#ily anders but pls

[veitchiin]

nobody tell anders his boyfriend is a blood mage

transcription for my sad handwriting:

Anders: (to Merrill) Nothing ever justifies blood magic! You cannot keep employing it!

Merrill: I do not recall seeking advice or opinions, least of all yours!

Anders: Hawke you must have something to say about this!

Hawke: Eeeerrr.... (has selected blood mage spec)

[thomats]

This is a tumblr hug, pass it on to your ten favourite followers and mutuals 💌

idk when you sent me this. But I hope you still love me. <3 @miasanmuller

[grysondick]

just two parents and their kid <3

[earlgreyfrootloops]

Hawke x Fenris

“Possession”

Shoutout to @drpepperlov3r for helping me with this ily <3 this is just a small piece we’re working on something bigger if there’s any interest in that!!! I haven’t poster fanfiction since i was 12 be nice pls

If you’re reading this u should follow my dragon age blog!!! @variaoftevinter would love some moots over there >:)

“Hawke.” You turn to see Fenris walking toward you.

“Yes?”

“A word?”

You nod. He’s angry. That much is obvious. Without making sure you’re following him, he’s stormed out of the tavern. You burst through the doors watching as he makes his way through the crowded streets of Lowtown.

“Fenris!” You shout out, hoping he’ll at least slow down.

“What!” He doesn’t even look behind.

“Where are we going?”

He stops in his tracks.

“I’m so damned mad right now I… I don’t think I can control myself in public with you right now.”

You shut your jaw. You don’t know how long your mouth has been hanging open.

“Wh…”

“Come on,”

He walks a few paces more before looking around. You’re a long way from both of your houses in Hightown.

“Fuck!” He exclaims, before spotting an empty alleyway and making his way toward it.

The sounds of the crowd have faded away. You are alone. The air between you shifts.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You say.

“With me? I’m not the whore who let that-”

“-Whore?-” You begin to interject.

“-That, stupid fucking bastard fuck her!” He’s spitting with every word.

All you can manage is a laugh with no smile in your utter state of shock. He’s looking at you like a wolf ready to pounce, teeth gnashing and baring, shoulders sinking to the ground.

“How very eloquent of you, Fenris,” You say, still laughing. In a blind rage he snarls, raising a fist. You don’t cower, but rear up to defend yourself– and watch him throw a punch at the stone wall beside him. He breathes out, shuddering, his weight still shifted onto his hand, leaning into the wall. With the slow release of his fist you immediately know it’s broken. He swears under his breath. Peering back at you through his tousled hair.

“What were you thinking, Fenris?” You say, the worry in your voice helplessly shining through. You step over to him.

“Do not,” he winds back. “Don’t coddle me.”

“You broke your hand, Fenris.”

“…You think I don’t know that.” He says softly, embarrassed.

“Don’t move,” You say, even softer. You take the shattered hand into yours, willing the healing energy of magic through his limb. You look up, into his eyes, and he’s looking away, picking an imaginary spot on the wall to avoid meeting your gaze.

“Better?” He nods only once. You look back down to his hand, and feel his eyes travel to your face. Your eyes meet his. He lifts his free hand and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, and the hand ends up on the back of your neck. He tightens the grip of the other hand on yours. You shut your eyes, giving in to the ways of Fenris’s world.

“You will tell Anders that there will be nothing between you and him.” You nod a nod of agreement, not of obedience.

“I’m sorry if you thought…” He trails off.

“Fenris-” He cuts you off, calling you by your first name. The name feels sacred between the two of you.

“I’m sorry if you ever thought I’d hurt you. I don’t want you to think I’d ever lay a hand on you like that. I don’t know how to love someone but I… I will- I could never do that.”

“Come back to me, Fenris.”

“I don’t think I can. I don’t know how.”

“There’s no right or wrong. I expect nothing from you.”

“I can’t be what you need.”

“I need you-” You cry out, and he cuts you off with a kiss, enveloping you in his arms.

[dont-call-me-baby-posts]

dont call me greedy but like still...andys rolling stone interview? pls ily

Inside the Life of the Music Industry’s Latest Trouble Maker

Published May 3, 2020

(Interview from late February 2020, shortly after Anders’ return from rehab)

Anders' Current Favorites - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1TDW4tYvXYDiPvGMHRgxcs?si=96805a72ef164874

For someone like Anders, the 23 year old musician from the outskirts of Chicago, Illinois, drawing attention is easy. Even if he doesn’t mean for it to be.

Since his arrival to the music scene, it seems that controversy has followed Anders everywhere. If it isn’t a fight at a party, a rumored drug habit, or the drama surrounding his closest friends, it seems there is always something going on around this indie singer-songwriter. So, to see for myself, I decided to tag along with him for a weekend to see what would catch up to us.

In the very back booth of Anders’ favorite restaurant, I find my latest subject huddled up with his head ducked down. It’s hard to tell if he’s hiding from any prying eyes or is so engrossed in whatever conversation he’s having over text that he doesn’t notice my arrival, but he immediately pops up when he sees me walk up.

Upon meeting someone like Anders, I had to remind myself to keep an open mind. For someone who has had so much speculation revolving around his every move, it’s hard not to have some sort of expectation going in. However, upon meeting the skinny, wide-eyed celebrity, I find that he meets almost none of them.

“I don’t want to say that I hate being famous, but I kind of do.”

It’s only a minute or two into our conversation before we get here. I find almost immediately that with Anders, there is very little that he is able to hold back. After exchanging pleasantries, (which he takes very seriously, asking me if the drive to the restaurant was alright and if I was able to find a good parking space), we end up talking about fame and celebrity and music pretty quickly.

“I think that some people are just made for this kind of stuff, and I’m not sure if I’m one of them. I’m still learning.” Anders tells me, folding the wrapper of his straw meticulously. He is always fidgeting, something that I find endearing but makes me think he might be more nervous than he’s letting on. “With what you said about being controversial… I don’t know. I don’t [redacted] mean to be. I’m just being myself.”

“Do you consider yourself to be a controversial person, then? If you’re just being yourself?”

He thinks about this for a moment with a giggle. (Anders is always laughing, since the moment I sat down with him). “I don’t think so. I think I’m a [redacted] peach, actually. It’s just hard being a normal kid from Chicago and kind of being thrown into all of this. Not to be [redacted] dramatic or anything, but when you have a job like this you’re kind of expected to strip parts of yourself away and I just can’t figure out how to do that. Either I don’t hold back enough or I strip away too much. And then I do something stupid. I just say what I mean, you know? It’s hard for me not to.”

“So even with all the pandemonium you still just see yourself as a kid from Chicago? You don’t feel any different?”

“You know, I waited for a long time after moving to LA to stop feeling human and to start feeling famous, but it never happened. I know it’s cheesy and everyone has said it before, but growing up I never saw celebrities as people, you know? And so I thought once I made it big I would stop feeling like a person and I would just be famous. But that never happened. I’m still Anders from Chicago who failed chemistry and feels nervous meeting new people.”

Even after such a short amount of time sitting in the room with Anders, that’s exactly how it feels. Human. Despite his nerves and little anxious ticks, Anders is an incredibly human person to be around. He lacks that invisible sheet of glass between himself and others that most people in his field have, which I for one find extremely comforting. He’s a likable guy almost instantly, always laughing and smiling and thanking everyone he interacts with even for the briefest of moments. He pauses our conversation multiple times to take photos or say hello to fans, blushing hard each time.

“I have to be honest with you, I wasn’t really expecting you to be so shy.” I say, causing Anders to let out a laugh. “From what I’ve heard of you before, I just didn’t expect that side of you. Would you consider yourself a shy person?”

“I would, yeah. And a nervous person. An anxious person.” Anders elaborates. “What were you expecting? An [redacted]?”

I feel that I owe him the same level of honesty he’s shown me. “Kind of, yeah.”

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint. I could punch you in the nose if you want me to.”

He knows exactly what I’m referring to, making a joke of it. I suspect he does that with most things, even after just an hour of talking.

“Speaking of… I’m sure you know I have to ask. What happened with Christian? There were rumors that there were lawyers involved, the whole nine… Is there any truth to it?”

Anders bites his lip, thinking. He smiles at me knowingly like we both know he has something he wants to say and knows he shouldn’t. Then, he says it anyway.

“Well, for the sake of the people involved, I can’t really go into detail. But yeah, that is true.”

“Other people like Y/N?”

Anders gives that same sly smile. “Am I allowed to say no comment? Is that a real thing?”

We move past it, talking more about music and Marvel movies (his favorites) and whether or not Chicago style pizza lives up to its hype. (It does, according to Anders). Eventually, he brings Christian up again.

“You know, he’s kind of one of those people I was talking about before. He just knows exactly what to say and do all the time.” He frowns for the first time all night, thinking. “I really did look up to him for a long time. Or… no. I didn’t really look up to him, but I wanted to be like him. He’s just so good at snapping into character when he needs to. He’s got charisma, I’ll give him that.”

“Is that your nice way of saying the public doesn’t really know who he is? That there’s more to him than we see?”

“I mean, I think it’s that way with all celebrities. If you haven’t met someone in person, you’ll never really know them. So yeah, that’s what I’m saying.”

“Even you?”

“Of course me. You said yourself I wasn’t like what you were expecting. I’m a whole [redacted] person, you know? There’s more to everyone than what you see online or on stage or any of that. I’ve met so many celebrities that have been some of the most amazing, genuine, kind people ever. And I’ve met some that are [redacted].”

I can’t pass up the opportunity, so I ask. “[Redacted] like Christian?”

“Exactly.”

“And so you don’t see any sort of amends being made between you? Have either of you tried to resolve the issue? Have there been any apologies?”

Anders takes a sip of his water. (He very politely declined the servers many offers of wine, sticking with a water with lemon). He thinks for a long time.

“I would apologize to him when he apologizes to the women he’s assaulted. Which he won’t. So no, I don’t see any sort of resolution. I’m not interested.”

“Assault?”

“Yes. Assault.” Anders says. He doesn’t seem at all uncomfortable saying it, if anything only seeming more emboldened. “Everything that has come out about him has been true, and people just decide to ignore it. But we always do that for white men, right? They can do whatever they want to anyone and no one is allowed to say anything about it. So yeah, he’s an [redacted]. I’ll be the one to say it if no one else will. Anyone who treats women like that is an [redacted], no getting around it.”

Anders giggles, never letting a moment stay too serious for too long. “Even if someone makes good music, they can still be an [redacted]. And he doesn’t even do that, so he really doesn’t have anything going for him at all. He’s just a good actor.”

It’s been less than a year since the incident between Christian and Anders’ good friend Y/N, and the emotions are still fresh. And, seemingly, for good reason.

“So did that have anything to do with the fight? I know there’s been a lot of talk about what happened between Christian and Y/N.”

“That wasn’t it, no. But it definitely helped. The whole fight was honestly a long time coming, I'm honestly surprised it took that long before something happens. And just to set the record straight, I didn't just attack the guy. He broke the [redacted] out of my nose.” He pauses, taking a bite of his salad. (It’s the best thing this place has, he says, though I find that surprising). “And I’ve heard the ‘talk’ about everything. But what is there to talk about? For [redacted] sake, there were photos! What is there to discuss? I swear, people will try to give men like Christian every single possible out. There were [redacted] photos! You can’t look at those and tell me nothing happened. And if you do, you’re an [redacted], too. Whatever happened to believing survivors? Does that not work when your favorite artist is the one to do it?”

Anders stops himself before he can say more, shaking his head. “All of that I’d rather not get into. If Y/N wanted to talk more about that, then I’m sure she would. Just wanted to get that off my chest, you know.” He smiles. “You can put that in your magazine. Christian’s an [redacted].”

We leave the restaurant, deciding to head back to the studio to listen to a few of the newest tracks off of the new album. We sneak out of the back, getting into Anders' beat up car, cranking the volume up full blast to cut through the sound of the fans who managed to find us around the back of the restaurant. (“I know I could buy a new car, but why should I? I like this one.”)

“So if Christian doesn't make good music, then who does? What have you been listening to lately?”

“I’ll tell you what, One Direction has some fucking bangers. I never would’ve known.” Anders keeps his eyes on the parking lot while he talks, pausing to whisper “excuse me, excuse me, hi, I’m so sorry” to the girls crowded around the car even though they can’t hear him. “I never listened to them back in the day, but I’ve gotten into them lately. It’s just feel good music, you know? They’re [redacted] incredible.”

“You don’t really seem like the One Direction type.” I tell him, speaking over the playlist Anders has pumping through the speakers. He plays songs like “Call the Dogs Out” by The Garden and “Hurt” by Oliver Tree, the near antithesis of good-old 1D.

“I don’t know. I [redacted] hate people who are snobby about music like that. Like people who won’t listen to a certain artist or band just because teenage girls like them, or whatever else. People who think every song you listen to has to have some deep, powerful meaning… Sometimes music is just supposed to make you feel good. That’s what I look for. Something that makes me feel something. And who’s to say One Direction doesn’t make deep music? Just because young women like it doesn’t make it [redacted] vapid, or whatever.”

“So what are your favorite tracks from the band, then? What’s been in your rotation?”

“Temporary Fix [redacted] slaps.” He says, pulling into the parking lot of the recording studio. “And Fool’s Gold, too. That’s the kind of song I wish I would’ve written, you know? It’s [redacted] insane.”

We get inside the studio, Anders leading the way with his fidgety hands stuffed into his pockets. He greets everyone with the same giggle he used on me, crossing his arms as if to take up as little space as possible.

More so than a walking controversy, I would call Anders a walking contradiction. He’s shy, reserved, and nervous. But in the same breath he’s brutally honest, laughs loudly, and isn’t afraid to say what’s on his mind. It’s refreshing and its unsettling and it makes me feel like I’m hanging out with some kid off the streets of suburbia instead of some indie popstar with a reputation for drug use and calling people names to paparazzi.

Anders plays a handful of songs off the new album for me, sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest the entire time. Instead of going into detail about the meanings and telling me about all of the making of the songs, he looks up at me through a blush. “Do you like it?”

He plays “Jena’s New Favorite Color”, a song that sound exactly like the ramblings of a twenty something year old boy. He talks about girls, Instagram (“I’ll validate myself by my Instagram likes.”), and Adderall. Next he plays “It’s Not The Same Anymore”, a heart-wrenching, slow song about his struggles with anxiety and depression and fame. (“I lost the joy in my face, my life was simple before.”). He plays “Romeo & Juliet”, a hopelessly romantic song that drips with the same uncertainty he describes feeling to me. (“I hope you mean it when you say that I am yours and you are mine.”)

All in all, what I’ve heard of the album is just as confusing and contradicting and layered as Anders himself. It’s as layered as we all are. It’s human.

“What inspired you while you were writing this album? What was on your mind?”

“A lot of stuff, I guess. I don’t know. I just kind of write what I’m thinking about at the moment. Sometimes I’m, like, super in love and then an hour later I’m wishing I was never even born. But, you know, that’s just how my brain works. I put it all in there because that’s the truth, even if it doesn’t make sense.”

“I think it makes perfect sense. It’s cohesive in the sense that it’s not cohesive at all.”

Anders blushes, nodding enthusiastically. “I like that.”

“And speaking of love… Is there anyone special in your life? A certain muse for this album?”

Anders thinks for a long time, picking at his finger nails (which are painted light pink). “No.” He says simply, not going into much detail like he normally does. “Not for me, no.”

“Some of these songs are really quite romantic… You didn’t have anyone in mind writing them?”

“No one special.”

•••

The next day I meet Anders back at the studio, sitting by while he puts the finishing touches on a song he wrote only a few months ago.

“Sorry this is kind of crazy. I really put off writing and recording for a long time, so I’m playing catch up a little bit.”

I don’t mind, just watching Anders in his element. By day two I have a better understanding of the way he works. I can tell instantly who he’s comfortable around, all of the people crowded into the small space seeming like close friends after spending so much time together. He’s making jokes and complimenting peoples sweaters and then turning around and telling them he can’t stand to have them look at him any longer. (The cover of his album “Starry Eyed Fuck” seems very fitting here, a picture of a skateboard with the handwritten scribble “What are you looking at?”). It funny, for someone so commanding of attention, he really does seem to hate it. He takes several breaks throughout the day, never for very long, just needing to get out of the small space and somewhere closed off entirely. It turns out to be the roof.

He invites me up with him after finishing up the “razzle dazzle” he wanted to throw on the last song he was working on, sitting on one of the wire chairs overlooking LA.

“It’s a nice view up here.” I comment to cut through the silence, though I can’t tell if he wants to talk or not. He nods.

I can tell he’s getting used to me when he looks at me and says, “Not as nice a view as you.” He giggles tirelessly at himself after that, and I can’t help but laugh with him.

We sit quietly after that, Anders on his phone and me pretending to take notes. It’s nice to experience a bit of quiet after such a hectic two days, so I don’t blame Anders for indulging in his tiny bit of solitude.

“Oh, get this.” Anders laughs, tossing his phone to me. “Apparently I’m back in Chicago.”

I read the headline. “Troubled Waters for Anders: Back in Chicago, Giving up Music after Messy Breakup.”

“That must get annoying.” Is all I can think to say, earning a shrug.

“I guess. It’s kind of funny though, isn’t it?” (I’m not surprised he finds it humorous. He finds humor in everything.) “I haven’t even dated anyone in years, so I don’t know who I broke up with. Wish someone would’ve told me.”

“You hear a lot of rumors about yourself?”

“A ton.”

“Like what?”

He shoved his phone into a pair of burgundy corduroys. (Something, he told me that morning when I’d complimented him on them, he had always teased his best friend for wearing).

“Well everything thinks me and Y/N are dating, for one.”

“And?”

Anders grimaces. “Never. Never, ever.”

“Just friends, then?”

“Best friends. She’s helped me a lot with all of this fame stuff. She was the first real friend I had in LA.” He looks out over the city dreamily. “I couldn’t say enough nice things about her. She’s my ride or die, you know? Just not my girlfriend.”

“What other rumors have you heard?”

“Can’t think of any else, really. We talked about the whole Christian thing.”

“There were rumors you were in rehab. What about that?”

“Oh, yeah. I heard that.”

“And?”

Anders looks at me as if he’s forgotten I didn’t already know if it were true or not. “Oh, it’s true. Bummer, right? I just got home a week or two ago.”

“Oh, wow. I’m sorry to hear it. You’re feeling better now?”

“Better than I was, yeah. I’m just trying to keep myself busy, you know? It’s hard going from rehab back to all of this.” He gestures to the city. “And staying sober, too. That’s, like, not fun at all.”

“Staying sober? From drugs?”

He thinks it’s funny how I’ve asked, but maybe he’s just uncomfortable. “Yeah, drugs. All kinds of drugs.”

“Do you want to talk at all about that? Or is it all too fresh?”

“I’ll talk about it, but I’m not sure what to say. I mean… I’ve always been addicted to drugs. Not always, but for a long time. I never would have admitted it to myself at the time but I was an addict in Chicago and I was still an addict when I moved here. I got to LA and it just seemed like the obvious move to go even harder. Which I admit was a bad call.” He shrugs, but doesn’t laugh this time. “I got here and I was already struggling with the fame and the attention and my own anxiety and everything. So it was just so easy to keep going. I did stop, though, for a while. All on my own.”

“And what happened?”

Now he laughs. “I broke my nose. They gave me pain medication to fix me up and I was neck deep again practically over night. Stopped talking to my friends, stopped making music… Everything stopped. It was a really, really bad time.”

“You’re talking about the fight with Christian? That kind of set you off again?”

“Yeah, but it was my own fault. I can’t push the blame on anything else.” He stands up, signaling the end of the conversation. “I did it to myself, but it’s amazing what these places can do for you when you ask for help. I never thought that I would, but it got to the point where I either could have died or I could tell someone what was going on. So I did that.”

“That’s a real fear you had? That you would end up dying?”

Anders takes another long look over the city. I can tell my question has hit too close to home for him. “If it weren’t for my friends, I would have already.” He turns to me, letting out a giggle. “But I’ll be damned if I die in [redacted] LA. That would be pretty cliche of me, I think. So I don’t think I will.”

It makes sense, in retrospect, after listening to part of the album yesterday. “And you’ve talked about this on the album?”

“Yeah, for sure. It’s a big part of my life, you know? I couldn’t tiptoe around it anymore and act like it never happened, because it did. But, you know what… Maybe it can help someone, you know? Someone out there who feels alone or who is struggling with their mental health or whatever… Maybe it could help them if I talk about it.”

“I think it will.”

“I mean, if people are going to listen to what I have to say then I might as well say something good, right? I don’t really care who listens, but maybe someone will.”

“I think they’ll listen.” I say. After all, Anders is hard not to pay attention to.

•••

We spend the evening at the humble abode of none other than Harry Styles, who I’ve come to find out is one of Anders' closest friends. We arrive for dinner, a little after 8, Anders telling me before we get inside that “Harry will probably offer you a scone or some [redacted], but you don’t have to say yes just because he’s Harry [redacted] Styles. Matter of fact, I’ll just say no for the both of us.”

On the car ride over, Anders tells me how he and Harry came to know each other.

“I thought he hated me.” He says, smiling fondly at the memory. “He’s a nice guy and all, I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times, but I was convinced he hated my guts. It wasn’t until I was in rehab that we became friends.”

“And how did that happen?”

“He came to check in on me. He really is as good as people say, you know? He hardly knew me and he went out of his way to make sure I was alright. He drove two hours both ways, multiple times a week. He’s an angel.”

“I’ve met him a time or two, actually. He probably won’t remember, but he was a great guy to be around.”

“He really is. Not to be all sappy but he changed my [redated] life. I wouldn’t have made it without him and Y/N. They’ve put up with me when they probably shouldn’t have. I really can’t say enough about them both.”

“I probably shouldn’t ask, but I am curious. Is there any truth to the rumors about Harry and Y/N being a couple? You’re close with both of them, so you would know better than anyone.”

“Harry and Y/N are great friends, just how me and Y/N are best friends. That’s really all there is to it.” He tells me, pulling up to the Styles household. “I wouldn’t ask Harry about it, though. He’s been asked a million times already and he’ll just tell you the same thing. I can tell you for a fact that there is nothing going on between them.”

I can tell right away that Anders means it when he says he loves Harry like a brother, practically throwing himself into his friend when we arrive for dinner. They greet each other with pet names like “sweetheart” and “petal” and “babe”. The ease with which Anders carries himself here is in stark contrast to his nervous fiddling at the restaurant the night before. Harry, upon my introduction, cuts me off. He does remember our last interview together, after all.

Over the course of the dinner, it doesn’t surprise me at all that these two are such great friends. I had thought it was strange before, Anders with his blunt honesty and shady history, and Harry with his clean-cut, boy band background; it just didn’t seem like a match. But these two together are like adding gasoline to a fire, they just cause the other to burn even brighter.

Anders recaps our day in great but long-winded detail (Styles says he always does this, making stories much longer than they need to be), and Harry is offended when he hears I’ve heard nearly half of the album.

“He won’t let me listen to it at all.” Styles tells me, offering me a seat at this table. “He’s too shy. I know it’s going to be good, but I haven’t heard it so really who’s to say…”

“Better than yours.” Anders quips, folding himself into the dining room chair. He sits like he did at the restaurant, legs bent up into his seat. Harry seems used to this kind of banter, brushing it off to say he would like to hear the album “whenever Anders is ready.”

I tell Harry that the album is good, from what I’ve heard. And then I just listen to them bicker for a while, feeling a bit like a third wheel in the best possible way.

“So tell me a bit more about how this friendship has affected your music. It seems like you all are pretty close.”

“I don’t know if it’s affected my music, really. Or, I guess it has. I took more time with the details this time around, because I thought that’s what Harry would do. He’s like that, you know? He cares about all the little stuff.”

Styles shakes him off, going into a story about how Anders wrote at least “a hundred” songs while he was in rehab and wouldn’t let him hear a single one of them. He insists that, if anything, getting sober has had more of an affect on Anders’ music than any friendship ever could.

“He deserves all the credit. He’s worked really hard the last few months, with everything. It’s honestly inspiring seeing someone push themselves the way he has.”

“Anders told me you visited him in rehab. What was that like?”

Styles isn’t sure, looking to his friend for an answer.

“It was embarrassing.” Anders giggled. “He would just come and watch me cry for an hour and then he would leave.”

They tease each other for a minute, enjoying the meal Harry has put together. I sit back, watching two normal kids from different sides of the globes acting like a couple of teenagers. I find it oddly comforting to watch, these two superstars in their element with all aspects of fame and fortune stripped away.

And I have to agree with Styles when he calls Anders inspiring. He, like so many others, faces one of the most daunting professions there is. And despite what he may say, he’s handling it with great care. He’s talented, nervous, recovering, and optimistic all at the same time. And he’s so incredibly human.

As I leave the Styles’ household that evening, I’m left thinking about one of the many off-hand, profound comments Anders had made over the weekend when asked about music and fame and addiction.

“You know, my therapist told me in rehab that you can’t set your goal on being happy. Happiness is a byproduct, you know? You have to set your sights on other things and the happiness comes as a result. So for now I’m just trying to set goals for myself and hope that I stumble along some happiness on the way.”

“What goals do you have?”

He doesn’t take long to answer. He’s got them all written down, he says. “I want to learn how to knit. And finish the album. And I want to stay clean… Maybe paint some more, too. That’s all really. And I want to talk to my mom more.”

I think that list about covers it all. What more can we all strive for aside from learning to knit and talking to our parents? It really is the little things that keep us all going, after all.

“I just want to make music that makes me feel good, and maybe makes some other people feel good, too.” Anders shrugs, his silent form of punctuation to cap off most of his sentences. “What more can I do?”

[curvyelf-moved]

For the fandom blorbo meme: Dragon ageeee pls (specifically da2 because I love everyone there 💖 )

Yess ily, I will do this one ONLY da2

Blorbo: fenris, by a long shot

Scrunkly: merrill is cute and sexy and sweet and very smart and would definitely have a mani pedi night with me

Scrimblo bimblo: carver so underappreciated 😭 also sebastian because people like to pretend he doesn’t exist

Glup shitto: I have Feelings about Saemus. Mostly sad ones

Poor little meow meow: mmm…. Mmm… MMMMM…. Ok fine this is still Anders but I have some stern words about DA2 Anders….

Horse plinko: carver. I’m sorry he’s just a walking target. I adore him. I could top him.

Eeby deeby: av*line… it’s not that she’s a cop, it’s just that she’s a cop.. and she calls people whore (discriminatory) AND she uses her position to (attempt to) flirt

[potatowitch]

WIP Ask Game

(if you saw me accidentally post this to the fenders event account, no you didn't)

Thank you for tagging me @wildercrow!

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPS.

WIPS

ugh idk dude justice feels

anders sayin ily

fenanders shit

it's raining they're snugglin

anders go the fuck to bed challenge

pounce's collar

hawke is stressy depressy

interrogation - bad things happen bingo

justice wants a spring wedding and a three tiered cake

see ya kirkwall

uh oh anders k/o

where is hawke when u need her

maleficarum regrets

leandra FUCKS

mission impossible

anders pls have mercy on the lute

runs in the family

let varel rest

varric my beloved

great proposal, shanks

pirate time

glowy bootyass

ten years from now - 18 days of fenders

"you're hurting me"

Those are all the ones I'm actively working on, anyway. Got a few in there that haven't been touched in over a year. Also uh. Not going to tag as many people as I have WIPs bc I don't even know if I have that many writer mutuals? lmao anyway

Tagging (no pressure, as per usual): @dismalzelenka @noire-pandora @wanderingnork @midnightprelude @5lazarus @barbex @lesetoilesfous @protect-him @oxygenforthewicked @blarrghe @rosella-writes @contreparry

[wienerbarnes]

happy fic writer appreciation day!

there are so many talented and amazing writers on here! I'm going to try to get as many of favs on this list as possible along w my fav works by them, and I encourage everyone to tag their fav authors under this! love all y'all <3

THESE ARE IN NO SPECIFIC ORDER!!! literally just going down my likes and following list lmao

ALSO! I tag everything I've read with “fics” so feel free to search that on my blog for some recs too!

ANOTHER ALSO! I only read bucky fics! so that's what these are lol w a mix of oc’s and unnamed readers

@moteldwelling​ - ok honestly??? some of the BEST smut I've ever read. I think the first work of theirs I read was “let me show you” and y'all... just do yourself a favor and read thru their master list bc it is SMUT PERFECTION

@ballyhoobarnes​ - LIBRARIAN BUCKY YALL THATS ALL I GOTTA SAY! I'm such a sucker for these pairings that show so many moments between librarian boy Bucky and reader like there's cute stuff and insecure stuff and smut stuff and UGH I love it sm

@trillian-anders​ - ok the ENTIRE master list is PHENOMENAL but my fav has got to be “amor de mi vida”. like being cuban American it was so awesome to read ME not to mention 40s!Bucky ??? say less. 

@all1e23​ - if y'all have not read “astrophile”... u r MISSING OUT! you've got firefighter bucky AND dad bucky? PLUS the cutest daughter and the more heartwarming and slow burn story? amazing I love it

@nacho-bucky​ - NGL IM STILL WORKING THRU THIS MASTERLIST but I recently finished “the cupcake guy” and AH literally the most descriptive writing and I actually FEEL what buckys feeling... plus he bakes and there's cupcakes cmon

@goddamndameron​ - ok miss hannie doesn't write much bucky anymore BUT IF U LIKE STAR WARS STUFF CHECK HER OUT bc she's literally so talented and I love her sm

@wonderlandmind4​ - I think “delicate stages” was one of the first stories I read when I got into bucky like a year and half two years ago whatever and dude. TO THIS DAY I reread it every once in a while bc its SO AMAZING. gonna warn u it will TEAR YOUR HEART APART. ESPECIALLY THE SEQUEL. but still well worth it bc its AMAZING.

@wkemeup​ - ok THE SMUT is *chef’s kiss* and I'm honestly torn between all of their series’ bc they all literally PULL YOUR ASS IN and like YOURE THERE and ugh. def another one I go back and reread often nuff said

@asadmarveltrashbag​ - another one whose smut is UN FUCKING REAL like p much all of the head cannons... fucked me ALL THE WAY up

@heli0s-writes​ - ok I can't NOT talk about the “cdr” series. literally the funniest thing you'll read ever. it got humor, its got personality, its got soft moments, its got smut, its THE BEST THING EVER. I miss them but the puns live in my mind rent free for the rest of time

@ugh-supersoldiers​ - “under oath” has gotta be one of the BEST fics I've read. like it one of those stories where you assume it'll be an interesting and good plot and it literally BLOWS YOU AWAY. like the writing is so good, so descriptive, and makes you feel ALL the things ok

@wiensrsoldier​ - another smut GOD like ALL the kinks and their “tiny and beefy series” THE BEST THING I COULDVE HOPED TO EVER READ ON THIS APP (I'm a slut for size kinks - clearly.)

@shreddedparchment​ - one of the very first blogs I followed and some of the very first fics I read. the ashes to ashes universe? actually INCREDIBLE like “you're my mission” is yet another fic I reread constantly bc its SO GOOD like the story is AMAZING and so well written w all the feelings and emotions and action and ugh. actual perfection

@sgtjbuccky​ - the most AMAZING SERIES’ like “death do us part” was one of the coolest fics I've ever read the plot is so GOOD and unique and just ugh. the whole master list is fire

@redgillan​ - the ENTIRE masterlist is worth reading but “under pastel skies” owns a part of my heart bc being an artist myself I love the idea of living vicariously thru the reader and living out my dreams of living w Bucky ok I love it

@cametobuyplums​ - makes me wish I was French and also buckys sugar baby bc “artistic license” is the BEST smut story ever like it will make u horn-nee not to mention the actual PLOT lol. also most beautifully organized master list ever ?? ily fizz

@writingcroissant​ - my fav has gotta be “paper walls” bc I am the BIGGEST SUCKER for tropes like these where like he doesn't *know* his neighbor but they're able to bond and form a relationship regardless and UGH I love this story sm they are AMAZING

@tropicalcap​ - ok torn between “midnight hour” and “black lines” (also - forming this list has made me painfully aware how much smut I read LMAO) but actually I LOVE the way they write and, cmon who doesn't love bucky smut especially when it involves tacos or tattoos

@indyluckycharlie​ - still v new but I'm currently reading “tinman” and UGH it so unique I've never read a plot like this and the FEELS are amazing this story is so COOL and I have a feeling it'll be another one of my multiple reread stories lol

@samingtonwilson​ - if you like friends to lovers wait until you read “apartment 8c” bc its literally friends to lovers to exes and back to friends and roommates to possible lovers again LMAO but actually this story is so fun and I LOVE stories like this that play w common tropes and make them cool and super amazing I love

@suz-123​ - “crazy, beautiful” has both smut and veterinary!bucky like what more could someone want. I literally CAN NOT WAIT to see where this story goes its so cool and interesting and I'm OBSESSED with the readers personality and her and Bucky’s lil bonding moments ugh

@justreadingfics​ - “its a deal” has the biggest stamp of chef’s kiss literally ever its got the juiciest smut and super suave bucky and a crazy ex and the just the overall PLOT is fantastic I'm obsessed

@tinyglamdramaqueen (omg idk why I can't tag) - ok so they recently finished “alls fair in love and war” and DUDE. my jaw dropped p much every chapter like I'm begging you this is unlike any sugar baby fic ever its so AMAZING and I'm so excited to see what happens for the future of the reader and just. so so so good

holey moley. I love fics. and bucky. appreciate ur fav writers y'all.

also going to shamelessly include myself on this list bc I'm proud of the works I've written even if I'm not the most into it as some other talented writers on here

@wienerbarnes​ ME ok idk if other writers do this but do y'all ever re read your own works bc they're so good bc that's me w “cheek to cheek” like my ACTUAL favs I've never loved writing for a pair more and they be living in my head rent free ok I always be thinking of those rainbow underwear sets and mis matched socks 

PLS!!! I ENOURAGE YALL TO TAG YOUR FAV WRITERS!!! REC ME SOMETHING!!! SHOW YOUR FAVS SOME LOVEEEEEE <3

[rachel-bloom]

Character Asks - Peyton Sawyer, Buffy Summers, Jess Mariano, and Effy Stonem

Peyton:Why I like them: she cares DEEPLY about her friends and loved ones, she recognizes her mistakes,takes responsibility for her actions, she doesn’t take shit from anybody and is quite the sass queen tbh, Why I don’t: eh i don’t really /not/ like her but her attitude in season 5 was kind of rough sometimes (not that i didn’t understand it, but it was just the constant girl vs girl drama that pissed me off) Favorite episode (scene if movie): ugh idk man there are quite a lot but my absolute fave is probably 3x13Favorite season/movie: season 6Favorite line: This is who I am. This how I am. And 95% of the time there isn’t a moral, or a victory, or a silver lining. Take it or leave it. If you leave it then you’ll miss that other 5%.Favorite outfit: everything tbh but i’m still really in love with the vegas dress in 6x01OTP: leytonBrotp: paley, adult breytonHead Canon: peyton is bisexual Unpopular opinion: peyton associating with lucas didn’t bring out the worst in her, only in someone else lmaoA wish: seeing more of married!leyton and sawyer :/ bitterAn oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: married j*yton *michael scott voice*god pLs No GoD5 words to best describe them: iconic, empathetic, the best, beautiful, better than you My nickname for them: p. sawyer

Buffy:Why I like them: she’s badass and doesn’t care about like the popular labels at school like when cordelia was all over her but she chose to sit with the “less popular” girl willow she gained instant sympathy points from meWhy I don’t: i never disliked her only when she said ily to sp*ke in 7x22 ops Favorite episode (scene if movie): my memory of btvs is so bad sorryyyyFavorite season/movie: if i recall correctly season 1 and season 5 Favorite line: “i’m buffy the vampire slayer and who are you” “she irons her jeans, she’s evil!” “if the apocalypse comes, beep me!” “the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. be brave. live. for me” and so many more she literally has the most iconic quotes Favorite outfit: tbh that one dress she wore in the season 1 finale i think ? i can’t remember and when she wore angels black leather jacket dfhsjhOTP: bangelBrotp: scoobie gangHead Canon: don’t really have one Unpopular opinion: deserves better friends than w*illow/x*ander A wish: i’m quite happy with how the show ended tbh the romantic sp*ffy could have been left out thoAn oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: sp*ffy endgame ew fuck the comics tbh5 words to best describe them: iconic * 5 My nickname for them: idk buff ? lol

Jess:Why I like them: first of all…. he’s good looking lmao (i’m not superficial i promise) but i guess the kind of bad boy vibe was attractive when i first watched the show (compared to the bland and boring vibe dean was giving out) anyways i liked that he was into books and stuff which is kind of unusual for boys at least in the show lol idk man i just loved him okay he deserved betterWhy I don’t: i guess he was kind of impulsive sometimes, like he couldn’t control his emotions (when he put rory in a choose me or the other thing kind of situation or when he sexually assaulted her at that party) not cool :/

Favorite episode (scene if movie): like i said…….my memory isn’t that good of gg either lmaoFavorite season/movie: i don’t know…….sorryFavorite line: “you know what i mean. this isn’t you. i know you. i know you better than anyone”, “you know ernest has only lovely things to say about you”Favorite outfit: umm none of his outfits really stood out for me lmaoOTP: literatiBrotp: luke/jessHead Canon: don’t have oneUnpopular opinion: jess is still better than that blonde dick from yaleA wish: erasing the rebootAn oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: a season 2 of the reboot5 words to best describe them: broody, handsome, impulsive, caring and sassyMy nickname for them: -

Effy: Why I like them: i really don’t have an explanation for liking her i just do. like when i started watching this show i was like 15 or something? i don’t know i was just blinded by her recklessness and not giving a fuck about the world. i wanted to be as carefree as her, also i knew her face from tumblr already and idk Why I don’t: she’s kind of hard to read sometimes? like idk she says she’s in love with guy a but then she kisses guy b in front of him and the way she said to jj “blabla everybody loves me” like yikes. she was hurting people’s feelings a lot like not cool manFavorite episode (scene if movie): 4x07 as heartbreaking as it is this whole show is fucking depressing tbhFavorite season/movie: season ¼Favorite line: Sometimes I think I was born backwards, you know came out my mum the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love I hate, and the people I hate…..Favorite outfit: her outfits were cool tbh but i don’t remember any of them lmaoOTP: freffyBrotp: i don’t have a THATS MY BROTP SHIP but i liked her with pandora and katie and emilyHead Canon: she’s still together with freddie lolUnpopular opinion: c*ffy is fucking trashA wish: for her to get out of prison and reunite with freddie (yes im bitter)An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: idk 5 words to best describe them: broken, complex, detached, beautiful, recklessMy nickname for them: eff

[et-dracones]

Now that I’ve made the about post! Some quick headcanons about Miss Amell:

She most likely knew Anders in the Circle, and probably even saw him as an older brother of sorts. When she becomes Warden Commander, she finds him again and is THRILLED. It’s honestly the happiest moment for her. (Any Anders rper out there willing to plot this with me hmu pls ily)

Zevran is probably the companion she’s closest with, but she loves all her friends. Zevran and her just have similar enough personalities that they get on really well. She also romances him in the game.

When she first meets him, she has a crush on Alistair. Her first thoughts on him are basicallly “im going to tap that if it’s the last thing I do”

She also had a slight crush on Cullen while she was in the Tower, and most definitely flirted with him regularly to see if she could get him to blush. She could.

Wynn is her second favorite companion after Zevran, mostly because she remembers Wynn from Kinloch Hold. Rosalie is pretty clumsy on top of being reckless, and was therefore hurt nearly all the time. Plus getting punished by the templars often left a mark. She was frequently dragged to Wynn for healing.

Her Mabari is named Ser Thrask, after a Templar she remembers from Kirkwall who was always nice to her even when some of the other Templars weren’t

In a verse where she didn’t become a Grey Warden, she probably would end up either in a different circle because Kinloch Hold got sick of her, or somehow finally escaping because she couldn’t take it anymore

If she had stayed in the Circle, she would have been the first to lead a rebellion of her Circle - especially if she found out Anders was the one who started it

In her inquisition verse, she would definitely side with the mages. And would probably punch Alexius in the face tbh