#im actually on the toilet rn

[muddycherub]

Mentally better now but I started my period at 2 am n it's 5am now and I want to inflict this pain on every living being (especiallymen) literally double it and give it to the next person idc PLLLLSSSSS

[uzi-x33]

i am in SHAMBLES.

[doggolol]

(tbhk chapter 118/120 spoilers)

OKAY.

OKAYYYYY ???????

THAT’S ENOUGH AIDAIRO 😭😭

[macey-wacey]

shall i take you there?

[ribbonknot]

sometimes i feel like rn it's really understated just how bad things could be if trump wins. like, actually. i feel like it's being forgotten that despite how bad things are right now, they would surely get WORSE.

[gravybath]

Trying to play on my phone and shit in the bathroom at work and someone comes in but im like. Buddy im exhausted im not leaving enjoy the calming sounds of me shiddin.

And then i hear my fucking associate ask if its me in here and im like queen. Let me shit in peace. And shes like can i vape? And im like dude i dont care everyone does it at work im just trying to have five minutes of peace.

[kittytheartist]

Aka from @mari-lair 's full supernatural Akane au

[lilac-melody]

I knew today was going to be a bad day.

[pastasauceandmoms]

my nose is so itchy rn😕

[yourlocalabomination]

HI I NEED EVERYBODY TO LOOK AT THIS RN

Uhhh... What do you MEAN that I'm taking headcannons from other fanartists?

.... Sorry, you're right. @yourlocalabomination's "Taking whats not yours" - Jennybear post made me sooo normal. So uh........

COLLEGE!JENNYBEAR! BUT THEY ARE STUPID WITH BAGGY PANTS CAUSE. ITS THE 2000'S, and I was born in 2006 and all i remember wearing then was pink leggings and a sparkly shirt- as wal mart might have. you know you know.. AND I HAVE NO SENSE IN FASHION, BUT these radical, nerdy, edible taking sweethearts are special to me.

And you cant tell me that ted never put on a fake. Like... Personality to seem SOOOO much cooler than he actually was. He was impressing no-one from left to right. And looked like such a loser but Jenny always was like. "Oh, yeah. You looked SO cool Dwdw." and ted knows shes just joking around, but hes still like "ikr B)"

Anyways, jenny gets rollerskates, ted gets a skateboard, and they have matching piercings, and jenny has a necklace and she paints their nails, but ted totally pickes at it subconsciously, and jenny tried taking him rollerskating once, and he was good at it. But when he got older he totally forgot how, and if he tries skating, he'd look like a cool. And I think that's a good thing, cause jenny would love to see him fall and try again.

And I think about them alot............

[viasdreams]

Nightwalker ཐི❤︎ཋྀ

'No human blood' is an extremely grueling rule for Donghyuck to live by, his fledgling vampire urges consuming his every thought. Some days, he finds himself struggling to hold onto his humanity, constantly fighting against his insatiable cravings. His human facade slips one night when he passes you, your bloody hand unknowingly guiding his monstrous actions.

or haechan accidentally sucks your blood and drama ensues

pairing: vampire haechan x fem! human reader

genre: social media alternative universe (smau), comedy, fantasy, angst

warnings: slight gore, lots of talk about blood, profanity, sex jokes, jokes about death, actual death (not character death but all the vampires are technically dead) kys/kms jokes

a/n: ahhh my first smau !! is this an excuse to make jokes about that favorite era pic of haechan? YES IT IS !! this will be a very silly story and not like horror/serious just so we're clear, i just liked the black aesthetic lol. ill still be posting one-shot texts so don't worry your pretty little heads :))

status: ongoing !!

taglist: open !!

profiles (1) ~ profiles (2)

01 milkies boy 02 live tweeting his crash out 03 hyuck finally kicking the bucket (written) 04 one wet dream about mark 05 ive read some nasty fanfic about him 06 r u jorking my shit rn?!?! 07 ok throat goat!! (written) 08 bad case of the squirts 09 clock crazy hours on the toilet 10 raises gun to mouth 11 my girl weiner hard rn 12 you're going shit butt 13 NEED one to maul me 14 the hottest of all the smurfs 15 plz shoot me and not with that gun (written) 16 main ingredient in that yummy manwich 17 do you know how to tie a noose? 18 i hope you get roofied every day!! 19 im jisung, your new owner (written) 20 bleeding in my tweak zone 21 especially you anime mfs 22 just lost all desire to cum 23 chugged a thing of toilet bowl cleaner (written) 24 hyuck's unbrushed tongue 25 hot girls stay fartin 26 i wanna know what vamp dick feels like 27 contributing to my spank bank 28 fine ass dad (written) 29 he got you goonin

bonus: who's blood/dick do i have to suck | im not a sexbot, just a guy | yank on their peanits

[icarusredwings]

I love how you write call girl Wade and having her as gender fluid, honestly I live for a gender ambiguous take on him, it scratches the brain PERFECTLY

And Logan would be obsessed

Just constantly having Wade in his lap, not letting her get more than an arms reach away unless absolutely necessary for their little scams

Girl why you always in my inbox as anonymous.

Were friends. How am I supposed to tag you in cool posts if I dont know who you are.

I do like genderfluid wade and ive been messing around with them for a bit. Wade is literally the "I think im gender fluid but theres a gunfight going on 24/7 so idc about that rn"

So if logan were to genuinely ask, gently bring it up, Hed probably joke at first like wym haha im not a girl and logan would just blink and be like "Just be who you want to be" and suddenly- He's at a dress shop, sitting outside the dressing room awkwardly making eyecontact with the employees who walk by to see him holding 18 different dresses.

"Sir you cant smoke in here"

"You want me to put it out on your forehead?"

When wade comes out theyre in this really pretty kind of pinup dress. "What do you think!?"

Logan sighs, puts it out on his boot and smiles fondly. "Well arnt you gonna spin around?"

So he does and then giggles. "It has pockets!"

So he looks up to the clerk like "What other colours you have of that?"

Wanda has all sorts of dresses now but her signature for gamble nights is a short sparkly one almost similar to sabrina carpenters and a garter with prada heels.

Even pearls. Real pearls to match what ever colour suit logan is wearing. A small "dibs" on her at all times.

By definition Call girl means a sex worker who works by appointment only rather then standing the streets or working for a "any time" brothel.

Sometimes tables get suspicious.

"Whos the girl?"

"Ahh nutin. Just a call girl."

"You pay'er to walk around witcha or smth?"

"Something like that. I play better if I have someone pretty to look at instead of ya ugly mugs."

Pretty much, anyone who makes an appointment dies. Mainly because thats her profession. To butter up her targets, take'em home and then takem out in body bags. Since call girls are "higher class" then regular prostitutes they often have protection with cartel or mafia, especially in this particular setting.

So yeah, sometimes Logan has to grit his teeth and play pimp. "Sell" Wanda off to a sorry sap but it makes him so happy to know she just comes back home and fucks him silly to soothe his jealousy. Its a rush lifestyle. Always on the go, always having the adrenaline of winning or the endorphins of flirting, leading them on, the relief that rushes down wandas back when she finally gets to kill them.

Its a great little scheme they have going on here but sometimes theres more trouble then they bargin for or sometimes one of the players will call wanda ugly and it sets Logan off and sends wade into a hysterical session of tears and refusing to let anyone see them for awhile without any make up on. It pisses patch off a lot actually because he works hard to make sure she feels pretty at all times, even telling her how pretty she is while holding her hair back and their head in the toilet. Cancer is not any kinder to them in this au but at the end of the day if Wanda can make everyone in this room want a piece of his ass while said ass is sitting on Patches lap? Theyre happy.

[six-eyed-samurai]

Hi I was wondering if you could do a amajiki x reader where reader is on her period and has really bad cramps and mood swings and amajiki has to ask mirio and nejire for advice

SUMMARY: Very apologetically Tamaki has no idea how to handle your shark week, so Mirio and Nejire are here to help him out! A/N: Very apologetically I too am not sure if things were accurate I'M SORRY I DON'T EXPERIENCE THIS so I'm literally trying to remember what my ex gf was like FORGIVE ME ALSO FOR BEING SO LATE I HAD TO STOP HALFWAY BECAUSE OF EXAMS WARNINGS: Fem!Reader, period, maybe inaccuracies (refer to above)

🌸Let’s set the scene.

🌸Please pity him. It was in the middle of a cafe date that suddenly you stopped slurping your drink, freezing with a funny expression and your waffle piece halfway to your mouth. Obviously Tamaki’s voice peters out and away as he sinks into his jacket….oh crap, did he say something wrong? Maybe his breath smells bad?

🌸Then you ask to borrow his jacket. He gives it over, relieved, thinking you must’ve just been cold or something - wait, why are you tying it around your waist and heading to the toilet?

🌸When you finally come back out you awkwardly ask to cut the date short with much apologies, but you really wanted to head back and change….why? Oh right, your period kind of….leaked.

🌸”….”

🌸”Sure, sure! All’s to worry, not to fine!” Tamaki’s just happy it isn’t because of him - it’s your third date after a year of hopelessly pining and finally using up all the courage he had in this lifetime to confess and ask you out.

🌸Then it actually hits him.

🌸Silly boy’s even more panicked than you are, and YOU’RE The one on your period. It’s mostly because he wants to help you cover up and not have the date ruined but he has no idea how, not having much experience in this - come to think of it, Nejire never brought up her period with him and Mirio, so honestly he had no idea what he was doing.

🌸Hell, he’s suddenly forgotten how the menstruation cycle works - where did all those science lessons go??? Help???

🌸You have to assure him it’s not a big deal, his jacket is enough, could he help get a doggy bag for the waffles and get the drinks though?

🌸After he drops you off by your dorm Tamaki is immediately whipping out his phone and googling about periods, but it’s only explaining to him why and how it happens…wait, you’ll get mood swings, headaches, loss of appetite, lethargy and cramps? And girls go through this every month?

🌸That sounds worse than a villain attack; Tamaki’s respect for you probably broke the meter.

🌸He’s gonna be the supportive boyfriend! This is his chance to show you you didn’t make any mistake in choosing the quiet weirdo to be your partner! Tamaki nods, trying to hype himself up.

🌸Problem is…what is he supposed to do…

🌸Nejire and Mirio are more than happy to play wingmen once more, of course!

🌸All his plans collapse when you didn’t show up in class the next day however. Not only that, you’re pretty dry when he texts you and you’re - you’re ending the conversation first?!

🌸*>>sry im not feeling my best rn and dont wanna take it out on you*

🌸*>>ill talk to you ltr?*

🌸Tamaki ends up overthinking as usual, picking away at his lunch so obviously, leading to Mirio and Nejire’s interrogation and him spilling his guts. He wants to go check on you to see if you’re fine, but do YOU want him to go check on you?

🌸Nejire scoffs and tells him of course you’d want him to check on you! Girls could get clingy on their periods, of course you’d appreciate it if he came over…hey, you both could always do a stay at home date, nothing fancy! You’d surely be up for movies to cheer you up - Nejire would gladly lend Tamaki her account, no payment required.

🌸What’s he supposed to do? Nejire’s winking not so subtly as she slyly suggests cuddling under blankets with - oops, he looks like he’s about to faint now. No surprise, Tamaki nearly had a heart attack when you both first brushed fingers.

🌸Tamaki’s social anxiety having him debating between being the object everyone in the corridor must surely be gawking at or running somewhere far far away? No worries either, Mirio’s there to stop him from getting a concussion slamming his head against the wall.

🌸Mirio helpfully knocks very loudly on your door, calling out Tamaki’s name when your groggy voice drifts out. He gives his stunned, dark-haired friend a thumbs up and shoves a box of chocolates into his arms, mouthing “give this to her!” before taking off.

🌸Regrettably Tamaki’s first words to you were not…er…

🌸”You look terrible.”

🌸Immediately Tamaki backtracked, yelping about how it was probably the dim lighting that made him see things wonky, he’s SORRY, he didn’t mean it he was just surprised, please FORGIVE him, uh, uh, please have this box of chocolates as apology! 🌸Oh dear, he’s just too cutely flustered to be mad at, so you accept the box (thrown at you accidentally) with a hoarse laugh, self-consciously trying to smooth down your mussed hair and wrinkled sleeping clothes, asking what brought him here.

🌸Tamaki didn’t miss the way your arm was wrapped around your abdomen, or the way your eyes were a little screwed up from the pain and sleepiness, but he decided to go ahead and ask anyway if you were okay and why you didn’t show up to class today.

🌸Awkwardly you explain your cramps were really bad and after going to Recovery Girl she decided you were better off resting than doing anything physical for the day, admitting you probably shouldn’t have succumbed to the temptations of cold boba the other day.

🌸”Can….can I…can I stay with you? I brought a movie and uh, chocolate and I can bring blankets we could make a fort if you’re not too mad at me-”

🌸”Mad at you?” You tilted your head, surprised and confused. “Why would I be…oh. Is it about our earlier texts?”

🌸He nods, and you reach out to take his hand comfortingly. “Dummy, I know it’s probably a lot for you, but no matter how bad my mood swings are, I’d never get mad at you, alright?”

🌸Tamaki must have some real good karma from his past life to deserve an angel like you.

🌸”So…about that movie date?”

🌸The next day Mirio and Nejire eagerly await news of what had transpired; Tamaki hides his face when you grin brightly and say “I wouldn’t mind having cramps that bad again if he’ll come and cuddle me like that.”

[autieofthevalley]

OH IM SO FUCKINF FERAL RN I LET OUT ACTUAL SCREAMS BUT I ALSO WILL MOAN SOON 🗣👹

no lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the bathroom sink to the shower, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic, exponential, logarithmic, while I gasp for air, scream, and see the light, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy, backwards, sideways, upside down, on the floor, in the bed, on the couch, on a chair, being carrier, against the wall, outside, in a train, on a plane, in the car, on a motorcycle, on the back of a truck, on a trampoline, in a bounce, in the pool, in the garden, bent over, in the basement, against the window, having the most toe curling, back arching, leg shaking, dick throbbing, fist clenching, era ringing, mouth drooling, ass clenching, nose sniffing, eye watering, eye rolling, hip thrusting, earthquaking, sheet gripping, knuckles cracking, jaw dropping, hair pulling, teeth jitterbug, mind blogging, soul snatching, overstimulating, vile, sloppy, moan introducing, heart wrenching, spine tingling, back breaking, atrocious, gushy, creamy, beastly, lip biting, gravity defying, nail biting, sweaty, feet kicking, mind blowing, body shivering, orgasmic, bone breaking, world ending, black hole creating, universe destroying, devious, scrumptious, amazing, delightful, delectable, unbelievable, body numbing, bark worthy, can't walk, head nodding, soul evaporating, vulcano erupting, sweat rolling, voice cracking, trembling, sheets soaked, hair drenched, flabbergasting, lip locking, skin peeling, eye widening, pussy popping, nail scratching, back cuts, spectacular, brain cell devolving, hair ripping, show stopping, magnificent, unique, extraordinary, splendid, phenomenal, mouth foaming, heavenly

[kobebibebi]

well school has seriously taken over my life even if i want to draw so badly rn

so here's a very old idea i had for an au that I didn't get to finish (based off spookyfish) it does kinda suck LMAO it's very unserious

the gist was just basically like invert their every trait as best as i can

honestly i just took those traits from the south park fan wiki,, because im not that literate in words lolol

a huge inspiration/motivation (w spite) i have for this is the mirrorverse au but it just didn't align with me right how in mirrorverse it's JUST THE MORALS that are inverted and basically everything was the same,, there aren't much fanworks I've seen that actually try to make them the polar opposite instead of just south park but evil™ (isn't that just south park??)

and yk how the main 4 look like average kids, so i made them look not your typical ten year olds and personality wise they hate toilet humor

(also now that i realize i just made stan and kyle have fanon cartman traits/fashion skdhjd)

[ask-shane]

your asks astonish me, but i realized theres only.. like.. 5 types of asks u get. so basically this is what i think ur ask box looks like rn:

anon1: haiii shane! luv u!

anon2: shane i hate you you look like you never shower you stink so much you filthy rat

anon3: shane ur so ugly i love you. ur such a cutie patootie. ur so pathetic. ur like the physicla embodiment of a wet paper bag. i luv u.

anon4: hi u have a nice ass :3

anon5: shane help my toilet exploded

basically what im tryin to say is that you dont get paid enough for this

i actually laughed out loud reading this.

you think i get paid for this? i wish i were… i’m not. i actually think my paycheck gets deducted whenever i log into this blog.