#ill probably come back to clean up my rambles

[wuwapetal1s]

write anything abt geshu lin or calcharo im begging on my hands and knees ill give u my first born or a kidney whichever u want

I don't need any organs can I have a pair of knees maybe (ty for the request anon :3)

Love languages

content: sfw, rambling-ish format, not entirely proofread (it's midnight currently), swearing used, etc.

reqs open!

— Calcharo.

Calcharo is an ‘acts of service man’ through and through. To me, he doesn't seem the best at giving affection verbally though he thinks he's *very* good at it personally. As in, you will ask him for comfort or reassurance and he'll give it to you readily… But it will sound so stern coming from him.

“I feel uncomfortable with [such and such]..”

“I understand. I will rectify/fix that.”

Communication KING, though I imagine it can still feel very intimidating to bring stuff up to him. It will always be met with understanding, and he certainly would try his hardest to accommodate what language/tone you'd rather hear in those moments (autistic.)

Getting back to the original point, he will do just about anything for you. There's hardly any limits or rules to that fact. He will kill for you, he will fight for you, he will get in trouble with the law for you, etc etc. He'll also grab extra of your snacks the moment he's back in town and stops at the market before he goes to visit you.

Tired from a long day at work or studying? He'll clean up as quietly as he can while you sleep. You'll wake up to all the dishes done and your living space looks pretty much spotless.

He's the kind of man to learn how you organize things pretty easily, even if you're a very messy person. He's very clued in on anything that involves you (smitten, much?) and he's also just got a keen eye on him.

"Ugh, I can't find where I left my-”

“Bottom drawer of the nightstand.”

“Oh.. Thank you!”

He loves holding and kissing you as well, it's his favorite thing to be welcomed home to. Just the ability to sink into your arms is like heaven to him. Receiving, he probably likes physical touch a lot more, but he feels 100x more satisfied doing something for you to show he cares :).

— Genshu Lin.

Genshu Lin is a possessive man. It's subtle, but it's definitely there. Above all else, he adores you. He's a deeply devoted person when in a relationship, though I don't feel like he's had a lot of experience to pinpoint that exactly, but it's his nature. I believe he enjoys gifting you things he gets his hands on, trinkets or otherwise.

He mostly enjoys giving you things you can make use of or wear. He always gets a warmth in his chest when he sees you in the bracelet he got you (one that matches his that he keeps tucked away for safekeeping) or using pens he gave you after you kept losing your last ones. As long as it works, suits you, and it means a lot to you, he's snatching it up.

I also believe he's a sucker for stealing kisses in private. He may not seem it to anyone else, but he's a softie. Just for you though. Cooking something or simply sitting around? Funny how his lips just found their way to your cheek!

He's a bit more apprehensive about receiving it unless it's the time you two lay in bed together, then he'd let you rub his back or play with his hair. In return, he most enjoys quality time.

Even if it's something as mundane as running an errand or having to pick something up from the pharmacy he wants you there. He'd tell you “I don't need your presence, I just prefer it” if questioned, but he does need it. More than he knows or even lets on, he wants you and needs you there. He hates having to be away from you. It drives him up a wall almost. Like nearly insane.

After long hours working or even days/weeks of it he wants nothing more than to just lay with you and bathe in your presence as if it's a balm for his soul :’).

I love these men they're so fine

[psychesalcove]

congrats on 100 followers!!! you deserve it🩷🩷

can i request percy with "no, mom, don't tell them I said that about them!"?? i can just see sally telling percy’s s/o just how much he talks about them😭

✧.* percy jackson x gn reader

my blog is completely race & body type friendly!

part of psyches, 'in memory of those who chose the sea' event

-> want to participate?

an: thank you soo so much for the request love!! i definitely think this prompt fits percy really well:) love ya 🩷 ps. i'm sososo sorry about how inactive i've been. I've been having a massive writing block and I've been needing to write for English lately:((

the smell of pancakes pulled you into the kitchen of sallys apartment even more than the warm light shining through the balcony window. sally immediately sensed you walked in, as she turned to you with a soft grin. 'hi, dear.' she said, sleep nowhere in her voice; even though it was 7 on a saturday morning.

'hi, sally,' you smiled. you couldn't count the amount of times you tried to call her ms. jackson only for her to correct you and say 'just call me sally, i'm basically your second mom already' with a wave of her hand.

sally was standing over the oven, making pancakes as you suspected. a couple of bunched up paper towels were on the counter, the blue food dye stains evident on them. 'im just finishing up breakfast, so feel free to have a seat,' she explained, tilting her head twords the small island counter with stools.

you nodded your head and walked over, sitting down in the comfy barstool. as you got rid of the rest of the sleepiness in your system, sally finished up breakfast. as she placed the last of the blue pancakes onto the stack, she turned to you and leaned on the opposite side of the counter you sat at.

'i know i've said this time and time again,' she said; your attention shifting from the tiled counter to sally. 'but, i'm so, so glad percy met you. you help him so much, and i can see, and even feel, how much that boy loves and lives for you.'

you heart melted, even though sally says that almost every time you see her. 'the amount of things he says about you whenever he comes home,' she scoffed playfully. 'it's insane.'

you giggled. 'what does he even say?' you asked.

sally scoffed jokingly again. 'well, last week, he came home all blushing and giggling. i asked what happened. he just started rambling about how—'

sally was interrupted by percys dramatic entrance into the kitchen. he stumbled a little as he corrected his footing, his eyes darting between you and his mom. 'no mom,' he started, pointing a finger at sally. 'don't tell them i said that about them,' he said, his hands moving to rub at his eyes; he probably stumbled out of bed in record time.

you laughed as sally rolled her eyes at percy. 'personally, your partner should know how much you love them,' sally said, moving to clean up the blue-stained paper towels.

percy simply gasped at her. 'mom! do you not see how much i love them?' he asked, hand coming up to clench the fabric of his shirt where his heart is. drama king. when sally didn't respond, he countined. 'here, ill even show you the love i give them at 7 in the morning,' he said, walking over to you and pressing extremely loud and wet kisses to your cheek and nose.

'percy!' you gasped, playfully shoving him off of you. 'that's gross,' percy simply moved behind you, arms going around your waist to hug you. 'and you have awful morning breath,' you said as you leaned back into him.

'you see how i get treated when i show them the love they deserve mom?' percy asked while sally simply laughed.

[feelo-fick]

WELCOME TO PHIO'S EXTREMELY SELF INDULGENT AU HOUR!!!

"Oh, FINALLY, another visitor! It's so quiet in here, it's unnerving..."

—

This AU was meant to be posted on halloween but eh.... Happy Thanksgiving? HAHAHHA

still dont have a name for it, but basically, back in october i was suddenly hit with the need to have a halloween au, so now we have ghost-ified prismo and vampire/witch-ified scarab :D ( although didnt finish the scarab reference spread in time because uh, school and i lost motivation unfortunately )

au synopsis and rambling below the cut!!

the premise of this au is simple : scarab is a real estate agent whos known for his manners ( never barges in, always waits to be invited! though it is a little weird how he keeps asking to be let inside even if they already agreed that he was going to come over... ) and efficiency at his job - that is, convincing people to buy high-end housing for a good price. although his social skills need some... work, his ability to persuade people isnt something to be laughed at.

unfortunately for him, persuading the higher-ups is a completely different story - which he learned the hard way after flunking something big for the company. they dont choose to fire him, no. instead, they put him through a trial, assigning him to sell their most unprofitable property : the mansion in a small town locally known for being haunted by an "evil spirit". if scarab manages to sell it (for good profit) within six months, he is excused and is able to go on with his job. if not... well, best not to think about it, yes? after all, he'll succeed with ease - all he has to do is dispel any worries about some fake "ghost" that only exists as a result of filthy rumors. maybe clean up the place. not too hard, right?

meanwhile, stuck inside said mansion is an extremely bored prismo. hes been hangin around this place for like... how many years now? forty? a hundred? meh, all the same, lately the place has been quieter than usual. i mean- of course people dont just walk into a creepy mansion every day, but there would usually be at least a few bold kids or vloggers coming in now and then for him to entertain but even then they wouldn't stay long ( for obvious reasons ). and now, just some unbound spirits or dumb animals would pass by and thats about it. a guy can only entertain himself for so long, yknow?

that is, until today. when some posh-looking business man entered the premises and started snooping around ( whats the deal with that, by the way?? ). must be prismo's lucky day!! this is the perfect chance to pull out all the stops and play the FUNNIEST prank ever! hah!

... oh. looks like things've gotten a little out of hand.

—

WOOT WOOT WOOTTTTTTTTTTT!!! im so so happy to finish this because ohhhhh my god this has taken ages for no reason other than the fact that ive been really dragging myself to make presentable art JSNDJSJXNSJX.... i realize that i have never worked in real estate ( or at all ) which means i have probably fucked something up but uhh um ill deal with the backlash later :"D im also realizing how many odd unanswered bits and bobs this au is going to have in the future, which... i am ignoring for the most part for now, but there are SOME things that i DO have figured out like ghost lore... but thats for another time, for now i leave you with this >:)

[aroacewxs]

sharing some of my rui headcanons :]

i mentioned this in that rui gender poll from a while back, but i am personally a believer of any/all pronouns rui with gender that cannot be labelled whatsoever. i think he'd generally consider and present himself as male, but doesn't have many strong preferences about it. doesn't actively make the effort to dress "femininely," but he'd probably fuck with long skirts if given the opportunity!

and all of you know how much i base my personality off of this by now, but. aroace rui :) aroace rui who has always understood romance as a concept, a trope. he can pick up on romantic cues, but purposefully chooses to pretend they don't exist. the mere thought of him experiencing romantic attraction fills him with so much disgust he has to distract himself for hours. i'd ramble a bit more, but then we'd be here for too long..

i think he'd have really good sleight of hand! he's always had an interest for things like card/coin tricks, and picked up more after learning from kaito :) he always has a little trick or illusion up his sleeve and occasionally performs them for kids at phoeniland or just on the street!

despite having really good dexterity with his tools and tricks, he is terrible with sewing and needles. tsukasa has tried everything in his power to teach him, but nothing stops him from accidentally pricking himself.

incredibly susceptible to cold temperatures. is usually wearing a couple more layers than necessary

doesn't get sick often, but when he does, the illness hits him like a TRUCK. it takes him at least a week to recover. he's huddled up in blankets like a poor and frail victorian child, and he can barely work up an appetite. the kicker: he doesn't realize he's feeling Bad until somebody points out how horrible he looks. and that's when it settles

always needs something in his hand to fiddle with! super super good at spinning his pens and pencils (sleight of hand), and is often found twiddling with his longer strands of hair. he also has a bunch of miscellaneous screws and trinkets and trash in his pockets that he keeps to fidget with.

rui has intrusive thoughts (projecting).. most of them come from his deep fear of hurting others and anxiety regarding social perception and safety

this is already kind of canon i think but. whenever rui ever makes the effort to actually clean his room (shocking), he almost always gets distracted by something he finds, and soon enough, cleaning is no longer of his concern.

shitty handwriting. he CAN write neatly, but he just chooses not to

i think he'd be really good at game pigeon word hunt. and sudoku. and crosswords. all the word puzzles. and it pisses tsukasa and nene off a lot. emu is his worthy rival

sensitive teeth. can't bite into ice cream...

this is a given, but aside from theatre, i think he'd be super into other performance arts like ballet. he'd be really intrigued by how storytelling can be completely reliant on visuals and motions with no words and lyrics. ballerina rui au is also something i've brewed in my brain a while ago but the logistics are funny

his opinion on mint chocolate ice cream: taste is perfectly fine but he doesn't appreciate the chocolate chunks at all

weird sock collection. he will die if he doesn't have a funky pair of socks on his feet at all times. aside from when he sleeps probably

lots of unfinished word documents.. he's had a few aspirations about writing an actual novel instead of a script, but the ideas are like ping pong balls in his brain that interfere with his other priorities so he never actually gets much writing done.. one day he will though

that's all i can recall for now.. i'll make more soon if i think of more! this is also a humble request for any other rui headcanons you may have that aren't mentioned here.. hehehe

[cumulo-stratus]

Trypanophobia

Request- yes/no

Pairing- Spencer Reid x FtM!reader

Summary- spencer helps you with your T shots because your fear of needles is getting in the way <3

Warnings- Needles, discussions of fear of needles, Spencer being a pookie bear 🫶

A/N- thank you so much for the request lovie!! We love a good ftm reader ☺️🫶 and thank you everybody for all the love recently, I've had a lot of fun writing more often!!

wc- 1.1k

This wasn't supposed to happen. 

It wasn't supposed to go like this. 

Spencer was supposed to be there with you. 

The needle shook between your fingers, you could barely hold it with how intense your hands trembled. You tried to ground yourself by focusing on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, the perpetual sound of the whirring fan above you. But the shaking wouldn't stop, you even tried your other grounding strategies, recommended by Spencer's bubbly coworker, penelope. But you couldn't get the needle straight- and you probably wouldn’t. But you had to try. 

Ill tell you, trying didn't work- you couldn't stop spiraling at the idea of a sharp object piercing your skin. And now you were left with a still full of testosterone needle on the floor next to you, tear stained cheeks, and a boyfriend who wasn’t supposed to be home for at least another four or five hours. It was a sticky situation and you were left reeling at the fact that this would have to be done at some point. You didn't want the little testosterone you could afford to go to waste, after all, the FBI is not as lucrative of a career as one might think, and you don't get paid to go to university.

You were so caught up in your own thoughts, and doubts to hear the sound of the door to your apartment opening and closing again. 

Spencer. 

Your saving grace Spencer, as he always was and always would be found you sitting on the floor of the tiny bathroom, leaning against the toilet and crying with a needle in your hand. Spencer's mind immediately went to the worst, his own fears and experiences flooding his memory- but then he saw the little bottle labeled ‘Testosterone’, and lots of other little labels he couldn't read. 

“Oh darling what happened? come ’ere.”

Spencer opened his arms and invited you to lean into him, just as you often did. but today you needed it more than most days. 

“I- I i’m sorry- i shou-“

“don’t apologize- we all have hard days, just tell me what happened okay love?”

you nodded, knowing there was no arguing when he shuts down your apologies like that. his hands started rubbing up and down your back in a soothing motion, trying to calm the occasional sob that still bubbled up. You took a breath before responding, trying not to let your voice crack when you spoke. 

“i tried spencer- i tried so hard to do it on my own- but I can't. And I know I should, it's just a needle it's not that big a deal! but- but-“

Words tumbled from your lips so fast that your brain could barely keep up, but you were interrupted again by Spencer pressing his lips to yours, effectively stopping you from rambling any further. When he pulled away there was a smile on his face, and you couldn't stop the small, sorrowful smile that slipped onto your lips when he kissed you. Spencer's kisses always did that, they always made you smile.

“slow down handsome, i'll do it for you it's okay,”

Spencer's tone was soft and caring, his voice never failed to quiet your thoughts. But you still couldn't bring yourself to look in his eyes- old habits die hard and accepting help from others, especially when you were vulnerable like this was a hard drug to kick.

“Are you sure? you don’t have to if you don't want to- don’t feel like you have to,”

Spencer just chuckled and picked up the needle from its fallen place on the white tile, his encyclopedic knowledge coming in handy, allowing him to know how to properly clean and handle the needle.

Spencer decided to lead you from the bathroom and onto the large, plush couch which offered much more comfort than the bathroom floor. He made sure your left leg was hanging off the couch and that your shorts were pushed up so he had access to it your upper, outer, thigh. All his motions were gentle and intentional, carefully trying to make the experience as comfortable as possible despite your fear of needles. 

Spencer could still sense the doubt in your eyes at the notion of him doing so much for you, but he put that to rest by taking your hand in his and placing a kiss on the knuckles and reassuring you, “You know i don't mind taking care of you, you know- i actually enjoy it. You're my prince, I'm gonna treat you like it-” Spencer had an almost bashful smile on his lips when he spoke, causing you to blush.

“i know- i just dont think im ever gonna get used to it,”

Your comment made Spencer chuckle as he did the final preparations for your injection, he was honestly more giddy then you were for your first shot. But Spencer had always been one of your biggest supporters in your transition.

“Alright I'm gonna count to three, and do the shot on three, ready?”

You nodded and steeled yourself, turning your head the other direction so you wouldn't have to look at it. With everything set, spencer began to count.

“1…2…3…”

Spencer poked you with the needle on two.

You yelped and turned to Spencer with an incredulous look on your face, mouth agape at his perceived betrayal. Your boyfriend smirked, leaving a peck on your cheek before saying, “ baby your muscles were gonna be tensed and it would’ve hurt more if I did it on three- I did it all out of love,”. The playful tone of Spencer's voice matched his expression, and you mirrored it- all notions of betrayal forgotten for Spencer's soft touch as he pulled you into his arms for a bone crushing hug. 

“I'm proud of you, you know. Trypanophobia affects 1 in 4 adults, and you have to do this everyday now! you’re so strong, even if you need some help sometimes..”

Spencer punctuates his statement with a meaningful kiss to your lips, holding your hands as he does. His palms radiate heat into your own slightly chilly extremities. Spencer was practically a human heater, and you always took advantage of it in times like this. 

You eventually pulled away for air with a smile, but it fell again and you leaned your head back with a groan. Immediately spencer was worried he’d done something wrong, but his worries dissipated when you spoke again,

“I'm gonna have to do this everyday! for the next who knows how long,”

You punctuated your complaint with a groan, your head flopping back forward to smush your face into your boyfriend's shoulder, muffling the groan. Spencer just chuckled and placed a small kiss on your scalp, and mumbling,

“And i'll be there for every one of them.”

The End

[sturniolo04]

Sick M.S.

Bf!Matt x Gf!Fem!Sick!Reader

Summary: in which Ellie gets sick in front of her boyfriend.

TW: Mentions of throw up

Matt's POV: Me and Ellie have been dating for a year now can you believe that! We are just now getting back from our anniversary dinner. We went somewhere really exotic and different. In my opinion it was good considering i am very picky about what i eat on a day to day basis.

Me and ellie were now sitting in our shared room in my joined house with my brothers and she was sitting on the bed watching me play fornite while she  posted on instagram for the day

@itzEllie

Liked by chrissturniolo and 777,989 others

Tagged: @mattsturniolo

@ itzEllie: Happy one year luv

Comments: 10.2k

@ nicolassturniolo: ahh love this

@ chrissturniolo: why do you have to make me feel so single bruh @ itzEllie

@itzEllie: @ chrissturniolo sorry bud

I look up in Ellie's direction to see her turned sitting uncomfortably on the bed with her hand on her stomach.

Matt; you okay Ellie

i aksed looking at her concerned

Ellie:..

Matt: Ellie

i said again seeing she had put her head in her lap.i get up and go over to her rubbing her back slightly.

Matt; do you need anything

Ellie: I dont feel good Matt

she replies weakly

Matt: im sorry is there anything i can do

he replies back looking around the room slightly not knowing really what to do.

Ellie: i feel like throwing up

she finally admitted honestly. Its rare that Ellie ever gets sick and when she is she makes sure Matt doesnt know about it.

Ellie leans over in her seat more.

Matt: Ellie i am getting worried what can i do

Ellie sits up slightly looking okay but then throws up all over the floor and on Matt

Matt; Ellllliiiieeeeee

he quietly exclaims as he covers his mouth shocked as what just occurred

Matt:  are you okay

he states worried about her but also completely grossed out.

Ellie: its all over your floor matt im sorry

she whines out

Ellie: i'll clean it up i promise just..

she rambles hoping Matt isnt made about her throwing up everywhere

Matt: oh my god no Ellie its okay i will clean it up

he sighs out proceeding to rub her back slightly

Matt: its okay i promise just got get cleaned up

he states directing her to his bathroom

Ellie: i dont feel good Matt

Matt: i know just go shower ill clean this up is there anything you need

Ellie: No its okay im sorry

she states getting up weakly walking over to the bathroom

Ellie's POV: i feel really bad about throwing up on Matt but i couldnt stop it. it makes me feel bad about how i messed up his floor and clothes

Matt's POV: i got everything kind of cleaned up and discarded my clothes grabbing new ones as Ellie walked out of the bathroom with her hair up in a ponytail and an abnormally large hoodie which was probably mine.

Matt:  how do you feel Ellie

Ellie: like shit.. i mean i can go home and be sick there so i dont get you sick

Matt: WHAT Ellie no come here

he exclaims as he holds his arms open as she walks over to him

Matt: that is the least of my worries

Ellie: Im sorry

Matt: Oh my god Ellie stop apologizing its okay

she shudders a little as he chuckles a little

Ellie: okay

she sighs out as he rests his head on top of hers

Matt: its okay Ellie

Taglist

@adirtylittleheart @mintsturniolo

[angstyastro]

wait im new to mass effect and am romancing thane for hot dilf reasons pls tell me all about vakarios, i only ever see people talk about garrus not thane

Oh BOY anon you’ve got a big thing coming on my vakarios brain rot Okok SO sit back and lemme just word dump on you on why and how I just really love me vakarios so much:

SO first things first don’t get me wrong I am a huge sucker for thane/Shepard, garrus/Shepard and specifically thane/shepard/garrus because i have personal headcanons etc and my canon is always Shakarios BUT vakarios is my thane/garrus part of all this

I love the idea of garrus/thane realizing they have a lot of parallels to eachother and thane seeing a bit of himself in garrus:

Example:

Thane talks about being in battlesleep for 10 years after the death of his wife Irikah where he basically went on a revenge quest and killed everyone involved in her murder. He comes to realize he made a mistake in terms of not staying with Kolyat and ultimately revenge not giving him the fulfillment he needed.

Garrus can be labeled as a man who is going through his own battlesleep after Shepard dies. For 2 years he basically said fuck it and went to omega to “clean up” and seek Justice against the criminals that he couldn’t take down in c-sec. It’s implied that he was devastated after Shepard died no matter if fem/bro shep and then it just snowballs when he’s betrayed by Sidonis. Garrus falls into his own small form of battlesleep given you can’t really talk to him much as Shepard until he tells you about his revenge quest for a loyalty mission.

I like to see the Normandy crew in me2 as a ragtag group of people who come together and become something of a family so they all get to see the ugliest and best sides of eachother and I love the concept thane and garrus would become good friends based off being snipers at first but then relating over the histories they’ve had. Thane is able to relate to Garrus’s seeking of revenge and has a different perspective over it.

Now when you play as Shepard and you go the route of stopping him from killing Sidonis consider that you’re kind of replicating the whole thing that thane went through with Irikah. Irikah stepped in thane’s way to stop him from killing someone and Shepard is doing the same for garrus.

It’s not until after this that Garrus will begin to see things clearer and differently and I love the concept of both thane and garrus realizing they have so much in common. This also can happen if Sidonis is killed. Garrus may be filled with that void of it not really helping him solve anything. He killed him via battlesleep and is barely coming out of it with the help of Shepard and crew.

Another thing is Garrus isn’t a stranger to losing someone close to him because of illness. His mother becoming sick etc has him as one of the only people on the Normandy who would probably know how to care for and make things as relaxing/comfortable for someone going through something similar (thane w his keprals) and like consider them just bonding over this in general.

And last but not least thane and his dry fuckin humor would make him and Garrus really close.

All in all I am a fan of every ship/crackship/rarepair etc because It’s fun to pair characters so i know vakarios isn’t for everyone but hell it makes me happy and lots of possibilities for it so :3 thanks for letting me ramble anon.

[crushedsweets]

so I can't find it, but when the proxies were helping clocks, you mentioned that Tim doesn't like it when she screams or cries. Something about it bothering him. I wish I could recall.

OK SO i also cant find the post (cuz of tumblrs tagging system) buuut i'm gonna use this to ramble about clocky meeting the proxies again, since i sorta adjusted it...

in my au, O/S syndrome refers to slender sickness. it usually starts with the operator taking COMPLETE control over someone's body and mind, and then slenderman 'stealing' them and making them do his bidding (clean up operator problems) which results in them having a 'proxy mode' vs their 'normal' mode

so clockys backstory goes as usual, then towards the end she starts slowly getting O/S syndrome. i sort of want her introduction to toby/the proxies to be ALMOST a reflection of how toby and clocky canonically met. (her getting hurt cuz of him, him helping her as an apology)

so around the time natalie replaced her eye with a clock, O/S syndrome fully set in. while sick, she couldn't form memories, she had inhuman strength, an insatiable bloodlust - just became a general menace, and because bodies started dropping all around tuscaloosa with operator symbols slashed into walls, the proxies had to intervene.

it started with toby stalking her while she's stalking her next victim. her and toby get into a huge tussle and she locks onto him as her next victim. he chooses to play cat and mouse and run off to the forest, having her follow. i'm imagining an almost comical scene where she's slashing around branches and stuff with a machete and he's like 'ahhh cant catch meeeee' and she's screaming obscenities. . .

then by time he ends up at the cabin, tim or brian probably knock her out since she's, yknow, a huge threat. a bat to the back of her head.

and she would wake up in their spare 'storage' room thats filled to the brim with boxes, old bikes, massive stacks of newspapers, cds, etc. she'd probably have her wrists zip tied to an exposed pipe and she'd be losing her fucking mind. screaming at the top of her lungs, thrashing around, whatever. "LET ME GO YOU FUCKING FREAKS LET ME GO ILL KILL YOU ILL FUCKING KILL YOU"

the way to slowly heal O/S syndrome is being around slenderman(aka in his forest) for a long time, until the Operator loses grasp. the way to quickly deal with O/S syndrome is to um.. no nice way to put this. slendermans jaw unhinges and he oozes this gross fucking black tar-like goo, and drinking it (or putting it into pill capsules and taking those) makes the operator let go. it doesnt really have a taste, thank god, but it is thicker than water.

so it would be a whole ordeal of toby coming in like heeeeyyyy... lol... and he would think shes REALLY BADASS because he's never met a woman like her (so strong, loud mouthed, violent, etc). plus he's kinda lonely in general so LMFAOOOO . so he wants to befriend her, and is kinda ignoring the fat that she's mad as hell.

but she's in so much agony. from the O/S syndrome to getting hit with a bat, she's screaming and crying and never shutting up. throwing up, trying to literally bite and kick the proxies if they even bring in water. so toby would be 'designated' to her because "well youre the dumb fuck who brought her here, you deal with it"

he'd probably have to trick her into taking one of the pills or putting the sludge into an opaque water bottle or something. after the first bit is ingested, she quickly gains more clarity. he'd try getting a cot or air mattress set up for her. bring a book and drawing supplies. he wants her to trust him. within a day or two, she'd already start feeling immensely better and the operator is letting go - and toby would stupidly trust her, and completely undo the zipties, and she'd run the fuck off, and he'd be like FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK. and not even a week later, she'd come back. because she's horribly sick again. and she'd beg for the stupid pills.

and she'd start to trust toby, and eventually kate. . and a little bit brian. but she would still not fuck with tim cuz it is true, he would hate all the screaming, and would occasionally bang on the door and shout at her to quiet down.

but yeah . . thats how she gets situated with the proxies and her O/S syndrome is healed. :3

[writtenonreceipts]

Rowaelin Month Day 16 Mob Au @rowaelinscourt

Here is a moodboard of a fic that will likely never see the light of day. Mob/Mafia inspired fic. Random rambles beneath the cut:

im sharing this because i've been sitting on it for a while and i wanna talk about it even if it's just into the void

so originally, i wanted this to be a lysaedion fic, mostly because there aren't many fics about them out there and I wanted to try my hand at it

it was going to be a little darker with lots of death and murder and essentially about two individuals trying to find answers

Aelin is stuck in the Assassin's Guild, her entire life has been devoted to them and she is only alive and only the person she is because of them.

And then one day a new face shows up in town insisting he be let into the Guild. Now, the gang is very secretive, very careful, and they will look for any excuse to kill an outsider. So naturally the new person (rowan) gets the crap beat out of him

Leading to Aelin taking pity on him and the classic "who are you and why would you do this?" convo takes place. resulting in smirks and lies and call outs and the "im looking for someone" "who?" "ill let you know when i find her"

There's a gang war brewing and no one knows when it'll strike and what the catalyst will be: The Valgs have always been silent with the occasional body splayed out on cathedral footsteps, the Bane lurks on the outskirts of the city, only striking near the full moon (someone is very dramatic over there) and then there's the Cadre that is mostly just a myth because they've been quiet for ages now

and then a body shows up one that Aelin knows and she realizes something strange is afoot so she has to team up with rowan (she'll kill him later) to figure out what is happening and then huh look at that feelings

then comes the big reveal of aelin being the daughter of major crime lord Rhoe Galathyinius who really wants his daughter back and someone was supposed to find her and hey look at that, Rowan is looking reeeeeeal awkward

someone dies (fenrys cuz i've always wanted to kill him off and maybe connall too just because), near death experiences, "who did this to you", one bed, cleaning each other's wounds...

there's elorcan and lysaedion in the background

and yeah, i'll never write it probably

mostly because i've got no time and based on how previous long fics have gone, it would flop

chapter one is hidden deep in my docs and is probably one of my favorite scenes i've written in a while

it's been there for a year now but i just never could push past that first part. but it was fun to write

40s vibes, mayyybee 50s, id do some more research if i were to see her off the drafts stage...

[naquey]

A Different Perspective

What I can only assume would be a different perspective of the night I came out as trans and wanted to be a boy. Of course, my mother couldn't tell me what she was thinking, so I could only assume that.

Word count: 700

“She wants to be a boy?” 

Annette, shrouded in the mystery of a James Patterson novel, sat in bed with a book open. Nightly reading was her enigmatic routine, a veil to distract her from the day's events. Her husband, James, sat at his computer. The cool white glow of the screen reflected off his glasses. He leaned back, probably scrolling through internet news. 

“You heard her? She said she thinks she’s a boy because she plays video games.” The way he said it didn’t allude to amusement or laughter; instead, he didn’t take it seriously. 

“Yes, but she seemed so… so panicky. Like she was afraid, we wouldn’t love her.” 

“No, she knows we love her.” 

“I don’t know. We haven’t been spending as much time with her lately.” 

“She’s almost a teenager. At this age, they want nothing to do with their parents.” James laughed. “Hun, you’re thinking about it too much.” 

“You’re not thinking about it nearly enough.” Annette shot back, closing her book. 

“Okay,” James turned to the open doorway of their room. “Perhaps she just read something on the internet and thinks it describes her. Kids do this all the time with mental illnesses.” 

“Right. You’re right. It’s probably just something she read online again.” 

But this didn’t quell his wife's curiosity. Typically, their daughter didn’t come to them with a problem unless she genuinely needed their help. She couldn’t help but think there was more to this than a kid's ramble about wanting to be different, but maybe it was only because her daughter was drifting further away from her. The girl just cut her hair short, like a boy's haircut, and seemed so happy. Maybe this was just what kids do. Opening her book again, she couldn’t pay attention to the novel's mystery, her mind running rampant with thoughts. She was unsure of what to think or what to do. How should she approach this? What would she say? If she didn’t say the right thing, she could very well lose her daughter, but was there even a right thing? For a moment, just a moment, she thought of calling Tammy—thought of asking her cousin how her parents reacted when she came out as a lesbian. She considered contacting her friend Karen and asking her for advice on this situation. It seemed like their daughter was happy and bubbly yesterday, but thinking about memories, she noticed just how unhappy their little girl was. 

Late in the night, Annette tossed and turned. She wasn’t a heavy sleeper. Even the slightest movement, like her husband's foot, would wake her. Getting up to go to the bathroom, she turned the light on in the hallway. She would wonder why they slept in the attic, but it was the only other room. James’ sister kept all her things in the middle room on the second floor, and Papa, her father-in-law, had his room. She passed by her daughter's bedroom door, which was open and ajar. Inside, the girl was asleep, and she turned back to the room. She turned on the light in the bathroom and returned to the bedroom. Annette peered through the opening between the door and the wall. A few weeks ago, they removed the dollhouse and most of her dolls from her room. She couldn’t help but think that it was their worst idea, but their daughter couldn’t keep her room clean. 

Closing the door with a soft click, Annette went to the bathroom and then went back to bed. Was this the right thing? Should she address it? Everything was so confusing now. She couldn’t help but feel her daughter slipping through her fingers. The next thing she knew, her little girl would be going off to college and getting a job, and this would be the thing that divided them. Of course, her husband doesn’t take it seriously because he knows that kids say the weirdest things, but something doesn’t feel right. A mother knows when something is wrong. A mother knows when their child is in danger. Settling back into bed with a ball of anxiety settling in the pit of her stomach, she tried to think of happier thoughts.

[humanbug]

Someone else? pt. 4

Tommy and Joel discover another immune person.

a/n: this will probably be the last part...i said that last time but idk maybe ill change my mind again. i don't loveee this one but i kinda had writers block. again thank you for all the interaction!!! it makes me want to keep writing! as always feel free to comment your thoughts and dont be afraid to send me requests about what i should write next! reblogs are also appreciated!! enjoy!!!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

The sun was beginning to lower in the sky as you made your way to the couch. You smile as the scene before you seemed too good given the shit-hole of a world you lived in. You had a roof over your head, clean hair, several blankets surrounding you, a mug of tea, and music playing softly on the record player. 

Ellie was out on patrol tonight and wasn’t expected to be back until early morning. You felt nervous spending the night alone but already felt like such a burden living in her home and her taking care of you. She would constantly be giving you reassurance opposing the very idea of being a burden but the fear was still there. 

As you snuggle into the blanket nest you’ve made on the couch your mind wanders to the conversation you had with Ellie this morning. She had let you know that Tommy had found a place for you to live on your own but if you wanted to keep living with her that you could. It had been on your mind all day.

‘Do I want to live alone? I haven’t…ever lived alone? God, the very thought makes me nauseous. That’s so pathetic. Fuck this shouldn’t be such a hard decision-’ Your thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. You sit up, frozen, heart racing. Another knock sounds followed by a soft voice calling your name. Dina? You had gotten to meet her about a week ago but what was she doing at your door this late?

Walking to the door with a blanket around your body you open it to see Dina standing there.

“Hey! Can I come in? It’s freezing but I wanna ask you something!” She asks with a gentle smile.

Stepping aside, she walks in rubbing her hands over her arms to warm herself up. 

“Uh…what’s up Dina?” You shift nervously on your feet.

She smiles warmly at you, “Jesse and I are planning on hanging out at the Tipsy Bison tonight. We thought we’d ask you to join us. I know Ellie is on patrol tonight and thought you might enjoy some company!” 

“Oh! Um- I mean- I dunno. I mean, yeah? Yeah! I’ll join you guys.” You stutter out. Anxiety filling your body to the brim. It couldn’t hurt to go out. You had basically been a hermit the last few weeks anyway, only going out for some meals and to the medic building a few days ago to get your stitches removed. Besides Ellie won’t be back ‘till the morning anyway and you’d probably get bored soon just sitting around the house.

“Yes! Oh I’m so happy! I’ll wait outside for you to get dressed and we’ll walk over.” She grins in excitement, already easing your anxiety at her eagerness to spend time with you. 

Changing into jeans and a long sleeve shirt, slipping one of Ellie’s hoodies over. Slipping on your boots you look into the small mirror, smoothing your hands over your hair anxiously. 

‘Deep breaths! Just be cool. It’s not a big deal and whatever you do, do not mention your…injury.’ You give yourself a pep talk and before you can psych yourself out you swing the door open and step outside. 

Walking over to the Tipsy Bison together, you two make small talk. You learn that Dina has lived in Jackson for about three years and that she and Jesse are dating. She asks about you and Ellie’s relationship and your face burns and you ramble out, “Relationship!? Oh, I- We aren’t- She just took me in because Tommy asked her too! I don’t- She’s not- I’m- I’m pretty sure I am more of a thorn in her side than anything.”

Dina looks over at you, giving you a knowing smile as you ramble. “I mean, if you insist! I see the way she looks at you and trust me, if someone is a thorn in Ellie’s side she…doesn’t hesitate to let them know. That girl has no filter and is the worst at hiding facial expressions.” She laughs out. 

Before you can ramble out even more about what a pest you’ve been to Ellie you are walking through the doors of the bar. The building is warm, both in temperature and in ambiance. The room is dim with warm lighting, there is a large bar covering one side and tables and chairs made out of old wooden barrels along the opposite wall. There are a decent amount of people around causing your anxiety to sky rocket, still not being used to being around so many people all the time. 

The two of you join Jesse at the table in the corner of the bar. Noticing that he has a game of scrabble ready to be played, your face lights up at the thought of playing a board game. You couldn’t even remember the last time you could enjoy something as simple as a board game. 

—

“Shvitz is a word goddamnit! It’s a word! Twenty one points! Write ‘em down!” Dina shouts at Jesse.

“Fine! Fine but only because I am feeling kind…because it’s not a word.” Jesse concedes causing Dina to give him the middle finger. Dina leans over the table to watch and make sure Jesse gives her the correct amount of points.

You are laughing so hard that your cheeks hurt. The two of them had been arguing over every other word played and it never seemed to get old. Realizing that you're starting to get a small headache from laughing so hard you look over to the bar wondering if you should ask for water. 

‘C’mon don’t be a baby. Just get up and ask!’ You think to yourself.

Taking a deep breath you rise up and walk over to an empty standing spot. Making eye contact with the bar-tender and giving him a small smile just to get his attention you patiently wait for your turn. Leaning against the bar and fiddling with your fingers, your shoulders square and a chill runs down your back and the sudden intrusion of your personal space. Turning around slightly you see a young man standing…way too close looking down at you. A smug smirk on his face.  

Giving him a tight lipped smile you try to scoot past him abandoning the idea of getting water however he places his arm on the bar in front of you becoming painfully invasive of your personal space, that stupid smoke growing as if he won something.

“Excuse me…please move.” You mumble.

“Aw c’mon now. Don’t run off like a scared little kitten. I’m just tryin’ to talk to you.” He jeers. 

‘Oh my god. Oh my god. Please just move.”

Giving an uncomfortable smile, not wanting to anger him, “I- I’m okay. Really.” You begin to take a step back but he places a hand way too low on your back.

“And what’s a little thing like you gonna do if I don’t, hm?” His voice takes a mocking tone.

“Please- Please just-” You are cut off by the man being violently shoved off of you. Gasping you press yourself against the bar as you see Ellie getting in the man's face.

“You put your fucking hands on her!? Huh!? Fucking answer me. You were so fucking cocky ten seconds ago!” She says inches from his face.

‘Ellie!? What the fuck!?’ 

You see her rear her hand back in a fist but before you can think you rush forward to stop her. This needs to stop, she got her point across. Grabbing the back of her jacket you pull her attention towards you. 

“Ellie! Please stop. C’mon you got your point across. Please!” You say desperately. 

As her attention shifts to you, her gaze softens into worry. Grabbing your hand she rushes out of the bar with you stumbling behind her.

Dina and Jesse are rushing behind you two.

“Ellie! Ellie, stop! What the fuck?” Dina is shouting at her. 

As the four of you step into the cold, Ellie turns around keeping you behind her. You keep your head down feeling downright mortified.

“Me ‘what the fuck!? What the fuck were you thinking taking her out? Did you even see that sleaze touching her? Huh!?” She seethes.

You mumble out, “It’s not their fault Ellie please…”

Jesse steps forward holding a hand out to Ellie, “Christ, Ellie take a breath!”

“I just-” She takes a deep breath, “I just panicked okay? I got back from patrol early and she wasn’t home and I just panicked, okay?” She rushes out, regret settling deep in her bones.

Looking over at you apologetically Dina sighs, “We’re sorry for not seeing that creep. We just wanted to invite you out and really didn’t think some perv was gonna try something.”

Feeling so embarrassed you almost cry as you rush out, “Please! Please don’t apologize! I had so much fun, really.” Turning to look at Ellie, “I’m okay, I promise. Please don’t be mad at them Ellie.” You give your best puppy dog eyes to her.

Running a hand over her face, she huffs out a breath, “I can’t be mad when you’re looking at me like that…I didn’t mean to freak out. I didn’t mean to ruin you guys’ night either.” Regret laced in her tone.

“Can we hang out again tomorrow night! Please!” You ask everyone, hoping to ease the tension. Really hoping they agree so you can spend more time together. Feeling overjoyed at the feeling of normalcy that Jackson has given you. You got to go to a bar and play board games, never in your life did you think that you would be able to have that kind of fun. 

The tension dissipates from the air as Dina grins ear to ear, “Of course, Tipsy Bison tomorrow at seven!” She beams with almost as much excitement as you.  

–

As you both walk back to the house there’s a tension that lulls in the air. Neither of you can figure out what to say to the other. You bite your lip in anxiety and kick stones on the ground as you shuffle along. 

‘Fuck it! Just say it! Say it!’

“I don’t want to live alone!” You rush out, your cheeks turning red, not giving her a chance to respond you ramble on, “I- I’ve never lived alone and- you make me feel safe and I- If you are totally sick of living with me I understand- so don’t hesitate to tell me-”

“I’d like that. For you to keep living with me.” She cuts off your rambling, making you look at her with wide eyes. 

“Really?” You practically whisper. Not believing what you heard. 

“Really.” She assures as she unlocks the front door. 

You toe off your shoes and flop down on the bed and she leans on the edge of her desk, fiddling with her fingers. Silence falls over the two of you again.

Feeling confident at Ellie’s lack of rejection of your confession, you take a deep breath and move to stand in front of her. Upon sensing your movement she glances at you as you step forward and take her face in your hands, pressing your lips to hers.

She stills for a second before returning the kiss with fervor. Placing her hands low on your waist she pulls you flush to her body. She runs her tongue along the seam of your lips, asking for entrance and you give it to her without hesitation. Ellie’s grip on your waist tightens as she begins to stand, lips still molded onto yours. Needing air you pull back, not expecting her to keep kissing across your cheek and down your jaw you whine. She lets out a chuckle at your sound and guides you backward, bodies still pressed together. 

The back of your knees meet the bed and you fall onto it with a small gasp. She pulls back, leaning over you with her hands on either side of you, she presses her forehead to yours. 

“I want to keep you safe.” She whispers, almost as if she’s afraid of what she’s saying. Placing your hands on either side of her jaw you look into her eyes.

“I’d really like that.” You whisper back.

taglist:

@daddysfavoritesexkitten

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ Francis Forever (chapter 17)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5k

warnings- swearing, angst, mentions of miscarriage, confused feelings, some kissing (some smut not really its like 2 seconds), REALLY EMO

a/n- guys....we have reached the final chapter of Forever And A Day, oh my god. Ive worked on this story since January, its very dear to me, Thank you for everyone who tagged along. I love you so much! there will still be an Epilogue posted as well. Enjoy the chapter angels

-nini

Your feet led you down to the kitchen, where your mom was currently cleaning.

"hi honey" she mumbled, not turning around to see you as she scrubbed the top of the stove.

"hey.." you walk over, opening the fridge and looking for something to snack on. Granted- there was something made for breakfast but you hadn't woken up until 12pm. Technically, it was now lunch.

"do you want me to make you something?"

You peer over to your mom whos putting things away in the storages

"no thats okay" you grab a sleeve of crackers from the cabinet and some cream cheese, opting to sit at the kitchen island with your sad "meal"

"thats not lunch, missy" your mother scolded as she turned to you finally

"meh" you shoved the cracker in your mouth as you watched her grab her coat from the hanger. "where are you going?" you spoke with a full mouth.

"I have to run to the store"

"didnt you just go the other day?"

Your mom peered over her shoulder, waiting a moment "yes...but, I forgot to grab...uh....planter feed, for my little window plants" she nodded over in the direction of them.

"okay....can I come?" you mumble, throwing another dry cracker into your mouth.

"no" she laughed, making you look up

"what, why?"

"because" she began to ramble "well...I love you but Ive spent every minute with you this week, its good to be alone for a few hours"

You raised an eyebrow as if you didnt believe her.....because you didnt. "okayyy..." your voice dragged out

"ill be back in no time, no worried dear." she grabbed her bag and walked to the door, "ill bring you back a coffee" she winked as she left.

Once you heard the door lock, you stood up, licking the cream cheese off your fingers.

why was she in such a hurry to be gone?

Your feet wandered over to the little plant cabinet she had, opening it to see a freshly stocked basket of soil feed packets. Of course she was lying.

She was probably looking for an excuse to see that guy shes been talking to for months now. Why would she lie though? does she think you couldn't handle it?

Chosing to ignore it, you picked up her cat and made your way upstairs to your room, sitting down at your desk.

These days you werent out much, last time you saw other people was 2 days ago when you went to go grab the mail from the mailbox in the pouring rain. Nonetheless, you still loved to get yourself dolled up as if you were going out.

You applied some makeup, carefully drawing out your eyeliner to a sharp point. The way you applied your face could be compared to how you applied yourself to everything else in life- strict and neat, and you hated when you had a smudge

You pushed through your makeup bag, searching for a certain lipstick that you are now realizing you left back in Paris.

"that was $20" you sigh, standing up to wander to your moms room. Surely she has something to use, shes always been one to paint her face, she used to let you play "makeover" when you were young, which might be why you love it so much now. It was always enjoyable, even if you made her look like a clown a bit.

You wondered where she would keep her makeup, as it wasnt in her bathroom. A quick scan around the room brought you over to her vanity drawers.

"ahh, there we go" you happily looked at all of the collective lipsticks and palettes sprawled out in front of you. You grasped a few of them to look for one you would use, when your eyes fell onto a folder underneath all it.

Pulling it out and carefully looking inside, because you were snoopy even with your mothers belongings, you saw what appeared to be a booklet of Polaroid photos.

You giggled softly at the cute older photos of your mom when she was younger, the silly gestures in the photos reminded you that she too is human and has her own emotions.

You came across a specific one in the pile where your mom was looking out the window in her old apartment, obviously pregnant.

that was you.

Smiling softly, you slid through the last bits before picking up one that made your breath hitch.

Your dad.

She still kept every photo. Hidden.

Photos of your dad sitting on the deck of the house with newborn you resting on his chest, photos of him not knowing your mom was even there while he did tiny activities, like fixing or repainting something.

It was so real and so raw, and you wanted to criticize your mother for keeping all of these, because as you looked at his face, you felt nothing but anger.

But you had to remember she spent a majority of her life with him...she had a kid with him....and you almost felt a sense of sympathy for her and the life she thought she would have with him.

He ruined so many things and even after all of that, she cant toss the photos.

Its never really over, huh?

-

You knew deep down that you should've respected your moms privacy and left the room, considering you were only on the look for a lipstick.

But you found yourself still digging an hour later, looking at photos and notes and everything in between. In a way, you felt like the snooping mom looking into her daughters room.

Perhaps you shouldnt have, but you took one of the photos and kept it for yourself. It was of your mom, she had to have been your age in it, and she was standing in front of the old ice cream place she always took you to before it got demolished.

She looked so happy and pure, she had that gleam in her eyes that you struggle to find in her nowadays.

You put the photo into your bag, making sure it was flat and not bent.

With any lesson learnt from your parents, its that your biggest fear is to spend your life in the wrong situation, trying to make it work only for it to end up as the opposite, and leave you with a broken heart.

But on the other hand, you also realize that you dont want to be like your mom, although you admire and adore her, you want to find your place so desperately, and not let any opportunity go to waste.

The doorbell downstairs rang, startling you a little as you rose to your feet, trying to head down quickly.

"coming!" you shout, your bare feet leading you to the locked door. You open it and see a young man with a pizza in his hand. "oh!"

He bows his head polietly, "Hi, pizza for Y/N?"

You almost laugh, "ah...I didnt order anything?"

you thought for a moment and considered that your mother probably ordered it for you, knowing that your choice of meal this morning was crackers and cream cheese.

"its already paid for" he spoke again

"im sorry but-" you sigh "okay....thanks?" you reach out, almost burning your hands at how warm the box was. You dropped it off on the kitchen counter and looked at it.

It was cheese and bacon, your favorite, how did your mom know that?

"should I trust this?" you looked down at the cat crawling over your feet, she smelled the yummy food just above and was trying to access it.

Before you could grab your phone to call her, you heard the doorbell ring again. "seriously...?"

once more, your feet dashed you over as you opened the door, assuming it would be another delivery. You dropped your phone onto the floor as the person standing in front of you turned around.

"I hope you are open to sharing that pizza" Taehyung spoke quietly, a small smile on his face.

"what are you doing here....?" you looked at him like a deer in headlights; scared, relieved, shocked, happy all in one.

He calmed his expression and stepped a bit closer, "can I come in?"

You stepped back and thought for a moment

"please....?" he persisted

"y-yeah..yeah come in" you stepped away and watched him slowly enter the house, taking his shoes off before turning back to you. He didnt have a moment to speak before you threw yourself into his chest, wrapping him up into a tight hug.

His arms snaked around you, pulling you closer as both of your breathing became uneven.

"i-im so sorry...i missed you a lot and I havent texted and, fuck, youre here and im so-"

"shhh...shhh" his hand held your nape as you looked at you, forehead against yours, "dont apologize its okay"

"but-"

"no...lets just go sit down and talk" he whispered, rubbing your back.

You exhaled shakily "okay"

You led him over to the kitchen, still in absolute shock at the fact he is here with you right now. All of the guilt began to seep back in the moment you saw his face.

You took a seat at the counter and looked at him, the sun peaking in through the blinds, leaving stray lines of orange through the room.

He smiled and looked around, pulling the seat out next to you as he sat down.

"So.." you looked at him, swallowing harshly. "wh-"

"your mom called me" he spoke honestly, sitting down and shielding the sun with his hand. "I was worried sick about you, I cant lie"

Yep. Guilt.

"and I didnt wanna bother you, but she called me and said that you wanted to see me so..." he smirked a little, looking down.

You sigh loudly, "oh tae.....i never told her to tell you to come...."

He laughed, throwing his head back "ah I figured sort of...I knew you would have probably texted me yourself"

You nod, stomach fluttering at the sound of his amusement. "yeah..'m sorry for not texting, that was really shitty of me Tae"

"dont apologize, youve gone through a lot, I understand its not easy to jump back in yet...and thats okay." he whispered "but...how are you? what are you feeling?"

"right now? im....im honestly really happy you showed up...."

"yeah?"

You nod, "mhm, i, er, missed you" you fumbled with your words, not wanting to sound needy or desperate.

"I missed you too" his response was quick.

you both looked at eachother for a few moments silently, before you spoke up, "you ordered that pizza, didnt you?"

He began to laugh, "yeah I did"

"I knew my mom wouldnt know I liked bacon...." you giggled, he moved a little closer and smiled.

"and listen, im not here to course you to coming back to Busan, I just wanted to come check on you...because you know I love you always"

You felt your face heat up, "I know...I know tae, I love you too."

"how are you physically?" he spoke quietly

Shrugging, you answered truthfully, "I think Im okay....my body is beginning to go back to normal, so....."

"good, thats good" he nods

"mhm...im glad I have my mom, but I really did miss having you nearby, and I know you dont want to hear it but I have to say it" you mumbled

"you can talk, y/n"

"im so sorry...for everything....its not fair-"

"but-"

"just listen please, its not fair...what I did to you, and I shouldnt have left, that was so shitty to leave you back in Paris knowing you were hurting too"

His face softened

"and what I did has been haunting me so much that I was afraid to contact you in fears you resented me....in fears that perhaps you hated me now-" your voice choked

"y/n, no, no," he grabbed your hands, "I could never hate you....never ever" he whispered moving to see your eyes, "listen to me, It was a bad situation, and perhaps we could have done better, yes, but stop apologizing for dealing with grief."

He wiped the tear stain on your cheek, holding your face close to his, whispering, "does your mom still have popsicles in the freezer?"

The random question made you laugh, "what?"

"this is serious, y/n, does she?"

"I- I think?" you stood and watched him search, successfully finding them. "why?"

He smirked, "you know why" he grabbed 2 and held your hand, bringing you upstairs to your room, opening the window and climbing out to the ledge of the roof

A place you two always sat during your high school days...with popsicles.

"ohh...." you giggled, now understanding his method to the madness.

"been a longgg time since we sat here, why didnt we do it when we visited a few months ago?" he smiled, opening the wrapper and licking the watermelon pop

"Im not sure..." you opened your own, happy that the sun wasn't directly on you two anymore.

Taehyung laid back against the roof, eyes on you from behind. Its been so long since hes seen you, and with every passing day he grew more impatient.

When he got the phone call from your mom, he knew it was mostly her doing, but he was not about to pass up a free opportunity to see you, even knowing the risk of you despising him was still high.

He wanted to call you beautiful, the way the orange sky illumintaed on your skin, it blended perfectly, it was straight out of a disney Princess movie.

He had no clue as to what label you two stood as, was it okay to call you baby? there was never an official breakup. Was it too much to want to kiss you as soon as he saw your face? his body yearned for you in every way, he missed the feeling of your hand in his and your body on his chest at night.

He missed all of you, and it hasnt even been that long.

"you know..." he began, closing his eyes, "Im starting to think im a bit too dependent on you" his voice was teasing,

"why do you say that?" you looked back at him, licking the popsicle.

He shrugged, smirking, "just cant seem to stay away...."

"i dont understand you" you laugh, looking forward again. "ive been such an ass, Taehyung"

"youre not an ass you just feel things deeply and I love that about you"

"is this some kind of kink?" you joke, watching him laugh

"maybe?"

You shake your head as you continue to eat the pop, "I dont shame"

He looked up at the sky, glaring at a plane flying across. He wondered if you two could be seen from the window.

He wondered how tiny and insignificant you would appear to the passengers aboard, who had no idea what situation you both were dealing with, like how he didnt know what they were dealing with.

Life is weird like that.

What problems you have and seem huge may seem meaningless to others, or how from space, you are the size of a grain of salt. It puts things into perspective, and over the past few weeks, hes been thinking about everything deeply and truly....deciding that although it may change nothing, seeing you was the best option.

"Tae?" you spoke, noticing how quiet he got

"remember when we were 16 and it was Easter? My family was over with yours, and you and I climbed up here after dinner and tried to smoke my dads cigarettes for the first time?" he laughed at the memory

You smile, "I smoked it wrong and began to choke"

You both were giggling again now

"you almost swallowed it, how does one fuck up smoking so badly?"

You nudge him, "hey!"

He shrugged, still smiling

"you are quite the smoker yourself now, huh?"

"I grew up with him smoking so yeah, I sort of picked up on it"

You nod, listening

"you hate it though, right?" he smirked

"well you are a grown man, you can chose to do as you please"

"oh cmon dont play coy, you know you would never give up a chance to scold me for it"

"yeah youre right" you sigh at his knowingness "I worry about your lungs!" you tease

"my lungs are okay" he smiled as you laid down on the roof next to him, the sun casting both of your shadows behind you.

"you dont know that!"

"trust baby, if anything was wrong youd be the first to know"

You froze after he called you baby, it wasn't like you two had been gone for years, but neither of you had been lovey in over a month, it felt almost foreign, almost wrong.

He wasnt going to apologize, it did slip, but did he regret it?

nope.

His eyes scanned over yours, softly and lovingly as he moved his hand over your hair, pushing it out of your eyes.

You stared at him, an expression reading shock. He pulled away slightly

"am I making you uncomfortable?" he seemed worried that he stepped too far, scaring you.

"n-no!" you spoke, reaching for his hand. "it just feels odd you know? its not you, its just...."

"been a while" he finished for you

"yeah..."

You still felt safe with him, how could you not?

You didnt want him to make the assumption that you were not okay with his touch anymore, because that definitely was not the case.

You slowly cuddled closer to him, both of you laid on your backs as your head rested on his shoulder, his head leaning against yours.

Both of your lips were painted pink and red from the popsicles, it made you smile.

The sky above you two seemed so big, so endless.

Staring at it was almost frightening.

You reached for his hand and intertwined his fingers with yours, he quickly squeezed yours out of affection.

"ahh..." he spoke up suddenly, voice quiet. "I shouldnt.....I shouldnt have taken you to Paris"

You looked up at him

"maybe the plane ride was too much? maybe your body couldnt handle the stress?" he exhaled shakily, eyes still up at the sky. "Im sorry...I really am"

"you dont have to apologize for anything" you turned your body on your side so you faced him, though he still wouldn't look at you.

"hey.." you tried again, "you know, my mom told me she also miscarried when I was 3 years old...and thats why she never had kids after me"

He closed his eyes, squeezing your hand

"So I guess its runs in the family.....not our fault" you shrugged, "Its breaks my heart but...we dont have to blame ourselves"

He turned his head to your finally at the sound of your voice cracking, He brought you closer to his chest, hand rubbing your back. Taehyung swallowed harshly, clearing his throat to talk quietly "I've been...having a hard time dealing with it.

You rested your hand on his chest, looking at him sympathetically. His eyes were now watery, it took a lot to not cry yourself.

Youve already cried.

Youve cried so much

Perhaps you were now accepting the miscarriage for what it was, you were even able to say it aloud now, and thats growth.

You wished the same for Taehyung.

"that's okay, too" you whisper, hand snaking around to brush his hair between your fingers behind his head.

His eyes went back up to the now purple sky, tears reflecting the image in front of you. "do you think they are up there?" he smiled softly, rubbing your back still.

You look up at the sky, the clouds creating a beautiful set up as the sun set behind them. The world felt blanketed and secured in this moment, almost safe.

"yeah" you whisper, squeezing his hand, "but they are also here...with us, you know?"

He looks at you, tear marks on his face as you move to wipe them with your sleeve. "I think we will always be parents, that cant change. I feel that connection so deeply, and I know you do too. They arent gone, they just arent in this world" you add.

Taehyung smiled softly at your words, nodding slowly, "yeah....yeah youre right"

His thumb runs over your knuckles, calming you both down.

"I cant get myself to get rid of anything...like the stuff we bought." you mumble, looking down at your hands.

He chuckled, "mmh, you dont have too."

You sighed and looked at him again, a warm blush coating your cheeks.

"you know...I dont give you enough credit" he spoke "youve been through so much"

"Tae..." you brush his hair back, "youve given me everything....we need to look ahead...the past cant be changed."

He slides his hand under the hem of your shirt, touching the soft skin on your hip bone. It wasn't promiscuous or anything, simply an act of love and affection, silently showing you he's here and is listening.

"Im really sad" he choked out

You hugged him close as he began to cry into your shoulder

"its okay baby, its okay....its okay to be sad, you dont have to be strong for me" your hand caressed his back. "I love you so much, please know that"

He took a moment to calm down before pulling back to look at you, "y-youre right....we do need to look forward now"

You nod softly, holding his face.

You were a little worried to see him in this state, you didnt know he was feeling this and keeping it down for so long.

All you could do was comfort him and be there.

"I just.....are we still...." he trailed off, making you smile as you cupped his face again, brushing your thumbs over his cheeks lovingly.

"mm" you slowly leaned forward to kiss him

It was a nice kiss, not too slow but not too fast, just what was needed after a month of distance and no contact.

He blushed brightly, holding you as he whispered, "do you think we could start over? I really want to treat you right, and I want this to work. We can work it out right? the correct way this time?" his voice wavered

You nodded, still looking at him "yes....we can try again, the right way" you giggled as he leaned forward to kiss you again, this time a little quicker.

He bit your bottom lip, hands gently squeezing your hips

"baby-" you exhaled into his mouth, gently pulling back to look at him. "maybe we shouldnt"

"why?" he frowned, almost looking like a little kid

"well for starters we are on my roof" you giggled, sitting up

Taehyung smiled and looked around

"and....I dont know...sex is what brought us this mess" you teasingly nudged him, making him laugh. "lets just be with eachother for a little bit and let our feelings lead us to what happens"

He sighed, knowing you were right. "okay....can I still cuddle you though?" he whispered, making you coo at his cuteness.

"of course, lets go"

You slowly led him back into your room off the roof, closing the window before settling down on the bed with him. "when are you going back to Busan?"

He held you, face hidden in your neck "maybe in a few days...I dont want to leave you yet if thats okay"

"okay...thats fine, but, I think I'll head back with you...."

He smiled, rubbing your back "yeah?"

"mm" you kissed his head, closing your eyes.

You were still healing. To say you fully recovered was not true, but as you sat in his arms things felt normal again, even if it would be temporary.

Perhaps you needed to be with him to fully heal, to fully be yourself. Taehyung was your other half, and he knew you better than anyone. To give this another chance is like a breath of fresh air.

Putting your pasts behind you in hopes of feeling happiness again, in hopes of both of you becoming better people for each other.

Taehyung doesnt want to leave you, ever, and you cant say you want him to.

You dont spend half of your life with someone then let them run away just because things go downhill.

If your father was in your presence, you would teach him this lesson.

When you love someone, you hold their hand and walk through hard times together, you dont let them leave over something that both of you know you would need eachother's support for. To think- you almost let him out of your grasp, you almost lost him.

And Taehyung loved you so much...that if you asked him to leave....he would have.

You dont know what the future entails, and yes, its fucking terrifying. Life is scary, theres ups and downs, and suprises and failure, but theres also a lot of love, and happiness, and success if you look hard enough.

You do hope one thing for sure, and thats that he will be at your side as you grow up, to be there when you are right and wrong, healthy or sick, happy or sad.

As you both began to pick up the pieces of what was broken, you appreciated the past, knowing you had to let it go, but it also brought you here, back into where you feel most safe.

You renovated the apartment and turned the Nursery into a craft room for Taehyungs painting. He kept all of the baby belongings in the closet, hoping for the day in the future when he would open it again and feel that sense of excitement but nervousness.

You continued work and college classes, pursuing your acting career that youve always wanted, and when you graduated, Taehyung would never let you forget how much he admired you.

He kissed your neck softly, his hand pressed into yours as he hovered above you, "so beautiful, my love...."

you bit your lip before exhaling a shaky moan "ohh..f-fuck"

"so smart....youre so perfect baby, I love you"

He kissed you gently, still moving his hips against yours as you held him close to you, fluttering your eyes shut.

things had settled into place once again.

Taehyung got offered a job as an art teacher at the college you graduated from, taking the full time position while you worked at the local theatre, producing and preforming sold out plays every weekend.

The saving money part was hard for him, he wanted to buy you anything you laid your eyes on.

"did you seriously buy the couch?!" you tossed your bag, running from the doorway to the living room to see the grey couch you had pointed out shopping with him literally the day prior.

He shrugged, "yeah...whats the big deal?"

"taehyung!" you giggled and hugged him.

He was too spontaneous for his own good.

A few years passed, and looking at your current life now, you would not believe how much had changed. You can say for the first time in a while you felt happy...and oh what an exciting and freeing feeling that was.

"I love youuuu! my baby!!!!!" taehyung danced around on the icy sidewalk outside of your apartment door, it was new years eve and he was drunk.

very...very drunk.

He pointed at you as he sang, "my babyyyy! woo!"

You giggled, sitting on the steps and recording your man child boyfriend whom you loved so much. "baby be careful dont sl-"

too late.

He fell on his ass, laughing so hard he almost puked, which of course made you laugh too.

"cmon ya big baby" you ran over and helped him inside. Midnight had already passed earlier, pre-drunk taehyung had danced with you around the living room, gifting you a small kiss once the clock read midnight.

"hm, I dont get it, whats so different about a new years kiss? its like every other one?" you laughed after his lips left yours.

"well its special because I get to be the first to kiss you in the new year" he smiled cheekily

"tae...your the only one who gets to kiss me any year" you point at him

"damn right" he snaps his fingers at you as he walks past into the other room.

Every holiday you spent with him felt special, every event, every grocery run, it all felt so much more authentic now.

You two were in your mid twenties now, and a lot of mental growth had come along with that. With pride, you can say you were better people than before, and thats why things worked so well.

You could easily live like this forever.....

it was basically an endless sleepover with your best friend. You were okay if you could come home and see his face waiting for you on the couch.

Your sweet boy.

You had no idea what was gonna happen next, whether that was marriage, or another attempt at having kids- you felt ready.

Ready to give him anything he wanted in return for him saving you.

You could do anything, be anywhere or anyone, in good or bad conditions, and you will still only crave him.

Your lover.

You want him for months

for years

for eternity...

For Forever And A Day.

And God knows he felt the same.

-

A/N- wow guys....this is it....I cannot thank you enough for reading my first story on here, im not perfect at writing but you guys keep me motivated and confident in my work, and I love you for that. This will not be the end of this couple, we still have the Epilogue as well as eventual drabbles.

You guys are amazing. ily.

-Nini

taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[romanarose]

You Are Not Alone

fem!Reader x The Moon Boys

Summary: After a halfhearted attempt, you check yourself into the hospital for a stay in the psychiatric unit, and as always, your boys are there to help you.

WARNINGS: Suicide attempt (not shown), self-harm (not shown just talked about), blood mentions, depression, bulimia, eating disorders, food mentions and eating is shown, some self-ableist language from Marc and reader (marc calling himself crazy, reader saying she didn't 'do' and eating disorder right). neither of these are correct, but sometimes mentally ill (including myself) have these thoughts. Marc is kinda anti-treatment. not like, completely but he's hesitant, got trauma from the duat. shitty medical professionals, so much fucking crying, sex jokes, dark humor, mentions of rough sex/ass eating in joking context. If I missed anything lmk.

a/n: In my head Marc is a secret Star Wars nerd and I only have one single piece of evidence for this, but it's my Marc Spector and he and I are the same so I'll make him however I want to

*******************

“Hey baby” Marc gently nudged you as you slept on his lap. “They got a room for you.”

You stir, forgetting for a moment where you were. The white room, bright lights and exam bed confused you until you remember. God, what time was it? How long had you been out? You remember falling asleep on Marc’s shoulder as the ER room you were in tried to find you a bed to stay in on your mandatory hold. You look up at Marc’s tired, sad face, and knew he must’ve moved you, staying up while you slept on him, and you felt the pang of guilt you had been feeling in different forms all month. Of course he was tired, dumbass, you woke him up at 1 am halfway through an half-hearted attempt at suicide.

The panic on his face was seared into the back of your head, as were his frantic rambling of ‘fuck, fuck, fuck’ ‘Show me everywhereyou hurt yourself’ and ‘Baby, why?’ That he didn’t really give you a chance to answer. You simply stood there crying as he took care of you, wrapping you up in a few bandages, a few more than probably necessarily, telling him you were sorry, over and over and over until Jake took Marc’s panicking body to hold you, steady you. Steven insisted on the hospital stay. They had all noticed you spiraling lately, and had tried to help; picking up your slack on the cleaning and cooking, dragging you outside to get air, showering you in affection, but it didn’t help, as much as you were grateful. Steven packed a bag as you silently continued crying as you laid on the bed. Your favorite squishmellow, lots of fuzzy socks since your feet get cold, baby Yoda pj bottoms (with the drawstring taken out), and Carrie by Stephan King, which he did not look at but was the first book he grabbed. 

They had taken you into the ER, helping you filling out the paper worker and telling you how proud they were of you for coming to them for help, Steven a bit more frantic and rambling, and Marc quieter than usual but you couldn’t stop feeling bad. Were you just being dramatic? Over reacting? You had barely done anything, you could’ve just wrapped yourself up and stuck to long sleeves for a while. You thought about the first time you tried. Highschool, in the bathtub, listening to a P!nk album on the CD player. It didn’t work. You had just sat there, waiting… waiting… waiting… and it didn’t work. You hadn’t done enough. But by that point, you were just exhausted, too exhausted to make a second go of things. So you cleaned up, and walked out into the living room like nothing happened, and watched Community with your mom and brother. You had felt rather stupid then, as you did now. 

“Baby?” Marc started, as you didn’t reply to him. “Are you…” he almost said ‘are you okay?’ but considering where you were, the answer was pretty obvious. 

You get up, looking at the EMT’s, then back at Marc confused.

He clarified for you. “They have to take you in the ambulance, it’s just procedure”

“Oh… can you come with me?”

He looked at the EMT’s and got his answer brushing your messy hair down. “‘fraid not, honey. But we’ll be in first thing visiting hours okay?”

You are suddenly very nervous, very tired, and very overwhelmed. You want to be asleep in your own bed, with Marc holding you. “Marc” You mumble, turning into him. “I wanna go home”

You hear Jake’s calm, assured voice. “I know, bebita. But I think this is what you need right now. We’ll get you the help you need, you just need to rest for a bit, okay? We’ll call your work, take care of everything.” He sounded to sure, you trusted your Jake.

You nod, too tired to fight it “Okay”

Marc held your hand as you sat on the stretcher, feeling ridiculous, but you had convinced them you didn’t need to be restrained, thank god. When you got to the ambulance, one got in the drivers seat and the other took a few steps back to allow you a moment. Marc held your head, his beautiful brown eyes shining at you as he tried to smile and hold back tears. “It’s gonna be alright. Do whatever they need you to do here, and you’ll be out in a few days, a brand new start, okay”

“You’re gonna visit me, right?”

Marc looked a little broken when he heard that. “Baby, of course we’re gonna visit, we’d never leave you alone like this, ever”

“It’s just… when I went in college… no one visited me, the whole time…”

He cradled you close to his chest, the EMT motioning they needed to get going. “That was before. You have us now, and you’ll never be alone.”

But riding in the ambulance, checking into the bright hospital, having the sympathetic nurse checking you for weapons or other injuries… you hadn’t felt so alone in a long time.

Marc was not thrilled about Steven insisting on the hospital. He had never liked hospitals much, and after his time in the duat, the thoughts he had of psychiatric hospitals weren’t great. Steven had to tell him again and again, the duat was not in a real psych ward, real psych wards aren’t like that. ‘Frankly mate, I’m not entirely sure psych ward is politically correct anymore’. Marc insisted they were all you needed, he didn’t want to leave you alone, and he certainly didn’t think these people knew better about taking care of you than he did, and he told you as such when he visited.

“Places like this are meant for people a lot worse off than you.” He grumbled, holding you on the bed you in a room you thankfully got alone. 

Idiota, that’s not what you’re suppuosed to say!

Marc, please, places like this can help a lot of people, at least allow her to try.

“I’m sorry” You mumble, still tired from the previous night, where they had woken you up to take a blood sample and you had fallen back asleep with the needle in your arm. You start crying again, something you had done on and off all day. 

Marc quickly realized his mistake, holding you tighter and turning you to him. “No, no baby I don’t mean it like that, it’s not a bother, it’s just… these places are for crazy people, like me”

Your eyes widen at that, face drastically changing to serious. “Marc, stop that, you know I don’t like you talking about yourself like that” You may be a mess, but you will not stand for your precious boyfriend to call himself names. “You are not crazy”

Marc wouldn’t let up. “If they heard me talking to Jake and Steven, they’d throw me in a straight jacket and toss me on that empty bed” He smiled, trying to joke.

“No” You shake your head. “Don’t talk like that, I mean it. Other people might think that, but that’s because they don’t get it. I know you, and I know Jake and Steven, and none of you are crazy, so please stop saying that.” You pleaded with him.

His face softened, kissing you on the forehead. “I’m sorry, I’ll stop.”

You nuzzle into his chest. “And straitjacket, Marc? What is this, American Horror Story: Asylum? I don’t think they use those anymore” But you’re smiling now.

“Of course, how silly of me.” He laid with you for a while, just to take you in. He missed you.

“It’s probably a good thing I’m here” You say quietly, and he looks at you again. “I’ve been thinking about doing it all day.”

When it was Steven’s turn, your favorite nurse printed out some free Star Wars coloring pages for you and Steven to color on. 

“I feel like a child” You say, but you're secretly enjoying yourself.

“Healing your inner child, that’s what they say, innit?” Steven was very very carefully drawing Luke Skywalker on Dagobah. 

“I don’t think it’s my inner child that needs healing, I think it’s my inner teen. I had a fun childhood, even if it was a bit crazy. I never really got to be a teen”

“Well love, if you want to be a crazy teenager, we can go drink vodka in a corn field if that will make you happy”

You laugh, remembering the stories your classmates would beguile you with on Monday mornings, wishing that was you. “Sounds good darling. I’ll call my friend next time we visit, she’ll be happy to let us live out my teenage dream on her farm.”

“Think she’ll let us have a quickie in her tractor?” Steven smiles cheekily at you.

“Steven!” You giggle, wondering if anyone heard you. “And the answer is gonna be no.” you lean to him over the table “but we don’t have to tell her”

Steven holds up his drawing "I'm making it for Marc, think he'll like it?"

You giggle, holding up yours "Oh my god baby, im making mine for Marc too!"

Jake laid on the bed with you, reading Carrie, she was just going batshit on the prom night. “Dios mio princessa” He checked the cover “This is what Steven packed you to read? You’re supposed to be relaxing.”

“Keep going!”

“I’ll bring you a new book tomorrow, something more appropriate” he grumbled, before finding the page again.

“Honey, most of my books are depressing YA John Green books, Steven King, or depressing adult books, none of them are fitting”

“The Handmaid’s Tale?”

“Literally about government sanctioned sex slaves”

“Count of Monte Christo?”

“Baby that books depressing as hell”

“The Fault in Our Stars?”

“Jake!” You laugh. “How can you even say that, I made you watch that movie with me!”

Jake rolled his eyes. “You know I feel asleep half way through”

“He dies in the end!”

“Can’t you just… read up until that part?”

You rest your head on Jake’s chest. “No, now read to me about the mass murder of a bunch of high schoolers to relax me”

You felt Jake chuckle, but he continued.

Due to covid regulations, visiting hours were shorter than usual, and they had to leave before diner time. “We’ll be back tomorrow, I promise. Same time.” Marc swore.

“And you’ll call tonight?”

“Of course. Make sure to call the numbers we gave you, if you’re feeling up to it.” Marc had been put in charge of letting your mom, brother, Layla, and a few close friends know. Everyone, unfortunately, lived in different parts of the county, but they wanted to talk during your stay so he wrote down the phone numbers if you wanted to call.

“Thank you, baby“ But you stayed wrapped around his chest. You couldn’t help but feel you were disappointing him still by being in here. 

“Love, we have to go, you call us any time you want to talk, okay?” Steven assured you.

Slowly, you pull off of them. “Okay.”

You get a phone from the nurse and call him as soon as the door closes. An The Office marathon was on ABC, so Jake turned the channel on the home TV to ABC. You didn’t talk, simply laying the phone beside you as you watched, knowing they were there “watching” with you.

“I think my psychiatrist thinks I’m lazy” You say the next day as Marc rubs your back.

He pauses, looking at you, concerned. “What do you mean?”

“Baaaabbbeeeee don’t stop that”

Marc couldn’t help chuckle, continuing his back rub. “Okay, now continue”

“Well, the first morning here, it was like 9 when he woke me up and he said ‘you’re still asleep’ all judgy”

Frown deepening, Marc fought the urge to march up to the desk and cause a scene like a helicopter parent. “You got in there at, what, 4 am?”

You nod. “And he did it again this morning. I just said ‘Oh, I’m sorry, do I have somewhere to be?’”

Despite his annoyance with your psych, he laughed. “Good one, sweetheart”

You smile “not my best work. I’ll come up with something better in a few days and call back”

“I’ll help you brainstorm” Marc promised.

“We’ll get him good. Jake and Steven can help”

“Oooohhhh no. Jake’s version of help is murder, and Steven would emotionally devastate him so bad he’d never recover”

You laugh, and it feels good… You wait for a moment before speaking. “I’m diebetic”

He stops at that, and you whine, but it doesn’t work this time. He looks at you with worry. “What? Baby, sit up, please?”

You comply, sitting up to look at him, and you can help but feel like you messed up again. “I’m sorry”

“No” Marc moved in on the bed, taking you in for a comforting hug. “You didn’t do anything wrong”

“But I did” You start to cry, and jesus christ how much are you going to cry in these three days. “I got it because I eat too much-”

“No” Jake cuts in before you can finish. “You do not eat too much. Please, don’t go down this road, we just got you to a healthy place with food, please don’t undo all your progress”

You had put in a lot of work into recovering from your eating disorder, and you could tell they were worried this would make you spiral.

Still, you argue. “If I was better at having an eating disorder, I wouldn’t have this problem.”

Jake looked horrified. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It mean I ate too fucking much Jake, if I had more control, I wouldn’t have!” You scoot away from him, annoyed at yourself. “Did I have an eating disroder or did I just eat too much?”

“Amor, bulimia is an eating disorder” He spoke carefully, but you were too angry at yourself to let him in.

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child!”

“Then stop acting like one!”

A pregnant silence hangs in the air before you speak. “Get out.”

“No” Jake was firm.

“Go! I know you’re all mad at me anyway so just leave me here!”

His face softened, and you felt sick at his pity. “Mi vida… you think we’re mad at you?”

“Yes!” You all-but sob out.

Steven broke through. “Heavens, love, why would you ever think such a thing?”

“Because I woke you up and you guys need your sleep and I scared the shit out of Marc and now you have to deal with me and now you have to deal with a diabetic girlfriend and-”

Steven interrupted you with a hug that nearly knocked you over. He let you cry in his arms until you calmed down. “My darling, you scared all of us, but we’d rather be woken up every night than for you to have to deal with this alone, we swear. You aren’t a burdon, you aren’t a problem. I’m no doctor, I don’t know if your bulimia had an effect on your diabeties, but if it did, then that is a symptom of an illness you suffered for years.”

“My psych… he told me to lose 20 pounds and then sent me on my way…”

I’m going to fucking kill him

“Tell Jake he can’t kill him”

God dammit

“Darling” Steven pulled back to look at you. “It was not okay that he said that. He is a psychiatrist, not a dietitian or a nutritionist, and he is not your doctor. He shouldn’t say those things, especially given your history with eating disorders.”

“You don’t… you don’t think I need to lose weight?”

“No.” Marc said firmly. “We don’t. Let’s get you set up with a specialist and see what you need to do to manage this, but we’re not letting you fall back into bulimia if we can help it”

“Okay.” You flop back on the bed, becoming him to massage you again. ”I’m gonna have so many fucking appointments. A permanant psych” you glance up at Marc “One who isn’t that guy, and a therapist”

“That’s good, you’re getting the help you need.” Marc affirms.

You wait for a moment. “I thought… I thought you were against all this…” 

Marc flops down on the bed beside you “Listen, I’m sorry if I was… unenthusatic. It’s hard for me to accept help, and sometimes I think I can just… if I love you enough and am there enough, I can fix everything”

Yo touch his pretty, stubbled face, you can tell he didn’t sleep much last night either. “You’re enough for me, enough for my love. My mind just needs a little extra help.”

“I just gotta… look at it different. The meds, the therapy, it’s not the enemy”

“It’s a sidekick” You smile at him.

He laughed. “Yeah, they can be or sidekick”

“I love you guys”

“And we love you”

You squeal, jumping into Jake’s arms as he came to pick you up the next day. “Jakey!!!”

He grinned at you, scooping you up. “Hola, muneca, como estas?”

“Bien!” You kiss him as he sets you down. “Y tu?”

“Bien, ahora que estoy contigo. Now, do you have everything?”

You open your backpack to double check. “Discharge papers, safety plan, prescription, appointments, doctors notes for work, grippy socks I get to keep, yup all here!”

Jake smiled, you seemed to be doing better. “And you finished the book?”

After the Carrie fiasco, Jake stopped by Barnes and Noble and picked up a copy of Jurassic Park for you too read.

“Yes! Can we watch Jurassic Park when we get home?”

Jake knew this would happen. You’d want to watch Jurassic Park. Again. You always made him put it on when you were drunk. On the plus side, Dr. Alan Grant would inevitably make you insanely horny. 

“Of course we can. AFTER, we safety proof the apartment”

You groan, loudly. “We don’t actually have to do all that”

“We most definitely do.” Marc had been there with your social worker, promised to de-suicide the apartment, as you called it. No one thought you were funny. “No ropes-”

“How will you tie me up?”

“No razors-”

“How will I shave my asshole for you?”

“No belts-”

“But what will you whip me with”

“No- Cielos! I never whipped you!”

“Not for my lack of trying” You wink.

“Hostia, what am I going to do with you?”

You take his hand as you walk, Jake carrying your backpack. “Fuck me right and make me food”

“And drive you to therapy” He teases you, giving your hand a squeeze.

You nudge him “I was born to sit pretty in the passenger seat”

Jake gave you a tender kiss on the forehead. “And sit pretty you do”

You wave to your favorite nurse. “Bye, see you next time!”

The nurse was not thrilled.

Marc kissed rought your hand to his mouth, kissing the knuckles. “There’s my girl” Your hands were dry. You must not have gotten any lotion. You giggle, swinging his hand while you walked. “Are you feeling better, sweetheart?”

You turn to look at him, smiling softly. “I am, actually. Not perfect, but I think the break is what I needed.”

“How are the new meds?”

You shrug “Probably won't be able to tell for a while, on the anti-depressants. The anti-anxiety is great, haven't felt this relaxed in ages.”

“What was the other one?”

“Mood stabilizer. We’ll have to see on that one too.”

“Hm.” Marc opened the door for you, before letting Jake take over, since Marc hated driving.

You sit one the couch, eating your Taco Bell and drinking your McDonalds iced coffee. God you missed iced coffee. Jake grumbled the whole time at Taco Bell. He must really love you if he said the words “One mexican pizza, one crunch wrap supreme, and a baja blast, please” without dry heaving, and paid for it too. 

“Missed one” You point at a belt thrown in the corner of the studio apartment, taking a massive bite of your mexican pizza.

“This would be a lot easier if you put your clothes away” Marc said, with no real malice.

You take a big ole sip of your iced coffee. “This would be a lot easier if you didn’t undress me and bend me over every surface of the apartment”

“How can you wash down fake mexican food with iced coffee? That’s disgusting”

“How can you eat my ass, that’s disgusting”

Marc paused, holding the belt he was gathering. He turned to you with a rare, wide grin on his mouth, lips curled up a bit. “God I’ve missed you”

You talk with your mouth full. “I’ve been gone three days”

“No… I mean…” He looked a little sad. “You’ve been here but not… here. God that doesn’t make sense.” Steven took over, better with words. “You were different. Like you had mentally checked out, were just going through the motions. We were really worried about you, darling.”

You put down your Mexican pizza, fighting the urge to take another giant bite but knowing this isn’t the time.

“I’m sorry”

Steven set down the items, and joined you on the couch. He was going to take your hand, but you were double fisting a baja blast and iced coffee. “Don’t be sorry. We’re not going to make you promise to come to us if you are feeling down, I know it can be hard just… just know we’d rather be woken up before you hurt yourself, okay? We’re always here for you. You aren't alone anymore.”

You leaned your head on his shoulder. “I know baby, I’ll try.”

Steven rested his head on yours and closed his eyes, taking in a peaceful, quiet moment for you. 

Well, quiet until he heard the loud slurp of you finishing your pop.

***************

A/N: I was hositalized summer of 2020. It was voluntary, and I didn't attempt yet. It had been a hard time as it was for everyone, im not special. I moved out of my grandparents basement and a week later lost both jobs to covid. My friend had already suggested I make a go bag (she had been hospitalized before). I got into a fight with my sister over BLM and her shit ass boyfriend, and that was the last straw. For various reasons, no one visited me in the hospital. My parents lived in another state (not that my dad would come anyway) my aunt who lived in town thought that visits were closed due to covid, and my grandparents in town absolutely could not leave the house since this was prevaccine. I texted my aunt to please let my mom know where i was going as I drove over there. she emmidetly called me and said she was on her way, and helped me check in. She picked me up when I got out and had me stay with her family for a few days to keep an extra eye out.

My uncle and little cousins all were so nice and sweet sharing their space, mom came and visited, as did my other aunt (my dad, interestingly, did not). At the psych ward i called a childhood bestie whose number i have memorized, and when i got out, another friend called me as soon as she heard. Had a lot of love an d support many don't have. but none of that is going to take away how lonely I felt in the psych ward. So i just wanted to write something to redue that expiernce.

Also, all the stuff the psych said to the reader in this, my psych said to me. yeah, just told me to lose 20 pounds and acted like i was wierd for sleepin in past 9. i deadass did ask him if i had somewhere to be. like wtf.

anyway, self indulgent as always. Hope you enjoy anyway.

taggging the usuals.

@howaboutcastiel @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @welcometostayingawake @in-between-the-cafes @lucianadraven32 @ninebluehearts @ahookedheroespureheart @jake-g-lockley

[guavagyu]

blush - y.jh

this is part 3 of the eyeshadow series!

request: “request: jeonghan fanfic where new stylist/makeup artist and jeonghan fall in love? slow burn, sexual tension, secret relationship typa thang ;) <3!”

smut probably next or 2nd next part? idk

ITALIC WORDS REPRESENT THOUGHTS!

[prev.] [next]

wc: 970

contents: slice of life ig, fluff, humor (im such a comedian el em eff ay oh), afab!reader, tall!reader (178 cm or 5’10), stylist!reader, makeup-artist!reader, model!jeonghan, swearing, non-idol!au, swearing, lmk if there r more!

recap:

yup. this is great. gotta clean. ugh why did i agree to my place?? you just decided to let later-you to worry about it and prepared for bed.

——

friday - y/n’s pov!

——

@hannie_hae:

hi! you still up for 3:00? :)

fuck. your phone read 2:17 pm. you had gotten distracted from all of your other friday endeavors, and jeonghan’s visit totally slipped your mind. you rushed to get off the couch, and begin to clean. you had until 2:30, and then you’d take the shortest shower of all eternity, and then hastily make yourself presentable. ‘A+’ for planning skills, a big fat ‘F’ for time management. and so, all that planning was what you did. you practically ran around your apartment with a vacuum whilst spraying the couches with leather cleaner. after grabbing two rags, one to wipe the tables and the couches down, you moved on to the mop for the kitchen. you clorox-wiped more than anyone had ever clorox-wiped. the clock read 2:27. wow, i probably broke some sort of record. so, you had an extra 2-ish minutes to waste in the shower. just kidding, you had to be as quick as possible, it’d be horrible for jeonghan to arrive before you were ready.

god damn, the clock read 2:54 and you were more finished than gordon ramsay’s beef wellington. your hair was dry, and looked amazing. your makeup was subtle, and your tshirt and sweatpants were..okay maybe not the best wardrobe choice, but it’s not like you’re visiting a 3 michelin star restaurant, allow yourself to be comfortable in your own home!

the clock just turned to 3:01 when jeonghan knocked on your door,

“hi! come in,” you smiled, silently relieved for him to be just as casual as you were. a black hoodie, grey sweatpants, and some sneakers. he gave you a small "hi!" and took off his shoes, "uh, you can sit on the couch, please make yourself at home! ill be right back, ill get some makeup stuff," you walked back to your bathroom while jeonghan unpacked the things he brought with him and settled down on the couch, looking around everywhere, tapping his fingers on the arm, waiting for your return. and a few minutes later, you returned with..a lot of makeup, to say the least,

"woah, that's a lot," jeonghan giggled, making you laugh,

"yeah,"

"um..how long do you think we'll need for all of this?" he asked,

"oh, we don't have to do all of this, just more options," you gave a small smile as you organized them into their respective categories,

"oh okay, i mean i have time, i was just curious, it's not that i dont want to be here i-" he rambled on, clearly a bit flustered, his ears and cheeks tinting an adorable pink,

"jeonghan, you're fine, let's just get on with it, alright?" you put your hand on top of his, calming him down a little bit,

"o-okay," he smiled, blushing harder but giving a small thumbs up, cute,

"awesome, where should we start? what concepts should we practice?" you looked through the outrageously large pile (that had been organized by you),

"let's start simple, maybe let's just work with colors for now, how about blue?" jeonghan suggested,

"whatever you feel like is fine by me," and you started on a simple blue themed look,

----

2 hours later, 5:09 pm

----

after 2 hours of trying out makeup looks, palettes littering the table, a pile of used makeup wipes in a trash can,

"alright, i think that's enough for your skin today," you smiled, noticing his reddening face, "did i do too much?"

"no no, you're fine, don't worry," jeonghan reassured you, giving the cutest giggle ever,

"okay, if you say so. can i get you some water or anything? we've been sitting for a while," you asked, realizing you forgot to offer when he first arrived,

"yeah, some water would be great!" he smiled, leaning back into the cushions,

"sure!" you headed to the kitchen, soon returning with a glass of water, "that good?"

"it's awesome, thanks!" ugh, is he always this cute? it makes me want to pin him down and- woah. that was, um, wow. that was quite the intrusive thought if i do say so myself. ha. ha. ha. during this thought segment of yours, you ended up zoning out..directly staring at jeonghan, causing him to be flustered, confused, then concerned. he thought there was something on his face, but after calling your name out a few times,

"hey, y/n?" he waved a hand in front of your face, knocking you back to reality,

"huh? what? im so sorry, just zoned out for a bit," you awkwardly laughed, flustered from your thoughts,

"you're good, but i think i'm going to head out now, thank you so much for having me over!" he smiled again, ugh that smile is going to kill me,

"no problem, anytime! make sure you don't forget anything here," you said as you prepared to open the door,

"yup, got everything, thanks again!" he gave the most adorable wave as he walked through the door, leaving, making you return to gather your makeup, put the trash can back, and collapse on the couch. you sigh, a smile settling on your face from what seemed to be a successful meeting. but..those thoughts you had were quite interesting.

--

jeonghan's pov!

--

holy shit. thank the lord i was able to leave before i had a meltdown. why did i think that me being close to y/n for so long would be okay for me to handle? wait..when they stared at me..were they actually starting at ME? or..did they actually zone out? fuck, why am i stuck with y/n? it's only sooner or later they find out about my dumbass crush on them

--

y/n's pov!

--

what the hell was i thinking? zoning out like that while staring at him? jeonghan probably thinks he’s stuck working with a creep. this is great.

--

© guavagyu 2023. all rights reserved. plagiarization, reposting, translating, and/or rewriting ANY and ALL of my works is prohibited.

[davejade-daily]

we return from sudden hiatus. please take this as an offering

sburban coffee pt 4

Jade hums quietly to herself as she fiddles with the lock. It’s a stupid lock. You have to jiggle the key in a certain way, while also holding the handle down and pushing against the door. Not great when you’ve got full hands. She has kicked this door many a time in frustration, and said some Karkat-worthy things to it. This door is her worst enemy. Click. Finally. The door whines on old hinges as she pushes it open slowly, stepping into the apartment. John must not be home yet, she notes.

She flips on the lights, illuminating the rather cramped but cozy room, and steps out of the doorway, carefully checking the surrounding area for pranks of any sort. You can never be too careful when living with John. She tosses her bag onto the couch (green, soft, had only cost them $300, and her favourite thing in the world). The room is kind of a mess, but that’s to be expected with how busy she is, and two boys living there with her. Granted, Jake is kind of a part-time tenant, but his presence in the apartment is... noticable, to say the least. Jade doesn’t mind cleaning, but these days she never has the time for it, and can only guiltily watch the mess grow. She steps into the kitchen, pointedly ignoring the dirty dishes beginning to slowly accumulate and contemplates the refridgerator. The options aren’t much, but, regardless, she grabs some old pizza, settling at the little bar-counter that takes up part of the wall to finish up some classwork.

A while later, she hears the door click open, and a crash that is probably John tripping over all the shoes at the door again. She leans back in her seat, glancing down the hall.

JADE: john. are you good?

JOHN: yes jade, i am perfectly fine.

JOHN: who put all these shoes here!!

JADE: you did. theyre all your shoes, john

JOHN: i really don’t think they’re all mine.

JOHN: how can they all be mine?!

JOHN: this one isn’t even my size! it looks more like yours.

JOHN: these are your stinky dog converse, jade.

Jade hears a thump, presumably John kicking the shoes aside.

JADE: i move mine out of the walkway!! like a normal person!!!

JADE: besides, im not the one who nearly died on them

JADE: operator error

JOHN: operator of what. am i commander shoe shoe now?

JADE: operator of your legs

JOHN: at least i’m not that guy. you know?

JOHN: vriska’s... friend?

JOHN: the one who lost his legs in a terrible, terrible chainsaw related accident.

JOHN: jade, be respectful of him. at least i have legs.

She can hear him coming down the hall on his aforementioned legs, and a moment later, he’s poking his head into the doorway of her room. Jade herself is attempting to write a hefty paper for her chemistry class. The work is fine – fun, even – but the pages and pages of words she needs to somehow summon from the depths of her brain? She could do without those.

JADE: hey!! how was your day?

JOHN: long. very long. longer than one of dave’s rambles.

JADE: sounds pretty long indeed!!

John flops down on the floor next to her bed, letting out the longest sigh Jade has ever heard. She bonks the side of his head with her foot, and he shoves it away, turning to face her and resting his head on his arms on her bed.

JOHN: some lady pinched my cheeks. she said i looked like her grandson.

JOHN: it took like 5 minutes to get her to leave me alone. it was terrible!

JADE: awwww but you do have such pinchable cheeks!!

She leans forward and squishes his face, giggling as he makes a disgruntled face that really only looks silly. John makes a loud noise in complaint.

JADE: DID YOU JUST LICK ME!!!

JOHN: maybe.

JADE: im never giving you another free drink again!!!!

JADE: youll have to pay. like a SUCKER!!

JADE: a CHUMP, EVEN!!!!!!

JADE: ill have karkat make fun of you the whole time too

JOHN: you wouldn’t!!

Jade just shoves John’s head away, resulting in a oomph from the latter.

JADE: actually, yes i would!!! and i WILL

John makes a face at her again, which she ignores.

JADE: oh! by the way, i forgot to ask but do you know if jake is coming in tonight?

JOHN: i think so.

JADE: i hope he gets here okay. i heard it was going to rain

Jade glances out the small window beside her bed. The city lights shine back at her, illuminating the many buildings and cramped streets. She’s always loved the view, having spent many a night just staring out the window, watching the cars on the streets and the few faint stars visible in the city travel across the sky. That very same sky is now full of ominous clouds, and rain does seem imminent.

She hopes Jake will be there in time for the party. The last time she’d talked to him, he’d mentioned that he hadn’t been sure if he’d make it.

They’ve just said their goodnights and gone off to their seperate rooms when the front door slams open. A tired but cheerful British voice rings out.

JAKE: Oi, is anybody home? Its pouring bloody buckets out there. I could fill a tub with how much water i seem to have absorbed!

There’s two loud thumps as Jake apparently tosses his shoes - into a wall? It’s dark. Maybe he misssed? There’s more kerfuffling as Jake manages to make more noise than a blind dog in an item-filled room.

Jade groans and slides out of bed, grabbing her glasses and stuffing her feet into her fluffy slippers.

JOHN: shut it jake, i’m trying to sleeeeep.

Jade stumbles over to her door, opening it and rubbing at her eyes as she walks down the hall, glasses-less and adjusting to all the lights Jake has somehow turned on within thirty seconds of stepping in the door. She puts her glasses on as she steps into the kitchen, her cousin coming into sharp focus. He gives her a goofy wave, smiling warmly.

JAKE: Jade!!

JADE: jake!!!!

They hug. Jake is wet and smells like manly british man smells. Jade pulls away after a second, slightly damp and makes a face in Jake’s general direction. She then notices a faint trail of wet footprints and internally sighs.

JADE: i thought you said you weren’t going to make it?

JAKE: I wasnt! But then some things happened and it started raining there too so i got off work early and was able to get a flight in just the nick of time!

JADE: thats awesome!!

JADE: do you uh, want to dry off?

JADE: youre dripping on my kitchen floor :(

JAKE: Oh! Uh. Right.

Jake shakes his head like a wet dog, spraying water everywhere. Jade yelps, as it was the last thing she could have possibly expected him to do. Well. Okay. She’s known Jake for almost her whole life; this is actually pretty in character for him.

JADE: jake!!!!!

Jake laughs and gives her a cheeky wink. She gives him her best glare, but after a few seconds, breaks down into giggles.

JOHN: what is going on.

JOHN: can’t a man sleep around here?

JOHN: hi jake, nice to see you at ass o’clock.

JAKE: Howdy to you too john!

He slaps John so hard on the back that there is an audible THWAP. Jake grins. Jade sighs, longsuffering and fondly.

JOHN: OW.

JOHN: as you would say, boy shitting howdy!!

JAKE: Nothing like a hearty slap to get the blood moving huh?

JADE: okay guys i think jake should take a shower and dry off

JADE: its great to see you!! but im really tired

JADE: if youre hungry theres food in the fridge

JOHN: how am i supposed to sleep after that strong manly slap?

JADE: just try john, im sure you can

JAKE: Roger that, miss!

JADE: jake

JAKE: Jade.

They make eye contact and stare at each other for a moment before going their seperate ways. John is making loud grumbling noises as he disappears into his room, with the occassional OW MY BACK. Jade is mostly sure he’s joking.

JADE: goodnight!!

[actualbird]

eventhough everyone has reached the general consensus that main story luke is pre-"personal story character development" luke... I just can't help but wish that he'd rely on rosa more :"-(

i wonder how post character development luke approach to his deteriorating health and coming clean with rosa?

(holding back the urge to shake luke pearce and bump heads cause *THIS IS NOT WHO YOU ARE LUKE... REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE*)

on another note: i wonder how they'll handle the nxx boys in future main story chapters like... are personal stories technically canon divergences now??? i get that not everyone would be playing every nxx boy's personal story and they're probably trying to make it fair

thank you zak actualbird for basically being the fandom's go to ramble spot- *shakes your hand 🤝🤝🤝* i hope you don't mind me rambling here :"-)

// spoilers for tot main story 9

IT'S RLLY SADDENING RIGHT......just goes to show how important the personal story arcs are for the boys, especially for luke. like, not to say that luke's is the best or most important, All the boys' personal story arcs are key to their development. it's just that with luke....his personal story makes him fundamentally change his view on his own life and whether or not it's worth valuing himself, believing in hope, and letting others help

"i wonder how post character development luke approach to his deteriorating health and coming clean with rosa?" this is pretty clearly answered already by the non main story luke stories!! particularly luke's blossom chapter 1-4 and then his anniversary card SSR Under the Milky Way, because that whole over-arching plot tackles not just the confession of his romantic feelings but the confession of his illness that hes kept secret for so long. in a way, luke's illness and his true feelings are inextricably linked and intertwined.

though another card story i wanna bring up is SSR A Dream of Benji, because that tackles a luke After hes told mc about his illness and then tackles how he'd seek support now that she knows. fantastic card, i cannot recommend it enough!!!

as for whether or not personal stories are "canon divergences".....i more see them like, "Divergences That Are Still Canon" if that makes sense? like in my mind, it;s kinda like how the event story gameplay went for Mysteries of the Lost Gold. all of mc's respective routes with each boy are Canon, but they cant have happened all at once simply because she cannot clone herself. all are Canon, but different Routes of canon leading to the similar end point that the event story had to get to.......is this a schrondinger's cat situation? frankly i dont like thinking too much about timelines and canonicity bc it just gives me a headache, the logistics are everywhere jHVKJAVFAKSJHVFAKJ

(also thank u for diagnosing me as The Place To Be for rambles jhvjVKJHSKDF i deffo dont mind u rambling here and i just hope all these ramblings are enjoyable in some way ;w;)