#ill post fandom stuff tomorrow maybe

[fangomango]

My thoughts have made me sad and stressed enough for today

I'll continue typing out my thoughts tomorrow rn I need scene music

(Warming I went in a huge ramble in the tags, it's very odd 😶)

[hwsforeignrelations]

Everybody learns at their own pace everybody learns in their own time everybody everybody learns at the time best for them everybody-

[sparring-spirals]

hello. to the person who sent me the ask about how to navigate fandom being kind of Blegh especially after. Exciting (contentious) moments like these. hello i am. Incredibly tired and the quick answer I wanted to give has ballooned intonlike 15 paragraphs i am not coherent enough to edit down rn so. instead. my Most Critical TL;DR so i can edit and post the ask tmr.

FUCK this still got long. putting a readmore in sorry.

- Do not feel bad about curating your fandom experience! Seriously. Blocking people or even not acknowledging certain people's posts does not have to be like. A moral judgement or anything. Follow people who you want to follow. Get friends who you can yell privately with.

- Do not feel bad about stepping away if seeing discussion and discourse is making you feel objectively Worse. Fandom is not a moral obligation, and you dont do yourself or anyone else a favor by continuing to look at things that upset you and making yourself feel worse. I cannot emphasize this enough. If looking at fandom stuff is exclusively making you feel worse, do yourself a kind gesture and. stop looking. u can leave. hit da bricks. etc.

- like related to the above, unfortunately there will always be some people who are just. Wrong On The Internet. You will not convince or correct them all. Nor can you stop them from posting. This is kind of something you just need to live with. Discussion and exploration of various views can be very beneficial! Just like. Yknow. Pick your battles.

- IMO People get really weird about character conflict and it gets quickly into Morally Right Vs Morally Wrong territory PLUS weird projections onto the cast. I have lots of opinions about this but i need to sleep so lets just say. People get weird. Emotions run high. feel free to disengage.

- There's been a lot of Events in the campaign recently, and being disappointed one way or another is understandable. There are different ways to approsch that particular sensation/feeling, but I'd say the biggest thing thats helped me is generally steering away from assuming malice or ill intent from the cast, as well as avoiding getting too caught up in assuming the story I am expecting is the only good iteration that can be told.

oh god this got so long. anyway sorry to the asker ill post the answer maybe tomorrow once ive slept and like. can edit. hopefully this is helpful in the meantime. to folks following me who did Not ask for me on a soapbox. i am very sorry. there will be more.

[clementinecoastline]

20 questions for writers

i was tagged by @isnt-it-pretty! thank you for the tag!!! this looks so fun!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

currently 4 (but there's another on the way soon)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

30,992 atm !!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i've posted my work for haikyuu!! and genshin, but i also write for mdzs/cql and honestly. whatever fandom gets my attention. (i have an inuyasha wip im working on, and some orv stuff too)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

i actually only have 4 works but:

follow the tide (with the monsters on your shoulder) for genshin

the world is simplified for kings (to them, all men are subjects) for haikyuu!! (yeah the title is really long but. i'm fond of it)

to touch the sun (and keep on soaring) for haikyuu!!

i will die facing the sun for haikyuu!!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

as far as i know, i've responded to every comment i've received !!! i love engaging with my readers. it's also easier since i don't have any really popular fics.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don't tend to write unhappy endings and i also only have 4 fics posted. but to touch the sun might have the angstiest ending in the sense that tooru's issues still aren't resolved by the end of the fic. my snf au (current wip) ends on a bittersweet note on account of the mcd inherent to the premise.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

my happiest ending so far is probably the world is simplified for kings, since the brazil fling get to have a nice time as they fall in love with volleyball. i will die facing the sun also has an optimistic ending, but it isn't guaranteed that oikawa will win at the olympics.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i'm not well known enough for that LOL

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i haven't yet but it's in the cards !!!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i don't write crossovers for the most part. i write fusions/AUs and those can get pretty wild. the craziest is probably my wolf's rain au. i don't think i'll ever write a crossover but i wouldn't count it out!! i've read some good ones. maybe i can be convinced.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of. i don't think any of my writing has enough traction for that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope but maybe ill translate some of my own work. and i'm open to it if anyone offers.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

none currently posted!!! but i do have a project i'm working on with a friend.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

all-time favorite is really hard bc ranking the strength of my hyperfixations against each other is just cruel. my all-time favorites (plural) are probably haikaveh, iwaoi, and levtsukki.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

ideally. follow the tide is not one of these. i have a lot planned out that i just haven't written or posted. the one that i probably will never finish is living tomorrow. it's an iwaoi relationship study that i really, really want to write but have lost my connection with. i need to find my thoughts on them again and recalibrate and rewrite my current draft if i'm ever going to finish it. but maybe i will!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm not sure. i think i have a remarkable ability to commit to the bit with weird fusions and au's but i haven't really posted those. no matter how silly the idea, i can usually get pretty invested (like my wolf's rain au writing and fanart), and that doesn't really depend on how interested other people are in it. support is nice but not always necessary.

one of my main goals in writing is to get in a character's headspace. i'm a big fan of immersion and understanding who they are and how they think. i try to capture that in writing while adding lots of small personal details to help flesh out the character's life. based on some of the comments i've gotten, i haven't completely failed.

of course, if anyone has any ideas on what my writing strengths are, they're free to let me know <- blatant fishing for compliments

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

erm. well i have thousands of words in unpublished wips so. probably motivation. poor planning. a lot of it is inexperience. my imagery, repetitiveness, poor dialogue or description. those are all things to work on. if i were to look back at my published works, i'd probably cite a lot of the things i've improved on since then.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

oh no this one's controversial. well, i think that if you're writing dialogue in english (or whatever language the fic is in) and your characters are speaking another language. you have a few choices. if the characters say something in another language but you translate it, i would italicize that (ie. "Thank you," he said in Spanish.) if the characters are saying something in another language and it's written in that, i don't really mind whether it's italicized or not, BUT i think it has to be well executed. sometimes that depends on using the term properly, or also on. how in character it is for that character to do that. as a bilingual person, switching between languages/speaking other languages can get pretty complicated, so it really all depends on execution. i don't think that everything has to be translated in the text at that moment, but i think that everything should be translated eventually. footnotes are a good idea!!!! or it should be revealed later in the text, or in the author's notes. but i don't like it when it's never revealed or translated at all.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

warrior cats on ff.net but we dont talk about that. haikyuu on ao3. i wrote some inuyasha stuff in google docs in between but never finished or posted it.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

that i've posted? follow the tide. that i'm writing? ack. i really really like the snf au!!! but i like a lot of my other ideas too (daemon au my beloved). im very fond of my mdzs pacific rim au.

i'm tagging @conartisthaiji @monstrsball @wormcoded and anyone else who wants to participate !!

[troutfishy]

ahhh new sideblog !!!!! actually my ... second sideblog . but this is my first one that ill actually be using to reblog stuff and interact wit people !!!!!! yay im so excited there are so many mposts i want to reblog here :D:D

also little introduction for my first post ... hi i am troutfish im 19 im queer and i use any pronouns!! im not sure what will get put here im in lots of fandoms at the moment but im sur ei will find out by the itme iactually start rebloggin stuff. kind of need to go to sleep righ now hbhdfdw so maybe il lstart tomorrow... aghhh kinda excited because i just spent a while on my theme drawing my pfp and stuff and i really love it ^__^

[melancholiaenthroned]

ok what if i get back into homestuck. nothing on this blog would change i would just allow myself to listen to ugly story and maybe sometimes i would draw june. would you still love me </3

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

Birdie’s Library of Sick

Here is a complete list of my longer fics. Regularly updated as I post, including all posted Sicktember fics. Full steam ahead for sneezes + fevers!

List is now revamped! Organized alphabetically by fandom/AU, then chronologically by date posted (for fandoms) or by character timeline (for OCs). Because I’m a nerd and I wanted all my darlings to be grouped together most efficiently.  Fics marked *** are my favorite of the things I’ve written... my greatest hits, if you will. Those are the ones I come back to read time and again when I’m in certain moods. Please check those out if you haven’t before, and reblogs are always appreciated!

Also, I have even longer stuff posted on AO3 under the same name (PerfectPaperBluebirds) so head on over there for even more sickfic goodness.

My ask box is always open for prompts! I’m always up to try something new, so if there's any aesthetics you want to see, please send them my way :)

Fandom

The Black Tapes Podcast:

Better Now 

(SKT ‘21) Sneezing 

***(SKT ‘22) Care Package 

(SKT ‘23) “But if you stay, you’ll get sick too.” 

Bridget Jones’s Diary:

(SKT ‘22) Taking a Sick Day (Bridget Jones’s Diary)

(SKT ‘23) Consulting the Internet 

Criminal Minds:

(SKT ‘21) Nebulizer (Sick Reid)

(SKT ‘21) Warm Soup (Sick Hotch)

Colder Weather (Sick Hotch)

Maybe Tomorrow Will Be Better (Sick Reid)

(SKT ‘23) Sick and Injured (Sick Morgan)

Encanto:

***(SKT ‘22) A Cry For Attention (Sick Bruno)

(SKT ‘23) Hiding an Illness (Sick Julieta)

Grey’s Anatomy:

(Secret Santa ‘22) To Make You Well (Sick Derek)

(SKT ‘23) “Did you just sneeze?” (Meredith Allergies)

Hannibal [TV]

***House Calls Pt. 1 (Sick Will)

***House Calls Pt. 2  (Sick Hannibal)

(SKT ‘21) Asleep on the Couch (Sick Will)

(SKT ‘21) Sick at Work (Everyone sick)

(SKT ‘22) Common Cold (Sick Hannibal)

(SKT ‘22) Tepid Bath (Sick Will)

SKT ‘23 Hopelessly Bad at Self Care (Sick Will)

Howl’s Moving Castle:

(SKT ‘21) Sneaky Temperature Check (Sick Sophie)

(SKT ‘23) Coughing Fit (Sick Howl)

Jurassic World: 

***(SKT ‘21) I’m Not Sick (Jurassic World)

(SKT ‘23) White Coat Syndrome

Knives Out:

(SKT ‘21) Headache/Migraine 

(SKT ‘21) Appendicitis [emeto]

(SKT ‘23) Beginner’s Guide to Faking Sick 

Letterkenny:

***(SKT ‘21) Bed Rest 

(SKT ‘21) Hot Water Bottle 

***Tender Loathing Care 

(SKT ‘23) Preventative Measures (Not Taken) 

MCU:

***(SKT ‘21) Fever [Sick Clint]

(SKT ‘21) Medicine (MCU Avengers AU) [Sick no serum Steve]

(SKT ‘22) Painkillers [Sick Tony]

(SKT ‘22) Hangover [Sick Thor] [emeto]

***(SKT ‘22) 'Great. Now I Have Your Germs All Over Me.’ [Sick Clint and Natasha]

(SKT ‘22) Seasonal Allergies [Sick Clint]

(SKT ‘22) Nausea/Upset Stomach [Sick Bruce] [emeto]

***(SKT ‘22) Whining/Crying [Sick Natasha]

(SKT ‘22) VapoRub [Sick Bucky]

(SKT ‘22) Lethargy/Exhaustion [Sick Steve]

(SKT ‘23) “I should have stayed home.” [Sick Steve)

New Girl:

(SKT ‘21) Faking it (Sick Jess)

(SKT ‘21) Ginger Ale and Crackers [emeto] (Sick guys)

(SKT ‘23) “What happened to your phenomenal immune system, huh?” (Sick Schmidt)

The Office:

(SKT ‘21) Chicken Pox (Sick Jim Halpert)

(SKT ‘21) Quarantine (Sick Michael Scott)

(SKT ‘22) Intense Coddling (Sick Ryan Howard)

What A Lovely Way to Burn (Sick Ryan Howard)

(SKT ‘23) Patient Zero (Sick Andy Bernard) 

Pride and Prejudice:

A Darcy Day Off

Reunion 

***(SKT ‘21) Contagious

***(SKT ‘21) Stay (Follow-up to Contagious)

Cold Comfort 

Eyes On You 

(SKT ‘23) “Wear a coat, you’ll catch cold.” 

Star Wars:

***(SKT ‘21) Aches and Pains [the Mandalorian]

(SKT ‘21) Unlikely Caregiver (Rey and Kylo)

***Safe and Warm (Follow-up to Aches and Pains )

(SKT ‘23) “I shouldn’t be worried about you, but for some reason I am.” (Rey and Kylo)

Historical/Fantasy OCs

Cowboy ‘Verse:

***(SKT ‘22) Home remedy

(SKT ‘23) Persistent Fever 

DnD OCs (Filius, Gundor, Kandry, Lorellyn):

***(SKT ‘21) Blankets

(SKT ‘22) ‘Do You Know How To Take Care of a Sick Person?’ 

***(SKT ‘22) Sleepless Night/s 

(SKT ‘23) Quest for a Cure 

Navy Man OCs (Capt. Michael Ingram):

Tidings of Comfort (Holiday fic 2021) [emeto]

(SKT ‘22) Homesick 

(SKT ‘22) ‘I Might Be A Teeny Tiny Bit Sick, But It’s Fine.’ (Follow-up to Tidings of Comfort)

(SKT ‘23) Sick in an Inconvenient Place 

Roaring Twenties ‘Verse (Jesse Hamilton):

(SKT ‘21) Missing Out (Roaring Twenties, Holiday fic) [emeto]

(SKT ‘23) Terms of Endearment/Nicknames

Plague Doctor OCs (Alastair and Eliza):

***The Doctor Is In... the Inn 

(SKT ‘22) Soft Pajamas

(SKT ‘23) Confused/Disoriented 

Science Lovers OCs (Peter and Violet):

***Under the Willow 

(SKT ‘22) Sunburn

(SKT ‘23) Old Wives Tale

Sorcerer ‘Verse OCs (Elmrador Renata and Co.):

Spells and Sneezes

Powers and Flowers 

(SKT ‘22) ‘Blow Your Nose’ 

***Curses and Comforts (Follow-up to Powers and Flowers )

(SKT ‘23) Magical Remedy/Healing Potion [emeto]

Sprite Kingdom (Aleander the Healer)

Icing and Frosting (Sprite Kingdom)

(SKT ‘23) Side Effects/Adverse Reaction 

Vicar ‘Verse OCs (Nicholas and Lydia Lennox):

***A Virus for the Vicar

(SKT ‘22) ‘Get Back in Bed!’ 

(SKT ‘23) Anxious Stomach [emeto]

Wagon Train OCs (Dan and Ella)

Here Comes the Sun 

The Weather Outside Is Frightful

(SKT ‘23) Uncooperative Patient 

Historical/Fantasy OC one-offs (for now):

An Artist’s Study on Illness (Italian Artists)

To the Place I Belong (Vampire ‘Verse, Halloween 2022)

Modern OCs

CottageVersity OCs (Tenbusch family):

***Mess Is Mine (Thad & JB, JB sick)

***(SKT ‘22) Psychogenic Fever/Stress Induced Illness (Thad & JB, JB sick)

(SKT ‘22) Cold Sweat (Theo sick)

[CW: Homophobia] The Last Christmas (All, Thad & JB sick)

[the Meet-cute!] Pretty Girls and Starting Conversations (Thalia & Padma, Thalia sick)

(SKT ‘23) “The only place we’re going is the pharmacy.” (Thalia sick)

Holding Onto Me So Tight (Thad & JB, both sick) 

Sick of It (All, Theo/JB/Padma sick)

***Miserable At Best  (All sick)

(SKT ‘22) Cuddling on the Couch (Thalia & Padma, Padma sick)

Priest ‘Verse (Father Luc and Flora):

I Can Go No Longer (Sick priest)

Cheer My Wearied Spirit (Sick Flora)

***(SKT ‘22) Tickle in the Throat [Sick priest] (The Beginning Pt. 1)

Feel My Temperature Rising [Sick Priest] (The Beginning Pt. 2)

(SKT ‘23) Curled Up With a Pet (Sick priest) 

Rockstar ‘Verse (Vic and Addison):

***(SKT ‘22) Syncope/Fainting 

(SKT ‘23) “You’re a jerk when you’re sick.” 

Shane and Molly (Shmolly):

[the Meet-cute!] Let Your Heart Be Light (Sick Shane)

(SKT ‘22) ‘I Need You To Pull Over!’ (Sick Shane) [emeto]

***(SKT ‘21) Doctor’s Visit/Check Up (Sick Shane)

Under the Weather Pt. 1 (Sick Shane)

Under the Weather Pt. 2 (Both Sick)

***(SKT ‘22) Sick On Vacation (Sick Molly)

***Without You (Sick Shane)

We’ll Share A Cup of Kindness Yet (Both Sick)

***Never Gonna Leave This Bed (Both Sick)

(SKT ‘23) “I could really use a hug right about now.” (Sick Shane) 

Modern OC one-offs (for now):

Hospitality (Banquets and Events OCs)

Book Club (Business Boutique OCs)

Domestic Drabble #97 (In F [lu] Major)

[criticallyacclaimedstranger]

Fic: Again

Frankie x Lady masterlist

Fandom: Triple Frontier

Ship: Frankie Morales x Jay ‘Lady’ Ray (ofc)

Warnings: Post-pregnancy body issues, Frankie's tummy issue makes a surprise appearance, cunnilingus, squirting, PiV sex, cum play, lactation kink because Frankie is a freak, breastfeeding actual baby.

Summary: Frankie and Jay reconnect sexually after having their first baby.

Words: 5,315

A/N: Frankie and Lady want to tell their godmother @apascalrascal thank you for putting up with them <3 I actively chose to make this a good experience for these two, but please know that post-partum sex may not be this unproblematic. Stuff you used to like may not do anything for you, and old stuff that you didn't like may feel completely different. Your clit has probably changed places. So just be careful and communicative, and don't mistake this for some kind of manual.

“Jay, are you about done in there, I really need to piss!”

Jay tears her gaze from the bathroom mirror and wraps herself in a bathrobe before unlocking the door.

“Sorry,” she mutters when Frankie hurries in and unzips his jeans. He breathes a sigh of relief as the rippling sound rises out of the toilet bowl. Jay busies herself pretending to look for something in the cabinet.

“The hell were you doin’ in here anyway?” Frankie asks her as he tucks himself in, flushes, and closes the lid. He gets next to her in front of the sink and washes his hands. Jay shrugs.

“Drying myself after the shower. Is the baby asleep?”

“Just put her down.”

Jay nods and reaches for the bottle of body lotion, squirts out a little, and starts to rub it into onto her arms. She hopes Frankie will just leave and let her moisturize the rest of her body which, after the pregnancy, is a bit of a touchy subject for her. It’s not that she’s ashamed of it, or doesn’t like it, she just hasn’t come to terms with its limitations. How is looks is the physical manifestation of how it’s restricting her at the moment, and she is decidedly not happy about that. Being completely nude in the harsh light of the bathroom’s fluorescent light suddenly feels uncomfortable. She was never uncomfortable in her body around Frankie before, and that makes her even more ill at ease.

Critically, she examines her hair, in need of a trim yet again, and frowns at her own reflection.

“Lookin’ good,” Frankie says softly, drawing his fingers through her overgrown pixie cut. She gives him a doubtful look in the mirror.

“It looks like shit.”

“Nah, it’s okay.”

“Frankie, I know you’re trying to be nice, and I appreciate that, but it’s a mess and you know it.”

“Well, that’s easily handled. Want me to help you shave it?”

“Thanks, but I’m too tired. Maybe tomorrow.”

”Okay.” Frankie’s hand, lage and warm, lands on Jay’s shoulder. ”But I’d still like for you to stop looking at yourself like that in the mirror, baby.”

Dammit. He noticed. Of course he did. Jay sighs and gives him a small smile through the reflective glass in front of them.

“It’s just… different,” she says carefully.

“Well, duh, you had a baby. That tends to do stuff to the body.”

“Thank you, that cleared everything right up for me,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “You idiot. I’m the first person to know what pregnancy does to the body. I was the one who carried her for nine months.”

“And you did an amazing job,” Frankie assures her, angling his head so he can kiss her neck. “Come on. Lemme see it.”

Jay sighs and reluctantly opens the robe, letting it slide onto the floor. Frankie’s eyes widen a little.

“Well, fuck,” he breathes. That makes her feel a little better, but it’s still not the physical appearance of her body per se that bothers her. She looks at herself in the mirror and recognizes the lines in the face and the sunken eyes of someone who has been in the field for too long. She’s used to sleep deprivation, knows how to function and make quick life or death decisions without having eaten or rested. Those things are not a problem for her. What she wasn’t prepared for was the onslaught of emotions at the birth of her daughter, and how the pregnancy and subsequent healing restrained her from using her body how she used to. To not be able to train with Benny, unleash herself on a boxing bag, or run until she tastes blood is new to her, and it’s making her frustrated. That’s harder to handle than her milk-filled tits and pudgy belly.

“You look so fine,” Frankie tells her as he reaches for the lotion bottle. He squirts out some lotion into his hand and starts to rub it into her back. Jay knows he’s not lying to make her feel good.

“It’s not a question of how I look, you know that.”

“I know, amor. Give yourself a little time, you’ll be back kicking Benny’s ass in no time.”

Jay smiles when Frankie pays extra special care to her lower back, his fingers brushing down her ass.

“More lotion.” She grabs the bottle and administers a little more in the palm of his hand, then squeals in surprise when he slaps his hands to her butt cheeks.

“Sorry,” he smirks at her in the mirror before squeezing her butt gently and lowering his lips to kiss her shoulder. Jay scoffs but accepts the amendable kisses up her neck. A warmth starts to grow inside her and she is reminded yet again of the fact that they haven’t had sex since before Alma was born a month ago. The period of healing and dealing with the baby, also lovingly known as the Recruit, has taken its time, and it’s such a stark contrast to the pregnancy hormones that made her crave daily orgasms. There just hasn’t been time or energy for that lately.

“Frankie…”

“Yeah?” The familiar scrape of his mustache against the lobe of her ear is arousing.

“I miss you,” she tells him in a low, husky whisper. Frankie slides his hands over the hills of her hips to the deflated skin of her belly, where Jay’s hands come to rest over his.

“I know. I miss you, too. But we got all the time in the world, okay?”

“I guess. It’s just weird. We’ve never been together for so long without having sex.”

“We’ve been a little preoccupied with a baby,” Frankie reminds her with a soft smile.

“No shit.”

“And the doc did talk about redefining intimacy.”

“Don’t.” Jay’s voice turns sharp. Her usual OB-GYN wasn’t available during her last check-up so she had been paired up with someone she decidedly did not like. When bringing up the subject of penetrative sex, the doctor had clearly not understood what she wanted and instead suggested that she and Frankie “bond over the baby” and “focus on cuddling” and that very few women wanted sex so soon after having a baby. Jay’s frustrations grew at being misunderstood: it was not that she didn’t want to have sex, she just didn’t know when it was okay to have sex again.

“Sorry,” Frankie apologizes with a kiss to the side of her head. “She was a bitch.”

Jay mutters something under her breath, loath to think about the doctor anymore. She gives Frankie’s hands a little squeeze before releasing them, and sits down on the toilet lid to moisturize her legs. Frankie strips quickly and disappears into the shower. She catches a glimpse of his semi, and it makes her clench her teeth remembering what it felt like to be stretched out on that cock. Her heart misses a beat. Maybe it’s getting to be the right time to reconnect sexually?

The damp heat of the bathroom drives her away, however. She’s left standing right outside the door, wondering if Frankie’s going to beat off in the shower. For a moment, she wants to go back in, watch him do it, wants to witness his big, veiny hand wrapped around that thick cock, wants to see his face scrunch up when he cums, hear him grunt when he spurts thick ropes of semen on the tile wall…

Desire sparks anew in her and her nipples knot. When she cups her breast, almost absent-mindedly, the strain in the tissue releases slightly with the milk that starts to drip.

“Crap.”

Jay tiptoes to the bedroom and grabs a spit cloth that she folds and places it inside the bathrobe to catch up the leakage. Moving quietly around Alma’s crib, she stops for a moment to stare down at her darling daughter. The little thing is so perfect, so small, so adorable! She’s definitely daddy’s girl: dark, soft curls, brown eyes, golden skin. She looks nothing like Jay, although Frankie is already suggesting that the baby has her mommy’s temper. This is, of course, nothing but slander.

Dressed in a clean t-shirt and pajama pants, Jay goes to the living-room and throws herself down on the couch to watch TV. A little later, Frankie joins her, throwing one arm over her shoulders. She leans her head against him, inhaling the fresh, soapy smell on his skin, and her mind returns to the gutter.

“Frankie?”

“Hm?”

“Did you jerk off in the shower?”

“Wh-what?” His stutter is adorable.

“You heard me.”

She angles her head so she can see his face, and notices that his gaze is flickering before landing on her hand, resting lightly on his thigh.

“I… yeah, I did. Why?”

It's a good question. She doesn't really have an answer. Maybe she just needed the mental image to torment herself with.

“Just curious, I guess.”

Frankie turns his head to look at her, that frown, older than his years, between his eyebrows. He's not buying it.

“Spill it, babe.”

Jay's hand brushes up his thigh and over the crotch of his sweatpants.

"Jay?"

"Hush."

She scoots up, her other hand climbing his arm and shoulder, finding the back of his neck and pulling him in for a slow, lingering kiss. He tastes minty from the toothpaste and she senses from how his neck muscles flex that he's holding back, letting her lead. The kiss deepens and she feels him twitch underneath her hand and the thick cotton fabric.

"I miss you," she tells him for the second time that night, emphasizing the middle word, and Frankie grunts in return.

"Me too. That's why I jerked off in the shower."

"Did you leave any juice for me...?" Jay's hand is now moving inside his pants, finding to her great pleasure that he's going commando, as he often does when wearing sweatpants.

"Amor... no me tomes el pelo." His whispered plea comes as a punch to the stomach and makes the ache flare up between her legs, spread up through her spine, tighten her milk-heavy breasts.

"I'm not," Jay assures him in a low moan before kissing him again. It's not like they haven't touched at all during the four weeks that Alma has been outside the womb: they touch each other a lot, every day. But this kind of touching hasn't been on the menu since the arrival of the Recruit. The urge is burning brightly now, and Jay is not going to wait any longer. She realizes that there was nothing the doc could have said to make her ready for sex again: it had to come from herself.

Frankie's stiffening in her hand, his cock a familiar shape for her fingers to close around: soft, smooth skin straining over a hard core, unbendable, veiny, thrilling. Frankie leans back, closing his eyes. He gives the tiniest little moan, and Jay swallows it with her kiss as she cups his balls and kneads them gently.

"God - fuck - Jay..." Frankie's voice is tight as he opens his eyes and grabs her hand. "I like where this is going, but shouldn't it be me who does this to you?"

Sweet, wonderful Frankie, always thinking of her pleasure first. Jay brushes her lips over his with a small sigh.

"I want to feel you, baby."

"And I want to taste you." He pulls her against his chest and strokes his hand down her back. "But if you're uncomfortable - "

"I don't want you to feel obligated - "

He scoffs. "You think I'd ever feel obligated to eat you out? Do you know me at all?"

Jay sits back, smiling as she regards him. His dark hair tousled and still slightly damp from the shower. His kind, brown eyes, now hazy with need for her. His full lips separated to let his quick breaths in and out. She knows every line and scar in that face. And she knows his heart.

“Okay," she admits. “I'm projecting. I guess I'm insecure about what I look like down there. It's not like I've been able to have a look at the train wreck."

Frankie lets out a laugh but bites back on it just as quickly, realizing this is not a laughing matter.

“I'll have a look for you, if that's okay?”

“Knock yourself out.” She tries to sound unperturbed, but the truth is that she's nervous. Frankie has been nothing but supportive and shown no sign of thinking less of her changed body, but leaking tits is one thing and the idea of a vagina stretched beyond recognition is quite another. She realizes of course that there's nothing wrong with her vagina. Still, letting Frankie near that area again is a little nerve-racking.

He kisses her softly, one hand sliding up her thigh. The muscles flex briefly at the touch and Jay finds herself naming each one in her head. Rectus femoris, sartorius, gracilis that runs on the inside of the thigh, all the way up to…

“Relax,” Frankie asks her softly, bringing her back from the anatomy textbook. “I got you.”

“I know, baby.” She dives headfirst into it by kissing Frankie and pulling him down over herself as she lies back on the couch. The first threshold is already crossed and now she's in a hurry. She lets go of him to wiggle out of her pants and get the t-shirt off.

“Cálmate,” Frankie admonishes her with a little smile as he helps her get rid of the t-shirt. “We got all night.”

“You'd think so but someone's probably going to wake up before we know it, and demand to be fed,” Jay reminds him, but she's mirroring his smile. Frankie lowers his mouth to one of her nipples.

“Speaking of being fed…”

“Go ahead," she allows, knowing how much he likes suckling her milk-filled tits. The kink manifested during her pregnancy, but he hadn't asked for a taste since Alma made her debut and needed the milk. Still, Jay had secretly been wondering if it was also a question of Frankie being put off by her tits now being used for actual feeding.

He clearly wasn't.

Pulling gently on her nipple with his lips before lapping up the sweet, white liquid that leaks out, Frankie heaves a deep, satisfied sigh.

"I've missed this," he confesses in a low murmur before closing his lips around the nipple and setting a steady rhythm as he slides one hand down Jay's side and between her legs. Finding her clit, he begins to gently tease it.

"Fuck, Frankie...!" Jay gasps as pleasure jolts through her, totally new yet familiar at the same time. He murmurs in reply and pulls gently on her nipple before releasing it.

“So sweet and tasty,” he lets her know. “Let's try that again, a little lower.”

He kisses his way down her postpartum belly and looks up at her.

“Is this okay?”

"You know it is.” She reaches for his thick hair, that hair she has loved to touch and tousle and rest her hand in since she first touched it. A curl falls over his forehead and she brushes it back.

“Go on,” she asks him in a whisper, and Frankie continues his quest until he reaches his destination, gently dragging his soft lips and sharp nose along her slit.

“Looks the same,” he reports back to her. “A little hairier than usual.”

“Is that a problem for you?”

“You know it's not, amor.” He presses his nose against her and inhales deeply. “Smells the same, too. Wonderful.”

“Like napalm in the morning, huh?” Jay presses between clenched teeth, waiting with baited breath. “More, baby, please. What do I taste like?”

“Hmm…” His tongue slides in between her lips, gathers the slick from inside her, and drags it up to her clit where he latches on for a slow but intense suckle. Jay grabs onto what she can find – the arm and back rests of the couch – as her back arches with the pleasure shooting up her spine.

“Fuckkkkk…!”

“Like, I don't know, something biblical. Milk and honey.” He peeks up at her. “Except I never ate a pussy that actually tastes like milk and honey.”

“For fuck's sake, Frankie, are you going to talk about it or eat it?” Jay complains, but she sounds more whiny than angry.

“I'm not allowed to wax poetic about the flavor of your incredible vulva?” He's fucking with her now, she doesn't even need to see his shit-eating grin to know that.

“I swear to God, Morales...” she warns him, using his last name to underline that he's just one asshole move away from getting into trouble.

“You're the one who wanted to know what it tastes like,” he points out before mercifully using his mouth for what she needs, instead of teasing her. Jay sinks into the couch cushions, eyes falling shut and lower lip caught between her teeth to keep the loudest noises at bay. The Recruit is a sound sleeper, and the crib is in the bedroom, but there is no need to risk waking her up.

Any trepidations she might have had before melt away when Frankie, with great skill and purpose, brings her to a shuddering orgasm. He doesn't let her come down but slides a finger inside her for a soft massage in her slick pussy.

“This okay?” He glances up at her but she doesn't see it: her eyes are squeezed shut and her head thrown back as she moves lazily against him.

“Mmmmuh-huh…”

She keeps a firm grip of his hair and claws at the couch with her other hand, another whine escaping her when Frankie adds a second finger.

“So pretty and wet for me, amor, I fucking wish I could fuck your wet pussy,” Frankie whispers against her heat before going back to lapping and sucking. She feels another build-up and Jesus fucking Christ, it's going to be a big one, it's going to destroy her for sure, she's going to explode, it's going to tear her open and apart and –

“Frankie,” she whines helplessly, desperate for the devastation but simultaneously holding back, why she doesn't know, maybe because it's been a while, maybe because she's somehow still worried something's going to break –

“I got you,” Frankie promises in a growl before attacking her clit again. He reaches for her t-shirt and stuffs it against her before pinning her down. Jay dimly hears a wet sound as the blood roars in her ears and she comes undone with a held back shout that turns into a sob. She's vaguely aware of a slurping sound and Frankie's no longer fucking her with his fingers, but his broad tongue is still hot against her core.

“Did I squirt?” she blurts, rendered stupid from pleasure. Frankie chuckles, his voice low yet excited.

“Fuck yeah you did. So fucking hot.” She wants to say something, commend him for being so quick with the shirt to spare the couch, but she’s scattered all over the room. Frankie’s still licking her softly, cleaning her up, and she lets him until it’s too much and she has to push him away.

“You okay?” he queries as she presses her thighs together and covers her face with her hands, taking a deep breath.

“Yeah,” she manages to exhale. When she finally removes her hands and blinks her eyes open, she finds Frankie looking at her with equal amounts of arousal and fondness.

“You look so good like this," he lets her know. “Ruined. By me.”

She smiles faintly, still piecing herself together yet feeling a renewed need for him.

“C’mere, baby.”

His lips taste of her and it’s like their first time all over again: her slick on him, in him, her pussy beating in exhaustion yet firing up to take his cock. She feels his erection through his sweatpants and when she brushes her thigh against it, Frankie breaks the kiss with a moan.

“Jay, I’m gonna cum in my pants if you do that.”

“What a waste when you could cum in me.”

He searches her face, a small frown on his, and she can tell he’s looking for the right way to ask her if she’s offering penetration. His eagerness shines through plain as day, and Jay has to give him a teasing smirk.

“Yes, Morales, you can fuck me.”

He groans at that. He never got used to her calling him Morales in sexual situations.

“You serious?”

“I feel fine. And – “ she pulls him down so she can trace her lips along his unshaven jawline “ – I want your big, beautiful cock in me.”

His jaw moves when he swallows, and the hand that’s on her waist takes a tighter hold of her.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

He drops his forehead to hers and takes a deep breath.

“Fuck, Jay… I want you so much. Lemme… lemme get the condoms.”

He’s about to get up from the couch when Jay catches him by the arm and pulls him back.

“We don’t need rubbers, I had an IUD put in, remember?”

“But infection – “ Frankie hesitates. Jay had found the condoms a couple of weeks ago and when asking Frankie about them, he had sheepishly admitted to preparing for whenever she felt ready to have sex again. He had read online that infections were common in postpartum sex, and condoms were recommended. He did it out of consideration, but knew it could be misconstrued as him only thinking of getting laid.

Jay had laughed at him and warned him that once they were at it again, she'd probably make his dick fall off from overuse. The words had made him equally horny and scared.

“If you really want to wrap it I’m not gonna stop you, but Frankie, I’m sure we don’t need them," Jay tells him now, a little impatient. Frankie deliberates for a second before staying on the couch and letting her pull him down over her.

"I need you," she murmurs before kissing him. "Come to me, baby."

He sighs deeply against her lips before sitting up and wrapping her legs around him. Taking himself out of his pants, he slowly starts to push the thick head of his cock against her slick hole, sliding in easier and quicker than expected. Jay hisses at the familiarity of the initial resistance, before her muscles give way for him to slip inside.

“That's it, baby... just like that...”

The whine that Frankie produces is heavy with held back excitement. Jay grabs his hands and squeezes.

“I know, baby, I know.”

“You feel so fucking good,” he gripes.

“So do you. I missed you cock, baby.”

“Dios mío...” He lays down over her and captures her lips with his, the kiss muffling her moan when he starts to roll his hips against hers. He keeps it slow and soft, but Jay’s hands find his flat buttocks through the sweatpants, and pull down the pants even more so that she can grab handfuls of flesh, and press down.

“Harder,” she asks him breathlessly, “please, baby, harder.”

Frankie grunts, taken with her begging, and speeds up as he bows down over her chest. He caresses the curve of her breast before gripping the tight flesh to angle it for his mouth to reach. A white jet of milk shoots out from the nipple, straight into his eye.

"Fuck!"

He pulls back and out, both eyes scrunched up, one hand coming up to rub the liquid away. Too carried away by his ministrations, Jay doesn't know immediately what happened, but as soon as she catches up she starts to laugh. He groans at how her muscles squeezes him with each chuckle.

“You okay?” she smiles, gently wiping her thumb over his eye. Frankie looks a little sheepish when he smiles back.

“Here I was, blinded only by your beauty, but turns out you’re capable of blinding me for real as well.”

Jay scoffs, unimpressed by cheesy words like that.

“Are you quite done?” She tightens around him, reminding him what was going on.

“Kiss it well first,” he demands, lowering down over her. Rolling her eyes, Jay dutifully touches her lips to his eyelid, catching a faint, sweet taste. Her lips continue down his cheek to his lips.

“Vision intact?” she whispers.

“Vision intact,” Frankie confirms and kisses her, his tongue probing between her lips as he slides his cock back into the slick warmth of her pussy. “Not that I need to see to do this…”

“You talk too much, baby.”

Frankie catches her drift and snaps his hips roughly against her, his worries about hurting her temporary forgotten. Lower lip caught between her teeth, Jay throws her head back and reaches down between them to touch herself. For each thrust into her core the pressure rises, the sensations draw closer to a peak. Frankie’s teeth scrape along her collarbone.

“Fuck, baby… not gonna last…”

“Can you time it?” she moans, a shudder running through her. “I wanna cum with you, baby.”

“No promises,” Frankie groans, “you feel so fucking good, I’ve missed this so much…”

He hooks one arm around her thigh, forcing it up, knowing from experience that it usually works for her, and lowers his face to her breast, carefully licking around the nipple, all the while fucking her with steady, deep strokes. When her milk starts to flow, he latches on and sucks. Pleasure, sharp as a knife, cuts through her, almost painfully. She whimpers as her bundle of nerves start to heat up, crackle, and devastate her.

“Cumming,” she announces in a choked moan, “fuck, Frankie, don’t stop, I’m cumming, I’m – ”

The orgasm tears through her and through the contractions she feels the strong spurts of Frankie’s climax as he growls, the primal sound emanating from deep within his chest and ending up stifled into the cushion, right next to her neck.

He stays buried in her, his still hard cock filling her deliciously as he relaxes and lets her take on his weight. His heartbeat is palpable against her chest, his short breaths are burning hot on her cheek, his skin is electric against hers. The physicality of it, the full-body contact, not just inside but on the outside… Jay can’t imagine a time when she wouldn’t feel at home in this. Catching her breath, she lazily runs her fingers through his soft hair, her first conscious thoughts focusing on how much she loves his hair. She has loved it since their first time.

With a groan, Frankie eventually hoists himself up onto his forearms and kisses her with a sweetness and innocence that makes it hard to imagine what transpired only moments ago.

“I love you.” The words are simple, yet heavy with emotion. Jay smiles softly.

“I love you too.”

Frankie straightens his back and sits back onto his heels, his shrinking cock slipping out of her. His eyes widen a little as he watches his cum ooze out of her slick hole. With two fingers, he catches the trickle and smears it over her labia.

“So fucking hot,” he breathes, glancing up at her. “You’re gonna make me want to go another round, baby.”

“Didn’t you mom ever tell you not to play with your food?” Jay teases, but she’s not opposed to going again.

“Watch your mouth, or I’ll eat it until you’re begging me to stop,” he smirks, staring down between her legs again as more cum is pressed out by an aftershock that makes the skin on Jay’s thighs prickle over. He slides two fingers into her and collects his spend, only to smear it over her stomach.

“I just showered!” she protests feebly.

“Sorry, I can’t help it. So sexy.” Frankie grins, before he seems to remember something, and his expression turns rueful.

“God, I’m a selfish prick,” he groans, rubbing one palm over his face. “Didn’t think to ask if you’re okay.”

“Don’t worry,” Jay assures him with a smile, “I’m absolutely golden.”

“You sure? I went a little harder than I meant to.”

“Positive.”

He seems happy with that, and traces his hand down her hip. Jay cocks her head to the side and considers him for a moment.

“So all this – “ she gestures vaguely downwards, meaning her body “ – it doesn’t bother you?”

Frankie stares at her like he doesn’t understand, then shakes his head, not as in No but in disbelief.

“Babe, if you think I’d be bothered by a bit of a belly, I’d be the biggest hypocrite in the world,” Frankie scoffs, but his gaze starts to flicker. “You’re the one who was pregnant, but I’m in much worse shape. Sympathy pounds.” He tries to laugh it off by patting his lower belly that started to round the minute he left the army. Working out was never something he enjoyed, whereas Jay always flourished at the gym.

“Frankie.” Jay pulls herself up to a sit, her legs still around his hips. She cups his cheek, feeling that familiar, beloved prickle of facial hair against her skin. Her other hand goes to his stomach.

“This,” she says in a low voice, pressing gently into the soft flesh, “is you being alive. Being with me. Having a good life. I don’t care about anything else.”

With a lopsided smirk she adds: “Besides, what was it you said when I was pregnant? ‘More for you to love’? That goes both ways, baby.”

Frankie blinks, and she sees his throat muscles flex when he swallows.

“Don’t start bawling on me,” she warns him, but leans forward for a kiss at the same time.

“I love you,” he tells her before their lips meet. “You’re so amazing.”

Kissing slowly at first, Jay’s hands find their way into Frankie’s hair, and his fingers ghost down her sides, rounding her hips and landing on her buttocks, pulling her closer. Their lips grow more demanding, their tongues more hurried, and when Jay tears herself away from Frankie and starts to scatter kisses down his neck, a small sob is heard from the bedroom.

Within moments, Alma is crying at maximum volume, demanding attention and nutrition. Jay hums in disappointment, snagging a bit of neck skin between her teeth before releasing it and looking up at Frankie.

“Can you imagine that for a moment, I totally forgot about that little cock-blocker?”

“Amor, when I’m inside you, nothing else exists.” Frankie kisses her forehead and disentangled himself from the embrace of her legs. “I’ll get her, you make yourself comfortable.”

He pulls on his underwear and disappears, and Jay hears him softly speak to the crying baby:

“Ok chiquita, un segundo por favor…”

He returns with the baby cradled against his chest, and hands her over carefully to Jay, who helps her latch on. The milk flows freely, and Alma grew quiet.

“Okay?” Frankie asks, sitting down. Jay nods, leaning against him.

“We’re good.”

“Is there still enough left for her?” He sounds concerned, but Jay just smiles.

“More than enough.”

“Does it… feel the same… like when I…”

She looks up at him, a little surprised at his hesitant tone. His brown eyes look troubled.

“No,” she tells him firmly. “It’s not the same. This is… mechanical. It feels good to relieve the pressure and weight, but it’s not like when you do it at all.”

He nods slowly. “I just want you to be comfortable.”

“I am. Except you’re sitting on my foot.”

His face cracks up in a smile as he shifts. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, baby,” she promises him. “I’ll always be honest with you, okay? We’ll figure this out.”

“Yeah, we will.” He passes his hand over her overgrown crew cut, and kisses her forehead. “We’ll make it.”

[heavenlysageee]

Storms Like These

Chapter 3: Hydrangeas in Bloom 

fandom: BNHA/Dabi/Shinsou

pairing: Dabi x GN!Reader

word count: 1616 words

!Possible TW!: complicated grief, depression, mentions of death

>> Previous Chapter <<  >> Next Chapter<< 

a/n: thank you so much for keeping up with the story this far! i have been a little pre-occupied with stuff at home and university but i’m doing my best to try and continue the story!

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Reader’s POV

Your hands carefully wrap the clear plastic around the wildflower bouquet and set it to the side for an order. It’s one of your favorites, it isn’t restrictive, it’s a spontaneous but pretty bouquet. The sun was almost setting, which means you’re almost free. You untie your flower shop apron and glance over at Hitoshi surrounded by purple wolfsbane, his hair was so bright it’s like he belonged there. He was spritzing it with water and mindlessly checking for their health. As if noticing your glances, he brings one particularly ill-looking camellia plant over and carefully pushes it onto the counter.

Looking at you expectantly, he gestured toward the flower and said, “Alright, do your thing and save the poor soul.” 

You gently smile and your fingers snake around the base of the potted plant allowing your quirk to regenerate the life of the plant. You feel heat in your finger tips and little sparks of green are apparent while you watch the original rouge of the flower return into its venation. Once the flower regains its former beauty, Hitoshi grabs it and says, “Imagine what you could’ve done if you were a pro-hero like me. We would’ve been partners roaming the streets and protecting its citizens just like how we told mom we would.” 

Your hands quickly slip away from the counter and you turn away toward the window. “And I tell you the same answer over and over again Toshi, it’s just not my thing. We were kids. I promised mom I would take care of the flower shop and I know she wouldn’t want me to abandon it.” The slight tension that filled the air after you mentioned your mom was palpable. The silence was so painful that it almost physically hurt. Your hands balled into fists at your side and you try to relieve the awkward tense energy filling your body by doing menial tasks like counting stock. 

“I’m sorry, for uh, mentioning mom.” You mutter before timidly glancing at your brother who hasn’t spoken a word. His face was devoid of expression while he looked at you. Crap. I really struck a nerve this time around. 

He gave a half-smile and replied, “No one told you to abandon it. Just - consider it at least one of these days. I’d like to hang out with my blood, after all, you’re all I have left of mom.” Hitoshi untied his apron and folded it onto the counter quietly. He looked you in the eyes and spoke in small sentences, “I’m uh - gonna start to head upstairs to your apartment for a bit just to clear my head. I’ll see you in a bit.”

The guilt washed over you like an icy bucket of water. When Mom passed away, Hitoshi’s grieving process was complicated. After the burial, you couldn’t get in contact with him for 3 months, he just disappeared. Always leaving unreturned voice-mails and countless calls, you couldn’t take the stress of wondering where he was. You drove 3.5 hours to his place and stormed into his apartment. 

Before you could even open the door, your body froze. Whether it was the stupid sibling “intuition” or your own fear, it took every muscle fiber in your body to turn the spare key to his apartment. You opened the door and his apartment was absolutely horrific. The stench was a mixture of old food and unwashed laundry, plates were stacked high in the sink, shattered alcohol bottles and pictures of your mom littered the floor. When you got to his room, you found him on the floor curled up in a ball releasing the most gut-wrenching cry. His room was just as equally messy with the bed sheets haphazardly thrown off the bed, laundry basket overflowing, and no light in his room whatsoever. 

You’ll never forget that moment, you didn’t know what else to do except scoop him into your arms and hold him. You’re all he has left. He wasn’t wrong. 

Shaking yourself from the memory, the door to the storefront swung open with a little ring. “Hello, welcome to The Garden, how can I help you?” Familiar purple and olive skinned hands pressed flat against the counter filling your nose with a mix of leather and cigarettes. Your eyes trace up to find Dabi leaning onto your counter holding his chin up with a confident smile plastered across his face. 

“Hello angel, how’s it been since the last time we met? Missed me?” You rolled your eyes to try and hide the little sparks that flittered along your skin into your stomach. You met his eyes and brought your face to the same level as his leaving only a few inches of space between you two. “It was just last night, I couldn’t miss you even if I tried.” 

His eyes seemed to run down your features as if he was burning every inch of your face into his mind’s eye, stopping at your lips. “Well, I sure as hell missed you gently tending to me. So I just had to come back for round two.” This man is too damn smooth - it’s almost alarming. Straightening your posture, you returned your position at the register and asked him, “What’s the real reason you came to my flower shop and not my apartment?”

He straightened at your question and began to take a look around the entire flower shop. “You said I could ask you for help with absolutely anything. So I came here to your business to ask you for a favor as a prospective business partner.” You raised your eyebrows at his suggestion but figured it wouldn’t hurt to hear him out. Crossing your arms you pivot your attention toward the burnt man in the leather jacket. “Go on.”

His lips upturned into a half smile and glanced at you from the side. “I can’t say it here though, it’s a bit of a private affair. You know, just between you and I. I can’t just let anybody hear it.” Your brows furrowed in confusion. What the hell is he talking about? What kind of favor is this? 

Before you could inquire any further, he shook his head and shoved his hands into his ripped jean pockets. “I’ll call you and we can just meet up at a joint I know. Somewhere you and I can talk comfortably.” He pulls his phone out and hands it over to you expectantly. You tilt your head to the side still clouded in slight confusion but texted yourself from his phone nevertheless. He grabs his phone back from you and his other hand slides cash across the counter toward you. 

You laughed a little, “Dabi, what is this for? You don’t need to pay me for giving you my number.” He shook his head and picked up one hydrangea, “I’ll contribute to your business in exchange for helping me. Consider this my expression of gratitude if you will. It’s a pleasure doing business with you dollface.” 

Once his lanky figure disappears from sight, you finish closing up the register and lock the store. You’re not sure what it is about him but he makes you feel valuable and pursued. Maybe it’s just your heart getting a little lonely or bored, but it’s a nice feeling to be chased by another person. You flip the light switch, do one last check that all the closing tasks are done and post a little post-it note for the opening staff to look at. 

Going up the stairs to your apartment you notice that Shinsou was standing in your kitchen drinking a bottle of water looking slightly disgruntled. You fell onto the couch and gave your legs a much needed stretch from standing the entire shift. Turning toward Hitoshi, you frown and ask, “What’s got you all mad like that for? You look more dead than usual?” 

Your question seemed to shake his mind out of whatever was bothering him and he put on the warm smile you liked. “Nah, it’s nothing. Just stressed about work, big hero things.” You shrug it off and flip through channels on the TV, “Yeah, no that sounds like something out of my specialty. All you bro.” 

He approaches you onto the couch and after a few minutes of enjoying each other’s company, he asks, “Do you keep track of all the customers in your store?” You chuckle and turn to him, “Uh, not really Toshi. There’s usually too many people to keep count of. You know, there’s weddings, funerals, and the usual couples or filial children.” Before you could continue any further he replies abruptly, “Just watch out okay? Like I told you, I’ve been assigned to a nearby area. So I don’t want you letting your guard down.” 

Giving him a comforting nudge, you smile, “You know me better than that, you know I’m not like that.” He looks down and seems to be satisfied with your answer. He stretches his legs out and leans back on the other end of the couch opposite of you. “You cool with it if I sleep over in the guest room for tonight? I’m a little too lazy to drive back right now. Plus, I have a shift patrolling here tomorrow anyways since it’s my first day with the agency I was telling you about.” You kick him in the calf with the one leg that was resting on the couch. “So that’s what you were planning all along loser?” You shook your head and continued watching the TV. Hitoshi playfully sings, “I didn’t hear a no, so I’m gonna take it as a yes.” 

[elviraaxen]

Chrompoised - a retrospective, if you will

Hello I am back from instagram I'm gonna post more here now. I just wanna blabber abt my life and I'm on mobile so please excuse me not being able to add a "read more" 😃

Last time I was here for reals for reals I was like 21-22 really mentally ill and studying biology and then worked as a substitute teacher for a bit because I quit school due to my health being too bad.

Now I'm 25, went to art school and graduated, and have been diagnosed with adhd, I've been confirmed autistic, and I'm on meds, which is super cool 👍✨ really getting used to that Adult Mature Brain! Really wish I could've used it earlier lol.

I'm mostly writing this because I had a minor break down just now because I was looking through my old convos that I had with people in 2016-2017 on here, and I realized that I don't remember a single person, conversation or who I even was (seriously, my opinions man 😵)! That was scary and I've realized that it's one of the worst parts of my adhd, my memory is absolutely garbage, my emotional dysregulation is really bad some days, and I'm really sorry to anyone whose conversations or usernames I've forgotten because my brain just decided that "nope this is not useful" and discarded. And those people who I've randomly lashed out on because that day I was being particularly angry over something minor. I honestly feel really mean. If I could I would try to reach out again but it's literally been years and I have too much anxiety regarding rekindling my old memories because it makes me realize how much I've forgotten. Which is probably about 90% of everything that wasn't extremely memorable. Like, biology? What was that? I don't even remember my classmates names 😃

...

Another discovery I've made about myself is how I always seemed(maybe still do idk) to end up leaving friend groups and stuff like servers, because my brain would make up reasons to leave due to me having REALLY bad rejection sensitive dysphoria (adhd-related). It was rarely the other party's fault, and I've probably left up to 5 separate discord servers on different occasions because my dysphoria made it so bad that I had to pull out of everything so that "they wouldn't have the chance to kick me out first". The same thing would happen to closer friendships, where I would make up a reason to leave them, because my brain was convinced that they were secretly plotting to hurt me, and so we (as in my brain and I) had to run NOW before it was too late. Like yikes, I had no idea that was such a prevalent and destructive part of my life until maybe a few months ago! Really wish I knew that earlier so that I didn't burn so many bridges. I would probably still be friends with more than one or two people from the voltron fandom if I knew that about myself back then 😅 but oh well. It's been like 3 years, so it would be weird of me to just pop by like "hi. Sorry for being a pissy baby I'm neurodivergent 🥺 surprise!"

...

Idk i feel awfully nostalgic in the worst way today, probably because it's new years eve and I'm alone due to Covid (by choice, mind you), and I miss my friends. I haven't seen them since this summer when Covid wasn't as bad where I lived. And this app is making me think back on the person I was 4 years ago when I was questioning my will to live, and who I've developed into today and that all I can think about is how fun it is to make art and learn about art and how much more potential I have now that I'm medicated!!

Like happy fucking new year's y'all. what a ride. I have no idea what this post was. I love you, brush 2020 off your shoulders, and see you tomorrow for 2021 ok? Ok bye ❤️

[fandomtransmandom]

Alright so, it's two months later (to the day, oddly) and I'm back with another needlessly long personal post you're more than welcome to scroll past. But here goes...

Today, I surpassed one million words on AO3. One million. 177 stories. Since July 14th. Yes, of this year.

For perspective, I did a little research. Because it's not often I'm proud of myself for anything, really. At first I thought 'huh, I bet that's around half of the Harry Potter series, maybe...'

Wrong. The entire Harry Potter series is 1,084,170 words.

So, I totaled up all the stories I haven't published. Sometimes folks come to me with hyperspecific, or intensely private, requests and I don't share them. Or I write stuff for myself. All of those came out to 73,037 words.

So I'm less than 10k shy of having written that entire damn seven book's worth in alphabet p*rn all within the span of 139 days.

What. The. Fuck.

That is beyond bonkers to me. For those not familiar with word count, it's somewhere in the vicinity of 2000 pages. Nuts. Especially considering up until July, all I could seem to get myself to do was watch television, if that, talk to the singular friend I had at the time via text, and try to make it to tomorrow.

I am so thankful I've found this outlet, but more than anything I think I'm grateful for all of the people it's brought into my life. Wonderful friends, dedicated readers, and kindnesses that truly overwhelm me.

I never expected to get this reaction from people when I started sharing my silly little smut. In fact, I was (and frankly, still am) terrified of someone saying something critical that'll ruin my enjoyment of the process. But the outpouring of encouragement from people within the fandoms keeps me going. I know I never would've made it to this milestone without every kudos, comment, and message from all of you so thank you, thank you, thank you.

It blows me away. I can't fathom it. That the things I feel somehow manage to transfer to the page and folks want to read them.

And the concept that I might even be useful, might be doing a tiny hint of something worthwhile...mind boggling. I don't normally discuss it openly, but some may have gleaned from my works that I struggle with mental illness. I have schizoaffective disorder and the reason ya boi is able to annoy you by updating every day is because of that disability. I can't work in any regular fashion. I don't really go outside. My interactions with humanity are largely limited to the internet because of my symptoms.

So for most of my life I've felt broken, unproductive. I feel like I don't contribute to the world in any measurable way and in the especially dark times, I often thought no one would notice when I was gone for that reason.

But now I'm able to challenge that thought a little. Because, hey, I've got that filthy request you asked for to get around to still! Who else is going to write some angry sex with Vince Blight? Who else is going to serve up soft Pete Reynolds? Who else is cranking out that Angsty Queer Barry Shit?!

And I'm only able to even half believe that I have worth and that my writing is good because of all the lovely, incredible words you all have sent.

From the people who messaged me during the election (I'm American) to say it helped them deal, to the friend who rereads the fic I wrote to soothe after panic attacks sometimes, and my dear buddy who told me 'the way you write Bill with trans characters makes me feel wanted,' I just...it makes me emotional.

So thank you. I can't say it enough. Thank you. If it weren't for these million plus words, all of you, and of course my gorgeous, tall, blue-eyed, assless comedy muses, I think there's a good chance I wouldn't be here right now. And I'm so grateful that's not the case. Know I value all who took the time to read even one of my fics. I love all of you.

@it-bill @phantomofthegallifreyanopera @martymcdie88 @namirsolo

[nightmarerosely]

Okay well

There is going to be actual posts tomorrow or Wednesday, then I try to get back to my 20 pm post everyday. I got ill and can't write constant, but I almost finished my Garen request. Then you can prepare for some Thresh HC, the I want a baby meme again 4 new characters, a new template meme. And some other content.

Prepare eventually for some Ghibli extra at the weekend. I want to focus on one fandom (LoL) because It's hard to speak to a multifandom. But weekends maybe perfect for non LoL related stuff.

Requests still open

[flyswhumpcenter]

Requiem [Whumptober 2019 - Stab Wound]

Summary: Felix gets stabbed in front of someone that isn't quite like the others in his eyes. Someone whose voice he never wanted to hear this torn apart.

Fandom: Fire Emblem: Three Houses (Blue Lions route, post-Timeskip, implied) Ship: Pre-Rel Annette/Felix

Content Warnings: Stabbing, major injury, depictions of blood, canon-typical violence.

Wordcount: 1,175 words

Notes: I've finally written actual whump for this challege, hurrah! It's only taken the 8th day for me to do that! I didn't quite think I'd write FE3H stuff for this Whumptober, especially when most of my friends seem to have jumped to other fandoms, or are at least less into the game as they used to be. Tbh, same, but I didn't see any other fandom I could write "Stab Wound" for (except maybe Trauma Center, but, heh... wasn't inspired for that one, you could say). I absolutely love Annette/Felix and am honestly surprised I've never written for it before. I think "Get Out Alive" almost was for them instead of just being Felix making it out of a battlefield while bleeding out (the prompt for it being "Bleeding Out", actually). Their support chain is one of my favorites of the game and I just really like their dynamic? And it allows me to pump out all the damn fucking musical imagery like there's no tomorrow, they open the floodgates of my metaphors. Anyway I love them and I've wanted to write them and this prompt seemed like a great choice

Event hosted by @whumptober2019

AO3 version available here.

--------

Truth be told, Felix has always thought of fighting on a battlefield as a solitary, almost lonely experience. It’s always been to kill or be killed and counting entirely on one’s army is a sure way to end up deceased by the end of the day and, even worse, showing a severe weakness. As he hates dependence on someone else and vulnerability in almost the same amounts, he’s always carried his duty on with himself in mind and, piercing through the air, his leader’s orders. Relying on his instincts, techniques and observations is a much safer way to fight a war and nothing could ever change his mind about it.

 Although he may have counted a bit too much on his instincts.

 His ears pick up on a distressing sound. Instead of feeling enhanced by her singing voice, the lyrics melting away into a choir guiding his moves and thoughts, he hears Annette’s words being filled with pain, almost strangled. His eyes quickly follow to get a visual on the scene, rushing without thinking twice about it as soon as he sees her getting threatened by a guy almost twice her size and more than double her weight for sure, discarding the body he’s just slashed with his sword. His legs are almost running on their own at that point, adrenaline more than enough to serve as a substitute for the energy he’s just poured on the battlefield.

He won’t let this battle be her swan song, not before he’s heard her sing again and teased her on the lyrics and spontaneity of her habit.

 Alas, as he does to attack the axe wielder from behind with a sharp and to-the-point sword slash in the back, he doesn’t quite notice someone else sneaking up on him. When he does finally realize there’s a soldier waiting to kill him, it’s almost too late: their blades cross, and he feels like he’s getting punched, right before Annette’s horrified eyes. For a single moment, he wonders who is going to win, but he pushes his deep enough to inflict a mortal wound and, despite how ashamed he is of himself for having let his guard down this badly, he’s relieved to still be of the living.

 “F-Felix…!” Her voice still trembles, far away from the melodious tones she has in her mouth when she cleans the library or waters the plants. “Y-You…”

He turns his head towards her, about to reply with some witty banter, glancing quickly at the Kingdom’s forces winning against their enemy, when a sharp pain makes itself known on his flank. His sword drops on the grass before he can even think of catching it back, putting a hand on the suddenly sore spot. One of his knees buckle without warning.

“Felix!!”

 He looks at his fingers, noticing the red dripping from them and tainting the fabric of his gloves. Stretching an arm to recover his fallen weapon, the pain obvious and blurring his thoughts until they can’t be recognized. The wound is deep, he knows it from how lightheaded he now feels, the blood loss too major to be ignored. From all accounts, he’s potentially fatally wounded. If he’s won the ambush, he’s only done so by the skin of his teeth, and the blood keeps pouring.

 “I need help! Anyone, please, help us!!”

Annette’s voice is distorted by her fears and panic, her arms flailing widely in front of him. The singing usually haunting him everywhere he goes and whatever he does is now gone, instead replaced by an excruciating requiem. Surely he’s done for.

She kneels before him, letting go of an anxious breath, sniffling and sobbing. His knee buckles again, making him pitch forward, and she decides to instead put him on his back and look around, eyes sharp, the expression on her face constantly shifting between sorrow, fear and a fierce kind of anger he’s not seen her feel yet.

“I’m gonna repay you,” she tells him with hand sparking. “I’m gonna repay you, and you won’t die, and it’ll be fine, and Mercie’s gonna heal you, and it’ll all be okay, I promise,” she almost hyperventilates out, chest rising and downing at an ever-quickening pace.

 Not wanting to be quiet beaten in that territory, Felix tries rising to his feet, only for his own body to betray him at the last minute. Dammit, if he could just swing his sword around, he’d be fine being stuck there for a little bit, but he can’t even do that… His arms are weak, his legs have given up for now, and he has to watch Annette do all the dirty work he was supposed to be doing in the first place. Still, seeing this fierce side of her isn’t the most displeasing sight… If he wasn’t heavily blanking from his flank, if his head wasn’t feeling this heavy and this dizzy, it’d have been quite the sight to behold. Instead, he’s feeling his soul leave his body further and further, helpless, and he’d have rather died on the spot than be the witness of his own slow, disgraceful demise.

He also wishes Annette wouldn’t have had his blood on her delicate hands; but alas, it’s too late to have regrets.

 Eventually, after thunder upon thunder has struck the ground of the battlefield, Annette kneels back to him, examining the wound with tears in her eyes and horror plastered on her face. He feels like he should be telling her something to reassure her, but he’s never been good with words, and the state he’s currently in doesn’t make it any better…

“Mercie’s gonna be here soon, don’t… don’t worry! You won’t die!”

As if he was planning on doing so.

“Takes… more than that… to kill me…”

“I know…! I know, but you’re still dying, Felix!”

She isn’t wrong. In fact, she’s entirely right. He is dying and will be until Mercedes can do something about it.

 His consciousness, though, isn’t quite patient enough to wait for her to arrive to their position. Dammit… He’s always been impatient, but this is just ridiculous and ill-timed. He doesn’t want to die and wants even less to make Annette thinks he’s doing just that even further. He misses her smile even more so than he misses her songs, he figures, right as Mercedes’s voice echoes in the distance until it doesn’t anymore.

He holds on, clutching at the last shards of awareness he still has, as magic pieces back together some of the guilty wound. His vision dims to complete darkness while he’s being watched over by a gentle voice and a trace of the smile he’s wanted to see desperately all this time, leaving him with almost a sense of peace as he lets himself lose consciousness, certain he’ll somehow pull through it thanks to his companions.

 Seen like that, it’s quite the ironic fate and thoughts to have for someone like him; and yet, when he eventually wakes up, he can only show gratitude to the woman who saved him.

[softlywithhissong]

I’m calling bullshit on your hate.

STOP STEREOTYPING SANGWOO FANS!

I am a Sangwoo fan. I am also a Bum fan. A strange dichotomy, I know.

Both of these characters exhibit problematic behavior, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a fan of them, either individually or simultaneously. Does being a fan of either of these characters mean that you support these damaging behaviors in real life? NO. Calling out people who support REAL LIFE crimes is fine, but calling out people who are trying to enjoy being a fan of a FICTIONAL character IS NOT OKAY. You are clearly not helping real life people by doing so. You are being judgemental and self-righteous, shaming people to feel superior and patting yourself on the back for it. You not only contradict yourself several times, but you also act entitled to hate real people for liking something you personally don’t, have the arrogance to proclaim what the author “better not” do, and wish ill on real people. The hypocrisy is appalling. Do you not see the irony? You are not protecting people from real life abuse BY HATING ON REAL LIFE FANS of a fictional character. You are in fact engaging in verbally abusing real life people. It doesn’t matter what the character does; it’s fiction. Are there real people existing out in the big wide world who do crimes or support criminals? Yes, but to generalize, stereotype, and basically accuse FANS of being as bad as the people who do this or to conflate us and lump us together is disgusting, illogical, and highly offensive.

How can we “still stan his ass / this ship”? We can because the beauty of fandom is that you get to pick and choose what you like. You get to twist it up, turn it inside out, and make it into an AU parody of itself. ART IS SUBJECTIVE. It’s about what individual thing each and every one of us found gut wrenching or what pulled at our heartstrings. Don’t invalidate what other people found or resonated with just because it’s not the same thing you did. People fear different things. People emphasize, magnify, and conversely minimize different things based on what concerns each of us individually. That’s okay and people shouldn’t be shamed for having a different opinion. After all, being a fan is a form of opinion. And opinions are not facts. Don’t confuse the two; you holding an opinion does not make your opinion a fact.

Fiction is about emotional catharsis. It doesn’t matter that stealing a car or killing a dog are not crimes worthy of the death penalty in real life - I wanted to see John Wick kill all those fuckers for killing that little puppy.

And NOT ALL MEDIA should have a healthy or happy ending. Was Romeo and Juliet’s double suicide a healthy ending? NO. It was a tragedy! Tragedies have an important place in media. They often serve as cautionary tales. If you want another cliched boring “bad guy dies/goes to jail” ending, WHY ARE YOU SHAMING FANS WHO WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT? You have an endless supply of your preferred ending. Go watch one of the thousand CSI/detective/cop procedural shows. They are everywhere. While I enjoy psychological thrillers (AS RARE AS THEY ARE), I am also a fan of some great detective shows and murder mysteries. I could recommend so many fantastic ones. But some of us want a unique ending for Killing Stalking, even if that means something “unhealthy” by real life moral standards. It was labeled a psychological thriller, after all. Not a mystery. Not a detective story. It was also labeled BL, and even if it gets a twisted/unhealthy ending because of the psychological thriller genre, it still qualifies because twisted BL is still BL.

I do not excuse Sangwoo’s abusive treatment of Bum. I’m often disappointed and angry on Bum’s behalf. And while I find it difficult to believe canon Bum would be in a healthy relationship with anyone (and I would love to make a post about how I see his fondness for frogs as symbolism for his relationships), I still have the ability to enjoy the possibilities of a healthy fanon-based relationship or even appreciate the grim take of a tragic and/or twisted unhealthy ending. This is how I still ship Sangbum in certain contexts, but not always, because context matters and it depends. I know that sentence sounds ridiculous, but that’s how it works! Because it’s OKAY TO SHIP FICTIONAL UNHEALTHY SHIPS. Because it’s fiction. And if people can vent their issues through the written word in order to not do so in real life, good. Many people find reading/writing therapeutic. Some authors write a lot of problematic behavior as angst. Do they deserve hate? NO. There are plenty of instances when I have shipped a healthy ship but not shipped it (and in fact wanted them not to end up together) in certain fics because I felt the fic had portrayed an unhealthy relationship. But did I send hate to the author of that fic when that ship ended up together anyway? NO. Just because it ended in a way I didn’t like didn’t give me or anyone else the right to spread hate or shame over a fictional story.

Also, as a Bum fan, I do not appreciate seeing any victim blaming of Bum. There’s some out there (including your despicable “Bum better not” comment), but at least this hate is not anywhere near the amount of Sangwoo hate. As a fan of both characters, I can see that there is clearly so much more Sangwoo hate out there. And it’s fine to criticize, dislike, or even hate Sangwoo as a character, but it’s NOT OKAY to hate on his fans. He is a fictional character, but his fans are real people.

I am a fan of Sangwoo because he is an intriguing, complex, and well-written character. He’s got flaws. All characters do. And I understand his flaws are pretty damn big. But I understand that he’s a fictional character. I would never support a real person committing such crimes or abuse. So, frankly, while you may find my being a fan “annoying” - I will not be shamed or hated upon.

To quote my sister, “In the safety of fiction, we can deconstruct the complexities of what’s morally gray.”

In other words, exploration through FICTION, discussion, and debate are welcome. Hateful posts are not.

This is a long post, so I’ll put my further calling bullshit on arguments made by haters behind a “Keep Reading” link:

Also, the criticisms for being a fan because of “fetishizing gay men” are bullshit. Firstly, anything anyone finds hot could be labeled “fetishizing” which is ridiculous. Secondly, some fans are gay men who are not “fetishizing” - they are simply enjoying the story even if it is twisted. (It’s okay to be a fan of a story that portrays an unhealthy relationship; not every story is meant to be a moral standard.) But also, this bullshit argument is just reducing people down to a ridiculous stereotype used to stifle women in fandom. This has been used through the ages and it is wrong. Are there possibly straight women out there objectifying gay men the way straight men would objectify gay women? Yeah, there’s probably some. But I’ve been in fandom a LONG time and this is not representative of fans in general, let alone all female fans. How about you let women consume all forms of media they find identifiable, cathartic, containing unique storyline with complex flawed characters, or even (gasp) entertaining? Stop shaming people. And maybe especially - don’t resort to misogynistic tropes to do so. I think it’s safe to say that fans (including female fans) generally tend to be a fan for more than just a character’s appearance and body parts. There’s usually character traits, personality quirks, things that draw you to go beyond casual reading/watching into becoming a fan.

Personally, I identify with stories portraying gay relationships equally as much if not more than with stories portraying heterosexual relationships. Maybe that’s because I’m bisexual, but I don’t think so. I believe that straight people can also find themselves identifying with the story and the struggles portrayed - no matter what the sexual orientation of the pairing portrayed.

You think I only like portrayals of gay men rather than women? No, I like both. Killing Eve is a fantastic example of a fandom that I would love to see grow! I despair at how small the fandom is compared to my usual fandoms, but it’s new! It can grow and I can’t wait for season 2. The harsh reality, though, is that f/f ships tend to be smaller fandoms. This may be due to so few well-written female characters in general throughout media - though, this is improving and having more female writers in media helps. Killing Eve has great characters and really great writing, so hopefully they can buck this trend and grow a decently large fandom featuring f/f ships. Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe from Legends of Tomorrow are a pretty big ship, which is heartening, and Xena/Gabrielle from Xena Warrior Princess were an absolute juggernaut back in the day (kudos to anyone who recognized Xena from my main tumblr’s icon).

You think I only like hot men? Or that I excuse the actions of killers who are hot men? NO. I watched The Fall with Gillian Anderson and Jamie Dornan, where Jamie Dornan played the serial killer and NO - I was not a fan of his character, let alone attempted to excuse any actions by his character whatsoever, even after they explained his tragic backstory. And You on Netflix is just too obnoxious in my personal opinion for me to even watch. But I’d never take time out of my day to hate on any fan who enjoys it.

Calling out problematic stuff in media is fine, but don’t use it as an excuse to spit vitriol and hate at fans who you disagree with.

P.S. Seriously, ask me for recs of good detective shows/murder mysteries. I’ve got so many I could recommend that are way better written than most. Want a female detective? I’ve got plenty. Want a gay male detective? Got it. Want a murder mystery twist where the murderer wins? Got that.

[dickgreyson]

I don’t really have specific specifics but just when you express your opinion on something you’re unnecessarily cruel towards to opposing viewpoint. Like instead of saying ‘I like ____ better than ____’ I notice that you tend to say ‘____ is literally the best (film/comic/character) and ____ is awful I cant see how anyone could like it it’s trash’ obviously this is an oversimplification but you get the jist. Fandoms are toxic enough without these bits of negativity thrown in unnecessarily

sorry that im prone to hyperbole but if you check my tags its usually pretty obvious that what i say is tongue in cheek. like on days when i pick on tim the tags say something like “i miss him and just wish he was held accountable. ill like him again tomorrow” like thats just kinda what im like. i mean i can maybe work on it a bit but i personally find the stuff i post funny, and this is an outlet for me. comics are my stress relief in my down time from uni, work, and an insane family. like please dont tell me to go do something else, this is my something else. i dont take this very seriously, im just here for a laugh. i get what you mean, ill try and soften the edges, but like this is just kinda what im like :/

[apprentice-nylah]

So since I didn’t catch that we finally got Book XXI - The World until now... I’m doing my usual first impressions of playing through and my thoughts. Since (I think?) this is the end of Nadia’s route, I believe I’ll do an overall thoughts in a different post later on when I’ve digested everything. 

Both my thoughts on the Upright ending and Reversed ending are under the cut. I play through Nadia’s route only. But this is a much longer than normal post. And it goes without saying, but a lot of spoilers under the cut. 

Upright Ending

- ITS FINALLY HERE?!?@?!??@~

- Backroom of the shop but in red... okie

- oh is this uhm.. when the apprentice first got revived? 

- snow

- oh what did nadia legit visit the apprentice when.. wait... 

- okay so basically you can only pick “youve come to the right place!” even though theres an option for “wait this isn’t right.”

- YoU’Re hEr FiAnCe!!!

- NO YOURE PERFECT FOR HER

- is it going to be the fool card???

- ok the high priestess, I can accept that

- THE LOVE OF MY LIFE (can you hear me screaming irl) 

- this is all the devils fault so “the devil will pay for this”

- aw nadia gushing about the apprentice is so cute

- “I’ll always find you.” fuck ye

- uhm.. apprentice wise probably “id turn into a phoenix.” 

- lived on the moon.. “i’d live there too.” 

- it was cheesy but u loved it anyway

- im actually squealing irl about nadia

- winkie sprite again ;0

- back where it started then eh

- “it has no power” 

- renovating it would be a nice touch i think

- death 

- “this IS a pickle” 

- a ruse cruise l0l

- “you’re right” can’t believe i’m taking advice from death

 - letting go of the past

- i don’t want to worry u queeeen

- this scene is familiar from asras route i think though i didn’t play it to this point, just have seen screenshots of it

- aw nadia

- that “back off zombie” option just reminds me of that heath inspector spongebob episode for some reason, but i’m going with “i wouldn’t say that”

- you could but u won’t

- “emotionally traumatizing zombie card” lmao

- ooo his thone room is kinda cool art wise

- i still love the devils art even tho i kinda hate him

- “do you ever stop talking” theres no other option to choose obviously

- nadia lecturing the devil is everything

- mortals but the apprentice is basically the fool so idk how true that exactly is

- WE WON

- what kind of person exactly WAS nadia if her family is this shocked that she wants them to visit, jeez

- fashion show lmfao

- natiqa gunna stay oo

- aw muriel and asra is still cute as fuck

- awww the baker getting to be procurator. thats also cute as fuck

- volta as official taste tester l0l

- portia totally has a crush on nahara and no one can convince me otherwise

- “i’m not ready to leave” 

- i swear they keep mentioning things on fire and although shes prob referring to the one we were there for, theres always so many stories involving the satrinavas that include setting things on fire and i want to hear all the stories

- “lets bother valerius” we owe him for it still

- “he deserves it” my thoughts exactly

- YOU BET I REMEMBER IT

- “what we’ve done!!”

- sprite artttttttt

- eeeeeee.

I do feel like the ending is somewhat anti-climactic. I would have loved to see the wedding and all that cute shit, but perhaps it could be a tale later on. Or it also gives fandom creators some room to let the imagination run wild and that’s always a positive thing as well. 

I haven’t looked around much, but i think theres some discourse about the endings, though when is there not discourse in the fandom lmfao. I will say that i think this does really play into what I said before that the upright ending and route playthrough is all about change. This is the person Nadia is capable of being at her best and her reversed ending the person she could be if she had stayed on the path she was set on. (or at her worse, if you prefer that). 

as said, I think I’ll put an overview thoughts in a different post, but I think book XXI was a pretty decent wrap up, though obviously I wish there had been more of it. 

Reversed Ending

- I’m still like.. not as mad about the reversed ending as a lot of people seemed to be, but also i agree with the apprentice. PANIC

- okay im really keen on domination and shit but being a possession of another person is really a no-no for me. but i get it nadia... this isn’t ur best u

- the devil really has a fetish for red, don’t he

- I think this place is never gunna let u go anyway tbh

- learning more about the devils nature and knowing that nadia is eventually gunna be the devil is just like... why.

- “which would u prefer” 

- u bet im gunna be fucking cheeky

- “ill obey” ig. idk what the “right answer” is so...

- say nothing

- nadias eyes are fucking creepy like what

- tbh i can’t believe this somehow backfired on the devil like... i didn’t think he was actually this stupid

- “its beautiful” 

- okay her devil sprite is hot asf. i admit it. 

- “of course’ 

- so valarius rules vesuvia now?

- its kinda of sad to see her relationship with the high priestess gone

- okay, also a hot CG

- “gimme!” tho i’m sure shes gunna make me beg or something wild

- “let me thank you properly” 

- kiss every inch of her

- thats kinda sweet in a weird sort of way

- “youre mine” 

- they fucked didn’t they

- youre going to free her... >.>

Okay, i have... thoughts. While I’ve said that I do believe that the Reverse ending is supposed to be Nadia as the person she was at the beginning of the story (or at least in some ways with some of her less desirable traits amplified to the max), this just seems... weird after playing the Upright ending. 

Obviously this makes sense if you played the route as a reverse ending. The apprentice is super dedicated to Nadia that they’ll follow her blindly, even if it means harming other people. You fail to see her faults and instead just tell her that people who criticize her are wrong. But like I said, I think the Devil honestly being that idiotic that he actually gave her the power to defeat him is just wild. In a way where there has to be a lot of suspension of disbelief for that to be a thing. But okay. This is where we are. 

I do think a lot of the domination/physical scenes with Nadia were super hot and wish we had gotten a bit more in the Upright ending, but since I have both endings, I can live with getting the emotional lovey stuff in one and the steamy physical stuff in another. THat’s fine. Also, I really do love Nadia’s Devil sprite. The art is great for it. 

Anyway, those are just some thoughts I had on my first play through. I’ll probably do a full reflection tomorrow when I’ve sort of had more time to process my feelings. As for what I’ll do with the Arcana now that Nadia’s route is over... I’m not sure. I’m not super hot on Portia, though I like her. Just not in a “I want to romance her way.” Maybe I’ll play through Muriel since I think he’s sweet and I thihnk his story will be super interesting. And As much as I hate Lucio in this route, I’m kinda of interested in how they’re planning on writing his route.