#ill get through it and itll be okay but i wish it didnt have to happen and i wish it was over already

[your-jellyfish-senpai]

Nothing like chugging some alcohol on a fine Monday night to cope with unpleasant though not entirely unexpected conversations

[chirpsloth]

its been like 17 minutes since i told myself id do homework i need to do it but i just spent all that time reading through all my tumblr post...

god i hate myself

not bc of the homework thing ill get it done but because of just reading the posts

not really i dont think

i just hate myself

but not actually

just a little

maybe i feel bad for myself...

no self pity is lame

god do i hate myself?

when i read the posts i know edxactly what ii was refering to at the time... but i dont think i make my psots easy to decipher all the time

like when i saw the posts that said "im so nervous" and "nervous nancy" followed by the psot a few hours later saying wtf why do i actully have rizz" and then "wtf is wrong with me" im like: oh my god!! i know why i was posting that at the time!! like wowowowow thats how i was feeling thats wild!

i really do feel for myself.. why am i this way???? everyone probably pities themself sometimes.

idk i didnt deserve that... and i shouldnt do that.. wouldnt trade it for anything though. i wont stop though

im not evil im just human

im just learning

im scared for when i reach the age where i cant say that anymore...

is everything gonna be okay?

everything IS okay. i get GREAT grades, i have a good home life, i have 2 close friends, i get to walk and listen to music all the time...

i think that part of it is jealousy but theres always a wishing to get worse you know?

i don't think i'll ever be fejwlfjew but i think thats okay... im happy. i think. edcept for when i think about things too much

i pity myself

i guess i pray to the future me. you know? i wonder if i typed all my old posts knowing that the future me would read them and be like a therapist from another time...telling msyelf not to worry. i think i just did it because i need to say things and i dont have anyone that i call spew all my dumb stuff to without annoying them or making them think im mentally ill which i am not.

plus i need a place to be self centered. i guess this is that... some place hwere i only talk about me. im okay with no one listening irl because i dont want to portray myself as insane. there are some things that can only be written too. i wouldnt want to talk to my therapist about a lot of things because i dont want him thinking im insane. i know thats a therapists job but im saying like theres stuff that i really shouldnt say.. scared maybe. i wanna educate myself on law or soemhitng so i know what my therapist can tell my mother or can get me admitted for.

do i even want help? i seriously dont think so. the better i get the worse i want to get. right now im in a good middle ground. im happy, i dont cause conflict in the house too much, im not exhausting myself, i get things done, life is pretty okay. sometimes i will participate in some efwljfkwel activities though. maybe thats just my way to cope. its not harming anyone,, and i really dont believe its harming the present me too much.

maybe itll harm the future me like how my past decisions currently hurt me. not out of regret but out of pity. it just hurts that i did that... you know?

i really should do my homework but i have time (Not really)

im thinking of doing the bare minimum rn and waking up extra early to finish everytihng up. probably what i wanna do.

i know its only been a week of school since the weekend (weird way to phrase it??) but i need a break. im fine with school its not tiring or anything but god i need a break from life. not like life life but i mean hanging out with people, having things i need to do, etc. i need a week where im all alone. i love my friends but god i need alone time. i always feel so guilty when i dont hang out with them though because i dont wanna be lonely or lose friendships so i find myself hanging out with my friends mainly to "maintain friendships". i love them so much but please i need time.

this post is making me sound so mentally unwell but im doing so fine i promise (who am i promising?)

god

why is my heart rate so fast

lemme count it rq

okay its actually pretty normal its 80-ish bpm but it feels fast

i feel so shaky

i wonder if its the sugar i had earlier... i know some foods or larger amounts of fodos always make my heart feel fast and make me shaky but i havent really discovered what foods those are.

im always so nervous posting on here because what if i say something that makes this all tracable to me. i dont wanna lose opportunities beause of some dumb tumblr posts.

i know i should use like my journal or something but its comforting knowing that this can be viewed by someone for some reason. i mean id be mortified if someone told me they read all my posts but idk. maybe also its nice because i can always lose a physical notebook or lose the passord to my google docs but tumblr is public and i can always look at this tomfoolery from another account. plus this feels less formal. in my actual physical journal im very messy and i get sucked in when i write but its so messy its unreadable, it cramps my hand, and sometimes feels inconvenient. on my actual online journal i established it as something more formal... for life and mental updates for myself. im scared

i dont know why but im so scared

im so so so scared

god why did i just feel like i was about to cry

i want to curl up and cry so loudly in my moms lap while she tells me its okay but i cant i cant i cant. if i did she would think im mentally unwell which im not and id be such an inconvience to her.

last time i cried in her arms she told me that i gotta "say everything" to my therapist and that he can help me. help me with what?? she said that i deserve someone good that can help me? i told her that im normal.. she told me that she didnt want a normal daughter she wanted a happy daughter. i am happy. i just repeated that im normal because i know she sees me as different in some way. i see her as different in soem way too. i think i'd see my sister different than everyone else if i didn't judge her so much. i feel so insensitive but i always invalidate my sisters issues/struggles because i feel like i had it worse and that she has it so well. i konw its so bad and i need to remind myself that... she is a human being, she will struggle, and i should be happy that what i was so used to makes her suffer... im glad she's not used to badness like i was. that makes me sound so emo but you know. i just invalidate her so much.

anways. i think that seeing someone so closely..knowing them almost better than you know yourself will make you see them as less normal. or something. i dont know. i know my mom sees me as different. i doubt she sees my sister as so different than society. maybe its because im socially a little odd. she thinks i try to push people away/unsettle them. i dont. im just awkward around a lot of people. i like telling myself that im not everyones cup of tea. maybe thats just a way to excuse my social stupidity. my best freind always asks me how can i find myself socially stupid if im friends with like everyone. maybe shes right, but i dont think os. im not friends with anyone. weve just been conditioned to be nice to everyone and people are nice to me. yes people trust me, yes i have inside jokes/ get alogn with a lot of people... but do you seriously think i hang out with them outside of school? we use the word freind too loosely. if i never text someone, we only talk in school, and never hang out outside of school... no matter how much we know about each other, no matter if we've seen each other cry, no matter how long we've been "friends," we are NOT friends and thats okay. i try to be agreeable. people think im funny at least.

i need my mom to hug me and let me cry into her arms but i dont want her judging me or worrying about me i just need my mom. god im about to cry. why do i make myself feel this way? this was just supposed to be a post about not doing my homework.. now im writing like a multiparagraph essay. i need to say things. i guess i need to organize my thoughts. speak to the void.

you know i think i write in this because i know that future me will read it... emaning that future me will be alive. meanign that i'll be alive in the future. meaning that everything will be okay. if future me is alive, it means she overcame things, and shes now smarter, and as she's reading these paragraphs, she remembers how she used to feel, and pities her old self once again. and then maybe writes more to the future future me. and the cycle continues. until im dead i guess. maybe someone else.. a child? will work as a future future future x1000 me.. i doubt it. i dont think someone will ever care about me as a person so much as to read everyting ive thought. im currently pretty much just writing my thougts. nothing is organized. im just rambling. i would film a video but i dont have space in my camera roll, and even if i did, i would never want a video of myself saying stuff. some things are better kept written. anwyays. hello future me. and the future me after that. etc. i wonder if im laughing at this in the future. probably... in some time in the future. i bet ill laugh while also pitying my current self. self pity is so lame.

speaking of children. honestly.

door is opening. my moms home. ive been writing for like an hour. homework for tomorrow i guess. ill maintain a convorsation with her while i write. actually maybe ill close my laptop and return to this later. i mean i could use the excuse that this is homework...

[wherestarsfallaway]

I feel like this is a scary place. It holds some of my deepest hurtful memories. Memories of anger and spite. Memories of loneliness and sadness. It holds everything I wish to forget. Yet why do i find rereading my horrible thoughts so comforting?

Is it because I’m so goddamn alone that reading someones darkness… even if its my own.. feels comforting. Because someone out there is feeling that darkness too. Except. Its all just me anyway. Sometimes i feel like I come back here because I can look at these memories and think wow but I dont feel like that any more… so ive healed and grown.

Sometimes… I come back here to read all my thoughts about being hurt. And literally validate myself. Reread those thoughts and think ok. Well. She documented this years ago. So it mustve actually happened. Instead gas lighting away my own hurt. And chalking it up to nothing because thats easier

Today is the 20th.. well 21st now of December. In a few short days itll be christmas time and ill be back at my parents. I typed home first. But… i just really cant consider that true.

It hurts me so so much that I can’t truly love my family. It just does. I have this fantasy that I go on a podcast and I admit all the trauma I grew up with and people comment on that video that they understand and thank me for my vulnerability. What the therapist in me says that means is, i just want to be asked how Im actually doing and feeling for once without lying. And then get the chance to vent my true feelings. And then be thanked for being honest and vulnerable because I never got that experience growing up.

Its so complicated. There are months even that we are fine. Months where i think life is okay. Months where i finally feel like ive moved on and learned to get over all this bullshit. But that isnt true. And i fucking know it. Because the smallest randomest things will trigger me and I realize I havent healed at all. Im just hoping that the passage of time will dull the pain. But it wont. At least not fast enough for me.

I want to elope. And thats mainly because I feel like the only people who truly made me safe deserve to be there on my biggest most special day. And that person happens to be the person im actually marrying. And literally no one else. Why should I pay for people who didnt do the absolute bare minimum to celebrate my day? What did you do to earn the plate of my dinner because this isnt some fucking charity event.

I just saw someone say if youre considering ending it all because you think your family will be better off, dont because it isnt true. Yeah. I sometimes feel that. Ive felt both. Ive felt that sheer loneliness so deep and bitter that i think my family will be better off without me. But other days I know it would ruin them and that makes me happier because I actually wanna end it all out of sheer spite. Can you believe that. Sometimes. I was so angry at it all. Angry at the facade everyone else seemed to believe about us being the perfect family, that i wanted to die just so people would have to attend my funeral and realize what a shitshow it all was. Can you imagine how much fucking pain you have to put someone through for that to literally be their dying wish.

I’ve been paying rent on my own for months now. Which. At some level I understand. Im grown. But im literaly addicted to living here on my own because im terrified now of ruining the one space that makes me happy. If i have to hold my breath any longer Ill just pass away. I cant stand to compromise any more because I’ve just done this shit for too fucking long. I dont wanna hold my breath and tiptoe around my own house. I wanna relax and feel something other than anxiety in the space thats supposed to be my home. But im also exhausted. I finished my final two days ago but I’ve already worked so many hours. Ive been falling asleep midday because Im so emotionally exhausted. I just cant.

And meanwhile my family is fucking partying in las vegas. That shit builds so much resentment in me. I dont have to explain it. You know it. You understand. You dont wanna feel the betrayal anymore of knowing you were going thru a crisis just as deep and bad as your sister. But you just shut your mouth better about it. And nobody ever apologized for what they put you through. So you dont ever get closure.

At this point im so tired and sad I cant even continue this letter. Even though i have so much I want to get off my chest. My head hurts. My head hurts so bad from staring at a screen for 9 hours.

I have the sinking feeling this xmas season… sigh. I dont want to manifest it. But I wish I didnt have to go. I wish I could spend that week here. I’m tired. I barely have the strength to do anything anymore. And now Ill have to spend this break pretending. I wish I didnt want their approval so much. And i wish I could just let them go and live the life i truly want to live. Im tired.

Sometimes I fantasize about moving somewhere in secret. Turning off my location. And just vanishing. So i would have no more obligations.

But i never get what i want.. so heres to more hopeless dreams

Gnight

[spicy-tomato]

Hello can you do a post about maybe Swaggersouls when he thinks that the reader is bored of him. When she actually was only with zuckles on some party and he thought he was with someone else because she didn't answer the phone. (the battery died) some angst please also have a nice day.

okay lets go boys! this isnt nsfw but its long so im gonna do a keep reading cut. mentions of drug use and alcohol so be warned

You and swagger had been together for about a year now and with his revent streaming schedule it was getting harder and harder to spend time with him. That doesnt mean you dont love him, you just wished he would spend some time with you instead of you falling asleep in an empty bed while he streams. A few days ago you had been invited to a party with mason, so you decided why not? Maybe itll cheer you up after months of going to sleep alone and waking up to a still cold bed. You kept trying to tell swagger but he would just brush you off, so you said fuck it and went.

Zuckles

You here yet cunt?

You sigh and text him back a quick yes before walking in and spotting him. It wasnt a huge party but there were a good few people there, most drinking or smoking on the porch as you smiles and made your way through the crowd.

“Took you long enough! I set up some shots for us” you smile as he passes you a shot glass and you down it quickly. He drags you to the kitchen and sets up more shots. You and him down them quickly before grabbing some beers and moving to the smoke circle, passing the bong in a circle until someone tapped out.

“Thanks for inviting me mase, this is a nice break from whats happening” you sigh and drink more of you beer, finishing it off before standing up. “Do you want anything? Im gonna go grab another beer.” mason shakes his head and you head back to the kitchen and grab a beer before stopping and looking at the table. You see a few bottles of fancy liquor and decide to get some of those instead. Grabbing a cup you mix three of the bottles and drink some. It burns your throat and you gag a little before walking back, determined to finish it and get fucked up. With half the cup down, mason takes it from you with a worried look. “I think youve had enough of that, youre definitely not driving hand me your keys.” you sigh and hand him your bag, dropping your phone in the process to see 15 missed calls from swagger.

“Oh shit” you pick up your phone and rush to the bathroom to call him back.

“Where the fuck are you i was so worried are you okay?” he answers the phone with an anxious tone.

“Like you fucking care, you always choose yours streams over me.” you slur, tears forming in your eyes. Its like i dont exist to you anymore! Im so sick of falling asleep in an empty bed, only having bear there to cuddle. I go to bring you lunch and you tell me to set it on the desk and leave! I feel more like a maid than a partner now!” at this point you were almost sobbing.

“Where are you, im coming to get you.” you sniffle at his answer.

“Im not telling you, i tried to tell you for the past two days but you kept blowing me off, why should you care now?” your face is red and puffy at this point, not sure if youre crying from sadness or anger at this point. “At least mase cares enough to ask how im doing! He took my keys so i cant drive like this!”

“Thats where you are, ill be there in 30 minutes to get you and we can talk about this.” he hangs up and you break down in complete sobs, mason now banging on the door to check on you.

“Let me in, whats wrong?” you shakily unlock the door and he swings it open, grabbing you and pulling you into his chest. You tell him everything, how you feel more like a maid than a partner, how you always wake up without him, how he blows you off or acts like you dont exist, everything. He sighs and holds you closer, petting your hair and trying to calm you down. A slamming door can be heard as swagger gets there, moving quickly to the bathroom and shooting mason a glance that says for him to get out. He quickly stands up and leaves before swagger shuts the door and sits next to you.

“Let me explain...i felt like you were getting sick of me and got scared. I thought if i distanced myself it would hurt less when you ended it. I feel like i havent been enough for you over the past year and i thought you figured that out, that you were going to leave me. I never wanted to hurt you like this i just figured it would be easier for me if i did that.” he sighs and moves a hand to your cheek.

“Why didnt you just talk to me? Why just up and ignore me? I felt like a ghost in our own home” you wipe your eyes and look at him sadly.

“I dont know, i was scared of facing you and hearing you say it to my face. Please, just let me take you home and make it up to you. Let me take care of you through your hangover and take you to breakfast. Let me win you over like the first time again.” you sniffle and smile at him.

“Fine, but i wont be easy to impress this time.” he chuckles and helps you stand up, one arm around your waist to keep you upright as he leads you to the car.

“Ill shoot mason a text and tell him to drop your stuff by the apartment tomorrow.” you nod and step into the car, moving to hold his hand. He quickly accepts and starts a drive home. You start to fall asleep on the way back and once home, he picks you up, carrying you to the bedroom and laying you down softly before crawling up next to you. He moves the covers over the both of you before pulling you to his chest and kissing your head.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” you mumble back half awake.

“Ill never hurt you again”

[tigerdrop]

in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so  hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog.  he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

[lettersformiah]

9:12am, 20 june

hi bubba! in english atm. ive had a morning and a half. late to school hehe. had to sign in at the office bc i saw maia with the little attendance slip that relievers have. signed in and rocked up. the reliever is nice, he is chill. nice enough yk? youre at your first placement rn! so shit you had to wake up so early for it. n you have to do it the next two days as well. like eek. but youre amazing so i trust youll be fine. or even better than fine. i believe in you. just shit that i cant text you hehe. but its okay cause i have the letters and music and fifty internals to focus on. did i tell you french was also spoken? im terrible at french pronunciation. what can you do i guess. my kiwi mouth cant get around the fact that french is just gurgling. hopefully ill be fine.

wearing your hoodie at school ^-^ its nice and big and warm. i love it so much. im wearing so many layers bc its so cold. or not even that cold. so windy. and wind makes everything cold. got my stockings on, your hoodie, the big fleece jacket, and socks >:) which i dont think you are meant to wear with stockings, but fuck it, im cold and my shoes are thin. the wind is fucking up my hair too. so dog of mother nature fr.

what else? oh! friday is matariki. or maybe its not? i dont know. friday is the public holiday for matariki, so thats good enough for me. thursday is a half day bc they are doing the celebration at school from 1-5. (however it means p3 on thursday is like a full school assembly) i think im meant to go to the celebration? i think i will from like 3-5 maybe. if you dont miss me too much. but youd probably be asleep knowing you. will see i guess heh. i just know my friends were interested in going. i still have dance though, so maybe i go and then leave at like 4:40? thats when the bus is and itll take me straight to dance. just gotta be sneakily wearing my dance clothes or take a bag. we will see! sounds like a good plan though, if i do say so myself.

i really can keep writing forever hehe! apparently always having something to say translates well into letters too! id be so good with a diary. but i think one entry would be like 40 pages long. so maybe its for the best this is online. saves me some hand cramps.

i love you! and im excited for drama! having our war piece kinda finished is good. but getting the guys to work its kinda very hard when they arent feeling it. but we definitely need to perform soon. the original plan was to have it be done at the end of term 1. its almost been like 3 months since that? thats some shit timing. but tbf im glad we have the time to work on it, i want it to look good. but i dont mind not getting an excellence, but i know leo wants it. which is fair. hoping all goes well and the boys focus up. ill let you know.

it was nice waking up to you this morning :*] wish it could be like that irl and every day yk? i dont think i was very good at conversation, i barely remember it but i remember definitely slurring my words a teeny bit. sleepy maddi things.

ive been writing this letter for like thirty minutes. crazy how the time flies when i just talk. tbf whenever i talk just about my day it takes about 3 hours to get through! and i didnt even get to tell you about yesterday and the full on day i had! and havent even mentioned watching the end of the summer i turned pretty with rem and hos and jazz or playing dnd! gosh theres so much to talk about i could go on forever. im happy you love that about me. im very lucky. youre a great listener which is perfect because im a great talker. love you bubba.

i should go i think. got other posts to make and some english to pretend i did. i love you, hope the placement is going okay and you havent fallen asleep injecting someone yet.

talk soon,

-mads<3

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 92

[Date: 17/03, 07:42 PM GMT - 17/03, 09:29 PM GMT]

jayyyyyyyy: “fetch, come on, cant you see this isnt doing anything to help?

just take the damn ointment”

Little-K1ng: “he... what?”

Marcus: “I back read a little bit”

Marcus: “Just not here”

fetch: “fine. you want me to be honest huh. go on look at the fucking doc. just another place where my problems turned into everyone else's.”

Little-K1ng: fetch.... you really, really need to stop lying to me. im doing my best here, im trying so hard to let things slide in the name of giving you what you need. but you are far from making it easy on me”

fetch: “we're gonna forget all this happened in 3 days time anyway. it doesn't fucking matter what i tell you or what i dont.”

Little-K1ng: “you get angry when you're stressed, you stop responding, you stop listening to reason

but-.. wait, whats going to happen in 3 days?”

Maxwell: “....prince told us that faer family is coming back in 3 days”

fetch: “the beginning of spring.”

Maxwell: “spring officially begins then”

jayyyyyyyy: “we'll get you guys back, if you somehow go back in the first place”

Little-K1ng: “so.... so i get warning, this time,

thats.... almost too cruel”

fetch: “whatever. i honestly can't be asked to care at this point.”

Marcus: “You’d really say that to Mona of all people?”

Little-K1ng: “i..... i wouldnt ask that of you”

Marcus: “...three days huh”

Little-K1ng: “i would simply fucking EXPECT IT FROM YOU. HOW THE FUCK. AM I MEANT TO FEEL. WHEN I CANT STOP GRIEVING SOMEONE. WHOS RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF ME, FETCH?”

donti (e): “... mona u alright...?”

Marcus: “Is that really a question you’re asking right now?”

donti (e): “ah.. sorry.”

jayyyyyyyy: “honestly at this point im willing to chuck a bucket of weedkiller at fetch's head”

Marcus: “Jeight.”

donti (e): “hey hey lets not get hastyy”

Little-K1ng: “i... [huff] i .... [sniff] i just.. i shouldnt have yelled i....”

Marcus: “This isn’t helping”

fetch: “i... you're expecting too much from me. i mean. you expect me to care at this point? when death is coming to our door and all we can do is throw on a little sprinkler? when all we can do is sit in a huddle and wait until these vines in our skulls fully bloom?”

donti (e): “... we discussed possible solutions to the buds if you.. want to change subject.. or not”

jayyyyyyyy: “fetch, the thing about this is that we have a fighting chance

we lose that chance if you stop fighting”

Little-K1ng: “im expecting you to fucking try, fetch. im expecting you to understand that we're all going through this, and every time you lie to me, to us, you cost us more time we could have spent trying to fix it”

fetch: “how would it help, by piling on more and more to the shitheap we have already? you're not supposed to worry about me. ive always been able to handle myself.”

Maxwell: “please ⌇⏁⍜⌿arguing....why are we arguing.....”

Marcus: “..”

Void: “...”

Little-K1ng: “wh... what did you just...?”

Maxwell: “....what....”

fetch: “...”

Maxwell: “why are...”

Marcus: “Max..”

Maxwell: “why are you staring at me what”

Marcus: “Can you say what you just said again”

Little-K1ng: “that sounded like...”

donti (e): “max...”

Little-K1ng: “say that again, max”

Marcus: “Please”

jayyyyyyyy: “actually maybe dont”

Marcus: “Max say it again”

jayyyyyyyy: “that. i think fighting is causing the process to speed up”

Maxwell: “please stop arguing....why are we arguing.....?”

Little-K1ng: “i... thats not what i heard”

donti (e): “... lets stop arguing”

Marcus: “That’s..that’s what I thought you said

You just

Didn’t say it like that”

Maxwell: “but i did”

fetch: “...yall still think I need to be priority right now?”

Maxwell: “thats what i said”

jayyyyyyyy: “you, uh, said "stop" in enderspeak”

Maxwell: “what no i didnt”

Marcus: “Fetch. This is going to be you so kindly shut the fuck up about not being a priority”

Little-K1ng: “fetch, you fail to recognize that you're always my priority, even if you're kind of an ass”

Marcus: “Max it’s okay

I told you it would be okay”

Little-K1ng: “max, hug?”

Maxwell: “why....why are you all acting so weird?”

Little-K1ng: “its alright, max”

jayyyyyyyy: “we're all just stressed mate”

Maxwell: “are yall okay?”

donti (e): “weere fine its fine..”

Maxwell: “its?

look im not a child you can tell me whats going on”

Marcus: “We told you”

fetch: “you spoke in ender.”

Marcus: “You denied it”

donti (e): “you spoke ender.”

Maxwell: “you....youre kidding right?”

jayyyyyyyy: “nope”

Maxwell: “ha funny joke”

jayyyyyyyy: “we're not joking”

fetch: “for once im not lying.”

Marcus: “You told us to tell you.

We told you.”

Little-K1ng: “here, come in for a hug, wont you?”

Maxwell: “no no no no no”

Little-K1ng: “ive got you, max”

Maxwell: “i couldnt have no”

jayyyyyyyy: “hold on, hes panicking”

Little-K1ng: “its the stress, max

its alright, im here”

jayyyyyyyy: “mona, give him a little space”

Maxwell: “no no no stay please”

jayyyyyyyy: “i never said for anyone to leave

are you okay with being given hugs, or would you rather not?”

Maxwell: “im okay with it”

LLyr: “they’ve kind of established max likes the contact at this point i think”

jayyyyyyyy: “yeah, but you can never be too careful”

LLyr: “fair enough”

Little-K1ng: “i appreciate the concern for max, jayx8″

fetch: “I. i would offer a hug but I'm not feeling up to it. i think I'm just gonna go for a walk.”

jayyyyyyyy: “its

Little-K1ng: “fetch...”

jayyyyyyyy: “​hm”

Maxwell: “i dont wanna go back no no please no”

Little-K1ng: “i would rather you not go out where the court roams

you got in one good bite, let it be enough”

fetch: “i'll stick nearby.

i just need to get out of the house.”

Little-K1ng: “stay where you can see the road, alright? text me if you need a pickup”

jayyyyyyyy: “stay near the neighborhood. go to the mineshaft if you need to”

fetch: “yeah. got it. later.”

Maxwell: “I'm scared”

donti (e): “...”

Little-K1ng: “oh, max...”

Maxwell: “oh no oh god oh merde”

donti (e): “sh shsshshh max its fine.

calm down its alright.”

Little-K1ng: “tell you what, we can destress with some hot cocoa? with the tiny colorful marshmallows you like?”

Marcus: “I can go make it

I don’t think max wants to be alone right now”

jayyyyyyyy: “maybe watch some movies? ones that uh, dont have kidnapping in them, too. moana would be good?”

Little-K1ng: “i dont actually.. own any movies

i dont watch them”

donti (e): “youtube videos ?”

Little-K1ng: “that works”

[They watch a video of an otter for a while, and discuss the events from earlier this day. Max thinks that the wreathe mayn’t be as bad as everyone thinks it’ll be, as it will have calendula marigolds which are good for helping to heal.]

Little-K1ng: “....ah.. they are, but maybe..... nah, nevermind.... ill let you enjoy the thought”

Maxwell: “they may be fully metal but still...maybe then can help the family....”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “.........”

Maxwell: “what?”

Marcus: “..yeah max, that’s a nice thought”

Maxwell: “i thought so too!”

Little-K1ng: “i cant believe.... im staring down the barrel of either losing all 3 of you... or going with you and not remembering any of this... that hurts, and it hasnt even happened yet”

Marcus: “Well

I don’t know if this will comfort you or not

But you might not entirely forget this”

Little-K1ng: “true! this is honestly the happiest thing to happen to me in an incredibly long time, there is a chance itll stick”

Marcus: “Baron and Prince remember their childhoods a little bit”

Maxwell: “stick...sticky...ha honey is sticky but not good

tastes yucky”

Marcus: “...I remembered Elizabeth and I learning codes

....max?”

Maxwell: “hm?

something wrong?”

Marcus: “What was that about honey just now?”

Maxwell: “oh!

well mona said stick

and stick is one letter off from sticky!

and hony is really sticky

but i dont like honey”

Marcus: “...got it

Maxwell: “bleh”

Marcus: “Okay yeah that

That makes sense”

Maxwell: “yeah!”

Little-K1ng: “i wish i hadnt snapped at fetch like that... maybe when he comes back i can give him a proper apology”

Maxwell: “hm perhaps that would be good

family should get along”

[this message was deleted shortly afterwards]

Marcus: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i...?”

Maxwell: “what?”

Marcus: “M..ax?”

Little-K1ng: “max?”

Maxwell: “god damn it did i speak fucking ender again or some shit???”

Marcus: “N..no”

Little-K1ng: “n..no.....”

Maxwell: “the fuck happened then? yall look freaked out”

Marcus: “Um”

Little-K1ng: “nevermind! :)!!”

Maxwell: “hm.....if youre sure...”

Marcus: “I must be tired, it’s fine Max! :)”

Maxwell: “youve been sleeping a lot man you sure?”

Marcus: “Yeah, gotta be tired to sleep a lot right”

Maxwell: “I guess”

Little-K1ng: “are you guys...... hungry?”

[The conversation switches to the topic of making brownies and other baked goods. There was also small talk about methods of removing the growing wreathe buds that had been suggested earlier in the day. Mona suggests cutting one of the buds off, if Max could handle it. Jack and Marcus argue over their priorities: their concern for Max and their family respectively. After snipping off a small part of the buds, the following conversation ensures:]

Marcus: “...he’s not bleeding”

donti (e): “can you guys take a look at what mona cut off?”

emuhlee: “well, that part is good?”

Maxwell: “theres some time of fucking liquid ow”

Marcus: “It looks like that...cellulose that comes out of dandelions”

Little-K1ng: “Hhhhhhhhh”

Marcus: “Mona?

donti (e): “is max alright??”

Marcus: “Uh..in pain?”

dreaming: “uh get a towel?”

Marcus: “It’s not a lot”

Maxwell: “that really hurt jesus fucking christ”

Marcus: “Have you never picked a dandelion?

It’s like that”

Little-K1ng: “That's kinda. Gross”

Jack the Observer: “it's not blood though, right?”

Maxwell: “my headache is much worse....”

Little-K1ng: “No not blood”

Marcus: “It’s..

Huh”

donti (e): “blood substitute?”

Marcus: “It stopped”

Jack the Observer: “huh.”

Marcus: “......”

donti (e): “hey what happened to the bud”

Marcus: “Mona

Mona look”

Marcus: “Mona there’s two more”

Maxwell: “God damn it is this fucking Hercules or some shit”

Jack the Observer: “pft”

donti (e): “well.

we can at least look at the bud that was cut off.”

Marcus: “It’s just sitting there”

[The conclusion from this experiment was that the buds have nerve endings, which is why it hurt Maxwell and worsened his headache when it was cut, even after being numbed with ice prior to cutting. People ask about Fetch’s whereabouts. This was his last known update to the document:]

[With this information, people begin to speculate that Fetch might not be back for a while…]

[iiasha-archived]

genshin anon! LOL yeah the violetgrass is an ascension material for xinyan! i would know... i spent forever hunting for it all the time :/ you can buy 5 from... the pharmacy in liyue harbor i think? you can buy 5 somewhere. also i saw you say you have her c5 lol. she's pretty good! her shield is pretty nice. got a long cooldown though, so i have her use the sacrificial claymore. lol yes plz put everyone back in i missed all the fun characters and i want to (try to) get them! (1/5)

<3

(2/5) ah okay haha. i always have the english voices on for when i space out i still know what's going on lol. albedo's though.. so nice. want to replay his story mission just so i can listen to him ): yeah, they do say like chapter 1 or whatever so that really makes it seem like there will be more. oo bennett is nice. he's pretty versatile. you can have him just be a healer or set him up more to fight, which is nice. i tried using him a bit as a healer but idk it just wasn't meshing well for me

(3/5) ahh congrats on the lvl 10 friendship with chongyun lol. yeah im excited to get xiao there but like.. it'll be so disappointing haha. yayyy ill have his namecard woooo... and yeah so many of the new things look super cool! yeah i didnt watch the full video but i watch other people cover it oops lol. did you enjoy the theater mechanics thing from the lantern rite? it was kind of fun. it was fun when i played with my sister, but by myself was a bit boring lol.

(4/5) YES. there's never an incentive to pull on the weapons banner. i dont want to waste my primos on something im probably not going to get. like i'd love to try to get staff of homa for hu tao but i dont want to just keep getting crappy catalysts instead :/ itll take too long to hit pity and im not wasting that many wishes on that. i feel like standard banner could be free wish a day, and maybe weapon/character, one a week? or something. just anything to help a bit. its not like 1 wish

(5/5) is going to hurt anything. yeah it does force them to come on daily. the higher level things need SO MUCH stuff, it can take a few days to get everything. but yeah it does keep people coming back everyday to get things done. yeah having good artifacts is a big thing. ive been trying to work on my artifacts for my mains. its fun doing those with people in coop haha. and ooh nice! im almost at 45! rip world lvl going up soon.

god all the more reason i like........ don’t wanna level xinyan up even if i have her at c5 LMAOOO yeah i think i used her for a little bit but i’m not a big fan of long cooldowns :(

this conversation actually convinced me to put on other voice languages so i can get used to the other voices lmaooo so i have it on chinese now just to get a feel also it feels more authentic in a way i guess since the original is chinese and all voicelines/translations basically stem from that lmao. albedo’s is so nice to listen to i feel like i could fall asleep to it its like a damn lullaby lmao. 

yeah it’s crazy how for the overall story we’re STILL on chapter 1 like.... it’s been ages lmao. yeah i hear a LOT of praise for bennet, as soon as jean gets to 10 friendship (since she’s almost there) i’m probably gonna use him as a healer/attack booster for xiao unless i miraculously pull qiqi or something.

lmaoo whoo namecards... it’s not a particular trophy either unless you actually use it either like nobody knows unless you tell them or use it as your namecard.

for1.4 i actually just watched the brief trailer which (hopefully this isn’t spoilers or anything??? BE WARNED RIGHT NOW) but omgggg when it’s hinted that that big water boss is like lumine/your other twin BROOOO ARE WE ACTUALLY GONNA GET STORY DEVELOPMENT like. HOW long have we been searching for our sibling at this point ajkfslajd and ahhh at first i wasn’t that excited about rosaria but the trailer also made her look extra cool hehe

personally i didn’t really like it although i did play completely by myself. it was just boring to sit through lmao i think i only did a couple levels so i couldn’t buy all the things in the xiao market or whatever but i was like sitting through all this is NOT worth it for me lmao. it looks like there are some more mini games coming up in 1.4 hopefully they’ll be more fun

EXACTLY. i kinda wanted the jade spear for xiao because it fits his aesthetic so nicely but i wasn’t gonna waste primogems just for that lmao. yeah, something like that would definitely be nice to have lmaooo @ any mihoyo employees reading through my blog right now... *wink wink*

the higher level things are impossible i’m not even gonna bother trying to get things to level 90 lmao i’m treating the level 80 as the 100% at this point with leveling up fjdlakfds. after my embarrassing time in my last co-op i’m probably gonna start looking at more artifacts which is just like... sigh another thing to worry about lmao. i’m having enough trouble with the talents jafkldjda

at first i didn’t like the world level up bc i was worried i wouldn’t be able to keep up with it but honestly it’s been okay. especially once you get a 5 star on your team or a really developed 4 star its like. fine lmao. and it definitely helps maintain the game’s difficulty bc it would be no fun if things were too easy hahaha and then also + incentive to level everything up again

[stimmypaw]

stimmypaw reads the apprentice’s quest, a blog post

A big one, just a bunch of thoughts as I’m reading it, of course, lots of spoilers for the first book in the Warrior Cats series A Vision of Shadows. This will be covering just the first book tho, it’s all in the Read More, let’s gooooooo!!!!

Vision Of Shadows time

Lots of new cats!!! I don't remember these guys as kits or anything wrow!!! I like their names but itll take a while to get used to them

Also cant believe they printed stormcloud's dead name

Omg there's a cat named beepaw

I love these cats all of them so much im going 2 cry

All new names are perfect

I FORGOT HOW GORGEOUS THE CAT VIEW IN THE RECENT BOOKS WAS, LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT

I'm glad leafpool smokes weed

I love reading from Jayfeather's point of view, his grumpiness hasn't grown on me ever but thats just me, I still enjoy it lots he's great and its fun

Firestar and Leopardstar's characterizations are On Point i love it

OOF i feel so bad when jayfeather is mean to others, poor kestrelflight, I love those two

Lovely Jayfeather moments now its time for the first chapter

I like this duo! Also I didn't think I'd ever say this but shut up squirrelflight one can have fun AND learn with their mentors

Sparkkit sounds nice she makes jingling bell noises when she walks around

Alderkit is chadphobic /j

I can see Alderkit taking deep breaths to relax its rotating in my mind its beautiful

God this first chapter feels so good and comfortable, like eating noodles and chicken nuggets. I am so so deeply in love with it, its gorgeous!

Sparkkit is so perfect too, and Graystripe remembering Firestar aaaaaa

DUSTPELT SAID WHAT? PHDHAHAHHA OH NOOOO I don't remember their relationship much, must have been fun, I love young little creature squirrelflight I MISSED HER SO BAD WOW

I started reading the second chapter and died, I think ill take a break now 2 sleep heehhee

I love them describing twoleg stuff its always so fun and alien, like watching an animal planet show about funny sea creatures.

Also I have determined sparkpaw is my favorite, might be my favorite cat ever next to hollyleaf??? I really identify with her and also she's autistic i have decided that

Alderpaw baby noooo hhhh their mentor at least is trying to show its okay, he seems very emotionally distant so far and alderheart feels very emotionally needy, actually both of them do, did I mention I love Sparkpaw??? I might be imprinting myself 2 much on her

I love how like, its clear both of them are absolutely anxious and worried about others opinions on them, which is clearly something they got from being Firestar's grandkids, deputy kids and leader kids. And bramblestar too, I recall him being quite the anxious lad ahhah. Sparkpaw will be showing confidence and being loud but the second anyone isn't approving of her or she does something "wrong" she gets small and quiet, and she ended up setting a high bar for herself by being good at hunting and fighting so I'm curious to see how that will go. Also there's nothing wrong with being guided through a crowded place to meet others Sparkpaw!!! I bet the two of them would be stuck without not knowing how to talk to others had Needlepaw not shown up. I love them, my gf is mocking me saying I'm a Sparkpaw kinnie.

Apprentices will like learn about a thing and tell everyone about it all the time and assume its always true in every situation and thats valid I love kids like that. Also in my head Needlepaw kinda looks like a porcupine. Oh boo she's fatphobic >:(

I love apprentices they are so fun and silly, just making fun of the leaders like its nothing. The way they are clearly learning and absorving everything their warriors say and do like sponges its just ***chefs kiss***

Omg shadowclan is just full of 12 year olds help

And then the old person said "it sure is hard being old!" And everyone clapped

Shout-out to pretty Riverclan apprentice #481977 I love her

Leafpool: 👁👁

Alderpaw: I knew it im cursed and awful and terrible and I will never amount to anything

I wish the cats didn't seem to be giving up on him so easily though

Ah yes the classic thunderclan move "you suck, into the medicine hole you go"

The way sparkpaw changes the things she says and how she does when it isn't the status quo around her oooooooooooooyeaaaaaaa I love 1 autistic cat

Alderpaw considering your problems lesser than other cats won't help you deal with them better bro

I love Needlepaw's excitement about Alderpaw being a medicine cat apprentice, and her sarcasm, she feels like a preppy teenager

Ahhh this is so good, I am so thirsty for family moments like this, just Alderpaw bonding with grandma, I’ll definitely want to draw this one it’s so sweet.

Oh to be young and silly.

I really am enjoying like, Alderpaw’s struggles to seeing how he fits in the clan, how he fits in himself, how he wants to be seen and what he wants to be, it’s really good. I Am Engaged(tm) With This Plot.

SPARKPAW NOOOOOOO but also Yes I want her to be shown vulnerable and weak please 

POP, god watching this stuff always awful, the cats must have thought he broke her ahahah

Also, really great that they learned from Dovewing and now like leave choices and discussions about prophecies between adults

And plus Brambles seemed to take the time to explain stuff to him, seems he wont be going alone either the 1 thing is that he will be the only one knowing what the journey is really about, why though??? I didnt read Firestar's Quest or whatever why does Skyclan need to be secret??? Seems quite silly really!

YESSSS SANDSTORM GET HIS ASS FIGHT FIGHT LOVE THIS LOVE SANDSTORM

I could feel squirrelflight nearing explosion here, this was very fun, i wish they werent hiding this though!!!

The secret thing is showing to be a plot point so I am once again Very Engaged

Also, wonderful dialogue bit, someone asked Bramblestar why an Elder is going and:

Lovely perfect perfect

I miss you dovewing

SQUIRRELFLIGHT LOVE YOU

Oh boy this is it

Traveling book moment

Graystripe: Soooo you're excited to go on the journey to the old territories and Skyclan?

Sandstorm: Yes! It's been ages and-

Graystripe: I'm sure the tribe will love the visit too

Sandstorm, groaning: Oh noooo I forgot about how the tribe is in the way of every journeyyyyy noooooo they're such a racist caricature, please tell me you have a plan

Graystripe: Yes don't worry about it the writers forgot about the tribe in my comic book so you can just use the excuses i did to actively avoid it

Sandstorm: Oh thank Starclan

Sparkpaw's desperation to prove herself oof, her anxiety with understanding the prophecy, oh boy, and Alderpaw feeling too overwhelmed by the questions and not managing to talk!!!! I am so glad they are both autistic

Hoping "Being Leader" wont mean theyre putting nonsense responsibility on the apprentice again

Ah good Sandstorm is on the lead again, as she should, she should have been leader she would have been great

I can't believe Alderpaw thinks I look stupid and diseased :( /j

Everything about this twoleg scene was scandalous I loved it, Sparkpaw just toppled over a trash bag and they are eating from it, iconic, also did those twolegs throw out a whole turkey? Damn

Its not that Sparkpaw is freakishly good at hunting she is very hungry and constantly on the watch for things to eat

BRO Ive never been in a road where the drivers are this wild, throwing bottles out of the car????? Ive seen Fruit being thrown like once or twice, what the fuck!!! I'm glad they are going to wait until the morning to continue

Okay I was not expecting Needlepaw to show up this girl is chaotic I love her

ACTUALLY YEAH WHY DIDNT THEY TELL THE OTHER CLANS ABOUT THIS SINCE THE PROPHECY IS ABOUT ALL THE CLANS???

Needlepaw is like Rono from Bambi 2 if he wasnt a mean bully and thats very epic

Very curious character though, how come her mentor isnt teaching her the warrior code properly? Is that an issue with all apprentices?? Is the clan overwhelmed by 12 year olds and they won?

Having lots of fun trying to play the game "what animal are they describing this time" the erins made here, im glad they're in a farm. Worried about Sandstorm though :c

Fuck im worried about sandstorm a lot, her wound hurt on Me

Yeah water is good youre right sandstorm

Aw man I hope she's okay let her at least survive to meet skyclan please

NOOOOOOOO SANDSTORMA A AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sandtteooonrjrbbbmmnnnnnnnnnn

I am so sad

Alderpaw denying it, Starclan shining upon their vigil, everything crushed me i cried

Alderpaw considers Nihilism

Haven't seen a cat thank starclan for prey in a while its

Oh look they time skipped a journey! They don't tend to do that thats nice

I'm so excited to be meeting The Skyclan that everyone in the fandom knows now

So far they seem kinda mean but thats most clans at first glance really

Okay somethings up

I uh have heard of Darktail pretty sure he's a bad guy so yeah something really bad happened to Skyclan

Am worried

Darktail sounds like an evil himbo* i may be enjoying him actually

*himbos are usually nice by default so he's just evil and stupid and strong

Does needletail know these cats already?????

Ah

Shit

Oh okay fuck

I've been quietly reading the rest because I am just concerned and I want them to be okay as quickly as possible

Waterfalls are a classic nice

Oh boy time for our unlikely duo of Alderpaw and Needlepaw to get out of a Mess!

I did not expect this to end up with the two of them journeying into parenthood, but I'm happy it did

Well actually I'm very unhappy theyre so lost and there's no sign of Skyclan I am very worried for everyone involved Sparkpaw must be feeling awful!

Twigkit is a great name

Yeah this ended terribly

Overall! Frigging loved it this book was GOOD and a great start for the series I am very excited to read the rest, SO WORRIED ABOUT SKYCLAN THO AAAA the characterizations were great the characters were great the pacing was fun and I didn't get bored once!

I think o only wish I had read this sooner really so I could look up others thoughts without getting heavily spoiled about the last books, I can watch a few videos already though thats a start ahhaha. But yeah it was great and it felt very good to read, haven't swallowed up a book so quickly in a very long time!!! Very happy I finally got my hands on this 💕💖💕💖💕💖 cant wait 2 start the next one

If you read all this, hope you had fun hahaha, ill be making more of these cus theyre fun and I like talking about warrior cats thats just my thing

Til next time

[rqs902]

.

IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS 

ITS MY BOY ENYU!!!! ON THE FRONT PAGE???? okay also a big deal for zhaohao and li hao too!!!

ok now into part 2 of the ep

interesting that they focused on junhao for everybody. can understand he probably has the most different and struggle experience so probably more interesting for dramas sake lol im surprised they dont spend more time on shengen, considering his popularity. 

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA JUNHAO FREAKING OUT over the fact that they only learned the dance for 40 mins. LOL thats the level of tyger + kou cong + shengen, i can imagine the struggle of the yang guang nan hai group in comparison AHAHA i just imagine him running down the hall freaking out like HOW DID THEY LEARN THE DANCE IN JUST ONE CLASS WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE 

lollll “theyre all dachang boys” “theyre all zhang yixing’s students” HAHAHAH you know even though he is slightly struggling compared to the rest, he aint bad and theyre all taking it light hearted with laughter so seems like a good learning environment! and he’s confident he’ll get it LOL thats good! i think thats what makes him so amusing 

HAHAHA i love how lin mo just keeps giggling at junhao like he genuinely just finds him so amusing LOL yay for making new friends 

awww bc junhao’s always been a leader i feel like for him to finally feel like hes being taken care of is so nice. i have absolute confidence that this group will treat him kindly. AW HE CALLED HIM MOMO 

im still disappointed they have YET to show zhan yu’s funny/strange personality and this wouldve been a great opportunity bc hes surrounded by friends he’s comfortable with!! like his friendship with kou cong! or akey and lin mo! but sigh...

THEY PUT ZHAN YU IN THE FRONT FOR THE SEXUAL LINE HAHAHHA PERFECT BUT I SEE LIN MO BEING ONE OF THE ONLY ONES NOT SHOWING HIS ABS HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

wow the lyrics are so fitting for lin mo to scream LOL but also ay his vocals?! aw im glad they put in a little rap for shengen and akey! honestly was kinda hoping for more bc they havent had a proper stage together before and i feel like itd be awesome but also junhao and zhan yu vocalization at the end was on point!!

lol all the kids being like zhang pd’s words are so detailed and professional... sigh theyve been missing out until now 

im glad they really pointed out how each member of this team did well! they really all did a great job with each of their parts, and they each got a little part to shine, and when put together, it was a complete performance. im proud of them and happy for them!

aw.... i feel like we’ve been waiting so long to hear lin mo get complimented.... i feel like it’s been since qcyn namanana that we’ve been waiting for him to redeem himself and climb back up to the peak. ugh its been nearly a year and a half. im just so terrified of whats gonna happen next bc im way too skeptical at this point to expect this high to continue, esp with what happened after namanana last time......... but for now, im happy. relieved hes finally getting the recognition he deserves and im happy that hes happy. lol i was also half scared we were gonna get spirit of the knight-ed again with his pink hair (nightmare flashbacks to lin mo and changxi’s deletion from that perf) i dont think ill ever get over that :( i feel like as a lin mo stan, ive been trained to not keep my hopes up and to prepare for the worst bc hes the type of person who just always gets the short end of the stick, it feels like. 

aw the part when they go back to the waiting room and jin fan is waiting for them with an encouraging smile and the whole exchange of "帥的真的帥的" "哇~可以吧" "我沒想到" "那必須的" our leader did them proud :’) 

ugh the part where luo jie calls them and tells them he can’t come back........ heart breaking. i can see why lin ran and xikan would be really affected. lin ran has been luo jie’s go-to since he left and knowing how their usual friendship involves making fun of one another and jokingly complaining about each other, it hits hard when lin ran says he cried his eyes out. it hurts that they didnt get to share the stage again before he left. xikan may not have shared the stage with luo jie during ip, but hes known him since then and has been with him through both rounds here. it interesting bc i feel like the namanana perf was very light hearted on qcyn but i cant see that happening here, esp with their outfits? 

aw shiwei and chaowen taking charge to raise their spirits :’) 

lin ran’s voice fits so well with this song wow! i really like his lines! also lol i didnt know xikan would have abs but okay and tbh im always hesitant about dances with props bc it always is so easy to look messy..... like every slight difference in angle in the way you hold your arms is immediately magnified 

and like sxl’s fan is obviously broken and having performed fan dances myself i know that that’s like the most annoying thing to happen on stage, and can be really difficult to deal with, even tho it happens ALL THE TIME with those types of fans ugh :( 

i mean its super kind of them to leave luo jie’s space empty for him, but its kinda weird to have parts of the audio missing sadly :( and also chaowen’s voice did something weird in the middle there, like its sounds weirdly weak 

wait didnt yixing tell them to close the fan? but they didnt? 

xikan’s facial expressions are perfecttt, good for him! wish they gave more screen time to shiwei during shiwei’s lines lol... but also i cant help but hear lin mo’s voice during that part LOL ugh speaking of which i miss that team dynamic namanana team a on qcyn HAHAHAH hwx being a brat and fjj running around wild and lin mo giving up on them all just laughing like idiots for hours on end while bo yuan just judges them from a corner LOL i love the beginning of the wenxuan and lin mo friendship good times :’)  

HAHAH ENYU AGAIN WITH THE REALEST COMMENTS - i agree AHHAHAH i love these kids too but there was something off about this stage 

im surprised but also not surprised by what the judges are saying 

o didnt realize sxl was supposed to be center but i guess that explains the big puffy thing on his shoulder lol.......... agree with cx tho, even without his broken fan, i think the fans made them look worse bc it just looked messy 

well idk if we’re getting all the stages today but at least jin fan’s is also getting aired! TYGER HUG FOR JIN FAN YESS

jin fan teaching them dance? yes thank you for showing us he is a good dancer. oof jin fan’s just too nice :( hes trying to avoid conflict too much that it caused conflict smh......... lol oscar trying to talk to su er hes having such struggle i feel that bro LOL hes doing really well though, tbh being relatively young, hes really trying his best and is being reasonable. 

LOL HE CALLED HIM JIN FAN GE i forgot jin fan is considered old lol..... jin fan really taking the higher road here and im glad they sat together and talked it out a bit

THE JIN FAN VOICE YESSSS hahahhaha kou cong holding the tyger sign!!

oo is that some of his bel canto-style singing coming through LOL 

AY NICE for hong weihao and oscar to put in some rap 

some of those high notes were a bit questionable at the end but okay jin fan is really claiming that vocal + dance teacher role i see.... interesting 

but agree with yixing that he doesnt need to force himself to do high notes bc his voice is so nice regardless!! yay for oscar getting recognition! im still waiting for jin fan to do a cool dance performance sigh

wasnt expecting an enyu feature BUT ILL TAKE IT 

oof huang enyu saying hes really trying to put himself out there by going for leader and the realest comment that he hasnt considered getting to debut he just wants to pass this round oof and he feels like his opportunities may be cut short bc hes getting old oof

enyu and chenxu crying watching the movie 

AW THEIR HAHA VIDEOS ARE THE CUTEST THING I LOVE THESE KIDSSS so sad that so many of them are at risk of elimination :(  im glad these vocals made their own friend group! I hope itll be a memory they carry forward. they do all have shared experiences as vocals on this show. 

this reaction to junrong’s voice

same tho :’) but actually all of their voices are so so nice like actually these 5 are all people whose voices ive really listened for on this show, but wow renyu’s voice in particular like really ugh just sounds so pure 

also enyu looks really nice in this performance but thats a side note okay moving on

i mean literally these reactions

and li hao crying while singing and so many kids in the waiting room crying while watching OOF this perf has got me emotional 

HAHAHHAHA THEIR INTROS HAHAHHA

UGH ENYU his plea just.... the way he yelled it bc it mustve taken courage and it mustve been a frustration on his mind for a while now and bc maybe he wouldve broken down if he hadnt yelled it out but im really crying now.... and its so out of character for him that you know he really really is feeling desperate and feels the need to speak out

lol wait gjm posted on weibo about him? is that why hes getting more attention lol..........

i really hope the vocals win :( 

no tygers in the next ep preview? hmmMMMMMmm okay 

well also interesting that they put the other 4 perfs with the elims...... seems sketch but at least most of my kids got to go this week ahhhhhh i feel bad for the other groups already. esp the ones with the kids who arent as popular... 

[shannonwhumps]

for the whump dialogue thing: either 4, 19, or 20! it’s up to you.

I’m gonna try and add them all together!!!!4: “I’m going to break your hand now. Please do try and keep the noise down.”19:  “The pain meds aren’t working! Don’t you hear him?” 20: “Bud, you can’t rest yet. Keep your eyes open.”

Peter doesn’t know how long it’s been. All he know is that he doesn’t remember a life before pain. He remembers breaking his collarbone, 2 ribs, and femur all on one night of patrolling and compared to this, that felt like nothing. 

This man, holding him in this dark basement for only God knows why, has hurt him in so many different ways, Peter can’t even start to compile a list of injuries. So much hurts that nothing truly hurts anymore. It hurts so much, it’s numb in the worst way. 

He doesn’t even know if he’s screaming anymore. His throat is too torn up to handle even a whisper. He must scream though because the man picks up his hand in his and holds it gently. His voice isn’t as gentle as his touch, but he’s not exactly soft-spoken either. “I’m going to break your hand now. Please do try to keep the noise down. Your constant screaming gives me such a headache.”

Peter would let out a sob at the warning earlier in his captivity, but now, a broken hand is nothing. It’ll probably just tickle--. 

“Break his hand and I’ll break your fucking neck.” 

That voice...that voice is familiar. It makes Peter feel safer than he has in weeks. It’s been a while since he’s heard it. It’s been a while since he believed he’d hear it again. 

The man holding him goes still and Peter can see the fear in his eyes as they widen. He turns his head over his shoulder and then Peter can see him. The light shining from behind him outlines him like an angel. His guardian angel. 

“Stark--?” He doesn’t even finish his sentence before Tony is punching him across the face and he drops to the floor. Even though he doesn’t get up and Peter knows he’s unconscious, it doesn’t make him feel any more relieved. Feeling relieved is just an easy way to let his guard down and let more pain in. 

So, even though he was safe and out of danger, he didn’t move. He was never truly safe. Not down here. Not with this man. 

Tony barely spares that man on the ground another look as he took a step closer. He reaches a hand out but didn’t stopped just before it came near him as Peter felt his body flinch. Or at least he thinks it flinched. He isn’t sure what his body does anymore. He tries to distance himself from it. It’s easier to deal with the pain that way. 

“Pete, it’s me. It’s Tony...” His voice is quiet and not how Peter remembers it. “I’m gonna take you home now.” 

Peter lets out a gruntled whine involuntarily. He can’t leave. That’s against the rules and he knows the consequences of not listening. He doesn’t want that lesson repeated. So he stares ahead and blinks. 

Tony looks more worried and his eyes are watery. Peter wants to fall into his arms like he’s imagined in every rescue scenario, but now he’s terrified. “Buddy,” he tries again, his voice cracking, “it’s me. You’re okay. You’re safe.” 

Peter lets out a whimper he wishes he could have held back because he only seems even more pathetic. His eyes flicker down to the man unconscious on the floor. 

Tony follows his gaze and just like always, he knows exactly what to say when Peter says nothing at all. He turns around to someone behind him (Peter can’t bring himself to focus on who it is) and snaps, “Get this prick out of here and away from the kid. Now!”

Two men come running in and drag the limp body away. Peter waits for the body to disappear and a moment longer to make sure he’s not coming back. He looks around the room, waiting for someone to jump out and prove this is all a trick. Tony really isn’t here. He’s dreaming. It’s a dream. But nothing happens. Tony stays there, looking realer than he ever has and Peter stares. Tony is patient and doesn’t rush him. 

Peter fidgets once and lets out another whine, but it’s all his body can do. He hasn’t spoken in...well, Peter’s lost count. He lifts his handcuffed hands towards Tony slowly and still, Tony doesn’t move. He’s waiting. Peter can’t do much with the restraints so he wiggles his fingers beseechingly and then Tony asks, “Can I hold you?” 

Peter nods his head, desperately. Tony leans forward and wraps his arms around Peter. He doesn’t care that Peter is filthy with dirt and blood; the man only showered him down with cold water every few days. He pulls Peter in so close to his chest Peter feels like he can’t breathe. But, it’s not like the ‘can’t breathe’ when the man held his head under water. It’s the ‘can’t breathe’ he’s forgot how good it felt just to be...hugged. Just to be touched in a way that caused him no pain. 

He fell into his arms and melted into the embrace. Tony holding him so securely, his heart beating against Peter’s ear, the soft words Tony is mumbling to him, the way Tony’s hand finds its way into his curls...it breaks him. It breaks the shell he’s built up and he lets it all go at once. He feels the pain-- he feels every last bit of it and he sobs. 

Tony pulls him in closer and his own voice sounds close to breaking. “I’ve got you, Petey. It’s going to be okay.” 

Peter knows this. Now that Tony is here, he knows it’s going to be okay. He’s nowhere safer than in Tony’s arms. So he relaxes in his hold and lets his eyes flutter shut after countless sleepless nights. 

Tony doesn’t like that idea. “Bud, you can’t rest yet. Keep your eyes open.”

Peter grunts but doesn’t open his eyes. He just wants to sleep. 

Tony pulls back and Peter whines at the loss of contact. “You cannot sleep. You need to get checked out.” He looks Peter over and he can only imagine what he looks like...chained up in his boxers, covered in bruises, blood, and welts. It’s pathetic. He’s pathetic. He can’t stop the next sob that leaves him. Tony cups his face and Peter leans into the touch. He lets his eyes shut for good this time despite Tony’s voice in his ear telling him to stay awake. 

He needs the sleep and he’s safe. So he does. 

--

He wakes up to a burning pain in his leg. Everything hurts. It’s all on fire and it’s too much for him to deal with. But there’s an even worse pressure on his leg. He’s not sure what he did-- he fell asleep. He isn’t supposed to sleep. That’s why the man is punishing him. 

Peter tries to hold back the cries. He’s not allowed to make a sound. He bites so hard on his lip, he tastes the blood. He’s been bleeding so much, he’s surprised there’s any left. But there is. And the blood he draws from his fills his mouth with a metallic taste. 

He can handle the pain on his leg until the same feeling starts in the other one. Is the man breaking his legs again? But he didn’t try to escape! He stayed still-- he didn’t move! 

Something snaps in his leg and he he can’t hold back the scream that rips through his throat. He thrashes before he can remember that he’s not supposed to move when he’s being hurt. He’s supposed to sit through the lesson and take it without complaint. But when one scream comes out, he can’t stop the rest. He only stops when he needs to take in a deep breath. 

“The pain meds aren’t working!” He hears a voice shout, sounding angry and scared. “Don’t you hear him?”

“There’s nothing-- we need to reset these bones, Stark! We already knew the meds might not work. It’s chance we had to take.” 

Peter cries out, wishing he can beg for them to stop, but that would require talking. He isn’t allowed to do that. So, he cries. 

“He’s in pain. Dammit, stop!” The voice is closer. 

“I told you you’d need to leave if you got too upset,” the woman warned. “I’ll ask you to leave if you don’t stop.” 

There’s another hand on him again. This time holding holding his hand, much more gentle than the other hands breaking his body. It reminds him of they way Tony held him in that dream. It had to be a dream because if he were back home and safe, why would Tony let them continue to hurt him? He wouldn’t. 

He hears his voice though. And maybe it’s in his head. Probably because there’s no other way he’d hear it over his screaming. But it brings a sliver of comfort to him. The voice is safe. The voice is home. “You’re okay, Pete. You’re okay. I’m right here and I will never leave. Not again.” 

[fiftyshadesgrl]

He saved me/ part 6

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationship. When things take a turn for the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: this story will have smut, violence, language, abuse, and torture. If you are triggered by any of this then i suggest you not to read.

I sat down on the bed and sorted through the bags and decided that since it was just a local bar theres no need to dress up to much. For some reason though i felt the urge to look nice, for dean. So i picked out a black strapless shirt, some ripped jean shorts, a red flannel and some sandals. I walked into the bathroom and showered with the new shampoo and body wash i bought. It was called lust, fitting for the occasion. I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my hair and then one around myself.

I stood in front of the mirror and applied some makeup, i went for a smoky eye look and some dark purple lipstick. After i got dressed i towel dried my hair and left it in waves down my back. I started to get nervous hoping dean would think i looked okay. I applied some perfume of the same brand as my body wash and shampoo and put in some small hoop earrings.

A soft knock on my door brought me out of my thoughts. "(Y/N), you ready? Sammys not going so its just us."

Oh great i thought. Now my stomach was really doing flips thinking i was going to be alone with dean tonight. "Yeah, just a few more minutes."

Dean must have walked away because no other sound came from the other side of the door. I looked in the mirror adjusted my shirt, my shorts, fluffed my hair. Obviously i was stalling because of the fear that dean wouldnt like the way i looked.

I took a deep breath and walked to the bedroom door, hand on the door knob my heart was racing. Its now or never. I turned the knob and opened the door, and gasped as deans eyes met mine.

His mouth fell open as he looked me up and down. My eyes fell to the floor as his gaze went from my toes to my head. "Holy shit." Dean whispered.

I closed my eyes waiting for the next words to come out of his mouth. His finger under my chin raised my eyes up to meet his. "Youre so fuckin beautiful."

I blushed and tried to look away but he wouldnt let me. He smiled and ran his fingers over my cheek, he leaned in as if he was going to kiss me then he pulled back. "Lets get going, dont want all the good tables to be gone."

I sighed and nodded, even if dean thought i did look good doesnt mean he wanted me. I walked slowly behind him and waved at sam who was sitting in the library again reading this time. "Dont wait up." Dean said over his shoulder. Sam nodded but i doubt dean saw it and he went back to his reading.

Sitting in the bar was way different than i thought it would be. The air was thick with smoke and the smell of alcohol, there was no bikers sitting at the bar like i had imagined. There was actually just a handful of people here. Dean and i got a booth in the back where it was secluded. I slid in the booth and dean slid in right next to me.

The waitress came over swaying her hips and batting her eyes at dean. He didnt pay much attention to her but it didnt keep her from trying. "Two beers, two shot glasses and a bottle of whiskey." Dean said cooly still not paying attention to her.

She placed her hands on the table and leaned in close to dean. Showing her clevage to him, "you sure thats all i can get you?" She said seductively as she glanced over at me.

Dean gave her a quick glance, "yeah, thanks." Then he turned his attention back to me. The waitress huffed and walked back over to the bar. She came back soon after and placed our drinks on the table with more force than she needed to and never said another word.

Shot after shot i began to lose track of time. I began to feel fuzzy and more relaxed as the night went on. Dean and i were laughing and having a great time, every now and then we would share little touches or glances at each other.

"Im really glad you decided to come out with me tonight. You deserved it." Dean said brushing my hair over my ear.

I leaned into his touch and sighed at how it made me tingle all over. "Im glad you asked." Dean smiled as i took another shot. "Ya know, parker never took me out like this. He always kept me under lock and key all the time while he went out and cheated on me and done god knows what."

Dean shook his head and opened his mouth to say something but i cut him off. "But you, not you. I wish i had met you before i did him. I wouldve jumped you the moment i laid eyes on you."

Dean chuckled and took a shot. "Thats the whiskey talking."

I shook my head which made me dizzy. I swayed sideways and fell onto deans chest. He wraped his arm around me, i smiled up at him as he smiled down at me. I licked my lips as my eyes focused on his.

I stretched my neck and kissed him, at first he didnt respond but then his arm tightend around me as he deepend the kiss. Our tongues tangled with one anothers and a small moan escaped my lips. He growled as my hand rested on his thigh and started moving upwards.

He pulled away from the kiss and i could see the lust in his eyes. "Come on, we need to go home." I nodded and smiled knowingly up at him. He just threw some money on the table and guided me out to the impala.

I slid in through the drivers side and sat in the middle. Dean sat next to me his breathing was harder than it was earlier. He sat there with a death grip on the steering wheel. I leaned close to his ear and peppered his neck and jaw with little kisses and i flicked my tongue out to lick in some spots.

"Fuck." Dean cursed under his breath. I ran my hand up his thigh to rest on his belt. I fumbled to get the belt loose but dean stopped me.

"(Y/N), what are you doing" dean asked in a whisper.

"Whatd ya think?" I asked slurring my words together. I unbuttoned my flannel and tossed it in the backseat. I moved down to my shorts and started unbuttoning them when dean placed his hand over mine.

"For fucks sake, stop trying to take your clothes off." He growled as he grabbed my flannel and placed it in my lap.

"You wanna do it?" I smiled at him.

He shook his head as he turned back around in his seat. He started the impala and before he pulled out of the parking lot he said, "no, not here not now."

I huffed and slung my flannel back over my shoulders and tried to cover up as much as possible. This makes the second time hes rejected me. There wont be a third.

I didnt say another word to him until we got to the bunker. "Thanks for tonight dean." It came out in a cold flat voice. I opened my door and stumbled out, dean was there before i knew it. He picked me up and i shoved at his chest.

"Put me down, i can fuggin walk." I slurred and pushed against him again. He just carried me down the stairs and into my room. He placed me on the bed and before i even hit the pillow i was out.

The next morning

My eyes slowly opened and i felt the throb in my temples. I groaned and rubbed my eyes, they felt like they had sand in them. Then it hit me, i felt the bile rise up in my throat. I jumped out of bed quickly and ran to the bathroom and just barely made it to the toilet. Even after i had emptied my entire stomach i dry heaved for several minutes.

I flushed the toilet and walked over to the sink to brush my teeth. After i was done i splashed cold water on my face to try to take away some of this hangover. I slid down to the floor and rested my head back against the counter. I closed my eyes hoping that would help this horrible headache go away.

"I would say good morning but it looks like youre having it rough." I heard deans voice come from the doorway. I cracked my left eye open and seen him standing there with a glass of water and something else in his hand.

He knelt down in front of me and handed me the water. He opened his hand and there was two pills settled on his palm. "Take these asprin, itll help with your headache."

I grabbed them hastily and drank the entire glass of water. I leaned my head back again and whispered a quick thank you. I figured dean would leave but he didnt.

I opened my eyes and looked over at him, "im never drinking like that again." He chuckled and sat down on the floor next to me.

"You just gotta know your limit." He said quietly. I sighed as a comfortable silence filled the room. We sat there for i dont know how long and my head finally started easing off.

"I think im going to take me a shower now since my head has quit spinning." I said raising my head up. I looked down and noticed i was in one of deans shirts and nothing else. He helped me up off the floor but stayed standing in front of me holding my hands.

"Did you undress me last night?" I asked looking him in the eyes.

He nodded, "yeah i figured what you had on would be uncomfortable. I knew you liked my shirts so i gave you mine that i had on." He said smiling. He touched my cheek with his hand and ran his finger across it.

I sighed and leaned into his touch, then the memory of last night came into my mind. I know it was the alcohol that made me do what i did but it doesnt mean that i didnt mean it.

I opened my mouth then closed it again, not knowing what to say. He cleared his throat and took his hand off my cheek. "I guess ill leave you to it." He turned and walked towards the door.

"Dean." I said stopping him from leaving. He turned back towards me, his eyes burning with emotion. His breathing rough and fast. "I remember what happened last night. In the bar and in the car."

He just stood there looking at me, waiting.

"It wasnt just the whiskey." I said quietly. I noticed his fists clenching and his jaw muscle ticked. He closed his eyes and turned and walked out the door. Never saying anything.

I looked in the mirror and my god i was a mess. Yesterdays makeup was strewn down my face my lipstick smeared and my hair. Lord my hair was nothing but a fuzz ball.

I turned the shower on and washed everything from last night away. An hour later when the water had gone cold i stepped out and wrapped a towel around me. I grabbed deans shirt from the floor and brought it to my face and inhaled his amazing scent.

I walked back into my bedroom and grabbed a pair of shorts and i put deans flannel back on. I wanted to keep him close to me for a little while longer.

@an-unhealthy-obsession

[beckzorz]

PREMONITIONS 2 (2/8)

or, Adventures in Pursuit of a Seven-Year-Old Seer

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Words: 1662 Summary: It’s been over a year since you met Bucky, and you couldn’t be happier. If only you could figure out why your precognitive niece is burying you in abstract crayon art… A/N: Happy new year!

Part 1

Your phone slips out of your hand and clatters on the ground at your feet. Blood rushes in your ears. You run to the front door, pull on your coat and boots, and yank open your door. Before you lock up, you remember your phone. You run back in and grab it. In another thirty seconds you’re in the street, trying to flag down a taxi. The freezing air stings your cheeks, your legs, but nothing compares to the terror flaring in your chest.

What the hell is happening? What was that call? Where is Gemma? Is Matt okay? What about Sarah?

Where is Gemma?

A taxi finally pulls over for you. You rattle off Matt’s address. “Hurry,” you add, voice catching. “It’s an emergency!”

The driver peels away from the curb. You can’t relax; you lean forward, breathing down your driver’s neck, not even buckled until he nervously asks you to sit back. Even then, you’re trembling, your blood pounding. You stuff your hands between your knees, but they’re shaking too.

Ten minutes never have never gone by by so slow.

The second he pulls up to Matt’s house, you open the door. You’re half out of the cab before you remember you need to pay. “Shit shit shit,” you mumble. Your purse is still hanging on its hook by the door back home.

You stare up at Gemma’s open window as you dig through your coat pockets. By some miracle, you find a twenty.

“Here, take it, keep the change,” you blurt, throwing the bill at the driver. You slam the car door shut and squeeze between the parked cars in front of Matt’s house.

The front door is unlocked. You burst inside, heart in your throat.

You freeze.

Half the stair runners are askew, and Gemma’s winter gear is strewn haphazardly across the living room. One of the couch pillows is in the kitchen doorway. You inch forward, barely breathing. The slow cooker is on the floor, and Sarah’s mulled cider is in a brown puddle across the floor, soaking into the pillow. A strangled sob escapes your throat.

You run upstairs to Gemma’s room. It’s empty, cold… The window is still open. Scribbled-upon papers litter the floor, covered in crayon and pen. Gemma’s bed isn’t made—but then again, it never is. You fall to your knees and press your hands to her bare sheets, willing them to reveal your niece. What’s happened to her? What’s happened to your brother?

In your pocket, your phone starts buzzing.

You flinch in surprise. Damn it, you should have called the cops by now! You pull your phone out and stare blankly at the screen before registering that it’s Bucky calling.

Thank god.

“Bucky!”

“Hey darlin’, how are y—”

“Matt and Gemma are missing!” you cry.

“What?”

You collapse onto Gemma’s bed. “Matt called and he said Gemma was missing and then someone else was there and the line went dead and now they’re gone and—”

“Woah, woah, hey, calm down,” Bucky interrupts. “Where are you?”

“Their house.” You sniff. “I haven’t even called the police, I just… ran over.”

“Okay. Okay.” Bucky is quiet for a moment, but you can hear his breathing accelerating. “I’m on my way there now. I’m going to call Steve, okay? If this is about what I think it’s about, we’ll be able to do more than the police. Okay?”

You bite your lip to keep your crying quiet. Instincts from the days before Bucky—most of your life, really—all want you to hang up and call the police. But Bucky’s not wrong. The Winter Soldier and Captain America have more resources at the arsenal than every police force in America. Probably.

“Y-yeah. Okay,” you tell him. “When will you be here?”

“Soon,” he says. “Where’s Sarah?”

“I—I don’t know. Her cider’s all over the kitchen floor…”

“Can you call her?”

“Um, okay. Yeah.” You sit up slowly. Your head is spinning, but you nod. “I can do that.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Bucky promises. “Call Sarah, and I’ll be there before you know it.” He pauses. “We’ll figure it out. It’ll be okay, darlin’. I promise.”

“Okay.”

You hang up. What else is there to say?

When you call Sarah’s phone, it rings from their bedroom next door. Your heart drops.

No one answers.

“Hello?” you call.

No one answers.

If Sarah is with her phone, why didn’t she answer it? Why would she ignore you?

She wouldn’t. She never has. The only options that come to mind are that she’s missing too—or she’s lying prone in her bedroom. Dead or unconscious.

You bolt to your feet and fly into the other bedroom.

An ounce of tension lifts from your shoulders. The bedroom’s empty; Sarah’s not here. At least she’s not dead—not that you can see. You still have no idea what’s going on, but at least you haven’t seen any dead bodies today.

“Darlin’?”

You jump. It’s Bucky. “Up here!”

Two sets of footsteps pound up the stairs. Two? You spin to face Bucky, who buries you in his arms without preamble. Over his shoulder, you see Steve going straight into Gemma’s room, his face drawn and focused. You close your eyes and let yourself relax into Bucky’s hold, burying your face in his chest.

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs. His metal hand is secure across your back; the other is on your neck, warm and grounding.

“Oh god, thank god you’re here,” you whisper. You pull back. There are wet spot on Bucky’s shirt, and you lift your hands to your cheeks in surprise. Oh. You’re crying.

Bucky brushes your tears away, his eyes soft but his mouth set. “We’re going to find them. And then we’re going to make sure nothing like this every happens again.”

Bucky and Steve go through the upstairs one room at a time. You hover along behind them, trying not to get in their way, but the house isn’t big and those two aren’t exactly small. Every other minute, you’re in their way. But they never send you away. Bucky’s focused on studying the rooms, looking for clues, but he says nothing.

When they move downstairs, you linger in Gemma’s room. You kneel at her bedside again, tracing the empty indent on her pillow. God, what’s happened to her? Your sweet niece, with her happy laugh and her stubborn determination and her ominous certainty—

You put your head against the spot where she sleeps, wishing you could close your eyes and hear her breathing, hear her heartbeat, hear anything that would reassure you she’s alive.

Downstairs, Steve and Bucky start to talk. You sit up and listen hard.

“This has to be about her powers,” Bucky says.

“I agree.” Steve sighs. “What’s the plan?”

“What’re you askin’ me for?”

“She’s your… dammit, I’ve never even been here before, Buck! You know these people.”

A thump—did Bucky punch something? You hope he didn’t leave a dent.

“Keep it together, Buck,” Steve hisses. “Your girl’s upstairs!”

Before Steve finishes, you can hear Bucky stomping up to you. By the time he reaches you, you’re sitting on Gemma’s bed, your hands between your knees. You can’t imagine what you look like, what with the crying and the terror, but Bucky doesn’t comment. All he does is kneel at your feet and take your hands in his. He stares up at you with tender concern.

“How are you doing?” he murmurs. You shake your head, unable to meet his eyes.

“I don’t know. I keep wishing her damn bed would tell me where she is.” You force a laugh. “Crazy, right?”

Bucky joins you on the bed and pulls you into his arms. “No,” he says. “Not crazy.” He settles his chin on your head. “I’m sorry to do this, but can you tell me about the phone call?”

You tell him as much as you can. The phone call, your harried trip over, your exploration of the abandoned house. He listens in silence.

“—and to think, I was going to have a nice night,” you finish with a sniff, thinking of the unlit candles and the pie no doubt setting off fire alarms in your oven and the new lingerie. What was all of that against your brother, his wife, your niece? “God. That sounds so selfish.”

“Trust me,” Bucky says, pulling back, “it’s not.” He kisses away the tears clinging to your cheeks, then tugs you back against him for a last, brief hug. When he pulls back, the dismay is clear on his face. “I don’t want to leave you. But I—we, Steve and me, need to get to the bottom of this.”

“I’ll be okay,” you say. You’re pretty sure it’s a lie, but what does that matter? “Go. Find them. Save them, and then come home safe.”

Bucky squeezed your hands. He studies your face, his blue eyes intent as if he were memorizing you. “Yes, ma’am.”

After Bucky and Steve leave, you call the police as instructed. It’s easier to tell the story this time. Or maybe you’re just numb.

Either way, you let them take your statement. You let them root around your brother’s empty house. You let them bring you out of Gemma’s room, downstairs, outsi—

“Wait,” you blurt.

You turn and rush back inside, back upstairs, and into Gemma’s room.

“This is a crime scene!” one of the officers says, running after you. She tries to grab your arm, but misses as you kneel on the floor and pick up a piece of paper.

Your heart pounds. It’s one of Gemma’s drawings. All the other pages on the floor are pictures of people, of animals, of houses or rocks or flowers. This one, though?

This one is abstract.

You stare at the paper clutched in your hands as the officer leads you back outside. Her lecture goes in one ear and out the other.

Gemma, you think, what are you trying to say?

Read Part 3 here!

[crownedbyluke]

Long Road Ahead (Chapter One)

Estelle Finley has been friends with Ashton Irwin and Luke Hemmings for three years. When the boys bring her along on a jam-packed road trip to Cape Cod with the rest of the band, their adventures are just beginning. Through long hours driving, exploring cities, and hidden secrets, something more is bound to happen on this journey. How will this road trip change Estelle’s friendship with the friends she’s come to love so dearly?

Word Count: 3,480

Masterlist.

Luke’s blue eyes and Ashton’s hazel eyes were staring at me. I was used to their weird looks, but there was something in them I hadn’t seen before.

“Whatever it is, you might as well tell me before your eyes burst out of your heads,” I said while walking over to my desk.

“What are you talking about?” Ashton asked, a hitch in his voice giving him away.

“You both are staring at me, which usually means you have to tell me something. So come on,” I said, looking through some of the papers that were out.

“I told you she’d know,” Luke said making me laugh.

“Ugh fine. Estelle, stop being in teacher mode” Ashton teased making me laugh more.

I raised my hands up in surrender before turning to face them. I met Luke’s eyes and a shiver ran through me. I should have been used to it, but no matter how many times it happened in the three years we’ve been friends, it still took me by surprise.

“We’re going on a road trip and you’re coming with us,” Ashton said taking my eyes off of Luke.

“What? No I’m not,” I said shaking my head.

“Yes you are. You’re coming with us, Mikey, Cal, and Crystal. Oh, and you should really start packing because we leave tomorrow at six in the morning,” Luke said, an unexpected confidence in his tone..

“What? No, you two are kidding,” I argued, not believing them for a second.

They loved playing pranks on me and if this was their latest one, I had every intention of making them regret it.

“We aren’t. Completely serious. No pranks and no jokes,” Ashton said, his eyes lit up.

“For how long?” I asked, turning back to look at my calendar.

As much as I wanted to agree and let them sweep me away, I had lesson plans to prepare.

“Well, it’ll take us fourteen days to get there and then we’ll be at our final destination for three weeks,” Ashton said, moving his fingers as if he was counting midair.

“Es, we’ll get you back in time to prep for school. I promise,” Luke reassured, his hands coming to rest on my shoulders.

There was a calm that came over me with his touch. It made it impossible to not give into them.

“And what am I supposed to pack?” I asked, tilting my head back to look at Luke.

The smile that lit up his face met those ocean eyes and I was sold on whatever we were doing.

“Lots of summer clothes, some swimsuits, but also a couple things that are warmer for nights,” Luke said quietly, his fingers squeezing my shoulders.

“Well if I know where we’re going, I could pack properly,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows at him.

“Nope. That’s a secret. Now, remember what Luke said, but put some nicer clothes in there too,” Ashton said, giving me his thousand watt smile.

I rolled my eyes at him before looking back up at Luke. There was something in his eyes that made me melt into his touch even more.

“Get to packing little dove. We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow,” he said, giving my shoulders another squeeze.

The blush came across my body from the pet name. It didn’t matter how many times he called me that, it still caused the same reaction. Ashton came over and gave me a quick hug. It felt like I was still in a trance when I heard them close my apartment door.

“Shit,” I mumbled before going to my hall closet door.

I pulled out my biggest suitcase and dragged it to my bedroom. The sound of my closet doors echoed against the walls. My wardrobe was still being transitioned to summer, but I had most of what I would need or at least, I hoped. My eyes wandered over the clothes before I pulled out my phone.

E: Crys, what the hell am I supposed to pack?

My fingers ghosted over my favorite white top, fond memories coming to mind. My phone buzzed in my pocket.

C: Plenty of shorts, tees and tanks, at least three swimsuits, some sundresses, some skirts, coverups, sneakers, sandals, and like one hoodie/sweater.

E: Oh my god. I’m guessing you won’t tell me where we’re going either?

C: Nope. Under strict instructions not to.

E: Damn it. Okay. I guess I’ll get packing then.

I sighed before tossing my phone onto my bed. I took the top I had been touching off the hanger and gently placed it on my shoulder.

“Only like forty more to go,” I said, my hands falling to my hips before getting started.

                                                         ➢➢➢

The blaring sound of my alarm woke me from the peaceful slumber I was in. I hit the button and checked the time. The red numbers flashed five in the morning. I pushed myself from my bed and headed to the kitchen. My finger pushed the start button on my espresso machine after placing a mug underneath it. My feet carried me to the bathroom for the shower I desperately needed. After ten minutes, I stepped out and got dressed in my comfy clothes for the drive. I quickly put my hair into a fishtail braid and went back to the kitchen. I added milk and ice to finish my iced mocha. I glanced down to check my watch. 5:20 A.M. I went to the fridge and pulled out the vanilla greek yogurt. After chopping up a banana, I started eating as quickly as I could so I would be ready in time. I checked my watch again. 5:40 A.M. I cleaned my dishes and went to my front door. The suitcase and backpack that I packed last night already by the door. I pulled on my gold sandals and black wide brimmed hat. Just as I was clasping the last sandal, the buzzer sounded.

“Ready Es?” Ashton’s voice crackled over the speaker.

“Yep. Come on up,” I said, finger pressing to let him up.

The sun was starting to peek through the linen curtains. I cracked my door for Ash before walking over my balcony window. I snapped a quick picture, the calm of the view washing over me. There was a part of me that just wished I could stare at the sunrise for an infinite amount of time, before I was brought back to the world around me.

“Let’s go Es,” Ashton said from behind me.

I walked back over to him and grabbed my backpack.

“Still not telling me?” I asked while locking up.

“Nope,” he said, giving me a wink over the shoulder before heading down to the elevator.

We left my apartment building, a gray Range Rover idling by the curb when we walked out. Ashton hauled my suitcase into the back while I opened the door.

“Good morning little dove,” Luke said after I opened the door.

“Good morning giraffe,” I said, crawling in.

I found myself between the window and Luke with Calum on his other side. Ashton climbed into the single seat in the back.

“And we’re off!” Michael cheered from the driver’s seat.

Crystal cheered from the passenger seat to encourage him even though it was early. Her phone was hooked up to the aux, making her the DJ for the first portion of our trip.

“Mike and Crystal are driving until noon, then Cal and Ash will take over for three hours,” Luke said once we pulled away.

He was reading from a notebook that had different times written in it.

“Do I get to do any driving?” I asked, testing him.

His laugh rang in my ears before I saw his smile.

“Maybe later, but you don’t know where we’re going so you’re gonna have to wait,” he said, nudging my shoulder.

I groaned before looking out the window. California was passing by and it was hard to believe that I was really doing this with them. My ears caught the bassline of Move On by Mike Posner. My head bobbed along to the song before Calum and I looked at each other. We moved in sync with the bassline, both of us appreciating it for exactly what it was. I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up when Calum tried dancing along. Luke looked at us like we were crazy before joining us in the groove. I caught Ashton filming us and gave him a wink. We laughed once the song was over.

                                                          ➢➢➢

Time was flying by. Luke was driving and I had a sleeping Ashton on my shoulder, Crystal nodding off next to him. I still had no idea where we were headed, but now that it was dark, it was harder to tell anyways. No matter how hard I tried to get it out of everyone, they wouldn’t tell me. I knew we had been driving for awhile, but there was no indication for how much longer we were going to be. I caught Luke’s eye in the rearview mirror. It was simple, but it made everything I was feeling more complicated. I tried ignoring and figuring out how I felt about Luke so many times. Each time, I came up with no concrete answers. What it always came down to was that he was one of my best friends and to jeopardize that because of some feelings wasn’t something I would do. My thoughts faded away when I heard the guitar from I Was Made For Loving You by Tori Kelly and Ed Sheeran. My eyes met brown this time, a strange feeling of understanding between me and Calum flooded my senses.

“It’s Crystal’s turn,” Calum said, breaking the moment between us.

Luke nodded.

“Let me find a gas station,” he said, eyes searching the signs to find one.

I adjusted a little so Ashton’s head wasn’t digging into my shoulder.

“Well, Estelle is my co-pilot because you lot keep hogging the passenger seat,” Crystal said, making me laugh.

“Ash,” I whispered, gently squeezing his shoulder.

“Essie?” he asked, eyes still closed.

“I have to get up,” I said, threading my fingers through his hair.

“But you make such a good pillow,” he almost whined.

“I know. You can use my pillow if you want,” I offered, smiling down at him.

There was a fondness I felt for Ash in that moment. He looked so young and stress free when he was asleep. I ran my fingers through his hair one more time. Luke pulled into the gas station parking lot.

“Coffee Es?” Crystal asked while opening the door.

“You know it,” I said, getting out of my seat.

I put my pillow in Ashton’s lap and pressed a quick kiss to his temple. Crystal and I were the only ones that went inside.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom quick,” I said, heading to the back of the store.

I passed a rack of postcards making me stop instantly. Colorado landscapes and greetings from Colorado were everywhere. I went to the bathroom quick and picked one out. I grabbed a few snacks before heading back to the car. I put the postcard on the dash.

“We’re in Colorado,” I said getting Luke and Crystal’s attention.

“Shit. Okay, yeah,” Luke said, sighing a little now that his surprise was ruined.

“Luke, just tell her,” Crystal said, adjusting the seat a bit.

“Okay okay. Currently, we’re heading to St. Louis,” he said, a hint of relief in his tone.

“And I’m guessing that isn’t our final destination,” I said, taking a sip of the coffee Crystal got me.

“Nope. We’re in St. Louis for two days and then we’re off to Myrtle Beach for three days,” he said trailing off.

It was one of the many things Luke did when he wanted to keep things a surprise that drove me insane.

“Keep going,” I encouraged.

“Then in New York for four days,” he continued, the same trailing off happening.

“And then?” I asked, fully aware that there was more.

“We’re gonna be in Cape Cod for three weeks,” he said.

The excitement rushed through me causing me to turn around to look at Luke.

“You mean my number one place to visit?” I asked, thinking that I was dreaming.

“Yeah,” he said, a smirk on his face.

“Oh my god, Luke, this better not be a prank,” I said, my words coming out fast while I stared at him.

“Not a prank. I promise,” he said, holding out his pinkie.

I linked mine with his, the touch heating my skin. I turned back around, a giant grin on my face.

“DJ, please hit me with some jams,” Crystal joked, aux cord in hand.

“Well of course,” I responded, taking it from her and plugging my phone in.

It took me a moment before I found a song that fit the mood I was in. King Of the Clouds by Panic! At the Disco played through the speakers. I let the song wash over me, the words and vocals taking me away.

“I wanted to tell you when you texted yesterday, but Luke and Ash really wanted it to be a surprise,” Crystal said, bringing me back to reality.

“I’m glad it was a surprise though. It makes it that much better,” I said, unable to stop smiling.

“Look at them,” she whispered, turning the music down.

I looked in the rearview to see all of the boys asleep. Ashton had my pillow pressed against the window in the single seat while Luke, Calum, and Michael were lying on each other, their heads crooked into each other in different ways.

“They’ve gotta be used to sleeping in cars by now,” I said, looking over at her.

“You would think, but I know Mikey still struggles with falling asleep in cars. He always needs adjustment when he comes back,” she said, pushing her hair back.

“So does Luke. He usually stays at mine or makes me stay at his when he gets back because he hates being alone after tours,” I said, a small smile coming across my face.

“You sure that’s not because Luke has a thing for you?�� she asked, taking me by surprise.

“What? Luke doesn’t have a thing for me,” I dismissed, waving my hand at her.

My heart had picked up when she said it, but I had to push it away.

“Estelle, you’re joking right? I’ve known that boy for awhile now. I’ve seen him go through love and heartbreak. I know when he’s into someone,” she said, her eyes glancing over at me.

“Crystal, I’m telling you, he isn’t into me. We’re best friends and that’s it. That’s all we are now and all we’re ever going to be,” I said, a hint of frustration in my voice.

I had already convinced myself of this. As much as I wanted to believe Crystal, I couldn’t. That road lead to far more hope and rejection than I was able to handle.

“But the way he looks at you-”

“He looks at me like he’s always looked at me. Besides, if he did, the feelings wouldn’t be mutual,” I lied.

The words felt like they were burning my tongue as I said them. I turned to look out the window, my head full of daydreams that the smallest part of me wished would come true.

                                                        ➢➢➢

“Okay Ash, overnight shift,” Calum said after pulling into a gas station.

Calum’s voice woke me up, causing me to move my head off of Luke’s shoulder.

“Who’s my co-pilot?” he asked while getting out of the car.

“I’ll do it Ash,” I said, tying my hair into a loose bun.

“Essie, you were asleep,” he argued, staring at me.

“I’m awake now. Give me a coffee and I’ll be good,” I said getting out of the car.

“Fine. Let’s go get some snack too. It’s you and me for six hours so we should stock up,” he said, leading me into the gas station.

“I’ll get snacks. You get refreshments,” I said before we high fived and split up.

I grabbed chips, granola bars, some candy, and a couple sandwiches. Ash and I met at the counter, his arms full of drinks. He grabbed plenty of flavored water for me and soda for himself.

“I’m grabbing two coffees quick,” he said to the cashier.

He ran back and gave the short brunette the thousand watt smile. She blushed under his gaze. We took the bags from her and went back to the car.

“You are ridiculous,” I said while we settled in the car.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he laughed.

“Oh please. You flirt with everything that has a pulse,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Excuse you, but that’s Luke. I didn’t mean to flirt with her, but she was cute,” Ashton said, laughing again before pulling away from the gas station.

“You’re right, Luke does do that a lot,” I said, picking up my phone.

“Is that some jealousy I’m hearing?” he teased.

“No,” I said, hitting play on Nintendo Game by Alessia Cara.

“I’m kidding Essie,” he said.

“Yeah I know. Why did you guys pick Cape Cod?” I asked, taking the subject off me and Luke.

I opened a bag of cheddar sour cream chips and took a sip of the coffee Ashton got me. The bittersweetness ran over my tongue, just the way I liked it. Ashton always made sure the coffee he got me tasted just right.

“Well, I was personally tired of the same California beaches every summer and Cal wanted some place that was warm, but still pretty chill. Luke pitched Cape Cod and we all agreed,” he said with a shrug.

He made it sound so simple and easy, like it was just a walk in the park for them. Then again, the boys were always like this and it was always an adjustment at first, but I had found myself getting used to it.

“Who’s idea was it to bring me?” I asked, quickly eating a chip so he wouldn’t sense the nerves I had about the situation.

“Luke’s. He remembered how badly you wanted to go,” Ashton said like it was obvious.

“Yeah. It’s been my number one since high school,” I said quietly.

“I don’t get why you never went,” he said, taking a swig of his cream soda.

“My parents never wanted to and then during college, I just never got the chance or there wasn’t time. Now, yeah my career allows for vacation, but I didn’t think anyone would want to go,” I said shrugging it off.

“Well now you got us,” Ashton said giving me a smile.

“Yeah I do,” I said returning the smile.

                                                          ➢➢➢

“Ash, your shift is over. You two need some sleep,” Luke called from the back.

Ashton got off at the next exit. Despite my best efforts, I was exhausted. I climbed into the middle seat while Luke and Crystal took over. Ashton climbed in next to me.

“Get some sleep Essie,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to my temple.

I adjusted slightly until my head was on Ashton’s shoulder. A nudging woke me up a few hours later. I slowly sat up, my eyes adjusting to the new light.

“Welcome to St. Louis little dove,” Luke said, our eyes meeting in the rearview yet again.

I looked out the window immediately. A gasp escaped my mouth as I took in the view. There was water shining in the sun and the big arch took over the sky. Brick buildings and greenery were everywhere. It was absolutely breathtaking and one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. Luke parked in front of a brick building with two arches framing the doors.

“We’re here,” he said, eyes gleaming as he looked at the building.

“This is where we’re staying?” I asked while following everyone else’s lead at getting out.

“Yeah,” Ashton said handing me my suitcase.

We walked into the condo, the white walls taking me by surprise.

“Luke and I will take the double beds,” Ashton said.

I stopped in front of a single room with a gorgeous view of the city. I could see the water from the window and there was something about the way the arch was reflecting on it that made me smile.

“Estelle’s got this one!” Luke called after following Ashton.

I slowly walked into it, my breath gone again.

“Well, I guess this is real now,” I whispered, my fingers ghosting over the soft bed sheets.

It had felt like a dream until this moment, but everything about it still felt like I needed to be pinched. If it was all a dream, I never wanted to wake up.

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[the-three-evils]

Anger

Marvin skidded into the kitchen, gasping for breath. The others looked up from their discussion quickly, staring at the shaking and obviously scared ego.

“What has happened?” Henrik asked, standing slightly. Marvin’s breath was coming in short bursts, his eyes wide. He dropped his hands onto his knees, shutting his eyes and breathing for a long moment.

Jackie frowned, looking behind him, waiting for JJ to rush in after him. They had gone out together - where was the youngest ego?

“Where’s JJ?” Chase asked, echoing the worries in Jackie’s mind. Marvin looked up in a slight panic, then looked behind him.

“He - he was... he was right behind - behind me,” he gasped out. “I swear. He was right - right there.”

“Marvin?” Jackie asked, standing. What had happened? What had sacred Marvin so much? Where was JJ?

“I -” Marvin began, but suddenly Jackie couldn’t wait. He hurried to the door, pushing past Marvin and pounding down the hall.

He burst outside into the cold evening air and began hurrying down the path, nervousness and fear curling in his stomach. What had happened? Where was JJ?

“J!” he called, straining his ears for any sound of his baby brother. “Jamie!” Where are yo-”

His calls cut off as he took in a small lump on the grass, near the park. His breath caught in his throat, fear twisting even deeper into his heart.

“J? Is that you? You alright?” he asked softly as he rushed to the limp form’s side. To his horror, he saw he was right - it was JJ, limp, still, silent. Jackie muttered a curse, forcing himself to focus. He knew what to do - it wasn’t the first time he had found someone close to death.

First time he had found a brother like this though.

He dropped to his knees, feeling for a pulse on JJ’s neck only to recoil in horror - sticky wet blood coated his brother’s throat, invisible in the darkness of the night.

“Don’t you dare,” Jackie growled, gently slipping an arm under JJ’s neck. He slowly picked his brother up, JJ’s arm hanging limp as he stood.

“Jackie!” Chase was hurrying towards him. He skidded to a stop near Jackie, a curse escaping his lips. “Oh no. No, no, no. Marvin said Anti had… Oh no, Jem, please.”

“Get back to the house and tell Henrik to get a bed ready,” Jackie said sharply, sensing that Chase was about to lose it at the sight of his younger brother like this. “Go!” he snapped when Chase hesitated, and he nodded slowly, shaky breaths escaping him before he turned and sprinted away.

Jackie moved more slowly - as quickly as he could without putting JJ in danger but still far too slow. He didn’t even know if JJ was still alive.

Marvin was waiting at the door, his eyes wide and filled with guilt. He hurried alongside Jackie as the superhero carried the limp form of their younger brother towards Henrik.

“I - I thought he was behind me,” Marvin said, his eyes fixed on the red still seeping from JJ’s neck. “I’m sorry. I… this was my fault.”

“Don’t worry about that now,” Jackie growled as he arrived at the door Chase was holding open, his face ashen and worried.

Henrik was busy, hurrying around his clinic, gathering items, preparing tools, getting ready. He waved sharply in the direction of the operating table in the centre of the room and Jackie gently lowered JJ onto it.

“Now get out. I need to work and I cannot with you… ah… drängen den platz. Gehen. Raus!” He waved his hands frantically, leaning over JJ. Jackie let out a long breath, loath to leave while JJ’s fate was unsure. Henrik turned to glare at him, repeated Raus! again, and Jackie reluctantly left the room, ushering Marvin and Chase out the door as well.

“Give him space,” he said as he closed the door. “If anyone can save JJ, it’s Henrik.”

They didn’t go far. Chase slumped down the wall, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, one knee lifted. Marvin leaned against the wall beside the door, his arms crossed. Jackie began pacing, stepping up and down the hall.

They sat in silence for a long time, waiting. The scene kept repeating in Jackie’s head, JJ lying limp, the blood on his neck. He didn’t stop pacing, more thoughts beginning to invade.

You should have been better.

You should have protected him.

You let him down.

This is your fault.

Some hero you are.

“This is my fault,” Marvin muttered, breaking the horrible silence. Jackie stopped, turning to face him and shook his head.

“Please don’t blame yourself,” he said quietly. Chase didn’t move, pulling his hat further down over his eyes. Marvin shrugged, turning to Jackie.

“Don’t deny it, Jackieboy,” he said shortly. “I left him behind when Anti was chasing us. This is my fault. I should have made sure he was ahead of me. I should have stayed with him. I should have done something.”

He grabbed the ears of his mask in his hands and sank down the wall, burying his head in his knees, long hair falling over his face.

“M’sorry,” he muttered. “If he dies - it’s my fault.”

“He’s not going to die,” Chase said firmly from where he sat, not moving. “Henrik’ll save him.”

Jackie didn’t answer, hoping that what Chase said would come true. He cast a long look at the door, wishing he knew what was happening, wishing he could do something more than this endless waiting.

He was sitting against the wall, staring at the door a few hours later. Chase had dozed off, snoring softly beside him and Marvin hadn’t moved in an hour or so, giving Jackie reason to believe he had fallen asleep as well.

The door finally opened, and Jackie’s head snapped up. Chase shifted beside him, rubbing his eyes and looking up as well.

Henrik stood in the doorway, one hand resting on the frame. His face was haggard and tired, blood splattered on his clothes and hands. But there was a hint of satisfaction in his eyes, half hidden by the exhaustion.

He stepped forward and swayed slightly, so Jackie quickly pushed himself to his feet and rushed to his side, catching him before he had a chance to fall. Henrik leaned heavily on him, a small smile dancing on his face.

“JJ’s okay,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I - He’ll live.”

Chase let out a long breath, resting his head against the wall. Jackie felt like a weight had been lifted from him and he smiled slightly as Henrik laid his head on Jackie’s shoulder, exhaustion seeping from him

“You should clean up and get some sleep,” Jackie said. Henrik nodded, blinking.

“Ja,” he muttered. “Ja, I should.”

“Thank you, Henrik,” Chase said quietly. “Can - can I see him?”

Henrik nodded, and Chase vanished into the room. Jackie helped Henrik to the bathroom before ducking into his bedroom to grab some pyjamas.

Once Henrik was in the shower, Jackie headed back down the hall, intending to see how JJ was doing. But as he reached the door, he frowned, eyes landing on the stop where Marvin had been seated.

The magician was gone, nowhere to be seen. Jackie paused, hesitating. Should he go after his brother?

But the need to make sure JJ was alright was too much. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and pushed open the door.

Chase was asleep, one hand clutching JJ’s limp one, his head resting on the bed beside his younger brother. Jackie paused in the door before moving to JJ’s side. The youngest ego’s chest was slowly rising and falling, his breath scratchy as it scrapped past the bandages on his throat.

Jackie dropped into the seat opposite Chase, letting out a long sigh.

“I’m sorry, J,” he said quietly. “I - I shouldn’t have…” His words caught in his throat and he lowered his head, tears pricking his eyes. “This is all my fault.”

Everything was his fault. He was supposed to be the hero, the protector, the strong one. But he hadn’t been able to protect Jack, and now JJ was lying, limp like Jack was before Anti had stolen his body.

”I should have been stronger. I should have been better,” Jackie muttered. “I am so sorry.”

He wasn’t sure how long it was until Henrik returned, pulling him awake. Chase was still sleeping, but Jackie was used to sleeping lightly and the soft sound of the door opening caused him to look up, blinking sleep out of his eyes.

Henrik looked a little better after a shower and short sleep, but he still looked worn and tired. Worry was etched on his face and he motioned Jackie forward.

Jackie stood quietly, moving to his side.

“What’s happened?” he asked softly.

“I cannot find Marvin,” Henrik muttered. “He - he has gone.”

A sinking pit opened in Jackie’s stomach. Marvin had blamed himself - Marvin would be angry. Marvin may have gone after Anti.

“I’ll find him,” Jackie said. A flight would be good - he needed some air.

It was surprisingly light outside - for some reason Jackie had been expecting it still to be night. He took to the air, flying through the early afternoon in search of his brother.

He found Marvin, sitting in the park only a few minutes away from the house. Gently landing beside him, Jackie approached, settling onto the bench beside him. They sat in silence for a few moments, listening to the quiet sounds of the park.

“I shouldn’t have left him,” Marvin said quietly, staring at his hands. “I…” He didn’t say any more, clearly holding back tears.

Jackie didn’t move, thinking long about what to say. Finally, he let out a long breath.

“He’s going to be alright,” he said quietly.

“Yeah. I heard. But is he? I mean… who knows what damage was done. Who…” he paused for a long moment. “Who knows if it’s going to be him who wakes up.”

Jackie shuddered at the suggestion, remembering that horrible moment when Jack’s eyes had snapped open, when he had finally woken up - only to crack his face with that terrible smile, to latch his hand around Jackie’s neck. Remembering that horrible moment when Jackie knew it wasn’t Jack in charge of that body but someone - something - else.

“It’ll be him,” he said quietly. “Marv, you couldn’t have done anything.”

“But I could have!” he cried. “I - I shouldn’t have left him behind. And… And I’m going to find Anti. I’m going to find him and I’m going to make him pay.”

“Marv… don’t - don’t do anything stupid, please,” Jackie said quietly.

“No promises,” Marvin muttered. He stood, his cloak swinging behind him. “I’m going to get some breakfast,” he muttered, stalking back in the direction of home. Jackie watch him go, his heart breaking for his brothers.

His heart broke all the more when JJ woke up. They crowded around his bed, Henrik growling at them to go him space, helping him to a sitting position.

“How’re you feeling, Jem?” Chase asked. JJ smiled weakly and opened his mouth to answer.

No sound came out.

No matter how much he tried, JJ couldn’t speak, tears filling his eyes as he realised he was unable to speak. Jackie didn’t say anything either, clenching his fists and fighting down his anger.

His heart split more when he found JJ, elbows bleeding, silently crying late one night and he could do nothing but hold his baby brother, could do nothing to take away the pain he was feeling.

His heart cracked further a week later when Chase came rushing into the house, screaming for Henrik. Marvin, draped over his shoulder, hanging limp, blood trickling slowly out of each ear.

His heart shattered into a million pieces when he visited Marvin after his brother woke up, staring at him blankly as Jackie spoke to his brother.

His heart shattered into a million pieces and was replaced with a burning ball of rage when he saw what Anti had done to his brothers.

His heart shattered and he vowed revenge, no matter the cost to himself.

After all - this was his fault.

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 7: gays you ever just ahsnfdjsl?? part 1

Chapter Summary: Holiday parties are planned, Cheryl and Toni are Kevin's sapphic moms, an intervention is held, Alice and Hermione are adorable and everyone loves them, Kangs has some news, and Sweet Pea runs away from his problems.

Notes: theMANtle: reggie

ao3

Friday, 3:17 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: its winter break!! finally a respite from the chaos!!

jugheadalones: im so excited!

hbicheryl: hold up, hobo is excited about something??

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^ jones are you sick

jugheadalones: okay, first of all fuck you

jugheadalones: second of all im excited to return to the near-comatose state i maintain every time we have a long period of time off from school

nopeaz: that makes more sense

veroffica: as enjoyable as that likely is to you, holden caulfield, it won't be happening this break. i'm hosting a christmas eve party at the pembrooke starting at 8:00 pm and you are all invited.

veroffica: and you'd better all show up, or else i'll sic my new bodyguard on you.

goingtoheller: i assume you mean betty.

wannabett: guilty :/

spillthefogarTEA: ill be there. and NOT because of your threats

spillthefogarTEA: even though betty is kind of intimidating

goingtoheller: i'll come as well.

nopeaz: cher and ill come too

hisshissmotherfucker: i love parties im there

jugheadalones: i dont suppose i really have a choice do i?

wannabett: not really. sorry jug

jugheadalones: fine.

hbicheryl: speaking of holiday parties

hbicheryl: new years eve party, thistlehouse, time tbd, if you arent there youre dead to me

veroffica: b and i will be there.

spillthefogarTEA: me too

goingtoheller: i'll be there.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hear cheryls parties are infamously dramatic

hisshissmotherfucker: so im definitely coming

hisshissmotherfucker: as long as i dont end up doing seven minutes in heaven with archie like veronica

veroffica: will nobody ever let me forget that??

hisshissmotherfucker: nope

jugheadalones: why do all these party invites come with threats of retribution if you dont attend?

hbicheryl: bc if there wasnt then youd never come

jugheadalones: ill come. begrudgingly.

nopeaz: and ofc ill be there obviously

jugheadalones: wait am i missing something? why is that obvious?

hbicheryl: oh right we didnt tell you lol

hbicheryl: tt moved in with me

goingtoheller: WHAT??

goingtoheller: my sapphic moms moved in together aND I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA??

hisshissmotherfucker: why is keller suddenly chonis kid when did this happen??

hbicheryl: please kevin is basically toni and i's love child

hbicheryl: he has my sass (well not as good as mine but hes trying), my gayness, and my strange desire for dumbass serpents

nopeaz: and my propensity for saying 'this is riveting i cant breathe'

goingtoheller: aw, thanks, moms! mostly! :)

nopeaz: no problem son

hbicheryl: yes we are very proud of you kev (mostly)

jugheadalones: huh i never actually thought about it but that... works?

wannabett: okay cheryl and toni are like the least qualified people here to be anyones lesbian moms?? theyre literally gang members??

hbicheryl: stfu nightmare smurfette do not EVER criticize my parenting skills

hbicheryl: toni and i have slaved for weeks, even MONTHS to make sure that kevin turns into a proper young gay man

hbicheryl: and you have the AUDACITY to suggest that just because my gf and i are deeply flawed people we would corrupt poor kevin??

wannabett: uh... no?

hbicheryl: thats what i thought

nopeaz: wow angry cheryl is scary but hot

spillthefogarTEA: topaz, you are so whipped

spillthefogarTEA: and REALLY fucking gay

nopeaz: yeah ik

jugheadalones: moving on

jugheadalones: speaking of people taking a big step and deciding to live with each other... betty and veronica, we need to talk.

veroffica: um... what?

veroffica: is this some sort of intervention?

hisshissmotherfucker: yes

spillthefogarTEA: moving in together might be considered friendly if, say, betty didnt already have a house that she lives in

nopeaz: but this decision is beyond simple friendship

hbicheryl: and its certainly anything but heterosexual

wannabett: why are you guys finishing each others sentences?? did you plan this??

hisshissmotherfucker: no shit sherlock

veroffica: how do you guys even have this information??

goingtoheller: we have our ways.

wannabett: archie somehow saw our texts through my window

wannabett: jughead told me last night, sorry i didnt tell you v, i didnt know that this was going to happen

nopeaz: dammit jones why do you have to ruin all our fun!!

jugheadalones: i didnt realize that this was a rule?

jugheadalones: so anyway

jugheadalones: b&v, now that you have been confronted with cold hard proof of your undying love for each other, what do you have to say for yourselves?

wannabett: guys im straight!!

goingtoheller: ooh, betty's pulling the straight card.

hbicheryl: i called it! tt, sp, fangs, and jughead, you all owe me $10

hbicheryl: cousin betty is nothing if not predictable in the face of her sexuality being questioned

veroffica: hey, you made bets on this?? not cool!

wannabett: ^^^^

wannabett: and i am NOT predictable!!

hbicheryl: i predicted she was going to say that

hbicheryl: thats another $10 guys

hisshissmotherfucker: for once i trusted in someones willingness to admit when they were wrong and now because of that cheryl is robbing us blind! smh never again

spillthefogarTEA: veronica? you never answered the question

veroffica: uh...

veroffica: i mean, um...

veroffica: we've never even kissed! i'm pretty sure we aren't dating!

nopeaz: to be fair though i wouldnt be surprised if you two were dating without knowing it

veroffica: guys, now really isn't a good time.

jugheadalones: mmmhmm

wannabett: no seriously v and i are getting ready for the christmas eve party

wannabett: its in three days remember

hbicheryl: ugh fine i suppose thats a reasonable explanation

veroffica: and since i know that you won't let this go, at the party you can ask us whatever you want about this.

goingtoheller: wait... for real?

wannabett: uh yeah really v??

veroffica: within reason, of course.

spillthefogarTEA: wow this is more than i expected to come from this

veroffica: one condition, though. you can't pester b and i about it before the party.

veroffica: deal?

hisshissmotherfucker: deal

wannabett: now that thats settled v and i are going to get to work

veroffica: we'll probably be off the grid until maybe a few hours before the party.

[wannabett is offline]

[veroffica is offline]

hbicheryl: toni and i are already headed over to pops, anyone want to join us?

jugheadalones: wont we just be three-wheeling?

hbicheryl: not if we are in a large group

hisshissmotherfucker: ill come if you come jones

jugheadalones: sure.

hisshissmotherfucker: ill be there in five

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: kevin, fangs?

spillthefogarTEA: im good

goingtoheller: ^^

nopeaz: okay otw

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: leaving now

[jugheadalones is offline]

6:35 PM

nopeaz: GUYS YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHO JUST WALKED IN

spillthefogarTEA: who is it??

spillthefogarTEA: tell me you know im not good with suspense!!

jugheadalones: its alice cooper and hermione lodge!

hisshissmotherfucker: it seems as though archies intel was correct again

hisshissmotherfucker: damn that omniscient fucking northsider

hbicheryl: now i really wish that betty and veronica werent offline so they could hear about this

goingtoheller: why? do you hate them?

hbicheryl: hate is a strong word

hbicheryl: id say that i just occasionally want them to suffer

goingtoheller: that isn't much better...

hbicheryl: i guess ill just have to wait until the party to tell them

nopeaz: okay so they just got a booth and its basically diagonal from ours

jugheadalones: but theyre so enamoured with each other i dont think they even noticed that were here

hbicheryl: wow i dont think ive ever seen aunt alice this happy before

spillthefogarTEA: ugh this sounds so adorable i wish i was there

hisshissmotherfucker: dont worry well narrate their every movement so well itll be like you are

nopeaz: oh shit they keep reaching for each other like every five seconds

spillthefogarTEA: im WEAK

jugheadalones: its so hard to believe that they ever hated each other with the way theyre acting now

jugheadalones: homophobia can really fuck shit up huh

goingtoheller: this is the couple i never knew i needed, but now that i have seen that it's possible, i'm in love.

hisshissmotherfucker: im in shock i cant believe that the same alice cooper that grounded her daughter from any and all contact with the outside world is now just essentially the personification of heart eyes

hbicheryl: this town is so small were all basically inbred

hbicheryl: next thing you know fp and fred are going to be fucking too

jugheadalones: okay i did NOT need that image

nopeaz: AHHHH THEY WENT IN FOR A KISS MAYDAY MAYDAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL

spillthefogarTEA: AHHHHH

goingtoheller: AHHHHHHH

nopeaz: AHHHHHHH

jugheadalones: even i, being asexual and aromantic, have to admit that im loving living vicariously through these two

hisshissmotherfucker: k so they stopped

hisshissmotherfucker: wait no theyre kissing again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: okay now theyre just making out

nopeaz: get it girl(s)

hbicheryl: its getting pretty heated

hbicheryl: it feels like the windows are going to start fogging up

jugheadalones: oh damn they stopped

jugheadalones: ms cooper is waving pop over now

goingtoheller: is it creepy that we're so invested in their date?

spillthefogarTEA: probably not

hisshissmotherfucker: nah

jugheadalones: lets go with no

nopeaz: nope

hbicheryl: its only creepy if we get turned on

goingtoheller: moving on... what's happening now??

nopeaz: they got the check and now theyre paying

nopeaz: they can barely keep their hands off of each other

nopeaz: now theyre leaving

nopeaz: should i follow them to keep narrating?

goingtoheller: won't they notice??

jugheadalones: no theyve only got eyes for each other

jugheadalones: follow them SUBTLY while we hold down the table

nopeaz: roger that

hbicheryl: youre such a nerd

nopeaz: you love it

hbicheryl: duh

hbicheryl: now follow them!!

nopeaz: already doing it

nopeaz: so they made it to their car

nopeaz: okay wow wasnt expecting that but im not complaining

spillthefogarTEA: whats happening???

nopeaz: alice just shoved hermione up against the car door and now theyre hardcore making out

nopeaz: damn i wonder if theyre even going to get home or if theyre just going to do it in the parking lot

hisshissmotherfucker: i cant believe alice cooper and mayor lodge BOTH have better sex lives than i do wtf

goingtoheller: who knew that hermione lodge was such a bottom??

hbicheryl: well you know what they say about people in positions of power

hbicheryl: top in the streets bottom in the sheets

jugheadalones: wait cheryl that could apply to you as well

spillthefogarTEA: ooh is the class president getting the strap from the vice president

nopeaz: fuck off fangs

nopeaz: okay so they finally managed to regain some semblance of control

nopeaz: aaaaand theyre driving away

nopeaz: shows over folks

hbicheryl: lets clear out men

nopeaz: meet me by the bike cher

hbicheryl: be there in a sec babe xx

jugheadalones: wait are you telling me that cheryl blossom rode a motorcycle??

hisshissmotherfucker: yeah red i thought you said they were death traps

hbicheryl: well yeah but that was before i got on it

hbicheryl: its like a giant vibrator

hbicheryl: and riding it with toni is basically just the most acceptable type of public sex

goingtoheller: gross.

hisshissmotherfucker: never thought id agree with keller but yeah tmi

nopeaz: whatever

nopeaz: bye fuckers see you all at veronicas party

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: im headed out too

[jugheadalones is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: me too

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Monday, 6:43 PM

wannabett: b&v are back bitches!!

veroffica: and, looking through the chat from the past few days... i'm glad i was gone.

wannabett: although now i know what 'hot date' my mom was talking about :/

wannabett: even though i never wanted to know

wannabett: some things are best kept secret especially when your mom goes out on a date with your best friends mom!!

hbicheryl: youre welcome :)

veroffica: cheryl, at this very moment, i simultaneously respect, despise, and fear you.

hbicheryl: aw thanks thats what im always going for!

veroffica: anyway, the party will be starting in an hour or so, but some of my relatives will be over in the meantime. if you've got anything to say that doesn't involve the date my mom and betty's mom have, feel free. if you don't, go to hell.

hisshissmotherfucker: hey im in the neighborhood and i dont have anything else to do would you mind if i came over now

veroffica: sure thing!

hisshissmotherfucker: are you sure your relatives will be fine with me being there?

veroffica: yeah. i mean, betty's here too anyway!

hisshissmotherfucker: k

6:48 PM

goingtoheller + veroffica

goingtoheller: hey, would you happen to have some time you could set away during the party? fangs and i have an announcement we'd like to make.

veroffica: sure thing, kev. how does around 10 sound?

goingtoheller: perfect. thanks, v!

veroffica: no problem.

7:22 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: rn betty looks like she cant decide whether to be a guard dog or an excited puppy lmao

jugheadalones: context?

hisshissmotherfucker: veronicas greeting her relatives and bettys following her so closely shes practically stepping on her heels

goingtoheller: well, v is definitely holding betty's leash.

nopeaz: yeah veronicas got her by the collar

spillthefogarTEA: if betty doesnt watch her step then shes really going to be in the doghouse

wannabett: stop with the dog puns!! i am not a dog!!

hbicheryl: okay but you have to admit those were pretty good

wannabett: i will admit no such thing! now if youll excuse me im going to go back to talking to ronnies relatives with her

[wannabett is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: i guess ill keep you all informed on their gay shenanigans

nopeaz: who even says shenanigans anymore??

hisshissmotherfucker: uh i do fight me

nopeaz: square up bitch

hbicheryl: if i had a dollar for every time tt and sp said that they were going to fight i would have enough money to rebuild thornhill

goingtoheller: cheryl, you're the one who burned it down in the first place.

hbicheryl: yes and??

goingtoheller: ...nevermind.

hisshissmotherfucker: im snoRTING

jugheadalones: what happened?

hisshissmotherfucker: so veronica was talking to one of her relatives right

hisshissmotherfucker: and the relative asks her if she has a boyfriend

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica laughs a little and says no so her relative looks at betty whos still trailing behind her like a shadow

hisshissmotherfucker: and knowingly says "oh i see, a girlfriend"

spillthefogarTEA: ajklfshagak i cant even

hisshissmotherfucker: both of them are sputtering uncontrollably unable to formulate a response im dying

hbicheryl: ahahah it was only a matter of time before something like this happened but im really glad it did

nopeaz: i mean relatives are supposed to know you better than anyone else right?

jugheadalones: oh b&v you oblivious wlw

goingtoheller: we're never letting them let this down, are we?

spillthefogarTEA: not a chance

hisshissmotherfucker: IT GOT BETTER

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica finally managed to speak and she (unconvincingly) insisted that she and betty were just friends etc etc and her relative just raised her eyebrows and went "mmhm"

nopeaz: drag themmmmm

hbicheryl: omg we stan

hisshissmotherfucker: im trying to stifle my laughter bc betty and veronica look like they want to murder me

hisshissmotherfucker: but you know what screw it its worth it

hisshissmotherfucker: oh shit bettys coming over here and she looks pissed

hisshissmotherfucker: hello punks, this is betty. i hope youve had your fun listening to sweet pea narrate everything but now im taking his phone and wont be giving it back until the party starts

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: awww

goingtoheller: at least the party starts soon anyway. then, i'm sure we'll get even more beronica fodder.

jugheadalones: true

hbicheryl: see you then losers

spillthefogarTEA: back at ya cheryl

7:48 PM

nopeaz: cher and i are on our way

goingtoheller: fangs and i are leaving now.

jugheadalones: and im at your door at this very moment

jugheadalones: let me in

jugheadalones: okay great im in

hisshissmotherfucker: and i just got my phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: i will not stand for this tyranny! this is a republic not a monarchy!

wannabett: keep it up and im taking your phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: the oppression continues...

wannabett: sweet pea...

hisshissmotherfucker: fine

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

veroffica: now, let's get this party started!

10:03 PM

spillthefogarTEA: hey guys i know this is fun and exciting and all but would you mind congregating out in the living room? ive got some news

hisshissmotherfucker: anything for my best bro

jugheadalones: sure thing

10:07 PM

hisshissmotherfucker + theMANtle

hisshissmotherfucker: hey mantle are you free rn

theMANtle: yeah, you want me to come over to your trailer?

hisshissmotherfucker: yep im on my way there too

hisshissmotherfucker: see you in ten?

theMANtle: none of your friends will be there, right?

hisshissmotherfucker: nah theyre all still at veronicas party they wont even notice that im gone

theMANtle: not that im complaining, but why arent you?

hisshissmotherfucker: i needed a break

theMANtle: so you were hoping that i could help you blow off some steam? ;)

hisshissmotherfucker: that was the general idea

theMANtle: youre in luck, then. i currently have a lot of free time and what many call an impressive amount of stamina.

hisshissmotherfucker: perfect

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

10:15 PM

gays united

spillthefogarTEA: hey has anyone seen sweet pea? i could have sworn that i saw him before kevin and i made our announcement but now i cant find him anywhere

nopeaz: hes probably just in the bathroom or brooding in the corner somewhere

hbicheryl: dont worry about him just celebrate! youve officially got a new boyfriend!

spillthefogarTEA: "dont worry about him" have you MET me??

goingtoheller: babe, he probably just got bored and bailed.

goingtoheller: i know that he's your best friend, but he isn't who you're dating--i am. can't you forget about sweet pea for a little while and just relax?

spillthefogarTEA: i guess so

goingtoheller: great!

spillthefogarTEA: ill just text sp real quick and attempt to verify that hes still alive first

goingtoheller: whatever you need to do, fangs. i'll see you afterward.

10:19 PM

spillthefogarTEA + hisshissmotherfucker

spillthefogarTEA: hey sweets, i just wanted to make sure you didnt do anything stupid

spillthefogarTEA: i know that you arent kevins biggest fan, but youre my best friend and i dont want to lose you over him

spillthefogarTEA: i wish you were here to celebrate with me but i get it if you cant

spillthefogarTEA: please, just text me back whenever you see this to let me know that youre okay.

[spillthefogarTEA is offline]

10:41 PM

hisshissmotherfucker: thanks for being so understanding fangs but ngl i dont know if i can handle you dating keller

hisshissmotherfucker: i mean like you said

hisshissmotherfucker: we're best friends

hisshissmotherfucker: so i shouldnt have a problem with you going out with whoever you want

hisshissmotherfucker: but something about him just rubs me the wrong way

hisshissmotherfucker: sorry if that wasnt what you wanted to hear

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Notes: Sorry, this was supposed to just be a long holiday chapter, but I had so many ideas I had to split it into two. Bear with me, please! Also, happy new year, gays! As 20gayteen comes to a close, I hope you find even more peace, prosperity, and (of course) bisexuality in 20biteen!!