#ill stop here bc i can go on for hours but GOD that post made me angry

[ohbabydollie]

some schlatt n latina reader hcs bc i can and i’ve never seen them done and it js makes sense in my mind

he absolutely loves celebrating holidays with you, especially in the winter time

“cut a small piece schlatt” you warn looking at him “but i want a big-” “i swear to god, if you get the baby” you threaten as he cuts a large chunk and starts eating it with his chocolate abuelita before suddenly stopping as you raise a brow at him

he spits something into his napkin

“le tocó el bebé! (he got the baby!)” your tía cheers as you stare at him

“you should’ve eaten it” you huff jokingly

he will speak to your family in spanish and understands them which is a first from a partner of yours and they like it very much

he’s loves the food

especially caldos y sopas

n stuff made mostly in the winter time (100% asks for caldo de pollo on the hottest day known to man)

now refuses to drink regular pack hot chocolate after drinking chocolate de abuelita and makes you make it for him when he’s craving some

like will eat 2-5 bowls of pozole if given the chance with tostadas

“mamá ya, he’s had enough to eat” you say picking up his bowl of pozole before your mom takes it “pero míralo, tiene hambre(but look at him, he looks hungry)” she says serving him some more “no le das de comer o que? (you don’t feed him or what?)” she asks placing the plate down as he grins making you roll your eyes

your tias y abuelitas LOVE him from how much he eats and how he’ll sit around gossiping and talking with them for hours

your younger siblings or cousins absolutely adore him, from gaming to playing soccer with him and will ask for him when he doesn’t come with you to a dinner or party

yk how they rent out bouncy houses for birthday parties

he’s helping the kids tipping them over and will unplug the bouncy house to mess with them as they start to yell

“why are you here? did jay come?” your nephew asks looking up at you as his mom smacks him on the head “pide la bendición primero menso (ask for blessing first dumbass)”

some of your family didn’t really understand his career at first until after he explained that making and posting videos makes him money along with his other businesses

“soy muy trabajador y tengo dos negocios (im very hard working and i have two business)” he explains as your family nods, especially your tios, in approval

speaking of tios, they didn’t like him at first

kinda standing there judging him silently, beer in hand until they offered him one and he responded in spanish

now they’re asking when the both of you plan on getting married, especially after hearing how “hard working” he is

has a love-hate relationship with the crusty white dogs or chihuahuas your family has

they will bark, bite and nip at him until he stops trying to pet and hold them

god forbid one of them claimed you as their favorite person because he is not allowed in your vicinity at all

“be nice, es tu papi (he’s your daddy)” you say, the dog growling at schlatt while schlatt gives it the cockiest grin “soy tu papi nuevo (im your new daddy)” he says going to pet the dog as it tries to bite his finger

makes jokes about you using him for a green card, money, etc. but won’t push your boundaries at all

“it’s either bisexual or bipolar and i chose bipolar when it comes with a fat ass in forbidden pants” schlatt tells the chat as you come in, handing him something to eat and walk out as he watches you, “yeah the red flags are looking green when you’re seeing them from behind”

likes your attitude, just the witty comebacks n stuff

especially when you’re around his friends and say something in spanish that will have him flustered while they ask for him to translate

if he ever genuinely makes you upset he’s at your feet, apologizing

“please please please please” he begs, on the floor “jay, it’s fine” you say crossing your arms in the way he knows it means its not fine “POR FAVOR (PLEASE) Y/N, ILL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT” he begs, pulling out his wallet

is probably the biggest simp known to man for you

will use anything as an excuse to show you off, like anything

even gifts, he’ll take a photo of the gift and post it along side a selfie you sent him just to show you off some more

flexes you to everyone from his friends to chat

“what does the schirlfriend look like?” he reads off, immediately grabbing his phone to show off the new lock screen he has of you “hot as fuck, i’ll tell you that for sure”

might write some more if u guys want it :3

[stardustsomewhere]

can we get a fruit cult saga recap :0

yes sorry it took me so long to reply!

my ex gf (lemon) got me into the cult because she was like oh theres this funny groupchat im in can you join so a few days after she joined i did. at first it was all really funny and sweet and any red flags seemed like ill timed jokes? like they had a groupchat called THE PIT they would send you too but it felt so silly i didnt notice it was weird.

anyways after a few weeks i suddenly checked the gc at work and saw they were egging my girlfriend on who was on the roof of her office building. for context shes deathly afraid of heights. they kept telling her to jump or to scream at people down below and call them slurs. i was sure it was a bad bit until she posted photos and then i left work to go get her. i found her in the stairwell having a panic attack and talking about the "angels" and how she was hearing voices and stuff. genuinely terrifying stuff

i was out of my element so i just called my mom and asked her what to do and she said hospital ASAP so i drove my gf there. they didnt really take her seriously but kept her for about 72 hours but when they released her she dumped all her medicine and refused to take it. i forced her to for a bit but she was still acting weird so i gave up and was planning on leaving

then one night i ate some mushrooms she had forged and went CRAZY and ran out the house. i didnt get too far before my body rejected it and i puked and passed out. my gf thankfully had enough sense to take me to the hospital and we both had to get our stomachs pumped (awful, do not suggest) turns out for a while she had been misidentifying mushrooms and i had avoided dishes with it in it cause i hate mushrooms and never noticed.

so it seemed like really good at this point! we were dedicated together to making sure nobody else got hurt and we were going to transition the group chat into a much safer version with everyone getting help and such. i wanted to stop apple from hurting herself and others. then apple demoted lemon from her stupid rank (top rank was ring) and lemon LOST HER MIND. she was so upset it was all she talked about

then she threw another member under the bus to get promoted again and started acting really distant and weird. we stopped talking about how we were going to help them see the truth and get out of all the brain washing and more about if we believe in the fruit god (im an atheist and she knows this. this is important to me as a physicist too plus religious trauma)

then is started getting sick and after a few days i started acting and doing erratic stuff. i was fully aware it wasnt normal and called off work for a few days to figure it out. i was about to go to the dr when someone told me to check me food on here and lo and behold, the mushrooms again. she had been putting it in my food ON PURPOSE THIS TIME

the next morning after sleeping the shrooms off as much as i could i opened my phone to see she decided our apartment was OPEN TO ANYONE IN THE CULT. she was having the leader come LIVE WITH US! i had been given no time to know let alone consent. i paid half the rent and most the bills (she helped in other ways dw it was very 50/50) and i was just so upset and scared that i just said its over. i took my cat and most my stuff (left my furniture, there was no hope of moving it) and just moved in with a friend. thank god she had a spare room for an office she was willing to rent to me.

bcs i left now everyone in the cults really mad at me so i honestly just got overwhelmed and shut my phone off. i dont wanna text them for a few days tbh. it was just too much. especially this one guy called fig, they were just always so mean to me it made me cry several times. they kept trying to find ways to hurt me, including some ableist stuff about how i should do drugs even if i medically cant. some of their friends (shrimp and plum) also went out of there way to attack me and try and physiologically torture me. i felt so bad i just shut my phone off

honestly at this point idk the benefit to trying to be anyones friend in this cult. idk why im even trying to help them. i feel used and abused. i feel VERY abused. i dont know. lifes hard

[buyoump3]

"i think cql is badly edited" i think i will run you over with my car

[milogreer]

HELLO here are my incoherent thoughts on these kick ass playlists 💖 this is even longer than part one because i'm soooo normal about blake, milo, and morgan specifically. obviously. have fun 😇

elliot

this side of paradise takes me out EVERY TIME. ENOUGH

okaayyyy fourth of july? closing this playlist now-

RIBS?? rubs temples

frame the halves and call them brothers….

RUN BOY RUN IS MAKING ME SICK

no fuckin way you put sufjan’s fourth of july on here too. HELLO?

blake

sorry in advance ‘cause i fear. i will be very insane about this one. 2 hours and 45 minutes??

okay so i already said in previous tags that ‘the red means i love you’ made me grind my teeth together but i’ll say it here too. cause it’s true.

“i can fit two people under my skin […] you crawled up in there and joined me within” LOVE this song grrrr

monet issues ……… okay i am listening. “spent too many years finding myself in the wreckage under rubble, i got myself in trouble” “blood doesn’t mean a thing when you cannot fucking breathe and you lose yourself completely” IM DONE LISTENING.

STALKER’S TANGOOO A CLASSIC. no notes.

“and i found jesus, what a liar, so i trade licks with muddy waters” COME ONNN

FUCKIN SLEEPWALK?? holy shit i haven’t heard this song in ages. fuck this one is so good

stoppp stop stop saint bernard??? this song makes me CRAZY

an unhealthy obsession ✔️ another classic yandere song. “you’ve got those eyes that drive me crazy and i’ve got eyes to watch you sleep” 💀

THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED ON IDLE WORSHIP

BACKSTABBER OMG. i legit haven’t heard this song since i was a teen. fuck yeah. bonus points for the basement line gdkjghfkl

“i hear voices, i see visions / these spirits are your prison” ‼️‼️‼️

of course we must have meant to be yours. what yandere character playlist is complete without it

cold cold cold YESSS. GENIUS. “as the darkness falls, it fills up both my eyes / my life before me like a flash in the night” YES

this is love is going to make me start throwing things for REAL. “everyone that tried to fix me knows that i can’t change a bit / i’ve got no shame, got no pride, only skeletons to hide” RRRGGGG

sitting with brutus for a long time. many thoughts. also “as i set to face it, i’m unsure / should i embrace it, should i run? what motivates me, hatred? is it love?” GOD

‘bad idea right?’ mhm mhm nodding sagely

MY WAY OF LIFE. YOU GET ME.

AND SUPER PSYCHO LOVE WOOO. i love yandere songs <3

this took almost my whole lunch break but it was so worth it. tysm for this i can’t wait to be even more mentally ill about blake than i already was by listening to this in full lmfao

sam/darlin

oh my fuckin god francesca.... "how could you think, darlin, i'd scare so easily?" "my life was a storm since i was born, how could i fear any hurricane?" STOP.

thank you for putting lil nas between two hozier songs bc i needed the reprieve honestly before de selby (part 2). this is sick

save a horse ride a cowboy my beloved <3

YOO FIRECRACKER. josh turner <33 ik sam is literally southern but it's still so fun to me when there's country songs on his playlists 'cause i feel like country songs are never on character playlists :') i love this

no but this is full of gems... tongues & teeth, we'll never have sex, arms tonight, the night we met, until i found you, i found ?? it just keeps going. NORTHERN ATTITUDE?? LITTLE LION MAN. CEILINGS. i have to get out of here actually

I'M DYING AT SHAKE IT FOR ME. how is this song from 2011 i feel SO OLD

sam

pleaaase please not family line again 🫠

bdg covered lay all your love on me??? this is sending me to the MOON

MMM ain't it fun is so so good. thinking

i think you had believe me in one of your other posts abt sam but mannn MAN. MAN I LOVE IT.

seeing jaymes young on playlists gives me ptsd like i KNOW whatever song it is is gonna hurt. and it did here too 😔

david

kind of really obsessed with this cover of make a man out of you

bahaha true love by p!nk 😭 sooo real. i love this song

[sees yellow by coldplay] HEY 🫵🏼 stop that!!

SAINT BERNARD AGAIN BRO. CMON

i don't know welcome home son by radical face but i know enough radical face to be afraid of that song LMAO

asher

hard times is such a banger for ash, like ... this energy with these lyrics >>>

wow i only know a handful of these actually ���� LOVE scrawny for him sm AND ELECTRIC LOVE<3

milo

MY MAIN MAN. RGHH. something so personal abt his cover having a cross necklace *_*

good old fashioned lover boy EXACTLY EXACTLY. i'm literally always saying this

listening to i can't handle change like this 😐🧍🏼‍♀️ why would you do this to me

hmm i wasn't sure abt sweater weather at first but actually yeah... yeah

oohh nothing is so sweet 🥺 like giving me a cavity sweet. i love it

wait i've been listening to this one as a real playlist and why did it take me halfway through everywhere i go to remember this wasn't just my liked songs LMFAO

rolling from would that i into bad idea right has me CACKLING. kind of a genius pick! really fun song from either POV honestly

WOMANIZER IS SO TRUE like sometimes i'm sorta picky abt referring to him as some kind of playboy but like . he's CHARMING. we all know this. he sure as shit knows it

oh fuck shut up and drive?? between this and animals on david's playlist i'm gonna act UP

hey speaking of nickelback LOL she keeps me up is such a fun song

HAHAHA VIOLET?? "looking through the peephole on the door of my apartment" STOP that's so funny 😭😭

hmmmm. slides habits onto my blake playlist.

us putting teeth on our milo playlists🤝 god this song rules

what the fuck did troye sivan put in this album?? "i feel like my mother might like you" 🥺🥺

jealousy jealousy !! "i think too much 'bout kids who don't know me" SHH. HUSH. finding out even milo gets self conscious was like a kick in the head

OH MAN CLASSIC IS SO GOOD.

vincent, vincent/lovely, & porter

speedrunning all them in one go cause i'm not super into these guys RIP

two birds is SICK it is sick and twisted on every playlist i've ever seen or put it on

extremely satisfied to see electric love on here LMAO opportunity knocked and you answered!

STOP WITH SUFJAN'S FOURTH OF JULYYY OW

strawberry wine ....... 🫠

oh my god and through me (the flood) wtf.

LITTLE TALKS. good god i was just shot back to my sophomore year of high school

oohhhh the busted wine bottle for porter's cover >>>

ok the first four songs on porter's KICK ASS. brutus in this context gives me goosebumps like crazy ("if you want i'll call you king, but why do i lie awake each night thinking instead of you, it should be me" GEEZ)

first time??? okay. i'm glad that's the end of this because that's so mean 😭

geordi

this luigi's mansion remix goes so hard

FUCK ABOUT IT >:0 my best friend sent me that for them a few weeks ago!! sick and twisted but so so tasty

songs i can't listen to is going to make me WEEP. AHHHH

literally the first line in i love you so gets me every single time for him 😐 and it's all downhill from there

vampire?? VAMPIRE? dog. you can't do this to me.

DIAL DRUNK YOU CANTTT DO THIS 😭😭

okay my girlfriend is a witch is making me giggle so you're forgiven LMAO

never mind you put be nice to me on here. "there's very little left of me and it's never coming back" WE'RE SO OVER

morgan

^ me rn opening morgan's playlist knowing i'm to blame for it. i’ve had dinner between morgan and geordi so i have ENERGY.

i only know once in a lifetime from the meme but “letting the days go by, let the water hold me down” ✔️✔️✔️ same as it ever was‼️‼️

DEAD MAN’S PARTY YESSS THE VIBES!!!!

ooohhhh what’s the time where you are !! i rly liked this one when i first heard it on milo’s (i think) & it fits rly well here too :0

murder on the dancefloor ✍🏻✍🏻

I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU EXPECT STARING INTO THE TV SET 🎶🎶 FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE

argh i have GOT to listen to more of duo’s music ….

GIRLS ON FILM 👯‍♀️🎥

mad world??? “the dreams in which i’m dying at the best i’ve ever had” ??? this isn’t fun anymore 😐

you worry too much, you make yourself sad ‼️ you can’t change fate but don’t feel so bad‼️

OK OK I’M DONE. DOG THESE ARE SO AWESOME. the effort you’ve put into them is NUTS and they’re so gorgeous !! i had a blast listening and reacting to them hehe ty again for sharinggg and i am NOT sorry for inspiring the morgan playlist 😌💕

my redacted audio spotify playlists - pt one

alrighty gang, here we are! ive been teasing it for a while, but im finally making a post with the links to my redacted audio playlists.

the ones i have public are the only ones that will be included, i dont have my listener character ones public rn only because theyre based on my interpretations of the listeners and are very special to me.

anyways, lets get on to the fun part! btw, some of the songs on the ship playlists might skew a bit towards a gendered-ish feel. thats just based on my interpretation of the listener characters. the songs can still work in a gender neutral sense.

included in this; guy/honey, guy, the D.A.M.N. crew, gavin/freelancer, lasko/coworker, gavin, lasko, damien, huxley, elliott/sunshine

i will be reblogging this soon with the rest of the playlists, have no fear hjkfagfh

the playlists

━━━━━━

guy/honey

guy

the D.A.M.N. crew (mainly polyDAMN)

gavin/freelancer

lasko/coworker

gavin

lasko

damien

huxley

elliott/sunshine

[bananonbinary]

Time for a Salty Meta Post about Martin!

people who’ve followed this blog for a bit know that spending six hours combing through text for some goddamn sources is my specialty, so i compiled every time jon ever talked about martin’s work in season 1. which for the record, he stopped complaining about all the way back in episode 26, where he was angry that martin of all people got hurt.

things jon gets mad at martin for:

not being able to find records that don’t exist

not being able to find someone based only on a first name

the Dog

not wearing trousers in his off-hours

being the one that got caught up in the jane prentiss thing

mag 004 and mag 012 both have jon taking potshots at martin over research that was proven accurate by outside sources

things jon has never once complained about:

martin not understanding the filing system and just putting stuff away at random

martin being clumsy, constantly ruining things, spilling tea everywhere everyday, etc

martin turning in incompetent, poorly-edited, or badly formatted reports

martin not understanding the terminology used, skills expected, etc., and generally being extremely new to the field

please for the love of god stop making martin the silly bumbling idiot who can’t do anything right just because he doesn’t have a formal education. there’s zero evidence for it in the text, and it’s really weird to act like a 4 year degree would outweigh the *10 years* of job experience he has, not just in academia, but in the institute itself by season one. my boy has worked there longer than ANY of the rest of the main cast. screw you guys.

tl;dr: martin is never once shown to be bad at his job, jon pretty much only ever gets mad at him for the really stupid first impression and also not finding stuff that no one else was able to find either. after martin got hurt, jon talks about his research basically the same way he talks about tim’s or sasha’s work.

fucking proof under the cut:

(i didnt include the s1 finale or martin’s statement bc that’s just...two entire episodes of them talking to each other, but there isn’t really any notable Martin Complaints in either of them imo)

I swear, if he’s brought another dog in here, I’m going to peel him.

[pre-launch trailer]

.

Well, technically three, but I don’t count Martin as he’s unlikely to contribute anything but delays.

[...] Alongside this Tim, Sasha and, yes, I suppose, Martin will be doing some supplementary investigation to see what details may be missing from what we have.

[MAG001 Anglerfish]

.

Martin couldn’t find any records of Ex Altiora as a title in existent catalogues of esoteric or similar literature, so I assigned Sasha to double-check. Still nothing.

[MAG004 Pageturner]

.

I had Martin conduct a follow-up interview with Mr. Woodward last week, but it was unenlightening. Apparently there have been no further bags at number 93 and in the intervening years he has largely discounted many of the stranger aspects of his experience. I wasn’t expecting much, as time generally makes people inclined to forget what they would rather not believe, but at least it got Martin out of the Institute for an afternoon, which is always a welcome relief.

[MAG005 Thrown Away]

.

Martin was unable to find the exact date the original house was built but the earliest records he could find list it as being bought by Walter Fielding in 1891.

[...]

We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree.

[MAG008 Burned Out]

.

According to Martin, who was here when they took this statement, it was at this point in writing that Mr. Herbert announced he needed some sleep before continuing. He was shown to the break room where he went to sleep on the couch. He did not awaken; unfortunately succumbing to the lung cancer right there. Martin says the staff had been aware of how serious Mr. Herbert’s condition was, and had advised him to seek medical aid prior to giving his statement, but were told rather bluntly by the old man that he would not wait another second to state his case. I can’t decide whether this lends more or less credibility to his tale.

[MAG010 Vampire Killer]

.

“Veepalach” might also be a mishearing of the Polish word “wypalać”, according to Martin, which means to cauterize or brand. Admittedly, if Martin speaks Polish in the same way he “speaks Latin,” then he might be talking nonsense again, but I’ve looked it up and it appears to check out.

[MAG012 First Aid]

.

I sent Martin to look into this ‘Angela’ character - not that I want him to get chopped up, of course, but someone had to. Apparently, he spent three days looking into every woman named Angela in Bexley over the age of 50. He could not find anyone that matches the admittedly vague description given here, though he informs me that he had some very pleasant chats about jigsaws. Useless ass.

[MAG014 Piecemeal]

.

Martin declined to help with this investigation as he’s “a bit claustrophobic”

[MAG015 Lost John’s Cave]

.

There simply aren’t enough details given in this statement to actually investigate, short of Martin confirming that Mr. Vittery did indeed live at the addresses he provided.

[MAG016 Arachnophobia]

.

Oh, he’s off sick this week. Stomach problems, I think.

Blessed relief if you ask me.

[...]

I asked Martin to try and hunt down Mr. Adekoya himself for a follow-up, but have been informed that he passed away in 2006. 

[MAG017 The Boneturner’s Tale]

.

MARTIN

Well, I need to tell someone what happened, and you can vouch for the soundness of my mind, can’t you?

ARCHIVIST

…

That is beside the point.

[MAG022 Colony]

.

Martin! Good lord man, if you’re going to be staying in the Archives, at least have the decency to put some trousers on!

[MAG023 Schwartzwald]

.

Martin found one other thing while combing through police reports for the Hither Green area. About a month after this statement was given, on May 15th, 2015, police were called out to once again investigate the chapel.

[MAG025 Growing Dark]

.

I know, but it would have to have been Martin, wouldn’t it? I mean, anything goes wrong around here, it always seems to happen to him. Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Why didn’t you report this?

[MAG026 A Distortion]

.

Martin made contact with the son, Marcus McKenzie, but he declined to talk to us, saying that he’d “already made his statement.”

[MAG027 A Sturdy Lock]

.

Tim and Martin had a bit more luck investigating Tom Haan, though only really enough to confirm that he seems to have completely vanished following his departure from Aver Meats on the 12th of July.

[MAG030 Killing Floor]

.

Martin’s research would seem to indicate the place employed a reasonable number of international staff they preferred to keep off the books

[...]

TIM

Ah well, that’s actually what he was asking, huh! Um, apparently Martin, uh, took delivery of a couple of items last week addressed to you. Did he not mention it?

ARCHIVIST

No, he… Oh, yes, actually. I completely forgot. He said he put it in my desk drawer, hold on.

[MAG036 Taken Ill]

[boypussydilf]

ok ur choice between homumiko or asoryuu (...or both??????) for the bingos GO

ABSOLUTELY BOTH!!!!!! LETS GOOOOOOO asoryuu first

OH RIGHT EVEN WHEN UR NOT MAKING AN IMAGE POST TUMBLR PUTS THE IMAGES, LIKE, NEXT TO EACH OTHER SOMETIMES. thats gonna make this post a LOT more tolerable !!!!

I don’t actuslly think “divorced” describes anything they have going on accurately at ALL, there’s just a lot of asoryuu divorce jokes and i think divorce is funny so I nod along, but they’re not divorced. I never talk about them ever but no one misunderstand: they are fucking everything. They’re incredible. Bromance of all time but without the romance (but with the romance). They cant be divorced bc they weren’t together and like not in a “characters who have never been married but are still somehow divorced” way theyre just more like. They got to the Awkward In Between Spot where neither of u is sure if this is like, romantic or not, or what you’re gonna do about it, or anything, and then they’ve just been stuck there for a year and are going to continue to be stuck there for a long time I feel bad for them. They’re really gay though “I dont trust myself so here take this, the sword that is a metaphor for my soul” Stop being gay in public…

FUCK I MEANT TO CIRCLE GAY AF TO HAVE A SWORN RIVAL !!!!!!!!!!! They’re not Sworn Rivals by any means? They’re not even really Rivals on a temporary basis? But also they kind of are. You get it. Right? You get it. It’s their vibes. Nothing about this is a rivalry, it’s just a defense attorney/prosecutor ship and also they’re two guys who go in really hard on the competition with each other which isn’t really anything special in itself lots of people are competitive for fun w close friends but. Idk. They’re doing something and they’re so funny. Asougi saw ryuu and went “what a LOSER” and then the guy Was Better At Talking Then Him and asougi went “i adore this man. I would give up my lifelong dream for his sake.” Kazuma asougi is like that stereotypical late teens girl whos like i DONT CARE that i just met him a week ago were getting MARRIED . asougi went This guy is not cool at ALL and also ive known him for One Year and also ill do almost anything for him. No talking stage mutual obsession and we see god in each others eyes or nothing.

I like asoryuu they are funny. Asougi may bully ryuu on purpose, but ryuu will always get the upper hand completely unintentionally via something dumb. Ok homo miku time

i debated on the “terrible in every way” thing but they do deserve to be called that what with all the. lying to people. guys do you. know ways to navigate difficult situations that arent just *hides information and then is evasive about it* *lies outright about something very major* Guys…………

homo of miko. Mikotoba tried to fix him Once and then went whatevers wrong with him is way funnier & sherlock actively made him worse. But its ok bc their worst crime is being annoying in public. also several dozen counts of breaking and entering.

related topic obsessed w the fact that , like. the only reasonable conclusion to draw abt The Finding-Jigoku Scene. THE Homumiko Scene. is that this is an accurate representation of What They & Their Investigations Were Like, Like, All The Time. mikotoba pulls the ONLY PULL IN VERY DRASTIC EMERGENCIES OR WE FUCKIGN EXPLODE YOU alarm & sherlockjust picks a lock so they can break in & then they fucking dance and insult each other i guess. Gregsons ghost is there screaming something about “lower me into my coffin so you can let me down one last time”. They are 1. silly 2. absolutely taking this seriously but fundamentally do not act like it 3. Breaking the law. Great Job!!!!!!!! I want to see 50 more hours of this. I want to see other characters’ impressions of Them As A Duo so bad. Like ok. again: mikotoba is so funny when u think abt it . absolute professional. regular seeming guy. even comes across as serious or stoic to some people. And then. *gestures to the above*. I just had the words gap moe pop into my head i am going to fucking throw up. Anyway. I just think it’s funnh to imagine some shit like. dr sithe- Oooh there are too many ways this sentence can end. *grabby hands* capcom give us the courtney sithe lore. Okay okay order of events. sithe is working at the same hospital where mikotoba is working & where sherlock moreso just kind of shows up to dick around with chemistry experiments. she knows mikotoba as a good respectable doctor who takes his work very seriously. she knows sherlock as an insane idiot who keeps burning himself. apparently they are living together. well rents high and mikotoba just moved here & hasnt been exposed to the insane idiot so much thats understandable. She sees them on a case. Mikotoba breaks into someones house through the window. And also they dance. She has to continue working with this man.

I don’t know if the timeline adds up in a way where sithe wouldve even been working @ that hospital when mikotoba First got there but you get the IDEA ANYWAY. on a note thats only related in my brain eberyone should read arthur conan doyles a study in scarlet but just the like, first 2 chapters, just to be amused by sherlock holmes. i got sidetracked there maybe lets go back to talking about homumiko.

Sorry to bring this up for th first time w them when it also very much applies to asoryuu but as we all know dgs2 was so fucked up for ending w “and then everyone is separated <3” Insanity. OKAY. okay. OKAY. OKAY. *once again wheels out the giant conspiracy board in my brain where all the homumiko information is stored* they both. like. mikotoba says he never expected to be able to go to britain again & sherlock is like Wow i never thought id be solving mysteries like this with you again!! Ever!!! In my life!!!! and i wont go on the other connected rant abt shit like mikotoba saying “our home” and themjust picking up like nothing has changed bc i think i already did that and also thats not the point i just . like . WHATS GOING ON WITH THEM !!!!!!!!! “WOW! AFTER 10 YEARS I GOT TO SEE YOU FOR LIKE. A WEEK. OK BYE FOREVER <3” HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!! *SHAKES THEM*ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS? ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THIS? “MY CLOSEST FRIEND MY PARTNER MY OTHER HALF. I LOVE GETTING A LETTER A MONTH FOREVER” SCREAM !!!!!!!!!!! this is a fucked up decision. I’m normal.

*blinks like someone who just got woken up at 7pm* i dont know how fucking lomg ive been. writing this post. It seems to have gotten out of hand. i like homumiko. makes them sillyguys makes them halves of a whole makes them . uhhh. gay. *clinks glass* Heres to them impulse adopting many more children !!!!! HAS YUUJIN MIKOTOBA EVER MET GINA

[granolabird]

The Weight of Reality

Post 2x08. Sorry guys, there isn’t really a way to fluff this one out. It’s gotta be angsty. Beth finds out about Rick being put in jail, and immidiately calls him. Needless to say, he’s not doing well. Written while listening to Giants by Imagine Dragons on loop bc that’s such a Rick-centric song. 

Warings: One single F bomb. And a lot of sad teenagers. That is all.

Tags: @hournites @bethchapelsbonnet 

If you’d like to be added to my weekly Hournite fic taglist feel free to ask :)

.

Beth is sitting at her desk doing research when she gets the call. It’s ten at night, and fireworks still light the sky outside her house. She’s always hated the fourth of July. Too much noise and partying. Beth was a fan of neither of those things. This fourth of July felt different though. It felt too quiet, what with all the Eclipso business. She was almost thankful for the bright colourful bursts of light outside her window, reassuring she was still in the real world. She was still here. Eclipso couldn’t get to her as long as she had the goggles on.

Her first instinct after the whole Eclipso business had been to phone Rick. He hadn’t responded, which was nothing out of the ordinary. She chalked it up to the bad service at his farm, as that was his usual excuse. When Beth called Courtney and she didn’t respond was when Beth began to worry. Courtney spent all her free time on her phone. She always answered. She was decidedly not answering. Then Beth tried Pat, who she only really called during emergencies, to the same result. She left them all messages of varying concern, telling them about how she really needed to talk, and she had more information on Eclipso. Perhaps the Whitmore-Dugan family were out having a fourth of July celebration. That made sense. That was the option Beth went with.

So that’s how Beth got here. Googling her life away, looking at shady PDF documents on possible origins of Eclipso, and on the original JSA. She didn’t have much but it was something to keep her brain occupied. She’s skimming an article about The Flash and everything that’s known about him when her phone rings. 

It’s Pat.

She almost takes her goggles off before picking it up instinctively, but she corrects herself and leaves them on as she answers the phone. There's a moment of silence on the other side of the line before Pat speaks.

“Beth?”

“Pat! Thank goodness, I’ve been trying to get ahold of you-”

“Beth, I need to tell you something.” There’s a serious tone to his voice. It reminds Beth of the time the hospital called to tell her family that her grandfather was deathly ill. It’s a tone of voice laced with pity, and she hates it. After everything she’s dealt with tonight pity is the last thing she feels like dealing with.

“What’s wrong?”

She keeps her thoughts to herself, instead focusing on figuring out what Pat has to say. There’s more silence on the other end of the line. She can hear what sounds like Courtney crying in the background. She hears Pat take a steadying breath.

“Pat? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

“It’s Rick.”

Beth’s entire body drops. She feels it. She feels herself crumple. The feeling of dread she thought she’d destroyed when she fought off Eclipso returns instantly, making her feel sick. Rick. 

Something’s happened to Rick.

“Is he…”

“He’s okay, Beth. But he’s in Jail.”

“What?”

“Eclipso got to him. Made him think Matt was Grundy. Rick attacked him, and almost killed him. The police took Rick in. Court and I are at the station now, we’re trying to get it figured out.”

“No.” She can barely hear herself speak.

“Beth I’m so sorry”

“What about the hourglass? Can’t he use that to break out of jail or something?” Beth is scrambling for an answer, a way to help Rick.

“You know he wouldn’t do that Beth, even if he could.”

“If he could?”

“He smashed the Hourglass.”

Beth doesn’t know when she started crying, hot tears flowing down her face. She finally got somewhere with her parents and now this. Now this.

“Beth? Are you okay?”

“Sorry. I’m sorry Pat I just… I need a minute to process.”

“It’s okay Beth. I can call you back later if you want. Then we can talk about what you wanted to tell us?”

Beth wants to say no, that she has to tell them about Eclipso and her immunity to him with the goggles right now but she can’t. She physically cannot. Every time she opens her mouth it feels like fire is creeping up from her lungs. She can barely breathe. 

“Yeah.” 

Is all she can force out.

She’s shaking as Pat hangs up, staring at her cracked phone screen. The photo of her and the rest of her friends smiling split by the nasty lightning-bolt shatters on the glass screen. Broken. She looks at Rick in the photo, his arm slung around her leisurely as he laughs at a joke Mike said before taking the picture. She wants nothing more than to be back with him at that moment. Things seemed so much easier then. 

“I’m sorry Rick. I’m so sorry. I should’ve been there for you.” She murmurs, pressing her forehead to the top of her phone screen.

The phone, of course, provides no response.

She stares at the screen a while longer before she gets an idea, frantically searching up the number of the police station. She’s not sure it’ll work. She’s not well versed in the etiquette of phoning the police station to talk to a newly-arrested teen but it won’t hurt to try, right? 

She hesitates for a moment, her finger hovering over the phone number. She takes a deep breath before she presses it, and then hits the call button.

Ringing

Ringing

And then 

“Blue Valley Police Department, how can I help you?” A deep male voice answers the phone.

“Hi! Sorry, I don’t know if this is the right number to call, or what I’m supposed to be doing here really.” She’s speaking quickly, words blending together in her panic. She takes another deep breath and then continues.

“You have someone I know in detainment? A Rick Tyler? Or maybe he’s under Rick Harris, but that’s not really his name.” She cringes at that statement, but the officer, whoever they are, should call Rick by his real name. He deserves at least that.

“Right. So why exactly are you calling?”

“Oh! Sorry, I’d like to talk to him if that’s possible? I know he’s just gotten there but I’m.. Well I’m his closest friend. I just really need to talk to him.”

“Listen kid, we already have people here trying to figure out what to do with him-”

“Pat and Courtney. They know me, they’d want me to talk to him too. Please. I really need to talk to him. Even if it’s only for a little while. Please.”

A deep sigh on the other end of the line.

“You’re lucky I have a soft spot for young romance. He’s in a detention cell right now. I’ll see what I can do.”

Beth’s mind catches on to the words young romance. She wants to correct the officer and tell her there is no romance, but she doesn’t. Because that would be a lie. There was something. A spark. One that may never turn into anything if Rick gets sent off to a juvenile detention centre somewhere halfway across the country.

“Thank you so much.” Beth breathes, realizing she hadn’t said anything in response.

The officer only grunts, and then she hears the sound of the phone being placed on the table, and footsteps walking away.

It seems like hours before she hears more footsteps, hurried, almost panicked. She hears a vague 

“You have to be quick. I really shouldn’t be doing this.”

No response, only a swoosh of air as the phone is lifted up and then 

“Beth?” Rick’s voice is shaking.

Beth has never heard him so genuinely scared. He sounds terrified, and so deeply sad. He sounds broken. 

“Rick. Rick, I’m here, what happened?”

“Beth.” He repeats her name, and then she hears him sob. 

It’s a guttural noise as he gasps for air, and Beth wishes she could reach through the line to hug him. She wants to be there with him more than anything.

“Rick, it'll be okay.”

“It won’t. I’ve fucked it all up Beth. We can’t fix this one.” He sounds so defeated. 

“We can try. I’m not going to stop trying. This isn’t your fault. We’re going to get you out of this.” “This is my fault. This is entirely my fault. It was bound to happen one day, and now it did. Even Matt knew it, I was destined for the cells. That’s my future.” He’s not even listening to what she’s saying, just rambling to himself at this point.

“Rick-”

“You deserve better than me Beth. You, and the whole team. I’ve been nothing but a dead weight. You’ll be better off without me.”

“RICK.” Beth half-shouts into her phone, tears still burning molten streams down her cheeks.

She hears Rick inhale sharply on the other end of the line. He’s surprised. Good, at least that’ll get him out of his own mind.

“I’m not leaving you and that’s final. Nobody is. You may not think it, but we care about you. A lot. We’re going to get you out of this.”

Another sob on Rick’s end, and she can hear his heavy breathing as he tries, and fails, to regain his composure. 

“I’m sorry. Beth, oh my god I'm so sorry.” She wishes Rick didn’t sound so terrified. 

She wishes there was some way she could reverse time and be there to help him. To make everything better. 

“It’s not your fault. It’s not. Eclipso made you do it. Please, please don’t blame yourself. Please don’t.” She’s pleading, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

“I… Beth I…” He’s at a loss for words. 

She hears the deep voice of the Officer in the background. Shuffling. “I’ve gotta go Beth.” His voice is strained. “Ok. I’ll see you as soon as I can.” Beth offers, hoping it’ll provide him some reassurance.

“Right.”

A deep breath on his end, and then more shuffling and voices. “Beth I.. I lo… I…” He’s really trying to say something, his words choked as he struggles to spit them out. 

Before he can finish his sentence there’s more footsteps and the phone clatters down. A few more seconds of shouts and shuffling before the line cuts out, and Beth is left alone again.

She’s almost certain she knows what he was going to say in that last sentence but she can’t bring herself to think too much about it. It’ll be something to talk about once they get Rick out. They have to get him out. With a sigh Beth returns to staring at her shattered phone screen, still crying. She stares at Rick’s smiling face, and tries to smile back at him. She just wants to be with him. She just wants it all to be okay. She’ll just have to keep telling herself it’ll all be okay. Then, maybe one day it will be. 

It has to be.

[tanoraqui]

okay I have to do this today because even I wouldn’t do it after the godforsaken finale airs, and it’s basically my specialty and I did spend like an hour thinking about it last night while washing dishes. Definitely partly inspired by @words-writ-in-starlight​‘s insightful post on everything Supernatural did wrong, and apologies in advance to all the characters for dragging them into anything related to Christian mythology:

Wei Wuxian’s parents die in a house fire when he’s 6(? I refuse to look anything up) months old

Jiangs are a hunter family I guess? That whole disaster of a family dynamic, except WWX dips out at some point to be idk an environmental activist bc at the time, that seems like the larger threat to the whole world. “Mom and Dad went on a hunting trip and they haven’t come back”, “bitch” “jerk”, 2 brothers in a beat-up old car, you know the drill

Jins are also an old hunting family, but more Men of Letters energy - they have a fancy bunker and do research and avoid getting their actual hands dirty. Jiang Yanli ducked out of the active hunting life a few years ago to be happily married to her peacock and settled down with a baby and she’s fine. We’re not going to bother Yanli. She’s safe and happy and doesn’t need to involved in any of this

so, WWX is the demon blood child developing exciting new abilities like telekinesis, mind control, exorcising demons by sheer force of will...etc, and Jiang Cheng is the Righteous Man. Lucifer, Michael, etc.

s1-3 probably proceeds more or less as spn canon...which I more or less remember...by the time they find their parents at the end of s1, Jiang Fengmian is...ugh, we probably shouldn’t kill him offscreen, I mean, we should probably meet him before he dies. I guess. Madam Yu lasts longer because I’m way more interested in her. But we do know that both Jiang parents are totally inclined to fling the boys into a metaphorical or literal escape boat and go hold the line for as long as possible, so...that’s spn energy...

Xue Yang is the one who’s like “fuck yeah, demon powers” and opens the gates of Hell, because I want him to have nice* things

*nice for Xue Yang

from characterization rather than memory, I’m 90% sure that Dean tried to hide his crossroads deal from Sam, but Jiang Cheng does it...better. I think it does come out, though. Right before the hellhounds do.

here’s where it starts to go farther off from spn canon. Jiang Cheng crawls his way out of the grave, gets stalked by a menacing presence that explodes windows for an episode, incidentally can’t find WWX...*Lan Wangji voice* “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition” (a baller line then and a baller line now)...and then the next episode starts with them all awkwardly standing around, and JC is like, “ok well let’s go find my brother then”, and you think there’s going to be an mdzs-riffing JC+LWJ Roadtrip To Find WWX...and they’re immediately attacked by like a dozen demons

in fact, the first time we see WWX in s4 is here, wherein he goes toe to toe with an angel and...holds his own. that’s new and terrifying! also is leading a squad of demons??

because here’s the thing: for the last 3(?) months, there’s been war in hell

because unlike Some People Mooses, upon finding out that his brother’s soul was legally nearly-owned by a crossroads demon, heir-apparent-to-Satan!WWX went, “actually fuck that” and kicked open the door of Hell (metaphorically, not loosing any demons this time) and was like, “who do I have to beat the shit out of to get a specific crossroads contract around here”

this did not work, obv. He didn’t know until it was too late, Lilith had already snapped up the contract, etc. etc.

obviously he also tried to offer himself instead, and got rejected for some reason

Since Jiang Cheng died, however, there’s been a war for control of Hell. Leading one side, Lilith, the Original Babe, who wants to break all 666(?) seals keeping Lucifer bound and in the meantime, break the Righteous Man so Heaven won’t even have Michael’s destined host ready for the Final Battle. Leading the other side, Wei Wuxian, infamous upstart, who wants to rescue the Righteous Man and restore him to life, tear Lilith’s guts out through her nose, and also stop her from doing the Lucifer thing because Wen Qing explained that yes, that’s a Thing, and it’s Bad.

Wen Qing! I’ve decided to combine Bela and Ruby’s roles and let WQ be both the cool badass example of how demon deals can go Bad and the demon deliberately leading our heroes astray for most of s3-4. Wen Qing is a very new demon; she used to be some sort of herbalist/witch but then she sold her soul in a crossroads deal to cure her brother of some lingering illness. 10 years of happiness and then boom, hellhounds. WQ is so obviously competent, though, that they (Lilith, I guess?) immediately offers her a job, with the promise threat that gee, that’s a nice brother you’ve got there, even with his Designated Chronic Health Condition getting all relapse-y. It’d be such a shame if something were to...happen to him...

we find this out at some point in last s3 I guess? some Monster of the Week case involves WN as a witness or something, or possible next victim, and WQ shows up to be A Normal Amount Of Invested In This, while desperately trying to avoid actually interacting with her brother (who thinks she’s dead). YES, the truth comes out; YES there’s a tearful reunion

now in s4, Wen Ning is fine actually, health-wise, bc he maybe made a crossroads deal with Wei Wuxian personally, and Wen Qing may or may not have admitted that she’s supposed to be working for Lilith to get WWX ready to host Lucifer? Or potentially that comes out later, idk. Either way, she’s 100% his top lieutenant in this exciting Hell War they’re waging

[insert whatever the hell (ha) happened plot-wise in s4 of supernatural]

we obviously mix up the relationships, too, bc it’s like, *LWJ internal monologue* I’m too young to remember my brother Lucifer as he was before he Fell, but surely Wei Wuxian is his Heir and Destined Vessel in truth, for he is Charismatic and Charming and Makes Me Feel Things, with his Clearly Feigned Righteous Drive and Compassion for All God’s Creatures and - why does heat keep pooling in the lower abdomen of my vessel when I look at his lips, which I am definitely doing a Normal and Not-Weird Amount - I’m just keeping an eye out for the famed Silver Tongue, and not in any way wondering how it would feel in my own mouth -

it’s actually DEFINITELY plausible for Lucifer to still be released even if our designated Heir Apparent is using his demon powers to his full potential and no one’s lying to each other about their motives. You just need to let Lilith be more scary too, and especially bc by “no one” I mostly mean Wen Qing; the angels are still totally hiding the fact that they, too, want to jumpstart the shit out of this apocalypse.  LWJ decides at the last minute that that’s a bad idea actually, gets himself discorporated to send JC to intercept WWX because he accidentally releases Lucifer, etc. etc. Oh yeah, the boys were def fighting before this, bc JC has actually fairly reasonable concerns about the sort of things WWX is getting up to in his quest to become King of Hell...

SO

...I neither know nor care what happens in s5

it does end with both Lucifer and Michael locked in the cage probably, bc I rather liked that solution. Fuck both of ‘em, basically.

I was toying with the idea that WWX also found Madam Yu in whatever hellish torment she was suffering after making a deal so her idiot son(s) would survive, and she was leading forces for him in the war against Lilith as well. If she came back to life somehow, body and all, it’d probably be compelling if she offered her own body to Michael - bc it’s her lineage! - and we’re all led to believe that she’s, uh, being a bitch and actually wants to risk destroying the world in order to destroy all demons...but then she seizes back control and flings herself/Michael and Lucifer into the Pit, because she’s just That Hardcore?

which means we’d actually have had her around and having characterization for most of s4-5, too, which would be fun

More importantly, it ends with newly crowned King of Hell Wei Wuxian appointing Wen Qing as Queen-Regent and ditching to go on an indefinite honeymoon with his new angel boyfriend (they’re going to fuck for like three weeks straight, then roll up their sleeves and go conquer Heaven in the name of free will), and Jiang Cheng gets to live out his hitherto-unknown-to-himself life’s ambition to be the sugar baby of the Queen of Hell. It’s very Hades/Persephone, except he goes back down to the underworld at least once a month. He gets his own demon squad whom he trains up in all the hunting techniques and it’s gr9. Wen Qing is reforming the crossroads deal process to make it more fair to the humans.

the end

Addenda:

it should go without saying but Jiang Yanli is definitely a recurring character, like, at least once a season there’s a filler episode where they go to Jiang Yanli’s for dinner and have to get along as a family, and also do the much easier job of defeating some sort of terrible demon that gets loose in the bunker and turns the evening into a horror movie. She’s their main research/emotional check-in person, a la Bobby, more often appearing in later seasons when there’s, uhhh, more to emotionally check in about.

Jin Zixuan is actually a perfectly competent hunter; he’s just a priss and we don’t Like him

we like Mianmian, though. Oh, I guess the official Hunter’s Guild or w/e tries to declare WWX a public enemy on account of the whole “King of Hell” thing and she’s like “actually what if you’re morons and assholes?” and joins hte team in s4 or 5? Yeah.

idk how the 3zun disaster happens in this ‘verse but I do encourage it to be happening in slow motion as a recurring subplot for several seasons. NMJ is a hunter, LXC is obv an angel, and JGY is...I wanna say one of the more human monsters, like a vampire? Or, you know, something that could be born from JGS sleeping with someone/something he shouldn’t have

[littlebabycrybtch]

anyways, autistic adult here going out to all the autism parents out there;;; stop fucking bragging about abusing your autistic kids. i lived through my autistic childhood, you havent, you need to hear me out. stop posting your horrible ‘inspirational stories’ about how happy you are that you ‘pushed through’ and did something awful and distressing to your child in an effort to make them normal. it is so harmful and so disgusting for autistic people to have to hear about. those stories make me wanna gag. they give me physical discomfort, the way these people are so... Proud of themselves, for thinking they are ‘eradicating’ these evil autism symptoms, like the symptoms arent just an inherent fucking PART of their child they destroyed out of blind ignorant ‘care’. fucking listen to yourself. you did not help them. i dont care that they learned some new (usually unnecessary and performative) neurotypical skill you had been pushing on them for years. i dont care how fuzzy inside that makes you feel. i dont care about whatever you come up with that proves their ‘progress’. no. you were projecting your frustrations. you were pressuring them into smth they didnt need. you didnt Fucking help them. you made them Conform. you Hurt them to make them act like everyone else, bc you let yourself become that convinced that their autism is whats damaging them, and not the outside world that tries to dismantle what they are on the daily, for no fucking REASON besides irrationally projecting your own standards and ideals onto them. the ‘cure’ for autism is not ‘acting normal’, for gods sake. you Punished them for being autistic instead of accepting it and accommodating them. frankly, no matter your real intention, its selfish.

like. im sorry but im livid, i am TIRED of seeing this kind of shit encouraged everywhere. forcing your kid into meltdowns unless it is a 110% safety concern, is abuse and disability discrimination, especially when you are trying to force them to be ‘normal’ by punishing them in these awful prejudiced ways until they meet YOUR idealized standards of functioning and ‘quality of life’, which is self centered for gods sake! like! nah man actually im totally fine with some of my symptoms if you people would just leave me the fuck alone about it??? i like stimming, i like special interests, my ‘sensory issues’ can become blissful when i find the right sensory experience, my struggle to communicate has given me so many beautiful Alternatives and connected me with so many people. im fucking fine, i dont always need to bend to you, you can bend to me sometimes, okay? like. smh, neurotypicals/abled people, society revolves around you, sure, but that doesnt mean someone being Different from you makes them the wrong or unhealthy one... they can be Perfectly happy even though they dont live the way you do, and to think otherwise is again, just really self centered. why are you the default? why is YOUR HAPPINESS with YOUR LIFE the default standard??? someone being different from you doesnt always mean their existence automatically Pains them, or that its Lesser or Worse. accommodation and understanding does a hell of a lot better for somebody than trying to just force them to act how you do under the ignorant assumption that it Must be inherently better for them and their existence. “but- things would be easier for them if they were normal right! thats just how the world is!” cool. but they arent. listen to me. They Arent. just fucking accept that, and focus on fixing the obviously bigger issue, the whole ‘WORLD’ part that rejects everything abnormal, jesus christ. like honestly, thats the worst part about being ‘abnormal’, how the outside world fucking treats you. its how they wont fucking let you exist and wont get off their ass to try and understand or support you, without conditions that include ‘copy me as best as you can so its easier for me’. the worst part is that the people who ‘support’ you view that support as wittling you into something less difficult for them to ‘help’ at the expense of your fucking basic comforts or happiness, and they still think theyre doing you a noble favor by making you like themselves. ffs. guys. stop abusing your kids. stop.

“well guys, my autistic kid wouldnt stop pissing themselves so i just stopped buying diapers and made them sit on the toilet for 6 hours, and guess what, they use the toilet the Right way now! :)” “my kid wouldnt hug me or say i love you, so i held them down on the bed till they stopped fighting my affection! now we hug all the time!” “i took away my childs favorite item until they were able to verbally ask for it back. now they know how to say “please”. they must be SO much happier!” i need for you to listen to me right now. you are not fixing them. you are not HELPING THEM. you are breaking them into your neurotypical life like a pair of fucking tennis shoes. its for you. you are conditioning them, with trauma. the fact that you dont see that is a Disturbing display of how little you actually are trying to understand about your child’s life, or frankly anybody elses experiences besides yours. Leave them the fuck alone. you really wanna help your autistic kid fit into the world? dont punish them for stimming, tell ppl in public to stop fucking staring, bc it is their fucking problem. dont force your type of affection or communication, pay some fuckin attention and you’ll start noticing the ways in which THEY communicate with you, which is just as fine. and for the love of god my dude! buy diapers! they exist for a reason! just buy your fucking child their fucking diapers. ill kick your ass oh my God, 

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

@lyhoradka​ tagged me in that post about five bits of text from written media that are burned into your brain and, kindly, gave me a theme of places. i am going to annotate this because i am a bitch

1. holy places are dark places. the wisdom that we get in them is not thin and clear like water but thick and dark like blood. - cs lewis, till we have faces

im almost certain ive misremembered this one but its better this way. clive what the devil fuck were you trying to say with till we have faces. burn it down and start over with this. i have a sidenote about hope faith and love but thats beyond the scope of this discussion

2. night falls. the workers put down their tools and point to the sky. “there is the blueprint,” they say.  invisible cities, italo calvino

again idr if its sky or stars. this is the description of thecla from invisible cities, kindly appointed to me by my good friend venus. this is not the strongest one but it is a strong one and its for Me and i remember it. inna thought i was going to make this whole post about haunted houses and this one is completely the opposite; i’ll consider it aspirational

3. walk to the east till you can walk no more. swim east until you pass the sunrise; swim east until you pass the stars; swim east until you come to the edge of the sky. there you will find yourself on the shores of a different land. even in that place, they shall know your name, and mine. - adel, kc danine/unlikely flowerings, jenna moran

sorry i cheated on this one bc i looked up the attribution and found my memory was wrong. but i cut it up to match what i thought. this one is actually a combo with

3a. the sea will be the color night behind glass. then, slowly, it becomes green: first rain-wet slate, then darkest jade. green as fresh emeralds. green as remembered rivers - the sun beneath the sea, sunless seas

again ive hashed the first part of that but green as remembered rivers lives in my head rent free. these two live under the heading “an exile in the uttermost east”

4. THIS IS NOT A PLACE OF HONOR. NO HIGHLY VALUED DEED IS REMEMBERED HERE. NOTHING OF VALUE IS STORED HERE. 

the warning continues of course but the basis is here. the idea that we cannot produce something so horrifying and terrifying that it does not also fascinate us, as you might guess, fascinates me. nightmare and obsession are such close brothers

5. a woman drew her hair out tight/and fiddled in the violet light/and upside down in air were towers/tolling reminiscent bells that kept the hours/and voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhausted wells.

in my head sean bean reads these lines in his civ vi voice. why did so much weird fiction pattern weird bits of worldbuilding after this bit. not that i am immune. voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhauuusted wells

BONUS CONTENT

so many things i wanted to add that werent written or that i didnt have memorized perfectly enough

1i. the, like, entire first half of to tundra by los camp, which i will reproduce below

meet me at st nicholas among the oaks behind the church that sway like pigtailed girls as summer wind whistles around your bare-shin knees and the forsythia leaves in the shade lay with me tickled by the feather reeds thats where the trees grow old under the ivys hold as you in my two arms equally safe from harm and in a hazy daydream our bodies married the stream and we broke down into pebbles and silt the water ran from the fields until the oceans we filled and found the seabed the comfiest quilt

there was more life in the weeds than in the few hundred seats that rose from transept to chancel to nave [...]

2i. prim leaves her father’s house. i won’t reproduce the whole story here but there’s a girl prim and her father is the god hansa and they live in a house of iron nails and one day her dad is killed and she has to go bury him and takes nothing but his corpse and a single iron nail. and she traipses all across creation and the void looking for somewhere to bury him but every time she tries his corpse shouts at her for being shit at it. and eventually she collapses, and drops the nail and it springs right up into the same exact house, and she imagines crawling in there with her fathers corpse to die next to him and freaks out and then

A pale face came before her and she was abruptly struck from her despair as though by a great hammer. A beautiful stranger had appeared, mild and tall, of milky flesh, spare in figure, but radiant in voice and visage. "I know you," said the stranger in a small voice, "you are Prim."

"I was Hansa's orphan, the slave, Prim," croaked Prim in response, "and now I am nobody, just a small dirty thing in great emptiness and here I will die."

"No," said the stranger, and the clarity and firmness of her voice and smile send a shock through Prim, "you are Prim, and Prim only, and Prim you shall be." And Prim there realized her tears had made a great pool and she was greeting her own reflection. And she fell into that murky pool and straight away it turned clear as crystal and Prim vomited forth a great black knot from very deep within her, and her body was scoured and lashed by the icy waters of that pool, and great draughts of poisonous filth and despondency were drawn in rushing gasps from her wounds, and her skin was sealed and her soiled trappings were purged and the caked illness and death was ripped away and she rose from that pool fresh and humming. Her back straightened and she scarcely thought on her father's corpse or the faintest echo of that iron house.  That is how Prim left her father's house.

so basically abaddon scooped all of tsiy and every other haunted house writer in like five thousand words

3i. berenike

From my words you will have reached the conclusion that the real Berenice is a temporal succession of different cities, alternately just and unjust. But what I wanted to warn you about is something else: all the future Berenices are already present in this instant, wrapped one within the other, confined, crammed, inextricable.

4i. a ghost does not come to stand in the dark doorway of your room because it is an 18th century orphan girl named annie. a ghost comes to stand in the doorway of your room because the doorway is where things come to stand. - i am in eskew, david ward

the formats all fucked up now huh. this has influenced my thoughts on both psychogeo and necromancy. what a fucking guy. theres also the pope lick bridge one but

5i. i hope you will forgive me for including a bit from tsiy

I opened my eyes. I was kneeling at the base of a tree, at the top of a grassy hill, under starry night. Dad was standing a little ways back, head craned back to look at the tree. "What is this place to you?" he asked, looking around. The island came to an abrupt stop at the edges; it wasn't a floating island in space or anything, there just.....wasn't anything beyond the edge of it. Like looking past the edge of your own eyesight -- not the blackness of eyelids, but the colorless place beyond.

"I'll die here someday," I said, and meant it.

i really need to work on getting places and haunted places into the new draft. im slacking. but im also not allowed to go back and change anything rn or ill just never get anywhere

[unironicduncanstan]

the “Tangodeltaindia” blog explained,

aka my brain has cringe spots on it and needs to be inspected by the FDA

hi my names randi/uni and i created a total drama island themed ARG two months ago on a whim that almost no one interacted with bc i started off way too niche and difficult, so i kinda just went increasingly off the rails because i knew most likely no one was monitoring my posts and i could just make a real cursed hidden tomb that could one day be discovered by someone in a goonies esque unveiling. but then i got lice and now im sad and uncomfortable so i’m just gonna explain the entire damn thing in one shot. its absolutely batshit and theres a reason no one uncovered it ok here we go;;;

first of all the name. its so stupid but. ‘tango delta india’ = ‘tdi’ in the NATO phonetic alphabet. it just felt like a funny place to start that implies its gonna be a puzzle blog idk,

moving on to the actual content tho; some of the earlier posts mean p much nothing and were just an attempt to draw people in, such as the mr coconut ‘like if you agree’ or the ‘let him inside hes cold’ posts. 

then theres the cipher (x). it was posted shortly after the height of the ‘using total drama reference pictures to make an alphabet’ meme. in case anybody didnt see that; for a while it was a joke in the fandom to take the transparent references of total drama characters, and line them up, using them like hieroglyphics to make translatable pictures. its supposed to correspond to the alphabet, based on the first letter of their first name. an example could be, alejandro = a, bridgette = b, and so on. there was no solidly set alphabet amongst the fandom though, it was self explanatory most of the time so i made my own solid personal cipher key for that blog to make the whole thing easier.

NOW ONTO THE FIRST PUZZLE POST,,,, (x). theres a scene, a string of text, the cipher key, and a link to a decoder. the way to decode it all is to plug the characters on screen into the tangodeltaindia cipher key, and then plug That translation into the decoder website, and then finally paste in the text under the photo. 

the website linked is to a Caesar cipher decoder. the Caesar cipher is just a code where the alphabet is assigned to numbers (a=1, z=26), and to encode something with it you can move this pattern however you want as long as you keep the regular sequence of alphabet and numbers. so you could scootch over One letter, and “abc” would now say “bcd”. so on and so forth.

looking at the scene + my own total drama reference cipher, alejandro = A, and the beaver = 1, which gives A1. so you could now follow the link to the website, press ‘decode’, and paste in the text under the picture. the ‘shift’ in the middle is automatically set to ‘7′, or as it shows, a -> h, meaning ‘a’ has been moved over by 7 letters. so if you set the shift to just 1 over, or A1, now you can translate the text. it reads;

“lets start simple. after all, a trail of breadcrumbs begins with a loaf. whats the harm in another long winded fandom meme. another inside joke. and arent you curious whats truly lurking inside?”

edgy! simple! kinda just a test to see if people would do it or not. which they didnt so of course i tried to make it weirder-

puzzle 2; (x) using the exact same translation rules as above. we have alejandro and the snake, which with the tangodeltaindia cipher key means A6. going to the website, putting it in ‘decode’ mode, pasting in your text, and setting the shift to ‘6′ gives you this translation.

“in his eyes are an island. nothing but a dream, born out of going to bed angry. sink or swim.”

this was just hinting around at where the story was gonna go so it’ll make more sense later. something else to note; if you zoom all the way in and look into alejandros eye (’in his eyes’), you’ll see the word ‘Thera’. ~thats a surprise tool that will help us later~

so after this one, there are two non-puzzle posts that are also just hints (i was just tryna see if i could get people hyped), the first is a close up picture of chris with red eyes that simply says “those arent his eyes”, and then a post that says “his real names not chris :)”, they’re again referencing his eyes, and this time further implying theres something fake or wrong about them, or with chris as a person. again, it’ll be explained better later on.

moving on to puzzle 3 (x), another test to see if anyones keeping up (which also failed josdfjsdfkjs), using the same translation rules, dj = a dash or minus, and the snail = 5, “-5″, shift the letter ‘A’ BACK five instead of forward, and you get the simple translation of; “getting harder now.”

puzzle 4 and 5; at this point, there are two images posted within hours of each other that i’ll explain together as they line up. (x) (x)

These are some of the only ones that can be translated from just the tangodeltaindia key directly. They end up a string of numbers, which are latitude and longitude coordinates. The first post, labelled “the lie”, translates into “45.57394802102744, -81.46817207492494″. googling that will take you to maps and show you to a place called Lonely Island in Canada.

The second one, “the truth”, translates into “36.404663113177534, 25.39605673375295″, taking you to Santorini, Greece.

This is where the hints got really out there bc i realized nobody was following along but i still wanted to paint a picture. so this is the set up;;; the idea that the ‘island’ (camp wawanakwa) existing somewhere in canada, is a lie. the ‘true’ location being santorini isnt meant to be taken at face value though. the mythology behind santorini is that a man impregnated a goddess and to escape the wrath of her father (triton), she formed the island (santorini) by having her lover throw clay into the sea, and then she gave birth to her son, Theras, on this island, giving the island it’s Other nickname, Thera.

this is again just a vague implication that the island might not be real at all, or that it was formed through cosmic means.

the next two posts are more non-puzzle hints, the first showing the definition of the word ‘fresh’ (new), and the second being images of total drama backgrounds with no characters and the text reading “they were always empty.” more, admittedly very outlandish implications that the island is some kind of illusion, but again mostly just another try to drag people into the blog.

puzzle 6. (x) this one introduces a new concept to the regular translation rules, some of the characters are laying down. its kinda supposed to imply they’re “dead” and that you need to take their corresponding letters out of the alphabet given on the Caesar cipher page, below the shift. The upright characters translate to “-9″, so you shift ‘A’ back 9 letters. Then remove the letters; “TH-E-R-A-S”, and with those letters taken out, you can finally translate the text.

“he creates life solely to destroy it. to crush it in his hands. he births chaos so that he may have something to control. the power has given him madness. the isolation, arrogance. don't try to stop him, he's already chosen to be unstoppable. his mind is a perfectly crafted prison, one we will all soon be living in.”

this is where the story gets more on the nose. it’s talking about chris, and about him being an unstoppable cosmic force, a diety who can create worlds within his own mind, and he does so maliciously just for power. hes created the campers through mental energy just to torment them. it also hints that his plan is to expand the world of total drama island and engulf the whole universe.

puzzle 7. (x) same as the last puzzle. beaver and moose translate to ‘1-0′ or ten. the characters lying down to remove from the caesar cipher alphabet are “T-U-L-P-A”. this doesnt have anything to do with the modern way some ppl interact with tulpas but just the actual idea of creating thoughtforms, or willing your thoughts into real life creations, referencing how chris has created the entire island and everyone on it solely through his mind. with those letters removed and the shift set forward 10, you get this:

“his psychic power is unfathomable. the reality he bore was just a passing thought. an idea that became so dangerous. he predates the idea of a mind, the minds own ability to recognize itself, his synapses are paradoxically ancient. the island exists only within himself, to torment the souls hes created, and damned from the start. will they ever be free?”

it states that chris is more than a man or even just a diety, hes an all powerful god already, yet he craves more power. the final line, “will they ever be free” is in reference to the campers, which segways into the next arc;;; freeing the campers from chris’ psychic island imprisonment.

puzzle 8. (x) to solve this one you have to translate the top image with the tangodeltaindia cipher key, and add it to the text given, which creates a link. this leads to a PDF, a page from a book written by terence mckenna. he’s a famous ethnobotanist known best for his studies on DMT, the strongest hallucinogenic drug in the world, its also known as the spirit molecule. many people on this drug (without any prior knowledge of this phenomenon) will recount meeting strange fractal beings that can create things in the universe just by speaking them into existence, theyve come to be known as ‘machine elves’, a term coined by mckenna. ill show the most important excerpt from the page;

this is less about the psychedelic drug part and more about the words and ideas, like “punching a hole through a dimension so it pours through” and “if god didnt exist man would invent him”. its more worldbuilding towards chris’ power and cosmic abilities

then come 2 more clues. a picture of chris holding his own body captioned ‘ego death’, and the meaning behind the name ‘chris mcclean’. the latter is another “please look over here” post, but the first is another minor reference to the previous puzzles answer involving DMT and terence mckenna. ‘ego death’ is a term again used with strong psychedelic drugs, its the sensation that your spirit as you know it is literally Dying, and you are instead connected to and a part of everything around you. another reference to chris’ power and how he may look like a man but his body and spirit are connected to the world hes built in unfathomable ways. at this point im cementing the idea that chris mclean is not a mortal man and cannot be fought with mortal weapons

puzzle 9. (x) this one was an attempt to make easier to solve puzzles, and comes with a visual of chris looming over the island. the text is in wingdings, which can be translated through multiple websites found through google. it says;

“s︎o︎o︎n︎ h︎e︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ s︎l︎e︎e︎p.︎ h︎e︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ d︎r︎e︎a︎m︎ a︎ n︎e︎w︎ h︎e︎l︎l︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ t︎h︎a︎t︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ b︎e︎ o︎u︎r︎ o︎n︎l︎y︎ c︎h︎a︎n︎c︎e︎,︎ t︎o︎ s︎a︎v︎e︎ h︎i︎s︎ c︎r︎e︎a︎t︎i︎o︎n︎s︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ f︎r︎e︎e︎ t︎h︎o︎s︎e︎ w︎h︎o︎ w︎e︎r︎e︎ n︎e︎v︎e︎r︎ d︎e︎s︎i︎g︎n︎e︎d︎ t︎o︎ b︎e︎ f︎r︎e︎e︎.︎ t︎h︎i︎s︎ m︎a︎y︎ c︎o︎m︎e︎ a︎t︎ a︎ c︎o︎s︎t︎.︎ t︎h︎e︎ n︎i︎g︎h︎t︎m︎a︎r︎e︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ e︎n︎d︎,︎ t︎h︎e︎ o︎u︎r︎o︎b︎o︎r︎o︎s︎ o︎f︎ h︎i︎s︎ s︎y︎n︎c︎o︎pe︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ c︎l︎o︎s︎e︎,︎ b︎u︎t︎ i︎t︎ m︎a︎y︎ t︎u︎r︎n︎ o︎u︎r︎ e︎f︎f︎o︎r︎t︎s︎ o︎f︎ s︎a︎l︎v︎a︎t︎i︎o︎n︎ t︎o︎ d︎u︎s︎t︎.︎ o︎u︎r︎ f︎i︎g︎h︎t︎ m︎i︎g︎h︎t︎ e︎n︎d︎ i︎n︎ s︎a︎c︎r︎i︎f︎i︎c︎e︎,︎ r︎e︎n︎d︎e︎r︎i︎n︎g︎ h︎i︎s︎ l︎a︎s︎t︎ i︎n︎v︎e︎n︎t︎i︎o︎n︎ b︎u︎t︎ a︎ c︎e︎a︎s︎e︎l︎e︎s︎s︎ v︎o︎i︎d︎.︎ w︎e︎ m︎a︎y︎ s︎e︎e︎ h︎o︎r︎r︎o︎r︎s︎ t︎h︎a︎t︎ c︎a︎u︎s︎e︎ t︎h︎e︎ s︎t︎a︎r︎s︎ t︎o︎ s︎h︎u︎d︎d︎e︎r︎,︎ b︎u︎t︎ w︎e︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ t︎a︎ke︎ t︎h︎i︎s︎ c︎h︎a︎n︎c︎e︎.︎ w︎e︎ h︎a︎v︎e︎ n︎o︎t︎h︎i︎n︎g︎ t︎o︎ l︎o︎s︎e︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ a︎ w︎o︎r︎l︎d︎ o︎f︎ n︎o︎t︎h︎i︎n︎g︎n︎e︎s︎s︎ t︎o︎ e︎n︎d︎.︎ m︎a︎y︎ t︎h︎e︎ s︎e︎a︎ s︎w︎a︎l︎l︎o︎w︎ u︎p h︎i︎s︎ i︎s︎l︎a︎n︎d︎ o︎f︎ l︎i︎e︎s︎.︎ g︎o︎d︎ pr︎o︎t︎e︎c︎t︎ y︎o︎u︎.︎”

this is essentially saying that the island, the campers, werent all just created from his mind, but from his dreams. this confirms that he Sleeps, and claims hes going to sleep again soon, and during that time period theres a chance to kill him before he can dream up another world (or season) to control and torment. its also saying that theres a chance killing him will destroy the island and campers, but that its the only choice we would have to end the cycle. hey guys i am so bored and over the years i have been on every stimulant and anti depressant doctors are legally allowed to prescribe and its still just not quite there yet huh

puzzle 10. (x) the video, the title translates to “the island of his eye”. its just meant to encapsulate everything ive already been hinting around at but with real footage and some audios taken from the show, and again, it was me tryna make some lore that was easy to digest and also terrifying to an audience with no other context. the final images are the only new clues, if you pause fast enough you can barely make out the characters that (paired with the tangodeltaindia cipher key) would say “set them free”, and you can also see an aerial view of what is actually called “the eye of argentina”. it is a real island that rotates atop a swamp, it is geometrically perfect and no one really knows for sure why it rotates the way it does or how it was formed. this clue is simply related back to the idea that the island of wawanakwa’s location is not in canada, and that it does not function like a normal island.

puzzle 11. (x) what td blog is complete without a uquiz? anyways, it doesnt matter how you answer the quiz, theres only one possible result. the title is a link to a mega file, which is protected with a decryption key. the image attached to the result, when deciphered, is the randomly generated key to the unlock the file. the image you see from the file is this; (TW for mentions of self harm and eye trauma)

in case this is too hard to read ill transcribe what it says;

“How to escape the dream - accept that there is no dream to escape, and no you to escape it. - believe in it anyways. - sleep on your back. - cover your eyes. - hide a nail under the pillow. - wait for the ringing. - when you first see him, dont call his name. dont speak. - keep your eyes shut. - on the second night, ask where the camp is. he wont respond verbally. - on the third night, you’ll see his eyes. - on the fourth night, you’ll enter them. - you can’t turn back after the fifth night. - don’t try to hide your fears. he knows them before you arrive. - don’t shut your eyes for too long when it becomes too much. you risk losing them. - find chris mclean. - don’t stop till the nail is through the socket. - repeat on the other side. - repeat on yourself. - congratulations. they are free”

this is, believe it or not, an idea that comes from my very own sleep paralysis experiences. ive dealt with it a lot, so why not make a weird ritual thing for an arg based off it ig. so whenever i’d fall asleep on my back, i’d eventually hear this ringing in my ears (or it’d happen upon waking up), and then the sleep paralysis would begin. i only ‘saw’ stuff a couple times but the fear for me was really more about the overwhelming sensation of pure dread that always came along with it even when i was aware what was happening, and i Always got this feeling too that if i opened my eyes in that moment, something was gonna stab them.

so moving on to how that applies to the arg, the first few lines are about how, obviously, the island is not real, even in the lore being given its a figment of chris’ imagination, but you have to enter it anyways, and the only way to do that is to believe its real. then it tells you how to ‘enter’ that world, (btw i didn’t expect anyone to actually follow these instructions if found, but even if they did, the whole ‘sleep paralysis being caused by sleeping on your back’ thing usually only happens if you’re predisposed to having it and only happens to Some people who have it, so the intent was like. never to bring that upon anybody. but if you are prone to sleep paralysis plz do not attempt even as a joke or anything thx)

the parts about hallucinating chris then are as follows, “ask about the camp / he wont respond verbally” , meaning he will show you through a dream instead, one that might look a lot like the video from before. “on the third night you will see his eyes”, meaning you will see the island but not be able to interact with it, or basically, how we see total drama on tv right now. “on the fourth night you’ll enter (his eyes)” references the island existing ‘within his eyes’, meaning you will enter the actual island. the next night chris will sleep and you will be able to enter the island again and find him. the idea with the nail is that, if you destroy his eyes you destroy the ‘island’ within them. wrapping back around to sleep paralysis, the idea of stabbing yourself with the nail afterwards is because sometimes, the only thing you can move during sleep paralysis is your fingertips and toes, and wiggling those can help bring you out of the paralysis. so at first how i used to wake myself up, but it didnt usually work fast enough so oftentimes id just pinch the shit out of my fingers and use pain to make my muscles start up faster.

the next post is a link to a countdown. again, i knew nobody was rly following at this point, but i wanted a little more build up before just dropping the ending. it was set up to end 5 days after the last post, aka the one that mentioned a 5 night dream ritual.

puzzle 12. (x) going all the way back to the normal multi step translation puzzles. the coloring of the cipher is a bit different, and its missing chris, but its meant to be used the same as it was before, these changes are only for dramatic effect. and chris is gone because well. we mentally offed him in the inception dream land last time. so anyways the snake = 6, shift A to 6, take out the letters “R-I-C-K” of the characters laying in their graves, and you get this translation;

“its almost time. we must now crack open our minds like a crowbar to a sealed chest. like an egg to a pan. to find our way into camp wawanakwa our ego cannot remain intact, and to traverse it we must stay strong. to escape it, we must glue the pieces back together. now we sleep. dream. end the nightmare.”

this is a final message before ‘entering the island’ to kill chris and free the campers from the island. it acts like a pep talk.

the next post is just the countdown ending.

puzzle 13 (the finale). (x)

this post sends you to a new blog entirely, called @awakenfromthenightmare​. there is only one post on it. the post has another link to a mega file, and the link is attached onto a string of text. follow the link by clicking, then copy the text and paste it in as the decryption key. now you have another image to translate with the tangodeltaindia cipher;

when translated, the text is another link to a youtube video. 

 www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

so there you have it, that video is the ending to the entire arg. it didnt really end the way i wanted at first, i got burnt out from no engagement about halfway through which isnt anybody elses fault, but i still felt this was a well crafted and fitting finale. thank you all for reading.

[caandlelit]

omg werewolf matsukawa elaborate i want dem hcs

ok so ive got this horrible word doc with my jambled mess of a concept for this witch makki werewolf matsun fic im writing its like 3% done expect it within 2 business years

(edit. this post is too long but i cant stop typing this is good)

werewolf matsun is the SEXIEST idea ever anyone thats done it is doing gods work because that shit is hot . its fucking sexy okay

in my barely formed au he becomes a werewolf in third year

he hears about weird sounds in the forest at night ok

and he convinces witch hanamaki that they shld camp out and see what it is 

because he’s been so interested in the witchy supernatural shit since even before he met him 

and hanamaki is like okay fine But im wearing my warding pendent and matsukawa is like WHEN WILL U ADMIT YOU’RE A WITCH and hanamaki, mid-putting on his witch hat, ruffles his hair and says idk what ur talking about

they camp out and they’re just bantering and its cute and fun for 2 hours then

matsun hears growling and snapping noises and he’s like hanamaki stay in the fuckin tent 

and obviously hanamaki is like on god that is the stupidest thing uve ever said issei no

 and matsukawa steps outside and he holds a hand back to stop makki and he steps out and looks around, eyes narrows 

and he’s like … straightening up and furrows his brows and ‘theres nothing here’ 

and he feels like everything is slow and odd and unreal and he turns and sees bright, yellow eyes and he hears the snarl and jerks back 

and he’s being attacked and leaped upon and he shouts curses and screams and theres sharp teeth at his side and the smell of matted fur 

and hanamaki sprints out and ?? magic spells it away (leave me alone) 

what is the spell? what kindof witch is hanamaki? what does he say?

(begone thot!) 

the wolf creature howls and thuds off, fast and loping and hanamaki turns and he’s panicked and is like ‘issei? oh FUCK’

matsukawa is like fuck fuck fuck 

leaning against a tree and lightheaded and he collapses, head back against the trunk and sweat pouring down his temples, iron in his mouth where hes biting his tongue to keep from scremaing at the sharp pain

touches his side and his fingers come away bloody 

his breath is heavy and hes like takahiro im dying 

and hanamaki’s dropping down beside him and lifts his arm and says shut the fuck up you’re not dying you asshole and hes sniffling 

and matsuns like im sorry i dragged u out here and hanamaki’s like shut up shut up. issei. shit . issei you were right 

and hes like wh what was i right about and hes like you were right. im a witch . and youre not fucking dying here, asshole

issei mumbles fuck yeah and does like a little fist pump

and he whispers a spell to carry him over back to his house 

and he bandages him up and matsun is tired and in pain and staring at him in the moonlight 

MONDAY

go to school and matsun has white bandages wrapped around his side hidden under his shirt and hes a little scraped up even though hanamaki healed and cleaned up as much as he could

someones like oooh matsukawa your arm is scraped up wtf 

and hes like yeah man i got in a fight to protect takahiros honor 

makki’s like yeah…. :/// he lost 

and matsuns like shut up asshole and theyre laughing and theyre good theyre okay 

half way through the school day, long and tired and the bell seems louder and harsher and shriller and everything is too bright and loud and making his eyes and ears hurt 

in the bathroom matsun takes off the tape bc hes feeling nauseous and everything feels a little too much for some reason hes assuming bc of the wound, maybe its infected

and he checks it while hes inside and the bandages come off and 

its clean no bite no blood no mark 

and he stares at it and says what the fuck and texts hanamaki 

and hanamaki sees the text and its just ‘SOS BATHROOM NOW PLELASE’ 

asks his teacher to let him go to the bathroom and he steps into the bathroom and matsun spins around and gestures at his side and chest wordlessly 

hanamaki like blinks at the sight of matsuns abs and then blinks again at the healed skin and hes like what the fuck  

so

he has sharper vision and sense of smell and hearing 

and hes like takahiro……..everything feels horrible and too much and hanamaki’s like ok so what do u want me to do knock u out so u don’t feel anything? and matsukawa’s like huh actually and hana’s like Shut up Dumbass

werewolf matsukawa suddenly stronger and hanamaki so so bitter about it ignoring his personal ‘im attracted to him’ feelings and pretending hes mad abt the super strength

matsukawa’s eyes glinting yellow on occasion and hanamaki trying not to scream bc god that’s sexy

the day they see the healed skin they like walk home silent and shell shocked 

matsukawa staring hollowly at the sidewalk his posture lost

hanamaki squinting off into the distance

makki opening his mouth angrily at one point

only to close it defeatedly bc he cant even……

a conversation in hanamaki’s bedroom along the lines of 

‘issei why is my life literally teen wolf why am I stiles from teen wolf’ 

matsun perks up ‘oh that’s dylan o briens character right? does that make me derek !!!’ 

and hanamaki turns from where hes muttering angrily and squints at him and says slowly

‘why the fu- dude? u r scott ??? because u are a FUCKING WEREWOLF ??????? why would u be derek ???? ur my best friend that turned into a GODDAMN WEREWOLF-‘ 

‘okok calm down hiro fine fine chill out‘ 

matsuns like slumping like ‘ugh, scott. i don’t wanna be scott hes painfully straight-‘ 

and hanamakis like throwing his hands up and shouting like ‘SO THEN !! why would u want to be derek!!!’ 

and issei’s like ‘…….nevermind we r not in the state to have a conversation about teen wolf, a show neither of us finished and obviously dont have any knowledge about’

im gonna have it properly set in 2013 itll be so cringey and fun

matsukawa also has insomnia and and gets migraines sometimes 

and hanamaki’s witchy incense smelling house and bedroom having him nodding off so easily and he sleeps over a lot 

especially after he gets bitten, because the migraines get worse

moreso near the full moon

and he comes in through the window and hanamaki is half asleep but always automatically pulls up his blanket and lets him in

big spoon matsun

he curls into his chest as best as he can, pressed tight between the wall and matsukawa

also i have this 

italics: makki

bold: mattsun

list of signs pointing towards issei probably being a werewolf: 

got bit by a giant dog-creature the bite mark disappeared next day (???? freaky shit)

sudden super healing and durability (useful for when oikawa serves the ball into your head – lmfao)

sudden heightened senses (my headaches r .. multiplying - :( )

sudden super strength (fuck u issei – i didn’t ask to be bitten takahiro – oh no u were bitten how sad for u and ur six pack – the werewolf actually decided i deserve super strength bc of how cool i am – and immeasurable pain every full moon too huh ???? – ...sacrifices were made)

90% sure he got stupider – sign of a dog brain ?? (FUCK OFF – do u want me to explain what a percentage is <3 – no </3)

hair growth (wtf does that mean ??? – it means i suddenly have more chest hair its very weird – ngl to u u were already pretty hairy -  fucker)

eyes turn yellow sometimes (wait, really????? – yes its so fucking weird – that sounds fucking epic actually – no comment)

big dick energy went up the ROOF (ok that’s enough asshole – tell me im lying hiro.)

edit: ok the full moon happened we’re all traumatized and hes definitely a FUCKING werewolf.

ill finish this as a fic one day ill post when i do

might also make a useless porno oneshot with just werewolf matsukawa and ? possibly dancer makki im very into dancer makki atm

long post im very sorry but !!!! thanks for the ask 

[theonlygamergost]

Reminder! Go to sleep~

This fic took me waaay more than I like to admit.

People in this fic: DreamWasTaken and GeorgeNotFound

(BadBoyHalo and SapNap are in the background)

Warning! This fanfiction was wrote respecting boundaries! This is not a ship post, i wrote this bc they are good friends caring for eachother!

Enjoy~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream had a bad sleeping schedule, it wasn't a secret, but editing in the middle of the night was... easier? Better? He didn't really know... but it was the only time he edited. Meaning that sleep was often skipped or recovered during the day.

But we all know that the lack of sleep brings mood swings, and poor Dream was in the middle of one.

He and George were supposed to start streaming in about fifteen minutes,  but George wasn't dumb, he had realized Dream was acting differently.

"Dream? Are you sure you want to stream?" George spoke to his mic, waiting for a response from the empty headphones laid on top of his head.

"Of course I do! Why do you ask- What's the point of that question?" He was acting defensive and irritable towards the smallest things, "I don't know...You seem tired" He was also spacing out, Geroge could tell he lacked sleep, he knew him too well.

"Oh George- I'm fine ok?! Don't worry about me-"

User has joined the call

"Oh Bad! Please help me convince Dream to not stream! He's probably sitting on three hours of sleep!" " Only three hours?"

BadBoyHalo proceeded to enter big bro mode and tell off Dream about sleeping waaay less then he needed to, getting Dream to slowly give up.

"Fine fine I won't stream!... I'll just post on Twitter why I won't... God my subs are going to hate me..." "That's not true Dream! They'll understand, now go to sleep, ill call you tomorrow"

As George and BadBoy told Dream goodnight, George hit the live button. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream was feeling down: His best friends just shooed him away and he was feeling lonely...

His cat noticed his bad mood and jumped onto his lap, he thought about laying in bed, but since the cat was here now, he wasn't going to move.

George was having a webcam steam, he, SapNap and BadBoy were in their world messing around.

Without him

He wasn't angry... He was just...sad? Left out? ...Something like that

As he was listening to the laughter of his friends, a donation came through, and the text to speech started: Hi George, first time donating and catching a stream, why is Dream not streaming? Did something happen?

George looked over at his second monitor and read the donation again in his head while making sure he didn't die by the zombie that approached him.

"Dream is not here because he didn't sleep a lot recently so I told him to go to sleep. Nothing happened, don't worry. He's my best friend and I can tell when he's tired. Hopefully, he'll join us next stream." He focused on turning the lava into obsidian, placing and picking up water without falling into the deadly liquid. "I'm..." he spaced out for a couple of seconds "I'm aware that streams without Dream are a bit more boring, but I prefer that he's well-rested and in a good mood than having him on stream sounding half asleep. Don't worry, after the stream ill call him and check up on him"

The other two who were whispering in the background didn't miss the chance to tease George.

"Oh! So you think we are not as "entertaining" as Dream huh George?!" SapNap spat out fake-annoyed, BadBoyHalo jumped on the tease-train too.

"Of course he would SapNap! If you had a Minecraft boyfriend too, you would find him more fun than us!"

George started studdering and tried to defend himself since also the chat now was spamming things like "Minecraft Boyfriend! Lol" or "Omg I ship it!!" and "Don't deny it, George, we know!". Making it more difficult for the British streamer.

Dream chuckled at the hilarious situation while caressing the small animal who was enjoying the warmth in his lap.

The chat didn't seem to be angry about the fact that he wasn't there so he decided to open twitter and see how his tweet was doing.

The replies we're all positive and supportive of his decision, the couple of toxic replies were automatically ignored by him since he was low-key used to them, he smiled at how his followers where so nice and worried about his health, also he giggled at the funny profile pictures and names some of the accounts had.

He decided to lay in bed and continue to watch the stream from his phone, his cat jumped off his lap and followed him.

~~~~~~~~~

The stream went on for another two hours but Dream fell asleep somewhere in between, he knew this of course by the fact that the ring coming from both his electronic devices woke him up.

He struggled to find his phone since he dropped it somewhere when he fell asleep and his earbuds were uncomfortably tangled, but he managed to pick up the call coming from George in time.

"Hello?"

"Geez, took you long enough to answer, I was about to give up... Wait- were you sleeping?"

"Yeah... I fell asleep while watching your stream..." he yawned and proceeded to hug the pillow lying next to him.

"You fell asleep while watching the stream?! BadBoy and SapNap were continuously screaming!" He sounded impressed, Dream wasn't at all.

"I guess I was very tired" he heard George's footsteps as he spoke

"You do sound tired-... You should stop pulling all-nighters just to edit, you don't have a deadline yknow" From the other end, two beeps made the boy react with an "Oh finally..."

"What are you doing?"

"Instant noodles" The sound of pouring water and something being ripped could be heard in the background " I'm hungry"

"Instant noo- You had those for lunch too!"

"Mhf-Sho what? Shey'r good" George took a munch on his pasta and spoke with his mouth full "Sthey arhe eashy to make ansh shtey are scheaps"

Dream laughed at how barely comprehensible his words were, and at how lazy George was. He knew how to cook simple stuff, yet he always "couldn't be bothered" or was "too tired" to cook actual food.

They chatted and laughed for a while, Dream laying comfortably on his bed and George happily eating his noodles. A moment of silence fell.

"Hey Dream?"

He hummed in reply

"I'm sorry for forcing you to not stream... But you sounded tired and... I didn't mean to make it sound like we were excluding you..." Dream smiled at how apologetic and sad his friend sounded.

"Don't worry, I figured you were doing it for me..."

Another silence.

"Hey George?"

It was his time to hum now.

"Thank you... "

"For what?"

"For everything you do for me"

"I'm just doing the same thing you do for me... You always tell me to go to bed and... You care about my died more than I do" Dream giggled.

"If someone should be thanking someone it should be me, thank you Dream for all the things you do for me... Even if you always kill me in the videos"

The moment was broken by Dream cockiness and they ended up laughing hard... Well, George was laughing, Dream was straight up impersonating a kettle, wheezing as he usually did.

"Ah... My stomach hurts!"

"Haha... Same!... Oh God..."

They gave each other a minute to calm down before going back to talking

"Wait- it is late for you Dream! Go to bed you idiot!"

"But I enjoy talking to youuu " he whined, he didn't want to sleep

"Same, but we can talk tomorrow ok? Just call me when you wake up, ok?

He emitted a sad noise George took as a "yes"

"Good night Dream, love you!"

He always said it off-camera, yet he never wanted to say it when they were recording. He still didn't understand why.

"...good night George, love you too"

But Dream appreciated him anyway.

[latulasbian-1]

A Kankriversation Had On Discord

Long post beneath the cut bc its just. straight up like a half hour’s worth of back-and-fourth 

Friend: OH GOD OH GOD REV GOT TO MEENAHQUEST Friend: OH GOD HES MET KANKRI I GOTTA Friend: I GOTTA SEE Friend: "why the fuck is he written like this?" Friend: "i feel like this entire section is a jab at tumblr" Friend: rev does not seem to enjoy this Friend: "what i was expecting was just a raging asshole, like karkat 2 yaknow?" Friend: REV DOES NOT HATE KANKRI *confetti ball emojis*

Friend: people are taking away from kankri's character "kankri acts like a good person but is an asshole, and karkat acts like an asshole but is a good person" and they are wrong. Friend: I Friend: REV JUST COMPARED HIM TO ZEBRUH Friend: I AM Friend: -dies- Friend: HOW Friend: I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY BUT ALSO HOLY SHIT Friend: ok i cant watch longer i am dying Friend: it doesnt help that hes reading this section with a homestuch fan who seemingly hates kankri

Friend: i just need to give up and accept the fact that everyone hates kankri Friend: and i am the only smart person in the whole world :cry emoji (zan’s note: to indicated both light emotional melancholy but primarily as a tone indicator of semi-sarcasm): Friend: erugvwilarghvaleb Friend: no wonder i like zebruh (ZAN’S NOTE: MY BUDDY HERE LIKES ZEBRUH AS A FUNNY ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAG WHO SUCKS NOT LIKE. IN A WAY THAT CONDONES HIS BULLSHIT JUST FELT LIKE I SHOULD MENTION THAT. UNLIKE FOR INSTANCE LANQUE, WHO DOESN’T NECESSARILY FEEL LIKE HES MEANT TO BE THE WORST LIVING BEING IN EXISTANCE AND IS ALSO TRANSMASC WHILE BEING A FUCKING SEX FREAK. ZEBRUH’S MEANT TO BE HATED SO ITS AT LEAST FUCKING FUNNY.)

Friend 2 (hasn't actually read homestuck): I like Kankri

Friend: me :handshake: you & the 3 other people who read this channel smart as fuck and our meat is huge wrfralrv,juaBVRE DGS

Me (Zan): hhhhhhhhhhh Me: WHY DO PEOPLE CONSTANTLY INTERPRET KANKRI LIKE THIS Me: ITS. FUCKING. NONSENSE

Friend: I think people assume hes supposed to be like?? lying??? or using big words to try and make people like him more/?? Friend: but thats. never actually in the text? Friend: like yeah he constantly says "in this essay-i mean conversation" or "during this lecture-i mean discussion" but???? Friend: that does not a liar make??????????????

Me: its literally just. gahhhh Me: noone fucking r Me: theres no REASON to think hes lying

Me: except. that sjws are all just bigots who lie to make themselves look better (Zan’s note: this is sarcasm meant as a dig at people falling for the stonetoss-tier anti-social justice strawmanning that kankri gets. I do not think sjws are all just bigots who lie to make themselves look better.)

Friend: people just really dont wanna be confronted with the fact that if u think racism bad andrew hussie thinks youre a pussy ass bitch everyone hates

Me: YEAH Me: WHICH??? Me: THESE PEOPLE, LIKE EVERYONE, KNOWS THAT HUSSIE SUCKS AND HATES HIM

Friend: so they pretend kankri is actually some really genuinely good criticism guys i swear he-hes not just a mean caricture of a tumblr user who writes essays on why racism is bad i swear he-hes like, a criticism of men who co-opt actual arguments to get people to wanna fuck him ignore the part where kankri is celibate guys i swear hes a horny racist douche please believe me guys andrew hussie wouldnt hate me in real life hed love me i swear

Me: BUT THEY JUST FUCKING. REFUSE TO REALIZE THAT TINY PIECE OF LOGIC THAT “OH ALMOST EVERYRHING THAT KANKRI SAYS IS RIGHT AND HUSSIE IS A DOUCHECANOE”

Me: YEAH ITS SO FUCKING WIERD

Friend: i feel like another part of it is kankri criticcizing mituna

Me: WHICH

Friend: like "oh haha kankri is abelist u see thats PROOF thats PROOF hes a racist abelist douch just lying for attention you SEE" a

Me: IN UNIVERSE Me: IS BAD

Friend: and mituna is like

Me: BUT Me: ITS MADE FUVKING MOOT

Friend: mituna.

Me: BC MITUNA LITERALLY IS AN ABLEIST STEREOTYPE Me: HUSSIE LITERALLY WROTE AN ABLEIST STEREOTYPE AND EVERYONE TRIES TO SAY THE ONE CHARACTER WHO RECOGNIZES THAT TO BE THE REAL ABLEIST I

Friend: mituna "autistic/brain damaged/tourettes stereotype who's main joke is he falls down a lot and is mentally ill ahaha"

Me: *just an ocean of angry emojis*

Friend: is it because hes nice to cronus??? like?????? Friend: in that case everyone should HATE meenah Friend: for.... ALSO BEING NICE TO CRONUS??????????/ Friend: LIKE????????????

Me: oho but you see Me: meenah is un-pc murderous genocidal and a childfucker, so she only gets a little bit of the hate kankri “said ableism is ableist and never stops trying to get his friends to be better people despite everything” vantas gets

Friend: GRAAAAAA Friend: WHY ARE HOMESTUCK FANS SO FUCKING STUPID

Me: in this instance i have 0 fucking clue Me: like. its fucking OBVIOUS

Friend 3 (hasn’t read homestuck): It's the ableism

Me: except.... most of these people dont even like mituna........ Me: like as “rep”.... Me: these are people who’d call out ableism literally everywhere else.... its. gahh Me: i stg i’m going to become a video essayist just to try to EXPLAIN this shit

Friend: IM SORRY TO SAY THIS HOMESTUCK FANDOM, BUT MOST OF THE PEOPLE ON TUMBLR WHO WERE WRITTING ESSAYS ON WHY ABELISM AND RACISM IN MEDIA WAS BAD Friend: WERE RIGHT Friend: AND IF YOU DIDNT LIKE THEM FOR THEIR BIG WORDS Friend: YOU SUCKED Friend: zebruh is like a fucked up and evil version of kankri where instead of caring about politics and people's mental health he just acts like he cares about lower caste trolls to try and get laid, and in actually his is a racist mean and clingy rich bastard who cant stand being held accountable for his fake beliefs Friend: OH WAIT Friend: THATS JUST FUCKING CRONUS Friend: this is all your fault u bastard. i dont know how the fuck you got away with this shit i hate you so much  

Me: fdg;hljk Me: ben i'm wondering if i can transcribe our duotribe to tumblr

[macklives]

hi. so..... its been a while huh? feels kinda weird making a message on here, after what??? a month of not posting at fucking all??

and idk how to say that im sorry for taking so long, especially with kallie kinda sticking with me pretty much the whole time i was away. so we both kinda went AFK on everybody. and by god, this has also been the longest gap between updates. so yeah... i feel you all are owed an explanation. 

id like to give a short summary of what went down in my life recently. not so much as an excuse for my disappearance, but bearing in mind, i can't just come back suddenly without a notice as to why it took so long, and then start discussing homestuck theories as if nothing happened, that would be ...weird and off putting. im known as one to talk a lot in a post, so i think its expected. buckle up kiddos, this may be a long one, which you dont have to necessarily read, but im simply putting it out there for you all in case any of you may have been worried or confused. 

ALSO, keep in mind im alright with sharing this information because i needed some time to get over it in order to accept it, and being able to say this stuff means im pretty much ready to move on and go back to what it was like before (which for someone who has trouble focussing, can get quite fucking hard). so here's the last few months in a nutshell:

i got my wisdom teeth pulled so i was both in pain and numb for a week and a half after being drugged up with, idk, the IV they use to knock you tf out and that needle to numb your teeth?? and having those bad boys outta my mouth so that was a fun time. fuck that shit.

uhhh on the more upsetting side of things, a friend of mine recently passed away, but i took some time to recover from that. i didnt want to bum everybody out by liveblogging while in that state, nor did i feel like it was right to make jokes at that time (for obvious reasons) so i took some time off. and while i do still care for that person, after a while you have to come to terms that your life can't evolve around grief, and you have to move on eventually. its been a month and im doing way better than i was in the first week. so you dont have to worry really.. i even heard about the messages friends wrote on discord and let me tell you that i appreciate every response, i love all of them, i love all of you guys, but if any of you worry about me as of today, just know im doing perfectly fine and thats behind me now. so yeah, thats the worst of the news..

on less distressing matters, i changed up my job! i used to be a waitress at a restaurant to get that not so mucho money cash flowing, and now i got a full time placement as an intern (sort of full-time. full-time with student conditions). which in hindsight, to some may not sound like its any helpful, but considering im in my final year of college and i have to explore new places to get experience, id rather go where its needed so i reach that specific goal in mind. and you have to start somewhere, so this is where ill start heading. though i do still have to graduate which will take a lot of stress out of me eventually but it hasnt yet caught up lol... yikes to when that fuse blows in the future. 

and finally, the most frustrating part of the month, idk who it was specifically, the company or the landlord, but eh details arent that important, anyways, the landlord and/or its agency messed up with our rental situation and lost a lot of our info so i had to spend a lot of time trying to get that back while also filling out tax returns bc those were finally put out. so yeah, we kinda just have to wait for a notice, though i personally think everything will be fine. we’re considering moving out eventually, but thats probably gonna have to wait a bit longer. while we’re still angry, the landlord respected that it was out of line and apologised while making it up to us, so that was fair enough.

so YEAH, you can pretty much say its been one hell of a fucking month, and i had barely any time to liveblog let alone be in contact with friends that i kinda missed so fucking much????... i basically didnt want to bring anybody down with me (emotionally or mentally), so i decided to at least give you all a warning that i wouldnt be on for a while, hence the last update a few weeks prior, and to take a break for myself to figure out my situation, to rest, and to try and get healthier despite that wisdom fuck week, which nobody warned me wisdom teeth removals were ABSOLUTE HELL

but... im glad to be back, im not sure ill get back into the rhythm of how things used to be, meaning, posting almost every day....that would have to wait a bit unfortunately. however, i think it would be best if i made a sort of schedule for myself. maybe a liveblog twice a week, starting the next. it would help out a lot. i hope to start off with that at least, and not push myself too hard for hours anymore nor the stress of needing to post daily. i loved it, dont get me wrong, but sometimes it took a lot out of me since i know it takes a lot of my time. that being said, i will be on discord, maybe tomorrow? and probably be more active on there from now on, since everything is sorta cleared in my life and there's no more hectic commotion 24/7. the only thing at this rate stopping me from being active is having family over in the next couple weeks. but otherwise, yeah, its good to be back and im again sorry for my absence once more.

yours, 

mackenzie <33

[canonicallyanxious]

hi. i was wondering what you thought or if you had any criticisms with the original skam? I wish the original season 3 focused more on isak's mental health and season 2 didnt act like norhelms flaws didnt exist. loved season 1.

oh boy do i!

man i’ve been trying to figure out how exactly i want to answer this question for hours now skdjfndksjfnd like just take one look at my blog and you can see i’m complete and utter SCU [skam cinematic universe] trash but i do have LOTS of complicated feelings and thoughts about og skam. in an effort to be measured and fair about this, i’m going to try to distinguish bw genuine criticism of the writing/etc. and personal nitpicks [aka stuff that personally doesn’t vibe with me but might work for other people]. and i thought about doing a season by season breakdown but i think that would end up getting WAY too long [like there are SO many specific things i wish they’d done differently in this show goddamn] so i’ll try to focus on some key overarching points here

[cut because HOO BOY did this get long i’m SORRY but also at this point you probably can’t be surprised skdfjndsfks]

First and foremost: let’s talk about race. i think it is one of skam’s biggest blind spots and i also think it’s a weakness that has affected pretty much every single remake thereafter, even [sometimes especially] the ones that have more diverse casts and so for me this is one of skam’s most significant weaknesses. i could honestly write an entire essay on skam’s issues with race [hell season 4 could be an essay in itself!] but i really think it boils down to there being pretty obviously few to no writers of color in the room. it’s not just the lack of diversity in the cast [although let’s count shall we? one main of color across the entire show, one black side character, the majority of side characters of color only appearing in one season... yeah] but it’s also that the characters of color who are on screen are simply not afforded the same care and nuance that the white characters are given. 

To be clear i think Sana is an amazing character and i think they accomplished some really important things with her, particularly as one of the few positive and nuanced portrayals of a hijabi that even exist in western media, but - she was only given nine episodes in her own season and even throughout the story the focus was often on the white characters around her [such as Noora]. not even to speak of many tired tropes [the homophobic fake out bw balloon and boy squad? THE ENTIRE BENCH SCENE???] and dropped storylines [Elias’ drinking? balloon squad’s relationship with Even??] throughout the entire thing. NOT EVEN TO SPEAK of the portrayal of characters of color BEFORE season 4 [vilde never properly apologizing for her racism! sana being the one to care for her at the end of season 1!! mahdi being given the least development/depth of the entire boy squad to the point that his most notable line in the entire show is about waffles!!!]. 

idk man it’s a complicated topic and there are probably much smarter people who have already gone into this in much better detail than i can but this really is one of my biggest issues with skam and the skamverse as a whole. maybe i should just accept that shows like this are not made for people like me, and i should look elsewhere for good representation of teens of color, but idk. i don’t think it’s too much to ask for better from a show that has a reputation for being a show FOR teens, you know what I mean? if skam is a show for teenagers [and it really is one of the better shows for teenagers i’ve ever seen, imho!] it would be nice for it to be a show for teens of color, too.

Another criticism i have of the show as a whole: lack of character continuity b/w seasons. throughout the years i’ve seen many people justify this as being due to point of view, since each main has a very limited and biased perspective. however i feel like this can only account for so much, and for me it’s not really a good excuse for a lack of cohesion in character arcs. for example, eva’s character development being pretty much dropped after the end of her season. just things like that. and honestly as well written as i think s3 is i don’t think it really did the girl squad any favors to have the show suddenly change focus from them for an entire season, to the point where only a few of them made any truly significant appearances in the season.

Another point i can think of: i remember once reading a post someone made about how julie andem + skam writers didn’t seem to know how to tell a compelling story without sex in it [for example sana’s season falling flat bc they struggled to come up with a compelling conflict or way to develop sana and yousef’s relationship bc it had to stay physically platonic], which rings true for me. not to say that teen shows can’t or shouldn’t explore sex. i think it’s really important to show healthy models of romance and sex for teenagers, actually! but i just think it would have been nice if throughout the seasons there had been more focus on other topics, and conflicts stemming from other sources. one example i can think of is that some of the more compelling threads of s2 for me such as the eating disorder subplot and noora’s anxiety in the wake of being sexually assaulted get pretty much entirely subsumed by the romantic storyline. or going back to sana, how instead of focusing on the differences bw her and yousef’s world views the conflict for at least like three episodes ended up coming from yousef making out with noora. just things like that where i wish the romance and the other plotlines could at least coexist together and be assigned equal importance.

And yeah, i agree with you that one topic i wish they had more thoroughly integrated into the show is mental health. of course we have Even and vague hints of Vilde/Noora having eating disorders/anxiety but i think we could all argue that all of the mains at one point or another are coded as mentally ill, but that coding and those symptoms never go anywhere, never lead into more nuanced discussions about mental health. like i don’t think the mental illness coding was intentional but i think that’s all the more reason to get into it, because mental illness has such a profound effect on so many teenagers and they don’t even really know it, you know what i mean? like it would be so powerful to show how pervasive of an issue it is. but that is kind of starting to get into personal nitpick territory i think, so i’ll just leave it at that.

god i still feel like i have so much more i could say skjfnskdjfs [GOD where to even START with season 2] but i’ve been working on this post for long enough so yeah, i should probably stop. i guess my point with this is not that skam is So Very Problematique, and of course i’m just one person and this is all just my personal opinion, and OF COURSE i firmly believe there is no story in this world that is flawless, but more that talking about our criticisms can hopefully lead to more nuanced conversations and stories in the future and that’s partly why i enjoy analyzing stories and what works and what doesn’t so much. thanks for this ask anon, it was [clearly lol] a very thought provoking question =]