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#illicit-ellipsis
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okay let's be boring and go with ace as a name bc that's my nickname irl bc I'm a massive gilmore girls fan (team logan btw iykyk)!!
I really want to attempt writing fics but I'm wayyyy to nervous! I was okay at English in school and I always send obnoxiously long asks into blogs on here with my ideas based on their fics (sorry fellow tumblr.com authors you all get forced to see my writing) but I have nightmares of writing and putting it on here only to be bullied off the platform ahahahahah
jealous of the sun bathing in England rn its been pissing it down raining all dayyyyy, we only get like 1 week of sun a year and the rest of the time its very stereotypically rainy !! my day was shit but always better after taking to you bff!
also please excuse my excessive use of exclamation marks idk why but to me a full stop feels mean and I also use ellipsis way too much but I, like you, am the drama so I love to build unnecessary tension...
I've actually always wanted jury duty but I've never been called for it, I know it's meant to be so boring but I want to live my jury duty delusion of being a hot juror! a torrid jury love affair? hello I'd read that fic
spring break always sounded so fun to me as a sad English child!! we just call it Easter holidays and be boring and religious but when I hear spring break I imagine drunk people on a beach in florida yk?
my current obsessions for blogs are;
-lottiecrabie (pfms has me in a chokehold)
-toomuchracket (living in the flatmate! matty delusion rn)
-byyourside28 (loving the soft sound series as a person obsessed with getting tattoos)
-justlikemebutsixfootthree (literally all their smut is god tier)
-bookishstrawberry (fluffy and gizmo series has my heart)
-imightgetbetter (the whole love it if we made it series has me wanting children but only fictional ones with matty... the delusion creation is STRONG)
and OF COURSE the no 1 blog on tumblr is the beautiful, amazing and unmatched... shinycollorboneapologist
omg yes to only letting matty into our cottage to sing, we will bring him out tea and cigarettes but otherwise no rats allowed sorry ratthew!! taylor however gets the master suite with a 4 poster bed and unlimited pampering!! same with Ross, George and Adam bc only ratty needs humbling (I really do love you tho Matthew give me one chance I'll be your controversially young gf)
ily bff!!!
-ace (my new name rip illicit affairs anon you will be missed)
ps. apologies for the ridiculously long ask I literally am so obnoxious
..... i love gilmore girls. lets chat abt that.
okay that is very ... warranted. i also was super nervous and tbh ... style was probably never going to be posted but i was a bit inebriated after my birthday and just posted it without looking back. look at us now!!! so for that, i say you should 110% just take the leap. i will be your #1 fan actually.
i will send the sunshine and good vibes your way. i usually like the rain a lot, but i can imagine it gets a bit tiring if its like that all year long. im glad you had a good day!!!!
i love your use of exclamation points okay. there i said it. it just makes everything you say feel so excited and happy and i love it. the ellipses ...... love that for us. ofc you are the drama, you're the main character hello.
that is how i want my spring break to be, but alas i am working and writing my silly little stories for tumblr.com. SGLJFDLG easter holiday just sounds so cute though?
okay can we talk about pfms.... because that. that fic is my hyper fixation atm. like i just … it’s everything to me.
also all of those blogs i follow and love more than life itself. most of them axtually inspired me to write myself which is like 🫂 i use all of them as my silly little delusional daydreams (esp toomuchrackets flatmate!matty, the things i would do for that man and justlikemebutsixfootthree’s recent smut… jeez)
please you are too kind. idk abt no 1 blog BUT… i’ll take it okay.
maybe some cheese too, since he is a rat. taylor gets the master suite with us, we’ll bake her little cookies and biscuits and give her the best pampering treatment of her life. (also pls let’s not conjure matty to my blog … that would be so embarrassing to me i think i would keel over and die) (i also will fight u for the spot of matty’s controversially young gf)
ilysm and i hope u have a great day
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hellbutfun · 1 year
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I might presume we all know about this kind of loneliness: it unfolds when you are not together, when the other is so delicious and sustaining, when being apart for more than a day — and now it has been three years since we met — is the beginning of a new kind of pain, new yet recognizable every time, every time. 
Borges writes: “Being with you and not being with you is the only way I have to measure time.”
Do we move forward? How do we move forward when change happens too slowly? Our relationship is fraught. It's not forbidden (anymore ... well, not entirely), yet it feels like it is ...
Dear Lonely,
I am very curious about you, and cannot help but try to reconstruct your life backwards from this moment. I am most intrigued by the forbiddenness of the past which feels ever-present. I am curious about the flavour of your illicitness and what it made you do. And finally, I wonder if the grief of this liberating uncertainty is what you are really missing. 
Three years often does feel like the moment in time where surface tensions either combust or fray. Though I cannot tell what is happening in your question. 
To return to the present moment, there is none in your query. Where are you, Lonely? Where did you go? Have you promised too great a compromise, fled too quickly toward the temple of love, marked yourself too perfectly in the image of your partner? I get the feeling something has changed in your professional life, which has caused some social distance between you. Or perhaps you have flown solo on too many jet planes. They say those are lethal, like the idea of love without the burden of living out its destiny. 
I don’t want to presume too much into the nature of your relationship, but have you had any fun together lately? Have you really talked? Moved?
For the moment, I am too caught up in the interiority of your question. You have too farly obscured feeling. All I can think to are these keywords: three years, Argentina, an ellipsis. Speaking of Argentina, … well there you have it–in three years.
Here is a tidbit I'm reminded of – Robert Schumann and Clara Schumann, his wife and child prodigy, whom he so looked up to having himself grown up poor and psychotic, on top of having the nickname “Little Mushroom” – used to keep a marriage diary. They resolved, on their wedding day, to write every day, and to share it with each other every Sunday without fail (“at coffee time if possible”). These messages included secretarial duties, failures to chore, kisses, and all that is left to measure devotion. It was decided, at the end, if you are wondering, that the talisman on which all of life’s happiness depended was inscribed thusly: Industry, Thrift, and Loyalty.
How does this sound to you? Please don’t hesitate to write back with your own big three. I am curious as to what keeps you and your partner together when a day apart seems too much to bear? Or is it that together is too little for you, and towering summer nights? Or are you long-distance? Any info is welcome here, and I am eager to hear it.
To bid good, I want to leave you with Rilke’s Ninth Elegy, an excerpt which says,
Show him how happy a thing can be, how innocent and ours, 
how even sorrow’s groan resolves upon form,
serves as a thing or dies into a thing–, and in that blissful beyond,
is unmoved even by the violin. –And these things
that keep alive on departure know that you praise them. 
Fleeting, they look to us, the most fleeting, for help. 
They want us to change them completely, in our invisible hearts, 
into–oh endlessly— us! Whoever, finally, we may be.
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cowboyjimkirk · 4 years
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just read your TOS fics on AO3 and they made my night <3~
thank you, i really appreciate it! i’m sorry i haven’t written tos in like. four years 🙈
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strangesigils · 4 years
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Lve your blog. Showed up for sigils and now I get like, herbalism tips. You're the best.
Thank you so much! I could just reblog my sigils endlessly but I like to keep the content fresh, so I like to throw in other witchy things or important social things that I care about too
Most things I reblog here I also save into my drafts for me to add to my own spell books later
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for @illicit-ellipsis​
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writerspink · 5 years
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SAT Long List (Suppl)
impermeable scurrilous implement caulk immutable skirmish facilitate precocious doctrinaire punitive opulence ductile aptitude disheveled halting eon filch incense glacial ghastly minutia genesis encomium cryptic skeptic martyr compelling recapitulate precipitate evasive eminent plight unwieldy extant derivative crest devise illusion cataclysm feign impale transition heckler pitfall secrete ambivalence rudimentary informal hermetic qualm credibility propellant entity gawk vignette discomposure arraign subdued loll swathe fell crabbed portent sophisticated entreat consolidation mandate chisel substantiate congenial vantage morose tumult abstruse dissimulate prune bauble inclined witticism generality slacken ignominy surly curtail peripheral tract rejoinder feasible lofty esoteric assurance gratis recalcitrant inadvertently hackneyed rubble avocation elixir mediate squander ephemeral incontinent stupefy exculpate dispassionate hoard diverse clangor peregrination careen taut canter subpoena cumbersome outstrip noncommittal toxic abhor subsequent hypothetical extent queasy xenophobia polemical malaise transparent candor primordial surreptitious renege abet vendetta malign insurrection inured scourge matriarch phenomenon condescend compromise mores implausible unwarranted sinuous baroque remission preclude sustain imperative scad terse excerpt cameo negligence attenuate tarry abstract emulate tremor retentive charlatan oscillate jovial tenuous contrite viable gist proletarian augment demolition unobtrusive bate acquittal champion anthology disgruntle validate mercenary intimacy introvert superficial deviate ambulatory aloft protrude enamored despot frugality cater antiseptic sheer sibling rigorous forum turbulence imperceptible eclectic terminology monochromatic rhetoric acerbity neologism bloat assent trigger amiable saturnine lassitude assimilate wanton humility distinction corroborate malodorous prevail expatriate heresy exorcise extrapolation pomposity odium hurtle muted disinter seethe quiver upbraid fickle buffet cornucopia imponderable grandiloquent irony languid precinct reaper arrogance alloy nip cleft plumage caldron amend drone eschew figurative cant impetus pulchritude egotistical fatalism curmudgeon bait tether emancipate assessment abase monolithic graft hazy autopsy contest dishearten creed devoid berserk paradox pummel consort infidel proliferation emanate arable glut subtlety denouement nonplus esteem acclimate impecunious benefactor foolhardy defray adversary accede veracity evanescent inception potion consecrate oblivion compunction psyche impel deleterious exhilarating cohesion subsistence asinine figment protocol canine discourse rapacious intangible piquant allege fulcrum opportunist punctilious paraphrase acclaim disburse amorous bequeath berate prone comeuppance nomenclature presumptuous uncanny dabble impart proximity snicker irascible dissection amphitheater deflect ramification inert sect tautological epilogue debacle indulgent catholic ineffectual innuendo abolish beset ingratiate ratiocination repast resolution raze cabal necromancy erroneous latent contagion forbearance suppress credulity membrane mimicry reiterate patina practitioner renounce complicity turgid attrition extrinsic catastrophe patent feral galvanize scuffle incredulous delude trepidation unearth crypt digression foible insularity determination hierarchy bard sartorial reciprocate aerie deft bluff outlandish ventriloquist accommodate deprecate ambiguous jostle fleck domicile orgy table furtive listless attribute mirth misrepresent preeminent decimate aesthetic rout nebulous fractious jollity compact iridescent belated dutiful predecessor subjective intelligentsia overbearing descry stealth pall asperity arcane accessory balk musky dote pied betray verity illicit presentiment monumental sinecure cacophonous ironic artifice enunciate resilient tangential instigate jubilation antidote glib barrage ardent astral epicure felon engage offhand drudgery cosmic objective convoke docile testy intimidate denizen invalidate exclaim zephyr venerate perverse repute sheathe promulgate diabolical facet obsessive confluence lachrymose neophyte lunge mannered peremptory chronic renown bereavement retroactive tycoon temper fecundity blandishment frail founder alienate complement sedentary toter disparage preternatural satiate swarm wax predetermine paean outskirts wake construe singular fervor dolt bent mottled chastise insuperable turmoil tacit apprehension liberator pertinent dismember livid discerning dumbfound sensual anonymous miscellany declivity quandary ensemble trenchant muster rent maverick pliable insolence paucity banal explicate recuperate promiscuous rationale celibate enumerate haggard panache mentor malingerer studied montage exasperate epistolary penitent frivolous bandy quintessence provident veer roil dismantle militant heed lewd compute eulogy fundamental exacting despoil exhume thematic convention remedial prosperity archaeology vertigo machination sap maudlin stifle inebriated dogmatic captivate monosyllabic abundant reciprocal parallelism hoodwink satirical execute caliber disperse obliterate balmy flaccid panoramic categorical rapt crass materialism unassuming nemesis antediluvian cynosure academic quaff jaded headstrong provisional evenhanded reverie lummox truncate salient decoy miserly stratum convoluted eccentric withdrawn dilute incorporeal disjointed betroth concession bestow attest painstaking indefatigable barren amputate tome gory optional generic annex aplomb scoff infusion stigma cohere reprieve churlish doleful misapprehension delve euphonious pungent sagacious indeterminate ramble thwart pessimism trajectory immobility chicanery divest jaunt laconic ebullient anemia mawkish antecedent reputable choleric warrant exploit unravel succumb predilection vituperative impeccable philistine adverse acrophobia extrovert oracular charisma hibernal savory venerable chameleon diagnosis inverse peerless mite anthropoid repugnant humdrum propitious clique cosmopolitan disband obdurate sporadic anthropologist aggrandize enduring unique contention lithe embark pacifist apprise inopportune dichotomy malefactor bustle adjacent archives pragmatist perspicacious pastiche mock consonance pellucid fervent fraudulent germinal resolve ignite transgression supercilious appease encroachment pigment profound diffidence threadbare misanthrope diligence auditory justification dissident impede pithy wither blatant quip disinterested cipher atrocity besmirch forgo morbid concoct pernicious reproach circuitous cozen pugnacity solicit primp spurious liquidate luster variegated adhere allay lumber forensic azure import surfeit embellish camouflage mnemonic decry entitlement differentiate coalition cursive lull disabuse advocate distill countenance scenario arbitrary gorge witless dislodge impervious maul salubrious antithesis callous degradation plutocracy blithe chivalrous intellect empathy indigent prologue vilify preposterous impostor espouse indicative dais biennial unfettered dint enclave theoretical conflagration checkered commemorate conversant chaotic truism grouse satellite dossier tout coiffure insubstantial resign coup avert blanch gamut odious inanimate laggard talisman epic enmity frolicsome supplant extraneous vindictive endorse sanguine subliminal discredit aboriginal besiege solvent retain discernible headlong wastrel edict salvo jargon dilemma raiment bevy nautical staid wizardly vicissitude consign irreproachable palliate savor advocacy dawdle casualty avalanche granulate strut riddle omnipotent ruddy aria default recession mammoth lucid rescind modicum plumb defunct flourish vaporize sportive levy console multifaceted insipid sustenance steep convert copious antipathy unbridled voluble despise flounder desultory exposure sacrosanct retrograde vigor faculty tempestuous relevant refraction imbibe gruesome expiate luminary biased descant brittle extradition rectify traverse agent idiom ethereal codify satire ordeal replete bereft swerve incisive aseptic stoke analogy missive harbinger dearth assumption inevitable missile substantive scrupulous riveting avow expenditure rant anchor bucolic indiscriminate cavalcade rigid thermal distant herbivorous prod odyssey grudging crescendo plaintive cede bemused cull behemoth context entourage indissoluble grotesque imminent ultimate impinge dwarf voyeur recrimination omnivorous recipient demur caption obsequious sluggard tantamount gaudy amnesty ascendancy yore camaraderie onus anomalous outspoken indentation fleece appropriate cessation diurnal equitable impotent yield inalienable regime append stoic benign lexicon valedictory foresight nostalgia epitome altruistic capitulate fawning cordial ellipsis irreconcilable subsidy mollify list angular woe recourse beatific doldrums abate commiserate haggle meager affix pact embroil forthright chagrin carnivorous unimpeachable abortive cloister longevity rhapsodize stolid anachronistic loquacious culminate precipitous appellation juncture enormity discrete rebuttal anguish bane harangue zenith capacious interminable pulverize atypical nascent insinuate detached sedition suffragist component virtuoso limber stint stipend aristocracy inimitable blasphemy expansive implication inequity garish buxom immaculate stratify constituent ruffian virulent desolate cordon supersede askew ogle foment waive beleaguer lampoon cloying injurious tortuous duration insurgent doctrine flabbergasted grovel surrogate heinous fugitive fruition leaven ballast shrewd bedraggle decrepit inquisitor explicit erotic elusive franchise lustrous motif conciliatory assay kernel ancestry interim anarchist replicate countermand exhaustive predicament raucous wean retort relent disclose infiltrate friction incantation caricature mortify expunge dauntless epoch jaundiced arrest arsenal fanaticism receptive brevity bumptious marked acclivity aversion unequivocal subterfuge illuminate erratic zealot inflated demoniac sectarian propriety disputatious virus knotty merger forebear nefarious episodic dispel retribution predator staccato incontrovertible squat seedy redolent cerebral plausible reconcile recurrent multifarious accessible relegate address catapult discombobulated stereotype dulcet fracas exceptionable delete prerogative doggerel calamity incidence correlation corporeal susceptible proxy slight embryonic provincial conservatory indisputable implore induce archaic panacea porous legacy impudence wan transcribe typhoon apotheosis disengage sultry flamboyant quack accomplice espionage filament cognitive endemic sarcasm monetary collage misconstrue narrative recumbent articulate unrequited seep clairvoyant impugn surveillance depreciate insidious liability plentitude conscientious gibberish amplify undulate magnate timorous paramount parity fissure bicameral passport douse bravado appraise defame don methodical thrive reserve liaison luscious automaton gullible scurvy frenetic decollete solitude inconsequential pastoral downcast torpor languor gaffe corrode malignant garnish gainsay beseech secular equable dialectical unscathed badger gruel distort obstinate alias bellicose anathema fathom fictitious nurture uproarious lax portend gustatory adamant mellifluous warble amicable swarthy sardonic firebrand promote check invulnerable quizzical apex sever incursion raconteur summation credence aberrant genealogy gruff precursor fortitude simplistic chaste retrench ecologist regal incorporate saturate impassive insalubrious horticultural gall waylay cogitate inundate abstain milieu dissertation grill gentry graphic minuscule obtrude laud orthodox licentious repertoire pliant defiance advent compliant barricade acuity initiate nuance invoke connotation stalemate vitriolic emissary atone supplicate vortex ramify destitute stipulate humane icon corrugated obstreperous iconoclastic transmute entail insensible gambol unerringly legerdemain solemnity propagate commodious abscond irretrievable billowing innovation eerie saunter skimp anomaly fodder galaxy tyranny hostility abstemious spurn distend coin erode deference craven libel diminution disconsolate complaisant fray chronicle grapple effervescence inefficacious bestial enfranchise withstand pugilist mural acquiesce venom impunity pander furor microcosm misdemeanor couple incipient elegy adulation lilliputian pensive contempt forswear sage analogous hallowed spontaneity revert neutral bask fluke concentric zeal converge incriminate pittance wry commensurate menagerie tremulous yoke encumber embed pathetic probe provocative potential noxious bulwark inchoate circumspect maniacal condense resumption amiss invective solicitous abysmal alcove mendicant disembark index hedonist gusto verve contemporary swagger irate obfuscate obsolete beguile knave conglomeration placate fraught fortuitous maxim confidant vouchsafe culpable plethora sycophant temporize meditation authoritarian resonant mandatory delineate sequester annals sleeper grisly economy escapade urbane puny reprise wily vanguard paraphernalia graduated odorous profusion compensated marsupial unaccountable exemplify predispose disarray degenerate maelstrom writhe martinet remonstrance yen cliche travesty frigid wrench synthesis monarchy felicitous dank mediocre didactic invasive ferret dissolution minute slander monotony garner pedagogy flagrant epithet aghast ideology slither indolent petty intricate brazen extol idiosyncrasy servitude matrix voracious petrify verisimilitude definitive ceremonious rebuke diverge perpetuate abash cardinal imperturbable multilingual murky culinary muggy debunk pandemic evince purveyor carnage integrate wince confine procrastinate solecism deadlock fatuous faction redoubtable quarantine canny abbreviate facade excoriate entice persevere finale crestfallen succinct wheedle flick importunate collate august pragmatic persona transport latitude sacrilegious inveterate heterodox atlas exodus domineer translucent prolific watershed valid entrance nomadic obituary concerted collusion combustible reconnaissance viper erudite practical arbitrator allusion surmise brochure opiate sully molten invocation clasp exult vernacular extrude undermine unseemly pretext infamous rummage actuarial uniformity piety perennial abduction deluge supple forestall propensity turbid axiom array gavel contraband volition cadaver ostentatious phylum callow mesmerize dupe inimical swindler buffoonery alimony unassailable cower mire facsimile confrontation quorum precise annotate curator pseudonym precis document elated dissonance foreshadow coquette intractable myriad dilatory inclement momentum disaffected beeline certitude quell atheistic metaphysical whet censure respiration matriculate deducible hone artifact ominous dehydrate shoddy jettison dynamic sear conventional irrepressible conceit inordinate labyrinth dirge ornithology pecuniary covenant intermittent debauch officious bicker abdicate brunt tawdry decapitate equivocate masochist puerile polyglot scintillate scamp finesse intuition impromptu sordid impassable coterie arrears paltry querulous wallow nihilist narcissist eloquence remnant philanthropist incarnation relinquish toady engender oblivious ordain deadpan incandescent pique effusive effrontery burly fabricate exalt purchase insolvent integral relic genteel equivocal astronomical doodle unanimity deposition reverent converse acquire amity sate munificent killjoy sumptuous causal reprisal gargantuan palatable accoutre exhort attentive bristle surmount amorphous recast germane vacuous unkempt conspicuous formidable ascribe partisan chimerical guise repository polarize zany trespass progeny humid restitution polygamist underlying unsightly legend expedient balm reparation rote disinclination concur malevolent avenge spry thespian derelict prude brusque crux magnanimous amorality eclipse ramshackle loath blare impiety impertinent bilious renovate ample lope cynical incoherence underscore grate rally controvert mortician precarious adapt coincidence impasse gusty frustrate euphemism politic aggressor disparity antagonism acute debonair bizarre nullify delusion realm opportune gape abjure intrude irrefutable worldly gnarled consistency saccharine apposite extort trappings indelible prehensile propulsive dissipate marred ameliorate resplendent illusory novice random decipher proselytize effete choreography anticlimax calorific titular illimitable chafe detrimental reek sentinel discursive reprehensible imbalance temperament consummate mushroom hover expedite potable babble incubate catechism willful replica celestial mutinous deterrent gingerly assert dispirited animosity extenuate meek drivel acrimonious turpitude traumatic florid orator vivacious girth incentive parody impregnable quiescent clip geniality despondent proclivity orientation glower trivial ensconce brandish betoken intrinsic imply archetype adorn intransigence sluggish contingent manifesto bureaucracy anthem beneficial beneficiary horde Draconian static infraction ingrate slothful voluptuous gratuitous impeach roster stratagem hamper inaugurate patrician agnostic embezzlement host rampant divulge remorse detergent judicious winnow appall contaminate proscribe misnomer aggregate cadence discrepancy baffle rehabilitate conspiracy pejorative connubial tendentious metropolis assuage drab shun averse penchant superfluous quench pandemonium corrosive mischance bawdy carping sodden confiscate delectable agility formality rationalize impenitent motley moodiness treatise flit schematic forsake seasoned disingenuous mirage burlesque fallible vestige virtual ratify quarry solace paradigm inept facetious indignation stalwart faze estranged posthumous touchstone snivel cache covetous harass slapdash gouge efface whimsical breach revile irrevocable prototype denigrate fret scapegoat addle tractable efficacy shroud dilapidated medley titter hypochondriac impartial debilitate apropos topography stellar jabber tirade reparable demure refractory mettle palpitate cursory cow lateral luxuriant enterprising laborious improvident manifest sinewy defer ebb mitigate adherent denounce jocose propinquity conundrum kinetic conjure anoint propitiate daub expletive circumlocution petulant somber martial notoriety artless accelerate cerebration gait posterity arousal chasm affront lugubrious prolong contravene abject disseminate torrid capacity exertion throng elliptical fallacious succor flippant abyss venial philanderer cajole novelty assail prodigious residue ferment goad celerity recluse taint knit rife wane circumscribe utopia viscous impair perforate rend perimeter reprimand canvass progenitor defuse absorb enigma regale ruminate fervid sonorous indignity discretion migratory ingenious ashen alliteration expurgate gibe jeopardize credo discomfit substantial malapropism heyday rue contiguous ingrained maternal ambidextrous ruthless lackluster universal defection exacerbate intrepid quietude dexterous disquiet fluctuate energize adversity apocryphal seminary pontifical abridge germinate partial bland implicit quagmire hyperbole benediction lionize browse inhibit authenticate innovative concede ravenous truculence hilarity quadruple palette metallurgical abusive gauche dapper ulterior gnome subjugate limpid hazardous thrifty devotee buccaneer unfathomable derogatory fluency projectile duplicity infallible deploy consensus requite depredation repercussion platitude enthrall vent personable tenacity muse navigable purse retract impoverished tensile absolve irrational calumny stringent apparition temerity conception multiplicity succulent mundane decorum diva amenities prosaic cataract compound rigor haphazard indifferent approbation sadistic daunt calligraphy windfall introspective limerick deify reticence gratify conveyance rejuvenate ubiquitous fitful invincible incorrigible apolitical pan muddle cleave notable hue burgeon severity placebo exude presage devout congenital adage hoary scuttle shackle cumulative diffuse endearment artisan negate alleviate demise capricious stem panegyric restive sophistry saboteur ejaculation inane tribute marshal clench compile perpetrate vociferous allocate optimum unctuous astute feint simile premise pantomime apparatus acumen protege annul servile insubordination encipher stamina resurge profligate potent beatitude lecherous arcade strew exonerate prudent implicate expropriate ecstasy ludicrous dispatch castigate astringent ordinance inviolable stagnant accord evocative prescience empirical amalgamate savant kleptomaniac potentate therapeutic divergent emend trek temperate pauper trifling concurrent censorious opalescent precept terrestrial enrapture annihilate vicarious paragon consequential diversion acetic concomitant bastion negligible barb ordination discount awe lethargic parameter defile indomitable deplete synoptic myopic farce miasma incapacitate rapport corollary relish regeneration submissive indigenous menial molecule peruse incline execrable begrudge mammal recount equinox dictum incarcerate stigmatize expository revoke aspirant tender cavalier fluster seamy prodigal climactic arduous serendipity amenable waggish overt counterpart skinflint catharsis dappled rile recant excise conjecture parasite tenacious disapprobation ruse egregious arbiter remediable affluence sublime overwrought plaudit permeable hybrid vacillate impending nauseate repulsion abrasive carnal scale tautology idolatry rectitude comparable conviction malcontent sophomore linguistic paranoia exegesis tenet symbiosis retiring pious blunder gentility invigorate verbiage incongruous slovenly pedestrian vapid comatose convene tactile touchy denotation lexicographer withhold affliction sedate fauna voluminous untenable whiff chasten stymie glutton retaliation allegiance courier coagulate inexorable patriarch shambles respite dingy obscure harrowing discordant paroxysm detraction perceptive attain mystify levity memento litigation coercion hindrance concord prolixity immune cession stilted fiasco devious aspersion incite ovation obese theocracy infantile perfidious apprehend flora auxiliary accentuate aromatic surpass coalesce ingenuous portly impropriety ostensible abnegation gamely depose apathy innocuous grimace obviate depravity kindle affidavit hulking momentous dormant fastidious glossary usurp exotic autocratic oust embroider catalyst tyro prostrate oblique dissemble titanic nutrient palpable nepotism intimate application stodgy decadence leniency melancholy rotundity atavism egoism pervasive dissolute clamor atrophy continence velocity ethos gambit pallid adjunct unprepossessing cupidity canto irksome repellent finicky purport ornate broach elucidate abominable buttress laceration outwit seemly fidelity furlough tempo salvage permeate shirk embargo sojourn summit nonchalance dilate fop indoctrinate obtuse browbeat salacious scruple lap sententious query orient garrulous rustic placid debase agenda optimist amass discord soluble asylum bilk ethnic unmitigated enervate rousing pertinacious squabble circumvent concise subservient effectual filial jingoist gale epitaph asunder inconsistency sanction belabor problematic vital lineage liniment aloof meticulous uncouth prevalent homage alacrity vex disdain simper chaff perturb prey collaborate affable unintimidated raid infernal aver civil improvise subordinate beget fanfare tantalize fledgling putrid covert caustic irrelevant celebrated termination moratorium ire debutante bigotry conformity hydrophobia buoyant acoustics prattle transitory authoritative responsiveness refurbish gravity visionary perfunctory convex shimmer etymology multiform uninhibited befuddle dwindle magnitude amnesia demean onset implacable forte sham mote dubious rave cite rarefied mosaic distraught dowdy stanza parable flux craftiness hodgepodge rancid coddle prevaricate inveigle venal noisome rabid malicious replenish nominal rhetorical statute onerous engaging torrent natty guile wispy lethal salutary madrigal hallucination prelate affected connivance acknowledge soporific blurt quixotic pacify patronize pariah alchemy autonomous winsome ribald omnipresent insulate title perpetual remiss dissuade unconscionable indubitable chauvinist desiccate integrity demeanor prelude elaboration lurk serenity haughtiness symmetry glimmer clamber perquisite linger acrid gloss over forlorn scavenge premeditate percussion reminiscence audit junta reactionary incessant weather fusion imputation itinerant plasticity quirk iniquitous homogeneous aphorism fraternize swelter sobriety travail ennui composure conjugal virtue decomposition meddlesome restraint chide parsimony cringe luminous amphibian coy oaf jocular nondescript depict taciturn propound trite cantankerous supposition vindicate opus avarice burnish sanctimonious mode comprise phoenix jurisprudence regiment hibernate rankle festive fester metamorphosis refute disparate iota desecrate preamble peccadillo aquiline hermitage pretentious invidious ravel vagrant bantering larceny sybarite slough partiality migrant anecdote impalpable blighted agitate superimpose treacly centripetal bleak lackadaisical slipshod tedious mincing tepid smolder subversive awry irresolute inclusive languish elicit seismic apprenticeship infer glaring complementary requisite impenetrable repel congeal confirm inherent offensive piecemeal trough collateral commandeer gaunt beam unprecedented imperious stupor manipulate compatible contend infuriate musty diversity protuberance anthropocentric moribund linchpin visceral inscrutable derange infinitesimal pristine disfigure subside congruent lavish largess arid heterogenous proponent imperial itinerary vulnerable incompatible edify foreboding prophetic inkling timidity sinister perdition flaunt stricture adroit oligarchy contract exempt shyster earthy calculated complacency redundant meander fetter bungle apologist ambience altercation vigilance transcendent adept scurry indenture appreciate condole marital outmoded venturesome vagabond deplore cherubic prate incur skulk maim dire serpentine physiological maladroit quibble caucus guileless incidental naivete brawn premonition exuberance nonentity dismay retinue compress leery deliberate flair duress bludgeon ossify verbose vie cognizance soliloquy vertex diatribe affirmation ungainly shear wistful olfactory convivial rebuff reprobate nirvana clemency frantic scrutinize nettle mendacious simulate egress inculcate ascertain seclusion glaze askance steadfast pillage aftermath nadir preen waft anonymity unstinting absolute irreverence material hardy abrade enhance refrain scanty foil podium suavity dilettante misconception retrieve gadfly precedent fetid indict redress hoax infirmity incumbent omniscient kindred innate sanctuary fallow shard insightful hypercritical loathe somnolent pathological imprudent saga postulate insatiable resentment prurient crotchety gesticulation foster ramp waffle flag indiscretion irreparable render retrospective purge comprehensive ascetic falter blase demented repress irremediable colossal corpulent protract diaphanous asymmetric disconcert accolade harbor encompass equanimity qualified reprove interloper obnoxious unwitting valor allude preempt sedulous repudiate belittle embrace din amble antecede malfeasance genre prim malleable grandiose fulsome squalor quail verbalize apostate tonic epigram strident pinnacle wary pedantic futile interrogate subsidiary loiter emendation remunerative parched disavowal prodigy tangible passive barterer divine dissent garbled warranty comely generate mishap grandeur glossy pert tantrum conducive demystify constraint grueling belie cuisine nicety rift repeal upshot allure increment stanch belligerent anesthetic protean defeatist flout alimentary privation baleful condemn monastic pathos disgorge ape debris loom deciduous aquatic plagiarize auspicious lout impediment animus traduce secession addiction quaint mutability malediction coronation welter facile communal audacious exemplary ecclesiastic slake equilibrium fancy clientele rig embody metaphor veneer plummet picaresque prompt kudos flinch discriminating clandestine clump criterion allegory robust poignancy husband contentious versatile aspire grievance conclusive reimburse vehement felicity industrious escapism acidulous chary volatile disclaim prank pore deface acme condiment obligatory dismiss pine revulsion prowess ostracize poseur wrath schism slur gourmet heedless importune tutelage disenfranchise droll entrepreneur jaunty assiduous influx bemoan filibuster pundit tenure badinage antiquated adulterate intemperate pivotal parry extricate precipice lament vogue eccentricity cogent benevolent misgiving deign pusillanimous hovel insurmountable turncoat histrionic dross verbatim virile ponderous nocturnal mobile frenzied cognate lucrative contrived gregarious stultify penury renegade colloquial deride censor prognosis connoisseur revelry exigency rendition delirium euphoria parochial prestige crop hypocritical emaciated rancor admonition clout confound ignoble apocalyptic hiatus tranquility partition opaque invert exorbitant throes suborn tentative clime nuptial lurid temporal waif dogged malady dregs breadth animated raspy cubicle ineffable transient avid austere ingenue contortion abut accost smirk phobia phlegmatic sunder intervene affinity mercurial compliance tightwad unruly demagogue impetuous recidivism engross cavil gloat modulate inarticulate sleight verge perjury practicable profane
SAT Long List (Suppl) was originally published on PinkWrite
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LFF 2018: Long Day’s Journey into Night (Bi Gan, 2018)
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Ellipsis driven, Bi Gan’s epic unfolds dreamily in neon greens and purples, inside flooded rooms and ruins that still carry the lingering smell of illicit activities. Luo (Huang Jue) returns to the town he left, looking for a woman he lost. It’s a well worn premise and little more exposition is needed; hewing close to the narrative conventions of the genre, Long Day’s Journey into Night is a ruminant on torch bearing, both filmic and personal, establishing a world in which noir is myth: there will always be something lost, there will always be someone trying to regain it and the world is against them.
Then 90 minutes in, Luo sits down in a cinema, puts on a pair of 3D glasses and Bi Gan takes this logic to its ultimate conclusion. The film fades to black, returns with a late title card and the worlds fabric becomes myth.
We enter into an hour long tracking shot, entirely in a 3D used to conjure the otherworldliness of what we have emerged into. Not everyone will buy it, in my screening there were walkouts either side of the divide. And yeah there’s a real dumbness to it, buying into it’s own technical wizardry at its most indulgent and, as a character points down past a zip line towards a conurbation of lights saying “make your way through the ruined prison”, feeling like an open world game.
Even with these flaws the ambition is admirable and as the camera glides and spins into the realms of magical realism come moments of real transcendence, culminating in Luo's eventual confrontation with a form of reality; an anticlimax that demonstrates a sense of restraint and clarity of vision. We are unclear if anything has really happened at all, left only a weightlessness in the thought that memories owe more to the present than they do to the past.
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sandoirs · 8 years
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“Céline is my Proust!” Philip Roth once said. “Even if his anti-Semitism made him an abject, intolerable person. To read him, I have to suspend my Jewish conscience, but I do it, because anti-Semitism isn’t at the heart of his books… . Céline is a great liberator.” Louis-Ferdinand Céline was born on this day in 1894. He was a French writer largely remembered for his first novel “Journey to the End of the Night,” a loosely biographical work teeming with disease, misanthropy, and dark comedy. He was decorated for bravery in the First World War, and wrote anti-Semitic pamphlets in the run-up to the Second, after which he was declared a national disgrace and imprisoned for collaborationist sympathies. Céline, in short, is one of the great problems in twentieth-century literature: you find yourself irresistibly drawn in by the fearless singularity of his vision, even while aware of the appalling place to which it led him. What’s striking is how absent his grievous opinions are from his great novels where one can occasionally glimpse a gentle humanist buried beneath a bitterly stung idealism.
Everything that Céline became was an act of will. From a modest background, he was taken out of school early to work in trade, but he seemed unable to hold down jobs. The First World War—in which he was wounded while voluntarily undertaking a dangerous mission—freed him from this humdrum future; he educated himself relentlessly and came out of the war determined to be a doctor. He worked as an obstetrician and later in a public dispensary for the poor. The mind that emerged from this background is defiant, obscene, unsparing, willfully provocative, but it is also entirely without vanity.
Céline does not attempt a novel of ideas. His work has little in common with that of his contemporaries Sartre and Camus. And he defies the expectations of more traditional fiction—any impulse towards heroism, transcendence, escapism are absent. One is forced to read Céline in a different way—to not only share his perceptions but to somehow feel them. With his speech rhythms, his slang, his heavy use of ellipsis, he embroils you in the writing. But this is much more than a trick of style; it is the work of a wildly original imagination. His writing is intensely physical: a New York subway train is “a cannonball filled with quivering flesh”; he describes the “long, oozing house fronts” of the poor Paris suburbs and the “rickety dribbling children with nosefuls of fingers.” His experience as a soldier and doctor perhaps account for a biological fixation in his imagery and a perspective of pitiless objectivity. Here he is describing the act of speech:
When you stop to examine the way in which words are formed and uttered, our sentences are hard put to survive the disaster of their slobbery origins. The mechanical effort of conversation is nastier and more complicated than defecation. The corolla of bloated flesh, the mouth which screws itself up to a whistle, which sucks in breath, contorts itself, discharges all manner of viscous sounds across a fetid barrier of decaying teeth—how revolting! Yet that is what we are adjured to sublimate into an ideal. It’s not easy. Since we are nothing but packages of fetid, half-rotted viscera, we shall always have trouble with sentiment … Feces on the other hand make no attempt to endure or to grow. On this score we are far more unfortunate than shit; our frenzy to persist in our present state—that’s the unconscionable torture. (“Journey to the End of the Night”)
While using language to persuasively undermine itself, this passage captures the essence of Céline’s deepest comedy: the energy of the writing versus the sense of utter futility he conveys. The sheer stylistic exuberance with which he puts forward character is often in devastating contrast to the pointless, calamitous schemes in which they are caught up. The best example of this is the editor, writer, and inventor whose insane and increasingly manic moneymaking schemes make up a third of “Death on the Installment Plan”:
Courtial des Pereires himself never stopped producing, imagining, conceiving, resolving, making claims … his genius tugged at his brains from morning to night…And even at night it didn’t rest…He had to hold tight to resist the torrent of ideas…And be on his guard…It was incomparable torture … Instead of dozing off like other people, he was pursued by chimeras, new crazes, fresh hobbies…close dialogTo get more of the latest stories from The New Yorker,sign up for our newsletter.Get access.
The artistic energy Céline puts into creating this character, crafting one episode after another of virtuosic absurdity, seems of a piece with his own description of the novel’s paradox: “For me, you only had the right to die when you had a good tale to tell. To enter in, you tell your story and pass on. That’s what “Death on the Installment Plan” is, symbolically, the reward of life being death.” Céline draws his vitality, his linguistic life from a joy in describing human action that comes to nothing.
There is no room for pathos in Céline’s vision. He seems almost to fear it—as if it might be a mere literary indulgence. Although he describes the most wretched, pitiful scenes, he is always quick to undermine our sympathy. In “Death on the Installment Plan,” waiting for a train at Gard du Nord, Ferdinand is embraced by his mother’s “misshapen carcass”:
“I was terribly ashamed […] She hugged me so hard, with such a storm of emotion, that I reeled…On those occasions the tenderness that welled up from her misshapen carcass had the strength of a horse…The idea of parting drenched her in advance. A howling tornado turned her inside out, as if her soul were coming out her behind, her eyes, her belly, her bosom…it hit me in all directions, it lit up the whole station… […] I didn’t dare admit it, but in a way I was curious…I’d have liked to know how far she could go in her effusions…From what nauseating depths was she digging up all this slop?“
Running through this scene is the shame the family feels in an unfamiliar public space so far removed from their usual poverty-stricken surrounds. They cling to one another at the station, feeling miserably exposed, “timid, furtive.” But having set this up, Céline undercuts it with his curiosity about his mother’s emotions, her “slop.”
Céline’s autobiographical self is largely good-natured, sensitive to the discomfort of others, but unable to offer solace. One feels that he would consider it somehow dishonest, and that this is not a grand principle or a pose, but an instinct. Pulling against the bog of misanthropy in Céline’s work is a modesty, a naivety even. In “Journey to the End of Night,” Bardamu (his alter-ego) is at a trading post, deep in the African jungle, with an army officer who confides in him about his orphaned niece whose education he is paying for with money from various illicit trades with the natives. Céline writes how the officer tells the story in a “strange bumbling voice” and “blushed crimson, as if her had done something absolutely indecent.” Bardamu feels his distress and instinctively knows he “ought to help him tell his story,” but he is at a loss at how to respond to it: “I didn’t know what to say, I had no experience, but his heart was so superior to mine that I went red in the face.”
In Céline’s world, human suffering is on the same footing as human pleasure; there is no system of abstract truth to which one can appeal. “A time comes when you are all alone,” he writes in “Journey to the End of the Night,” “when you’ve come to the end of everything that can happen to you. It’s the end of the world, even grief, your own grief, doesn’t answer you anymore, and you have to retrace your steps, to go back among people, it makes no difference who.” There is something touching about this insight from one of literature’s most infamous misanthropes: the only place where, finally, we might find shelter from our suffering is in company—among people.
Céline returned to France in 1951, having been granted amnesty. He never renounced his former views and seemed to remain largely unrepentant, but in an interview in 1957 when asked about his anti-Semitism, he said, “My great sin in this was pride and, I’ll admit it, vanity, and stupidity.” In this utterance, he cites the very qualities that never mar his fiction. During another interview on TV that same year, he appears like a corpse, completely ravaged, sucked dry from the inside. The interviewer asks what message he hopes to impart about people before he dies: “Ils sont lourds,” (“they are heavy”), he says over again
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