#ik im also partially to blame but i was the one who god fucking crucified because of shit i dont even know abt
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i keep wondering if ill ever open up to romance again
#unhealthy relationships are truly something#like my ex wasn't abusive at all it was just all... so unhealthy#and the way the relationship ended doesn't help at all#im WAY better without him and honest to god i want him dead for the way it all ended#ik im also partially to blame but i was the one who god fucking crucified because of shit i dont even know abt#bc no one told me shit#they just. blocked me. and i havent done anything?#to this day i wonder what my ex said to prompt my close friends to leave me#because i truly didn't do anything besides being mentally ill#anyway. i want to feel loved again but after all this i mostly feel im undeserving#like its something i have to earn. and im not at the earning stage yet#i have the capacity to love again but i don't have the capacity to be loved#idk im just... i just keep thinking about this. if ill ever trust someone again. because i dont think i shd#put people through what is like to have me close. because im not good to deal with#and nothing can change my mind about this. Nothing. nothing will convice me that im anything but hard to love#anyway... whatever. i need to sleep#im just.. lonely
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