#ik this isn't the content you signed up for

[im-literally-so-dun]

idk why I'm posting this on main, but have a drabble-

Sleepwalking

Aislinn shoved her hands deeper into her hoodie pocket, and glanced around herself, looking at the dull concrete buildings, the noisy, rushed people, the scraggly trees poking out of their pots on the sidewalk, the smelly trash littering the street…. She shook her head, pulling the oversized gray hood up so she could hide better, and sped up. Almost to the library. It was safe there, not so loud and hot and busy and overwhelming as the outside. “No-” She muttered, shaking her head harder. “Can’t think like that anymore...” The doctor had said she couldn’t think of the world- the real, actual world- as the outside anymore. That was bad for her, it encouraged her to project, to mix a daydream and the outside. Linn wasn’t sure why it was bad, she wasn’t doing it to hurt herself, just to make the world look prettier.  Like… she slowed and spotted a tired-looking woman in a wrinkled suit sitting on a bench at a bus stop, scrolling on her phone. Linn concentrated for a second, and suddenly, the bench wasn’t rusted anymore. It was painted a vivid, perfect deep green. The tree next to the bench was suddenly taller, healthier-looking. Its green leaves stretching skyward, instead of drooping like they’d been doing an instant ago. There were flowers growing next to the bench, and the junk food wrappers that had been scattered on the ground were gone. The sun shone more brightly and Linn didn’t feel as small and afraid now. The tired woman looked happier, her face less careworn. She was almost smiling and her clothes looked freshly ironed.  Aislinn half sighed longingly. She missed this... What was wrong with it? All she was doing was making the world prettier, a happier place, where no one was ever unhappy, or got hurt, or di—  She squeezed her eyes shut, swallowing hard against the sudden ache in her throat. No no no, not that word, not that word—  "Aislinn? Hurry up,” Her brother yelled, snapping her back into the o- no, back into the real world.  “Sorry,” she mumbled, realizing she’d stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, and had been staring into space. Linn caught up to Alex, and mumbled an apology again. “Sorry, I… I was…” she shook her head. “Never mind.” Mom hadn’t told him what she did and she wasn’t allowed to talk about it to him. Better to just shut up.  The doctor would probably be happier if she didn't explain it, anyway. He probably thought it'd make her forget about her world if she didn't talk about it.  Alex rolled his eyes, and dragged her off to the library. “You’re weird,” “Thanks,” she mumbled, following him and hating this noisy, rushed, monotone outside world.  The library was a welcome break from the noise, the mess, the... everything… that was the real world. It was so quiet, so clean, so bright, so perfect. Almost like her world had been, except Destiny wasn’t here.  She could forget that, though. At least, for a little while. And she did. Linn found a book and curled up in a chair, hiding in the pages, projecting herself into the story world, letting the colors and words and people swirl around her, letting herself forget the outside for a while.  After who knew how long, Alex shook her, shattering the projection, the colors and people fading into the library’s reading nook.  “Mom wants us back by five, remember?” He said impatiently, brushing his dark bangs out of his eyes.  “Yeah,” she said, standing and grabbing her stack of books, then trailing Alex to the checkout area. 

They checked their books out, then Alex was dragging her through the busy streets again and she didn’t have time to try to fix all the gray and mess, because he was so fast, and then they were home, and it was dinner time, then before she knew it, Linn was sitting on her bed in pajamas, staring at the bottles.  There were two of them. She couldn't remember what they were called, couldn't tell what they did, or what they were supposed to do. They just made her head fuzzy, like she was always half asleep. She never had the energy to think about fixing things then, because concentrating on doing school or whatever took all her energy.  Linn knew the drugs were wearing off now, because her mind was sharp, clear, she could almost see all the changes she’d make in her room right now, and there— there was the biggest one next to her.  “Destiny,” she whispered, her eyes welling with tears as she turned slightly, looking at the spot on her bed that her best friend—no, her figment. The spot that her lie had sat on so many times before. Linn wasn’t allowed to think Destiny back, that was bad for her, made her forget the outside, get lost in her world… That was the funny thing, though. The doctor had said if she took the medication, it’d make her forget her world, help her focus on the outside. But it hadn’t done that. All it did was make her feel half asleep, and fuzzy. Like sleepwalking, kind of. She felt more like she was stuck in a dream when she took it than when she projected her own world. Her world was so beautiful, so sharp and clear and it felt so real, more real than the outside ever had. At least, since…. since Dad.   “I just wanna go back,” she whispered, hugging her knees and resting her forehead on them. “Linn, baby?” Mom asked quietly. The door creaked and a sliver of light fell across her, and Linn had to force herself not to fix it. “Oh honey, are you all right?” Linn heard the bed creak and the mattress dipped, then Mom’s arms were around her, holding her, warm, comfortable, safe, and…. real. “I just wanna go back, mama,” she whispered. “I miss Destiny, I miss making things the way I wanted them…” “Honey… I know it’s hard, but it’s not real. It’s a lie,” Mom sounded cautious, like she didn’t want to hurt her. She couldn’t hurt Linn, nothing could, because the drugs took that away. They kind of made her feelings sort of… flat? Things didn’t hurt anymore, not since Destiny had left. She just felt empty. And empty didn't hurt. Right?  “I know… But I like it better,” she said. “And the medicine makes me feel like I’m dreaming more than I ever made myself feel. I know that doesn’t make sense.” Mom hugged her tighter. “I’m sorry, baby girl. Maybe we can get different medicine? And…  I think you maybe need a real friend. That’s what you really want, right?” She thought for a second, then nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been dreaming kinda since Destiny…. went away. I want a real friend, one who won’t go away. Not like the others.” “I know.” Mom’s voice was quiet again. “We can try to find you one, but it won’t be easy. Friendships are hard, Linn.” She nodded again. “I know. Maybe I’ll like the outside better when I have a friend.” A reason to live in it, instead of in my mind, she added silently. “I bet you will,” Mom said, still holding her. Mom was another reason to live in the outside. She wasn’t as nice as her version of Mom had been, but she was really real. And she was better than Linn's version of Mom.  Maybe a real best friend would be better than Destiny had been. Destiny couldn’t really hug her and a real friend could do that. Maybe it was time to move on. Maybe she'd get used to not having her world anymore. Maybe she needed to just live in the outside, finally.

[pnghoon]

clay impressions

PARK SUNGHOON [성훈] ── 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓

୨୧ pairing : !nonidol hoon x fem potter!reader ꒰wc : 590꒱

୨୧ genre + content warnings : fluff, slight skinship, not proof read

୨୧ synopsis : in which sunghoon, the new guy in town spots a pottery club and joins because of the pretty girl he saw mentoring in the window.

writer's note ─ what the...juno's first ever work that isn't c.ai bot related??? this must be a dream.. (hehe im joking) anyways enough with the sarcasm--I finally decided to upload this story that's been in my drafts for a while. ik it's not what you're usually used to but lmk what you think of it and if I should continue >< if you enjoyed reading it, please be sure to like & reblog !! ♡

sunghoon hadn’t planned on joining a pottery club. in fact, he hadn’t planned on much beyond unpacking his boxes and finding the nearest coffee shop. but as he mindlessly wandered down the charming main street of his new small town, something—or rather, someone—caught his eye.

the large window in front of the small building cramped between a bookstore and a bakery offered a glimpse of what lay inside: clay-covered hands shaping a delicate piece, laughter echoing softly, and cozy lighting. but what truly captivated sunghoon was the girl behind the wheel. her hair was tied up in a messy bun, a few stray strands framing her face as she concentrated on the clay piece in front of her. she looked like a masterpiece in the making, even with all those smudged beige streaks on her cheeks.

without thinking twice and perhaps blindly urged by his smitten heart, sunghoon pushed open the door, the bell above chiming cheerfully. he approached the counter, trying to appear casual as he signed up for a beginner's class.

the next day, he found himself sitting in a circle of eager faces, dressed casual in a stone grey knit zip up—clay ready at hand. his heart raced when the girl from the window stepped forward, your features even more captivating in person.

"hi, everyone! i'm y/n, and i'll be your mentor for today.”

sunghoon's attempts at crafting anything remotely vase-like were laughable. his first piece looked like it had been crafted by a particularly enthusiastic toddler, another imaging more of a lopsided pancake recipe gone wrong. so—maybe pottery wasn’t his thing. he glanced around, hoping no one noticed, only to lock eyes with none other than you. you smiled, a glint of amusement in your eyes as you made your way over to him.

"need some help?" you asked, your voice warm and gentle.

"very. turns out pottery isn't my hidden talent," sunghoon replied with a soft sigh and bashful smile, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment.

you chuckled, your laugh like music to his ears. "don’t worry, you're here to learn right? let's start from the basics.”

as you slowly guided his hands with your own clay covered ones, sunghoon couldn't help but notice the spark in her eyes, the way your fingers danced with the clay like it was meant to be sculpted and formed with your delicate digits. through your gentle ministration and shared laughter, his lump of clay began to take shape, though it still resembled a vase only in the most generous sense.

by the end of the class, sunghoon had a crooked pot he was oddly proud of and a heart that felt a bit fuller. you handed him a wet cloth to clean his hands.

“not bad for your first try,” you spoke out, nudging him with your elbow as you stared down at your clay-stained apron. “with a bit more practice, you might even make something useful.”

sunghoon grinned, feeling a flutter of hope. “i guess i’ll just have to keep coming back then.”

you couldn’t help but crack a smile at his words, eyes sparkling with amusement. “i guess you will.”

and as he left the studio that day—he swore he saw your gaze on him through the window. suddenly moving to this small town felt like the best decision he’d ever made, and if learning pottery meant more time with you, he was more than ready to become the next great potter.

or, at the very least, the guy who made you laugh.

𝓢igning off... @penghoon

── 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 [OPEN 🗯] @onlyhees @amouriu @greentulip @enhluv1 @samiikeu @hoonwhile @dearrwoni

[joosthead]

finally // beautiful stranger || j.k. f!reader

WARNING #1: explicit real person fiction ahead, dni if below 18. dni if anti-rpf

WARNING #2: explicit rpf/real person fiction content ahead. read at your own risk. dni if anti rpf, dni or read ahead if you simply don’t like rpf lol

₊˚⊹⋆ part 3/prequel to normal au — this is a standalone fic but here’s part 1 and 2 if you want a little lore down the line : ). or if you’ve already read p1&2–this is how normal au joost and reader meet :3. set in december 2019.

₊˚⊹⋆ reader: f!reader. notfamous!reader. normal au a.k.a. reader has an office job and attends university. reader is not from nl

₊˚⊹⋆ word count: 11k (exactly !! :3)

₊˚⊹⋆ cw: smut (strangers to…lovers?, f&m!receiving oral, eating it through panties, protected piv), smoking, drinking. mentions of violence. reader and joost are kind of dicks to each other + pouty and annoying but dw it's ok bc theyre cute. unironic use of the word yolo. reader is apprehensive about receiving oral—references being self-conscious because it’s been a while. unironic ome robert during sex : ( teehee op does not drink or club sorry for inaccuracy

WARNING #3: rpf ahead—don't like it, don't read it. do not repost this on any other platform, screenshots or text alike. do not click ahead if you don’t want to read rpf. do not interact if you are below 18. how to block tags/words on tumblr.

₊˚⊹⋆ track(s) of the fic: “finally // beautiful stranger” by halsey :'')

₊˚⊹⋆ junote: plushies!!! thank you for your patience and the love on normal au :''') i absolutely adore this au and i'm so glad to know you guys do too!! much more to come ;)))) honestly this isn't extensively edited i was just so excited to drop it : 3 thank you so so much to @howisjoostfanfictionforfree and @killerlookz for hearing me out on my decisions on how to place this in the normal au verse >-< I SO APPRECIATE YOU GUYS!! <3333

₊˚⊹⋆ translation: "Zo mooi, liefje, ik heb zoveel geluk." - "So beautiful, I'm so lucky." / "Je smaakt zo lekker, ik vind het geweldig." - "You taste so good, I love it."

18+ only — explicit rpf content ahead, minors dni, anti rpf dni. 4th and final warning!

You should’ve brought a jacket. 

If you were someone else, you’d have blamed it all on your roommates, their insistence that since your shared townhome was “only a few blocks away” from the club you were going to and “the snow isn’t even that bad” and “see it’s not even that cold” convincing you that an extra layer wasn’t needed. You’re you though, and you’re bearing the entire brunt of your regret as you trudge through the sleet covered footpath, the snow shoveled to the side and yet still not enough to keep the wetness off of your strappy heeled feet.

Why didn’t you bring a jacket? Why is it so cold in the Netherlands? Why did you move here for university? Why did you even sign up for that many courses this term, and why did the weather have to be like this right after you took your last final?

When will it end? Never, you think, but at the very least—tonight you get to party. After trudging through a kilometer of snow, of course, your roommates trudging right in front of you and suffering just the same. The snow that falls melts as soon as it hits the ground, your skin, dampening your hair and chilling you with the wind that whistles past. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have even gone—but you promised that you’d loosen up after how hard you’d been going at work and school. Either way, you wouldn’t pass up the chance to meet your roommate, Ruby’s…Ruby’s boy-thing, an up and coming music producer with big eyes and a soft voice stage-named Tantu; and you wouldn’t pass up seeing Alanis, too, an acquaintance of your other roommate, Marina, turned your own friend. 

It’s okay. Before you even know it (feels like an eternity), you’re through the line and through the threshold of the club (after getting squished and cut in front of and annoyed), and now you stand in front of the bar, trying (and failing) to get the bartender’s attention. 

The club is packed to the gills with people—it is a raucous Friday night, and it’s been months since you’ve been in a place so full of people that wasn’t a library, a lecture hall, or some work event you had to attend. Still, though, it feels natural getting back into the groove of things, holding hands with Ruby as she leads you through the dance floor, checking on Marina behind you before she leaves to find Alanis. 

The cold you were blanketed with outside is no more, not even close now that you’re slipping in between and through grinding bodies and flashing lights, the background music to your night a thumping beat you’ll feel in your bones tomorrow and a fast rapping Dutch voice over it. It’s overstimulating in a good way, you think, much preferred over the overstimulation of your packed schedule—you'll have a few weeks of this before it all starts again, and you're happy to be here at the end of it all. 

Eventually you make it to the bar. Someone stepped on your foot on the way there, you lost sight of Marina, you have to adjust your little black dress constantly—whatever. Ruby’s boy thing is unmistakable, giant blue eyes and typical dad cap, and he stands at the bar with three shots waiting for you both.

“You must be Ruby’s other roommate!” he yells over the music and you nod, smiling at him as Ruby goes to hug him around the waist, giggling as she does. 

You prop your elbow up on the bar for support—god, these shoes suck—and yell back, “You’re Teun? Is this your song?” 

“This is my friend’s song, actually, Joost!” He looks around for a bit before giving Ruby a smile; her excitement is contagious owing to the fact that she’s almost never so animated, like she’s bouncing on her heels with her movement. “He’s supposed to be here tonight, I think he’s late.” 

“Joost?” you yell, and he nods—you nod back in approval. Very pop, very gabber (if you’ve judged the subculture correctly in the 2 years being here), very loud, but you like it. 

“He’s a really cool guy, I promise!” Ruby says, giggling even more and sharing a mischievous look with Tantu that you’re not sure means something. 

“Mmm, sure,” you smile, scrunching your nose. You have a feeling that Joost, whoever he is, will become someone important later on in the night, but you put him on the back of your mind as you pick up your shot glass alongside the two of them and down it—you expect it to burn on the way down, seeming like some kind of vodka, but it’s smooth and sweet, only slightly burning. “Thanks Tantu,” you say, holding your hand up for a high five which he reciprocates, laughing. 

“You’ll like Joost, I think,” he nods, and you cock an eyebrow. 

“Are you trying to set me up with someone?” 

“You need something to distract you from all your work, babe,” Ruby says, taking your hand and squeezing it. “Hopefully expensive vodka will loosen you up a bit.” 

Rolling your eyes, you sigh, “I didn’t ask for a distraction.” Work and school are already difficult enough to juggle as is, let alone your abysmal social life only kept alive by Ruby and Marina’s wide circle of friendly, eccentric creatives. You’d rather just keep your circle small, keep your head down and focus, but your friends always have things up their sleeves. 

Ruby orders 3 Bacardi colas for your small group and turns back to you. “We’re gifting you one, okay?” 

You shake it off, focusing more on the lovely rum and cola once it comes into your possession. Sipping at it, you follow Ruby and Tantu onto the dance floor, the bustling crowd jostling you around as you teeter on your heels, keep your purse close to your body, and try to keep your drink from spilling. 

Truthfully, the purse (the purse!!!) is one of your most prized possessions—you don’t think yourself too materialistic, but scoring a 90s Dior saddlebag for less than a thousand euros, with your first big paycheck… you reason that that’s more than enough to get you to be materialistic. 

You cover it with your arm as best as you can as you try and follow Ruby’s pretty lion’s mane of brown curls, turning to make sure you’re still there every once in a while but mostly just hanging onto Tantu’s hand—you don’t mind third wheeling when Ruby’s being so cute, a side of her you've never seen before. 

The three of you make it to the heart of the crowd, running into Alanis and Marina and picking them up along the way, the thrumming beat of some early 00s song until it transitions to something so hyperpop your eardrums might rupture. 

You mouth the lyrics, bright lights shining into your eyes, your dancing constricted by being way too close for comfort with a bunch of drunk and sweaty strangers, but. You’re trying. That’s for sure. 

Marina’s hands snake around your waist as you sway together to the music, eyes closed and letting the alcohol get to you; you would go back to the bar and get another drink if it wouldn’t be such a damn hassle to do so. 

You’re enjoying every single moment, the time passing by in a blur of dancing people and loud voices and sweaty bodies—you’re almost in a haze, all you’d need is a drunk cigarette to make this night perfect, but then Marina lets go of you, and you get disoriented. So many lights, so many people, not enough of your people. 

You get elbowed in the back by someone and it takes you out of your trance completely. You look back in annoyance, the culprit being a tall blonde guy with douchey sunglasses who’s whooping and hollering with a friend who looks just as rambunctious as he is. Scowling, you turn back to where Ruby and Marina are, speaking/yelling with Tantu and Alanis, somehow several feet away, but then you stumble over your feet, and the guy behind you stumbles into you, and you feel a cold liquid run down your arm, your side, all over your dress. 

Shocked (and frankly, about to cry) you look down at your now dripping arms, your purse and the stains on it obvious even now in the dim club light. A mixture of anger and pure disdain for the guy behind you comes over you as he turns around—what the fuck!!! Almost four months of utter bullshit at work and university and this is what happens to you the night you get back.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I’ll pay for it, just find me later!” he yells, looking down at you, turning back to his friends and laughing, and you practically gasp in shock with how rude he’s being. Can’t even give you the time to make things right now, what makes him think you’ll trust him enough to leave it later? 

You tap on his shoulder, making him turn his attention back to you. He’s wearing earphones for some reason, and the big sunglasses really are so douchey. You’re normally not so judgmental—but he ruined your night. “Are you fucking serious? Sorry doesn’t cut it—this is vintage,” you shout, pointing at your poor purse. “And you’re a fucking asshole!”

“Oh, it’s vintage?” he scoffs, and you—you want to punch him in his smug face. You can’t even look him in the eye, his stupid sunglasses blocking your vision of him, but you know that you’re glaring holes through him. 

Any night else, you would’ve left it alone, probably. At the very least, get a yell in; at the very least, get his info and give him an angry text the next morning. Tonight, though, you have nothing to lose and a chip on your shoulder. You get up closer to him, in his face as best as you can with the height difference and the close quarters. 

“You wanna take this outside? You can yell where I can actually hear it, my music’s playing too loud!” he smirks, tapping on his stupid earphone, then pointing to the ceiling as the music keeps playing around you, as the people around you still keep dancing and hollering. He starts moving away from you, and you catch a glimpse of all of your friends—the puzzled stares from Ruby, Marina, Alanis, the concerned expression in Tantu’s eyes. You can't pretend to care about what you look like at the moment, except that’s all you care about at the moment. Your once perfect black dress, your mint-condition bag. 

You bring your purse up to your nose—fucking Baco, not even a clear drink that you can get out relatively easily. Maybe if you’d just brought a jacket, you wouldn’t have a Bacardi cola spilled all over everything and ruining your life. You forgot how intense you are when you’re tipsy. 

You follow behind him, practically stomping—you notice that people are parting for you more than they did in the beginning, and it’s likely because of the anger just radiating off of you in waves as you fume. Every once in a while, he turns and sees if you're still following…of course you are. You're not going to let him off the hook that easily. Any of your other friends would handwave it and just go back to partying. You’ve got an agenda, though. 

When you make it out of the club, jostling through what feels like a million people, you're a bit sobered up and it’s so late—it’s so cold. In the lamppost light, you see he’s much taller than you, wearing a heavy jacket and a wrinkled white button-up underneath it, baggy jeans with writing over the crotch. He looks exactly what you’d expect. “I already said I’d pay for your things,” he says, taking a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket and offering you one, which you take as you roll your eyes halfway to the back of your head. “You have a stick up your ass.”

You take the cigarette between your fingers, bring it up to your mouth and he cups the end, holding the flame of his lighter to it—it sparks, and you take a long pull before sighing, “It’s gotten me much farther places than you, I know that for sure.” A smile teases on his lips, and you can't help but smile back, your anger already melting away like the snow on the ground. The two of you walk a little ways down, trying to get away from the loud clubbers and failing. It’s peak business right now; you couldn't escape them together even if you tried. 

In your head, you tell yourself that it’s because of the nicotine, the smoke in your lungs, but you have to be real with yourself. Whoever the asshole who ruined your night was, whether he was a friend of a friend or the soundtrack to this club—he has pretty blue eyes and a prettier smile, and you…you are weak. And sobering up and realizing that making a scene was a bit embarrassing. 

“Yeah?” he asks, and you nod, proudly, smugly, because you'd earned the right to after the way your life has been the past few months. “Sure it has.” Mood ruined again. You walked straight into that. 

Again, you roll your eyes. “I'm not here to try and convince you of my accomplishments.” 

“‘Accomplishments’,” he says, lighting up his own cigarette. “So accomplished but you didn’t bring a coat for this weather. Smart.” 

This makes you realize just how freezing you are, one of your arms hugged close to your body for what little warmth you can muster from it—your dress is quite short, not to mention damp from this guy’s Bacardi cola spilled all over it, and you’re feeling the consequences. Goosebumps line your skin all over, the breath that leaves your mouth is not only smoke but the cold condensation in the chilly air, and you shake your head. 

“I didn’t think I’d have to come out here and yell at you, but here we are.” 

“How much is your dress? Your purse? I'll send you the money and more for your trouble.” 

“I can't just replace vintage,” you fuss, looking down at your outfit. Your purse was once pink and white and Dior-monogrammed—now it is a muddy brown. Still Dior-monogrammed, but uglier. You never thought yourself a fusser—maybe this season of your life has changed you more than you thought. “I got this at a thrift in Berlin, you know how hard that is these days?”

A heavy weight gets put upon your shoulders; his jacket that he places around them wafts the smell of expensive men’s cologne and smoke. You look at him, incredulous; he gives you a quick glance, then averts his gaze. “You're shaking like a dog,” he says, taking a puff from his cig. “You need it more than I do.”

“Thanks,” you nod, and he gives you an acknowledging hum. “You don't have to. I was an asshole to you and you give me your jacket.” 

“Don't apologize for something that was my fault.” 

“It was both our fault.” 

The night is silent as it can be—not silent at all with clubbers streaming in and out, the music and the talking leaking to the outside. The two of you are a bit farther away from all the people—everyone is walking the other way to another club or bar to continue their outings. 

“Do you want to sit down? We can exchange info and stuff here. Your shoes look uncomfortable.” 

Now that you’re warm, you realize another thing: your feet are aching tired from the dancing, the minutes of stomping after him. The curb in front of you is damp from the snow, but his jacket is so big on you that it can cover your ass—it’s not like you have much else to lose with this outfit, anyways. You sit and he settles down next to you. The sky is a deep purple canvas marred by light pollution, yet you can still see a few stars. Same stars here, same stars back home. 

Another realization: you’re sitting in a foreign country, in almost silence next to some stranger, smoking a cigarette, wearing his jacket after calling him a dickhead and after he’s implied that you’re some airhead. 

Maybe you're just boring (you're not), but life has never taken you to a place like this before. 

To the side, he stubs out his cigarette, and you take a better look at him. Pink creeps up his neck, and when he turns back, you see how vibrantly rosy his cheeks are. If you're seeing it right, his eyes are a little heavy lidded, probably as a result from all of the alcohol. He has a beauty mark underneath his lip, and his lips are just as pink as his cheeks as he brings another cigarette to his mouth. “Do you want another? Or do you just want to keep staring?” His voice is playful, enough so that you bite your tongue for the quip back. 

“I shouldn't. I’m trying to quit, anyway,” you say, still breathing yours in. He nods and you notice that you can actually see his eyes now—no douchey sunglasses, or whatever you called them in your head back there. “Why aren't you wearing your glasses anymore? The ones you wore inside?”

“I don't need to wear them now that the lights aren’t crazy. It gets very overstimulating in there, the glasses help.” 

“I assume your earphones are for the same reason?” You point at his dangling white earphone, and he nods. “I should try that. Maybe it’ll stop me from yelling at strangers.” 

“Maybe it will help you, too. Want to listen?” 

He offers it to you, tonight’s symbolic olive branch, and you take it. “Sure,” but you take it out of your ear almost as soon as you put it in, the music extremely loud and blaring. “How do you not lose your hearing?” 

“I’ll lose it anyway—YOLO,” he says, shrugging, and amuses you how serious he seems saying it. “YOLO” is a fitting mantra for him. “I'm a performer, anyway, so—YOLO! Accelerate the process.” The music turns down considerably; if you're hearing it right, it sounds like Flemish dad rock, something you'd hear on the radio if you grew up here. 

“YOLO, I guess,” you laugh, and he nods like he’s proud of you, laughing himself. It sounds more like a bark, voice now raspy because of the cigarettes, because of the cold, but it sounds nice. “You’re a performer? What have I seen you in, then?” His appearance is so distinctive—hair so bright it almost glows, eyes reflecting an icy grey from the dark of the footpath in front of you. His style is even more distinctive, all Supreme and Bathing Ape and hype beast brands you’ve never heard of. 

But it is Amsterdam. Curly blonde haired, blue eyed hype beasts are a dime a dozen here. You’ve probably seen him around somewhere, it seems like even your roommates know him pretty well through their scene of creatives—but you can’t seem to connect him to anyone you’ve ever watched or heard before. 

“Let me pull up my music for you.” 

“Soundcloud rapper?” you tease. 

“Adjacent.” 

He takes his phone out of his jeans pocket, and you peer over his shoulder, watching as he scrolls through a different playlist. He looks back at you, smiles, looks at your lips then back up at your eyes—it takes a little out of you to keep from rolling your eyes, it takes a lot out of you to keep your composure when he does it. Ugh. “I don’t know what to play you,” he admits, turning back to his phone. “Feels like you’re just going to mess with me when I do.” 

“I'll try not to. Can't promise anything, though.” 

You put your hand on his shoulder—he feels warm, sturdy, and he’s taking way too long to pick a song out of the apparently many he has under his name. 

Finally, he clicks on a title and it begins playing; 1 second in, you say, “Skip,” just to fuck with him, and it works well—he looks back at you, mouth agape and eyes wide, expression so earnestly incredulous you have to laugh. Your faces are closer than they have been the entire night, but you can't even focus on that as you laugh. “Skip?!” he exclaims, getting closer to you, all up in your face. 

“Yeah, skip,” you giggle, nodding exaggeratedly as you lean into him like he just did to you. He’s so close, and he grins at you as your noses come close to brushing. 

“This is the first song of mine I’ve played the entire time, and you want to skip it.”

Obviously, it isn't actually a skip for you—”Ome Robert,” a really fun song about…sucking dick? Being a god? Either way, it’s incredibly catchy and well produced, but you don’t want to let him know that just yet. “Yeah, I wanna skip it. You’ve gotta have better than this.” 

“I work hard on this song, I release it myself, it goes platinum in the Netherlands, I make it to impress beautiful strangers at the club just like you—and you want to skip it. All that work, what did it even get me?” 

Beautiful. This counts as a win. “I admire your work ethic and I think it’s so commendable that you set up a record label for you and your friends—but it’s a skip, I’m sorry to say.” You shrug, putting your hands in the coat pockets once you stub your cig out. The air is so cold—honestly, you worry for him, his disheveled white button-up the only thing shielding him from the weather now that he’s given you his coat. 

“Tell that to everyone in the club, you saw it back there. You probably even danced to it, too.” 

“Did you have to pay the DJ to get him to play your song?” 

“No, we’ve been friends for years.” 

“Ah, so it’s nepotism. I see,” you state proudly, and he groans.

“Nepotism? I will let you know, I established a record label myself. Fully independent, no nepotism.” 

Though Joost’s tone is annoyed, there’s nothing but an amused grin on his face; you smile back, “Is he signed to your label?” He nods, and there, just as easy, you have another piece of ammo. “Ah, so he’s kissing up to the boss.”

“You—“ he starts, eyebrows furrowing, then stops, shaking his head at you. “I've been talking to you for an hour and I don’t even know your name.”

“We’ve been busy.” 

You offer your name and he repeats it, question mark at the end. You nod and he smiles bigger, if that’s even possible. In the streetlight, his eyes shine, long blonde eyelashes almost covering them. “We’re supposed to meet, did you know that?” 

“Really?” 

“I’m Joost. Friend of Tantu and Alanis. They said they wanted me to meet…their friend’s friend? If you are that. Friend’s roommate?” 

“What a way to meet.” You didn’t think this would be the Joost that Tantu was talking about at the bar, fiery yet sweet making loud and proud music you’d never heard before. 

“We made great first impressions on each other, I think. You are unforgettable.” 

“Mine worse than yours,” you sigh, and Joost hands you his cigarette to smoke the final few puffs. You take it even though you should quit, even though you told him you’re quitting, your lipstick staining the butt. 

“We can put it behind us, yeah?” he says, holding his hand out for you to shake. “Friends?” 

“Acquaintances, for now,” you tease, but shake his hand anyway. “Fuck, dude, your hand is so cold.” Your brows furrow in concern as you squeeze his hand, surprisingly freezing, surprisingly soft save for a few callouses.

Joost laughs smaller than you’ve heard him all night, your hands practically in his lap; his cheeks are glowing pink with how long you’ve been out here—your cheeks are warm, but likely not for the same reason.  

“Acquaintances? Don’t play hard to get.” On instinct, you wrap your other hand around Joost’s in an attempt to warm it. “Your hands are so warm, I appreciate you for trying,” Joost remarks. “Very small, too, Christ.” 

“Oldest trick in the book, Joost, my god,” you laugh, exasperated, yet still, you let him move your hands so they're flat against each other, palms touching. He holds your wrist gently so he can line your hands up; his fingers are much longer and thicker than yours, and the sight brings warmth to your cheeks—it shouldn’t have the effect it does on you, but it does. 

“It’s working, isn’t it?” 

You bring his hand into the coat pocket with yours—it worked enough for you to now willingly share this tiny pocket, that’s for sure. “It’s working,” you say softly, averting your gaze now that you both know that whatever it is is something that’s felt mutually. “Do you do this with every pretty stranger you meet in the club?”

If Joost is a performer like he says he is, a big time independent record label owner like he says he is—there’s sure to be a line of people out the door, or at least a few groupies or someone. Someone in that club who recognized those songs, recognized the mop of blonde hair sitting in front of you now. Over several failed situationships and romps with people this side of Europe, you learned: there is always someone. Someone who’s less busy, less distracted, more interested. 

You know you fit the bill for the interested part, at least—less busy is something you’ll be for a short time, less distracted…well, you have your full attention on him right now, don’t you? It’s been so long since you’ve done something like this, maybe you’re just feening for an excuse to check your own boxes for him, maybe you want to do this for the sake of the line out the door or the groupies. 

Or maybe he’s just Joost. Whoever Joost is, considering you just met him. And maybe you just want him to keep holding your hand, or talk to you more, show you more of his music or go back home with you, slip into your bed, stay until the morning. 

“I can't say I have. I’ve never had a conversation like this with anyone, really, so it wouldn’t even be worth it if I did,” Joost says. Your faces are close again—you would bridge the gap if you just let yourself, but you can’t; you can only muster the courage to let your noses brush against each other, only the courage to smile. “Can I kiss you?”

It seems, he’s checked your boxes for you. 

“Are you fucking crazy?” you scoff, though you lean in at the same time. Joost leans back when you do, teasing grin upon his lips, and you furrow your brows, shaking your head. “Don’t play hard to get,” you mumble as he untangles your fingers in your coat pocket, takes your face in his cold and gentle hands and presses his lips to yours. 

He tastes like cigarette smoke; his Bacardi cola on your dress and your shoes, and now the taste on your tongue; he tastes like smiling into a kiss with a pretty stranger, the way you both do now. 

Joost kisses like he’s scared to broach you, like it’s the first time he’s been delicate in a while—you kiss like you’re hungry for him, because you are, not a single care about your lipstick on his face or the people walking past or the fact that he’s a stranger. His hand slips under your coat, gripping your hip as you pull him closer by the lapel; you beckon him to kiss you harder when you let him lick into your mouth and you lick back. 

It’s your turn to pull back, come up for air; Joost chases you when you leave, hand running down your body as you go to stand up, a soft little, “what no” leaving his mouth when you do. The look on his face—his face!!! Fuck.—is so cute, big wide eyes and hand on the back of your thigh. You cup his face (is this too tender?), rub your thumb at the edge of his lips where your lipstick has smudged in an attempt to clean it off. Turning his head, he kisses your palm, and your breath catches in your throat. 

Wordlessly, he gets up, stands next to you. “What the fuckkkk!!!” he whisper yells, gesturing wildly, and the street echoes the sentiment back. “What are we doing?”

“I don’t know,” you say, laughing, and then stumbling because he’s gotten you in his arms again, kissing you, stumbling with you back against the brick wall of the building behind you as he laughs into your mouth to your whining between giggles about how he almost made you trip. 

Caged between his arms, you wrap yours around his neck so you can get up higher to kiss him—“I don’t regret spilling my drink on you at all,” Joost mumbles when you kiss his chin, nip at his jaw, go down to suck at his pulse point and nip at it too. “Can I touch you like this?” he whispers, and you nod as he brings his hands down to your ass, presses you harder against the wall, grinds against you as you kiss him breathless again. 

When Joost pulls away, you know—you’ve got him wrapped around your finger. Breathing almost heavy, pink lips dropped open, face more serious than he’s been the entire night and scanning your features in a way that is truly disarming—you don't want to admit it, but Joost has got you wrapped around his finger, too. 

A group of people from the club pass behind—you hear a few whispers of, “Is dat Joost?” and a few wolf whistles. Someone gives him a few congratulatory claps on the shoulder which he cringes at, giving you an apologetic smile. “Don’t listen to them.” Once more, he kisses you.

“Your place?” he breathes, and you sputter for a response. This is going a bit too well. Your silence seems to speak for you, but really, you're just thinking about if your room is clean, if your everything shower was enough, if you’re ready to do this with him. “Too much?” he winces, giving you a weak smile, and you shake your head. 

“No, no, my place is fine—my roommates might be home, though.”

“I can be quiet.” 

“Somehow, I don’t think that’s true.” 

“It’s a half-truth.” 

“I’ll take that.” 

—

After a kilometre walk the direction of your house chock full of giggles and pauses to keep kissing against brick walls, dark store fronts, alley entrances, you finally make it back to your house. 

You hurry up the icy steps to your townhome, taking Joost by the hand as he trips his way up the flight. “Schat,” he breathes, and the pet name makes your heart skip a beat, “My house was closer the other direction.”  

“You suggested my place, Joost,” you laugh as you unlock your door and step in your warm foyer—you wave him in, kicking your heels off and stepping onto the cold wood floor as he does the same with his shoes. 

Closing the door behind you, you listen for a beat…voices. The walls are so thin here, you’re unsure if the sounds come from your next door neighbours or your potentially home roommates. Either way, you bring a finger to your lips, telling him to be quiet. In his normal voice, he says, “I’ll be quiet,” and you laugh together at his volume—neither of your roommates would care, but the teasing you'll receive tomorrow if they knew it was Joost you were bringing home…endless. 

“Come, now,” you say, taking Joost’s hand and leading him up your steps, down the hallway to your room.

Your home is tiny and cozy and lived in—the three of you have worked very hard to make this feel like a household instead of just a shared living situation, frames lining the walls of your antics and travels together, baby pictures from home, posters of music artists and movies that one or all of you like. Joost lags behind you trying to look at them, but you just pull him along. Waiting any longer feels like a travesty. 

Once you get down the hallway, open and close your door, you push him up against your door and kiss him again to his surprise, your teeth clacking together from his smile and your enthusiasm. “You want me that bad, huh?” he teases, and you roll your eyes. 

The answer is yes, but you’re not going to let him know that yet. 

You room is as tiny as the rest of the house, a queen bed in the middle with off-white sheets, a desk on the far side, a dresser with a mirror when you walk in. 

“I don’t do things like this very often,” you mumble, fumbling with his angular belt buckle between your fingers, the cold metal of it and the jagged edges of the plate spelling “ALBINO” in a stylized font. 

“Me neither,” Joost breathes as he tries to help you, but ends up fumbling with it, too. “Holy fuck, if I knew this would be so hard to take off, I wouldn’t have worn it.” 

“Cool belt, nonetheless,” you say, and he kisses you thanks.��

“It’s the name of my album,” Joost beams as he finally gets it unclasped, pulling it through his belt loops. You undo his button, unzip the zipper, he does the rest, clumsily pulling down his pants slightly. “We should listen to it.” 

“Later.” From here, as you palm him over his underwear, feel his length through it, you can tell—he’s big. “You should’ve told me you were hiding this back there, maybe I wouldn’t have argued with you as much.”

“I was afraid you would’ve clutched your pearls if I did, schat, the way you yelled at me.” 

“You would be right,” you agree, knowing you would’ve probably thrown a drink in his face if he made some remark about his dick size to you in the midst of your argument. “But if you told me, we probably wouldn’t have sat out there for so long.”

“I wouldn’t have given up that conversation for the world.” 

From anyone else, these words would be hyperbole; strangely, from Joost, they feel true. it feels like you know him already, and he knows you. Perhaps it’s the result of having such a circle of a venn diagram of friends and acquaintances. Perhaps you did know him from a different time and you just forgot.  

“Me neither,” you agree softly, smiling into the kiss you give him as you reach into his boxers and wrap your hand around his hard cock. He’s just as thick as you thought. 

“Fuck,” Joost breathes into your mouth already, and you watch him and his face contort in pleasure as you jerk him lazily in his underwear just for the added sensation of the fabric rubbing against him. Gazing at your lips, eyebrows furrowing, chest moving up and down and breathing heavy, he says softly, “I haven’t done this in…a year? A year and a half? So please, have mercy on me.” 

“Go home with someone? Me too.” You figure that it makes sense—any fling he has is probably on the road, in hotel rooms, anywhere but home. You're not exactly welcoming guests on Friday nights either, but you’re holed up in it 24/7. 

“No, I mean—any of it. I don't do casual often, at all, really.” 

You scoff lightheartedly, “Yeah, sure.” 

“I’m serious,” Joost smiles as you take his length out of his boxers and get on your knees, the plush carpet cushioning you.  

You don’t do one night stands and you certainly don’t do them with self proclaimed “performers,” yet here you are. 

Now in front of you, his cock in your hand, you make complete peace with your decision, and it’s easy to do so. 

He is so pretty—all pale, the tip a delicate rosy pink and leaking wet, a vein running along the underside. It’s nestled in a thicket of lightly trimmed dark blonde hair; you give him a few pumps, running your thumb over the head for some lubrication when you do. 

“Won't listen to my music, but you’ll do this, ridiculous,” Joost says quietly, hand on your cheek as you look up at him through your eyelashes. 

“You’re still on that? Big ego, shocker.”

“Obviously not a shock, you’re holding it.”

In shock at his audacity, you gasp dramatically. “Don’t get cocky, now. You still needed to beg me for streams earlier.”

You give a kiss on the pink tip, salty precum coating your lips. A perfect moment passes when you look back up at him—he rolls his head back in pleasure, a quieted moan slipping past his lips at your tongue finally on him, just one lick to the slit but enough to get him a little louder. 

His cock twitches in your hand, and you grin, kitten licks to his shaft, “Too much?” 

Joost says breathlessly, “I think my knees will buckle sometime tonight, schat,” and you beam up at him. 

“That’s a big compliment,” you purr, taking the head of his cock into your mouth and sucking lightly, which earns a strangled groan for you, a curse under his breath. With every bob of your head, you take a tiny bit more, about half—you're ambitious, but who can blame you when Joost is so pretty? Struggling to keep it together, his stomach muscles jumping and twitching with every hollowing of your cheeks, every drag of your tongue along the underside of his shaft. 

Joost’s hand comes up to the back of your head, just resting there gently as you swallow down his cock, dripping spit on your chin; it hits the back of your throat and you almost gag, having to pull back and pump him a few times, the shiny head now a deeper pink. 

“You like it that much, hm?” he says, moving your hair out of your eyes as you lick a stripe along the underside.

“When you make those sounds—yeah, I do.” You lap at a bead of precum dripping from his slit, and it makes him hiss; it makes him groan even more when you pop the head into your mouth and suck again. 

Involuntarily, he thrusts just a little in your mouth—”Can I do this?” Joost asks, and you nod around him. He’s gentle when he starts, and you prepare to take more of him by breathing through your nose.

He makes these little thrusts into your mouth that make your eyes water, shallow as you suck around him, steady with one hand on your head. With every thrust into your open mouth, he breathes heavier, his pretty lips are dropped open. Spit pools at the sides of your mouth; one long seat into your throat, followed by another, and you gag around him, making him groan loudly. “Holy shit, schat,” Joost breathes, and you feel accomplished. “Enough of that, I think I’ll cum.”

With his hand, Joost wipes your spit from your chin gently; brings you up to meet him for a sloppy kiss, which you smile into as he reaches around to your dress zipper, pulls it down a few inches, rough fingertips against your soft back. You start undoing the buttons of his button-up for him, fumbling just as you did earlier with his belt. For some reason, you can't find it in yourself to slow down around him. 

The zipper catches and you miss a button on the way down, both of you entirely too distracted by kissing like it’s a competition, like you want to eat each other—thankfully, you get all of them undone, and so you run your hands down Joost’s chest covered in hair, his happy trail, back down to his cock again. It makes him falter as he brings down your zipper but he manages to do it, fingers light as a feather running down your spine, nudging your dress down. 

Erratic and wild as the man in front of you, your heart beats a million miles an hour, your hands in his hair as he pulls down your dress completely and it crumples onto the floor. 

Joost pulls back, a string of spit connecting your lips, pupils blown out and wide as he scans your body, your breasts and your pebbling nipples. You move your arms in front of them, avoiding his gaze. “Don’t be shy,” he laughs softly, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed—“ he moves your hand over his heart—it beats as fast as yours, and you give him a small smile. “I’m nervous, too.” A kiss that seems to calm your nerves. “Can’t believe someone pretty as you would take me home.” 

He rubs your back, and already you feel comforted—how is this the same guy who spilled his drink all over you? “Why wouldn’t I?” 

“Do you forget how your dress is still very sticky because of yours truly?” 

You laugh together as he kisses your cheek, the side of your mouth, then kisses your lips slow and achingly gentle, licking into your mouth and rolling your nipple gently between his two fingers, his other hand cupping your cheek. He drags his tattooed knuckles down the curve of your breast, making your breath catch in your throat, a small whine falling from your mouth when he runs them down your stomach, fingertips down over the lacy black fabric of your thong, down more and teasing at your covered clit. 

“Get on the bed,” Joost murmurs, and you practically scramble to it before he stops you with a loose grip around your wrist. “Woah, woah, woah.” With a puzzled expression, you turn back to him. “We can’t have them watching, what?” he says, gesturing at your bed. Staring back at you with gigantic embroidered blue eyes: three of your cat plushies placed upon your pillows from earlier when you made your bed. You weren’t exactly planning on guests tonight. “Blasphemous, no? They can look out the window.” Scooting behind you and to the bed, Joost scoops up the three, climbing over it to your desk facing outside. The moonlight streams in through your curtains as he sits them in a line and turns them around. “Much better.”

“Much better,” you repeat, laughing. On your now clear bed, you lie back and lean over. Opening the lower drawer on your nightstand, you rummage around for the box of condoms you know is somewhere in here but is covered by notepads, extra pens, random pouches filled with indeterminate belongings. Under a folder filled with paperwork and old assignments, you find the box, opened but largely untouched except for one used for a 4th date Hinge guy from months and months ago who didn’t even make you cum. 

You dig the box out and hold it out to him. Settling between your legs, Joost says, “Not yet,” taking it out of your hands and placing it on the nightstand. “I want to taste you, schat, I’ve been wanting to all night.” 

…Eating it already? You’ve declared that Joost is ran through, but you find yourself caring less and less with how enthusiastic he is. Still, though, there’s a part of you that’s apprehensive about letting him see all of you so soon. 

“Joost,” you blush, closing your legs. He moves them so he can see your face, and your cheeks grow hotter as you reason, “We just met.”

“And?” Tilting his head to the side, Joost scoffs. “We’re already naked in your bed, schat.” 

He makes a good point, but still…you’ve never had anyone offer to do it on the first link. “I don’t know…You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“You just put my dick in your mouth, it’s only fair I do something in return.” Just a little, you part your legs for him; slowly, he takes a place between them, gaze disarming as he comes to lie on his stomach and rests his cheek on your thigh, giving it a chaste kiss. So convincing, but you don’t really need to be convinced, do you? “I will make it worth your while, baby.” 

Soft mewls come out of you inadvertently when Joost noses at your inner thigh, sucks at the sensitive skin. “We could just move on—that is perfectly fine, too. But I could give you even more of a good time if we do this.” 

“You talk big game, Joost,” you laugh. With his age and strange tattoos and his bleach-damaged hair and his expensive attire, you expect Joost to be bad at…all of it, really, but he’s only subverted your expectations tonight without having the chance to fully even touch you yet. 

“I wouldn’t do so if I couldn’t prove it to you.” Joost presses a chaste kiss over your panties, over your clit, and somehow, your heart ups gears, beating unsteadily. “And if I didn’t want it so bad,” he adds in a low voice. Completely different from the smiling, pink-nosed boy you saw in him earlier, Joost is hungry for you, the look in his eyes telling you everything you need to know about the veracity of his words. “If you don’t want me to see, I’ll close my eyes—for now, we can just do this.” 

Whoever had him last must have trained him well.

Lathing his tongue over you, Joost spreads his spit over the cloth of your thong, soaking the fabric even more than it already is as he holds your gaze. One arm is hooked around your thigh; the other hand, you’re not entirely sure, but judging from how heavy he’s breathing, how desperate he looks as he eats you out over your panties, the movement of his arm—he’s touching himself, and you wonder if he can feel how much more wet you become at the idea that he is. 

A few hours ago, thought yourself unshakeable in the face of him—now you’re a squirming puddle in his hands. 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to—but I promise—“ Joost says, big blue eyes shining at you, hands now clasped together as if he’s begging for it—you figure that he is begging for it, technically, and who are you to deny him the opportunity? “Do you really not want it?” Though he’s giving you an out, he sounds so resigned, and it makes you smile a little. 

From the sidewalk, your front steps, the threshold of your room, you wanted Joost badly; wanted him even after considering all the outcomes of this: a waste of a free night, or an hour or two with an overconfident and underperforming boaster before you shoo him away, or a sweet but egotistical rapper in your tidy bedroom putting plushies on top of your university textbooks and leaving his clothing on your floor. 

Despite yourself, you want him. The confirmation that he wants you just as badly, too—the air in your room is charged with electricity, warm and stuffy almost even with the cold outside. You haven’t felt something so strong in forever, too distracted by work and school and life to really care about your body’s needs, even less so what it wanted. 

Joost is exactly what you want. 

“No, no, please,” you breathe, already lowering the side of your thong. “I want you, please, Joost.”

The confidence feels more like giving permission to yourself to be so vulnerable with Joost. No one has seen you this intimately in months (feels like years) and definitely not after such short time together. 

“Okay, schat. Okay,” Joost says, pressing one last kiss over your underwear before helping you pull it off. When you kick it off somewhere on the ground next to the bed, he screws his eyes shut dramatically, and you laugh. 

“You can open your eyes, you know?”

“Hey, I said I would keep them closed for you, I’m not going to break my promise.” He shakes his head, moving forward to kiss…somewhere, you’re not really sure, but it ends up being the junction between your leg and your center, which tickles you. 

“Break it, I don’t care.”

“If you say so.” Joost shrugs, then opens his eyes. Already, it’s as if he’s trying to study you, and it makes you want to hide. Against your better judgment, you open your legs wider for him to have more room, and he gives you a small grin. “Zo mooi, liefje, ik heb zoveel geluk,” Joost says softly, one tentative lick up your seam that makes you shudder. Your cheeks feel warm with how reactive you are to him. Synapses overloaded with his skillful tongue teasing at your clit through your lips, parting them slightly with his fingers—you don't even have it in you to translate what he said to English in your head. “Je smaakt zo lekker, ik vind het geweldig,” he groans, laying his tongue flat against the bud, lapping at it a few times, smacking his lips loudly against you. 

He wraps his lips around your clit, making you moan loudly at how good it feels; you tug at his sweaty blonde hair, and he laughs, he laughs with his mouth on your pussy, and the vibrations of his deep voice make you go crazy. Already, you feel your climax about to approach—in the whirlwind of your busy life, you had no time at all for any self-love, and you guess that your heightened sensitivity is a direct result of that. 

Or maybe Joost is just that good. 

You watch Joost as he devours you slowly, eyes trained on yours and unflinching, arms hooked around your plush thighs and holding you down—even if you wanted to, you couldn’t get away from him. 

When he reaches his right arm up to paw at your breast, you can’t help but notice—“You—is that Crazy Frog?” Crazy Frog tattoo?!?! On his forearm of all places?!?! Who exactly are you sleeping with? You are entirely and endlessly entertained and intrigued by the stranger you’ve picked up tonight. 

“You know Crazy Frog?!” Joost exclaims, pulling back from you with a pop that makes you moan, lips glistening as he sits up a tiny bit. 

“Yes, I know Crazy Frog, Joost.” You laugh, amused if not a little puzzled at the notion that Crazy Frog could be some niche reference for anyone who’s used Youtube in the last 15 years or born before 2003. 

“I thought you would be too fancy to know him, I’m glad you aren’t.” 

“I may have a stick up my ass, but that doesn’t mean I live under a rock.” 

“Great,” Joost smiles, climbing up over you to give you a quick kiss before you gasp at two of his fingers circling your clit. “Then we will get along just fine.” Kiss to your cheek, and he’s back on you again.

The pause in stimulation makes you more sensitive, somehow, and when he immediately sucks your clit hard, it punches the air out of your lungs—you clench your thighs around his ears, but it just makes him suck harder. In the matter of a minute, your orgasm is coaxed out of you by Joost and his wonderful mouth, your moans no longer quiet and subdued; you have to cover your mouth with your hands, but it’s no use when he keeps licking your swollen clit on your comedown, every stroke of his tongue bringing intense waves of pleasure surging through you, making you sob out his name like your neighbours won’t have it memorized by the time tomorrow comes. 

Joost pulls away from your pussy slightly when you finally release all of the tension in your thighs, your body, letting your vice grip on his blonde hair go. Every part of you feels like jelly as you try to catch your breath, sweat on your brow, the pulse between your legs strong and steady as a result of the beautiful man lying between them. 

“You want another?” Joost asks, wiping his mouth, then giving you a wet kiss on your overstimulated clit that makes you curse his name to his raucous laughter. “I can give you another, I could do this forever if you asked.”

“No, no need, that’s very much enough, thank you,” you say, shaking your head. If you could stand not to have him inside you for one more minute, you’d take him up on his offer. “That was too good.” 

“Dank je wel,” he grins, then kisses you, your own flavour on his lips and his on yours. 

“Graag gedaan,” you giggle in your crappy accent and he kisses you again. 

“Wowww, fluent. Very impressive, schat.” Joost nods, giving you a small round of applause, and you roll your eyes but pull him in for another kiss anyway. He moves to sit down so you sit on top of him—his cock is still hard as it was before, a small wet spot on your sheets next to you from where he laid down. 

The feeling he gives you, it’s inexplicable—all those days writing reports and essays, brainstorming and editing, thousands and thousands of words upon paper, and Joost has rendered you speechless in mere hours. No sound between you—no jabs, no complaints or thinly veiled flirty insults, just your shared breaths in your bedroom, just the dull shuffle of your now messed up comforter against your sheets as you reach over and rip off a condom from the sleeve, the box falling over and onto the floor. 

For once, you don’t quite care; you only care about ripping the wrapper, taking it out, pinching the tip of the condom, rolling it down his hard cock as you kiss him open-mouthed and thoughtless.  

“All fours,” Joost whispers, and you let yourself follow his lead after so long having to be in complete control of your life. It feels good being with him, feels good when he places your legs far apart and you settle on your elbows, back arching. You’re so exposed like this—you almost flinch when he dips his fingers into your dripping folds. You turn your head to look back, let him see you and your face as he teases your clit. “Who would have thought?”

“Thought what?” you breathe, wiggling your ass back against his hand. 

“Nothing to say? No teasing?” 

“I’ve done my teasing.” You already knew Joost’s hands were big—but when he wraps them around your hips and pulls you to him gently, the size of them is stark, so warm and gripping you tightly. He comes closer behind you, his thighs behind your ass, dragging the tip of his cock through your slit with a groan. “Joost,” you sigh in a small voice, so overcome by your need for him. “Please, I need you, please fuck me.” 

“Since you asked so nicely.”

With a few more swipes of his cock through your wetness, a few circles of the head against your clit that make arousal pool in your stomach and between your legs, he finally inches it inside of you just a little. 

He’s going so slow, and you—you've never been so impatient in your life. You slide back for him, loud moans coming from the two of you at the fast stimulation, his cock dragging against your walls as you  take him deeper. “Oh my god,” you whisper as he eases more of himself into you, then leans over you, chest pressed against your sweat-sheened back and a hand snaking around to knead your tits. 

“‘Ik ben een god,’ I guess,” Joost says into your ear with a laugh, and you can't help but laugh too, even with all the ego dripping from quoting his own song calling him a god while he’s fully inside of you. 

“Don't flatter yourself.”

“I don’t have to flatter myself,” he says, and the grin in his voice is absolutely diabolical; he says it with a hard thrust into you, which you moan at, the way his cock hits your spot so amazingly, your eyes almost roll back into your head. Every nerve in your body is electric, so many months without use, without stimulation, Joost is a shock to your system. “You do it enough for me.” 

You practically hide your face in the sheets as he falls into a rhythm thrusting into you at an angle so deep inside you could cry—you would never let Joost have that satisfaction, though, so you bite your lip and revel in the pleasure. Every steady seat of his cock inside you, every single breathy moan that falls from his mouth, every whispered murmur of your name accompanied by his hands roaming your back. 

The sticky slap of his balls against your clit, the wet sound coming from your pussy so filthy it could take you out of this dizzying haze. Really, it sends you in deeper, burying you in it the way he’s burying himself inside of you. 

“Fuuuck,” you drag out as you grip your sheets for any leverage, eyebrows furrowing with his hands gripping tightly on your hips to bring you back onto his cock. “Joost, like that.” The pace he's set for you both is aggravatingly perfect—you think you might want it forever. 

“You sound so pretty saying my name like that, baby, do it again.”

“Joost,” you mewl, eyebrows scrunching that you’re letting him have what he wants. You start to say it again, but as you do—he sinks into you so quickly, so hard, then starts sliding out of you so slow you let out a strangled sob. You can’t say anything else when he continues fucking into you, only letting out stifled sighs with every movement. 

“So much to say earlier, now look at you. It’s okay, I know it’s good, liefje,” he says softly. 

“So good,” you murmur, the drag of his thick cock in and out of your pussy bringing you almost to the edge as you collapse your torso onto the bed, so exhausted with the endless dopamine hit you’ve managed to score with Joost—almost to the edge until he ceases his movements completely as he’s fully inside you. 

“Schat,” Joost breathes, and you turn around and pout at him, completely (and justifiably) annoyed at the stoppage of his wonderful hips. 

“Fuck you, why'd you stop?” you ask, propping yourself back up on your elbows and shaking your head. 

Joost leans over you, lips on the nape of your neck, so you turn your head. “Fuck you,” he says, and you kiss him as he laughs. He’s so full of it—You’re so full of him, a comfortable pressure inside of you and snug against your spot. “You need me to hold you up? You can lie down if you want, schat, maybe it will feel even better.”

“Yeah, hold me up.” At your wish, he stands you both up on your knees as he supports your stomach; one hand wrapped around your waist and the other snaking down, down between your legs. 

You’re sure that this will collapse you once more—you don’t mind. He resumes thrusting into you, breathing into your neck, kissing your shoulder. The wet slaps of skin against skin, the sighs and the breaths and his raspy voice in your ear when he finally touches your sensitive clit alongside the firm movements of his hips. “Let it out, lieverd, I know,” Joost murmurs into your neck as you sob in pleasure; there isn’t a single second of reprieve he gives you, not even slowing the circles he’s making on your sloppy clit. 

You don't have it in yourself to argue; not against the ego or his wandering hands and his voice you’d deem condescending if you were still arguing on the stoop in front of the bar earlier—Joost is right, it is good, and this angle he has thrusting up into you is mind blowing, even as the rhythm becomes irregular and disjointed as he kisses and bites the side of your neck. 

Your heart beats ever faster, the knot in your stomach tightens and tightens with every languid and messy thrust inside of you. You reach behind yourself to hold onto Joost around his shoulders, gripping his hair as you bring him in for a rough kiss, all teeth and carnality—you were so composed, once upon a time. He’s given you every reason to forget that. 

“Oh, fuck, schatje,” he mumbles into your mouth. You pull back to look at Joost in his glory—he’s even prettier like this, messy and sweaty, patches of pink all along his cheeks and neck, eyes focused and almost stern. “My hand is cramping,” he says, and you laugh when he adds quickly, “And you also feel amazing, but also my hand is cramping.” 

“Keep going, I'm almost there,” you say, and he obeys, still rubbing your clit, your wetness smearing on your pussy and his hand. “Do it for me, Joost, you feel so good,” you breathe, and he nods, kissing you deeply—it hits you before you even register it, takes you off guard when you climax and you have to pull back from him to moan his name, looking him in the eye when you do. 

You’re never this loud—it’s very vulnerable realizing how much he’s coaxed out of you, Joost watching intently, soft smile upon his lips at your clenching pussy around him as the waves of your orgasm come through you, practically leg shaking. 

He kisses you quiet again; kisses you until it’s his turn, thrusting sloppily into you, the overstimulation stinging, but so good still. 

He whimpers your name, and you contemplate asking him to give you another orgasm; he whimpers again into your neck, just a soft vocalization against the still filthy sounds of the final few thrusts he can give you as he cums, the warmth you can feel through the condom flooding your pussy. 

When he stills, Joost places his forehead against yours, and you breathe together in silence—if you didn’t know any better, you’d think the two of you have been with each other for years. 

“I’m really surprised I lasted that long, schat,” Joost breathes, and you laugh, watching his face as he grins at you 

“I’m surprised, too,” you tease, giving him one last kiss and untangling yourself from him; he’s still inside you, softening with every passing moment. When he slips out of you, you hiss—it feels empty, how sad. 

“Hey, mean.” You flop down on your bed, completely spent, sweaty, still wet between your legs and watching as he takes off the condom, ties it off, and throws it in your waste bin. “I showed you a good time, didn’t I?” 

“I’m not sure,” you tease when Joost comes back to sit next to you, putting his underwear back on with an annoyed rolling of eyes. “Maybe you’ll have to show me one next time?”

“Next time, huh?” he smiles, slipping his shirt on from the pile on the floor, starting to button it up. “Ehh, I’ll think about it,” he says, and you slap him lightly on the shoulder. 

“You’re a dick, Joost.” Joost cackles as you barrage him with a bunch of weak punches to his shoulder and back, getting your revenge for the dress and your purse, for him being a rapper and a fuckboy and the giver of the best dicking down of your life. You try not to let it kill your vibe—it likely will later, but for now, you can just be silly about it. 

“Where’s your bathroom?” 

“The door next to mine.” 

Closing your eyes, you lie back on your bed, half expecting him to just dip, hoping he’s not that much of a fuckboy. But a few minutes pass, and there’s a soft knock to your door, and Joost steps gently into your room again with a glass of water and a washcloth in his hands. 

“Did you think I would just leave?” Joost asks, coming around to your side of the bed and handing you the glass. “Glassie water!” he says in a singsong voice, and you look at him puzzled as you thank him. “You’ll understand when you listen to my music more.” 

“‘When…’” you laugh as he gives you an offended look and nudges your legs open. The washcloth is cold when he places it on your skin and you wince, shaking off his apologies about the water’s temperature because it’s sweet that he’d even do this in the first place. 

As Joost cleans you up, delicate and gentle as ever, he says softly, “I will send you whatever money it takes to clean your purse, I will give you my number, and I’ll send you my schedule for the next month. Okay?” 

“Schedule? You sure it’s not filled with other strangers from the club?” 

“It’s not, I swear. You’re going to come to one of my festival shows this month, and you're going to like it.” Joost leans in and you expect a kiss for some reason, but he just takes the glass from your hand and drinks from it himself. A free festival pass doesn't sound so bad. “Ruby and Marina are back. I said hi.” 

“Oh god,” you laugh, covering your face. “What’d they say?” 

“They were surprised you took me home, but apparently they won a bet with Tantu, so—we did something good, I think!” 

“You think?” 

“I know!” You laugh at his…everything, really, sinking down in your comfy bed, realizing how heavy your eyelids are, realizing that you still haven't even exchanged numbers or last names. Does it matter this far in? “I think I should get going, schat. The sun is rising.” 

In the middle of his sentence, you practically drift off into slumber, pulling your covers over your bare body. “It’s cold, stay.” You pat at the spot next to you. “But not for too long.” 

thank you so much for reading! likes, comments, reblogs always so so appreciated <3 : ) askbox hereeee - juno

[springseasonie]

Two worlds apart Pt. 2 | JJH (M)

Prince Jaehyun x maid fem reader, arranged marriage trope, forbidden love trope

Part 1.

Summary: reckless decisions always have a bittersweet ending.

Warnings: sexual content, some fluff, lots of angst, penetrative sex, oral (fem receiving), standing sex, unprotected, praising, possessive Jaehyun, pregnancy, he's a munch 🤭, angst, bittersweet ending, bridgerton esque, historically inaccurate, story takes place within a couple of weeks it's kinda fast ik I'm sorry

Word count: 17k

Song recs: promise by laufey, how does it make you feel by Victoria Monet

A/n: awkwardly laughs...hey guys its taken me too long to write this and it's not even that great but I'm satisfied so pls enjoy it sorry for the wait Ilya 🤍 feedback is love and appreciated as always 🤍🤍

Jaehyun was practically chasing Rose down the corridor as she walked fast trying to get away from him, shoes clicking on the shiny marble floor. "Rose, please-"

"I don't want to speak to you," she said, gripping her gown tighter as she pulled it from the floor as she walked.

Jaehyun quickly caught up to her, taking her arm in his hands. She quickly snatched it out of his grasp, giving him a nasty glare. Jaehyun had never been looked at that way, and she could tell by the way his face twisted into an offended expression. Rose had not only found out about him leaving her alone to be with you the night prior, but also about him sleeping with you. She knew what she was getting herself into, but she didn't know how draining it could be. It's only been a couple of days, but time is running out as each second passes.

"I said I don't want to speak to you. I don't even want to look at you," she spat, face still and cold as ice.

"Well I don't care what you want," the prince snapped. "I don't want this. I never asked for this."

"And you think I did." Her voice rang out through the halls, her anger bouncing off the stained glass windows. By this point, any and everyone in the castle knew very well about the details of Jaehyun's affair. "All I asked from you is to at least bed me before you went and live whatever fantasies you had with that wench-"

"Don't you dare call her that." Jaehyun's voice lowered as he stared down at the princess, a dangerous glint in his eyes. But Rose isn't known to be the kind of woman to back down. She's scared of no one, not even her parents.

Rose turned around, facing him fully in all his anger. His ears were red, jaw clenched as he stared down at her icy exterior. "Wench, whore, prostitute. Whatever she is, I do not care. If she shows signs of being with child in the next couple of months, you can expect her to be outside of my castle."

"This is my castle. You are on my land in my country and she will not be going anywhere," he declared, but all Rose did was laugh in his face.

"I am your princess, your queen, your wife. I will do as I please in these walls. All I want is an heir and we will be done with this nonsense," she says. Rose quickly turns and walks away, butler tailing her as she quickly removes herself from the situation.

All Jaehyun could do was let out an exasperated sigh in the middle of the hall. He knew she shouldn't go to you, but that's all he could think of. You were the only person who could comfort him at the moment, and he needed to see you, and so he will. So against his better judgment he trudged down the hall, butler following behind him closely to keep his pace.

"Prince, you mustn't act recklessly," his butler said, keeping a close eye on him.

"And why not," Jaehyun snaps, running down the marble staircase. "Rose hasn't even been here for 30 days and is already irking my nerves."

"My grace, I understand that you're angry now, but-"

The prince turned around, annoyed and jaw clenching at the conversation. "If I can't have anything else in this world, at least let me have my anger." Jaehyun knew that even after saying that, it would never happen. Nothing ever truly belonged to him. Everything belonged to the crown. The only thing that would ever be his was the air he breathed, but was that even his? He never felt like it, not when his mother and father have been telling him what and how to do anything since he was born.

Jaehyun knew his life would never truly be his. His family, his love, his legacy would never be his, but one thing he could say was that you were his. And you wanted to be his, and if either one of you wanted that, he would have to fight for it in any way that he could. Jaehyun was serious about loving you, he always has been. He would give up anything and everything to be by your side forever.

"My prince, your mother is very worried about you," his butler spoke. "She says you've been more careless than usual."

"Well that's the kind of thing that happens when you lie to your children." The two walked through the second largest corridor of the property towards the main kitchen. Jaehyun knew you'd be in there at this time. You had the same schedule almost everyday, not that he had memorized it (he definitely did).

Jaehyun barged into the kitchen, startling everyone, forcing them to turn to the door. Like always, the group of people, including yourself bowed or curtsey towards him and his butler.

"Your grace," everyone greeted in unison.

Jaehyun shot everyone a small smile, bowing slightly when his eyes caught you in the back of the room. You had been avoiding him since the night of the ball. Everything in him regretted what he did knowing that you didn't want to be his mistress. But unfortunately, he didn't feel completely guilty. You avoided his very obvious gaze, looking elsewhere in the room in an attempt to silently tell him to leave you be, but of course it did not work.

"Everyone step outside please," he said, a deep voice rushing through the room. The staff started to scurry, not wanting to face the prince's volatile anger. They could all tell that he was on edge, not in the right mind. You followed behind everyone, trying to hide, but Jaehyun is very perceptive.

"Except for you."

You looked up, his round deep brown eyes looking down at you cold, as if you were in trouble. And you were constantly running away from him anytime he was near. Jaehyun let the rest of the castle staff out, pulling you aside. His butler followed the staff, stepping out, but standing in front of the door making sure no one else came in.

His broad frame turned to you, folding his hands at his waist as he spoke. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

"You grace, I have not been avoiding you," you answer calmly. You were not in the mood to speak to him or anyone else for that matter. Having to work so closely with his wife has been mentally tormenting you enough, you didn't want to add more to the list.

"Y/N, you have been avoiding me since the ball," he said, squinting his eyes at your formal speech.

"I have not. I've been busy. I, too, have responsibilities," you retort.

Jaehyun sighed, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He was about to become angry, and when he got angry, he had a tendency to yell. He did not want to yell at you however, so he had to reign his anger back.

"I know you have been avoiding me. Tell me why, and I will not take no for an answer."

You were taken back by his assertiveness. Jaehyun had ever spoken to you this way, almost as if he was demanding you to speak. You stared up at him, giving him a dry laugh before scoffing. He knew exactly why you were avoiding him, and anyone else of power for that matter.

"Don't you dare scoff at me. I am your king-"

"You are a prince. And you did not care when you abandoned your wife during a ball to bed me," you snapped.

"It was on a wall."

"Nevertheless," you continued, "you did the very thing I asked you not to do. I do not want to be your mistress. I do not want to be pregnant. If I cannot have all of you, I will not have you. Jaehyun, please understand that this is for the both of us."

"Y/N, I love you, and there is no one, especially you, who could make me stop." And he meant every word. Never in a million years would he ever let anyone talk to him the way you just did, but it didn't even register in his brain to be upset. Not when you stood there, food all over your apron, flour on your cute angry face.

You watched his hardened face begin to soften, realizing your words weren't getting through to him. He really did love you, and would be willing to do anything to keep you with him, and that scared you. Everyone knows how reckless and impulsive he is, and you did not want to be the reason for his impulsivity. With a heavy sigh, you shook your head as you looked at your feet.

"I'm scared," you confess.

"Of what?"

"If I am actually pregnant before the princess, I don't know what will become of me," you say.

"Nothing," he declared. "Nothing will become of you. I will protect you with my life, and I mean it."

"I don't need you to do that. What I need is space Jaehyun. I need you to give me as much space as we can get in this Castle." You watched his expression drop, sadness filling his eyes. He knew you were serious and didn't want to be apart from you for more than he could take, so for now he will agree, but not for long.

"Fine," he said, nodding. "I understand. But I need you to understand something also."

"And what is that?"

"I am your prince, and this is my castle." Jaehyun began to close the distance between the both of you, making you take steps back until you hit the counter. "You work for me, and any other royal under this roof, which means if I call for you, you must oblige."

"But Jaehyun, that's-"

"Do not question your prince." His body was dangerously close to yours, nose almost touching yours as he spoke. "You will do as I ask, understood?"

Jaehyun's lips ghosted above yours, trying so hard to not kiss you where you stood. His hands were folded behind his back as he breathed heavily. The tension was pressing on both of your chest, Jaehyun could feel your shaky breaths fanning on his face as you gulped. You could tell him a million times you didn't want him, but he knew that deep down, you wanted him. You needed him as much as he needed you.

He couldn't take the teasing anymore, eyes drooping as he stared down at your lips. Jaehyun didn't want to tell you, but he couldn't stop thinking about you since the night of the ball. Your body, your face, your voice. He didn't need to tell you though. Jaehyun is easy to read. The way he would stare at you when he caught a glimpse of you working, he would practically tear your clothes off with his eyes.

"I-I understand," you answered.

"Good. Now kiss me."

You locked your lips with his desperately, kissing him like your life depended on it. Jaehyun took his hands from behind his back, and placed them on your waist. Jaehyun pulled you close to him, mouth still on yours in a heated kiss. The feeling of your lips on his started to stir inside him, wanting to go further than just a kiss. He moved from your mouth to your jaw, kissing your face softly as you let your eyes flutter shut. Your hand moved to his cheek, cupping it softly.

"J-Jaehyun," you sigh softly.

That was almost enough to make him snap, but he held back and you could feel it in how hard he gripped your sides. "Just a little more Y/N. God, I've missed you so much." Jaehyun kisses down your neck, back to your face and on your lips. You moaned softly against his mouth, pushing him closer and closer to his limit. "You're killing me," he whined softly.

You missed his hands on you. You knew you wanted him all to yourself, and maybe you were being selfish at the moment indulging in his self destructive behaviors, but you needed him just one last time. You needed to feel his lips on yours, to know that he loves you and that he really did care.

"S-stop, we can't continue," you said against his lips. You were saying one thing, but your body told another story. You were leaning into him, holding him like you didn't want to let him go.

"Just a little more." He was now half hard under his pants. Jaehyun couldn't control himself when it came to you. You had so much power over him, and he secretly loved it.

"No, you have to go. Duties to tend to. And I have to tend to the kitchen."

Jaehyun finally let up, planting one more kiss before painfully pulling his entire body from you. You were the prettiest flustered mess he's ever seen. All he did was kiss you, but you were breathing heavily, blinking profusely. He couldn't help but stand there, smiling smugly to himself as he watched you attempt to gather yourself.

"I love you."

You looked up from your feet, Jaehyun's voice rattling you. There it was again, his sweet words coupled with his pretty face that always made your heart beat out your chest. You nodded, choosing to not respond to him.

"That was the last time Jaehyun. I mean it," you declared sternly.

He was still smiling to himself, nodding as you spoke. The both of you knew it wasn't going to be the last time, but he went along with what you said regardless.

"You agree, but you're not taking me seriously. I mean it Jaehyun," you repeated. "Now leave. We've been here for far too long."

"Of course, my lady. I will take my leave." He turned on his heels, walking towards the door. Before he left he turned to you, to say one more thing. "I will give you your space, but I want you to know that no matter what, I love you and will protect you at all cost."

"I understand," you sighed. "Now go, my prince."

You watched him walk out of the door, already feeling a longing for him. You knew it would probably be hard, but what you didn't know was that Jaehyun was going to make it near impossible.

Nothing between Jaehyun and Rose seemed to be getting better, and the staff in the castle are beginning to notice much more than before. Jaehyun leaves the castle a lot more often while Rose invites the women of the ton around more often. Being one of her main staff, you unfortunately had to be there with her and her constant complaints, like right now. 

You poured everyone's tea, making it just like how they all requested it as they sat around you, conversing about things you never cared about. Jewels, food, parties, whatever it was rich people did. None of it mattered to you. It's not like you could ever love that kind of life, no matter how much you wanted to. You were merely a maid, an old one at that. 

"So what exactly is it like being with the prince," Lady Clarke questioned, sipping her tea. Of course she wanted to know, all of the women wanted to know so they could gossip about it once they left. 

"Well, it's.." Rose paused. She had nothing positive to say. Her and Jaehyun practically lived separate lives, separate bedrooms, separate staff; they were split but together. "It's a bit of a handful, but he's delightful."

You sensed the strain in her voice when complimenting him, along with her eyes being into your soul. You were the only one blocking her blessings, but it wasn't your fault. Being very aware of her resentment towards you for failing to end things with him the night of their ball, you constantly tried to remain as far from her as possible. However, Jaehyun insisted you help her on this day almost as if he was trying to torment her with your presence. You had no idea what he was thinking, but it couldn't be anything good.  

"Your majesty, I'm sure you can give us more than that," Lady Webster chimed, making everyone laugh softly except for Rose. 

You rolled your eyes watching the show in front of you. The ton's attempt at trying to be secretive about their body questions was annoying to you. You wanted very well to tune out of the conversation until you heard one thing. 

"I heard there was a rumor of him having a mistress," another woman said. 

Your ears piped along with Rose's body stiffening at the topic. She glanced at you quickly, going unnoticed by the other women but not by you. The glint of envy and anger in her eyes will never go away, not as long as her husband's heart remains with you. You knew she didn't want him to love her, but sometimes you wondered if she wasn't completely true in her intentions with him. Rose had always been used to being the center of attention, princess or not. It was strange for her not to be the center of his attention. 

"Well, I know nothing of such a thing," Rose responded with a fake laugh.

The women of the ton laughed with her uncomfortably, giving each other worried glances. The room began to get stuffy, uncomfortable energy filling the space as they all went silent. You stood in the corner of the room, looking at the ground, because you knew you couldn't handle your facial expressions. 

"W-well, it's only a rumor. I have no idea where it came from. It's most likely not true," she said. 

"I mean, did you think it was true?" The princess's ice glare often scared whoever it landed on. She was beautiful and gracious, but never one to mess with. She wouldn't give you a second before out casting you. 

"P-princess, of course I don't think it's true," the woman backtracked. "In fact, I think it's horrible. My grace having a mistress? Simply tasteless." 

"I agree," Rose said, taking a sip of her tea. "Having a mistress is nothing new, but…" she looked at you, eyes meeting yours as she spoke. "Any woman who allows such things must be a whore, and I hate whores."

At this point, you were feeling a feeling you've never felt before. Was it guilt? Was it embarrassment? You didn't know, but your heart was beating out of your chest, anger rising the more she spoke. 

"The prince is better than what some people think. He would never be so low to be in relations with a mere maid or commoner. He's too good for them." 

Her words cut through your cool demeanor, a slight wince showing on your face as you kept your head down. You never wanted to admit it, but she was right. Jaehyun was way too good for you. The both of you were too different, which made it all the more difficult for him to leave you. Since the night of the ball, you couldn't stop thinking about what could become of you if you really were going to have a child. In a different universe, they would just force you to marry him. But here, you would be thrown out of the castle before he even knew about his illegitimate children. Suddenly, the call of your name snapped you out of your own head. 

"Y/N, dear, will you take these to the kitchen? I feel our friends here are finished drinking," Rose said with her perfect, pretty, fake smile. 

"Of course, you grace." Quickly, you grabbed everything, placing it on the tray on the table. Carefully you lifted the tray, making your way out the large bright room. 

All you wanted on this trip to the Castle's kitchen was to make it there quickly and undisturbed. However, your secret lover had other plans. As if he planned it, Jaehyun, his butler, and one of their staff turned the corner, walking the opposite direction of you.

Once he caught a glimpse of you, his stone cold face warmed up a bit, a smirk tugging on his lips. You looked elsewhere trying to avoid eye contact. You said you needed space from him, so why does he have to be everywhere? And why do you want to go wherever he's going? 

You walked a bit faster, trying to get past him and his staff when you tripped over your own feet. The cups on the tray rattled, porcelain threatening to tip over as you attempted to catch yourself and the metal tray. 

"Bailey, please help her," Jaehyun said, motioning his arm to you. His butler did as he said, rushing to your aid. Bailey took the tray from your hands carefully, temporarily relieving you of the stress of carrying it. 

"Hello," Jaehyun said to you, hands clasped behind his back. 

"Your grace." You curtseyed, glancing up at him to see an amused look on his face. 

"I sensed there was a lady who needed help so, here I am," he joked, but you remained serious. You knew why he came. It was simply to see you, to irk you, to speak to you. You already knew he wasn't going to take your words seriously but you didn't think he would disregard them in a couple of days. 

The both of you stood silently, you were more awkward than him, until he spoke. "I need you to help me with something," he said, tilting his head to the side a bit. 

"Yes, my grace, of course, but i-"

"Don't worry about Rose, I already sent someone else to help." Just at that moment, another maid walked past quickly going into the room with all the ladies. 

You looked at him, eyes narrowing as he gave you that smug look you could never stand. If I call for you, you must oblige. You could curse him for those words, but unfortunately you weren't in private. "I understand your grace but-"

"I'm sorry," he chuckled dryly. Jaehyun took a small step closer to you followed by his guard, looking down at you with glossy eyes. He loves this "game" he thinks he's playing with you. The push and pull, tug of war. "Are you telling your prince no?" 

"Your grace-" 

"You know you shouldn't disobey your prince." Jaehyun spoke in a low, soft way, his tone gentle as he watched you. You were really trying to hold your own in this silent battle between you and him, but the way his tongue slips out against his lips, wetting them slightly is making your mind reel. He was so close, too close. You could hear his breathing and the way he looked at you made you feel like he was going to pounce on you. Unfortunately, you wanted him too. 

Your heart was starting to Beat out of your chest, hands becoming clammy as you looked up at him. You gulped, pinching your lips together. 

"So," he said, eyes darting to your lips. "You will come with me and help, yes?" 

"Yes my grace."

"Good. At 6, Bailey will come get you, understood?" 

"Yes my grace."

"Good. See you then."

-

Jaehyun crashed his lips onto yours, hands traveling all over your body, nothing but your slip keeping your skin from contact. His big hands groped every inch of you, arms wrapping around your body encasing you in his strength.

"Jaehyun, please slow down," you whine softly, eyes closed and brows furrowed as he kissed down your neck.

"I-I'm sorry I just really missed you," he said into your neck. Light of the sunset through the windows lit your face perfectly. "Get on the bed."

"You have to let go of me first."

Jaehyun gave you a small laugh, unwrapping his arms from around you. He watched you back away from him slowly, eyes never leaving your body as you laid on the bed. There you were, laying there just for him. Just like he wanted.

Jaehyun climbed on top of you, a small gasp leaving your lips when you felt the weight of his body on the bed. Jaehyun kissed you again, this time like his life depended on it. Your lips moved in harmony, the both of you in absolute bliss. When you kissed each other it felt like nothing else mattered, no one else mattered. Jaehyun wanted this forever, but you knew it could only be temporary.

Jaehyun kissed down your neck and along your collarbone softly, making your body rise in temperature. "You know," he said against your skin softly," you are doing a terrible job at keeping your distance from me."

"I had no choice," you sighed, fingers playing in his hair. "You sent your butler for me."

"Because I knew if I came, you would've refused." Jaehyun crawled down your body, watching you as you watched him. He took his right hand, grabbing the fabric that laid on your skin and pushing it up. The man chuckled, watching you shudder when the cool air hit your skin. His eyes darkened watching you try and close your legs, he opened them gripping your ankles firmly.

"Don't hide from me," he said softly. Jaehyun leaned down, face getting closer and closer between your legs. This was new, something you've never done before and you didn't know how to process it.

"W-what are you doing," you questioned, eyes wild with panic.

"I want to taste you." The breath from his lips was hitting your inner thigh. He watched you give him that look of complete bliss as he kissed the skin softly. "Will you allow me to?"

"Y-yes."

Jaehyun smiled against your skin, still looking into your eyes as he kissed your thighs again. Your breath hitch in your throat when you feel his soft lips on your swollen bud. He kisses it again, licking it softly as he watches your body twitch at the unfamiliar sensation. He wanted this for a long time, hands gripping the underside of your thighs holding your legs apart. Your soft sighs were like music to his ears, tongue still licking at you slowly as he allowed you to get more comfortable with the feeling.

"God," you sighed, hands reaching for his hair.

"Do you like it?" Jaehyun smiles to himself when you nod, wrapping his lips around your clit, sucking the bud of nerves softly. He feels your legs shake when the sensation shoots up your body.

Your fingers find themselves in his dark brown locks, eyes fluttering shut as he continues at a slow pace. Jaehyun gives you a slight pinch, making your body jump. You looked between your legs, his eyes dark with lust.

"Look at me," he said, voice deep. " Keep your eyes on me. I want you to think of this every time you see me."

Your body trembles, whines and whimpers, escaping your lips when Jaehyun goes all in on you. His tongue and lips move skillfully between your legs, the pleasure multiplying by a hundred. Jaehyun licked up your arousal, instantly becoming drunk off the taste of you. He needed this, he wanted this, to feel and be closer to you than ever before. To taste you, feel you, be lost in you.

Your brows furrowed, gulping at the way he flicked his tongue on your clit. His hands were still on your thighs, holding them so tight his fingertips were imprinted by now.

"J-Jaehyun, you feel so good," you whined softly. You pulled his hair making him look at you darkly. The way his tongue moved left you speechless, especially when the muscle made its way inside you, making your jaw drop slightly. "Oh God.."

He smirked to himself, tongue fucking you as he watched you lose yourself on the bed. If he could do this every day forever he would. Jaehyun's brows scrunched, feeling your hips move against his tongue. He watched your desperation rake all over your body, right hand no longer in his hair but on your nipples, pulling and twisting it. You tried hard to watch him, but you had no choice but to let your head fall back onto the bed taking in everything he was giving you.

Any other day, he would've stopped and made you look at him, but seeing you in absolute bliss, completely unable to control yourself was imprinted in his brain. "So pretty," he said, slurping your juices.

You felt Jaehyun take one hand off your leg, your head jolting up wondering if he was finished already. "D-don't stop yet," you whimpered softly.

"Don't worry my love," he cooed. Jaehyun took two fingers to your entrance, rubbing it slowly. You were so wet, fingertips glistening in the ray of sunshine that peeked through the stain glass. "You love me this much?"

You covered your face in embarrassment, knees coming together as your face heated up, but all he did was pull them apart. Jaehyun gently pulled your arms from your face, staring at you with a smile. "Don't hide from me," he whispered gently. Jaehyun took his hand back between your legs, circling his fingertips against your soaking entrance, sinking them inside of you. His face twisted in pleasure with your in unison, watching your eyes flutter shut once he gave you the stretch you needed. He pumped his fingers in you slowly, taking in your small whines.

Jaehyun watched as you reached for his other hand, holding your leg, taking it and pulling it towards your body, placing his rough palms on your breast.

"Touch me, please."

You have no idea the power you have over him. He's like putty in your hands at the moment, but you're so oblivious in how much he actually loves you, how much he wants to make you feel good. Jaehyun loves it when you whimper, when your voice cracks from the overwhelming amount of pleasure like just now.

He kept fingering you, squeezing and pinching your chest adding more pleasure. He couldn't get enough of the way you arched into his hand, grinded your body into his fingers. "That's it," he mumbled softly. "Keep going."

You were so wet, your arousal all over your inner thighs and his hands. Even the bed was wet, but neither you or Jaehyun had the chance to notice. Not when he was starting to speed up his fingers. You gulped, brows furrowing as you moaned softly.

"Jaehyun.."

Your eyes were now opened, vision flickering between his face and his hands. You loved that look he gave you. The gentle, but dominant expression on his face. As if his only purpose was to make you feel good. You would never tell him but you craved it. You craved his attention no matter how much you pushed him away. You craved that look in his eye when you felt like the only girl in the world.

"Doesn't it feel good," he mumbled, a small smile grazing his lips. He licked his lips, watching your body shiver under his touch, your cunt squeezing around his fingers. Jaehyun means down, nipple rolling between his fingers as he kisses you on your neck tenderly.

You nodded, hand cradling the back of his head as he kissed your skin. Jaehyun lifted his head, eyes darting straight to your lips. You missed each other softly as you moaned softly into his mouth. Kisses soon turned into lips touching, pants and whimpers filling the air as he worked his hand inside of you. The curl of his fingers left you gasping for air, back arching onto his chest.

"Jaehyun, please. I'm so close," you said, voice cracking into a whisper. Just at that moment, he pulled his fingers out of you, the high you desperately wanted to reach snatched away from you. "N-no," you whined.

"Don't worry, Y/N.."

You watched him, mouth gone dry, as he undressed himself. First, his shirt, then his shoes, then everything else. You laid watching him become bare in front of you. This is the most skin you've ever seen from him and surprisingly, you weren't that off put. You always knew he had a perfect body. He was fit, muscular everywhere. Arms, legs , chest, your eyes naturally stopped in his middle, making him grin.

"I love seeing you like this," he said, eyes glazing over your body as he climbed on top of you. Jaehyun spread your legs wider, chuckling softly when you jumped underneath him. He lines himself with you, rubbing his tip against your folds slowly as he watches you with lidded eyes."Do you want this as much as I do?"

Before you could even get out an answer, he pushed himself in you slowly, the feeling of you around him making him hiss. You let out a strangled whimper, head falling back onto the mattress. "Yes," you nodded. "I want this so much."

Jaehyun thrusted in you long and slow, not wanting to end this too quickly. He wanted to be wrapped up like this with you forever, skin on skin, listening to your heart beat, taking in every single breath. He was completely wrapped up in your body, scent, sound that he didn't hear knocking on the door. Not until you spoke.

"J-Jaehyun, someone's knocking," you said panicked but all he did was look down at you with a smile, continuing his pace.

"Don't worry about it," he said softly.

"Your majesty, there's someone here to see you," Bailey said from outside the door.

"Tell them I'm busy and I'll be out in a minute," he yelled back, hands still on your body. Turning his attention back to you, he notices the dress in your brows, giving away your worries.

"Stop worrying," he whispered, kissing you. "Just be quiet for me."

Jaehyun started thrusting in your faster, the crease in your brows depending as he went deep into you. You were a mess. You bit your lip hard, trying to keep yourself from making any unbecoming sounds after he told you to quiet, but Jaehyun had no idea how good you felt at the moment. Sweat collecting on your face, body as hot as a stove as he continued to drive himself into you.

Reaching up, you pulled him down to your body kissing him hard, his mouth collecting your moans to muffle them. His hips moved melodically, making you pull away from his lip and whimpers against his mouth. You opened your eyes to see him staring right at you, his pretty face glistening with sweat. Jaehyun rested his forehead against yours, eyes never leaving you as his thrust became more erratic.

"I love you so much," he groaned softly. He took one of your hands from his neck, placing it between the both of you. "Touch yourself, let yourself go for me darling."

"Jaehyun, oh God." His name fell from your mouth like water as you rubbed your clit along with his thrust. You pulsed around him, squeezing around his cock over and over and over again. And for some reason, despite your protest from the last time, you didn't want him to pull out.

You wanted him, all of him. You know how wrong it is, to have the children of a married man. The prince's bastard children. But in the moment it felt so good, so right. But you can't have that, not now, not ever.

You came hard around him, your choked moans erupting from your throat louder than you hoped. Jaehyun didn't seem to care, still thrusting into your sensitive hole. You were weak, unable to keep yourself quiet any longer. Your whines and whimpers filled the space, body still tangled in his.

"Tell me you love me," he said in your ear.

Your brain was so foggy, pleasure filling every thought in your mind. "I love you," you moaned breathlessly.

Jaehyun's orgasm crashed into him, the man pulling out of you just in time making sure to make the same mistake he did a week ago. He held onto you tight, grip so tight on your waist it stung. He tried to hold himself up, but he was so weak at the moment he crashed right on top of you. But you didn't mind. You basked in his warmth, your breaths matching his as the both of you came down from your highs.

A couple of beats of silence passed by before anyone spoke. "I love you Y/N," he said against your skin.

Lots of time has passed and you haven't heard from or spoken to Jaehyun. You've seen him in the halls of course, walking past or taking a peek out of the window. He looked good like always. Regal, handsome, yours. He wasn't yours though, he was Rose's. He was her's and despite telling yourself that it was never going to be you, you hated it.

You tried not to hate it, but it became increasingly difficult seeing them together, playing house when you knew they disliked each other so much. Working so closely with Rose and over hearing her chats with the ton didn't make it easier. She didn't care how badly she talked about anything in front of these women. Calling other maids names, being rude to you, sometimes lying to make her life as queen look better than it actually was.

Unfortunately for you, you couldn't rest on this night. You and the rest of the staff were running around the palace for the current ball taking place on the palace grounds. You wanted to focus so badly on your task but every time you see Jaehyun, you want to run to him. Good thing he gave you a note saying to meet him at 12. It was now 11:55, so you were on your way sneaking away from the party of nobles and royals.

You made haste quickly. No one would notice you were gone, guests were half way drunk, other maids had their hands full, guards watching the perimeter like hawks. You didn't see Jaehyun, assuming he was at the meeting spot. Rose was strangely away, but you thought nothing of it. Slipping past the crowd of people was like second nature. You walked into the palace and went straight up the stairs. Your footsteps were quiet as there was supposed to be no one there at the moment.

Your senses were heightened, not wanting to get caught in the empty hallway. But you noticed something strange. Rose's bedroom door was open. No one should've been there at the moment. You know who shouldn't check, every second away from Jaehyun means less and less time with him, despite wanting space. But you walked in against your better judgment.

And there she was. Rose stood on her balcony silently gazing out at the ocean right across from her. Her hair blew in the wind, adding much to her beard in the scene already. She looked… sad, content. Like she was lost in thoughts. It was unlike her, but you couldn't help. All you had to do was slip back out and get to Jaehyun as soon as-

"Don't leave so quickly," she said, making you jump. "I promise you'll have your time with him."

She spoke quietly and softly as if she didn't want anyone else to hear. You had no idea what she was going to do or say, but stayed put nonetheless. You felt the cool air from the ocean on your skin, making you shiver as Rose turned to face you. The only other source of light was the candle near the doorway lighting you up.

"I don't hate you," she said, hands folded to her front. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting."

A few beats of silence passed before you spoke. "You have nothing to apologize for my grace."

You and her knew that was a lie. She'd been terrible to you since she found out about your relationship with the prince. You never expected her to apologize. Royals never apologize, feeling like they can say or do whatever because of their status.

"There's a lot of people relying on me. I'm sure you understand," she said softly. "My home country… everyday we are on the verge of war and I…"

"I, too, had someone."

Your breath hitched at her sudden confession, staring at the mix of longing and sadness in her eyes. Rose sighed, looking down at the ground as she swallowed hard. You never would've guessed she had any part of her life that wasn't shrouded by her responsibilities as a princess.

"What happened," you asked quietly.

"We were together, but…we knew it would never last." Rose released a shaky sigh, closing her eyes to try and stop herself from tearing up. "Everyday, I miss him."

"Did you love him?"

Rose opened her eyes, mouth parting slightly to answer, but all she did was keep quiet and nod. Her hands were still crossed, but she was squeezing them tightly trying not to get too emotional the moment.

"We were inseparable in that castle, just like you and Jaehyun. The both of you remind me of us so much, it makes me sad. My parents forbade me to marry a commoner and sent me here. I knew absolutely no one or anything about this place. Everyday I just want to be with him. When I see you and Jaehyun, I feel…. I don't know how I feel."

"I-I'm sorry," you say, making her scoff.

"Please do not pity me. I knew what my life would be as soon as I was out of the womb," she mumbled pointedly. "I just wish that he could be here, that's all. Even if I couldn't stay with him in the way that I wanted, I just wish he was near me."

"What's his name," you asked.

"John," she answered shortly. "He's a knight. Tall, strong, courageous."

You watched her soften when talking about him. If Jaehyun could tell people about the both of you, is this how he would be? You wondered if he would look as in love as Rose did at the moment. "Well, I'm sure John misses you also."

"I want him to miss me as much as I miss him, but the last time we saw each other…" Rose stopped talking, a frown on her lips as she recounted the memories of their last meeting. "I don't even know if he's a knight anymore."

"My grace, I'm sure whatever happened was not-"

"My parents - the king and queen - caught us Y/N," she said, a slight shadow of guilt slashing across her face.

You knew how serious this was, especially for a princess. Sleeping with a knight? If word got out, it would be the end of her. women were supposed to be angels, pure. For you, it didn't matter much, you were just a maid after all. But Rose knew what that could mean for her.

"I was too stupid to say no to his advances because I loved him so much and without thinking we… did something we weren't supposed to. It reminds me of you and Jaehyun."

You tilted your head not understanding her words. "I don't understand, my grace."

"Do you think people don't see the way you look at each other? The way his gaze lingers on you or how the two of you run off for minutes or hours at a time? I know you might think it's not that serious but once you're in deep, you can hardly tell when you should dig yourself out." Rose let out a frustrated sigh, groaning as her perfect princess stature melted away for a second. She rested her face in her hands, giving you a deep sigh. "What I'm trying to say is I barely know the both of you and I don't want you or him to end up like John and I. He watched me leave him for good because of a mistake we made together. Yes, I am jealous of you both but I am only a person."

"Princess, I understand. I-"

"No," she said sternly, taking a step towards you. "I know you think that because I told you this, you think you understand me but you don't. I am here in a place where I do not belong. I did not ask to be here. I am in a country that I know nothing about. I do not know the food, the customs, the people, let alone their royal family. I am here to prevent my home from being destroyed in a war. With you and Jaehyun running around, unable to bear a child, I cannot make sure that my country is safe. I cannot make sure that John is safe."

All her words hit you like a storm. You always understood that this marriage was hard for her, going from one place to another, but you never imagined that it would take this much of a toll on her. Rose always puts up a strong front, never allowing people to know or hear her weaknesses. Her reputation for being ice cold didn't just come from nowhere, but now you've seen a new side of her. You didn't know if it was caring or just pure panic. She was genuinely distraught about the possibility of not being able to have a child with the prince. And for the first time in a while, you felt for her. You pitied her.

"Princess," you called out, breaking the silence. "I fear the prince and I may have-"

"Enough." You turned around, startled, when seeing Jaehyun walking to the room. He grabbed your wrist, face lit with irritation. "I heard every word. Y/N, I need to speak to you now. Rose, I will speak to you later."

"Jaehyun–"

You didn't get much of a say in the matter as you dragged out of the room, the door slamming behind him. He pulled you down the hall in silence. His grip on your wrist tightened the faster he walked, both of your footsteps filling the silence. Jaehyun pulled you into the castle's library, which was very empty at the moment. The dust sparkled in the air, shining in the moonlight hiding behind the stained glass. It was dark, the only thing keeping you from bumping into a shelf was the tiny bit of light shining in the middle.

Jaehyun pulled you into an assortment of unorganized piles of books, moving through them like a maze as you tried your hardest to not trip over your own feet. He still hadn't said a word to you but you could tell he was furious. Jaehyun took you and pinned you against the shelf.

"What did I tell you?"

His voice was strangely calm, making you furrow your brows. You stared at him, analyzing his face. "Jaehyun, what are you talking about?"

"If I call for you, you must oblige," he said echoing his words from a while ago.

"Jaehyun, we were talking-"

"I don't care what you were doing. I don't want her putting strange thoughts in your head."

You scoffed, pushing his body away from yours. "She's not putting thoughts in my head. You seem to forget that I am my own person with my own thoughts."

"Y/N, I know you are your own person, but I worry that-"

"You worry what, hm? That I'll tell you we need time apart? That I'll end this for good and break your heart," you interrupt. You watch Jaehyun's exasperated expression fall flat.

"Well is that what you want? Do you want to end this and break my heart?"

"Goodness, Jaehyun, no I do not want to end this," you whined frustrated. "But we have not been careful. I tried to put up some kind of a wall between us but I love you too much."

"We have been careful Y/N. No one but my mother and Rose knows," he said, grabbing your hands, but you took them away from him.

"And do you think what happened in your office was us being careful? It was the day after your wedding and I could be pregnant right now," you said with a frown. "I will be thrown out of this castle and never see you again. Is that what you want?"

"I won't let that happen," he declared. Jaehyun sounded confident but he clearly lacked the resolve. It would happen whether he wanted it to or not. There wasn't much he could do but cherish his time with you and that's exactly what he was going to do.

"You know you can't do that. You know you have no control over that. This is a mess, all of this is-"

Jaehyun grabbed your face, kissed you hard, shutting you up. You stumbled, back hitting the bookshelf as he caressed your cheeks with his thumbs. You began to melt into his touch, letting your eyes shut as you kissed him back softly. Jaehyun pulled away slowly, watching you open your eyes to look at him.

"I don't want to fight anymore," he mumbled. "I'm sorry for everything. I just don't want to fight with you. I love you."

"I understand. Don't blame yourself." You looked at him with a slight pout, hurt filling your heart seeing him so distraught.

"It's my fault. All of this is my fault. If these really are my last moments with you, can we spend them doing something else instead." Jaehyun couldn't control himself, eyes flickering to your lips to your neck.

Jaehyun was clearly not in the right frame of mind and neither were you, so you obliged despite the little voice in your head telling you no. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pulled him to you, kissing him deeply. Jaehyun followed your rhythm, arms wrapping around your waist. His lips molded with your naturally, sighing softly finally feeling the weight being lifted off his chest.

You slowly took your arms from around his neck, lips never parting as you began to remove his jacket. Jaehyun took his arms from around you and took the fabric off. You made your way to his waist, unbuttoning the tiny objects. Jaehyun smiled against your lips knowing you always struggled with his buttons.

"Allow me," he mumbled, removing your hands. Jaehyun unbuttoned his clothes with ease, lips still on yours the whole way through. You reached behind you removing your apron, letting it drop on the ground. Jaehyun pulled away from you, spinning your body around without saying a word. His fingers worked on the buttons, eyes boring into the back of your neck. The tension and the sound of fabric moving was enough to fill the silence. Once he finished, he pulled the dress off your shoulders gently, taking in the way his fingertips gilded against your skin.

Your breath hitched as you turned your head to face him. He stared at you with heavy lidded eyes, pupils dilated with lust. He kissed you, hands still on your dress. He pulled the sleeves off your arms, pushing it directly to the floor. Pulling away from him, you stepped out of the puddle of clothes. You turned to him, pulling his body to yours. Jaehyun placed his hands on your waist, squeezing it softly as he kissed your neck. You reached up sighing blissfully at the feeling of his lips on your skin and pulled the shirt off him, leaving his upper half completely bare.

Jaehyun shuddered under your touch, pulling away and watching you as you ran your hands down his chest. Your chest moved rapidly, heart racing being in this compromising position.

"You're so pretty," he whispered, kissing your forehead.

You didn't say anything, just simply stood there with begging eyes.

"What do you want me to do," he said, eyes darting all over your clothed body.

"Anything. Do anything to me."

Without being told twice, Jaehyun dropped to his knees in front of you. There was something so unnatural about seeing him on his knees. Jaehyun would never be on his knees for anyone or anything, his pride would never allow it. He's never begged or cried for anything in his life being a man of great power and influence. But you're different. He'd gladly beg and cry for you. He'd kiss your feet if you asked.

You watch him sink to his knees, gulping deeply as he looks up at you with an intense stare. The library is still fairly dark, but you can see him clearly. Something about him being on his knees for you made your mind race, making you grow hotter and hotter.

"I want to taste you Y/N," he said quietly. "Can I?"

You nodded, hands clinging to the only other clothing on your body. You pulled the undergarment up, exposing your body to the man below you. Jaehyun took your hips in his hands, fingertips tickling you as he ran them up and down your skin. Jaehyun pressed small intimate kisses on your thighs watching you through his long lashes. You were breathing heavily, so turned on by the feel of his lips on your legs.

Jaehyun continued to stare up at you as he nudged himself between your legs, licking your pussy softly. Your body jerked, the feeling sending a familiar sensation through your body. He licked again, digging his tongue into you slightly. Jaehyun smirked to himself when you spread your legs wider. He took his hand from your hips to your waist, caressing every inch of you while licking you over and over again.

Jaehyun's tongue moved skillfully, relishing in the sounds you let out above him. You tasted so good to him, he was definitely addicted and he knew it. He needed this all the time, to be under you, pleasuring you and making you feel good. He ate you out passionately, licking and sucking on every bit of you.

"W-wait, do that again," you moaned quietly.

"This?" Jaehyun wrapped his lips around your clit, sucking it. His brows furrowed feeling your legs trembling. The sight of you alone would make him cum, but he wouldn't mind that at all.

"God, yes," you whimpered. You pulled your slip up further, hands tightening on the fabric as you watched him with glassy eyes.

"You like it this much?" Without letting you answer, he sucked your clit hard. Jaehyun's cock jumped in his pants hearing your loud whine echo in the dark room. He took a hand off your waist, fingers trailing down your stomach right above your pussy. Jaehyun removed his mouth from your clit only to lift the hood with his thumb, staring at the swollen bud with a smug smile.

"I love this pretty clit," he muttered under his breath. Jaehyun took his other hand off your waist as he flicked his tongue on your clit, fingers creeping up your legs. It was all too much, every word, movement, breath. You were overstimulated like hell, but you enjoyed it.

You felt Jaehyun begin to rub your inner thigh gently, biting your lip softly. Jaehyun slowly pushed two fingers into your soaking core, making you gasp softly at the sudden feeling. Unconsciously, you began to move your hips in his mouth and fingers. Jaehyun furrowed his brows, fingers pumping in you trying to keep up your pace. He stopped flicking your clit, placing a soft kiss on the sensitive spot"And to think you thought you could stay away from me," he said, kissing your thighs. "Do you think you still can?"

"N-no," you stuttered, hips still grinding at a steady pace. Sweat glistened on your forehead, heavy breathing and soft whimpers flooding Jaehyun's ears and all he can think about is how wet, warm, and tight you are around his fingers.

Jaehyun swallows hard, his erection becoming painfully tight underneath his pants. But he can't get up just yet. You look beautiful from this view and he wishes he could be here all the time. He begins to like and suck your clit again, making you whine loudly.

"Cum for me. Cum on my tongue and fingers."

He kept sucking your clit, pumping his fingers in you faster than your pace. The squelching noises of your dripping cunt rang through his ears.

"I'm so close," you whined. You let go of your dress with one hand, reaching down to grab his hair. You pulled him closer to your body, leaning back onto the shelf. The smell of books and sex intoxicated your nose, senses at an all time high as you began to feel yourself come closer and closer.

Jaehyun felt you squeeze around his fingers, eyes stuck on your face as you came above him. Your breathy whimpers and furrowed brows turning him on even more. You let go of his hair, body shaking from the intense orgasm. Jaehyun stood up, fingers still inside you. He kissed you hard, the taste of yourself on his lips tongue exciting you. Jaemin pulls his fingers out of you, pulling away from your lips as he stuck them in his own mouth, sucking you cum and arousal off the digits.

"Jaehyun, don't do things like that," you say, heat creeping across your skin as you watch him.

Jaehyun chuckles to himself, your words moving through him like air. In a split second you, he forcefully turns you around so that you're pressed against the case. Your face smudged on the backs and fronts of books and his hands pulled up your dress, all in a silent swift motion.

"You need me," he said quietly but sternly in your ear.

You remained silent, unable to concentrate on giving an answer unbuttoning his pants. Jaehyun pulled his hard cock out, already leaking precum. Jaehyun grabs your hips, pulling them closer to him. Taking his cock in his hand, he lines himself with your entrance.

"You love me," he whispered, sinking himself into your body with ease. Your heart beats fast as your head falls back onto his shoulder, ass arching against him in the best way possible. Jaehyun's chest was pressed against your back, forcing you to feel his sporadic breathing as you squeezed around him.

"Don't ever try and run away from me," he says in a deep, low tone. Jaehyun thrust in you slowly and steadily, savoring every single second. "You said we needed a break, but here we are" – he kisses the back of your ear, his breathy moans making your heart flutter – "once again pressed against each other."

Jaehyun's words should've alarmed you. You should've wanted this to stop as soon as he opened his mouth, but every word he said was true. You can't stay away from him. You're not as strong as you thought you were and probably never will be. You shivered feeling his fingers pull down the thick strap of your slip, his lips kissing your shoulder softly.

"You like this don't you? The sneaking around, the sweet things I tell you, the sacrifices I'm willing to make." Jaehyun dings his fingers into your sides, pulling you closer to him as he thrust deeper and deeper into you. Your shaky breaths turn into moans, brows scrunched as you pressed your face against the shelf. "Say it. Say you like it."

"I-I like it," you moan breathlessly.

He begins to thrust in you faster, the rhythm in his hips making you close your eyes. "I love you so much," he says, lips brushing on the lip of your ear. The warmth from his body wrapped around you, allowing you to melt into his body. Your hands held onto the structure in front of you, fingers gripping onto whatever was left of the book covered shelves.

"Jaehyun, oh my God," you whimpered softly. Jaehyun thrusted into you harder, the movement making the old wooden case creak, the sound echoing in the room.

"You're stuck with me, my love. How does that make you feel," he groaned softly. Jaehyun wrapped an arm around your waist, pressing you even closer.

"So good.."

Jaehyun moved his hand towards the middle of your legs, fingers rubbing your clit at a steady pace. He moved this other hand off your waist, placing it on top of yours that was clinging to the shelf. Clasping your hands together, his head drops in the crook of your neck, kissing and sucking the skin gently. Your hips moved with him, whines and groans filling the space.

"Jaehyun..shit.."

A dark chuckle rang in your ear, instantly turning you on even more. That was the first time you've ever sworn in front of him. You always kept up good manners whenever you were around him that he never even knew you swore in the first place. He took his hand off yours, turning your chin to face him. Jaehyun kissed you, hard and sloppy which was so out of the norm for him. He never did anything sloppy, not even the way he went down on you was sloppy.

"I'm about to cum," you whimpered on his lips.

"Hold on for me. I want us to cum together." His voice was deliciously raspy and deep as he pounded into you. You loved moments like this. The moments where your both were so wrapped in each other you forgot the kind of situation you were in. The moment where no one and anything else mattered.

He kept thrusting, his low grunts sending a wave of emotions through your body. That's when you felt your thoughts shift in the most surprising way possible. You wanted all of him. You needed all of him. "Cum in me. I..I need it."

Jaehyun didn't question you or have any doubts. All he did was kiss behind your ear, his soft raspy moans wrapping around you. You felt the muscles in your stomach get tight, your whine and whimpers getting higher in pitch. 

"That's it Y/N, keep going just like that." Jaehyun held your waist tight, gripping you tight as you bounced on him meeting his movements. You reach back, hand on the back of his neck as you pull him to your mouth kissing him hard. And that's when the both of you feel it, both becoming undone in the intense wave of your orgasms. Loud moans and heavy breathing filled the empty space, the echo bouncing off the walls. 

Tired and worn out, both of you stood there. In the silence of each other's heavy breathing, choosing not to speak about the fact that he came inside you once again. You just wanted to feel like it was real for a second, because if you really were pregnant, it would just mean that illusion would be broken. And now the possibility of it happening now or later was too near, but that wasn't on your mind. All that was on your mind was Jaehyun, how he looked, how he walked, how he talked. The both of you stayed this way for a little while longer, taking in each other, pretending that everything was okay and perfect. 

But what neither of you knew was that things were about to get more complicated than either of you could've imagined. 

Sick.

You feel sick. 

It's not like you've never felt sick before, but you had no reason to to feel sick. You haven't drank, since you're not allowed to, all of the food was fine, you didn't have a fever, you didn't have any other sickness. But somehow you felt nauseous, your stomach turning and breath getting heavy. You had already used yourself from the rest of the kitchen And was now in a bathroom, kneeling in front of a toilet. 

"This cannot be happening," you mumbled to yourself, clutching your abdomen. You felt your throat turn hot as you began to heave into the toilet. You committed hard, your entire body shaking as you gripped the bowl. The smell was putrid making your frown as you pushed yourself back into your feet. 

Without thinking, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You looked like you always did, but something felt different. All the events that have taken place within the recent weeks plague your mind making your frown deeper. You were disappointed in yourself. Disappointed in how easy you let yourself be taken by him. Disappointed in how much you liked it. You felt remorseful for your future self because you had a feeling something wasn't right.

You shake the thoughts from your head and wash your mouth out diligently before stepping out of the bathroom. You opened the door walking out quickly only to slam into another hard surface. Completely disoriented, you stumble back not understanding what you could've walked into. 

“Apologies, my lady. I did not see you coming.” 

The voice made you freeze, your eyes widened as you looked back at him. You were silent, not realizing how truly startled you looked to him. It was almost as if he knew what you were thinking, what was happening. What was going to happen. The longer you stared, the more shaken you became. You really could be pregnant with the child of the man you're in love with, but why didn't you feel happy about it? 

“I'm sorry, is everything alright,” Jaehyun questioned, giving you a look of concern. He reached out to place a hand on your shoulder but you moved away before he could touch you. 

“I'm fine. Thank you, your grace.” 

Jaehyun watched you in confusion when you gave him a slight bow, walking past him in a hurry. But he's a resilient man. He won't let you get away that easily. Jaehyun follows you, catching up to you when you grab the handle to the kitchen door. Jaehyun's rough hands wrap around your wrist, making you both freeze. 

“Talk to me,” he says, brows knitted. 

“What are you doing? We are in a hallway,” you whispered in annoyance. 

“I'm not going to allow you to avoid me again. Tell me what's going on.” His tone was hard and stern, but his eyes were soft. His grip loosened as he stood there watching your expression soften into worry. 

“I can not tell you until I'm sure,” you said looking at your feet. You looked at him, a small frown on the corner of his mouth. 

“Do you not trust me?” 

You sigh, pulling your wrist from his hand. “It is not you I don't trust, it is myself. Please let me figure all this out. I will tell you.” 

Jaehyun gave you an unsure look, his eyes narrowing at your words. 

“I promise,” you said, placing your hands on your heart. Just then, you heard footsteps, and immediately withdrew your sentimental look, straightening up in front of the prince. You folded your hands in front of yourself, looking at him emotionless. Just as you bow and come up, Rose walks down the hall, looking directly at you.

She walks up to the both of you, standing in the distance you created. “Great. I've been looking for you,” she said looking at Jaehyun, barely paying you any mind. “I figured you'd be nearby.” 

“Has something happened,” he asked, raising a brow. He shot you a small glance, needing to look at you for some comfort. 

“Yes it is about our standing with the public..” she took his arm, dragging him away from you with haste, but it relieved you. You wanted to be alone at the moment, not around anyone who knew what was going on, or around any drama. You were stressed and it wasn't going to get better with their problems being shoved in your face.

But now you were alone, not one else to distract you or purge the impending doom that plagued your mind. And that made you ever more sick. 

-

White.

Clear.

Clean.

Those were all things you did not want to see, all signs of the thing you feared the most. You had no time to sit and cry and grovel, you had to act accordingly.

Breathe. Breathe.

But you can't breathe. You feel like the walls are closing in. The pretty sunlight shining through your small window is completely contrasting the metaphorical dark cloud hanging over your head. Everyone that knows you thinks you're calm and collected and can handle anything with ease. But this might be the one time you lose your mind.

You didn't even realize that tears were streaming down your face till you moved to wipe them, completely unaware of how long you've been standing there. There was no way you could have a child, let alone with the prince. The reality of never seeing or speaking to him again was definite and there was nothing you could do about it. But you had to suck it up and tell him anyway.

Wiping your face clear of tears, you leave your room, dusting the nonexistent dust from your dress. These next couple of days would likely be the last time you would ever wear it. You never really liked the outfit but grew used to it after a while.

Soon, you made it to the main hallway, walking through like normal. Walking up the stairs to the second floor, you feel yourself becoming nauseous the closer you get to Jaehyun's office. You can't tell if you're experiencing pregnancy symptoms or if you just aren't ready to tell him.

But you couldn't wait now. You were already in front of his office door by the time the thoughts in your brain were done racing. Your hand trembled as you raised it, hesitating to knock on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

You heard shuffling behind the door, gulping at what was to come later. The door flung open, only for you to be faced with a very irritated Rose, Jaehyun sitting on the couch in the background. Your breath hitched, eyes going back and forth between the two of them. What were they doing? What were they talking about? Why should it matter, she was his wife and you weren't.

“You have impeccable timing, don't you,” Rose spoke, breaking the silence between the two of you. You glanced at Jaehyun who was looking at you past Rose. Your heart pumped watching a smile spread on his lips. It hurts.

Rose moved further into the room, her extravagant dress taking up so much space. You walked in, shutting the door behind you. Every nerve in your body prickled with suspense, every second rose spent glaring at you made you want to run away and hide. You weren't scared of her, but you were scared of her reaction.

“Why are you here,” she said, crossing her arms across her chest.

You needed to answer honestly. “I came to see Jaehyun.”

“His grace,'' Rose corrected, a scowl on her face. “in my presence, you will address him properly.”

“Rose, it's okay,” Jaehyun said, rising to his feet.

“No it's not. I don't care for whatever you two have. Around me, keep it at bay,” she argued, rolling her eyes.

You glanced at Jaehyun who was staring at your lips. It was obvious he wanted to kiss you, and you wanted to kiss him too. Jaehyun finally felt like the two of you were beginning to patch whatever issue you had, but he hadn't been alone with you since the day in the hall. As understanding of the situation that he is, he wishes you could just talk to him and not run and hide.

“I-I need to speak to him. Privately.”

Rose glared at you and then at Jaehyun, eyes shifting around the room. Your hands were sweating and trembling. This is not how you wanted this to go. You just wanted to tell Jaehyun and he tell Rose. Goodness, you felt like you were going to vomit again, the nerves now making you feel nauseous and weak.

“I'm not going to leave,”Rose declared.

Jaehyun groaned, pushing his hair back annoyed. “Rose, give us a moment-”

“No I will not. My husband and the woman he's sleeping with are constantly sneaking around and I won't stand for it anymore,” she said, voice becoming louder.

“I understand you dont like this but please, just respect what I have with her,” he said, getting loud with her.

“Don't you dare raise your voice at me,” she said. Rose then directed her attention to you, turning to you with an angry expression. “I'm done with you and him hiding things from me. Whatever you need to tell him, I'm sure you can say it in front of me.”

“Why do you insist on making things difficult,” Jaehyun said through gritted teeth. “You have told me many times you don't want to hear or see us together and now you're demanding we include you in private conversations.”

“Jaehyun, I don't need-”

“You keep quiet.” Rose took a step towards you, making Jaehyun's ears red from anger. “I don't want to hear a word from you. All you've done was mess up this damn marriage from the start-”

“You say that as if you wanted it,” Jaehyun interrupted.

The two went on for a while, leaving you standing at the door completely overwhelmed by all the screaming. Rose was upset. Jaehyun was angry. It was a screaming match all because of your presence. You shouldn't have come. You should've just went back to your room when you saw her open the door. But this had to come to an end.

Breathe. Breathe.

“I'm pregnant.”

Your soft voice stopped the arguing, both Jaehyun and Rose looking at you as if they heard you wrong.

“What,” he asked, gulping.

“I'm.. pregnant,” you repeat.

Rose said nothing, just walked to Jaehyun and slapped him. The sound echoed through the silent room. Time came to a standstill, the sound of heavy breathing echoing through the room. Adrenaline rushed through your veins, the desire to protect him not going past anything but a desire. His cheek was red as he stood there silently staring at the ground, taking in everything that just took place.

“I'm sorry,” he said after a few beats of silence.

She ignored him, turning to you. Rose took two steps in front of you and you closed your eyes. You knew she was going to hit you so all you could do was brace for impact. But too many seconds passed and you felt nothing, so you opened your eyes only to face a tearful woman.

“I want you out by the end of the week,” she said, voice shaking.

“She's not going anywhere.”

Both you and Rose turn to Jaehyun, your heart pumping so loud you're afraid it would come out of your chest.

“She cannot stay here. This is not up for debate,” Rose said calmly.

“She will stay. I forbid her from leaving.” Jaehyun was willing to start a war for you. He would do everything in his power to keep you from leaving the castle, pregnant or not.

Rose turned to him slowly, face twisting in anger and irritation. “You have made a mockery out of me too many times. I gave up everything to be here and the one thing I asked you not to do, you did anyway.”

“My grace, w-we didn't know this would happen,” you said almost in a whisper.

Rose turned to you, giving you a chuckle in disbelief. “Didn't know? How could you not know? You both are running around here fucking like rabbits when you think no one is watching, but you didn't know?”

That was the one truth you didn't want to bear. All those times you and Jaehyun snuck off in each other's company ended up with you sleeping with him. You knew it was a bad idea, every single time, but it felt so right. All those times he would look at you as if you were the only thing in the world with protecting, you were going to miss him.

“I'm sorry,” you whispered.

Rose scoffed, staring at you in disbelief. “Don't pretend that you care. Don't pretend that you didn't want this.”

“I didn't want this. I am not ready to be a mother.”

Jaehyun looked at you, his stoic expression beginning to crack the more you spoke. He wanted to take your hand and run. Just run far away from this castle, this life, everything. “You will stay until you birth our child,” he said.

“No she will not.” Rose raised her voice, “I'm sick of watching you two prance around here, living out your fairy tale love when I couldn't have mine.”

“And why should that be my fault,” Jaehyun snapped. “I'm sorry you couldn't stay with whoever you wanted back home. I'm sorry you were forced into this marriage. But..” Jaehyun looked at you and back at Rose, sorrow filling his heart realizing the difficult position he put you in. “I love her, and I refuse to let her go.”

“You are the most selfish man I've ever met,” she said, giving him a dry laugh. “We both know our fate but you refuse to change. I have tried everything to make this work despite not wanting to be here and you've run circles around this palace to avoid them.”

“I have sacrificed so much-”

“Sacrifice,” Rose interrupted, scoffing. “Do you know anything about sacrifice? I was forced to leave my home to prevent a war my parents started. The only man that has ever loved me is somewhere dead or alive and I do not know. I had to marry you against my will and have to have a child with you to maintain my status. This is the life I've always known, and you dare speak of sacrifices. I sacrifice my freedom, body, and sanity everyday. And you sacrifice what? Your feelings?”

Jaehyun stood there silent. There was nothing he could say because she was right. “I'm sorry for any chaos I've caused, but all I ask-”

“I'll go.” That was the first thing you've said in a while, making both of their heads turn. “I-ill go. I knew this would be my fate if it happened, so I'll leave.”

Jaehyun's heart dropped. It felt like his whole world was crashing and he could do nothing about it. “Y/N, please you don't have to-”

“Jaehyun, I will go. I have to go eventually. You know that,” you said almost in a whisper, voice cracking under the pressure that weighed on your chest. Tears pooled in the corner of your eyes, but you didn't let them see as you faced the floor.

“Be out by the end of the week.”

You looked up, brows furrowed in sadness at Rose’s nonchalant disposition. “I have no family. I need more than a week.”

“Then leave the country! Go on a voyage and explore other lands! Just be out of my castle!”

Rose left the room with a loud slam of the door. Jaehyun didn't even give a second after she left to pull you into his arms, hugging you tight as if you would leave him immediately. And in his arms is where you broke down, allowing yourself to cry. You cried for him, you cried for yourself, you cried for your soon to be child, you even cried for Rose. Your life was in disarray, and there was nothing you could do it about. Nothing Jaehyun could do about it.

“It's okay,” he said in a quiet soothing voice. Jaehyun stroked the back of your head softly, holding you tight.

You and him stood there for a while, holding each other in silence. It was strange, the way he just gave up and didn't fight for much longer, but there are some things you can't fight even if you try. After some time, you both calmed down. You wanted a distraction, needed a distraction.

“Jaehyun,” you breathed out.

He loosened his hold on you, letting you look up at him. Starry eyes, flushed face, pretty lips. You were his only dream in this world of nightmares. “I'm sorry Y/N. I'm sorry for all of this.”

“Never mind all of that,” you whispered, forcing a smile. You hoped he could see your sadness or feel the ping in your heart.

“If I had just… This is all my fault,” he repeated. Jaehyun swallowed hard, feeling your hand come in contact with his face, caressing his cheek softly. “I don't want you to leave.”

“You act as if I'm leaving immediately,” you laugh, trying to lighten the somber mood. “I'm still here, and we can make the most of it.”

“How?”

You didn't say a word. All you did was kiss him softly, and the rest of the day was history.

You decided to do what Rose suggested and leave the country. You didn't know what would await you out of the land and across the sea but you were ready for it. The one thing you weren't ready for was leaving Jaehyun. And he wasn't either. It was apparent by how he was basically clinging to you every second he could get, never letting you out of his sight.

Despite him being so close, you hadn't yet told him of your plan and today was the day you'd be leaving. It was early morning and you already had your things packed. You told him to come to your room at noon, and just like expected, he knocked on your door right on time.

You stood up from your bed, exhaling the breath you didn't know you were holding in before opening the door. And there he was, as regal as always. Jaehyun stood there, eyes unable to leave your body realizing you were wearing regular clothes. He's never seen you in anything but your maid outfit, and this just makes him fall for you more.

“Hello, my love,” he said, giving you a sad smile. “Today is the day I suppose.” Jaehyun walks in, eyes immediately going to your cases that are packed with your belongings. His heart hurts seeing the signs of your soon to be disappearance.

“Yes, and that is why I need you to sit and listen to me.”

He narrowed his eyes at you, raising a brow as he sat in your bed, waiting for you to speak. “what is it?”

“I am going away,” you said.

“Yes. I know this.”

You sighed, hands playing with the buttons on your dress. “On a ship Jaehyun.”

His face twisted into an emotion you couldn't place. Hurt. Nausea. Disbelief. Maybe it was none of those, maybe it was all, but you didn't know how to combat it. You didn't know what to say or think or do. All that you knew was that he didn't like what just came out of your mouth.

“Jaehyun,” you called out, trying to break the silence that stood between you. “Please say something.”

But he didn't. He sat there in silence wondering where everything went wrong, what he could've done differently, how he would have fought for you harder. He sat wondering if he would ever see you again, or if you would ever want to see him again. Jaehyun didn't have it in him to shed a tear, feeling himself slowly go numb right before you.

“Jaehyun,” you call again, voice shaking in fear. “I know this is sudden and last minute, but I'm making this decision for me…”

“I'm not mad,” he said quietly. “Just a bit shocked.”

“I'm… I'm sorry.” You sit a distance away from him on your bed, eyes staring at your hands.

“So this means I'll never see you again,” he mumbled, a permanent frown on his face.

You turn to him, brows for rowing in sadness. “You'll see me again.”

“When Y/N,” he sighed in frustration. “In another 10, 50 years? I can't wait that long. My heart won't allow it.”

“Well neither can mine,” you argue back, body now fully turned to him. “My heart can't allow myself to see you married and having children with another woman. I can't let myself see someone else live out the dream I so desperately wanted. I have to get away.”

“But… Why now? Why leave me now?” Jaehyun scooted closer to you, taking your hands in his.

“This isn't about you. This is about me.”

“What about us?”

“Jaehyun can't you see? there is no us,” you say. The look of shock and hurt slashed across his face, almost making you regret your words. “there could never be an “us.” That's why I must leave.”

“I'll go with you,” he says.

You let out a small laugh, the absurd statement amusing you at the difficult time. “Jaehyun, you cannot come with me.”

“Then what must I do to make sure that there is still an “us?” Should I renounce my role as the prince of this kingdom? Should I beg for you to stay?”

“No, no Jaehyun- stop this at once. Stand up!”

Jaehyun was now kneeling in front of you, eyes staring wildly into your eyes. He had so much emotion he barely knew what he was doing at this point. All his self respect ran from his body as soon as he walked into the room, he didn't care for titles or status, just you and him.

“If this won't work, then what will?”

You open your mouth, but then close it as you look at him. He didn't like this look. It was full of pity. You pitied him, and that's something he never wanted from you. He always wanted to look strong for you, but now that you were going to be gone in a couple of hours, he was desperate.

“I'm not staying no matter what you try,” you said, watching his hopeful expression deflate. “I will not grow a child under a roof where the man I love is with someone else and that woman would rather see my head on a stick.”

Jaehyun stood back up with a sigh, eyes never leaving your relaxed figure. If these were his last moments with you, he needed to make this count. Time was running out and he needed to make sure you left with only him on your mind. He needed to remember how your hands felt on his skin, how your lips felt on his. He wanted to be etched into every crevice of your mind 5 years from now.

“We don't have much time left and I don't want to argue with you,” he stated. “you want to leave, very well. But promise me we will see each other again.”

A surprise gasp escaped your lips. “Jaehyun, now you know-”

“Please, just promise me,” he said.

“I promise,” you said softly. “We will meet again. I promise. A year from now, maybe 50, we will see each other again.”

Jaehyun grabbed your hand, pulling you to your feet. Before you could gauge the moment, his lips crashed onto yours, the taste to honey so familiar to you lingering on your tongue. “Never forget me,” he said against your lips. He held onto your clothes tight, pulling your body closer to his.

“One last time,” he said softly.

You swallowed hard, eyes fluttering open. “I don't have much time left.”

Jaehyun gave you a soft smile, his gaze remaining as gentle as ever. “Don't worry about that. Just worry about me and you, okay?”

For once you decided to let yourself relax and listen, nodding to his words. You no longer had anything to lose since losing everything already. So against your better judgment, you nodded, following his pace as he kissed you deeply over and over. Jaehyun wasted no time, magnetic pull on his hands to the buttons on your dress. Only difference was that they were in the front now.

His fingers worked on the tiny buttons, lips smirking against yours feeling your impatience. The amount of time it was taking him was agonizing to you, but secretly you were happy he was taking his time. While you wanted to rip the bandage off, you also wanted to savor him.

“I would give anything for you to miss that ship,” he said, unlatching the last button. Jaehyun pulled the sleeves of your dress off your arms, kissing down to your neck.

“Please,” you whisper, breath hitching as you feel your dress drop to the floor. “Don't make this harder than it has to be.”

Jaehyun gave you a soft chuckle, kissing back up your neck and jawline. “Sit down.”

You did as he said, his hooded eyes staring at you. Jaehyun unbuttoned his shirt, fingers moving so delicately. He pulled the fabric off his body swiftly, placing the shirt on your neatly made bed. Without saying a word, he gets on his knees, the action making you gulp.

“I'm going to miss you,” he said softly, hands rubbing your legs. You couldn't say anything, not when he was pressing kisses on your thigh, down to your knees.

“I'm going to miss every part of you..” Jaehyun spread your thighs, pushing your undergarments away. “You'll miss me too?”

You nod.

“Words, Y/N. Speak to me.” He took your leg, placing it on his strong shoulder. His hands took your sides, pulling you closer to the edge of the bed.

“Y-yes, I'll miss you.” Your body shivered at the feeling of his lips on your skin as he kissed your inner thigh, core aching for contact that he won't give.

He kisses your clit, eyes staring at you from below. He thinks he will remember this for the rest of his life, the way you look above him, the soft sighs that leave your lips when he touches you, the way your skin tastes.

“I'll miss you ” he whispers, placing another kiss. “The way you taste” – kiss – “the way you feel” – kiss – “the way you sound.”

Jaehyun held your body as his lips and tongue kept going at your clit, enjoying every single moan you let out. You let yourself shed the last bit of control you had and tangled your hands in his hair. You were going to miss his pretty brown curly hair. Your body shudders at the soft and slow movements, mind and body drifting into a state of relaxation and forgetting about having to be at the dock in some time.

Jaehyun watched you watch him, your glossy eyes staring into his as you allowed yourself one last moment of recklessness. Your soft moans were music to his ears. Jaehyun sucked your clit softly, needing more from you. The feeling made your legs try to come together, but with one on his shoulder, all he could do was chuckle at the unsuccessful attempt.

“J-Jaehyun,” you whined softly, the sound of his name on your lips ending a tingle up his spine.

“You like this” he says, voice slightly muffled.

He watched you nod frantically, tongue licking up your arousal. “How much Y/N? Tell me.”

“So so much.”

Jaehyun's hands gripped your sides harder and began to let his mouth work on you harder. He was rock hard in his pants, erection straining against the fabric. He wanted so badly to lay you on your back and take you, but you looked so angelic above him. He sucked on your clit again, bringing out whines of his name over and over.

“God, you sound so pretty,” he mumbled. “I want you to remember this every time you think of me.”

Jaehyun was always so good with words, knowing exactly what to say to make your heart flutter. “I want you to think of me every time you touch yourself..”

You couldn't even speak, the pleasure filling your body quickly as he began to eat you out with much more vigor. He barely touched you, but you were so close already.

“I will,” you said softly.

“God I love you so much..” Jaehyun flicked his tongue faster, making you breathe harder and faster. The leg that was on his shoulder trembled, heel pulling him closer to your body. “You're close aren't you?”

You nodded, brows furrowing as you closed your eyes, throwing your head back. “Keep going, just like that… I'm so close.” Your hips rocked against his face, his tongue now inside you as his nose bumped your clit with each movement.

In just a couple of seconds you came, legs shaking and moans flowing into his ears. Jaehyun groaned softly, his saliva and your arousal mixing with every lick. His eyes never left yours, your expression so perfect and sounds so addicting he couldn't stop even when you were gasping for air from the overstimulation.

“It's okay, love. I got you,” he said, watching you grip your bed hard. “One more time. Do it for me.”

Your body was on fire, all senses heightened because of the man in front of you. Jaehyun didn't let up even when you couldn't speak and you loved it. The only things leaving your mouth were moans and incoherent babbles. One hand tangled in his hair, gripping it harder as you pulled him closer.

“I'm cumming,” you said in a soft gasp.

The noises that filled the room were sinful, making you cringe but turning you on even more. His eyes never left yours as you came, hands still molding your body like clay. You let go of his hair, breathing heavily as you attempted to recover from all the pleasure you received. Jaehyun put your leg down gently, lifting himself from your body. Your face went hot seeing the mess you made, arousal on his lips, chin nose.

He took the back of his hand, wiping his face before rising to his feet. “Lay back.”

You did as he said, watching him as he stood in front of your bed, undressing before you. He wasted no time climbing on top of you, body so close you could feel the heat radiating from his body. He was so pretty, no painting could ever truly capture it. Everything from his hair to his legs was a sight for sore eyes and you loved every part of him.

Jaehyun leaned down and kissed you, his strong arms trapping you underneath his body. He kissed you face softly, from the corner of your mouth to your forehead making you giggle softly.

“What's so amusing,” he said, looking down at you.

You shook your head, moving your hand to his face cupping his cheek softly. “You're cute.”

He stares at you for a second, but smiles, kissing you once again. “When you're on that ship I want you to remember how cute I am.”

Jaehyun lifted his body off yours, hands sliding down your waist to your hips to your legs, lifting them to your chest. You watched his hand move from your leg to his cock, shifting himself deeper between your legs. Jaehyun rubbed his tip on your slit, teasing you.

“God, you're wet,” he mumbled. You moaned softly, feeling him rub himself on your clit, your hands gripping your legs harder as you held them close to your chest. “I'm gonna miss this..” Jaehyun slides into you almost too easily, your cunt sucking him in effortlessly. The both of you let out a sigh of relief when your bodies connected. He rocked his hips into your slowly, the squelching sounds filling the room. Your bed cracked with every movement, the sound of your soft moans blending in with one another.

“You're mine,” he said, voice bringing you out of the trance you were in. “Only mine.”

“Only yours,” you nod.

Jaehyun removes your hands from your legs, pulling them apart. “There goes that pretty face.” He leans down, kissing you instantly. He was going to miss your kisses the most, the way you moaned into his mouth when he felt too good, the way your lips molded with his in the most perfect way possible. You wrapped your arms around his neck, fingers running through the back of his hair.

“I love you so much,” you whispered into his mouth. Jaehyun thrusted into you faster, now going at a steady pace. He pulls away from you, kissing down your neck messily. You needed more situations so you reached down between your bodies to touch yourself, but Jaehyun took your hands and held them above your head.

“Cum from my cock, okay? Can you do that for me,” he groaned softly.

You nod with a whine, head sinking into your pillow as he started fucking you harder. “F-fuck, oh my God, you feel so good.”

He thrusted into you like his life depended on it, which it did. You were what breathed for, lived for, and would die for even. Even with you underneath him you already felt so far away, and he hated that.

Your body shook under him, legs involuntary spreading even wider as he thrust deeper into you. Your body was on fire, never feeling so vulnerable in his touch and loving it all the same.

“Remember what it feels like to be around my cock,” he said against your ear, smiling at your whimpers. “Remember that no man could make you feel as good as this..”

You nod fast, brows furrowing as Jaehyun's grip on your wrist tightens . “I'm close,” you gasp, feeling his other hand rubbing your neglected clit. Jaehyun moves his lips above yours, but doesn't kiss you. His body is too wrapped in pleasure to do anything but thrust until he cums inside you. The sounds of both of your pants filling your ears, completely overstimulated you, making you squeeze around your lover.

“Fuck, oh my god,” he moaned softly, lips brushing against yours. “Y/N, I-Im close, shit.”

Jaehyun lets go of your wrists, finally freeing your hands from above your head. You immediately grab the back of his head, pulling him down to kiss him hungrily. Moaning against his lips, you feel your legs begin to tire and hurt, but the hurt blends with the pleasure well. Your moans got louder with every time he hit your sensitive spot, walls fluttering around him. You came hard, with a loud cry chanting his name over and over.

Jaehyun held you close to him, still thrusting in you groaning into your neck. “Almost there, I'm almost there Y/N.”

After a few thrust, Jaehyun lets go into you, painting your insides white. Everything was intense even after the fact. Emotions still running high, hearts beating fast, minds racing for the both of you. Jaehyun rested his face on your neck, laying still as he tried to regain energy listening to your heart beat. That's when he heard a sniffle from you and then another.

“Are you crying,” he asked quietly, still not raising his head to look at you.

“Yes.” Your voice was quiet and calm, the tears falling down your cheeks landing on Jaehyun's ears, making him sigh. He lifted himself off you, laying next to you on your tiny bed. In that moment you missed his warmth even though he was still right next to you.

You stared at the ceiling trying to ignore Jaehyun's eyes burning into your side. You both lay in silence for a while, lost in thought.

“Do you think you can wait till tomorrow,” he says, breaking the silence.

“There will be no more ships till next week,” you answer. “if Rose knows I'm here–”

“Please don't talk about her.” His voice was almost as quiet as a whisper, making you turn to look at him for the first time in a while. “I wish it was here instead.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wish she had to leave,” he mumbled. He swung his arm around your body, pulling you closer to him. “I wish I could have you here forever. Me, you and…”

He paused his gaze slowly lowering to your stomach.”

You follow his gaze, a tired smile tugging at your lips. “Hyacinth.”

“Hyacinth,” he repeats. “That's your favorite flower.”

“Mhm,” you nod. “If it is a girl, that's what I will name her.”

Jaehyun chuckles softly, lips pressing your shoulder softly. “And if it's a boy?”

“Your name,” you say. Jaehyun stops breathing for a second, the thumb that's rubbing circles in your side stops.

“Really,” he asks, eyes becoming softer.

You nod. The way he looks at you makes you feel like you're the only person in the world and still in your last moments with him, it makes you sad. In a moment's time, you will both have to get up, get dressed, and leave the room, never to be there or in the castle ever again. All you want to do is be delusional and happy, but your mind won't let you.

“I wasn't completely honest earlier,” you say, sighing deeply. “I never told you that sometimes I dreamed of leaving here and traveling the world.”

“It's okay. Now you have a chance to.”

“I've always wanted to do it with you,” you admit. “That's another reason I chose to leave. It was for my sanity. And if I couldn't do it with you, at least I could do it with a part of you.”

Jaehyun kisses you softly, rough hand squeezing your side so tight, you thought he would never let you go. But now it's time for him to let you go and he will grieve this loss for much more time than he hoped. He let you go, his arm moving painfully slow trying to make these last seconds of intimacy count for something. You both sat up, knowing the time has come for you to regain your strength and fulfill your last duty to the castle, which is to leave.

“I love you Y/N. Promise you love me too.”

“I promise.”

[cornyforjk]

Drive you Crazy| Day 2 | jjk

SUMMARY In which you are stuck living with an arrogant rookie racer who thinks of you as an obstacle, ready to ruin your glory, but things get heated when he has a pervy smile hidden under that pretentious attitude. Emotions that are complicated. You could never fall for your enemy! He's sabotaging you.

Pairing: racer!jk × racer!oc

Genre: angst and pure filth smut

Warnings: trash language

Taglist: @tatamicc @jwnghyuns

A/note: IK IK I'm going very quick with updating but I'm just ,,,way too excited idkw. Please bear with me 🙈.

___________________♡____________________

The news was just like tripping over a rock.

Relax.

Or it was more like getting hit by a boulder.

The elegant woman introduced herself as Natalie, your new in charge. After the heavy atmosphere with intense eye contact between you and Jungkook that someone could miscalculate as a lovers' gaze, you finally snicker in triumph.

Walking towards Natalie, who held out her pen, inclined for your signature. You would be signing your admission name for the race, and Jungkook would be the one fuming with irritation that no one minded.

Now about the boulder crushing news...

"WHAT?!" You and Jungkook gasp in sync, watching Natalie wince as she hides her face behind the notepad.

"I won't share a room with him!" "Are you crazy Natalie? This swine isn't even real- she will burn me in my sleep!" Jungkook vented, intertwining his hands in front of his chest, eyes begging for sympathy.

"I'm sorry guys, Jungkook is on the waiting list whereas Y/n...we still need to talk to your sponsors, the board, and then assign you a cabin. Furthermore, you will have to hang around together for some time."

The bickering and shoving had people around staring with wide eyes, embarrassment peaked on your face in the colour red that tinted your cheeks and the tip of your ears.

"Keep it down! This is a professional arena." Natalie hushes you both down.

A random man in fancy attire flinched, his eyebrow raising in a barely questioning arch. The click of his tongue was audible enough to make out his annoyance.

You couldn't get any louder, could you?!

Jungkook audibly snorted, peeling off his leather gloves and raking his hand through his hair. His playful orbs followed the direction the man walked in. Jungkook threw him a look.

'What are you looking at, son?'

He cheekily snickered, choking on his cackle that left your tongue-tied.

It would be a dishonour to your ego if you let him have the content look on his face. "Do you know who he is!?" You crowd over his shoulder.

Jungkook blandly shook his head, a confused expression twisting his eyebrows, forehead creased in discomfort. "That's Kim Namjoon! The famous Korean racer, the first rookie to ever win his first race." You chuckled, "have fun winning him over after that look." You elbowed his guts, scampering around Natalie who picked out the room keys.

Your giggles get louder as you follow Jungkook's glossy eyes widen, a petrified look taking over his features, wrinkles at the corner of his eyes. "I fucked up"

You watch him run after the elite racer Namjoon, turning around when you hear metal clanking against your ear. An eager Natalie holding out the keys to your new 'shared' cabin.

"Does that mean I get the larger bed?" You whisper, grabbing the key and eyeing your surroundings, watching out for a fuming Jungkook.

Natalie bowed, walking closer. "Only if you get there first." She winked. Her lips slightly parted as a yawn escaped her lips. "I owe you big time Natalie!" You run, feeling the marble floor vibrate at the heavy steps of your boots.

___________________♡____________________

You flung onto the couch without bothering to look around, accidentally leaving the front door a bit open, making it a teenager's nightmare.

"That was a shitty pick up line!" A crash follows the shout by Jungkook in the hallway who slides the door wide open, halting dead in tracks as he finds you sprawled on the couch.

His heavy breathing contaminates the quiet atmosphere. "Don't tell me the four-eyed nerd gave you the keys first." He referred to Natalie, huffing out chunks of air, bending over with hands on his knees.

Talk about running a marathon-

Calming down Jungkook straightens up, suddenly fumbling back into the door. He turns around abruptly, closing the door behind with a click, boring holes into the floor. His eyes never met yours as he just stood there with no movement.

"I'm not naked you know."

"Not yet-"

Shifting in your seat you stand up, watching him lean on the doorway with a lousy smirk. "I heard that!"

"Not my fault." His smirk turned into a scowl, Jungkook pushed you over and dug himself a seat at the corner of thecouch. Draping a blanket over his feet. His mood swings were worse than a girl on her periods.

The doe-eyed man sighs, tossing in turning his eyes fixated on your legs, and pretending to not care didn't help.

"What are you looking at Bethany?"

He turns your way, throwing a sharp look. "Who even wears mismatched socks?" He tried muffling his throaty chuckle. "No one would guess you are a racer." He laughs loudly, clutching his stomach.

"I just have a different style."

"Different doesn't always mean a good one."

You are about to throw your hands on him, but the doorbell interrupts those revengeful thoughts.

Suddenly you are pulled back while trying to get to the door. Jungkook resting his large hand on your petite waist, looking at his watch. His secured hold did not go unnoticed."Let me go!" You squirm in his hold. "Shhh...shut up for a minute."

Seconds pass by with no one speaking, deep breaths patting your ear, his eyes fixed on you.

The fuck are you up to?! Your eyes scream at him.

Jungkook ignores it by rolling his eyes, sliding his hand down your hip watching you freeze at his warm touch.

Your breath hitched, like a film tape rolling, your eyes rolled back as you closed them shut, throwing your head back on his shoulder.

"I see you are head over heels for my touch." He smirked.

You open your eyes, hands placed over his, trying to break free from that alluring touch.

What were you even doing in his arms?

This damn seducer-

"Ugh! Go away. Why didn't you let me open the door?" Jungkook doesn't answer, averting his gaze while climbing back on the couch trying hard to ignore your question.

"Answer me." You demand.

The authority in your voice pierced through his ear. He wrings his hands together before a wave of calmness washes over him.

"Why am I even afraid of you," he slowly mumbled, chuckling. That same expression changed into one full of arrogance and ego.

The one you hate with all your heart.

"They were calling out registration names for racers." He says, satisfied while you try your hardest to cope with the anger fuming out of your ears.

"You tried sabotaging me?!" Walking swiftly you crowd over him, clutching his collar, "what's your problem Jeon Jungkook."

"You."

"You are my problem."

Baring your teeth you shove him back,Baring your teeth you shove him back, lips quivering as you tightly press them, cheeks turning red.

Oh gosh, this isn't a great time to cry. Especially in front of this jerk!

"I hate you, Jeon." Your words fade away as you run out of the room looking for the registration team.

___________________♡____________________

DM me or send an ask if you wanna be added to the taglist.

[kairiscorner]

i have a thing for 5 o'clock shadows babes, i'm admitting it now.

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

his five o'clock shadow. — miguel o'hara x reader imagine

whenever you kiss miguel, it feels ticklish sometimes–a little prickly, a little tingly–but that isn't because you're getting first love jitters all over again kissing the love of your life... it's because miguel's forgot to shave yet again since he's been so busy saving the multiverse from possible, utter destruction. you don't mind that your beloved is preoccupied with saving innocent lives, you don't mind that he might not be as clean shaven as he used to be; you're okay with being the one tending to him and reminding him to do basic things sometimes, and you love it when you get to help him personally take care of himself–it's the best way you know how to love him and let him know you love him.

and sometimes, miguel's just so much hotter having the gray and slightly silver stubbles of a five o'clock shadow on his beautiful, chiseled cheeks, chin, and underneath his slightly pointed nose that sometimes would poke at you whenever he'd miss your lips when kissing you.

"lo siento, cariño–guess my beard's just really... hard to... tame." he said in a faltering whisper as he felt your warm palms rest on either sides of his face; his eyes gazing into your own, so lovingly that he can't bear to look away from you, can't help feel his face heat up so quickly as you giggle that bewitching laugh that makes him get even more flustered and excited–waiting for the feeling of finally locking lips with you. "i don't mind one bit, miggy." you reassure him with a raspy whisper as you smile and press your lips against his, taking him by part-surprise as he kissed you back and hummed in surprise. "you don't, mi vida?" "not one bit, mig. it's a sign of aging, which is... pretty hot, to me." you admitted all bashfully, with miguel chuckling and wrapping his arms around you waist and pulling you close again for another kiss. "then i guess i'll try growing a beard out for you, since you like seeing me all aged like fine wine, querida." you giggle as he smiles wider, him brushing his nose against yours all lovingly, you pecking a kiss on his nose as you hold his face in your hands again. "i'd love to see that, get tickled by you all over again when we kiss..."

a/n: ik that d*na d'*ng*l* said that in the '92 run, but it's more romantic here bc we are not her 🏃‍♀️💨💨💨

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @hearts4gabri @hisachuu @wreakingmarveloushavok @fictarian @yuridopted0 @simsrandomstuff @luvstarrstruck @popeheywardssecretgf @meeom @arachnoia @melovetitties @fable-library @ophanimgold @smokeywhalee @capnshtfce

[detectivemarvelingcomics]

Ik you're working hard on the next nycv chapter buuuuuut if it's okay can i ask for more cute pre-isekai!batsis stuff with the batboys 🥺 if you're okay with it ofc!

Oh I'm always down for writing stuff about NYCV, sure I'll do like some bullet points or something

Not a chapter but y'all get some NYCV stuff too! Also to those who haven't read it this should be readable without having prior knowledge of the series so feel free to sit back and enjoy some Batboys fluff!

Tag list since it's technically NYCV content: @gabytodd @peachydokii @marshmallow12435 @f0leysgurl @luminaaz @lolsnacks @akuri-shinsou @pansinspace @time-shardz @lovely-maryj @urminebutidontwantyou @y3oudsc @rainnyydaysworld  @underworlder @franini @mayo-0-o 

NYCV!Batsis & the Batboys

[Not Your Classic Vigilante Masterlist]

Dick Grayson

As we all know, he's the first batsib, talk about a high bar to reach (ba dum tss), and luckily for you he was an amazing older brother.

Fun where it counts, doting 24/7, protective when the situation calls for it, and stern when he has to be. There's a reason why you looked up to him more than your father in some regards.

Whenever he's off on a mission somewhere far away, he sends you postcards. You keep them in a box under your bed and you haven't thrown a single one away! Each card had a cheesy joke written on them, something to make you smile while he was gone is how he signed them all off with.

There was one time he was on 'Babysitter Duty' (as they later put it) and you ended up staging a bank robbery in the ballroom while he played the Boy Wonder (of course) who saved the day! (Poor Alfred was nominated to be Condiment King).

He's actually insufferable, his coworkers used to hate him because of how often he'd pull his phone/wallet/photobook/whatever could physically hold your picture just to gush and say "Look at my baby sister isn't she perfect?!" "Dude, that's, like, a whole ass teenager" "Shut up."

Although you'd always shown interest in his vigilante work, up until after the whole "I will never be a vigilante thing" much later, Dick was always very very careful in keeping you away from it. Hell, you didn't even know he was a Robin until you wandered into his room one evening when he came back from patrol.

By the time you'd figured him out, he did everything he could to keep you away from harm's way. You just weren't trained to handle yourself, and Dick would be a leader before he was your brother, as much as he'd hate to admit it. So, to keep you safe, he kept you away.

But, when he was there, he made sure to be the best older brother you could ask for. Gifts, advice, jokes, confidants, anything you'd ask. After all, he had competition.

Jason Todd

AKA, the Competition. He's the next batsib you got and so far he apparently holds the title for 'Best Sibling' (according to a ranking system you didn't know about that's being score kept by Alfred, in second place is Cass, for those wondering).

If Dick was the doting older brother then Jason was the annoying one. The kind of brother to open the door to your room, stare at you for five minutes, and walk away like nothing happened. The kind of brother to pull a 'I'm not even bothering you!' kind of move.

But, when it comes down to it, oh this dude's taking a bullet for you. I mentioned it once in the story but he'd always wanted a younger sister and bam he got one, sure he thought you were a spoiled brat at first (and in some ways you were) but hell he's damn sure he'll keep you that way if it meant you'd always be, well, you.

There were some days he'd wonder what it would be like if you'd switched places. If he was the one with the silver spoon and you were the Gotham street rat and nope, shake that thought out of his head. Without you he's sure he'd have gone off the deep end in this vigilante shit.

As much as you'd argue that you both secretly hated each other, you'd remember the time when Jason broke his hand punching Conner Kent in the face. He'd just come back to the family and while you were both getting caught up, you let slip that you broke up because he fell in love with someone else and... whoops. Good thing Tim was there to talk some sense into him.

For the record, Conner did lose his footing, but he argues it's because he was caught off guard, while Jason swears up and down it's because the Lazarus Pit made him stronger, or something like that. You try not to think about it, you're surprised you're still allowed within Titan tower.

He'd never admit it, but of the batsibs he actually knows you best. If the others have questions about what you'd like or how you'd react to something they'd ask Jason. He'd always answer in a way that would wave them off, but he's never been wrong.

Jason, as cold-shouldered as he could be, he has a soft spot for you. If he ever saw you in trouble he's definitely going to step between whatever's going on, don't doubt him on that.

Tim Drake

The first younger brother and, in his argument, therefore the best. Ironically since he was the first younger one you did dote on him a little too much, being the one "good cop" figure in the manor while he was training to be a Robin.

Of course, though you were on the civilian side of things, he actually looked up to you in ways he never could with Dick or Bruce. While they're mainly for the vigilante stuff, you're just there to make sure he doesn't forget who he is: Timothy Drake and not just a Robin.

You were really trying to replicate what your older brothers did for you with Tim, though it was only a little more difficult with his background. Hard to get gifts for someone who probably already has it, and hard to keep secrets and surprises from someone who's good at figuring them out, but you always figured out a way, and those ways always made him happy to see.

Thursdays are Tim and (Y/N) days, everyone in the family knows it. It started out as a mini tradition to get Tim out of the house every now and then and soon it became routine, it was the time you both took to catch up with each other and this especially became true after you went to college. Those times were precious for him, and he always looked forward to it.

Until, that is, other members started crashing it. It started with Dick coincidentally running into you both and suddenly now Jason's already sitting at your booth? And Stephanie? And Cass? Barbara?! What happened to Tim and (Y/N) time?!

But, he had to admit, it was rare to see them all getting along well like this. He couldn't complain, as long as you all got to spend time together that's all that mattered. And, in the end, it was always you two anyway. You are one of his greatest confidants, and he is one of yours likewise. Despite the short age gap, you often found that you shared a lot in common with him. Maybe it was because of your similar backgrounds, or maybe it was because you doted on him so much.

Tim looks up to you. More than you think, and more that you'd expect. Every time you reminded him that you were just a civilian part of it seemed wrong to him. You're as much a part of the family as he is, or as anyone is, and usually it would be him to remind you of that when he caught you distancing yourself again.

You couldn't hide anything from each other, you could read him so easily and he was just good at finding things out. And when it came to being middle siblings, well, that's a pact in and of itself.

Damian Wayne

When you'd heard about getting another younger brother, a blood related one at that, you were ecstatic. Of course, you had Tim, but Tim had his responsibilities to the Drakes too, Damian was a Wayne and so were you, it was a little different.

Sure, his appearance was... sudden. His first impressions not so great either, but you could read him well. He was so young when he came into your father's care and underneath the harsh training and the poisoned words was still that little boy he is and you were determined to help him remember that it was okay to be a boy.

Taking him to the arcade, buying him books, and treating him out for meals were just a few points off of a list of things you've done to make him feel comfortable. You're not a vigilante, you can't help him with training or anything else, but you can help him in other ways and you tried to show that to him.

It took forever. Maybe about a year or so for him to finally open up to you, but once he did it was like a triumph to you, and you knew that you did well when one day you woke up and saw him fast asleep at the foot of your bed, still clad in pajamas and eyes slightly puffy from whatever happened the night before. He's still a boy. You'd remind that to everyone when necessary.

After a while, he would come to you to ask about civilian things, troubles at school, troubles with making friends, and even troubles at galas. And every time you were there to help him out, giving him a few tips and tricks on how to avoid the paprazzi, maybe a clue here and there about what to look out for when looking for friends, and, of course, study tips so he didn't lose his mind in academy.

One day, while waiting to pick him up, there was a knock at your window. It was a woman you'd never seen before. She wore a headscarf that covered her hair and a pair of sunglasses that partially concealed her identity and, hell, if you didn't know any better you'd think that was your own mother. But something told you that she wasn't there to just say hello and, naively, you opened your door and let her in.

She sat at the passenger's seat, everything about her poised and elegant to the point that you were near in awe at her disposition and, quietly, she spoke, "thank you, for everything you've done for Damian." Talia al Ghul, she had to be, why else would she be here? You hadn't heard much about her, you'd barely even seen a few pictures of her from Damian's belongings, but here she was. "Of course," you'd answer, "I know it's not the same, but I know a little bit of how it feels to be alone." And to this she nodded, with a small smile, and with one glance out the car she left, moments later being replaced by Damian.

"So, where are we going today?" He'd ask. You'd give him a list of places, ask him to choose one, and you'd head there with him in tow. One of his favorites had always been the park.

Bonus: Bruce Wayne

I had to include bat-dad. Despite how I write him, he actually really is a good father, just not in the way you'd expect him to be. Y'all hold out for his arc, I promise it will be good!

When you were first dropped off at the manor, you didn't know what to expect from him. He was this huge imposing figure who was clad in black with a scowl on his face, you thought he hated you already. You were so young at the time, how could you have known any better?

Whenever he spoke to you, he'd crouch down and speak in a gentle voice. Whenever you'd ask him of something, even if it seemed like he didn't hear you, you'd see your answer within the next few days. He'd build you a whole other manor if you asked for it.

If only he wasn't so busy, juggling his role as CEO and Batman, he barely had enough time for the both of those, let alone time to raise a daughter, but he tried to show you that he was there in other ways. Fully funding your schooling was a given, but whenever you'd show interest in anything suddenly you'd see more of it in the manor.

When you'd expressed to Dick that you were interested in the piano, you found one in the house the next day. When you'd told Jason that you wanted to read more of a certain author, her entire collection was in the library. You once told Tim that you wanted to go to Metropolis U for college and, out of nowhere, there was an offer for a full ride. You and Damian used to go over to the Kent's to play a certain video game since neither of you had the time to bring it over and, would you look at that, the manor now has a game room.

A series of misunderstandings is what plagued this relationship. One from a father who barely felt the love of a parent and the other from a daughter who vyed for it. You both found your own way of communicating with each other, and it wasn't until the very end where it got strained.

But could you blame him?

You called him a monster.

You didn't even let him explain himself.

But, truthfully, even if you did...

He wasn't sure if you'd understand it.

Hell, he didn't even understand it himself.

All he felt was the heartbreak of realizing he made a mistake that couldn't be undone.

[get-rammed]

hi ram!! ik you got bored of fnaf so would it be ok to get the deets on your monty series on tiktok? i dont wanna pressure you into making any content but i wanna know what happens so bad

Eventually I'll get around to finishing part 3.

But ye here we go.

It would follow the anon as they heal while working in the daycare.

Starting with like a flash of the anon walking away and then dealing with legal crap. NDA's and the likes. This isn't the first time an animatronic has gone rogue so they'd prefer if this stayed quiet. Paying the anon to keep working there and shrug it off.

Following as they box up all their Monty merch and art he's drawn/made with them. Leave it in a closet. But they can't bear to lock the plush away, so it sits on the floor near their bed.

When they go back to work it follows them as they explain to Chica's Handler how things with Monty go. His needs and what to watch for. None of the other Handlers are aware of the truth. As far as they know his jaw malfunctioned while the anon was working on him. So there's no reason for anyone to be afraid. Warning them to immediately tell anyone if he seems like he's going to hurt someone. She's confused at their concern, but acknowledges she'll keep an eye out.

We'd follow the anon as they meet Dawn, the daycare attendents Handler. She has a robotic left hand. An "accident" that occurred with the failed Project Starlight (my Security Monty). So she knows immediately what actually happened and forces the truth out. As with her, nobody knows the truth. Just knows she lost her hand and the security Monty project was canned.

She explains she avoids the show animatronics since they're too much. Where both attendents are quieter and mindful of her and her anxieties. She only keeps working with Fazbear due to the same NDA and contracts the anon has signed. Good money, but they must both face their trauma each day.

Then it'd be a slide show essentially of the anon in the daycare for a few months. Their casts going away and down to bandages to show the passage of time. With moments of Monty looking nervous but trying to be entertaining in the day care. The attendents are hovering around the anon to make sure they're okay.

There would be a break in here for Dawn to be having a smoke while the anon is eating their lunch. Dawn asks since they're almost healed, would they be going back? When a familiar gator shaped shadow appears. It panics the anon for a second, but it's just Chica's (and currently Monty's as well) Handler dressed in a Monty suit saying of COURSE they're coming back as soon as they're healed. So the anon grits out a yes. They'll go back. They're told they'll be moved back in two weeks.

We got some inner monologe about how they still can't open the closet where all his stuff is at and it flashes with the plush under some clothes.

Cutting to the anon meeting a kid they haven't seen before. He asks about their big scar. Trying to be polite they get his name and chat with him for a bit. Then realize he has no pass. This child is Gregory. Cue him taking off and the anon letting security know.

They don't see him again and just hope he's fine.

They're walking out with Dawn and realize they had forgotten their security pass so wish her a good weekend and head back. Their way back is blocked. They're forced to walk back past the show animatronics in their rooms. They can hear Monty's meltdown from where they are. Telling themsleves not to panic, it's not their problem, he'll be fine come Monday when they're going to be his Handler again.

Lil flashes of Monty ripping up his room and the bots in there.

Chica's Handler stops them. Forcing them to acknowledge the terrifying situation at hand. Ask what's wrong, she admits they don't know. Freddy collapsed on stage and Monty started freaking out in a bad way. There were attempts to turn down his aggression but he kept overwriting the code. He was supposed to be in sleep mode but he force reactivated. So they're letting him run till he's outta juice for the night. She admits something is wrong with all of them, but hopes things will sort themsleves out.

It's clear the anon is getting uncomfortable, so the Handler bids them a good weekend and they're back on their way. Once they get their badge they're on their way back to the entrance, but are stopped by Vanny. "You shouldn't be here."

And then it ends.

I was initially planning for that to be it, but after discussion of the anon working with Gregory through the night, I ended up thinking of more to feed that. But we'll see if I continue it past this part or not.

[wannaliveattheholidayinn]

fun tag game? fun tag game. ty @janelevy for the tag <3

what book are you currently reading? 

i just finished i'm glad my mom died by jennette mccurdy, so now i'll probably move onto loveless by alice oseman or iron widow by xiran jay zhao

what’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year? 

i,,, genuinely cannot remember going to a single movie in theaters this year. i'm pretty certain i never went into theaters this year. although, now that i'm thinking my local theater did host a viewing of goncharov-

what do you usually wear? 

um,,, mainly,,, like dresses or shirts tucked into skirts. i don't own many "masculine" clothes and i'm just generally more comfy in "feminine" clothes

how tall are you? 

uh,,, 5'2 or 5'3 i think. i'm pretty short. i'm the shortest of my friend group

what’s your star sign? 

gemini !

do you go by your name or a nickname?

i'll go by anything if you clear it with me first. hannah? sure. 04? sure. jamie? sure. stan? sure. munchkin? ... sure, fine [redacted]

did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child? 

uh,,, so i'm in (community) college now w an undecided major (which funnily enough, i did not want to go to college when i was little), but i'm pretty sure i'm going into education. little me wasn't exactly sure what i wanted to grow up to be, i flip-flopped around a bit, but i clung onto actor for a while so,,, no, not really

are you in a relationship? if not, who is your crush if you have one? 

i am very single. i do have a crush on someone (two someones, actually), but i'm scared they'll find my tumblr so they'll remain unnamed. i do also have many crushes on celebrities who have no idea i exist

dogs or cats?

don't make me choose... okay fine, cats

if you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year?

oooh i am a fanfic writer (ik, i'm really cool /s), and my favorite fic has got to be this zep fic i wrote (pas de deux) kiss me backstage, in part bc it's just really personal. i'd say my favorite line in it is "She stepped away, wanting to see how he’d react before going. He seemed a little shocked, but slowly, a smile played at the edge of his lips. She smiled and then ran for her life towards the wings, because Jesus, she was late." what can i say, i'm a romantic who spent their final show of dance running to and from the wings

what’s something you would like to create content for?

ooooh um... maybe the west wing or wednesday or the punisher. definitely would like to write something for jessica jones. maybe if i'm feeling daring, derry girls?

what’s something you’re currently obsessed with? 

the west wing. did a rewatch a month or so back bc of hln and i remembered how much i love it. derry girls, abbott elementary, and she-hulk attorney at law have all been taking up considerable space in my head, especially derry girls. also, weirdly, the punisher, which i've only seen one episode and clips of

what’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year? 

... first kill. i tried really hard to like it, but idk there was a lot about it that rubbed me the wrong way and i just couldn't get into it the way i wanted to

what’s a hidden talent of yours?

um,,, it's not very hidden, but i have a pretty good singing voice. idk most ppl on here don't know and it isn't something i talk a lot abt with ppl i don't know... or maybe my hidden talent is the ability to ramble on for any given topic i'm somewhat passionate/invested in for hours on end, which i have done before

are you religious?

i'm not,,, religious, but i am somewhat observant of judaism, and i'd like to be more observant

what’s something you wish to have at this moment? 

um... i guess a friend to hug. idk, i'm kinda sad, i had to leave my family early for the holidays bc my dad caught covid and i just really wanna hug somebody... also, bc we live in a capitalist society, money

tagging @wannabe-etymologist, @pesby, @delphiniumblooms ! obviously, no pressure, if you guys don't wanna participate <3

also open to anyone who sees this and thinks it would be fun to have a go at it <3

[little-fairy-forest]

IVE HAD AN IDEA, HERE IS MY PRESENTATION

the boys with youtuber y/n

y/n does gaming (very good at it, occasionally streams and shes popular like 15+ million, ik a lot but she’s friends with like, jacksepticeye etc .. )

and also very funny random videos with top notch editing *wink* u get what i mean ... i hope

anyway, it’s almost like that whole, i wait for them to post if they left youtube idk what i’d do type beat and they genuinely love y/n and the content she makes.

🍀 hello again lovely! Ah I do love when a character lives the reader before they know? Or a platonic relationship :)

Boys x gamer youtuber!reader

Bakugou, Midoriya, Todoroki x reader, fluff, crack

Bakugou

Bakugou found your youtube page when you collabed with another streamer, he liked how you played, you got straight into it without a long ass intro, you don't out adds on your videos since well, your merch sells out each restock and your streams make enough that your happy

He likes how you go "undercover" in some online games, bash people around and then turn your mic on. He loves the reactions since they normally go back on their words if they insulted you

Be baught a stingy keychain of your logo of aliexpress since he didnt know if you shipped to japan, he keeps it on his house keys. He's not ashamed to support your brand, he just does not want to seem like those weird thirsty boys over you he sees on social media

Your social media comments are...in need of a bit of holy water to put it easy

He has your notifications on on everything, when you say your going on a short break for school or social life reasons..

He's pissed...

Seriously?! Couldn't even of thought to pre plan this and have spare videos made?

Whatever he will just watch old streams of yours

But if you are to announce you are leaving forever because of a few comments gone too far or people being disrespectful

He.is.pissed

Seriously!

He made a whole ass account on twitter to bash the people who made you leave, seriously he started to gain a little bit of following since drama channels recognized the account for defending you everytime

y/n_protect0r_4/20: seriously? what a load of idiots, how are yous gonna survive without their thirst traps now huh? Exactly you can't 🤡

y/n_protect0r_4/20 : wait until they come back after their break, your asses will be blocked! Hah!

When you eventually make your comeback you tell your fans that "y/n_protect0r_4/20" will receive a facetime as a thank you if they can prove they own the account

This boy was a mess! He was so sweaty! He gets to facetime you?? The fuck-

On the call you exchange numbers so you can watch his progress as a hero, you asked him and the bakusquad to join you for a live stream and omg

Funniest video you ever made! This thing went viral! From Kaminari pissing bakugou off to Sero being a master at COD, you invite them whenever their free to play a few rounds

Midoriya

He isn't all that into gaming but when he heard the nintendo switch was making a re-make of an old All Might game, he wanted to know all the spoilers!

News got around that you had early access to the game and you went live, he stayed up to watch it and yes, it was worth the eye bags

Millions of people tuned in to you starting the game off and played small bits since it was only a teaser, Midoriya took so many notes, and may of followed you to see the other game plays you do

He liked the just dance games you played with your friends since it was funny and other small games you test out to for your fans, may they be tiny shit games from a dodgy website to high end games that look amazing!

Midoriya liked how you could remember so much about each game and you didn't even take notes!

He did enjoy watching you get scared playing horror games since your reactions were really funny, he also enjoys watching "best bits" moments on youtube

He entered a competition to win some merch you had, when he found out he won..wow this boy fanboyed so hard!

He got a signed copy of the All Might game from you and All Might, a hoodie and a few stickers and keychains

You asked him to play multiplayer with you on a stream, this boy was so hyped, he told All Might immediately and told his friends

Bakugou was jealous...but everyone times in to watch!

You were impressed about his knowledge on the hero and what the game had to offer.

You messaged Midoriya asking to chat about heros one day after the stream and that's how you became buddies :)

Honestly you were so annoyed at how much this boy spoiled the game for you...

You and Midoriya would stream together on small games such as papas pizzeria or hero themed games, all PG!

Eri has made one or two appearances when you would do maybe a hairstyling game or a child friendly game such as cooking mama ♡

You and your fans love having this little broccoli boy in your streams and social medias, they even demanded merch to be made! You said you would hold off until Izuku became a hero so he could produce his first line of merch :)

Todoroki

Todoroki doesn't seem to be the type to like video games or watching random videos on YouTube, but when Kaminari was watching youtube in the common room on the tv with some others he was intrigued, why? Well your pretty face was on the screen :)

He understood the game you were playing quite quickly, it was animal crossing...

He asked if anyone wanted the game and a switch to go with it, many people thanked him since it was hard to grab a copy but with his dads shiney credit card he was able to snatch the game for his classmates ♡

He started to watch you play the game and developed your island, he went for more of a Japanese theme to is island, and it was amazing! Like seriously have you seen his dorm room?!

When you announced you would randomly be picking players islands to visit from Twitter, todoroki enters since he wanted to know what you thought of his island :)

You were amazed at his islands development in such sort amount of time! You asked him how he accomplished so much in such short amount if time

"Hard work"

Ok, so you asked him to help you on other multiplayer games in the future since many people found his "sense of humor" hilarious (little did they know he wasnt trying to be funny..like at all)

You both enjoyed simple games that weren't too hard to understand, mario kart was a big hit and the horror game granny..

Todoroki playing a horror game was very funny. One moment when there would be a jump scare he would respond "oh..didn't expect that" but it could also escalate to "*falls of chair* well, oh my that wasn't expected...um, can you take over?"

Poor thing refuses to play horror games now :(

He did enjoy Super Princess Peach for the nintendo DS "oh look she crys like Midoriya, wonder if he can grow plants like she can.."

Honestly he got his own "funny moments" on youtube and it was trending for a while until you make little merchandise of his face on stickers

Sold out within moments

He managed to convince Bakugou and Midoriya to join you in a stream of playing Smash bros, it got very aggressive so fast you had to end the stream! Your fans found it hilarious the comebacks Bakugou would through at Todorokis silly comments

"Oh look I beat you, hmm must take notes for next years sports festival" "the fuck you say icy hot?! You are playing as Kirby!"

Would pay so much money to see a dull voice over of todoroki playing cooking mama

Thank you for reading Navigation has been updated :)

[synonymroll648]

hi im bored and ik you're the sokeefitz person on tumblr so if you have anything to say about them please do (or just ignore this lol)

!!! being bestowed the title of the sokeefitz person on tumblr is an honor. thank you, your grace <333 anyway. i always have things to say about them. they have infected my brain and decayed my mind. but i'm going to specifically scream about a specific canon divergent route that is fascinating me and i would've loved to see. as long as it was written well, that is.

said au: keefe following sophie to go de-escalate fitz in the beginning of flashback, instead of staying back and saying sophie should go alone, and getting a head trauma injury that left him with low vision blindness. because the blind!keefe headcanons, from back when we only had the cover of legacy and people saw that keefe's eyes looked more clouded than usual and immediately went 'cataracts?? blind!keefe???' and went wild with ideas, are near and dear to my heart. (this is one of my fav lists of them.)

screaming about the au under the cut so people who don't wanna read don't have to scroll forever :)

disclaimer: i'm not blind, and i haven't thoroughly researched blindness, so if you have more experience than me one way or another and you're either like 'that's not how it works/that doesn't make sense' or 'ngl that's offensive to say and here's why' - lmk!! i'll go back and edit. i appreciate learning through constructive criticism, don't be shy /gen

so! it's been a while since i went through the blind!keefe tag, but the headcanon list i linked (that i have adopted and now headcanon too) seems to me to have described keefe's blindness to work the way low vision blindness does, from my skim research and readings. healthline did a good job of describing how low vision works (from an outsider's pov, lmk if this isn't accurate) in this article, along with other types of blindness in this article. to pull some quotes from there that i think fit the blindness this lovely person (nattie) headcanoned:

"...a person with low vision may be able to see not only light, but colors and shapes too. However, they may have trouble reading street signs, recognizing faces, or matching colors to each other.” "If you have low vision, your vision may be unclear or hazy.” "...your peripheral vision may be impaired on one or both sides."

to elaborate a little more on the last quote - in blind!keefe’s case, i headcanon his peripheral vision to just be straight up gone. this image (if the link is broken lmk) does a good job of illustrating what that would look like. 

i haven’t thought about this au in enough detail yet to know what specific injury would damage his vision, but i know it would be from head trauma of some sort. and it would be inflicted from the neverseen, since this would happen in the same incident that sophie and fitz got hit with shadowflux. i originally thought his blindness would come from shadowflux, for the sake of narrative ties with sophie and fitz and tam and his character arc, but then i realized that having blindness inflicted by a fantasy substance with slippery and sentient nature would get way too complicated way too fast. 

i’m honestly really tempted to write a fic about this. there’s just... so much to work with. so many questions, so many ideas. 

how would keefe’s presence change sophie’s conversation with fitz before the neverseen showed up? would he make the situation more tense, like he predicted in canon, or would he help defuse the situation? would he crack more jokes for comedic relief, or would he be more on the vulnerable side to try and get fitz to soften and calm down more? would the neverseen be more hostile, more docile, or relatively the same with keefe added into the mix of their targets? would keefe bounce back faster, slower, or the same time as sophie and fitz? would we get more dadwin content and buildup for keefe staying at splendor plains in unlocked in this au? what aids would keefe use?

would keefe make up games to make their time in the healing center more bearable? what kind of games would they be? would keefe’s cot be in-between sophie and fitz’s, or to one of their sides - and if it’d be the latter, who? how long would it take the three of their cots to end up edge to edge instead of their original feet apart? what cute little moments would he have with sophie and fitz? would fitz hold medicine bottles and candies to his lips in a Totally Platonic way like he canonically did with sophie, since keefe would have a hard time seeing what he was doing? would sophie hold his hand all the time to help him get around foxfire and other places? would they acknowledge how the contact would put her heartbeat into hummingbird mode in classic sophie foster fashion in a teasing way, a genuinely questioning way, or not at all? would the three of them talk for ages about everything and nothing at all as nighttime donned? would keefe end up accidentally snuggling up to one of them in his sleep? would it happen just once, or would it become a habit? would he come to terms with it, or would it be something he fought? would there be an unbearable amount of romantic tension between them, or would they lapse into undiscussed comfort? would they get their shit together and talk about what they wanted out of their unique dynamic, or would they keep silent past the end of flashback?

once keefe got cleared for going back to shores of solace, would sophie give him vertina to help him pick out outfits and stuff? would that be detrimental to his fashion taste or help him broaden his horizons? would he play around with femininity? would we have more basis for our genderqueer keefe headcanons? how would keefe’s blindness affect the rest of the series? would keefe embrace his blindness, or the other way around? would keefe be more open with people, or more shut down than ever? would keefe be able to run away by himself to loamnore in legacy, and to the forbidden cities in unlocked? how would keefe’s contribution to physical fights change? 

and uh. a lot more lmao. but yeah i have canon divergent blind!keefe brainrot, if you couldn’t tell lol

[askaborderline]

Hey, I was hoping for some advice, me and my boyfriend both have bpd (his is professionally diagnosed mine isn't) and recently he has been busy due to school and exams and understand that and tried my best to not say anything and use some skills to work through it but I still felt terrible and lonely and stuff because its summer for me and I was really looking forward to spending some time with him due to the fact ik I'll be busier during the school year and he'll feel shit about it but when I finally couldn't take it anymore we had an argument and he said he was doing everything he could and said stuff like "what do you want me to do quite school" and stuff and I just tried to end the conversation and he said he wanted a break till exams end next week (I'll be in school at that point) but he knows how I feel about breaks but he said it was for his mental health cuz if he started ignoring school and spent time with me it'll affect it (I never asked him too) and send he was going to delete the app for a week and that was that and idk I've felt shity since and everyone keeps telling me that I really shouldn't cuz I was for his mental health and it makes me feel worse cuz ik he's talking to our gf still and idk sorry for the rant I just feel shity and don't know what to do also everytime I mention shit like this he's like that's exactly what I felt like a year ago tho he knows I poured every single second of time I had into (even during important shit) and that he didn't get as much time as my other partners cuz he didn't want me talking to them and him (as in texting both of them at the same time)

Hunter(I'm using this as a sign off if that's alright cuz no one on here knows me by that sorry if its a bit rambly)

Hi there Hunter,

It sounds like you have one doozy of a problem, and I'm sorry you're going through it. Relationships are hard to juggle with BPD, I should know, but they're not impossible to manage.

I know you might not want to hear this, but I believe the break is a good idea for both you and your partner. It will give him time to focus on his school work, and give you time to figure out things yourself.

Now, the both of you shouldn't be pulling hard punches on each other like "I felt the same way a year ago!" or "Do you want me to quit school?!" because it's not going to get y'all anywhere healthy. The past is the past, and he should not be putting words into your mouth.

From the sound of things, it seems as if y'all triggered each other which led to the blowout. I would start there once he's back from the break. Have a calm and healthy conversation about the argument. Preface with saying that you don't want to fight anymore and just want to figure out why it became such a battle to talk with each other.

If possible, I would suggest having a mediator between y'all during this kind of conversation. Maybe y'alls girlfriend or a mutual friend who wouldn't take sides.

Since this is a polyamorous relationship, I would also suggest establishing boundaries. It seems like there are things you can't do and things he can do that aren't matching up. Having a talk about what y'all want and don't want on the table is the best thing to do to prevent future arguments.

In the meantime, you should take this break as a time to take care of yourself. Self-care to your heart's content! I don't mean giving into any impulses, but indulging in favorite foods and taking a relaxing shower. I know those sound like 'mommy blog' versions of self-care, but they do help sometimes and who doesn't love feeling clean?

In all seriousness, Hunter, you should focus on yourself this week. Think over what I've told you, and see if that will be right for your relationship. If not, then I take no offense and I truly wish y'all the best.

Good luck!

-Bee❤

[carbootsoul]

oh i wanted to clarify that i do really love your stories on ao3 (i use this blog as a spam bc my main writing one is were I'm shy on), and i was mainly on a kaebedo fic searching today and loved the way you played into diluc's dynamic with kaeya. i don't usually read for diluc because kaeya's always been my main interest but the small moments of intimacy you place between the two warm my heart yk! like how kaeya could have just ended the job and mondstatd's sign of hope but how his sheer love for a younger brother blinds the task. i also found the "i want you (you want me baby)" fic so entertaining it had me floored. i really like it when authors take albedo's perspective bc he is hard to write for. he's someone who won't interpret love the same way as someone else, someone who needs pushes to finally accept his own humanity. i think it's sweet how your fics focus on the idea of want? kaeya wanting diluc to live and for them to finally be happy? albedo wanting to fall in love and be fragile enough to be human? it kind of reminds me the dynamic of Orpheus and Eurydice in hades town :)

ALSO i forgot to mention this but your implementation of beauty fascinated me. i love your way of having it flow together? attraction to kaeya is beauty, and how albedo continues to find or depict the beauty in things through wishing to capture it with art. i can't provide the best explanations for your works but i think there's so much character you bring.

additionally, i really like the aspect of initial attraction between the two? ik a lot of people think they're a slow burn, but i think it fits them as people to be fast paced yet slow in realizing their love for one another. they talk about matters that seem important, albedo can look past all the mindless speech and will hammer down on the topics that really mean for the real kaeya to appear. i think i can't properly describe the emotions at the moment bc my head is in sheer shock of it all, but i just thought "wow they have layers". like the scene in church, how kaeya most likely has religious trauma, and how albedo notices the stain glass---maybe it's me who grew up as a forced into church, but it's how simple little depictions like the dislike of worship in both characters that make them seem so human.

hope you're doing well love :)

oh my god this is so nice thank u so much <3 <3 i feel almost the exact same way about diluc (i mean he's fun but i won't usually search out content abt him because kaeya is more interesting) BUT if i think abt him for more than a few seconds i get the most insane brainrot ever. i've got a fic abt his bisexuality that's been open on my computer for months and it's embarrassingly long bc this guy just makes me have so many thoughts if i dwell on him. bc yeah he and kaeya are siblings and yeah they are both so alone even when they aren't. insane.

i really like writing for albedo but yeah it is a little different than writing for a lot of characters!! its a fun experiment imo and i don't think i've quite got it down but it's a weird balance between "this guy is just living a normal life hes just a dude" and "this guy is essentially a god and he was created for one reason and that is Destruction" thats fun to mess w. hehe i'm glad u thought the want theme was fun!! it was on my mind bc i think it's a queer thing that isn't explored v much- the transition that happens when u discover that attraction and wanting things is fun and not a chore or something to be scared of is a rly exciting one! and so of course i needed to project onto albedo my favorite man. also the idea that queer love/attraction is something beautiful, not something dirty of embarrassing was something i was messing with :) also i think part of albedo embracing the fact that he is alive is really connected to the fact that he loves things that are alive? things that are alive are beautiful -> albedo is in love -> being in love is beautiful -> albedo is beautiful -> albedo is alive

NO YEAH obv kaebedo is fun as a slow burn (part of the initial reason this isn't slow burn is only bc im incapable of writing slow burn) and i think maybe in my actual perception of the canon timeline they are a slow burn- obviously the initial interest in one another is there from the very beginning but i think it takes a while for anything to go past the superficial. however these two are both so starved for anything resembling understanding (albedo dumps his problems on a random 17 year old in canon like five days after their first meeting, this guy is dying for someone he feels can hold his confessions) that i also think them taking that potential for connection and running with it is totally plausible too.

oh man i've got so many thoughts abt the church of barbatos & also kaeya's specific relationship w the church. to get out of the way: beyond the obvious aesthetic influence/internal structure, i don't think the mondstadt church has much in common w modern christianity. since the existence of barbatos isn't disputable (the archons exist and no one debates this fact) and barbatos doesn't punish people who don't go to church, going to church isn't a "do this to escape eternal damnation/prove that you believe in god" thing but a "do this to celebrate/find community" thing. obviously there r still a lot of social pressures surrounding it but i don't think the core of the church is as harmful as christianity can be. anyway

i think the church a complete nonissue for albedo: rhinedottir obviously wouldn't have raised him religious and i'm sure he's not a fan of the seven, but i think he's too detached and rational to hold anything against the church for something the gods did. the church of barbatos especially is so far removed from the actual god, the only thing about it that would stand out to albedo would be the stained glass (this thing of beauty, which interests him unlike the rest of the church). but kaeya.. "mr i have complex relationships with everything in the world" i mean in canon his best friend is a nun, i'm sure he went to church regularly as a child/teenager, etc etc but at the same time he is from khaenri'ah in a very raw way & he wasn't able to approach the church from the adult perspective albedo has, since he's been going since he was six or something. i do think the church of barbatos is/was an important part of his life but i also think it's a very hard thing for him to reckon with, especially after master crepus's death. idr what exactly i said in the church but honestly i bet he still goes to church for the social aspects.

anyway thank you so much for these asks, they absolutely made my day <3 i hope you're doing well too and i'm so glad you liked my writing :)

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

can i say a sort of pointless rambly thing i was thinking about that i can't put under the cut bc i'm on mobile?

jk, i'm not actually asking. ramble below, not edited for clarity. the following is completely unclear and i will not fix it:

i've been thinking about how part of the reason i'm so chill about caryl is bc growing up as a queer woc 99% of my main ships were like, never gonna fucking happen bc they literally couldn't. it was like, "omg, they gazed at each other from across the room, let's analyze the homosexual subtext of this one scene for the next fifty years, that's not necessarily hyperbole." i've watched all my ships fuck other ppl/have other love interests, and i knew that my thing was never gonna be canon, so to see like, one thing being like, "one half of my ship fucked another person several years ago while pining for the other half of my ship," i'm like...#nice, bc that can and likely will be used as a plot point to get them together later on, whereas in other situations i've been in i just kinda had to deal with it. so my impulse when i see ppl losing their shit is to be like

and to be slightly annoyed, tbh, bc the ship is still on track to be canon, and it's like, literally two white heterosexuals, they're prime candidates for juicy angsty pining that actually gets a resolution.

but!

that being said, i recognize that that attitude isn't necessarily fair. for one thing, i'm not the only queer woc (or some variation thereof) in this fandom, and some ppl's impulse might be exasperation instead, bc like, "wtf, even my mayohet ship has dumb fucking drama," and that's valid as hell, and i get it.

and also, i get that, even if you didn't grow up shipping impossible ships (or mulder/scully, bc that's a brand of bullshit all its own), this has been a suuuuper drawn out process where sometimes it feels like they're legit sprinkling crumbs to keep you hooked, just to play you again, and when you are invested in something, like /rly/ invested, especially if it's a form of escapism or hyperfixation or whatever, that can be e x h a u s t i n g. and i get that. i truly do, and while i make a lot of snide comments about the fandom being bonkers, i do get where the bulk of you are coming from (unless you're one of those ppl who hate on actors and esp actresses for just doing their jobs, and attack them on social media, in which case i am very much judging you and you need to get your life together).

i also realize that in the scheme of things i'm still a newbie. i've been here, what, twoish/threeish years, whereas some of you have been here since the beginning, so i'm not as worn out as y'all. but i also think that gives me a bit of objectivity that some of y'all have (understandably) lost.

my positivity is not meant as a sleight against those of you who are feeling negative, but is more of a semi-objective viewpoint (i say semi, bc lbr, i'm invested af in this, so i definitely have bias), and to me the threads of the storyline they're crafting seem sort of obvious.

like, let's look at it, yeah? they have one season left of this show that has been on for over a decade. they need to cater to everyone to give them a satisfying ending, while still hanging on to carylers bc of the spin-off. darylrreah seems like a very calculated move, bc it gives them both something to make abcers happy, while also creating tension and suspense and pining for carylers (i think they might underestimate just how fed up some carylers are tbh, and are banking on us to hang on for one last ride, which, honestly? if they play it right will probably work.)

if they end up doing a dumb love triangle thing, which, without seeing the episode and gauging the subtext i can't confidently say if i think they will or won't, it will ultimately end in our favor. it has to, bc leah isn't going to third wheel them on the bike in the spin-off. we can say with good authority that whatever that relationship ends up being (again, idk if they'll drag it out or not) it will be temporary. which leaves caryl open to ride off into the sunset and then bone down in every state in the united states and in puerto rico for good measure.

it's a lot of cheap drama, but i really and truly do not think it's anything to worry about, and i still really and truly trust kang to not make it out of character. ik ppl still don't agree with me on that point, and i'm not gonna argue, but to me it really does make perfect sense.

and i also predict that they are gonna play it up hardcore in the promotional shit and talking dead, but when that happens, remember it's bc it gets attention. regardless of where the story is ultimately going, relationship drama gets attention, which gets viewers, which gets amc and twd producers nice and comfy with full pockets

idk. to sum up ig i just wanted to clarify that i don't mean any harm with my relentless positivity. my history in fandom has just made this seem like nothing in comparison, bc while ppl are freaking out, i'm like, "oh damn, they're actually gonna get together by the end of this, aren't they? i didn't know that could happen!" and that makes me excited instead of upset

and you definitely don't have to listen to me. maybe i'm actually wrong. maybe i'm completely full of bullshit and am just good at making things sound confident. i got a lot of As on papers in college over books i never read, i know how to bs. but i also know how to analyze, and i while i will be the first to tell you i am not the best at a great many things, i do know that i am good at critically analyzing text while taking into account the context it was written in, and imho all signs point to canon caryl. when, i'm not entirely sure, but i see it happening. if it doesn't then they severely fucked up their storytelling, and that'd just be bad writing on their part.

(if you want proof that i'm good at reading writers'/producers' intentions, consider that i watched like, 8 seasons of supernatural before giving up, and said to myself, "i think they're gonna make destiel canon, but not until the very last second bc they are rly into catering to their fans but also have to consider their dumb fanboy audience so they can't do anything crazy overtly gay," and guess who hit the nail on the fucking head on that one)

none of this is important, but it was rattling around my mind grapes and i wanted to write it down into something vaguely coherent, and where else better to do it than here. i can word vomit and then send it into the ether and pretend i never said a thing. i love this horrible website, nothing can compare

i have no real conclusion to this, it was mostly stream of consciousness, but i hope it sort of helps y'all understand where i'm coming from, and why i am as chill as i am about things. not about y'all. y'all cause me so much anxiety i get physically sick and have to legit block tags, but with the actual show content i'm zen as hell

uh

the end ig?

it feels weird even signing off on this, but w/e

-diz

[myanxietyhasanxiety]

CW driving anxiety/mention of accidents and dissociation

Ik this isn't my usual content but does anyone have any tips for driving anxiety? Finally gunna learn to drive but I have major anxiety about being on the road because I have a very slow reaction time.

Basically when I get behind the wheel my brain starts thinking of every thing that could possibly go wrong. And than I start to dissociate when I get anxious and my reaction time goes down like 10 seconds. I'm afraid when I get on the road I'll end up in an accident because if this and don't want to get into one.

Along with that I have trouble focusing on multiple things at once and I know with being on the road you have to focus on the people Infront of you, behind you, the signs, the road, the lights, jaywalkers.. it's just too much and makes my brain go into overdrive.

So basically if anyone has any tips they would be greatly appreciated.