#im actively crying abt it rn actually

[astralcrewarch]

screaming crying shaking abt jing yuan's fucking voice line abt dan heng and that it implies jing yuan had feelings for him.

[brainrot-stitch]

AHAAA I FINISHED IT WOAHHH i usually don't finish art things omg...

Anyways current sabre design!!! (It will probably change bc I can NEVER make up my mind on any design ever sob)

He's such a goof :3 (IM NEVER DRAWING THAT RAINBOW ELYTRA AGAIN IM CRYING)

Anyways some headcanons below cuz I feel like yapping :3

-rainbow totally would have gotten him and sabre friendship necklaces (yk the matching kind with magnets that come together n all) and after knowing lucas for a bit he woulda made friendship bracelets !!

-like that one person I reblogged said, he's such a mad scientist he's so silly omgg

-i love the reincarnation au SO MUCH its literally fire but in normal headcanons I think he used to be part of the creed and an assasin and ermm

Basically I headcanon his whole assassins creed series was basically his backstory before starting to do research on these 'steve' entities

-when nervous/anxious his footsteps will be completely silent out of habit from the whole assassin thing, and he'd obviously do it when purposefully trying to sneak (he has probably scared rainbow or Lucas multiple times by doing this..)

-I'm not sure weather to headcanon that his wings were damaged by a steve really early on in the steve saga (like before rainbow could speak or maybe when dark was still pretending to be blue) or if it was smth that happened when he was still an assassin but it's one of those!!!

-hes an avian.. heh... if u couldn't tell from the ref sheet.. but NOT a chicken!! The chicken jokes are just bc of the hoodie and bc his feathers look a lil similar :3

-he has like 2 of the same chicken hoodie he'll wear most often but still has some normal outfits AND assassins outfits and weapons he keeps away (most are green or have some sort of green in them heh.. I might draw that later)

-ok ok ok I have so many eye headcanons it's so hrggrrrrh the main one tho is one I snatched from the reincarnation au and that's that he doesn't have eyes!! Bc of an injury or sum and he js says he has sensitive eyes and the bandana fabric is see through up close.. but he can still see bc he's a player and the way players work is weird. Other headcanon, green eyes. Other headcanon, brown eyes. Other headcanon, heterachromia green and brown eyes. Other headcanon pure white eyes. Other headcanon code eyes. Other headcanon (gets hit by a bus)

-if we r going with the reincarnation au for the eyes, I feel like only rainbow and Lucas would know, if we're going with the others, I'd say rainbow, Lucas, Alex, galaxy, and maybe the guardian (I forgot if that's what he was called or not) would know. If we're going with the code eyes, then only lucas would know

-not sabre specifically but I feel like steves in general wouldn't be very used to or know but about blood/gore stuff, bc they're more used to being destroyed/poofing, and later on being destroyed through a machine. Being actually killed by a sword or something of the sort they are not used to seeing, and are very touchy on the subject

-on that note I imagine if there's like a steve that's immune to most or all other steve powers and or machines that they're trying to get rid of and arguing on what to so abt I imagine sabre being like "oh 1 sec I got this" and boom that mf DEAD 😭

-and they'd b like 😰

"Guess we're gonna have to kill this guy sabre" "damn"

-ermmm silly billy activity...

-I feel like he'd know a lot more than the other steves on things like the nether and end (not end city tho that's a whole other mc headcanon I don't feel like yapping abt rn) bc those are the dimensions players have access too and steves usually dont.. so they'd b like "WTF SABRE WHAT R U DOING THAT IS A LITERAL HELLSCAPE WITH LAKES OF FIRE AND MONSTERS WEVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE FYM U CAN GET 'NETHERITE' THERE" and he'd b like "well don't go in the fire then and it anything attacks u kill it ig" (not actually sob.. I feel like only he and Lucas would go there bc most steves r hindered greatly by lava and the only ones we've seen that aren't are bad guys if my memory is correct)

Ermm I have more but I'm eepy and can't remember so those r for another day!!!

Reblogs>likes

Don't post my art to other platforms without my permission pls x3

[frankburn]

look at this thang i was tagged in and actually ended up doing:] thank you dear @cannibalismpdf what a treat this is.

i did not keep track of most of these on letterboxd since i actually only started using it a couple of weeks ago, but i dug into my brain for this and am happy to say i watched more this year than i thought i did. and all of these i watched for the first time besides paranormal activity, but i first watched it as a little baby so it doesnt really count (even tho ive always had a clearer memory of those movies than most things) ok anyway ill keep the rest short simple and sweet

top 9 movies i watched this year:

good time (2017) - watched this january '24 after getting really into the curse, dont exactly remember what i was doing or where i was when i watched it. i do know that i rewatched it almost immediately after w my sister. just an overall good time 🤙

biosphere (2022) - watched more recently, and again rewatched almost immediately after but this time with friends who love to put up with my little movie moments. verrry silly and also lovely to see pregnant mark duplass whenever possible

hellraiser (1987) - yes yes this should have happened sooner but i also believe i watched it at the right time. one of my dear friends favorite movies and i am now blessed to understand why

funny games (2007) - okaaay now i watched this like 2 weeks ago all thanks to a wonderful recommendation from a lovely and sane-about-naomi-watts individual and it was all downhill from there. or like a lift off from there honestly. the movie itself is great i am a sucker for the inescapable and the doomed. very raw. now i especially love a man in this movie who is sweaty bloody crying and whining up a storm. when hes not like. on a boat with his son.

paranormal activity (2007) - i was going to put paranormal activity 5: the marked ones instead since i did in fact give it half a point higher than the first one, but its fine it all ties together. me and my sister actually watched all movies in the series (besides tokyo night) so that we could watch meatcanyons ranking of it and god. so much alcohol. wonderful movies wonderful times. this is one of those movies ill probably think abt on my deathbed

trap (2024) - fun movie! i absolutely enjoyed the first half, the setting of an arena concert was like the best part of it, so i was kind of sad when suddenly theres like... vans and homes 🙄 coulda been cus i was still on a concert high

the cook, the thief, his wife & her lover (1989) - wonderful disgusting movie. something i will need to rewatch again and SOON

late night with the devil (2023) - had to replace iwtv bc i for some reason forgot about this movie. how im not sure, considering this is probably my favorite movie i watched this year.

rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead (1990) - dont even try to talk to me abt this movie rn

well that does it. arent ya glad i didnt list all the tim roth movies ive already seen but have watched over and over again and could probably talk abt for hours if allowed the time and the right kind of attention. and i suppose the conclusion is i just really love to watch movies with loved ones. i guess ill try and tag some people now

@frmulcahy @confinesofmy @barryhbo2018 @unprojection @creepmovie or anyone else who would like to. sorry if u have already done this or hate to be tagged but hello anyway :]

[imaginespazzi]

CHAPPTTTERRR NINI YAYAYAAY

- NIVI BBY i’ve missed you so so so much! i hope your vacation was fabtastic 💛

- “TW: Explicit Sexual Content” AHHH I BET UR LITTLE FREAKY ANONS SRE JUMPING WJTB JOY RN

- DAMN KK SIDED WITH DAD. i don’t like conflict this is making me sad

- THEM SAYING IT IN SYNC GOD 😭

- “I wouldn’t have cared,” Paige shrugs, “running suicides would have been worth it for an extra hour with you.” bitch, it’s suicide awareness month aren’t you supposed to be nice to me?

- AHHH SHE TOLD HER SHES GETTING THE DIVORCE!!?!!! Why are these freaks not confessing love rn

- “She’s confused when Azzi flinches, like a memory has just pinched her nerves.” THE PHONE CALL???? PAIGE RLLY DOESNT REMEMBER

- THESE BITCHES FUCKED??? yay them BUT YALL PLEASE COMMUNICATE

- OKAY BACJ TO THE NOW EEEEKK!!! don’t be shy paige go join azzi 🤗

- AWWW AZZI RIGHT YHERE READY TO KNOCK

- paige is a little freak with her short response… bitch say what u rlly want 😛😁

- S

- L

- U

- T

- S

- took them long enough

- “She’s always known exactly how to get Paige to shut the fuck up.” i laughed out loud

- “But there’s a part of Paige that had thought that there was no way Azzi could have missed her as much as she missed Azzi. Because missing Azzi had felt all consuming, like there was a constant noose around her neck that got tighter and tighter with every day that passed by” only you would turn them fucking into me being all sad

- stop azzi 🥹☹️ you’re gorgeous girl

- why the fuck am i crying rn.

- paige possessive little shit

- stop the left but you came back for the book joking around is actually making me cry because it’s literally them.

- STOP AZZI SAYING PAIGE ISNT HER DIRTY LITTLE SECRET🥹🥹 I JUST KNOW PAIGE NEEDED TO HEAR THAT

- “KATIE STOP LEAVE THEM ALONE

- The party,” Stephie cries out, “first you went to a party without me and then you had a sleepover without me. I can’t bel-ieve you guys would do that to me. Don’t you guys love me at all?” BYE IM CACKLING WHY IS STEPHIE ME… saying, oh so you hate me is my life motto😭😭 poor girl just wants a sleepover with her paige

- stephie really has paige wrapped around her finger azzi is gonna have to wrap her mouth in tape

- SLEEPOVER PT. 2?!?! where is paige sleeping is the question

- UGH LOVED THE NEW CHAPTER SO GOODDDD

- i am actually dying to find out more abt there actual break up

- ig my main question is abt like kk being upset with azzi was that her just being defensive of paige or has azzi not been talking to the others much?

-hey i finally stayed away from my cliff 🤞🤞

- sorry to say i don’t have rlly have questions and the short reactions today im so exhausted lol, HOWEVER im sorry happy you’re back and as always you’re my favorite evil genius

ily

🤩🤩

- BESTIE I LOVE YOU <3

- Lmao hopefully I've satisfied all the horniness now

- I am being nice to you....later in the chapter

- Ah you're the only person who caught that so far I think or at least who's told me they caught it. But no she does not in fact remember.

- LMAO the s l u t s killed me but yeah just a little bit. I mean can you blame them?

- Listen I couldn't make it all hot and sexy because I fear that's just not me so instead we got sappy emotional sex because you know it's me and that's all I know how to write

- Stephie's so valid for being upset like they really had a whole night without her and she's supposed to be their baby. #FreeHer

- There's been a couple of references but Azzi has actively avoided a lot of reunions and such so KK's anger is mainly from a place of missing her, not necessarily siding with Paige.

[jadeoru]

hiii! just wanted to let you know that if anyone is being mean abt smudged lipstick or has anything bad to say abt it send them my way and i will lit beat them up for u pookie you ARE AMAZING and your fic is AMAZING and i cannot tell you how ecstatic i get when u update like genuinely it is everything to me. anywayyy i love your writing and i love smudged lipstick and im actually going crazy over it rn actively so enjoy this jojo siwa sticker bc it speaks facts

lilly ☹️☹️ im gonna cry this is so nice of you 💗 thank you sm im glad you like it !!!!!! this is literally the sweetest thing ever ily

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hiya I’m here for the redacted matchups thing? If you’re still doing it that is (“^^)

A breakdown abt me is I have I’m an friendly introvert which has allowed me to deceive a lot of people into thinking I’m extroverted- I’m not I actually need very long hours of recharge after social outings. I’m an infp and I’ve been described to have “black/ginger cat energy” (tsundere and bites people according to some)

For the questions

- currently there’s been 2 songs stuck in my head. Into my arms by the Maine- there was this one specific part that’s goes she had the most amazing…smile. Bet you didn’t expect it she made me change my ways… and the lyric play was really cute. It was sung as if intending to say smthg sexual but he just went ‘smile’ instead and ties it in with how the listener prolly didn’t expect him to say that either implying that she “changed” him. It’s funnier considering later on he comments abt how she had “legs that went on for days” it gives a “I’m more well versed and mature now but at the end of the day im still a Man (/pos)” I found it really cute. Oh and Cupid is so dumb from Cupid by fifty fifty cause mood

- I love ytb essays! I watch movie critiques or essays on certain animes I watch and why they’re great/sht. Oh also shanspeares stuff

- i had a childhood friend called Casper. He was this “protector” kinda friend that would hang out with me talk to me.

- asmr. (no surprise) aside from sleep aids I actually dabble more into traditional tapping scratching or pampering soft spoken stuff when the insomnia hits.

- there is a character from Rick riordans magnus chase series, their name is Alex fierro. I had a very weird relationship with gender?? Aesthetics?? You could say? When I was young. I just had a lot of moment where I didn’t really like my long/short hair or jsut how I looked too fem/masc. Alex (other than being a total badass and child of mischief) was gender-fluid and I looked up to them a lot so ye.

- oh that’s hard I like a lot of them ;-;. I guess the highest I can possibly think of rn is inversion’s more than a promise and right here. I just love the deep conversations asher and David and Damien and Huxley had amidst all that chaos. And how they were there for each other. The voice acting was chef kiss and I was crying.

- …Sam. I used to i really did but now he and darling feel more like characters is ship than me being darlin being with him

- heroes of Olympus and book of life

- Huxley. He is so friend shaped.

- onigiri, ramen and a drink! (Could range from boba to juice to jsut coffee)

- a playlist that seems like it’s for long distance relationship but it’s really abt being in love with someone fictional and being really hurt they’re “far away”. And few other dedicated/inspired by characters I like. There’s one for denki kaminari I really enjoy and it’s just songs with the general “you’re way out of my league yet I still got you how tf-?” Vibe

I’m so sorry for talking so much.

Oh, this is easy. I’ve thought actively about the parallels between BNHA and Redacted characters, and Asher Talbot is the Denki Kaminari who’d love a black/ginger cat partner.

First things first, I like your music taste for him; you seem to like really fun music that brings you joy, and I think Asher would always vibe with it, you know? I can easily see him singing along with “Into My Arms” while y’all are riding along in the car and giving you this cheeky grin when that verse comes on. He feels charming, clever, and cute singing it even though he didn’t write it, but goddammit, he is really cute though.

Another fun thing is that I think you’d both like a lot of the same things! Asher definitely strikes me as having been a Percy Jackson/Magnus Chase kid, playing Camp Half-Blood campers with the other Shaw kids, deciding who would be in whose cabin. Asher’s one of the Redacted bois who I can see as an anime fan- BNHA, One Piece, Naruto definitely but not ashamed to watch a little shoujo, a little Horimiya perhaps.

Song:

Angels danced the day that you were born/ Oh I'm so sure/ They celebrated when you arrived/ You're so bright/ I swear you swallowed the Sun/ And I am so in awe/ Just basking in your light

One, this song is super cute and romantic and singable. It’s a sweet, little bop; I highly recommend it. Two, it’s a song about Tamaki Amajiki being in love with Mirio, an introvert in love with their comfort, sunshine, golden retriever extrovert. It works beautifully.

Runner-Ups:

You know who definitely watches anime and would love anime-related video essays? Guy, and he knows the obscure shit- anything but horror. Now, hear me out- the Casper thing would be a really cute basis for a relationship with Regulus if he weren’t insane, I’m just saying-

Note: Have you heard the song “When Someone’s In Love With Me” by Jacob Oman? It’s literally a love song that sounds like it’s pining over a ex, but it’s actually about fictional characters setting your standards too high, it’s really good. Also, you could never talk too much. Let your words be heard; they’re lovely ❣️

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[cubedmango]

NAINAAAA OH MY GOD?(:&:?:& I’M DJD YOUUUUUUU !!!!!!! I’m so sorry I don’t want this entire ask to be pure nonsense so I’m gonna pick up every single one of the million pieces I just exploded into, off of the floor and try and function,,, can I just say you needed to add a warning to that post because I genuinely yelled so loud I felt sharp burn in my chest afterwards WHYY WOULD YOU DO THIS😭😭 KUROSAWA CRYING,, THE BREAKFAST NOTEJNSJS ADACHI AND THEIR LITTLE GIRL CUDDLED UP,,, THE RING,, THE CHERRY!!PYJAMAS I’M FUCKFNFJF oh man. Oh God. Wow you… bless you… you wonderful miracle working legend… like I need you to understand so clearly when I say that my heart took a nose dive upon glancing at that art like my deeply heartfelt love for your art aside the fact that you put it into a perfect visual form with our la sweethearts like I actually can’t move on?? I saw it earlier today and have been racking my brain trying to find ways to properly emote the groundbreaking shift that took place within my soul like. Every so often (every 10 minutes) mind would drift back to Them and I’d have to grab onto the nearest wall to steady myself I’ve officially Lost it. Like thank me? THANK /YOU/ 6473683 times over😭😭😭<333333 I feel like I felt the warm rays of the spring sunshine after a 12 month long winter like truly I’m not sure how but I’m gonna have to join you sensei is gonna receive a mental transmission from me every day onwards BEGGING for this progression it could fix me in so many ways nothing else ever could I just know it…

(other ask below for length)

The ask was getting so long I’m sorry😭 (you Broke Me) BUT your tags had my heart aching because I didn’t even think about that but you’re sooo right like it’s clear that a lot of kurosawa’s unrealistic expectations for himself were ingrained into him through his mother and what she actually expected of him growing up and that manifesting into fears of fatherhood and making the same mistakes is,,,, (had to stop to forcefully regulate my breathing pattern here out of sheer pain) like it’s a perfect next life stage arc that stays true to his character. Plus the whole contrast with adachi being naturally adept and comfortable with fatherhood due to /his/steadfast upbringing and being able to talk things through with kurosawa and help him understand that yeah there’s no such thing as The Perfect Parent™️ but you do just have to learn as you go, while taking into account to be mindful of not making the same mistakes as your own parents but at the end of the day the goal is to create that loving, supportive and consistent environment which he’s more than capable of doing like oh GOD I could eat rocks by the spoonful right now sensei PLEASE,,, I’m gonna stop rambling before every single thought floods out but once again THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for the Kurodachi brain food I’m gonna think about it an insanely unhealthy amount,,, I hope your day was loveliest it could be <333

PLS ANON IM CRYING SM these asks made my day pls im eating up all ur thoughts instantly (and weeps thank u im glad u liked the doodles 🥹) im so unwell abt kurodadchis rn so ty again for putting them in my brain !!!!!

also everything u said abt them talking the possibility out and accepting that they might not be perfect parents but they can actively try to do better and theyre 100% capable of that is just . aaauagGGHHGH i need sensei to make this happen w manga krdc like Right Now and then i need the drama crew to come back and give us a full s2 of this and then same w rd and then-

[sonny-d]

yes i cried over merlin s2ep9 and i will admit it bc i need to talk abt it to express just how much it was bc im so emotionally traumatized that there are only two things that will make me cry literally only two in very extreme amount but this shit right here did it for me anyway

i saw somebody a while ago say smth abt merlin definitely actually wanting to leave a few times freya being one of them bc hes been so repressed that just being allowed to be himself without hiding anything makes him fall in love with a girl in two days so much that hes gonna abandon his destiny and his friends to go live with her and be who he is, they are the ‘holy shit for the love of jesus christ our lord and savior get me the fuck out of here’ to each others ‘literally please im so lonely im surrounded by ppl but they all would want me dead if they knew’ and that is just beautiful it is a whole new level of crazy to someones crazy it is going insane to someones going insane and that is magnificent

also the part where she recognizes him while shes a beast tormenting the town that she runs away they need to save each other so bad that it can fuck up some old roach’s curse

AND THEN thats right im not done AND FUCKING THEN at the lake when merlins holding her and shes all like “oh u save me i am loved now i die good ehe” then she dies like that its so heartbreaking bc its like yeah she got saved bc she got to die with that but what abt him she just fucking left him like that to keep livin la vida loca (bad) with all the shit he almost managed to run away from

AND THEN (last one) when merlins doing stuff for arthur and he walks in and sits next to him to see whats up (literally beautiful that a prince would sit his royal ass on that floor next to his servant to make sure hes ok) and he has no idea abt freya so he treats it like a normal ass situation so merlin kinda acts different then falls into normal rhythm

(new paragraph it woulda been too long i have so much to say abt this) i was thinking abt how merlin handles certain situations bc like how is he not literally imploded rn then i realized the way id handle that shit is sit and think abt it but he doesnt do that, hes actually rly rly smart he just goes thru too much shit to actively and consistently be smart so he does like he did in this one and falls into a routine so that he doesnt think he just goes and keeps livin la vida loca and doesnt even worry abt it cuz hes not thinking abt it bc thats how he copes is not thinking abt it cuz hes smart

so i think arthur unconsciously knows this which is why he just comes in and fucks with merlin a lil bit then lists off the things to do so merlin definitely feels better bc it helps him not think but at the end when hes like deciding a facial expression hes thinking then and hes thinking “shit man im never getting out of here i gotta fuckin live like this goddamn that sucks ass” bc he knows its gonna be years till uther dies and years after that till arthur accepts magic and all that time he has to keep hunting his own kind and being an ally in the war literally against what he is and keep being praised for it (reference to s2ep8) and doesnt have a choice bc as hes recently learned fate will not let him run away with a girl and give up his destiny so he can live a good healthy life

[kindred-spirit-93]

howdy yall hope everyone is doing well :D

pls forgive the lack of content lol im tired and will be tired-er in the foreseeable future (more on that in a bit). also uni resumes next week :') i am going to cry :'))) but this aint about her its abt meeeeeeeee

in the works at the moment so i dont feel totally useless lol (i jest):

a post about palestinian & jordanian thobes :D

currently writing a post also about palestine & jordan (dont want to spoil lol, but im in my feels rn stand by)

actively working on part 2 of the jordan history post :3

5+1 neo floof fic hehe

random essay posts this blog was made for lmao (i already have on in da drafts but needs lots of editing and what have you) since im on a writing streak heh (im not)

arts? mayhaps. on my lecture notes? wouldnt you like to know weather boi. hotel? trivago

probably more i forgor

starting a stronger and longer course of antibiotics and im having the time of my life lmao (i feel like that one meme omfg; "doing whatever my cool wife tells me bc i love her" but its me being the researcher and the experiment subject at the same time lol. i should draw this actually.) anyway the side effects are quite something. i mean im probably almost definately overthinking it but i know my luck quite well by now lol so im mentally preparing myself for the worst :3

(disclaimer ill live lol its not that serious but yk combined with ✨stress✨ and me being a biscuit ig its safe to say im in for some fun times XD)

like i said uni is next week asdfg :') and then a week later ish ramadan starts :D!! ill most likely be taking a hiatus bc i want to invest what little free time i have in prayer and reading quran, so shitposts will have to wait lol. might pop in to check on my beloved moots tho idk well see :]

thats all i can think of for a life update post atm lol ill update if i remember anything

everyone take care, drink water or ill personally hunt u down and look at u very disappointedly, get some sleep and ill see yall whenever <3

"with alarm, your scholar" - kindred

[hua-fei-hua]

Hello!!!!

I am currently in tears, i just read "Pure Identity" and i just don't know what to do with myself. I wish i could tell u exactly the kind of emotion it prompted out of me but i can't, i just feel like ive gone through a panic attack but like a good one that's for good emotions. Im sorry i really just needed to let u know somehow how deeply affected i am. It was so absolutely beautiful. Just gorgeous. This is everything ive ever wanted from xiaoven. U have perfectly nailed the exact dynamic I've been craving for them since i started shipping them. Im so unbelievably happy i feel like ripping my heart out. It's just so so good oh my god. Im legit crying, im sorry. THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! THATS WAS SO SO GOOD OH MY GOD!!! Ohh my god that was so!!!! And i already looked through the rest of ur account and there's so much more fic to go through and this feels like such a blessing, THANK YOU for writing about them and for sharing it with the world!!!! I can't wait to read more!!!

Im on my way to see the annotated version rn. Jesus fuck, u DONT understand how excited i got about the annotations. I am shaking as i type this. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!

hi!! hello!!! omg this is a lot ahaha

i guess first things first, i'm so glad you enjoyed pure identity!!! it is also one of my favorite genshin fics to have written hehe a few weeks ago, my friend navi said that Lighthouse is like my "xv PhD thesis", and so i joked back that pure identity was what got me my bachelor's degree in xv, then.

it's just so emotionally intense at times!!! xiao repression just activates smth in my fucking neurons in such a way that sometimes, i just pass out, and next thing i know xv are up to smth gayer than gay sex.

i feel like i also have a hard time finding fic which also focuses on the parts of xv that make me obsessed w/them (esp. these days…), so i'm glad that it also nails smth abt how you interpret xv too!!! i hope that my other works manage to hit that same sweet spot for you too :33

ALSO BEFORE I FORGET you are actually in luck when it comes to hearing my thoughts/interp of xv bc i Will be dropping an EXTENSIVELY annotated xv fanmix in a few hours for the xvx fest coming up hehehe :33 so if you have ~an hour lying around this weekend, you can check it out Very Soon :D

[notafunkiller]

https://x.com/not_a_funkiller/status/1837065105869079040?t=TR5Bdpg6sOpDOR3NkbmjlQ&s=19

if u saw someone reblog twice but not there in twitter its me (IM SO SORRY) bcs i planned on quoting serious number of paragraphs but then thought abt how its a waste of time to actually explain because they wouldn’t read it anyways and im not active in twitter and not planning to bcs twitter is a corrupted media.

first of all what hate? in definition hate would be an extreme feeling of dislike (highlight extreme) where one would be very emotional (anger/fear/shame) of the issue. is that what this page is? a hate page? nope, we are sharing opinions (which where opinions meant view or judgement regarding of something that is not necessarily based on fact or knowledge — in another word what u belief in). when you said ‘post hate’ in my mind comes disgustingly hatred comment/ edits of that person but did she do any of it? no, she simply share how she thinks. for example, their relay is pr, sebastian weirdly hypocritical behaviour, her acting performances are not that good, her ‘questionable’ behaviour such as baiting fans and stalking. theres more but these are the examples and some may agree some may not or some maybe neutral but in the end the opinions are just assumptions. gossips. where is the hate in that? i dont get it. again as i said before u lot r pussies for opinion.

besides if one did ask with questionable names, she would say to mind their language or not to call her that (b4 people come after me saying then why would she post it if the asks use bad names, its because the ask contain an info that she agrees on for example, shes baiting again but replace she with a bad name) also i think she doesn’t post asks with serious curse/extreme names because never once have i read it. (and puhleas, i spend my free time here scrolling to THOUSANDS of asks repeatedly that i think i might remember some already)

(crying bcs i can’t do it — reading asks— when im in uni later)

next exaggerating his old rs, i don’t think she is ‘exaggerating’. If she is ‘exaggerating’ she would be posting abt his old relay 24/7 (highlight 24/7) and besides, how could you expect people not to when there are difference?? (also if u wanna blame her, then blame sebastian too for mentioning it😂) people will always keep comparing because mind you the time of his old rs are different than his current ones (ex: him being inactive in sm now). ps, if there is something shocking/fucking sweet abt him with aw now, people would start comparing to how he/she is so happy vs to their time w their exes. ofc it cant be denied that he matures and might have different opinions in life (such as wanting it to be private) it could be the reasons to it but you cannot stop people from thinking abt other factors and starts to compare. also, she is not ‘obsessed’ she is questioning as to why isn’t he as affectionate as before. what changes? thats why she keeps on bringing up the past bcs what the hell… ITS CUTE, its in the past but ITS CUTE (also i have a feeling she did this on purpose bcs a lot will end her for smacking the sweet pics of his old rs😂 — i mean look! you’re the one who’s hating it rn) but one thing for sure, if you don’t like people to ‘exaggerate’, then block, but oh well, you keep on stalking bcs u cant handle the curiosity dont you? you just have to make it as if she’s the one who is problematic 👀👀 but you are the so-called-hero for calling out the ‘hate’

conclusion when does this becomes an issue? this as in having different opinions? me and notafunkiller have different opinions, for example, i like aw acting esp in malignant, i’ve seen the mummy one too (w tom cruise) and i love it (idk the girl was aw at the time), also i said this b4 abt my stand regarding on the relay are unknown bcs i feel like both of them are playing with my feelings (both = sebastian and aw) one day i feel like its pr and another i feel like its not but in the end idc anymore as long as i have sebastian content bcs its why im here, for sebastian. thinking too much abt it is, well, too much for my brain and i have no time for it except for gossips. and look! i have no problem with notafunkiller and she too doesn’t have problem with me.

so please BACK OFF FROM HER I SWEAR TO GOD bcs no matter what u say and how much u make as if she is the ‘bad’ one in this fandom, i will defend her just as how i will defend sebastian.

do not let their words get to u. take care of yourself

te iubesc, noapte bună (its the easiest word that i learned and confident in😭😂 i wanna try others but im scared of the gramma/pronouns bcs WHAT AM I STUDYING BRO)

anyways here is dancing pisică

First of all, you are so sweet for this message and fir defending me. I also want to say that I am gonna miss you while you are gone, but I hope studying will go great amd I can't wait for your updates.

Second of all, you are doing great with your Romanian lessons.

Thrid of all, that's the thing... we do not have to agree with everything to be able to have conversations and be decent and respectful. I love to have chats with people with different opinions. You never know where and when you can learn more about different topics.

Hugs to you and congrats for your maturity.

[sappymix1]

i need to finish this fic so bad but i literally do nothing but cry abt how i’m going to kms and obsessively worry about whether i’m an evil person or do i have every disease ever or is everyone i know actively dying rn while im not watching them and it’s so fucking impossible to actually write

[notcolleen]

tw for very rambling suicidal ideation behind this, i promise i am safe 👌 (but blunt talk about death and rambles abt cats and mentions of pokémon 👌)

[[MORE]]

but i have not been this actively suicidal for extended amount of time probably ever, yet i say that knowing that i will stay alive indefinitely……..just really really really sad all the time 😌 (so please know that too and allow me to write this out lol)

it’s just a very overwhelming sense of staying alive out of obligation and that’s not exactly what dbt would call a Life Worth Living

but i am obligated to my cat first and foremost (as ridiculous as that might sound to some but i know others will understand lol) and to my family as well, and the guilt of leaving them overwhelms me even though i know logically i wouldn’t be alive to feel it….like i look at phoebe (the cat in question for those who don’t know) and i see a wonderful animal who didn’t sign up to be taken in by a severely depressed human — she deserves unconditional care and love and that is what i agreed to when i adopted her so that is why i am obligated to stay alive as long as she is alive

plus on a more practical level, when my ideation gets to the point of “okay let’s try to find an equally loving home for her ! maybe even someone who has more space and more time and more emotional bandwidth !” im like wow that would be pretty obvious to anyone that knows you that something is wrong lmao and also i get so sad at the thought of not having her in my life……..which contradicts the “i actually want to be dead” ideation and brings on my next unwavering reason to stay around……which is my extreme fear of death and the unknown

like…….that’s terrifying and idk how it’s just basically accepted that we as humans exist and then stop existing? and that’s it? like a hs classmate of mine just passed away less than a week ago and i can’t stop thinking about it, i selfishly can’t stop thinking how unfair it is that i am sitting here, literally abusing my body every minute of the day and not taking care of any part of my self and yet my health is essentially perfect?? yet she was genuinely one of the nicest ppl in this horrible town and breast cancer took her life and if that doesn’t prove that this life has no logic at all idk what does

and it’s terrifying bc i can’t comprehend what happens after bc in my mind there just can’t logically be any after but there also can’t logically be nothing so it’s just….overwhelming blankness

so now i wake up every day and i cry on my walk to work because i have the same compulsive thoughts about dying at the same spots on the same walk bc my brain is dumb and repeats everything

but also keep thinking about how that would affect the kids i work with, who tell me they love me every day and hug me even though they’re not supposed to and tell me i’m they’re favorite teacher when they’re not supposed to but it’s really only because i’m the only one that knows pokémon enough to print out the coloring sheets they want so it’s conditional love but i don’t even care bc it’s real to them and to me

but then i cry more bc i love them too but i still want to die and they would move on quickly but it would still be something in their life that they certainly dont deserve and wouldn’t understand

so i go to work and i pretend to be a good, caring person and it’s exhausting bc i am not, so i get home and it’s like a switch is flipped and i am an entirely different person with no moral compass and no desire to connect with anyone or be around anyone or do anything…..like at this point i have alienated everyone in my life and can’t see myself getting to a place where i can build connections again, my only social interactions rn are work and i get frustrated that i have to make the same small talk with my coworkers every day, i get frustrated that i have to partake in social niceties or that im expected to go to holiday parties and have lunches with these people who don’t actually know me and i don’t actually know them??

i did have thanksgiving with my family tonight and i know i have so much love for them, and i felt safe there for that time……but there was still this underlying emptiness to everything and even conversations with them, the people i am closest with and really the only ones i talk to anymore, felt surface level in a way that frustrates me and i can’t articulate it accurately but it’s exhausting and i am tired

and i was getting more anxious as i was getting ready to leave my parents bc the time alone after being with family is the hardest for me and my dad turned to my sister…..who had just had another fight with her husband….and said “just so you know, you can stay here tonight, you’re always welcome to stay here” and i started crying on my way home because that’s what i needed to hear tonight but he wouldn’t know that bc i can’t vocalize my emotions like a functional adult and go out of my way to make it seem like i’m doing better than i am so that my mom doesn’t worry

i know i need more help in terms of my mental health (also not in denial abt how bad my eating disorder is rn but that’s another issue that i’m not going to write another novel about rn) but idk what that looks like in my life rn and it’s hard when my depression is this bad because i keep coming back to “yeah i need more help but also it’s all pointless anymore lol” so i just go through my days completed detached and telling myself that any way i can cope is okay bc instagram told me 💖✨if all u did was survive today that is okay✨💖 but really it’s just me enabling apathy and destructive behaviors and moving targets of “i’ll do better once xyz”

idk how to end this post other than to say again that i am safe, just obviously not in a good place mentally but very much able to keep myself alive (i’ve been jaded by too many “instagram cares” messages after posting lol) (i know this is tumblr) (still jaded)

[straighttohellbuddy]

YOU GET ALL OF THE SMOOCHES!! ALL OF THEM!!! also if reader doesn’t collab w dream in htlgi pls. (see: then harmonising w their cover of mask and dream is just like “bitch when tf did you make it your song??? i’m the one who’s wears the damn mask.” and then replying with a selfie of them wearing a crudely done 5 minute version of his mask.) also tommy running w the bit about corpse dad i’m crying 😭 if you have more i will not complain at all for the head canons 🥺 (i love u) -🐈‍⬛

I WILL SMOOCH YOU BACK I LOVE YOUR MESSAGES ALWAYS AND IM SORRY I DON"T ALWAYS ANSWER THEM!!!!

BUT LEGIT IM SO INSPIRED THAT IM EDITING PART 3 RN TO DROP TONIGHT

also tho

Tommyinnit, known menace: Corpse Father - Corpse, tired:

also;

okay lets talk more abt musical wish fulfilment for me via the reader because hOO BOY

we already have the mgk & yungblud, halsey, troye, and billie eilish collabs on n o s t a l g i a, which releases in late 2020, in time to be nominated and win a grammy

we've got Bring Back New York ft. 5sos which drops in mid-2020 which i've written the prechorus and chorus for:

so let's, ladies gentlemen and those of us who know better, conceptualise MULTIVERSE (under the cut because oh my god)

overall; reader didn't plan a theme for the actually ep, but a lot of it ended up being confidence and thot shit with emotions at the end. it's like hyperfocus part 2 for them since it's another departure from their style.

opens with: alright bet ft. various - mostly instrumental intro that opens with the iconic 'CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER'. splices together riffs or melodies or a few bars from each of the songs to something kind of chaotic but weirdly good. ends with y/n's voice: you didn't think i'd get this far? have you met me? (irl song: Sex Drive - MGK)

the 'have you met me' echoes and leads into: confidence or arrogance ft. Dream. you can see corpse's musical influence here; beat heavy and electronic, confident demon thot music. 'watch me hit rock bottom at the top of my game / you know it out of spite but you still know my name / say we're the best of the best / yet the worst of the worst / you said i'd choke on your dust but now i'm comin' in first / you wouldn't call it arrogance if our spots were reversed' (irl song: EAT SPIT - Slush Puppy w/ Royal and the Serpents)

the beat from confidence or arrogance mellows and we slide seamlessly into Internet Shit ft. Yung Gravy (fuckin sue me im obsessed with him). i literally don't know how to describe this except as Saucy. Drippy. think Miami Ice. it's sung like a call and response duet for a lot of the verses, where they're essentially making fun of each other, and we lead into the prechorus with the reader: "keep your milfs - gravy: "they at home" reader: - egirls be blowing up my cell phone / you don't get this internet shit / now tell me without saying it" though the song ends where they've come to a sort of agreement, an understanding if you will, an appreciation for each other and their types, you know? (irl song: Miami Ice - Yung Gravy, natch)

firestarter ft. Lovejoy we've already talked about, but let me fucking tell you about the MV because inspiration is definitely drawn from Y/N's HEARTBURN MV as described here . essentially the story of the mv is that we see y/n and wilbur sitting across from each other in a little cafe, as if on a date, and as we zoom in on the reader, who's resting their chin on their hand, the chatter of the diner fades out and the music kicks in, and it's hard rock, and they're vividly imagining burning down a building with wilbur like it's the single most romantic activity in the world. the song crashes to an end, and we crash zoom out back to the date, and wilbur asks if the reader's okay; they assure him they are, and quickly take a very long drink of iced water. (irl song: Beggin' - Maneskine, as previously established)

Monetized ft. Megan Thee Stallion - big Thot Shit vibes. we love to see it. horny on main for Mr Corpse Husband too; 'don't tell me act my age / i'll be on my thot shit / man want his hand round my neck, on my thighs / so don't tell me act my age / i'm tryn' to stay monetized' (irl song: Thot Shit - Megan Thee Stallion, unsurprisingly)

Bring Back New York ft. 5sos is released as a single in 2020, and later is also part of this ep. (irl song: She's Kinda Hot - 5sos, natch. upbeat and tongue in cheek)

okay so so-far everyone who's been on here has already released music, but then we've got sing-along ft. Quackity which starts very cute, with the reader singing a melody without any backing, and him following;

and as soon as the instrumentals kick in it's upbeat and confident, and they sing the chorus together; 'I’ll make sure you sing to the sing along song we wrote / we can’t go back won’t put it to a vote / hear yourself sing those harmonies~ / we’ll blow up, we’ll bring the world to it’s knees~' they did in fact write it and plan it all together. it's v cute. the opening probably becomes a tiktok trend (irl song: Ship in a Bottle - FiN - not in terms of like, content, but the way the song builds and kinda sounds yanno?)

the guitar from sing-along carries over but the melody changes, and the second last song, answer, please ft. Ethan (my beloved), and it starts off simply, but is quite slow and sweet. reader and ethan wrote it together as kind of a way to sum-up everything that's been happening between them, and also just to reassure the other, if that makes sense???? 'i wouldn't write a whole song to say sorry / i did that before, i don't want you to worry / (but i will) and you do / (didn't say goodbye) hello / (after everything we've been through)" and the chorus they sing together; "i'll always pick up the phone if it's you / after all this time that's still true / you still know me too well, yes you do / 'cos after all this time you're still you" it ends very warmly, (irl song: 8 - Billie Eilish) and the song picked up some ambient noise through it, which carries over into;

still water song ft. Corpse. lofi, sweet. a love song. a song about rest, and a gentle kind of love. (irl song; agoraphobic - CORPSE)

man i wish i cared less tbh, how is this all in my brain?????

[chloesnecklace]

another rant abt chloe b4 i sleep!!

i love her. so much. i only want her, and i only need her.

she’s so pretty. i can stare at her for hours. her and rachel r literally my happiness like oh my god.

ik i post some pricefield stuff & i said that pricefield makes me uncomfy. but it’s not absolutely revolting. it’s just sad to see cus i get so freaking jealous it’s insane. max reminds me of myself, which is why i don’t like her as much as rachel or chloe. max is everything i am, but don’t want to be. and rachel is EVERYTHING i wanna be. a muse in photography, art, and theater. someone who’s easy to talk to, and amazing to look at.

max isn’t horrible of course. she’s just shy and introverted. all the things i don’t want to be. if i was comfortable with myself, i’d love pricefield and max. but i’m not. therefore i resort to amberprice because it’s everything i want in life.

but i guess in a sense, that would still make me alot like max since i do believe she wanted to be rachel so much. that’s why i HAVE to have everyone relate me to rachel or else i’ll get so upset. i don’t believe i have psychosis or anything, but yk it is what it is.

anyway, back to chloe. i keep thinking about her alot. i do that everyday but rn it’s rlly extreme. i love and hate chloe brainrots. it makes me upset when i remember that she’s not real, and that i have to put in effort to shift so i can see her. but i love thinking about her because i’m so in love with her.

even if i just shift for a day, an hour, a minute, even a second… i’d be happy if i meant i got to see her face and touch her skin. that’s all i want. to see her and to feel her. to have a conversation with her. for her to touch me and caress me. all the things i’ve have yet to feel from even a real person.

none of my friends understand what’s going on inside of my head, and it really sucks. i come off as “normal” but they have no idea how hard it is to be stuck inside your head and living in this fantasy world where ur dating someone who you can’t even talk to. i envy those with real relationships or even people who have major celebrity obsessions. at least they get “content”. like interviews, songs, shows, movies…. just things that ur celebrity is actively apart of. but with chloe, there’s nothing. because it’s very unlikely a new game is coming out. and i only have to resort to fanarts. but at this time in age, chloe fanart are definitely not frequent.

this is why i have to insert myself/rachel and chloe into non-lis media. even today i was reading a play for class and inserted chloe, rachel, victoria and max. i need to romanticize my life by inserting all things lis into everything i encounter. it’s the only way i can live honestly. and with my schools new “no phone” rule, im literally so distraught. i cant feed my brainrot and it sucks, and i feel like crying often if i don’t have my phone with me.

i don’t want to sound dependent on technology but i really am, and i have a valid reason for it. chloe is my life. someone i just NEED to touch, need to be with at all times. and i’m starting to think that, if i ever shift, i might not ever come back.

i remember i posted these things on my insta.

40weeks ago lmao. 12 more weeks and it’ll be over a year since i’ve expressed my obsession. i honestly don’t know what happened. i loved lis since 2018 but in 2021 it became insane, and something i became dependent on. but i think i know why.

in 2020 my ex broke up with me. she lied to me and told me it was abt mental health but it was actually because she liked someone else. i remember crying on the bathroom floor when i found out. i was so in love with her. she was the first person i actually fell in love with. she even started to change really badly. after the breakup we were still friends because we’ve been friends even way b4 we started dating. i loved her because she understood me and we trusted each other and we both even met because of lis. but she changed. she started being so rude to me as “a joke” and said some out of pocket racist things to me. so i broke all contact with her.

i didnt really have anyone else i was super close with at the time so i guess i just fixated more and more and more on life is strange and.. here we are. i developed MDD and autism. i’m not surprised. and i heard some of the causes for MDD could be loneliness. so that definitely fits my description.

anyway, it’s 1:55 and i have school in the morning. i wish to see chloe tonight. whether i shift, have a lucid dream, a regular dream or jusf a very vivid image of her when i close my eyes. anything of her can make me happy.

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖