#ik the point was that those with money and power were keeping themselves safe and it wasnt fair and blah blah blah

[jentlemahae]

just finished watching all the maze runner movies and omg this was stupid

[darling-i-read-it]

Priority

Roman Sionis x reader

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: kidnapping, thoughts of torture

Author’s Note: WOW I LOVE THIS MAN A LOT, I could keep writing tonight but I wanna save my Roman requests because I am having soooo much fun with them, keep those coming!!

Requested: by @starwarsprequelfangirl rl, Hi could I request a Roman Sionis with an innocent reader and over protective Roman plz!!!!And maybe she gets captured by someone and he comes and rescue her and super fluffy plz!!!Ik u are not writing for a week which is fine I can wait angel!!!!Thx!!!!!!❤️🥰💙

Summary: the request!

Genre: fluff

Song:

(not my gif)

When Roman heard that you were captured he nearly lost his mind right then and there. He couldn’t believe you had gotten taken and on his watch no less. How had he let you, his best prize and his best girl get taken ever? His anger quickly took over the worry that plagued his mind but it was still there.

The thought that someone had taken you to get back at him, the knowledge that you might be hurt or even worse, dead, because he made him want to throw things. He couldn’t let his thoughts get out of control.

The two of you had met in a completely out of the ordinary circumstance for him at least. He had just been walking, attempting to clear his head. It was the first time in a while he knew he was alone even if he wasn’t that far from safety. You had been there and ran right into him on accident and in a cliche ‘dropping your groceries' moment he fell hard for you. Day in and day out he saw girls that threw themselves at a man in power or dressed like they would fling themselves at the next man. You were normal.

He had to have you.

It actually wasn’t as hard as he thought it was going to be. He was pretty sure that you were going to ignore him at first but his eye make up charmed you as something out of the ordinary and you had been his girl ever since. And here you were, an innocent victim to his line of work but the one paying for it.

He wanted to throw up as someone drove him over to where the man had called for ransom. Roman had brought no money but plenty of backup. If the man who took you harmed one hair on your head he would have a field day watching him be tortured. But really Roman just wanted to know that above all, you were safe and in his arms.

The drive seemed longer than he thought it would have been which drove him insane. He gripped his gun tighter in his gloved hand. Anger simmered and when they parked he stepped out swiftly, walking one foot in front of the other to where he could see another car. There were men lined up on the buildings ready for the command to kill.

You were on your knees. The man moved your hair out of your face and Roman pursed his lips tightly.

“Where’s the blood money Sionis?” he growled through a mask. Roman started to laugh and took a step forward, no worry for the shaky gun being pointed at him.

“Let. Her. Go.” His voice scared you. You had never seen him so angry before and you had seen him at his very worst.

“The money first,” he screamed. The man pulled your hair back and Roman’s footsteps stopped for a second before resuming. He raised his gun hand but just to swirl it so that his people knew that the man was to be tortured. Victor jumped up from behind the captor and he was knocked out in nearly a second. Your head fell down and you held back tears.

It had been a long few hours.

The second the man hit the ground Roman ran to you, falling to his knees beside you. Victor guided a few men to pick up the body and bring it back to where Roman could tend to it later. But Roman just grabbed your arms, his gun sliding across the floor, discarded. His hands reached your shoulders and he hoisted you into his lap. You let him, moving like a rag doll to him and wrapping your arms tightly around him.

“Shh everything is okay now baby,” he whispered to you although he was still pretty angry. But having you there, safe, made him a little better. You were crying softly into his chest.

“I didn’t think you were going to come,” you confessed quietly. Roman gasped, pulling you away enough to see your tear stained face. There was a growing bruise on your gorgeous face that fueled his anger.

“I will always come to you my little princess. I would never leave you out here. Believe me when I say that man is going to pay,” he promised. You nodded and your crying stifled. He gingerly helped you up and even though your legs shook you allowed him to guide you to the car.

He helped you into the back seat and got around the other side, pulling you to his side. You grabbed his suit for dear life and inhaled his scent.

“I was so worried,” he muttered so you could hear but not loud enough for the driver to. You adjusted yourself and wrapped your arm around his chest.

“I love you Roman,” you whispered shakily. His breath hitched and then his heart went warm which was very rare for him.

“I’m never letting you out of my sight again.” He took a deep breath. “I love you too.” You hummed quietly and his tight grip around you only got tighter. That man was going to pay but first he had to put you to bed and get you some food.

Because you were priority now.

Ewan: @daphne-fandom-writing, @satanslov3r @records-and-stardust @broodybats @starwarsprequelfangirl

[ryanmeft]

Movie Review: Parasite

It’s a crying shame that the ad campaign for Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite put such emphasis on the idea of the movie’s mesmerizing tonal shifts. Like your first Kurosawa or your first time in a new city, this is an experience that is best if you have absolutely no idea what you’re in for. It’s a class satire, and a family drama, and a mystery, and frankly I’ve already said too much. It is one of those films that cannot be adequately reviewed, because the best things written about it will come years after the fact. If you haven’t seen it, stop reading now.

Films from Asia often focus on the plights of a working class that lives in conditions all but the worst-off U.S. citizens can’t compare to, and that’s true here. We zero in on a family of four living in a basement that passes as an apartment. The area they live in is a place where such spaces are piled on top of one another like broken blocks. Drunks piss right outside their window, which they leave open to get free pest control from the city cleaners. They work menial jobs, such as folding pizza boxes, to make ends meet. Kim Ki-taek (Song Kang-ho), the father, actively encourages his family in taking full advantage of any opportunities they can seize, because there is no other reasonable way to live. His wife Chung-sook (Jang Hye-jin) is skilled in cooking and cleaning with very few resources or space. His daughter Ke-jeong (Park So-dam) is a gifted artist, a talent with little application in a ghetto. His son Ki-woo (Choi Woo-shik) is smart enough to be in university, but that is of course a pipe dream.

That changes when Ki-woo’s friend Min-hyuk (Park Seo-joon) leaves for university and suggests Ki-woo pose as a university student to pick up the English tutoring he’s been doing with the daughter of some rich clients. They live in a house designed by a famous architect, who built himself an Eden in the same city where so many live in abject poverty: the yard is larger than the Kim’s entire house and each room is big enough for an apartment. The Park family that currently owns it lives as if their help is invisible. The daughter Da-Hye (Jung Ji-so) falls for her new tutor, while younger child Da-song (Jung Hyun-joon) runs around playing at his idea of American Indians (the Indians are both the good and the bad guys; there are no cowboys). Dong-ik (Lee Sun-kyun) runs an IT company, but it could be any type of company, as he’s never shown to do much besides be chauffeured around in expensive suits. When asked about his relationship to his wife (Cho Yeo-Jeong), he says “We’ll call it love”, but in other scenes, especially a rather sexually explicit one, they do seem to care for each other. That’s important, because there’s no denying both families in this film are human.

That’s important, because neither is ideal. Ki-woo initially takes the tutoring job in apparent good faith, and I thought I was watching a simple domestic drama, sort of like Downton Abbey in Korea, where the lives of both served and servant are examined. Then Ki-woo gets an idea: manipulate the family’s existing servants into being fired, then have his family take their place while hiding the fact they are all family. They’re also hiding the fact they aren’t technically qualified for the work. They set up fake headhunting services to convince the Parks they are hiring highly vetted professionals. Ki-jeong, who has some skill with art but mostly with forging, becomes the highly respected art teacher to young Da-song, reading about “art therapy” online and then faking her readings of hidden meaning in the child’s scribbles. Chung-sook, who spends her days keeping her own house, becomes a maid of long experience. Ki-taek, who can drive, becomes an expert driver who has served many wealthy clients. The family starts merely wanted jobs that aren’t folding pizza boxes for spare cash, but their ambitions grow, and soon Ki-woo has ambitions of marrying Da-hye so he can inherit the mansion and all the money, he begins to refer to it as their house.

I couldn’t feel really sorry for the Parks here. The movie has morphed at this point from a drama about domesticity to one about economic desperation, and the Parks are capable of being rooked by the Kims in the first place because of the value they place on status. The Kims, of course, are excellent at giving the family exactly what they want, and no one would be likely to question that they are what they claim to be. The illusion of high class is as valuable here as the real thing. At the same time, the Kims grow greedy themselves. They are not, it must be noted, striking any bold blows for equality among the masses, but for advancement among themselves. After all, they got other poor people fired and turned out on the streets to claim their positions. This is not a simple story of outcast lower class heroes sticking it to arrogant rich overlords; neither family is shy about using and abusing others to get what they want. The standout performance here is by So-dam, whose character proves to be the most adept at manipulation.

The thing about stepping on others is they are very likely to step on you back. The movie seems at this point to be about a really clever con job, until one of the former servants (Lee Jung-eun) returns begging a favor. At this points the film morphs yet again. The Parks have gone on vacation, and the servant catches the Kims in the act of using the house (and the booze and food) as if it were their own, reveling in the possible excesses of being wealthy. Since the former housekeeper also has a secret, the movie becomes both a comedy of errors (naturally, the Parks have their vacation spoiled and return early) and a vicious satire on…well, on many things. Power. The limits of ambition. Class struggles. The idea of being trapped by wealth rather than freed by it. The layers of subtext here are so many that it may take years to dissect them all.

Joon-ho and co-writer Han Jin-won approach all these things with a breathlessly rolling dark comedy, so that in seconds we go from laughing to horrified. That it all stays tonally true---that the movie never feels like it is cheating or taking shortcuts---shows remarkable control over material that could easily become chaos in less skilled hands. Credit for this needs to go also to cinematographer Hong Kyung-pyo and composer Jyong Jae-il. The former chose the site for the mansion, which was built for the film, with angles of the sun and other factors in mind, so that once the camera rolls each shot is perfectly placed. This becomes especially important during the finale, in which the locations of doors and stairways between which characters are moving become a visual poetry of their own. The latter reigns in the score when needed, and hits creeping notes when they are needed, balancing each scene. Characters move from floor to floor in ways that visually represent the divide between classes. It is notable that none of the upper class folks ever descend into the basement, which is the one area of the house that is not perfectly organized. The door to it leads to a darkened stairwell, whereas other areas are lighted, a cue as to how the high-powered CEO and his family see their servants.

I haven’t even begun to say everything I could about this film, and I suspect I won’t be able to do so for some time. The curse of reviews is that you must write them before your thoughts on a film are fully formed. I won’t pretend I fully understand the film, as I’m both not Korean and not smart enough, but I can safely say it’s a rare case where “You’ve never seen anything like this before” surely applies. It’s possible you never will again.

Verdict: Must-See

Note: I don’t use stars, but here are my possible verdicts.

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid like the Plague

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 All images are property of the people what own the movie.

[luminisvii]

Am I losing my shit about fanfiction again? You BET! It’s time for Tell to lose her goddamn mind about some truly awful fanfic! It’s my blog, I get to do what I want! And that’s to talk about how people are more blessed than they believe since they didn’t read this!

Today I’m going to talk about Super Smash Sisters: Damsel to Hero. Given the title uses a word like Damsel in it and it’s rated M, this is going to be GREAT

content warning for well what do you think a horny man on the internet would write ie: cheating, incest, terrible depictions of women being horny, violence (I don’t explain any of this in detail so you’re welcome. but it is mentioned) I’m not linking this thing because you guys don’t deserve this.

It took me forever to finish the entire fic, and I actually wrote most of this before finishing. You may say “Wait a second Tell, you need to fully read the work in order to discuss it!” No I do NOT. Trust me, this doesn’t need to be finished to understand. I needed moral support for this, I couldn’t have possibly read this by myself. I feel really sorry for my poor friends that have to deal with this horse shit with me because it’s kind of got a bit of je ne sai completely godawful. I’m semi tough and can stomach some senseless nonsense pretty nicely, but the real heroes here are my friends for toughing out the rampant sex and terrible female character writing all mixed with Call of Duty plot and characters. You thought this was about Smash Bros? WRONG! 

I know exactly jack about the author, Yamagata, other than they are probably some poor horny straight guy in high school or maybe a genius troll. We just don’t know. Either way they were pretty dedicated. The fic itself is 91,621 words and 45 chapters, and apparently on hiatus but we all know hiatus is just another word for dead. It’s better off that way. All good awful fics end on a cliffhanger.

The premise, as the title implies, is that all the men of Smash are kidnapped by nazis or some shit after a failed drug raid and it’s up to all the women to save them of which there are Zelda, Peach, and Samus because this was written in the Brawl era. You might think “Wait, isn’t that not a lot of female characters?” right you are! The author decides to bring in tons of female characters from all sorts of video games and anime. A personal favorite is a major character in this fic is Bright Noah from Gundam, notably not a woman. I love him! I’m disappointed he hasn’t slapped anyone yet! What’s the point of importing Bright Noah into a fanfic if he isn’t going to deliver a Bright Slap? Sorry folks, there’s gonna be me getting distracted about Gundam once in a while.

I can’t remember exactly what happens because the chapters really blur together quickly. They’re almost always first half violence in COD land and second half really bad lesbian sex scenes. See, the title is a misnomer. The women don’t actually do a lot of hero work. It’s still handled by men. Ones who aren’t even from Smash Bros. Bright Noah and another guy called Hargrove who I’m not familiar with are constantly telling the women what to do and while the women sometimes go on missions to fight Nazis or whatever, half the time we’re following some random male characters. A good friend had no idea one of them was Tuxedo Mask because they used his dub name and we spent like ten chapters with this idiot before realizing it was him. They just spend their time fighting different various enemies from real life as opposed to smash. So the guys fight and then the women all fuck because when your boyfriend is missing you have to immediately bang the nearest female out of grief. It’s not cheating if it’s gay! Even worse is there’s a lot of incest because apparently that’s how women act, too. Also for some reason when the women DO fight it plays exactly like the men’s side but with Bright Noah just telling them what to do. Also for some reason Peach just fucking kills people and I’m not really sure how to deal with that. Like, yeah, I guess.

Let’s try to do a plot recap but that’s going to be difficult because I’m not sure what the plot is. Okay, in theory, I do. But we’re just circling around and doing the same thing so many times that I’m plain lost. 

In theory, the plot is as mentioned before. The men of Smash get kidnapped and turned to trophies by Nazis. I’m noting that besides Nazis the men are all brutally murdered in order to turn them into trophies. Then it turns out that Samus, Peach, and Zelda are safe because they were at the Smash Mansion cleaning and having sex as princesses and bounty hunters are known to do. Then they find out from Bright that the men have been kidnapped so they have to form a task force against them. So there’s a long ass paragraph of characters, many of which do not have speaking lines until much later anyway, but they’re all female characters from other games or anime. I’m really into Fire Emblem and there’s a bunch of those so time to cry. Bright has to tell these women to stop being so damn emotional and be ready to start murdering. 

Also in the first chapter, we have the reveal of the villain, some Tabuu knock-off named Emerald. She too recruits a ton of villainous characters who all introduce themselves AFTER THEY’VE BEEN RATTLED OFF IN PARAGRAPH FORM. You didn’t get it the first time? They’re all going to painstakingly state their name and identity. Admittedly it’s kind of funny to have Cell in a room with Liquid Snake and Ashnard. Also who invited Valtome? They didn’t even invite Zelgius. Maybe our favorite Begnion General figured out that a certain thirsty ass senator was gonna be there and stayed in bed today. Okay, fewer tangents, I promise. 

With the establishing of all the villains and heroes, everything instantly turns to shit. Half the time we’re not even following a group who’s connected to the main characters and when we are with the main characters they are either having terrible sex or shooting nazis. This sounds like it’d be funnier than it is but it’s really Grade A Depressing. I can’t tell what’s going on or why and since I have exactly no knowledge of Call of Duty I’m afraid I don’t know anything about our actual protagonists either. Every chapter starts with some pretentious usually WWII related quote and involves some guys dying and then some ladies bonking. It’s the same format every time and after a while I feel like this is some advanced torture method. 

Among the bad sex is for some reason moms are banging their elementary school age daughters because their husbands are out. Women are so horny they’d rather fuck their children than wait long enough for their husbands. It’s so messed up. My eyes naturally glaze over on the sex scenes because they’re kind of clinically written and something about cute pussies or whatever. I feel bad for Bright Noah, he has to break up these badly written orgies to talk more about the nonexistent plot. Bright Noah needs a raise. All in all the sex is something that maybe a 13 year old boy might find hot if he hasn’t managed to read all the other way better smut fics out there. If 13 year old boys even do things like that. 

Since there’s no way for me to coherently walk through the plot since each scene hardly seems to amount to anything besides either violence or a roll in the hay, I’ll just have to start briefly talking about the few notable things that happen, probably out of order. Who the fuck even knows what chapters these happened in? I sure don’t! 

First off, a lot of the women conscripted into the task force have supernatural powers but they’re just given guns. I also think the author has something for Krystal or whatever since we focus on her a lot for no good reason. The women are also often infiltrating secret bases to nazis or other bad guys that I’m not as well versed in because admittedly I’m not that interested in the history of warfare, modern or old. I just assume this is a COD thing. But in order to infiltrate the bases, they just wave papers at literally every guy they come across and that does it somehow. I started going ballistic and every time they mentioned papers I would start screeching again. They get stopped by some dude and he’s always like “Where are your papers?” and they ALWAYS have the papers and then they go past but the author FEELS THE NEED TO KEEP BRINGING IT UP. It’s like The Black Fucking Mountains again. Something I’ve learned about myself is that I do poorly with overly repetitive writing, so I wonder why I’m reading world’s most repetitive piece ever penned for fun. I can’t recall anything that happens in any chapters.

Somewhere in the mix they actually save Ike, Marth, and Roy. Somehow the most in character thing in the entire fic happens with them when it’s offhandedly mentioned that they sometimes dogpile into the same bed as a joke. What was more shocking to me is that suddenly Ike is a total nuclear bomb genius out of nowhere. Sure, he’s from a medieval fantasy setting, he knows what nukes are. We finally get some more plot. Apparently Emerald is trying to develop some insanely powerful nuke in order to destroy the trophies of the remaining captured heroes. See, she’s holding them ransom so she can get… money? Power? Fame?

Trying to do this from memory is so hard. I did My Inner Life practically all from memory, only going in there for the copy and pasted quotes! What the heck? This fic just slides off my brain. I don’t know if finishing it is even worth it since it’s not like I’m reading any of the sex scenes in detail (I mean why would I, a woman with decent taste, want to read about usagi feeling up chibi usa) and I sure as hell can’t understand the Call of Duty parts so in conclusion this fic really wasn’t targeted at me. 

But whatever. So now the main crew has to slaughter their way to bomb storage or development or something. Some of the COD guys died and I didn’t notice, some of the villains died (tragically Valtome was K.I.A.) and all in all too much sex was happening. Seriously, Mist has sex on her brother’s bed, that’s kind of nasty. I don’t know why I’m so hung up on all of that. It’s like the piss drinking thing, it’s a minor offense in a long line of “HOLY FUCKING SHIT” but here’s where I get derailed. 

How many times can I say that this fic is terrible? Because it is. I don’t understand who a lot of these characters are and why they’re here or what they’re doing. I managed to read to the end and all that I learned was Shadow the Hedgehog apparently cheated on Rouge with some guy called Makarov who is another major villain. What, so when Rouge cheats on him with another woman it’s fine, but when he cheats on her with a man he gets killed for it? I smell double standard! Don’t worry, I’m a feminist, I support equal rights of everyone getting punished for their perpetual horniness. Still, there’s this shocking turn of events where the men are somehow the ones who aren’t constantly obsessed with sex and the women are going around topless and banging each other constantly while homosexuality in men is seen as evil and wrong. For some reason I think the person who wrote this might be a man. He feels the need to remind us, 40 chapters in, that there will be No Yaoi scenes but plenty of Yuri. No shit dude, like, fuck! I didn’t know! 

Towards the end, Washington DC gets overrun by Colombians and the team has to kill them. There’s some drawn out attack sequence where everything is described in monotonous detail with military terms I don’t understand. I have a general revulsion to military weeaboos as they are sometimes called, so this stuff turns my stomach. It also features Kenichi, the main character of the animated Metropolis adaptation, which I DID see a long time ago! This little boy is killing people! It’s fine! Also it mentions Frau Bow from Gundam and discusses that she’s training to fight in a mobile suit to help support, but Peach and Samus are the ones who actually use the mobile suits. Peach kills people in the RX-78-2. I’m not sure how to feel about that. Another aside is King Boo is in the mix and he dies. How do ghosts die? Asking for a friend. 

There’s also some weird aside of the COD guys doing an arrest in Disneyland. Gaz, Soap, and Price all go there guns akimbo and chase down some dudes and some people die. I don’t think Disney would like that. This also comes out of nowhere, Gaz was playing fucking Go with this dude called Katsuie and it was practically a smash cut transition of “well I arrested a guy in Disneyland once wanna HEAR about it?” and it was. Something. I don’t understand why we did this.

We end with Krystal and Fox discussing that she’s breaking up with him because while he was held hostage, she got engaged to a woman and is unceremoniously dumping him. The scene was honestly kind of funny for the fact that she was having a lesbian three way in his fucking bathroom and then was like “Yeah we’re not dating anymore. I’m engaged. Later idiot!” while naked. Shortly after it’s decided that they need to bomb some German base, I think. So Bright Noah tells the crew to suit up and get ready, and so Krystal and her Lesbians fly off to go fight. Krystal ends up in a one on one with a dude called Scales who I’m unfamiliar with since I don’t know Star Fox lore but I’m sure it’s super important to Krystal. The duel ends so badly that Fox needs to jump in and he and Scales end up plummeting to their death out a window and also getting blown up by grenades. Fox just fucking died for the girlfriend that cheated on him the second he wasn’t home. Honey, you deserve more than this, and Krystal deserves to be treated better by the narrative as well. He gives his blessing as he’s dying, though, so it’s fine. 

The whole thing ends shortly after that. It was never completed, not that I think it could be, since I read all 91k words and I still don’t understand who is who, what’s going on, or why things are happening. Even if I did know all the characters featured I don’t think it’d help. I know about 50% of them and it’s not helpful at all. I completely forgot that Emerald is a thing. She’s the main villain! She’s hardly in it! The guy should have cut the shit and just written 

Tell’s recommendation? Don’t read this unless you’re really, truly a masochist. It’s not funny enough most of the time to justify the insanity. It’s sexist and racist. Chapters monotonously drone on with the same things happening almost every time. The bad sex isn’t even funny. Save yourself the trouble and if you really must know, check out the first few chapters only and then call it. The author has other works that I haven’t read but I’m not sure that I will based on the quality of this work, and they also published something as recently as 2017 meaning they could probably rise from the hiatus grave and kick my ass for trash talking them. 

One Sentence Review: Bright Noah doesn’t slap anyone.