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birthdaysentiment · 5 years ago

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The music in wtFOCK season 3 - Song #21

Woensdag 16.36 // "Ocean Eyes" - Billie Eilish

Overall, season 3 was a roller-coaster of emotions and so where the different episodes and sometimes even the individual clips. With Robbe's story I went through every emotion possible, because I never knew what to except when a clip dropped. wtFOCK managed to create a season, where I knew nothing about what was going to happen, even though I knew the storyline by heart. After what happened in episode 4, the chances of getting a cuddle-clip didn't look that good, at some point I believed that it would never happen, so you can imagine how excited I was when the clip dropped, because that could only mean one thing, it was going to happen. And once again I didn't know what to except, and once again wtFOCK took me by surprise.

At this point, episode 5 had been another trip through various emotions, and it's crazy to think of all the things that actually happened in a couple of days. The episode started out with Robbe being at his lowest after not being able to have sex with Noor, but after a long-needed conversation with Milan, Robbe started to realize what had happen, what he had done, and he finally came to the realization that he couldn't pretend anymore. So, he broke up with Noor and then he finally found his way back to Sander the following day, where we got one of the best original clips of the season. It finally seemed like everything was going in the right direction.

I've never smiled so much as I did when I watched this clip, and there is so many reasons for that, so fair warning this is going to be a long one. The cuddle-clip has always been one of my favorites in all the universes, and wtFOCK's version of it was no exception. I loved the fact that we finally got a chance to see Robbe and Sander spending some time together alone, where they could just enjoy each other and I know this isn't the first time they're alone, but it feels different somehow.

Take the supermarket-clip for example, that was their first hang out and already back then you could feel the connection between them. But in this clip, that connection just felt so much more intense, because at that point, they had admitted their feelings to each other, they knew that they wanted to be together. This clip always makes me realize, how deeply in love Robbe and Sander actually was.

And if the clip wasn't perfect enough, then the choice of music adds to the level of perfection. I think Billie Eilish is the artist, who's songs wtFOCK has used the most, and there's definitely a reason for that. Her songs are so versatile, and fits almost every situation, where this song really captures the whole essence of the clip: comfort, love, attraction, intimacy, intensity and I could keep on going. If the song had been different, if it hadn't been the sweet and calming voice with the simple and soothing melody in the background, then I think the clip would have turned out very differently.

After the Chernobyl-clip I didn't think Robbe and Sander could look more in love, but I was wrong. This clip is filled with so much love, and it's crazy to think that they've only known each other for a couple of weeks, because they already look at each other with a huge amount of admiration and affection. They're so tender with one another, but the air between them is also packed with a lot of passion and lust.

For me, I was particular surprised to see Robbe take so much initiative, because it was different from what we had seen him do before, or at least it was a change to see him actually liking it himself. For example, with Noor, Robbe was pretending, trying to do too much, while he didn't enjoy any of it and it never felt real, but with Sander it was different. It's obvious to see how attracted Robbe is to Sander, how much he wants to be with him, to touch him, kiss him and just feel him next to himself. It makes me so happy, because it just shows how comfortable Robbe is when he's true to the person that he is, and his feelings.

I'm actually so proud of Robbe, because he finally let himself feel, he finally admitted to himself what he wants, and in this clip, he just goes for it. He takes initiative, he kisses Sander, without excepting to get anything back in return, he strokes his hair, because Robbe loves the feeling of Sander's soft hair, and he just looks at him with so much love and joy, that it almost fills up the whole room. This is a new side to Robbe, that we haven't seen before, and I must say, Robbe-in-love is my absolute favorite Robbe.

But this clip also gave us some new information, something made sense in terms of what had happened earlier on in the season, and some details just made us theorize even more. For example, Sander's drawing of Robbe and his idea for it, because at that point, who would have thought that it would actually become reality, that Sander would paint that drawing of Robbe on a huge mural? I love that scene, because by looking at Sander, you can see how his eyes just lights up by the thought of it; Robbe combined with art, his favorite combination.

I love how Robbe and Sander fool around, not only kissing and clinging to each other, but also how they're teasing one another, learning new things, taking pictures, talking, touching and so on. They really seem like a couple, who has been together for an eternity, because their chemistry is just out of this world.

Their conversation about parallel universes, has so much meaning attached to it, because it actually became reality. Everything about this scene is so special, from the aesthetic pleasing pictures, where the light makes everything seem warmer and more comforting, to the beautiful song in the background, that highlights every emotion in the room. The song has different meanings, not just the beauty of a pair of ocean eyes, but also the feelings and emotions that gets generated when you look into them. Eyes can be so memorizing, that you never want to leave them, because by looking into a pair of them, you realize how much you want the person, which they belong to. When Robbe and Sander look into each other's eyes, every emotion gets intensified and the feelings between them only gets stronger, which makes them realized that they never want to lose the sight of each other's eyes, because they "can't stop starin' at those ocean eyes".

But this conversation also leads to the opportunity of getting to know Sander at bit more. For me, at this point in the story, I had my doubts whether or not wtFOCK would go with the mental illness storyline, because I hadn't seen that many signs of it. Small details got dropped here and there along with conflicting pieces of information, but that just made me question everything even more. But in this scene, we finally got a sense of what it feels like to be Sander, and that made the theory about the mental illness storyline much more possible.

Before wtFOCK, I never imagined that I would be able to see myself so clearly in one of the characters from the SKAM universe, but Sander changed that. Like I've written before, I identify with Sander, because he speaks for me, he can put my feelings and thoughts into words, when I can't. He has an ability to explain his emotions in a way I find very difficult, and with this scene, with Sander's words, I never felt more represented.

What I found really interesting with this scene, was the acting of Willem De Schryver, and this is just one of the many times, that Willem has shown his amazing talent for acting. If you look closely, it seems like he's not even blinking, he is just starting out in the room, while he lets his mind speak without taking a break. Robbe doesn't say a word, he is just letting Sander know that he's there, that he's listening and that he doesn't have to hide or be ashamed of his feelings. In this scene we get a glimpse of the care and tenderness they show each other, we see how completely honest and open they can be, which shows the trust that grows between them.

I'm so proud of Sander for opening up, that he's comfortable enough to show a more vulnerable side of himself. He wants to make Robbe understand, that he has his struggles, that he might not always be the easiest person to be with, but Robbe doesn't care, he just wants Sander in every possible way. Because even though Robbe isn't expressing his feelings with words, he is showing Sander with a lot of kisses and heart-eye looks, that he's in love with him, that no matter the size of his problems, he's always going to be there by his side.

Not only is the song perfect for the clip, but once again wtFOCK managed to pair the song with the editing in such a beautiful way, For example, the whole beginning of the clip, where we see Robbe and Sander in different situations, where the song really gets a chance to shine. And also, towards the end of the song, because right before Sander starts to speak, the following lyrics can be heard in the background:

I've never fallen from quite this high

Fallin' into your ocean eyes

Those ocean eyes

And just as she sings "ocean eyes", Sander looks up, revealing his ocean eyes. Well I know Sander has green eyes, but still, it's a very nice touch and it's obvious that Robbe falls into Sander's eyes every time he looks at them, so the song seems fitting in more than one way. This will always be one of my favorite clips, because it always reminds me of the time they looked more in love than ever, and even though it has been over six months since the clip dropped, I can still feel every emotion, that I felt the first time I watched it. The cuddle-clip never seems to disappoint, and with Robbe and Sander it definitely didn't do that, because once again wtFOCK surprised us all, by doing all the things we weren't expecting.

#wtfock #wtfam #music in wtfock #wtfocksoundtrack

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teeforhee · 4 years ago

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Fuck, I'm not sure I'll ever get over how much CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service, it's the under-18s mental health service in Scotland) let me down as a kid.

It's like this. You're 11 and you're traumatised but you're scared of using that word, you don't know if you're allowed it, but you are traumatised. And you're so anxious you can't breathe most of the time, you can't sit down and speak to any of your friends, you can do your school work but you keep falling apart and everything feels like it's getting worse all the time. You don't fit in, you're weird and awkward but your schoolwork is good so you aren't worrying about your grades, you're not even sure why you feel this way (it's unprocessed trauma, but again, you don't feel like you're allowed that word). You're s/hing and struggling with suicidal ideation, and you're lucky enough to still trust authority figures, so you do what everyone says you should. You trust an adult. And she calls your GP, who is another adult you choose to trust, who you bare your heart to with all of these symptoms that make your feel sick to even acknowledge, and then they make you an appointment with CAMHS. You came in asking for treatment. They referred you to CAMHS. They did not explain what CAMHS was other than what the letters stood for. That's okay - it's treatment, right? They're gonna help. You can talk this through and they'll help- just gotta be careful you don't get institutionalised. You don't want that, yet.

You talk to a CAMHS worker. She's a psychologist. She says it's very likely you have autism to your mother after your first session. Your mother broaches the topic gently. You are overjoyed: there's an answer! oh fuck, this explains so much! but it's not treatment. It's a word. The psychologist puts you on a waiting list and you have 22 sessions of CBT with her, trying to unpack your trauma and trying to build up coping skills. So many of them feel like just denying the truth, so many of them feed into your magical thinking ("the one thing you can control is your thoughts, you must always control your thoughts, good things will happen when you control your thoughts and stop thinking the bad thoughts"), but it's treatment, mostly. You stop seeing her twice- once because you are trying to develop an eating disorder and having a mental health professional who wants to hear how you're doing is totally cramping your style (I wasn't actually trying to develop an ED really, I was trying to cope in ways other than s/h, in ways that felt honest to the situation and real and gave me a sense of control that "controling my thoughts" just wasn't doing). You come back for recovery. You tell her you want an eating plan. By the time she even considers an appointment with a nutritionist, you've moved past that stage in your recovery on your own. You stop seeing her again because you get into an abusive relationship who doesn't really like you having contact with people who aren't him, and he super super doesn't like you not being able to talk to him for a whole hour every week. That part isn't their fault: no one could be gotten me out of that until I decided to; believe me, everyone around me tried, and it didn't work until I wanted I to, the third time.

But I left, again, I was without support for 6 months, and when I came back it was after my father (the earliest source of my trauma) had died. They take 4 sessions compiling evidence as to what treatment i needed going forward, without telling me that was what they were doing (I was trying to build trust with an adult again after 6 months of constant reinforcing that I couldn't trust anyone but my abuser), and then an appointment with a psychiatrist and your mother and a new psychologist. They dismiss and justify the symptoms that most worry me, they have at this point turned down my request to be institutionalised multiple times (including after an aborted suicide attempt, I presume they thought that was fine because made it clear that I did want to live), and they say at the end of the meeting that they are going to give me an official diagnosis of autism and that after that CAMHS has nothing more to offer me.

They say that if after 22 sessions with a psychologist I am still struggling so much (bear in mind that probably close to half of those sessions I was concealing factors that were actively making my mental health worse and which were traumatising me) I clearly can't gain anything more from their service, and anyway, autism isn't a mental illness and CAMHS as a service can only help while waiting for/trying to get a diagnosis, or if you have a diagnosis or a disorder for which they could provide specialist treatment. My very obvious PTSD? nah, no big-T Traumas, and c-ptsd is way too hard to diagnose. I receive a hilarious letter detailing all of the evidence (I mean genuinely insightful but also fucking hilarious and I do want to note down funniest bits and post them hear at some point, stuff like "unusual speech was noted, (exclamations of 'wacky!' while describing his symptoms)") and then they refer me to a charity which, at time of writing, I have had 1 assessment phone call with, and am waiting for a call back for my next and first proper appointment.

They did not inform me when I was first referred that CAMHS is a diagnostic and specialist treatment service and if they did (this was well over two years ago now, I don't remember word-for-word what my GP told me), they did not tell me that meant that they would kick me out to a charity once they figured they couldn't label me with anything requiring specialist treatment. During our last sessions they were unyeildingly focussed on the trauma of my father dying and of the "shock" of my diagnosis (that I had been waiting for for 2 years. yes, very shocking/s) when those were not my biggest problems. My relationship with my father is complex and I won't get into it here, but suffice it to say that his death was the last step on a very, very long journey, and honestly one of the least traumatising.

I let them keep the focus there because I desperately hate talking about the actual, recent, debilitating trauma of being in lockdown with an abusive partner for 6 months. That shit hurts, I can't even say his name, but that is the thing that I need to unpack if I'm ever going to be able to go outside in the sun again.

Repeatedly ignoring the requests I made for specific treatment until past the point where I needed it anymore, not informing me how the service I was going to be working with for 2 years even worked in something so basic as "what is this for? what will happen to me if I get a diagnosis they can't give me specialised care for?", telling an 11 year old child that suicidal ideation is "not that serious", a fundamental misunderstanding of what I needed and wanted to hear ('normal' is not a helpful word. 'normal' tells me 'suck it up, everyone experiences this and they're all fine, you're normal, just think better' why are they all so adamant that I am normal? Not even considering my mental health I am an autistic bisexual gnc trans guy, we went past whatever 'normal' means a long time ago, fucking listen to me), at every single step of the way this system has left me in the same state I was before, the only improvement being through support from my friends, fucking Childline (gd fucking bless Childline volunteers, but still, I shouldn't have been getting so little support that that felt like my only option), mental health masterposts on Tumblr, chats with my (luckily) very nice guidance counselor (they're called pastoral teachers here but I know most folks reading this are American or are most familiar with the American school system) and what amounts to gritting my teeth and getting through it.

It was worth it, of course my life was worth it, of course I say the same thing every person who's attempted suicide says, I'm more grateful than words could possibly express that I survived, that I get to go home in a few minutes and feed my kitten and write and message my friends, but for fucks sake it didn't need to be this hard. And it doesn't need to be this hard. I'm not out of the woods yet, I'm still waiting on that second appointment with this charity, I'm still 3+ months behind at school, and I'm one of the lucky ones. My boyfriend has been hurt worse by CAMHS, left even more isolated than I was, even more traumatised by the way he was treated, and every single person I know who's been in this system agrees that it's deeply, deeply flawed.

I don't want people to have competitions over who's medical experiences are worse, who's country has the worst mental health system, who's been the most traumatised by their psychiatrists or lack thereof, please. Please don't make this the suffering Olympics. I'm just making this post cause I know, I know that other people have had similar experiences, whether with CAMHS or whatever their equivalent is. Mental health services need serious reform that puts patients first, listens to their needs and requests, that is well funded and well staffed by people who care about their patients wellbeing more than they care about controling other people's lives.

Austerity in the UK is a huge reason why this happened the way it did- my first psychologist left the service to go work somewhere that pays better, leaving just one newly-graduated psychologist that clearly had no idea what she was doing and didn't care to sympathise or show compassion for me.

This shit needs to change, because kids need help, and this is not good enough.

#mine #newt writes #oh boy ask to tag #tw s/h mention #tw school #suicidal ideation #tw eating stuff #tw food #tw eating #ed mention #tw suicide mention #ok to rb

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sebspocketsquare · 5 years ago

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Wishing you were here.. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (chatroom)

A/N: Hey guys! Here’s the second installment. I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you think.

Warnings: language, flirting, pet names, angst, feels, bad date vibes

Masterlist

[Sarge1917:] Tell me all your favorite things.

[SpaceKitten:] All of them? You can’t be a liiiittle more specific? Lol

[Sarge1917:] oh, I’m sure I could, but.. I want to know everything there is to know about you, kitten, so I figured I’d just outright ask. (;

Every time Sarge flirted with you like this, it made you squirm in your seat while a huge smile overtook your face. To say that you found him irresistible was an understatement.

[Sarge1917]: But if it’ll be easier for you.. let’s start with favorite food, music, flowers and scent.

[SpaceKitten]: I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.

[Sarge1917]: Deal.

This is always how your conversations started out, genuine interest in wanting to get inside your shell. But, in the early hours of the morning when the sun is just starting to paint the sky in pastel flames, the connection between you sparks and ignites.

You spill your hearts out without a second thought.

[Sarge1917]: Kitten.. can I be completely honest with you?

[SpaceKitten]: always.

Your response is nearly immediate, like its second nature to reassure him that he can trust you. That he can feel safe with you.

[Sarge1917]: I really care about you.

[SpaceKitten]: I really care about you too, Sarge.

You thought that was common knowledge in the friendship that had bloomed between you. He was always there for you, and you for him.

[Sarge1917]: As happy as it makes me to hear that, I’m not sure you understand what I’m trying to say…

[Sarge1917]: What I mean is.. I like you, kitten.

[Sarge1917]: Probably much more than I should, given I’ve never even so much as heard the sound of your voice, let alone seen your face or held you in my arms.

[Sarge1917]: I thought all of that was important when I first joined this site.. that I was already set up for failure because id never have an emotional connection with a person I couldn’t physically see.

[Sarge1917]: But I was wrong, kitten.. so very wrong.

Your mouth has gone dry at this point, a lump forming in your throat as your heart threatens to explode behind your ribs.

[Sarge1917]: Talking with you is the highlight of my day, and frankly, I don’t want to imagine a life without you in it..

[Sarge1917]: Which makes what I’m about to say very hard for me.

The excited rhythm of your heart immediately becomes a harsh thundering in your chest, fear flooding through your veins.

[Sarge1917]: I know we’ve never really gotten into detail about what I do for a living, but occasionally, I have to go off the grid for a few weeks, even months, at a time..

[Sarge1917]: It would seem now would be one of those times.

You stare blankly at the screen for a few moments, not quite sure how to respond to him.

He was leaving… for an undetermined amount of time?

And ‘off the grid’? What did that mean?

No computer access? Surely he had a cell phone?

[Sarge1917]: Kitten…? please still be with me..

You don’t even notice how long you’ve sat, lost in your own thoughts, until he messages again.

[SpaceKitten]: I’m here..

[SpaceKitten]: How long will you be gone…?

You don’t notice you’ve started to tear up until you can barely read his response when it comes through.

[Sarge1917]: Two to three months. Depends on how quickly I get my work done. I won’t have access to phone or internet where I’m going. That’s why I needed to tell you..

[Sarge1917]: Because I know it’s selfish to ask you to wait for me.. Hell, if you even feel the same as me..

[Sarge1917]: But I can promise, as soon as I get back, I will contact you.

You’re surprised he’s the one feeling selfish, when all you can think of is begging him not to leave you.

He wasn’t yours, yet the idea of going weeks without speaking to him made anxiety fill your lungs.

He’d given you the one thing you’d been missing: hope for something good. Hope for something beautiful.

[SpaceKitten]: When do you leave?

[Sarge1917]: First thing in the morning.. I know I should’ve told you sooner, but I.. I didn’t know how.

[Sarge1917]: I’m not good at saying goodbye.

You force a smile and take in a shaky, tearful breath.

[SpaceKitten]: Not goodbye.. just ‘see you soon’, right..?

[Sarge1917]: Of course. Just see you soon.

When Sarge finally signed off a few hours later, an empty pit formed in the center of your chest and you found yourself silently sobbing yourself to sleep.

Was it childish? Maybe, but in that moment, you didn’t care. Your worst fear in the friendship had come to reality; he left.

Two weeks turned to four, four turned to six, six to eight and so on, until Sarge’s absence had reached an appalling 22 weeks.

Summer had turned to autumn, and the autumn leaves had begun to turn a shade of brown that only winter’s frost can bring.

Waiting longer than that for a faceless man you’d met on the internet seemed foolish, and so you were determined to move on.

You found a different app, more up to date, showing you other singles in the area who were looking to meet up.

Setting up a date with the first guy who matched with you seemed like a good idea at the time.

When you show up to the address of your dinner date, you realize it’s a more-sleazy-than-not type of place, and seemed like the perfect spot to have more intimate conversations than you were ready for. Especially on a first date.

Trusting your gut is something you’ve always had a hard time with.

Your date is named Nicolas, and though his profile seemed nice enough, he seems to have a problem with keeping his hands to himself.

Fingers found their way beneath the hem of your dress and inched far too high for your liking, several times.

Each time you denied his advances, he laughed as if it was a cute joke, and proceeded to do it again ten minutes later.

An hour and a half in, and it was taking everything in you not to slap him or cry.. or maybe even both.

The end of the date couldn’t come fast enough, and you were thankful you drove separately.

He walks you to your car, backing you against the drivers side and pressing his body to yours in a feeble attempt to seduce you. He seems to have no idea how repulsive you find him.

Claiming to feel ill manages to get you away from him without making mouth-to-mouth contact. When you’re out of the parking lot, tears fall freely from your eyes.

Once you’re in the safety of your apartment, skin scrubbed raw in the shower and wrapped in your smoothest, softest robe, you make a silent pact with yourself that the only men you need in your life are Ben & Jerry.

They’d never treat you this way, they’d merely mend the holes in your heart with chocolate and caramel goodness.

What more could you need?

Your hand is shaking and your eyes are puffy and bloodshot when you finally bring up your chat app on the computer. The one you’d met Sarge on.

You go to your account settings, finally ready to let go, to give up and deactivate your account.

You’d decided you were finally done.

Taking a few deep breaths, you bring the cursor of your mouse to rest over the DEACTIVATE button, fresh tears stinging the back of your eyes as you hesitate.

A silent prayer resounds in your mind as you let out one more shaky breath and prepare to finally click.

...but not before the familiar sound of a new IM comes through the speakers.

Your eyes are still closed from your moment of regaining composure, and you try to calm the erratic beating in your chest. It can’t be him. It can’t. Calm yourself.

When you open your eyes, tears flow over their edges and your jaw falls slack.

[Sarge1917]: Kitten…?

You’re convinced you’ve made this up, it’s some sort of hallucination. Moments ago, you silently told yourself that if it was meant to be, you’d be given some sort of sign, and now.. this?

Was it coincidence? Or interference from the divine?

You’re too trapped in your own mind to even consider replying right away.

[Sarge1917]: Please still be with me…

His words ring back to memories of your last conversation and you find your emotions fighting a battle between relief, joy, and anger.

[SpaceKitten]: I’m here, I just.. I’m in shock. Is it really you?

[Sarge1917]: Please forgive me. I didn’t know my trip would be extended and I had no way to let you know.

[Sarge1917]: I thought about you every day I was gone.

The familiar feeling of butterflies in your lower belly resurfaces, though you try your best to fight it.

[Sarge1917]: Kitten? You there?

You weren’t sure how it was even possible, but more tears fill your eyes as you type. Your fingers hit the keys harshly, not even bothering to fix the typos as you go.

[SpaceKitten]: You were gone. For so fucking long.

[SpaceKitten]: I started losing hope after week ten, but held out for you for 22 weeks.

[SpaceKitten]: you have no idea what that was like for me, Sarge. Wondering why you didn’t come back, when you swore you would.

[SpaceKitten]: Do you remember your last words to me, Sarge?

[SpaceKitten]: you said “please don’t forget me”

[SpaceKitten]: and I told you it’d be hard to remember anything else

[Sarge1917]: Kitten, please, let me explain

You’re too far into your rant to stop, it’s coming out involuntarily at this point.

[SpaceKitten]: I went on a date for the first time in two years tonight. And I promised myself I wouldn’t self sabotage, just because I couldn’t get you out of my head.

[SpaceKitten]: The date turned out to be shit anyway, but I can’t decide if it’s because I set myself up for it, or if it’s because all men are handsy, sex crazed idiots.

[SpaceKitten]: And all I could think when I got home was, “I bet Sarge would never have done this to me”, even though I have nothing for comparison because we’ve been nothing but ghosts to each other for nearly a year.

[Sarge1917]: Kitten.. I’m so sorry.

You have to cease your keyboard attack momentarily to fetch a tissue and clean up your face.

[Sarge1917]: Do you want me to leave you alone?

The question makes you scoff and shake your head, though you’re well aware he can’t see you.

[SpaceKitten]: That is literally the last thing I want…

Your eyes scan over the words you’d sent minutes ago, and you realize that while you feel you were in the right, you might’ve been a little harsh.

Guilt eats away at the lining of your stomach while you wait to see his reply.

[Sarge1917]: Can I call you..?

You’re stunned by the question. It was the first time such a thing had been brought up in all the time you’d been talking. You figured it was just because he was too anxious, or hated phone calls like so many people, including yourself.

[Sarge1917]: Hell, you can even call me. Block your number, I don’t care. I just want you to hear my voice when I say what I have to say. I need you to believe me, and if I can’t be there to say it to your face, this will have to do.

His next message contains an assortment of numbers, the ones you’d have to dial to finally accomplish something you’d only dreamed of for months.

Hearing his voice.

[Sarge1917]: Sleep won’t come easy for me tonight, so take your time, Kitten. I’ll be here when you’re ready.

Your phone is sitting on the edge of your desk, the blank screen taunting you as you look down at it. All you had to do was pick it up, dial the 10 digit number, open your mouth and force words out.

It sounded a lot easier than it was going to be.

What if you forgot how to speak?

What if he didn’t answer?

What if he does turn out to be a 77 year old trucker?

What if he’s a total creep, like you’ve been worrying about the whole time?

Somehow, you find the pros outweighing the cons. Your hands move of their own accord and pick up your phone, typing in each number with intent. You could do this.

The line rings once, twice, three times, before someone finally answers.

The voice on the other end of the call is warm, deep, and sounds like honey. Your insides melt at the sound.

“Kitten?”

TAGS: (sorry if you dont like being tagged, its been so long since i’ve posted idk who to tag anymore lolol. @mindingmyownbusiness @plumfondler @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @loricameback @tinaferraldo @geminimoonbeamx @preserumsteverogers @moderapoppins @lowkeysebby @buckyshattergirl @jayattemptstoruletheworld @the-observant-fangirl @moondancewrites @moonbeambucky @trinityjadec @stevieang @bionic-buckyb @eyecandybarnes @propertyofpoeandbucky @promarvelfangirl @ballyhoobarnes @bucky-plums-barnes @cate-lynne @witchymarvelspacecase @imaginingbucky @theimpossibleg1rl @babygurl8840 @wonderlandmind4 @buckysthing @formulafun @curvybihufflepuff

#bucky #Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #wishing you were here..#sometimes i write #sebspocketsquare #chatroom fic #series

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brightbeautifulthings · 5 years ago

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The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas (trans. Robin Buss)

"'I have heard it said that the dead have never done, in six thousand years, as much evil as the living do in a single day.'"

Year Read: 2019

Rating: 3/5

Context: Last year’s year-long Les Mis read went so well, I decided to choose another intimidating classic to tackle in the same fashion this year. I know myself, and if I don't deliberately pace out a book like this, I'll try to read a thousand pages in a week, and it will just be a miserable experience. (That's not to say some classics aren't miserable experiences regardless of how you read them, but that's another issue entirely.) The Count of Monte Cristo was calling to me from the shelf, and by pure luck, I already owned the edition I wanted to read (plus a B&N abridged version that promptly went into the donation box). Reviews overwhelmingly praise Robin Buss’s translation for ease/modernity, and the Penguin Classics haven’t let me down yet.

For my less coherent updates in real-time: I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX. My review is spoiler-free, but my updates are not, so read with caution if you’re not familiar. Trigger warnings: In a book with a thousand pages? Everything, probably, but for sure death, parent/child death, suicide/suicidal thoughts, severe illness, guns, abduction, poisoning, slavery, mental illness, sexism, ableism, grief, depression.

About: When forces conspire to have sailor Edmond Dantès arrested for a crime he didn't commit, he spends years in a hellish prison, fighting to stay sane. Through bravery and good fortune, he manages to escape, and he assumes a new identity for himself: The Count of Monte Cristo. Under this guise, he inserts himself into the lives of the French nobility, vowing revenge on those who wronged him.

Thoughts: Like most thousand page novels, there's no reason this novel needs to be a thousand pages, but the one thing I can say about them, collectively, is that I come away feeling like I have a relationship with them that I usually don't get from a shorter book unless I've read it multiple times. And it makes sense: I've been reading this book for a year. I've had relationships with actual humans that were much shorter than that. Dumas's prose (helped along by Buss's translation) is accessible and not overly dry, if not quite as humorous as Victor Hugo’s. Thanks to both of them, I now have a rudimentary understanding of the French Revolution and the difference between a Royalist and Bonapartist (because truly the only way to make me read about history is to put it in a novel).

Dumas proves himself more capable of staying on topic though, with one or two exceptions. The only margin note I cared to write was, apparently, "Horrible digression", and I stand by that. As soon as the novel leaves Dantès’s perspective, it gets less interesting, beginning with Franz encountering Sinbad the Sailor on Monte Cristo and continuing with the Very Weird and Terrible Side Anecdotes about bandits in Rome. Otherwise, much of the storyline is more or less linear, without the intricacies of Waterloo or the Paris sewer system. It grows more chaotic as the book goes on though, with frequent digressions into every character's backstory.

The plot takes such a drastic turn that it's almost like reading two different novels with two different main characters. At the beginning, it’s most like an adventure story. There are sailors, prison breaks, and buried treasure. Yet, for all those things, it’s surprisingly un-suspenseful. Dumas has a very stolid way of story-telling. The pace is almost supernaturally consistent, so that even things that probably should have tension in them are presented as a matter of course. (Or maybe I’m just hugely desensitized by media.) I wasn’t as excited as I thought I should be during some of the more compelling parts, but there’s something reassuring about Dumas’s relentlessly straightforward story-telling.

The middle takes a major dip in interest. Cue a lot of long and tedious backstories, plus Monte Cristo's elaborate set-ups to take down his enemies. It basically devolves into a soap opera of the various dramas of Paris’s rich and powerful families. Monte Cristo barely needs to lift a finger to destroy these people, since with a few mostly harmless suggestions, it looks like they're all going to self-destruct at any moment without outside help. The ending never really recovers from the action of the beginning, thanks in large part to the characters. There are more than it's worth keeping track of, including a lot of side characters, family members, and name changes. A detailed, spoiler-free flow chart of how everyone is connected to everyone else would have been helpful. (But be careful about Googling those because spoilers.)

Edmond Dantès is an easy hero to pull for, since he’s honest, good, and capable, and he has a kind of earnest faith that things will work out that’s endearing. He goes through a fair amount of character development in prison, and his father/son relationship with Faria is especially moving. On the other hand, it's difficult to like his alternate persona, The Count of Monte Cristo. Dumas goes a bit overboard in making him filthy rich and knowledgeable about literally every subject, and no matter how generous he is to his slaves, they're still slaves. Whether he’s playing the part of a pompous ass or is actually a pompous ass is sort of irrelevant by the end. There are a couple of flailing attempts at character development in the last sections where he wonders whether he had the right to do everything he did, but it's too little/too late to make much of an impact.

The story wouldn't work without some Shakespeare-level villains. Danglars is Iago whispering in Othello’s ear, and Villefort is even more insidious because his upstanding citizen act is so convincing. Caderousse is just a coward, and it’s interesting to see how jealousy, ambition, and fear all play an integral part in condemning an innocent man. Mercédès is a bland love interest; Valentine and Morrel are basically the Cosette and Marius of the novel, but at least there are some decent people on the page to pull for. Much as I dislike all the descriptors of Eugenie as “masculine” (because she must be less of a woman if she has a mind of her own), she's a powerhouse, and I was living for her lesbian relationship with her piano instructor.

It's clear Dumas has no idea when to end a story, since every time I thought we'd wrapped up a plot with a certain character, they'd resurface a few chapters later to spin it out a little further. Though everything (and I do mean everything) moves much more slowly than necessary, I was satisfied with the way it all played out. It's hard to come back from a main character I can barely stand though, and I happen to not like novels where nearly every character is terrible. While I found Les Mis surprisingly relevant on its social commentary, I’m struggling to see why Monte Cristo has stuck around. Only the first parts could reliably be called an "adventure novel," and the rest is purely middle of the road.

#book review #the count of monte cristo #alexandre dumas #monte cristo readalong #classics #3/5 #rating: 3/5

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thesorceressyennefer · 6 years ago

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Hey friend! Congrats on 1k! You are so talented, and a huge inspiration 💜 The song/fic idea is super creative! One of my favorite personal headcannons is that Modern!Lumax's song is 'when I'm with you' by Best Coast!💛💛 I would love a sweet little modern lumax fic, and you write lumax better than anyone. Happy writing and have fun! -@michael-hearteyes-wheeler

Thank you so much Allie, you are too kind!! “When I’m With You” is such a lumax bop, I loved it! The modern part of your request got a little lost in the 2 months it took me to write this, but the time period is pretty ambiguous so I hope this is acceptable lol! @michael-hearteyes-wheeler

(also on AO3)

Max knew UCLA had been the right choice.

It didn’t matter that she had slowly fallen in love with Hawkins. With the teeny tiny downtown with that housed a whopping two decent restaurants. With the leaves that turned bright, beautiful colors she’d never seen in California. And most importantly, with the people who became her family.

Hawkins didn’t have the ocean (no matter how many times the party argued with her that Lake Michigan was basically the same thing). It didn’t have endless days of sunshine. It didn’t have the unexplainable feeling of comfort and familiarity she felt in California, even in the parts of the state she hadn’t been before.

At least that’s what she told herself as her dad pulled out of the parking lot and she turned back around to face her dorm building, a sense of both abandonment and adventure swirling in the pit of her stomach.

She had been able to tag along with the Sinclairs to drop Lucas off at Yale, as his semester started a few weeks before her first quarter. She wondered if this was how he felt after they all drove away. Was it panic or excitement that won out in the end for him?

She decided to ask him, heading back into her dorm room and dialing the number of his dorm room, then panicking because it was only 1 p.m. and he was probably in class, but oh wait, no, there’s a three hour time difference now—

“Hello?”

“Hey stalker,” said Max, relaxing into her chair.

“Hi Mad Max,” she could hear the smile in Lucas’s voice. “You get moved in okay?”

“Yeah, first one here, so I got to claim bottom bunk.”

Lucas asked about her room and how her dad is doing, distracting her from the reason she called until a silence settles, the terror creeps back in, and she remembers.

“Be honest were you kind of freaking out when your parents and Erica and I left you at your dorm room?”

“Oh no, I was completely calm waiting for the stranger I was supposed to be sleeping five feet from to come back from shopping, alone in a city I had only been in once before, no idea what college classes would be like…” Lucas paused. “Of course I was freaking out. I sobbed into my pillow. And if you tell any of the party I told you that I’m flying to California and stealing your skateboard.”

“So what I’m hearing is that if I want you to visit, I just have to tell Dustin how you cried like a little baby.”

“I’d rather you just ask me to visit.”

“Okay, I guess I could just do that.”

Lucas never understood the way Max used “home” interchangeably to refer to Hawkins and California until he left Indiana himself.

He never thought he’d miss boring Hawkins, where nothing ever changed. But he missed knowing every street name, every curve of the road, every neighbor’s name. He missed the ice cream from Scoops Ahoy, even though the Baskin-Robbins around the corner tastes nearly identical. When classes felt too difficult, when friends felt too few and far between, he found himself wishing for home.

Then, he went back to Hawkins for Christmas break and felt the same yearning for home, only this time home was New Haven. He felt himself wishing for his favorite bench in the park near campus, for a place with a decent latte, and even for his usual spot in among the stacks in the library.

“It’s so weird how New Haven feels like home now, but Hawkins also feels like home, but, like, in a different way” he told Max as they sat on the floor of his bedroom.

“I know what you mean,” said Max, stretching her leg out to push her foot playfully against Lucas’s. “I wish I could have Hawkins and LA together.”

“And New Haven?” Lucas asked softly, ready to laugh it off as a joke, but hoping Max would say yes.

“And New Haven,” Max agreed, smiling at him.

Max loved when Lucas came to visit. All of the places she felt tired of—Third Street Promenade, the Getty, Dodger’s games—were all made new every time he came to visit. She was never bored with him around, even if they were just skating in circles around Venice or sharing an In-N-Out shake.

Instead of getting used to being apart, Max felt it getting harder and harder to be without Lucas each passing year. The ocean’s beauty dimmed without Lucas’s perpetual astonishment in every detail at the beach. The view around the Griffith Observatory wasn’t as beautiful without him in the foreground.

Worse was going back to her apartment at the end of each day and going to bed alone. She hated that she had ever complained about Lucas’s snoring. She’d put up with any amount of noise just to know he was right there, within arm’s reach.

The truth was she was starting to feel like home wasn’t a city, it was Lucas. The last time she visited Lucas, she felt just as at home wandering around New Haven with his hand in hers as she did wandering around LA.

Their lives take Max and Lucas many places: New York for a few years, then to San Francisco for grad school, then back to Hawkins when Mrs. Sinclair falls ill, then to Portland, then finally back to Los Angeles to be near Max’s father when they find out she’s pregnant.

Lucas doesn’t even realize how that yearning for towns past disappears when he moves in to his first apartment with Max, never to reappear through any of these cities.

Now when his boss is being impossible or he feels lonely, he still wishes for home. But home is now the arms of his wife, wherever she may be.

Max doesn’t notice the way she stops comparing every city to her hometown.

Whatever city she’s in, it’s just the backdrop. Her home is standing firmly in the foreground, and even when he’s not there, she can close her eyes and see him so clearly with the long-ago-lost camouflage bandana across his forehead.

#michael-hearteyes-wheeler #lumax #max mayfield #lucas sinclair #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #i dont even remember my tag for song fics shit #did i even have one lol #rachel celebrates #???#my writing #mine #it's been so long since ive written anything be kind #also this one goes out to all of you starting college in the next few weeks!!!#have fun be safe y'all!

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whatzappening · 6 years ago

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The Zappadydoodah

Hello! I’m Jenny – I am 38, married to a beautiful (in all the ways) lady for five years. We have a son who is nearly two and another baby on the way. I’m writing this down because I’m in a transformative time of life, with deliberate hope for change occurring around some treatment for my Stuff. I’m feeling super overwhelmed, massively restless and thought it might be a) handy to channel it all into a writing area, and b) useful for anyone else in a similar sitch.

The Stuff

So here’s my stuff. Fibromyalgia since 2005, Chronic Fatigue diagnosed since 2011, Depression and Anxiety diagnosed since 2012 but probably always. Definitely always.

Here is a list of some of the things I have done to try to manage/fix/deal with my stuff:

SSRI’s

Meditation

Herbal supplements

Naturopathy

CBT

Psychotherapy

Protein shakes

Exercise Therapy

Counseling

Hydrotherapy

Acupuncture

Pilates

Yoga

All of the Elimination Diets

Gym

Walking

Alexander Technique

Kinesiology

Psychics

Hypnosis

A thousand doctors

Graded Exercise Therapy

Narrative Therapy

Rheumatologist

Physiotherapy

Massage

Reiki

All the other stuff I can’t remember

Short of fish slapping that’s all I can remember right now (I did not try fish slapping). I want to be clear that a lot of these things have been extremely helpful in managing my life and keeping me as upright and mobile as possible. The ones who promised me that they could fix me, did the opposite and caused catastrophic setbacks, in every single case. I don’t feel like me listing which ones are which is helpful because every human reacts differently to different options depending on who they are and what their experiences have been.

I will say, however, that my current team members around my health are counselor, physiotherapist, massage therapist, acupuncturist/TCM practitioner.

So that is my stuff. Read on if you fancy!

What’s happening now, and how and why?

So a couple of months ago we were taking our kid for an outing on a Sunday morning. We thought we’d head to a local market about half an hour’s drive and visit our friends who were selling food there to raise money for the local wildlife shelter. Cute! Fun Sunday outing! He fell asleep five minutes from our destination so we kept going, because sleep is golden and we had no place we had to be, and ended up driving past my sister’s place.

We hadn’t seen them for a little while (she lives there with her daughters who are 19 and 20, both at uni this year so sometimes not there) and pulled up in the driveway, waking them up because they don’t live with a toddler and get to sleep in. I have no bitterness about this, it’s just something worth mentioning.

Her youngest daughter, my niece has had severe fibromyalgia for several years now. The list of things she’s tried are varied and include things like hospital stays, ketamine infusions, morphine – and they didn’t help. Morphine didn’t touch the sides of her pain. I won’t go into too much detail but her quality of life was non existent and she was cut down at her best and brightest. It’s horrific and unfair and all the other things. I have not seen colour in that kid’s face other than green for a number of years.

When we rocked up, she was pink cheeked and was about to go out for brunch with a friend.

Let me pause there – every part of that sentence was not possible for years. So after mouthing OMG at my sister when my niece wasn’t looking, we sat down at my sister’s dining table after her she went out with her friend and my sister took my hand. She teared up and said will you please, please think about trying this thing. It works. Look at her.

And then my heart skipped a beat. It had literally not occurred to me that anything could work. That was certainly not my lived experience. I knew they were trying a thing, and I was ready to support them as much as I could (and knowing that sometimes I need to keep a stronger boundary, to protect my sense of self and eschew self pity) when it inevitably didn’t work and their desperation in scrambling for something, some relief, would continue.

“things don’t work for people like me”

That was the sentence that was ringing in my head, loud and clear as a bell. I had believed one too many times when someone had promised me they could make it all better, and then as time went on the prices would increase and the narrowing field of ways I could be pressed in on me and the possibilities vanished when things that weren’t actually physically possible for me to do (and no, I couldn’t push through or engage in mind over matter, get fucked if you think that’s a thing that can happen in this situation, frankly) and I was a bad, naughty client who wasn’t complying so their promise no longer applied. By then they had all of the money and my sense of self was at rock bottom. Snake oil merchants for the win.

Four or so years ago I had a massive breakthrough with a fabulous narrative therapist I was working on my health management with. One day she asked me how it would be if I could just accept my limitations and not place pressure on myself to be capable of anything more than I could do. That I have a serious illness that impacts every single area of my life, and the more I ignore it the louder it gets. How would it feel to accept that?

Because I was ready to hear it, and because I trusted her, and because I knew everything I knew by that stage, I took it in and really imagined how it would feel. And my shoulders dropped about fifty metres and I felt relaxed and calm.

That year I had my first winter since my diagnosis where I didn’t have a severe depressive episode. I rested more, I kept myself warm, I didn’t push myself to not be such a big whiny baby. I cared for myself. I didn’t pretend I wasn’t unwell. I acknowledged it and acted accordingly. Bloody hell – it was absolutely life altering. I will always be grateful to that therapist for that revelation. Then she went and decided to help the refugees on Manus Island with their myriad of psychological issues resulting from trauma and abuse, which I understood but felt a bit miffed about in a selfish way.

So that huge shift had informed the way I went about caring for myself. What a relief to not feel the pressure of turning every stone over just in case. Wearing myself out going to All The Appointments. Never stopping because if I did that meant giving up.

Stopping is brilliant and should be compulsory for all people in all situations.

So now I have my team around me. Every member is crucial and I’m pretty happy most of the time. I’m a great parent and wife and friend and relative, I think.

The thought of messing with that? Oof. SO risky. Terrifying. But my sister held my hand and asked me to think about it. So I did.

I don’t mean to vaguebook atcha. The thing is called TMS and is usually provided to people who have severe depression. The kind where no medication works and everything is hopeless. It’s non invasive, and uses magnetic thingamebobs to retrain the pathways in your brain that have died off due to illness. So for people with fibro, the pathways of normal sensation are often replaced with pain pathways. Recently when I was extremely distressed about a work situation and I could not deal with what was happening, my brain told me that whenever I took a step I was at risk of my ankle shattering. My ankle was not at risk of shattering, but the pain felt extremely real and terrifying. And so on and so forth. So the TMS thingo (and to be honest it’s a little bit tinfoil hat to avoid the government reading your thoughts) is a metal cap that goes over your hair on the place where the specific neural pathways are, then magnetic waves are sent through the thing which stimulate your brains. It’s habit forming, so doing it once a week isn’t going to do squat. But 3-5 zaps a week (each zap is 30-60 mins) will be highly likely to have an impact. 5 will work faster, 3 will still work the same amount but will take a little longer.

They recommend about 30 sessions and then you can taper off and see how you respond. Here’s the kick. I live 90 mins from Melbourne CBD and it’s the closest place I can go for treatment. A three hour round trip a day isn’t possible for me (both in terms of fatigue and available free time).

My work is quite seasonal so I had planned to close off my books from May for a few months, and we were all going to go as a family to rent a house for a few months and just smash it. But then we both realised my wife’s pregnancy wasn’t getting easier and sooner would be better than later. So the compromise is as follows:

Kicking off this month with a week together as a family for calibration and a couple of treatments, and then I’ll head to Melbourne Tuesday morning til Thursday middle of the day allowing me three zaps (Tues – Wed – Thurs) and on the way home I get acupuncture so I can decompress a bit before arriving for family time at home and don’t just dump all my emotions all over them. I’ll have had time to process and chat a bit. Fridays the kidlet is in daycare, Saturdays and Sundays as per usual, Monday with the wee fella. Tuesdays drop him off at daycare late on my way in to town. We’re getting some help with kid wrangling on Wednesdays from daycare pickup to bedtime so my beautiful pregnant wife won’t have to be too exhausted after working all day. There’s a lot going on. Did I mention we’re married but not legally so we’re going to do that in a few weeks as well? It’s a big time.

I turned it all over and over and over in my head, spoke with some key people and most helpfully talked with my love. You don’t owe us anything, she said, and meant it. You try it, you don’t try it, we love you. Your body and health changes, or doesn’t, we love you. If you try it and it doesn’t work and it creates massive turmoil for you then we cross that bridge. You’ve dealt with worse.

So forward we go.

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mad-hatter51 · 8 years ago

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Experiencing (a tiny amount of) Pain From the Atom Bomb

Hiroshima was a different story. Huge city, but Ill be honest in admitting that I felt a little unsure about going to visit it as Americans. It turned out to be a great experience. We first walked to the A-Bomb Dome-former Hiroshima Industrial Promotion Hall. The first bomb was intended for a bridge 150m to the west. But it actually detonated 600m above the Promotion Hall, which barely salvaged the building, though everyone in it and surroundings died. In the Peace Park there are some monuments and a fountain that will run until the worlds nuclear weapons are disposed of, and also a tomb of 70,000 indistinguishable people's ashes. We took a tour with a few other Americans, and thought that the museum was cool not only because of the interesting information, but because there wasn't anger/resentment in how the museum was set up. Rather, it seemed that the message was trying to promote peace and world awareness of nuclear weapons. Very up to date and informative museum. At one part of the tour, reading the anecdotes of some of the stories, and one in particular of a boy who went downstairs, after the explosion, and (to save the gory details) was almost unrecognizable to his mother as he asked for a cup of water, made me want to weep. He didn't realize what happened, he just knew he was thirsty. And the pain the Mom experienced in that moment hit me hard. With the interesting came the sad reality of it, something I wasn't really ready for. Afterwards walked around downtown Hiroshima-found a local hole in the wall shop (that was showing the Hiroshima Carp baseball game) and the menu was completely in Japanese, and the couple who owned the restaurant didn't speak any English. So we did as we love to do...point to an item on the menu, shake our heads to confirm, "Yes, even though you're giving me that confused look, that is indeed what I would like to eat." And hope for the best. Thankfully it was pretty good. Got back to the hostel, but Billy wasn't feeling too well, so we made sure he was settled in for the night and then headed out to a local restaurant that was known for a certain dish (best eaten in southern Japan) called okonomiyaki. Best way to describe it is meat/noodles fried together to resemble either an omelette or pancake-however you prefer it. I'm not sure what it was-except for amazing. The food was delicious, but the service not so great. It was fine, but in reflecting on it-(because of the lack of English for the waiter, and let's be honest, lack of Japanese on my part) I've never felt more persuaded and misunderstood in ordering anything at a restaurant before. It was pretty funny-but the waiter was asking us questions on what we wanted, and then we made suggestions, and then he would say "no no" (although not rudely) and point to something else and basically told us that's what we would be getting. This back and forth went on for a minute or two before we just accepted what he said-and like I said earlier, were fortunate with the results. It was however a hilarious interaction to start off our time at the restaurant. Then made our way to another onsen in a hotel, which even had small wooden bowls which you were supposed to fill with water and pour on yourself as you showered. I love onsens, super relaxing and peaceful. So we relaxed there for a while and hung with the locals. When we got back we grabbed some beers at the 7/11 and hung out with some other backpackers in the hostel lobby before hitting the hay. Fun Fact: although few people speak English well here, just about every sign you see has Japanese and English, making it a very accommodating country for travelers.

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furiousharmonykryptonite-blog1 · 7 years ago

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I just sold my car (02/04) and am trying to rent a car until I buy the new car (02/05-02/15). What happens to the auto insurance that I had with the car that I just sold (I paid the coverage until 02/16). Was it automatically terminated when I sold my car? Since my policy covers the insurance for the rental car too, if it will continue until 02/16, I dont have to pay for additional rental insurance at a rental shop (I believe I paid around $13 per day before). Also, does debit cards (from local banks) also usually cover the insurance for the rental car too (I know most of credit cards do that).""

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i was just wondering i think there cool but do they look gay at all? i just dont want to get it and then have people call me gay afterwards for getting it ( if i do) also are they good cars etc

What happens when a car insurance company commits fraud? Please help!!?

I was told by my car insurance that my car was totaled, and would only be good for parts. It was in a MINOR flood, and I called to have it evaluated. They said water was in the motor, fuse boxes, everything was ruined supposedly. I knew they were lying, because I had my fiance check it all out, and there wasn't a drop in it except for the carpeting. I told them so, and said I wanted the car back to fix it myself, but the adjustor said they already paid my bank for the damage (not even the full amount, they came up with about 45% of the payoff amount, but it was worth what I owed on it). They said if I wanted it back, I would have to give them $2,700 for the car. I said to hell with it, and had to come up with 2,600 to pay off the remaining part of the loan, and then go buy another car. Last year, I seen my car in the next town over. Same vin number, same paint chipped bumper, same fist mark behind the passenger door. I was mad, but blew it off. Then, I seen it on a buy sell trade site and decided to inquire about the details. The guy bought it for $800 and didn't have to fix anything on it except for what I needed to fix before the flood (window regulator, wheel baring, and new tires). He told me he thought I had committed insurance fraud to get a pay out from them. So, I called my old insurance company, and the lady took all my information down and gave me the adjustor's number, the adjustor's supervisor's number, and the fraud department's number. I called the adjustor, left a message, and then filed a claim with the fraud department. They said to expect a call from them next week. What exactly happens in a case like this?? I don't expect a hefty payout or anything, but still, I've never known anyone who had this happen to them, but I do know people who committed insurance fraud. They get into huge trouble and pay out fines, but what if its the INSURANCE that commits fraud? Thanks!!""

Drive new car on an old insurance policy?

Hi all, I have got fully comp insurance on my car, but I have just sold it. Now I have bought a new one can I drive my new car on my insurance policy without changing it and be covered third party? If the answer is yes will it cause any problems for the person I have just sold my old car to?""

Has all 2ltr cars got the same cost in insurance for a 17 year old?

Car insurance help (UK ONLY)?

my mums car insurance company is tryin to screw her over... i need opinions please! the car got wrote off due to something smashing it from the back as it was parked therefore perpitrator was never found! the car was worth 500 which was 100 deducted for policy... then the insurance compony took the whole wak of 12 months insurance aswell when we only had the car for a month! is that fair? deucting that for 500 leaving us with 154.77... IS THIS LEGAL????

How do i mail in insurance card for a ticket i received?

Disadvantages of having free healthcare insurance?

like costco wholesales helping non employees on health insurance coverage

affordable healcare insurance

How old do you have to be to start driving lessons?

Where can I search for health insurance that's right for me?

I'm looking for affordable health insurance. Is there a website where I can compare rates and benefits of different health insurance providers side by side?

If you didn;t need to buy car insurance till you get into an accident?

Would you buy insurance till you needed it. Same with Health insurance, why buy it till I need it. Obama Care says you can not be denied health care for pre existing.""

Does my liability only motorcycle insurance cover a bike I test ride?

Can i wait till after i pay my speeding ticket to go to traffic school so my insurance wont go up?

I got a speeding ticket last night for driving 80mph on 65mph highway. I have Allstate insurance. I got it in los angeles california. I already went to traffic school this year for failure to signal but its almost been 12 months.

Car insurance question?

Last week, I had my husband's car parked up at work and I was notified that our car was broken into. The passenger side window was smashed and the thief took our GPS unit. The repair for the window cost 240 and the unit itself would be about 500. My husband call our insurance company and they said they wont cover it because we have a 500 dollar deductible for auto insurance and the GPS is considered home insurance which is 1,000. Is there anything that can be done to have insurance pay for this? I mean we want my company to be responsible for it but they are saying this isn't there issue. Any help would be great Thanks""

Can any body tell me what is the lowest online car insurance company?

i have an old car and sometimes i use it but i think i pay too much to insure it $55 a month and it is just liablity insurance and i am looking for an online insurance company that can give me a very low rate

Since the passage of The Affordable Care Act (0bamacare) how much have your health insurance rates gone down?

How much more affordable is your health care ?

Can I have two cars under two separate car insurance companies read my situation please!?

I have my own insurance on my own car with Farmers Insurance. However, my best friend just bought a new car and her insurance rate sucks. Can I insure my friends car under my name with Gieco and add my friend as a secondary driver and keep my Farmers insurance under my own car? Also, is there any way that Farmers would no if I did this? Do I have to tell anyone I have two insurance companies? Just put insurance, right? THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!""

What would it cost to add someone who has a drink drive conviction to my car insurance for a couple of weeks?

It would be third party fire & theft; the same as me.

How can i get my car insurance company to lower my car insurance?

my car insurance went from 212 to 259 and i can't afford it but i need full coverage i am a full time nursing student and i just got 10 more monthsto go but i'm on a budget and that car insurance rate doesn't fit my budget

Can we get health insurance with just part A only in medicare?

looking for supplemental insurance with just Part A on my social security medicare who would be good to contact?

Can I still use my mom's health insurance?

My Mom has Anthem Blue Cross SISC III. I am married but 19 years old, and under the Affordable Care Act, children 26 and under are still supposed to be covered, married or unmarried, unless the adult child has another offer of employer-based coverage . My husband is a Marine, so I have the option to use Tricare, but I do not have my OWN employer-based coverage, so can I still use my mom's insurance? Her insurance plan is a lot better than Tricare.""

Health insurance question / traveling?

im traveling in california. the past couple months i have experienced cascading medical problems. i have health insurance back in my home state.... how do i see a doctor? i think i need to see one before i go home! help?

How do i open a car insurance company?

my husband and i were thinking ofdoing this .We would sell insurance for geico or any other insurance company basically we would be the middle man. But we dont know who to talk to ? how to begin ?

Can any body tell me what is the lowest online car insurance company?

Which are the cheapest car to insurance in Canada?

Hello: Planing to buy a car, but I will considered a car that is cheaper to insure, any suggestion? Thank you in advanced""

Questions about motorcycle insurance?

I am planning on buying a 150cc scooter in the Spring. In Michigan, my home state, these are considered motorcycles. Also, in Michigan, they must be insured. My questions are: (1) If I am only riding my scooter for three months out of the year, will I still have to pay for insurance during the fall and winter? (2) What is the cheapest motorcycle insurance out there, and typically, how much would I be paying per month? I am a new cycle rider, but have driven a car for 5 years without an accident.""

How do I obtain Auto Insurance Declaration Page(s)?

My insurance company is asking about Auto Insurance Declaration Page(s). I don't know what it is or how to obtain it. I have never had auto insurance before this is my first time. Where can I obtain an Auto Insurance Declaration Page(s)? Thanks

Can a teen get his own car insurance in texas ?

can a 16 year olds get his own car insurance policy rather than just adding to the adult parents policy? also at what age can I am on my own car rather than just having it in the parents name? I live in texas .

Is there a grace period on car insurance coverage after a cancellation for California with Mercury insurance?

Had coverage with Mercury insurance. Expired 12/05/07, but renewed it on 12/07/07. During the on day lapse was hit by an uninsured vehicle and now Mercury insurance states there is no grace period, so I wanted to know if there is a California law that states other wise?""

Where is there a cheap car insurance place here in Dallas 75248.?

I moved back to Dallas near addison, and I am looking for a place to get cheap libitily insurance under 100. 60 would be ok. Any suggestions?""

Cancel Car Insurance in Florida-How?

It's my dad's car and everything is under his name. Currently his out of the country and won't be back for a month or two. He got two cars insured with Progressive, one I want to cancel because it's broken down. Told the insurance agent about it and he told me to go down to the tag(building, whatever it call) and turn in the tag to get a paper? My dad is not in the country so will I be able to turn the tag in for him without problem? and what tag is the agent talking about(registration tag?) Also will there be any other document needed? (Going down tomorrow but gathering some information first) Thank You.""

""What do i do if i need to see a doctor, but dont have insurance?

i need to see a doctor but dont have any money to pay off future bills. what can i do? i live in nh. are there temporary insurances that are affordable? should i just go and not pay whatever bills they send? will i get denied if i have no insurance or any means of paying the medical bills?

Is it legal to do this with car insurance?

I know of people who do this for the sake of saving money, but I am not sure if it is legal or not? Say Person A has horrible insurance rates to the point of where driving is impossible to afford. Now let's say Person A sells their car to their significant other, Person B for a small price and transfers the title into Person B's name, so now this car on Person B's active insurance policy. Person B's rates will go up a bit based on their cost to insure, however Person A will still be driving this vehicle on a regular basis, and simply pay Person B the additional, much cheaper premium. Is this legal? If not, how would anyone ever know the difference? Now the new""

affordable healcare insurance

""California Life and Health Insurance, How can i Lower my Insurance rates?""

California Life and Health Insurance, How can i Lower my Insurance rates?""

""Is it true that if you say you work in IT when getting quotes for car insurance, it increases the premium?""

Has anyone actually found this to be the case? Better still, has anyone got any idea why this would be so? Now I'm thinking of what I could have saved if I had been a little more flexible with the truth! (UK insurance, but I'd be interested to hear from anyone anywhere).""

Cheap car insurance in norfolk VA?

I'm tired of paying $200 for 2 old cars. Anybody know where I can get cheap liability insurance from?

Car Insurance and good grades ?

I hate All state as insurance. I am in college, how high does my GPA have to be and also how much do they lower insurance for having good grades?""

On average how much more is insurance when you add a teen driver?

I am 17 and I've taken driving lessons( I heard insurance give like a little discounts) if this matters.

""Best and reliable home ,auto ,life insurance?

bset and reliable home auto insurance

Have to get medical insurance with Obamacare?

I am enrolling in health insurance and was curious.. I know that Obamacare (Affordable Care Act) requires you to get insurance, but what kind does it mandate? for example, if I get dental coverage, does the act require me to still get Medical?""

Which car would have a higher insurance - Audi or Lexus?

I have a reckless driving back in August 2008 Speeding ticket - 50 on 35 May 2008 ever since then I have not been pulled over Thank you

Around how much would classic car insurance be for a 1985 chevy silverado 350 V8?

Auto insurance what gender is cheaper to insure?

Hello everyone well i have a question regarding auto insurance me and my wife are considered new drivers now its been awhile since we had a policy i realise women typically get better rates however will she get a much better rate or just slightly better i am 42 and she is 28 and we both have good driving records

How much do you guys think insurance would cost on a 1999 Honda cbr 600 f4 for a 16 year old in ontario?

I know there are many answers but i an general estimate, and what about a hysoung gt250r""

What is good insurance for teens?

Can I have some good companies? I want the basic insurance package. im 17, male, senior in HS""

Cheap health insurance?

anyone know of any cheaper health insurance (maybe like $ 50/mo) i am a single student.

Do you have to get insurance as soon as you get your license?

I plan on going to get my drivers license in a few weeks (hopefully I pass!) and I've been told you have to have insurance right away. I'm currently on my parents plan with my permit but it's not costing them anything. Their agent said to immediately notify her once I get my license. Could she have said this just because she thought I would be getting a car? I don't plan on getting a car anytime soon but drive my parents cars occasionally. So will the insurance go up any if I don't have my own car that needs to be insured? If so will it be a lot? All answers will be greatly appreciated, because my parents are trying to make me put off getting my license because their car insurance is sky high already because of all the tickets & wrecks my brother has gotten in & I really want my license! Thanks in advance!""

What are some good low cost learner legal bike with cheap insurance?

i'm 17 and i'm looking to purchase my first motorbike so i was wondering if you could give me some bike for less than about 2000 with cheap insurance?, but no rubbish Chinese bike because they fall apart""

Car provisional insurance?

Well i was wondering i bought a renault clio im on my provisional licence and quoted 900 pounds for a provisional insurance and 2000 for full licence if i payed 900 for a provisional would i then have to pay 1100 to get it to full insurance or the whole 2000 to get it to full insurance?

Car insurance after customization?

If I put a body kit, new wheels, etc... onto my car will it affect insurance? Do I need to let them know? Before? What about the warranty, I have bumper to bumper warranty.""

Question about car insurance?

I'm wondering something about car insurance. I am a 17 year old male, (turning 18 in 1 month) and have been driving a 2001 Hyundai accent since October. I am insured with esurance, and have liability only. I have a clean driving record. My monthly insurance is $197. I am on my parents policy. When I first called to get a quote, (cheapest company for me) it was around 120 a month, but then they got the VIN number and of course it went up because it knew exactly what car it was. Of course car insurance is very expensive for a male my age. My question is that I'm trying to save money to buy a jeep wrangler this summer. Will probably be a year 1997-2003. I want to know about how much it would cost to insure the jeep. I hear mixed responses about the cost to insure a wrangler, iv heard it's expensive because of the high theft rate and roll over chances. I know of course I don't know how much it will be exactly, considering I don't have a VIN number for the jeep wrangler. I get extremely expensive quotes when I search online, and the are all completely off. My parents policy has probably 4 or 5 cars on it and I am excluded off everyone's car. My sister has been in 2 wrecks and 2 speeding tickets, which I heard makes my insurance increase also. Anyone who has a general idea about cost for me to insure a jeep wrangler, thank you.""

A question about health insurance...?

Newly married and never had to pay for health insurance on my own before. What is a good price, through work, for health insurance benefits?""

""Kawasaki Ninja 250R, insurance help?""

I just turned 17 last week, and it's the summer break now and am looking to get a job. The plan is to earn and save as much money as possible until I have enough to purchase the 2012 Kawasaki Ninja 250R Motorcycle. I've read and heard many good things about it, and it seems to me like it's a good starter bike to purchase. One thing I am unclear for is the insurance. I've read that insurance for the Ninja 250R is very cheap, but also have read that it can be really expensive. Realistically, what am I looking at here annually? I have a clean record, I'm also planning to get my M1 in the next few weeks.""

Can anybody tell me what impairment rating have to do with an auto settlement?

my lawyer tells me she cant make a demand to the insurance company till i get an impairment rating from my doctor. what does that mean and what is a good rating?

Can I insure a Car under My Insurance if I am not on the title?

I just bought a used car and had my fiance's mother finance it under her name because she got me a 7% APR which is really good compared to what I would have gotten. The finance guy at the dealership said to just have the car under her name to get that great rate and leave me off the loan completely. I will be making the payments, driving it, & insuring it. She is just the person who's name is on the title (so I could get that great APR rate) Now, I was just wondering, can I insure the vehicle under my policy even though my name is not on the title? I am kind of worried that my insurance company will not let me insure the car because my name is not on the title. Does anyone have any experiences or knowledge about this sort of thing? Thank you for your help""

How much MORE can you expect to pay on insurance for this car?

I know every person will have there own prices, but if i purchase a g35 coupe rather than a sedan, will the insurance skyrocket? I'm 20 yrs old, like 2 tickets, you think i should just go with the sedan?""

Question about car insurance?

Is car insurance cheaper the older the car is or is it the other way around?

""I bought a car in NY, I have VA insurance and i wanna kno How can i register the car?

Need registration for car with VA insurance

affordable healcare insurance

Auto and House Insurance...what to ask!?

I'm a first time auto and house insurance buyer....yipee (NOT!) As I shop around for prices, I find each of the policies vary so much. What are some key questions I should be asking? What are the things I should be inquring about which will greatly affect the future with this insurance? In other words, to those of you who have had experience with insurance policies, what do you find most important in having on your policy? How do I make sure I'm well covered?? Thanks!!!""

What is the best thing to do when an un-insured driver hits you and you only have liability coverage?

I was hit July 16th behind my rear passenger door. I drive a chevy malibu 2000. The driver's policy was cancelled 12 days before the accident. I was told to repair my car I would need to take him to small claims court. What is the best option I would have? Would I even win because by law you are not allowed to even drive an uninsured car therefore he should have never been on the road?

Insurance on a car that is my moms?

Hey, I'll be getting my license tomorrow but I don't have a car yet. I asked my mom if I would be able to drive her car around but she said that if I get into a wreck the insurance wouldn't cover the repairs since she wasn't driving. She said I had to be on the insurance for it to be covered. Is this true? And is there anyway around that?""

Do car insurance quotes go up daily?

I am being quoted much more now than a fortnight ago

Why is it hard to find medical Insurances?

i have a heart condition, why is it hard to find medical insurances?""

How much for infinity g35 or nissan 350z insurance?

Well ive had my license since I was 16 and im currently 18. I have a jeep and after working on it and driving it so much ive decided to get rid of it for something new. Im pretty set on getting either a g35,350z or 330xi, however, i wanted to know how much insurance might cost for either the infinity or the 350z. For the people who want to judge and say i dont deserve any of these cars,please refrain from commenting that on this post.1)I do not car and 2) Im a very good driver and i drive a lot and have a lot of experience on the road sees that I'm always driving around to and from practice,work,and each parents house because they are divorced. thank you""

How much should I expect to pay for umbrella insurance?

I'm a landscaping contractor in Southern California. I think I need about $2,000,000 in umbrella insurance. How much should I expect to pay (yearly) for that?""

Is this what health insurance companies and Conservatives think about people with preexisting conditions?

Will getting a speeding ticket increase my insurance rates?

I am 17 with my G2 on my parents State Farm Insurance Policy, but will be taken off in 5 months when I move out to university. I got a speeding ticket (65 in a 50) and no points with it...will they find out if I just mail the check myself?""

Is it misandric that young men have to pay more for car insurance?

I mean, its noted that young men tend to have more severe accidents, than women and older men - but isnt this just another case of generalising based on age and sex? A similar generalisation made about women, would have caused an uproar and certainly no policies would have been based on such generalisations about women - as it would face immediate protest, then why is it OK to generalise young men like this? Source : http://education.yahoo.net/auto-insurance/articles/why_do_men_pay_more_for_car_insurance.htm""

Car insurance in America for non citizens on holiday?

I have a few questions about car insurance in America for non citizens. I am going to the USA this summer and will be driving alot.I have car insurance on my own car and have a full license and an international driving permit.Do i have to get insurance on the car in america or will my own insurance in ireland cover it or will i have to start another policy with an american company?Will this cost alot?My insurance here is not expensive and ive never been in an accident or made any claims.Is it possible to be put on my friends insurance as a driver and if so how much would this be cheaper then buying my own insurance?Any information would be great, i am very confused on the matter.""

How much does it cost to insure a first car in the UK?

I don't want a super fast car, just a banger to get me around, I was thinking Ford Ka or a 1960's mini, also if it's used does that effect insurance? And any hidden costs that I should know about? And does having an old car make it cheaper or more expensive to run? Also any hints tips or suggestions would be very welcome, thank you. :)""

What is a cheap car insurance for a 19 year old?

How does car insurance work for a student learner?

I'm 21 years old and I just got a permit to learn driving in the state of Illinois. I do not live with my parents, I live with my aunt and uncle who have a car and have auto insurance. How does auto insurance work for someone in my situation? The car I'll be using to practice is not of my parents, and I myself have no auto insurance (I don't own a car or have a DL, obviously) Is auto insurance attached to the car and not the person? Suppose I'm driving a car which has auto insurance of my aunt and uncle, is the car still covered by the insurance? When I take the drivers test using a car that belongs to my aunt/uncle, they will obviously not be present in the car. Will I need to have car insurance at that point to be able to take the exam?""

Why do we need health insurance?

People complain about not being able to afford health insurance, and people aslo complain that the health insurance they do have doesn't cover what they need it to cover. Doesn't it seem more like health insurance is the middle man that keeps the price of health related goods and services at such a rate that is unattainable by the majority of US citizens? Wouldn't the tens of thousands of doctors be forced to lower their rates to an affordible rate if health insurance, as a standard practice, was abolished?""

Why do people ask yahoo answers about car insurance quotes.?

When its so much quicker, easier and obviously more accurate to either call insurance company or do an online quote.""

How much does no claims effect your car insurance?

Ive just had my windows smashed and was wondering whether or not it would be better to just pay for the windows to be repaired rather than go through insurance. I estimate 700 for the windows. I am 19 and have 2 years no claims, any ideas what the best course of action is?""

What are california's car insurance laws?

Im a new driver and was wondering if its a type of insurance i need. I only have Liability on my car nothing else am i ok if i get pulled over and asked for proof of insurance??

""In Florida, if I let my car insurance expire, will my drivers License get suspended?""

I am not in debt with the insurance company, but I just cannot afford to continue paying for the insurance right now. So what exactly would happen if I just let the insurance expire? Would I be fined, license suspended/revoked or what? I don't plan on driving the car without insurance, but I do need to be able to drive a car.""

Different Types of car insurance?

i know of state farm progressive and Geico. what else is there?

How to pick a life insurance?

Im not even sure how to pick what should i look for in life insurance? pros cons? Any suggestions in life insurance companies? Im looking at nationwide right now just cos i seen it on tv.

Where in missouri can i get insurance with a suspended license?

i know it all depends on what state ur in and the guidelines, but does anyone kno wher i can get cheap car insurance with a suspended license. i need to get my car registered but cant do it without insurance, plz only answer if u kno insurance companies specifically that will allow me to get it""

Insurance companies rating?

I am thinking of changing insurance companies how do i check their rating.

Cheapest car insurance for 17 year old?

Taking my driving test soon and buying a cheap car (500 - 700) it will probably be a citron saxo or something like that. Who are the cheapest company to insure with?

I am 59yo. Is it wise to carry a term life insurance for 100K? What are the advantage to this? I am divorced?

I am retired. My premium cost is $680 per year. It is a 20 year policy which I picked up when I was 59, now I am 74 yo. Give me your opinion.""

affordable healcare insurance

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/best-website-homeowners-insurance-quotes-jake-bryant/"

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vthiker09 · 7 years ago

Text

Have You Tried?

There are two aspects of being gimpy you can’t really prepare for. The first, is the level of visibility you of all of sudden gain. We are all visible in the sense that when we move around the world, people acknowledge our physical presence. People will say “hi,” hold doors open, move if you’re about to bump into them, etc. Clearly, how you are acknowledged by the world differs based on your gender, race, physical appearance, among other characteristics. At the same time, the world knows you’re there. When you are gimpy, the world not only knows you’re there, but you suddenly move through the world with what will feel like huge blinking lights attached to your body and a sign which reads “ask me what happened and give me advice.”

Before I hurt myself I was not a homebody. Since I work from home, I spent quite a bit of time purposefully leaving the house. The Oatmeal has a great series of comics focused on people who work from home. They always start with well adjusted human beings degrading down to a sloth like figure who can barely speak English. All comedy is based on some level of truth and if you work from home, you do in fact have to try a little harder to not become the sloth like figure in the comic. At the same time, I would not call myself a “people person.” Much like every other Vermonter, I like the woods better than most people and if you aren’t one the of twenty or so people I truly enjoy, I don’t feel a strong need to talk to you.

After I hurt myself, I became a home body. This became my truth for several reasons. First, the world is not gimpy friendly. There are entirely too many doors, stairs, uneven surfaces and not enough pillows, couches, and ice packs. Besides the practical difficulties being gimpy poses, there is another piece which I found much more challenging: how people choose to help. In one very crappy step, I had become much more visible than I ever wanted to be and people wanted to help me. At first, going out in public was something I just didn’t want to do. I quickly realized the way in which I moved through the world was no longer really up to me. My neon lights and sign, which were physically represented by my crutches and cast, all of sudden became an open invitation for people to stare and help me.

By surgery number four I became more comfortable with the attention, but at first I hated it. I really truly hated it. I hated it because I wasn’t happy about my reality and it seemed when I tried to manage the outside world, it was the only aspect of my existence people wanted to focus on. All of sudden, people who before my injury would pretty much ignore me, wanted to know exactly what happened, how my healing was going, and were ALWAYS there to offer advice. It didn’t matter who I was with, where I went, or what I was doing, my gimpy status had broken down the stranger danger walls and everyone wanted to talk to me.

Beyond 100% strangers becoming involved in my medical care and general well being, there were my friends, family, co-workers, and the 650 or so friends I’ve collected on social media over the years. The visibility piece of being gimpy was instantaneous. The second and much more prevalent behavior I’ve experienced from my human counterparts came a little bit later. I began to notice as folks asked me “how are you?!?,” if the answer was not “great! I’m so okay,” the response went something like this:

“Insert some sort of that sucks or I’m sorry statement paired with have you tried?”

All of sudden, I had a couple hundred sources of medical information at my disposal and if I’m to be 100% honest - it was awful. My situation is unique because I have struggled for a long time. It’s not unique because I’m not alone and I know there are a pile of people who break bones and heal without surgery and certainty not four of them. Thus, I had the pleasure of the advice waterfall for much longer and it only gets more powerful the more you struggle.

At first, it was little things about how someone’s relative, friend, co-worker, mail person, etc. had used ergonomic crutches, walking stands, scooters or some other mobility enhancer to make moving a little bit less awful. This advice was mostly unsolicited based on the sole length of time I was going to be on crutches. At first, I had zero interest in bettering my mobility. I had rules about the number of hours my leg needed to be above my heart, I felt awful, and my life didn’t require me to move all that much. After surgery three, I would finally give in to the scooter because it made carrying objects easier. The scooter, however, really had little to do with mobility and more with my mental health and a need to have some false sense of independence.

The advice waterfall really started to pour after my first surgery and when I began to realize PT was not working for me. What I quickly realized was I couldn’t talk to people, about how I was struggling, without them offering something which a) I had already tried or thought about trying and b) they thought would “fix me.” With a few exceptions, it really didn’t matter who it was - if I was honest about how things weren’t 100% great, they were there to fix it.

We’ve all had less than great circumstances where we go to people and vent. In its essence, it’s a very basic human behavior. Something sucky or awful happens and you want to talk about it. In most situations, people will respond with some level of “I’m sorry you are struggling.” Clearly, the level of empathy will vary based on if it’s your local coffee shop got your order wrong to a family member passed away. At the same time, you don’t often hear “I’m sorry for your loss - have you tried yoga? My friend lost their mother last year and without yoga, I’m not sure where they’d be today.” You don’t hear this because, over time, people have learned there are some things you just can’t fix for people. More traditionally understood forms of trauma are universally understood as areas you a) aren’t qualified to fix and b) it’s not socially acceptable to try. When was the last time you told someone who experienced sexual violence about the potential benefits of meditation?

Medical conditions, on the other hand, do not hold the same level of hands off awareness as their emotionally fueled trauma counterparts. Medical conditions are seen as black and white - I broke a bone and blew apart basically everything in my ankle and this can be fixed. Medical conditions also fall in the highly contentious world of people in camp traditional medicine vs. people in camp alternative forms of medicine. When you mix something other people view as “fixable,” with something people have so many opinions about - you get an overwhelming amount of advice.

In order, these are the top ten “fixes” people have suggested to me over the last twenty months:

1. Yoga 2. Acupuncture 3. Second or Third Opinions 4. Where to Seek Medical Care 5. Chiropractors 6. Alternative Mobility Devices or Braces 7.Marijuana 8. Essential Oils 9. Exercise 10. Vitamins or other “Health Foods.”

If I am to be honest, many of these I did end up trying. I got a second and third opinion, I ended up seeking care from a provider who was recommended to me by my parents, I used a scooter, I tried smoking weed and edibles, I went to a Chiropractor, I have every useful essential oil for my problems, I workout probably too much, and health foods are my jam. At the same time, minus the provider recommendation, I didn’t do any of the above because someone told me to. I did them because I have access to all the same information about their potential benefits the rest of world does and in most cases - one of my medical providers thought they would help. That’s right - the people who I most often actually listened to were my medical providers. You know why? because they went to school for a wicked long time and in theory, knew how to actually fix me.

I know people offer advice because they care about me and want me to get better and back to the activities I continue to truly miss. I know it comes from a good place. At the same time, this is what I have to offer when it comes to offering advice to someone with a medical condition:

1. You are not a doctor. Even my PT’s, who are much more highly qualified to try to fix me, often times were reluctant to try to diagnosis what was going on or offer how to fix the problem, because they knew they weren’t qualified to fix me. Yes - medical issues are very black and white. Certain bones go in certain places and how tendons and ligaments should look and function is widely understood by the medial community. At the same time, how to fix said problems can be complicated and they don’t let people even try until they’ve proved over and over and over they can actually do it. This is why we all aren’t surgeons. Remember - I had to go to three surgeons before I found someone who could actually fix me and these are the people who are qualified. Yoga wasn’t going to do the trick - trust me.

2. This part is more important and if I can impart anything as part of my blog escapades it’s this: becoming ill or getting hurt is traumatic. Without going into the less than pleasant details: I’ve experienced trauma in the truest sense of the word. When I reflect on how I reacted to those experiences, how long it took to move past them, and what will never be the same - I have experienced all the same emotions, struggles, and non-physical pain as I did in those other situations, since I’ve been hurt. I have cried so many times. I have had panic attacks. I have lost hope, become situationally depressed, have thought about reverting back to less than helpful coping mechanisms, and have thought about hurting myself. There were more times than I would like to admit, I thought it would be easier if I wasn’t around because things weren’t going to get better.

Yes - I broke my leg and damaged a pile of ligaments and tendons. I also almost died on a side of a mountain, loss all my freedom, had to learn and adapt so much just to complete basic tasks, have basically had an identity crisis because many of things which were “Erin,” I couldn’t do and still can’t do, and there were times when I didn’t know if life ever would be the same.

Just like all those times when I went to people because I was struggling with how to cope with life situations, I went to people because I was struggling emotionally. I didn’t need people to fix me. I needed people to listen. I cannot emphasize this enough - I needed people to listen. I needed them to say “that sucks - what can I do to help?” or just sit with me and pretend I was the same “Erin” they were friends with before I got hurt. Granted there were people in my life who did this and those people I will be forever thankful to. At the same time, there were too many people there offering yoga, who didn’t seem willing to listen about how I had cried myself to sleep for the 200th time.

3. If we think about what the difference is between more traditionally understood forms of trauma and medical conditions is - it’s visibility. If you get mugged at gun point - you get to choose who knows. You seek support from those you know will provide you with what you need and you will leave everyone else in the dark. When you’re sick or hurt - there’s no hiding. Everyone becomes involved in your trauma and what they have to offer isn’t always what you need. This doesn’t mean they are bad people or they are trying to hurt you, it just means the net is bigger and because they aren’t bad people, they will ask you how you are. I found it helpful, over time, to be careful about what I shared and with who. There became a time when I couldn’t emotionally cope with the suggestion waterfall and the only way to stop it, was to say things were “okay.” When I started to do this, I felt more in control when it came to who knew what and the support I did get. I found this helpful because my main supports were strong and I found comfort in less high quality help.

4. Unless solicited: don’t offer advice to someone who is sick or hurt. It’s overwhelming and 99.5% of the time, it’s not the real answer. Just like your friend who just broke up with their significant other, your sick or hurt friend needs you to be there for them and they like Ben and Jerry’s just as much. Your emotional support will be more appreciated than your desire to fix them because in reality - you cannot fix a person with a complex medical condition. I know this may feel uncomfortable because we care about one another and want life to be, in general, “good.” At the same time, it is more helpful to meet the sick or hurt person where they’re at and all you need to say is “I’m sorry and how can I help?” I promise you this is so much more helpful than acupuncture ever will be.

#gimpy #advice #medicine #healing #trauma

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