#im actually so sick over whatever the fuck is happening with max

[reigningm4x]

i will burn down all of monaco if charles or max don't win. no one else. NO ONE ELSE.

[kookidough]

random rant about tbp tiktok cause i’m actually Sick of it at this point💆‍♀️💆‍♀️ these issues probably exist Outside of tiktok as well but i only ever see them on there so thats the platform i’m gna talk about

before you read i just wanna say warning for mentions of sa!!!!!

first of all i dont want to jump straight into the serious shit so the unoriginality is actually INSANE like ive been seeing the same jokes since 2022, can we Please get something funnier than “griffin does gymnastics / is a ceiling fan” 😭 the amount of times recently i’ll see a tbp tiktok and then get someone copying the idea and making the Same exact post like 3 scrolls later is insane like Pls can we be original Pls this movie is so sad i need something to laugh at

outside of being totally unoriginal some of the jokes tend to be Really Fucking Disgusting like straight up joking about assault, i shouldn’t even have to explain that thats not funny in the slightest?? this one person made a bunch of really gross ones and kept blocking people who called them out in the comment section, my friend had to dm them Several times and all they did was take down one post, the rest are still up with a ton of views :/ i know its like shock humour or dark humour or whatever but i dont see the ‘funny’ side of a grown man forcing himself onto a child and i think if youre laughing at that you should sit down and ask yourself why you think thats so funny.. people in the comments are always like “i shouldn’t laugh” so they Know its wrong as well which just ugh the whole thing just really gets on my nerves

another thing that gets on my nerves is the lack of media literacy and straight up spreading misinformation, maybe on the media literacy part i’m just a hater but i see so many questions being asked or theories being posed when all of the things mentioned were… literally answered in the movie?? “whats up with finney and gwen’s mother” it’s literally said in the movie that she has the same ability as gwen and she killed herself bc of it, next question, “why was max so interested in finding the missing boys” maybe because he was a coked up conspiracy theorist who saw a serious crime happening in his brother’s area so he decided to be a genuine concerned citizen who wanted these boys to be found💀 “why did the grabber kill max” because he had evidence of the highly awful crimes he’d been committing and was about to let his latest victim free?? the list goes on and on but those r the main ones i see all the time

as for the misinformation. Ough. it annoys me So much this is a hill i will die on😭 i dont know if its people’s half-baked theories or personal headcanons that just got way out of hand but i see so much stuff being spread that just Isnt true, it gets spread so far that when you google these things it appears as true when its not which is annoying !!! i actually was gonna make an entire rant about one theory in particular that pisses me off so bad but i can fit it in here alongside my list of “other theories presented as facts that i Absolutely Despise”

first theory, the one i was gonna make an entire post over, is the theory that vance is the grabber’s son. if i see one more tiktok of those two with that marina and the diamonds song im going to fucking lose it😭 i have no idea where people got this from but its so fucking popular that it comes up on google and i Hate it, i think it comes from the fact that in gwen’s dream sequence, which, might i add, WAS A DREAM, it looks like the police drop vance off outside the grabber’s house and he goes inside there, which… apparently automatically makes them related…?? it takes like one ounce of media literacy to realise that Obviously he’d be getting dropped off at his own house in real life, but as a ghost he’s centred on the place he died and is showing that house to gwen in her dreams, like how every other ghost shows that house to her. awful theory awful take i hate it, if its ur personal headcanon sorry but i do Not fw that

the other theories i have like. not much to say about other than the fact that they’re Not true, i see a lot of stuff about griffin for some reason? the number tends to change but a lot of ppl say “he was kept in the basement for 4 years” like . Huh. where is your proof???? i know the missing posters are insanely unreliable but if you literally read them griffin went missing on april 2nd and billy went missing on may 4th so highly likely griffin was only in the basement for like. a month at most, no idea where ppl are pulling 4 years out of💀 i also see people say griffin has broken legs or a broken back Just because of the first scene where we see him doing a backbend but . if that was the case then he wouldnt be able to stand with the other ghosts when they show gwen the house, i think the backbend was just the position he died in and thats why he first appeared that way to finney but Hey thats just my opinion! last two i have like no rants over but just. firstly people saying robin never made it to the basement for some reason but clearly he did otherwise his ghost would not be down there with the rest of them😭 secondly the theory that vance was kept there the longest “because he’s the most feminine” which. just makes absolutely zero sense to me whatsoever idk whos random headcanon got popularised but i dont like it

okay getting serious again, while this one does not make me angry its like. just really weird to me? i think its common knowledge at this point that both the book and the movie are inspired heavily by the john wayne gacy case, with the grabber literally being inspired by john wayne gacy himself (you Cannot argue with me on this one its literally confirmed and theres a boatload of evidence supporting it). i guess its natural to see people making comparisons between the movie and the case because of the inspiration but i’ve seen Several videos recently of people taking photos of jwg victims and putting them next to tbp characters and saying thats who theyre inspired by and i think thats . Really coming across as insensitive i cant lie😭 we know the grabber was inspired by jwg and its heavily thought that billy was inspired by johnny gosch but theres not much about the others and i think its just really distasteful to compare real life murder victims to fictional horror characters just to get views/likes on tiktok, it comes across as insanely disrespectful to me but idk i havent seen anyone else talking about it so i might just be being sensitive

last thing that really really bothers me is grabber simps. while i do see it on tiktok i see it on here, tumblr, most often and its… so odd to me…. like why are you thirsting over the paedophilic serial killer… so so strange to me… i want to see art and character analysis and silly little posts about all the characters but every time i open the tbp tag i’m jumpscared by someones weird ass grabber x reader oneshot and its SO GROSS get that shit away from me😭😭😭😭 also saw this one girl on tiktok one time whos literal entire account was dedicated to the grabber and she defended this by saying the sa in the movie was “just a theory” which is so victim blamey girl i do not trust you there is so much evidence for it in the movie, again w the media literacy point, just because something isnt directly shown to you doesnt mean it isnt shown in other subtler ways… anyway i get if people like the grabber as a villain but actually like. loving him and thirsting over him is weird as fuck to me

so um ya the fandom is a trainwreck can we go back to there being like 3 of us please and thank u. if you actually read all this then Wow thank you its literally just me being chronically online and ranting about stuff that doesn’t matter in the real world at all

[romanscool]

Results!!

the people have spoken! who am I to ignore such a good vote honestly (no one im a sucker for drunk max as well)

Drunk Max is a touchy Max:

The first time Daniel sees Max drunk, they’re in a club in Malaysia. He’s flushed, and wobbly walking, and laughing too much. 

Now, he’s quiet, though. They’re flying from Malaysia to back home in Monaco. They’ve partied all night, so obviously they still have some alcohol running in their blood, even though Daniel’s bodily fluids feel more like blood running in alcohol, and it makes his head buzz. He hasn’t seen Max pretty much all evening, only sharing a couple glances here and there, too caught up in the adrenaline of the win and the pretty girls that flooded the dance floor, but now he feels kind of bad. Max deserved to celebrate a one-two too. 

Except the celebration is finished now, they’re on the plane, a plane that’s too bright and loud for Daniel’s liking, and don’t even get him started on the kid that’s been fighting the back of his seat for at least half an hour now. Daniel has never been much of a child person and this particular one isn’t helping with the view Daniel has of the species. Little fucking monsters.

Max helps though. He’s next to Daniel, on the window seat, lucky bastard, and also completely passed out. His always neat hair is fucked up, spiky and still smelling like a mix of Red Bull, vodka and sweat, his eyes are more bags than actual skin and his lips are so dry it makes Max look like someone who’s just passed three years in fucking Antartica, despite having spent a week in a country that’s way too hot and humid. 

It’s kind of sweet, though. Max is a kid, and he looks like one, all pimple and red cheeks flushing so fucking always but he doesn’t feel like one. Like, sure, he and Daniel joke around all the time, and they’re pretty immature about it, too, laughing like they’re on a candy high 24/7. And Max’s dad is near most of the time, a shadow in the paddock no one wants to cross, not even fucking Max, it’s pretty scary. So it’s clear Max is still barely eighteen. A kid. 

But they have these conversations sometimes, in the middle of the night when they’re both in Monaco and they know they could easily go to the other’s apartment any time they want, but they don’t. They text. Like kids. And in those moments, when Daniel can’t see the baby fat around Max’s face and the childish sparkle only half-hidden by big and thick eyelashes, Daniel can’t associate Max with being barely an adult. It certainly doesn’t feel like it, in the way he speaks, all fancy and perfect English, and his voice isn’t there to crack and betray his age. So, it’s times like these Daniel likes Max a little more than he should.

And right now, he’s sitting in a plane with Max beside him and the only thing going through Daniel’s mind is that he wants to kiss him. Doesn’t even want to be gentle either, he wants to be rough, teeth clacking and saliva everywhere, make it something mature that Max just isn’t. But it’s easy for Daniel to think it’s something that could happen when Max is sleeping peacefully, pale like a sick man and snoring like a grandpa. It’s easy.

It shouldn’t be. 

It isn’t easy when Max puts a hand on Daniel’s shoulder just as he goes to sip his drink. Drunk Max is a touchy Max, Daniel’s noticed, but what he notices less and less these days is that drunk Max is still eighteen-year-old Max, even with how much Daniel wishes it wasn’t the case. But being eighteen doesn’t come with not being touchy, and maybe Daniel’s reading too much into it, or maybe the tequila is fucking with his brain, but he can’t not stare at Max’s lips when he takes a shot, and the fucking lip freckle that Max always licks when he passes his tongue over his mouth to get the last drops of whatever he just drank in his stomach. Daniel thinks it isn’t fair.

And Max laughs, and laughs, and snickers when his mouth is still full of liquid, because drunk Max is still easy-to-laugh Max, especially when Daniel’s here. 

And drunk Daniel is still easy-to-laugh-it-off Daniel as well, so he shakes Max’s hand off off his shoulder and ruffles Max hair to make himself remember he’s a kid. It’s not right. So Daniel shakes it off, laughs to pretend everything is okay and a single touch hasn’t awaken his libido in fucking seconds and goes to find a reasonably aged girl wherever a reasonably aged girl could be in a Monaco club. 

Turns out there’s lots of them. They’re all pretty. Daniel doesn’t want to look too much into it when he picks the one with short dirty blond hair and red plump lips. Tells himself he’s into European looking girls, even though he’s never been, that maybe it’s a thing he’s picked up when he turned 27 last month.

Daniel’s 29 now. He’s still into tall blonde girls and ones that laugh too loud. He’s still into girls with freckles on their face and ones that can’t dress to save their lives. He’s still into girls that don’t look like strangers but that are. It’s easier that way. 

Max is 21 now. He’s still a kid, just a tad older. He isn’t as round on the face, sharper nose and cheekbones. He isn’t as sharp in his body, rounder waist and arms. Daniel doesn’t want to notice that be he does. He notices the hair that starts to grow just under that sharper nose and the muscle that’s building up on his chest, making his Red Bull merch polo stick to his shoulders tighter than it used to. 

Max is 21 and his face is sharper and his body rounder but he still can’t handle alcohol. Two shots of vodka in and slowly nursing a g&t, Max can’t stop himself from getting his fingertips on the small of Daniel’s back. Daniel’s learned to ignore it now. He gets better at it every time they go out, even though they don’t as much this year. The DNFs start to pile up. 

But it’s Mexico, and Daniel got pole, but Max won, so Daniel wonders what he’s even doing here. The girls in Mexico always have dark feature, long brown hair that cascade down their back and chocolate eyes that Daniel used to want to drown in, but not anymore. So it’s clear he isn’t taking anyone home tonight. He’ll have to drown in shitty whiskey and expensive tequila instead. He’ll have to drown under Max’s touch that seems to want to spread over Daniel’s whole body and go home before midnight to not wonder what the fuck he’s doing with his life.

One night, when they’re both in Monaco again, and Daniel is just waiting for the season to end, he finds a drunk Max on his doorstep. A very drunk Max. Which isn’t usual. Not that Max is drunk, because he always is in some type of way, drunk on a win or some wine it doesn’t matter, because Daniel’s used to Max being giddy. He’s used to Max being drunk Max. Thank God for it. 

The weird thing is, when they’re both in Monaco, and even when either one of them is drunk, the only thing they’ll do is text. Like fucking kids, text message that always have too much abbreviations for Max and typos for Daniel. It’s always this way. Texts. Daniel is glad for it in a way, because drunk Max being a drunk Max, he can’t handle himself, and Daniel’s fine handling him in public, but he’s not sure he’ll be able to do it at home. Especially after the neat whiskey he’s started to drink after already finishing three, the one in the glass that’s still on his nightstand. Daniel drinks in bed, so what.

And this drunk Max is flushed, but still standing, so that’s good, but the flush is making the pimples and red spots on his neck and jaw pop out, which isn’t fucking good. At all. Makes Daniel remember Max is still only 21 and that he shouldn’t lust after a guy that just grown out of his teen years. 

« Fuckin’ hell, mate, what the fuck are you doing here. »

« Shut up. » 

Drunk Max is a touchy Max. Turns out he’s also a kissy Max. And he kisses like a kid. All teeth and too much tongue, not even bothering to ask if he can hold Daniel’s waist in the obscene way he’s doing right now. He kisses like he has a lisp, lips scattered everywhere and letting out noises Daniel knows he’ll hear in his dreams tonight. He really hopes Max will be there while he dreams too, though, which isn’t something he should be thinking. But Max has a grip that’s just a little too tight on his hair and it’s fucking up the whole thing sitting inside Daniel’s skull. 

Fucking drunk touchy kid fucking up his whole life. 

[sharksa-shivers]

Want an idea of the beginning dynamic? Aitey lol

(Early af group chat stuff lol, Kristy still getting used to things…Max just drags her into one and then Sharky after a while lmao)

Kristy: Look, i'm fucking terrified of him okay???

Kristy: How in the hell are you not??? Did you see what happened earlier??? With that fish??? And you're still so set on him being harmless??? THAT WAS HORRIFYING TO WATCH HONESTLY…

Max: Lmao, i never said sharky couldnt be intimidating or scary or anything, he hella fucking can if he reallt wants to

Max: thing is that last bit tho, "wants to" would be your key phrase lol. Sharkys chill as fuck 99% of the time…Also he's a giant puss and would coward the fuck out of doing any of thay shit your so scared of. He memes but hed never get over it mentally if he actually hurt somebody like that lmao

Max: he harmlesssssssss uwu, you juwt don't wanna fuckin listen again

Kristy: IM…ARE YOU SERIOUS????

(~Mr. Darktide Rising~ has been added to the group chat. Welcome!!)

Sharky: Yo

Sharky: ….Oh we're on this shavinksta again? Ok.

Kristy: MAX, WHAT THE FUCJ???????

Max: lol, needa get over it, i ain't lettin ya worm out of friendship that easy

Max: Sharky, tell krista something fuckin cool, legit, like whatever

Kristy: God fucking damnit Max!!!!!!! AND IT'S KRISTY

Sharky: Erghhhhhh, hmmmm…

Sharky:(sends a picture of packaged gel pens)I got some new glitter gel pens, can't wait to use these bad boys on some art.

Sharky:(texts picture of a blue rock)Also got this cool aquamarine rock earlier too. It's my birthstone so that's pretty neat. (March, if you were wondering)

Sharky:(sends bunny gifs and stickers)Also bunnies.🐰Bunnies are cool.🐇 You like bunnies Kristy? Pretty sure everybody does… Kristy: anxiety overwhelming, can't do this, fuck…

(Kristy - Has left the chat)

Sharky: ……..Oh, ok.

Max: Man, don't feel bad, just gotta keep trying…

Sharky: I shouldn't fucking have to keep trying to get some basic fucking respect but whatever…

Sharky: Never mind, fucking hell…Gonna draw, maybe rest. Dunno, just…I need to calm down, fucking hell…

Sharky: Fucking hate myself more and more every damn day…And I never actually fucking do anything to earn that…I haven't ever hurt anybody but everyone fucking hurts me…Sick and tired of it…

Max: Dude, fuck, cmon!!!

Sharky: Nah, i can't like…Handle this right now, i need to lay down, really upset now…Just want alone time…

Sharky: I know you want to fix it and i appreciate it Max but you can't fix everything, you can't. You just can't…And some people are always going to fucking hate me for what i am and i can't change that either…

Sharky: Ffs…So fucking done…

Max: Plz, just wait a minute!!!

Sharky: Anyway, laters, peace…

(~Mr. Darktide Rising~ has left the group chat)

Max: like fuckin hell i wont at least try to fix everything

Max: ……..This ain't over and i ain't deletin shit…Ima keep dragging both of you together until you get along on basic terms, this is fuckin ridiculous as fuck ------------- Yeah, so this is more a starting point lol Kristy at first is ABSOLUTELY PETRIFIED of Sharky...And for all the usual reasons... At first Sharky tries to explain and befriend her and whatnot but Kristy is so scared and distrusting of everyone (Probably because she got...yknow, kidnapped and dragged halfway across the world or something, idk lol) She doesn't trust him at all and is constantly thinking the worst of him... So thusssssssssss Sharky starts getting more bitter and pissy and angry towards her because...Well, fuck it. He's tired of being nice to somebody that's constantly throwing shit at him...Which, i do not blame him. (Sharky does have his limits as does...Everyone...) And Max is just like...The awkward middle man that's trying to fix shit because Sharky's his best friend/brother and Kristy's like his new bestie and "wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll we're a team now so you two dumbasses are gonna have to get along to some capacity!!!!" And Max isn't wrong there with the last point either lol... Kristy warms up more to Sharky as she gets more comfortable being in the Campsite and being forced around Sharky and whatnot...It just takes time...And Sharky isn't going to reject somebody who wants to change their mind on him (because he's had to do that a ton of times in his life and...He always wants that circle of close people to get bigger so...) Yeah, yknow lol Also Max is bad at remembering people's names (with Kristy tho, cuz she's being urhhh so bitchy towards the Campsite people who had absolutely nothing to do with her kidnapping and everything, he starts saying the wrong names on purpose cuz it pisses her off lol, that's a beginning joke...) And also also, in case you're wondering: Sharky ate a fish alive in front of em, that's what Kristy was going off about in the beginning bit lol...

[strangeexperiments]

i went on a walk and got angry again because its my own fault im in this situation, at least partially. i was the one who didnt assert myself and let my sibling take the lead in choosing a house. i allowed this to happen. and now im miserable, my entire savings account is gone, and we're behind on the mortgage. but at the same time its not even entirely my fault. my sibling gets sick super early on into having the house and loses their job. they decide to play video games for like ten months instead of trying to do a wfh or something manageable. not my fault. their situation doesn't improve but they magically manage to be capable of handling a job right when things start to get severe. what do you know. my youngest sibling never does a fucking thing ever and the one time they swing a job they quit three days later over a manager being rude to them when we need the money. not my fault. same shit as my dad, who lost his job and never once has tried to get a different one and now has basically no money, but does nothing to fix that beyond the short term. i come back and get my shit together and im super responsible and manage my whole life. but then i let them put me on the hook for things and they absolutely fuck everything for me. its just me n max holding this fucking place together and im barely seeing any of the money my sibling makes because they've only sent me 500 since april started. 250 bucks a month basically. and they blew all of their savings on medical bills because they felt guilty. and ive had to blow my entire top surgery fund keeping this shit up. i had to call into the bank to try and get the mortgage deferred. they didnt call me back today and quite frankly i hope it all goes wrong. i want out of here. i want everything to be ruined so i have a chance to escape. im sick and tired of taking care of total fucking children. im tired of playing father to my siblings, im tired of taking care of people that refuse to make the effort to care for themselves. they dont even say thank you. my dad said thank you *once*, around my birthday. and my middle sibling figured out that i want to leave because they're paranoid about being abandoned. and they talk and it makes me feel guilty! because i do want to leave. i want to go take care of *myself* and be with people who actually value the work i do and care about me as much as i care about them. people who take care of me *back*. but i feel like i have to clean up everything and make sure everything is nice and secure and that they can take care of themselves before i leave. so im trapped! and i keep having dreams about being stuck in my childhood home again. i dreamt that i was being SAed in my kitchen by this massive, flabby old man and i didnt want it. but he claimed that i did because i said hi to him once out in public and i treated him politely. and i keep dreaming that my siblings are tormenting me or fighting with Max or whatever else.

[andvys]

hi babe im back after reading part 13 and i loved it! i know you said you weren't satisfied with it but for me it was perfectly calm and sweet after all that stuff that happened recently! here are some of my fav moments

Idiots. 

well said babe!! they don't deserve you

“You didn’t seem okay before you left. Did we– was it too much?” 

what the fuck do you think. ugGHHHh

“Fuck,” he mumbles, cupping the back of his neck, he looks up into the dark sky, “you fucking idiot.” 

oh! he thinks! 😭

“I’d rather deal with you than love,” you mumble bitterly as you stare at Michael Myers on the TV.

SHE'S SO ME

“You’re not Michael Myers.” 

i can imagine the fake disappointment in her voice and the confusion on eddie's face 😭😭

“See, this is why she’s my favorite.” 

YASSS I LOVE MAX SO SO MUCH 🫶🫶

He regrets what he did before, what was he thinking? 

no bc for real eddie what were you thinking?? (i definitely didn't find the last chapter and the steve eddie sandwich hot)

“You seemed to enjoy kissing him.” 

BAHAHA THE EXPOSING

You can’t even help it, you chuckle at his anger, “I fucked two guys at once, one was a guitarist and the other was a drummer, they looked so good and their di–” he cuts you off by smashing his lips against yours, kissing you possessively again. 

SHE'S SO SASSY 🫦🫦

“I’m taking Henderson to the mall, he wants to buy some last minute christmas presents,” he chuckles, “do you wanna come with us?” 

aww now im in a christmas mood! i also want to buy presents:(

She furrows her brows in confusion, “what do you– oh!” Suddenly, her eyes are wide open and she gasps, cupping her hand over her mouth, “no fucking way,” she mumbles as her facial expression twists into a mortified but amused one. 

I LOVE ROBIN THAT WAS LITERALLY MY REACTION TO THE LAST CHAPTER

“Did your boy toys get sick of you?” 

im swinging through the screen rn

“You take Eddie and fuck his friends while you’re at it too! First Steve and now Robin too?” 

damn wish i had the opportunity to have all 3 😁

“Jesus Christ, girl!” You exclaim, rolling your eyes at her as you finally turn to face her. Her cheeks are red and her eyes are wide open, “shut the hell up,” you mumble in annoyance, “anyone ever tell you that your voice is fucking annoying?” 

AAAA I LOVE READER HAHA

“I just want to be free… like you.” 

oh wait i feel bad for her kinda

She shrugs, “I’m not proud of it but yeah, I guess so.” 

yeah i guess so- GIRL 💀

"Hey," you mumble, "have you ever considered that you might not be into men?" You ask, catching her off guard.

READER IS UNHINGED 😭 i mean good for her but- "hey btw i think you're gay" THAT'S SO ICONIC 😭😭

i think this chapter was absolutely perfect 🫶🫶 also! i just saw your post about witch!reader 👀 i am intrigued... ;) and how are you today? honey anon <3

hi bby🥺 you just put a smile on my face! thank you <3 i’m so happy you liked the new chapter!!! & thank you for the feedback, reading your fave moments always makes me so happy 😭

the disappointment on her face when she said “you’re not michael myers” is so funny to imagine 😂

ALSO YES MAX>>>> she is one of my favorite characters!

“swinging through the screen”😂

omg reader could easily have all 3…..😌

reader just says whatever she wants, she has no filter, especially when it comes to people like chrissy. she really made chrissy think tho, girly spent all night thinking about readers words 😂

and yes omg! i really wanna write something with witch!reader (maybe a fic where she finds powers through her grief after “losing” Eddie…. he is obviously not actually gone)

And i’m good! i finally got starbucks today! how are you, love? 🫶🏻

[hargroves-angel]

you and billy get in a fight and he asks max for help

I Really Fucking Like You Billy Hargrove

Summary - Billy does something he regrets but lets his temper get the best of him resulting in you and him having an argument, however this just makes Billy even more angry causing Max to help her step brother out.

Warnings - Swearing, Billy being mean, Angst, Fluff

A/N - So sorry that this took so long to get out I’ve got a lot to do this week so uploads are going to be spaced out, I hope that’s ok, I apologise in advance though angels!

The front door slammed shut gaining Max’s attention away from her homework. Billy was obviously home. he’d actually been pretty happy recently especially after having been dating you. He just hadn’t stopped smiling, she thought he was sick! you were having some sort of effect on him and it was quite scary for Max, someone had tamed the beast in her eyes. 

Billy hadn’t stopped being annoying but he wasn’t as mean, he even apologised to her for the whole car and her friends incident. 

“Fucking bitch” Billy grumbled as he walked past her open door. “Turn down that fucking music!” he yelled at her from his room. She rolled her eyes but none the less turned it down, going to shut her door. 

That’s when she got really confused. Were those sobs? from Billys room? Was he crying?

She peaked her head round the gap of his door. 

He had his head in his hands. She glanced around at the room seeing how much you really had changed him, everywhere was clean. No dirty washing, no empty beer cans, no cigarette butts in the ash tray. it was so clean. 

“What the fuck do you want shithead?” Billy growled. 

“What happened?” Billy shook his head and laughed lowly. 

“Why do you even care?” He shoved his head back in his hands. Max slowly crept over to sit next to him on the bed. 

“Because like you said, we’re family now… we’ve got to look out for each other” she mumbled cringing at her words as she looked around at his transformed room. To be honest you should come round more often, her room could do with a reorganisation.

“yeah well whatever, doesn’t even matter anyway”

“It clearly matters Billy, I’ve never seen you cry-”

“I wasn’t even crying… that much. Basically we went to a party and I got really drunk, I ended up kissing some girl… I thought it was Y/N, I promise I thought it was her- Same hair, same eyes, same everything to me at the time. The worst part is that this girl pulled me in for the kiss first and me thinking it was Y/N - I just kissed back” Max sucked in a breath. “I should’ve known it wasn’t her - and then I started yelling at her… Fuck I feel so bad” Billy shoved his head in his hands. 

“Well I think… the best thing is to talk to her”

“Ive already done that Maxine, she doesn’t want to talk about it”

“I don’t think think yelling about your point is the same as talking Billy” Max mumbled. 

“Whatever, It’s just she deserves more then just some half assed apology… She’s so important to me Max…”

“How about tomorrow you show up at her house, pick her up and take her to that movie she wanted to watch”

“What movie?” Billy asked genuinely confused.

“she’s been talking about it loads! It’s all she mentions?” 

With that Billy shoved his head right back in his hands. “I didn’t even fucking know that- you know what Maxine, fuck you! get the fuck out of my room now”

“Wait what?!” Max furrowed her eyebrows and huffed.

“Just fucking get out!” Billy yelled at her. Max knew better than to stay, she stomped out. Billy was definitely falling hard for Y/N, in a way it amused her, to see him even getting all angry every time a love song played, let’s just say he’s been working out a lot recently, he was hitting the weights every chance he got whilst the radio played some sort of love song, but it was when your song came on did she see Billy really fall apart, he dropped the weight on the floor and stomped into his room, anger and hurt radiating off him.  

Thats when she felt bad, he usually didn’t give a shit, every girl he’d been with eventually got mad or fed up of his antics and he would come home, bitch about them and then sleep it off not even caring about it the next day. He was so grumpy now a days so she had to do something. So she made a plan, she was going to get you two back together again. God knows you were both way too stubborn and Billy had locked himself at home for the most part, rock music blaring through the walls, the heavy stench of cigarettes and Mary-Jane coming from his room, but as much as she disliked her older step brother she knew she had to help him. 

You were definitely the nicest girl he’d dated. 

So that’s what she did. At 7am sharpish she asked Billy to take her to the lake, to “Meet some friends” He said no at first obviously so she did a bit of extra planning and made a deal, Dad won’t know about weed as long as Billy agrees to take her. He agreed eventually. 

Little did billy know that he was to meet you at that lake. Max had told you to meet her at the lake because she wanted to talk about ‘girl problems’ shed been having and she didn’t want to say it at home because it was embarrassing. 

Billy drove the whole way, cigarette dangling from his lips, sunglasses covering his sleep deprived eyes. 

She noticed how he hadn’t been sleeping recently. He’d been up all night crying but she wouldn’t tell him she knew because he sure as hell would have her for it. 

she impatiently tapped her foot on the floor of the Camaro, her lip caught between her teeth as she chewed on it nervously. This could go a few ways, either Billy gets hurt or you get hurt or maybe you make up. She hoped that you would make up. 

“Would you quit fucking tapping, so fucking annoy-” He paused as he saw you, he pulled into the clearing. 

“I have to go! Ummm maybe you should talk to her” Max ran out of the car. 

“You little fucking sh-” He stopped as he watched you turn around, your eyes landing on the blue car. He saw your smile slip, your eyebrows furrowing and a frown on your face. 

You were wearing his AC/DC shirt. He sighed, opening the door the cigarette being discarded on the floor. 

“Hey!, angel… look im really fucking sorry princess”

“Really Billy! Because Dana told me you didn’t care” You huffed. 

“Look just let me explain…” He felt his patience wearing thin. 

“No Billy! Because every time I let you ‘explain’ you end up yelling at me! telling me it’s my fault and im sorry but I don’t think I can-”

“I DON’T FUCKING YELL” He yelled. A regretful expression on his face as he carded his hands through the ends of his hair. He realised what he’d done, he sighed. “Im working on it baby” his eyes flickered to the floor. “It’s just gonna take time… I promise im working on it” 

“How much time Billy!? Because we’ve been together for 3 months now and you still have this temper! You don’t know how to control yourself, sometimes I get scared, and I know you won’t ever hurt me but, its just I hate this constant screaming match between us, I really fucking like you Billy Hargrove”

He sniffed, his nose scrunching as he looked away, thinking. He felt his eyes gloss over with tears again. He hated crying in front of you. He sniffed again, his face getting more scrunched up as he tried to hold back the tears. he felt your arms wrap around his waist. Your head rest against his chest as you held him. He’d cuddled you before, hell you’d hugged so many times but this felt like more. 

He felt the tears fall. You looked up at him and cradled his cheek in your hand. He still looked the other way, he hated you to see him like this.

“I really fucking like you” you whispered he stood stiff, not being used to this full out intimate feeling. He started to blink and shift his head to look down at you. he placed his hand on top of your one which was holding his cheek. 

“Im sorry…” he mumbled, his eyes were red and puffy. You nodded. 

“I know baby, it’s ok. I believe you over Dana, and im sorry for being impatient, you’re right, we are working on it… slowly but surely” You got on your tip toes to kiss him, he leaned down to meet your lips. you kissed passionately for what felt like hours until Max intervened. 

“Finally you’ve made up! Now can we stop being so dramatic and get home because I can’t do much with a skateboard in a wooded area” She held up her skateboard, her eyebrows raised at you both. 

“Sometimes I really fucking despise you Maxine, but you get the day off for now” Billy grumbled. His arm wrapping around your waist as you kissed his cheek. 

“You need a shower Hargrove, you reek of weed” You giggled into his ear. 

“Suppose you’re gonna have to take one with me, make sure im getting the smell out and everything” he mumbled.

“Ugh get a room” Max cringed as she shoved herself back into Billys car. Thank god she’d gotten you two back together otherwise she’d have to listen to (in her opinion) Billys god awful music for hours. she rolled her eyes and smirked at him. As much of a dick he was, he was family now. 

[teruthecreator]

if you're comfortable, could you say what specifically you hated about the finale? i never got into amnesty but i liked balance so i would like to know how disappointed i should be ://

okay i’m gonna explain this in-detail exactly Once bc i’m trying rlly hard to just forget about the whole epilogue and keep it moving like that shit never happened, so for anyone else who is asking me why i don’t like the finale (and im not saying you’re wrong for asking, anon, it just seems that when you vocally do not like a thing there are hundreds of people who come out of the woodworks to ask you why and i think thats kinda Huh, Weird of everyone but like whatever) i’m gonna lay it all out here on the table and you can take this as you will. 

i’m not gonna be getting into fistfights with people abt this so if you disagree please don’t try and banter with me. i am running on

also, CRITICISM OF ART DOES NOT MEAN CRITICISM OF THE ARTIST. I AM NOT CRITICIZING THE MCELROYS AS HUMAN BEINGS, BUT RATHER THEIR ARTISTIC DECISIONS IN TAZ: AMNESTY. MORE PEOPLE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A SEPARATION BETWEEN ART AND ARTIST, AND ONCE YOU (AS AN ARTIST) POST A PIECE, IT BECOMES SUBJECT TO CRITICISM. I AM NOT BRINGING GRIFFIN, JUSTIN, TRAVIS, OR CLINT’S CHARACTERS INTO QUESTION; I AM SIMPLY GIVING A CRITICISM ON THE SHOW THEY’VE CREATED AS A WORK OF ART. 

oh, this goes without saying, but i will anyway: SPOILERS FOR AMNESTY (IN GENERAL, BUT ALSO FOR EPISODE 36) 

i’m gonna start off by saying, i don’t think the whole episode was a total disaster. there are two things mainly that have ruined the whole experience for me, but for the most part i thought the like first 2 hours of this episode were a lot of fun! the fight scene was a little bogged down in the rolls imo, but it didn’t deter me too much from the overarching boss battle. the intro was a sick concept, i enjoyed the callback bits spliced in w newly scripted bits from mentioned past encounters, that was all well and good. i loved beacon in the episode, and god do i wish he stayed for the whole thing. 

my problem mainly sits with the epilogue, which is why i think the whole episode turns sour in my mind. because the epilogue is supposed to be what satiates your desire to know more, right? not to reference balance too much (bc these are two completely different stories w different premises, and for people to so readily compare them is kinda wack. that being said, they are two stories made by the same people that use an epilogue to wrap up the loose ends, so im gonna make this one comparison), but the epilogue told us, the listener, all the things we wanted to know about after the day of story of song. we got to know what they did, a little bit of their interpersonal relationships, and we even got a big group scene with the killarey wedding! 

this epilogue, though, feels like it left so much still on the table. one of those things i will swing back to later because it is the largest part of my argument, but after all of this time we still don’t know why everyone at the lodge got exiled! no one talks about it! we don’t know how dani ended up there, or jake, or barclay, or moira, or anyone! they don’t reference the banishments at all, which i think is a huge shortcoming figuring that is the core premise as to why these characters exist in our pc’s world in the first place. 

i also feel like the concept of the worlds being divided for a long time is kind of a dumb way to go about framing what they do After The Fact. like, they could have had those scenes happen without the looming concept of them being divided, especially when their big reunion scene is like 2 minutes long and basically does nothing. what would have been a cooler premise is if billy connected the worlds, and the worlds worked together in rebuilding themselves. we still could’ve had the same bits happen (for the most part), but i just think that whole separation bit kinda alienated the pc’s (especially thacker). 

but everything up to aubrey’s epilogue bit is fine. i have some problems, but it’s fine. where i started to completely abandon the work itself though is duck’s bit, and i’m gonna get into it by saying this: I know Justin Mcelroy is not legally required to make all of his characters gay, but this whole scene was just a big reminder to me that this show is done by 4 straight white men

and yeah, my big problem with this scene is the fact that justin had to make Duck/Minerva a thing. because it adds nothing to the story while also being a very skeevy concept in-general, and it reduces minerva’s character down to the Hero’s Girlfriend trope and it’s so comphet and she doesn’t deserve it. 

my first grievance with this: It adds nothing to the story. 

had justin not even mentioned the relationship part of their interaction before the scene actually took place, this scene would be like every other scene involving duck and minerva prior to this. duck says honey once, and even that could’ve been played off as duck just being affectionate to his friends (which is a thing, i call several of my friends “my love” irl and it isn’t a big deal). minerva doesn’t even use pet names, she calls duck by his full name, which is exactly how she addressed him in every other scene! duck’s speech is a genuine heart-puller, but it was completely soured by the fact that justin had to premise this entire scene by saying duck and minerva are a thing. 

my second grievance: it’s a skeevy-as-all-hell concept. 

this whole premise is nasty seven ways from sunday, and it is my biggest problem with duck’s bit as a whole. for starters, and i think more people need to mention this, minerva meets duck on the night of his 18th birthday. which means duck has literally just stopped being legally considered a minor before minerva appears before him. and honestly, i would still consider duck a minor in this case because he has literally just turned 18!!! his brain has not developed past one of a 17-year-old on the exact date of his birthday, and i argue it will not until he is at least in his twenties. keep in mind, your brain does not stop developing until you are about 25. so while in the legal sense, duck is an adult, in both the mental and emotional sense at that exact moment, duck is still a minor. AND he’s still in high school, as referenced in his response to her call to duty: “i got class tomorrow”. and minerva is old enough to have become the minister of defense for her homeworld, go through an entire war, and have several other chosen ones (including leo tarkesian, who is at least 20 years older than duck) before meeting duck. so that makes her much, much older than duck when she meets him. and i don’t care if they had barely any interaction after that first moment (though they did, as justin legit talks about when he introduces minerva as a concept to the show), that still establishes their initial interaction at a massive age difference. which, regardless of anything, makes their eventual relationship so genuinely messed up. 

sure, you can argue that when you get older age doesn’t make that much of a difference, and i would agree. my mother is 53 and her husband is 63, that’s ten years. but my mother and step mother did not meet at 8 and 18, they met at 50 and 60. the initial interaction makes all the difference between “older people meeting and having a relationship” and “a very messed up situation”. 

also, in this same argument, taking the mentor-student relationship and turning it into a romantic relationship IS SO MESSED UP!!!! GENUINELY AND HONESTLY MESSED UP!!! i feel like i don’t need to explain this because there have been so many examples already as to why this is a relationship you Should Not turn romantic, but i will anyway because it frustrates me so much that justin completely glosses over this!!! the power dynamic of a mentor-student relationship, in whatever way it is portrayed, displays a power balance that is heavily leaning to one side. there is not an equal distribution of power amongst the two because one person is teaching the other. the one person is weak to the others wills and whims because of lack of experience. think of your high school teacher or college professor; if you started a relationship with them, people would raise so many questions because you are not at equals to the teacher/professor. even if they treat you different, and even if they no longer teach you, it all has to do with the initial interaction. and minerva was still duck’s mentor up until either episode 34 or 35, when she handed off the title of Herald of the Astral Mind to duck. that means for nearly all of their interactions, there was a mentor-student dynamic. to have that turn into a romantic relationship is so sketchy and weird and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

my third grievance: it reduces minerva’s character down to a girlfriend trope, and it’s comphet as hell 

my friend tin (@taako–waititi) phrased this so well in the big group chat im in w her, so imma just quote her on this and then go into the comphet stuff: 

“i was dming max about it and they also mentioned, quote, ‘her story was never about romance. it reduced her down to ‘competent woman becomes endgame girlfriend’ trope’ and they are so right it makes me fucking pissed. regardless of any ‘mutual respect’ and ‘emotional intimacy’ kind of thing going on that some people are arguing for, it’s something that didn’t need to happen because minerva’s character becomes that. my thing is mutual respect and emotional intimacy between two people can. exist. without it being. romantic. like. friendship is. also valid. i personally don’t think that mutual respect and emotional intimacy are two buttons that you press to make the machine churn out a romance” 

not only does it reduce minerva’s character to tropes, but it also is extremely comphet for a woman who is so heavily wlw-coded or lesbian-coded and it just angers me. you could argue that she could be bi, but if we look at canon for just its face-value, the only romantic interaction she ever has is with a man, which basically makes her straight. this isn’t like aubrey’s situation, where travis clearly states she is a bi woman who is just in a relationship with another woman in amnesty. griffin doesn’t state anything about minerva’s sexuality and then she’s paired off with a man right at the end. and you could argue that she isn’t wlw or lesbian-coded, but i am not the only one who is wlw and thinks this, so i feel like i have more of a ground to stand on in this opinion. and this just feels so, like, textbook compulsory heteronormativity it made me feel physically sick when i heard this bit in the podcast. 

so that’s my first big issue with the finale, fully explained. my second issue with the epilogue is that ned’s death continues to be disappointing and his character arc is never completed, which just tanks the whole show for me. 

i’ve talked about this several times since ep 28 about how ned’s death was stupid and did nothing for his character arc, but i’m gonna reiterate my main points for the people who find this post without knowing my whole blog:

1. ned’s main interpersonal conflicts are just brought to the surface and never fully delved into before his sudden death. ned doesn’t ever get to explain his history with boyd and why he had to steal shade tree to mama or barclay or really anyone besides vaguely to aubrey. 

2. every character is just immediately expected to feel sad about ned’s death, despite the tension that still remains right up until the very end. aubrey shouldn’t have even known that the shapeshifter framed ned because that’s all explained once she goes to sylvain, but i think travis just assumed she did because he heard the interaction between ned, mama, and barclay. so she should’ve had Way more conflicting feelings about the whole thing, but ned’s death is just angst-bait so that doesn’t happen.

3. ned’s death doesn’t make roll sense because clint rolled a mixed success and mixed successes, by definition, are supposed to be less severe moves than a failed roll (which gives the gm the ability to make a hard move). there isn’t really anything harder to do to a character than kill them, but even if you wanted to argue that if clint failed the roll the hard move would’ve been ned failing and letting dani get shot, it still doesn’t change the fact that clint rolled a mixed success when slamming into the pizza hut sign at full velocity and came out of that alive (severely injured, naturally, but still alive). 

so, yeah, there’s that. and then theres the fact that griffin doesn’t ever give us any other scenes involving ned directly. ned only becomes a reference from 28 on, which is so disappointing given ned’s importance to the other two pcs. and i understand that the mcelroys have a lot of trauma related to death, but griffin shouldn’t have killed ned off then if he did not want to talk about death in graphic detail. we all have trauma. we all want to avoid topics. but to kill ned off and then never talk about his death in great relation to the others is a genuine disservice to ned’s character. 

the day episode 28 aired was the same day i buried my grandmother. i would have loved if death wasn’t brought up, but i don’t control the podcast. the mcelroys do; they had the ability to avoid this topic in a more servicing way to the characters and they didn’t. that isn’t to say they are bad people for not doing it, but it makes the finale even more disappointing because it means we never get the full rounding out of ned’s character arc. he becomes this like brief reference that is, once again, angst-bait or emotional fuel and i feel like he didn’t deserve that. he deserved a genuine reference, a genuine moment. even a dream sequence i would have appreciated!!! 

griffin had sylvain directly point at ned in aubrey’s flashback in ep 35, and then did nothing about what that could have implicated in the finale. it sours the entire episode in a major way and disappointed me immensely. there should have been more done with that topic and there wasn’t and i will never forget how deeply it hurt me and turned me away from canon as a whole. not to be ned kin on main, but ned was the backbone of this show and the exact moment he left was the exact moment the whole thing went downhill. it turned less into a story about growth and adversary and amnesty and more into a waiting game for when this very loose end was going to get wrapped up. 

i wanted to enjoy this episode. i tried so hard, y’all. but just the thought of ned loomed over me the entire time and i was waiting for a more proper completion to his arc, and it never happened. and coupled with that very bad and skeevy duck/minerva bit i was just so frustrated and hurt last night. 

so, yeah, that’s my whole spiel. you are free to disagree with me, but keep that opinion to yourself because i’m not getting into it with anyone. i will just block you; it’s better for us both, anyway. 

[hopewritcs]

“you love me.” omgomg somehow having to share a bed with billy when y'all aren't dating for whatever reason and setting boundaries like putting a pillow in between you two but then in the morning y’all wake up tangled in one anothers warmTH IM SOFT

“stay on your side.”

pairing: billy hargrove x reader

notes: hi my name is hope and i’m a SOFT BITCH. it’s an au post season three where nothing terrible happened, also i kind of edited the “pillows and stuff” thing to fit where my head was at for this. i hope you liked this, honey !!!! 

word count: 710

The whole camping thing wasn’t something you expected to be going on, but after having been dragged into everything involving the kids earlier that summer.  You were literally dragged into it all, you’d been at the hospital visiting a sick family member and the monster had come out of nowhere and knocked you down the stairs.  Luckily as they’d been leaving, the kids had recognized you ( you were in Steve and Billy’s grade ), and helped you to your feet.  Somewhere along the way, you’d wound up with them for everything.  

The end of summer was nearing and the kids wanted to go on a camping trip.  What you didn’t expect was the whole gang showing up at your house at seven in the morning in three different cars, all honking and telling you to get down and ready.  

You’d had less than fifteen minutes to pack for the weekend, and had rolled out of the bed and into the car with Billy, Max and El still half asleep and dead to the world.  

Two hours later the group had pulled up at a camp site that Hopper had recommended and everyone got settled in getting the tents up and ready.  

Unfortunately, in your rush to get ready you’d left your own sleeping bag at home.  

You wound up sharing a sleeping bag with Billy because, by sheer luck his sleeping bag was the only one big enough for two people comfortably.  You’d said you could just use a couple of the spare blankets--but after attempting to lay down on them once the big tent was up you’d agreed to sleep with Billy in the sleeping bag.  

Which was only awkward if you’d let the tension between you get the best of your thoughts.  You’d always thought that Billy Hargrove was attractive, but ever since the whole thing happened he seemed like a new person.  He wasn’t the bully you’d known, and he was trying to be involved and helping out with Max and he was somehow getting along with everyone.  

And, you were definitely crushing on him now.  

“I’m using this blanket and if you cross over this line in my sleep, I will deck you Hargrove.”  You’d said that night, crawling into the bag and settling the blanket down as a line between the two of you as you rolled onto your side and leaned down on the pillow you’d remembered to bring.  

“Fine, Y/L/N.  Wouldn’t want to cuddle anyway.”  Billy said, rolling on to his side so his back was facing your back and he tried to get comfortable in the bed.  

“Oh, you’d be lucky to cuddle with me.”  you hissed at him, rolling your eyes as you closed them again.  

“In your dreams, sweetheart.” 

“Believe me, you’re not in my dreams.” Which was a lie, but you weren’t going to correct that and let him know you were crushing on him.  

You woke up the next morning curled up in Billy’s arms, the blanket that had been meant to be a line not to cross tangled in between your legs and his.  

Everyone made fun of you two for waking up like that.  

You and Billy avoided each other for the whole day, as best you could avoid someone in the middle of the woods on a camping trip.  

On the last day of the weekend you two settled in for bed and you surprised yourself by snuggling sleepily to Billy’s chest.  You weren’t going to say anything, everyone else was already asleep.  

But, of course Billy did.  “What, no blanket barrier tonight, Y/N?” he chuckled, keeping his voice low when he spoke.  

You groaned and shook your head, “Shut up, I’m sleepy.  Go to bed.”  

“Just admit it, you love me.  It’s cool if you do.  Everyone wants me, I’ve accepted it.”  

You rolled your eyes and shifted so you were looking up at him, “You’re a pain in my ass is what you are.”

“You love me.” he teased, smirking down at you.  

“If you keep insisting that, I’m going to think it’s actually you that loves me.” you hummed.  

“Oh how about you just kiss and admit your feelings and stop keeping us awake the whole fucking night?” 

“SHUT UP MAX!” 

drabble night is over, thanks for participating!

[thefleshmustgrow]

under readmore bc this shit gets rly fucking weird after a while srsly warning if ur gonna read this bc i feel sick from the dream

claps hand right so fucking

im skipping past the parts that dont make sense bc it dont rly turn into any kind of story till here ok so like i was in the car with my dad n sister and brother and i wasnt feeling well bc awake me had heart burn ig

we stop for somthing to eat at this place thats like a combo dairy queen, tim hortons, some fish fast food place and taco bell. also i can turn into a fukin goldfish for some reason so i do that.

theres this dude on tv but the tv is like a 2 way comune device. hes the owner of the worlds largest fish farming biusnes and owns the fish shop were eating in and he sees the goldfish and goes m lets cook that and i tell him to fuck off

so hes like whatttt a talking goldfish lets get some scientests on that and i turn back into me and use my deadname for some reasno ig in the dream im not out publicly either

and i tell him to fuck off and its this big thing he gets rly pissed and he tries to tell me i have to give him three compliments a day if i want to still use anything he owns and im like no 3 a week at max and hes like ok and also he wants to meet me for some reason

and this is were the stuff starts to get, weird.

so i jump thru a portal of some kind and it takes me to this tropicalish wetlands reiver were im meeting him. at thius point i reveal i can just shapeshift in general so like ok cool whatever.

some irelevent dream stuff happens and im partially in the water and theres these giant fish and someone goes oh no pirahnahs and im like no, piranahs r small and reltivly harmless to living creatures actually.

but like these weird fish r still there so its like ok, then the dude is there and aparenlty industrialism has goten wildlife fucked up and its a big secret. but suposedly thats also how i can shapeshift i tell him. at this point ive turnd one of my arms into a long alien tentical and i have tenticales sticking out from under the dress im wearing.

so its this big thing. and uh, lil time skip here more dream stuff that dosnt translate to awakeness.

so at this poijnt its kind of revealed that the end of the world is coming from higher forces. this dudes wife desends like and angel and shes holding this rly fleshy blobby constantly shifting baby that also has a halo made of flesh. she tells me their name is angel and the world would have already been ended if angel didnt come to like the world and decide not to.

so now angel is the only thing that can stop whats coming. its all baby themed for some reason. theres this didy as the dreams changes perspective to show the armies coming that goes like “we must fix it from the startt!”

everythings super body horrory at this point to anyway his wife tells me abt his daugter aparently angel has been watching over her for a long time and thats why angel dosnt wana doomsday stuff..

and so aparntly the daughter likes to eat in bed at night and thats cool but ig some of the doomsday babies came down and stated force feeding her and she nearly died. and idont want to describe it bc it was in incredibly sigurbing detail involing a tube and shit anyway so angel comes in later to find this out and angel is rly upset

so angel tells her mom and there out to stop this doomsday stuff.

again i wnaa remind u this is all super body horrory, fleshy, creepy stuff.

umm skip more stuff and im not prespective on me anymore. theres some confusing stuff here of exatly WHAT is being done but ppl r in a spaceship and like the rest of the universe has been corupted, the effect of witch is gliter. but the hero group has managed to scrounge what they need to save everything witch is like some kind of save file they have to find.

cue one of the ppl on bord mentining glitter. hes been infected. the infection spreads rapidly thru the ship till one person remains who has to jump onto this device and start searching for the save file on a shrunken down earth.

they find it. but this dude whos like a rectangle gets hungry and eats it. so our protag has to, jump thr the screen and go INSIDE this dude all shruinks down.

and its all like machinary themed but still fleshy in there and he jumps into this elevator going into the stomache and this flesh dude pulls him out bc ig thats part of the imune system and hes like hey u cant do that yank.

but going down there is the only way to get the save file so our protag tries again. cant rly explain to this imune system dude tho so the imune system dude thinks hes trying to comit susicde and is trying to console him on the conveyer belt. and describing whatl happen if he does go down there. protag dosnt care hes saving reality hes doing what he must.

imune system dude gets crushed in the converyer as some rly sad music plays and the protag reaches the end of the convery. and thats kinda were i woke up.

i can only describe this so well bc im mostly getting it off my mind bc like i said this was all incredibly disturbing and i feel a little sick from it all.

[michael-hearteyes-wheeler]

”I’m drunk and I hate everything but you. I love you a lot.” + lumax. cause, not to be dramatic or anything, but I’m DYING for lumax content rn

[A/N] This was such an adorable prompt! Im sorry it took me forever to finish it. I was struggling with one of the scenes, so I just included a real life situation and it helped a lot (the one with the jocks and beer pong lmao). I really hope you enjoy!! 💖💖💖

“Why would anyone need a house that big?” Max scoffed, looking up at the almost mansion sized home. The party had barely started, but already the lawn was crawling with people.

Max really didn’t believe Stacey Altman when she said she was inviting the entire senior class, but now that she was actually here, she would call that number an understatement. She supposed the large turnout was probably thanks to their team winning this years homecoming. A loss probably wouldn’t have resulted in the debauchery she was sure was taking place inside.

“Yeah, isn’t Stacy an only child too?” Will sneered. The Party, like everyone else, had each been handed one of the obnoxious green and gold invitations. Their school colors, a vaguely terrifying picture of their mascot, and bulky block letters that looked more like a ransom note than anything else.

At first, they all agreed not to go. Parties were lame, and none of them really even cared about Football. Then, Max had gotten bored, and El was easy enough to talk into going. One convincing led to another and now everyone was standing on the Altman’s lawn and looking at the house apprehensively.

“Are we going to go inside? Or just keep standing here?” Lucas finally asked. Max, determined to have a good time, took that as the motivation she needed. She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the house.

The scene before them was pretty much exactly what they expected. Loud music blared out of speakers from somewhere in the living room, and dozens of people danced around the space. The kitchen counters were covered in drinks and bowls of chips that no one was actually going to eat. Beer pong was set up in the dining room, and a group of football players were doing keg stands in the backyard.

It wasn’t like this was the first party they had ever gone too, it was just the biggest.

Max felt a little overwhelmed. She pulled Lucas and El into the kitchen, and poured each of them a drink from the horribly sweet, red concoction in the punch bowl. All three made dramatic grimacing faces as they took their first sip. The drink was bitter, and stung like rubbing alcohol, but the aftertaste was worse; Cough syrup and cheap wine.

“Are you losers drinking tonight?” Max asked the other boys, holding out another solo cup. Will and Dustin happily obliged, but Mike mumbled something about being the ‘designated driver’ and Max rolled her eyes. It’s not like they did not live close enough to walk or anything.

The party awkwardly hovered around the kitchen for awhile after that. They watched the party happen around them, making fun of people for one thing or another. After a few minutes Max could feel whatever it was she was drinking start to polish the edges of her perception. Jokes were funnier, sensations further away, she felt warm. It was a good feeling, and fast acting too. She filled up her cup for the third time.

Like all parties, however, the group you go with dissolved pretty quickly once people get acclimated.

Will was the first to get pulled away. A boy he knew from his art class waved him over and the two disappeared upstairs. Max and Mike gave each other raised eyebrow looks because Will was definitely blushing. Unbeknownst to Will, they had a running bet about how long it would take for them to start dating.

Next to go was Dustin. Throughout high school he had become quite the ladies man, and he was determined to chat up Haley Jones, his current crush. Actually, crush was an understatement, his new obsession was more accurate. Not in a creepy way really, more in just a painfully devoted loyal sort of way. It was sweet, and definitely really fun to make fun of him for.

Then it was Mike and El. A song came on that she actually liked, and she pulled him towards the large group of people dancing. Mike wasn’t really a dancer, and honestly neither was El, but they could certainly make the best out of it. Max watched them get swallowed up by the crowd until not even Wheeler’s mop of hair could be seen.

So it was just Lucas and Max, both whispering to each other about people from school acting like fools, and laughing so hard they had to hold onto the counter for balance.

“Do you want to dance or something?” She asked, finished off her third drink.

“Naw, but beer pong might be fun. I gotta use the bathroom and then i’ll be back.” He winked and pinched her waist as he left. She made heart eyes at his back while he walked away. She poured herself another drink.

Then things got… fuzzy.

Another massive group of people showed up, people Max had never even seen before, and the crowded house got that much more crowded. It was so goddamn loud. The group made a beeline for the booze and Max stepped out of the kitchen and out of their way. Now she was just hovering by herself at the edge of the living room. Where was Lucas? Oh right the bathroom! Jeez, he’s been gone for a long time.

A loud crash and the sound of people cheering caught her attention. Drink in hand, she shuffled her way towards the sound and into the dining room.

The dining room smelled overwhelmingly of beer and that same fruity cocktail mix that was currently making her brain fuzz. Max watched for a moment, a group of boys playing beer pong. Sticking their grubby hands in and out of the cups of booze, plinking the ball back and forth across the table. It was disgusting. Hadn’t Lucas said something about playing this? Maybe she should just wait here for him.

A big sweaty looking football player, sporting his Letterman like a coat of arms, stuck a hand in one of the cups to retrieve the ball. Max grimaced.

“You should really be using water.” She scoffed as another cup fell over, washing sudsy beer out onto the floor. They guys all turned to her and laughed.

“Water doesn’t get the job done.” The sweaty football player knocked his knuckles against his head.

“Yeah, plus, the alcohol like, kills all the germs.” Another jughead added from where he was leaning against the wall.

“That’s so ridiculously untrue.” Max chuckled.

“Yeah well, it’s more of a boys game anyway. Wouldn’t want you to get your pretty little hands dirty.” The sweaty guy replied nonchalantly, and lined up his shot.

“Oh, you’re so on.” Max would never admit to it if pressed, but she was so competitive that it almost wore her out. That fact was doubly true if the person egging her on was getting personal about it, and the fact that she was a girl? Yeah, that was pretty damn personal. She chugged the rest of her cup and moved to one end of the table, across from sweaty.

He raised his eyebrows but nodded, and put all of his cups back in line. “You need me to run through the rules, princess?”

“Throw the ball into a cup, if it gets in the other person takes a drink. It’s not rocket science.” She brushed her hair out of her face. As much as she wanted to kick this guys ass, she was also way to out of it to be truly pissed.

For most of the game, it was pretty much a stalemate. He got a cup, she got a cup. He drinks, she drinks. The beer is warm and salty and she tries not to think about how many hands had been in that cup. They had been right about one thing though, water certainly wouldn’t have got her feeling this way.

Then, one well placed toss. That’s all it took. A cup of jungle juice spilled over, cascading red liquid all across her white shirt. She looked down at herself in horror.

“You son of a bitch! You did that on purpose.” Max had no way of knowing that but it wasn’t a hard guess.

“Not me babe, it’s all part of the game.” Sweaty snorted, high-fiving one of his friends.

She would see about that. Anger sobered her. It took less than five minutes for her to get him the rest of the way out. Plink, plink, plink, plink. The rest of the room cheered for her, and egged him on. Chanting for him to chug when he finally lost.

“Wow Mayfield, im impressed. You didn’t come here with that loser boyfriend of yours did you?” Sweaty asked, lowering his gaze at her from across the table.

Suddenly she felt sick. Like really sick. And drunk, really drunk. She looked down at her shirt and back up at him and all of the other boys who were staring at her. She needed a bathroom.

“Fuck off, meathead. I don’t date dogs.” Max was seething now, she turned and walked out of the dining room. It took her awhile to find a bathroom, and every step felt more and more heavy. More and more fuzzy.

When she finally did, she sighed in relief and closed the door behind her. She did not want to throw up. She sat on the edge of the bathtub and tried to just breathe deeply, in and out, find a little bit of clarity. The party sounded really far away. Where the hell was Lucas? Where were any of her friends? Time moved so sluggishly that it was hard to tell exactly how long it had been since she last saw them.

She heard voices right outside the door, and the knob jiggle.

And instead of acting like a regular normal person, and standing up to let whoever it was use the restroom, she let herself fall back into the bathtub and closed the curtain behind her. This is a good idea Max, they will do whatever they need too and then leave and you can calm down.

Max recognized the voices to be that of Stacy, the party thrower, and Valerie, Stacy’s best friend. They sounded about as drunk as Max felt.

“Thank god, a little bit of quiet.” Stacy sighed as soon as the door latched closed behind her.

“I know right? At least it’s a good turn out.”

“Yeah I guess, but a lot of people showed up who I totally didn’t want to be here.”

“Oh drama? Go on.”

“Well like, when you invite nerds, you don’t expect them to come. I was just being nice but they had to actually show up. Did you see Henderson talking to Haley? Like he stands a chance. What a loser.”

“Oh I know! And all of his nerdy friends are here too. At least the rest of them date amongst themselves.”

Max was practically vibrating with anger at this point. No amount of ‘Just stay and wait for them to leave’ was helping. What if they kept going? What if they kept saying worse and worse shit? It was their shrieky and slurred laughter that finally pushed her over the edge. In a flash, she ripped the shower curtain back open, and from her place in the tub she stared daggers at them.

“What the hell-” Stacy began, looking totally appalled.

“Listen, Stacy! The only reason so many people came to your party is because you have a big house and free booze, not because anyone actually likes you! The next time I hear you talk about my friends i’m going to kick your ass!” Again, fueled by anger, Max easily rose to her feet and stepped out of the tub. “Oh, and that dress looks terrible on you.”

Sometimes you gotta fight shallow with shallow. Besides, it was an ugly dress.

Max wasn’t even listening to whatever they were yelling at her as she left. She flipped the bird behind her back as she went. It was so loud out here. She was so angry. Where the hell was lucas!?

She stumbled her way back through the house, avoiding the dining room, weaving around groups of people and spreading through others. How many living rooms did this place have? It took ages just to get from one side of the house to the other. Eventually, she found herself once again in the kitchen. It smelled so strong of booze that the nausea she had bated off was back, and kicking. She felt her skin ripple with goosebumps that was followed by a surge of heat. She really didn’t want to be the girl who pukes in the sink at a party.

Just then, a cool breeze nearly knocked her over, and her attention turned to a small side door.

Outside! Her senses screamed. Quiet, fresh air!

She was moving before she even finished the thought.

Max let the door slam behind her as she stepped outside. The lawn was pretty much empty, aside from a few people sitting around a small bonfire at the opposite end. She walked sluggishly toward the end of the porch, and sat with her legs dangling over the edge. The sounds of the party were further away now. She took a few deep breaths to try and clear some of the brain fog that had crept in. You never really notice how drunk you are until you’re alone. If she could just chill like this for a little while, her stomach would calm down and everything would be fine.

What a stupid party. What disgusting idiots those football players had been. Why was Stacy so vile? Max was kicking herself for being the one to suggest they come. Right now they could all be in Wheeler’s basement playing a board game, or at the cabin watching a movie. She was so worked up about the whole thing that she could feel her skin heating up.

A few moments later, she heard the door open behind her, but she assumed it was just someone else looking for a little bit of solace. Then that person walked towards her, and took a seat next to her. Their legs touched the ground where hers just swayed above.

“You doing alright out here? Lucas. His voice was quiet and when she looked at him he smirked, a beer still in his hand. It was probably only his second, maybe third. She felt embarrassed.

“Im fine.” She snapped back, and then sighed, letting some of the tension leave her shoulders. “I’m not fine. I’m drunk and I hate everything.”

“You hate everything even when you aren’t drunk.” His face was so sobering. Like he could see through her bullshit, but he was still validating her feelings. Gentle.

“Not you.” She let her head fall against his shoulder and her whole body went with her. She was lucky he was strong enough to support the both of them because she basically gave up trying. “A revision. I’m drunk and I hate everything but you.”

“Well in that case,” Lucas wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her snug against him. She felt him kiss the top of her head and she sighed contently. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Im sure I will when im sober and can actually like, you know, formulate thoughts. I’m sure you’ll hear all about it.”

“Okay good, i’ll be waiting then.” He was quiet for a moment, and she relished in it. “Instead, can we talk about how cool it is that you beat the football team at beer pong?”

Even though her eyes were sagging closed, she could hear the smile in his voice. She groaned. “I don’t want to talk about that either. They’re gross. I drank shitty warm hand beer.”

“Okay, well, is there something you do want to talk about?”

She adjusted so she could look up at him, but no further than necessary. “Where were you? I haven’t seen you all night. And, how did you know I was out here?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I kinda got caught up in a pool game. Did you know that the basement is like a full game room? And then someone wanted to play Foosball… It got out of hand. Also you literally almost knocked Will over in your mad dash to get outside. He told me you looked upset.”

Max snorted, and then laughed, and then she was laughing so hard that Lucas had to keep her from slipping off the edge of the porch. “Are you serious? We lost each other because we were both goaded into playing stupid games at this stupid party?”

“I guess so.” Lucas smiled at her, and the warmth of his hands bled through her shirt, making her shiver. He was so god damned competitive, and it was one of the things she loved about him. He was also, however, really god damned handsome and sometimes it still made her knees weak.

“This party kind of sucked.” She finally admitted.

“Yeah, it kind of did. It would have been way more fun to just sit out here.”

“Totally.” She snuggled in closer to his side, “Or… if we had, I don’t know, found one of the hundred rooms in this big stupid house and made out for like, an hour.”

“Hm, yeah, you’re right. That would have been better.” He was silent for a few seconds. “I’ll race you to the top floor.”

“Oh you are so on, Stalker!”

Instead of bolting, Lucas helped Max to her feet, and instead of racing through the house, it was more of him pulling her by the hand really quickly. Weaving in and out of groups of people, and rooms, and hallways. Once they finally got to the top floor, it was a guessing game as to finding an actual available room. They pressed their ears to a lot of doors, and were met with a lot of ‘Fuck off!’ and the usual drunk party girl crying. Luck finally came to them in the form of an oversized storage closet.

Needless to say, it turned the whole night around. More laughing and knocking things over then anything else, but he kissed her tenderly when she wanted him too and held her tightly when she needed him too. He always knew exactly how to make her heart quicken. They made a damn mess in that storage closet, essentially turning old camping gear and extra linens into a pallet on the floor. And there were the golf clubs they had knocked over, and whatever that thing was that fell and shattered. But that was Stacy’s problem.

Lucas always seemed to know the exact right things to say and do. It blew her mind that less than fifteen minutes earlier she had been rightfully angry on the back porch, and now she was lip locked and laughing. His hands tangled in her hair and she was glad she had taken El’s suggestion of bringing a brush so that she wasn’t such a hot mess when she got home. Her stained shirt was another issue, but right now she was just happy to be able to lay her head on his chest and listen to the party from what felt like far away

It was in this contented lul that he spoke again, softly, holding her tight against him. “How are you feeling? Still drunk and… hateful?”

“Yeah. Still drunk. I still hate everything but you.” She giggled, and cuddled even closer. “I love you a lot.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you a lot too, Madmax.”

As soon as the sounds of the people started dying down, they made their way hand in hand back downstairs; giddy and flushed and looking totally guilty.

They found Will first. He was almost as blushy as they were, and he said goodbye to his friend from art class in hushed tones before they left.

Then they found Dustin, who had passed out and was using a dog as a pillow. He was definitely the most wasted somehow, and Lucas practically had to carry him to the car.

Lastly, Mike and El found them. The couple were also holding hands, and also looking incredibly guilty. Well, Mike was. El looked so casual it almost through Max for a loop. She was actually thankful that Mike had stayed sober, because there was no way in hell she wanted to walk anywhere right now.

They crammed into Mike’s car, with El at shotgun and Dustin draped across the laps of everyone else in the back.

“So, uh, did you guys have fun?” Mike asked as he pulled the car out of its spot.

Max looked at Lucas, blushing all over again, heart beating fast, and smiled. “Yeah. Lots of fun.”

Lucas could make even the worst night into a good one. A great one. One she was excited to rant to him about all over again tomorrow.

[bambaooo]

its all part of the process. 

these past few weeks have kinda been a lot. school winding down, trying to scramble getting the last few assignments done, thanksgiving just happening, and on top of that i was actually hella sick for the past week or so after thanksgiving. i got tested and its not covid, but was still very inconvenient. like i have about 6 weeks left of my job and shits getting kinda werid in my head. like i do have money to live off of for the mean time but like shit is just weird. i know at the end of the day my day to day is not going to be any different, just no work. Im gonna be able to go on my walks normally, workout normally, and work on trading. just not have to join bullshit meetings.just hit up my boss about turning in my latptop early and just working off of my personal computer and gonna have to meet up with her sometime next week to give her my shit. I literally only started this job like a year ago. like so much has change in a year. but like ive talked about wanting to not work for so long and just doing w/e, and the fact taht its finally hitting at the end of january is a bit surreal. like i have plans on what i want to do outside of school, but damn, its actually happening. gonna be fun unemployeed for 6+ months, and maybe more depending on how well i do with my money. i make the joke about maxing out my student loans so i can live off of it, but like i actually did it and it kinda is frightening lol. im gonna be 100k+ in debt and i dont have any plans or aspirations of paying it off. one thing i do know is that i will not become part of the majority that ends up paying it off over their life time. Im gonna figure shit out, whether its with trading or whatever im gonna figure out how to pay off this shit. every new year has been so exiting for the past few years, and 2022 is nothing less. A lot of big things coming and im fucking excited. With all the negative shit thats been hitting these past few weeks theres always good shit that follows. 

[prompt-master]

That Is SO Not Normal

@discorded-noodle-popcorn asked: okay it might be because its midnight and im like…dead…but i would kill for a fic where max gets the stomach flu but throws up magical items and Neil is SCREECHING AT HARRISON TO MAKE IT STOP BEFORE MAX DIES. Harrison doesnt know and Max is like…wanting to die. Mind freakers freaked my mind.

I wrote this in exchange for some REALLY cool art of my OCS and I love it so much

“Are you sure he isn’t just being dramatic?” Nikki tilted her head towards the tent were Max lay, currently digging for worms while Neil stood cross armed in front of her.

“Surprisingly he isn’t just being a pussy this time…he looked really bad last I saw him.”

Nikki paused, pulling a worm right out of the ground and dangling it in front of her face. She gave Neil a confused glance, “so you just left him there?”

Neil crossed his arms tighter around his chest, instsntly getting defensive, “I’ll have you know that that tent is a close confined death trap made to keep all those disgusting germs inside. No offense to Max but I don’t feel like joining him.”

Nikki shrugged, the worm now in her mouth, “That’s fair. I think? Or maybe you’re just stupid.”

“Excuse me I am not-”

Neil was cut off by David coming out of the tent, the tense smile he gave was all Neil needed to see.

David clasped his hands together and stood up tall, “Not to worry kids! Max doesn’t exactly look good but I’ll whip up some of my mom’s famous recipe for soup! And by my mom I mean that nice lady on the cooking channel”

Nikki shrugged, “I’m not worried. Max is just sick because nature is picking off the weak ones.”

David gave a small tsk at that comment and inhaled through his nose, opting for ignoring that comment, “but! Max looks pretty bad right now. Can I trust one of you two to watch after him while I’m making it?”

Neil leaned against a flag post, “last time I checked there were two counselors here.”

“Ah. Yes. Gwen. She’s uh…busy helping Dolph with his art. I say we let her encourage creativity while you guys practice independence!”

Neil sighed, “I guess I can watch him. So if he starts dying do I just scream or something?”

David laughed, walking away, “Or something!”

“That was a shitty answer…” Neil rubbed his forehead, really wishing he’d taken a better look at the brochure for this dump. He grabbed the opening of the tent and turned to Nikki, “You coming or what?”

“Me? No I’m not really in the mood for an insane out of the norm quirky adventure today, I’ll stick with my worms”

“Whatever you say…” he mumbled under his breath, walking into the tent.

He sighed, “Max? You in here-? Good god.”

Max looked awful. He was curled up in his blanket, hoodie off. His shaking fingers were tightly gripping the blanket for dear life. Little groans came from his restless state every now and then, eyelids so tightly clenched there was no way he was asleep. He was sweating, he was pale, shaking, and flushed, he was clearly miserable.

Neil came over to his bed, looking almost distressed, “What the hell am I supposed to do..”

Max barely opened his eyes at the sound of Neil’s voice, after a while of sluglishly slow scanning he locked onto him.

“Oh..hey Max..are you oka-”

Max groaned and lifted his hands up from under his blanket to dig palms into his eyes, “Good Hell you guys are so annoying.”

Neil crossed his arms, all feelings of worry instantly dripping away, “Excuse me?”

“You and Nikki right outside my fucking tent like a couple of annoying ass kindergartners who can’t sleep on Christmas. Then you let David walk right into my tent with his annoying voice-”

Neil rolled his eyes “Maybe you aren’t so sick after all. You sound like you can take care of yourself”

Max shrugged, rolling back into his blanket so that his back was facing Neil, “Whatever. Go then.”

Neil sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He just didn’t do well with sick people. He didn’t wanna get sick himself, fuck that. Besides Max is pretty bitchy and the last thing he wants is to deal with that some more.

He stood up, “Suit yourself. But since your sick I’ll let you have some of my coffee for just today.”

Max groaned, his body curling up even more. Worryingly enough he didn’t even respond, just shook his head miserably.

Neil frowned, “Yeah just…scream if you need something I guess.”

He turned to leave the tent, wanting to kill time with Nikki or Space Kid when he heard a nauseating gag. He looked back at Max to find him leaning over the edge of his bed and heaving. Neil froze up, eyes taking every detail in the few seconds before Max actually threw anything up. The way Max shook, the way his skin was an unhealthy color, his hair was flat and knotted, sweat ran from his forehead to his chin. Max let out another heave with the whole of his stomach, it sounded painful, almost stuck. And then he paused to catch his breath.

Neil ran over to him, his mind finally catching up to the situation, “Damn Max you don’t look so good.” Well that was a stupid thing to say.

Max groaned miserably, “some..somethings wrong get…hng….get David.”

Neil’s eyes widened at that. If MAX wanted him to get David then damn he must he dying or about to start dying. Neil put a hand on Max’s back and cringed at the intense heat pooling through the cloth.

“That is not healthy.”

Max glared at him but it didn’t have the usual strength to it, in fact it barely held any malice. He opened his mouth to speak and then heaved again, Neil latted his back at the wet sound from his throat, looking away since he knew what was about to happen.

Neil didn’t see, but he still hated the nose of it falling to the floor, of the choked noises made around the sickness. He didn’t look again until Max gasped for breath, his shoulders trembling, “Fuck man…i-im gonna die.”

“What?” When Neil turned he saw a familiar sight he did not want to ever see again. Ever.

At the foot of Max’s bed was a pile of handkerchiefs, cards, and even a rabbit.

“Aw shit.”

Max swayed from where he sat, climbing back into his bed and leaning against the bed rest. He looked pained and miserable. The back of his hand wiped sweat from the side of his face, still letting out pants for air.

“I don’t think David can help this one” Neil cringed, watching the rabbit hop away. The way Max looked dizzier at the sight. When Neil grew closer to him Max grabbed his shirt and pulled him close with as much strength as he could manage.

“Listen…listen here Neil. I don’t care how much this magic shit bothers you. You get your flat ass out there and make Harrison stop this.” He groaned, arms letting go die to being too weak to hold on.

“Flat?” Neil frowned, trying to see his backside.

Max closed his eyes, “Come on man. Don’t leave me hanging again please.”

Neil frowned, “…I…I guess I could but-”

Max gagged, choking up another handkerchief, “oh god…”

“Ok ok!” Neil held up his hand in mild panic, “I’ll go just…stay here!” He stepped foot outside the tent, about to run off when Max spoke up again.

“Wait can you uh…can you still get David?”

Neil turned, about to point out how weird that was when he saw his fucking miserable the poor kid looked. Holding his stomach in pain, eyes clenched shut and a whimpering frown. Neil couldn’t say no to Max right now, not when his tone was practically begging for help.

“Yeah Max I’ll get him.”

He closed the tent, watching Max melt in relief.

He won’t make fun of Max for this. Not this time.

After getting David, Neil burst into magic camp where Harrison was trying to master creating water. He angrily stared down at the empty glass he had, shaking it slightly. He nearly dropped the glass when Neil screamed his name.

He turned to him, surprise on his face, “Ah Neil….why are you here…?”

Neil lifted an accusing finger, “You know exactly what the fuck I’m here for you peice of shit eating cunt!”

“No…no I don’t..”

Neil stomped across the crappily made stage and got in Harrison’s face, “You better fix whatever the fuck you did to Max!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about..” Harrison looked genuinely confused, still holding onto his glass.

“You and your stupid ‘magic’-”

“I told you Neil it is real-”

“Is going to get Max killed!”

“Killed?!”

Neil backed Harrison up against the back of his stage. Harrison, in his panic, created fire that swarmed out of the cup. Neil dropped down to the floor to avoid the flames while Harrison played hot potato with the now burning glass.

“Harrison what the fuck!”

“I’m sorry I’m sorry!” He yelled, trying to get the fire to relax, setting pretty much everything around then on fire, “You scared me!”

“Well make it stop!”

“I’m trying…! Just…! There!” He chucked the glass as far as he could, into the woods. They stared for a moment until large flames erupted from the horizon. Neil stood up, dusting himself off.

“…that looks like a Gwen problem to me.”

“Uh..agreed. now Neil can we please talk like civilized people?”

“Listen up Harrison. Max is doing that creepy fucking bullshit again and you better make it stop!

Harrison raised an eyebrow, "I still don’t know what you mean”

“He’s coughing up rabbits for Christ sake!”

“Oh…the Mind Freak…! But I did not do anything…”

“Well” Neil crossed his arms, glaring, “He’s sick and you’re making it worse”

Harrison actually looked genuinely guilty, he frowned and sunk in on himself, “I would like to help but…I do not know how fix it. That’s…why I’m here” he glanced towards the raging wild fire in the background, ignoring the sounds of screaming.

“Well Harrison. Figure it out. Because I’m pretty sure at the end of the next string of handkerchiefs we’re gonna find Max’s fucking actual real stomach!”

Harrison cringed, “please don’t put images in my head”

“Then get it work before I kick your fake ass Harrison!!”

Harrison scrambled for his wand, where he started reciting different magic words with a nervous smile. Neil backed away, but kept his eyes on Harrison creepily the entire time.

Since when did Neil get so protective?

When Neil came back to Max’s tent, he saw the shadow of David leaning over his bed. He was about to kick him out, but froze to listen in.

“You sure you’re gonna be ok Max?”

Max grumbled, but spoke with a soft broken voice, “whatever”

“I don’t mind bringing you to the doctor. Honest”

“Shut up David”

“I mean it. And if you’re really that home sick I’ll do whatever I can do-”

Max groaned, the sound making Neil cringe.

It apparently worried David too, his tone grew softer but more concerned, “Aw jeez bud you’re burning up. You got sick so fast too…”

Max sniffled, “I crave death”

“You’re gonna be ok Max, I promise. I’ll even let you drink soda when you’re better. Ah here, look at this cute little guy” through the shadows Neil saw David hand Max something, but he couldn’t see what it was “maybe he’ll help you feel better!”

There was a pause, Max silent. Who knew what he was thinking. What did David hand him?

Whatever it was, it was the right thing to do, because Max then said, “thanks David…”

Neil sighed, he couldn’t interrupt this. Besides…looking back at Harrison trying to fix the problem and David comforting Max, he thinks he’s done all he could.

Now he just had to wait for Max to get better.

[gh0stpkmn]

ok uh. yooran gaming channel au - part 2

@misfireezreal reblogged the ‘yoosung has a gaming channel au’ post and wrote a really cute lil addition that inspired me to add some more ideas to this mess of an au..... and i got really carried away

their addition / reblog post is here !!  tho i’ll also put a screenshot of it under the cut... along with more headcanons/ideas/whatever for the au/scenario

 god this is so cute omfg. ok so..

●  yoosung liking comments that say nice things abt saeran?? so good. honestly the sweet comments probably rlly do a lot of good things for saeran’s self esteem!! they cheer him up when he’s feelin sad i would think? definitely helps a lot on his rougher days.

●  misfireezeal mentioned donations so i started thinking about what donation money would go towards... when theyre not goin towards yoosung’s tuition (if he even stays in university at this point?? idk??)  or his cost of living, or equipment for the channel, they go to charities.

yoosung wants to help animals so they donate to animal rescue organizations and stuff like that. he wants to contribute help to other causes too so... he wants saeran to have some say where the money goes (and i mean saeran is the meme bringin in a lot of it so. ye.)

it’s important to saeran that they donate to organizations that provide help for mentally ill people--especially mentally ill youth. also organizations that help children in foster care or like... help kids that have been abused idk.. idk! idk...  things that can help young people that are going through some of the same things saeran went through

yoosung doesn’t announce the donations or anything because like... he doesn’t really feel the need to???? neither of them see a point in posting/talking about it. it just feels good to do nice things.

other stuff:

●  it comes up in passing that like. saeran as a knack for hacking and everyone’s like “how could u do this?? cant believe ur a dirty hacker”

saeran’s like “ lol dont worry. i only cheat at games when i play against my brother because he’s a shit and never plays fair ”

chat is like “whoa we didn’t know you had a brother!!!”

and they talk about it a little and yoosung is like “yeah his brother is ____”  (whatever his username is? i forget. hacker god i think?)  “he usually plays on the shooting star server “

viewers are Shocked that yoosung knows #1 on shooting star. they demand to have him as a guest star

it’s... debatable whether saeyoung agrees to it or not?? he has to lay low and stuff.. either way, they tell saeyoung about it and he’s so amused omfg. he watches yoosung and saeran’s streams sometimes (and is so proud of his bro. he cries probably) but not super often? when he does watch, he also uses a random throwaway name

but after the chat asks for him, he logs in once or twice w/ his LOLOL screen name and people are all over omfg. chat goes wild and saeyoung is Living for the attention omg

saeran is like “you’re so dumb god i hate you”

and saeyoung’s like. “ok but are you actually planning on coming home some time soon??? tomorrow maybe? becaaauuuuuse..... i miss you”

it’s cheesy and lame and Embarrassing. saeran’s just.. “GO AWAY asshole im doing a thing....................................... also, yes. please order pizza for dinner”

yoosung thinks its funny n cute and so do the viewers.

●  and ok even if... saeyoung is never a guest star, they probably bring like. mc or zen on once or twice and it’s great. a lot of viewers recognize zen (i imagine he’s a bit more famous at this point) and they are... so excited and surprised that he’s friends w/ yoosung and saeran.

i can’t really see jaehee or jumin on the show but like..........

..... the idea of them tricking jumin into trying to play a video game on the stream is so fucking funny to me????

like Somehow they manage to convince him to come over?? idk maybe by asking him to  ”help them work on a big project that’s essential to yoosung’s career” or smth “that requires nothing less than jumin han’s skill and expertise”  and because he’s a good friend he agrees. then they just. put a controller in his hand and he’s like “what am i supposed to do with this”

and ok jumin has probably owned a gaming console at some point but i honestly, truly can’t bring myself to believe that he uses it for anything other than like.....netflix

so he has no fucking experience and it’s. so good. yoosung and saeran are trying really hard not to laugh (and yoosung is failing)

idk what they make him play specifically but for some reason wii sports is flashing through my mind holy shit..... but actually its probably LOLOL or fallout 4 or something. idk. either way, he’s bad at it and they struggle to teach him how to even hold the controller properly

●  saeran likely moves in some time after they’ve started the channel where both of them play games together. which happened pretty far into the relationship anyways i think?

and even then it happens quite a while after they start the channel. maybe when it’s been going for a year or something? maybe two??

(i have no idea???? idk how long these kinds of channels stay big??? i only watch like... fairly well known youtubers like game grumps that have been around for a long time. and mcleroy stuff on polygon idk.)

anyways

how they decide to move in is basically like... ok.

i imagine they probably get questions about their relationship a lot when they come out as a couple or when new viewers first find out about them. the flow of questions dies down after the initial reveal that they’re together but they still pop up every now and then

sometimes the questions get slightly intrusive like asking about their plans for the future which they kinda just ignore those until it becomes a really frequently asked question so they Have to answer it.. so they just say they don’t feel comfortable talking about it for the time being (because tbh they dont know lol)

and so...

probably a specific question that people ask A LOT (and have since saeran’s early appearances)  is if saeran lives with yoosung, or if he’s planning to.

because he’s at yoosung’s place so often. he has been since the channel’s early days, and they post videos and stream together fairly regularly, i guess?

there’s obviously more content of just yoosung doing his thing because it is his channel after all but content featuring saeran is definitely a frequent thing (even when it’s not their duo let’s play channel or whatever... saeran can still be seen in the background in a fair amount of yoosung’s usual LOLOL streams, too. )

so uh

at some point they’re just hanging out.. (off stream, not on video or anything. just them together.. like a date night or just to spend some time together. i dunno)

maybe cuddlin’ in bed or on the couch watching a movie, having a nice time. there’s comfortable silence

and yoosung never really gave it a lot of thought before, but lately... he and saeran are just really close and their relationship is so GOOD and he loves him a lot. he’s thinking over all this stuff and how often people ask if they live together and...

i mean, he thought about it on his own before he really took the viewers’ questions seriously.... them bringing it up isn’t what sparked it necessarily. 

he considered the possibility before, but he was always scared that bringing up moving in together would be too forward or pushy, and that saeran wasn’t ready for it, and that they would be rushing into things--going too fast. yeah. 

he got that ball rollin’ and was trying to take it slow but recently, everyone bringing the idea up jsut. fuckin. kicks that ball. so hard. it’s going full fuckin throttle. max speed. it’s out of control and he can’t stop it

and so in this... really comfortable quiet moment he just kinda blurts out

“why haven’t we moved in together yet?”

saeran is surprised obviously. he wasn’t expecting that at all

he has briefly entertained the idea of living with yoosung before, because he’s over so often anyways, and he wants to spend even more time together.... but he’s also scared for various reasons? 

such as his mental health issues, obviously. he’s also anxious that yoosung will get sick of him, or that he won’t be able to handle being around yoosung 24/7 and vice versa. he doesn’t want to get so easily annoyed and snappy like he does at home with saeyoung? he also doesn’t want to rush into things. idk. there’s a lot more reasons but those are some of them.

so when yoosung says this, he has no idea how to react??? so he just kinda mumbles “oh... uh.......”

yoosung panics like

 “god, im sorry, that was so stupid. um. it’s just... been on my mind a lot lately, i guess..? god! ah... forget about that! it was dumb...”  

he covers his eyes and kinda... hunches over. all embarrased and nervous and a little guilty because he doesn’t want to make saeran uncomfortable. he can’t even look at him. poor boy omg

saeran stays quiet for a long time, furrows his brows and chews the nail of his thumb and looks like he’s concentrating on something. after a while he pipes up, so quietly that yoosung can barely hear him

“i don’t think it’s dumb”

yoosung is. shocked. but also immediately hopeful! he perks up!!! looks at his bf incredulously like “you don’t?” 

saeran kinda... talks slowly bc he’s thinking hard about his words and says that he didn’t expect yoosung to bring it up really but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it before

so they have an Important, Serious conversation about it and they both make sure that the other is %100 on board with it and ready to just. jump in and do it.

celebratory smooches ensue because they’re cute and happy and excited.

... i forget if yoosung’s place is a dorm or not. if it is, he gets his own apartment.

if it’s not, he stays in his apartment and saeran moves in there.

it’s small and kinda cramped and very far from a “forever home” but they make it work for now!! they’re happy that way... (maybe in the future they get a bigger place, which is nice because it makes it easier for saeran to have some privacy when he needs time alone.)

●  yoosung definitely takes short little videos or vlogs all the time and posts them on youtube and other social media

he takes one the day after they have the conversation mentioned above. and it’s just. “you guys.... i asked my boyfriend to move in and he said yes!! god, i was so scared! tell them how scared i was, saeran!” he points the camera at saeran who is reading a book and he just. 

idk he either just flips off the camera bc he’s busy and doesn’t want to be disturbed...

or

he looks it right at the lens and says “he was scared shitless. he literally shit his pants. it was gross. i had to h---” 

cue video going blurry as yoosung turns the camera away real quick paired with. shocked, loud shrieking. “SAERAN!!! DON’T SAY----” and then the video jsut kinda. cuts off there. 

(he still posts it but with some caption along the lines of “that didn’t actually happen. saeran’s just being a dick”)

and of course, there’s definitely multiple videos of the day they move saeran’s stuff in. yoosung records a bunch and puts them on his snapchat story or w/e... other social media too, so they can look back on them later... 

just cute little clips, like one of saeran’s room with all his stuff in boxes..... one of saeyoung and saeran (and maybe mc) loading stuff up into the car.... one of them putting the boxes in yoosung’s apartment....  a dumb one of saeyoung goofin’ off at yoosung’s place and mc doting on him..

one of saeyoung giving his brother the biggest bear hug ever. just. completely squeezing the life out of him and dramatically pretending to be all emotional (even tho he really is genuinely emotional inside omg) and saeran being annoyed and trying to push him away “god, let me go! you’re suffocating me!”

one where... they’re bringing in the last box.

and finally like. one w/ yoosung turning around to show his whole apartment, boxes everywhere, some of them already half unpacked. “phew... finally finished! the hardest part, anyway”

it’s cute.

●  the little videos are probably a thing that happens every now and then, even after that... he probably snapchats a lot of things in general bbbut a lot of the time it’s just. dumb, random videos of saeran.

some of them are stuff like:

 a close-up of both of them, taken with yoosung’s phone where they’re like “streaming in fifteen! we’re gonna play ____ today.” .... real cute stuff.

or just. shitty phone videos yoosung takes of saeran where like… yoosung says something really sappy joke or pickup line? idk. something really cheesy and terrible and wants to film saeran’s reaction.  and saeran looks over and his expression is just. dead inside. the camera zooms in real close on his face and he whispers “………………. im so sick of this Shi–”  the video cuts off there

probably lots of them chillin and having fun with the whole rfa crew

and. maybe one where the two of them are hanging out with saeyoung and mc and other pals and.. idk. one of them says something funny and they’re all laughing but yoosung zooms in on saeran who just.........ok i imagine that sometimes his more subdued laughs come out as like?? this huffy, kinda wheezy little giggle. he covers his mouth w his hand. and the video captures that. when yoosung posts it, ppl Freak out about it because it’s so uncharacteristically adorable...

there’s videos of them going on trips or just new places in general... going for hikes and exploring maybe.. idk. lots of cute stuff.

saeran takes one of yoosung when they’re at the spca?? or some place like that. idk (i dont like pet stores but maybe a pet store).. and.. yoosung just has his hands and face pressed to a glass partition/window/whatever that has a puppy behind it. maybe multiple puppies. and yoosung turns around w/ the Most desperate, pleading expression anyone has ever seen. (saeran knows he has to say no but it’s so hard omfg)

and obviously there’s lots of little clips of video game stuff. teasers of the game content itself or their playthroughs. maybe a video of one of them sitting on the couch or a computer chair playing a game and getting angry lol.... (or saeran getting frustrated w/ a handheld game that’s supposed to be really calm like... animal crossing. idk sorry i just love the idea of saeran having a 3ds and playing chill games like that to help him relax when he’s anxious omg)

.... there’s also lil videos yoosung takes but he decides that they are private, for his eyes only... little moments like one where they’re getting ready to stream and saeran’s adjusting one of the microphones 

and yoosung quietly says hey to get his attention, and saeran looks over and smiles real big and genuine w/ lots of love and tells him to “Stop goofing around. C’mon, put your phone down and help me finish setting up.” and it’s. sweet and happy and cute... yeah.

.

BUT uh...

yeah!

that’s all for now !!

[sweetest--melody]

1-40 yeessss

I don’t know about some of these, but fuck it let’s go

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

It was on a stay-in date with my girlfriend in high school. I was way into the movie, she wasn’t so much, but we were still cuddling and stuff so I think she was still fine with it.

2: Talk about your first kiss.

Again, with that same girlfriend. It wasn’t anything big, just kind of a little “see you soon” peck in the lips.

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

This year actually. Both my brother and sister (along with her boyfriend) came here and we got drunk and played, like, HOURS of Rock Band. And they got me a second monitor for my desktop!

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

Last year. Was in the middle of something rough, nobody to be with, nothing gained, no alcohol, I just felt like nobody wanted me around at all.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

The worry that in truth people close to me don’t like me, or the encroaching reality that I will eventually lose them, or just some extreme self-esteem issues and feeling like I can never do anything right.

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

EDIT: a bit of context. In our Writing for Film class, we practiced filming a dialogue scene on set with multiple different takes and angles, and we edited them together ourselves. At the end of one of the takes, one of the camera crew threw a penny at one of the actors (my friend Kody, BUT NOT CODY, it’s like Catherine all over again) and he did this. We all joked about how it looked like dabbing, so I made this and added a blooper reel at the end of the full scene. The “dab” was at the end of it, but not like this. It was a completely different meme altogether. In fact I like that one much better, but this is the one that’s a standalone video lol.

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧It’s fucking nothing!*:･ﾟ✧

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

It was between me and my ma. I was depressed after something that happened to me like not even a week before the fight and she was just not having any of it.

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

I met someone at the airport where I lived in Florida with all my friends from there. We hugged and I woke up.

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

^ that one. It came at a really bad time.

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

Really awkward. Neither of us had any idea what we were doing lol

14: Talk about a vacation.

My family and I went to Panama City once. It was a pretty good time, we spent most of our time on the beach though, but the water was great.

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

Cody always has the best get-togethers. Never more than a few people, maxing out at like 10, all just hanging out and doing dumb nerd shit, playing video games, simplified D&D, and our tradition of obnoxious group car singing at 1AM to McDonalds.

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

Honestly, I don’t even know when someone is a friend or when they consider me a friend, so who knows, I could say anyone and they may already be my friend and I don’t even know it yet.

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

Elementary school wasn’t the best time for me. Literally every time most anybody passed me, they would say something to make fun of me.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

Middle school was literally the same way but then people made it weirdly sexual.

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

In high school, I was basically left alone finally. I actually started making friends I liked being around, so I can actually remember individual moments from there. Like this time in a class of seniors when the teacher used Santa as an example of a myth, and one student just broke down it was… actually heart breaking.

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

LMAO LIKE SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN TO MAKE THAT EVEN POSSIBLE

22: Talk about your worst fear.

I have a lot of fears, its hard to pick one out as my biggest.

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down.

yo im too anxious and socially awkward to even put myself in that kind of situation

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

Someone once told me that I was their inspiration, and that I made them want to be a better person.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

I barely ever have friends, I don’t think I’ve ever had a best one for certain, just times when I thought someone was but then realized that it’s just me being over emotional.

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

I don’t have any choice but to keep going with what I always do. I’m sick pretty often so it’s whatever, I’m pretty used to it. Though really there is the addition of a fuck load of cough drops.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

The reason I like people in glasses so much is because it brings attention to their eyes. I love people’s eyes, they’re just so beautiful, intricate, full of life and color.

28:Talk about your fetishes.

29:Talk about what turns you on.

Look I got family members following me on here, if you’re the kind of person that really wants to know, you probably already do

30: Talk about what turns you off.

Just anything that makes me feel alone or worthless.

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

Everything slowly drifts into nothing, sort of like sleeping, but one where your brain stops completely instead of being in an altered state.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

When I was really young, my brother played in a soccer game and my sister and I were brought to it. It took place in sort of a natural arena surrounded by hills of orange clay. My sister and I played there until the game ended.

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad.

I get quiet and unresponsive. I sigh occasionally and don’t really like to say much, not even really answering many questions. It can be frustrating, but I do get better over time, or just with some signs of care.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

Remember that big old cut in my knee? Imagine getting a needle stuck deep inside that wide open wound, filled with dirt and gravel, before it all goes numb. That was the anesthesia.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

I wish I could just stop getting so emotional sometimes. That’s why I try to bottle it up or deal with it myself, but it still comes out and it still ruins everything.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

Again, anything that I have to say I unironically love. Sonic, rhythm games, Dragon Ball.

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

My girlfriend in high school. Really it was just young infatuation, I didn’t like her personally and we didn’t really support eachother emotionally or share any common interests. We just dated.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

Anything by Queen reminds me of my Florida friends, Jumper by Third Eye Blind is my sister, Tenacious D reminds me of my friend Andrew, and Brocas Helm and Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men reminds me of someone.

39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

How I affect people, primarily. Nobody lives in a vacuum apart from everybody else, everything you do affects the people around you. If I knew how the things I did affected the people around me, maybe with proper communication, I could have prevented many things and grown as a person from it.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

[knight-gwaine]

i keep talkin bout you bc youre my only real way of measuring my progress. you were the best and worst. yesterday or honestly whenever, i made posts along the lines of some shit like you suck ass, which ya do, but if you got your life together we could be friends or sum. but i mean. that’s a concept. what i’m realising is that every day, i’m getting further away from you. and that is a GOD DAMN BLESSING. i say all these nice things but thats for the fake fun and great version of you that exists in my head as just a comforting thought when i feel like thinking about love. but damn, i keep forgetting until i really think about it that, i literally am so fucking happy to be away. i am so happy we never have to be friends again and talk and shit. because you /seem/ cool, especially when we barely talk but if i had to actually deal with you. id rather punch myself in the god damn face. also wow it sucks that id still be down for your dick bc you be lookin like a god damn mess like eww??? i barely /actually/ see you and then when i do i realise oh yeah this b for real aint shit. like i wonder what he is actually getting done w his life. and okay, any progress is great. like if you on your own are trying. great. thats fantastic like im proud of you. everyobe works at their own pace. but in terms of me being friends w you. nah b, you lame as fuck. i aint got time for that. i have been meeting waaayy too many incredible peoole this year and have done waaay to many incredible things to be settlin for someone like you. idk dude. i see you. i hear things about you. i see the shit you do and say and i know you cant judge someone really unless you really get to know em or whatever but sometimes peoples social media and their friends can say a looooottt about them. a lot. and i do not. ever. wanna. fuck. w. you. HEEELLL NOOO.

as much as i wish for myself to never speak of you again and all that. i dont think thats going to happen for a long time. three years is a long time. even if this one seems to have lasted forever, three years is longer. and thinking back on all of it helps me realise how much ive progressed. and how much i keep progressing every day. i literally can only remember one. one. bad day. through this whole year. only one. maybe two? i remember one bad moment? but ive only ever had one bad day.

it is such a feeling. to finally. be free. all my emotions are controlled by me. i never feel depressed and alone on a cloudy quiet sunday. i never feel dreary when its pouring rain out. i never feel affected by the mundane weather. because i have done so much and i honestly will never stop. because what is the point in not trying to have fun and live your best life every moment of your life? fr that one song by anderson paak, i aint never comin down. i spent too much time bein scared and believing i was incapable and antisocial and no one likes me or whatever. but how do people get rid of their fears? you go out and face it. i feel like i can do almost anything now, im not gonna lie. like, if i really want to. because thats genuinely all it takes. if you WANT to do something, you will find a way to do it. so you will succeed. if you WANT to, even if theres everything stopping you, you find a way around it. once you realise that, nothing fucking stops you. i say this same old stuff over and over again but it just took me so long to learn and you hear about it but you never believe it. i still am amazed every day by how my life is now.

i have met some of the most phenomenal and successful people this year. i never would’ve thought first of all that they would even like me or want to talk to me but you would be damn well surprised by people’s kindness. growing up sheltered and being called annoying, dumb, and all other things, you end up believeing no one will like you its just automatic. this year, got to become friends with my favourite people that i always wanted to hang out with. i got to befriend amazing artists and photographers that are huge in my town. everyone who meets me automatically wants to be my friend. even strangers?? random people that sit next to me in class. doing leads you to meet people. and meeting people leads you to doing. its a fantastic cycle if you think about it. life is never boring. i appreciate all the small little things in my life so much more now. everything. if you arent happy with your life, find a way to make yourself happy. you arent stuck unless you give up and stop trying to change yourself. these. are the reasons why i wouldnt want you back in my life. my life is too phenomenal now. my life is too fantastic for you to be in you wouldnt fit. plus, i think im way too positive for you now. and i unapologetically love myself and every aspect of who i am now and i am constantly working on bettering me that i feel like itd just be too much? id be obnoxious to you i feel like?? and youd be boring. you would be boring. i like your interests. i love hearing what you have to say about music and movies and weird random facts but. i also dont trust you to be a good person. after all that you did too, nah. i dont need that negativity. it would be outrageous for me to believe we are connected in anyway. i hope. i mean this in all honesty with my whole being. i hope youre happy w your girl or whateva bc i want you outta mine. she better be takin fuckin care of your dumbass though i stg. i dont care when my boys get w other girls as long as i know their taken care of. vasya when he got w chelsea? immediately got over my crush for him and was happy af bc she was better than me. max, if he gets w anyone aside from cheyenne i will beat his ass. that b better fuckin be pushing you to strive for the best. she better be pushin you to realise your worth and what youre capable of and pushin you to try new things because LIFE IS TOO FUN TO NOT GO OUT AND HAVE FUN. COOK SHIT TOGETHER. GO HIKE. GO DANCE. DO SHIT. GROW UP. THINK SMART.

i fr dont know what the point of this post is im really out here just writin whatever comes to mind. bc one day i’m gonna go back through all my personal posts and ill remember how my life was rn and ill be like damn. that shit was sick as fuck. life was lit as fuck. tbh i think i was just really shook by that photo of you. ive been writing gay shit bout you for a while and then i saw that and i was like OH FUCK ABORT MISSION THAT B UGLY AS HELL AND HAS NO LIFE BACK OUT BACK OUT and now im here. straight shook. yeah. i dont want you in my life. my life is way better without you. i really am an unstoppable force right now. school is a motherfuckin one. friends are fucking precious and successful amazing wholesome human beings that are also out here doin the motherfuckin most im so proud i love all my friends we are all such successful people with amazing futures ahead of us god im so proud im 😭😭😭 we really out here chasin our dreams n shit. aND SUCCEEDIN. and money situation is L I T. ya baby’s got a fine ass mercedes w the best dad in the world getting me AUTOSTART for this cold winter???? ya baby be workin out and doin yoga everyday, abs comin in HOT. ya gurl developin as an artist with her dream school hittin her the FUCK up for her portfolio?? i am a for real artist now but i refuse to realise my big stuff. only sketches for now, dear world. the public eye doesnt need to see me as an artist yet. no. because they always will bc its always me. but no. i gotta act chill. this isnt the artist years of your life yet. you aint settled down yet no. now is time for fun, life, school, that grind 😤😤, and ecology. BE THAT SICK ASS SCIENTIST BITCH. BE SMART AS FUCK AND SAVE THE EARTH.

2017 got three more months left. i already know that im gonna have the funnest fucking time. fam is leavin for xmas and my sister’s moving out?? ff got house parties like wild?? EVERY MONTH??? northern lights are comin out??? you dont have to wake up early for school so you can go chase them??? A N D YOU HAVE A BUNCHA FRIENDS NOW TO GO WITH??? AND WINTER IS COMING SO THERES GONNA BE MORE EVENTS INSIDE TO GO TO??? AND MEET PEOPLE?? AND YA GETTIN MORE HIGHER PAYING JOBS WITH HELLA TIPS??? YES. i said i was gonna make 2017 my bitch. boy the fuck did i and i am gonna end it with a muthafuckin bang.