#ill look over it later when im sane again but like. once i started i could not stop. GOODNIGHT EVERYONE <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[kastheory]

cherished

[the-bjd-community-confess]

More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

/s

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous 

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

[shyrose57]

YOO BROTHERS ANON BACK FROM THE DEAD? My phone started to fucking die half way (like extreme lag, keyboard stopped working at times, sudden shut offs, etc) and I was too scared to work on this in fear it'd get deleted. But im fucking back and have a new phone so I was able to finally finish. Plus after I finished the Brothers AU stuff I decided I hated Tip of The Iceburg AU lore and wanted to redo it so held off til I got that mostly done. I'm also trying to redo From Future to Past a lil bit but thats going slowly and decided I already waited way to long. Some other stuff happened as well like falling out of the fandom (Breath of The Wild and Linked Universe I got into and am actually still kinda in) then getting tossed back in but, anyway there's some smaller details I left out of Rans time living in the wild but everything here is the big stuff. 

Keep in mind most of this happens when he's just 13. And he never acknowledges or treats his trauma, leaving it to build and affect him more and more over time. 

When Ran first steps out of Mizu and into the world, he has nothing but a sword at his back and a book with little information on how to survive at his hip. The book really only provides him how to make certain things (like tools) and some basic information (Spiders are passive in daytime, how to farm, and basic information about each nether biome). The book acts more like a brief overview of the overworld and little information on how to survive than an actual survival book. Because of this the book is basically useless, Ran eventually uses it as a way of marking down notes and ripping out papers to cover wounds and tie things. He quickly learns that sleeping in high places (like a tree or a hole in a mountain) is the safest possible place to sleep, as no mobs or people can get him. Though due to the nights of constant screaming from mobs, his own internal fighting, and eventual hunting, he develops insomnia and paranoia. Leaving him unable to close his eyes in fear of being ambushed, believing himself to be forever unsafe and in danger. When he does manage to sleep he keeps his weapons nearby (like in his hand or under his pillow) and jumps awake at the slightest sound. 

He moves around constantly, never staying in one place for more than 2 weeks. He eventually finds a snow biome and after seeing the little amount of mobs and knowing the snow is to deep for any sane human to try to travel through, he decides to stay there for a entire year and a half before moving again. During this time he grows both physically and mentally. He goes from being a small, lithe 5'5 13 year old to being a strong 6'7 15 year old. He also uses this time to come to terms with what happened and swear revenge against Ranbob for everything he's been through and everyone who's died. Even when Ran came to terms with what his brother did, the promise "Ill never abandon you." Continues to ring in his head, which does nothing but fuel his hatred, believing his brother has been lying to him ever since he was a child. While also growing his knowledge on the world and his survival knowledge, becoming an almost perfect survivalist. 

When he was first alone and dealing with all the emotions brought upon him, he finds out he's hunted very suddenly. He first approached Raq (who he didn't know at the time) when he was desperate and fresh out of Mizu, asking him if there's any nearby town or city or really anything. Raq pretends to want to help Ran and let's him stay at his camp, giving him food and a warm place to sleep. But its 2 full days later, deep in the night when Raq finally trys to attack him, aiming to incapacitate him. But Ran is able to escape him and run away but not without a injury. 

During the fight Raq manages to hit him, specifically on his left ear. He manages to cut deep, but not deep enough, leaving the top of his ear just barely hanging on. Ran runs away and actually has a bit of a head start due to him tripping Raq. But Raq manages to follow/track him, due to the blood flowing out of Rans ear. Ran eventually realizes Raq is tracking him by the blood trail he's leaving, so he stops, steals himself, and rips off the remaining part of his ear, barely holding back a yell, then Ran pushes his hand down on the wound and continues to run. Raq finds the ear and simply hums, intrigued by the lengths Ran will go to escape, before turning around, deciding to let Ran escape this time, because he knows he'll see him again. Ran continues to run, terrified and borderline crying due to the fear and pain. For the next 3 days he believes he is still being followed by Raq so he continues to run, never resting until he eventually collapses from exhaustion. His ear eventually heals over but never grows back, it becomes a reminder of the fact he is being constantly hunted by people and will never escape them. 

Ran encounters Raq a total of 32 times during his time living out in the wild. And every time Ran manages to get away, though sometimes more injured than others. Eventually it gets to the point Raq greets Ran like a old friend. After their 3rd encounter Raq starts to bring others with him, eventually he has 5 others helping him hunt Ran. Though Ran grows and is able to either outwit them by using traps or is just simply able to avoid them most of the time. Though he still gets hit at times, once he made a mistake and a trap failed, leading to him getting stabbed and passing out cause blood loss.

The Nether is less than kind to Ran but kinder than the overworld. He gets shot a lot from both ghasts and skeletons. And almost falls into lava multiple times. He gets stabbed and trips more times than he can count. But he actually manages to make acquaintance with the Piglins he meets due to him being polite to them and giving them gold for nothing in return. He actually is close enough to them to get directions for free and is even given resistance potions when Ran states he is leaving and not coming back as a farewell and stay safe gift. He ends up staying in the Nether for much longer than a normal person would and becomes adapt at traversing and surviving in it. It almost becomes his safe spot because the hunters have never followed him into the Nether. He would've lived there if he could, but due to the heat he isn't used too and the fact he just despised Ghasts more than the hunters, and they were everywhere in there, he didn't stay. But would often vist. Eventually he found netherite which he quickly covered his first and only diamond sword with. His sword also had the enchantments, sharpness 2, unbreaking 3, and sweaping edge. Over time and use the enchantments dimmed, only faintly remaining. At this point Ran had to flee his snow biome house due to a sudden attack, leaving behind the materials he needed to fix the enchantments and his sword. So he abandoned using it, but kept it cause it helped him through years of fighting, he can't exactly drop and leave it.

Extra stuff I couldn't find a way to fit in:

-Ran manages to find a village but actually gets kicked out cause he punches the blacksmith for upping the price of an iron sword.

-Ran slowly grows more cold, uncaring, rude, and harsh over time due to trauma. He doesn't realize he became this way due to untreated trauma until he arrives to The Pit where Watson is able to help him start to slowly heal. Which is why he becomes more open and joking in The Pit because he feels safe and loved. 

-When the group leaves The Pit he becomes cold and hard again due to habit. Its his way of subconsciously defending himself.

-His body is covered in scars due to the hunters and his brushes with mobs. 

-Ran knows how to tailor his own clothes and has made many different kinds of clothes, all designed for certain biomes. 

-Ran never farmed, he always hunted.

-Ran never really built anything, instead he preferred to dig into the side of a mountain or make shelter in a cave. Its only in the snow biome did he actually build a house. And even then it was very clearly meant to be a temporary house. Though he did end up living there longer than he intended. 

-He was at first extremely reluctant to kill, but was forced to kill hunters and animals multiple times. To the point he became almost numb to it and wouldn't hesitate to kill if he was threatened. 

-He would sometimes dream about his family only for it to end with them being slaughtered, which really messed him up and he would just lay in bed mindlessly every time it happened. These dreams still happen. 

Also a edit to when the brothers met in the Pit, Ran actually gets his hands on a broken trident accidentally left in the arena (its the front end only, and the middle spike is shorter than the rest due to a error when being made) and ends up tripping Ranbob then stabbing the trident into the ground over him (if that makes sense?), actually trapping Ranbob, with the middle spike just above his throat, leaving him unable to move unless he wants to cut his neck and trapped on the ground. 

Tip of The Iceburg:

So Karl's watch is still damaged. And Isaac is still the one to convince him to seek help from the others. But midway through the meeting Phil speaks up, mentioning how he found a book in a ruined village that had a replica of Karl's Watch etched into the cover, but is in a language he's never seen. After passing it around the table no one recognizes it. Everyone's discouraged until Foolish suggests they look for the other Travelers (what ima call the Tales people) and maybe one of them will know. Eventually, with picture pinning of supposedly who could be in their world, they all split off into groups to look. Ran is still the first found, but when he's shown the book he actually confirms a part of it is in a old enderman language that fell off long ago, he's able to translate half of that section but says that Ranbob, who studied old languages much more thoroughly than Ran can do the rest (cause here their still brothers but nothing in Brothers AU happened). Giving everyone hope. Eventually Ranbob gets found and translates the rest, but a great amount is still untranslated, which is a problem. So now its a journey of finding more people and mixing languages to find out the rest. 

A sudden twist to the story happens when Billiam joins, and due to his experience with the egg is actually able to translate a random page in the back of the book (the egg made its own language to prevent its plans being discovered). Where they find out the egg is what broke Karls watch, because to it humans are nothing but entertainment, and it gets joy seeing them suffer and wants to mess with their lives. When it gets revealed to the rest of the SMP what the page says, everyone gets pissed. And even when its found how to get the Travelers home they refuse to leave until the egg is destroyed, a few are mad at it and want revenge, others are scared and want to try to prevent it from coming into their time. Karl eventually relents and lets them join in making a plan to take down the egg.  

Also have some fluff scenarios with the brothers since its been a while:

-There's two types of resistance potions in their world, fire resistance and water resistance. The latter of which the brothers have memorized how to make. Their friends do not know water resistance exists. Which leads to the brothers pranking their friends by drinking some then jumping into a lake. Giving Watson a heartattack and making Isaac sob. The two quickly reemerge seeing their reactions and calm them and reassure them. After the explanation you can bet they got a talking too and where grounded. 

-Ran teaches Ranbob to fight!

-Ranbob teaches Ran to fish, Ran complains the entire time. 

-Ranbob responds by threatening to teach Ran how to farm. Ran stops complaining after that….mostly

-Everyone has found the brothers either asleep against each other or one asleep on the other at least twice. 

-*insert Arthur get out of the tank meme but instead it's Ranbob trying to get Ran out of a tree so he can greet people.*

-Ran has his first night in years without a nightmare! 

Now something else I'm planning to work on soon: What happened to Ranbob after Ran left Mizu?

I hope me sending stuff is still ok after so long of sending nothing. 

Good to have you back, Brothers Anon! And sorry to hear about your phone, that sounds like it must've a day.

--------

Brothers AU:

I see we're back to Traumatize The Brothers Time, fantastic.

The fact that Ran has these items on him is interesting. Did he just have them with him when he was fleeing? Did he have the time to grab them? Was he preparing ahead? What led to him having these useful tools on hand when he was forced to flee?

How does he fare with mobs, being a mob hybrid himself? I think it's somewhat been implied that he's good with Endermen, but what about others?

How do the gladiator gang go about helping with his insomnia and paranoia, if they are aware of it?

What's it like for him during his time in the snow-biome, since he's there for awhile? Does he make a more-permanent camp/shelter? Do anything particularly interesting?

Poor Ran! That must've been quite the shock for him, and I imagine it didn't help his trust issues.

How does he get to the Nether? Does he have a base there? What do the piglins think of him, and vice versa? How does the Nether life effect him overall?

What happened to those materials left behind? Where they discovered? Does he manage to go back and get them on the roadtrip? Do they visit his homes on the trip?

How does the group react to his sudden change when they're leaving? What kind of clothes does he make? Does he ever make some for the others? Does he enjoy it, or is it just because it's necessary?

How do the fishermen feel about the close call with the trident, and what happens to the weapon?

------------

Tip Of the Iceberg:

I don't remember if this was mentioned before, but was it Karl's watch that caused the issue then? Who wrote the book? Does the egg have a connection with them?

How do they fare with their plans to take down the Egg(and potentially the Eggpire, if that's a thing here)? How do those with previous experience with Egg feel about this, and what part do they play?

--------

Fluff! At long last!

I love how their thought process went to that. 'We can make water resistance potions, lets jump in a lake in front of our friends'.

That sounds like it should be entertaining.

Ranbob knows how to farm?

That's such a funny mental image. 'Ran, get out of the tree, you have to socialize'. 'Hissing'.

Yay, good for him!

Ooo, what?

Always.

[notanacousticsetcal]

speak now - luke hemmings

summary - based off of the song speak now by taylor swift -- highly recommend listening before reading for the full experience.

warnings - none? nerves and kind of public speaking

word count - 1.6k - lyrics not included this time, lemme know if you guys prefer that

a/n - im SO sorry ive been MIA, i have had absolutely zero motivation. this is some trash i wrote a while ago and i thought i would post it while im trying to find inspiration to write something better. its the 5th installment of the song series so you can go check those out as well if you want! also, like i said in the word count, i did not include the lyrics this time around. i think i prefer that but im not sure, let me know if you guys want me to include the lyrics next time and i will! thank you for reading, i missed yall.

***

Your mom’s old pale yellow dress didn’t fit as well as you had hoped but you had no other options, formal events were not a common occurrence in your life. The wedges pinched at your toes and the thin dress straps dug into your shoulders but the soft yellow complimented your skin and you liked the ribbon around the waist so it wasn’t a total loss.

You sucked in a sharp breath, adjusting the dress once more in the mirror before grabbing your purse and hustling out the door. 

This wasn’t happening. You weren’t actually doing this. The girl who feels like she has to throw up before public speaking and stutters over small talk and avoids eye contact at all costs is supposed to stand up in front of 100 people and declare her love for the boy getting married to someone else? You felt nauseous thinking about it.

But you couldn’t sit idly by and watch the love of your life say “I do,” to the snobby girl that put gum in your hair in middle school. If there was ever a time that you would stand in front of a crowd voluntarily and speak, it would be now.

The venue was beautiful. The church had vaulted ceilings and large stained glass windows that cast colorful shadows on the hardwood flooring. There were cascading white curtains and pale pink tablecloths with little white doilies. It was pretty but humble and you felt a pang of jealousy in your chest.

Concealing yourself in the crowd wasn’t difficult considering she’d invited the county and all its neighbors. Everyone was in the pews standing and mingling and you noticed the only group sitting quietly was the family of the bride herself, all looking around carefully like the normal folk were unevolved cavemen. They wore coordinating lavender outfits with done up hair and hats with little feathers -- something straight out of a period piece. 

You rolled your eyes at their judgmental nature and apparent superiority complex before your attention was drawn to the boys in the front row talking seriously among themselves, dread written clearly on their faces. 

Calum, Ashton and Michael wore similar black tuxes, looking uncomfortable in the formal getup. You only watched for a few moments before you caught Ashton’s attention. He first looked shocked but his expression quickly became sincere. He gave you an apologetic smile which you returned before heading to the back to avoid any more curious eyes. His family would surely recognize you if they saw you and you didn’t want any extra attention on you until you were subjecting yourself to it. 

As you waited for the ceremony to start, you stared fondly out the window at the snowy trees and calm serenity of nature before allowing yourself to be whisked away in a vivid daydream about what it might be like to tell him how you truly feel. 

You jumped, pulled from your daydream by dark, heavy chords coming from the church organ. You cringed a little as the horribly ill fitting song continued, but readied yourself for the ceremony to begin. 

The silk purple curtains concealed your figure enough in the back of the church and your heart rate began to rise. This was happening. You were about to profess your love to a man who might turn you down in front of everyone and their mother. But it would be worth it. You couldn’t live your whole life wondering “what if?”

You heard a squeak of door hinges from your right and held still. Any sudden movements might give you away. 

A young girl came running through with a wicker basket in hand, poorly distributing rose petals along the aisle. Something caught your eye in the front of the room. 

Luke stepped out, front and center, and straightened his tie. Your breath caught in your throat. He looked just the same as the last time you’d seen him on that warm summer night. You had expected some drastic change, to not even recognize him. But it was Luke. The same one that picked flowers with you at recess and stopped to wait for you whenever you needed to tie your shoe. The same one that was always there to dry your tears and to watch dumb romantic comedies with you without complaining. He stood there quietly, clean shaven and rosy cheeked, the same Luke you knew and loved. 

You pushed away the more upsetting memories, like the one from that warm, sticky night. The image of his tear stained cheeks and pleading eyes. 

Moments later, your eyes were pulled from Luke. Courtney came strutting through the open Mahogany doors, waving like she was fucking Queen Elizabeth.

You rolled your eyes at her bedazzled ball gown and fake pageant smile. She didn’t care about Luke, she cared about image and reputation. Which is why you were really about to piss her off.

You looked back towards Luke and tried to read his expression but it was stoic, unmoved. You wish that was me, don’t you?

Courtney reached Luke and shot him a wide smile, to which he returned. Except Luke's was empty, not sincere. Luke had always thought Courtney was beautiful and smart and made the decision from there that marrying her wouldn’t be so bad. After you had turned him down in the glow of the firelight on that July night. It broke him and you hated yourself every day because of it. You weren’t ready to love him then. But you were most certainly ready now. 

Ready to risk everything for that blue eyed boy. 

The ceremony progressed and the preacher neared the end of the formalities. You felt your time was nearing. Your knees were weak and knocky, your hands shaking. 

The preacher paused, and with his booming voice said “if anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.” He looked down, preparing to move on and read the next portion, assuming no one would protest. No sane person ever protested. 

Your breath hitched in your throat. It was now or never. If you didn’t find it in you to step forward at this moment, the person you love most in this world might be gone forever. 

The room fell silent and you closed your eyes, pushing the sheer curtain aside and taking a shaky step forward. You heard heads turn and a few audible gasps.

When you opened your eyes, everyone had turned to you. Every familiar face, every friend, every stranger.

You caught Courtney’s eye and she looked as if every fiber of her being was on fire. If someone reached out and touched her in that moment, they’d get a 3rd degree burn. She looked like she was trying to strangle you with her eyes.

You flattened your dress once more and looked up, bracing yourself for the look on Luke’s face. 

He didn’t look angry or upset, just… confused. And surprised.

You took that as a sign to continue. You softly cleared your throat, speaking directly to the man in front of you. “I am not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion but you are not the kind of boy… who should be marrying the wrong girl.” There were some shocked whispers and appalled gasps but you ignored them.

You walked forward down the aisle to get a clearer look at Luke and stopped at the stairs. You felt like you were alone with him now and it made it easier. “So don’t say yes, let’s run away now. I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the back door. Don’t wait or say a single vow, you need to hear me out.” You looked at him with pleading eyes and for the first time, his facade fell. You saw the glint of relief in his eyes and the slump of his once tense shoulders. 

Luke looked around once more at all of the people that had gathered there today for him and knew he needed to make a decision. He turned to look at his friends stationed behind him, and to no surprise, their faces were lit up with pure happiness and relief. He couldn’t help but smile back at them. Calum threw him a thumbs up and Michael mouthed “go with her, dumbass.” 

Luke turned back to the audience and spotted his mother in the crowd. He tried to read her expression but when she gave him a soft, curt nod, he knew what he had to do. 

He quickly grabbed Courtney’s hands and your face immediately fell. He was going to choose her after all.

Then, he whispered something you didn’t expect. “I'm sorry, Court. This is a mistake, you don’t love me and I don’t love you — you and I both know that. We can’t do this. I have to go.” He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek quickly as she stood, frozen.

You felt a pang of guilt. But then you remembered that she would get over it and be marrying someone filthy rich by the time she was 25 and didn’t feel so bad anymore.

Luke then turned back to you. He jogged down the steps and pulled you into a hug. It was so silent in the church now, you could hear a pin drop.

He grabbed your shoulders and kissed your forehead. “Let’s run away now, I’ll meet you when I’m out of my tux at the back door.”

You nodded, tears in your eyes, and ran towards the double doors of the church. This was the best decision you had ever made.

You stood in the crisp, chilly air, waiting for Luke to come out of the door on the side of the church. Snow fell on your hair and eyelashes and you reached out a hand to catch some flakes. 

In only three minutes he’d managed to change back into his black skinny jeans, looking like himself again. You could’ve cried at the sight.

“Hi,” you said. What else do you say to someone when you just got them to call off a marriage at the alter?

His smile grew and he ran forward, nearly tackling you in a giant hug. His hands found the back of your head and his eyes searched your face, memorizing every feature, worried that at any second, he might wake up from this amazing dream. “So glad you were around when they said speak now.”

taglist (dm or ask to be added!): @theshyspy

[shhhhyoursister]

Could you write about David having a really shitty day, but knowing that when he gets home Matteo will be there and help him to relax 😌

i havent been able to sit down and write a full thing in a while so im gonna try with this cause ive been goin through it a bit and some projecting may be nice ya know???

David had woken up in his own bed, alone, and that was just the beginning of the shittiest day of his week. 

Not waking up pressed against his soft boyfriend, no face buried in his neck or chest to burrow into, was bad enough. But he also had apparently managed to oversleep, and was late for his first errand in a day full of annoying, boring tasks. He shrugged into his binder, his ribs already aching a little under the pressure, but he just sighed and continued getting ready. He didn’t have time to eat or drink any coffee so he was already cranky as he rushed out the door, slamming it shut behind himself.

He knew that he was being a bit of a baby. Him and Laura had to deal with some financial shit and it was kind of scary, and tedious, and David was feeling the  bounce in his legs that meant he needed to get up and get out soon, or he’d end up actually being a jerk and he didn’t want that. 

He excused himself into the hallway and ignored the glare Laura shot him as he got up, knowing that she’d be angrier if he yelled at the suited man in front of him to “get my name wrong one more time.”

He stood against the wall and let his head drop back, taking a few deep breaths, and he only opened his eyes again when his phone buzzed. He took it out and saw a text from Laura saying, Where are you? You need to come back and he locked his phone again. He huffed a breath out through his nose and felt himself about to tip over the edge, but his shoulders drooped and his face softened when he saw a text from Matteo that said, hey, what are you doing later? i miss you.

He felt himself smile for the first time that day, small but genuine, and he took another breath before responding nothing,what about you? going back into the room. He sat through the rest of the meeting thing only half paying attention, following along enough to answer when he had to, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands as he tried to calm himself down by thinking about Matteo’s nose, and the way he would smile when he was just with David, and how bright his eyes would get later when he answered the door and saw David standing there. 

Laura was rightfully pissed when they left, and kept her lips tight and her face forcefully neutral because they both knew they had to go to the store and buy food. He looked down at the ground as they walked with his hands in his pockets, biting his lip to keep from losing his mind at the people who brushed past him on the busy street. When some dude actually bumped into him hard enough to make him stumble he looked up with a glare on his face that made Laura tug him away, into her side, and harshly whisper, “What the fuck is up with you today?”

He just shrugged, and she let go of his jacket and huffed. Just as they reached the store and Laura grabbed a cart he felt his phone buzz again, and he pulled it out in a way that probably seemed a little desperate. He smiled again, wider, when he saw the text from Matteo saying, i have no problem if you want to do me tonight ;), and he snorted before replying, very smooth.

He and Laura picked out their respective groceries in a tense silence, the thought of seeing Matteo later the only thing keeping him sane. He got a few texts too, Matteo asking him if he was gonna eat with Laura, if he was having a good day (he sent a long response to that one that made Matteo send him a :(), and a promise of a chill night with weed, hot food, and boyfriend who was more than willing to hold David until he felt better again. 

They got back to their place and Laura left David to put away the groceries, which was definitely valid, but set the frown on his face a little deeper. He managed to put everything away safely except for the eggs, which he watched fall to the floor with an almost amused face. They all cracked and some of them splattered, and he felt like the worst brother and roommate in the entire world but he shut the fridge door, packed up his bag, tugged on his shoes, and left. 

David speed walked to Matteo’s, only remembering to tell him that he was coming when he was close enough that it didn’t make sense. He quickly texted him, sorry, ill be there in 5 i forgot to text you and held his phone in his hand as he waited for Matteo to respond, slowing his pace slightly. He looked at his phone the second it buzzed and bit his lip to stop the grin that wanted to grow on his face when he read can you make it 4? He responded how about 3? and put his phone in his pocket before giving into the urge he’d been feeling all day, and he started running in the direction of Matteo’s place. 

He got there in two minutes and was buzzed up quickly, and he ran up the steps even though his lungs were burning and his ribs were throbbing, and the door opened before he even got to it.

“Two minutes, very impressive.” Matteo said with a smile, and David smiled back as his chest heaved.

“Yeah, I think that’s a new record,” he said, feeling all of the anger he was holding tight in his shoulders drain out, and he walked forward until he could wrap his arms around Matteo’s waist and nose into the side of his neck. He took in a deep breath that smelled like home as Matteo slid a hand onto the back of his head, and the other arm around his shoulders. 

“Come on, the food’s almost done,” Matteo whispered next to his ear, “and I just rolled us a joint, and kicked everyone out for the night.”

David chuckled a little, surprising himself, and Matteo pulled away with a grin and grabbed his hand, yanking him into the WG and closing the door behind them. it was warm, and smelled like garlic and tomatoes and a little bit like weed, and he closed his eyes as he breathed it all in. He let Matteo slide his jacket off and he opened his eyes when Matteo gripped his shoulder, and pulled him in for a short, sweet kiss.

“You should go change,” Matteo said, rubbing his thumbs lightly over the spots he knew would be red from the binder, “and take this off, specifically. No arguing.”

David didn’t even have the energy to try. He grabbed his bag and slung it onto his shoulder as Matteo went into the kitchen and stood in front of the stove, stirring something with a wooden spoon. David looked at him one more time, let himself stare at Matteo’s back for a bit, before turning and walking into Matteo’s room. He changed quickly, opting to grab the sweatshirt that was on Matteo’s bed instead of putting back on his own. He zipped it up and buried his face in it for a second, breathing in deep. 

He walked back out to the kitchen and was a little surprised when he smelled a freshly lit joint, and saw Matteo holding it one hand as he stirred with the other. David walked up and grabbed it out from between his fingers, and Matteo turned his head with a soft smile. David took a hit as he stepped closer into Matteo’s space, and once he handed the joint back to Matteo, he pressed his front flush against Matteo’s back and wrapped his arms tight around his stomach, letting his head drop onto Matteo’s shoulder. 

He felt Matteo’s hand slide onto the back of his head again the same time he felt Matteo’s torso expand with a deep inhale, and Matteo patted the hand that David had resting on his stomach before he said, “You might need to let go if you want this.”

David whined loud enough to make Matteo laugh, and he squeezed Matteo into his chest and rubbed his cheek against Matteo’s shoulder blade.

“No, I don’t want to.”

“Then no weed for you, I guess.”

“But I want weed!”

“Then let go of me!”

“But I want you, too!”

David was laughing for real for the first time all day, he almost couldn’t stop the giggles as Matteo squirmed around, trying to wiggle out of David’s grip while not dropping the joint or bumping into the food cooking and fire burning in front of them.

“Okay, okay! Here!” Matteo finally said, twisting in David’s arms until they were (almost) face to face, and he put the joint in David’s mouth.

David thanked him around the joint and took a hit, his body starting to feel less and less tense, his mind less and less full, the red tinge around his vision fading. It was partially weed, and partially the boy in his arms who was giggling and had somehow gotten sauce on his cheek during their whole scuffle. David had never felt more in love.

“Fuck, the pasta!” Matteo yelped, as they both heard the hiss as the water boil over. David let him pull away to save their meal. He leaned back against the counter, and tensed up again when he felt his phone buzz. He took it out of his pocket and took a breath in before checking it, and he huffed that breath back out when he saw a text from Laura saying, I can’t believe you today David, you better bring home more eggs and a better fucking attitude.

He sighed, letting his head tilt back as he tried to ignore it. He knew that there was nothing he could say back that would fix how shitty he had been, and it felt even worse knowing that he had no real reason to have been such a dick. He lifted his head again when he heard Matteo shuffle around, and then his voice in front of him asking, “Hey, what’s up?”

David sighed again and opened his eyes, watching as Matteo put the two full bowls of pasta down on the counter. Matteo turned back and crowded into his space, his arms draped over David’s shoulders. David looked up at him through his eyelashes, feeling like a jerk for moping as he quietly said, “I was an asshole today.”

Matteo raised an eyebrow and smiled a tiny bit, and asked, “Were you?”

“Yeah,” David said, gripping onto Matteo’s hips to ground himself a little, “I just woke up in a shitty mood and had to deal with all the shit I texted you about, and I was shitty to Laura and everything was just...” 

“Shit?” Matteo finished his thought for him, and they both chuckled when David nodded his head to confirm. Matteo shuffled forward until David could drop his head onto his shoulder again, and he pressed a kiss behind his ear.

“I need to apologize to her.” David said muffled into Matteo’s shoulder, but made no effort to move as Matteo’s fingers slipped into his hair and started running soothingly through the curls, and he had to hold back a shiver when his nails dug in a little.

“Hm,” Matteo hummed,”no.”

“No?” David asked, amused, as Matteo’s other hand rubbed under the sweatshirt and up his back, trailing his fingers back down David’s spine.

“First, you’re going to eat. Then I’m going to cuddle you on the couch and we’re gonna watch a movie. And then we’re going to go to my room and cuddle more, and then maybe fuck, and then go to bed.”

“Wow,” David said, tilting his head so Matteo could hear him better, “I’m glad you have the evening planned out so carefully.”

“I’m nothing if not organized,” Matteo said with a cheeky grin that made David grin back and shove him away, and then tug him closer again for a kiss.

“Yeah, sure,” David said, nuzzling into Matteo’s cheek. 

“But seriously,” Matteo said, and pulled David away to fix him with a worried look, squeezing his hands tight in his own, “is there anything else you need? Or want? You had a bad day, I want to make it better.”

David could’ve cried. He didn’t know how he managed to end up with such a sweetheart for a boyfriend. There was such a nice comfort knowing just how true Matteo’s words were, that he truly would have done whatever David needed to make him happy. He had never had that before, not in the way he did with Matteo, and he didn’t know how to tell him that just being in his presence was enough.

He pulled his hands out of Matteo’s and cradled his face, closing his eyes and chuckling a little before pulling Matteo in for a kiss. He felt hands slide onto his hips and then around his waist, pulling him in tight, and he wrapped his tight around Matteo’s neck as they kissed slow, and he tried to pour all of his gratitude into it.

They pulled away after a moment to breath, and David rubbed their noses together before blinking a sudden wetness out of his eyes and saying, “No, this is all I need right now.”

[killerwhitequeen-blog]

Black Cloud (Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor x reader)

Anonymous asked: Hi! I aw that requests are open and was wondering if you could do a Roger Taylor one where the reader has amnesia and they are on a relationship and the reader doesn't remember. It can be angsty or fluffy, completely up to you!

A/N: I decided to go with both angsty and fluffy, hope you all enjoy, feel free to give criticism. Tbh this one is sad gamer hours so have fun with that

Warnings: Parent Death (brief mention), drunk driving, swearing.

The day had been off to a bad start for Roger, with Freddie making him redo his perfected drum solo a multitude of times, the skin on his snare tearing, having an argument with Brian over how convoluted his songs were and of course, not being able to see you.

You were stuck in work that day, with people you disliked and customers you detested, on your feet, for eight hours straight. Breathing out a sigh you cracked your neck, letting the vertebrae down your spine pop with it, feeling an instant release from some of works tensions.

You didn't know what would happen later but you had a sinking feeling in your chest whenever you thought about the walk home. Roger was unable to pick you up that day, busy with prior engagements, like the trip to the pub the band had been promising Fred for months. You understood completely and were actually looking forward to a nice quiet walk home before settling on the settee with a cuppa and watching mindless drivel on the TV before a good, deserved nights rest. But the storm cloud brewing in your stomach would not calm, it could not be satiated until the deed was done.

You called the boys before you left work that night, wanting to hear Rogers voice before he became mindlessly drunk, the phone picked up on the second ring.

“Yuh huh?” you heard Roger moan down the phone, obviously annoyed that he was the one to have to pick it up.

“Oh what a lovely way to greet your girlfriend Roger, really something to write home to mum about” you said sarcasm practically dripping from your voice.

“(Y/N) Fuck, I'm so glad you called, I've had the worst day imaginable... but you know what would make it better?” you could nearly hear him wiggling his eyebrows through the phone, making you giggle.

“No Roger, look, I only called to say, I'm leaving work now to try and get back home before it gets dark”

“Okay sweetheart, do you want to say hi to the guys before you go? We all miss you terribly” you laughed at his horrible attempt at a posh accent before giving your affirmation.

“SAY HI TO (Y/N)!” You heard Roger call through the studio and suddenly harsh footsteps were heard from the other end of the line.

“HI” all three boys shouted at once making the phone to your ear rattle slightly from the sheer force of the vibrations.

“Hiya boys” you paused for one second before saying “now ive really got to go Rog, I love you all and Ill see you soon, love you the most Rog, see you tonight right? No sleepovers at Brians, I dont care how drunk you get, I want to see you tonight”

“Bye (Y/N)” the lads yelled, rattling the poor landline once again.

“Bye love, I promise I'll see you later, I love you more than anything princess, bye” he mumbled so the others wouldnt hear him.

“bye” you said, putting down the handset and reaching for your bag, the sinking feeling in your gut getting worse by the minute.

You decided to take the front door out of work rather than the side, opting for visibility on the main road rather than taking the scenic route back to your flat. First mistake. You decided to look to the ground whilst walking. Second mistake. One minute you heard gravel crunching beneath your feet and in a split second you heard nothing but a blood curdling scream that you realised was ripping though your own throat. All you could see was black, the dark was so dark you could hear it, maybe even taste it but you weren't sure if that was the dark or the taste of your own blood filling your mouth.

You awoke in a sterile room, that looked like it had been scrubbed floor to ceiling so many times the plaster was ready to fall off of the foundation. You went to cough, suddenly aware of the thick tube that had been shoved down your throat, you gagged around it, throat closing up in protest to the intruder before you felt it being pulled out by the gentle hand of who you assumed to be the nurse but when you looked up you saw a man with a mop of blonde hair and striking, crystal eyes. Dressed in a simple blue linen shirt that was half buttoned and tight black trousers.

He looked at you as if you had just created the world and given it to him on a silver platter.

“You're awake! They said you wouldn't wake up for another two days at least. I missed you so bad princess” he exclaimed, grabbing your hand and just as his lips where about to graze your knuckles, you screamed. And you screamed bloody murder, it go so high to the point where you were pretty sure only dogs could hear you.

Your eyes darted around the room looking for something to throw at the man in front of you, before landing on the bed pan on your bedside table. Gripping it tightly in the hand that wasn't hooked up to any machines, you swung for the stranger in front of you. Or who you at least thought was a stranger.

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP” you screeched, your throat sore and scratchy, whether that was from the tubing or the screaming, you were unaware, but you knew that you wanted this man far away from you, you were only 18 and this guy looked around 30, if not slightly younger, but still weird.

“(Y/N) darling what's wrong?” he looked so hurt by what you said, you almost felt bad for the guy.

“I DON'T KNOW YOU! WHY ARE YOU HERE?” you saw the sheer pain flash in his eyes before he slumped into the chair beside you, looking as if the world you had given him was burning and crumbling before his eyes.

A dazed nurse walked over to you, so you assumed it was the small hours of the morning. “What seems to be the problem Mr . Taylor?” she asked the man sat in the chair next to you and all he did was point at you before his features broke completely tears tearing down his face at an alarming rate.

“I don't know who that is” you whispered to the woman, afraid to upset the man more though you did not know why you worried, or why your heart ached for him in the way it. A sinking feeling filling your stomach like a dark storm cloud stretching throughout your insides.

“Thats your boyfriend miss (Y/L/N)” she said to you “I'll call for the doctor” she mumbles to the sad stranger.

When the doctor finally come into the room you had been sitting with the man for around fifteen minutes, him weeping into his hands, looking up at you every once in a while just for you to stare blankly into his crystalline eyes making him sob even more. The doctor checked you over, shining lights in your eyes and all other kinds of bullshit you didn't take the time to remember, you were too busy trying to memorise “Mr . Taylor's” face .

“Roger” the doctor said in order to stir the man too deep in sadness to think of much else. “She has amnesia, it should begin to pass in a few weeks but you're going to have to help jog her memory. You can take her home now, make sure to bring her in weekly for a check up on her stitches okay?”

“uh... yeah definitely, I definitely will thank you doctor Phillips.”

The doctor turned to you and started unhooking you from the machines before helping you to your feet.

“Thank you” you mutter, an unexplained guilt still filling you whilst thinking of the sad stranger.

You let 'Roger' lead you out of the hospital and into his car, Wheel in the sky by journey playing faintly through the radio and you could've sworn you had deja vu of a moment just like this from a few years ago, a man with a blurry face sat in the drivers side singing his heart out and you told him you loved him. The memory was gone as soon as it appeared and your head spun from the concentration needed just to look around the car.

By the time you were at Rogers flat, his tears had dried but he was still snuffling his nose as if in an attempt to suck the emotion back into his body. “well we're home (Y/N)”

“I don't know this place” was all you could weakly whisper in response before stepping out of the car and towards the towering block of flats in front of you.

Stepping into the cramped flat you're hit with a wave of nostalgia, making you weak in the knees, Roger holds you up by your arm pits and leads you over to the sofa in the centre of the room allowing you too fall back onto it.

“You alright love? Do you need anything? Water? Crackers? Cheese on toast? Say the word and im on it okay? Just ask”

“Tell me about “us”” you say gesturing over the 'us' with air quotes and pointing to the seat at your side.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything Roger” that was the fist time you had said his name since the incident and just hearing it made him smile radiantly, the sun should've been ashamed to shine compared to the glowing smile of the man next to you.

“Well, I'll start with what actually happened a week ago eh?” you nodded at this suggestion.

You were walking home from work alone, I couldn't come to pick you up, and you were all alone. You were just walking on a clear patch of pavement when a driver swerved due to being drunk at the wheel. Majority of the blow hit a lamppost next to you but you also took some of the brunt, you were knocked out cold (Y/N), christ as soon as I found out I ran to the hospital to see you but they said they had to induce a temporary coma due to blood on the brain. I didn't know how long I could last without you princess, you keep me level headed and I love you for that... we all do; me, Brian, Fred, Deaky especially. I need you with me always my love you keep me sane.

“I'm so sorry I wasn't there when it happened baby, I'm so fucking sorry” you sighed and took his hand

“I might not remember you right now, but I know that what happened was not your fault and you have nothing to be sorry for” you said with a conviction which your voice had not had yet that day, you knew this man was good inside and out.

That week people came to the flat to visit you, never remembering peoples faces had a tendency to make them cry. Roger continued to tell you stories throughout the time some beginning to jog memories like the angelic car moment.

We had our first kiss the first time we met, it was at a shitty uni new years party, at least it was shitty unil I saw you. You took my breath away angel, when you spoke you had the voice of a songbird, and your body... fuck it was difficult not to just ask you for a cheeky shag to be completely honest. It reached midnight and I saw you stood alone so I took my chance and asked if I could kiss you. You had been drinking beer and I could still taste it on your tongue it was heavenly. That's when I decided I wanted to take you out, do things properly date.

Roger broke the news to you that you were in fact twenty-seven and not eighteen like you though you were. He broke the news to you that your mother had died a few years prior of breast cancer. He told you how much he loved you and slowly but surely you returning to normal, remembering small details as he told a story, even the mundane ones where you would be reading in one corner of the flat with him writing songs in the other, staring at each other every once in a while eyes just filled to the brim with love.

He reminded you of all the arguments.

All the love.

The first time you told him you loved him.

The first time he said it back, nearly six months later.

He hid nothing from you and it worked wonders.

One morning you woke on the bed with Roger not lying beside you, confused you stepped out of bed, before remembering your accident, the amnesia, the pain you put roger theough.

“Babe?” you called as you stepped through the flat towards the sofa and when Roger looked at you, he already knew you remembered, there was no slightly vacant look behind your eyes. You had returned to him, his baby had returned to him and he could hope for nothing more.

He jumped off the sofa wrapping his arms securely around you and holding you tightly, he wasn't going no lose you again not now, not ever.

“(Y/N) I was working up the courage to do this before the accident, looking for the perfect time but I've now realised there is no perfect time there is only the now and we're lucky if we get that so (Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N) will you marry me gorgeous”

You gasped softly at the look of adoration of Rogers face as he held and you nodded, holding an onslaught of tears.

“Yes, Rog, a thousand times yes”

[champagnesuperpapi]

falling in love is a trip. getting fired is a trip. i suppose everything is a trip just in different doses and you end up back where you started eventually with a situational hangover. i’m trying to stop eating so i can really focus on my alcoholism. i had some big balls energy in gainful employment for a minute, most days i’d show up hungover or high and i’d still be the best on my team. i never wanted to commit to trying until i realised i could self sabotage and still come out on top. i made really good friends and got into really complicated relationships and finally felt like the protagonist. but one bad break up and i’m chewing at anything else that ties me to sanity. like every ex has said, as soon as one thing goes wrong i have to burn everything else to the ground. and two months later not one of those friends still talks to me and the only complicated relationship is wanting to speak  to someone every second of every day but not being able to. on that stalker hype. on that you shit. i was in denial about it for the longest time until i found myself one day thinking of her and had the craziest brain zaps. like my whole brain was taken over by something else, a visceral, pounding headache that felt like a straight charge of emotion electrifying my brain. all i could do was laugh because that’s when i knew i’d really fucked up. sometimes you meet someone and none of it makes sense. even now if i look at old pictures of her before we met, she doesn’t look the same. the eyes, the facial structure, she doesn’t look like the girl i fell for like we shapeshifted into each other and became something else. and i’ve dealt with breakups before but there’s always that side of you that’s glad to get rid of them. the last few months i’ve felt nothing but this yearning and underneath it an icy depression like all now is harmed. it wouldnt take much for a sane person to write a list of bullet points of bullets i’ve just dodged or reasons why this girl just wasnt good for me but in whatever swirl of mental illness i currently occupy i just want to talk to her again. in some ways i got what i asked for because it’s been 10 years since i got thrown out at home and the first time i really felt that boundless emptiness. from one day having a family and a circle of friends to 24 hours later sending pathetic texts to see if i could crash on a couch and only getting one reply from someone i’d never even met who hooked me up and in turn saved my life. since then i’ve had to repeatedly realise that without family you really have no one. you are no one else’s responsibility. as soon as things get really bad they will be gone and you’ll be back at that constant zero. and i’ve never had a reason to live to begin with. i’ve never had a motive. i’ve always been a deer in the headlights. i can get a job, make friends momentarily and play the part of a normal guy but it’s built without a foundation and you’ll end up at the bottom of everything again, this time older and uglier. i haven’t romanticised anything since i stopped writing.  it seems ugly and pointless to care about things that most people don’t. i feel like a beggar occasionally getting scraps of normality thrown at me and placing them on a pedestal like civility is religious. so the lure of the drug addict becomes greater. to live in daydreams where my neurosis never manifests itself and sends me down a thorned arterial pathway of realising what’s actually wrong with you and the harsh reality when the denial doesnt get you faded anymore. the more i consume the less i write and i tell myself it’s because language is a prison and i just want to feel without attributing words to the process but in hindsight i think im just struggling to swim in the waters where i once stood. i think i’ve burnt out my dopamine receptors and no combination of words will ever mean as much as the intimacy i'm chasing. i think of her eyes and how i used to make them sparkle and glow and their beauty seemed limitless and infinite but they were just another hit and im back on my lonely eternity trying to figure out what it all meant. the answer is nothing. the meaning is a playlist of songs you won’t be able to listen to until your next peak where you’ll maybe take a minute out and remember someone that made you feel some way. but the peaks are never as high and the lows get more prolonged and defined every time you find yourself in the same place for the same reasons but with different excuses. the recipe for nausea and a grief that won’t shift.

[prairiesongserial]

5.6

The truck bounced and ambled its way down the dust-covered road, tossing its passengers gently from side to side like they were in a ship on a particularly stormy ocean. Cody’s stomach turned over, and he tore his gaze away from the window to look at John and Sailor, who shared the backseat with him.

“Are we sure about this?”

“No,” Sailor growled under her breath. She was hunched over in her seat, gently rubbing her leg where her knee joint met her new prosthetic. “It’s a bad plan. Not enough people, and not enough guns.”

“I thought that was kinda the point,” Nash said cheerfully, from the driver’s seat. “Y’all aren’t supposed to be attracting attention.”

“Nash, respectfully, you aren’t a part of this discussion unless you’re gonna be gettin’ out of the car to go with us,” Cody said, his voice flat.

He knew exactly what Nash’s orders were, unfortunately, and Nash wasn’t coming with him, John, and Sailor. According to what Marc had said that morning at brunch, Nash was coming along strictly as their getaway driver. If they didn’t come back to the rendezvous point within about an hour, Nash was allowed to head back to Texas Waters and leave the three of them high and dry. Cody, for one, had no doubt that he really would. Nash may have been affable enough, but at the end of the day, Marc was the one paying him for his services.

“Fair enough,” Nash said, with an easy shrug. “Your drop point’s comin’ up in a couple minutes, by the way.”

“Great,” Cody said through his teeth. John put a hand on his knee, gently, and he reached down to squeeze it. Having his own gesture returned muddled his thoughts about the whole interaction - he still wasn’t sure what he had been trying to communicate, back at breakfast. At least he could say for certain that John hadn’t minded. Cody refocused himself on the problem at hand, more agitated now than before. “I still don’t see why we have to split up.”

Their instructions were relatively straightforward, all things considered. Marc would be meeting with the heads of a local mob, in a town just across the Mexican border, under the pretense of making an alliance with them. Something about dividing up certain resources they each had access to for a mutual benefit. While the meeting was going on, John, Cody, and Sailor would be pulling off one of the double-crosses Marc was apparently notorious for - considering breakfast, that hadn’t been much of a surprise.

John, Cody, and Sailor were to steal the mob’s supply of water. The only catch was that the supply was kept in a compound located dead in the middle of a nest of muties. The mob didn’t have to spend the manpower guarding their most valuable resource if the muties kept people away for free, after all. All they had to do was guard one tunnel entrance. The mob members transported the water in barrels through a tunnel under the mesa, then raised it up on a lift. The barrels sat out in the open, the hundred-odd feral muties enough of a deterrent for any sane person.

The water heist, as Marc had devised it, was a two-pronged plan. Cody and Sailor would make their way up one side of the mesa, doing their best to go as quickly as possible while also disturbing as few muties as possible. At the same time, John would arrive at the guard station at the base of the mesa, dressed as one of the mob’s security men. While Cody and Sailor reached the compound from the top, John would take care of the guards patrolling the underground tunnel. If all went well, they’d meet as soon as Cody and Sailor took the lift down, then transport the barrels of water out through the tunnel to where Nash would be waiting in the truck.

It was a decent plan, in theory. But there were a lot of ways it could go wrong, and Cody hadn’t stopped thinking up more since they’d left Texas Waters. He was so nervous that he could practically feel the food he’d eaten at brunch rolling around in his stomach, threatening to come back up.

“You really want to fight your way back through a nest of pissed-off muties? I mean, be my guest, but…” Nash trailed off, perhaps remembering that Cody had just told him not to talk anymore. He punctuated it with another shrug.

“He’s right,” John murmured, almost as if it pained him to do so.

Cody frowned. “The last time we split up -”

“Was different,” John said, squeezing his hand back. “Not on purpose.”

“Still!”

“Cody,” John said firmly, then looked surprised when Cody’s attention snapped completely to him. He swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing conspicuously in his throat, looking a little like a deer caught in headlights.

“Well?” Cody asked.

“...I’ll handle it,” John said at last, a little gruff, diverting his gaze towards the floor. Cody’s frown deepened.

“I know, but -”

“John has the easy job,” Sailor broke in, looking more than a little exasperated with the route the conversation had gone down. “All he has to do is clear the getaway path for us, and stay there to make sure no other goons show up.”

“I dunno about easy. Once he starts takin’ them down, someone’s gonna notice,” Cody said.

“Not if he’s careful,” Sailor said. “He’ll have enough time to be, with us sneakin’ our way up the whole fuckin’ mesa. I didn’t exactly think he was gonna run in guns blazing, and just start shooting people left and right.”

John snorted.

“Hey, he might have to, if his cover gets blown,” Nash pointed out.

“That’s fine,” John said, and then fell silent again, looking contemplative.

Cody watched him, thinking that, strangely, this was the most he’d heard John speak since before they’d arrived at Texas Waters that morning. He wondered how John was feeling, but he wasn’t about to ask a thing like that in front of Sailor and Nash. They’d have time to talk about it later, hopefully.

“Alright, here we are,” Nash said, pulling the truck off to the shoulder of the road. There wasn’t much there - the mesa loomed over them a couple of yards away, but for the most part, it was just scenic desert. Nothing to suggest a nest of muties nearby. “Hop on out, you two, and don’t forget your guns.”

Cody gave John’s hand a final squeeze before letting go of it, and opening the door to let himself and Sailor out of the truck. He hopped down to the ground, adjusting his poncho, and circling to the back of the truck for the rifles Marc had given to them, just in case. Cody had never fired a fancy rifle like the ones Marc’s guards used before, but he’d fired a shotgun, and he reckoned they worked about the same. He had his pistol holstered to his hip again, too, as a last resort.

“Be safe,” he told John through the window, slinging the rifle’s strap over his shoulder. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

John nodded. Nash revved the truck’s engine once, then peeled away onto the road, with apparently little regard for the dust the tires kicked up onto Cody and Sailor. Cody watched the truck disappear into the distance, until he couldn’t see John’s face looking for him from the window anymore.

“Ready to kill some muties?” he asked, turning to Sailor.

“I’m hoping we won’t have to,” she grumbled. She started to head for the mesa, her eyes scanning the horizon line for something. “There should be a footpath close to here that goes up to the top. It was on Marc’s map.”

“Right,” Cody said, following just a couple steps behind. He’d thought the map of the area that Marc had brought out while explaining the plan had been largely for dramatic purposes, but now he felt a little silly for not taking the time to study it seriously.

“What’s with you and Marc, anyway?” he asked. It couldn’t hurt to make conversation until they actually reached mutie territory, and he was curious, anyway. “I thought you were trying to catch him for the bounty. He acted like you come around for brunch all the time.”

“It’s complicated,” Sailor said, bluntly.

“Is it?”

“No,” she answered, after a moment of contemplation. They’d reached the beginning of the footpath, and she started up it, only pausing for a moment to make sure Cody was following her closely. “Not really. He thinks I’m hunting him because I like him.”

“And he likes you, obviously,” Cody said, filling in the gaps.

“Obviously,” Sailor said. “What was your first clue?”

Cody laughed - and then froze, the sound dying in his throat as he abruptly became aware of something moving in his peripheral vision. Sailor snapped her head up to look, and he did the same, already knowing what he’d find. His stomach twisted. There was a group of muties, at least five of them crouched on a ledge not five yards away. Their eyes were milky white with cataracts, and they were hunched over, with necks and arms that looked too long for their bodies. Some of them were chittering softly, Cody thought, unless it was the sounds of nearby animals. But he doubted that, somehow.

“They can’t see,” he murmured, barely moving his lips. If the muties were blind, maybe sneaking past them would be easier than Marc had thought.

Sailor frowned. She stooped to pick up a rock from the ground, slowly and deliberately. Cody wondered what she was doing for only a moment before she wound up and threw it, sending it sailing over the group of muties’ heads and clattering across the ground on the ledge they were on.

The muties reacted in less than a second. So abruptly it was startling, they sprang into motion, turning to lunge on the spot where the rock had landed. They were making low, guttural noises in their throats that sounded like a human imitation of a dog’s growl. Cody thought it might have been the worst noise he’d ever heard in his life.

“They can sure hear, though,” Sailor said, under her breath.

Cody bit the inside of his cheek, and nodded. Somehow, he got the feeling that this was going to be much worse than the last time he and John had split up.

5.5 || 5.7

[yourjughead]

Gearheads

Pairings: ReaderxSweetPea

A/N: That's all I'm going to say about that....(except this had originally been called American Beauty//American Psycho but this nake suited more as the story evolved.... different story with the og. title to come (also I mean Gearhead as in in cars not drugs so....))

--------------------------------------

Sweet Pea POV.

I had the annoyance of bringing Jughead to collect some of the things he left behind at Riverdale High. I looked around the outside of this perfect little school, not a guard in sight. The privilege of the privileged I guess. After an uncomfortable circling of the school, receiving the usual disproving stares, I returned to the front of the school and leaned on my car waiting for Jughead. Then she caught my eye.

At the top of the steps to the posh hell, stood an angel. Dressed in her cheer uniform, she was carrying a large pile of books, reading the note that lay on top as she slowly walked down the stone steps. She was like a goddess among common men. Then she stumbled down the last step, dropping her books everywhere. Okay, so a clumsy goddess, I can deal with that.

“Here let help you…” I'm not someone who helps a stranger? Especially a Northsider.

“Oh thanks” she gathered her notes while nervously biting her lip. She finally stood and took the books I had collected for her. She jumped slightly at the full sight of me. I'm used to that.

“Oh I uhh thanks”

“Yeah the snake tattoo tends to have that effect on people” she bit the inside of her lip before smiling, clearly realising I was joking.

“Oh forgot one umm- yn” I read her name on the cover. Her name was as beautiful as the person it belonged to. Once she got over the initial shock of seeing the Serpent decorate my next, she didn't seem to want to rush away from me. New.

“Thanks umm"

“Sweet Pea” ready for the jokes about my name.

“Sweet Pea, thanks” she just smiled. I want to take a picture of that beautiful smile but that might cross some line.

“Oh you cut your knee when you fell…” on second glance to her beautiful legs, they were all marks.

“Oh yeah, that's okay, it happens I'll live...Yeah so, you go here Sweet Pea?”

“Oh God no” she raised an eyebrow at me.

“I mean I'm sure it's nice and all but too far from home...I'm guessing you go here though” I looked at her in her cheer uniform again. It looks great on her but would be even nicer on my bedroom floor. She laughed at my attempt at humour, I like her I think. Wait no I don't. Hello! Northsider! I think not!

“Hey Ynn, this guy bothering you” a guy adorning a blue and gold letterman jacket threw his arm around her and she seemed to almost flinch.

“No no Chris, Sweet Pea and I were just talking” she looked at the ground, her beautiful smile long gone.

“Yeah Chris. Just chatting.” My sarcastic tone came easy and he didn't seem to appreciate it.

“Watch it buddy” a threat? That's brave.

“Or what?” I was about to square up to him when Jughead came flying down the steps and into the back of Chris.

“Oh sorry Chris, oh hey YN! How are things?...did I interrupt something?”

“No you didn't, we were just leaving, come on ynn we have practice” he seemed to half drag her away from us. She glanced over her shoulder and gave a small wave, a smile to match.

“Chris is such a jerk to that poor girl, Don't know why she's with him. Oh crap look at the time! come on we better get back” he threw his books into the boot but my eyes were locked on Yns silhouette. Time to get out of here, I'm losing my mind. Stepping down off the path I stood on a small notepad. I picked it up to see YNs name decorate the cover.

“Come on Sweet Pea we have to get back” he called from the passenger seat. I nodded after looking inside the cover of the notebook. As I had expected, yn was the type of girl to have her contact information on her books.

What a fucking jerk. Who says things like that? Not someone who is sane, that's for sure. I continued my stewing for another hour, working away at the impossible car.

The slam of a car door snapped me out of my angry daze before I went back to fixing the car door in the garage.

“What's up SP?!” Fangs slid across the bonnet of the car to my side.

“Nothing really, you?” I went back to fixing the wiring in the door.

“Whose yn?”

“What?” My eyes snapped back to him and he dangled her notes out in front of me. Damn it I forgot to put them away!

“Oh no one” I went to grab them but he pulled his arm back.

“Northsider by the looks of the school address”

“Umm”

“You're not going rogue on us are you?” He teases and I continued with the door.

“Wait, are you?” He slid off the bonnet to stand closer to me, more serious now.

“No of course not” I pushed him back, grabbing her notebook from him.

“Umm hi” I looked up to the garage to door at the familiar beautiful sound on Yns voice. She stood in the doorway, long strapped handbag slung over her shoulder, hands held together as one in front of her, biting her lip.

“Well hello there” Fangs went to approach before I caught him by the shoulder and dragged him back. Nope not this one.

“Ohhhhh you must he YN?” I'm going to kill him.

“Umm yeah nice to meet you…”

“Fangs”

“Fangs and Sweet Pea, no one called like Phil or John around here no?” She smirked and I returned the same.

“This isn't the Northside Princess” he said sliding out past her. He winked from behind her before miming some obscene gestures. I'm going to hurt him later. She turned her head and he stopped before winking again and leaving to talk to Tall Boy outside by the motorbikes.

“Well he seems nice”

“Oh yeah he's very cheery” who am I? Since when do I say 'cheery’

“I hope you don't mind but Jughead told me where you might be after we got kind of...cut off”

“Yeah, that happen a lot?”

“More than I'd care to admit” she walked around my workshop as she spoke, taking it all in. I wish I had had time to clean up. I popped the hood on the car, trying to seem like I didn't care that she was wandering around in close proximity. She finally stopped her strolling when she was to the side of the car next to me, smiling. Why is this one always smiling?

“Nice car”

“Oh right yeah thanks, it's shot though, might just scrap it for parts”

“Oh, shame….those wires shouldn’t be connected”

“What?” I couldn't help but laugh and she turned kind of red.

"I umm sorry I'm sure you know what you're doing...even if you're doing it wrong..."

"No no Gearhead, show me" she seemed to weigh up her options before settling on the right one.

“Umm...gloves?” I crinkled my face up in confusion before uncrossing one arm from the other and pointing to the work bench behind her. She put her bag on top of the table before slipping on the gloves and draping her hair over one shoulder. She then disconnected the two wires in question and connected them to different ones. What does she think she's doing? I laughed aloud, this girl is going to kill herself....kind of hot.

“That's also wrong...do you mind if I…”

“No no be my guest Gearhead” I put my hands up and stepped back. Very hot.

After a moment or two she stepped back and closed down the hood again. Before sitting into the car she once again disconnected my wiring in the window before realigning them. If it was anyone else I would have snapped long ago. She sat into the driver seat and put the key into the ignition. This girl is either going to blow up the garage or blow my mind. She chose the latter.

The engine hummed into life after a second of her turning the key. She then pushed the window button and it glided down and up again, effortlessly. Unbelievable, thing hasn't started in years. She turned off the car again and slipped out. Extremely hot.

“Umm there you go…”

“How did you...what did you...how...what…” I stood mouth agape looking at the car, her turn to laugh.

“Did I just hear an engine?! Did you get Sal start finally?!” Fangs came running back in from outside.

“No y-”

“Don't be modest Sweet Pea” I looked at her and she nodded for me to take all the credit.

“We have to take it out!” Fangs half ran over to the car, not really caring who fixed it.

“Yeah we should” I agreed.

“Well I mean… you might want to take it off the blocks first…” she was right, it was on blocks and I couldn't help but laugh again.

“I'll see what we can do about that Northsider...shouldnt you be on your way back to your storybook?” he slipped out of the garage again. Lucky for him, I'm going to hurt him.

“So, cheerleader gear head?”

“Lots you don't know about me” she smirked.

“I'd love to find out more” I came square into her then, stepping closer. I swept the hair from eyes and she bit her lip. I love it when she does that.  Yns phone ringing cut through the growing tension between us. She looked down at the ground before crossing the room to her bag.

“Hello-yeah-sorry-sorry-im just out with...a friend-” great boost to my confidence “-ill be there soon, I'm sorry-no please don't I'm coming I'm sorry-okay-im sorry I'm on my way I'm sorry-okay bye” she hung up and threw her bag over her shoulder quickly half darting for the door.

“I’m sorry I have to go, bye Sweet Pea” her speech was rushed and disgruntled.

“Bye yn...wait wait your notebook!”

“Oh...I guess I forgot it again, I'll have to come back and get it another time?” she smirked.

“Yeah I guess so” I returned the sentiment.

“Although maybe once your car is off blocks you can bring it to me” she winked then she was gone from me again. The idea of willingly going to the Northside was not my idea of fun but yn was.  Beautiful Gearhead.

---------------------------------------------------

Much love Xx

Tag: @sunshine51879 @deanilostmyshoe

@goshdarnitthatsalongname @svenjafangirlt

[acidmatze]

In which Dabi increasingly thinks that he is stuck in a third rate emo music video

I have no idea why I wrote this. But it wanted to be written. This is Part 1 of the obligatory College AU and everyone is a dork. 

It’s not proof read or anything.. Im tired...

It was a kinda gloomy afternoon in late October when it all started. It was raining and the dorm was crowded with students that normally were walking around town but with weather that bad no one really wanted to go out.

Dabi was sitting on the windowsill in the common room and stared outside.

Spinner was in some kind of fight with two other students about some hockey game.

Twice tried to watch some motorcycle race on TV.

He then suddenly jumped and walked over to Dabi with just a few really big steps.

“Dabi, I have an idea!”

Dabi lazily turned around to his friend.

“Shoot.”

“So far we have befriended three people. But I think we need a lot more friends. There are a lot of people here on campus that don't seem to have many friends and no one should walk alone around here. You know, we all need someone to talk to and stuff. You know??”

Dabi blinked a few times.

For some reason since summer, Twice seemed to be obsessed with walking around and trying to talk to people he never talked to before. Dabi was just dragged along. At first Twice started hanging out with Spinner. Then he almost stalked some weird guy called Chisaki. And then his friends. Dabi always felt the weird need to apologise for Twice's behaviour but somehow in the end it all worked out and their circle of friends grew.

Twice blabbered on

“There's this girl I have a few classes with and she's like.. two years younger than us or so I have no idea how she is in college already but she is. I have never seen her with people around and I think we should change that.”

“Uh.... okay? How do you wanna do that?”

“I'm just gonna talk to her on Monday. What do you think?”

“Dunno? Go ahead I guess...?”

Dabi had a vague idea which girl Twice meant.

She was blonde and short and could be cute but there was an eerie air surrounding her. But since Twice's group of friends was a ragtag bunch of misfits she would be fit in just fine. Twice himself was a giant goofball sometimes. In one moment it seemed like he was just a kid trapped in the body of a tall guy in his early 20s. In another moment he would shout the most obscene things anyone has ever heard. Be it in the hallway, in the middle of a lecture, while eating lunch and sometimes in the middle of the night. Dabi knew because even though his room was further down the hallway he could still hear his friend's yelling. It woke him up semi-regularly.

And on some days Twice would just break down sobbing and fled to the bathroom and wouldn't come back for a few hours.

He had no idea about what happened afterwards.

Dabi himself also was far from being the average college student. First of all the appearance.

Then his type of humour.   He often insulted people without meaning to because for him it was just friendly banter. And his careless attitude pissed people off. For reasons Dabi cannot explain. What's so bad about not blowing up at every single thing?

“I haven't felt an emotion since 1997” he often said.

“Look how many fucks I give. They are falling from the sky” he also often said.

Chisaki, the first guy they “recruited” was terribly afraid of bacteria and getting ill. They never saw him without wearing gloves and a face mask.

No hand shaking or friendly hugs allowed, thank you.

Please just wave in my general direction.

He was often seen furiously wiping seats, benches, tables, kitchen counters and other places you can sit on.

Sometimes Dabi wondered if it was a good idea for him to study medicine.

On the other hand, if he would become a surgeon no one would need to worry about keeping the operating room sterile.

“We only have guy friends. We also need some girl friends. Not girlfriends... well, maybe those too but I mean like.. girls. Who are our friends.”

“I get what you mean, Twice and I agree. This group is a sausage fest.”

Two days later when Dabi walked to his next lecture he saw Twice down at the campus plaza wildly gesticulating and talking to that girl he wanted to talk to.

She didn't seem to mind.

As far as Dabi could see, whatever Twice was talking about must be funny since she was laughing.

Good. Another weirdo joined the group. Let's see what this eerie feeling is about.

Dabi almost bumped into another student he didn't even had noticed.

“Whoa there. Didn't see you there buddy. Sorry.”

The other student shot a quick glance at Dabi and walked a bit faster. Well, okay...? Maybe he's late for class. Though in his oversized black clothes he almost looked like a high school student.

Weird kid.

This time the common room was almost empty, even though it was raining again.

Why is it always raining the last few weeks?

Dabi stared out of the window again.

“Is this interesting?” Chisaki asked.

“I'm pretending to be an emo girl in a music video. I'm currently missing my boyfriend who broke up with me to fuck my best friend.”  

“Okay?”

“It is complicated, you know? He just bought me an expensive ring and told me we will be together forever but then at a party my bff flirted with him and he didn't do anything and now I'm so angry I think I will set his apartment in flames.”

“Dabi? Are you... okay?”

Dabi turned around to Chisaki and pretended to be crying.

“No! I am depressed! I was so in love with him, Rawr!”

Chisaki stared at Dabi for ten seconds.

“Please. Don't say this ever again.”

“Rawr means I Love You in Dinosaur!”

Before Chisaki could smack the lanky bean in the face Twice stormed into the room.

“Guys! Guys, we have a new friend! Say hello to Toga!”

The short girl from earlier today stood in the doorway grinning way too wide for her face.

“Hiiiii~ I'm Toga! I'm so happy to meet you all! Very happy indeed.”

What is up with those teeth? Dabi had never seen canines that sharp. He had heard that some people let their teeth sharpen. But until now he thought someone was playing a very elaborate prank on him. But seems those people seriously exist.

A wave of eeriness hit him.

There's something about this girl that's definitely not normal. But who in this weird clique is normal anyway?

“So what do you guys do all day? You all look totally different, do you even have common hobbies? Like Twicey here looks like a MMA fighter and you look like a law student and you look like you beat up kids and then go home and write sad poems about it.”

Dabi's eye twitched slightly.

“Also you look stoned!”

It twitched even more.

“Law student.....” Chisaki muttered, “I have never been more insulted in my life.”

“We're just hanging out. And sometimes we go play pool and stuff” Twice said.

“Oh that's cool. I collect knives. Do you want to see some?”

Toga was beaming.

Okay, so that's what's wrong with her. That explains so much to be honest.

“I don't think anyone would be interested in....”

Dabi cut Chisaki off.

“Sure we want.”

And a few minutes later they were standing around in Toga's room. Which looked like a normal girl's room. Except for the wall of knives where other girls maybe had posters hanging.

But otherwise, very normal, very pink.

Toga pointed at one of the knives.

“This is the first one I got. I found it one day on a playground. I took it home and cleaned it and sharpened it.” She pointed at another that had sharp wedges.

“This is really great when you want someone to bleed out. When you stab someone with it and they try to rip it out the teeth just get stuck and do more damage. I bought it at a hunting store a few years ago.”

Whoa. Chisaki had gone completely pale. Twice seemed nervous too. Did they have to worry that this girl would break into their rooms at night to do Horrible Things to them?

“I see your worried faces and I want to reassure you that I only collect them.”

At least she's sane.

“I also collect other things! Like articles from the newspapers.” Toga shuffled over to a drawer that was completely plastered with hearts and peace signs and whatnot.

She pulled out a folder and went through the pages a bit.

“Here. This one, for example is about a case of unexplained murders in the 80s. I have collected every little bit of information I could find about it. Which is very hard by the way. Do you know how weird it feels to google all that stuff? And this one is about that guy who abducted and killed five women like a year ago.”

Nope, completely insane.

But in a weirdly nerdy way.

“And now I am collecting stuff about a string of weird cases of mutilated animals found on roadsides around Yokohama. No one really investigates that! Can you believe it? Just because it's not people. I think that's not fair. Animals have lives too.”

She closed the folder and huffed.

Dabi crossed his arms.

“So you're like... playing detective? Finding out more about it?”

Toga's face lit up.

“Wow, I never thought about that. I could totally find out the truth. I know everything!”

Chisaki leaned over to Dabi and whispered: “Hey, can we go now? I still have to write an essay and also this is creeping me out.”

“Dunno man. I think that's definitely a weird hobby but she seems harmless.”, Dabi whispered back.

“Yeah maybe, but I'm out, cheers.”

Chisaki marched out of the room without even saying goodbye.

Twice and Dabi remained.

“Oh nooooo I scared him away.”

“He's just horrible when it comes to blood” Twice tried to explain.

“Oh yeah you should have seen his face, when I was hit by a baseball once and it almost knocked out a tooth. I thought he would faint any second.”

Toga grinned.

“He really acts like a law student.”

“He studies medicine.” Twice said.

Toga just stared at the guy.

“You're joking, right?”

Twice shook his head.

And then Toga had a hysterical laughing fit that lasted so long that Dabi briefly considered to call an ambulance.

It was already dark when Twice and Dabi went back to their rooms. The fact that it was already dark didn't mean that it was late though. The sun was already setting at 6pm.    

“She's weird as fuck but I'd be lying if I would say what she said wasn't interesting. I don't know why I would need to know about serial killers but somehow I do now.”

Dabi was rambling.

“So you like her? You think she fits in with us?”

“Yeah kinda. Maybe. But I don't mind her hanging out with us.”

Twice pumped his fist in the air.

“Yeah! A new friend! Oh can you wait here for a minute? I wanna head over to the kiosk and get some snacks.”

“Sure. Knock yourself out.”

Dabi leaned back at the wall and Twice hurried out of the main door.

Empty corridors. Silence.

Pretending to be a a girl in some music video again, Dabi imagined walking down the hallways crying about some lost love and unfair parents. For some reason the sprinklers were on. The eyeliner is running dramatically over the wet cheeks. Emo girl is looking at her wrist where she wrote the name of her ex with a sharpie. It's also running from the water from the sprinklers. Some guitar solo is playing in the background. Emo girl gets angry and punches the wall.

She swears revenge. Maybe burning something down would help. Maybe destroying things....

“Hey, what are you doing there?”

Dabi looked up. Oh, he really had wandered through the hallway. But without the sprinklers and the sharpie and the cheating boyfriend.

In front of him stood the guy from before. Black oversized hoodie, black jeans, black Converse. God, is that a Senses Fail patch?

How emo, Dabi thought, ignoring the fact that he also has a Senses Fail patch on his backpack.

No one needs to know.

The guy still stares at him.

Oh Jesus, please someone get him lip balm. And some moisturiser. Because this dude looks dead.

“I was just dramatically walking around, thinking about my cheating boyfriend.”

“What?”

“Ah nothing. It was a joke. Sorry again for bumping into you earlier.”

“Ah. Its fine.” The guy shoved his hands back in his pockets and walked back in the direction he came from.

That's not where the dorms are. Weird.

“Hey Dabi, I'm back”

Dabi was lightly punched in the shoulder.

“Nice. Dude, have you seen that weird dude in the wannabe emo clothes just now?”

Twice seemed confused.

“Emo dude..? No. I haven't seen anyone.”

Dabi scratched his head.

He also never had seen that guy before. Is he a ghost or something?

Over the next few days Dabi ran into that guy over and over again. But every time he asked someone about him, no one had an idea who he was talking about. He ran into him in the bathroom during lunch break. He ran into him in the library. He ran into him while running cross campus to catch a bus. Had this dude always been there and Dabi just didn't notice?

“You always look like you're searching for something. Are you okay?” Toga asked. They were walking down a popular shopping street in town. Toga wanted to meet with a friend of hers and asked everyone if they want to come with her but only Dabi agreed.

“I think I might have seen a ghost. Also, I'm not okay.”

Toga's eyes went wide. “A ghost?? A really spooky one? The one that haunts your dreams by night? Where have you seen it?”

“Everywhere, basically. And he even shows up during the day. I need proof that this guy really exists.”

“Wooooooooow..... A real mystery. Maybe my friend can help you. She's great with mysteries.”

They arrived at a small café.

Toga was running towards some guy in brown cargo pants who was waving at her. But didn't Toga say “she”? Oh. Okay.

Then Toga ran back to Dabi grabbed his arm and pulled him with her.

“This is my best friend, Magne. She's basically like my sister. If you need help with mysteries, then talk to her.”

Dabi awkwardly shook her hand. Wow that's a strong handshake. “I took the liberty of already ordering some cake for me. I just couldn't wait. So, what is this mystery you are talking about?” They sat down at one of the small tables. It was weirdly warm for October this week so somehow everyone was still outside.

“Basically I am chasing a guy only I can see, it seems. I never have seen him before but suddenly he is everywhere. But when I ask someone about him no one knows what I'm talking about.” Dabi explained.

“Wow that really is something. By the way, Toga you should order the Strawberry Shortcake it's the best I have ever eaten. Okay, so if you need proof that this mysterious guy really exists you maybe should take a picture of him?”

“Isn't that creepy as fuck?”

“Well, for me it would be way creepier if I would see a guy no one else can see. If you can take a picture of him you know he's real at least.”

That girl has a point there.

Sadly, after this the guy vanished. Over the course of the next weeks Dabi grew more and more frustrated.

He felt like he was stuck in some third rate emo music video.

Maybe he should let his hair grow out a bit and get blue streaks. “Dabi, you look like you're constipated. Do you need help?” Chisaki offered one day.

“I'm not okay” Dabi mumbled.

“Yeah I can see that. Seriously, if you have problems with your digestive system, I know some drops that really...”

“I can shit just fine, Chisaki.” “Oh. Then.. care to explain what's wrong?”

Dabi sprawled himself out on his bed.

Chisaki was standing in the middle of the room. He forgot his wipes and spray and wasn't brave enough to take a seat on Dabi's really old office chair.

Dabi groaned.

“This guy...... This weird guy I told you about... The one I am always running into. I'm not running into him anymore.”

Chisaki furrowed his brows.

“And that's a problem why...?”

Dabi sat up and threw his arms in the air.

“It makes me feel like a fucking madman! I know this guy exists. I have even talked to him like once. Almost. He needs some damn lip balm and looks like dead itself. And now that I was ready to take a pic of him and prove his existence once and for all he vanishes!”

“You want to take a pic of him?”

Dabi groaned again.

“I know that sounds like a stalker. But I just wanna prove that he exists. It seems like no one but me has ever seen him.”

“Dude... you do you. But who knows. Maybe he was an intern or stuff. I wouldn't waste a single thought about the whole thing.”

So Dabi tried to not waste a single thought about the whole thing.

He tried so hard and got so far. But in the end, it doesn't even matter. Because two days later he caught himself looking for that guy again.

It was already close to Christmas. And the dude remained gone.

Dabi was in the library looking for some books to read. Maybe that would distract him. He just wanted to check out when he saw him. Emo dude. With the oversized hoodie. Coming in through the front door. Dabi almost dropped his books. He imagined he was a girl in an emo music video who sees her crush. He walks past her and their eyes meet. Maybe he was smiling, maybe he was not. Everything is in slow motion. The people around them vanish. It's only those two. When he passed her everything is back to normal. Guitar solo.

Dabi wanted to slam his fucking books on the floor.

Then he walks into emo dude while crossing a bridge. Okay, emo music video. It's raining. Girl was just dumped by some stupid jackass. She is desperate and doesn't know what to do. Maybe she should jump but the bridge isn't really high. She's nervous. After contemplating for a while she sees Him. Some emo dude walking towards her, asking her if everything is alright. It's still raining but also now the sun is shining. Everything is well now even though there is still sadness in her heart. Forever. Guitar solo.

Dabi seriously contemplates to jump into the river below.

The third time he runs into him is at a bus stop. Some old lady is also there but that's it.

“Hold still!” Dabi says harshly and the guy looks at him, startled.

Dabi takes out his cellphone and takes a pic of the dude.

“What...... why...?”

“I explain later. Don't worry, I will delete the pic soon. I just have to prove something to someone.”

Emo dude is chewing on his lower lip. His leg seems shaky. Dabi sighs.

“Look. I know that was creepy as fuck but you won't believe the hell I went through to get this pic. As soon as I prove that you exists I will delete it.” “That I exist..?”

“Yeah.”

Fuck that sounds stupid. Oh god so stupid and creepy and.... hell, Dabi has to explain this seriously now.

He groans.

“Okay, there is no way to explain this without sounding weird. Remember back in October when I almost ran you over?” Emo dude nods. Dabi can see strands of blueish grey hair. Is that dye?

“Good. I thought to that day I had seen everyone on campus. But I never had seen you. So I asked my friend about you and he said he doesn't know about you. And he literally is friends with everyone. And then I kept running into you. But every time I wanted my friend to look at you you vanished. Like a fucking ghost or something. It was... kinda pissing me off somehow. And we kept running into each other but I was either alone or you did that magical vanishing thing.”

Emo kid stared at Dabi in silence.

“I kinda got all riled up about this. And then I didn't see you again and I seriously thought I was going crazy or had seen a ghost or something. A friend had told me to take a picture to prove it. But then I couldn't because I didn't see you. But now I did. And now I can prove it. And now I can have peace of mind.”

The dude still stared at Dabi.

Ah fuck.

Oh, wait.

Dabi pulled out the phone again.

“I could also delete the pic right now. And take you to my friends instead. You know... In the flesh?”

“You want me to meet your friends..?”

Dabi nodded.

“You're always alone. Maybe you could need some friends.”

“Friends....” Emo dude looked at the ground. Spit stains everywhere, ewwww.

“Okay... Take me to your friends.”

“Ah I can't today. Maybe we could meet at that church at 4pm tomorrow?”

Emo dude shrugged.

“Okay....”

Dabi wanted to shake his hand, but emo dude didn't react. He awkwardly pulled his hand back and coughed.

“Okay then.... Until tomorrow. And I'm Dabi, by the way.”

“Tomura... I'm Tomura...”

Then Dabi's bus arrived. Time to visit his mom in the hospital.

He sat down at the window.

Okay. Emo music video. Girl just had a date but it didn't go as planned. Maybe she should have listened to her bff, she had a bad feeling about this all the time. It's raining. It's also raining in emo girl's heart. She had sadness for breakfast. She should have stayed home and spend the time with her bff instead. Now that she thinks about it, bff was always there for her. Every time emo girl needed a shoulder to cry on bff was there. The rain represents the tears she wants to cry but cannot because this is a public setting and that would be embarrassing. Emo girl thinks maybe she should have dated bff instead. There is thunder in the background as the bus drives into the darkness. Guitar solo.  

[convndrums]

here the FAWK she ( the semi-finished masterlist of all my characters ) is ! took way too long but hopefully as you proceed to click on the linque below you’ll know why smh but yep ! i’ll be adding their pages on my account when i’m done with them soon i hope and maybe come back with a bunch of connections for each character but for now this is all i got & smash this like or im me for plots i’d love to get on those finally xx

reintroducing amanda wheeler;  intro & info page.

queen of irony. rich post- faux country gal who’s a loud homosexual and writes hetero fics/has an indie het smut for the absolute shits and giggles. dates a married woman she’s utterly in love with and will pull the life support cord for. said to be possessed by a possessed flapper. cute and knows it even though she looks like a republican. socially open & everywhere. morally grey.

reintroducing imogen yates; intro & info page. ( tw violence )

the grey area between your mom friend and your drunk aunt. happily vegan & owns a vegan restaurant called the fork, alt. the vegan cult’s lair. won’t kill you, but will convince you she really wants to. local brat tamer. minds her business via minding others. clashed head-first into nature’s very own reset button: amnesia. used to be satan and traumatized everyone. disgustingly active and accomplishing.

reintroducing ethan holland; intro & info page. ( tw suicide )

he is a sk8r boi, she said see ya later boy ( and meant it. they’re dating now. hey lourdes ! ) a nice person, so nice he doesn’t realize how fake he sounds/is. a certified headass. previously a bully/bully enabler, current guilty fuck. #torn. does the most for his loved ones. doesn’t remember his own birthday. googled foot fetishes once. trolls stan twitter with his fake selena gomez stan account when tumblr crashes. burned a sue of cide note with his name scribbled on it.

reintroducing sebastian miller; intro & info page ( tw violence )

kazimer sokolov whom. russian ex-cult member well-adjusted into a mundane life via lies, a fake canadian accent he’s ‘trying to get rid of’, being a twilight saga aficionado and a dickwad, a lame record store and a tumblr blog to keep himself sane by maintaining a general aesthetic and shitting on people and every discourse out there. knives/books sniffer. allegedly fucked a moose. probably kinkshames as a way to deal with his own “kinks” aka please keep the dead bodies away. ( im kidding i swear but [redacted] )

reintroducing prudence zima; intro & info page ( tw death )

parents died in a fire when she was two months old and it shows. idolizes avril lavigne & her favorite movie is lords of dogtown for aesthetics references. dude. social leech or effortless networker ? both. remains in her lane regardless. cry-types probably. here for a good time, not a long time. steals your stash and smokes you out with it. avid dick connoisseur. minimum effort lifestyle. either on her way to become a manager of some one hit wonder band that finds it’s demise in a freak accident, a drug dealer or god forbid, a guidance counselor; depends. mild cool girl syndrome. 

reintroducing jennifer meade; intro & info page ( tw death, violence and abuse )

bi/pussy muncher and proud misandrist, first and foremost. remembers killing her brother very fondly. the one girl in a room to call when you want to kill a bug and you’re relieved until she kills it with her bare hand. tops. unstable & chaotic evil, respectively. the ginger devil. biased and has her minion whom she invests a great deal of her time in brain washing and obsessing over. supposedly here to make amends but that’s not happening any time soon.

reintroducing margot williams; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

deserves better. very gay. all her friends are heathens xtra, take it slow. corrects typos in the gc. a nerdy editorial assistant daydreaming about publishing houses instead of the magazine she works for. lowkey shy and she’s angry about it. goes off if she must. jacks off to #knowledge and yuri anime. helps with homework and essays and takes the kids out. deadpan because we’re original but she swears it’s just the face & unresolved trauma. stans her therapist. unofficial older sister.

reintroducing chandler accardi; intro ( re-written ) & info page

needs to do better. dropped out of college for culinary school then dropped out of that too. was engaged to an absolute goddess he ultimately wronged ( with her damn best friend, bitch disgostin* ) and got kicked out to the curb. currently residing in the couch of his sister until things are resolved. thot-by-default & annoying. has like three ( 3 ) redeeming qualities. has never been told to shut up and it shows. works at buzzfeed.

reintroducing abel gautier; intro & info page

french and “confused”. lives a minimalist n’ expensive life. if american psycho & french kiss were the same movie. wine sniffer. the devil bakes croissants. will watch you die. takes grudges to the afterlife. gets attached but either ruins it or ruins it to spare everyone, himself included. falls in love a lot but knows how to calm the fuck down. very giving, fortunately. manipulative but isn’t too wild about bending everything to his will. 

reintroducing simini gale; intro & info page ( tw abuse, violence & mental illness )

token white actress & character in rosie’s show. [ britney vc ] its me.... against dissociation. a loud mess with an intense mental state and anger issues dulled out by her prescribed meds and whatever pill she got in the bottom of her manager’s purse. dependent and distraught about it. grocery shopping for garbage food and attending comedy stand up shows half drunk as a hobby. stable ? where. very nice and super flighty. heels are hot. wishes she could fight someone without feeling the urge to actually fight someone. 

reintroducing calvin o’shea; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

it’s not just the depression more than the incredible self hatred. walks into rooms with his bad energy, grumpy mood and cunty attitude. graduated college just to shut his dad up. wants to die harder than edward cullen. just doesn’t give a shit. has a baby named freddie mercury ( also known as the antichrist, with alanis, his mortal literal enemy whom he absolutely despises and will not hesitate to put his dick back in again lbr ) who will probably grow up to talk shit about his parents whom he also mentioned in his tell-all book on ellen. works at his family’s bookstore that sucks the life energy out of college students nearing a mental breakdown.

reintroducing isabel pavia; intro & info page ( tw drug use )

contemporary dances her feelings away. too ambitious for her own good but knows what she’s doing. in a goth ass secret society ( here ) a.k.a her new found purpose. knows everything eventually. oddly trustworthy. doesn’t know what speaking loudly is, let alone yelling. loves the moon & has that moon app. had to take painkillers when she twisted her ankle very badly and would take them for a while for stress and performance reasons, but has stopped. a quiet angel. 

reintroducing anastasia zeller; intro & info page

ambitious/multi-talented asshole. horror trash & an emotional/mental maze which translates well into her weird works on no sleep reddit and current horror comedy podcast. ( click here for info ). needs a therapist according to a friend, whom she dropped for saying that. will bite your head off. obsessed with her works to an unhealthy point. would love to establish a company and stuff out of it and is working on that. healthy relationships are a semi-foreign concept.

reintroducing morgan booker; intro & info page ( tw death )

vape-curious and takes photos of ghost towns and abandoned-everythings because #vision. had a roadtrip phase like the fake deep idiot he is. morally grey. genuinely here for a good laugh and spreading joy in the form of hover-friendships and taking lit candids of his friends. knows shit and comes off as a creep sometimes but does he really care. knows your mom’s name. lives in a disused hospital bc he’s marinating on that aesthetic. 

reintroducing bowie harmon; intro & info page ( tw drug use & abuse )

part of a duo in a web series as the anxious n’ cackling mess. showcases her depressión & anxieté by her colorful wigs n’ new hair dyes. painful receptionist at a tattoo parlor. recovering addict who advocates for drug use. thinks tattooing a ruler on someone’s dick one day would be the peak of her accomplishments as a tattoo artist. daily bad decisions. “ it’s complicated. ” when asked about literally any relationship she has with anyone in her life. traumas include her failed singing career. an ex viner-by-association.

reintroducing shaheen bin baz; intro & info page ( tw violence & mental illness )

the physical deception of going through hell in a short amount of time with zero mental durability to begin with during midterms. trigger-anxious. will shoot your toes off your foot if caught off guard. aided in criminal operations with the brilliance of his mind in codes. would not mind dying. seasons your food. waters his crops in his balcony garden. the grey area between a super laidback dude and a crackhead with violent tendencies. nearing a mental breakdown probably. 

reintroducing minka abbott-santos; intro & info page ( tw abuse )

defeats the evil stepmom stereotype one breath at a time. the human embodiment of a deer. gothic angel. alarmingly gets black swan. type to wake up to her staring at you from an armchair across the room, but lovingly, with a book she was reading in hand and two hot cups of tea; she was waiting to start the day with you. spooky until you get to know her and even more spookier when she’s ( note: calmly ) pissed but that’s extremely rare. gentle voice, soul and everything.

reintroducing reuben faulkner; intro & info page ( tw abuse & violence  )

rekt hell prince. lived in an amish community with his family until he got kidnapped away from home when he was seven into an awful living situation. doesn’t remember if the gas leak that happened five years later and killed everyone was his doing or not. knows where his real family is after months of tracking them down but. blood kink under investigation. shady bouncer at a shady club. has issues he has no care or time to diminish. fights for the shits and giggles. leaves texts at read. leaves you alone for your own good and his own sanity. 

reintroducing alexandra turunen;  info page

wants to do everything and be everything and doesn’t know what to do with herself ( read: post-graduation identity crisis ) currently investing in a motorcycle for no reason. essentially jobless. a “retired” kathryn merteuil who “outgrew” her cunning ways since highschool but really only found new socially destructive interests. appears to be self-possessed but she’s #shaken. doesn’t care about how well she presents herself anymore after getting rejected by four universities and refusing to accept her father’s offer to pull some strings to get her in one. sleeps a lot. 

reintroducing giuseppe del vecchio;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

goes by pepe because well. son of italian oil peeps & is extra. said to be in a cult when all he’s in is this extra ass dining club that does the most for initiation ceremonies. ready to fall in love with you. goes to the king’s college in london and studies business & changes his minor way too often for everyone’s liking. into everything and will be down to do whatever. faux deep. mischievous shit. incredibly unbiased. had his rawrk n’ roll phase that died along with someone in a club literally. still has it but he knows god now & less drugs.

reintroducing kelian scott;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

a father/father figure who tries™. runs a mechanic shop/chop shop because bad decisions and dire needs ( had his son to send to school and his daughter who passed away due to a disease he couldn’t afford to treat even after turning his shop into a chop shop. his wife then left him ). stares into the distance. wants the best for the kids but one of them is a junkie ( he doesn’t know yet ) and the other -- his niece -- is an orphan he’s worried about. thinks ahead 24/7. needs to pull out of this dull n’ depressing daily routine he has fallen into like the basic ass divorced dad he is. 

reintroducing sal presley;  info page

smexy trace & fingerprint detective. talks. the perfect illusion to bring home to your parents and friends. gets shit done which is both a good thing and a bad thing. looks calm, collected n’ well-rested but isn’t. his actual name is salvatore but no. knows how to mix drinks and more; used to showcase his multi-talented ass to make his ( currently ex ) fiancée look good now just himself. was engaged three times; two of those times with the same person. obsessive; gets into his job a little too intensely for no reason but #justice and maybe something else whom knows. loses sleep at least two nights a week as a habit at this point. has an extended family back home he misses occasionally. wishes he could calm down truly. 

[floramodus-archive]

==> Flora: Confess

floramodus raddddia i know im like

floramodus half hammered and the past 24 hours hasnt helped me much as a mentally stable individual but you know what? fuck it man i love you and not in a friend way though you are! one of my closest friends i just i love you alot romantically youre a hellfire in the arctic and i love you

tlmetravel im sure you think you do, sweets its the alcohol im not angry at you for relapsing, as a side reminder for later need help sobering up?

floramodus i need help for you to take me serious for once.

tlmetravel i am

tlmetravel im very serious about you needing to sober up

floramodus im already half sober because dean hasnt let me have anymore since he got home the point is: im not saying anything because im drunk. im not clinging to you because im drunk. i just had to watch my fiancee die, again, in full detail. im not saying these things out of of my ass, aradia, i love you.

tlmetravel you had to see that? on valentines day?

floramodus i made a choice to find the answer and i did, timing aside.

tlmetravel im proud of you for it im also sorry you had to see it oh, my poor girl, how you must feel happiness absent so strongly

floramodus ///I HATE HER MOIRA

tlmetravel //:)c

floramodus your avoiding the main topic and at this point i want dean to leave so i can go get moonshine because whats the point aradia. whats the point in dancing around it instead of telling me cold turkey? what do you gain from seeing me falter

tlmetravel im not trying to dance around it so much as give you the opportunity to take it back once youre more clear headed

floramodus thats almost painfully hilarous?

tlmetravel why is that?

floramodus because once again you arent taking me serious and i knew it would be this way for months. i knew sober or drunk youd find a way to make me regret speaking

tlmetravel im sorry if i have im just not sure what you want me to say

floramodus is it worth pursueing or am i barking up the wrong tree?

tlmetravel you have such a penchant for making yourself unhappy youve already dealt with enough serious, life altering topics think you might want to give it a rest before tackling this one give yourself a break

floramodus love in general? or love with you?

tlmetravel love in general is life altering

floramodus guess what! cock a doodle do my life is altered always! thats how we exist! thats how we keep sane! if you want to say no thanks than do it aradia ive been through worse.

tlmetravel you have thats why im not letting you have this discussion right now or make it into something trivial this is a battle for another day go to bed, flo

floramodus im not sleeping till you give me an answer i can sleep with

tlmetravel you are so endlessly cruel to yourself

floramodus i can sit on this couch all night and all day and die again and gain radia.

tlmetravel you do realize youre just proving my point

floramodus i dont care ///i typed that so loud every dog in my moms house just went off

tlmetravel regardless, im not what youve mistaken me for, flo im just happy and i think you just want to be happy too you have the right to be, at any rate //fck

floramodus just say it ///FUCK THEI R SCREAMING AND I PRESSED ENTER BUT ANYWAY

tlmetravel are you really so deluded as to think that just because /you/ dont care, the rest of us get a free pass as well? that well turn a blind eye to your safety breaches just because you throw a tantrum? you have /got/ to stop doing this to yourself you have /got/ to stop treating your life and everything in it with this kind of dangerous levity so no! you arent getting an answer! youre not getting anything until you tuck yourself in and let yourself /rest/ before taking on any more

floramodus ///I THOUGHT THat said fuck

tlmetravel //let dolly say fyck

floramodus well i guess this couch will be cozy while i sit here awake for as long as it takes

tlmetravel you will Not use your well-being as emotional blackmail not against me dave might let you and the rest of your friends might but you dont get to press on my moral values because /i have none/ and you will sit, and you will rot, and it will be for nothing at all

floramodus ///tfw aradia even makes me, the mun, feel like a piece of shit i love her

tlmetravel until you realize its pointless and let yourself out of this cage youve built out of whatever survivors guilt you brought back with you

tlmetravel //shes amoral and ppl forget and I love

floramodus you may have no moral values but ill tell you what i have thats less than that? the fucks i give about my place in the universe. i spent 7 years of my life questioning my existence to lose that existence and you know? i dont fucking care anymore. my life is mine to burn ///i like how u posted that and i sent the same screenshot 2 seconds earlier to joseph cause im living

tlmetravel //do u know how. pissed shed be at dave if she knew he let her go through w those amputation experiments?  not v much bc shes incapable of being angry at him but shed Want to be and I,

floramodus ///asdfghjk

tlmetravel you dont get to play with fire just because you dont know what to do with yourself. you dont get to use your own life as a punching bag for your whims you dont get to keep expecting for these bridges to go up in flames when so many of us love you you dont get to look at love and call us stupid

floramodus i never even said any of you were stupid

tlmetravel then why do you keep treating us like we are

tlmetravel like well let this slide if youre loud enough

floramodus im not treating you guys anymore than the best i can ! its not my fault you take my life so personal! what do expect of me? to sit in a goddamn corner and suckle vitamins for the rest of my immortal days?

tlmetravel youre our /friend/! itll always be personal for us

tlmetravel wed destroy anyone who hurt you but, to our great despair, the only one keen on hurting you is /you/

floramodus im not hurting myself im doing what nature and common sense dictate

tlmetravel oh thats rich no, you are purposely doing what hurts you the most out of whatever misguided sense of survivors guilt but guess what none of it will make you feel better and it sure as Hell doesnt make us feel good

floramodus guess fucking what! the clouds told me bec lives! im doing something right with my life! even if i have to cleave my goddamn skull in!!! two!!!

tlmetravel youre making accomplices out of innocent people by not letting them help

floramodus you arent scientists. you arent magicians.

tlmetravel you are actively tying their hands behind their back because they love you too much to tell you any of this i dont care, flora and i dont pretend to and i wont pretend to just the same as you so blatantly dont care about /my/ good friend, i dont care about yours i dont give a flying fuck if your dog lives

tlmetravel non gratum anus rodentum it only matters to us because it matters to you

floramodus ///the acid fucking crashed my laptop

tlmetravel and your high-brow, dr frankenstein, 'oh im a scientist you wouldnt understand' act is not pulling the wool over anyones eyes youre self destructive bec just gives you an excuse to con us out of doing anything about it //God ™

floramodus //im not responding until tumblr boots back up cause she is nuclear moira

tlmetravel //good im not saying you dont honestly care for bec im saying he also doubles as a handy excuse

floramodus so what do you expect me to fucking do. how do you expect me to react to you saying the last goal i have in life is just that, a worthless goal. do you expect me to be gratify? do you expect to graciously bow to your ancient wisdom and sit in a bumbo and learn how to be "healthy" again for the sake of comfort.

tlmetravel yes

floramodus your goddamn right im self destructive i wont hesitant to tear my self apart for any goal worth it what are you gonna do about it? be content your fucking right? humanity believe a nuclear bomb would kill us all but that didnt stop them and it wont stop me

tlmetravel or you could just treat yourself as a tool, a means to an end, because god forbid you see yourself as a person, because you /know/ deep down that how you treat yourself? isnt how you should treat a person humanity really isnt the pinnacle of reason nor does humanity interest me, were talking about /you/

floramodus im human in theory but guess what? im not a person. im a god, a means of survival

tlmetravel does that flawed rhetoric make you sleep at night at least? because i really wish it would

tlmetravel because its good for absolutely /nothing/ else

floramodus i wasnt put on this earth to be comfortable ive been living in gunpowder since i was 6

tlmetravel you really dont want to start a sob story competition with me trust me you know why id be afraid, if you did love me?

floramodus despite my urge to tell you to shove it back in the textbook you crawled out  of ill play your game. why

tlmetravel because youd put me above yourself and im historically against pedestals its a frightening thing to love someone who would damn herself in a second without looking over her shoulder death doesn't just happen to you, icarus, it happens to everyone around you your wounds are not just your own though they sting you most

floramodus icarus had one life. i have infinity

tlmetravel i dont care each one of your lives is as precious to us as if it were your last just because you /can/ doesnt mean you /should/ by all means, go on with this madness, tear yourself limb for limb if your heart is really in it just dont expect me to be quiet about it in fact, place no expectations on me at all hellfire, you called me hellfire, indeed

floramodus let he who has the match wick the bridge in flames

[trendingnewsb]

Inside the heads of people who are always late, as explained by stick figures.

This post was originally published on Wait But Why.

I woke up this morning to a text. It was a link:

“optimistic-people-have-one-thing-common-always-late.”

Intriguing. Nothings better than the headline: “The reason people are [bad quality that describes you] is actually because theyre [good quality].”

I got to reading. And as it turns out, according to the article, late people are actually the best people ever. Theyre optimistic and hopeful:

“People who are continuously late are actually just more optimistic. They believe they can fit more tasks into a limited amount of time more than other people and thrive when theyre multitasking. Simply put, theyre fundamentally hopeful.”

Theyre big-thinking:

“People who are habitually late dont sweat over the small stuff, they concentrate on the big picture and see the future as full of infinite possibilities.”

Late people just get it:

“People with a tendency for tardiness like to stop and smell the roseslife was never meant to be planned down to the last detail. Remaining excessively attached to timetables signifies an inability to enjoy the moment.”

By the end of the article, I had never felt prouder to be a chronically late person.

But also, what the hell is going on? Late people are the worst. Its the quality I like least in myself. And Im not late because I like to smell the roses or because I can see the big picture or because the future is full of infinite possibilities. Im late because Im insane.

So I thought about this for a minute, and I think I figured out whats going on. The issue is that there are two kinds of lateness:

1. OK lateness. This is when the late person being late does not negatively impact anyone else like being late to a group hangout or a party. Things can start on time and proceed as normal with or without the late person being there yet.

2. Not-OK lateness. This is when the late person being late does negatively impact others like being late to a two-person dinner or meeting or anything else that simply cant start until the late party arrives.

John Haltiwangers Elite Daily article is (I hope) talking mostly about OK lateness. In which case, sure, maybe those people are the best, who knows.

But if you read the comment section under Haltiwangers article, people are furious with him for portraying lateness in a positive light. And thats because theyre thinking about the far less excusable not-OK lateness.

All of this has kind of left me with no choice but to take a quick nine-hour break from working on a gargantuan SpaceX post to discuss not-OK late people.

When it comes to people who are chronically not-OK late, I think there are two subgroups:

Group 1: Those who dont feel bad or wrong about it. These people are assholes.

Group 2: Those who feel terrible and self-loathing about it. These people have problems.

Group 1 is simple. They think theyre a little more special than everyone else, like the zero-remorse narcissist at the top of Haltiwanger’s article. Theyre unappealing. Not much else to discuss here.

Punctual people think all not-OK late people are in Group 1 (as the comments on this post will show) because theyre assuming all late people are sane people.

When a sane person thinks a certain kind of behavior is fine, they do it. When they think its wrong, they dont do it. So to a punctual person one who shows up on time because they believe showing up late is the wrong thing to do someone whos chronically late must be an asshole who thinks being late is OK.

But thats misunderstanding the entire second group, who, despite being consistently late, usually detest the concept of making other people wait. Let call them CLIPs (Chronically Late Insane Persons).

While both groups of not-OK late people end up regularly frustrating others, a reliable way to identify a Group 2 CLIP is a bizarre compulsion to defeat themselves some deep inner drive to inexplicably miss the beginning of movies, endure psychotic stress running to catch the train, crush their own reputation at work, etc., etc. As much as they may hurt others, they usually hurt themselves even more.

I come from a long line of CLIPs.

I spent around 15% of my youth standing on some sidewalk alone, angrily kicking rocks, because yet again, all the other kids had gotten picked up and I was still waiting for my mom. When she finally arrived, instead of being able to have a pleasant conversation with her, Id get into the car seething. She always felt terrible. She has problems.

My sister once missed an early morning flight, so they rescheduled her for the following morning. She managed to miss that one too, so they put her on a flight five hours later. Killing time during the long layover, she got distracted on a long phone call and missed that flight too. She has problems.

Ive been a CLIP my whole life. Ive made a bunch of friends mad at me, Ive embarrassed myself again and again in professional situations, and Ive run a cumulative marathon through airport terminals.

When I’m late, its often the same story, something like this:

Ill be meeting someone, maybe a professional contact, at, say, a coffee place at 3:00. When I lay out my schedule for the day, Ill have the perfect plan. Ill leave early, arrive early, and get there around 2:45. That takes all the stress out of the situation, and thats ideal because non-stressful commutes are one of my favorite things. Itll be great Ill stroll out, put on a podcast, and head to the subway. Once Im off the subway, with time to spare, Ill take a few minutes to peruse storefronts, grab a lemonade from a street vendor, and enjoy New York. Itll be such a joy to look up at the architecture, listen to the sounds, and feel the swell of people rushing by oh magnificent city!

All I have to do is be off the subway by 2:45. To do that, I need to be on the subway by 2:25, so I decide to be safe and get to the subway by 2:15. So I have to leave my apartment by 2:07 or earlier, and Im set. What a plan.

Heres how itll play out (if youre new to WBW, youre advised to check this out before proceeding):

Read more: http://ift.tt/2vKu0VW

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2vkLpCY via Viral News HQ

[safe-sane-thin-blog]

READ ME

About myself and this blog

My person and personal background

Im 28 years old and live in the EU. Im 170cm / 5′7 in hight and currently weigh 55kg / 121lbs.

I suffered from Anorexia nearly my whole teenager years until I was about 20. In this time my lowest weight was 48kg / 105lbs and though I never reached an underweight that would make a hospitalisation necessary or put my life in real danger I was really, really sick because of my ED (I still have a heart insufficiency from this time). Sometimes I fasted for two weeks, and I mean zero calorie fasting (only water and supplements). Most times I ate between 200 and 600kcal a day. And I was pretty active in various sports, swimming, riding, volleyball, basketball and fencing each once a week (no workout besides that except sports in school, I never really was into excessive exercising). I was dizzy all the time, I took tons of caffeine and ephedrine to keep myself from passing out constantly (didnt always work), my hair fell out, my skin was dry, my heart was weak because of constant malnutrition and the huge amounts of ephedrine I took. If I would have continued this way I would be dead by now, Im absolutely sure of that.

As you can see Im not which means I didnt continue this way. I cant really explain how I recovered. I had a therapist since I was 14 but not because of ED, it was about other problems. I never sought help, I never got an official treatment for my ED, it was just me who understood I cant go on like this and changed my way. Important: This ist not how it usually works - in 99% of all cases you DO need professional help to successfully fight a ED and I recommend to reach out for such help! Im just telling my own personal story here and this is how it was for me, kind of a miracle.

I started being a vegetarian when I was 18 (not because of my ED but other reasons) and moved (far) away from home, and this was the point my ED started to fade somehow. It took about two years to “fully” (not really as you will read later but pretty much) recover and it wasnt easy but it worked. I slowly stopped counting calories, not from one day to the other but over a year. It wouldnt be true to tell you I began eating healthy, I didnt, but I started eating more and somehow over these two years I managed to not think about it constantly. I could finally eat without this voice in my head telling me that this is bad, that I should feel guilty, that I will become fat.

I studied medicine at an european university at this time which made it easier for me. I didnt finish it, I only studied for three years and then had to quit due to some other mental illnesses but it was long enough to give me some deeper insight of the human body, how it works, what it needs, what it can endure and what it cant. This helped.

I lived like this until half a year ago (January 2017), then my ED came back to me… I suffered from heavy depression all these years and had to take some strong medication which made me gain a lot of weight. Suddenly I was as “heavy” as never before - I weighed 70kg / 155lbs. I somehow learned to live with a “normal” body but I couldnt stand this, this was “fat”. It isnt, I know that, but obviously my ED was never really gone since for me personally it was and I couldnt help thinking again about losing weight, calories, food etc.

This was when my “second” ED started, which is still with me right now. I want to lose weight again, I want to go back to my lowest weight of 48kg / 105lbs, I do count calories again, I do keep record of everything I eat and drink, I do need my scale every day, I do fast sometimes, I do restrict myself. BUT I didnt and dont want to take the same path I took 15 years ago, I dont want to make myself this sick again (and by the way I also just can’t without dying because of the mentioned heart insufficiency) so I tried to find a way to live with my ED as healthy as possible. Which I do now! Important: An ED is never ever “healthy”, theres no way you will be healthy while having an ED. Its in the nature of things, an eating disorder is an eating -disorder-, a sickness, and a very serious one! But there are ways to live healthier than just starving yourself to death. And still losing weight. I think I found a way and I want to share it with you!

What this blog is (not) about

This blog does promote something! First of all: Eating disorders are extremely dangerous, stay away from this shit at all cost! Second: If you already did develop an ED, try to live through it as safe as possible. There is a way to do this, I promise! I know that some people suffering from EDs are just “too sick” to follow this way, that not everybody can survive this illness, that not everybody is able to stay safe - thats not pessimism, thats not telling you you cant do it (quite the opposite), thats just a sad fact. But Im sure a lot of people can do it, they just dont know it and how it works. And this is what this blog is about.

This blog is about how to survive an ED. Its about how to cope with an ED in the most healthy way possible. It is, of course, about losing weight and getting thin as well - otherwise it wouldnt be about EDs. But it is about how to do this in the most “sane” way (a contradiction, I know… thats life, thats people).

This blog is NOT a “Thinspo Blog”. You may find some pictures of bodies I consider beautiful on my Likes page and maybe these will serve the purpose of thinspo to some but this is not what this is about! If you are looking for thinspo, please look somewhere else.

This blog is a journal of my way to cope with my ED and hopefully a source of information as well to some of you about how to stay safe with an ED. And a place for you to ask questions if you have some.

This blog is not for people who do not have an eating disorder and just want to lose weight. Losing weight and having an ED are two totally different things and, believe me, if you do not have one you do not want one! If you just want to lose weight in a healthy way please read (post coming soon) in which I show you a healthy way to lose weight and then leave this blog. This is just for you protection.

On this blog I will share with you what I eat and how much I lose. I lost 15kg / 33lbs in the last 5.5 months. For many of you this might sound pretty slow but thats how it works, losing weight relatively “sane”. There just is no way to lose it faster than this without extremely weakening your body (which is not safe).

On this blog I will share information about what the human body needs to stay alive and to function. About what you have to do to not die! Also what you have to do to lose weight, but without starving yourself.

I dont expect that all of you follow my way, or are able to follow it. If you just cant help (wanting) losing faster, fasting longer, eating less, I wont say “Youre doing it wrong”, I will still be with you and try to show you that it can be different and hope you will understand some day. But if you just dont want to try to stay safe, I cant help you and you are wrong at this place. This is no clinic/therapy, I am no doctor. I cant save you all, Im sorry.

I hope to reach as many of you as possible and if I, by sharing my own way, just save one single person from a terrible fate its worth it.

If you have any questions about EDs, nutrition, medical stuff, whatever about how to stay safe with an ED, just send me an ask.

[susannahcrane27-blog]

FROM THE BEGINNING

FROM THE BEGINNING...

I WAS INCARCERATED AND HELD WITHOUT BOND IN THE LOUDON COUNTY ADULT DETENTION CENTER ON JUNE 24, 2012 FOR 8 MONTHS BEFORE BEING GIVEN THE “NGRI PLEA” WHICH STANDS FOR “NOT GUILTY BY REASON OF INSANITY.” I DID NOT ACCEPT THIS PLEA VOLUNTARILY NOR HAD ANY IDEA WHAT IT PERTAINED TO, I WAS ILLEGALLY GIVEN THIS PLEA FOR THE CHARGE OF ELUDING THAT OCCURRED IN MARCH OF 2011.THE LAW STATES THAT IN ORDER TO BE GIVEN THE, “NGRI OFFENSE” OR PLEA; I WOULD HAVE HAD TO BE EVALUATED AT THE TIME OF THE OFFENSE, IN WHICH I WAS NOT. THEY WAITED TO GIVE ME THIS PLEA  IN FEBRUARY OF 2012 ALMOST AN ENTIRE YEAR LATER. THIS WAS A  COMPLETE VIOLATION OF MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS. THIS WAS UNLAWFUL FOR THE COURT SYSTEM AND THE JUDGE TO WAIT ONE MONTH SHY OF  A YEAR BEFORE GIVING ME THE “NGRI PLEA.” THIS WAS CRIMINAL ON BEHALF OF THE COURT SYSTEM. THE REASON THEY GAVE ME THIS PLEA… ALL THE PHONES IN THE JAIL THAT ARE MADE ACCESSIBLE TO THE INMATES, ARE TAPED AND MONITORED  FROM WITHIN THE JAIL. I HAD AN ACCIDENT THAT REQUIRED ME LEAVING THE JAIL TO GO TO AN EMERGENCY ROOM ON AUGUST 2, 2012. THERE WAS AN INMATE IN JAIL WITH A STAFF INFECTION THAT WAS HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS THUS CAUSING ONE OF THE DEPUTIES TO USE AN ENTIRE LARGE BOTTLE OF BLEACH TO PREVENT THE SPREAD OF THIS INFECTION. I WAS THEN GIVEN THE RIGHT TO TAKE A SHOWER AND AFTER I ENTERED THE SHOWER, I WAS LOCKED IN THE SHOWER AND IMMEDIATELY STARTED FEELING CRAMPS IN MY GROIN AREA, THE AMOUNT OF BLEACH USED TO CLEAN THE JAIL SHOWER WAS SO INTOXICATING THAT I FAINTED FOUR TIMES TO MY KNOWLEDGE TRYING TO GET TO THE COLD WATER. I ENDED UP WITH A HUGE CHUNK OF FLESH HANGING FROM MY ELBOW AND I HAD AN IMMEDIATE HEADACHE AND THE LUMP ON MY HEAD WAS HUGE. I WAS THEN TAKEN OUT OF JAIL IN SHACKLES AND CHAINS TO AN EMERGENCY ROOM TO GET 10 STITCHES IN MY ELBOW. I KEPT ASKING THE DOCTORS AND OR THE NURSES TO FEEL THE HUGE LUMP ON MY HEAD. THEY DID NOT AND EXPLAINED TO ME IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM THAT THE JAIL JUST ORDERED X-RAYS ON MY ELBOW. TO THIS DAY I STILL HAVE A PARTIAL BUMP ON MY HEAD FROM THAT FALL IN THE JAIL SHOWER OVER 4 YEARS AGO. I HAVE NEVER HAD IT CHECKED OUT NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN GIVEN AN MRI.AS I WAS RETURNED TO THE JAIL AND SENT TO BACK TO MY CELL UPON MY RETURN FROM THE EMERGENCY ROOM. I WAS EVENTUALLY CALLED BACK TO MEDICAL TO HAVE ONE OF THE NURSES REMOVE MY STITCHES AND IT WAS OBVIOUS THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN TAKEN OUT WHEN THE NURSE REMOVED THEM. I ENDED UP WITH A SERIOUS INFECTION THAT CAUSED ME TO BE SENT TO MEDICAL FOR OVER ONE MONTH AS THE NURSE HAD TO DRAIN FLUID WITH HER HAND BY SQUEEZING MY ARM ON A DAILY BASIS. IT WAS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. AS I WAS HELD IN MEDICAL THE SMELL OF EXHAUST WAS COMING IN ON A DAILY BASIS BECAUSE I WAS RIGHT NEXT TO THE GARAGE WHERE ALL THE DEPUTIES VEHICLES WERE STORED. MONTHS  LATER WHILE STILL BEING HELD WITHOUT BOND IN JAIL, I STARTED LOSING MY EYESIGHT TO THE POINT WHERE THE FEMALES UNIFORMS THAT WERE WHITE AND ORANGE STRIPED STARTED TO BECOME ONE BIG  BECOME ONE BIG ORANGE BLUR. I THEN CALLED MY ATTORNEY’S OFFICE FROM THE INMATE PHONE AND GOT MY ATTORNEY’S ASSISTANT. I ASKED HIM IF HE COULD PLEASE RESEARCH THE LOSS OF VISION RELATED TO A HEAD INJURY. HE ASSURED ME HE WOULD AND TOLD ME TO CALL BACK THE FOLLOWING DAY. I DID JUST THAT ONLY TO HEAR HE NEVER CAME IN TO THE OFFICE THE FOLLOWING DAY. I WAS CONCERNED AND UPON CALLING THE FOLLOWING DAY I GOT MY ATTORNEY ON THE PHONE. I ASKED HER WHAT HER ASSISTANT FOUND OUT AND ALL SHE HAD TO SAY TO ME WAS, “LOOK, IM NOT A MEDICAL DOCTOR BUT I HAVE A GREAT DEAL FOR YOU TO TAKE THAT WILL DROP ALL CHARGES. I WAS SOMEWHAT ECSTATIC AND DESPERATE TO EXIT THE LIVING HELL I WAS FORCED TO ENDURE FOR SO MANY MONTHS DURING MY INCARCERATION WHERE I WAS HELD ON CHARGES WITHOUT CONVICTION. SHE TOLD ME I WOULD BE SENT FOR 45 DAYS OR LESS TO BE EVALUATED AT CENTRAL STATE HOSPITAL. I SAID, “YOU MEAN I CAN GO HOME IN POSSIBLY EVEN 30 DAYS.” SHE SAID SURE POSSIBLY AFTER YOU GET EVALUATED. I WAS SO EXCITED BECAUSE I JUST WANTED TO GO HOME AND BE WITH MY FAMILY, DESPERATELY. I HAD ALREADY LOST MY MOTHER ON AUGUST 28, 2012 AND WAS NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO GO TO MY OWN MOTHERS FUNERAL. THIS SADDENED ME SO.I CRIED EVERY NIGHT WHILE I WAS HELD IN JAIL WITHOUT BOND. I COULD NOT BELIEVE THIS WAS HAPPENING TO ME. THE 45 DAYS THAT MY ATTORNEY SAID I WOULD BE HELD FOR EVALUATION, TURNED INTO 8 TORTUROUS MONTHS OF THE WORST KIND OF “HELL ON EARTH.” I WAS LITERALLY ASSAULTED 7 TIMES WITH EACH ASSAULT BECOMING MORE VIOLENT THAN THE ONE BEFORE. I WAS 3 HOURS AWAY FROM MY FAMILY AND SO SCARED ON A DAILY BASIS. THERE WERE NO CONSEQUENCES WHAT SO EVER FOR THE ACTS OF VIOLENCE DONE TO ME BY OTHERS AT CENTRAL STATE HOSPITAL. I GREW UP IN A FAMILY THAT WAS NEVER EXPOSED TO THIS KIND OF VIOLENCE. I HAD MET EVERY PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA FROM NIXON WITH THE EXCEPTION OF OBAMA. I HAD BEEN TO THE WHITE HOUSE MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE VISIT THEIR IN-LAWS. I WAS THE SMALLEST WOMAN IN CENTRAL STATE HOSPITAL AND SPENT ALL MY TIME DOING WORD FINDS AND JUST MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS. MY EYE WAS PRACTICALLY CLOSED SHUT AFTER THE 7TH ATTACK BY ONE OF THE CRIMINALLY INSANE PATIENTS BEING HELD THERE ALONG WITH ME. I WAS GIVEN A TREATMENT TEAM, CONSISTING OF A PSYCHIATRIST AND A PSYCHOLOGIST. THE PSYCHIATRIST WAS ON A CONFERENCE CALL WITH LOUDON COUNTIES FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGIST AND EXPLAINED TO HER WITH ME PRESENT, THAT HE SAW NO SYMPTOMS OF THE MENTAL ILLNESS DIAGNOSIS, BI-POLAR THAT LOUDON COUNTY HAD PLACED UPON ME 8 MONTHS EARLIER BEFORE SENDING ME TO CENTRAL STATE HOSPITAL. I WAS THEN PICKED UP BY THE DEPUTIES OF LOUDON COUNTY TO APPEAR ONCE AGAIN BEFORE THE JUDGE. I SHOULD HAVE IMMEDIATELY BEEN RELEASED BY THE JUDGE IN THE LOUDON COUNTY COURTROOM WHEN I WAS FOUND TO HAVE NO MENTAL ILLNESS. I HAD NEVER IN MY 50 YEARS PRIOR TO MY ARREST, EVER BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH A MENTAL ILLNESS. TO THIS DAY ANY AND ALL PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME WELL WOULD NEVER, EVER SAY THERE WAS ANYTHING WRONG OR CRAZY GOING ON WITH MY MENTAL HEALTH. THIS SHOULD HAVE CONSTITUTED AN IMMEDIATE RELEASE THROUGH THE LOUDON COUNTY COURT SYSTEM. INSTEAD, THE JUDGE SENT ME TO ANOTHER EXTREMELY DANGEROUS ENVIRONMENT AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE MOST DANGEROUS ENVIRONMENT IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA. IT WAS A PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL NAMED, “NORTHERN VIRGINIA MENTAL HEALTH INSTITUTE.” THERE I WAS HELD WITH SO MANY MURDERERS, ARSONISTS, PEDOPHILES ETC. IN THE COURT ROOM AFTER A 16 MONTH HOLD ON MY LIFE WITHOUT MY FREEDOM BY THE JUDGE IN LOUDON COUNTY I WAS SENT TO, “NVMHI” AND UPON ENTRY I WAS NOW GIVEN, DIAGNOSIS NUMBER 2. “PTSD.” AFTER BEING HELD FOR ANOTHER 8 MONTHS IN THIS INSTITUTE, I CONTACTED THE PATIENTS ADVOCATE WHO ASSURED ME I COULD BE EVALUATED BY THE MEDICAL DIRECTOR OF THE INSTITUTE TO GET AWAY FROM WHAT I CONSIDERED TO BE A, “QUACK” FOR HE HAD PLACED ME ON A DRUG THAT I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO TAKE BECAUSE HE SAID THE JUDGE WOULD NOT RELEASE ME WITHOUT BEING ON MEDICATION. WELL I DID MY OWN RESEARCH AND FOUND WHEN YOU GIVW A SANE PERSON MEDICATION UNNECESSARILY, IT CAN LITERALLY CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE. THE MEDICAL DIRECTOR TOOK THE QUACKS DIAGNOSIS OFF MY HEAD AND I WAS ALSO GIVEN A NEW DOCTOR. A FEMALE THIS TIME WHO AFTER THE PTSD DIAGNOSIS WAS REMOVED FROM MY CHART THEY HAD TO PLACE ANOTHER DIAGNOSIS ON ME QUICKLY IN ORDER TO CONTINUE TO HOLD ME IN THEIR INSTITUTE. I WAS HELD FOR 2 YEARS AND 8 MONTHS IN THIS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS AND FILTHY ENVIRONMENT. I WAS PLACED ON MORE ANTIBIOTICS IN A 2 YEAR PERIOD THAN EVER BEFORE IN MY ENTIRE 50 YEARS PRIOR TO BEING COMMITTED TO A PSYCHIATRIC INSTITUTE UNJUSTLY. MY FATHER PASSED AWAY WHILE I WAS HELD AT THIS INSTITUTE AND LIKE THE PASSING OF MY MOTHER I WAS NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO GO TO MY FATHER’S  FUNERAL WHERE HE WAS GIVEN A “21 GUN SALUTE.”I WAS HIS FAVORITE AND HE WAS MY WHOLE WORLD. I ONLY GOT TO SEE MY FATHER TWICE IN 2 YRS AND 5 MONTHS BEFORE HE, LIKE MY MOTHER HAD PASSED AWAY. I SUFFERED MORE THAN ANY HUMAN BEING SHOULD EVER HAVE HAD TO SUFFER. THE DEVASTATION AND LOSS OF MY PARENTS AND MY OVERALL FREEDOM WAS MORE SO UNBEARABLE.. I LAST REMEMBER MY FATHER SAYING THAT LOUDON COUNTY HAD VIOLATED EVERY ONE OF MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS. THE LIST OF PERSONAL INJURIES CAUSED TO ME THROUGHOUT THE 4 YEARS I WAS HELD BY THE STATE OF VIRGINIA AND THE COUNTY OF LOUDON IS SO GREAT THAT I WOULD RATHER SHARE WITH YOU IN INCREMENTS AT A LATER DATE. I NEED EVERYONE WHO READS MY BLOG TO PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT MY PAIN AND SUFFERING THROUGH THE WORST KIND OF CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT IS SO GREAT THAT THE STRESS AND ANXIETY THAT IT PLACES ON MY PSYCHE, IS SO GREAT I CAN ONLY PRAY THAT EVERYONE WHO READS ALL I HAVE WRITTEN SO FAR CAN BARE WITH ME BECAUSE ALL THAT I AM BLOGGING AT THIS TIME IS JUST THE, “TIP OF THE ICEBERG.”THERE IS SO MUCH PAIN INSIDE OF ME THAT I CAN ONLY GET SO MUCH OUT AT A TIME. MY INTENTIONS FOR EXPOSING MYSELF IN SUCH A WAY IS MOST BENEFICIAL TO ME IN TERMS OF THE HEALING I AM DEALING WITH IN ORDER TO SURVIVE SUCH A VIOLENT AND TORTUROUS 4 YEARS WITHOUT MY FREEDOM. I FILLED A COMPOSITION BOOK EVERY MONTH FOR 4 YEARS AND IN THOSE BOOKS ARE DETAILED ACCOUNTS OF EVERY PAINFUL DAY I WAS FORCED TO ENDURE WHILE SUFFERING WITHOUT THE LOVE OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.  PLEASE DO NOT GRADE ME ON MY GRAMMAR FOR THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE HAS COMPLETELY DRAINED ME EMOTIONALLY. THERE ARE TOO MANY INCIDENCES TO MENTION INVOLVING A REVOLVING DOOR OF COMPLETE INJUSTICE DONE TO ME ON A REGULAR BASIS OVER THE PAST 17  YEARS OF MY LIFE AFTER MAKING THE MOVE FROM FAIRFAX COUNTY, VA. TO LOUDON COUNTY, VA.

[trendingnewsb]

Inside the heads of people who are always late, as explained by stick figures.

This post was originally published on Wait But Why.

I woke up this morning to a text. It was a link:

“optimistic-people-have-one-thing-common-always-late.”

Intriguing. Nothings better than the headline: “The reason people are [bad quality that describes you] is actually because theyre [good quality].”

I got to reading. And as it turns out, according to the article, late people are actually the best people ever. Theyre optimistic and hopeful:

“People who are continuously late are actually just more optimistic. They believe they can fit more tasks into a limited amount of time more than other people and thrive when theyre multitasking. Simply put, theyre fundamentally hopeful.”

Theyre big-thinking:

“People who are habitually late dont sweat over the small stuff, they concentrate on the big picture and see the future as full of infinite possibilities.”

Late people just get it:

“People with a tendency for tardiness like to stop and smell the roseslife was never meant to be planned down to the last detail. Remaining excessively attached to timetables signifies an inability to enjoy the moment.”

By the end of the article, I had never felt prouder to be a chronically late person.

But also, what the hell is going on? Late people are the worst. Its the quality I like least in myself. And Im not late because I like to smell the roses or because I can see the big picture or because the future is full of infinite possibilities. Im late because Im insane.

So I thought about this for a minute, and I think I figured out whats going on. The issue is that there are two kinds of lateness:

1. OK lateness. This is when the late person being late does not negatively impact anyone else like being late to a group hangout or a party. Things can start on time and proceed as normal with or without the late person being there yet.

2. Not-OK lateness. This is when the late person being late does negatively impact others like being late to a two-person dinner or meeting or anything else that simply cant start until the late party arrives.

John Haltiwangers Elite Daily article is (I hope) talking mostly about OK lateness. In which case, sure, maybe those people are the best, who knows.

But if you read the comment section under Haltiwangers article, people are furious with him for portraying lateness in a positive light. And thats because theyre thinking about the far less excusable not-OK lateness.

All of this has kind of left me with no choice but to take a quick nine-hour break from working on a gargantuan SpaceX post to discuss not-OK late people.

When it comes to people who are chronically not-OK late, I think there are two subgroups:

Group 1: Those who dont feel bad or wrong about it. These people are assholes.

Group 2: Those who feel terrible and self-loathing about it. These people have problems.

Group 1 is simple. They think theyre a little more special than everyone else, like the zero-remorse narcissist at the top of Haltiwanger’s article. Theyre unappealing. Not much else to discuss here.

Punctual people think all not-OK late people are in Group 1 (as the comments on this post will show) because theyre assuming all late people are sane people.

When a sane person thinks a certain kind of behavior is fine, they do it. When they think its wrong, they dont do it. So to a punctual person one who shows up on time because they believe showing up late is the wrong thing to do someone whos chronically late must be an asshole who thinks being late is OK.

But thats misunderstanding the entire second group, who, despite being consistently late, usually detest the concept of making other people wait. Let call them CLIPs (Chronically Late Insane Persons).

While both groups of not-OK late people end up regularly frustrating others, a reliable way to identify a Group 2 CLIP is a bizarre compulsion to defeat themselves some deep inner drive to inexplicably miss the beginning of movies, endure psychotic stress running to catch the train, crush their own reputation at work, etc., etc. As much as they may hurt others, they usually hurt themselves even more.

I come from a long line of CLIPs.

I spent around 15% of my youth standing on some sidewalk alone, angrily kicking rocks, because yet again, all the other kids had gotten picked up and I was still waiting for my mom. When she finally arrived, instead of being able to have a pleasant conversation with her, Id get into the car seething. She always felt terrible. She has problems.

My sister once missed an early morning flight, so they rescheduled her for the following morning. She managed to miss that one too, so they put her on a flight five hours later. Killing time during the long layover, she got distracted on a long phone call and missed that flight too. She has problems.

Ive been a CLIP my whole life. Ive made a bunch of friends mad at me, Ive embarrassed myself again and again in professional situations, and Ive run a cumulative marathon through airport terminals.

When I’m late, its often the same story, something like this:

Ill be meeting someone, maybe a professional contact, at, say, a coffee place at 3:00. When I lay out my schedule for the day, Ill have the perfect plan. Ill leave early, arrive early, and get there around 2:45. That takes all the stress out of the situation, and thats ideal because non-stressful commutes are one of my favorite things. Itll be great Ill stroll out, put on a podcast, and head to the subway. Once Im off the subway, with time to spare, Ill take a few minutes to peruse storefronts, grab a lemonade from a street vendor, and enjoy New York. Itll be such a joy to look up at the architecture, listen to the sounds, and feel the swell of people rushing by oh magnificent city!

All I have to do is be off the subway by 2:45. To do that, I need to be on the subway by 2:25, so I decide to be safe and get to the subway by 2:15. So I have to leave my apartment by 2:07 or earlier, and Im set. What a plan.

Heres how itll play out (if youre new to WBW, youre advised to check this out before proceeding):

Read more: http://ift.tt/2vKu0VW

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2vkLpCY via Viral News HQ