#ill be fine again someday. all hope isnt lost. i havent missed out on every opportunity ever just like 3 of them. more will come

[ieidolon]

all things considered im actually doing pretty alright. like. yeah i didn't complete my project outlines in time to apply for those PhDs. im still young. there will be more of them in the spring and summer and fall. in the meantime i'm employed full time, saving money, living on my own, working out regularly for the second time in my life (and actually gaining muscle this time), and learning another language for fun in my spare time. i didn't achieve my goals but i haven't been standing still either. maybe it's fine to relax a little for now and resume academic work when i have the energy for it. maybe i can forgive myself for not living up to all my standards at once

[haunt-me-x3]

Lines from songs that make my chest hurt "this is my body, the only thing that i own entirely" "miss you perfectly, like a dream" "i remember becoming winter, haunted by light / true love turned to sickness in my body, trembling all night" "The world is ending inside you, let it love you to death" "We cant change this place the way it changes us" "My concept of happiness is completely based on fiction / accustomed to disappointment from the human condition" "Im looking at pictures of myself smiling with people i dont talk to or even talk shit on anymore" "Im waiting on you to get better, even if that means nights spent in the outpatient center" "I cant bear to see him, like this again" "Maybe i should get some sunlight, but its just some yellow burden to me" "Shadows settle on the place that you left, our minds are troubled by the emptiness" "I am forgetting to be someone" "Whatever i did for you last year i cannot do again" "there is very little left of me, and its never coming back" "Theres no doubt in my mind that if you could you would try to crack my ribcage open and pull my heart right through" "Someday, ill toss all your presents, and bury the letters left unsent" "If you be my star, ill be your sky, you can hide underneath me and come out at night" "I live to let you shine" "I was just 16 years old when i first lost my mind, in the summer metro ride, to the faceless ghosts inside" "Im not getting better, but i take these drugs i should, every night i sleep and hope i dream of something good" "Am i real to you? Can you even feel me?" "I am your ocean" "And i ask why? Why do we die?" "How can you be happy when you wear all black?" "I feel violent all the time, inside of me" "You ache through the days, cause youll never mend your ways" "Maybe human's not such a bad thing to be" "Shes not eating again, shes not eating again" "We've got your back, whatever thats worth" "I had a friend who had made a flag day, blood on their hands from shards of a heartbreak" "It wont get better, that doesnt mean its gonna get any worse" "If theres one thing i could never confess, its that i cant dance a single step" "She imagined everything i said in falsetto, the only way to justify my childish despair" "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, fondness makes the absence longer" "I am learning to love, i am learning to let myself be loved" "Isnt it obvious to you?" "Im just a brain with a pet body" "I guess its not surprising but its spring and now i should leave" "Change my mind so much i cant even trust it, my mind changed me so much i cant even trust myself" "It pulls all on down my sore feet, i wanna go back to sleep" "We kiss on the mouth but still cough down our sleeves" "Remember through sounds, remember through smells, remember through colors, remember through towns" "In that room when i first knew that i could love you" "I am listening to hear where you are" "I wish i could save her in some sort of time machine" "Tired of being awake, take all yr klonopin" "You were never supposed to leave, now my heads splitting at the seams" "Nothing happens, no one tries, pull the trigger on my mind cuz lifes a fucking bummer" "I dont like how things change" "Flowers are born to die, let the pain be" "I hate my mind and im stuck here in it" "Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist, so keep on loving, keep on fighting, and hold on, hold on....hold on for your life" "Brain never stops ticking, sometimes an on/off switch would sure come in handy" "My passion is spread too thin, its just like, i love...everything" "Somethings not right, shadows appear, i close my eyes...is this real life?" "I need your glow to glow" "Oh my god... youre in my head" "wanna be haunted, wanna be loved" "when i was younger i didnt have any fun" "you dont like me anymore" "He creeps into my bed, he fills me with dread, but everything is fine" "if the water takes me in the end, ill let myself drown" "Theres so much we could do if i wasnt dead" "i am not myself, havent been in months" "No one is invincible, everyone is immortal" "Everything feels cold when you lack something familiar, there was light trapped where the sun was... this is harder than i thought" "Try to find your way out to a city so big that it is bound to keep your secrets" "Wake up, is this a dream or reality?" "Let the air and fairness in this achey atmosphere erase the fear of coming off too strong" "left to find a reason to twist those thoughts so dry, one of us is always leaving, pile cans up to pass time" "I know i cant handle anything without losing my mind" "She is beautiful, but she dont mean a thing to me" "Only you can change yourself" "Home doesnt have an address" "they say you gotta pray if you wanna go to heaven, they dont tell you what to say when your whole life is turning to hell" "jesus christ im not scared to die, im a little bit scared of what comes after" "you ruin everything you touch and destroy everyone you love" "i want to feel more than just sorry for myself" "I used to be a better person" "Im breaking down in anybodys arms" "What a tragedy, you and me" "wonder what i would write, for a reason, if i just stopped breathing tonight" "Eyes that burn so bright they make me pure" "I slept all day, i awoke with distaste" "she bruises coughs, she splutters pistol shots" "im learning how to be here and nowhere else" "on your machine i slur a plea for you to come home, but i know its too late, i should have given you a reason to stay" "But i wish i still felt the same now, but i am emptier than ever somehow" "I cant abide by rules which are not my own"