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streetkid-named-desire · 6 months ago

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I think I'm gonna make a spreadsheet of mods with flat chest body refits and the modder name and whether they're dynamic or not (meaning you don't need to switch out meshes for each clothing item)

It would be a community effort because I'd start with just the mods I wanna use lol but I'd probably work on making it comprehensive

Also seeing the modder names on there maybe it could be some social pressure and motivation for other modders to make flat chest refits too, especially once the survey results come out and they see how many people want to use the flat chest body.

#aggregating the data is gonna be a nightmare bc math and me dont get along #ill need someone to check my work #also i really want more responses and we dont have enough cis men respondents which is...silly but still #at least we hit 100 #but its not like truly representative of the fandom #i wonder if i could reach out to nexus's like community copywriters or whatever and see if they would be interested

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 1 month ago

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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.

I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.

Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.

I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.

#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT #thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because #this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message #so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment #because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit #and because it was right before work i had to pack that away #because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me #but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself #that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life #im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything #'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works #what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman #i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care #at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems #and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female #god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously #would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont #being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill #the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications #theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks #dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it

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phagodyke · 4 months ago

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sorry for not posting much on tumblr lately I've been trying this thing called "having a life" have any of u guys heard of it idk it's kind of niche....

#went out to a boardgame bar w the climbing gays after work yayyy #and yesterday i was at the gym..... after just getting back from visiting another friend this whole weekend. my social slay #it was lush hes sooo sweet + such a good host + lives in such a gorgeous place.. spent our time between the beach n playing dark souls <333 #nothing planned tmr tho i need to go to lidl after work n play elden ring for a few hours.. but the rest of my week is booked #work training stuff has been soooo boring but at least its a 15 min walk from my flat so i dont have to wake up at 6:30 <3 #have had some wobbles but tbh im tired of oversharing on here every time i have a breakdown. i only do it cuz im imagining someone ik-#reading it so i dont have to directly communicate w them. but i need to either start communicating w ppl directly or just drop it tbh #or journal i guess... many options. i say this but if i have decent internet connection next time ill prolly forget n ventpost anyway sdjdf #but i wanna at least try n break bad habits yknow....... ahhh #anyway hope everyones doing gooood.. i gotta go shower n check my personal email n maybe ill play a little elden ring before bed #byebyebye #.diaries

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broke-on-books · 1 year ago

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DAMN WHAT THE HELL BARIQHRIQRHAUSHASHW !?!?!?!!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!

#oh my god. anyways fun thing about college there are so many new ways that it can compliment you?????#anyways got the grade for my english paper back which like 💪💪💪💪 yeah i got the A. 😎😎😎 honestly i didnt i would have been pissed bc #that shit WAS brilliant actually but THEN my professor was like in the comments hey if you wanted you could edit this and submit it to this #fuckin. peer reviewed journal and shit like i thought it was really good“ like SIR?!?!?!?!?!? SIR!?!?!?!?!?!#its an undergrad one obviously but this is insane to me wth #he said submission closes next week but the site says thats when its opening so ill probably wait and #decide over break after talking to my parents #but thats absolutely wild #also the complements thing is crazy #like in hs its me: does smth smart someone: oh thats so smart #but then in COLLEGE i do smth smart and people start asking me to TA and submit to academic publications ahfiahdhahs #wild. anyways i need to turn in this other paper now which is what i was SUPPOSED TO BE DOING before i checked my email. anyways thats wild #i may honestly submit if i can becaused seeing if i could get published would be SICK #and would look fucking awesome on my resume. also bragging rights and the ego boost bc lets be real #esp at 18 thats wild teehee. anyways need to do real work not theoretical work atm so yeah ��️ bye #blah

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seokmatthewz · 2 years ago

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got to campus an hour before my class started and dear fucking god did i apparently predict that my morning would go so wrong immediately FDLKSDLFKS

#ive walked so much in the past hour and stressed so much too KLFDSKL #i got to campus and had to get off the bus early and walk in bc there was construction going on #so the bus couldnt go onto campus so i walk to the library to print my paper #bc my printer at my apartment has been broken for a while so i was like 'okay ill come early itll be easy ill have time to spare'#so i went to the library to print and the printer wasnt working for whatever reason #so i went to the support desk like 'hey its not working?' and they were like 'oh maybe u deposited the money for the printer wrong'#so i double checked and it was in the right place and it still went back and it wasnt working anyways so they told me to try another printer #so i went back and tried all 5 and none of them worked #so they told me to go up to IT so i did and he said maybe theres an issue w ur card lemme reset the association #so he did and i reassociated it and it still didnt work #so he was like yeah go to the campus card office #so i have to walk across campus to go there and then walk up 4 flights of stairs and i talk to the lady at the booth #and i tell her the issue and she tells me that someone reissued my card in 2020??? i was not in the city KFLDSKFL #so she had to reprint it for me and she said that i could use the printer on the same floor next to the office #lo and behold: it isnt working KFDSLK so i have to walk BACK to the library across campus #and i FINALLY get it printed and walk ALL THE WAY BACK to the building where my class is #and i did all this with a mere 4 minutes to spare before my class started KLFSDKLFSDL #anyways im exhausted FKLDSKLFDS #iri.txt #i dont need to pay attention to this class anymore bc all the work is done so im gonna gif matthew as a treat for my struggle KLDSFKLD

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chisungie · 3 months ago

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#god damnit i think i need to build seth w jane...#for the uhh same group buff stuff... someone said rina works w them and idk how but i do have rina so i can give that a try..#but building and learning seth ughhmh i dont care much for defensive charas sorryy #i like. crazy fast dps and supports that i know how to use. like anby/nicole as supports. simple.#or the hi3 pt1 supports. simple! what the fucm is going on in pt 2-#anyway... i am not a grace haver.... or a qingyi haver... i have zhuyuan and seth and jane...#and the nekomata team apparently isnr good if u dont know when ur window of opportunity is.. and i dont... so yk..#but jane on field dps makss sense so me tbh. i was wondering how tf to use her bc when i think stacjng anomaly #i think quick on field stacking to 100 w like anby or smn.. but thafs not the case w jane! she has rhe passion state and allat and does dmg #so i actually did have to check vids for her 😵‍💫#at m0 idk if she'll ever be able to top my m0 ellen w 2 of her signature w engine but like... ill try... bc i like jane a lot...#but my ellen just does so much more than the other dps i have...idk we'll see how it pans out ig #44597 #also anyone who has m6. i hateu so much /lh #BUT LIKE THATS CRAZY YK???

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arolesbianism · 6 months ago

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Just wanted to drop in and say thank you for finding and posting the ONI logs that you do! As someone who loves the story of the game but absolutely would not have the energy to find all of the logs that aren’t on the wiki legitimately its nice to be able to see some of them. The one w/ nails in it is especially interesting! Nails was already one of my favorite dupes but that log made me like them even more tbh. Everyone say thank you to Human Nails™️ for making dupes like actually cognizant.

Also, saw your ONI stuff on artfight! I am absolutely not plotting and scheming anything at all i swear :]

Oghhhh tysm :')!!!! I've been feeling a bit self conscious abt my oni obsession lately so this means a lot! I still need to get around to making my oni story catalogue actually readable, I started a while back but ran out of steam after the like 50th incident with said one with Nails in it lol. And I actually recognized you from artfight! Saw your oni guys a few days ago and I'm honestly obsessed with them, it would be a shame if I had my hand forced and had to draw them :3c

#rat rambles #oni posting #I hope Ill have the energy to draw multiple of them tbh Im bad at chosing what characters to draw #but yeah it is rough to be an oni lore enjoyer in this world where all out of game sources are horribly outdated #and even the stuff thats not outdated on the wiki is often just. straight up wrong.#I believe I went and fixed some of the worst stuff at one point but I mostly only fixed the easier stuff to fix if Im remembering correctly #as in incorrect names and job descriptions and stuff #I should go check if the jackie thrratening to burn nikola's work thing is still there because as far as I know thats just not true #I think that was probably a misremembering of a seed is planted where nails talks abt jackie burning some of their work #because outside of that I dont think jackie burning stuff was ever explicitly brought up?#or maybe I just dont remember it or smth it has been a lil bit since I've reread everything #Ive been rereading some stuff every now and then but I havent sat down and binged it all again yet #well hey Ill have plenty of time to comb over everything once I get back to cleaning up my log doc eventually #and then maybe after that Ill. sigh. go update the wiki. sighhhhhhhh #I rly dont want to but at the same timr Someone needs to for ppl like you aka most of them who arent going to manually hunt it all down #cause trust me it feels like loosing your mind to try to find all the logs in game even while actively cheating #you know its bad when I had an easier time learning how to read the code and finding the logs there then actually finding them all in game #plus as far as I know a decent amount of them are dlc exclusive which makes it even more hard to get into #well maybe not harder but more money yknow #but yeah Im glad I had the experience of hunting lore stuff down manually but I would not wish it upon others lol

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boomerang109 · 7 months ago

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#tw disordered eating #no because at what point do I admit to myself that just because it’s wrapped up in a couple extra layers of neurodivergence and sensory #sensitivity at the end of the day I find comfort in not eating and the control of hunger #and like I genuinely don’t have enough energy to get through the day because im simply not eating enough and can’t remember the last time #i have and like at what point do I admit that this is actually a problem #cause like I haven’t seriously looked into a job for the summer cause im like. idk if ill be able to feed myself #but I keep being like ‘oh it’s just an adhd issue’ ‘it’s a meal prep issue’#what if it’s a fear of change issue #what if starving myself is the only goddamn thing I can control in this world even if I don’t admit to myself #i don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to get better #and I have so much shame because I grew up hearing about my mom having an eating disorder in her twenties and it was always like well don’t #worry mom you’re raising me with a better relationship with food so I won’t have that issue #well guess who’s in their twenties and went to one session with a dietician and the dietician was concerned they were malnourished lmao #(i don’t think i checked off enough of the symptoms to actually qualify. but still. the fact that it was a consideration?)#and I just. I literally don’t know where im going to go this summer #because I need someone to teach me how to eat. to teach me how to grocery shop and meal prep and cook #because I KNOW im capable of all those things but no one has ever walked me through all the steps so it’s too scary to me rn to do #but I literally cannot even fathom making anyone put up with my presence for 3 months let alone being like ‘oh also will you help me get #better? cause I’ve tried on my own and it’s just not working’#i just put the tw here but I moved it to the top so people could be warned before reading but #love that I refuse to use anything other than that tag because that would be admitting this was real #im just starving myself and never gained back the weight I lost four years ago from starving myself im sure this is all suuuuuper normal and #just a silly little phase #(fr tho if i need any other tws let me know i don’t wanna trigger anyone)

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rafesweetie · 18 days ago

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in which you’re forced into having a talk with your ex-boyfriend, rafe cameron, on the boat ride to morocco.

being a pogue and rafe cameron’s ex was not easy. although you dated shortly before he killed peterkin, and you were sure he barely even remembered your favourite colour, seeing him blatanly disrespect you and his friends, and go down a path you tried so hard to prevent him from, was hard to watch. but now he’s picked himself up since ward died. you thought you had another chance to at least be on good terms. sending flowers and a card to tanneyhill when ward died, smiling at him when you’d see him around. it didn’t work, he still hated you and your friends.

fortunately, he redeemed himself ever so slightly by volunteering to take the pogues to morocco. rafe had to find chandler groff, you guys wanted the blue crown. it was perfect.

until jj punched him, that is. he knocked him out cold. with a scolding “jj!” coming from majority of the pogues, including you, jj carries him down into the downstairs washroom and ties his wrists to a pole. they don’t trust him, which is fair. you don’t either — you shouldn’t, anyway.

rafe was down there quietly for a mere half hour until he woke up with a groan from his head hitting the ground earlier, followed up with yelling once he realizes he was stuck down there.

all touching your noses and saying ‘not it’ the minute pope suggests someone going down there to check on him, you’re the unlucky one who said it last. shutting up your protests, john b gently coaxes you downstairs, saying things like, “you used to mack on him”, “this is good, you know him”, “he won’t hurt you,” john b leaves you downstairs once you make it to the door of the bathroom. knocking gently, you timidly ask, “can i come in?”

there’s no answer. you can picture him. wrists tied, brows furrowed, eyes closed tightly as his head leans against the wall and towards the ceiling. his gorgeous stressed face. you slowly open the door, peeking your head in. “hi,” you say gently, timid around the scary and aggressive man you have the curse of calling your ex.

“…hey,” rafe says, voice rough as he shuts his eyes tight.

unsure what to say, you awkwardly stand there and stare down at him. “um, i brought asprin,”

“right, right, like i can fuckin’ swallow it. what, you gonna throw it in my mouth like a.. seal or something?” sassy, his upper lip lifts a bit as he thinks about it and isn’t very fond of the idea.

a second of silence as you figure out what to say. “…um, ill just set it down here,” you say, putting the container down beside him. “sorry about your head.”

“yeah, uh, your little boyfriend can’t control his fists, huh?”

“…not my boyfriend,” you correct softly, though you’re not sure why you feel the need to tell him that. “but no one really.. trusts you, rafe, so you kind of brought this on yourself—“

he quickly interrupts you. “bullshit. you know why that’s bullshit? because i was helping. who got you this boat, huh? me. i did. rafe. i’m the reason that you guys aren’t swimming, or some shit, to north africa. i’m being helpful and understanding, and this is what i get. you think that’s fair?” when you’re stood there in silence at his sudden raised voice, he repeats, “you think that’s fucking fair, y/n!?” he kicks a can in anger.

it’s like you’re his girlfriend again as you sit down next to him instantly instead of running. you get deja vu to the time three years ago when he was high on coke and got kicked out of the house. everyone ignored him except for you. “..um, okay, i’m gonna give you some asprin,” you say softly. “help your head. open,” you tell him, grabbing a pill as he gives you a look but opens his mouth. you pop it in his mouth and he dry swallows. “there.”

you two share a look. you don’t think it’s a bad look by any means. he looks frustrated still, but there’s an underlying gentleness in his eyes, as if he registers you’re still the same girl you were when you two were together. “…and, um, for the record, i don’t think it’s fair that you’re down here. you helped us, thats.. nice.”

the word ‘us’ when referring to you and the pogues makes him feel weird. “i don’t get why you hang out with them,” he mutters as he looks at the ground. “tried so fucking hard to keep you away from them when we were.. together.”

“i know,” you whisper, your gaze dropping as well, to his tied wrists. you feel awful. “trust me, your warnings still play in my head when i’m with them sometimes,”

“you remind me of sarah.” he says. you’re not sure what that means.

“you hate sarah,”

“nah, nah— i don’t hate her. hate who she’s turned into,” he adjusts himself. “she makes me sad. i’m sad for her, alright? she had so much potential.“ he shrugs. “but there’s no saving her. she’s in too deep,” he looks back up at you again. “i think there’s saving you, though,”

“…this is weird, rafe,”

“how?” he asks.

“because in the years we’ve been broken up, you’ve never talked to me about this. feels like it’s a… trick or something,”

“it’s not a trick,” he assures, voice still rough. “look, i’m out half a mill, i’m tied up in a bathroom, i’m probably gonna.. die or something. i got nothing to lose, may as well tell you my concern,”

“um, i appreciate it,” you say gently, unsure how to respond. “and i’m gonna go back upstairs.”

“hey— no, woah, woah, woah,” he stops you quickly. “stay. okay?”

“i should go up and help with dinner, though—“

“no, stay. i— i want you to stay, okay? i don’t wanna be down here alone, and i want you away from the pogues,”

he doesn’t wanna be alone. you feel bad for him all over again, nodding gently as you sit back down beside him. you always were so good for rafe.

you’re not sure how long you’ll be down here with him. maybe until it’s late at night and he’s asleep. so gently, after about five minutes of silence, to ease some of the tension and pass the time, you murmur a, “truth or dare?”

rafe just smiles.