#ik ive been having random ones but i cant ever remember them
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Hi, I had a crazy dream that my sister got eaten by a polar bear, is there some sort of reason in the stars to explain this?
well, maybe! the moon is close to uranus right now and the moon affects energy levels and dreams and stuff and uranus is the planet of erraticism so its safe to say our subconscious is being overloaded rn 😭😭😭😭😭 and we just had that eclipse last week when the moon was in pisces which is literally the dreamy sign. basically its weird dream season rn
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I hope this isnt trauma dumping or sm but i just needed to get this out and also get some advice and i think i really like ur advice. So i have been jn a relationship w my bf for 2 years now and i love him with my heart and soul and we plan to get married ( ee are still young but we see that as the futuregoal) so up tntil a few months back i used to just go to random s*x chat groups and something and would share my nudes nd just stuff like that and would also watch p*rn .. these are both things that me and my bf would a 100% consider cheating and if he did this to me i would kill myself out of sorrow. I absolutely hate myself and am disgusted at myself i was distracted for a little while with my exams but now they are over and now im crying all the time again just thinking about what i did to the boy i love the most. At the time i didnt think much of it and at first i would just talk w people but slowly i started sharing nudes and i did this a couple of times until i realized a few months back how wrong it is. I have no idea how i didnt realise how wrong this is?Up until this i was a really good person i dont think ive ever hurt anybody and i am very nice also but now idk i just hate myself and everything about me .Every day whenever i think aboyt this i cant help but cry and think there really isnt anything else i can do. Of course i have changed and wouldnt think of doing such a thing again but still the fact that i did it in the first place makes me want to die.
Ik its so selfish but i cant keeo thinking that he will do sm like this to me also and that ill get my karma. Does karma really even exist and how do i get myself to atop thinking this now i always suspect him of cheating and talking to other girls. Hes done sm similar to cheating to me but nothing on this level. What he did is nothing ckmpared to what i did.
And in the context of manifesting, should i manifest that none of this ever happened and for me to be a really nice person or shoukd i manifest that this completely gets erased from my memory or what?? This also messes up my manifestion so much i cant helo hut tell myself that i dont deserve good things as im a bad person . Please help. If youre not comfortable answering this then im sorry for wasting ur time
it's up to you what you do. you can manifest it never happened or manifest that it never effects you. either way, just persist. you need to remember that you are the highest form of power, there is no one above you. if you believe in karma, then it exists. if you don't, then it doesn't.
i recommend using some self concept affirmations along with whatever you want to use, or just incorporate self concept in however you manifest. it'll help with reminding you that you create your reality, you decide what happens.
simplest way to manifest in my opinion is to pick your affirmations, persist in them and monitor your thoughts. if you find yourself thinking bad about yourself or thinking the opposite of your affirmation, correct it.
don't let the guilt consume you, i know you feel bad, but at the end of the day you can decide how to move on. :)
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Okay 150 questions I will just pick random numbers
8 21 32 38 64 77 83 106 108 122 135 148
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
uhm. well my gender doesnt really have an opposite and i dont thibk anyone is particularly on my mind rn other than my friends. uh 2/3 have a tumblr and one hasnt posted like anything since ive been following him so. theyre cool tho i love them
21. What are you bad habits?
i bite my nails and skin a lot i think. i also forget to do stuff a lot. even whrn i really have been meaning to do it. uh theres a lot more but idk rn
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
. ik u chose these randomly but. wow. thats a. sure a question. ... i mean i am an adult so uh. assuming they were ok with it uh. nihachu and uh. miura ayme? idk those are the only two celebrities i can think about. that. with. weird question. uhm. maybe i shouldve just opted out (<- still writing)
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
i really like black hair. not super taller than me that i cant reach. likes me a lot super duper much. understanding when im unwell. good with physical affection. uhm idk
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
oh gods. okay. uhm. wow. so uh. whvsoabdisjdbsbjqbfisbfkabdjendifdh. so it was late october 2020 and we were having a sleepover at my house (yes ik we were being bad abt the lockdown, its been years shush) and uh i forget how it started or like what we were talking about beforehand but we were on my bedoom floor on the mattress i got for her and my mom and sister were asleep already i think cus it was like past midnight and uh. idrk. we were goofing around and nervous and we had some gum first and then idk?? got it over with?? her lips were so soft. and. afterwards she started talking about fish (she loves fish), specifically big mouth billy bass, yknow the one that moves and sings?? look it up. anyway it was great but i dont think she really cares anymore. its ok
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
I LOVE CHOCOLATE!!!!
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
i havent seen the second so the first
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
gods i hope not but. fuck. maybe. haaahhh
108. What should you be doing?
sleeping soon i thibk. i will i promise...
122. Is cheating ever okay?
my go to thought for this question is about tests and yes. but for relationships no. just communicate whatever your problem is or break up. its not worth the alternative.
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
i dont remember. i barely remember anything ever. sorry </3
148. What’s your favourite quote?
i have a list on discord but. can i judt do the minecraft end poem? "and the universe said i love you because you are love". hey fun fact that's my senior quote
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get to know me tag game
wasn’t tagged but saw from @mercurygguk and felt like doing it(i always miss the ones that ppl tag me in, im so sorry)
tagging: @chateautae @blue-sidez @v-hobi @thefanficmonster @honeytae @hantaev @venusiangguk and obv whoever wants to do it
1. when is your birthday?
october 1st
2. what is your favorite color?
lilac(purple in general) and light green
3. what is your lucky number?
47? idk how that happened
4. how tall are you?
173 cm but its been a while
5. how many pairs of shoes do you own?
6 prob
6. favorite song?
im all over the place with music but currently ��people watching” by conan gray
7. favorite movie?
harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban
8. what would be your ideal partner?
idk honestly, just someone who is honest and that i can feel safe with
9. do you want children?
prob not, they r great dont get me wrong, just never saw myself as a mother
10. have you gotten in trouble with the law?
lmao nope but who knows
11. what color socks are you wearing?
black with bunch of gray and bluish dots on them, they r super warm
12. bath or shower?
showerrr, way too lazy for the bath
13. favorite kind of music?
whenever the mood takes me so most likely everything
14. how many pillows do you sleep on?
two, i put my face between and fall alseep immediately, dont know how i got there lol
15. what position to you sleep in?
either on my back or the stomach(ik ik unhealthy and everything but i cant help it)
16. what don’t you like when you’re sleeping?
complete darkness, i sleep with a night light(im not as cool as u think i am)
17. what do you eat for breakfast?
changes everyday but mostly either pancakes or eggs
18. have you ever tried archery?
nope, im useless at any type of sport ngl
19. what are your favorite fruits?
green apples, bananas and avocados(is avocado a fruit? im too lazy to google)
20. favorite swear word?
never thought of it but i guess “dick nugget” bc i call my friend that way😂 (also fuck, its like the most used word in my vocab)
21. do you have any scars?
on my left knee, fell from a scooter
22. are you a good liar?
i want to say yes but im not sure
23. what is your personality type?
INFJ-T(i literally took the test bc i was so curious, idk is this result a good or a bad thing?)
24. what is your favorite type of girl?
idk, it changes and honestly i dont think i have a type at this point
25. right or left handed?
right handed, my left hand is so useless sometimes
26. favorite food?
any type of potatoes, i love em
27. are you clean or messy?
clean all the way, sometimes procrastinate tho
28. favorite foreign food?
italian and mexican
29. how long does it take you to get ready?
prob 5 to 10 minutes
30. most used phrase?
“i dont know”, i mean u could prob tell😂
31. are you a good singer?
nopeee
32. do you sing to yourself?
eh more like hum some random song that i dont remember
33. biggest fear?
prob fear of heights?
34. do you like short or long hair?
both r cool, but with my rounded face, only long suits me😭
35. are you into gossip?
no, but ppl always tell me gossip for some reason so idk
36. extrovert or introvert?
introvert all the wayyy
37. favorite school subject?
history
38. what makes you nervous?
driving and phone calls(ikr, have no idea how i survive this far)
39. who was your first real crush?
girl with bright red jacket in 8th grade, wonder how she is doing now
40. how many piercings do you have?
two(my ears basically), prob have more in future
41. how fast can you run?
ive been told im horrible at running but i try my best
42. what makes you angry?
there is always something new everytime so idk
43. do you like your own name?
yeah, i think its unique and cool, for short i prefer kam or kama tho
44. what are your weaknesses?
social anxiety and just anxiety in general lmao
45. what are your strengths?
good listener, patient ish, and prob napping during the day
46. what color is your bed spread?
light mustard, brown ish?
47. what color is your room?
rlly light blue
#god this was so much fun#ik this was unprompted but i was bored#if u r reading this hope u have a wonderful day
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random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)
well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie. back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time. i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped
I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.
#long post#hinatalks#we live in a society#fr fr#when i die....if god is real..i´ll end this once and for all. all of it#i am left with nothing but pain and anger.... i cant even feel anymore. i think i forgot how to
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THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / OCTOBER 5, 2019 // return of josh
oooookay folks! that's a wrap! below are my comments about tonight's ep + additional expansions on previously stated opinions. i'm not combining s2 ep 1 with this bc s2 is dead to me! so is s3! i only did this to gather up all these loose thoughts i had when this show with its one lonely season became such a comfort to me that i developed a second consciousness about it. but with these posts i am done! the evil is defeated! i will carry on through the 3rd and hopefully final season of nancy drew with less emotion and better spirits. thank god.
-"talk to owen" nancy firstly thinks of talking to owen only to see what happens w the agleaca; saying goodbye comes as sorta an afterthought mirroring tiffany's possession of george. yet nancy was unable to say goodbe to owen just like w kate. knowing this reveal about kate, i wonder if this was foreshadowing that something big will be revealed about him later? unlikely but still
-nancy + the reality of broken things: 'totems' like broken sand glass sculpture (good place) to show you it's not a dream; "owen broke that" ghost trap to ground him to reality, like how she reached for her locket in the good place, lucy's charm, ace's bear ('totems' idea borrowed from inception)
-george has never been an affectionate person, even with other women- so why does pda with nick suddenly become so important?
-lots of comments about ryan + women but what about carson/kate and karen? again with the hypocritical (interestingly, there is an aspect of violence to women connected with ryan (even though that violence is not his fault); but its not like kate or karen fared well either)
-ryan feels useless- relationships with women as stated by nancy- he seeks to redeem himself by showing up where nancy goes to prove he is good to have around/necessary/needed - but now that he is attempting to act as a parent he has to break through nancy's defenses all over again- firstly she didnt really consider him any kind of threat bc he comes off as incompetent- ie bad business deals- i think i mentioned last ep, their hauntings equalize them as they both attempt to gain peace by searching for answers but now ryan has changed the terms of engagement so he's back to square one, with carson. (which is how we find them s2 cowering in ryans car stalking nancy together)
-ryan's relationship to nancy exposes an interesting layer here. so far she doesnt know about nick/george but they still hold the cards (ie george gets one over on nick's ex/"the new girl") with the revelation of ryan being nancys father, nancy gains an interesting trump card in navigating the social fallout of being nick's ex. like george would take the new spot but then nancy comes out with george's ex in a much higher category. this plays out later on in the ep when george confronts ryan. george wants to talk about "them" but ryan shows up completely focused on nancy, thus illustrating the trump
-"i thought it was whitney with another insipid question" to me this sounds like whitney took bess's advice earlier about "asking aunt diana what she wants" (only to learn it actually annoyed the hell out of diana lmaoo)
-"then you need to fight for it" this hearkens nancy earlier by asking "arent you in by virtue of dna?" the test was positive; she is a marvin just like nancy is a hudson. thats not a fact that they can change. however, diana really acts like it can be changed- and in s2 we see it does change. its interesting for bess to be told to fight to be in a family she's already in and also foiled by nancy trying to fight her way out of her own family. would like to see bess stand up to diana and say something. i mean, she exists. as much as she may want to erase bess from the family, diana cannot erase her existence
-hannah's rolled up sleeves 💙
-"previous keepers records" -from s2- were those not her parents??
-mistaken murderers- everyone incorrectly assumes lucy was murdered just as they assume the agleaca killed owen
-even if owen weren't the price, how can they pay the toll without one of the people who called? i mean if it was anything other than owen and he still died they still wouldve been fucked
-"you don't need to check, i'm not even driving!" okay and giving up the goss. cassidy is me. lmfaoooo
-wonder if this locked marvin industries box will ever come back
-UNPOPULAR OPINION: george's confrontation with ryan comes waytoo late to do anything. i think i brought this up in an earlier post. its literally just her screaming at him now. like he is clocked out moved on. you know a good time for this scene? in the claw when he comes by to "check on her". hes vulnerable, fresh from rehab. and she has a chit over him for punching bookcases/the fuckin country club deal. therewould have been a perfect time to confront ryan on what happened- "what you did to me" okay sis. you admitted ep 1 you werent in hs anymore. youre of age now. admit you fucked up. take the L to force him to swallow the bigger L. and imagine how much more powerful the scene would have been- in george's domain, literally her own office, something ryan doesnt even have because HE DOESNT DO SHIT. ryan is SO EASY to trap but nobody notices. instead they have george try to get some kind of apology out of him when hes already done with that, and only for the sake of her establishing a new relaionship to boot. imagine how much more empowered she would feel if she just got that closure for herself- because she needed it, not so she could trot straight back to nick being all proud of calling a grown man to some random estate only to scream at him in a parking lot and have accomplished nothing. 🤦🏼♀️
-i get patrice thinking nancy is lucy but yeahhhhh this isnt how dementia works 😬
-i almost cant with nance and josh. how do you save your would-be murderer? (+ lucy's best friend and brother are in jail, her mom is lost to her mentally; all she has left is nancy and ryan)
-tbh i had no idea how to spell agleaca until bess said "theres no i in agleaca!" i thought it was igleaka like 😂
-damn how george just stares at nicks hand and then gets out herself is just so sad (like she immediately rectifies it but still...)
-"curiosity" part II; nancy who comes back to the sea after her mother died in it- agleaca drawn to lucy's trauma/to agleaca, lucy died fir "love"- would nancy be willing to risk the same? // this is also one of nancy's "mirroring mom" moments: winning sea queen, going to the velvet masque, getting caught by celia, having a "chat" with everett, and "falling" off the bluffs
-the collector 🎵👌🏻
-i wonder if there's any significance to the locations/means of their deaths; nancy's is pretty straight forward in terms of where and how, but why george and nick drowning, in the truck specifically? drowning in love? idk. ace's at the claw i get, but he gets himself caught? in what precisely? what does the fish hook mean? and bess's makes the least sense- burning alive? in the marvin estate? maybe the agleaca picked the most painful death for the marvin blood relation? idk. up for debate lmk ya thoughts
and lastly:
-i remember seeing this ending for the first time and i had just been traumatized by avengers endgame and since black widow is also a redhead seeing that shit at the bottom of the cliff it was like 😰😰😰 TOO SOON
-random thoughts-
these are just things i noticed, feel free to grapple with them or take note of them for extrapolation in s3 (lord knows i wont be) they probably belonged in recaps for previous eps but i either didnt find them in my notebook or couldnt fit them in
•nancy and truth/the perception of truth: using facts to suit theories instead of creating theories to suit facts- nancy often plays with the perception of truth and the details that fall between the steps; but she is also a victim to them by people who also know how to play the game (ie Carson) ex lying about the dress (tea cups and knives, trash got picked up, bail paid 1 hr ago) her inferences can be off from what others tell her ("people always lie") but she can also come to the wrong conclusions organically (carsons trial) more willing to believe the best in others/wanting them to be innocent (think nick ep 1) but later finding out the truths hurts more so she chooses to isolate herself and avoid involving others to be spared pain
•maybe i'm dumb, but who is "mr marvin" exactly? owen? the bald guy from the funeral? this comes from the guy who takes sailboats out like ep 4ish and says "ive worked for the marvins 20 years" she compliments the ship, he says "mr marvin and i just took her out this morning" so?? who is that? plus last ep just saying cassidy and isaac are her "late husbands children" dows thet mean sebastian? like did diana marry in? i feel like it would be odd for her to so embrace the "marvin way" if she wasnt a true born marvin
•ik college becomes a more s2 topic but none of the crew have ever been to college 🤔
•nick + the relationships with people whose reputations are tarnished: tiffany with investigating the hudsons/marvins, josh with murder/attempted murder, kate and 'stealing'/lying about nancy (esp compared to her almost preternatural kindness i mentioned before), george and her mom/family's reputations --> this kind of segues into nick + the concept of believing people you love could be capable of horrific things- accidental or on purpose (see- having to tell his family what happened)
•at the beginning, nancy kind of seems to be the "i'm sorry you're upset" kind of apologist and knows it. she also doesnt usually apologize earnestly bc shes never really sorry (she always has to get what she needs first ie coins mess) and she doesnt want to lie; to me it seems she doesnt like to bother with other people bc they require certain cues/niceties that are often lies- they ask "how are you" without meaning it, they dont really want an honest response except "fine", they dont like it when you call them out on fakeness, etc/ they require apologies for their bruised feelings even if youre right (and nancy can be pretty rude/nasty if provoked- a harshness unsoftened by sympathy)
•cont'd from the good place ep- since kate apparently means nothing to nancy anymore according to last ep ("stop calling her my mother") is her policy of "always seek the truth" now null and void? this mantra is now tainted bc the person who gave it to her broke it so much. can nancy disengage w it now? does she fall from grace to be complicit in "mysteries" of her own like everyone else? does she lose some of her "god-like" holier than thou act bc she is now literally born and raised in the "darkness" of sins/ugly truths like everyone else's? (ie truth is ugly but not to nancy, until now)
•did lucy disappear because her "murder" was finally solved? or simply because her trauma was addressed- she never meant to tell anyone about her suicide plans, the twisted trauma of which was too great to contain/unable to move on due to "sin" - or unable to move on because secret of nancy's parentage still remained? "lucy never wanted me to figure out how she died" she only wanted nancy to figure out her parentage without solving the mystery, yet did lucy see/witness nancy's revelation at the claw, or with carson, or even ryan? waiting for karen/josh to know? or just vanished?
•concept of imperfect mom figures- lucy, kate, celia, victoria, even karen- who all struggle with failings
•since karen dispelled one of lucy's attempts at nancy's haunting at the garden party, is that proof she isn't haunting karen?
•the crew + needing adult help: george's possession and victoria, club busted and owen, car accident and mcginnis, thom and cipher, larkspur lane and sal, bones and john, agleaca and hannah
•everett is always sitting- at his home office, at dinner, at yacht club (wonder if that was his actor + had to do with his recasting?)
-dad talk-
•both her dads think negatively on her "girl detective" thing but ryan sees use in it as a means to get answers, carson would never 'use' her in that way
•nancy + carson : suffering
"what about what i wanted?" + carson being imprisoned for weeks but she immediately rejects him (the DAY he gets his freedom no less) with no regard to his suffering (caused by herdiary!!) in regards to her own from this new knowledge (she does suffer a lot- "almost dying is my new normal" but still)/ the "thankless job" of parenting
•nancy + adults - connected to cop thing a few posts earlier : nancy is v precocious and smart for her age- she is "old enough" but also has trouble with the "adults" in her life- fathers, moms, karen, and cops letting her down but depends heavily on "adults" she cantrust- hannah gruen, john sander, lisbeth- highlighting her youth and occasional naiveté; nancy is unafraid to hold adults accountable for their actions (ie karen) but also loses them as allies along the way. both hannah and john are very nonthreatening and also experts in their fields, while her fathers and karen are revealed to be "just another brick in the wall" average, capable of mistakes, and not the people she expects them to be, while characters like john and hannah can only benefit nancy because either they do not mean as much to her or have no reason/nothing to gain by lying; they are purposefully shown to be small, demure, gentle, and nonthreatening as foils/opposed to karen, ryan, and josh whom she previously trusted; carson (+kate) is nonviolent as well but has the biggest betrayal which is perceived as an act of violence to her very personhood/shattering who she thought she was so she cannot be that anymore (admits truths to john "everytime i dig i hurt everyone" and hannah-agleaca) : unclear if redemption is possible for anyone :
•nancy bonds with carson over loss and then ryan over haunting. but actually, nancy rejects carson over loss bc she wanted to say goodbye and wasnt allowed to- so carson was with kate but nancy was not. nancy and ryan are more equals about haunting bc they both start around the same time and conclude together as well [nancy and ryan bond over thinking their parents conspired to kill lucy- think sitting on the floor at velvet masque] nancy is appreciated by ryan for her ability to get answers- he has no qualms about going through her/outside of police bc he wants results/instant gratification and thinks nancy is more so the expert in her field/respects her even through her age- once again acknowledging she is braver than he is (think lucy + claw parking lot) and her portent in the car freaks him out bc shes usually always in control, esp with him
•bc nancy was told "you can't be afraid of the truth" until she was / ironic bc shes braver than him except when the truth is they are related then she's scared to tell him while he actually starts to take some initiative
•nancy picked "the wrong person" to help her through her grief in her dad's eyes like her mom's best friend was somehow a better choice? carson truly "parents" nancy even during grief and haunting (which she rejects) whereas nancy and ryan are really equals in all their situations which is actually better for her and easier for her to maintain- nancy's expectations are low so anything that ryan gives is a bonus. nancy's expectations of carson were shattered by his lies so now she has nothing to connect with him about- they could barely even connect when sharing the same grief- carson actually very hypocritical hence nancy's upset at karen revelation yet carson doesn't agree bc hes the "adult" and shes the "child" not realizing she hadnt been one for a long time (hidden staircase perhaps?) whereas ryan better treats her with lack of controlling parental nature bc he is impressed with her competence before he receives that knowledge; "lucy was smarter than me too" acknowledging her intellect negates his ability to "parent" ie control her to leave him solely with caring about her wellbeing in her situations + aftermath - i honestly dont think carson would ever admit that shes smarter than him* bc he thinks shes not "all grown up" yet ("youve kept me on the bench for years"); ryan is more willing to meet her where she's at which is so important for all her good relationships - ace, owen, etc
*carson asks for nancy to figure out "who to trust" in ep 12, finally admitting that she is useful/ie acknowledging that her skills/abilities do help, are necessary, and can in fact save lives --> this is then s2 follow up by working for him (but it takes him that long)
•ryan/nancy/carson venn diagram - using sex to escape trauma
•if not carson vs ryan then what about celia and everett vs patrice (and josh)? at this point in the narrative, do you think ryan's parents would take his side should the knowledge become public (without their involvement), or deny nancy?
•"we were a family" + the disruption of family dinner- kate was really the one holding that family together and her death makes it unsustainable
okay!! that's all folks! i have exhausted my plethora of nancy drew thoughts + knowledge. you will never have to hear from me again!! TYSSM 😘
#brooklyn's ND primer#nancy drew cw#the Great Rewatch of 2021#you best start believing in ghost stories miss drew - you're in one
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ive been tagged like 3 times now fine ill do it @donutdisturblivball @moonriseblueeyes @sunflowersand-butterflies
nicknames: everyone on here calls me chicken because my pfp is a chicken so lets go with that
real name: not fucking telling you
zodiac sign: gemini
fave musicians: marina and the diamonds, mcr, doja cat (others as well but i cant fucking remember)
fave sports team: yankees
sports watched: baseball (occasionally)
other blogs: none. i had a sideblog for one day for one of my other interests and then i kept messing up where i was posting so i just deleted it
do I get asks: sometimes. i currently have like 3 sitting around because i dont currently have the energy to drum up righteous anger about squirrels so ill answer them tomorrow. feel free to send me random shit tho im just having fun out here
following: 175
tumblr crushes: none. i do have a couple tumblr besties tho you know who you are
lucky number: 13
what I'm wearing: clothes
dream vacation: somewhere i can sleep undisturbed for 17 years
dream car: one that never runs out of gas. gas prices need to fucking die
fave foods: a bagel. i eat one every morning
fave drink: dr pepper
instruments: i play a mean kazoo
languages: just english
celebrity crush: Maitreyi Ramakrishnan. im watching never have i ever rn and shes so pretty i cant even. im too gay for this.
@xhavibee @sorry-i-panicked @mike-wheeler-ik-what-you-are @crazycoven @gay-idi0t @oneway-closet @ronance-and-reddie
do it or dont do it i dont give a shit im going to sleep luv you all
im so sorry for doing this so late lol!!! ty @midnightmoon27 for tagging me :DD
nicknames: donut (online)
real name: i don't feel very comfy sharing outright, but i mean literally look at my user man
zodiac sign: aquarius
fave musicians: conan gray, queen, mxmtoon, cavetown, david bowie, the smiths, the cure
fave sports team: dont got one
sports watched: ice skating!!! gymnastics!!!! i think skiing is cool as shit too
other blogs: i can barely handle one yall r asking too much from me
do I get asks: occasionally? i've gotten a bit mroe as of late but nto really
following: SO many byler blogs i cant even begin to NAME--
tumblr crushes: thats like-- people that when they like or reblog my shit im like "!!!! omg they noticed me" right?? bc in that case hard yes
lucky number: i dont think i have a specific one? i've never really thought about it
what I'm wearing: pjs B]
dream vacation: france and canada await.
dream car: i should probably stop relying on public transportation and actually get a license before i even begin thinking of dream cars
fave foods: RICE!!!!! rice and pasta and potatoes. feed me any of these things and i will literally propose within the hour (after i finish eating obviously)
fave drink: water lol
instruments: i've been playing violin since i was around 6 or 7! at this point ive devoted so much time to it that i literally cannot quit even if i wanted to. i really wanna learn how to play piano and guitar tho
languages: just english! im shit at learning other languages RIP
celebrity crush: i have this weird thing where i cannot for the love of god consider people that i dont have a crush on attractive. like i can agree if you ask me if certain celebrities r conventionally and objectively attractive, but i just cant bring myself to actively think that theyre hot in my own opinion. idk its like theres this weird roadblock that just stops my mind from thinking different people that i dont know personally irl are attractive. like i play genshin impact and i have such a problem with making "mommy" jokes myself but idgaf when my friends do it. idk its weird lol
wow that was such an unnecessary rant about the inner workigns of my brain. anyway TYSM FOR TAGGING ME AGAIN!! THIS WAS VERY FUN :))
non pressure tags!! @celestialstars7 @swashbuckling-chicken @l0v3c0r3e @slytherin-crow101 @tntozier @cosmicbrowniefan @quinnick ++ anyone else who'd like to hop on the bandwagon :D
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its the last month of 2017, and i wanted to make a special post to a few people i’ve met this year, and just express my gratitude. this was originally part of my follow forever, but i felt like it deserved its own post since i tend to ramble ◑.◑ my apologies to everyone mentioned in this since it’s kinda long + a lot of ppl are mentioned hdjfkgkdfl
amanda @beautifulshuas - amanda!! im really glad the time we had that suddenly super deep convo that u didnt feel like i was intruding on anything hahah. it was nice sharing that experience with u (but also sucky bc it’s not a good experience) and i look forward to more 1 am conversations about shitty relationship situations lmaooo
jennie @boosonseok - no offense but ur shitposts are the best thing in the entire fandom lbr, and i enjoy seeing a lot of divaboo on my dash, since he is like my little brother. i appreciate ur shadiness (u kno the time) and shoutout to the california bay area heheheh \(≧∇≦)/\(≧∇≦)/
bonnie @cafewoozi - i think ive said this like 6 times but bonnie u!! are!! an angel!! i really appreciate all the help and advice you gave me this yr. u only say nice things abt ppls’ work and i still cant fathom that u actually....like....take time out of ur day to put smth nice on each post u reblog,,,, i can barely tag ppls names ??? a n g e l
kelsey @chanyoel - i lov eu thank u for putting up with w me yelling abt mingyu. u were the first person i converted to kpop.......bless. ur also one of the 5 ppl i actually text everyday (≧◡≦) u stick up for me, listen to me, and cry w me (its always bc of svt tho), thanks for being an amazing friend !!! also sorry for slacking off on @/ing u in jun posts..........i have the urge to @/you whenever i see him just kno that
sophia @gemhui - sorry i havent messaged u on tumblr much lately but ur still one of my best friends on this hellhole. weird to think we met thru another blog entirely when ur icon was scoups of ice cream and i messaged u abt it lololol thanks for being encouraging and so sweet all the time the world doesnt deserve u╰(◡‿◡✿╰) ps ur gay ashgdfjkldf
dana @jishua - dana m’luv thanks for letting me rant to u, ur rly one of the easiest ppl to talk to im so mad i waited so long to get to kno u, ur sense of humor is a+, u always have something positive to say, n ur also a #fellowcapricorn whaddup. remember the time i stayed up til 5 to watch the clap mv w u??? goOD TIMES.
jiyoon @jeonheart - jiyoon thank u for helping me learn how to gif stage performances, it prob seems like such a minor thing but it means a lot to me since i’d been trying to for abt a yr. u approached me and u didnt have to do that, and its very rare to see random acts of kindness on tumblr so i just wanted to thank u again ^^ i hope life is bein kind to u and ur in good health!!
stella @jeonqhcn - stella idk if youll see this but i hope school is going alright for u :( ur super smart (srsly) and really kind, ps jeonghan misses u (mingyu tells me jeonghan asks if you’ve said anything 2 me abt him) hope we get to talk more soon!!
adelin @pabospoiler - adelin its always a pleasure talking to u, esp when its about #tumblrstuff, since its nice to relate to someone else about being a content creator and the pros and cons of it. pls keep making ur stuff bc it is really good :( and u may not already kno this, but tbh, u are The™ Soonseok Gifmaker..............its u, bro.
renata @powerfulhoshi - u are one of the most encouraging ppl on here, ur full of nothing but positive light and energy.......u always make me feel less heavy when i talk to u, its refreshing. ur also one of the most under-appreciated content creators in this fandom,,,, wtf....im salty.....but im sure in 2018 u will be greeted w nothing but success and admiration !! bejos to u (♥◡‿◡♥)
emmy @shuvee - emmy u are uber talented and uber intelligent!! i was not expecting to be ur friend considering u are Ultra Coole™ but its interesting talking about really serious stuff and bitching abt college :////, i didnt rly expect to ever talk to u......so im still in shock tbh. and to think this whole friendship was started bc i didnt know a ship name (wasnt it junshua)???? iconic
steffi @soonsyoung - stef idk i hope youll see this, but ik this yr has not been the greatest, but i love u i love u i love u. sorry for swerving down soonyoungs lane that 1 time. when things got shitty for me after everything that happened u were there for me, so just kno i will always be there 4 u, i miss u on here, but school is def more important and this site lowkey sucks lmao
rina @wonnwoo - !!!!! quite literally the wonwoo to my mingyu, the person who sees my ugliness and still ???? decides??? to stick w me ???? an angel. u give me the best gifts (u think im talking about the teen,age album but im rly talking about the **** and ****** recs). i will continue to better myself for the sake of u, so i can be strong for u, and help u when u need it. im #tsundere as u kno, so i apologize again if i seem cold i just jkdfglsdf have too many fluffy feelings to handle them correctly. i am also drafting a special w*nw** sm*t 4 u if u must kno
#i love u all#im hoping that 2018 is great for all of us!!!#im sure i forgot some1????? ive had a rough day finalizing this lmao#lovely folks 💞🍰🌸#d:tp
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1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52,53,54,55,56,57,58,59
2. what would you name your future kids?~ idk but i like the names Lily & Blue
3. do you miss anyone?~ yes, quite a lot
4. what are you looking forward to?~ seeing my pups 🐶
5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?~ usually yes, but it depends on how low my mood is
6. is it hard for you to get over someone?~ generally yes, but some are harder than others
7. what was your life like last year?~ March last year was pretty damn bad
8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?~ yes lol
9. who did you last see in person?
~ my girlfriend10. are you good at hiding your feelings?~ when i want them to be hidden yes
11. are you listening to music right now?~ nope
12. what is something you want right now?~ sunshine
13. how do you feel right now?~ kind of down but okay
14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?~ a couple weeks ago
15. personality description~ intense, can be bitter & kinda shitty & mean but i do mean well n im trying. v sensitive, v observant. needy af. idk really
16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?~ yes ive kept my mouth shut multiple times
17. opinion on insecurities.~ im guessing this means insecurities in general ? i think we need insecurities, as much as ppl hate having them i think without it we'd be pretty stuck up n not nice
18. do you miss how things were a year ago?~ some aspects of it, but generally no
19. have you ever been to New York?~ no, part of me would like to go but it seems pretty busy and full on/intense, so im not sure if it would be for me
20. what is your favourite song at the moment?~ Something by Girl's Day, underrated af
21. age and birthday?~ 19 years, 1 month, 1 day
22. description of crush.~ understanding af, patient, kind, always means well, a true angel who always tries her best
23. fear(s)~ spiders~ being stabbed~ the dark~ my mind (deep ik)~ vomiting~ being alone
24. height~ 158.5cm or 5ft2.5
25. role model~ Seán McLoughlin
26. idol(s)~ none
27. things i hatelooool pretty much everything~ people~ alcohol n drugs~ people on alcohol n drugs~ brushing my teeth (the worst thing in daily routine)~ winter~ coca cola~ being bitten by rodents~ poopicking~ liars~ not being able to sleep~ being cold~ my mind (deep again ik)~ talking to strangers~ talking on the phone~ being in situations that cause me anxiety~ anxiety attacks~ anxiety in general~ ordering food at restaurants~ ill stop now we'll be here forever
28. i’ll love you if…~ eh i probably wont lol
29. favourite film(s)~ Harry Potter, Tangled, Pirates of the Caribbean, Lights Out, Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Bridesmaids
30. favourite tv show(s)
~ The Walking Dead 🙏🏻31. 3 random facts~ i have a scar on my right ear and no one can remember how or when i got it~ i was a vegetarian for a year but had to stop bc it was v bad for my health, but i do want to start again and possibly be vegan~ i've held an alligator before 🐊
32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?~ what friends
33. something you want to learn~ i'd love to learn a new language
34. most embarrassing moment~ probably peeing myself in secondary school in the middle of a classroom (no one noticed bc im sneaky af)
35. favourite subject~ in college it was probably Zoo
36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?~ be happy~ rescue lots of animals~ love what i do
37. favourite actor/actress~ Johnny Depp
38. favourite comedian(s)~ Lee Evans
39. favourite sport(s)~ Horse Riding
40. favourite memory~ i cant think of one rn
41. relationship status~ in a relationship
42. favourite book(s)~ i havent read enough to have a favourite yet
43. favourite song ever~ Adventure of a Lifetime - Coldplay ~ Cry Baby - The Neighbourhood
44. age you get mistaken for~ anything from like 16+ lol
45. how you found out about your idol~ none
46. what my last text message says~ 'sorry ill transfer it now'
47. turn ons~ when ppl care about my feelings
48. turn offs~ when ppl dont care about my feelings
49. where i want to be right now~ Greece, anywhere on holiday tbh
50. favourite picture of your idol~ i dont have one
51. starsign~ pisces
52. something i’m talented at~ overthinking 😜
53. 5 things that make me happy~ my girlfriend~ ellie~ my pups~ my horse~ sunshine
54. something thats worrying me at the moment~ nothing rly
55. tumblr friends~ none lol
56. favourite food(s)~ chinese, mcdonalds, candy floss, spaghetti bolognese, pretty much all savoury snack foods
57. favourite animal(s)~ elephants, otters, pandas, dogs, all of them 😭
58. description of my best friend~ a literal meme~ love her a lot~ been best friends for yeeeears~ xbox dates~ makes me laugh super hard~ i look forward to our chats everyday~ wish her all the happiness in the world
59. why i joined tumblr~ saw my girlfriend on it n thought it looked cool lmao
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