#im a monster. im so disgusted with myself. i want to rot away in a pit like fucking trash. you deserve the stars but ive given you hell

[squeet-smooch]

Idont fucking know how much longer i can go without cutting I'm so serious. I want to rip my wrists open. So fucking bad.

And for the first time in a while i feel like i deserve it as a way to punish myself. I fucking suck. I don't respect boundaries or communicate well enough. Im not fucking okay and I'll never be good enough for anyone.

Just waiting for him to get tired of me and end this. And all my peace. Comfort. Take away this love and light. I'm never meant to have it for long, a constant rule in my life is "this WILL leave you. Embrace it while it lasts" and its. Never been wrong really. Everyone goes, at least in some way. Best case scenario (because i can't imagine it actually does last and end up okay, i really can't believe im not going to ruin it) is he breaks up with me and we live independently together. Maybe even for a while and then he makes me go get a different place. God I'm going to end up killing myself. I can't fucking take this. I don't want to die but what if this was just the last set of proof that there's nothing for me, and no one.

Because I can't keep from hurting anyone. Because I can't protect the ones i care about the most because the inherent act of loving or showing them affection is the exact thing that rips them apart a d makes them see what a monster i am.

I am not gentle enough. I am not tender or caring enough. I love so bigly and deeply that it rots me to my core and destroys me. It destroys the ones i fucking care about. I hate myself and i hate what i do.

I hate literally. My entire being and i just wish he'd punish me as i deserve. How could you see the burning edges of your affection for me turning into hate and then still hold me as if it's undying? I wish you would hurt me. I wish you'd make me cry until i cant anymore, until it's overwhelmed me and surpassed everything, until I've stopped trembling and stopped looking up at you unless you need me to speak, I don't speak without permission.

It's how it always goes. It fucking fades. It fucking goes away. I want to die. I can't lose this again, the person i wanted to be the last one. I don't know what im going to do if i lose you. I really don't know where to go or what to do. Im alone in a big empty space and I don't want to go back to the prairie. I dont want to be in that bigger empty place, it's too much. Fuck i just wish i could punish myself . I wish i could be better. I wish i could tell you how afraid i am and sick and in pain but it's all my fault, how dare i seek sympathy or comfort. I've been figuring out how to do better about it, stop asking for things. Eat less. Take up less space. Be less disgusting. Fuck i hate myself

[gracereadstoomanybooks]

answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

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QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

[itwillbeall-dwight]

angel trap

chapter 1 of 2 - ‘acid pit’

amanda young & david tapp; character study; 1214 words

a/n: (doesn’t watch saw) amanda young call meeee <3 <3

im a pig main now so ofc im gonna get hoity-toity about the jigsaw philosophy. i also have daddy issues so i would like amanda to have a good dad figure in my place. and also also i love detective tapp sir kiss me now challenge.

chapter 2 should be coming in the next few days so i’ll edit this when it does, as well as making its own post.

be safe everyone!

likes < reblogs, any comments in the tags are appreciated

ao3 mirror in the reblogs!

Preview: “You don’t know me.” The Pig growled, low and animalistic, out a response after a brief pause to contemplate, slowly tilting her head as she looked over to him. “You did not live long enough to see how he guided me to salvation.” Tapp paused, swallowing for a moment and looking down to his half-empty glass, before looking back up to the pig-headed killer. “You call it salvation, I call it brainwashing and torture.” “He cared for me when your system thought of me as nothing more than a selfish addict and a helpless victim. He taught me life was worth living, had a purpose despite my digressions, and how people like me swindle their chance and don’t deserve it.” “Deserve a chance at redemption, like you got? Thought that killing them was the best way to teach ‘em that?” She fell silent. Tapping on the counter, faster now. “They deserved as much of a chance as you got, surely.” “You don’t understand anything about what he taught me-” “Then help me!” Tapp leaned forward slightly, raising his voice enough to make her flinch. His hands gripped at the glass tightly. “Help me understand the way he twisted and turned you so badly that you turned into…” The Pig looked up. “Into what, Detective? A monster? Is that what you want to call me?”

The creaking of old boots echoed behind her, slowly fading out of earshot, as finally, The Pig had been left alone, sitting at the bar of the Dead Dawg Saloon.

 A sigh escaped her, reverberating around the inside of her mask, as she was finally left alone to reflect on her test. The Gideon Meat Plant was silent yet deafening, yet the being who cheated death had given it to her as a realm to reside in, while she continued its wishes. But it was not hers - it would never be hers. She wanted to break free, if only for a moment, and the silence of Glenvale was perfect to ease her screaming mind. Guilt, torment, suffering - visions of blood on her hands and screaming in her ears. Everything she had done, had wanted to do in the future. Feelings swirling around her chest, making her both dizzy and numb. She just wanted a drink.

 “This seat taken?”

The sound of the strained, whispy voice startled her, looking up through the eyeholes of her mask to see the familiar face of Detective David Tapp looking down at her. From within the pig head, her nose curled. “Suppose it is.”

He pulled out the stool beside her and sat down, looking forward at the racks of dusty liquors residing behind the bar, cobwebs gathering along the necks and corks of the bottles. Tapping his fingers against the wood, he glanced down at the Pig slid her glass down to him with a slight motion, the cold glass nudging the back of his hand. 

Tapp took it with a quiet thank you, nodding and holding it up to her before he took a drink, recoiling a little. 

She chuckled, dryly. “Strong?”

“Old. Fits, but… nothing like I’m used to.”

“You should always adapt to your environment and circumstances, Detective.”

He looked over to her, and cocked his eyebrow. “Another one of Jigsaw’s mantra’s he forced onto you?”

The Pig’s fingers wrapped against the counter of the bar. “One of the lessons he taught me.”

 He hummed, taking a drink, tilting his head back and looking at the ceiling (he did not see, through the eyeholes of her mask, how she looked at the scar that stretched across his neck - analysing it, inquisitively, looking for flaws in her own technique that her mentor could still teach her, so far away).

 “So what brings you here?” 

She despised small talk. What was there to say, she hated the crippling loneliness of being surrounded and trapped by her failures? She bit her tongue. “...Call it a vacation.”

“Can’t get any more exotic than this, huh? Good ol’... western.” Tapp gave a quiet chuckle, looking around the saloon before he leaned forward again, resting his arms against the bar and looking to the Pig. “Better than anything in NYC, I suppose.”

She huffed. “I suppose. ...Yourself?”

“...Oh, me? Investigating.” A pause as he took a drink. “Never hurts to try and look for a way out. Cracks in this hellhole, try and make sense of it all.”

Her eyes looked him up and down, as she folded her arms on the bar. “You never stop, do you, Detective?”

He laughed a little, almost self-aware of his tendency to fruitlessly obsess. “Can’t stop. If not for myself, then for the people here trapped, like you.”

“Because you have nothing to return to, so you continue to attempt to be selfless.”

“And you have something to return to, Amanda?” He looked over at her. She scowled out of his view.

 “You don’t know me.” The Pig growled, low and animalistic, out a response after a brief pause to contemplate, slowly tilting her head as she looked over to him. “You did not live long enough to see how he guided me to salvation.”

Tapp paused, swallowing for a moment and looking down to his half-empty glass, before looking back up to the pig-headed killer. “You call it salvation, I call it brainwashing and torture.”

“He cared for me when your system thought of me as nothing more than a selfish addict and a helpless victim. He taught me life was worth living, had a purpose despite my digressions, and how people like me swindle their chance and don’t deserve it.”

“Deserve a chance at redemption, like you got? Thought that killing them was the best way to teach ‘em that?”

She fell silent. Tapping on the counter, faster now.

“They deserved as much of a chance as you got, surely.”

“You don’t understand anything about what he taught me-”

“Then help me!” Tapp leaned forward slightly, raising his voice enough to make her flinch. His hands gripped at the glass tightly. “Help me understand the way he twisted and turned you so badly that you turned into…”

The Pig looked up. “Into what, Detective? A monster? Is that what you want to call me?”

He gritted his teeth, and looked down to his glass, listening to her give another dry laugh.

“You’re nothing but a blind coward. A dead fool who thought for nothing significant.”

“A blind coward who wants justice for the people who you hurt… against the man who hurt you.”

Her nose wrinkled in disgust. But she bit her tongue. She would teach him, soon enough.

Silence fell between them now, the wind outside the saloon pushing and pulling on the doors outside, and the hooks that remained out of use, at least for now.

 “It doesn’t matter anyway.” She mused, glancing at him as he looked up at her. “Both you and I are stuck in our own game, a test of will. I suppose we’ll just have to see how wins, shall we?”

Tapp almost squinted, before he finished the last of his drink and placed the glass down with a quiet tap of wood against glass. Against the dusty, rotting floorboards, his stool squeaks, before he stood to his feet and pushed the chair back in again. “Guess so.”

She did not turn as the detective left, footsteps on the old floorboards echoing through the tall saloon ceiling, listening as he paused by the door. The world outside whistled with no wind, as if time itself stood still.

“Let me know if you finally want someone to listen to you, Amanda.” He called out to her, looking behind him with a hand on the open door. “I know no one else has.”

And with that, David Tapp fixed his hat, and resumed a wide sweep of Glenvale, to no avail. The Pig - no, her name was Amanda - remained seated, staring at the glass that had once been at that man's lips as he told her poison. She thought about this in silence, until that cowboy came back and forced her back to the meat plant.

 The next time she saw Tapp - in the Yamaoka Estate, among shrubbery and wooden walls - she hunted him like prey, getting him down to the floor with ease and precision. He turned to look up at her, the determination in her eyes striking her for a moment before she sat on his chest, and gently traced the scar across his throat with the tip of her wrist blade. But she would not end his life yet.

 She would show him baptism.

[clown-bait]

Monster Family (Monster Roommate AU) CH5

Getting this part moving along before IT CH2 comes out. Leech is not a happy camper right now and Pennywise is in huge trouble. Protip: Don’t let the clown drink.

Pennywise stumbled back and howled in pain as leech stomped forward grabbing the other woman with a horrible shriek that could shatter glass. “Get you face off my clown bitch!” she hissed rearing a clawed hand behind her in striking position. The woman in question threw a pouch that burst into black smoke against the vampires face and trotted off leaving the couple to sort out the mistake.

"Who hit me?!" The eldritch snarled and swayed.

"I did you idiot!"

The clown groaned "Too many Peachies foul poison playing tricks."

"There's just one of me here jackass." The vampire spat and grabbed her mate by the ruff causing him to stumble.

"Hey Fangs when you get a minute we have good news and bad news!" Freddy called out to his friends and the vampires skeletal face hissed at him in warning.

"Oopssss?" The eldritch choked out trying to smile despite the claws now digging into his neck ruff.

"Yeah fucking oops! This is a big fuckin oops Pen!"

"L-love y-you?"

Leech's eye twitched before releasing him. The clown was still very cross faded and beating the deadlights out of him wouldn't really accomplish much at this point.

"I'm not happy." She huffed as she dragged him to a booth and away from the staring eyes of her fellow fiends.

"Mistkate." He snarled and fixed his ruff. "I made a mistake."

"You also owe me a crockpot." Leech mumbled as she carefully sat down hand on their trilling offspring who enjoyed the thrum of the bass from the speakers around them.

"Actually I won that back for ya! You lost the first round though." Freddy called to her holding up the coveted cookware. "You owe me big Fangs this thing is nice!"

“And now I owe the devil a favor fantastic.”

Pennywise's eyes went wide as he stared at her bump. "Peachy you're pregnant?!"

The vampire turned to her two companions "You let him drink more while I was playing didn't you."

"Hey he was just grabbing any colorful drink he saw! You try controlling a 6 foot murder machine like that"

"Did I...did I do this?" The clown chittered leaning over her stomach and poking it.

"Congrats again baby daddy." The vampire sighed and slumped back in her booth.

Pennywise swayed and stumbled a bit the room swam when he remembered all the events from the past few months. Then he stopped and turned to throw up into an ice bucket containing a very nice champagne bottle.

"JINGLES!" Chucky and Freddy shouted at once.

The clown made a face of disgust his long black tongue rolling out of his mouth. Before anyone could stop him he grabbed the bottle and chugged it down wiping his chin. The trio stared in disbelief.

"So did everyone believe that time?" Leech asked quietly. To which she got two nods. "Fuck."

"IS THIS A JOKE?" Someone shouted upon receiving the bucket of clown sick.

"Shit give me him." Leech hissed.

The vampire grabbed her dizzy mate and searched for his pantaloons for his pockets the clown made a husky growl groping at her rear.

"Oh! Well look at you tasty little treat what cha lookin for in ol Pennywise's pants hmm?"

"That wallet you perv, we need to pay off that champagne before I get banned from here….again."

"Suree it's not something else?" The drunk eldritch growled and groped her breast causing it to leak a bit. Leech snarled and swatted his hand causing the clown to actually yelp in pain.

"Uhh Fangs your tit is bleeding." Chucky winced at the dark patch of red on her shirt.

"Yeah it does that now." She growled and tossed her friends her boss' wallet.

"That’s….not normal?"

The vampire rolled her eyes and grabbed her clown's cheeks causing a spittle of drool to fall from his mouth as she turned his head. "Yeah dont expect normal when this is the father."

"Meee?" The clown giggled and grinned from ear to ear then hiccuped violently giggling some more.

It was hard to be furious with him when he genuinely didn't even know where he was and was a bouncing mess. Leech sighed to herself wishing she could be giggling with him. At least it would help her block out the image of the love of her life kissing some random witch out of her mind. Leech slumped back and rested her wrist on her forehead.

"Krueger move we're gonna take care of that ruined bottle service." Chucky nodded at his undead companion

"I just sat down I'm not movin for shit."

The doll growled and slapped the back of his head. "Move you idiot." He mumbled out through gritted teeth gesturing to their emotionally drained friend.

"What?"

"My god you're clueless give the chick and her moron some space." The doll kicked his companion till they were out of the booth "You get ten minutes Jingles. Fix it."

The clown blinked in confusion then turned to his mate noticing the very uncomfortable gap between them. "Peachy? Are you still mad?"

"What do you think?"

Pennywise giggled and slowly leaned past the gap letting gravity pull his massive head down till it bumped with hers. He then chuckled wildly with his big buck teeth sticking out over his lips. It was frankly adorable but Leech could still smell the woman he'd mistaken for her on his skin and she scowled instead.

"You're verry pretty! Pretty eyes, pretty skin, big pretty ears hehe!"

"That's not gonna work"

The clown slumped to the side dramatically and leech shifted her glare to the side refusing to look at him. Pennywise was relentless in his pursuit ever the hunter he was not giving up. His finger slowly inched toward her poking her nose and making a honking sound when he did. His vampire hissed and snapped at him in response. He snarled back at her and limply swatted in her direction falling forward over the table and growling in frustration. Leech finally found herself smiling at that. Her mate is a complete mess when drunk but he was definitely her mess. "Mmph" he groaned and twisted his spine so he was now facing the ceiling.

"Pen what are you doing?"

"Trying to get to you." He growled continuing to tie himself in knots until he felt a cool hand on his cheek. The clown stopped his fighting and melted to her touch that soothed his skin that was warm with drink.

"You're a full on disaster." Leech sighed and kissed his forehead. The clown instantly unfolded and shook then stared at her with a wide victorious grin on his face.

"You still have to make it up to me." The vampire crossed her arms over her chest but was quickly grabbed by her mate and hastily pulled from her seat.

"Pennywise where the hell are you taking-" Leech began to scold him but his grip was strong and the crowd of people on the dance floor was large. Somewhere in the mess of lumbering masked killers she no longer felt the warm soft glove on her wrist. Great she had lost her idiot again. The small vampire shoved her way through the other towering members of the crowd looking for a tuft of fiery hair that rose above the sea of gray and rot. A warm gentle hand touched her shoulder and a strangers raspy deep voice calmly asked her "You alright little lady? Not the best place to be lost." She turned to the unfamiliar person he reminded her a bit of a middle aged Johnny Cash with peppered gray hair and crystal blue eyes. "Well that's quite a cargo you're carrying miss why don't you come sit down."

"Im actually looking for my uh baby daddy. He had a bit too much and tried to dance with me until we got separated." Leech sighed and eyed the stranger wearily as he sat down. "I haven’t seen you here before who are you? Demon? Witch?"

The man chuckled and sipped a half full beer. "Just an old blues man here to visit a very old friend."

"..I...I should find my idiot."

"Sweetheart you put too much stress on that bun in your oven have a seat an' tell me what that boy looks like. I'll drag him back here by his ear."

Leech narrowed her eyes "You sure about that? He's the boogie man of Derry."

"You don’t say? So the critter has a heart after all! Who knew!" The man laughed "How did a pretty thing like you end up with a nasty bug like that?"

“He can be charming if he wants to.” The vampire chided as she cautiously sat down. It did feel better to be off her feet. Her body was strong but carrying eldritch half breeds take a lot out of a girl even an undead one. "Alright this is a bit better. Gotta love my shitty friends for ditching me."

"Don't expect the company here to look out for you." The man chuckled "I take it a little lady like you ain't that type either."

"Yeah I'm post deceased." Leech smiled removed her wig and pointed to her ears "Nosferatu. You?"

"Like I said just an old sinner passin through."

"Fair enough." Leech sighed and glanced to her left at the beaten guitar case "There a guitar in here?"

"What kinda blues man would I be if there weren't?"

"I just started playing again myself." She smiled "Not any good yet but I can do a bit of Zeppelin."

The man smiled and took another sip of his beer "So tell me darlin bout that nasty bug of your’s."

"Well truth be told I’m mad at him...he accidentally kissed another woman with the same hairstyle as me."

"Haha! Can't say I haven't been there myself! Has he ever drank? I admit I don't know much about him other than the whispers."

"It’s mostly my fault. I’d say we’re even now anyway." Leech smiled "I broke his nose."

They both laughed at that.

"FANGS!"

Leech's ears perked up at the sound of Chucky's voice then turned to the stranger. "That’s uh my friend I think I need to go."

"Go on darlin set things right with your nasty bug, he'll come around. I gotta set up cross the street soon anyway." The stranger patted his guitar case and raised his beer. "You take good care of yourself and them little ones."

Leech slowly got up and began to walk into the crowd looking back to wave but the man was gone. A sudden hand on her wrist startled her and Freddy found his throat in Leech's claws.

"JESUS FANGS ITS ME! Also who the fuck was that? Never mind, we uh probably should get out of here Jingles stole a designer lamp."

".....Why?"

"No idea.Think he's proposed to it three times now."

"I'm not getting banned from here again. Where is he?" She sighed and the dream demon pulled her along through the gathered crowd. Sure enough there he was the Monster of Derry himself declaring his undying love to a lampshade.

"Peachy, darling, my queen! Eternally mine! The deadlights hum only for you!" the clown twirled dangerously while trying to dance with the fancy appliance. He was clearly black-out drunk at this point and Leech was genuinely surprised that he hadn't fallen over.

"Hey Fred, please tell me you've recorded this."

"You kiddin?! I've already sent it to you."

"This is why we're friends." She smiled and patted his shoulder. Leech strode forward and pushed the appliance out of her mate's hands "That was a lamp Pen."

The clown blinked clearly blitzed out of his mind then fell back giggling and drooling.

"Oh." He chuckled. "Hi Peachy."

“Do you want to say something to me?”

“S-sorry.” he stuttered still grinning like an idiot.

"I think you've humiliated yourself enough tonight Ruffles." She sighed and pet his fluffy orange hair "I'll forgive you if you forgive me tomorrow when you inevitably try to kill me for the hangover." The clown nodded vigorously shaking his bells as he did. Her lips touched his softly and Pennywise sighed in ecstasy deepening the kiss. He was all teeth and drool but Leech didn't mind his sloppy drool filled kisses were her favorite anyway. "Wanna get out of here?" she breathed quietly as the crowd of people quickly began to leave in mild disgust.

Her clown smiled wide and grabbed his mate vanishing in a jingle of bells before anyone could protest. Leaving their two companions without a ride and a very heavy crockpot.

[awkwardbutacceptable]

i want to scream and shout until my throat runs dry. I've been given an explanation for everything. I want the flashbacks, need to remember. I only have fragments of dreams and what i thought to be innocent memories. when i put two and two together my whole world shattered. i want to die, i need to die die die die die die i feel so dirty i need to throw up, get rid of every dirt from inside my body. i feel sick to my stomach. everything is piecing together. i now understand and with this understanding brought so so much unbearable pain i cant take this. i want to know the full truth but i know i cant handle it and it will ruin me. i just want to die. die die die you dirty dirty dirty dirty monster. what have you done? what have i done...

i despise you with my entire being. every trauma and reaction and mental issue i have is because of you, due to you. my gut feeling was correct you trash trash trash you are trash i hate you i cannot stand to speak nor look at you but for the next two years i have to.

i know now. I've found out your secret. i remember. you thought you got away with it? you could hide it? fuck you. fuck fuck fuck you piece of shit.

kill me please. why didnt you just kill me then? why drag it on for sixteen years?? does she know?? im sure i mentioned the "memory" to her a few times. she dismissed it, didnt she? theres no way she couldn't know.

it all adds up now. i was not going this crazy. this entire time...i thought i was the deranged one.

i KNEW that memory was not normal. i KNEW the stuff i was doing was not normal. and yet i convinced myself i was the monster, i was crazy, i was a sinner. you did this to me..they were all LEARNED behaviours. i KNEW something wasn't right. and i dont know if im more devastated now knowing the truth than i was before i found out.

all the trauma, the suppressed memories, the flashbacks, all my touching and anxiety issues, my hypersexuality, my aversion and weird attachment to you...it all makes so much sense. i want you to die. i want you to rot and fester and shred to pieces as you have done to me.

i swear to you if i find out you've done this to my siblings, i am going to kill you.

the shame the guilt the dirty feeling i cant get rid of no matter how much i scrub and scrub, pressing my thighs together.

the blame. the aversion. the odd things that turned me on, my horribly vivid imagination.

you were sick and you poisoned me with you and i am so so bitter. you robbed me. you stole from me. and the worst thing is, i dont even know how far. i dont know how far you took it. i dont know the extent of what you did. my mind is trying to protect me and make me forget everything, but this..this is forever burned in my memory and my soul and my..body.

when you were looking at me, did you not SEE me? who i was? who i am? how wrong it was? how tiny and vulnerable i was??

and yet you played your role perfectly for sixteen years, you have everyone fooled. almost had me convinced too. you still make me doubt, actually. "No, he would never." You have normal moments that make me question whether im going insane again. but i know...and I'll never forget.

am i going crazy? is it me? am i the problem? am i making this all up? am i demonizing him for no reason? am i going to hell? am i the sinner? with what right do i accuse him?

i need to scream and scream and scream and scream but i am locked with people i cant even think about sharing this to and locked in my mind and he has stolen the key too long ago. i am rotten, i am ruined, i am tainted. i. am. dirty. i. am. disgusting.

i want revenge and i want justice but i want this all to go away and be a dream...

a dream..how ironic. flashbacks come to me in my dreams.

please tell me im losing it. tell me i have made this up, it's not true, it's not real, i skewed reality. look me in the eyes and tell me you did not do...it. force me to believe, shut out the screaming betrayed voice in my head.

how can i move on?? what am i supposed to do now?? i need to live with you for a couple more years and the thought makes me want to vomit and kill myself. i want nothing to do with you. i want to erase every trace of you on me. how can i look at the mirror and bear to see you everyday? everything is so meaningless now. all my dreams and hopes and plans are so so meaningless. they mean nothing anymore. i am nothing anymore. i cant get past this.

how did you live with yourself? how did you carry out your duty to me through all these years and behave normally? i cant even bear to type your name or who you are to me. does it matter? you are nothing to me now...yet everything at the same time.

im so numb and filled with tears that refuse to fall. i cant focus on life anymore. it's all changed. everything has changed.

i cant tell anyone. noone. noone will understand. their eyes will gloss over with sympathy and then forget the next day. they'll treat me like a wonded puppy. they'll tell the authorities. they just won't get it.

i keep trying to convince myself it wasn't you, it was the other but...i know. i know and i want to scratch my eyes out and claw at my throat and kick and scream at the ground until i am bloody and raw and pass out. i dont want to live anymore. i hate myself. hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

noone will believe me. do i believe me?

[t33th1ng]

soulmate 2:16-3:16 - march 2016

theres something hidden into this city that i love deeply and i have to find it again. 

i saw it once , years ago , as a child . i lay on my back in a narrow dark street. my vision is blurred i dont know how or why im here . i crook my head back farther, farther...... and the clouds part open , or a screen is shifted , and one skinny fall of sunlight comes down to shine on this fern thats growing outward from a damp wall by a door. i blink and my vision clears , i blink again , then three times, then someone grabs my and pulls me upright and takes me away.  for three blinks im on my back as a child , in a crooked alley, the cement under me is uneven, grimy, wet. my head is tilted back and the muscles in my neck ache from it and i see the fern sitting in that moment of light . then i leave . im in love

*

oh i am obsessed with it , i need to find it . i dont know how. my memories are broken across my life , i dont ..... know .. i dont know where anything is. i scratch at my head like some dumb animal bored to death on a chain. i click my teeth ......

*

i spend my years memorising the fern in the light , knowing i have to find it again . but when , but how ...

one night i try to leave to find it , but i am caught , and returned , and i cant find it that way . i must bide my time . i guess . i think ive waited long , so long . so i know i can do it ive spent this much time waiting i can spend a little more and i dont want to !  but i can , i certainly can. 

memory ... memory .... where does my memory sleep? where is it in my head ? i know that i must know how to return, because i have been there once before . there must be some remnant left from that trip, some rind, some little toenail clipping of memory to show me how to go back . i try to plot this pilgrimage but its so so hard. i cannot imagine, i cannot fathom ... 

i need to though . i must . i love it dearly, i love it with my full self and i have to see it again . 

* 

i go on a small walk early in the morning. the air is gray . im not trying to find the fern by the door today, i just need a walk , for my legs and my mind. i walk hard, smacking the bottoms of my shoes onto the pavement so the earth knows im here. i go by businesses and houses and two parks, i pass a courthouse and a museum. i walk all the way down to the wharf and stare into the glaring cold ocean below me . 

it stares back. i see a crab, and i turn around to start my way back. 

i feel the ocean lurking at my heels as i walk away. i regret coming here.

*

i eat a plum today . i eat it slowly and think about the fern and the door. its flesh is cold and soft. 

the fern, the door, where are they , they are hiding far away from me but i know. I Know. they are in this very same city as myself. i grind the thin bitter plum skin between my molars. where could they be ........ god i must find them. 

i make so many plans to go out , track them down , and they all fail. there is a component missing . something causes my failure but i dont know what it hurts my head! it hurts my physically ! 

*

a solar eclipse is approaching and i think it is important. i plan to leave on the eclipse to find my love and i wont return, never. ill never come back. the eclipse is five days away, now four ...... i watch the sky 

does the sun know? is the sun plotting ? do they all know up there , all those monsters hanging up there, do they know about eclipses? no . they are also dumb animals , on a chain , just like me . we are made of star stuff after all . thats one big chain. 

the sun dissapears so slowly, being gently eaten away, and i make my leave .  the streets run with people viewing the eclipse. they gather at opportune places - the tops of their apartment buildings , on the beach, on a hill in a park. i slide past them, they are so thick around me . the street is fucking clotted with humans and i swim through them. 

at first they seem oblivious but slowly, i realize, that theyre on to me. i dont know what it is; probably the sun being so weird. it must affect our brains somehow. but they can sense my presence and sense my drive. they know what im up to . not every single one, i dont think....but enough that it worries me. 

their many presences stick to my brain. i try to shake them.. i cant shake them. god theres so many , this city is overrun ...... ill ignore them though , ill ignore them until they make their move. if i act like i dont know what theyre doing then they will let me through for longer .. i have to pretend , for my sake , if they realize they Will tear me apart.

*

the eclipse is over and people are returning slowly to their duties . even with the sun back to normal though some of them are still following me ... not physically (yet) but mentally. theyre keeping tabs on my brain... i travel on anyways pretending not to know. i think i am getting closer ....

*

it is getting darker, darker ... i know i am approaching . im manic , im full of feverish blood and im close , so close, closer than ive ever been. i feel presences behind me , theyre on me like a pack of goddamn hounds , theyre closing in around me but they havent caught me yet. 

i push past people and i dont care at this point , they all already know what im up to no reason to keep secrets anymore . a big broadcast has been made across the city, they all know now. so i push and claw past them, gush through their crowds like a ravenous slime full of intent . im full of purpose .. 

the evening air is cool . i gulp it down. dusk is on us now , the light getting dusty , people crawling around bars now , the atmosphere is becoming heavy and grips at me . it sinks into my pores to try and pull me to a stop but i push through, its a miasma , its some kind of hellish gasses released to try and sedate me. i wont listen to it though . im not stopping until i find my love again.  all the people coming out now to go to bars .. oh , it must be the alcohol. they drink , and breathe out, and the alcohol mixes into the oxygen and tugs on my with evil purposes. it is not pure of heart ......... the entire atmosphere here is trying to get everyone drunk. or , more specifically , trying to get me drunk , trying to contain me... i wont allow it. i have miles to go before i sleep. 

*

its black now , its late , my vision blurs , my breath hurts , occasionally i find myself scrabbling like a cretin on my hands and knees , dragging myself through puddles of filth and scraping all my skin off , leaving a trail of myself behind on the asphalt. i try to stay on my feet as much as i can but my minds so clouded by this heavy atmosphere its hard to do what i want . 

im deep , deep , into the city now and i rarely see people . maybe they have given up ..  maybe they think that since ive gotten this far ill just kill myself , wear myself down to nothing on this pavement . sink to earth as a dribble of grime ..... it seems a pleasant option at this point . i hurt , i ache , my brain is screeching . but i wont , not yet . 

i did not leave with the intent to die but i think thats whats going to happen . i will die on the roots of this fern . i cannot imagine Living again after this .. in fact i do not know that i am really alive right now . i do not think i am ...  im decomposing ..... the skin trail behind me ..

*

gravity pulls me across the ground now . i know i am still being monitored but i cannot care , i do not care , they can have my carcass if they give so much of a shit . im oozing , rolling , sloughing , im not a sentient being barely im just matter with a purpose nailed to its core . i can no longer stand on two feet , i can barely crawl . and i dont see almost any people by this point . when i do , they are disgusted . they avoid me . i have grown into a beast that they fear mightily 

i am upon it now , i am upon my love . i reach my tongue out of my face to try to taste it , it comes every closer . i haul my unraveled remains over the cold concrete , my fingers scraping thin , my belly an empty cave now . there do exist pictures of me as a child , a baby . i am shown these . 'oh, what a cute little baby you were! look at those fat cheeks...' i shake my head . no . no that does not exist anymore , that baby decayed and im the rot that is left . i was eaten and chewed apart and drooled back out whatever that baby couldve grown up to be will never exist : i killed it and took its place . im an imposter .. an imposter 

i peel my face up from the ground. only one eye opens itself . i can see it now , the object of my affections , my love , my love ... the little door , the little fern beside it . i force my body to move slowly slowly , i cant manage anything better . i smell the damp mold , the rot , the neglect and the soil and the old stale air . im so so in love . im so in love . and im almost to the door 

oh and im there , im at the door and i fall to earth in pain. im panting and drooling and cant feel my body , whatever is left of it . i truly am dying , almost dead . i push at the door. it doesnt open but the vibration from my action , my little attempt , shakes raindrops off of the fern and they fall on my face . they fall on the thing that used to be my face ..... 

the door isnt locked i dont think , but its so warped by moisture , the wood is so puffy , that its stuck . i shoved my shoulder against it , my slippery sad shoulder . god . how could this shoulder have grown from that little baby , how did i become ...

i shove again and again . shockingly there are tears left in my body and i cry. the fern bobs above me . the city moves around me . those monsters in the sky they turn above us all . the air still comes and goes from my lungs , and i can still feel the pain of my failing body . the people of this city , the forces that be , perch invisibly above me , monitoring me . they grab up my brainwaves in their hands , those vultures , those shiftless parasites , they eat up my brainwaves and gather information . i just want to be alone , somehow , let me be alone 

the doors groans and pops open, just barely . i rest my face between it and the doorframe , breathe deeply. all is dark and all i have is the smell of soft wood and old air and dust and the rain and the fern lives above me. oh . i am so in love ...

[clown-bait]

A Very Monster Christmas (Monster Roommate AU) Pt2

WOWW I finally got this out. This one was hard cause theres so much dialogue and I’ve also been dealing with a lot of vacations and work shit going on in my personal life. Finally getting this done though! Lots of Freddy in this chapter. 

-----------------

Gifts

Charles Lee Ray sat up from his bed with a scream. The doll frantically checked his body where moments ago clown/vampire hell spawn had been tearing into his rubber synthetic skin. His wife groaned and rolled over greedily pulling the sheets with her, it was too damn early to deal with Chucky’s bullshit.

“J-just a dream just a fuckin’ dream” he mumbled Tiff flipped onto her back and stared at the ceiling through her eye mask. “It’s six in the damn morning Chucky” she growled.

“I’m gonna go downstairs and everything will be fine and normal and Fangs will be smoking a bowl and not filled with demons.”

“Chucky.”

“And they wont explode out of her and eat me alive.”

“Chucky!”

“And Jingles wont be fuckin’ laughing at me”

“CHUCKY!!” Tiff ripped off her eye mask as she sat up. “IT’S SIX IN THE FUCKING MORNING.”

The killer doll stared shocked and silent at his enraged spouse.

“Go back to sleep.” she grumbled as she attempted to lay down again.

“Look its a valid fear.” Chucky began to ramble and Tiff’s eyes slowly rolled back open. “You saw what happened when we had the twins!! Think about what their hell-spawn will look like!”

“Most of what happened was your fault dear.”

“Ok but Jingles and Fangs are both twice as unstable as we are! At least I don't look at a fuckin toddler and think breakfast!”

“I think you’re letting him get to you. By the way did you tell the clown the kids are coming?” Tiff asked deciding that going back to sleep wasn't an option at this point. Chucky’s eyes went wide.

“Fuck.”

“YOU FORGOT?! If he tries to eat them you're gonna be in a load of trouble!”

“Tiff! it'll be fine! At the worst he’ll just eat Glenn and thats not so bad is it?”

“CHUCKY!”

“All right, all right! I’ll let him know sheesh.”

The doll slipped on a Christmas sweater depicting some sort of reindeer gang bang and shuffled down the stairs of the old house. He heard a loud pleasured groan coming from the couch which usually meant one of two unsavory things in this house both of which Chucky would rather not witness.

“Hey Jingles put your dick away my kids are coming over!” he shouted down from the middle of the stairs deciding that proceeding any further would result in seeing something that would ruin his holiday before it even began. The doll was answered with a gruff swear and grumbling.

“Did you hear me clown?” he called down the steps again.

“Shut up Chuck I'm trying to enjoy my holiday!” a shout called out through the rotting halls.

“Krueger? The fuck are you doing here?” Chucky groaned walking down the stairs and into the room then quickly turned around and swore when he saw the scene on the couch.

“Getting laid jackass what does it look like?” Freddy grumbled zipping up his pants as Chris popped his head up his hair a total sweaty mess under Freddy’s signature fedora.

“You have your own damn house for that shit! Where the fuck is Jingles?” the doll turned away. Great holiday already ruined.

“He’s throwing up with Fangs in the basement.”

“And here I thought you were the freak.” Chucky rolled his eyes.

“He is.” Chris added wiping his mouth.

“Oh come on Chrissy you haven't been complaining.” the dream demon swung a clawed hand over his shoulders in a way that came off more as threatening than affectionate. His knife tipped fingers dug slightly into the humans shirt and a disgusting rotten tongue peaked out from between Freddy’s ruined lips.

“I’m fucking you cause I have nothing left.” Chris flinched at Freddy’s touch.

“Isn’t he great?” the dream demon grinned.

“Yeah pretty sure you traumatized this guy.” Chucky folded his arms over his chest

“Nah Fangs traumatized him, I just cleaned up her mess and stole her leftovers.”

“Your friends are awful people.” Chris hissed at Freddy.

“You’re not wrong buddy! Speaking of I need to find Jingles before he eats my kids or whatever.” Chucky turned to make his way to the kitchen.

“Wow you're a real model parent Chuck.” Freddy called after him striking a nerve.

“Like you know anything about being a dad.” The doll turned around and snapped.

“I do! I was great at it!” Freddy leaned back clicking on the old tv.

“Didn’t your kid try to kill you?” Chucky squinted.

“Didn’t your’s?” Freddy cocked a ruined brow.

“I’m sensing a trend here within our community and our parenting abilities.” the doll said deep in thought.

“So how long do you think Jingles and Fangs will last?” Freddy smirked placing his hands over his head.

“I’ll give em a week.” Chucky laughed.

“Eleven minutes.” Chris chimed in and Freddy laughed.

“Harsh Chrissy. You're probably right.”

“Wellp I’ve lost focus back to bed for me.” Chucky stretched and yawned.

“You’re not going to tell Jingles to forgo the Christmas dinner? Tiff’s gonna cut your nuts off.” Freddy began making a dramatic snipping motion with his claws inches from his human’s nose for dramatic effect.

“Eh knowing Glenda she’ll probably scare him first.”

Freddy laughed and placed his arm around his captive once again as the movie he was looking for began to play. “There goes a very brave and stupid man Chrissy.”

“Fuck you too Fred.”

———————————————

“Hey Pen? Is there any way you can make me forget that?” Leech groaned her back against the clown’s as the pair waited for the nausea to die down in the basement. One of his eyes peeled open and a single molten pupil rolled back in her direction. Pennywise let out a long disgusted growl at the memory he'd just received.

“I’d like to do the same for myself” he finally muttered out and felt a chuckle vibrate against him.

“Well I got the next best thing if you’re interested.”

The eldritch exhaled a gravely sigh “For once, I'm not in the mood.”

“Yeah wasn't talking about that Pen. Sheesh and you say my mind is the one that’s always in the gutter!”

“It is.”

The clown sat up and turned his head to his mate as she pushed off him to walk over to a pile of ancient junk. Penny began making clicking vocalizations indicating interest and skittered up to her the sound of insectile limbs that weren't there trailed behind him as he moved. His noises got louder and Leech felt a large presence behind her trying to nose its way into what she was doing. The vampire batted the giant beast away.

“No peeking big guy and no mind reading this is a surprise.” she scolded him Pennywise grumbled and turned around as she dug into her hiding place. He began to ponder how she was able to get past him when suddenly he got an idea and a faint glow began to illuminate from his eyes. “You have no idea how hard it was to keep this from you, I wanted to give it to you at the end of the celebrations but Fred had to go and be gross.” she rambled not even noticing that her mate had vanished. “I know you collect this shit so I threatened and tortured several people to get this done since you're incredibly hard to shop for.” she continued to ramble to nothing as she pulled out a large flat gift.

“Ok you can look n-Pen?” the nosferatu looked around behind her. “Pennywise?” she called out to him but got no response. “Oh come on I worked really hard on this!” Leech snarled in frustration. “Pen for real this is important to me where the fuck did you go?” after more silence the vampire sent a cacophony of curses into the air before letting out a frustrated screech. Leech felt her vision blur and her offspring threaten to take hold of her again as her temper flared. She grabbed her abdomen and fought them back. “Kids mamma loves you, but we have got to talk about our tantrums.” she grated out against their hold on her, trying to calmly slide Penny’s gift under her arm and climb up the stairs of the basement.

“I take back what I said about your father being a good mate, fucker has the attention span of a goldfish.” she felt a swell in her mind and slammed the door a little too hard behind her. “What don't agree with me? Please don't tell me you've already inherited his superiority complex, some of you gotta be at least a little like me to balance this household out.”

“WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO FANGS?” Freddy yelled from the couch.

“My spawn Freddy go back to getting your dick sucked!” she snarled at the dream demon.

“Man those kids are going to be fucked up!” he laughed “I’m already finished with that anyway get in here were watching Grinch!” Freddy heard a sigh and Leech grumpily placed the unopened christmas gift by the tree before flopping next to her friend and the man who cut off her finger only a few hours ago.  

“So you're dating someone.” the vampire side eyed the dream demon and made a face when she saw he hadn't bothered to put pants back on.

“You can talk to me too you know I'm right here.” Chris grumbled.

“I’m fucking someone theres a difference Fangs.” He huffed.

“If you were just fucking you wouldn't have brought him home.”

“Wow again right here-”

“Be grateful I didn't eat you too Chris.” Leech snapped.

“What a surprise, the vampire is getting moody. This is why Im fucking a human way less bitchy.” Freddy rolled his eyes and cleaned his fingernails with his claws.

Leech hissed low in her throat as her upper lip twitched over her fangs in warning. Chris quivered a bit in fear remembering the last time he heard such noises. Her mere presence alone made him even more uneasy in this house now it sounded like she was about to snap again.

“I-I oh god how did I end up here what have I done.…” the human ran his fingers through his hair and Freddy rolled his eyes. Great another damn break down.

“All right babe deep breath daddy Freddys here shhh.”

Leech looked up from the dusty decrepit tv “Wellp I’m leaving.”

“Oh yeah like I don't have to endure this all the time from you!”

“Daddy really?”

“You call the clown Snuggle Muffin!”

“Yeah when were alone. By the way Chris, Fred can regrow his fingers. Do me a favor since you owe me one and put him in his place.”

“Sheesh you're grumpy Fangs” Freddy rolled his eyes and placed his gloved hand around the human that Leech was pretty sure experiencing some form of Stockholm syndrome.

“All my friends are dead.”

“Did we traumatize him?” she asked the dream demon.

“I dunno probably. Rides a dick like a slut though!”

“Well I'm glad someones having a Merry Christmas.”

“Hey fangs do me a favor and open the damn red box already I'm getting real tired of your moping. Put up with that enough from Drac.”

“What?”

“Look behind you moron.”

Leech glanced behind her and saw a perfectly wrapped gift sitting in the center of the archway a balloon tied to it sitting unnaturally still in the dim light of the house.

“That motherfucker!” the vampire swore as she stood to pick up the package. It was impossibly light in her hands and there was a little tag hanging off the end. The nosferatu gently opened it and her scowl shifted into a warm smile

Me first Peachy.

It read in poor crimson handwriting with a smiling heart shaped balloon in the corner. The nosferatu’s un-beating heart was practically singing as she tore off the wrapping. She didn't even expect Pennywise to participate and yet he got her a gift! Leech lifted the lid and was flung backwards as something enormous sprung from the present like a giant demonic jack in the box. IT cackled with glee through its horrible rows of sharp teeth as it shot up almost too big to fit in the room. Leech scampered back in surprise and shock claws tearing into the couch as she screamed in reflex to being caught completely off guard.

“I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU” she yelled at the cackling clown that was swaying back and forth holding his sides. Behind her Freddy snorted joining in on the laughter and chris had fainted from shock. “That was fuckin amazing Jingles!” the dream demon shouted to the clown who couldn't stop his cackling.

“YOUR KIDS ARE GOING TO GROW UP FATHERLESS CAUSE I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR RUFFLED ASS ALL THE WAY BACK TO WHATEVER HOLE YOU CRAWLED OUT OF YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF- whats this?” Leech began to scream at him but stopped when a huge box was presented to her, the fang filled grin on her clown growing even wider.

“Take iT!” the beast hissed.

“I don’t trust you anymore” Leech narrowed her eyes at him.

“Take iiiitttt!!!”

“If anything jumps out at me or bites me or screams at me I am not letting you have the second half of your present.”

“Mouth or ass Fangs?!” came a shout from the couch.

“FREDDY I SWEAR TO GOD! ……………….mouth….”

“Heh nice.”

Penny’s smile closed in realization “Wait ass is an option now?”

“We’re not going there.” Leech sighed not wanting to discuss THAT again with him. She opened the large case then quickly shut it. “PEN! This is a fucking guitar case!”

“Oh shit looks like Jingles is getting both tonight eh sweet lips?!” Freddy elbowed the dazed and traumatized human who was currently questioning every choice he had made in the last twenty four hours.

“I only had to threaten one person to get your gift” Penny smirked, finally climbing out of the small red box and shrinking back to what could be considered normal size. He shook himself a bit and begun to fix his hair “Your servant scares easy, I almost made a meal of him.” he snickered while twirling the top of his baby curl into place. “Well go on then play us a tune Peachy.” he grinned a little too satisfied with himself for Leech not to be suspicious.

Leech took the instrument out of its case and inspected it carefully. She certainly wasn't amazing at guitar but after traveling with a band for so long she picked up the ability to play a few songs. Her fingers ran up along the neck and brushed a small chain she quickly pulled her hand back in fear that it was another trick from the clown. Which it was judging from the excited grin on Penny’s face as his mate’s fingers traced solid gold chain.

Leech glanced up and glared at him. “What the fuck is this? Where the hell did you get this Pen?”

Pennywise placed his finger on her cool lips stopping the confused swearing from pouring from her mouth. The clown gave her a cheesy wink and with his other hand reached into his ruff. He gave a quick tug and plucked out an ancient tarnished silver bell which he presented to her in his palm not saying a word. Penny’s great blue eyes seared into hers in anticipation as Leech reached to take it but pulled her hand back with a hiss when the silver singed her skin. Pennywise seemed caught off guard then came to a realization swiping the gold chain from his mates hands. His large fingers closed around both objects and squeezed when he opened them the bell shined gold like his eyes before the kill. Pennywise fastened the bell to the necklace and held it up again this time with his signature goofy smile in place. “Pen seriously what is this?” Leech asked quietly now as she took the necklace and slipped it on.

“For you.” the clown grinned wider. “It’s part of me!”

“Just get married already!” Freddy yelled from the couch turning up the volume of the old tv.

“You motherfucker you know how I feel about sappy shit.” the nosferatu grinned twirling the bell in her fingers “Well? Go on get over here.” she smirked glancing up at him. Penny snaked his arms around his mate and held her against him “I hate you” the vampire mumbled into his costume rubbing her nose into his chest. “I hate you too.” Pennywise replied warmly he pulled her back and leaned in but Leech stopped his lips from pressing into hers.

“Hold that thought! I need to finally give you yours!”

“This is disgusting, were trying to watch a movie here!”

“Oh yeah says the guy who just moments ago was getting sucked off on my couch!” The vampire flipped Freddy’s hat off his head as she passed by him.

“At least we weren't doing any romcom crap!” He called after her

“You could always get out of my house.” the clown grumbled

“Nah I keep my bong here! Plus your sofa’s more comfortable than that victorian era piece of junk Drac has.”

“You people and your antique furniture. Ikea exists you know!” Chris grumbled.

“I’m cultivating eeriness human, also there better not be any stains Krueger.” Penny snarled.

“Like you'd be able to tell Jingles, this thing could probably get someone pregnant just by sitting on it…..wait is that what happened to you Fangs?”

Leech rolled her eyes at him while shoving her gift into Penny’s arms. “Freddy for once in your life just shut up.”

the clown clicked and rumbled tearing open the package with claws and teeth. then held the large frame out in front of him. “the derry circus!” he said excitedly and he viewed the poster. “featuring me!” he giggled with pride at the picture of his likeness grinning back at him and beckoning for someone to step closer.

“Had it custom done! Its not as amazing as what you gave me but I hope you like it.” Leech leaned back against the edge of the sofa behind her overly pleased with herself. Pennywise set the frame down and stalked forward pinning his mate against the couch with his hips long limbs wrapping around her. “You’ve given me plenty.” He grinned placing his large hand on her abdomen. “I didn't plan on that part.” the vampire smirked thumbing his ruffles in her fingers. “Comere asshole.” Leech hissed and pulled his ruffles. The clown leaned down and kissed her dipping her back so she could wrap her legs around him as he explored her mouth.

“Look I'm not complaining about the sex but this asshole’s about to swoop in and ruin Cindy Lou Hoo’s day and you two tend to get way too loud.”

Pennywise bit down on his mate’s lip then sunk his teeth into her neck bucking his hips sharply against her making Leech moan. “Ahhh! Penny!!” she shouted enthusiastically.

“I’m warning you Jingles if I miss the damn song I'm gonna be pissed!”

Penny clamped down harder and growled, loudly smacking Leech’s ass through her thin pajama shorts. The vampire hissed in response spurring her mate on to make deep lust filled vocalizations into her skin.

“FINE FUCK YOU THEN! Come on Chris if we hurry we can at least catch the ending.” the dream demon grumbled and yanked the human up who was eager to leave. A moment after their departure the vampires eyes flew open.

“Are they gone?” Leech panted claws running through her clowns hair. Penny grunted and retracted his fangs from her flesh. “Fuckin finally, the couch is ours!” she shouted hopping over the side. “I’m telling ya if I had to sit through The Grinch one more time this week I’d probably go postal.” Pennywise grumbled in agreement and stretched his back shaking himself out his after his spine made a series of loud pops and cracks. “That sounded terrible.” Leech commented thumbing through her movie collection.

“You kept me waiting in that box forever.”

“Aaawww does Pennywhine need a back rub?”

The impossibly tall monster leaned over the edge of the couch to glare at her. Leech grinned up at him and tapped him on the nose with a dvd sticking her tongue out to mock him. Penny snarled and lunged over the edge of the couch at her the two aggressively wrestling trying to pin the other against the sofa. Pennywise was on his way to victory as per-usual, when he saw his own eye color flash through Leech’s glossy blues. Suddenly his back was against the old couch claws pinned against the top his eyes narrowed at his captor.

“Using my offspring against me is cheating!” he snarled at her.

“Cheating? I call it leveling the playing field!” Leech scoffed. She planted an obnoxiously rough kiss on his lips and released him flopping over to the side and crossing her legs over the eldritch’s. The vampire picked up her white and black guitar and thumbed out a cheesy romantic christmas tune, softly singing aloud. Pennywise watched her for a moment taking note of the soft glow peeking out from under her shirt almost flashing to the rhythm of the music. She had a belly full of future dancing clowns. He smiled to himself, leaning back and shutting his eyes. In this moment things were absolutely perfect.

All until there was a honk and a banging at his front door.

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Awww Pen’s so nice when he wants to be.