#ila: im so alone

[itlivesproject]

hiiii its "would noah killing ilitwmc make a difference in the dialogue with the noahmc romance and noah's interactions with devon's LI" anon and im just sliding into your inbox again to let you know that when i was playing ilb for ilw i got hit by visions of arthurjosephine (the most tragic relationship in ila methinks) and noahredfieldmc parallels bc GOD arthur and noah thought they were doing the right thing when they did their betrayal! they thought if they could things would work out and make his friends/arthur's bosses understand things would turn out okay!!! but in trying to do good they damned the people they love to a fate that's slower and worse than death!!! and there's josephine creating safeguards to ensure that she won't become a monster that would hurt her family amd redfieldmc who just doesn't want to hurt anyone despite not remembering themselves and being alone for who knows how long 😭 arthur calling out to josephine when she knocked ilbmc offboard bc despite the likelihood josephine's been driven insane he KNEW she would never hurt family and noah coming back and making sure redfieldmc would still know herself and recognizing her underneath all that shadow bc while noah KNOWS its her i KNOW sometimes he wonders if they're gone and it's a relief every time when she remembers............ if redfieldmc goes nuclear in ilw the way josephine did bc ppl hurt/kill the ones they love and care about the circle is complete im going insane 😭😩😔😁🔫

I love this so much, anon!! Arthur and Josephine really are a very tragic couple, and now that you brought it up I must say the parallels are astounding! ☢

[franeridart]

Happy 1000th post to one off my absolute favorite artists on Tumblr!

This is it!!! The 1k post on this blog!!! It’s me finally getting my ass into gear and answering the asks in my inbox!!! As good charm in hope of not waiting so long from now on hahaha thank you so so much, by the way!!!! :D

Anon said:LITERALLY YOUR TODOROKI IS THE BEST THING IN THIS CRUEL WORLD I LIVE THE WAY U DRAW HIM IM EMOTIONAL HHECK ALSO ALL THE REST OF UR ART IS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD ITS SO NICE UR CHARACTERS ARE LIKE VERY LONG NOODLES THEYRE GOOD™

THANK YOU FOR EVERY KIND WORD AND ESPECIALLY ABOUT THE TODOROKI ONES HOLY SMOKES!!! I don’t draw him much sadly but he’s super fun and comfortable to draw for me, it’s nice to know he also comes out well!!! <3

Anon said:So like,,, I really miss your bokuroo ;^; Will you ever post with them again???

I haven’t taken a vow that forces me to never draw them again, so, possibly! At the moment posting for the haikyuu fandom is giving me more sad feelings than anything else though, so I can’t promise that’s gonna be any time soon, I’m sorry 

Anon said:bruhh i listened to that chiodos song under ur halo, and that one by memphis may fire that was w that bakugo art that was called not enough and uhhhhh ur music taste is dope care to share some more songs?

SURE I’m glad you liked those! Everything by Memphis is A+ and I love it so if you haven’t you should check out more stuff by them ( No Ordinary Love is super nice, That’s Just Life is very dear to me and so is Divinity, Speechless is… my otp song for every otp ever tbh) -  Bring Me The Horizon is my fav post-hardcore band and both MMF and Chiodos are that genre so if you don’t know them give them a try! (Blasphemy, Run and Doomed are between my faves out of the latest album, and since you liked Under Your Halo you’re probably gonna like Follow You too) the album right before is amazing too if you’re okay with less melodic stuff, but the further back you go with BMtH the harder to listen to they get, just a heads up - Sleeping With Sirens are on the softer side of post-hardcore lately, Fly, Left Alone, Trouble, Fire and Empire To Ashes are some great ones, between the many, and, uhhhh, at this point I might have recced Nothing More a hundred times but let’s make it a hundred and one, try Funny Little Creatures, Do You Really Want It and Go To War out of the newest album! If you’re into punk and female voices you should check out Tonight Alive too, Jenna has one of my two fav female voices in rock right now (Crack My Heart and Temple are the latest two songs out!) and since I always rec stuff but I never rec anything by my favorite band ever, you ever heard of Alter Bridge? They’re more towards hard-rock/alternative metal, but check out Blackbird, Fortress, I Know It Hurts, Cradle To The Grave and Broken Wings just to make it one for every album I really, really adore this band and everything they ever made

Anon said:I adore all of your art, especially your bnha art!!! I had so many of your drawings saved to my drafts before I read the manga and was really looking forward to catching up so I could look at them all!! They’re all fantastic <3333

AHHH THANK YOU!!! This made me smile lots, I’m so glad you like them!!! <3<3<3

Anon said:What’s coming up? Fluffy, dorky or angsty? (I’m talking about your next work XD just to be sure) Have a great day my friend!

LMAO this was about this one right? I’m sort of a fool honestly cause as I drew it it… didn’t feel actually all that angsty to me? I mean, obviously it doesn’t come after anything happy, but they’re working things out! Making an effort! Loving each other enough to try and understand each other better!! I drew it as something positive but in hindsight I should have expected the reactions lmao so I honestly dunno, I feel like telling you it’s most probably gonna be something happy but as it seems I angst without even realizing, lately #rip

@not-enough-kaneki​ said:Pass the happy! 💛 When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications! 😊

!!!!! my cats!!!! tea and coffee!!! Bakugou and Kirishima and Bakugou-and-Kirishima and the squad!!!! not having an headache!!!!!! the sound of ocean waves and the sun on winter days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new music I like!!!!!! nice asks and lovely tags under my art!!!! that’s more than five things but a lot of stuff makes me happy tbh !!!

Anon said:one of my favorite parts (i love every bit of it) of the holiday pic you drew of the squad, is they each have their own personal mug. 10/10

I didn’t think you’d be able to notice Mina’s!!! I’m glad it was visible, I thought I had made it disappear into the background hahaha thank you!!! <3

Anon said:i just went through your entire kiribaku tag and, honestly, gay (also ur art is soooo good and pure and thank u so much for all the content u make for bnha 💖💖)

It is very gay, isn’t it? The other day I was going through my old stuff and I think I might have slowly turned them mushier oh my hahaha I’m glad you like my stuff, by the way!! Thank you so so so so much!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Thank you for sharing the beautiful Bakusquad Christmas! It’s very colorful and warm & it gives me such a comforting feeling! I love looking at all the details! Kami & Sero’s ribbons, everyone’s mugs, the decorations, all so cute! Especially Mina’s bulletin board with the photos, charms of the boys, & the little alien dude (?) Each time I look at it, I see other cute details!! Sorry to bother you, but thanks again for sharing your art with us! I hope you had a very Merry Christmas!!!!! <3 <3 <3

It’s not a bother at all!!! Thank you so so much for looking at it long enough to notice all those details!!!! <3<3<3

Anon said:You are so good at giving advice omg

I wouldn’t say I’m especially good at it, I just say what was useful to me lol but thank you! It’s a nice thing to be told <3

Anon said:Dude, your bakusquad drawings are awesome! Keep up the great work!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I’m super glad you like them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:The new chapter made me think about Bakugou dealing with his squad as babies all over again. Toddlers would probably be worse.

Depends?? Actually??? Like, at least toddlers aren’t gonna steal his gauntlets and tell him he’s lame and punch him just for the hell of it and be a bunch of smartasses and assholes like. Compared to this bunch of baby-Bakugous he has to deal with in the new arc maybe the squad as toddlers would actually be refreshing lol

Anon said:Um I have a very real crush on ila? Can we please know more about her??

I’m ??? so happy you like her!!!!! I don’t wanna say too much about her cause until I draw her in comics I won’t be too sure about who she really is, but she’s!! a pianist, very tall and sorta insecure about her physical appearance, very soft spoken, incredibly gay, scared of sensory deprivation of any kind. Her full name is Ilaria! Dav calls her Aria, which means air in Italian~ they’re pretty good friends, I have a comic about that I’ve been meaning to draw…

Anon said:So, you like KiriBaku with songs, so what do you think of You Had Me At Hello by A Day to Remember? Particularly the lines, “What have I gotten into this time around, I know that I had sworn I’d never trust anyone again, but I didn’t have to. You had me at hello. I’ve never seen a smile that can light a room like yours, it’s simply radiant, I feel more with every day that goes by.”

s o f t…………. ;; also incredibly fitting considering Bakugou decided Kirishima was his new favorite hero the second time he spoke to him, like, god bless I love those two s o m u ch <3 talking about krbk songs, how about this one I’m listening to it right now and having feelings (is it Baku to Kiri? Kiri to Baku? why not both for double the feels)

Anon said:Hey Fran!! Have you been keeping up with haikyuu? If so what do you think about the Miya twins? (Personally I think they’re pretty okay, they’re funny when they interact with each other. My favorite of the two is Osamu haha)

I don’t mind them! My fav out of Inari is Kita tho, have to admit - that said I have… sort of been ready for this game to be over for months, now………………

Anon said:Okay but imagine….. Kirishima with freckles

I’ve drawn that, now and again!!! the latest one was this one, and another one I remember is this one :D I’ve been liking the idea of him with freckles even more since it’s become official his hair isn’t naturally red? So now and again I add them in, even though they’re usually not much noticeable haha I do so with Bakugou too from time to time, actually… and the rest of the squad… I just… love freckles a lot… haha

Anon said:Love the squad, love the squad kisses.

HECK YES the goal is to draw at least one smooch for every couple sooner or later !!!

Anon said:I hadn’t even realize that I stuck around for a whole year OwO, anyways, congratulations! Your art style has improved much more than you think, especially since you’ve gotten more into coloring ^o^ I noticed that you’ve also been doing more complicated poses too, so, it’s the little stuff that counts ♥️👍 Hope to see more spontaneous art next year, love you Fran!

THANK YOU SO MUCH I love you lots too??? honestly??? This ask means the whole world to me, I really can’t see much improvement after all but knowing you can DOES help a whole damn lot <3<3<3

Anon said:So I came across this fanfic where Uraraka and Todoroki were a thing. I’m personally not a fan of this rare pair, but the whole scenario was the cutest thing ever. Todoroki basically asks Uraraka to help him confess to Midoriya, but in the process falls in love with her instead.

Awwww that sounds cute! Can’t say I have any particular feelings about the ship, but I am up for Todoroki with nearly anyone so why not!

Anon said:Bro bro bro I’m sorry if this is the wrong channel to go through or something but holy shit I just spent hours going through your entire tumblr and your. Art. And. Concepts. I… can’t??? DUDE YOU’RE AMAZING AND YOUR TATTOO AU!! I?? Just thank you so much for all the awesome work you do honestly made my entire fuckin week with your blog, you are WICKED GOOD AND FUNNY AF. That’s all I got go on with your day you talented ass fiend

I’M CRYING!!! OH MY GOD THANK YOU!!!!!!! I’m gonna pick this ask and frame it right on top of my desk!! The heck!!!!!! <3<3<3<3

Anon said:Why is Bakugou such a fuckin meme

The real question is why is everyone in class 1A a meme. How do they even keep up. How much of the shit they say on a day to day basis is actually just catchphrases from other 1A kids repeated over and over again. How much of the deadpan ridiculous shit Todoroki says has become an inside-joke. How many 1A kids move and talk like Iida just for the hell of it. How often do they yell DIE at inanimate stuff when it pisses them off. How much stuff is defined as manly even though it has nothing to do with manliness. Do they say “going wheey” instead of “frying one’s brain”. Can anyone outside of 1A even understand them when they speak at this point.

Anon said:You are amazing human bean and I love you 💖 Keep being great ✨👏

Thank you??? ;O; I’ll do my best!!!

Anon said:Just annonly passing by to tell you I F'ing love your take on Ashido And the Kids XD … Way to much fluff And laugh for my heart

THANK YOU!!! I’m happy I can make you laugh!!!! :D :D :D

Anon said:I love you god bless you and your art! THANK YOU!

NAH THANK YOU FOR BEING THIS NICE!!! <3<3

Anon said:Hi! I absolutely /adore/ your BakuKiriKami art! I was wondering if you had any headcanons about them/what inspires you to draw them?

More than headcanons for them I have an incredible amount of scenarios I’d like to see them in! And when they’re compact, complete things I usually draw them, which is what inspires me really haha that, and seeing them interact in the manga! Lately I’ve been really drawn to Bakugou and Kaminari’s friendship, actually, so the romantic stuff has fallen in the background while my mind is preoccupied with thinking about them as platonic good pals ahhhhhhh as soon as I’ll work through it I’ll probably get back to drawing them as romantics, that’s just how my mind works lol

Anon said:I love the casual clothes you design for MHA characters! And I really enjoy reading your headcanons-always creative and fun! Is there anything you’d add to anyone’s hero costumes in class 1-A (something that might prove useful/practical for them, or something you’d add just for the heck of it)? Sorry if this is a stupid question or if you’ve answered a similar question before. Thanks for your time! <3 <3 <3 (I’ll also be sending this ask to one of my other fave MHA artists.)

It’s not a stupid question, don’t worry!! But I generally like to leave myself in Horikoshi’s hands for this sort of stuff, since I both enjoy the costumes as they are AND don’t want to be disappointed in case what I hope for doesn’t actually happen - that said, I’ve mentioned before that I’d really like Aoyama to get redirectors for his laser on his palms and for Kaminari to get a close combat weapon, since with the quirk he has anything metal would actually work wonders for him! He mentioned a sword, but I rest my case that tonfas would be cool, I really want him to use tonfas. A “costume” I don’t understand is Hagakure’s, by the way - would be nice if she got an actual costume and also I don’t really get why she’d wear gloves at all?? Mirio’s costume was made using his hair, I really want her to get something similar! That’s about it tho, I haven’t really thought much about anyone else in that sense~ 

Anon said:Hello! A few weeks ago I asked about the bracelets you drew for Baku & Kiri. (That art is so beautiful!!) I was wondering if there’s a story behind them; such as, did one of them buy the pair, or did they pick them out together? I’m sorry if it’s a dumb question and if I’m bothering you.

THIS ASK I had lost it, thank you so much for sending it my way again! Actually, Kirishima bought it for himself and Bakugou - I mean to draw a small thing for it, be patient with me while I try to get my ass into gear for it ;O;

Anon said:It’s been a while since you’ve done any BakuKiriKami, do you still like that ship?

I do - as I said a few answers above this one, I’m just finding myself weirdly invested in a platonic relationship between Bakugou and Kaminari at the moment, and also Bakushima stole my focus and soul, but I do still like the ship a whole damn lot, definitely still my fav ot3 in the manga~

Anon said:I love your drawings so much, they always make my day seeing them. But I gotta say that kiri with his hair down is my weakness. He just looks so pure, the cuteness factor goes through the roof.

Thank you???? The Kiri thing is true for canon Kiri too, I’m glad I can bring it in my art!!! Mostly cause when I draw him with his hair down I’m never really sure what the hell I’m doing, I’ll be honest with you lmao

Anon said:hello, holy fUCKin shit how are you this damn good at drawing? like, fuck? thank you, bless you, have a nice day

THANK YOU! And all I do is draw, really lmao I wouldn’t say I’m all that good, definitely not anywhere near the artists I admire, but since all I can do is draw as long as I keep doing that I guess I’ll get there, sooner or later hahaha

[desolate-rose]

Chapter 8 magic is real!

I have a plan!

And it only took me two years and some change!

And that’s not the only thing i've done in the last two and a half years! (that would've been a very boring two years) I can walk AND talk! And through these new skills (which were a pain to get let me tell you! Learning to walk left. So. Many. Bruises.) I had discovered all sorts of things!

I had confirmed that I am in fact a princess, we do in fact live in a castle, and that I am indeed a hylian.

That knowledge had sent me into another one of my depressingly common panic attacks, but it wasn’t all bad!

My new skills led me to the discovery of, (drumroll please) A LIBRARY!

Oh sweet literacy how I missed you!

I may have given my parents the mistaken impression of being some sort of baby genius or something, but in all honesty I was just desperate to be able to read again. Again being a baby was very very VERY boring, and my rationale thought and impulse control had honestly been worn down by the lack of intellectual stimulation! I was sooooooo bored of baby babble.

Also it wasn't exactly out of character for the cannon zelda, she had repaired / created an incredibly advanced guardian as a child which was not only capable of showing a personality planing and a facsimile of emotion, but also TIME TRAVEL.

Should I have pretended to be the average three year old because I'm not actually some sort of genius? probably. Will this have consequences for me? most likely. Will I regret this later? Almost certainly. Do I care right now? NO!

Consequences can suck it!

Mama needs to feed her addiction!

Also it wasn’t like I had just started to read books bigger than my head either, I’m still learning to read hylian, it’s a whole new language writing system and alphabet! I’m still stuck on baby books and basic words, but it’s better then nothing!

And sadly the little i can decipher of the hylian writing system is also more advanced than the nothing that real three year olds know. So I’m now the castle's little genius, mom and dad are absolutely brimming with pride. Honestly it’s too much attention placed on little ol me but if it’s a competition between too much attention or not being able to read, I’d choose to read every time.

I’m currently trying to figure out a rough chronology for the events of breath of the wild and all of its proceeding events. (assuming I'm not in the age of calamity: hyrule warriors timeline, but that timeline only exists as a split off of the original timeline so for now i'm assuming im in the original timeline. Prepare for the worst hope for the best and all that rot. Also im not stupid enough to assume that i can be a baby genius and just yha know MAKE a time triveling gaurdian) so that I can best implement my plans. Here’s my rough ROUGH timeline.

10,000 years before the start of the game Gannon attacks and is sealed away by the hero and princess with the help of the 4 champions, the Divine beasts, and the guardians.

At some point after that the sheikah become distrusted due to their powerful magic and technology and are banished.

They split in two the yiga who hate the royals of hyrule for their betrayal and join forces with gannon, and those who remain with the spirit of the sheikah and give up their great skills to remain serving the crown

98,983 years later princess Zelda is born. Shortly before that link is born

At some point a prophecy announcing the return of calamity Ganon is made.

At some point Zelda's mom dies making her unable to learn sealing magic from her.

Zelda is pressured into praying and praying and praying to unlock her sealing magic, at one point even collapsing in freezing water nearly losing her life if it wasn't for urbosa saving her.

The sheikah rediscover the Divine beasts, guardians, and sheikah slate.

Zelda helps to study these ancient artifacts to the disapproval of her father

Link finds the master sword

Link is appointed zelda's personal knight

The champions are chosen

Zelda goes to the spring of wisdom on her 17th birthday and Gannon returns

The champions, king bosphorus, and thousands of innocent people die when Gannon turns the Divine beasts and the guardians against them

Link is mortally wounded and Zelda unlocks her powers.

Link is sent to the shrine of resurrection

Zelda returns the master sword to the lost woods and goes to face Gannon alone for the next 100 years

100 years later Link wakes up with no memories and the events of the game commence.

In the end my plan is quite simple. Make sure my mom doesn't die. All of Zelda's problems stem from her mom's death, Gannon could only wreak havoc because Zelda's mom wasn't there to teach her the sealing magic or deal with calamity Gannon herself. At best my mom could teach me the magic and we could seal Gannon away together or she could do it or I could do it, at worst I can use the magic because I'm not actually the girl who is meant to be the zelda incarnation of hylia. Either way gannon gets defeated, bada bing bada boom no great calamity no destruction of all i've come to know and love.

Does it sound stupidly simplistic yes. But in all honesty it needs to be. There are too many variables at work here to have a twenty step plan and have it all go accordingly. Life is messy and unpredictable and not exactly amenable to complex multi step plans that rely on everything going a certain way. There's a reason that the saying ‘the best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans,’ is so poupar. This isn't a game any more, stuff happens, free will is a thing. I can't rely on what I think I know. Who knows how much the butterfly effect has already affected things. So simplicity is the name of the game, it allows for the flexibility a rigid multi step plan would not.

So my plan really only has two components: learn sealing magic as soon as I can, And make sure my mom survives.

simple but hopefully effective

______________________________

I toddeled determinedly through the halls ignoring the bemusedly indulgent granny trailing behind me.

Fun fact about being a princess, you don't get any alone time. Ever. i am constantly being monitored, be it by granny, spots, father, mother, or some other random sap assigned to guard duty. Literally the only times I am left alone is when I head to the restroom or am put to bed for the night.

It's only mildly infuriating.

Mildly.

But anyway, at this time of day I would usually be at the library attempting to read some of the less difficult books or in my nursery playing with my toys under the watchful gaze of granny or spots, but today I have a mission. I was going to get my mom to start teaching me sealing magic if it kills me. I had found the perfect excuse as well. An old story book depicting the great matrilineal line of queens and their unique gift bestowed upon them by hylia herself. Now to enact my plans and deploy my greatest weapon. puppy dog eyes.

I stumbled my way into the office where my mom was going over various papers with a serious look upon her face. “Mama!” I cried practically throwing myself into her lap. McGuffin clenched in hand. “What is it my little bird” she smiled blessing my day, watering my crops, clearing my skin, and healing my wounds. “I found something i don't understand!” I chirped, squirming myself into a more comfortable position, book tucked into my arms. “Oh and why didn't you ask ila?” (so that was granny's name, huh.) “mhhhmmm i wanted to ask you!” que puppy dog eyes version 37 bright, cheerful, innocent. Work that toddler arua!

Mother chuckled while granny rolled her eyes behind me, I saw that missy! Don't give me your sass! “Oh and what didn't you understand?” PLAN IS A GO “mama what's se-al-ing magic? Why does the book say I have it? I'm not magic!” I pretended to pout indignantly, flipping to the page in my book that referenced it.

“Sealing magic baby, is the reason our line has ruled hyrule since the hylians lived amongst the clouds, it's a special gift from hylia herself.” hook, line, sinker. “Really?!” “yes my little bird, it's a special magic that lets us seal away bad guys, banish evil, and protect our kingdom. It's proof that we descended from hylia herself” as mother said this she raised one of her hands allowing for it to be bathed in an ethereal golden glow, bathing her in light and making her look like something genuinely devine.

Before this there had always been a little part of me that had been denying the truth. No matter how often it was mentioned in books or stories. No matter how many things had pointed to this being the hyrule of stories, a small part of me had been screaming that magic isn't real and that the legend of Zelda couldn't be real. But now, bathed in divine light and witnessing true honesty to god magic for the first time I could no longer deny the truth. Normally this confirmation would chill me to the bone and cause hysterical fear, but the power before me was warm, comforting, and at the same time incomprehensible. I could not fear when this light this power was here to bolster my spirit. I had never been adamantly religious before, but in the face of this light, for the first time I truly believed in the divine.

As the light faded away and I blinked spots out of my eyes I reaffirmed my mission. I needed to learn how to do that. Yesterday.

“Teach me! Teach me! Teach me!” I chanted practically vibrating where I sat, eyes wide in wonder and awe. “Now now little one, not so fast!” my mother chuckled, ruffling my hair.

“Why not!” I asked indignantly and was a little worried. I NEEDED to know sealing magic for my plan to work. It wasn't safe to put all your eggs in one basket. No matter how hard i would be working to save my mother regardless of calamity ganon.

“You're not old enough yet, my little songbird.” NOT OLD ENOUGH! I WAS 17 YEARS OLD WOMAN WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT!? “I am old enough! I know how to read and everything!'' I frowned, doing my best not to show the inner turmoil starting to boil.

A little of it seemed to show on my face with the way mother immediately began to sooth me “zelda that's not what i mean.” my eyes searched hers, they were uncommonly serious. “Our magic is powerful and dangerous. There is a reason i can't teach it to you yet. Your not yet old enough in body or mind to be able to withstand the strain that kind of magic would put on your spirit.” my face must have still looked mutinous because she continued on. “Beyond just that, your power is not developed enough yet even if you could withstand the strain. You wouldn't be powerful enough to actually use your sealing magic.”

This is bad very very bad. “When can i learn it?!” mother chuckled at my assumed enthusiasm “Numbers hold power baby, when you turn seven you can start your lessons.”

Seven, SEVEN! That's years from now! The remaining calm and serenity from the glow of hylia's might drained from my body.

“Now i think it's time for your nap! Come on little bird i'll put you to bed, maybe afterward you can sing me a song hmm?”

Why do the gods hate me?

Also on FanFiction.Net! https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13547505/8/

[xoteajays]

Would Yume and Amka have kids then? ila would be a grandmother (and I'm guessing those kids would be in Korra stuff)

i haven’t watched any lok tbh, so my knowledge of the gaang kids and lok is general is super limited. yume does have kids and im still playing around with amka having kids (either adopted or biological if i go with the trans gf? or none and one of yume’s kids rise to the throne?). i don’t know exactly how many kids she has, but yume does end up having a son named iroh. i’m also playing around with the thought of yume having at least one firebending kid (her husband is a nonbender i think, haven’t given him much thought yet).

ila is a great grandma tbh. she dotes on the grandkids. she tells them all kinds of stories, both about her time with that avatar and the years she spent travelling alone.

[whybotheranyway-blog]

i need you not on sunny days but on days like this, gloomy and shaky days..

to sum up my whole weekend thingy after nako nag abot from a 3 days na feeling nako walai katapusan na check up sa luzon, nakauli ra jud ko.. murag whirlwind ang nahitabo na mga events sako life last week.. pero nahuman ra man xa.. though mejo mahal ra ang makati kasi makati medical center yon.. like double ang orice compared here in gensan.. pero kasi un nga mas high end sila.. first and foremost nagka sked nga ko for operation pero magcramming kog apas sa akong weight requirement again and again.. i am currently weighing 55 point something.. wala man ko nangarap mamayat nowadays pero why kng unsa pa tong pinaka gusto mo lisod xa kuhaon.. i dont do sleep deprivation, gaka insomnia ra ko anig huna..nwei, so sabay mi nila lec and fam and kuki paulig gensan last friday via davao.. gisundo ming baleleng and ezel and we ate at this the vegan dinosaur there.. kai vegan among isa ka kauban.. so ayon okay nman kumain and nagcheka to the max.. mura mig sardinas sa salakyan pauli pero keri ra kai paspas ra man sad mudrive ang bale.. pag abot giagi ko nila sa soledad and nag invite na nman dinner pagkagabii ako after ko nagbath sa diri sa balai naglakaw kog city kai naa koi importante na paliton.. then giwait ko si nikki from msu then paadto na nman sa ila bale.. kumain ng dinner and nagtagay sila wala ko kai mammogram ko pagka next day.. wala man ata effect na sa mammogram if nagtagay ka prior ana pero gikapoy kog byahe and dili nako feel mag alak kai dili xa beer.. pero need ko gid bya magtagay para mutambok man lang ko, basta beer lang gid daw, lisod ang hard, di ko ganahan ug hard.. nagcheka for the rest of the evening.. nag uli mi at 2am diri soledad and hopefully gahuna ko na makasleep coz im so kapoy.. pero waley nagsige ra kog mata.. plus ginafever ko so nagsige kog bioflu since last week or two weeks ago just to keep me going.. ang advice sa pain reliever is kng need na gid.. so kahapon lang ko nagtake liwat kai sakit na gid xa and hapon na wala ko kahimos pa para maligo.. so nagpain reliever ko para makahulag.. ang mainam lang kng gasakit akong likod mafocus na lang didto akong ginaisip.. iba kasi pag bones ang gasakit oy.. basta sakit kaayo xa.. It is well known that fever often occurs in patients with congestive heart failure. so that explains everything sa fever.. my ecg is not good.. bengga ilang ecg didto kai klaro kaayo ang heart and bengga ang monitor.. so ayon nakita na ang size sa akong heart since nag ecg ko diri is nagdako ug mga 2cm.. naa daw koy enlargement of the heart.. wala na ko nashock kai i know kng me heart problem ka mao na ng sunod.. matingala ra ko.. wala man koi over na vices pero why ani ka weak akong system.. pakyawon ko na lang tanan para havey? i dont wanna blame my nanay for this..she never quitted smoking tong nabuntis xa and panay alak nya daw according sa akong mga auntie sauna.. payat kasi xa kaya kahit 5-6 months na tyan nya di halata kasi db gitago nya ang pregnancy nya.. kasabot man ko sa feeling na down xa and all..hambal ni tita doc effects na gid na tanan sa mga hinimuan ni nanay mo, sakitin na gid man ko sukad baby pa.. gina convulsion pa daw ko mag lagnat sauna.. walai mga immunization kai 3yrs old na ko nakastay kina lola daw.. didto ra ko naalagaan ug maayo.. wala gani ko bakuna man lang.. matingala ko sauna gamay pa ko na wala koi ana tapos akong mga pinsan naa.o db saklap lang paano ko maimmune sa mga sakit sakit kai wala koi mga ana.. then at four nagkarahulog sa hagdanan and later on nagka lumbo sa likod akong inahan na sad nagbantay ato sa akoa. ginaisip ko now unsa man oy prone ra guro ko sa accident.. auko mag ano ng grudge sa nanay ko.. hindi nman nakakatulong sa suffering ko.. wala na din mababago kng manumbat ako.. kasi tapos na.. i have to dwell sa ani kasi ganito na.. sorry ha wala kasi ako makausap.. gusto ko lang magkwento.. so saturday nagpamammogram ko alone, then after nagkita ming bale sa 711 sa royale hotel kai sabay mi nagpalit ug mga foods kai sa ilaha na sad mi magtambay hul sat kai sunday uwi sila lec kai pagkagabii magsakai nman xa.so nisamut akong trangkaso kai perte ka init naglibot mi para sa zarras belly lechon na na kai amo gid daw ng tugon sa tambalek(lec) so aun balik ta sa mammogram result aside sa two ka nag bulge na sa baba sa akong breast naa pai mga uban sa breast mismo..gagmay pa.. visible na xa pero gagmay pa.. mga 6-7 pa kabuok.. and giklaro na sa akon na kng pabay an naturally muspread.. naalala ko bitaw tong bago pa mi ni liwai nagsige kog wakal sa iya na naa koi makapa sa akong baba sa boobs nya ana xa wala ra daw na na mai ara gid daw mga bukol bukol sa boobs.. so gipasagdan ko lang.. dugay dugay ko na sad napansin na naa na sad isa..ana gani ang doc slow man jud daw na sila una una mag expand pero mashock ka na lang daw kng magkalat na mukalit na na xag dako.. giadvice bya na iremove tapos hormonal chemo after..kai kng mag metastasize daw xa usually sa pinaka weak na part sa body xa mulipat.. ang possible kai brain, lungs, liver and bones.. gaisip ko basi sa bones gid xa kng pabay an kai weak gid kog bones.. negative bya akong result sa bone density test.. nabelong pa ko sa 30s na age so dapat akong T score is 1-2.5, akoa kai - 1.95..lapit na sa 2..then maayo na lang sa lower part sa akong body okay pa ang bones, so okay ra na sa thigh kwaon ang ifill sa fusion.. kai kng hindi mangita na sad ug donor.. and worst sa mga dead bodies gid na wala na claim magkuha.. which is ayaw ko..okay ra kng paryente.. di pa ko ka decide kai naa pai isa na dapat unahon.. hindi ko gud alam kng anong isipin ko.. basta sa isip ko lang magpagamot ako pero di pede idungan..unahon ko ang likod ko after six months na mag ayo na ko saka ko ni asikasuhon.. mao jud ng ginaisip ko.. wala na sa akoa ang acceptance kai wala na gid ko mahimo.. gusto ko mag ayo.. complicated ang mga gamot.. basta sa isip ko unahon ko ang nagapalisod sa akoa.. like ning heart ko.. need ko magtambal ani para magstable xa kai delikado magpaopera.. kaya ko gapayat imbes na mag gain weight kai off and on akong fever.. pag sobra ka init nalagnat ko.. pag sobra ka lamig nalagnat.. ani jud daw na.. wala koi gana magkaon kai last week pa ko nagka sore throat and tonsilitis pa gid sa kainit.. so kai dili ko pede mag take gamot na para dira busy kog gargle ug bactidol lang so slow ang progress sa pag ayo.. lisod sad kng di matreat kai magbaba bya sa heart and mag cause ug rheumatic heart failure.. so dugay naayo until now sakit pa xa.. pero paayo na xa now.. fever na lang.. ang akong spine nman sukad nihawa kog luzon nagsige sad ug sakit.. kai sa check up kasi need mo mag curl patalikod habang gina check kai para mas visible ang position sa spinal column pag naka dapa and tagilid sa right and left.. mga almost two hrs ko nagsige ana ana.. hindi ko bya kaya magyuko man lang ng 15minutes after nyan daw mabali na akong likod ana after.. pero need kasi na ganon daw talaga so asta subong alay kaayo akong likod kai sa 3days na naa ko didto tapos almost 2hrs ko gaana kada session.. imagina gud ng baby sa womb mura fetus ka pahigdaon..ana xa.. dapa and tihaya lang bya ko always maghigda kai sakit sakit magbangon after kng mag curl.. so need ko magpain reliever para to keep me going lang.. para normal lang.. ginakwento ko na lang diri para kunwari mai kausap ako.. alam mo man na wala gid ako gashare sa akong personal life sa iban.. di ko ganahan mamati ug comfort usahay.. sa imuha lang ko gaopen.. since ikaw ra man nakabalo ani.. sa tagal namin magkakilala ni liwai wala man koi plan muopen sa iya.. wala nya gani naatiman si mama nya nga tigulang na ako pa kaya na able pa.. and me past experiences na din ako sa kanya noon pag ginalagnat ako. . ako pai gapalit sa akong tambal sa pharmacy. . mas okay pa na wala.. need ko bya ng comfort nowadays. . daw ka empty lang ng feeling na wala makausap. . wala man ako gakwento dito kng wala ka lang. . gusto ko pa din malamnn mo kasi ikaw lang man napagsabihan ko nito. . hindi ko man need ang comfort sa uyab. . kahit kausap lang. . kahit ung me magpush lang. . hindi ko man maiwasan mag self pity minsan kasi ung taong ginakapitan ko bigla nawala. . hindi ko man kailangan ang pantitiis now. . need kita para ilift ako. . alam ko nman ang mga kasalanan ko. .pero need kita now. . sobrang need kita. als

[dog-girl-zezora]

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