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foomoosworld · 8 months ago

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THE RAVEN AND THE FIREFLY

CHAPTER 1 - QUOTH THE RAVEN NEVERMORE

Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem Reader

Joel is put onto garbage duty in the QZ and he finds a woman he never thought he would meet. She makes him see stars.

Minors DNI. Drug use, violence, overdose. But no smut. So we'll tick that off next time.

Also, welcome Stars Too Far readers that figured it out!

“Fucking, Tommy…” Joel muttered, irate, as he stepped in the door to his house.

“Ah, don’t blame him. He’s just working through some stuff. Besides, if he was more responsible, I’d be out of work.” A man followed in behind Joel. They’re both covered in dirt and sweat from working all day and their work boots clunked on the floor as they walked.

“I guess you’re right.” Joel stubbornly admitted, “But we would have been done at a reasonable hour if he had at least called and told me he wouldn’t be coming in. His childish crap got us three hours behind today. I could have seen my daughter before she went to bed.”

“Yeah, that’s rough. They grow up too fast. We spend too much time working to provide for them.” Joel’s co-worker says as he flops down on the old couch and looks around Joel’s living room. Joel moves to the kitchen then points at him and asks,

“You want a beer?”

“God, yes.”

Joel comes back and twists off the top of a bottle of beer and tosses the cap onto the coffee table then hands it to him before he does the same with his and sits down on a large comfortable chair, putting his boot up on the coffee table, swigging his cold beer and sighing with exhaustion.

“So… ‘Poe’... That’s a funny name. I thought you said you were from Guatemala? Is that short for something?”

“Nah… My father was just a big Edgar Allen Poe fan, I think.”

“Ah, ‘Quoth the raven Nevermore’ and so on?” Joel quotes.

Poe nods and laughs, “Yeah something like that.”

“I never really caught the bug for reading except to Sara when she was little.” Joel admits.

“Me neither. But hey, Dr Suess is still a doctor, right. That counts as intellectual reading”

Joel laughs and leans over to cheers Poe, “Man, I miss the years of reading to Tan and Amy.”

“Those your kids?”

“Yeah, Amy is 9 and Tan is 11.” Poe nods as he sips his beer.

“‘Tan’? Your family is big into unlikely naming conventions, huh?”

“Short for Tanner.” Poe explains.

“Oh, right,” Joel laughs at the now obvious answer. “I’d like to meet ‘em sometime.”

“Sure, well, you can meet Amy. I haven’t seen Tan in years. He’s technically not my kid but I raised him for a long time. His mother suffered from mental illness. Times got tough for a bit and I didn’t know she went off her meds to try to save money for us. She started having delusions, thinking Tan was some prophecy from another galaxy. She took off with him. I filed missing person reports but the cops don’t care about a Gringo like me and his broke family. Swept it under the rug. I looked for them for years but they both disappeared without a trace. I know they're out there somewhere though. One day I’ll find ‘em. She’s not a bad mother. She would never hurt her kids. She just can’t tell what’s real and what’s not when she isn’t on her meds.” Poe shakes his head, sadly as he stares off to somewhere in space.

“I’m so sorry. Between the addiction problems, mental illness and everyone being broke these days it’s tough but no one should lose their family from it.”

“Yeah…Life happens too fast sometimes and we’re just left struggling to try to keep up and slow it the fuck down again.”

“I’m glad I met you today, Poe.” Joel says.

“Yeah, I’m glad I was available to help today. You really remind me of someone I met a long time ago, actually.”

“A good guy, hopefully?”

“Yeah. He really was. Lives really far away so I don’t see him anymore though.” Poe finishes his beer then as he puts it down notices the time on his watch. “Oh shit… it’s really late. I gotta get going. Do you need me on the site tomorrow?” Poe asks Joel as he gets up and puts his jacket back on.

“Yeah, come on by. Even if Tommy does manage to bless us with his presence tomorrow I can always find some work for you to do.”

“Thanks, man.” Poe extends his hand and heartily shakes Joel’s hand. “It really means a lot to me that you’re helping me out like this under the table.”

Joel waves him off as he walks him to the door.

“I know how it is.” He comforts him, “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.”

Poe thanks him again then turns and goes to get in his truck as Joel closes the door. Joel rubs the back of his neck tiredly and walks into the kitchen with the empty beer bottles and puts them in the sink. As he walks out of the kitchen to go upstairs to bed he passes a calendar that has tomorrows date circled that says in Sara’s loopy handwriting, “Dad’s Birthday”.

Joel shuts the lights off and goes upstairs to bed leaving the house blanketed in the silence of night.

…………………………….

A large dirty handkerchief is tied around Joel’s face and his clothes are covered in grime as he wipes the sweat dripping from his forehead in the blazing summer sun. He’s taking a momentary break as he unloads garbage from a large truck into the local landfill. A job he didn’t outright hate. It paled in comparison to sewage work or worse, burning the infected corpses in mass open graves. It could have been worse work today, however, the downside is the worse the work is, the better the pay is.

Sure, the landfills smelled horrible, so bad in the heat of the summer it could make your eyes water, but there were no people out here. It was like being in outer space. Just miles and miles of nothing. Technically, it was outside of the QZ, but it still had a large concrete wall around it so the infected couldn’t get in. The government liked to needlessly protect their trash and use everyone’s tax dollars on useless expenditures rather than giving the people proper rations or access to consistent clean water. Staring at the landfill wall always sparked some silent anger deep down in Joel’s chest but it was just one of many things in the world after the outbreak that enraged him.

Seagulls suddenly fluttered up from a spot in the distance then circled frantically around the area, cawing and creating a ruckus. Joel shielded his eyes from the sun and squinted into the distance to see what could have possibly startled them.

“What the?”

A figure emerged on the top of the trash heap in the horizon, wearing a tattered shawl. It seemed to turn and look at Joel and the truck then skittishly, turned and disappeared on the other side of the trash heap.

The driver of the truck came around and elbowed Joel to get his attention.

“What are you doing? Get on the truck. We’re done for the day.”

“Wh-” Joel turns and looks to the driver. “Did you see that?”

“See what?” The driver asked, feigning interest as he walked back to the driver’s seat.

“That person… over there on the hill.”

The driver laughed at him, “You’ve been out in the sun too long. Here,” He tosses Joel a water bottle which Joel unscrews and takes a sip but never takes his eyes away from the horizon to see if they will appear again. “There’s nothing out there but old mattresses, wood skids and the occasional dead seagull.”

After a moment of staring into the wavy heat of the distance Joel concludes it must have just been a heat mirage and shakes his head to regain his composure then heaves his tired body into the passenger seat of the truck.

“Get yer eyes checked, old man.” The driver says as he puts the truck in gear and it grinds into motion, jerking and bouncing over the neglected, gravel landfill road.

……………………………..

Joel is sitting at the rickety, worn, wood table in his dilapidated studio suite. It’s a tiny room with dusty windows and cracked walls. It didn’t make any sense to put money into anything nicer. He had given up on planning a future beyond these cracked walls. Not that there was anything nicer to live in anymore in the QZ. Everything was crumbling and no one knew how to fix it. From the living spaces, to infrastructure, government, laws, morals and hope. From the top to bottom the entire thing was crackling like an old statue, every now and then a facial feature would just slide off without warning, forever changing the once beautiful place and making it ugly, scary and dangerous.

An open bottle of unlabeled dark liquor sits on the table next to him and a greasy, fingerprint smeared glass holds a splash of whiskey still left in the bottom. Joel looks down at his broken watch in front of him, the one Sara had fixed for his birthday. That fateful night that she was shot to death by military when the outbreak started. The night his entire life lost its meaning and any sense of purpose. But the entire world seemed to have lost its meaning and purpose that night, Joel realizes as he downs the last bit of whiskey in his glass and refills it. Why should his life be any different?

He gets up, swaying slightly and suddenly feeling how tipsy he is. With his glass of whiskey in his hand, he steps over to the window to look out over the city. The dust had amounted thickly on the window so he had to use his flannel shirt to rub a circle in it to look out. He, mostly, didn’t want to know what was going on in the world outside unless it had to do directly with him so windows often had no purpose other than free light or an escape route.

No one dared to walk the QZ at night. The military jeeps were full of young men, mostly hopped up on drugs that Joel sold to them, with itchy trigger fingers and anger from having their future robbed of them. Joel didn’t blame them for their anger. Hence, why he justified selling drugs to people barely adults. They had no future. They were born into this godforsaken place, would never leave it, and deserved a break from reality now and then. However, anger and mind altering substances often make terrible bed partners and oftentimes innocent people would be shot after dark, almost as if target practice. The only ones scurrying around were the thieves, drug runners, some Fireflies and anyone up to no good. Joel had been one of those for years. Less and less now as he ages but, on occasion Tess will bring him a job and he finds himself trying to cloak himself in night as he’s dodging headlights and cowering in the shadows of crumbling buildings for a few measly bucks.

He looks down at the street below and sees Tess dodge across the street between military vehicles passing and he shakes his head with a sigh, “You’re gonna get yourself killed.” His hand reaches up to his dusty window and draws a sad face in it.

The eye of that sad face flickered at him. Joel did a double-take flicking his eyes back at the dust drawing he just did. Again, he saw the flickering just beyond the sad face in the dusty window, He quickly used the sleeve of his flannel shirt again to clear another patch to look out and there it was, clear as day, a small fire, with smoke pluming up from it, coming from the landfill.

“I knew I saw you!” Joel whispers to himself proudly.

He watches for a few moments more before the fire suddenly seems to go out as if water was dumped on it. He eventually turns and flops down in bed. The alcohol taking hold, and the pills didn’t hurt either. He would sleep for 8 full hours tonight, but restless, synthetic sleep. Never the less, sleep that was welcomed.

……………………………

There’s an arm around him. He stirs suddenly and looks down with a start as Tess’s voice rings out from her position curled up to him,“One of these days you’ll get used to me sleeping next to you and not wake up like I’m going to murder you.” She smiles as she, too stirs from her sleep.

“Yeah, well… maybe you’ve murdered a few too many people for me to consider that option.” Joel grunts sitting up.

“Hello Pot, this is Kettle and he is black.” Tess jokes.

“What were you scurrying around for last night?” Joel grogilly rubs his face.

“You saw that, huh?” Tess quips.

“If I saw it, then you know the military saw it too. Or worse, the Fireflies.” Joel goes to put on a pot of coffee.

“Maybe the Fireflies sent me out there last night.” Tess teases as she raises an eyebrow at him. He looks over his shoulder hesitantly then decides to drop it.

“Why do you keep coming here?” He turns and leans against the small kitchenette counter.

“Dancing is more fun with a partner.” She snarks. “Not that you are ever sober enough to stand after 7 PM.” Joel shoots her a glare, pours coffee into a mug for himself and one for Tess and hands it to her. She nods and takes a careful sip.

“The Fireflies did send me out last night. There’s been camp fires in the landfill and they want me to find who is lighting them.”

“Hm.” Joel says sipping his coffee, deciding not to disclose what he had seen the previous day in the landfill.

“They think it’s a woman and they want to speak to her.”

“Is that so?” Joel fakes disinterest.

“There’s a big pay out if I find her and bring her to them.”

Joel puts his coffee down and Tess knows she has his attention.

“How much?”

“Enough to get us out of here.”

Joel sighs in exasperation.

“We’re not getting out of here. There’s nowhere else to go.” He states simply and slightly frustrated to argue this with her once again.

“You’ve seen it. I can tell. You’ve been on the landfill crew for the last few weeks. You’ve seen something.”

Joel buttons up and sits at the table, concentrating on his coffee.

“Joel - “ Tess approaches him and crowds in excitedly, “Have you seen her?”

“You need to work on getting a battery for that car if you really want to drive out there to your death. Don’t worry about what isn’t living in the landfill.”

Tess watches him intently for a moment.

“You’re a terrible liar, Joel Miller.” She stands up with a huff. “I’m going out to the landfill tonight,” She states as she slings on a backpack and moves to the door. “Come with me or don’t. I don’t care.”

“I won’t.” Joel sips his coffee, faking disinterest.

Tess opens the door and before she leaves, she says over her shoulder, “Hurry up You’ll be late for your shift shoveling garbage until you die on your feet.” She steps out and closes the door. Joel sneers at the door once she’s gone then looks at the time and jolts up, realizing he’s late.

“Shit.”

…………………….

The garbage truck jolts and jars as it enters the landfill as Joel sits silently in the passenger seat.

“You smell like a brewery.” The driver says.

“Last I checked booze aint prohibited.” Joel snaps at him looking forward out the cracked windshield.

“You got anything for me today?” The driver changes the subject. Joel sighs, knowing he’d be kicked of this gig if he didn’t keep brigbing the driver with fentanol pills. He hands him a small zip lock bag with four pills in it. The driver smiles and exclaimes, Ha! There it is. Come to Papa!” He chimes as he drops a pill into his mouth and swallows.

Joel shakes his head and grunts to himself, seeing the irony of the driver’s guilt trip. But that’s the thing with the younger generation. Pills to numb the pain of living has become so common place that it’s not even blinked at when someone is high all the time. But someone who works and connects and pulls strings to find alcohol is shunned. Joel partook in pills as well, but he knew how quickly they could ruin your ability to make money. And money keeps you alive in the QZ even if you go crazy by not medicating with drugs.

“Get out and shovel.” The driver ordered. Joel opens his door that creaked and groaned it’s own symphony of discontent, then jumped down to begin shoveling the garbage off the back of the truck.

He started by tossing out some large, broken and forgotten furniture into the landfill and suddenly, his back spazmed and he felt a shot of pain that sent him to his knees. He cried out in pain but the driver didn’t respond. He couldn’t move as he crumpled to the ground and called for the driver, “Crankshaft!” He called out the driver’s nic name but there was no response. He crawled around the side of the truck and saw his door still open and a cloaked figure bending into the cab of the truck.

“Hey!” He shouted. You looked back at him momentarily from under your hooded, tattered shawl, then went back to what you were doing in the cab of the truck. “STOP!” Joel commanded but you didn’t back away. After a moment you pulled out Crankshaft and laid him on the ground. He was foaming at the mouth, overdosing. You began giving CPR, pumping hard on his chest, rhythmically then breathing into his mouth.

“What are you doing?” Joel shouted as he crawled closer. You worked on him over and over but it was obvious he wasn’t coming back. You fall back, your cloak falling off your face as you panted, exhausted, “Is he….”

“I’m sorry…” You say, “He’s gone to the stars now.”

Joel notes your odd phrasing of his passing.

“Fuck.” Joel hangs his head.

“He was a friend of yours?” You ask.

“No. He gave me a job. And now I’m fucked. They will blame me for him overdosing”

“Ah…” You trail off, not understanding but also not caring and look to the horizon. “Goodbye then.” You get up, lift your hood over your head and goes to walk away.

“Wait!” Joel raises a hand to you from his position on the ground.

“I can’t walk. And they’ll blame me and kill me if they find out he overdosed.” He knows pleading won’t work on people so he pulls out his bag of fentanol. “I’ll give you these pills to sell if you help me to where you’re staying for tonight”

“The pills that just killed your friend?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Well, yeah. It’s all I have to offer.”

You approach him then with a studious pause lean down and wrap your arms around his midsection, hefting him to his feet.. Joel shouts in pain.

“Stop.” You hiss at him. “We can’t hide if you’re screaming.”

Joel nods between pants and the two of you slowly make your way over the landfill.

It took hours but you made it to a small hill of garbage where you pulled back some wooden skids and tarps to reveal a hole that went down into the landfill. You struggled to get him inside then pulled the random trash to hide the door again. You sat with him in complete darkness for a moment before you fumbled around and managed to lite a lantern made of an old, dirty jar and coat hangers. You grabbed him with your other free hand and hobbled him into a small room that opened up with a wood burning stove, a bed and a broken bookcase that had shattered kitchenware. You lower him onto the bed..

“You’re the one I saw the other day that frightened the seagulls.” Joel tiredly states.

“Yes.” You admit openly.

“Who are you?”

“People call me Amy.” You say warming up a kettle in the wood burning stove.

“What do you call you?” Joel weakly asks.

“My real name is Ameo”

“Huh… I used to know a guy that worked for me who had a weird name. He named his kids normal names though. Probably the trauma of being named after a horror writer. One of his kids was named Amy, actually.”

“Common name.” You shrug.

Joel relaxes into the bed as you pour the kettle into a bowl and soak long strips of fabric in the hot water. You pull up his flannel and undershirt, “What are you.-” You place the long strips of warm fabric along his back and he immediately understands what you’re doing as the warm fabric strips begin to relax his back.

“What was your friend’s weird name?” You ask smoothing more strips along his back.

“Poe. After Edgar Allen Poe.”

Amy stopped what she was doing.

Joel looked back, “Are you okay?”

Amy’s hands shook and her eyes grew wide. Joel tried to turn to look at her as much as he could.

She asks,

“Are you Joel?”

THE RAVEN AND THE FIREFLY MASTERLIST

#joel miller #the last of us #joel miller fluff #joel miller smut #the last of us fluff #the last of us smut #poe dameron #pedro pascal fluff #pedro smut #pedro pascal smut

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fagcrisis · 2 years ago

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so medicine and healthcare in star wars

if youve ever had even a passing interest in medicine go on the wookieepedia page for bacta to make yourself incredibly angry

because all sci fi is fantasy but much greyer, and SFF writers would not be where they are in life (rock bottom) if they went to medical school, the way medicine is represented in star wars is the standard for the genre. just sort of a goo that fixes everything.

bacta is described as a slightly warm liquid that is a combination of 2 bacteria, and it has its uses in emergency and non emergency situations, so it can instantly heal a wound or fix your ingrown nail. it can fix broken bones, internal bleeding and hypothermia as well, which begs the question how the fuck does it get inside your body. i would love to see our brave boys get a spinal injection or something but thats too adult for the franchise that only canonised sex like a month ago

for the sake of my sanity im going to assume that the overuse of bacta is due to the fact that the main pieces of the star wars franchise take place during various armed conflicts where there is no time for more sophisticated medicine. bacta is probably very expensive and anakin can only treat it like a disposable toothbrush the way he does with clones because the republic loves throwing money at him to see what he does with it. if you as a regular citizen of fucking like, devaron, go to the hospital because you dislocated your shoulder they will relocate it for you and tell you to take it easy for a couple weeks instead of slapping bacta on it

dealing with illnesses is a similar situation with the major examples being that one really bad series of episodes in the clone wars (save for the really swag teenager they meet on that one planet and the fucking angel who shows up for One scene and then is never mentioned again. guys there are angels in star wars ask me about the angels) and the rakhghoul disease in kotor, both of which can be solved by a vaccine and/or the power of anakin skywalker being really horny. while i assume medicine is a lot more advanced i think they still havent found a cure for the common cold, just cause i think thats really funny. on a serious note i think probably the major problem they deal with are not bacteria and viruses but spores instead. fungi keep growing in people's lungs and they cant figure out why, ships need to be throughroughly infected before and after going to any planet outside of the expansion rim because those planets still have spores that can be deadly to certain species along with completely unidentified species of fungi and sarlacc spores (can we talk about the sarlacc again i would love to talk about the sarlacc again)

as for structural healthcare, the only hospital we see i think like, ever, is in the first season of the clone wars and its a hospital for the army so it doesn't really give much insight into the workings of healthcare in the new republic

i think on coruscant, while public healthcare exists its wildly horrible with wait times being months or even years in some cases and clinics and hospitals gradually lessening on the lower levels. private companies are preying on the people who are desperate enough to turn to them, and the emergency responders have long been combined with the branch of the sanitation department responsible for transporting corpses because oftentimes thats what they arrive for. i also think they fill the role of doctors and whatnot in many districts, because getting an appointment is nigh impossible but the ambulance is going to arrive at some point, so theyre the most well funded branch of public healthcare on the planet but its still not nearly enough to meet the impossibly high demand. a speeding ambulance shuffle on the airways is probably as common a sight as anakin skywalker jumping out of a window

there probably exist a couple of mega hospitals in each district, the size of several housing blocks, housing everything from emergency care to permanent homes for chronically ill people and so on, also probably placed close to the necropolis districts ive talked about. there are also clinics throughout the city specializing in specific species (bad sentence im not rewording it) the older ones of which have attracted enough permanent residents of that species living near them that thats just their area now. specialized athmosphere established in a districts of the 45th level? the first clinic to ever treat Kel Dor was established there 300 years ago and so many of them moved there since that oxygen is basically redundant.

#star wars meta

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whereismymindnow · 9 months ago

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Twin Hearts Chapter Six

Author's Note: it’s a bit short, but I feel like this chapter needs to be a standalone.

Pairing: Niklaus Mikaelson x Twin!Original Female Character

Warnings: 18+ due to mature, darker themes. Twincest. Smut. Strong language. Death. Miscarriage. Murder. Vampire/Hybrid violence. Please read responsibly.

If this work is found anywhere other than Tumblr (@whereismymindnow) or Archive of Our Own (Mikki19) then it has been posted without my permission.

Twin Hearts Masterlist

---

Chapter 6: Death

Mystic Falls, 1001

Esther hummed softly as she dabbed her daughter’s sweat-soaked brow with the cold cloth. Her face was pale, the darkness under her eyes showing just how ill she had become. Her usually full cheeks had become gaunt and her hair was limp and greasy. The infection was winning, that much was obvious. Pia hadn’t been able to break the fever despite the various potions and herbs that Esther had tried. Occasionally she’d mutter under her breath and her head would move from side to side, but other than that she had shown no sign of life. She hadn’t opened her eyes since the third night. The rattle in her chest at each breath made Esther swallow hard.

‘Another daughter… gone. A third child… taken.’

Ayana had refused to do anything more as the fever ravaged the girl’s body. The damage had been done, and at this stage even if she somehow managed to heal Pia, she would not have been the same once awoken. It was easier for the Mikaelson family to lose her like this, in a way that gave them a chance to say goodbye to the girl. “It will be over soon, sweet girl. The pain will stop soon and you will be reborn.” Esther muttered quietly, ensuring that her children further down the longboat didn’t hear her.

Niklaus was once again kneeling in front of the piece of freshly dug soil. A stubborn tear dripped down his cheek as his hand pressed against the dirt. A tree would grow here; it would be big and beautiful and represent the child that he had lost with Pia. When she was well he would show her this place and they would be able to say goodbye together. ‘Do not take her from me, please…’ He had never completely believed in all of the religious ideals that others did, but right now he was willing to do just about anything to save the life of his beloved.

Klaus had never felt so powerless before. The look of dread on Pia’s face as blood had escaped down her thighs. How she had clutched her belly. How she had reached out for him as he raced towards her. She had been in so much pain and he hadn’t been able to do anything about it. His mother had quickly shooed everyone out and had called for Ayana to assist her. Less than an hour later bloody sheets were being removed from the longboat and Pia remained silent and unmoving on her bed. Their child had died. They hadn’t even known their child had existed and it was taken from them. Then the infection came and tore his love down so quickly. All he had been able to do was run away. He felt so powerless.

“Nik…?” He turned his head to see his only sister standing behind him. “Mother says that Pia’s condition is worsening.” Her eyes were red from the tears that continued to fall. “She doesn’t think that she will last the night.”

“So, I shall lose my child and the woman that I love?”

“You need to come and be with her.”

“I cannot look at her in that state. I cannot see her in such a way and know that there is nothing I can do to save her.” Elijah, who had been nearby, appeared at his side.

“Niklaus, we must go to Pia. She needs us.”

“No, she doesn’t! Why do you all keep saying that?!” There it was: Klaus’ rage. He stood up and turned to face them both. “She is dying and not even mother can save her! She doesn’t need us; she doesn’t even know we are there! She hasn’t woken for 6 days and from the look of things that is not going to change… she’s… she’s…” He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t admit to himself that Pia was ready to leave this world and move on.

“Oh, Nik.” Rebekah pulled her brother against her chest and held him as his shoulders shook. Elijah moved next to them and put a hand on Klaus’ back.

“Even though she does not know we are there, we need to be with her so that she is not alone. You will never forgive yourself if you do not say goodbye to her, Niklaus.”

“Oh, sweet girl… I am sorry…” Esther moved a stray curl that stuck to her child’s hot face and smiled down at her beautiful daughter. “I wish I could have told you the truth. I had thought that it would have been easier this way.” The witch looked behind her as Mikael entered through the curtains.

“Are you sure about this?” He held a cup in his hand; a cup filled with Tatia’s blood.

“It is the only way to make sure we don’t lose another child.”

“And what of her? Why are you doing this for Pia as well? She is just a baby that we took in out of pity.”

“She means everything to Niklaus. He will be uncontrollable without her by his side. Give me the cup.” Esther held out her hand and took the blood from her husband. She turned to Pia as Mikael moved to the other side of the bed and cupped her neck so he could lift up her head a little. “You need to drink this for me, Pia.” Esther knew her daughter could not hear her, but talking to Pia made her feel better. She moved the cup to the girl’s lips and tipped it carefully so that the blood would not spill everywhere. Mikael used one of his fingers to massage the girl’s throat to aid in the swallowing of the liquid.

“What are we going to tell the others?”

“We will hold a celebration in honour of Henrik’s life, everything has happened so quickly that we have not had a chance to be together as one. They shall drink wine laced with the blood… and then you will kill them in order to save them.”

“Very well.” Mikael turned to bring his sword but was stopped by his wife’s words.

“No. No… I- I shall do this to her.” Esther produced a dagger that she had hidden in her pocket and stood up. She carefully traced the side of Pia’s face and sighed. ‘I have denied you for so long, so I shall give you this gift. I am your mother, my darling. For once I shall save you and show you the love that you deserve.’

In her mind, she was granting Pia the gift of immortality. The one thing that every mother wishes they could give their child. A gift that would protect her child from death and pain. Esther quickly raised the blade above her head before plunging it into Pia’s chest. The girl did not even gasp, the fever proving to be too much for her to fight, as the dagger ripped through her heart. Red stained her white nightdress as her life drained out of her. Esther’s hand dropped limply to her side, the dagger making a heavy thud as it slipped from her grasp. She watched as her daughter stopped struggling to live, as her chest steadily became still.

“She is dead.” Mikael stated as he noticed his wife seemingly lose herself in a trance. There was no going back now.

“Yes… come now. We cannot have them seeing her like this.” The remaining Mikaelson children entered their home to find their parents waiting for them. “My children.”

“Mother?” Elijah was a little confused as he saw how tense his mother’s shoulders were. “I-Is it Pia?” Rebekah grabbed onto Klaus’ hand as he tried to leave immediately.

“She is sleeping still.” Esther replied shortly before correcting herself and giving her children a small smile. “We thought it may be nice to have a drink in honour of Henrik. We have not really had a chance to speak of the… incident. After watching Pia become so ill, I think we should acknowledge his life and his spirit.”

“I think that is a wonderful idea, mother.” Finn agreed and took one of the cups that had been offered. Slowly the rest of the siblings followed suit and they raised their cups.

“To Henrik, a kind-hearted soul that was taken from us far too soon. May he rest in peace and watch over us until our time is upon us.”

“Henrik.” Esther watched carefully as her children drank the wine that had been offered. Her gaze settled upon Niklaus who merely looked down at the red liquid.

“Niklaus… please…” His blue eyes looked at her and she nearly broke eye contact as the pain and suffering pierced through her. She had never seen him look so broken before… so hopeless. “For Henrik.” He gave a single nod and downed the blood-laced wine.

Klaus felt so much guilt. He had forgotten how he had failed to protect his little brother. He’d failed Henrik, his child and his soulmate. Perhaps Mikael had been right all along. He was just a failure. He was just a disappointment. He wasn’t born for happiness. He didn’t deserve anything good in his life. His head spun as his father’s vicious words echoed within his skull. There was only one person that ever managed to quiet the abuse he had been put through. He needed her. She had to fight, she couldn’t leave him too. He wouldn’t survive it. “I- I’m going to see Pia.” Mikael’s hand stopped Esther from calling him back. There was no time. They needed to act fast. They had managed to create a secluded area at the back of the longboat for Pia, only a thick curtain separated her body from the rest of them. It wouldn’t take long for him to reach her.

Niklaus had barely moved the curtain back before he fell to his knees. His chest constricted painfully and he felt as though someone had taken all of the air from his lungs.

He couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t blink.

He couldn’t make a sound.

He was frozen in place. It was as though everything around him had disappeared and all he could see was her. Nothing existed but her.

Blood covered Pia’s chest and her beautiful face was a horrid shade of white. Her pink lips were blue. Her body was stiff and lifeless.

Pia was dead.

She had been murdered.

“NO!” Tears blurred his vision as he stumbled over to his love and pulled her against his chest. Her cold body remained unmoving as he grasped at her and curled in on himself. Pained sobs left his mouth as he clung onto Pia like a child. “Pia…” If he hadn’t been so overcome by his grief then the shouts and screams of his siblings would have met his ears. His mind was far too focused on how cold she felt. How the smell of her blood hit the back of his throat and made him feel sick.

“Klaus…” Esther’s voice was gentle as she approached her son. Her fingers shook as she noticed one of Pia’s feet twitch, showing that she was waking up, as her brother held her like a vice. This needed to be done quickly. Klaus needed to let go of his twin.

“Boy.” Mikael’s cold tone shocked Niklaus back into the present. He turned his head around and choked on another sob as he saw the bloody sword that was in his father’s hand. Esther’s eyes told him everything. They had done this.

“W-what?”

“Stand up, Niklaus. It will only hurt for a little while.” Esther muttered quietly. Klaus’ lips trembled as he carefully lowered Pia onto the floor. If he was going to die, then he was going to die right by her side. He stood on shaky legs and turned to face his parents. He wiped away his tears and clenched his jaw.

“Well? What are you waiting for?!” He outstretched his arms and challenged Mikael for the final time. “Come on then. I have nothing left to live for!” Klaus growled as Mikael stepped forward with a grin. He was ready to die. He didn’t care anymore.

“Stop being so dramatic, Niklaus.” Mikael sneered before thrusting the blade through Klaus’ stomach and out of his back. He held him there for a few moments before pulling the sword back and letting the boy fall to the floor. With his last ounce of strength Klaus crawled over to Pia and grabbed her hand. Esther covered her mouth as she watched her son choke on his own blood. The sight of her twins holding onto each other even in death would be an image that she would never forget.

#the vampire diaries fanfiction #klaus mikaelson x ofc #twin hearts #klaus mikaelson x oc #twin hearts masterlist #tvd fanfiction #twin hearts fanfiction

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calliethetrekkie · 1 year ago

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Triumvirate Prompts: Day 19

#19. Favorite Spock Moment

Because I suck at just picking one thing, I shall give you a Top 5 list, and will also do so for Kirk and McCoy's prompts. So for Spock, going off the top of my head in no particular order...

1. The Naked Time Breakdown

Am I a horrible person for picking this? To me, this is when Spock began to click as a three-dimensional character. Up to that point, he'd been the smart character. The composed, no-nonsense, logical second-in-command who was the smartest man in the room. He'd spoken about being half-human before and how he was able to live with it... but we see here that no, it's not that simple. Upon the illness removing his emotional control, he gets into a conference room, tries to use his usual methods to keep himself controlled, and just... breaks down into tears. It shows us that there is more to this guy. He does have feelings and emotions that he keeps suppressed, and the more that the show goes on, the more we realize why. It really helped open Spock up as a character for me.

2. Climax of The Galileo Seven

My opinion of this episode probably differs from some, since I think that Spock is very much culpable for some of the troubles in the episode and that he earned the mistrust of the crew. He's clung so hard onto his logic and come across as a cold hardass with a superiority complex, and refuses to listen to anything that anyone else has to say or suggest. All that did was lower morale and worsen the situation. But here? With nothing left to lose, Spock is finally able to let that logic go and do something utterly insane by ejecting the shuttle fuel. It's an utterly insane plan that by all means should have failed... but it didn't. It shows us that Spock can make the more, for lack of a better word, human choice and take the risk. Sure, he tries to deny it at the end, so he still has a long ways to go. But it's still a step in the right direction and a great piece of character development that saved the day at the end.

3. Protecting McCoy in Bread and Circuses

Okay, this one might be self-indulgent, but can you blame me? It's such a good moment. He and McCoy have been bickering all episode, even more than normal. But once they're forced into the arena with McCoy hopelessly out of his depth, what happens? As soon as he's down, Spock intervenes and nerve pinches the opponent before McCoy can be harmed. Remember by doing this, he broke the rules and Kirk thus volunteers himself for execution to spare the two of them. That means by saving McCoy, he's condemned Kirk. He tries to play it off as losing the doctor would be consequential to the ship, but McCoy doesn't buy the BS, calls him out on his emotional suppression, and makes it clear that he's worried about Jim also. All because Spock won't just admit that he saved McCoy because he cares about him and panicked. I think it goes a long way into showing that McCoy understands Spock more than he thinks and bringing that to light to him and giving more insight on how ashamed Spock can be when it comes to his emotions. It's a strong scene for both Spock and McCoy, but it goes a long ways in allowing us to better understand Spock.

2. The Sacrifice in The Wrath of Khan

I don't think you can mention Spock moments without bringing up this scene. It's arguably the most famous moment in Star Trek history. With the ship in danger, Spock acts to save everyone. He knows full well that he'll be killed by radiation, but he doesn't hesitate. McCoy tries to stop him and gets knocked out/given Spock's soul as a result. Spock sacrifices his life to save the many. To save his friends. Yes, we all know that he gets brought back at this point, so maybe that undermines the impact a little, but it's still such a strong moment. After watching Spock grow and struggle all these years, it all culminates at this moment. The moment where he says goodbye to Kirk? Yeah, that's... that's a lot.

5. This Scene from The City On The Edge Of Forever

EDITH: [...] You know as well as I do how out of place you two are around here. SPOCK: Interesting. Where would you estimate we belong, Miss Keeler? EDITH: You? At his side, as if you've always been there and always will.

It took me forever to think of one more thing for this list. I'm not even sure if this one really counts. But I thought about this, and it seems like the perfect moment to end on. I am nowhere invested in the Kirk and Spock relationship as the vast majority of the fandom is. I'm sorry, I like them, but there's just nothing worth exploring with them for me. But there is no denying how loyal and devoted to Kirk that Spock is. There's so many episodes and moments that I can point to showing this. But I think that this bit in The City on the Edge of Forever sums it all up perfectly. He's always right by his captain's side. Whether it be to follow him into a mission, keep him focused on his captain duties, throw himself in the way of harm for him, he is always there. He outright calls Kirk his closest friend (as well as McCoy, we are NOT taking McCoy erasure on here) in Amok Time hence why he asked him to go with him to Vulcan. Their trust in each other is so strong and Edith Keller, who has pretty much known them for just a few hours, puts it perfectly.

...also Spock's reaction when Kirk insinuates that working with 30's resources is 'asking too much' of him. Seriously, his face when Kirk dares says that.

It's so beautiful XD

#star trek tos #terms of service-tober #spock

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dandie-on-the-wind · 18 days ago

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the water runs cold this time of year

river,

its me dandie, but i think the last time we talked you knew my old name. i stopped looking at your blog when i saw you talking about a girl. i remember spiraling when i saw you were heading to another state. i told myself i wanted to check on you and i did, it never actually helped. when we last talked i tried to explain what was going on with me. i didn't get to elaborate, you had already made up your mind about leaving.

i think you had made up your mind about that months before you had the balls to break up with me. i felt it, even from miles away, the pattern repeating, the grip loosening slightly, a flinch of detachment. maybe you saw when i noticed, and i couldn't get you to say anything. i know you were new to this, i pressed you pretty hard, i thought we talked about everything. i should've said you weren't ready. i should've cut it off before it got so bad. i could've saved myself so much pain and confusion.

but in all versions of this story you run, and im not the person who can run after you. it felt like you started off-roading the moment i got into my pace.

sure hindsight is 20/20 and i remember the spark in my head when i thought we were going too fast. there was so much going on in my head and my life and emotions and identity and things were just so overwhelming. and yet, i didn't howl with you, something in me held back. i thought landing in a mattress would be the right choice. it wasn't a fully aired mattress and i felt my body snap when i landed. i should've looked harder.

im not saying it wasn't fun, i truly do think you are a force to be reckoned with. i miss your ramblings about the environment and fishing and the things you liked. i cant think about fly fishing or sword-fern without your face blinking in my mind. i think about telling you things before remembering you dont talk to me. i miss how my dog loved you, i miss that trip we took to that beautiful house. i think about your family living closer to me than you, dreading a day i see them in the wild, how would i even begin to say anything?

now, there was a big part of me that i didn't understand until i met you. you had so much valor and pride. maybe im romanticizing the societal and interpersonal abuse that comes with being different in the gender spectrum. i came out as nonbinary a month after you left me on that park bench. i came out twice in the time i knew you. you had seen and known some of the worst feelings i could imagine and yet you were still out and trying, and ill never be able to thank you enough for showing me that.

you have this raw, blinding pain in that ballroom of yours. when i saw it, i was worried you'd stay waltzing in those marble floors forever. somehow i think you are. your fingers shake to light the match on your new life. your name, your opinions, your fear and your love, all chandeliers in that hall that you seal shut. i know that the longer its sealed the harder it will be to open. ive never had a ballroom, just a dance floor under the stars.

i know i wont be a flash in your mind, how could i be? we had so many deep and intense moments of healing and growing and learning. brains don't just forget about people like that. i just hope you know that severing the pathways like that can cause more harm than good. and i'm sorry i tried so hard to reach for you when i should've let go. you said 'i think wed be great friends' in the same conversation of 'i think we should maybe breakup' it was confusing so i took the better option: be friends. i had been grieving ahead of time, so by the time you finally broke it off i figured we could move on and be friends seamlessly. i wasn't thinking about how you felt, how could i? you wouldn't share how you felt. we both put on smiles and walked on. we were lying to ourselves. still you were definitely a shut door when mine wasn't using hinges

im so excited for my life and i hope you've found some hope in yours. i feel like i would still have a conversation about this if you were ever ready, but thats improbable. plus so much has happened since June. i've been lucky to be busy with my livelihood.

until i see you again, be well. i always end up okay

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mushroomwriter · 5 months ago

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(pt1) The hermanos really live in my head rent free askfhfkd and once again, I must thank you for being so sweet and inviting! I hope you enjoy the rambles ahead 》 Hi, hermanos anon back again! I'm finally done with my exams, thank you once again for all your kind wishes <3 I've even had a little holiday and travelling (which stresses me out) and I was rotating your answer in my head all the while... Yesss, that scene with Sergio & Martin is so painful. The emotions on both their faces are so raw and real and uff, I really love how you can see the way both of them have been hurting and grieving despite the *years* it's been since Andrés died. They truly loved him so much and I am never gonna be over it 🤧 And yes that scene on the ship where he's giving them instructions gets me too, especially this one moment where when they reach international waters everyone is cheering and going wild and Sergio smiles for like half a second before the smile just drops from his face and he looks in the distance... and you can just tell he's thinking of his brother who's not there to celebrate with him :'(

(pt2) This gets long so if you can feel free to put even my asks from here on under a cut (or maybe answer them separately? idk I hope i'm not annoying you or your followers with the wall of text and again I am SO sorry for how long this got 😭)

Now about the hermanos' childhood, I must say you've really done some magic with your words because for the past 2 years, I have clung stubbornly to my half brothers headcanon. I cannot emphasize enough how much I never vibed with the full brothers scenario. BUT. After reading your thoughts, something in me slowly softened to the idea (which I repeat I thought was impossible) and then I was reading this novel at the same time, with 2 brothers in it, and one of them is more "evil" than the other, meaner, likes to play tricks and the other is more good and kind and idealistic. Anyway, there was this one passage in the book where the mean brother lies down in his bed at night praying, begging God to "don't let me be mean" and wanting to be nicer and loved by his brother. and my brain replaced that with the hermanos growing up, and my heart squeezed in my chest and thats the moment I finally converted to the full brothers headcanon. Thank you for opening my eyes to the possibilities. Of course, the half brothers headcanon will always be first and special to me, but OMG the FEELS with the hermanos growing up together as little kids!!! I'm just taking their backstory as Shrodinger's Headcanons, since Pina clearly isn't interested in giving us anwers lmao. After this tangent, let me reply to your actual thoughts asdfjsk

Ah, I can see why s3 gave you that impression. Maybe I watched that interview before s3 becz my mind was always clear that they shared a father, so Andrés mentioning him makes sense but he also always had this kind of distance/coldness when talking abt him, even saying "He was *your father*" to Sergio in s2 by the fireplace (which makes sense if the said father abandoned him), while Sergio was the one who always sounded more fond and grieving. And when he mentioned "Mama's illness" I thought it's only Andrés' mother cause neither of them ever seemed very concerned that Sergio could have inherited the illness too? But it's interesting how preconceived notions affect the way we interpret a scene, you and me both had such different conclusions LOL. I understand, it was just the opposite direction for me, I didn't want to 'embrace' the full brothers headcanon 😅

(pt3) Yeah they even never clarified what he was sick with for HALF HIS CHILDHOOD/YOUTH!, let alone how he got better. But I'm so with you, the idea of Andrés taking Sergio to Russia and saving his life has my whole heart. Yes, you can work in the Andrés raising Sergio bit, especially because i think with their father dying and their mother's illness, they were probably orphaned at a young age either way and obviously the responsibility for Sergio would've fallen to Andrés very young, and like you mentioned even when their mom was alive he still might've been expected to look after his hermanito while they were busy trying to manage expenses. Oh, idk if you've heard of another hermanos headcanon that was popular at the time, basically that Andrés started stealing/got into a life of crime to pay Sergio's medical bills, but again, I love the idea that he used every means- legal or not to save Sergio. (Andrés' past intrigues me very much, I wish the spinoff had actually given us some answers 🥲)

OH, I loved your analysis of both scenarios and Andrés' reasons to resent their mom/Sergio. It makes all the sense, and it's heartbreaking. I also agree that it's very interesting he doesn't resent or bear any grudge against Sergio, when he easily could have. Once again, the fact that despite his unforgiving harsh personality in general, Sergio is the exception and he can see that Sergio really was just a helpless child and doesn't hold anything against him, melts my heart. AND YASSS, that's exactly one of the reasons I love the half bro hc so much. It's a Choice, and what a selfless one. Raising the son of the father(or mother) who abandoned you. I don't think many ppl would or could do that. And the fact Sergio was a sickly child too, but Andrés still took him in and didn't treat him like a burden but a beloved brother <3 I also just fell in love with the idea that Sergio thinks he's all alone in the world and then Andrés appears on the scene. Learning to trust each other. Andrés also thinking no one could love him (abandonment issues) and then he's suddenly the parental figure for a kiddo who looks to him and depends on him and loves him unconditionally, the way a child does.

(pt4) YEP, regardless of scenarios I also love the idea that it was Andrés who saved Sergio's life (and ofc, Sergio would think he can do anything. don't get me started on how Sergio would've felt when Andrés told him of the myopathy. Definitely some of his denial comes from the fact he thinks Andrés can defeat the illness, no matter if there's a cure or not) Gosh yes, Andrés would've been so proud and extra protective, we see that in the Bella ciao scene. I really think he didn't mind if he died as long as Sergio got away and gets to live a long and happy life ;___;

I would never stop screaming either if we got a new hermanos scene!!! Keep the hope alive 🤞 Hehe, I'm glad you appreciated the #hermanos angst! Oh that's great!!! As always, I am very excited for any hermanos content and I would love any gifset you make. What a coincidence lol, Richard Siken really was writing about them XD Awww, I love how you put it, that scene really does overflow with familiarity. Thinking of Toledo makes me emotional too, I'm glad I got to ramble about it with you, you made me smile too :') And if I ever get around to writing it, I'll let you know!

Omg, you're too kind, I'm relieved you don't regret the invitation yet haha. And you're happy to see my silly little rambles?? 🥺❤ So so glad our talks give you a serotonin boost too, and I hope you've been doing well. Take care, and please take your time replying to this essay 😭

PS I've read 100 years of Solitude too just last year! Feel free to tell me what you think of the book so far, I'm thinking of doing a reread <3

First of all, I'm sorry it took me SO LONG. Real life has been so busy lately, and I wanted to give you a proper reply, not a hasty one... especially considering I SO ENJOYED your rambles!!

I'm glad you managed to have a little holiday (which I hope wasn't just stressful) after your exams! If you're studying for some other exams now, well, I wish you good luck!

That scene with Martín and Sergio is definitely in the top painful scenes... Andrés is still such an open wound for both of them! Oh man, yeah, I do remember that moment of Sergio just... grieving despite the cheers and relief and it breaks my heart :(

So under a cut is it! Don't worry! I can't talk for my followers but I'm not annoyed for sure :D

What can I say... I'm happily impressed to know I softened you a little to the full-brothers scenario 💕💕 Also because I was maybe a little worried I rambled a bit too much about that scenario, so I'm glad you did like it! And please, associating that quote to the hermanos fcking killed me :( YES I think Shrodinger's Headcanons is the best way to go for their childhood! Like, as I said I went "naturally" for the full-brothers headcanon but there are aspects of the half-brothers headcanon that really melt my heart, so I want to keep them both! lol, Pina decided to give us NOTHING and so now we decided to take double the answers!

Yeah, it makes so much sense... it's truly interesting to see how the same scenes can be interpreted in different ways and how one preconceived notion can, as you said, make us end up with totally different conclusion...

I KNOW! I absolutely expected they'd let us know something more about Sergio's childhood illness, but nothing lol! I don't know if I had heard of the "Andrés got into stealing for Sergio" headcanon, like I definitely had that thought but I can't remember if it was because of fandom influence or not... either way, I'm so ON BOARD with it! (I guess the spinoff at least leaves us very free to headcanon at our hearts' content...)

I'm happy you loved my thoughts about Andrés and the reasons he'd have to resent Sergio, it's something I love to chew on! And YEAH EXACTLY, I mean, especially considering Andrés' whole character, 'selfless' is not exactly the first word that comes to mind to describe him, so thinking of him deciding to take care of this sick child he didn't even know, son of the parent who abandoned him, when Andrés himself was probably still pretty young... ahhhh! And little Sergio thinking he doesn't matter to anyone anymore, he's nothing but a burden now, but then Andrés appears and takes him in... I'm melting. And now you're making me crazy with the thought of Andrés, whose experience in terms of relationships is really not great, who considers himself really hard to love, getting this kid who loves him unconditionally and trusts him and looks up to him... woah. He was probably flabbergasted. "what's this??? UNCONDITIONAL LOVE??"

The idea of Andrés saving Sergio's life also ties nicely with Sergio's reaction when he learned about Andrés' illness, he was there like "let's forget about the robbery and let's go abroad in search of a cure" he wanted to do exactly what his brother had done for him!! And yeah, I think even after Andrés crushed that idea a part of him never stopped holding a bit of hope! As for Andrés, he would absolutely consider "I die but Sergio lives happily" a great scenario and I want to scream!

I'll keep hoping for new hermanos scenes 🤞 Thank you! That gifset is still a work in progress, I got a bit stumped because the scenes I picked are all so dark and my attempts to colour them have been pretty disastrous lmao but I'll try again! Also just so you know, I keep thinking about "you wouldn't be there to catch me" in relation to the hermanos' relationship and I CRY. (Thanks about the fic!)

I'm SO HAPPY to see your silly little rambles you have no idea 🥺❤ Also when I got these messages specifically I wasn't feeling great, like, physically (I had a bit of a migraine), therefore I was pretty unhappy, but your words really lifted my mood! And again, I'm so so sorry it took me so long to reply this time, I really hope you'll see this answer anyway...

PS. Oh, nice! 100 years of solitude is one of the things I had to put on hold lately, but I really want to get back to it because YES I was really enjoying it! I'm also lowkey obsessed with the opening lines, it's really the kind of beginning that makes you want to read the whole book immediately to find out how's that Aureliano ended up there! (We also had to translate that first part for class and later analyse the official Italian translations and I enjoyed it so much...) What about you? Did you end up doing that reread?

#my askbox #p #hermanos anon

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dogeabone · 8 months ago

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Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice

This is a story driven game, focusing on puzzles for gameplay. The story revolves around Senua, a Nordic Warrior Woman, who suffers from “The Darkness”, a psychosis like illness, that warps her view on reality. This illness is based on what we know as Psychosis. Her journey takes her to a gruesome place, surrounded by death and decay, known as “Hel”. She journeys there to save her beloved Dillion’s soul, and to face her own darkness.

I have decided to do this assignment on a video titled “Hellblade | The Senua Trailer | PS4”

This game was made by a team at Ninja Theory.

The trailer opens with a calm and scenic ocean view, surrounded by mountains off to the right. This setting gives off a cold feeling, giving off a feeling of unease. The title of the game "HELLBLADE SENUA'S SACRIFICE", slowly fades in as the scenic view starts to slowly pan to the right. Soft voices sing in a calming manner as the title fades in and out. thus, concluding the games title sequence.

The more the camara angle pans to the right, it reveals a shipwreck, stranded on a beach. The lighting grows darker, then quickly elopes to a quick fade, from one setting to another. The camera flies into a wreckage of ships crashed upon another, the dark tone of the fog gives more of a feeling of a cold undertone. A womans voice starts to speak, her words are soft, yet they give off an eerie tone. Almost as if a great sadness has been bestowed upon her.

"You can't put it into words, a moment when you look into the eyes of the one who is supposed to reassure you... (she has a slight gasp, trying to hold back tears of mourning) and make you feel safe..."

The camera starts inside of a different, bigger, darker and more destroyed ship. Parts of the wreckage expose light, giving the scene a natural light effect. This scene wants the viewer to not only focus their attention to the foreground, of a destroyed and dark ship, it wants the viewer to focus on the background. A disfigured tree, center background, possibly hints the next location in which the trailer will be continuing the story to. We can see objects dangling from the tree. The woman's voice continues - "...it only takes and instant... fears will lose you before you have a chance to make sense of it... " As the womans soft voice speaks, the camera zooms forward, heading straight towards the disfigured tree, and then seamlessly fading into the next location.

We see the tree, for what it really is. A hanging tree. Bodies hang in different positions amongst bone mobiles. We see a woman standing in front of the hanging tree, her arms appear both muddy and bloody, her clothing consists of leather wraps, and a drape of fur on her shoulders, giving us an indicator of when and where the setting of this game could suggest.

The womans voice continues, as the camera heads into an over shoulder shot towards the woman standing in front of the hanging tree. "...and darkness becomes a part of who you are." The over shoulder shot, is now a medium shot, once panicked voices appear - multiple voice lines of dialog are at once, all sounding very soft yet panicked. The voices continue, now becoming more aggressive and prominent, the camera angle continues to stay with the woman, it turns left to a medium shot. The voices appear to be related to the woman, as we see her chest breathe quickly, and her face holds an array of emotions. The multiple voices are continuously growing chaotic and loud as the camera gets closer towards the woman, the camera shot, is now becoming a close up shot of the woman's profile. The soft-spoken woman's voice returns, only more in tune with the other voices, her voice, blocking out all of the loud and chaotic voices

"Her world changed that day, when Northman came for her..." The camera revolves arounds her profile to the opposite side, turning to an over shoulder shot once more. The camera, now at the same pace as her fast and anxious breathing. Reveals that the hanging tree is now alight. - "... Senua knows that there is no going back to how things were... " The camera yet again revolves around the woman, the woman who we now know as Senua. The camera continues to revolve around Senua as the soft-spoken woman speaks "...if there was nothing to back to at all..." The voices arise in whispers, fading out the soft-spoken woman's voice. The camera freezes in place, only to make you more aware of how anxious Senua is in this moment. A dominant male voice revels in the moment - "Their gods can see into your mind..."

Ember's flare across the background of the scene. Blurred in their motions. Senua's breathing becomes the main point of view in the scene, she now faces the viewer. Additional blurred embers surround her and the background. The males voice continues "... they will use this power to destroy you..." Senua replies to the man's voice "They won't stop me... I can still feel him..." Senua's reply to the male, gets cut short as he interrupts her and belittles her spirit "Whatever is left of him. They will never let him go" The camera goes more into a close up of Senua, her reaction from the male's voices words, appear prominent in the way of upsetting her. Senua's reactions become aggressive, defending herself, and who the voice mentioned "I'm not going to let him rot here..." The males voice retaliates "You're the one rotting here." Senua turns away from the close-up angle, her face scrunches in visible sadness. Embers are now at their most prominent. Senua in a saddened voice, begs "Leave me alone..."

The camera spins around Senua, keeping focus on her face. The males voice, never changing tone, remarks "You will die here." Senua reacts stating "No." The males voice continues "And all your suffering will have been for nothing." Senua's expressions go from saddened to fury. The background, zooming out from the close up shot, to now a wide shot, reveals a new setting, as Senua yells "Shut up!"

Shipwrecks once engulfed in flames, now retuned to a cold and gloomy beach setting at daybreak. We see Senua standing in the center foreground of the shot, her face confused, she looks arounds as the camera pans towards her. Now a medium shot of her profile, gradually getting closer towards her face. We hear a second males voice, calling to Senua. The second males voice, acts in a way that it is us, the viewer, who is speaking directly to Senua, he whispers, in a kind and soft voice "Senua". Senua now focuses her gaze upon the viewer. She responds with "Dillion..." Senua peers into the camera, leaning forwards, as the camera angle becomes a close up. She comes closer towards the viewer and asks "...is that you?" Senua then proceeds to state "I will find you, my love... I promise..." The camera zooms outward into an overview shot, Senua turns around, and walks away. The camera fades to black, thus concluding the visual part of the trailer.

In conclusion, throughout this video, we see a few of Senua’s emotions, her grief, her anger and mostly her sadness. The video captures most of what is going through her mind in the given moments. Shes scared of the tree, the voice belittles her and she becomes upset and angry. My argument reads thusly. The video is about the character's ability to overcome her “darkness” not to get rid of it, but to listen to the aid of all the voices that engulf her thoughts, to trust more in what she knows is real, rather than what isn’t.

Hellblade | The Senua Trailer | PS4

youtube

#Youtube

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another-random-object-show · 1 year ago

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ANOTHER RANDOM OBJECT SHOW: SEASON 1

EPISODE 15: Terminal Velocity

Sunny was drawing with House, before House asked him; “Hey, Sunny, when you grow up… what do you wanna be? Mime said it wants to be the world’s greatest imitation master, so.. what about you?” He asked.

“...when I grow up? ..uhm… I wanna be.. a Fireman! Because they save people! O-or a Doctor!! Doctor’s are so cool! Ooh! or best of all, a teacher! Because I can help others, yeah, yeah! <D” Sunny says, ranting about jobs to House.

“Oh please, you’d never pass.” Lunartic spoke out. “Didn't I JUST tell you to go away? The Playarea is NOT safe with you around!” Question Mark groaned. “Sorry for teaching Mime and Sunny here the COLD. HARD. TRUTH! Those idiots are too mentally ill to ever pass ANYTHING! Sunny wasn't ever sent to school in space, because it DOESN’T EXIST! and Mime.. god, what even IS Mime?” He insulted him, causing Mime to turn into Phantom and say– “Well, at least I’m not an abusive dipshit who doesn't even CARE for the people he abuses!” He growled. “Oh, fuck off. Sunny’s a retard—” and just like that, Question Mark STRUCK Lunartic across the face. “WE DON'T EVER SAY THAT WORD! NOW GO! GET!” Question Mark yelled at Lunartic, who scurried away.

“What's the commotion..?” Cloudy asks, confused. “House and I were watching Period, Mime and Sunny when Lunartic got near the Playarea and started calling Sunny the.. R-Slur, such a horrible thing to call that sweetheart…” She says, somberly. “I mean, I’m not even surprised. Lunartic's just… Prideful. That's literally what he is. The embodiment of Pride— he thinks heaven better than everyone else and is unstoppable.” Period groans. “Good point, I’ll go get GyroGyro, he’ll be able to fend against him if he comes back.” Cloudy flew off.

Meanwhile, Cuby approached Moony, seeming to seek advice from her. “Cuby? Why are you..?” She said, trying to now understand his sign language. “...Japan? ..what about Japan..?” Cuby then pointed at himself, causing Moony to think, before guessing. “You're frustrated nobody understands you unless you write because you're Japanese and use Japanese Sign Language?” She guesses, causing Cuby to nod frantically. “Oh! Huh… hm… I don't know what I could do, but… did you have connections with anyone who speaks Japanese?” She asks, he shakes his head, and sighs. “I’m really sorry, Cuby, I can't help you. I’m sorry.” She said, before Cuby wrote to her— “NO PROBLEM. ^^”

Just then, as Lunartic began trying to sneak jnto the PlayArea and kidnap Sunny, GyroGyro screeched at him, resulting in Penta rushing to make sure GyroGyro didn't try and trade his soul again. “I get you’re imprisoned, but STOP! The trade won’t work! We know what happened last time, right? Don't do it again!” Penta pleaded with GyroGyro, who made a begrudged agreement howl. “Thank goodness…”

DING DING! CHALLENGE TIME! Every contestant got sent back into their teams, and onto their Team Rugs, where The Gourd awaited.

“Before we begin, Penta and Cloudy? You three can NOT compete.” He told the three, causing groans on both sides. “This is because the next challenge is to FLY! Contestants ! You will be tasked with flying a paper airplane, however, instead of staying up the longest, your goal is to take DOWN the other team! Got it?” The Gourd said as the teams nodded. “INTO YOUR PLANES!”

Period pushed Lunartic out of his way and became captain, while House said— “Let’s just see who falls..!” To Team FUN!, before leading the plane… and.. “START!” calls The Gourd.

Period began to fly, with Question Mark co-piloting, meanwhile, Sunny was being held on Moony’s back, where he was talking about how fun it was to be able to fly.

GyroGyro then tried to howl, to which Question Mark said— “What if we used him to determine airflow? His chambers can tell us how harshly the wind is blowing against us, and our atmospheric pressure, while we pilot!” She explained. “Huh… I had to thought of that! Gyro! Become our 3rd Co-Pilot!” Period said, resulting in GyroGyro agreeing.

Meanwhile, Cuby was flying the plane, while House and Mime tried to make talk. “So.. uhm… how… is it nowadays? …your uh… dysphoria, I mean.” He says. “Perfectly well! Might I add how goopy my face is getting from all this?” Mime chuckled, his face covered in an unknown Black Substance. “..what.. IS this anyways?” He says, staring at the stains. “It's a mix of my fluids!” He claimed, causing House to groan. “I kid! It only contains my blood! What it actually is, is something I call Transmallable Fluid, it's the stuff that keeps me from being unable to stabilize my limbs, and it's also the same thing that lets me transform!” He states. “Huh… interesting..?” House says. “How does it work?” Mime then explained that, “It morphs into a shape scanned by the brain— since it's also within my brain, which is why my face is like this— point across, it molds into what I, in a moment, WANT to be! If it touched you, however, it would act like a parasite and try to encompass your body so that you’d be the same as me!” Mine stated. “Huh… disturbing and I’m now scared of you… but what an ability, ain’t it?” House said, before pointing out. “What… what’s Lunartic do— Is he sabotaging his own team??” Mime looked.

Lunartic had snuck to the back of the plane, where he had a pair of clippers, he then took the clippers and began clipping the back of the plane.

“GUYS— LOOK! LUNARTIC’S CLIPPING YOUR PLANE!” House tried to warn. Mime tried the same, but they were too far away, so when Lunartic clipped off part of the left wing…

It began drifting downwards. “We’re losing control—!” Period said as GyroGyro howled violently, wind rushing through his chambers. “WE’LL CRASH INTO THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN— EVERYONE, SIT TIGHT AND—”

CRINKLE! Team FUN! Now rolled down the side of Mount. Frigid, and into the surrounding woodlands, The Gourd, seeing their plane out of the sky, however, summoned them.

“Team FUN!, you’ve lost! You’ll now be forced to vote for someone at the Ceremony Tonight! …also note, tomorrow night is the FINAL night without an Elimination Booth, THANK GOD!” He said.

With that, The Gourd walked away, leaving the others to think for a moment.

“...we need to get Lunartic out.” Moony said. “and now’s our chance! Alright, everyone, to the ceremony!” Cloudy said, descending now.

At the ceremony, The Gourd started as usual.

“Alright, we still DO NOT have a Voting Booth, so… does… anyone wanna eliminate themselves? ..nobody?” He looks around.

Period stands up and says— “I did an awful job at piloting today. I deserve this.” He sighed, walking onstage. “Oh.. uh.. are.. are you sure?? You have like.. a LOT of reasons to stay! Fan favorite, well developed..?” The Gourd says, completely caught offguard.

“Period, whatever you're ashamed of from today wasn't your fault— please!” Question Mark says. “Ma, I love you, but I don't deserve to stay after today. Plus… Pa’s probably lonely.” Question Mark inhales, before looking at Moony and sighing. “...go on. Just… be safe.”

“You.. uh, gonna change your miiind…?? ...no..? .al.. alright..??” He snaps his fingers turning Period into a sheet of paper with a single Full-Stop Punctuation Mark on it. “..That.. that was uhm.. not.. okay, well, see you all next time! ..yeah.. what in the world..?” The Gourd walked offstage, the torches to the ceremony blowing out.

END.

AROS was written by TheWiseGuest.

FIN.

“Ugh, dad, stop that!” Period said, being hugged tightly by Exclamation Mark. “Big kids don't get hugged by their dads!” They told him. “Huh..? So big kids don't love their dads, then…?” He said. “Either way, I got us Cotton Candy! Enjoying the carnival?” Question Mark asked Period. “...yes.” They begrudgingly said. “..it was all your father’s idea!” She said, chuckling softly as she patted their head. “...hey, uh… thanks. For this. I mean.” Period says. “Y’know, I JUST came out a week ago, so.. thanks for—” Exclamation Mark cut him off; “No need to thank me buddy, I’m your dad! My ONE goal and job as your father is to make sure you feel SAFE, and LOVED, and CHERISHED! and truly… that's because you are..!” Exclamation Mark said, looking down at Period. “Boop! Hmhm..!”

…

“Where are The Colon Duo?” Lightning said. “Didn't they get eliminated too, in like.. Episode 2?” She said, “They’re an Angel and a Devil, so they probably went to Heaven and Hell.” Hangman sighed. “We, however… STILL have MUCH… much more to learn about… HERE.” He says, looking around The Inbetween’s vastness.

#another random object show #aros season 1 #aros #object shows #season 1 #thewiseguest #drama #episode 15 #s1e15

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deeisace · 2 years ago

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I shouldn't be awake at past-2am, but I fell asleep at maybe-6pm, so I guess that's why

I'll go back to sleep in a minute, going to see if I can type up my dream first

So it was a long and creepy one this time, all connected instead of being separate dreams

I don't really remember the beginning, or how it all connects, but here's what I do remember

Had to go and meet my friends somewhere, friend was late? Found my yellow jumper in the bin outside Mackie's - it was fine, I checked it over, ended up wearing it for the entire rest-of-dream

In a house? Under the floorboards was this plant. It would grow up your legs and like some parasite into your brain and change you, but I'm not sure how exactly

Out in the street, looking for some guy to (arrest him???) keep him safe from this evil woman? She had, specifically, a bubblegum pink Saab car, that's what we (there was someone with me?) were looking for - but when we/I saw her she had a bubblegum pink ford model T instead

I don't know why we were getting this guy and taking him home to Texas, but it's something to do with the parasite plant

I was in a combination sweet shop and barber's while spying out onto the street for this guy and the evil woman who was also trying to find him - the barber cut my hair very carefully, and I bought some bonbons, and then I twisted the ball off the end of my eyebrow piercing and spent a while fixing it - somehow I could see, blurrily, what I was doing, without a mirror

I had a book and two loaves of bread in my bag - one most-of-a-loaf what they call American bread in France, white sliced with like chemicals an stuff in it, and one of the same but like. Warburton's? A few less chemicals, maybe, and this one was all made into toast. I don't remember what the book was, I was just looking for the pink car and eating sweets tbh. I remember thinking something about an airport?

Then, sat on the sofa (I don't have a sofa, but then I don't have a tv or a flat like what I did in-dream neither) with the other fella I ws with - same guy as in the street looking for the Texan, and he was, somehow, a combination and/or both of the theeee them two guys off of that video game I've not played that disco police thing, he was both of them fellas (at once or at turns?), somehow - anyway, we ws sat watching telly and eating this awful cold rice with a mostly-bell-peppers not-really-sauce with it

Oh, it wasn't my flat, it was a mob boss's safehouse but he was out for a while, so

I'm not sure if the next bit is off what we were watching on telly or if it was like in-dream real-life, but basically there was all these people in a forest? And they were stuck there? Some like living in the forest fine, and some literally stuck in place where they was

There was this one, strung up by bandit types, and this little forest guy come to like save him, with a gun (????) - he said something awful dramatic, as if he were gonna shoot the leader fella, but instead he shot at the rope holding the one fella up, and he just misses, the guy stays up and the bandit types all laugh at him and advance on him like you an got no bullets left or nothing now - but it turns out the one fella, the bullet had frayed the rope enough that suddenly he drops down

It sorta just goes on to the next bit there, but it's strongly implied the bandit types get battered

In a house in the middle of the forest, and there was a lift to the basement? As you do? Me and the disco policeman went down, and the basement was made up into a flat? There was a fire at the window, so we put it out, and doing that was an alarm, it sent off smoke and alerted - behind us, very ill in bed, was the evil pink woman from before

She was like the centre of the parasite plant, and she was the one keeping all these folks stuck in the forest and I didn't see anything but I guess she died cs suddenly all the people were walking out of the forest

In the pitch black too, but I could see/hear the little forest guy from before cs they were going to the city and he was like "can't there be one tree?" and someone else asked him if he was sure he wanted to go to the city and not to some small town or whatever, and then he ran back and like carefully put his bow on a tree stump and carried on walking

And then I woke up!

I've since fell asleep and had two other dreams (now almost-8am) - one was working in a 1980s like "dive bar" place, and the other was like sort of a 90s video game type thing, getting a girl away from her mafia father who'd booby trapped his giant labyrinthine mansion

#i have weird fuckin dreams

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xtrafluffyteddy · 2 years ago

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OKAY I KNOW YOU’RE GETTING TIRED OF ME, I WAS THE ONE WHO REQUESTED THAT BILLY X STEVE X EDDIE X CURSED! READER (but I just changed my name)

I was wondering, if you could do a Steve x Eddie x fem!reader where she’s like eleven and she’s remote-traveling.

SO, HERES WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

The reader is in a big pool of water and she’s in the void, trying to find Vecna and she’s struggling to fight against him.

But the reader heart stops beating for a moment, LONGER than a moment and Steve and Eddie think she died.

I JUST LOVE WHEN YOU WRITE, THIS WAS JUST A THOUGHT THOUGH AND I KNOW THIS IS HORRIBLE.

(Also can the reader’s hair be shaved? :] that’s if you want!)

Never ever feel bad about having ideas chicken noodle I love your ideas and this one is the bomb dot com

Pairing: steddie x reader

Mentions: violence, temporary death, happy ending.

You had just escaped from the lab a second time and knew you had to protect the kids as well as your boyfriend from the newest enemy Vecna. You had gotten glimpses of him in past traveling but now you’d be fighting him to save your friends and your family.

“You don’t have to do this!” Steve pleads “we can handle it” he takes your hands his shaking as the kids prepare the salt bath “not in the way it needs to be handled Stevie I won’t have you or Eddie or one of the kids die not to Vecna not in the upside down” you press a soft kiss to his lips caressing his cheeks “just trust me” you look at Eddie who was worrying his lip “I’ll be okay I’m stronger than you think” you gently kiss Eddie as well as they help you into the salt bath.

“We’ll be right here right beside you” Eddie reassures as they help you lay down slipping your blindfold on “I’ll be okay” you reassure them as you close your eyes and sink into the upside down. Eddie gently pets your shaved head missing your old hair but finding this new style kind of cool while Steve squeezes your hand a worried look on his face.

“VECNA” you call out from the darkness bare feet splashing on the water “PETER!” You call again “HENRY I know your here!” You yell voice echoing over the vast emptiness.

Suddenly your in Vecnas hellscape staring at the broken remnants of the creel house and the destroyed bodies of your old friends “COME FACE ME YOU COWARD” you yell as you see him coming towards you in the distance

You use your powers to lift him into the air the familiar coppery smell filling up your senses as your nose starts bleeding “ILL KILL YOU” you scream as you throw him hard against the floating remains of his house.

In the outer world your body begins to shake in the tub causing Eddie and Steve to look at each other with worry before the take your hands pleading for you to keep fighting and that your stronger than he is.

Faintly you can hear your boyfriends voices echoing in your mind as your pinned against a pillar vines wrapping around your neck and arms “you bitch about everyone doing the same day to day henry” you choke out glaring as comes closer “but your just the fucking same” you exhaust your powers moving you both in your turf the void where you hoped you had the upper hand.

“Cmon henry” you growl as you charge at him using your powers to slam him to the ground “your nothin but a coward, a bully” you taunt angering him more as gets up “you think your powerful because you “rule” the upside down news flash Henry your just another fuckin puppet” you spit out blood as you grow weak your powers becoming weaker every time he attacks.

“She’s not breathing!” Eddie cries as he shakes you in the tub “fuck fuck we can’t take her out yet he’ll kill her if we do!” Steve shouts as he tries to keep Eddie from pulling you out “hell kill her if we don’t!” Eddie screams as pulls you out of the bath laying you on the cold floor of the gym “breathe damn it” Steve pushes him out of the way as he begins doing chest compressions .

“I won’t let you hurt my friends” you growl weakly taking a deep breath as you use your happy memories to strengthen what little power you have left screaming in agony as you watch him disappeared into flake and particles, before you collapse into a heap on the void floor.

“Stay with us!” Eddie pleads as tears roll down his cheeks “stay with us!” Steve repeats as he continues doing chest compressions feeling hopelessness seep into his bones “the gates are closing she did it!” Dustin screams over the walkie talkie cheering being heard in the background.

“Eddie-“ you call out weakly from the void as your vision becomes fuzzy around the edges “Steve” you begin crawling towards them and your physical body collapsing every once a while from the pain you can hear them crying and pleading for you to come back.

Eddie lays his head on your chest as Steve stops doing chest compressions both of them sobbing thinking they you were gone for good. Suddenly you gasp eyes flying open as you catch your breath only eye milky white “what’re you two cryin about” you joke raspily reaching up with a weak hand to wipe their tears “told you i won’t let him get me” you wince as they both pull you into a tight hug “we did it-“ they say in unison “it’s over you defeated Vecna” Steve presses a tender kiss to your lips followed by Eddie “your a hero” Eddie sniffs kissing your cheek over and over “our hero” Steve finishes both of them clinging to you even after the kids arrive.

#eddie munson x reader #stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie st4 #eddie munson stranger things #eddie stranger things #eddie my beloved #steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steddie stranger things #steddie x reader #steve x reader x eddie #steve harrington x reader x eddie munson

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shorkbrian · 4 years ago

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I swear I ain’t in it for the money, but I can’t stop thinking about sugar daddy shoto. Maybe he sweeps a cute little college kid or barista of their feet, just something fun and casual. But this man starts falling harder, needing a way to lock them down to him. Money isn’t quite cutting it anymore, so he decides fucking a baby into her would do the trick. Shoto would push her down into the mattress, large frame twisting her into a sweet mating press. This way they could stay together forever and Shoto would have absolutely no problem providing for his sweet family <3

but fr tho I feel like Shouto is NOT the type for kids.

Mans will tolerate them when they babble or wave at him, but he very actively Does Not Want them.

Always uses condoms, and even though he’ll threaten not to, it’s never a legit thought in his mind to cum inside. Shouto doesn’t want to be a dad.

-----

You’ll be sittin on a park bench, fading sunset dark and pretty in front of you yet all you can do is cry. There’s not really any people around so it’s not like you’re bothering anyone - you hadn’t wanted to cry in your shabby apartment (half the cause of your worries) just in case you received a noise complaint.

“Are you alright?”

A somber, smooth voice is heard. You’re swiping at your tears quickly as you look up, trying to laugh off your state of distress. “Oh, haha, yeah I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” It’s hard to smile with your puffy cheeks and red-rimmed eyes.

The man in front of you frowns, hands in his coat pockets, scarf draped around his neck. “You don’t look fine. Mind if I sit?”

He’s already claiming the spot next to you on the bench before you can say a word, turning to you with a passive expression. “Why are you crying?”

And that’s all it takes to have you breaking down all over again, tears streaming down your face. Just one person offering to listen to the heavy burden you have to bear.

‘’M sor-sorry...” You sob, wiping at your eyes with frigid fingers, successful in doing nothing more but smearing tears around your face.

“Here.” The man’s taking off his scarf, gloved hands offering it you.

“I ca-can’t use your sc-scarf sir.” But he’s insistent, pressing it into your hands up by your face.

“I’ll just get another one. Keep it, you’re in need of it more than I am.”

The kindness makes another fresh bout of tears roll down your cheeks, but this time you're able to dab them away with soft fabric as you sniffle.

It takes a moment for you to calm yourself. When you do, you can finally engage in conversation with the man.

You tell him about your job hours getting cut, how you’ve been turned down or ignored by every single place you’ve applied at for a second job. How you’re barely affording to wash your clothes - you have to hang them or drape them across things in your apartment because you don’t have the money to pay for a dryer cycle.

And to top it all off, you’re still short on rent, despite how you scrimped and saved and even forced yourself not to buy groceries this week - you’ve gone hungry for the past three days.

“You haven’t eaten?”

You glance up at the man and his incredulous expression, shaking your head. “I’ve been trying to save money, I thought I could afford my rent if-”

“What kind of food do you like?” The man is pulling out his phone, swiping and tapping immediately.

“Thank you, but I’m not-” looking for charity is what you want to say. Plus, you shouldn’t accept favors from strange men.

But the handsome man is waving you silent. “I’m cold, plus I’d like to grab a bite to eat before I head home. I don’t like eating alone though, you’d honestly be doing me a favor.”

You take a moment to process. Is he telling the truth? He sounds like an honest guy.

“Seems like the only place open around here is “Joe’s 24 hour Diner”.... You mind burgers?”

So that's how you end up in a booth opposite the man (”Shouto” he had told you as you both headed to the diner), munching away at warm food. It tastes so good, you hardly have time to worry about the man watching you as he eats.

You’d been shocked at his looks the moment you’d seen him in the light of the diner. Pretty two-toned hair, different colored eyes, perfect skin, expensive clothes. Why was he even talking to you? It’s obvious the two of you led very different lives.

“How does everything taste?”

“Delicious.” Is your response, and Shouto seems pleased, nodding before taking another bite of his meal.

Maybe it’s stupid... but you feel weirdly safe with this man. He doesn’t seem to bear any ill-intent towards you, nor has he made any comments about your body or let his hands or eyes stray. He seems like a gentleman.

Conversation flows easily between the two of you, even sharing a few chuckles at times. He’s some fancy rich businessman, you learn, and you share about your own life, laughing at the comparisons. Shouto can’t fathom growing up in a house with less than five bedrooms and a personal servant.

He asks for your number, and you’re hesitant in giving it - he surely can’t be interested in you? But he seems so sincere, it’s hard to say no.

When the two of you part ways, Shouto gives you a wave, “Hope to see you again soon, and under better circumstances.”

“You too! And sorry for being such a mess and stopping your walk-”

Shouto shrugs, cheeks beginning to pink from the cold air as you two stand outside the diner. “You needed help. I like to assist.”

-----

The next morning you wake to find an atrociously large sum deposited in your Venmo account by none other than a Shouto Todoroki.

Immediately, you’re calling him. “It’s too much, we just met. How can you give away that much money to some low-life?”

You hear him sigh on the other end of the phone. “You’re obviously struggling. I was wondering what your hours are this week, perhaps we could talk about this over dinner? Or lunch, if that fits better with your schedule. I’m flexible.”

It’s a few days later, days spent questioning yourself, questioning his intentions, before you see him again, both of you deciding to meet for lunch to further discuss... whatever had just happened.

“Was what I gave you adequate to cover your rent?” Are the first words out of Shouto’s mouth after you greet each other.

“Yeah, more than enough-” You squirm. “But I need to ask.... why?”

“Why?”

“Why me.”

“Oh.” Shouto’s expression clears. “That’s easy. I told you a few days ago - I like to assist. I’m quite lonely, and it feels nice to use my money on someone other than myself. I think providing for someone brings me... I wouldn’t quite say joy, but... contentment.”

You contemplate his answer for a moment.

“Well... you saved me with my rent, I don’t really know how to thank you.”

The man leans forward. “Well.... I know it might be a bit sudden, but how would you feel accepting me as a.... benefactor of sorts?”

“You mean like a sugar daddy?” Is your immediate, blurted response. You want to slap yourself for speaking before you have the chance to think about your words, but luckily Shouto just lets out a light laugh.

“If you’d like to call it that. I’m willing to provide financial assistance for you, in exchange for companionship, if you’re willing to give it.”

Your face heats up as you drop your eyes, fidgeting nervously in your seat. “I don’t feel comfortable with a... a sexual relationshi-”

“That’s perfectly acceptable.” Shouto cuts you off before you can continue. “I wasn’t trying to insinuate a contract of that nature. I’m thinking more along the lines of accompanying me at meals, sharing experiences with me, providing company and friendship to a lonely man. If it seems that we’d like to progress further than that after we get to know each other, well, that will be addressed then. For now-” Shouto meets your eye, dipping his head a smidgeon so he can look at you directly. “All I ask for is a simple, non-intimate bond between two people.”

This is crazy.

And yet you accept.

The situation may be wild, and completely absurd, but you’d be a fool not to say yes.

Shouto is charming and handsome, respectful, courteous - you could go on and on about his positive qualities. He just seems like a sad, lonesome man swallowed by work and responsibilities, too stressed and busy to put the effort into making friends the conventional way.

-----

Months pass by.

You’re eating at every meal, sated and never going hungry. You’re able to move into a new place, one that doesn’t smell like cigarettes and sits right next to a railroad.

Clothes aren’t a worry anymore, you have your own washer and dryer in your new apartment (Shouto offered to buy you a house, or a penthouse at the least, but you couldn’t justify it to yourself). You’re able to afford new things, and pretty dresses, shoes that are comfortable and fashionable and that fit.

You no longer have to wear clothes down until they have holes in them. You’re able to go to the doctor’s when you feel sick, able to pay for health insurance.

Life is good.

Shouto is a personable man, serious, but he can be rather funny and even crude at times.

The doubt and thoughts of “Why is he doing this for me?” and “I’m not good enough for this.” plague you, but Shouto always seems to catch on, reassuring you that you’re exactly what he needs - a friend.

And you’re more than happy to be that.

You think sometimes, that even if he wasn’t paying you, you’d still like to be friends with Shouto Todoroki.

Until he starts acting weird.

“You should just stay at my place. I have more than enough room,, it’d be easier for both our schedules. We’d get to see each other more often.”

“Uhm...” You don’t really know what to say. You like your freedom, and having your own place where you can walk around in your (expensive) underwear without being bothered.

“I think it’d be nice, don’t you? We could have breakfast every morning, you wouldn’t have to worry about traveling to and fro, we could spend more time together. We don’t see each other nearly enough.”

He’s pushing, insistent. How are you supposed to tell him no? He’s paying for your entire life. Plus, it wouldn’t be that bad to actually live with him. Shouto’s an amicable man.

So you move in.

“I bought you a few things, they’re on your bed.”

Shouto’s striding into the kitchen where you’re making coffee, buttoning up his shirt as he comes closer. You’ve found that the man likes to sleep in nothing but boxers, shrieking and flushing an embarrassing shade the first time he’d come to wake you up with a sweet “welcome” breakfast in bed.

It’s taken a while to adjust, but you finally feel that you’re fully settled in.

“Oh, you really don’t ha-”

“I wanted to. I went through your closet - your clothes are nice, but your underwear seemed to be lacking.” He’s so matter-of-fact.

All you can do is stare at the back of his head.

“Could you pass me a spoon please?”

-----

Shouto had splurged on expensive, fancy lingerie.

At least eight different sets were laid out on your bed. It was overwhelming. It also felt.... a bit intrusive? They were all in your size, in a complementary color for your skin tone.

Weird.

Not as weird as the onset of Shouto’s casual touches.

You’d be reading, or drinking tea and watching cars race by on the street so far below, and Shouto would come up behind you, caress your sides before intertwining his fingers with yours on one hand. He did it as if it was a normal thing, but it felt anything but normal.

Or you’d be on the couch together, and Shouto would shuffle closer until his large body was pressed to yours, almost curled around you. The faux-cuddling was a bit more off putting. How do you tell him no?

The touches became more and more intimate, Shouto’s gifts more and more frequent until you weren’t even spending a penny, the man taking care of everything.

The arrangement was beginning to make you uncomfortable.

Shouto’s bi-colored eyes seemed to always be on you, tracing the shape of your body, watching you move, or breath, or sit. It was distracting, and you felt bad for feeling this way towards the man who’d pulled you out of poverty, but it was so unnerving.

He seemed to notice.

“You’ve been so stressed these past few days. Is something wrong?” Shouto’s rubbing a hand into your shoulder, hovering over you at the dinner table.

“No?” Is all you can manage, wiping your hands on your napkin as you finish your food.

Shouto frowns. With a sigh, his hand drops from your shoulder and the man leaves your side, heads toward the kitchen.

You clear your plate from the table, following after him so you can wash it and put it in the dishwasher before you head off to get ready for bed.

But Shouto is rummaging in a cupboard, pulling down two wine glasses to accompany the bottle of wine that’s standing proud on the island. It’s your favorite, a sweet wine that Shouto knows you like, always brings it out when he decides to drink whisky or bourbon after dinner.

He pops the cork and pours you a glass while you finish with your dishes, handing you the glass when you turn away from the sink, pressing it into your hands. “Let’s relax a little bit, it’ll be good for both of us.”

You’re fine with that, knowing that a little wine won’t hurt you, especially when it’s of such fine quality. You’d never dreamed that you’d be able to taste such richness in your lifetime, spend frivolous amounts of money on wine and fine eateries. Yet here you are.

Shouto pours himself a glass, barely a sip filling the bottom. The man raises it to his lips and takes a swig, grimacing a bit in his flat, unexpressive way. You giggle a little.

“Too sweet?’

The man nods, setting the glass back down. “I’m not entirely sure how you can stand to stomach it. But if it makes you happy-” He shrugs, before pulling on of the bar-stools out from under the island so he can sit facing you, long legs stretching out before him.

You look at him, and he looks at you, and then you take another sip of wine to avoid the awkwardness.

“You’re distancing yourself from me.”

The accusation is quiet, Shouto’s eyes focused on your fingers wrapped around the stem of the glass.

He’s always been straightforward with his words. “Is there a reason you keep drawing away?”

The wine disappears from your glass, sliding down your throat and settling in your stomach. You fill your glass again before speaking, struggling to find the right words without upsetting your... benefactor.

“Well, Shouto... I don’t really know how to...” You trail off, hoping Shouto will say something, change the subject, say it’s alright and move on to something else.

But the man stays silent, eyes appraising you.

Taking a deep breath, and another gulp of sweetness, you try again.

“Sometimes the closeness... like, physical closeness? Makes me, well, uncomfortable.”

Hopefully, that would satisfy his curiosity for now. That wasn’t the only reason you’d been avoiding Shouto seeming distant, but you didn’t think sharing the others would result in anything good.

Said man accepted your response, dropping his eyes to his lap as he mulled it over. More wine was consumed, glass re-filled. You felt nervous.

“You’re saying that my touch isn’t something you’d prefer.”

Biting your lip, you soften at his confused expression, at the hint of sadness swimming behind his eyes. “Kind of. I don’t mind you Shouto, you’re really kind, and you’re good company, and a wonderful friend. I just don’t think the.... the intimacy is for me.”

Shouto raises his head, stares at you with those pretty eyes, lips parted as he comes to terms with your words.

“It sounds like you don’t trust me. I would never hurt you, you know this.”

You scramble to assure him. “I do! I do trust you, and I know you wouldn’t.” (at least you hoped) “But I guess I just... Coming into this agreement I wasn’t ready for that type of... thing. I don’t know if I ever will be.”

The man rises, shakes his head as he steps closer to you. “Don’t worry, I remember our first conversation about that aspect. I see that for you, that type of relationship would only begin after you really cared for the other person, trusted and wanted to see them happy, am I correct?”

“Oh, Shouto-” You rush. “No, I care for you, and I trust you, and of course I want to see you happy. I think it’s just, y’know, my last relationship like that went really bad, and it sucked. I don’t want to go through that again.”

Shouto nods, understanding. “I see. You don’t have to worry about any of that with me then.”

A smile crosses your face, and you feel relived that he accepted your rejection with grace and understanding instead of violence or anger. “Thank you, it means a lot to me.”

The mood of the room shifted, from tense and uncomfortable, to easy and light, and you poured another glass of wine, laughing a little at how worried you were about the conversation with Shouto, only for it all to turn out fine.

“I’m going to go drink some of the liquor that’s kept in my room. I could mix a few drinks for you to try, you might like how sweet they are. I know hard alcohol isn’t quite your thing.”

You beam a smile, nodding your head eagerly. Before, you’d feel apprehensive about going into his room with him to drink alcohol. But with the conversation the two of you just had, you knew - things would be fine.

-----

The room was spinning and you felt giddy and light. You were definitely tipsy.

“You can lay down on my bed, you’re getting wobbly on your feet.” Shouto had offered, and you’d gladly accepted, flopping down onto his comfy bedspread with a laugh at how the motion made butterflies rise in your tummy.

Shouto leaned against his dresser, swirling whiskey in his glass as he watched you, a half-smile across his face. You smiled back, before closing your eyes, a little bit tired as you realized that you might be a bit more than just tipsy.

Shouto had mixed quite a few drinks for you, and you’d drank each one eagerly, impressed with how little alcohol you could taste in each one. You don’t remember how many you had, but it didn’t really matter.

The next thing you know, hands are on your waist, scooting you further up the bed so your legs no longer hang off the edge. Cracking open an eye, you’re met with the visage of red-and-white, eyes soft and warm as they regard you, Shouto’s face tinged a bit pink from the few drinks he had consumed. The man had never been too good at holding his alcohol.

When those hands started to slip beneath your shirt, you wiggled like a little worm, not really comprehending the situation. Maybe it was a dream.

Your shirt was discarded, then your pants. It felt much more comfortable now, and you mumbled a “thanks” to the man helping you settle for bed. He was so nice, Shouto took such good care of you. You still kind of couldn’t believe the turn your life had taken with him, the good luck pushed into your path.

Someone was kissing you.

With a grunt of surprise, you kissed them back, meeting their feverish pace and trying to keep up, soft lips puckering and pushing against your own with intent. Kissing felt good. You liked kissing.

Then a hand was cupping your face, stroking tenderly over your cheek before it began sliding down, down your neck, into the valley between your breasts, trailing over your bra. It felt funny.

Pushing back for air, you gasped when the hand on your chest started squeezing at you, eyes flying open with the startling, sudden sensation.

Shouto was hovering over you, lips puffy, panting as he stared at you with lusty eyes, an uncharacteristic look on his face. This... this wasn’t supposed to be like this. You knew. Hadn’t the two of you just talked about something... important? Was it important?

You didn’t feel panic until a hand cupped your sex, feeling your skin through your panties.

This wasn’t right.

Alarm bells were ringing, dull and far away, but you didn’t think that Shouto should be touching you in such a way. you should be going to bed.

“Mm, Sho, can you stop?” But your words felt funny on your tongue, and Shouto didn’t stop. Maybe he didn’t hear you.

His hair tickled your chin as the man bent to mouth at your tits, pulling the cups of your bra underneath them so he could feel your hot skin, let his saliva drag slick and wet against your chest.

Your hands instinctively rooted themselves in his hair as you gasped again, not expecting such a move, tugging lightly at his head to pull him up. Shouto just groaned, teething gently at your breasts and not moving an inch. His hips were grinding against the bed though, as he stood between your spread legs.

Before you knew it, your panties were gone, bra clumsily unclasped and discarded, and you were completely bare. Shouto was undressing before you, struggling with the buttons on his shirt before giving up, easily ripping the fabric of his body with one tug, grumbling.

You didn’t feel so tipsy anymore.

“Shouto, what’re we doing? We shouldn’t be doing this, we need to stop-”

“Stay down.” Was his firm command, a hand splayed across your naked chest and pushing you back into the mattress as you tried to sit up. It made you breathless, the growl in his voice, the dominance emanating from the man. You stayed still.

“This’s gonna make us a stronger couple.” The man slurred, eyes dark and hands wandering, effortlessly keeping you pinned against the bed as he ground his hips forward against the edge. You were getting scared.

“Wait-”

You fell silent as one hand pushed down his pants, his underwear going with them, pink cock bobbing free. He was so pretty down there, and it made sense, all of him was pretty, but you suddenly realized the weight of the situation, what was happening.

“Shouto, no, oh my god. We gotta stop right now, we’re drunk, we’re-we’re-”

“Don’t care. Not gonna let you hide away from me this time.” Shouto shook his head, taking his cock in one hand and giving it a long, slow pump, flushed tip weeping precum and wetting his hand.

“No, no, this is wrong. I don’t want this, I could get pregnant!” You cried, beginning to panic for real, pushing against the one strong hand anchoring you to the bed.

Shouto just chuckled, letting go of his cock to crowd against you, getting up in your face to press a wet finger to your lips, the salty taste of his precum threatening to slip into your mouth unless you kept it shut. “Shhh, shh. If you stay nice and still, if you do what I say, I’ll use a condom.”

You couldn’t believe your ears.

“You’re gonna listen to me, you always do.” The man nodded to himself, once again dragging his cock against the bed between your legs, as if he couldn’t stop himself. “Or else I’ll fuck you raw.” The finger was pulled from your lips, only to be wagged teasingly in your face.

You couldn’t believe how he was acting.

“Be nice.”

Shouto tapped your nose with a neatly manicured finger, before groaning as he heaved himself upright, red cock bobbing against his stomach, desperate for attention. The man gave you a look, as if to say “don’t move” before he took his hands off you, heading for his dresser.

Once you saw him pulling out a strip of condoms, you were on your feet, stumbling toward the door.

Although panic had sobered you somewhat, you were still struggling with the effects of the alcohol, so your reaction time was maddeningly slow. Slow enough that you weren’t able to truly fight against Shouto when he grabbed you from behind toned arms wrapping around your middle and heaving you into the air, only to throw you back on his bed.

You were almost sick on the bedspread, world spinning and stomach protesting, but you were able to calm yourself.

But then Shouto was on you, flipping you onto your back, a soft hand pressing against your throat threateningly.

“You want to have a baby? Want me to cum in you so you’ll get all fat with kids? Hm?” He was so intense, almost choking you, straddling your waist and keeping you pinned. It was too much

You were able to manage a tearful, desperate “No!” despite the hand around your throat, and Shouto backed off, releasing the pressure to instead stroke his hand against the sides of your neck.

“Stop acting like this, it’s the next logical step for us. You said you cared for me, wanna make me happy. This’ll make me happy. I won’t be like the last guy.”

His cock was pressed against your stomach, and you could feel it twitching. Shouto clambered off of you, letting go of your neck so he could grab the condoms he’d tossed on the bed before snatching you up.

“Do what I say and I use these.” He waved them in your face before tearing one off, beginning to open it.

You stayed still, gazing at him blearily, limbs feeling fuzzy, mind feeling the same.

The condom was rolled onto Shouto’s cock, the man spitting into his palm and giving the latex a few rubs to make it slick before reaching for you.

He dragged you to the edge of the bed - the perfect height for him to fuck you - and you didn’t fight, terrified of his threat. You couldn’t stand the thought of a baby.

(You didn’t know, but neither could he)

“Wanted to do this since I met you.” Shouto mumbled, pushing your panties to the side with a few fingers so he could guide his tip to your hole. “Want you so bad.”

You didn’t know what to think of this side of Shouto. This unreserved, uncareful, slurring mess of a man that loomed before you, gaze dark and wild, limbs everywhere as he groped and squeezed and appreciate the shape of your body.

But he must’ve gotten impatient, because then he was pushing inside.

It hurt, stinging pain rippling up your back and you keened, causing Shouto to pause. One of his hands darted down to wrap around your calf, hauling it up on the bed so he could lean forward and press it to you chest, sinking his cock a few inches deeper.

“You’re gonna take it.” He hissed before messily kissing you, pressed so close together that it was hard to breathe. “I’ll make it feel good after you do.”

2K notes · View notes

specialagentsergio · 3 years ago

Text

rationalizations

rationalizations: a defense mechanism in which one makes up a false but reassuring explanation to explain their behavior and/or feelings to both themselves and others, thus avoiding the reality of why they are really acting or feeling as they do.

summary: You’re the psych evaluation for Spencer. You think he’s full of shit, so you refuse to sign his clearance form until he actually tells the truth.

pairing: spencer reid x f!reader

category: angst (happy ending)

content warnings: spencer’s canonical trauma, flashbacks, mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation, swearing

a/n: i wrote this for @imagining-in-the-margins‘ enemies to lovers event. it’s not my favorite trope, but one of the prompts sparked inspiration for me. i also took a good amount of inspiration from meredith’s various therapy scenes in grey’s anatomy, so if some of it feels familiar, that’s why! i swear i intended to make this cute and funny, but, well… here we are lmao.

word count: 3.6k

masterlist

Spencer throws his bag onto his desk with a frustrated huff. It thumps loudly, startling JJ at her desk across from his. She gives him a sympathetic look regardless. “Still not cleared yet?”

“No!” Forgetting that it’s wheeled, he drops himself into his chair. It skids backwards and he has to scramble to grab something to keep from falling out of it.

“Careful there,” JJ says, trying valiantly to suppress a laugh. “That psychologist's got you really worked up, huh?”

“I don’t know what she wants from me!” he complains. “It’s been nearly a month! Hotch’s ex-wife was murdered by an unsub, but they cleared him. I was only shot in the neck.”

“I mean, that’s still kind of a big deal,” she says. “You could’ve died, from the gunshot, or from the nurse that tried to kill you afterwards.”

“Speaking of that nurse,” he starts, “Garcia is the one who shot him and she’s been a wreck over it. She insisted on going to the guy’s execution. But the therapist cleared her!”

“Penelope’s not in the field,” JJ points out.

He crosses his arms. “Still. This isn’t the first time I’ve been shot. That possibility is part of the job. It’s not like it came out of nowhere and I was completely unprepared for it.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Spence,” she says. “Just keep all of your appointments and I’m sure you’ll be cleared soon.”

He pulls a stack of papers on his desk towards him. Paperwork—one of the things he’s actually allowed to do. “I better be,” he mutters.

---

“And it was really scary, you know?” Spencer wipes at his eyes with a tissue. “Not knowing if I was going to live or die.”

“Mm-hmm.”

He takes a deep breath. “But… it’s over now. The preacher who shot me died in the same shootout. Owen McGregor, the leader of the corrupt deputies, died later that night, in another shootout. And Greg Baylor, the one who posed as a nurse and tried to kill me, was sentenced to death row and he’s gone now, too.”

His psychologist makes a note on the paper in front of her, but doesn’t say anything, so he continues.

“I… I feel better now, just letting that out.” He takes a new tissue and dries his nose. “I feel ready now. Ready to go back to work.”

She nods slowly, considering him. But she doesn’t even look towards her desk where the clearance form sits, frustrating him to no end. After five minutes of silence, he breaks.

“You can’t be serious.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I’ve been coming to these sessions for over a month, and I’m still not cleared to be in the field. I…” He musters up more tears and makes sure his voice wavers during his next words. “I just don’t know what you want? I’ve tried everything.”

“No, you haven’t,” she says plainly.

He blinks in surprise, sending some of the crocodile tears down his cheeks. “What?”

She crosses her legs. “You’re full of shit.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re not being honest with me, and I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself either,” she says. “You’re a great actor. I can see how you’ve gotten clearances easily before. But that stops with me.”

Spencer stares at her. “I don’t understand.”

She moves her notebook to the side. “What happened in Texas isn’t the first time your life’s been in danger. Why do you think that is?”

“Wh—that’s part of my job,” he argues, fake crying long since forgotten.

“Not to the extent that you take it. I’ve read your file,” she says. “You take unnecessary risks with regularity.”

The tissues crumple in his hand as he clenches it. “I do not.”

“Let’s go back to the beginning.”

“The beginning of what?”

“Of your career.” Yet she doesn’t take out his file, or look at her notes. She speaks from memory. “2005. The BAU is assisting with a hostage situation. You go into the train, posing as someone who is there to remove a microchip from the unsub, but the first thing you do? You take off your bulletproof vest.”

“Okay, clearly you don’t understand what the situation was,” Spencer cuts in. “Ted Bryar was suffering from a psychotic break. He was somewhat unpredictable, and he told me to take off the vest.”

“And you just listened?”

“He—he had a gun, and was threatening both me and the other passengers with it!” he says. “What was I supposed to do, not listen?”

“Uh, yeah,” she replies. “You easily played into his delusions just a few minutes later to distract him. Why not do that to keep yourself safe?”

“I was twenty-four and was running on adrenaline,” he says defensively. “And it was my first time doing something like that. You can’t expect me to think of everything.”

“You’re right, I can’t,” she agrees. “So let’s jump forward a few years. How about the time you approached a teenager who was wielding an assault rifle with no protection, not even your own firearm?” she challenges.

“You mean Owen Savage? That was a unique situation,” he protests. “I knew I could talk him down.”

“No, you didn’t. You thought you had a good chance, but there’s no way to be one hundred percent sure of that. He was volatile, and on a killing spree,” she counters. “You didn’t know if you’d succeed--”

“I did!” He startles himself by unconsciously raising his voice, but he doesn’t apologize. “I did, because….”

“Because you related to him,” she fills in. “And that’s fine. Having empathy for an unsub doesn’t suggest something’s wrong in and of itself. But you still put yourself, and the rest of your team, in danger, didn’t you?”

He crosses his arms. “I got that lecture from Hotch when it happened, okay?”

“So then why’d you confront an unsub alone a few years later in Miami?” she asks. “You didn’t even tell anyone where you were going. You left your vest behind and just ran off.”

“I was having a head—wait, how do you even know that happened?” he questions. “It wasn’t in the report.”

“Well, first of all, you just confirmed it,” she points out, and he wants to kick himself. “Secondly, I can read between the lines.”

“I was having a headache,” he repeats. “I wasn’t thinking all that clearly. I just knew Julio’s life was in immediate danger, so I went to help him.”

“Uh-huh. More recently,” she says, brushing past his excuse, “You confronted your girlfriend’s stalker without your vest or gun.”

Spencer’s getting angry now. “I was trying to save Maeve. She asked me to leave them behind.”

“And you simply listened. Do you see the pattern I’m drawing here, Dr. Reid?” she asks. “These are just a few of the instances that stand out. Time and time again, you put yourself in unnecessary danger. So I’ll ask you again. Why do you think that is?”

Spencer looks over her—really looks over her, trying to understand what she’s getting at. “Are… are you suggesting that I’m suicidal?” he asks quietly.

She looks him straight in the eye. “You don’t act like someone who wants to be alive.”

It’s like she set off a bomb in his brain. Memories, and the feelings attached to them, emerge—Elle handcuffed to a seat, a teenager with a rifle, a blinding headache, Maeve and blood on the warehouse floor.

“Here’s what I see,” she says. “I see a man who’s been through so, so much. Your mother is mentally ill, your father left--”

His father is packing a suitcase. Spencer doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do or say, so he falls back on what he knows.

“Statistically, children who grow up in two-parent households attain three more years of higher education than children from single-parent households.”

It doesn’t help. “We’re not statistics, Spencer.”

“Your file says she’s staying at an institution, and with your father out of the picture, I can only assume you were the one who had her admitted--”

“Spencer, please don’t do this to me!” she cries as she’s escorted out of the house by Bennington Sanitarium’s transport staff.

“A few years into your work here at the FBI, you were kidnapped, tortured and drugged--”

He’s tired and cold and his whole body aches. Tobias—the real Tobias—looms over him with a syringe.

“Please. I don’t want it,” he pleads of his captor. “I don’t want it, please.”

The needle punctures his skin regardless.

“—you were held hostage by a cult leader--”

Emily sits across from him on the plane with a black eye. “What Cyrus did to me is not your fault.”

He pretends to agree.

“—you went through the death and reappearance of Agent Prentiss--”

He’s tried to make it clear to Jennifer that he wants to be left alone, but she won’t stop trying to talk about it with him, and he’s had enough.

“I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend, and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.”

“—and your girlfriend was shot in front of you.”

“Who’s Thomas Merton? Who is he?” Diane demands, gun pressed against Maeve’s head.

“He’s the one thing you can never take from us,” Maeve replies, and Spencer’s heart drops. Thomas Merton is Maeve’s way of saying goodbye—she’s giving up.

“Wait!” he cries out, but it’s too late.

“This is just some of the more traumatic stuff. And then there’s what happened last month, which is why you’re here. You present a face of not being bothered by all of this, because that’s what you’ve been doing all your life, but I think you are bothered. You really, really are. And you don’t want to admit to anyone just how much it all has affected you. Maybe you don’t even want yourself to know.” Her expression and tone of voice are certain.

Spencer can’t take it anymore. The whirlwind of emotions and memories is overwhelming.

“The number of times you’ve almost died is staggering--”

“Yeah, and sometimes I wish I had!” He glares at her, breathing heavily. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

But she doesn’t seem intimidated or alarmed at all. She leans back in her armchair. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

The response only serves to make him angrier. She questioned him relentlessly and made him admit something he swore in the dark hours of sleepless nights that he’d never think again, never voice, let alone admit to anyone. She forced it out of him, forced. She made him say it against his will.

So why does he feel a sense of relief?

“I…” Tears well up in his eyes—real ones this time. “I’m done,” he chokes out.

He pushes himself off of the couch and out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

---

He storms in Hotch’s office and demands to see a different psychologist. But she was one step ahead of him—a few hours before the appointment, she had emailed Hotch and told him that under no circumstances should Spencer be allowed to get a clearance from someone else.

“And you’re going to believe her?” he cries.

“She’s doing her job, Reid.”

“You barely know her! You’ve known me for a decade!”

“Yes, I have,” Hotch agrees. “And you’ve told me yourself that you’ve fooled psychologists and therapists before. So if this one is saying you’re not ready yet, I’m inclined to believe her.”

Spencer just stares at him, but as usual, Hotch doesn’t blink.

“Unbelievable,” Spencer eventually mutters.

“Take the rest of the day off,” Hotch replies, glancing down at fists Spencer hadn’t realized he was clenching.

“Fine.”

Too agitated to stand in the elevator, he takes the stairs. As he stomps down them, he swears he’ll never go back to her office, even if it means never going into the field again.

A week passes, then two, and he hasn’t seen the psychologist since. But he doesn’t feel any better—he actually feels worse. It’s like her words broke a dam in his mind, in his gut, and feelings of unease and uncertainty won’t pass. It keeps him up at night. Her words echo in his head. “You don’t act like someone who wants to be alive.”

Spencer’s had yet another sleepless night and is struggling not to doze off at his desk despite the coffee he’s drinking. He stands up with the intention of splashing some water from the bathroom sink on his face, but his feet take him somewhere else.

He stares at the nameplate on the door. He swore he’d never go back, yet he feels compelled to knock.

It only takes her a few moments to answer. “Dr. Reid. Can I help you?” she asks.

“I…” He sighs. “Are you busy?”

“No. Come on in.” She steps to the side, opening the door wider to let him pass. He sits down on the couch.

She waits patiently. She doesn’t rush him. She lets him speak first.

He wrings his hands in his lap, staring down at them. “Something you said is bothering me.”

“What was it?”

“About… living,” he admits quietly. “I… I think you might have been right.”

When he gets the courage to glance up at her, he finds a soft smile on her face. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Spencer hadn’t realized he was expecting judgment and disdain until it didn’t happen. His shoulders slump down in relief. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, I think I would.”

---

“You’re still thinking about her, aren’t you?”

Spencer looks up from his paperwork, slightly out of it, to find Derek watching him. His coworker had, indeed, caught him thinking about her again. His psychologist. Well, former psychologist. After his second session back with her, she’d handed over a clearance form and a referral to a therapist outside the bureau to see long-term.

“And you better follow up with that,” she’d told him, the corner of her mouth turning up despite her serious tone of voice. “I’ll know if you don’t.”

He’d promised that he would, and had followed through. But despite the progress he was making with the new therapist, he was feeling a little disappointed that he didn’t get to see her anymore. He only saw her in passing, sometimes in the elevator or walking down the hallways of the building. They would exchange hellos, she would ask how he was doing, then give him a little wave as she left. Each time his heart would skip a beat, and he’d feel an urge to follow her to wherever she was going.

Yet he hadn’t quite realized why he seemed to be preoccupied with her until a dream he had a few weeks ago—a dream in which he found himself kissing her. Despite being alone in his bedroom, he’d woken up feeling embarrassed. He promised himself that he would put her out of his mind. Having a crush on his psychologist? It was ridiculous.

But then he saw her in the elevator a few days later and he couldn’t help but analyze her body language. It was open, and she twirled her hair around a finger while she looked at him to ask him how he was. A few other people entered the elevator on the next floor, but her attention remained on him. They were subtle signs, but signs that he recognized nonetheless—signs of attraction. And once he started seeing them, he couldn’t stop.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Spencer tells Derek, picking back up the pen he hadn’t noticed he dropped.

“You can’t pull that on me, kid,” he replies. “It’s your psychologist. You can’t stop thinking about her, can you?”

Spencer sighs. “So what if I can’t?”

“So go ask her out already!” Derek says like it’s obvious.

“You don’t think that’s just a little inappropriate?”

“You’re not seeing her as a client anymore, are you?” he points out. “Go for it, kid. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Spencer takes the advice—as soon as Derek said it, he knew he was right. He would regret not taking a chance on her and the connection he felt. Sure, she’d helped him with therapy, but it went deeper than that. It feels like she knows him.

He leaves the bullpen ten minutes early that evening, hoping to catch her before she leaves for the day. On her doorstep, he feels just as nervous as he did on the day he admitted that she was right, but it’s a different kind of nervous. An excited nervous. He knocks on the door.

She’s surprised when she seems him. He watches as her pupils dilate, and it boosts his confidence. “Dr. Reid. Can I help you?”

“You can. I’d like to talk,” he says.

“Oh. Well, I guess I could do that,” she says. “I thought things were going well with the therapist I referred you to, though.”

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t mean I want an appointment.”

Her eyebrows come together in confusion. “Okay, then, what do you want?”

Spencer doesn’t hesitate. “I want to take you out to dinner.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I really like you, and I think we’re meant to be together,” he replies, voice softening a bit.

She pauses before answering. When she does, her voice is gentle. “Dr. Reid, sometimes a medical professional’s care can start to feel like affection over a period of time, but--”

“No one has ever listened to me like you do,” he interrupts.

“That’s my job,” she points out.

“I’ve seen therapists before, but none of them have been like you,” he counters. “You understand me.”

She sighs. “Well, I’m glad I was a good fit and was able to help you. But that doesn’t mean that I see you as anything more than a client.”

“You’re lying.”

“Excuse me?”

“You do feel something more for me,” he says firmly, but then backtracks a little. “Well, I know you’re attracted to me at least.”

She blinks and shakes her head slightly, take aback. “Dr. Reid, this is not appropriate--”

“Please call me Spencer,” he says, then jumps into his explanation. “See, when we’re attracted to someone, our bodies display involuntary signals, and I’ve seen you do some of them when you’re around me. Whenever we run into each other here, your body will turn a little towards me and you’ll play with your hair. Your attention is almost entirely focused on me. And, when you see me, your pupils dilate. They did it when you opened the door just a few minutes ago. Oh, and I’m attracted to you, by the way,” he adds as he realizes how one-sided he’s been. “I imagine my pupils probably dilate when I see you, too.”

Her mouth opens and closes a few times, like she wants to speak but doesn’t know what to say. She looks flustered, and he wonders if maybe he’s pushed it too far or said too much, but he can’t turn back now. “So, please, let me take you out,” he says quietly. “Just… just give it a chance.”

She bites her lip and looks at the ground. There’s a crease between her eyebrows, which he’s come to learn means she’s thinking. She speaks seriously when she looks back up. “If I go out with you, I can’t treat you anymore. If you ever need another evaluation or session, you’d have to get it from someone else.”

“I know,” he says. “I get along well with the therapist you referred me to, though. And having to get clearance from a different psychologist at the bureau is something I’m willing to give up in favor of getting to know you better.”

She considers him. “You’re serious about this,” she states.

It’s not a question, but he answers it anyways. “I am.”

She tilts her head to the side, eyes unfocusing as she ponders the situation. Eventually, she says, “Let me think about it.”

It’s not exactly the answer he was hoping for, but he’ll take it.

---

It’s only six PM, but Spencer is already exhausted. He unlocks his apartment door, fully intending to collapse onto his bed, but instead receives a pleasant surprise in the form of his girlfriend waiting for him on the couch. He can’t help but smile.

“Sweetie, what are you doing here?” he asks, then adds, “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Penelope told me it was a bit of a rough case,” she replies. “And I missed you.”

She holds out her arms and he takes the invitation, joining her on the couch and laying down between her legs, placing his head on her chest. “I missed you, too.”

Her next words are overly familiar. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Hey, we agreed to no therapy,” he says. “Something about I can’t be your client anymore?”

She huffs. “This isn’t therapy. This is being a good partner.”

Spencer smiles into the fabric of her shirt, snuggling in closer. “I know, I’m just teasing you. I don’t need to talk about the case,” he says, finally answering her original question. “I feel fine now that I’m here with you.”

She lets out a pleased hum and starts running her fingers through his hair. “I ordered take-out for dinner, by the way.”

“Where from?”

“You know where.”

A wide grin spreads across his face. She must have ordered take-out from the restaurant he took her to on their first date. He lifts his head to look her in the eye. “Aren’t you glad you said yes to me all those months ago?”

“Oh, I suppose,” she says with pretend annoyance, rolling her eyes.

Then she kisses him.

Spencer’s never been so happy to be alive.

---------------

tell me what you thought here!

please note that i DO NOT ENDORSE asking out your therapist/former therapist. this is fanfiction. thank you.

general taglist: @calm-and-doctor , @spencerreid9

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid angst #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds self insert #spencer reid #angst #my fic #i just cannot stop myself from writing about mental health issues and treatment can i

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