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holy-jeez · 5 years ago

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Oh hell so you’re rlly tryna kill a bitch out here 😰 Im a glutton for punishment ig, I’m gonna read it rn 😁

Teenage Love Story, Part Two- S.M.

Pairing: Shawn Mendes X Reader

Prompt: After three years together, you and Shawn try to figure out the next step.

Word Count: 4100

Warning: Angst :)

Previous Parts: Teaser One

~~~

May 2018

“Hey, Y/N,” Taylor said, walking up to you as you sat backstage in the Rosebowl arena.

“What’s up?” You asked her. You smiled, holding back your pout. You were in Pasadena, just barely too far for your boyfriend to come visit you and your superstar sister while he was in LA.

“I got a surprise for you, but you gotta come outside.” She had a wide smile on her face, making you look at her skeptically.

“I swear, Taylor, if you’re attacking me with glitter again-”

“That was one time.” She said. Sighing, you got up from the couch and followed her down the hall.

“Where are we going?” You asked her.

“You’ll see.” She laughed. You let out a shriek as someone grabbed you from behind, pulling you into them. You immediately recognized the embrace and turned around to be met with your boyfriend of almost three years.

“Shawn!” You exclaimed before pulling him in for a kiss.

“I missed you.” Shawn said, smiling down at you.

“I missed you too.” You replied, holding him tightly in a hug.

“It’s been almost three years and you two still act like a week away from each other is the worst thing in existence.” Taylor said with a laugh, “Surprise, sis, he’s my special guest for tonight.”

“Oh, well, now I definitely have to watch your show.” You teased, pulling back from Shawn. He kept an arm wrapped around your waist, keeping you close to him.

“You should be thanking me. You two wouldn’t even know each other if it wasn’t for me.”

“God, you’re never going to let me live that down.” You rolled your eyes.

“Absolutely not.” Taylor replied. “I’ll leave you two love birds to it.” As she walked away, you turned back to Shawn.

“What are you singing tonight?”

“I was thinking There’s Nothing Holding Me Back.” Shawn answered. “It’s kind of my girlfriend’s favorite, so I should play it for her.”

“You know me so well.” You said, leaning in to give him a kiss.

“So, Taylor told me you were working on a song together. That song wouldn’t happen to be about me, would it?”

“I don’t know, but if it was I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Why’s that?” He asked, playfully pouting at you. “You’ve heard all of my songs before they’re released.”

“Because, it’s Taylor’s song, not mine.” You stated as it was a simple fact. “Besides, if I wrote a song about you, you’d know.”

“I have to go do a soundcheck really fast. Will you live without me for a few minutes?” Shawn asked, changing the subject since you weren’t going to admit to anything.

“Maybe.” You replied, wrapping your arms around him again, “Don’t take too long, okay?”

“Never.” He smiled, leaning down to give you a kiss again, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

After Shawn got off the stage, he immediately found you waiting for him backstage. The two of you laid down on one of the couches together in the small dressing room that Taylor had arranged for you, cuddled up in each other’s arms. Shawn really took up most of the couch so you were halfway on top of him, your head resting on his shoulder. Your hands lazily played with Shawn’s as you thought about how much bigger his hands were compared to yours.

“So, I was thinking-“ Shawn started, making you let out a laugh.

“That’s never a good sign, babe.” You teased.

“Anyway,” He playfully rolled his eyes at you, “I got my own place in Toronto.”

“And?” You softly hummed, feeling his heart race under you.

“Well, I wanted to know if you’d like to-“ Shawn suddenly got flustered, tripping over his words. You felt like you were looking at the clumsy sixteen year old that you fell in love with all over again. He continued, “If you’d wanna- you know-“ he huffed slightly as you shifted so you could look at him. He finally gathered his words, his eyes never leaving yours, “Do you want to move in with me?”

“Shawn,” You smiled softly at him, “I’d love to, but-“

“There’s always a but.” He sighed, trying to hide how hurt he was by your reaction.

“Of course, I’d love to, but, Shawn, we’re only nineteen, and I’m here in the states, going to school. Not to mention, I’d have to figure out citizenship.”

“So, no, you don’t want to move in with me?” Shawn bit his lip, looking away from you as he suddenly found his hands interesting.

“No, I want to move in with you. I just don’t see us reasonably moving in together, not now at least.”

“Would it be different if I had a place here?” He asked, his eyes finally finding yours again.

“I could never ask you to move away from home for me.” You said, resting a hand on his cheek.

“I just-” He paused, sighing again. He placed his hand on top of yours, “I see a future with you, and I feel like we should take the next step.” You smiled at his words, despite the obvious nervousness in his voice.

“I see a future with you too. I’m not ready for that step yet. I do love you though.” You leaned down and kissed him, making sure he knew how much he meant to you.

“I understand, I love you.” He replied, softly kissing you again.

As you shifted back into his embrace, you changed the conversation to his upcoming album. Despite the change of topic, you could tell he felt uneasy about your current situation. You felt guilty about declining his offer, but the two of you were young and it wouldn’t work with him constantly being gone and with you leaving for school in a few months again. It hurt, but you knew it was right.

The elephant in the room quickly disappeared as Taylor came in and told Shawn how she’d bring him on stage. She effectively distracted the two of you from the topic.

A few months later, you had managed to get your parents’ approval for you to stay with Shawn for a week before you went back to college. They were wary of the fact that it would just be the two of you in his own apartment, but, since you were an adult now, they trusted you.

There was nothing you wanted more than to just stay there in Shawn’s arms forever. You softly sighed, trying your best to not think about leaving him later today. You felt Shawn softly begin to play with you hair, signaling to you that he was now awake.

“Good morning.” You mumbled into his chest. You placed a soft kiss against his exposed skin before looking up at him.

“Good morning.” He smiled back at you, wrapping his arms around you tighter to bring you even closer to him. He kissed your head before speaking up again, “Today’s the day, isn’t it?”

“Yep, gotta go pack for school.” You said, making him groan.

“I don’t want you to leave me.” Shawn pouted.

“I don’t want to leave you either.”

“You know, if you moved in, you wouldn’t have to leave me so soon.” He stated, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Shawn, we’ve talked about this.”

“I know, I know.” He paused, “It’s just hard for me.”

“It was hard for me to just get my parents to let me come out here. Can you imagine if I told them you wanted to move in?” You asked, a teasing tone in your voice, as you stood up from the bed.

“Wait, you didn’t tell your parents?” Shawn replied, sitting up in his bed and letting the blankets pool around him.

“Well, no.” You said, nonchalantly, “Did I need to?”

“I just thought maybe you would have mentioned it.”

“I’m not moving in with you, though. I didn’t think I had to tell them about it.” You moved into the bathroom to brush out your hair. You called back to Shawn, “Why’s it a big deal anyway?”

“It’s a big deal because I thought we were ready for that step.” Shawn answered, walking into the bathroom after you. He had put on a shirt while you were distracted and he leaned against the door, casually crossing his arms across his chest.

“I want to be ready, I really do, but it’s not realistic right now. I’m leaving for school.” You replied softly. You walked over to him and gently unfolded his arms, taking his hands in yours. He let out a small sigh as you puckered your lips, asking for a kiss. He caved in and leaned down to kiss you.

“I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too, rockstar.” You let go of his hands and moved out of the bathroom. “Come on, I’m hungry. Let’s make breakfast.”

Shawn couldn’t argue with your diversion. The topic of the “next step” had come up a few times since he first asked you to move in. You knew it hurt him every time he mentioned it, but you stayed true to your original thoughts- the timing was wrong. It seemed like this was never going to end, and you wondered if maybe next time you have a break from school it would be different.

Hours later, you walked around the apartment to collect your final things when you heard Shawn call your name from the bedroom. You found him sitting on the bed, a smirk on his lips and your diary in his hands.

“Hey, that’s personal.” You reached to grab it, but he held it away from you. You whined, “Shawn, give it back.”

“I really appreciate these lyrics.” He teased, “‘This is our place, we make the rules, and there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear, have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?’”

“That’s private.” You huffed as you finally grabbed it from him. You put it back in your suitcase, and he laughed.

“So you have been writing about me?” He teasingly wiggled his eyebrows at you. He grabbed your waist, pulling you into his lap as he stayed sitting on the bed.

“Just because I wrote lyrics about love doesn’t mean they’re about you.” You said, placing your hands on his cheeks.

“They’re definitely about me.” Shawn kissed you before flipping you over so that you were laying on the bed with him hovering over you. You giggled at his actions. “Why don’t you publish these as your own? You wrote for Reputation and didn’t get any credit back then.”

“I don’t write them for myself. Besides, no one wants to listen to Taylor Swift’s sister, and now I have the title as Shawn Mendes’ girlfriend.” You teased.

“Everyone will want to listen because it’s you, it’s amazing.”

“Shawn, I write them for Taylor, and I’m fine not getting credit for them.”

“Well, on a different note, I really liked the one that said ‘this is our place, we make the rules’,” He raised his eyebrows, questioning why you’d write about that.

“They’re lyrics for Taylor.”

“I like to think you want to move in with me.” Shawn stated, leaning down to plant a trail of kisses on your neck.

“She’s writing songs about being in love, and I’m helping.” You said, before laughing, “Besides, you didn’t even read the page specifically about you.”

“And what lyrics are those?” He asked, looking up at you. You smiled, running your hands through his curls.

“You’ll hear them when they’re on the album. The song that I’m mainly writing is called Lover.”

“The album’s like a year away,” He pouted, “Anymore lyrics?” He hummed, wanting more.

“Nope, that’s all you get, lover.” You teased.

“I might just get attached to that nickname.” He pulled you in for another kiss, smiling against your lips. He broke away, and fully stood up, “I have a gift for you.”

“And what would that be?” You asked, sitting up on the edge of the bed. He went over to his drawer and pulled out a small box. He laughed lightly as you looked at him shocked.

“No, it’s not an engagement ring. I wanted to get you a promise ring.” Shawn said, opening the black box before you. You gasped as you saw what was sitting in it- a replica of Shawn’s leaf ring, but in your ring size. “Y/N, I promise to be there for you unconditionally and to love you forever. You are my future. I’ll always be your lover.”

“I love it. Thank you.” Tears came to your eyes as Shawn slid the ring onto your left hand. You smiled, admiring its sentimental value. “I’m never taking this off.”

“I’m going to replace it eventually.” Shawn said, giving you a kiss before taking your hand in his and gently running his fingers over the new ring, “Think about it- an engagement ring right here.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“I love you so much, you know that? This is a great love, one of those for the ages.” He stated confidently as he looked at you with nothing but pure happiness in his eyes.

“I love you too.”

That moment reassured you that, no matter where you two stood right now, you would always want a future with him.

~~~

December 2018

“He should be here any minute.” You told your brother as the two of you waited by the baggage claim area of the Rhode Island airport. It was two days before Christmas and Shawn was coming to spend the holiday with you and your family at Taylor’s house. You hadn’t seen him in person in months, and you were more than excited to see him now.

“Just follow the sound of shrieking girls and you’ll find him.” Austin teased, making you elbow his side. You rolled your eyes at your brother before a wave of people began to come from the arrivals terminal. You anxiously looked through the small crowd, trying to find your boyfriend in the mix. Towards the end, you saw his tall figure and you immediately took off towards him. Shawn dropped his luggage upon seeing you and caught you perfectly as you literally jumped into his arms.

“You’re here!” You smiled, holding onto his waist tightly with your legs while your hands rested on his face. His hands held you up under your thighs.

“I’m here.” Shawn kissed you like it was your first time all over again, and, since it was your first together in months, it did feel exactly like that for you. You were in pure bliss, you didn’t want it to end, but, of course, your brother had other ideas.

“Y/N, you can make out later. Mom wants us back at the house.” Austin said, interrupting your moment. You sighed as Shawn laughed, setting you down gently. Your brother smiled innocently at you, before walking off to the car.

“I missed you.” Shawn stated, grabbing his suitcase with one hand and your hand with the other free one.

“I missed you too.” You replied while the two of you followed after Austin. Shawn loaded his suitcase into the trunk and the three of you were off to the house, ready for the holidays.

When you finally arrived, Taylor was the first person to greet you all. She immediately went for Shawn, pulling her long-time friend in for a tight hug.

“Shawn, I haven’t seen you in ages!” She was beaming when she saw him again.

“I know, it’s been too long.” He answered as she pulled away from the hug.

“So, you’ve got another tour coming up,” Taylor smiled teasingly at him.

“106 shows, it’s insane.” Shawn’s smile widened as his eyes lit up just thinking about it.

“I’m so proud of you.” She pulled him in for a hug again. Letting go of him, she turned to you, “You can show Shawn your room, but dinner will be ready in a bit.”

“Thanks, Tay.” You smiled at her before she rushed off back to the kitchen to help your mother finish cooking. Taking Shawn’s hand, you led him to where he’d stay with you.

The holiday went over smoothly as you enjoyed your time off from school with Shawn and your family. It was New Year’s Eve and he had a flight in a few hours to go back to Toronto. You laid with him on your bed, legs tangled together as the two of you just enjoyed the embrace- it’d be the last time you two would together for a while.

“I can’t believe you’re going to be gone for nine months.” You frowned at the thought.

“I’ll visit you as much as I can.” Shawn reassured you, resting his hand on your waist and drawing aimlessly circles onto the fabric of your jeans.

“You went from opening for Taylor to headlining a whole tour.”

“This isn’t the first one I’ve headlined, you know.” He teased, placing a soft kiss on your nose.

“I know, but this time you have a stadium to play, and I’ll be right there watching you. You’ve come so far. I’m so proud of you, my lover.” You reflected his actions by kissing his nose back.

“I still can’t wait until I can finally hear that song.” He smiled fondly at you, “I’ve let you hear all of my unfinished songs.”

“How many times must I tell you- it’s Taylor’s song, not mine.”

“Guess I’ll be first in line to buy it.” Shawn replied, making you giggle and lean in to kiss him. His hand traveled from your waist to the back of your head, pulling you impossibly closer to him as he deepened the kiss. You let out a small moan before he let you go; both of you breathlessly smiling at each other. Shawn grabbed your left hand in his and traced over the ring that still sat on your finger.

“I haven’t taken it off.” You told him, smiling as he traced the ring with his own finger that bore his ring.

“I love it.” He brought it up to his mouth and gently placed a kiss on it. Keeping your hand in his still, he focused his attention back on you, “Come on tour with me this summer.” It wasn’t a question; it was a soft plea. You knew how much he wanted you to go, and his puppy dog eyes only added to it.

“I can’t.” Your voice faltered at your words and his fingers stopped playing with yours. He hadn’t expected that response. “I applied for an internship this summer.”

“You didn’t tell me about an internship.” Shawn’s eyebrows furrowed, slightly pulling away as he looked at you in pure confusion.

“I was going to tell you when I got it. It’s in-”

“But not that you applied for one?” His sharp voice cut you off.

“Why are you getting upset over this?” You asked. It was your turn to be confused as he stood from the bed, running a hand through his hair.

“Why are you hiding things from me?”

“I’m not hiding anything from you, Shawn. I didn’t think I had to tell you that I applied for an internship. It doesn’t matter unless I get it.” You said, standing up from the bed to meet his rigid stance.

“It doesn’t matter? It does matter when that takes you away from me. I want to spend time with my girlfriend, is that too much to ask? God, we haven’t spent more than a few days together in months.” Shawn replied, exasperated at the situation.

“How is that only my fault?” You tried to keep your voice steady, not wanting your family to overhear you, “I’m in school. I need to graduate, I need this internship, I need an actual job.”

“An actual job?” He scoffed, “So what is my career no longer good enough for you?”

“I never said it wasn’t good enough, but not all of us can rely on our singing talent and good looks to get us through life.”

“You could rely on it, if you wanted to. You can sing, yet you won’t even let yourself try to be successful. You don’t ever publish things you write. You hide behind your famous sister because why? Because you’re scared that she’s better than you?” His words were like venom to you while his eyes hardened and he kept his jaw clenched tightly.

You began to shake, and, overwhelmed with frustration, you couldn’t stop yourself from quickly slapping him across the face. Leaving him stunned and retracing his words, you hurriedly rushed from the room. You locked yourself in the bathroom and looked down at your hands remorsefully. You slowly let the tears fall from your eyes as you washed your hands, hoping the water would wipe away the stinging feeling.

You loved Shawn, there was no question about it. It was hard for both of you to try to find the right time to see each other. He had his career taking him all over the world, and you were stuck attending a university that you could only hope would provide a bright future for you. He was right- you couldn’t remember the last time the two of you were together for over a week straight. You thought maybe it was on his last tour, but even then you weren’t sure. It broke your heart to think that you two naively believed the distance would get easier as you got older, but it only got harder. You two had grown up, and grown apart at the same time.

You didn’t know how long you stood there, guiltily wiping at your hand, but you were drawn away from the sink by a knock on the door.

“Can I come in?” Shawn’s voice was quiet, almost as if he was unsure of himself. You shut off the water and quietly unlocked the bathroom door. You opened it and were presented by him standing there with his suitcase beside him.

“I’ll drive you to the airport.” You said, exiting the bathroom to gather your things from your bedroom. You met Shawn downstairs where he said goodbye to your family. You hoped no one had heard the fight, and, judging by their normal interactions, you knew the argument went unnoticed.

“I’ll be back soon.” You bid your family farewell with a smile on your face. You and Shawn quietly got into your car, no words being spoken between the two of you for half of the car ride.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” You stated, keeping your eyes trained on the road despite feeling his eyes shift to you.

“I’m sorry I said those things. Of course, I think you could be successful without Taylor-“

“No, you’re right. I write things for her and take no credit because I’m scared of rejection. I can’t compete against her and I really don’t want to either. I love my sister, and I have my own career path ahead of me.” You paused, leaving the air filled with more tension. Shawn took an audible gulp nervously.

“Where does this leave us?” He asked. You were quiet for a moment, not sure if you wanted to be the first to confess what was playing on both of your minds.

“I think we should break up.” You kept your stare ahead of you, despite so desperately wanting to look at Shawn. You knew if you looked at him, that you would fall for him all over again, and right now a part of you wanted nothing more than to be with him.

“I’ve been thinking we should too.” He sighed shakily and ran a nervous hand through his hair.

“So this is it?” You asked, driving up to the airport.

“This is it.” His hand rested on the seatbelt clasp as he looked over at you. Not wanting to deny him of a proper goodbye, you got out of the car with him.

“I’m sorry, for everything.” You said, suppressing the tears that now threatened to pool over from your eyes. Shawn wordlessly pulled you into a soft hug, as if he was worried that his touch would break you.

“I’m sorry, too.” He replied, “Good luck with your internship.”

“Good luck with your tour.” You answered. You pulled away from the hug and he looked at you sorrowfully. Before you could react, Shawn leaned down and kissed you. It was chaste and brief, but enough to confirm that you both still loved each other.

“Goodbye.” You told him, letting go of him finally and returning to your car. As he headed away into the airport, you quickly drove away.

~~~

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