#ill post em once i eventually get up

[sierrale8ne]

40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS CHAPTER FOUR

thought i’d be lying if i said ‘i didn’t want you to myself.’ when you look me in my eyes and, tell me that it’s mine, i…

pairing wnba!paige bueckers x singer!oc

taglist @thaatdigitaldiary @rosemariiaa @patscorner @makethemhoesmad @wbbgetsmewetter @authentic-girl03 @ohbueckers

kalena speakss 🪽! i had no clue what to write for this chapter but i scrapped something together and here it is! pls know this was supposed to be out like two hours ago but most of it got deleted and i had to rewrite it, so ignore any typos for the moment, ill fix em eventually 😭

May 2025 — Los Angeles, California

My leg bounces anxiously in the passenger seat of Julian’s car. The vehicle is silent, oddly enough, a complete 180 turn from the atmosphere of the last few days.

Things were really good. Julian and I were getting along better than ever, date nights and sleepovers. Up until we were arguing again. About schedules, staying out late, and of course the biggest disagreement in our relationship; the public.

We stayed up through all the hours of the night last night yelling at each other because I didn’t post about our date on my story; which I thought was childish but Julian evidently thought it was very serious.

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe it was a big deal. Even when I thought about it from his perspective, I would probably be upset too. But the issue was we’ve talked about this before, countless times.

I sat looking out the window, an air-pod in my right ear that softly played music to keep my head clear. Briefly interrupted by my text tone going off.

Marayeeeee

Paige. Obviously. She’s been the most consistent number in my phone since the dinner party a while back.

don’t ask me for more banana pudding please

You trippin 😭😭

Wanted to see if you were busy, I miss you

“Who’s that?” Julian asks me.

“Just Paige.” I responded, my eyes only briefly looking up from my phone to look at him. It didn’t take a genius to notice how his demeanor changed. The slight roll of his eyes, and the shift in his seat.

“You guys have been talking a lot lately, no?”

He would be right. Aside from the texting throughout all hours of the day, we’ve gone out for lunch a few times over the last couple weeks. She was good company, and very easy to get comfortable around.

“Yeah, something like that.”

i’m actually heading to the airport rn…

Oh

Where to?

dallas! i have a few shows in texas and atl

but i’ll be back next weekend since you miss me so bad ;)

She doesn’t respond right away and I take that as the opportunity to shut my phone off and stick it into my pocket.

Julian lets out a long sigh as his hand runs over his face. “You know we still have to talk about last night, right?”

“What is there to talk about if we’re just gonna keep disagreeing?” I ask softly, trying to avoid raising my voice and starting yet another argument.

“You want me to stop bringing it up? Fine. But don’t get mad when I don’t put up with it anymore.”

The LAX drop off comes into my view and I turn my head to avoid looking at him once more. I don’t miss the lump that sits in my throat, or the tears that sting my eyes. I’ve never considered myself emotional, normally just keeping how I felt to myself or writing it in music, but that one stung.

“Okay Ju.” I shake my head, unbuckling my seatbelt when the car comes to a stop. “That’s fine.” I comment before stepping out of the car. Even after all that, he still hops out to help me get my bags, and I know he’s upset with me and I’m just as upset with him but the way he hugs me and kisses my forehead nearly makes me forget about it.

Nearly.

Because even then, I’m thinking about how his arms don’t feel like they used to. And after a few seconds the kiss that is lingering on my forehead just feels like slobber that I can’t wait to wipe off.

—

May 2025 — Las Vegas, Nevada

I sit comfortably on my hotel bed, a game playing as background noise in front of me and film on my iPad. We play the Aces tomorrow on prime time television and though I should probably be getting some rest, there’s only one person that could possibly be keeping me up at midnight before game day.

Maraye. Obviously.

I can see every bit of her from the phone screen. She’s laying on her bed quite literally giving me a show of her entire upper body. She has on a gray tank top, and I have to remind myself to look up at her face rather than the way her tits sit in that top.

“Paige?”

“Yeah, sorry. What did you say?”

“I said shouldn’t you be watching film instead of me?” She joked. I turned my head before she could get a look of the flush of my face.

“Yes, actually, but you wanted to talk about um, what’s his name again?”

“Julian?”

“Yeah him, and I’m trying to be a good friend.” I shrugged. “What was the issue again?”

Maraye sulks on the other line, shaking her head before speaking. “It’s like we always argue about the same shit. I don’t have the energy to put up with it anymore.”

I’m probably the world’s biggest asshole for giving her relationship advice while wanting her in my bed right now, but oddly enough there isn’t a bone in my body that cares.

“Don’t y’think you should tell him that? That it’s tiring or something?” I suggest. My head leans to the side to get a better look at her and it’s so hard to stay focused on the topic at hand when she’s looking the way she does right now.

Maraye’s skin is glass. I swear if I were to look hard enough I would see my reflection in it. There’s a few freckles that sit on her skin that I can’t just barely see in the light. She has on her reading glasses, wide round frames that complement her brown skin and brown eyes beautifully.

“I tried! But then it makes me look like the bad guy, and I don’t wanna seem like an asshole.”

“How would you be the bad guy for saying how you feel? It’s not that hard, I mean you’re doing it with me right now.”

She laughs at this. “That’s not the same.”

“Yeah? How?”

There’s a silence on the other end, and I notice the way she breaks eye contact with me. Her head turning away from the phone screen and instead looking up somewhere else in the room.

She’s right, it’s not the same. I’m not the one she goes home too, or will introduce to her family, no matter how often I daydream that I am. Nevertheless, still I convince myself that it is.

“We’ve been friends as long as you guys been together, and you can tell me everything, right? Why not him?” I ask. My eyes trail away from the phone screen and over to my iPad to make the silence a bit more comfortable.

“You’re just easier to talk to, Paige. I don’t know.” Her voice trails off at the end of her sentence. “I’m just being dramatic, it’s fine.”

Now in the last two-ish weeks that I’ve been blessed with the pleasure to call Maraye my friend, I’ve picked up on quite a few habits of hers. One of which, being her ability to toss her feelings to the side as if they don’t matter. There’s probably nothing I hate more than that.

“No you’re not.” I sigh, looking back at her. “I’m sorry, but if he’s gonna be mad about how you react to how he’s made you feel instead of fixing it, then he ain’t the one for you, angel. You should find someone who is.��

—

June 2025 — Atlanta, Georgia

Paige’s words have hung over my head like a cloud over the last week.

I’ve made a great handful of friends since leaving Atlanta for LA, all of which I’d like to think have made huge impacts in my life, but none of which even compare to my friendship with Paige.

She’s amazing. Not a flaw in her Godsend personality. And not just in the building-a-grocery-store-in-her-hometown kinda way, but in literally every way imaginable. I laugh harder around her, she gives me amazing advice, and we just clicked almost instantly. It was so, different?

That’s probably the best word, different.

At first I thought it was admiration. I was a fan of hers and as such I felt a certain way about being friends with her. It felt good.

In reality, my idea couldn’t possibly be more far fetched.

I’ve never once questioned my sexuality. For me, my “normal” has just always been guys. There was never a girl friend of mine that made me feel a certain way, or a girl crush that was anything more than a brief fixation. So believe me when I say that how I feel about Paige— when she texts me, or calls to say she misses me, and especially when she calls me angel— that is far from my normal.

It all happened too fast, too much for me to process. I thought my connection with Julian was quick, I mean after a week I was all about him. But me and Paige? We clicked off of one conversation, maybe even the second she fell into my lap at the game. I have no idea how to feel about that.

So as a result, I haven’t spoken to her since that night in Dallas. It thought it would be simple, since it gave me the opportunity to focus on my shows and my career. Yet, all it has me doing is fucking missing her.

I’m seated on the couch in my dressing room backstage before my show in Atlanta. My thumb is hovering over the girl’s contact. Her contact photo stares back at me dangerously. It’s a photo of the two of us from Cameron’s dinner party, Paige’s nose is scrunched as she throws up a peace sign and I’m showing all 32 while throwing up one of my own.

I’m about to press the contact. I don’t know much but I assume she doesn’t have a game tonight, and all I want before going on stage is to hear her voice as she talks about literally anything.

I don’t care about how wrong it feels to be thinking about her in this way, or the fact that I should probably be on stage in less than 10 minutes. All I’m thinking about is Paige.

So yeah, I’m about to click on the dial button when the janky silver door knob twists open. I catch a peak at some royal blue flowers before all 6 feet and 3 inches of Julian steps through the door. My face doesn’t even try to mask its shock.

He looks handsome in his outfit. He always does. A white shirt with a black zip up hoodie along with jean shorts and a pair of Timbs. He’s gotten a haircut, I can tell from how clean his lineup is. His natural curls are pulled into cornrows down the back of his head.

It’s my first time seeing his face in a few days and in person since our awkward goodbye at LAX last week. Oh yeah, I haven’t spoken to him very much this past week either. Oddly enough, it was easier to do than with Paige.

When he steps closer, Julian hands me the flowers first before sitting next to me on the couch.

“What’re you doin’ here?” I ask incredulously. He pulls me into a hug from where we sit on the couch, cologne travels through the air and up into my nose. Dior Sauvage, I could point it out anywhere.

“I haven’t seen you in a minute.” Julian says. He leans into me and our lips connect softly, much different to the manner we’ve been treating one another with over the last couple weeks. Even then I don’t hesitate when I kiss him back. His lips feel so familiar, and they are because I haven’t felt them in quite some time. “Thought I should surprise you.” He mutters against my lips.

I pull away haphazardly, his eyes stare back into mine. Only this time it’s not as familiar, namely the fact that they aren’t big blue orbs that I swear dilate ever so slightly when they look at mine.

My feet lift me off the couch and over to the vanity. I place the flowers he gave me, roses, on the surface. “Sure did surprise me.” I joke. When I turn back around, with my hands pressed to the vanity chair behind me, Julian is manspreading slightly, the look on his face one that I call suggestive. “I have to be on stage in like… seven minutes.” I announce awkwardly with a glance to the gold watch on my wrist.

“So?”

“So, you have to get outta here and I have to finish up sound stuff.” I explain. My fingers fix the smeared lip gloss on my chin while I look down at him.

Julian stands up and approaches me, it’s times like this where I forget how tall he actually is. And the shoes on his feet give him another inch or two.

“What’s up wit’ you, babe? If you don’t want me here, I can go back to LA.” I don’t like the tone in his voice, mainly because it’s pointed as if he wants to say something to me but knows that it would upset me.

“What? No, I literally have to be on stage. You know how Kaylee gets.” I tell him. My hand reaches up for his tanned cheek and he doesn’t fight me off. I hear my phone ring in on the couch, but I can’t take it on stage with me so ignore it. It’s probably Kaylee cursing me out for being late.

Julian presses a kiss to my palm and I internally shudder. “You sure?” Just like that his tone is different. It’s the soft and deeper baritone that made me fall for him in the first place, not the aggressive accusatory voice I’ve become used to.

I nod. My mouth opens up to speak when I’m cut off by multiple bangs on the door before it swings open.

“Julian, I told you to wait until after the show. Raye we gotta go, now!” It’s Kaylee, as it always is. She reaches for my arm, which is bare due to my stylist's decision to fit me in a strapless top for tonight’s show. “You give me gray hairs, I swear.” She mumbles as she pulls me away from Julian.

In my head I’m silently thanking her for what I think was either Julian trying to have sex with me or him trying to start an argument about me not wanting to have sex with him. Either way I’m thankful.

As we leave, I hear my phone ring again from the couch. Julian reaches for it, and just before the door shuts I see him press a button and toss it back onto the couch.

It shouldn’t bother me because I have bigger priorities, namely the crowd of 10,000 people who paid money for this show. But still, it plays in the back of my mind while Kaylee scolds me and my sound manager fits the earpiece to my ear and puts the microphone in my hand.

[absolutelyzoned]

STEP RIGHT UP, FOLKS! GET YOURSELF A BIIIG, MEATY FILL OF SOME OF THE MOST NOXIOUS, TOXIC, OBNOXIOUS, DISGUSTING SHIT AROUND!! HOW VILE CAN YOU BE!?

(t-60 blinkie by @sillylittlereptileguy)

info + more blinkies under cut:

ABOUT ME

basic info and stuff:

► my name is viktor and im a guy if that wasn't obvious 💯💯💯

► im a minorrr L L L imagine. that doesnt stop me though i WILL match your freak

► for legal reasons everything on here is a joke :3

► i also make blinkies when i find the motivation feel free to request em in my ask box

interests:

► big fan of music. femtanyl, kmfdm, and one, thares. more. but im not listing everything 👅

► videogames. theres a lot of em. cod, postal, helldivers, half life, no man's sky, fallout, tf2, portal.. ill add more when i can think

► various movies n tv shows. the boys, band of brothers, gotham... ill add more eventually i promise... also once again, im open to recommendations. always. not sure where to put hlvrai but that's a big one

► in case it wasn't obvious enough, i like guns. and war. TRENCH WARFARE ESPECIALLY I LOVE TRENCH WARFARE!!!!!!! i post about that a lot. mostly yearning for the trenches. i started that. i love the trenches !!!!!

things you (dont) NEED to know 🔥🔥

► uhhhh im probably bi but im in denial i HATE women real men sleep with OTHER MEN

► feel free to tag me in anything. send asks any time, and mutuals can dm. i am not great at responding to things but i will do my best 🫡

► big fan of gman. they call me john gman. they don't know im gman..

hobbies:

► jacking off

tbh. i don't care who interacts with me!! go crazy. the block button is my best friend. not much makes me uncomfortable though ❤️

more blinkies:

[bunnyinfoxclothing]

Do you have anymore chaggie rants? Would love to hear em

You're in luck. It's 2 am again and I have awoken to more head cannons and ideas.

If I do more of these most will probably be about Vaggie, because I love my girl.

that being said:

Vaggie is a self fulfilling prophecy that Charlie simply won't let happen.

So for anyone who doesn't know. Self fulfilling prophecies, in psychology, refer to someone who has an expectation or belief that can influence their behaviors, thus causing the belief to come true.

Vaggie is someone with abandonment issues (Chaggie mental illness twins)

Charlie is someone who wants to never be alone, so holds tight onto whomever she can, and is extra forgiving in wanting them to stay. (I will expand on this if anyone wants)

Vaggie on the other hand, expects abandonment to be excruciatingly painful. It's not a logical thought nor is it even a conscious one. She just has a feeling that the moment she messes something up she will be left hurting.

That also means that anytime there is even the slightest fuck up, Vaggie will run away. She preemptively leaves to avoid that hurt.

But Bun that's not a self fulfilling prophecy

Gimme a sec i'm getting there.

Now Vaggie also doesn't have it in her to fully abandon Charlie. She has heard Charlie's fears of being alone, and can never do that to her.

That being said, this is where she starts treating Charlie like Charlie is going to abandon her.

Isolation

Reduced Physical Contact

One-sided Emotional Disconnect

Manipulation

Vaggie does anything to distance herself emotionally from the situation while still being there for Charlie.

If this is prior to being in a relationship it is spending more time in her own room. If it is post relationship it is just more time spent doing different things. Where they used to do chores together Vaggie will outright just start on something without telling Charlie, or work on something else entirely.

Vaggie isn't as touchy with Charlie, maybe not cuddling up to Charlie, but letting Charlie cuddle up to her. Only participating in physical closeness if Charlie initiates.

Being there for Charlie emotionally, but dealing with all of her emotional turmoil on her own.

Purposefully painting herself in the worst light possible at any given situation in an attempt to 'be honest' to Charlie about who she is. Hiding the good things because Charlie knows the good things, but pointing out every bad miss step she herself has taken since.

All of this is in an attempt to emotionally disconnect herself to what is coming and push Charlie towards the abandoning her, so she has control over when it happens.

And Charlie just doesn't let her.

Charlie isn't always 100% aware of when Vaggie goes into this self destructive behavior.

So sometimes it's just a moment of: Charlie feeling overly affectionate that it forces Vaggie to be unable to do one or a few of her isolation tactics.

And Charlie is just so proud of her for being honest, and their in hell so what more could she expect...

And so Vaggie just fails at distancing herself, so eventually when the guilt goes away Vaggie is just left still in Charlies arms like... huh?

And other times, Charlie is fully aware of the self destructing train wreak that is coming.

So she talks Vaggie through it. She provides ample times for Vaggie to comfort her. Gives Vaggie every once of praise every time Vaggie does something for her, just so in Vaggie's tally, the positive things she has done far outweigh any bad Vaggie can come up with.

Charlie turns up the charm, to wear down Vaggie's walls and force her to ask for cuddles. Then cuddles Vaggie until she's squirming out of Charlie's arms.

Charlie casually gentle parenting Vaggie's manipulation tactics like:

Well, yeah sure you could say that you placing your spear by the door was a tripping hazard, but if you think about it, it was very kind of you to leave your spear by the door so we can have a more comfortable cuddle time. And while it wasn't nice for me to trip on it, and it could have been very dangerous for any of our guests to trip on it, we have seen in the past that a lot of dangerous people come to the hotel, so thank you for looking out for us. How about next time we find a safer place to put your spear, so that it is still near the door, but out of the way. Does that sound good? Perfect.

And Vaggie is forced to be like. Oh, yeah, my actions are easily fixable. Why was I so stressed before?

[ibeblizzard12]

…….……🐾🦴🖤🎀🖤🦴🐾………….

Haiii I’m Nyx!! I’m an edblr!! She/they(anything workz but they/them is preferred but idc tbh), intp/intj, in high school(my age is one of these: 14, 15, or 16),pro recovery, not pro ana, caffeine addicted virgin, aroace but idm flirting for funz, MINOR!!!, very mentally ell, not much trauma tbh, hello kitty/sanrio obsession, junkorexic, cutecore/cutegore/2020 e kid, minor aspirin addiction, insomniac, biological girl(I identify as one as well), cat person, sh, multiple mental illnesses, luvz video games like dti omori ddlc yanderesimulator sims4, usually stayz up untilz 2-5am, probably anemic, likes 2 drawz, likes 2 smoke and do drugs(usually snorts em), been in mental hospitals before, I’ve tried to kms once or twice lol, needz 24/7 distraction so I don’t think about kms, ed is a copping mechanism for meh, on antidepressants, tried therapy before doesn’t work for for meh tho cuz imz a minor, very few safe foodz, very picky, multiple personalities, brunette, youngest child, can never tell if I’m a victim(like it’s not my fault I’m this way I just have a bunch of mental problems) or the absuser(I deserve to be miserable cuz i manipulate people and I think of them as entertainment I would kill them without a second thought if I could get away with it and I wouldn’t feel guilty for it and I literally can’t feel empathy ect), underweight, hates physical touch, always eepy, hates myself :P

I AM NOT PRO ANA IM AM FUCKING PRO RECOVERY SO DONT FUCKING REPORT MEH THIS IS MY DAMN SAFE PLACE AND MY ONLINE DIARY I AM NOT TRYING TRIGGER ANYONE U ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR UR OWN TRIGGERS JUST LET ME HAVE THIS BLOG I AM VERY MENTALLY UNSTABLE AND THIS BLOG IS A WAY TO DISTRACT ME FROM MY SUI IDEATION MY MOOTS ARE ONE OF THE REASONS I HAVENT KMS YET PLZ JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND JUST BLOCK ME NO REPORTING IS NOT GOING MAKE ME RECOVER THE MORE I GET REPORTED THE MORE DEPRESSED I GET MY ED IS MY COOPING MECHANISM I KNOW ITS NOT A GOOD ONE I AM FULLY AWARE THE DANGERS OF AN ED BUT IM JUST GONNA KMS IF U KEEP REPORTING ME SO YOULL BE THE REASON I FUCKING DIE🖕

DNI-

homophobics/transphobics, misogynists, people who have mdni in their bio, under 13, 27+, creeps, pro ana people(but if ur not gonna comment anything pro ana on my posts then idm), pedifles, people in recovery(but if we’re already mootz then can still interact just not on my blog or just block the tags that ur recovering fromz), non mentally ell blogs, men if their over 21, gen alphas(I don’t count 13/14ys), people w fat or skinny or sh fetishes, people who want report meh or my mootz

(Keep reading if u wannaz know more about meh)

DIAGNOSED W-

anorexia, depression, adhd, anxiety, minor autism, minor ocd, sui ideation, arfid 

NOT DIAGNOSED BUT I MIGHT/PROBABLY HAVE-

bulimia(100% sure I have it(kinda trying to recover fromz it tho), aspd(psychopath), bipolar, DID

RANDOM MENTALLY ILLNESS SHIT ABOUT MEH-

convinced that their are multiple eyes always watching me idm why and I always draw them for some reason I feel that always watching me especially at nightz their in the wallz and in the my bl00d and my tears, since I was 9 would pretend to have an audience(like I was a YouTuber or smt) and I would talk to the audience but eventually the audience became an imaginary person/personality that I talk/think to(probably cuz I’m lonely) when ever I do something I think smt like, “we need to do blah blah blah.” I can’t stop myself from thinking we instead of I and idk if it’s normal, my eds are cooping mechanism except arfid I’ve that since was two after I choked on a certain food I would always(unintentionally) puke if my parents would try to make me eat a food I didn’t like even at the sight or smell of it so know I always think of certain foodz and meat/eggs/seafood especially w the fear that I’m just gonna puke it so I’m naturally VERY picky for the longest time I would literally only eat angle hair pasta w ketchup idc if u think itz gross it was my safe food rn my main safe food is energy drinks but I can’t have that all the timez, I have social anxiety and used to get panic attacks when I was in crowds it’s a bit better now tho, ive tried to kms before(was gonna hang myselfz) but I managed to stopz myself(it was really hard),  I’m actually quite manipulative when I want 2 be lmao, moody teenager, I have to be awake at night and keep myself distracted so thatz that thoughtz(sui stuff the eyes ect) can’t torment me so I try to stay awake until I’m too tired 2 keepz thinking

I’m am pro recovery I am not pro ana plz just leave me alone on this I’m not fat phobic I try not 2 be but keep in mind I don’t have a conscience, I really don’t care if ur fat I just have bad experiences w them cuz when I first lost weight I would constantly get skinny shamed even tho I was a perfectly healthy weight and it really got to me and contributed to meh ed cuz eventually I started seeing it as praise when people would comment on meh losing weight and now I get really anxious and sui if some doesn’t say I’m skinny tho if they say it in a mean way than I’ll get offended I get that it was out of concern and jealousy but it no one had commented on my body I would probably not have an ed rn and I would’ve watched wut I ate but not in an obsessive way. But seriously I really don’t mind if ur fat just don’t be mean to be about it just cuz I’m skinnier than u. 

Things I really likez-

video games, sleeping, watching YouTube and anime, chainsaw man, solo leveling, insatiable, arcane, death note, future diaries(tho the ending sucked), maduca magica pullea smt(I’m not gonna bother trying to write or even remember the whole name💀u get the jist of it if ya know the anime that I’m talking aboutz), I like cute things w a creepy twist(cutegore), I like cutecore and 2020 e kid fashion(I also like other alternative styles but those are the ones I likez most(pretty sure cutecore isn’t alt but wut ever), drawing, creepy eyes that are alwayz watchingz meh, hello kitty/sanrio, those alt spiky collar/bracelet thingyz, plushies, catz, dress to impress, makeup, dressing up, anime hair, knifes, bl00dz, aspirin, melatonin, bupropion, getting high, cigarettez, ultra monsters(my current fav flavor is the sugar free peach one), my room, cutecore rooms, decorating my room, going to da mall!!, waterrrr, Diet Coke, cucumbers, st4rving myselfz dont ask.

[oops-all-concrete]

Xmen fans, I'm having The Thoughts™ and I'd like to share a small scene, written basically as a screenplay script (And this totally isn't from the Xmen fanfiction I need to write up and post one of these days)

Kurt, walking into the kitchen one evening to eat/talk with Logan: "Oh, good evening students! How go your studies?"

Jubilee, Bobbie, Kitty and Anole, looking at eachother.

Kitty: "All good, Mr.Wagner."

Kurt, wanting to be helpful: "Is there anything I can help with? Shakespeare is a hard study, I'd be happy to-"

Kitty, while Bobby, Anole, and Jubilee get up and start leaving: "That's quite alright, I think we're just going to take this to the library and study there. Goodnight!"

Kurt, in uncomfortable silence: "...That keeps happening"

Logan, not having looked up from his plate: "What, the kids taking a walk whenever you show up?"

Kurt, nodding: "I don't understand. I know I've not been teaching very long but, surely they will have adjusted to my face by now, yes?"

Logan: "Ain't the face, Blue."

Kurt, sitting: "Then what?"

Logan: "Jubilee's had their fair share of Jesus crazy Foster parents, Bobbie was born to some, then Kitty and Anole have their own stories too."

Kurt, looking down at his cross chain: "...Oh"

Logan, still not looking up: "Yeah"

Kurt: "...I'd never do that to them, surely they know that, yes?"

Logan, looking up finally: "Give em time. They just need a reason to believe that you're different"

Kurt, tucking his cross into his shirt and standing: "Then I will"

//Next evening//

Kitty, Bobby, Anole and Jubilee look up to the sound of knocking at the small library doorway:

Kurt, leaned in said doorway: "Forgive me, but might I have a word?"

Students, all nervous, nod:

Kurt, taking a seat on a nearby table and taking a breath: "I-"

Jubilee: "We're sorry, Mr.Wagner, about yesterday. Logan told us you seemed upset and we didnt mean to-"

Kurt: "Ah, that is unnecessary. I'd actually like to apologise to you, if I may?"

Students, looking at eachother, confused.

Kurt: "I've heard about your bad experiences with people of my faith, so I know your unease around me is well founded. I'm more upset knowing there are people out there who judge you. Not just as mutants but as people that are also different in other ways too."

A nervous pause.

Kurt, smiling: "I mean, the bible is pretty long, but with the ten commandments, basically footnotes for the whole thing, they've no excuse to judge, it literally says right there"

Kitty giggles, Bobby smiles.

Kurt: "The point of this is- while I can't erase that some people think of themselves like He who died on the cross, despite their sins and judging you, I can assure you that I will not be like them."

Another pause.

Kurt: "You are safe around me. Regardless of who you love or how you express your souls. The only people that are not safe around me, are people that threaten you. That includes people who share my faith. There is not a single teaching that could justify you being persecuted for something you did not choose."

Jubilee, Bobby, Anole and Kitty all fall quiet, looking at eachother.

Kurt stands and turns to the door, having said his piece: "Right, I shall leave you to study. Apologies again for-"

Kurt pauses, feeling arms around his waist.

Anole and Kitty, hugging Kurt: "Thank you"

Jubilee and Bobby get up too, joining the hug.

Kurt, smiling: "Mein Gott, the bar really is in Hell for us isn't it? All I said was you won't be hate crimed in my presence"

Cut to Logan standing outside the door, hearing the quiet laughs of the students, smiling, before walking away. Kurt leaves eventually, closing the door behind himself, seeming a little misty in the eyes. He looks down to where is cross is still tucked away before pulling it out and letting it rest above his shirt proudly once again.

//Scene//

(I will write this in its entirety, I promise)

Being a fruity gentleman with a long history of bad experiences with the Catholic Church and catholics as a whole (I bare no ill will to the community) I struggle to feel safe among believers in God (Christians and Catholics specifically) and I've got plenty of friends in my generation who feel the same. And I was just thinking how Kurt would respond to that in the students at the Xaviers school.

[angelwishess]

Nyallo angel! 🔪 and 🏆 for all 3 of em, or just Kyra if you want :3 (Chose these two cause i feel like it gives a lot of insight as to what type of people they vibe with lol)

HEHEE HI TATO!! 💗💗🎀

🔪 - Enemy/nemesis

— Kyra :

Definition of ‘I have no enemies’. She doesn’t hold a grudge against anyone. Though she may dislike people at first— she usually warms up to them. She does, however, absolutely despise anyone who underestimates or looks down on her and WILL go out of her way to prove them wrong. (She once beat up a beastman for taunting her about being “weak and defenseless”, it was a shock to everyone since she usually never loses her cool LOL)

— Elena :

Jamil Viper. She absolutely has a crush HATES him. Love at first sight?? No, it was HATRED at first sight with Elena. She cant explain it but his very existence makes her annoyed. Mostly because she can’t read him as well as she does other people.

(She also has a strong dislike for Trey for some reason.)

— Jester :

Another character that tries to get along with everyone— but she does dislike the octotrio. You’d think she’d like Floyd, but honestly hes on thin ice too. They tried to trick her into giving Azul her Signature Spell and she bolted out of there SO FAST. She does NOT trust any of them, and prefers to stay out of anything that involves the three.

(People think that she and Riddle are enemies— which is funnt because they absolutely arent LMAO)

🏆 - Best friends (past, current or future)

— Kyra :

Answered this question in This Post!!

— Elena :

Her best friend is Azul!! She loves and cares for him very dearly, and acts like his older sister even though shes the one younger than him. Unlike her brothers, she dotes on him alot and makes sure hes taking care of himself. Will drag him away from his desk herself if thats what it takes. She always has his back!! His most trusted, most loyal friend and does NOT tolerate any bad mouthing of Azul in her presence. Will drop kick anyone that dares to speak ill of the people she loves.

Funnily enough, she also has another very close friend at NRC! Malleus. Weird, right? She didnt expect it either, it kind of just… happened. As Mostro Lounge’s “spy” / informat, she joined the Gargoyle Appreciation club in order to get info on Malleus.

Instead, she found herself actually enjoying his company and learning about gargoyles. She eventually found out about his situation, how everyone is terrified of him because of his magic. And damn, she could relate so much. They were basically in the same situation. She has a soft spot for him, and always makes sure to include him whenever she can!

Birds of a feather n’ all that, right?

— Jester :

Jester’s best friend is Kalim !!

Both she and Kalim enjoy throwing parties, and have many similar interests!! They get along swimmingly, so much so you’d think they were siblings lol

She also adores Che’nya! Throws a party whenever he comes around to visit Heartslabyul, and they could talk in riddles for hours and hours!! She seems to be one of the only other people who can understand his odd way of speaking and his eccentricity.

[deliciouskeys]

@cozycornerkinktober prompt #5: Blindfold

Love Me Blind (Butchlander)

Warnings: Just the usual E rating. Short. Why did it take me this long to post a butchlander Kinktober fill lol. I feel like I have to fill this prompt. This is set in ZMverse, post-fic timeline. No AO3 link because I may or may not slide this into the next ZnMoO4 installment.

TL;DR of ZM: HL spent a few months in captivity/bondage, including a zinc plate over his eyes, he and Billy Butcher got physically and eventually emotionally intimate to the point that when HL got free, rather than killing his captor, he remained attached to Butcher, eventually convincing him to take Compound V.

“Come on, close your eyes,” Billy whispers in his ear.

Homelander tries, but he simply can’t. He’s barely managed to force himself to close his eyes to go to sleep, but he can’t bring himself to close them here, not with Billy in front of him. Not just in front of him, around him, inside him, everywhere at once, his hips snapping forward, his rough broad hands firmly gripping his legs near the insides of his knees and pressing them down into his chest, his beard scratching against Homelander’s collarbones and neck as those places are getting marked up with hickeys. Homelander loves it. Billy on V is truly a gift— well worth the days of taking care of him during the illness the slow dosing causes. He’s strong and durable, maybe too strong. Homelander’s not sure he could throw him off the bed right now, if he wanted to. But he doesn’t want to. He wants them both to be right here, to be pressed down, to feel achingly full, to have his skin sucked on with bruising strength. He wants to feel uninhibited, no longer having to take care and keep his own motions contained, no longer afraid to accidentally snag Billy’s body. But he doesn’t want one thing.

Billy’s orgasm somehow rocks through his body too, muscle tremors, rapid heartbeat and all, so that Homelander almost questions if they had somehow become physiologically connected. But no, his stomach is dry, cock still begging for release.

Billy unclamps his grip from his legs but doesn’t slump down on top of him, doesn’t pull out.

“Come on. Close ‘em for me,” Billy repeats, his voice husky, still breathing heavily, and runs a finger along Homelander’s jawline, tapping him under his chin.

“Why.” It would be so cruel of Billy to take advantage of him now, after having his life spared and even being gifted the V. But Homelander can’t help being wary.

“Want to see you trust me.”

Homelander sighs and closes them. Even though he can see through any material, when he closes his eyes— really, honestly closes them— they seem to automatically shut off, roll up, refuse to relay visual cues. He can’t peek through his lids. He’s plunged into the darkness again, sickeningly familiar, and suddenly he can’t bear it for a single second longer, and opens his eyes frantically. He hates to admit it, but he’s terrified.

Billy’s watching him, eyes full of something sorrowful, maybe tinged with curiosity and pity.

“I’ve gotcha,” he says, lowering his body down until his weight rests on Homelander’s body, caressing his face before kissing him. Homelander feels himself relaxing and letting Billy sink lower between his spread thighs, his erection getting pressed between their abs. It’s not exactly comfortable, but it’s comforting. Homelander feels his heart rate and breathing returning to normal when he’s feeling compressed. Feeling that Billy might be able to hold him down against his will is a weird thrill, a turn-on, but also a paradoxically calming feeling.

“Close them. For just a bit,” Billy coaxes him, even as one his hands approaches his eyes and gently covers them.

Homelander arches almost reflexively, despite the weight on him, and lets out a panicked breath that might count as whimper because there was some voice put behind it, but he doesn’t toss his head or do anything to throw the hand off his face.

The darkness is here again. But so is Billy. Close to him. Touching him in so many places. Weighing him down into the mattress. They lie in silence for what must be seconds, but to Homelander it feels like hours.

“You have to promise,” Homelander says, his voice hoarse and small. He’s afraid to finish his demand aloud.

“What’s that?” Billy nudges his nose under his chin and kisses it. He’s stayed inside Homelander’s body the whole time, and Homelander can feel him becoming ready for round two, growing, swelling, feeling less comfortable but in a way Homelander wants.

“You have to promise you won’t … you know. Keep me against my will.”

Billy stays silent and Homelander’s breathing speeds up when he doesn’t hear an affirmation. Somewhere in the back of his mind he’s imagining that Billy has stashed piles and piles of ZM coated wire under the bed, ready to secure him there, just waiting for the right opportunity. He so badly wants to push the hand off his face and see for himself.

“Okay,” Billy breaks the silence. “I promise you.”

Maybe it’s because he took so long to consider it, but Homelander actually finds those few words believable, relaxing his spinal muscles and sinking into the bed. “You want to fuck me with my eyes closed?”

“No,” Billy says. “But I want you to trust me.”

Homelander smiles wanly. “Who else am I going to trust?”

“That’s sad, mate.”

Homelander shrugs.

Billy removes his hand and Homelander blinks in the light before wrapping his arms around his partner’s shoulders, wrapping his legs around his waist, squeezing him closer, further inside, pressing up together so they almost feel like one body again.

Yes I cheated, there was no blindfold. I wrote blindfold for like 40k words as backdrop that’s relevant. It’s not a kink, it’s a way of life 😎

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Ok first id like to share some good news: finished all my tests for the semester, and i think i only failed like 2 or 3!! More good news, more fics that ill get around to writing!! Or ill just post my unfinished drafts. I mean there's a yandere Jake (platonic dad yandere) fic and a "spider w permanant brain damage from the scanner fic" and even more just absolutely collecting dust in my drafts

New idea that I'll def finish this time tho: Humans but there unrealistically better than they are. There's no RDA, no big mining operation, no deforestation or driving natives out or dying earth, just humans being natural born explorers who are mind blown at an entire different planet with life.

And that's wild! They thought they were alone, the universe looking back on itself, explorers of a vast and endless yet lonely expanse. Then boom! Life! Life on a different planet, life so different yet similar. A life that has their own culture and languages, that's so intertwined with nature, they're capable of forming a deep connection at a moments notice! That's amazing! (Forgive me for my amazement, watching Rio and i just love the movie)

Anyway, in this au with no evil corporation only interested in money heading this operation, humans are way nicer! And weirder.

I imagine the Na'vis early experiences w humans are like what some of us think that aliens are doing (crop circles, abducting cows, just standing around naked) (and i say naked because most photos of aliens have em in no clothes. Or they're wearing a full body grey suit). I imagine that at first they don't believe humans are real because they don't show themselves often, only spotted by like a handful. Like "i saw this small pink creature by the river today! It had hair and eyes and hands and feet, and walked on it's legs!" "What the Eywa are you talking abt"

I imagine the first human they meet is a weirdo who's exceptionally brave. They walk up to a Na'vi and just start speaking in the most nonsensical Na'vi ever, that they managed to learn from observing them. They just follow them atound all day, keeps saying Na'vi phrases until whoever they're following just walks to camp and presents them and they're like "hey what is this."

Or, alternatively

Humans try staying away from them cause they're like twice their size and capable of making weapons, except for one person. This one spends their time following around a specific Na'vi and annoying them. They hum little tunes, they're spotted once and disapear behind the trees, they're daring enough to get ahold of their tools and try to study them. Then they start trying to communicate with them, little phrases yadda yadda. All while the Na'vi is going back home like "no mom, i promise i didn't loose my knife, this small pink creature stole it!"

They're like so fed up with the human and everyone around them cause they're like "what are you talking abt" so they're trying to get evidence of their existance. Eventually they do get them and present them to the tribe like "see!! I told you they were real!!!" And they're like "huh. Ok. What is this thing."

Dont have any idea how im gonna further w this but ye! Humans are way nicer and not run by a greedy corporation au

VERY EXCITING! I'm very sure you didn't fail anything. I want bOTH of those collecting dust drafts please and thank you.

No Rio and Avatar have been going hand and fucking hand lately lol. This idea is so fucking funny dude. I'm CACKLING. I absolutely adore the idea of humans being perceived as the aliens in any context and just how weird that would be, and it's not touched upon ENOUGH in Avatar because we come into the world when they have known each other. Hit us with that Grace and Mo'at developing friendship dude. I've always loved that and wanted it explored more.

[nenestansunsthings]

Ive been meaning to ask you to expand on this oc but i always forget please tell me more <3

EUNNNNN MY GIRL EUN!!!! shes originally for an scp-esque rp but milgram au eun is FUN. warnings for um. harassment and violence. also cannibalism

she worked as a cognitive psychology teacher in a college before her getting fired!!she ended up pissing off another teacher, sena, who started accusing her of misconduct and turning people against her and eventually ended up framing her for a crime to get her fired! what it is i dont know yet but im thinking sena smashed up a bunch of her own lab equipment on a night eun was supposed to be working late but left early (suspicious!!) and managed to convince people it was eun by disguising herself

anyway this got eun fired and they took the money for fixing everything out of her paycheck and she got kicked out of the school housing thing she was living in and no other academic job or eventually Any job would take her so. yeah no girlies been having a... rough few months

shes very bad at actually expressing her emotions, and tends to look pretty blank faced but like. shes been under a prolonged smear campaign and then got framed for vandalism and fired and was left basically alone for Months after that so. shes not doing the best at ALL mentally? and then she just happens to find senas house/address and even if the woman looks horrified to see her because sena is kind of self centred and an asshole she refuses to admit any wrongdoing and kind of. accuses eun of really being the kind of worthless person she'd thought she was, if she couldnt pull herself back up by her bootstraps and had fallen this far

so uh. welcome to euns three week long revenge stalking campaign! she does not know how to manage this situation and has long since gotten too overwhelmed to even try

this kind of. culminates in her getting into a violent fight with sena in the womans own home and stabbing her to death with medical needles and then. fucking dismembering the body and nailing body parts around the house like sick trophies. at some point she starts dissociating hard enough that she realises shes hungry and outright eats an eyeball. nobody is having a good time here

about a week later the police finally track her down (she came to once neighbours started trying to break down the door and promptly ran for it) and she spends some time in prison. a week and a half or so

and then she wakes up in an odd prison called milgram!

as for her songs— persecutor's hunt is her t1 song, framing her as a witch hunting down her victim. walpurgisnacht is her t2 song, after being voted guilty, and kitchen witch is her t3 song, after being voted innocent! i got some pics of my thought process for em. idk how many images im allowed to add in one post but if i cant add em all in ill do rbs

T1: PERSECUTOR'S HUNT

T2: WALPURGISNACHT

OKAY I CAN ONLY FIT TEN IN. ILL RB IN A SECOND WITH KITCHEN WITCH

[loveydoveylex]

7, 8, and 9 for Rayman?

hi nightmares!! thank you for sending in an ask! hope your week has been well!

7: What’s their signature thing they like to do when annoying you? Putting their cold hands on your skin? Poking you right in your ticklish areas?

okay, I know I mentioned in my last post that I headcanon he's very warm and radiates a lot of body heat, but for this one single instance I'll disregard that because I LOVE the idea of him being a bit of an asshole and putting his cold hands right on my skin LMAO. that is such a thing he would do to annoy me. one of the few times he'll actually take off his gloves, and it's to jumpscare me like that PFFFT

I also really like the idea that he loves messing with my self insert's antennae and tail which would both be amusing to watch while also being just ever so slightly irritating 🤣 as long as he stays away from the actual star at the end of the tail - he learned the hard way that holy sweet jesus that thing BURNS. so, he ends up mostly opting for the antennae... he will occasionally poke em around and pretend they're bunny ears LMAO. my s/i secretly also finds this funny and adorable, but shhhh

8: What do they usually do to take care of you when you’re ill, and vice versa? (More importantly, do they burn the soup?)

ironically, while he's not normally super overprotective, once I'm sick, that flies out the window and it becomes his life mission to take care of me. he will practically stay glued next to me while I recover. ANYTHING I want, he will get for me. it's very sweet, but also a bit overbearing... he does eventually learn to give me a bit of space 😅

and of course, he'll make soup for me, and I headcanon him to be a very good cook (who's just... too lazy to really put that skill to use), so no burnt soup here!

9: What texts or phonecalls do you expect from them during the day? What do you text them during the day?

I'm not sure technology like mobile phones would be as widespread in the glade of dreams (though I'm not denying their existence, we have seen rayman using phones LOL)...

...but I would imagine that we'd never quite be far apart enough to feel the need to call or text eachother very often, heh! and even if we did, I feel like rayman is the type of mf who never checks his phone HAHAH

I like to imagine, though, that in texting, rayman prefers using emojis to communicate over typing out a bunch of messages. he thinks they're just handy dandy. so he will often just react to my messages with smileys and heart emojis hah. it's cute :')

[estrelladeishtar-archive]

Catch me resurfacing after 5000 years only to (maybe) slip back away & into the void of space like some kinda cryptid

Also I updated the desktop blog themes for here & my personal bc it’s about time I got off my ass & did that

Anyway

I guess we’ve been long overdue for an updates post yeah? Last one I made was legit Nov 2021... I think I should at least leave another update post before seeing if I’m still around or end up vanishing yet again, lmfao But regardless, getting to the point...

Tossing shit under a read more just so that in case of a lengthy ass post it doesn’t clog people’s dashboards (dashboards? timelines? ...I’ve been mostly on twitter lmao so). TL;DR, life’s come swinging hard at me so it’s kept all of my focus mostly on personal matters, less on art, even with still creating things in the distance despite taking a lengthy hiatus (that’s arguably still ongoing? a semi hiatus now perhaps) so.

So I mean, for starters its kinda. Obvious that I’ve been more active on other social media sites rather than here, & tbh whether I really stick around here for long or end up disappearing back into the depths once more for whatever unforeseen reason is yet to be seen, especially since I only really use this place on occasion (for my mental health’s sake, mostly, whether that’ll change over time or will always remain in this “appears only occasionally” cycle is something we’ve yet to see, but for now... just don’t count on me really being consistently active here)

But even with being more active on other places I’ve still taken a semi-hiatus/hiatus, with a major part of that being attributed to uh. Health issues coming back with a vengeance & tryna crush me lol. I mean that’s, kinda par for the course with chronic illness I guess? But it’s put a heavy emphasis on me having to look after myself even moreso than before, & this amidst still processing some really heavy shit I mentioned in my last update that I won’t get into (bc it’s both deeply personal & very trigger heavy), on top of other things life keeps throwing at me (because of course it would), well I’ve just taken priority on taking care of that & making sure I’m fine &... thus not really being too present on here or anywhere really. Sometimes showing up on occasions because I engage with astrology related communities (since I’m learning more on that & other personal practices I won’t bore y’all with), sometimes showing up to support other artists, but yeah.

I do admit tho I’ve still been creating stuff in the background. Be it practicing with stuff art wise or working on other personal OC stuff or projects, I’ve had that still, & its one of the things that helps keep me afloat whilst also navigating, well, life itself. It’s admittedly been difficult navigating shit also tho because due to my health situation, I can’t really do comms (& I’ve been on break from them due to burnout), so income’s been... troublesome to say the least considering medical bills & all that. So trying to find ways to get that & sometimes getting help from others has been another thing that’s kept me away, but yeah.

Ultimately tl;dr of it is that I’ve just had life itself as a priority above all other things. & it’s bound to stay that way for a while, so yeah. But I still do want to see if, on occasions I’m on here posting art, I can maybe share some stuff around the OCs I’ve worked on/created/etc, as well as maybe lore for personal worldbuilding stuff?

I mean I need to share it on my toyhouse eventually anyway LOL, & AT LEAST on here I can make posts about OCs without being constrained to a fucking 280 char limit per post if I opt to do so 💀 Or see what else I choose to share as well as the art I make from time to time? Especially since I’ve been majorly revamping my own OCs & even with my sona I’ll soon be showcasing their proper ref in full with all forms of them/versions of em, both in & out of fandom but. yeah. Things to come.

Also- do expect more of this acct to start turning more OC focused or, IF I share fancharacters, its more centered around them... It doesn’t mean I’ll stop doing fanart no, since I do enjoy doing that on my spare time too, BUT I want my focus shifted primarily on OC content more since that’s my own personal passion anyway (be it OCs, fancharacters, self ship stuff too, or other’s OCs also) & cause I usually have more to ramble on about when it comes to OCs? So yeah. I plan to also implement other changes later into this acct but I’m presently just figuring that mess out while still being on semi-hiatus so yeah.

I hope all of y’all have been doing well & I do appreciate those who’ve stuck around still despite my routine appearing & disappearing bs lmao, & I wish y’all well also

...This update turned a lot longer than I anticipated but hey, least it’s not me updating at some weird ass fucking hour bc of being wide awake at strange times (my sleep schedule’s still broken as hell) (no its not ever going to improve probably) (Its been this way since 2010) (so don’t count on it improving)

[seven-thewanderer]

Okay I know I just posted something about things that excited me about the DLC, but screw it imma share that thing I said I had that I will not clarify above here what that thing is cus spoilers

but yeah

SPOILERS BELOW

Okay so Ruin DLC Eclipse, amiright?

but I love Eclipse, I just wanna squeeze em in a tight hug!!!

But that's off-topic

So you know how Sun was saying stuff like "I am trapped in a nap" and "reboot" and "we need to be whole"?

What if- and hear me out (you don't have to lol)- Sun and Moon weren't a jeckl-hyde situation of 1 person with two personalities, but 1 person that split into 2, those 2 being Sun and Moon?

Eclipse was the original DA, and when the virus happened, he got split into 2, Sun and Moon, Sun being... idk how to describe canon Sun, and Moon being gremlin-like, evil, and full of murderous intent?

However, though that could make sense, that wouldn't explain all the posters, and the plushies. Thus, I did do a slight mental editing to my theory, thinking back on what I heard someone else once state months(?) ago, from the books (about Sun & Moon being theater kids)

Eclipse was the main guy, the star of the show, the solar act (get it? solo? solar? okay I'll shut up). However, Eclipse wasn't really alone, as he had two smaller personalities inside: Sun and Moon. They were mainly forms for acting, and played different roles, Moon always being the villain. Then, they were repurposed to be daycare attendants, however, still also being used for the theater, whenever they were available to (however, the daycare became popular cus of people not wanting to drag their kids along with them, so they'd drop em off there, basically giving them no time to act, and the theater was slightly taken over by Comedy Bot) Eclipse was the main attraction of the theater, but they did use Sun & Moon for marketing purposes, as they were still favorited characters from their acts. So, since they were mainly daycare attendants now, that's why there were Sundrops and Moondrops. However, with their coding slightly changed, and Eclipse and Sun loving to bond with the kids (Moon was never intended to be around the kids, he was only still left around because they were intended to be in the theater again, but never got the time, so he rarely got time to roam, until they decided to turn the lights off hourly during closing time, so he could go wild and crazy), Eclipse got most of the attention, and Sun (and Moon) got jealous of him being more famous than the two. So then, Sun started taking over more often, leaving the lights high and bright, and rarely letting Eclipse take control. Sun didn't want the lights to be either dimmed, nor turned off, because dimmed meant Eclipse, and off meant... Moon. The violent, bloodthirsty Moon, who was tired of being locked up, and only having a few chances to even be in control. Then, after some time, Sun had been taking control for so long, that Eclipse was forgotten about. By the staff, by the kids, by Sun and Moon, and nearly... by himself. He was closed away, trapped in a nap, and unable to do anything. Then, Moon, still wanting control, just grew more violent, and bloodthirsty, and malicious. So basically those two fighting, while Eclipse was locked away

What wakes up Eclipse? idk. The virus? Balloon World? Cassie entering? Who knows, but eventually he wakes up, realizing he's been gone for too long, and things had gone chaotic, to ruins even (ill stop ill stop).

So, long story short (in a way), Eclipse was the main act, with Sun and Moon as personalities he could swap to whenever he pleased for the acts, and then became a DCA, and his personalities actually became personalities, and they were jealous cus they wanted the spotlight, and shut him out, and Sun begging you to help was not actually Sun (in my silly theory), and was Eclipse speaking through Sun the best he could, begging for you to save him

Obviously, that last part can't be true, especially with how Sun straight up thanks you for saving him from Moon afterwards, making it that it truly was Sun begging for you to save him. Sun wanted to be whole. Moon, however, did not.

but anyways that's that, idk what I was rambling about, but yeah it was just a silly lil theory about Eclipse

[intovoid-moved]

It's 6:30am and I just spent an hour typing up some drafts what's up

[metalbvcky]

Wow, has this year flown by! I participated in my first-ever big bang, a minibang, a zine, wrote and posted several fics, and had the pleasure of immersing myself in all of these lovely words!

This is just a small sampling from my bookmarks because there's SO MUCH MORE that I have yet to read. Sometimes I wish I could teleport back to 2020 when I had the time and energy to read 100k+ a day xD I'll get to 'em eventually, though :)

But for now, here's a dozen that I really enjoyed. I thought I'd add a little snippet below the fic info for funzies!

impossible things before breakfast by snarkymuch (@snarky-drabbles)

Rating: Teen+ Tags: Shrinkyclinks, Soulmate AU, Pre-Serum Steve, Sickfic, Chronic Illness, Enemies to Lovers, Meet-Ugly Word Count: 22,381 (1/1)

Lip curling, Steve met his pale eyes, hating that he’d ever found them attractive. “You don’t know shit about me, dick head. So why don’t you go fuck yourself with that enormous shitbag personality of yours?”

The asshole just huffed, flexing his arm, clearly trying to intimidate. “Your work ethic says plenty, but hey, I’m not the one paying you, though don’t think I won’t be sharing what a fucking great fella you are—sleeping on the job and backtalking to the people you’re supposed to be working for.”

As Cold As Ice by Kalee60 (@kalee60)

Rating: Explicit Tags: Office AU, Silver Fox Steve Rogers, Snowed In, Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization,Top Steve, Bottom Bucky Word Count: 27,267 (5/5)

“You can’t go anywhere.”

“The fuck I can’t,” Bucky growled over his shoulder as Steve stood behind him, resting against the wall like he owned the place. The look on his face, though, was too hard to decipher through the anger and annoyance that Bucky held onto.

“I mean it,” Steve stated. “It’s about to storm properly and the roads will be impassable.”

“I’ll stay in the car, then.” Bucky knew he sounded sulky, but damn it - he’d been thrown for a loop.

What are friends for? by musette22 (@musette22)

Rating: Gen Tags: Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Established Relationship, Rivalry, Fluff, Crack, Humor Word Count: 2,630 (1/1)

“Buck, look,” Steve snorted, bumping Bucky’s shoulder and pointing at the menu board. “So, if I’m a Cappuccino, I think that makes you a Babyccino.”

Bucky huffed out a breath that Steve knew meant an amused laugh. “What the hell is a Babyccino.”

“No fuckin’ clue,” Steve grinned fondly, “but it sounds real cute, so it fits.”

Brooklyn Bakes words by Oh_i_swear (@oh-i-swear-writes) art by britbrit99

Rating: Explicit Tags: Shrinkyclinks, Bakery/Coffee Shop AU, Baker Steve, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, Idiots In Love, Bottom Steve Word Count: 54,362 (7/7)

“Okay, so what would you recommend for someone with a sweet tooth?” He asks, and Steve smiles, glad he hasn’t just talked the guy into submission.

“Well, you can’t go wrong with a classic chocolate chip cookie, and I’m pretty sure Yelena has a batch due to come out of the oven so you can have it still warm - which is absolutely the best way to enjoy a cookie. We have pecan pie, we have Yelena’s smetannik, which is basically a layer cake,” he replies, nudging his glasses back up his nose again. “And good, strong coffee to wash it all down.”

A Lecture on Sexting by rohruh (@rohruh)

Rating: Explicit Tags: College AU, Top Steve, Bottom Bucky, Daddy Kink, Phone Sex, Dirty Talk Word Count: 2,771 (1/1)

Bucky is not going to open it. He can’t. He’s in class. It’s one thing to exchange a few flirty texts, but a video? He stares down at the phone, wide-eyed, and shoves it back into his lap. 

He’ll wait until the break to open it. He’ll excuse himself to the bathroom and once he’s in the privacy of a stall, he’ll watch it. That’s what he tells himself. 

Breaking the Hippocratic Oath by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy (hutchabelle) (@buckybarnesdeservestobehappy)

Rating: Explicit Tags: Modern AU, Medical AU, Doctor/Patient Relationship, Doctor Steve, Patient Bucky, Age Difference, Inappropriate Behavior, Non-Con Elements Word Count: 9,271 (1/1)

Loosening his tie, Steve toes off his shoes and unbuttons the top of his shirt. When Bucky freezes and his eyes darken, Steve steps toward him and pulls Bucky to him with a hand on his hip.

“Do you want me to be nice?” he asks huskily. “Or do you want me to drag things out? Prolong it all? Make you wait until you can’t anymore? Or what about this? I could be mean to you. Make you beg and squeal. Put you on your knees and keep you there until I decide you deserve more. What do you want, honey? Because I want to give it to you.”

Blinking at him, Bucky reaches up and wraps his arms around Steve’s neck. Stretching onto his tiptoes, he presses his lithe body against Steve’s much bigger frame. “I want it all.”

Smooth Talker by HaniTrash (@hanitrash)

Rating: Explicit Tags: Shrunkyclunks. Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Waxing, Semi-Public Sex, Bottom Steve Rogers Word Count: 7,767 (1/1)

“Listen, you may have a very generous ass, but it’s certainly not big enough to warrant use of soft wax. And believe me, you do not want to use soft wax on your junk.”

Steve stops dead, one leg still half in his pants, and nearly falls over as he rushes out from behind the screen. “I’m sorry, my what? That’s—that is not what I booked.”

“B&C combo, right? That’s what my schedule says.”

“Yeah, back and chest!” he cries, indignant.

last train home by sparkagrace (@sparkagrace) [also apart of the last train home series]

Rating: Gen Tags: Modern AU, Established Relationship, Drunkeness, Fluff, Drunk Bucky Word Count: 995 (1/1)

“Hello?”

“‘s me. Your pal, your buddy,” he hiccups, “your Buuuuuucky.” He drawls his name out, the word feeling like cotton in his mouth. “I can’t feel my teeth.”

Swimming in Desire words by sebbys_mama (@sebbys-mama) art by elkleggs (@elkleggs)

Rating: Explicit Tags: Silver Fox Steve Rogers, Retired Navy SEAL Steve Rogers, Age Difference, Swim lessons, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Bottom Bucky, Top Steve Word Count: 7,026 (1/1)

“So, um, what are your plans for today?” Bucky asked, attempting to sound casual, instead of insanely aroused.

“Like I said, I’m going to get you wet.” Steve slid into the shallow end of the pool, but kept his eyes locked on Bucky’s. “How does that sound?”

Bucky bit his bottom lip, desperately trying to keep any inappropriate noises from escaping his throat. Finally, he rasped out, “That sounds really good.”

the trials and tribulations of the (almost) cat thief by steviesunrises (riverdraft) (@steviesunrises)

Rating: Teen+ Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Fluff, Meet-Cute, Veterinarian Bucky Barnes, Getting Together, Alpine the Cat Word Count: 7,182 (3/3)

“When are you free?” Bucky says, interrupting Steve’s thoughts. “Let me buy you a coffee.” He leans on his elbows on the reception desk and flashes a smile again. It makes Steve’s knees want to buckle. “Y’know, for rescuing my cat.” 

Steve nods dumbly. He opens his mouth to agree, because when the pretty vet asks you to coffee you say yes. 

“Yeah. Let’s get coffee, so you can thank me for the rescue,” Steve agrees. “Besides, my services don’t come free, Buck,” he adds, choosing to tease and push his boundaries.  “Give me your number and I’ll consider all debts fully repaid.” 

Sweet Sugar by this_wayward_life (@wayward-lives)

Rating: Explicit Tags: Modern AU, Lawyer Bucky, Student Steve, Age Difference, Bottom Bucky, Top Steve, Meet-Cute, Getting Together, Daddy Kink Word Count: 8,015 (1/1)

"Steve," Bucky gasps out. He's clutching at that stupid white shirt, half on Steve's lap with Steve's thumb in his mouth and Steve's hand on his ass, and God, he thought he'd passed this stage in his life years ago.

"You gonna take me home, Buck?" Steve murmurs, leaning forward just enough to let his breath fan across Bucky's cheek. "You gonna get me in your bed, make me work for your money?" Bucky whines, high and pathetic, and Steve curses, hooks his thumb further in Bucky's mouth, hauls him up so he can properly straddle Steve's lap. "Fuck, sugar. Gimme your phone, lemme call a car."

pretty baby you have me (so weak) by inevitablemeow (@theycallmeinevitable)

Rating: Explicit Tags: Canon 'Verse, Kink Discovery, Daddy Kink, Dom Steve, Sub Bucky, Top Steve, Bottom Bucky, Word Count: 10,605 (1/1)

“Daddy,” he breathes.

Steve’s heart stops. The smile slides off his face as his eyes go wide. What?

“Da—”

“Bucky,” Steve says, more loudly than he really means to. “Baby, wake up.”

[olive-heathcliffe-notbps]

how DO alternates get attached, anyway? what does it even do other than make you not wanna kill people?

wish i knew bro it would make shit so much easier on me

but fr. its hard 2 really give a concrete answer bcuz us alts see attachment as like. taboo basically. if gabe catches you getting attached to a human it uh. its not pretty. other than the torture you get for disobeying Him you get like... exiled almost, or... whats the word He used once?

excommunicated. yeah  that one.

there have been studies on attachment though, i think the u.s... uh... well idr the exact name but it was some fancy shmancy government dept thats done a couple . havent read em though LOL

anyways. ig i can try to explain as best i can from my experience w attachment . n atlas can chime in if he wants too idk and uh . ill try to make it make sense (spoilers it probably still wont lmao). this isnt a definitive like... guide or anything im basically just posting general rambles abt what ive learned over my days lol

so. i think all alternates want to be loved, no matter how far down theyve buried that want. were conditioned from creation to think that gabriel is the only one who can love us, but He wont unless we follow His command to the letter. and what that translates to is killing humans senselessly . and not only that but like. us alts... we like violence. we want to kill. its integral to our beings. none of us can really be "nice" or "good" 24/7 and that uh ... tends to sound scary to the average person . so even if we did all collectively decide to turn against gabe and humans like... magically forgave us for killing and kidnapping thousands of people, its not like we could ever be "normal" members of society. its not like we could ever be loved. so no one really bothers trying.

anyways, from what i can tell, alternate attachment happens when that kinda barrier between humans and alts gets broken (at least from the alt's perspective), and it typically happens when an alt is in close proximity to its assigned victim for a long period of time. that time varies from alt to alt too, like it deffo took a lot longer for atlas to get attached to cesar than it did for me to get attached to mark. nd i could be wrong abt this but i also noticed like. the more a victim interacts w their alternate, even if theyre doing it in a threatened or scared way, the more likely it is for the alt to get attached. "taking an interest" in a specific human is the most telltale sign of attachment, to the point that the phrase is pretty much "slang" for it among alts .

also just to clear this up: while alternate attachment can be romantic, it absolutely doesnt have to be. not at all. id describe my attachment to mark as like. familial honestly. and sometimes there arent even human words to describe an alts attacemt. its a spectrum yk? so dont think any of this is inheritly romantic or some shit cuz ill beat you up

as for what it does. well .

you dont know when u first meet a human that youre gonna get attached. i certainly didnt  . so u just kinda do ur thing n shit, but sometimes it doesnt work and the human lives so ur like. okay ill try again . or maybe youre just doing a long job and ur learning all of ur victims habits n shit. and thats where it kinda begins

the first thing you notice is that like. even though its ur job to kill your human its like. its fun to keep them alive . yk  . you grow to like the sound of em screaming in terror , or them freezing up when they see you . whcih. yeah that sounds kinda fucked to you guys but . just bear w me okay  .

anyways. eventually it gets to the point where, even if youve been given several opportunities to kill your human, you dont take them cuz its just that fun to mess w em. this is kinda where the "taking an interest" thing comes in  too . and then THAT goes into "ok wait . do i rlly have to kill them eventually  ?? i dont want to do that theyre funny :(((("

eventually you realize that like. shit . i dont want this human to die at all. like. at ALL. to the point you'd fight off other threats just to keep them safe. and you get this just- rush of an emotion youve never felt before whenever youre around them. aand you realize. thats love. you feel love towards them, no matter what kind of love that is. its. it feels so wrong at first and- and you hate it, but it just feels so right to the point where you cant imagine feeling any other way about them.

and as you may have guessed. you start to see the human as your own. its kinda hard to really describe but,, it makes sense if you experience it. you need to protect them and love them and hold them so so close or else they might get away from you. and you change yourself so that you can be worthy of being loved back. its. ough its a crazy ass feeling for sure

this, uh,, doesnt come without problems thouugh. for one just cuz an alternates attached to a human doesnt mean the human necessarily likes them back. in fact its honestly really lucky that both me and atlas got attached to humans that actually didnt hate us. (for a while at least.) theres a fuck ton of rumors that get spread around of those who got attached and excommunicated, only for the human they were attached to kill themself because they couldnt live with an alt constantly following them around and trying to talk to them.

...i cant describe how lucky i am that mark came back.

not to mention you hafta constantly live in fear all the damn time cuz you could get discovered n tortured at any moment. its. its really shit but damn it if your human doesnt make it all worth it. damn it if you wouldnt endure any kind of danger just to stick with them. damn it if you dont want to comfort them and feel murderous rage whenever theyre sad and.

damn it if they arent yours.

[flingza-roller]

Sorry if this is bad timing, but I just saw your post about lorikeet and I love them! Could you tell me a bit more about them and your other splatoon OCs?

OHO YES! there is no such thing as bad timing to ask about ocs, im just incredibly happy that somebody is interested!! heheh time to Ramble (this is long sorry)

ok so im gonna stick to the bird kids cuz theyre a lot easier to explain GSJFD (maybe someday ill give my other ocs refs and backstory stuff....)

all four of em are very much based off how i play the game as each character, so i pretty much just grab my in-game behaviour and give it to em as a personality.

so, lorikeet! splat3 is still very new but i think ive somehow already solidified their personality lmao. theyre super reckless, pretty much always falling off stages and getting themself splatted by doing stupid things like running headfirst to a tacticooler or trying to challenge the eliter that wont leave them alone (i think mahi-mahi is the absolute worst for this). they like to go a little bit cazy and get as many kills as possible, which is silly when the only mode u play is turf war... (on that, there is not a single splatoon game that has gotten me to like ranked/league. i played it a few times and then swore off it, so now all four of the kids hate ranked lol)

lori fucking ADORES deep cut so theyve got the three earrings in their right ear bc they wanna be like shiver and frye. on deep cut, they love splatfests and all the music n fun stuff that comes with it. theyre weirdly not too competitive when it comes to defending their team, BUT they will go extra feral during splatfest turf wars and go complete beast mode. they still dont have a main weapon? favours brushes but thats pippins thing so they should probably pick something else GDKGS

oh they have the worst adhd brain. if they see something cool happening in the bg of a stage they will just straight up stop in their tracks and watch for a while, completely oblivious to whatever is happening in the match. and of course the moment they hear the tacticooler they will run for it even if theyre literally in the opposite end of the stage.... stupid. favourite stage is yet to be decided, gotta let the game marinate for a while longer

as the new agent 3 lori is pretty good at following orders, they just kinda... die in the dumbest possible ways. trying to jump through walls, walking straight off ledges, accidentally attracting attention to themself by throwing lil buddy right next to them. but theyre pretty good at fighting! also they like annoying the captain, because of course (this doesnt bode well for kiwi)

id like to build more on their character eventually but that requires me playing more splat3 and ive been rly unmotivated to do so >:/ ive barely played any salmon run and still havent touched table turf. augh. lori u will grow as a person i promise

now PIPPIN! (she/they) theyre my kid from octo expansion! shes very silly but surprisingly strong and skilled. never asked for help from OTH and went through every single test multiple times to get every weapon ticked (hell). also enjoys fighting inner agent 3 because ??? clearly a lot more competent than theyre letting on.

so once pip came to the surface they were very much like "id rather NOT do the whole fighting thing again" and jumped into turf wars with the intention of just having fun and messing with people. her gear set is 100% QSJ cuz she likes annoying the enemy team and then jumping away like a coward when theyre cornered (it jumpscares people bc they dont expect an octo to jump THAT fast).

she uses brush so that they can draw love hearts in enemy base :] they think its very cute and gets sad when ppl ink over it. also if an enemy tries to initiate a party they will always join bc make love not war etc. always goes for the highest inkage (highest score excluding win points was over 2000) favourite stage is inkblot art academy!

zero sense of fashion btw they either wear the QSJ gear or whatever they think will make her look hot (big fan of the octoling armour and marinas crop top). sometimes changes gender to Boy bc why the hell not, gender is arbitrary.

when grouped up with the others, they like teaming up with pigeon to cause chaos and havoc. shes very excited to see lori joining the team cuz theyre equally as insane as the other two! kiwi is the only one carrying a braincell here rip

PIGEON time!! (also she/they) technically my first oc because splatoon 2 was my first game! so she definitely has the most going for them. foil flingza main (my beloved), absolutely a frontliner and goes for the kill as much as possible. very good at sneak attacks! main gear is almost entirely special charge up (sorry. im the og missile spammer) except for ninja squid which they use to scare the shit outta ppl.

pigeon adores the birds u see hanging out on various stages, especially the pigeons (naturally). favourite stage is moray towers! i never said we had good taste. moray is excellent for roller users and allows for fast clean base inking >:]

like the others they love a good squid party but isnt always in the mood, HOWEVER she will never splat an innocent partier bc thats a dick move. if theyre not a threat, theres no need to splat.

outside of turf, pigeon is actually not a very violent person. very sweet to their friends and oh so very lesbian. she sees a pretty girl in the square and goes 😳 (btw this DOES work in battle, be a cute girl and they will be distracted). fucking absolutely obsessed with squid beatz like you have no idea, aims to get gold on every hard mode song. favourite songs to play are frantic aspic, shark bytes, and entropical. she and pippin love playing games like this together, i bet theyd be great dance duo.

in hero mode, pigeon is naturally a completionist and obtained every weapon. fucking loves harassing marie and annoying her as much as possible. adores callie so much <3 their best speedrun time is 40 sec on octo samurai (sadly cant reach the world record of 39)

unlike pippin they actually have a pretty good fashion sense, always coordinating their outfits and ink colour to match. a very stylish squid!

now kiwi is an interesting one. i first played splatoon 1 in beginning of 2018, so sadly i missed out on the splatfests. still got plenty of turf in and played hero mode repeatedly bc i have brainrot!

so kiwi (again. she/they) is really into amiibo challenges, especially the kraken challenge. being a kraken for that long makes em feel powerful, and its lotsa fun. they actually spend far more time on hero missions than anything else, they enjoy turf on the occasion but find it weirdly intimidating (favourite stage is flounder heights!). she feels most at home in the valley, with craig and the squid sisters. theyre far too sympathetic toward octolings (unlike pigeon who just goes fucking ham) and tries her best to just avoid fighting them entirely. because of this, shes pretty good at stealth missions, especially since she rarely makes much noise anyway. theyre definitely the most low-key out of the four agents.

SO!! why do i name them all after birds? because.... i like birds :D yes im a wannabe ornithologist and birds are my main special interest. i also mainly name them after aus/nz birds cuz im just Like That. we have cool birds in australia, and lorikeet was just far too fitting to pass up. (btw pippin is short for peregrine falcon)

despite being so skilled in hero mode missions they do actually get hurt a lot and almost always has some kind of bandaid or gauze on her body from various injuries. is it a lack of skill, or just recklessness? hmmm (its definitely just because she doesnt take enough care of their body lol).

if kiwi were to be captain in splatoon 3, theyd definitely be just constantly scruffing new 3 by the collar to stop them from doing something stupid. is very afraid of a new idiot joining the gang, as if pip n pidge werent bad enough. all 4 as a splatfest team would definitely be the most chaotic thing possible.

also theyre this way because when i draw squirds (tagged on my blog as "wings au") i think its fun to see how different they all look! kiwi would certainly be more fitting as a bird of prey but i think they look so silly with the stubby wings so im not changing my mind. this does mean shes real fast at running! pip and lori are the fastest flyers, pigeon is just kinda in between rip

final note, theyre all at LEAST 18 just so that its not weird. they all use she/they except lori, whos exclusively they/them. they all fucking hate ranked but love hero missions. also all of them have 1 braincell bouncing between them (mainly held by kiwi)

if u managed to read this far, thanks for ur time!! ill eventually draw all these silly bird kids together as squirds, i think itd be fun.