#ikaris angst

[queen-of-the-avengers]

CATFA: Part One

Pairing: Ikaris x Female!Reader, Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k

Warnings: canon violence, language, and angst

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

Earth is nothing like you expected it to be. There are a lot of planets in your home galaxy that can support life as well as millions of other planets in other galaxies around yours. Still, you never expected Earth to be so similar to your home planet, Xenia--a thriving ecosystem, corrupt governments, billions of people, and large bodies of water that cover most of the planet.

The only difference is that your planet is home to one of, if not the evilest man your galaxy has ever seen. Xenia became a breaking ground for bad ideas, and they all point to the one who made you: Markus Hottle.

To most, you look like you're in your late twenties or early thirties, but you're much older than that. You've just had your one-hundredth birthday, and you know you've got a lot more to go through before you die. What Markus did to you caused you to nearly stop aging; just another side effect of his experiments.

It's why you fled your planet and have been on the run ever since. You've spent fifty years jumping from planet to planet, always avoiding Markus when he sent his goons to chase after you. You've been running for so long that you don't know what a home is anymore.

Yours was destroyed the second Markus had your parents killed.

Will Earth be different?

Xenia has always thrived on the creativity and knowledge of other people. It's what made Xenia so successful with businesses, its own ecosystem, and its communities. Earth has none of that. You landed on Earth in the year 1000, and they're nothing like what your planet is like. This planet is filled with poverty, famine, greed, struggle, and a corrupt elite community who think they're too good for everyone below them.

With your knowledge and power, you could easily fit your way into the elite status, but then who would help out those in actual need? Who can they turn to when they need help? You don't have any healing powers, so you can't aid them medically, but you can offer them something else: agriculture and clean water. You're still getting used to your new life Markus forced upon you, but if you can help others while doing it, then you have the obligation to do so.

They don't have the resources to build a new world, and you're not going to freak them out by showing them you're an alien, so you'll use what they have to help them. Something you often did back home with your mother, was make clothes for all of your friends and family. You love sewing and creating something out of nothing, and seeing how the poverty is dressed, you think you can help them by providing them with clean clothes, blankets, and other types of means to stay warm.

It didn't take long before communities came to your town to buy your clothes. Most of the time, you didn't want them to pay since you're not doing this for the money, but some refused to take your clothes without paying for them. After five or so years of being in that town, you've come to make friends with almost everyone. Along with clothes and blankets, you'd offer clean water for them to take with them--as much as they needed. It's not much, but that seemed to make their day.

While Earth is not as technologically advanced as Xenia is, you're enjoying your time on Earth and hope that Markus doesn't find you here. Your home is on the other side of the known universe, so you think you're safe for now.

The bell on your door rings, signaling that there is a customer in your store. You look up and see one of your regulars with a tired look on her face.

"Alice, are you alright?"

"Yes. My youngest is not feeling too well. The poor thing is hot and cold and is not getting any better. I came in here hoping you might have something that could help?"

"Of course. I have more water for you to take home to your family. I have made some more blankets, which are in the back. Please, help yourself. I do not want your son to be cold."

"I do not know what this town would do without your generosity."

"I am just happy to help." The bell on your store door rings again, and you give Alice a warm smile. "I will be back there in a few moments."

She leaves to the back to browse your collection while you turn to the new customer. You're about to greet them when you see the most handsome man you've ever laid eyes on--and you've met millions of people.

He has a square jaw and pink lips. He's muscular which is defined by the blue and gold suit he is wearing. He has short hair with a sliver of white in the front. He has the prettiest of blue eyes--they sparkle like the ocean does when the sun is rising. You've only lived here for six years, but you've never seen this man before. Who is he? Why is he here? What does he want?

"Hi. Welcome in."

"I hear you are the best clothesmaker in town."

Ooh, and he has an accent.

"You heard right. What are you looking for?"

"Anything that will make it look like I belong in this town. This kind of sticks out like a sore thumb," he says and gestures to his suit.

"I have never seen that or you around here before. What is your name?"

"Ikaris."

"Well, Ikaris, I must pick your brain about where you came from, but I can help with the clothes situation. Follow me." You lead Ikaris to the section where you've made some clothes specifically for men. You grab something new you're working on and place it against his chest to see how it might look on him. You pause and look into his eyes. Wow, the blue in his eyes is shinier up close. "I believe this one will do."

"Thank you."

"Please, try it on. I do not want you leaving here without a proper fit."

There is a section you've blocked off with a wooden partition you've created. All the stores in Xenia have these, but you've resulted in using what humans have made available. A lot of businesses are run outside, but with your powers, you've managed to make a store big enough to have a few people in at a time. Humans wondered how you got there, to begin with, but they were easily won over by your generosity.

Ikaris walks behind the partition and tries on the shirt, and you grab a pair of pants you made before handing it to him. The partition is low enough so you can see his face, but you can't see anything else. He maintains eye contact as he tries on the clothes, and he smiles once he knows it fits.

"How do you like it?"

"It is very comfortable. How much for these?"

"No need. I do not need your money."

Ikaris walks out with the clothes on over his suit. You're not sure why he didn't take his suit off, but you don't comment on it. There is something about Ikaris that catches your attention, and you're not sure what it is. It's like he isn't from this world. It's in the way he speaks and the way he carries himself. He seems a lot older than what he looks like, and the more you spend time with him, the more you see that.

A couple of months have passed since you first met Ikaris, and you two have been spending a lot of time together. You're starting to really like him, and you believe he likes you too. There are some days you like to close up shop just to enjoy the day or buy food from the vendors around town, and today is no different.

You and Ikaris are walking down a beaten path in the woods behind the town you live in because it's less crowded.

"You never told me how long you have been here in town."

"Quite a while."

"You are very mysterious, you know that?"

"I do," Ikaris chuckles.

You two continue to walk, but you pause when you feel the ground rumble. You look to the side to see a gnarly yet beautiful creature inch toward you and Ikaris. The creature is bigger than anything you've ever seen on Earth, and it's iridescent blue and purple that shines whenever it moves. It opens its mouth to bare its very sharp teeth, and your eyes widen in fear.

"Look out!"

You push Ikaris out of the way just as the creature pounces on you. You go crashing to the ground as it drags you twenty feet. You reach up and grab its upper jaw to prevent it from snacking on you, and Ikaris looks at you just in time to see something truly amazing happen.

Your eyes shine dark red and orange and fire forms at your fingertips. As if it's second nature, you place your fiery hands on the creature and let the fire spread throughout. The creature cries out in pain, and you kick it as hard as you can which causes the creature to topple over you so that you're free from its grasp.

You gasp and back away from the burning creature only to back into Ikaris.

"You're bleeding," he says.

You look at your arm to see a huge gash where the creature must have scratched you.

"Don't worry, I'll heal."

Just like that, your skin starts healing from the damage taken to it, and Ikaris watches with curiosity and concern.

"Are you an Eternal?"

"What the hell's an Eternal?"

"Come with me."

He takes one last look at the deviant before taking your hand. He leads you to where he's been staying these past few hundred years, but there is nothing there to show. He stops at a clearing, and you look around in confusion. Before he has a chance to say anything, gold spirals and rings form in the sky until a black triangle forms. You're kind of amazed, but you've seen a lot of alien technology throughout your life.

You two are beamed up into the floating triangle, and you're greeted by nine other people in the same kind of clothing Ikaris was wearing when he first came into his shop.

"Ikaris, who is this?" the youngest and shortest one asks.

"This is Y/N, and she killed a deviant."

From what you understand, Ikaris and the other nine people on the spaceship are called Eternals, and they were put on Earth about six thousand years ago to protect humans from deviants, which is what you just killed. They all have special powers that they use to aid them in the war not a lot of people know about. When you had a feeling Ikaris was different, you weren't expecting him to be six thousand years old.

"If you're not an Eternal, then what are you?"

Makkari is the only one who speaks Sign Language, but you don't know much about the language to understand what she is saying, so Druig translates for her.

"I'm from Xenia, a planet on the other side of the universe. I was experimented on by someone who wanted to take over planets with fear. He created a serum that gave me the powers of shapeshifting, which is why I've been able to sneak in and out of the royal castle to steal food or pose as someone with wealth.

"Then, he started experimenting with the Tesseract or the space stone which is one of the six infinity stones. It's what gave me my second set of powers which is controlling the four elements. It's why I was able to kill that deviant with fire. It's also why I can heal quickly."

"How old are you?"

"One hundred. I left my planet at fifty years old, but I stopped aging when I turned thirty-three."

"How did it take you fifty years to travel across the universe? I'm not a math genius, but even I know that's impossible," Phastos asks.

"Because I was made using the space stone, it gave me the ability to create portals which I can open to anywhere in the universe. I had trouble adjusting to that power, so it took me a little longer to get away from my maker. I'm making a home here, and I'd like to stay here if that's okay with you."

"Of course," Ajak says. "I thank you for killing that deviant. We could use your help in killing all of them so that we may go home."

"Anything I can do to help."

And just like that, you became an Eternal-adjacent. It pained you to leave the small town that relied on you to survive, but if you don't take care of the deviants, then there won't be a town left at all. It's nice to be part of something that matters since all you've been part of is something evil for most of your life. You're not even sure where Markus is, but you hope that he doesn't ever find you.

The years blend as you and Ikaris grow closer. The more time you spend with him, the more you fall in love with him. You've never been in a serious relationship before him since you were too scared to start something, but now you feel secure enough to let someone else into your life.

It doesn't matter if Ikaris is human or not.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[raqnarokr]

Why'd you only call me when you're high?

Pairing || Ikaris x Original Female Character (Mia)

Summary || Mia loved Ikaris since the day she first saw him. And he liked her not in the way she did. But when he finally understood that, it was too late.

Word count || 757

Warnings & Contents || +18 content, Minors Do Not Interact, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcohol, Implied/Referenced Cheating, No Happy Ending, Break Up, Angst, Drama

Author's note || This is written in First POV and Dual POV and based on Arctic Monkeys song with the same title.

Disclaimer || English is not my first language, so my apologies for any misunderstandings or mistakes.

→ Marvel Masterlist

“Now it's three in the morning and I'm trying to change your mind”

Mia's pov:

3am. They say there's three types of people awake at this time: the one's who have insomnia, the one's who think this is the supernatural peak time and the heartbroken one's. I'm the last option. And you're helping breaking my heart once again. I have 10 missed calls from him. I send him a message. A clear one. I'm trying to change his mind. Things are not gonna work. Not now. Maybe a few months earlier would work. But after what happen? No way I would go back to him. I prefer being heartbroken than humiliate myself again.

[...] → read more here

★ Thank you for reading and visiting my blog! Feedback is highly appreciated through comments and reblogs 💌

★ Follow @raqnarokr-library to never miss any notification of my posts 🧚🏻‍♀️

[pemprika]

angel's requiem 👼🩸 sad kawoshin pin for all the angst enjoyers

[eliphew]

I’m kinda confused about people, really

And I don’t know what to do to make a good impression haha

I was in distress for a few days so um here are some angst for you

PS: thank you very much for your support and reposts tho UwU 💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕✨

[sequs-art-box]

"I've heard of him. He's not one of us, he's an outcast! His own father burned and disowned him!"

[viviettezheart]

Jealous ★ Shinji Ikari

Note! Smut?, jealousy, angst, y/n is the fourth child (characters aged up!!!)

💌

"I see so you're telling me your head over heels for shinji ikari!?" Asked Misato you with a grin before taking a hit from her cigarette. "What no!" You almost shouted as you blushed but then you looked down. "Mabye i don't Really know!? Like i get jealous when he talks to Asuka or Rei even tho i shouldn't get jealous over this stupid things like this!" You explained while your legs started to bounce up and down quickly while you picked on your bottom lip. A habit of yours when you get nervous or when your trying to express yourself because that's nothing you can do so easily.

"Mabye you should talk to him about it?" She raised her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders. She threw her cig on the floor, stepped on it and put a hand your shoulder for you to calm down a bit. "I guess your right but what if-!" "Aht aht aht!" She stopped you by laying her finger on your lips for you to be quiet, what you then did.

You walked through Nerve's headquarters and saw Shinji talking to Asuka and its like if someone hits the jealous button, you get jealous all of the sudden and its making you think of all the times you been in this exact same situation. Shinji talks to someone else who is either a girl or an woman and you get instantly jealous. Asuka and Shinji stopped talking and you saw him coming in your direction. "hey ikari can we ehm mabye talk for a second?" You asked and he nodded not knowing your screaming inside your head. "Ehm okay how should i put it? I erm i get jealous!" "You get jealous? Jealous of what?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Jealous of you talking to other girls like Asuka or Rei and i know i have no right to get jealous since we aren't dating but i get jealous. Fuckk now its out and you know my secret and now you probably think i'm some crazy chick who is obsessed with you no its not that i-" "oh wow i wasn't expecting that!" He interrupted you with his reaction which left you wanting to sink in a deep puddle and never come up again. "I should probably go i-" "No wait (name)! I have to tell you something too!" "Oh really?" "Yes i also get jealous when you talk to our classmates especially when you talk to toji, i can see in his eyes that whenever he sees you he wants to fuck you." "I-" you were speechless until you just leaned forward and kissed his lips. To your surprise he kissed you too but to your misfortune Asuka saw you too kissing and she also always liked Shinji even tho she never showed it.

It was the next day after you kissed Shinji and Asuka has been acting really different lately, not that she stop talking about about you or anyone else but she also always looks in your direction like she expects you to say sorry but sorry for what?.

Asuka bumped into you in the school halls but you could clearly see that it was with intentions so you confronted it. "What is your fucking problem Asuka!?" You shouted after her but she didn't turned around just flipped you off with her middle finger. You rolled your eyes and walked in the opposite direction. "Mabye she saw me and you kissing Shinji and now she is upset about it?" You confessed to shinji who stroked your legs which where over his thighs.

"Babyy! And if she shes upset let her be!" He said and now stroked your thighs instead of your legs. His hands rolled up your short pyjama pants and started playing with the hem of your black lace panties. "Shinji not now?" "Why not? Come on baby!" "…Fine!" You agreed and laid down on your bed. It was dark, the only light in your room was the moonlight shining through your windows. Shinji pulled down your shorts + panties and began fingering you, two fingers rubbing your clit. He mabye doesn't know how to comfort but he definitely does know how to fuck.

You laid your arm over your eyes and just let Shinji do his thing, a few quiet moans and gasps leave your mouth but you mind still wouldn’t shake of that fact the Asuka is jealous now that you and shinji are dating. “Ah~shinji c-coming!” You whined loudly and gasped again as you orgasmd on his fingers.

The alarm went off, signaling that a Angel was near by. The four of you were walking to your EVAs while wearing your thigh body suits. Yours were pink which matched your dark brown hair.

The angel crashed Asuka’s EVA and as you saw it happen you were stuck like a deer in headlights but once you snapped out of it you moved your EVA to hers. You exit your own EVA, risking your life but you didn’t care in that exact moment, all you cared about was saving Asuka and that’s what you did.

You turned the wheel which was extremely heavily but you manged to open it and pulled Asuka out of the yellow hot liquid.

Misato was yelling at you through the small headphones you had in your ear but you didn’t care and put Asuka in your EVA while Shinji and Rei killed the angel. Asuka was brought into the hospital room, you sat outside of of the hospital room waiting for the doctors to finish so you can know if she’s going to make it out or not. A few minutes later a doctor came outside and told you good news, Asuka is in a healthy condition but she needs to rest. You nodded and went to your home which you share with Misato, Shinji and Asuka.

It was already late at night, around 2ish in the morning. you were sitting at the table in your one shoulder off sleeping shirt and some shorts from Shinji. drool was escaping the side of your mouth, you had fallen asleep on the table with a beer bottle in your hand.

Suddenly the door opened, tearing you awake from your slumber. You looked up, eyes widening as you saw Asuka standing at doorway. You rushed to her and hugged her, “do you know how worried i was for you!?” “Thank you… and I’m sorry” she whispered and returned her hug which surprised you a lot since you thought she hates you. Your hand patted her hair as she cried on your shoulder. “It’s okay, I’m just happy that your still alive” you said and continued patting her.

Misato woke up and wanted to grab herself something to drink, beer of course but then she saw you two hugging so she stayed in her room watching the two of you get along for a few minutes.

[male-fictioner]

Marvel

Avengers

Steve Rogers

Bucky Barnes

Tony Stark

Hulk

Thor

Clint Barton

Peter Parker

Pietro Maximoff

Eternals

Ikaris

Fuck You! (smut)

Druig

Spiderverse

Peter B Parker

Miguel O'Hara

Nerdo! Miguel x GN! Reader Headcannons

Miles Morales

Pavitr Prabhakar

Hobie Brown

[applestorms]

you're going to school one morning when you get a call on the phone. someone is calling to tell you that they need you, desperately. the one person you have been wanting to talk to for years, for as long as you can remember, is waiting on your arrival, for some project they can't fully explain over the phone.

you feel that you have no choice. you follow their instructions and go along to meet them. this is everything you have ever wanted.

you're a human being with your own fair share of traumas and emotional sore spots, a history that you hold onto dearly just as much as it hurts you. you've struggled for years to connect with others, to meaningfully communicate or be recognized by anyone you look up to. other people don't seem to fully understand you, and you don't really understand them either. you live your life in the margins, an afterthought to everybody else.

the project you've been recruited for is a mixed bag. it exacerbates your traumas by poking at the few areas where you are the most sensitive, but it also gives you some of the recognition you've desired for so long. you have something resembling a family now, people that care and want to take care of you, and it feels better than it ever has before. you're doing important work-- world saving work, for the betterment of the entirety of humanity. at last, you feel like a main character. at last, you feel like your existence is worth some value.

the work is too much. it hits you exactly where it hurts the most. the cons decidedly outweigh the pros, now, and everything feels like it's crashing down. you don't know why you expected that this time it would be better. the happiness from before just gives you a higher point to fall from. the project is emotionally exhausting to the point of physically debilitating you, and you want to give up. you just want to give up.

you want nothing more than to make a bad decision. your new family won't let you. they cannot let you, ethically, emotionally. if they let you, it all falls. if they let you, the world ends. they cannot let you.

you try to escape but get dragged back to the project. your new family had told you that it was your choice to make. it doesn't feel like a choice. at no point does it feel like a choice.

it hurts even worse this time. each step forward sends you five steps back. you're running in circles, running on adrenaline. by some miraculous chance of fate, a guardian angel looking out for you over your shoulder, you manage to succeed. it's a painful success, bittersweet, though by now all you can taste is the bitter. your family hugs you and promises that it'll all be alright. you're not sure what they can do to make it feel better.

the cycle continues. each time you recommit to the project it gets worse, hurts you more viciously, more deeply. you are already a traumatized person. you know what that kind of pain feels like. but this sticks into you more violently than any other kind of pain you have ever felt before in your life, eats into your soul in a way that you didn't even know was possible.

each time you are given the choice to give up you take it, and each time the rope around your neck drags you back even harder. this destiny is a noose and you never really had a choice. why do they keep telling you that this is all your choice?

you get told the same message enough times, by enough people, that you finally start to believe it. maybe this is your choice. maybe you torture yourself because you want this, on some level, to punish yourself for failing so disgracefully. it doesn't feel like a choice. it never felt like a choice. but you take responsibility for it anyway, because none of this was ever really about you in the first place. there are complicated systems running the world, powerful leaders and unbeatable forces working in the shadows, dictating every second of your life, following a scripted means to a distant goal that you cannot possibly begin to comprehend. all you ever wanted was to be seen, but now they're all seeing you the wrong way and you don't know how to correct it.

you meet someone. they're kind to you. they give you time, and affection, and love. it feels different from the love your family gives you. there is no contract here, no deeper motives, no matter how hard you look for them. they hold you after your nightmares and listen when you speak. you're not sure that they understand you, not in the way that you see yourself, but they pay attention to you when no one else does, when no one else can. it is an unconditional love, foreign to you like everything else about them.

when they mention the very idea of a decision you can already feel the dread twisting in your stomach. you know how these "decisions" go. you know what you're supposed to do, what you are ethically obligated to do, and exactly how this will affect you in the aftermath.

knowing doesn't make it hurt any less. you kill your happiness and the one person who loves you. your family reassures you that they were never really all that special. the world gets a little bit emptier.

eventually, you give up. not in the active, defiant, cowardly way you attempted before-- you give up passively, give up your life. you allow your body to be dragged around, a tool for someone else's war, comforted only by the fact that your decisions never really meant anything anyways, that none of this changes no matter what you do.

it doesn't matter if you fight. maybe you do, maybe you don't. maybe you panic. you're not even quite sure what you do while you are in the process of doing it, but you are damn well aware of the conclusion:

the world ends. everything you have been fighting for, everything you have been dragged into fighting against-- it breaks. the world collectively snaps and everything falls apart. existence as you once knew it no longer exists. the people you always thought were so far are suddenly once again within reach, pulling you into the safety of their arms, outside of life, outside of reality.

it is only in the safety of such an embrace, the warmth of a being before/after/outside of life, that you finally manage to relax. it is only after your decisions stop meaning anything that you are able to make your first conscious choice. you failed in the worst way that anyone could possibly fail-- and yet, here you are, in a semblance of a life and surprisingly well. resilient in ways that you didn't know you were.

your guardian angels, the few you managed to love, ask you once again what you would like to do. as usual, there are two choices:

you can stay in this strange, hazy space, outside of reality and everything that once hurt you. you can stay connected to the people that you love, the people that loved you, transcend the boundaries of yourself and be with them forever. the world you once knew no longer exists. there is no concept of trauma. you cannot be seen, but there is no need between beings that share the same eyes.

or, you can return to the old world. back to a place where people were individuals, separated inherently by the material reality of bodies and individualized souls. you can be seen-- perhaps not for who you truly are, who you see yourself as in its entirety, but seen nonetheless, by a person or people outside of the core you. the trauma would return but it is a trauma that is yours, evidence of your life and your memories and the people you met and loved. it will hurt, and it will be home.

the decision is easy. you return. you take back humanity for the price of hell, enact the end of the third and final reckoning, and fall back into the same habitual violence you had previously gotten so used to.

it hurts, of course. you knew it would.

but all you ever wanted was to make a bad decision.

[i-think-i-have-too-many-fandoms]

So I think I'm gonna open up requests for smau's for all of my fandoms, basically just like a couple insta posts and Twitter posts for your favorite character that may be on my list (the pinned post on my account) I'll also have them all tagged below 😁

Just tell me who and add a little description, or not and I can come up with something on my own.

[newnlovesjennie]

whoever said it’s better to love and lose never loved and lost you

[kaworu/shinj]

966 words, angst, angst w/ unhappy ending, takes place after events of ep 24, character study, based on “i wish i never met you” by babygirl

misato begrudgingly closed the door of shinji’s room, his noisy complaints of wanting to be left alone getting too draining.

she knew damn well that leaving the adolescent alone was the last thing she should do, but the amount that she had on her own plate was quickly overfilling to the point where she couldn’t handle shinji’s dramatics.

on the other side, shinji rested his head on his pillow with a thick migraine from the events that occurred earlier today. his chest was tight, his breath hitched, and his mind was racing with a million and one thoughts.

he felt weak, indescribably weak. he felt as if somebody were to lay a finger on him, he would fall apart. he felt fractured, destroyed, and hated that feeling.

he hated it. he hated it a lot. he hated the feeling of always being the weakest one and the boy who can’t do anything, he hated the shallow sensation that would rise in his stomach at the smallest inconvenience.

he hated his delicacy, the fragile glass that his body was made of, he hated his crave for others and he hated his crave for being alone. he hated his hair, the way his eyes were slanted downwards in such an ugly way, the peach fuzz on his chin, the way his voice croaked when he cried.

shinji hated everything about himself. he hated the fact that he was alive,

but he couldn’t get his mind off the one person who didn’t.

shinji winced at kaworu creeping into his mind, infesting his every brain cell with his presence. shinji had done everything he could in the past couple hours to forget, forget, and forget, but his red eyed prince wouldn’t escape his thoughts.

kaworu loved his delicacy. kaworu praised his emotional vulnerability, the sentimental grip shinji held on his past. kaworu admired his troubles, consoling them as the beautiful pain humanity holds. kaworu didn’t think shinji was a mess, kaworu didn’t think of his face as anything less than perfect. kaworu adored the bumpy callouses that decorated shinji’s hands, the way shinji would yelp when kaworu hugged him from behind.

kaworu loved shinji. all of him.

the stinging sensation of tears hit shinji’s eyes, as he let them fall freely across his face and onto his pillow. his body was hollow, rusted, and empty without kaworu’s touch. shinji was overwhelmed from the emotions he was having, the thoughts that were encompassing his brain, but amidst the chaos one thing stood clear to him; shinji hated kaworu nagisa.

he hated how safe kaworu made him feel. he hated the freedom and escape he found in kaworu’s touch. he didn’t have to care about the evas, his father, humanity, rei, asuka, or the dozens of problems that loomed over his brain every day. kowaru took them all and crushed them in half, and gave shinji a warm embrace of peace.

he hated that he had experienced that feeling. he hated the delicious taste of happiness kowaru had gave him only for him to snatch it away. he hated that he dipped his toes in the pool of love only for the pool to quickly drain forever. he was greedy, he wanted to experience it all the time. he hated that he didn’t know forever would end so soon.

kaworu was nothing but a liar. he lied while making shinji promises of eternal happiness, he lied when he told shinji he would never leave.

but was i the fool that fell for them? shinji thought. gripping onto his waist and chest, he desperately searched for any feeling that wasn’t vacant. he tried shaking his legs to make them numb no more, and he clenched his eyes and prayed that he would never think of kaworu again.

he prayed that he could go back into time and never meet him.

shinji wanted those days of happiness back, so he could quickly burn them into his usual days of depression. shinji wanted his brain to forget he ever had hope, that there was any chance for somebody to love him. kaworu was the only person who ever claimed to understand shinji, hands intertwined on their shared bed. shinji wanted that all gone.

shinji pictured misato’s arm draped around him. shinji envisioned what she might say to all his irrational thoughts, the jumble of chaos that made up his mind. misato had her heart broken before, didn’t she? why did she ever try again after that?

it’s better to love and lose, shinji. misato’s words echoed in his head. the emptiness you’ll feel if you live a whole life without love is incomparable.

pain is something man must carry in his heart, and since the heart feels pain so easily, some believe that life is pain. shinji flinched at the sound of his sweet voice in his head again. mankind needs love to go on.

no! shinji wanted to yell. i don’t need love! i don’t need the pain that would come alongside it. whoever said its better to love and lose… never loved and lost you.

shinji opened his eyes, fixated on the ceiling in front of him. he wanted nothing more than to forget kaworu. forget him forever.

shinji shifted slightly to the right, glancing at the mp3 player that rested on his desk. it was his first gift from kowaru, and he remembered cherishing it like the last meal he’d ever eat. shinji felt his body go limp, unable to move. he couldn’t feel his arms, legs, or anything else. perhaps it was better that way.

letting out a sigh, shinji had one thing left that encompassed his mind. shinji had one message, one feeling that he was sure he would never let go of.

i wish i never met you, kaworu.

[queen-of-the-avengers]

CATFA: Part Three

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2k

Warnings: canon violence, language, and angst

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

New York is notorious for having parties on every corner, gatherings of hundreds of people, and bringing communities together. Manhattan is an island of many ports, and most of them are having fairs and events people can attend. After dressing like you belong in the 1930s, you attend one of the fairs to get to know people and make yourself known.

Crowds of people line up for the rides as well as the games, and you maneuver through them to get to the far end of the pier. You look up and lock eyes with a complete stranger, but there is something familiar about him. You haven't seen that face in years, the face you left behind.

"Ikaris?" you call out even though he can't hear you.

You push through the crowd to get to the stranger, and when you see him, he's with a younger blonde man that's much shorter. They're both enjoying some games, and you realize that it's not the person you thought. You're about to leave when the man notices you staring.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm sorry," you chuckle. "You remind me of someone I knew. I apologize for staring."

"Don't apologize. You can stare all you want," he flirts. "Do you have a name, doll?"

"Y/N."

"James, but you can call me Bucky." He holds his hand out for you to shake, and when you grab it, he brings your hand to his lips and kisses the back of it. You smile shyly and bite your lower lip. He looks a little young, maybe about eighteen if you had to guess. "This is my friend, Steve."

"It's nice to meet you both. I'll let you both get back to losing this game," you tease.

"Oh, and you think you can do so much better?"

"I know so."

"Alright. Show me how it's done."

He pays for another round and lets you play the game. He thinks you're going to pretend to be bad so he can save the day, but he's wrong. You end up winning it and winning the stuffed whale that's about as big as your head.

"Here, you can have him. It's something to remember me by," you grin and hand Bucky the animal.

"Oh, doll, I'm going to have a hard time forgetting you. I think I need a rematch. This fair is open tomorrow. What do you say? Do I have a chance to redeem myself?"

"You might."

And a chance he got. Then another chance. And another one. And you kept giving him chances even after he's beaten you plenty of times. Even after the fair closed its doors to remodel some of the rides, you and Bucky couldn't stay away from each other. He snuck out of his parent's house to be with you, and you'd walk all around town trying to avoid the officers who patrolled the area.

"Are your parents okay with you being out this late?" Bucky asks you when you two stopped at the local playground.

"My parents died a long time ago. I'm a little older than you might think."

"An older woman, huh? I don't mind," he chuckles.

"If my parents were here, I'd tell them about you. I think they'd like you."

You two walk to the swing set and you take a seat on one of the swings, but Bucky stands next to you as you slowly sway back and forth.

"Do you like me?"

"Yeah."

Bucky walks in front of you and stands between your legs. He walks you backward until you can't go any further, and he slides his hands slowly up your body until he reaches your face. He tucks your hair behind your ear, giving you goosebumps. He waits for you to reject him, and when you don't, he leans into you.

Kissing him feels like magic. Kissing him feels like standing on top of a cliff and letting the warm summer sun heat your skin. Kissing him feels like opening presents as a kid. Kissing him makes you feel like you can finally face up to Markus without fear. Kissing him gives you a feeling you've never felt before, not even with Ikaris.

Everything falls into place when you're with him. This is your moment. This is the moment you fall in love with James Buchanan Barnes. If you two couldn't stay away from each other before this moment, then you truly couldn't be apart well after it. Even when he moved out of his parent's house and started going to the local college with Steve, he made sure to make time for you in his busy schedule.

Spending one year with him has been more fulfilling than spending nine hundred years with Ikaris.

If you see yourself spending years with Bucky, then you need to tell him the truth about you. Ikaris was already an alien when you met him, so he didn't have a hard time believing you weren't human. Bucky might react differently which is why you waited a full year to come clean. He's taking you out to dinner for your first anniversary, and it's overlooking the Big Apple.

"Bucky, how much did this cost you?"

"Nothing is expensive when it comes to you."

There is no one else on the balcony, giving you the perfect opportunity to come clean.

"Listen, Bucky, there's something I have to tell you and I'm not sure how you're going to take it."

"You're not part of the cartel, are you?" he chuckles.

"No. I'm older than you think I am--"

"Yeah, I know. I don't mind dating an older woman. I'd say you're twenty-five."

"I'm a little older than that. Bucky, I'm nine hundred years old," you rip the bandaid off. "I'm from a planet called Xenia, and I came here in the year 1000. I left my planet to escape the man who abused me and experimented on me."

"Okay, now I'm starting to think you're not joking."

"I just want you to know how much I love you."

You lift your hand and transform it from your human form into an animal's paw. From there, you turn it into a tentacle before returning it to normal. You lift your other hand and create a small fireball out of thin air. The fire solidifies and turns into water before quickly evaporating. You can't seem to look at Bucky in fear he will kick you out of his life.

"If I see a future with you, which I do, I have to tell you who I truly am. I'm not human. I'm telling you this because I love you so much. My feelings for you are true and real, and this entire year has been the best in my entire life. You make me feel safe, but I understand if you never want to see me again. I just hope you understand I never meant to hurt you."

Bucky gets out of his chair, and you think this is it. He's going to leave and never return. Instead, he walks over to you and kneels so that you don't have to look up to see him. He reaches up and wipes the tears that have fallen.

"Y/N, I love you. It's going to take a long time to wrap my head around this, but I don't care if you're not human. I didn't get to know you this past year just to walk out on you now."

"You don't care that I'm nine hundred years old?"

"You could be ten thousand, and I'd still want to get to know you. You're my soulmate, doll." He stands to his full height, bringing you up with him. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him passionately. There isn't a more perfect person for you than Bucky. "You gotta tell me more about this, though."

You two break away and take your seats when you begin the story of how you came to be.

Markus Hottle was known throughout Xenia as a benevolent CEO of Interdimensional Republic. They specialized in privacy, safety, and communications throughout Xenia. They had a sister company that would expand IR throughout its solar system and into the vast space outside of it.

Markus had everyone wrapped around his finger, which gave him power like no other. Instead of taking that power and doing good things with it, he let it get to his abnormally large head. It fed his ego, and he got so hungry that he didn't only want to dominate Xenia but the other planets around it.

He came up with a serum created by his lab technicians that would give its user special abilities. This was experimental work that needed a test subject, so what better person to do it than his assistant? It's what gave you your shapeshifting abilities. Markus saw how powerful you could get, but that didn't satisfy him enough.

He wanted more.

Word got around that an Infinity Stone was lurking around Xenia. If Markus could get ahold of it, then he could add that power to his serum. Something of that magnitude would ensure no one could go up against him. He wanted to create an army that could be loyal to him as he tried to rule the neighboring planets of Xenia.

He got ahold of the famous Tesseract which held one of the six Infinity Stones. He tampered with the power o make a better weapon, giving you your second set of powers. With shapeshifting and controlling the elements, he knew he created the perfect serum to give to his army. If this serum got out, then the universe would be doomed.

You couldn't let it leave the lab it was created in.

One thing led to another and you stole the only serum before Markus had a chance to replicate it. The Tesseract was lost after the first serum was made, but he stored some power away just in case this were to happen.

You stole that, too.

You used the serum on yourself and used the last remaining bit of Tesseract power to escape. Your body absorbed it all, giving you the final power of creating portals to different parts of the universe. Markus was pissed you were gone with his creation, but you never looked back. You kept running until you reached Earth, and here you've stayed in peace for the last nine hundred years.

You're not even sure if Markus is still alive at this point, but you're hoping to never find out.

If Bucky loved you before, then he's utterly in love with you now. Telling him your life story made you two grow closer to each other. If you thought the first year with Bucky was an adventure, try the next five years. He never once judged you for what you've done or who you are, and you're grateful for having him in your life.

Steve doesn't know about what you are, but you're okay with leaving that part of you a secret for right now. He has enough to worry about besides you. He and Bucky have been taking a bunch of art classes together as a way to stay close to each other, but there is something bigger that they both want to do.

It's 1941 and the United States announced its role in World War II just after Pearl Harbor was bombed. Steve wanted to enlist because that's who he is but Bucky got drafted. Bucky was forced to go so you decided to enlist as well to support him physically and figuratively.

Women in the army weren't a common thing, but they were allowed to enlist for other jobs like nurses or things of that nature. None were allowed combat roles, but you were going to prove to them that you deserve to fight alongside the men who get to lay their lives down. Your powers would be more useful in the field than in some medical office, anyway.

So, when you, Bucky, and Steve went to enlist, you and Bucky got accepted pretty easily. It's Steve who they denied because of his short stature and small frame. He's much smaller than other men his age, and he has asthma which isn't allowed.

That didn't stop Steve from trying, but every time he tries to enlist, they would always deny him because of the same reasons as the previous one.

Meanwhile, you and Bucky got put into the same boot camp to train. Even if you weren't going into combat, you still needed to know the basic training to survive if something were to happen. Something got mixed up that caused you to go to the only boot camp with all men. The other women were sent somewhere else, but they didn't have any room to move you after the fact.

It became pretty clear you were going to be the center of attention, but you only had eyes for Bucky.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[softquietsteadylove]

could we possibly get a little angsty mermaid au action? missing that one! thank you for continuing to share your masterpieces with us!

I almost didn't recognise you, it's been so long.

Thena blinked, the only time needed for her friend to go from being a speck in the distance to right in front of her. She sighed, bubbles rising from her mouth. Sorry.

What's wrong? Makkari asked, despite her feelings about Thena spending more time on land than in the water, these days. She swam around her friend, resting on a sandbank like a beached whale. It must be bad for you to leave your precious human.

Thena snarled her lips, letting her fangs poke out. She turned over in the sand, her tail dusting it up around them. "Leave it alone."

Makkari swam around to her other side, though, real concern on her face now. Hey, it was a joke. Is there something I should know?

Thena's lip wobbled. If she were on land, her eyes would be pouring salt. They had done so a few times, like when she was sick, or when she watched a heartbreaking movie with Gil that felt very much like how they had come to fall in love.

But underwater, the vacuum of it swallowed her sorrows. Her gills expanded and contracted with her heavy heart. "We are quarrelling."

You and the land walker? Makkari tilted her head a few times, the gold charms she liked on the ends of her hair floating with the motion. What did he do?

Thena swiped at her eyes, another human habit she had picked up. She sighed again, adjusting herself on her sand bed. He didn't do anything. I...I learned something.

Makkari - against any mer's instincts and natural inclination - also settled herself on the sand. She rested her chin on her arms folded in front of her, the red sparkle of her scales reflecting on the beautiful tone of her skin. She raised her brows.

Thena smiled at her friend. There was nothing about the ocean she missed quite so much as Makkari. We were out walking in town. A woman approached Gil, and he knew who she was. They spoke for some time, and he introduced me. She seemed nice.

Makkari nodded along with her very factual recounting of the story. She was used to it with her, after all. She would ask her questions as they came.

I asked Gil who she was when we got back to the boat. Thena blinked, laying her head on the sand again like a pathetic guppy lost in a strange reef. She was his mate.

Makkari shot up again, her tail swishing and her hands poised as if she had the human man's throat there for the strangling. His what?!

Thena nodded, feeling the rush of foolishness and resentment and anger and envy all over again. Humans don't mate for life. Apparently, it is not uncommon for them to have numerous partners.

It wasn't that it was impossible for mers to have multiple mates. Sometimes things didn't work out, that wasn't so incomprehensible. But it wasn't something taken lightly, to become bound mates at all. Certainly it wasn't common to encounter someone's past mate and strike up pleasantries.

She nuzzled the sand, pressing her temple to it in a poor substitute for the soft but firm feeling of Gil's chest under her. He said it was a long time ago. That they had been young and parted amicably. That they were 'still friends'.

Makkari watched the way she punctuated his verbatim statement. She lifted her lips around her fangs. That sounds like a clown who wants more than one anemone.

She agreed. It was hard to communicate that to him, though, when all she had felt was rage. Anger with him for smiling at his past mate wit her right there, on his arm no less! How dare he greet this woman so normally as if they hadn't been entangled from the inside out?!

She knew it was normal for them. She knew Gil didn't mean to hurt her and she knew that she shouldn't have thrown herself right over the side of the boat to avoid him. But just the sight of him made her want to shatter coral right off his thick skull.

Humans actually had very thin skulls compared to theirs, Sersi said.

What else did he say?

Thena shook her head. The sun moved above them, or a cloud did, and she lost her comforting warm spot. She let herself drift off the sand and listlessly ride the currents around them.

Hey, Makkari nudged her arm as she began swimming next to her. I never thought I'd see the day you were limping around because of some bull.

Nor did she, in all honesty. But she had never felt quite like this, either. She let herself drift down and down until some shelves of coral made themselves known. Her tail flopped limply after her; the tail Gil said was so beautiful.

Makkari swam to face her again. Now I'm really worried.

"Sorry," Thena squeaked out. She couldn't help it. She wanted to be in a bed and to tug the covers up over her head. She wanted to run a hot bath and fold herself up in it, letting just her tail hang out in the open air.

Okay, Makkari also sighed, moving to lean against the edge of her coral refuge. I may not be the biggest admirer of your...human. But I know how much you care about him. Are you going to go back to him?

Of course--of course she would. She just came to get out her feelings. The question of going back or not was not even an option. But maybe that was part of the problem. Thena looked at her oldest and dearest friend in all the seas. Kari, I can't leave him. We're...

Makkari's eyes widened. Perhaps she'd had some inkling of things, but this was a damning admission nonetheless. She waved her fingers. You, and him, you're...you mated with him?!

Thena pursed her lips, tempted to roll over again as if she were in bed at home. "You don't have to make that face."

How is that...how? Makkari concluded, rather mildly all things considered.

How humans do it, Thena sufficed to say. She didn't have to go over the gruesome details.

To her credit, Makkari restrained herself from further reaction. She crossed her arms again. Do you feel different?

She did, but she also didn't. She had never taken a mate of her own kind, but she had never even desired to. With Gil...it had happened so naturally, come of natural events. Perhaps she had experienced new mate-hood, in which she had become so infatuated that she had nary desired to leave Gil's side.

But then she thought of the human woman again, of her hanging on Gil's arm, and kissing him and eating his food. And it made her stomach clench like when she had fallen ill with a human 'bug'.

Thena blinked as she felt the touch of a hand on her arm. Makkari gave her a sympathetic look. Mers were not the type to exchange physical gestures meaninglessly, and they in particular were not partial to it. But she smiled, "thanks."

Makkari patted her arm before fiddling with the gold on her fingers (also stolen little trinkets). Well, you'll go back, you said. When?

She was asking if Thena would stay in the water for some time. But she hadn't considered it. For all she had done to storm off and leave poor Gil all alone in the small motorboat, she hadn't considered staying past the height of the moon. For how miserable she was feeling, she still wanted to return to his arms to sleep.

How foolish mating with a partner made someone.

I don't know, Thena answered more properly. She at least lifted herself from the coral. I wanted time to think clearly.

Makkari shrugged. Bulls--what can be done about them?

Thena offered a somewhat sardonic but genuine smile. She was inclined to agree, but she still wished to return to her bull in question. I promise I will return soon, and in better spirits.

Makkari followed her as she began swimming upward again. As soon as she had tossed herself from the boat, she had swam straight down, desiring nothing more than getting Gil out of her sight. Does Ikaris know?

Thena rolled her eyes. No, and he never can. I had to worry about him drowning Gil before they had even met. This will not help.

Fine, but I can't say I'm completely against it, Makkari offered neither her complete support nor condemnation. But it was support either way, and Thena appreciated it.

Thena eyed the bait that was hanging in the water. They weren't deep enough for mers yet, but it was deep enough that most wouldn't be fishing with a regular manual rod in such an odd spot.

Makkari beat her to it, of course, swimming right up to it. There's something tied around it.

Thena floated next to it, undoing the strip of cloth tied around the line. The ink was already being eaten at by the salt, but the sloth was scrawled with a very sad SORRY on it in horrific lettering. "Oh, Gil."

Has he just been sitting here? Makkari asked, looking up at the bottom of the boat.

That was exactly what he had been doing. Because that was Gil; he wouldn't have gone home without her. Even if she had, she would have discovered he wasn't back and come to find him. So he had stayed put, cast the line with a message for her to come back to him, unable to come after her properly.

Okay, fine, he's not bad for a human, Makkari conceded with minimal eye rolling. She gave Thena's fin a friendly smack with her own on her way past. Come back another time you don't want to just cry about your boyfriend and his legs?

Thena waved to her friend's swiftly retreating image before Makkari truly put her power into her tail and shot off with blinding speed. She did owe her more visits, and it was nice to truly swim completely uninhibited for a time.

She poked her head up slowly, the water lapping around her. It was dusk, and soon would be completely dark. She rose until she could peek over the side of the boat.

Gil was tearing another strip of fabric off his emergency canvas, writing the word over and over and over to get the ink to penetrate the cloth properly.

Oh, her sweet, sweet human man. Thena sighed, once again feeling the air in her lungs, even with her gills in her neck. She brought her hands up to the boat's edge, "Gil?"

"Th-Thena!" he startled, but his head whipped up to her. He had been crying. "Angelfish!"

The boat tipped dangerously as he rushed over to her. As much as she could get them back home, she wasn't strong enough to tip over a boat by herself. "Gil!"

He stopped his rush to hug her, or lift her out of the water and back onboard with him. His shoulders sagged, "oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I should have explained more--a-about my ex. I didn't mean for you to find out that way."

She still didn't enjoy the concept of Gil and his ex-mate, doing mating things. But she pulled herself up and into the boat for herself, settling on the bench, still with her tail on. "I know you were put in a difficult position, Gil. I...I shouldn't have swam off."

He plunked himself back down to the other seat by the motor. "No, I don't blame you for being mad. I probably wouldn't want to find out about any ex of yours by running into him on a date."

Yes, exactly! She had her vindication, which did soothe the stubborn part of her. But she split her tail into legs again, leaning forward. "Gil."

He let her lift his chin, happy to accept her kiss. He slipped his fingers into her hair. "I'm sorry, Angelfish. I didn't want you to get hurt like that."

It had hurt, in an odd way. Humans had such interesting concepts of pain--so internal and self reflective. But Thena smiled, running her thumb over his cheek, "I know."

He accepted her acceptance. He wasn't forgiven, but he wasn't asking for that. He reached behind him, putting his jacket over her, "let's get home, okay?"

Thena nodded, pulling the jacket up and zipping it. It was cold in the air, even as the salt beaded off her skin. "I'm sorry, I don't know where the dress ended up."

"It's okay, Cuddlefish, we can get you another one," he smiled, eager to maintain their lifted spirits. He held his arm out, inviting her to sit next to him for the boat ride home.

She obliged him, settling herself in the crook of his arm. She pressed her temple to his chest, finally soothed after the sand failed where he was succeeding. "I want that seafood stew you make for dinner."

What he called 'Jjampong' was one of her favourites, not only for the seafood, but for the pleasant spiciness it possessed.

He kissed her hair, speeding ahead and back to their home, on the island, with Titania waiting for them at the dock. "Anything you want, Thena."

She wanted him to swear to be her one and only mate from now on. But dinner would suffice for now.

[pleaseholdfor5hours]

Welcome Home

After nine longing years of this pitiful war, we finally won. This was the moment to celebrate our victory and all go home at last. To go back to our normal lives, see our loved ones, put behind our past, make new happier memories. It should be exciting right? Well I didn't feel excited at all.

I hated the war for sure, it was a waste of my time and robbed me from finishing highschool or going to college, but I didn't feel like going home. Probably because I have no home to go to.

Getting off the bus after being dismissed from duty, something about it made everything feel.... gray. I stood on the last step off the bus, carrying my bag over my shoulder, scanning the area around me. There were happy families running and cheering for each other. Hugs, smile, and laughter. Relief that their children or spouses had made it. Slight grief for the those who lost their beloved. Overall it was a wonderfully sight to see, but I felt nothing.

No matter how many times I scanned the area, there was no one for me. Not a single friend, nor a "family" member. People say home is in the family. There was no home for me to return. Never had a home. Just that loneliness.

What now? I thought to myself. I still haven't gotten off the bus. What do I do now? There is no guidance for me and I cannot survive on my own without some guidance.

The bus drive honked the horn, trying to tell me to get off the bus. I don't move for a minute, refusing to take that step off the bus. I turn back around and go back to my seat. Perhaps the military can still use a medic around. An extra hand. That's my decision. To stay with the military.

I don't want to go home anyways. There is no home for me. If I must walk this life alone, then so be it.

Welcome Home, solider. Words that I will never be able to hear.

[hiighlighterr]

.

A KawoShin angst fic request!

.

DESC:

“There’s a selfish part of him that wishes it could be him. That wishes to be capable of denying his own biology, and coexisting with Shinji. A part of him that wishes to play the piano with him just one more time. Just once.”

[mindscapic-exposure]

Not sure if anybody’s made this comparison yet, and maybe I’m reaching but

[karizard-ao3]

Evangelion college au?

Okay, let me think about this. I feel like I haven't gotten myself fully immersed enough in NGE to be really confident in my answer here (gotta watch it again), but I'm going to say:

Shinji goes to college on a music scholarship for his cello playing. He is not passionate about playing the cello but he couldn't have paid for college without it, so that's what he does.

Kaworu is either studying philosophy or poetry, I feel like, and he would be the first person Shinji meets. Will they hook up? Probably. But there will have to be some kind of a moment where Kaworu gets removed from the equation, like in the anime. Maybe he and Shinji do something that can get them expelled and Kaworu is like, "place all the blame on me," and even though Shinji does not want to, he still does it because of his sense of self preservation. Also, I feel like Kaworu makes him feel like a prince at first, but then he starts getting skeeved out by his love/devotion. Shinji hates himself and can't accept Kaworu's unconditional adoration. Also, I feel like Kaworu is somewhat insincere and manipulative. They'd have a very toxically codependent sexual friendship, I think. Maybe Shinji starts getting romantically interested in Asuka and Kaworu starts sabotaging him. I don't know!

Rei would probably be in the sciences. Her dream is to develop organ cloning or something. She is suicidal and says very weird things. Kaworu is kind of obsessed with her because of it and Shinji is very worried about her. I want her and Shinji to be cousins, but in that awkward "I know we're related but I think they're hot" way. Like, they didn't grow up together and this is their first time spending any appreciable time together so they don't really think of themselves as relatives. I feel like this dynamic suits their vibe in the anime. They would not act on any attraction, it would just make Shinji feel even worse about himself because it's there (honestly, I feel like for him, at least, it would be a kind of intrusive thought situation. Like, he's noticing she's cute exactly because it makes him feel bad about himself). Also, maybe Rei is having a secret affair with Gendo, who is a professor at the college? She'd be related to Shinji through Yui, so not blood related to Gendo, and we know he loves screwing young scientists (god, this is so gross to me but I feel like it would be good for the plot. Rei reminds him of his dead wife and she is just doing all kinds of shit just to feel something, even if it's disgust). He could be juggling her and Ritsuko, who is her advisor. Why not? That could also add an extra layer to Rei's dynamic with Shinji and also create some drama down the line. Maybe that's the catalyst to Rei actually making a suicide attempt, and then Shinji finds her and encourages her to live.

I'll end with Asuka, who is probably a jock. Can you go to college on a field hockey scholarship? She probably does roller derby, too. For some reason, I feel like she grew up in a trailer park and feels like she has something to prove going to this ritzy school. Most likely she'd join a sorority for the clout but then struggle to comply with the sorority lifestyle. She fakes it okay, but she doesn't actually love the partying and social events and things. The expectation is that she'd date a frat guy but then she meets sensitive bisexual Shinji Ikari and she can't get him off her mind. She runs very hot and cold with him, because it's like, does she want him or does she want the image she's trying to build of herself? I think maybe she does get a frat boy bf (Toji, maybe???) but she sneaks around with Shinji anyway. She feels ashamed of herself but she projects that disdain onto Shinji and treats him like shit over it, but he just keeps crawling back for more.

No one should get together at the end of this, actually. They are all disasters. The happy ending is college ending and they all get to leave this terrible period of their lives behind with lessons learned and a new sense of their own value lol. They go off and form new, much healthier relationships. Or, Asuka marries a rich lawyer or doctor and keeps sneaking around with Shinji for the rest of her life and he's secretly the father of all her children. He never forms a meaningful relationship with anyone and just kind of exists, living his life as the other man.

Why is this so sad? 😭 Fuck!

Okay, trying for a fluffier option, college cheerleader Asuka and cellist Shinji. There's still the "forbidden" aspect because she feels it's below her to date anyone but a football player and his friends (twins Kaworu and Rei who are not related to him and both have crushes on him) don't like her, but they start falling in love anyway and start meeting in secret. They have some personality clashes but they learn to overcome them. Shinji gains more confidence and Asuka becomes more empathetic. Rei is not sleeping with Gendo. Everyone lives happily ever after.