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figuringouthowtobehere · 4 years ago

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please dont reblog this

i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.

im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.

please dont reblog this

cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world

i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood.

i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.

ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now.

so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.

and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it.

and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.

i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would.

im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.

help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.

if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well

please dont reblog this!!

#childhood abuse tw #tw #tw alone in the world #suicide tw #please dont reblog this #no rb #homelessness tw

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oceanivoxjoquainx · 6 years ago

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Let's talk about Eric Effiong

Let's be honest Eric's storyline and characterization is one of the most appealing out of all the characters in Sex Education periodt. A true gay, fierce, Drag QUEEN and I feel like ranting about this amazing force of nature. (Spoilers. Duh.)

When I saw the trailer for Sex Education it didnt even hit me that Eric was gay until I read the synopsis. Was just like "Oh I wonder which one of these three mains are the gay one people keep talking about" even after I saw him in drag like a dumbass 😣😂. Personally im glad we've reached a point where gay guys aren't overly feminine and even the brightest colours won't differ a character from the rest (unless I'm just a blind bish and he was obviously gay from the trailer) ei 👏🏾 ther 👏🏾 way; his character was refreshing when I started watching the show. I immediately clicked with him and knew what every look he gave or hand gesture he did meant. Felt nice. When Adam pushed him into the locker for the first time and started with the heterohomoerotic bs I knew that Adam had a raging boner for Eric and was another internalized homophobic bully™ and wasn't really excited for what was to come but I knew it was coming and tbh I liked it in the end.

Eric and Otis' friendship is so pure. Like?!? Get me a straight supportive bestie lilke Otis? Ik they fought but even then Otis was respectful and kept his boundaries and let Eric go through the motions before immediately belting into an apology at the first chance he got. Their dancing scene?!? Iconic. The fact that Eric sees Otis' house as safe and another home?!? Iconic. Otis going drag with Eric to watch an LGBT+ movie as a TRADITION (meaning they've done it numerous times)?!?! Iconic. The fact that Otis was straight up ditching Eric and Eric STILL tolerated him and let him do his thing without too much pressure!?! The most iconic of them all. Just pure love and respect all around.

I am so proud of Erics growth over the course of the season starting from a naive and scared gay doormat to facing homophia and getting beat up by those assholes on his birthday no less to losing his best friend and becoming depressed to channeling that anger into defending himself when people tried him to getting his sparkle back and coming back more fierce that ever before.

Speaking of him getting his sparkle back lets talk about that and why that scene is so important. A random guy asked Eric for directions and Eric noticed his nails were polished and the guy was wearing earrings and he was a big ole black dude. He was like Eric. When Eric noticed that the guy was out, loud, glamorous and proud he immediately switched back into the bright colourful and wonderfully gay Eric we all know and love.

THIS IS WHY REPRESENTATION MATTERS!!!!

It shows people that its okay to be who they actually are and inspires those who are lost to find or return to their true selves. Representation isn't just some offhand thing to throw on a character last minute. And even if you can relate to other characters who arent like you, it is always an amazing feeling to have a character that IS like you. It turned Eric from a popularity seeking doormat into a hurricane with 6 inch heels who was ready to straight up beat down a bully he's had for 4 years. It even inspired him to go back to church and rejoin a community that he closed off. That's exactly how it feels to have someone successful in the media and your life to look up to. Eric only interacted with that man for a few minutes but those few minutes changed his life for the better. So that's a lovely reminder for all who love to bash representation.

Back tracking to Eric's dull colourless period after the attack and his fight with Otis. It was saddening to see one of the brightest characters go dull and even the school felt it. He turned from a guy who rarely stood up for himself and what he wanted into the sass master he reserved only for his friends. All of his built up anger was released causing him to explode on Mr Hendricks (who is adorable tbh and just trying to do his best) and Anwar (I was proud of that punch you go glenn co co) and he even sounded off on his dad who he's usually passive aggressive to at worst. Just goes to show that the happiest faces can harbor the biggest pains and can snap. Moral of the story? Protect the happy few.

Eric also has a great family. Like that obviously know Erics gay and wears dresses because its all right there in his room which his parents enter at their leisure and while it seems that they're a bit homophobic its revealed that they (Erics dad at least) just wants Eric to be safe as he's already a target for being black and apart of an immigant family. He accepts Eric for who he is and what he does he just doesnt want anyone else to give him shit for it and if that's not one of the sweetest things in this world idek what is. Eric and his dad was probably one of my favorite dynamics in the show and watching his dad slowly fully accept that his son was strong and able to stand for himself he was able to become stronger too. This dynamic is important because I never see any gay black characters have a close relationship with their fathers and it was very heartwarming to watch.

Now onto Erics love life. He has a crush on the highschools other only gay guy Anwar who's the typical mean sassy gay we've all come to expect in highschool dramas. Otis saying that Eric doesnt have to have a crush on the only other openly gay guy at school was such a mood as its commonly shown that any gays in close proximity should get together. When Eric punched him I internally went "Finally!" Because all those jeers were becoming annoying. I'm glad Anwar got to come out to his mum over it though. And straight up told the audience that Eric didn't like feminine guys (alluding to him and Adams eventual clean up scene as of we didn't see it coming already).

Moving on to Adam tho, like I said we all been knew that this

was indeed coming and even though I hate the bully x bullied trope I still ended up liking it and hoping that Adam would change. The building up to that kiss was long awaited from episode 1 straight through to 8 with all the longing looks that Adam kept side glancing Eric with and the face cupping and the growls and the lingering touches. I just kept going sthdjksksbslaldbd when one of those moments happened followed shortly after with disgust because gays falling for their abuser is washed up but then immediately going back to jajaklamabsldkd because im shipping trash so 🤷🏿. Eric stepping to Adam in at the ball was one of the most iconic scenes of the show (along with the "Its My Vagina" scene) and the exchange between him and Adam gave be actual chills. The tension was THICCCC. Erics OUTFIT to the ball gave me chills 😭😭 dude came to slay and had everyone at that school proper shook and I honestly could NOT be more proud. I was hoping Adam would become a better person over the course of the season but nope so hopefully they cover all the issues that Adam has in season 2 and properly give him a redeption arc cuz he's still a trashy pos he's just a disaster bi on top of it. (Adam immediately going to suck Eric off is confidence I can only dream of achieving 💀💀) The lab scene was also cute but made me mad because how could Adam look scared, confident and still be a douchebag all in the span of a few seconds was beyond me. A+ acting on Connor Swindells part. I can see why Adam would have to stay in the closet and keep their... relationship?? a secret because it seems like Headmaster Groff would be a homophobic piece of shit and would add to the ever growing list of things Adam did wrong. Even so it doesn't excuse the fact that Adam is in fact a bully and Eric deserves much better. Was sad seeing Adam being driven off from Eric in the end tho. Eric thought that Adam didn't want to see him at all and was probably heartbroken and probably thinks Adam left because of him (my poor baby 😭😭). I feel bad for Adam too because he was just starting to express himself and was at the beginning of a redemption arc when he was just wisked away from the boy he's loved for what seems to be a very long time. I just want my boys to be happy and non toxic and I wish their relationship and them all the best in Season 2.

Eric Effiong is my favorite character in the show and I really want to thank Ncuti Gatwa for portraying him so well and for the shows writers who gave him a very fleshed out character with an amazing storyline and conclusion. His growth was incredible and his strength is immeasurable. I'm 100% certain that he will be a character the community remembers for years to come. Patiently now waiting on what's to come in Season 2 💙🙌🏾.

#eric effiong #ncuti gatwa #adam groff #connor swindells #adam x eric #sex education netflix #sex education #netfix #lgbt representation #lgbt characters #lgbtq

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littlebabycrybtch · 5 years ago

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im sorry but sometimes it is so see through that you fake and corrupt ‘pro recovery’ people are literally just so frustrated and annoyed with nd people and thats all your mindset revolves around. like you’ll throw one or two fucking random self care tips at us and we’ll rightfully say ‘that doesnt work for me’ and yall instantly go on these absolutely unnecessary and brutal TANGENTS you were saving up abt how we’re ‘’’’wallowing’’’’ and that therapy takes ~Actual Effort~ so if ur special universal tips arent working for us we’re ‘’’being difficult’’’ and ‘’’’lazy’’’’ and ‘’’’hurting ourselves’’’’’ like. idk man sure i am sorry i cant ‘take a shower to feel better’ bc my symptoms make the task more stressful actually and take away from my other more necessary tasks, im sorry i forget to take my vitamins and drink enough water bc i just dont feel a difference anymore, im sorry i rely on medication instead of therapy bc therapists also teach me things that dont seem to work, except im trying, which means no matter how hard i might seem to be failing, i am ‘pro recovery’. idc how the fuck it Looks to you personally, i deserve your support. and i shouldnt Feel the Need to apologize to a stranger who claims to be my ally for experiencing mental illness symptoms and not being able to immediately correct them ! if i could do that i wouldnt be mentally ill !! i especially should not be made to feel ashamed to even Talk about my struggles just bc i know yall will try to put a bandaid on it and then guilt me when i say it didnt work. smfh like. ur children. sometimes things just have deeper rooted problems and u dont have to take it personally that you specifically cannot cure me.

ik it blows ur fucking goddamn mind but yes actually some people just Do really struggle to shower, to drink water, to take their meds, as in it takes actual personal efforts for them it wouldnt take for you and they have to work harder than you to accomplish them, and there are in fact some things nd people personally Cannot do and will Never be able to do without going backwards and sacrificing their happiness and quality of life exhausting themselves for an unattainable goal. only they know their limit, and pushing yourself past your limit is unarguably damaging. this ugly ass assumption you cannot be happy enough while still ‘allowing yourself’ to experience some symptoms... the idea that its just laziness and ‘anti recovery’ to openly struggle with what you view as the ‘easy’ or ‘beginning’ steps of recovery... is an inherently ableist and Harmful mindset you are all falling victim to and fucking over this community with. to be perfectly frank you are not ‘pro recovery’ when you demonize and shame people who are not ready for recovery. bc that doesnt do anything to help them recover. its genuinely just your excuse to hate and bash ‘severely’ nd people bc ur uncomfortable with them and wanna claim theyre doing it on purpose so you feel rightfully angry abt it. when you throw tantrums over us Being Mentally Ill and not ALREADY recovered like good boys or w/e all you are is pro nd people conforming to your standard of functioning and shutting the fuck up abt their actual identity and symptoms and experiences until they reach that level when ur comfy listening to them again. you’re pro neurotypical people, or those pretending to be for your comfort. its literally starting to border on an eugenics attitude by claiming the only healthy end goal is to be virtually indistinguishable from a neurotypical and match their functioning as best as possible. not all nd people Can do that, would be Happier doing that rather than accommodating their issues in other ways, and nor should that be the default goal to push on all nd people. also a lot of the shit yall push at us for even nts dont always conform to, so why is it us being made to walk on eggshells? why when i skip a shower am i evil and destructive but nt bob can go a week without one and no one bats an eye or they just joke about it???

lbr recovery doesnt look the same from person to person, you cant apply one broad standard like this, not to mention its not always an uphill battle, which doesnt just mean; ‘oops i relapsed :(((’. it means breakdowns, it means self harm, it means slacking off, failing hygiene, forgetting things, missing things, bad behavior, risky behavior, things that are Going to inconvenience you. and the second you forget that or decide to no longer care about those people, when you decide to have a baseline where you stop respecting or supporting nds for not trying hard enough to be like you, when you Drop them until they meet your standards as if they arent still nd people who need you on a basic level, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A FUCKING NEUROTYPICAL WHO DOESNT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHERRY PICK AT US LIKE THAT (!), is when you have inverted and ruined your own fucking cause by corrupting it with selfish conformist ableism.

tldr i understand why statements like ‘just go to therapy’ ‘thanks im cured’ would frustrate you, but i also VERY MUCH understand and NEED for you people to TRY and understand why mentally struggling people would be adverse to going to therapy, and not bc they goddamn hate recovery and wanna be sad forever or w/e strawman youve come up with, but bc of their issues which are valid and Can hinder these types of decisions and even affect how much aid these coping skills actually provide, and they dont deserve your fucking Unbridled Malice and Shame over it bc they are not literally trying to be more mentally ill. its simply a symptom and consequence of their already existing mental illness. like i really... cannot fathom the level of disconnect you must be on with nd politics to take that and assume they are truly just rejecting the possibility of happiness for the sake of being unhappy. i truly think if you cant wrap your head around ‘mentally ill people, whos minds are literally experiencing sickness, are not always rational or able to help themselves, or sometimes it only appears that way and they just know better abt it than you do’ you just. arent even an ally. you’re an ableist in activists clothing. people struggling with the concept of recovery arent inherently ‘anti recovery’, yall are honestly just really fucking BAD at how you push for recovery bc most of you dont know shit and are just mean and wanna whine abt nds to be quite blunt with u lol. the whole ‘tough love’ mindset is Bullshit ok it isnt real your love doesnt have to be tough and callous and come with conditions you just wanna be abrasive to validate ur judgement and then excuse it as secretly helpful, just be supportive and 📣 LISTEN 📣 to us or get the fuck out honestly bc u arent helping anyone with what this shit has unfortunately become

#tw ableism///#a little rambly but tldr i love the concept of pro recovery but oh my god if uckgin hate pro recovery people so much u are all so stupid #i keep waiting for you ppl to be less stupid and u never are #like mam are you pro recovery or are you anti visible mental illness. take a sec to ponder ill wait #long post #and for me its like. i dotn trust ppl who feel they have to clarify and say that why cant u just say ur a disability/mental illness ally #why cant you just say you support us. why cant you say you want us to be happy. why do you ahve to put #literally ALL of our value in your eyes on our recovery aka how far we can stray from being nd

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docj-md · 5 years ago

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so quarantine was supposed to be good for me. im not sure if im sad because of the hormones from my period but im fucked up. i wish i wasnt trapped with my parents i wish i was by myself. everything makes me sick to my fucking stomach

my mom may be sick and its stressing me out because i dont think shes really sick with corona as shes implying, i think shes going through menopause and fuck it bad enough i have to deal with her on her period when im on mine shes going to be hella sensitive she needs fucking help and she wont go like actual mental fucking help.

ive stopped talking to my cousins for the time being theyre fucking irritating. one cant stop lying to me well actually two one stole money from me. another is just so bitchy and gets in an attitude when she doesnt get her way. im not entertaining their shit anymore. im trying not to give power to anything that doesnt support me.. they do support me but i feel like im above them

i know im narcissistic at this point. i can give a fuck less. ive been quiet for so long id rather be by myself so i dont have to give power to people who dont give a fuck about my well being more than what they can get out of me.

my first best friend makes me want to shoot my brains out. she talks so fucking much but i stick around because i feel bad for her she has no other friends. i tried to help but she doesnt want help and i realize that not my fucking problem but i feel like she will kill herself if i stop talking to her believe me ive tried

i miss my second bestfriend so fucking much. as much bullshit as we went through i miss her she gave me so much peace but to everyone around us we were toxic for each other. i dont get why people are fucking haters. i was supposed to see jhene with her after this school shit wrapped up and look its cancelled fucking vip fucking tickets

my third bestfriend ugh what can i say. shes around and she knows what it is she supports me and my bullshit just as bestfriend number two without judging me. they are my true bridesmaids cause they know me and wont make shit in my life about them.

my husband. makes me fucking sick but if theres anyone i want to be around right now its him. the shit this man has put me through. i recently found out he was living with someone else his number 3 girl and im his number 2. number 1 and 3 got into it and now hes alone and number 1 wont talk to him. so its just me as far as i know. ive been told its my fault hes like that because i wanted an open relationship but that was before i had feelings like this for him. i just want him to myself but i was still talking to other guys and im still talking to this other guy not as much but hes around because hes sweet and i dont want to hurt his feelings but the more i drag this out the worse its going to get. in the same way i cant trust y husband he cant trust me or shouldnt at least. i want to be faithful to him and have an adult conversation about it but i have to let this other thing go first. i dont know why the fuck im still attached to him. i want him so bad but he doesnt respect me as much as i respect him. what the fuck is wrong with me. i want this man even if it hurts me. i want him all the time im obsessed and he knows. its good that he creates boundaries i guess cause i wont i dont know how to even make them

my therapist is going to have a field day when i talk about it this week. im tired of talking about my mommy issues im just not going to give her petty ass arguments the energy she wants me to. i have a new therapist by the way and shes black and i feel like she fucking understands what the fuck i am talking about and she listens to jhene

second time i referenced jhene i need a paragraph for her but im not in love with chilombo as much as i was with trip. i love it and know all the songs ik its weird i appreciate it but i dont think im ready to heal im fucking angry thats probably why my blood pressure is so high all the time and why i need to smoke so often. im constantly at 10 ive been procrastinating lately and when i tell you ive been on my shit in the beginning of the semester and now everything is back to being last minute i was good until i moved back home what the hell is wrong with me

my life is a mess and its partially me and its partially out of my control. what i can control is how i speak to my parents and i will. what i can control is keeping the other dude around when i want to keep my attention on someone else and i will work on it. what else i can control is getting back on my shit no matter how much i feel like shit. ill do better with my relationships because ive been sabotaging them at this point.i am better by recognizing it and trying to do something about it. im trying to work on manifesting and being more sure in what i say even if it doesnt happen i am making the effort.

ooo chile the headache i got rn it dull but there and its mkaing me nauseous? i need more pamprin

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ts-indonesia · 5 years ago

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ANABEL’S RESPONSES

Michael - https://youtu.be/d2D8bc6CYqw

Owen - https://youtu.be/YMVQ_dSz4N0

Leigh - https://youtu.be/exaUzFhNAC0

Lorelei - https://youtu.be/EbTI4hs4TKA

Matt - https://youtu.be/95jYHwEIWK8

Chris O. - https://youtu.be/_gPXZbQfIEI

Chris S. - https://youtu.be/ej5kHpTH9EE

Olivia - https://youtu.be/cYx8q_PZH-A

hey isaac!!! thank u so much for ur kind words, i cant tell u how much i appreciate it after everything.. it truly does mean a lot and i hope we can be friends and talk after this is all said and done.

i also want to apologize for this not being filmed, it’s been a hard day at school today and i look like crap so my words must be expressed thru google doc!!!

so, i really loved this question, i feel like it does really show who was on top of their social game and who wasn’t, and i believe that i was. pretty much all these songs are less about the lyrics that are expressed and more about the vibes they give off. i will link a spotify playlist with everybody’s songs so that u guys can jam out to what i think represents u!!!! hope u enjoy!!!

isaac- for u i chose party tattoos by dodie clark. it is most definitely my favorite song by her, and she’s one of my very favorite artists, so congratulations lmao!!! i would describe this song as optimistically rebellious, and i honestly think that’s a good way to describe u. i can totally see u like leading an insane movement about the mistreatment of teenagers in orgs or something with a smile on ur face and THIS SONG in ur heart!!!

lorelei- sit still, look pretty by daya is ur song my dear. its all about being strong as a woman and not letting urself be controlled, and ur one of the most independently strong people i have ever seen. ur so outward and open about ur personality and who u r, and i think that u could change the world, no problem. this song is very inspiring to me and so r u. please keep being who u r and please keep changing the world!!!!

owen- the song i chose for u is tempo by lizzo and missy elliot. i think this song gives off like all about that bass vibes except….. MUCH better. this song is very loud and out there and SASSY and so are U. i mean. i can only HOPE to be as much of sass-master as u. also, judging from ur tribe’s music video, ur an incredible dancer and u could work it so hard to this song. id literally pay to see that. ur an icon just like the amazing women who made this song!! (also so sorry this song has the n-word ik thats not good im SORRY)

leigh- alrighty sis, the song i chose for u is might not like me by brynn elliot. u all might not know this song, but its basically ab women being stronger and better than men and just fantastic and general. i think that ur a very strong, independent human being and i absolutely appreciate that. i think that people can be intimidated by u, but that doesnt stop nothing and i honestly respect that more than i can say. i hope u like my choice as much as i do!!

chris o- ok so first of all i just wanna let u know how much i love u bc i dont feel like ive gotten to express that yet and i am just head over heels for u bc UR FUCKING GREAT. ok im done ur song is sweater weather by the neighborhood. i chose this song for u because its very chill and very easy to listen to, and when u hear it, u want to hear it again. i love talking to u so much and ur just such a cool, laid-back person, i absolutely think this song represents how i and probably the general population feels about u. everything about u is just so intoxicating and i hope that u know ur beautiful and dont u ever forget it. just like sweater weather (also its sweater weather ssn so wear ur sweaters ladies!!!!)

matt- ur song is hearts dont break around here by ed sheeran. im not a HUGE fan of ed sheeran, however, this song is just so fucking good to me and idek why, i just love it. I chose this for u bc i think that u make people want to listen to u and u can carry a conversation so well, and i think this song is something u cant just listen to once, u have to listen to it again and again. ed sheeran has such a way with his lyrics just like ubhave such a way w words. ur a delight to talk to and ur very chill and happy and just a great conversationalist in general and i think that this song fits ur vibe and ur energy very well.

stoner- this reason might sound so ridiculous at first but PLEASE here me out. i chose ophelia by the lumineers for u. whenever i used to do drugs everyday i would always listen to the lumineers, but mostly this song, literally on repeat, over and over and over. i think that the vibe is just so comfortable and so easy to listen to, and i think it also bring a bit of chaotic energy with the lyrics at times. i think this fits u bc ur a great person to talk to, i think that u can just be like a chill buddy for anyone u come in contact w, but u also have a crazy side that i just ADORE, just like this song.

michael- ok so i bascially chose the best song in the world (in my opinion) for u. i chose the man who cant be moved by the script actually more because of the lyrics and the story than the vibe (wow crazy i know). i think that u have very dramatic tendencies and u would absolutely do something like wait on a street corner for the love of ur life. ur also very stubborn and determined to do whats right, and i think that a lot of ur personality can be reflected through this song. (also btw this is my favorite song and has been since i was 10 lol plz enjoy)

olivia- OK so last but not least my love olivia!!!! so for u i chose valerie by amy winehouse because it is such a bop of a song and u r a bop of a person. from hearing ur voice on calls and in ur song ab lorelei, i think u would sound…. so good. singing this song. kinda like owen i would totally pay to see u sing this song and im sure u could seduce a beautiful woman w the kinda husky feeling of it. also, santana from glee sang this song, and as of season 4, shes my favorite character and ur one of my favorite people and i also can see the fire that u have and the passion u have for like EVERYTHING in her personality.

for trent, i chose electric love by borns, for jess, i chose sue me by sabrina carpenter, and for myself, i chose bang bang by jessie j, ariana grande, and nicki minaj. i wont go into detail on those bc this is already a very long google doc and we dont need it ANY LONGER tbh.

here is yalls playlist, i hope u like!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/52ledWulSdLA1u86Q3ImUC

#whenyourfiresout

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