stern as the words left my mouth. He raised a brow, seemingly taken aback by my response. It was clear that my comment had struck a nerve. "“…Oh so you think your better than me now, huh?…Do you really think you're so perfect?" his was voice sharp.

I was suddenly intimidated by him and could feel the nerves and uncertainty building up inside me, knowing that he had the upper hand in this situation. But despite my unease, I tried to maintain a hint of resilience. "Uh..." I mumbled, unsure of what to say next, all I could do was just stand there pathetically in front of him as he was waiting for a damn response from me.

Jonathan stood there, waiting for my response. His cold, stern expression never wavered, making me feel even more uncomfortable and vulnerable."Well?" he prompted, his voice sharp. I fidgeted nervously, unsure of what to say. I knew that whatever I said next would only dig me into a deeper hole. He took a pause for a second before moving closer to you, he spoke almost mockingly. He chuckled a bit. “Yeahhh, thats what i thought.. you arent like that cause you actually can keep your damn legs closed.“ The silent, tense moment between us seemed to last forever, with his gaze fixated on me, waiting for me to speak.

I could feel the hurt and anger welling up inside me, I bit back my impulsive urge to lash out, knowing that any kind of reaction would only give him more satisfaction. Instead, I spoke up harshly. “Fuck you.” Jonathan looked at me angrily and there was a hint of surprise in his eyes.

"Excuse me?" he said, a hint of annoyance in his tone. “Yeah, fuck you.” I repeated before continuing, “I fucking trusted and loved you so much and your doing this behind my back? And then your acting as if it’s nothing?!” jonathan chuckled. “..So you’re just gonna leave me cause one time i went ahead and did that?” he sounded very irritated now, obviously not taking you serious, he was still trying to defend himself and he could be so manipulative at times.

Your eyes started feeling a bit watery. You didn’t want to cry in front of him and give him that satisfaction. You just couldn’t believe how careless he was being and how he was being towards you. Not even showing any guilt or shame. This wasn’t the man you fell in love with at all. You just didn’t know what to do. You hated the fact that you still loved him.