#ik i myself sometimes look at a fic and am like 'they dont need my notes its got over a thousand' but like. i know i would still

[thepixelelf]

EVERY comment means something to creatives; it doesn't matter if the post has 10 notes or 1000

[kurishiri]

Your translation posts have over 97-100 interactions???

hii anon! ya some of em do get a lotta notes fs - i appreciate any sort of interaction, i really do. by no means am i trying to undermine ppl who lurk. and ik im a smaller translator compared to others out there too. but, perhaps bc i may have phrased it strangely (was in a car when i wrote it), i think you missed the point i was trying to make /nm

longish explanation post under cut ↓

but it’s just i sometimes cant help but think… sometimes i dont feel as motivated to tl stories that should, in all technicality, be “easier” to tl. but i was able to tl a lot of elbies main story, for example even without garnering a lotta notes. i thought abt it a lil (in fact i thought abt it quite a bit, especially after getting involved in bustin out content), and i feel part of it comes down to how interactions should be more of a two-way street than one for it to hold any sort of substantial meaning.

and ive overall come to the conclusion that its not the number that really matters; its the meaning behind each interaction.

yes, some tl posts i do may get 97, 100+ notes at times, but most of them are likes or reblogs without anything written in the post or tags. if you look at any of my tl posts, you’ll find im lucky if i even get 2, 3 comments on a tl post with 90+ notes. hell, i’ll count all my blessings if i even get a “ty for the translation” or smth similar. but comments abt the content i tl is like sure proof that someone has really read and enjoyed the story, and furthermore its smth i can interact with too. on the other hand, liking and reblogging without saying anything is still appreciated, dont get me wrong, but in the end of the day it feels really one-way.

me translating as much of elbies main story as i did (20 chptrs!) was largely in part thanks to a person who had left a comment when i posted with their thoughts on the chptr. they werent long comments, per se, but jus the fact they left a comment on chptrs with their thoughts on the events and scenes meant so much to me, it would be no exaggeration to say i probably would have dropped my rendition elbies main story tl before i hit chptr 10 if not for them. and for al’s main story tl i did, if you ask my moots in a disc server im in, they could probably tell you aaall abt how i spammed the alfons channel with tl snippets while i was still working on the project bc i loved hearing others comments abt it (arguably, i may have been fishing for them, and sure, i may have been desperate — hell, color me surprised they weren’t fed up with me haha — but without them i dont think i would have finished my rendition of al’s main story tl). but when i posted them on tmblr, most of them probably didnt exceed 40 notes. i’d be lucky if i reached 30 /lh waayy less than 90.

you’ll be surprised how much a single comment (or ask!) or whatnot can impact me… there’s probably no amount of likes that could ever outweigh the positive impact a single comment could have on me.

now of course, (1) i’m not saying i inherently expect ppl to comment on my stuff; in the end, commenting is and should really be done on one’s sole discretion. but, it seems to be a known fact among ppl especially who write fics or translate that comments r scarce, few and far in between. (2) i also tl bc i like to. i myself like to bring characters to life through translation. like, yes, it is fun in a very genuine sense. and that also plays into my motivation, but its smth i like to share with others too. multiple things do motivate me - and i think all of it needs to sort of work together for it to really work to its fullest.

[lynnthefrenchtoast]

Lines from "In The Other Universe" that I CANT GET OVER

in which a fanfic writer (me) overexplains her oneshot bc I NEED TO RAMBLE AND MY IRLS FOLLOW ME ON EVERY OTHER PLATFORM SO TUMBLR IS ALL! I! HAVE!

(u should prob read it first this wont make sense otherwise)

"Even though it was not his name, Yin Yu turned"

i dont know if this is a canon scene or not (sue me the books are LONG and hard to buy in my country) but i've read about yin yu getting mistaken for yizhen and getting totally upset. so i decided to start this fic with him being so okay with it that he responds to qi ying's name as if it's his own.

(also because if ur so close to someone, ur nosy abt their business because it also becomes your business) I WANTED TO CONVEY THAT CLOSENESS FROM THE VERY FIRST LINE

"Should I tell Yizhen you can't even recognize me?"

CANON YIN YU IS SO GLOOMY AND HONESTLY WE UNDERESTIMATE HIS POTENTIAL TO BE TEASY. i just know he could be. all hard workers have a sarcastic inner voice

"The man damn near shits his pants"

AHAHHA okay look. i have this tendency when writing to be REALLY PRETENTIOUS AND FANCY. and ive learnt that usually NO ONE GIVES TWO SHITS. compared to genshin, tgcf fanfics are so beautifully written and sometimes i gotta remind this fandom to SPEAK INFORMALLY (unless its qi rong. then. yea. BUT WHO READS QI RONG FICS?)

"The blank wrist that has never known the kiss of cold metal"

I RIPPED MY OWN HEART OUT WITH THIS ONE

"In this universe, he discovers it's such a simple thing to be happy."

proof that quanyin is literally hualian's cousin

the entire earring scene

i am a sucker for qyz's over-attachment to the earrings. ik a lot of ppl think he's like this because its the only thing yin yu ever gave him but NO headcanon that even in the other universe, yizhen would be overly attached because hes a puppy

he xuan scene

canonically, he xuan would NEVER. bc 1) he's too lost in his own ways to ask for advice and 2) it would fuck with his earth master disguise too much. but since it's the other universe!!!! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.

“Yizhen’s victory is my victory,” he declares, with a tone that leaves no room for argument. “His loss is my loss. When Yizhen cries, I am sad. When Yizhen smiles at me, my heart is so full it could burst.” He brings two jade white palms together, interlocking the fingers like entangled limbs on a hot summer morning. “We’re like this. One shared past; one shared future. As a Shixiong, don’t you think rather than being jealous, I’m extremely proud of how far he’s come?”

my favourite freaking line can you tell? IT SHOWS THEIR ABILITY TO ROOT FOR ONE ANOTHER. SHOWS EMPATHY. SHOWS LOVE. ("my heart is so full it could burst") THE RECALL TO THE MORNING THEY WOKE UP TOGETHER, REMINDING YOU OF DOMESTICITY AND SIMPLICITY AND TRUST AND CLOSENESS.

ONE SHARED PAST; ONE SHARED FUTURE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? this is all i ever wanted for them. to be able to grow together and live together and die together. TO HAVE A SHARED PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE.

this line is also loaded to me bc i once wrote a fic called "entangled pasts; estranged future" that wasnt good enough to be posted but GOD IT REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF IT

"Here, he never needs to know the weight of a mask – neither physical not metaphorical."

i dont like how i worded this but IT NEEDED TO BE SAID. YIN YU NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR THE WANING MOON MASK but more importantly NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR A MASK TOWARDS QUAN YIZHEN. NEVER NEEDS TO HIDE RESENTMENT. im shaking with all they couldve been and didnt become.

"Here, Brocade and Immortal are just two words"

hear that? its the sound of me BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL AAAAAA I SO DESPERATELY WANT THIS TO BE REAL i mean i understand if they werent so tragic i wouldnt love them as much but IT HURTS! (*100 teehee)

"Sure it will."

i actually hate myself why did i end it like that even in my fanfic i cant let them be happy. huh. i have to subtly hint that this isnt what happens.

its actually so upsetting that the whole fic is so nice and healing and all of it is just overcasted by this knowledge of "its not real. they never get to be this happy. what really happens is they resent each other and leave each other and they become one shared past; two estranged futures."

you can call me insane. im aware no one thinks this deeply about fanfiction and most people are on the site for smut. BUT I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT IT SO YOURE FORCED TO LISTEN TO ME RAMBLE

[baekhvuns]

HEEEEYYYY i am finally FREE from spring quarter EVERYONE CHEER !!! but then i am going to have summer classes starting from next monday so crying and laughing T^T so i hope you do not mind that i will talk about school rq

i just turned in my art final last thursday after i flew in to washington ... jfc i was going through it honestly ... the art final was like a "art history" final. i had to answer 43 questions for multiple choice, do 4 short answer prompts and then a whole essay like what is wrong with this professor ... mind you not, this class is an online, lower-division ge so like why am i putting my whole ass into this

also my ochem prof released grades for the class overall and let me tell you i seriously was gonna cry bc i was so scared if i was gonna pass the class or not ... but ... I GOT A C yk what i am fine with that bc i did horrible on two exams (below avg) and pretty decent on the other (above avg) ... but i feel disappointed that i have been getting Cs on my chem classes so far :( but i think i will be getting my first ever A in the bio class tho !!! which is like kinda bad but i am proud of myself at the same time :")

ok now ... we talk about exo and ateez hehehe (the most important stuff duh) honestly speaking ... took me like 3 listens to fully get bouncy, like i was ok with it on the first listen but yk what i mean? like you just need to listen to it more in order to fully get it ... i also really like this album, like i am so excited to be getting the albums in store when i go back to california YEAAHHH but my faves are dune, django and wake up !!! wbu bff ??? exo is making me CRY with let me in and the fact that they are gonna release ANOTHER mv is crazy like ... ik 2018-2021 me would be CRYING bc exo didn't release that much group stuff back then :(( but i am so happy that they are having a comeback like i need to prepare myself ... i just KNOW i will be SOBBING when i watch the last mv as their like "title track"

anyways i hope you are doing well bff <3 i sometimes read your works whenever i need a pick me up (or i just wanna cry ahem the one inspired my moon lovers i will forever be scarred) and that you are taking care of yourself !!! love ya lots :D

🧸

HELLO !!!! AAAAAA wait omg ur spring quarter just ended??? i thought it was the summer one 😭😭😭

no bc i DONT GET WHAT ART HISTORY PROFESSORS PROBLEMS ARE I HAD THIS EXACT EXAM AND I FLUNKED IT WHFJQHDKWSH & iTS ONLINE???? 🤨🤨

u know what getting a C is underrated relief, like what matters is that we made it 🫡 A & B are overrated grades atp,,, BUT LESSGOOO??? U MADE IT !!!!! it’s not sad that it’s ur first one!! it’s so hard to get A’s in uni and like for what im still waiting for mine but i know that A looks so good on ur transcript 🫡 u should be proud!!!!! u did great!!

i get what you mean completely,, i also don’t mind it now?? like the slow it down make it bouncy is the only part that’s stuck in my mind, it’s a nice song but it has its moments! the album is nice! i just wish ateez do different genres bc this one felt like a guerrilla album dupe to me 😭😭😭 OOO OKAY MY FAVOURITE IS OUTLAW BC THAT BEAT IS NAASSTYY

EXO LAND FINALLY GETTING THE THINGS WE DESERVE????? let me in was so good, their vocals is what was missing 😭😭 AND ANOTHER MV AND ANOTHER MAIN MV FOR THE CB??? 19 VERSIONS OF A GOD DAMN ALBUM???? hoping the sales for it actually goes to the members 😭😭

i hope you’re doing well tooo!!! hope u have time to rest after ur semester <333 AND 😭😭😭😭 UR STILL READING MY FICS THANK U SO MUCH FOR THAT SCREAMING I LOVE U FBWKDJWK

[paint-music-with-me]

How did writing a fic abt a skirt evolve into me legit questioning my gender (AGAIN) and how valid I am as an individual going through this personal shit (AGAIN)???

[darklover06]

hiiiii

could u do a vance image or story where the reader has trouble with an eating disorder or with self harm i struggle with both and haven’t seen any recognition of these.

if u can’t that’s alright dw!!

HELLOO, I would be more then happy to do this as I also struggle with these and agree with the fact that there isn't any recognition of these in fics. I find that if they are in fics, it's almost comforting, but that's just my opinion. Also I hope you get better from these and I am always free to message if you need to <3 Ik there are different types of eating disorders, but I'm going to use the one that I have gone through

Parings: Vance x gn!reader

Warnings: eating disorder, self harm,a slight panic attack, implications of bullying, swearing. Shit writing<3

Fluff and some angst, also somewhat ooc Vance

I also don't know how American school works because I am not from there so yeah. So I'm gonna do it based on what my school was like

It had been a tough day. So fucking relentless. It has been the same day over and over again. Wake up, go to school, get picked on relentlessly, go to the grab-'n'-go with Vance, go home, don't eat, cry, sleep. Sometimes before sleeping or a shower I'd inflict pain on myself, but in places that aren't visible like my hips or thighs. I dont need Vance worrying about me more than he does.

It was currently near the end of fourth period and I could hear slight laughing from behind me. Slightly turning my head towards whose laughing I could see Tom, Sophia and Amaya (just change these if they are your names) huddled together looking at me every few seconds then looking back at eachother and whispering something and laughing. Great. I know things won't change soon but it's getting really boring now. Thankfully it's lunch next and that means I can talk to Vance and all that sappy shit.

Hearing the bell signalling the end of the lesson spread joy on my face because it meant that I wouldn't have to deal with the teacher who can't even do a basic lesson and the nightmares that are people who make things unbearable. Rushing to put my things away ,not caring if sheets of paper were crumpled or not, I got up and sped my way to outside and round the corner to the usual spot where Vance and his mates were. And to no surprise they were there. "Did you really skip again?" I said in a joking way because of course he skipped, "now what makes ya day that darlin'?" Vance responds back in the same tone, coming up to hug me while his friends didn't say anything, of course, because why would they question what he's doing when he can break their nose within a second. When he wrapped his arms around me, he must have noticed that they went round more that they would have and the fact that I winced ever so slightly because he must have put pressure on a fresh cut, he froze for a second but then carried in as if nothing happened, I guess it's because there's people around and he doesn't (for once) wanna cause a scene. I stopped bringing in lunch as I though that the meal was useless, so I never ate during that time. Vance had been bringing in slightly more food from the shop than usual and I didn't want to think anything of it until he started to give it to me. That annoyed me because I have been putting in so much effort to not eat during this time because I didn't like how I looked and had purposefully stopped doing what caused that issue for me, and now he was putting it directly in my hands telling me to eat some. "I love the fact that you got this for me, but I'm really not hungry and don't feel like eating it at the moment." Trying to give it back to him, all he did was shrug his shoulders "save it for later, as long as you eat something today then that's okay, can't control when ya eat." God why did he sound so calm while saying this, doesn't he know it's driving me up the wall!?

~ye olde time skip because I'm fucking lazy~

Walking home with Vance in the cool autumn breeze was always a delight but today just decided to be even more of a bitch. Vance hadn't said a single word in the past couple of minutes and he looked as if he were thinking about something. Now I'm not saying the silence was uncomfortable, it was just a bit weird because we'd always be talking about something. Thankfully we wouldn't be in silence for much longer as we were walking up the small dirt path up to my house. "Hey um, y/n, can I come in I wanna ask you something, just not out here cus I'm kind of cold?" I looked at him puzzled. "Yeah sure come on" walking inside shouting a quick hello to my mum/dad I led Vance to my room and sat on my bed making space for him to sit as well. "So uh what's the thing you wanted to ask me?" God this is gonna be awkward. "Well I've noticed something off about you, and if I'm wrong then it doesn't matter, but you've lost weight and while I can't tell you what to do with your body, you lost it in a concerning amount of time and whenever I seem to put my arm around your waist or hug you, you since and tense up slightly. I just wanna know if everything is okay yaknow cus it may not seem like it but I notice the changes you make." Shit, shit, shit. God how could I be so stupid as to let him notice.

Before I even know it I can feel my chest closing in and Ive got tears welling up in my eyes. How could him saying he notices what's wrong with me, makes me have a minor panic attack. Vance's eyes widen slightly as he realises what's going on and brings me into a soothing hug, gently stroking my hair and whispering words of comfort to me. Slowly I start to calm down regaining my breath, my chest feeling lighter and the tears stopping. Slowly rocking back and forth slightly in Vance's arms staring at the wall. "I've stopped eating Vance." I said quietly, so quiet that I wasn't sure if he heard it. "And I've been... Harming yaknow." He didn't say anything for a few moments. "For how long?" That's all he asks. "The eating, maybe just over a week and a bit. The harming, a couple of months." God why is he so easy to open up to, it's painful but also relieving. "Why darlin'?" I was hoping he wouldn't ask this but I might as well tell him now I'm this deep into it. "Didn't like the way I looked, I looked in the mirror and all that was there was a bitch who didn't look right, who deserved what pain she put herself through." Again there was silence. "You look beautiful, you always have and you always will. There is nothing that can change that, but darlin' please stop inflicting this onto yourself, I'll help you through it, I'll be there for every meal you eat and every milestone you reach in beating this. I know it's gonna take time and I'm willing to give that to help you. Please get better for me, yeah?" Staring at the wall tears welling up in my eyes once again, I nodded slightly and closed my eyes not wanting to look at Vance's expression. "Thank you doll, I love every bit of you scars and all" "I love you too Vance." I did whilst interlocking my pinkie with his as if it were a pinke promise. And that's where we were sat for the next couple of hours before putting on a film and slowly falling asleep in each others arms.

[ibelonginthepast]

okay I need your klance fic recs(i feel like you have really good taste)(i mean your icon is literally THE keith of course you have god tier taste)

okay so the thing is.. that when i say am kinda messed up and disgusting sometimes... and becoming a madwoman... am not over exaggerating or saying it in a funky way.. i actually am getting like that .. and that's how i got into the klance fandom initially. i project through lance and read really langsty fics.. and they are messed messed with like violent nsfw, gore, horror, serious mental health issues etc? so if u want those... i'll only send them if u want?

yeah tho i entered with this thingy that klance is gonna be like my guilty pleasure or some shit but them i inevitably fell in love with some GORGEOUS fanfictions out there and KEITH KOGANE in all shapes sizes genders and ages so lol...

but they aren't flowery. that's just not my taste. Some of them might be "problematic"? it's in quotes because i don't agree with it. it's not going to be problematic in plain ignorant sense like racial issues or blatant sexism or mental abuse.... but they might have like stuff which people dont always agree with like drugs. most of them would have nsfw it's just something that i need to have for feels and that's why i asked if u minded it. some things are like more subjective,, characterizations for example, cause like some people dont think keith is a skirt guy cause he isnt in fashion but i think he is petty and rebellious so he will defo do that? some of them would have like physical fights and stuff.. or keith and lance being mean to each other.. some ugly habits which aren't necessarily condemned like anger or drugs.? but with how i see it, it's not glorified, so i see them as human. i love the raw and ugly in these or idk its just human to me (but some people dont like which is completely valid cause we are all different from different environments and think different and resonate with different stuff.)

wait addition: i think some of them will have sexist themes? which i have complained about a lot before. i dont know why authors feel the need to somehow put women down to show how a mlm relationship without any women is superior or some shit it's annoying as fuck i hate it. i dont think i would have any especially sexist fics here, but there might be some with lowkey themes and bad handling of those issues. some of them mau have that subtext of disgusting heteronormative standards, but in subtext uk like bottom lance having a small waist and being giggly and all in contrast to big bulk keith.

here are some that i had bookmarked... but i may remember some more and then send them to u and or add them here...

a heads up.. i dont remember all of them very well. its been a while and i read fanfictions A LOT so yeah.. incase one slips up here which isnt very good am sorry dont judge me

the bold ones are the ones u should really check out if our taste is similar.

to begin with plain f l u f f,, my first klance bookmark was How Could I Say No? by Padfoots_Pawprint. tws for violence, bullying, injury BUT it's not actually gory or something like that it's just keith being keith and getting hurt and lance helping my boi like he should. it made me feeeeeeeel ksksk

this was one that kinda really touched me,, Wasted youth, Cryptids, and Waterboys by Baea THIS HAS EXPLICIT NSFW in it, the first chapter kicks off with it.. its a good fuck buddies to lovers in my opinion.. i love the writing style, the choice of how it's just a couple entries of random days in their lives. i love keith's characterization.. he is a hobo and a conspiracy nerd.. i love how down for him lance is, very dedicated. i love their growth.. i love how they help each other grow,, and it's so like real and usual day to day and human and down to earth idk how else to express it. this is INCOMPLETE. it's 12 chapters and discontinued as of now,, but it's not a deadly cliffhanger

similar in style and approach to the above. tho i think here is where it gets dubious. Easy, Tiger. by @/WhatTheBodyGraspsNot ... this is INCOMPLETE too and as of now discontinued. this has that sorta murky vibe with it's drug usage, them being teenagers in school and engaging in stuff like this, bad boy keith and all. this has nsfw too. i just remember really liking it and its very raw and unfiltered. tho it's incomplete it's not an open ending for now.

okay so i am restarting this but am upset as fuck that it all got deleted so i am gonna be lazy and not put as much effort as i did.

i have also Crowd Pleaser bookmarked by the same author,, this one's complete and it has some serious issues around gaslighting if i remember correctly... i really liked it then. keith is literally an angel here, i want to kidnap him and marry him literally. the s h w ee t e s t shit ,, and i like how lance gives him all the support and space to get his shit together

Drummer boy by klancekorner,, i think it's similar to the prev one, but lance's pov(which is what i prefer ngl). this authors fanfics are all just wholesome. i had put links to all their fics before, but imma now just say that u should go and check all their fics out. i have them all bookmarked, i must have seen something in them (can't remember what now tho and i cant be bothered to skim through them like last time *rolls eyes*)

War of hearts? idk why honestly, just ik keira has made me gay, and lesbian rejection angst? garrison? yes :) it's incomplete, conveniently left at the point where lance's heart is broken lol

Fuck buddies with benefits. THE NAME IS BAD I KNOW but i just love the idea of a dedicated mess of a keith and lance taking care of him. that's it that's the fic if i remember correctly. oh wait yeah u might think keith is not treating lance right, but i think it's fine if lance is treated a bit stupid. this is a bit too sex driven tho i dont like it but just SLEEPDEPRIVED KEITH TO TAKE CARE OF IMMA SIGN UP (ik this maybe coming off toxic but lol look at me)

Rambling: THIS WAS ME.

Last Defense: TW SUICIDE this is literally the langst i have for canon lance

I want something else: bad boy keith can break my limbs and cut my face and i will thank him

A thank you would be nice: keira damn

game-set-match: b a d b o y

I swear to go the devil made me do it: my typically fav trop, hardcore pining lance, literally perfect angsty keith. very similar to the top ones ig? idk also this one is one of my comparatively recent sane bookmarks so that's something. it starts off weird, u think it gon be subtly sexist but it turns out better so hold on

you've got me locked up: i think it's delinquent keith,, its floofy

Dad lance and tattoo artist keith: the name says it

damn while going through my bookmarks i realized that there are a lot of things i never bookmarked? i am pretty sure i loved a lot of long fanfictions, flower shop aus and tattoo artists shit wtf-

wait here's one, it's not complete: Blood jumps in the sun: it's very heavy has a lot of growth and kinda wholesome,, tags and summary will give u an idea what u getting in.

The lessons we learned: can't remember much other than florist keith, sad keith, smart keith, really long, pining

damn i think i have a lot of happy ones i didn't bookmark cause my brain was like u dont deserve the serotonin :( i'll add if i have more)

some actually angsty, detailed nsfw and messy (according to the way u interpret these) ones... lemoninagin.. they have some very detailed and explicit nsfw stuff but i am not there for it. some of it has the kind of angst i like? an actual one that i love and they recently posted and the reason am putting them here is infinitesimal. best friends to lovers and tho usually it's not my cup of tea.. it's a character study, an interpretation of klance in a modern world i dare say,, which is very similar to mine. the thing about them is that i like their characterization a lot, and in no love in this, i like what kind of background stories they give to klance in their aus. i haven't read many by them, so if u want u can check them out.

i just realized i have put some lowkey sad/fucked fics here... i did remove 5 rn... i hope its all good damn why am i doing this i feel like am putting myself naked out there when i recommend my favs

[mommy-imagines]

Hi mommy! Ive been meaning to send u more asks but i get really anxious or im not in the headspace to interact orz so im sorry ive been so silent! This years just been a lot sjjdjd and its just really kinda hit me in the past month or 2 so ive been very burnt out

But yeah i meant to send an ask when u put up that post about ur experiences! I really wanted to let u know that im so proud of u for perserving thru all that! And that it mustve been so difficult and ik that things can haunt u sometimes but that ik u can def get over them! Im also sorry that u had to go thru those things. I understand that whole attitude of like "u went thru these things for a reason!" or like "ur a survivor uve been thru so much!" can sometimes be upsetting to hear bc sometimes u just want to let it all out or not be so strong for once. And that it can feel cheap sometimes? Bc its such a general statement and reaction ppl always give that kinda feels like its glorifying in a way what you went thru and i just want to say that its ok to feel bitter and sad and angry about what happened and ur valid in those feelings too! Idk i just wanted to make a point of saying both sides of it is valid and that im really happy that youve come thru it so well and ur still trying new things in life and that ur still here!

Im also really sorry to hear about how ur examns went! I was rooting for u and hoping that things were going well during the days u were offline and felt really bad for u when i read that you failed. Ik theres nothing that can really make it feel better esp after u spent all that time preparing and studying and all that but this is just going to be another experience that will help u later on! We all need some fails in life to get more experience so we can get wins u know? (jsjdjd the irony of me saying that after talking about how ppl only say this will help u lmao) but like yeah i understand how devasted u are esp after u invested all that time in! I hope u feel better soon!

Ndjfjf you dont understand i saw that post about me and i had to bury my face in my hands with a blush and a big smile djfjf omg i wasnt expecting that when i came to check on u djdjdj i like curled up in a ball for a splid minute rolling around jdjdjff i never expected to make a lasting impact with my first ask omg but im glad i make u happy!

Djjdjf im sorry to report tho i dont really have a lot of thoughts i can send in rn im going thru a bit of a dry spell rn in regards to abdl/ageplay and also uh haikyuu in general dnfjfn but dw ill still come back and read your stuff and try to interact when im up to it! I think i can think up some mommy and atsumu thoughts later tho theyll probably be pure playtime thoughts sjdnd

ALSO OMG GO TO SLEEP!!! FINISH UR WORK! DONT PRIORITIZE US OVER UR WORK!!!

(pls prioritize us over ur work!! Feed us that gud gud!)

No but for real take care of urself!

With Love UwU - meian simp 💚💚💚

Hello, my darling! I have missed you terribly.

Thank you for being such a sweet person, I really appreciate everything that you just said, I mean it.

Don't worry about not having ideas about our boy, I get it. I also get the burnout, unfortunately.

I am, as of this day, three weeks from finishing Law School. My finals are this week and the next one, so I'll be cramming for those.

I have a nearly finished self-indulgent Atsumu comfort fic. I'm not going to lie to you here, the only reason for this particular fic to exist, is because I needed to project a bit and pretend to be looked after. So it's still Mommy and Atsumu, it's still part of the original series, but it's very much about Mommy getting some comforting for once. I think that we are all in need of that, in some level.

I'm not sure if I'll post it tonight still, but that's a possibility. If not, then it'll be up some time tomorrow.

All the love, sweetie. I was going to say "stay strong", but I don't think that that's a nice thing to say to someone, it's alright to not be the one having it all together for once - I'm having a really hard time accepting that myself.

I hope to hear from you soon ❣️🌜

[fangirlxwritesx67]

I was tagged by @stusbunker. Thank you and also stuff you, this is tough! But fun, as I got to dig up some stuff from the last year. 

Which of your fics…

…did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got?

Highway of Regret. 100%. It was what I consider my first (and only to date) Winchester brothers canon gen fic series. I got really good feedback from the people who did read it, but for the most part it didn’t make a ripple.  I wrote my heart out for that one, I really did. At first it stung a little (needy writer mode, I know) but I came to realize that I needed to write that story, and I love it, and neither of those things have anything to do with notes or feedback. 

…got a better reaction than you expected?

Two different Dean one-shots that I wrote more or less on a whim. Each one I was afraid to publish for fear of reaction. It wasn’t the sexy swooning hero Dean, more of a broken and very human Dean. Ultimately the feedback I got was deep and very meaningful to me.  Serenity - 500 words, a Dean in AA ficlet A Great Dad - 1000 words and a pregnancy scare

…is your funniest?

A Very Good Bed 1200 words of Ikea fluff, Sam x Eileen with platonic Dean. 

…is your darkest or angstiest?

Angel: A Lament This was a really tough one because I dont really write dark and angsty. Every long dark night has a dawn, and every bit of angst more than makes up for it with fluff at the end. Even this one is more prose poem than angsty fanfic. 

…is your absolute favorite?

Taken By The Wind: A Sam x Rowena love story I love this one with my whole heart, you can see so much of my own journey as a writer and as a person, and I just love this OTP so much.  My favorite chapters are Green Velvet and Taken By The Wind 

…is your least favorite?

I try very hard to maintain an attitude that every story played a role, to embrace the progress without being ashamed of the past. That said, there are still a few out there that, when I see them getting reblogged, I think “Oh god not that. A One Night Offer is definitely one of those.

…was the easiest to write?

The easiest thing for me to write are the fluffy one shot requests, especially when I get a song or gif along with the request. It’s not that they don’t matter, but I’m writing them to make someone else happy, so it usually doesn’t require as much digging and self reflection. And of course, they always turn out to be surprisingly popular.  Long Distance Lullaby is not one of those. It was both easy and excruciating, as I sobbed it into my voice-to-text one morning on the way to work. It was in the early days of the pandemic as well as my marriage breaking up and I just needed some comfort. I got a bit tangled up in endings and graphics and opinions, but looking back, there was something really painfully pure about writing it. 

…was hardest to write?

May Be Home I had been writing fanfic for an entire 3 months when decided to write this 15 chapter series that included an au rockstar!Dean, an OFC, and more sex and emotions than I was really equipped to write. It was hard, because I was growing. But I treasure it now, because I wouldn’t be half the writer I am if it wasn’t for this story, and all the work that MJ put in with me on this piece. 

…has your favorite lines/exchange/paragraph? (share it!)

I didn’t set out to write fanfiction. At first they were just stories I told myself. And then they got too big for that, and here we are. But some of my very favorite lines come from my series No Lover Like A Hunter, if for no other reason than they lived so long in my heart and mind before I ever wrote them down.  Dean found himself watching Jody as she talked. In the firelight,  she was radiant. Her high cheekbones and straight nose were striking in the shadows. The flames leapt in her dark grey eyes when she laughed and played in her messy hair, streaking the salt and pepper color with golden light. He had never seen her quite like this- so soft and desirable. Eventually, they settled into comfortable stillness. ... Dean’s voice was husky and certain, “Disappointed? Hell no.” He leaned back on the couch and reached for her, “You’re magnificent, Jody, everything I dreamed of and more.” ... Dean and Jody lay on the floor, facing one another. They gathered pillows and blankets around them until they were comfortable. The firelight played over their faces, warm and flickering. There were so many things that could have been said, but none of them needed to be spoken. They knew one another now like never before, inside and out. And from Pt 2 “So,” she murmured between kisses, “Last time- wasn’t a mistake?” Dean pulled back and looked at her, his green eyes locked on hers. “Jody, baby. You would never be a mistake.” ... Jody shivered under his touch. Her hunter’s body was strong and scarred, but her skin was like velvet. Her legs went on for days and her face, lit up with desire, was straight from his dreams.

Do I sometimes wish I had a little more experience under my belt before I tackled this pairing (and eventual threesome)? Yeah, of course. Do I regret it? Not a word. I love this story. 

…have you reread the most?

Celebrations: a Sam x Rowena holiday series I love this one because it’s an au where the two of them are together and happy. He’s still a hunter, she’s still a witch. But they get to enjoy the little things like good food, online shopping, gift-giving, and all the other soft and lovely sparkly things.  Also, I can’t reread these stories without recalling the feedback from Lou and Val, which is a treat in itself.  

…would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

If I can convince them to read it, Sam and Rowena, anything Sam and Rowena. (just ask Kathy.) 

For Sam one-shots tho: Like Art, Like Fire or Welcoming Him Home

For Dean one-shots (which are much more popular): Whiskey Glasses or Stay

Also, it’s a bit of an odd one out (again not that popular) but I feel like Looking for A Black Cat actually hits most of my non-smutty high notes. 

…are you most proud of?

I’m proud of all of it. I’m proud of the fact that I’ve written as much as I have, improved as much as I have, that I’m still out here learning and growing. I’m proud of the fact that there is a little bit of my heart even in the easiest requests, and much more so in the personal stories. 

I’m less proud and more grateful for the community that I have discovered through fanfic, for the very real friendships and support that extend beyond the stories. 

If I have to pick a story tho, I will say I enjoy this one for a lot of reasons: Lucia

[cheswirls]

i thought abt sy for an extended period tonight and like always i have a lot of mixed feelings that i am choosing this tim eto.. write down, instead of overthinking solely in my head. this might get long jsyk

its p set in stone now that im gonna rewrite sy. the immediate problem is if i start now, or at any point before ive finished it once through, then ill jus run into the same problems im going thru rn. i dont know when i started thinking srsly abt this besides some point last year, but its made me so unmotivated to even touch sy. im constantly teetering between 'yea this is solid, or at least, good' and thinking its such a giant mess. sometimes the messy aspect overrides my ability to see the good points entirely. sometimes this leaves me thinking, well then, why should i even continue?

but not in a im-done-w-it kinda way, i love sy so much. its more like. like ive decided this version is so unfixable and i need to start over, and ive held myself back for a long time bc, again, its not gonna work unless i know exactly whats gonna happen from start to finish, and bc i dont outline (and esp for sy, when i jus go w the flow and write what i want on the spot, in large chunks, too) that points only gonna come when i get around to finishing sy, which is still a long time off.

i guess ive jus bogged myself down w this. knowing that im writing for smth that im gonna go back andf scrap/change. i didnt think it mattered bc i have so much fun writing sy, but over time ive come to realize thats probably the main reason i havent really written anything for it in a long time. i keep telling myself to embrace that sy #1 is gonna be messy and imperfect and written how i want in the heat of the moment but i havent fully accepted it either.

like. its bc im the author, and im so glad ppl love sy like i do, but every time i look i jus see so many problems. i keep wanting to try and fix things in successive portions and this leads to a Long process of me having to read the entirety of sy before i start writing to refresh myself, and sometimes i spend so long doing that that when im through the motivation is gone.

im gonna jump all over the place here but. so basically i write whatever the hell i want for sy and make it cohesive to the overall plot. thats why theres so many "fluff" scenes that rly hold no base value?? bc i could remove a whole lot and still have to read well, and by "fix" i dont mean get rid of/condense, bc at the end of the day im writing sy entirely for me like its self-indulgence to the absolute max. and i wanted a fic that showed a lot of 'down time', like everyday life, like nothing, normal scenes that dont matter in the grand scheme but are fun to write and cute to read bc I Care Them and also like. if you ship sa youre already desperate for content so why not More??

thats part of the self-indulgent, it-doesnt-matter mindset ive adapted for this version of sy. if i want to condense, i can do it in another version. right now i am having fun

but also i know its a mess. ik i started posting chapters around oct 19 and i started rewriting initial scenes early that summer and ive had a very old gdoc i think didnt/doesnt even have a proper title (like sad sa or smth) even before that, like this fic is very Not old news. i started a tumblr draft that is now suuuuper long for notes on scenes and w/e i want to add eventually, i think back around the end of 19 again, and its sorta in chrono order but its also Not an outline. i delete scene drabbles/notes from it once ive written them proper to clear space and there is So Much happening between each one. the last time there was a good 40 or so pages between one scene id thought up n jotted down points for and another that was a sentence or two of explanation. i dont have smth to follow where i go down the list n knock each off. i rly only reference the top few from that draft when im writing so ik what, theoretically, i should have happen before another, and if i vibe w it ill write it between what im writing in the moment. sometimes i know the beginnings of the next scene and start writing and then come up as i go and never look at notes or anything and then i have 5-10k. outlining wouldnt work. but that also means when i get stuck w what should happen next i Rly get stuck and end up letting it sit for forever.

i keep saying this and never get to why so heres WHY i think sy is, not bad necessarily, but jus messy. i write in the heat of the moment and dont follow up. or i forget abt it. or i dont forget but i dont know how to resolve so i ignore it. except i dont rly ignore it bc its like a nagging, like i want to let it alone but my minds like uh eventually you gotta address this plot point you brought up

sy is also a major fic where i am super critical while writing and then once i let it Sit n read it back over im like oh, wait, why did i have a problem w this?? this looks good. then icoe back again (usually after ive. posted it online hrgrigwr) and am like Oh my god why does this not make sense/not read write/why didnt i edit/change this like. im so guilty ESP in sy or writing smth i KNOW isnt good jus to move on n promise to fix it later and then i Dont fix it?? ig what im saying is im guilty of not editing as harshly as needed, which rly only matters to me in the end since, again, sy is pre self indulgence. i have been typing for over half an hour wow okay i thought this was gonna take like 10m.

i kinda have/have not accepted that i have things i introduce that i wont think abt following up on, and part of that is irritating bc i want this version of sy to be unforgettable and not such a giant mess and my opinion since 2019 has jus changed so entirely. i thought i was going in knowing what i wanted, and now im like, oh well, i can figure out what i want when i rewrite. if i decide to cut, like, some underlying symbolism that needs to be addressed more than once or twice to stick/make sense, then i can! in vers #2. basically im trying to accept that current!sy is going to have loose threads and not be this amazing thing like i want it to be. im basically writing a rough draft and posting it for the world to see. when i get done im sure ill b supr excited to Be Done but also i know when i have everything written, when i have an ending, when i have everything on the table, that its gonna be so rewarding to piece together every little subplot and symbolic thing and repetitive stuff and tie it all together so concisely. i cant do that w sy #1. sometimes i get so excited to write sy #2 and think of how far off it is or the fact that i gotta get thru #1 and then i am not excited anymore.

but i do think abt it. when i came up w a new title (poss the same day i decided on a new scene 1?? poss diff day iunno) was when i p much solidified, alright, this is happening. that was last year. i was thinking tonight that i havent touched sy seriously since nov 20, or at least the end of that year, but then ik ive written so much for this one giant chapter and ik i took a break between thanksgiving and starting to write it bc unnecessarily i hyped myself up that when i finally got to the point i could start it, it was jus so daunting. like i couldnt believe id finally reached that series of points from my notes.

that was def before my surgery, so its probably almost been a year since ive actively written anything new for sy. i have struggled So Much w this chap bc i have to get to to a midpoint and its feeling like a chore to work my way up to it. while still making everything make sense. which is another thing. when i first started i told myself sy was gonna be like soul eater in the sense that i wanted everything from the past to be explained by actions in the present. lmao that didnt make sense basically for those that dont know se, there are no flashbacks. yoiu learn abt characters thru what they actively do in the story and what they choose to explain to others and what ppl comment abt them. i dont think its been hard per se but i rely a lot on flashbacks in my writing so w/o them its been harder to define things. ive already broken this rule a couple times n i have notes on a few other scenes in the past already which again ties into the whole, why dont you jus rewrite it how you want to??

the problem w that also is. wait ill get to that so no flashbacks. to go along w this i told myself that if i didnt wanna explain smth i didnt have to. a good example of this is ace's major, which i didnt specify bc it Wasnt Relevant/Didnt Matter, right, and if it doesnt matter then why should i waste time thinkin abt it? (it actually does matter now, surprisingly. i dont think its a plot point but its v touching n theres sentimentality behind it n its gonna b good) another example is a combo of these two, where im like okay so, im not writing the past n it doesnt matter bc theyre living in the present n im gonna have them work thru things in the present. xcept im not??? im not good at this ig. im realizing more and more that it matters, that i need more of a backstory than i think even if it never gets brought up if only for the fact that ill know more abt sy!sabo n sy!ace at the end of the day. like i keep saying, sabo does this and thinks like this, and has for a long time, but theres not a Reason attached to it. thats a big thing i decided to leave to sy #2 while also thinking i need some form of it in #1 as well. things i decided didnt matter suddenly Matter, now.

i feel like i say things then take them back, or have someone act this way and do things another. like there is no In Character. again this is ONLY gonna be fixed when i have everything written. im not gonna b so wishywashy in #2. but its killing me that i am now. and its making it difficult to write scenes when i dont know what a char should be doing, or when i end up writing them doing smth that doesnt make sense for them, and then that bypasses the Lite Editing. i am confusing myself and im the Author, like i know what happens next, at least in the long run,so i Know im leaving others hella confused and i dont like that either.

its been an hr and im still not done god what is life. maybe i needed to do this more than i thought

i love sy and i want this to be the op fic im known for, but if that doesnt happen until the revised, 2nd version, that is absolutely okay. ive had a new title for a bit, after being wishywashy abt it and deciding i prolly needed to distance myself from sy after getting thru it. tonight after thinking again abt how weird the new abb was gonna be i had a Thought and now i have a sub-title after going so long thinkin i wouldnt, for the new version, and the entire thing is an acronym that i am super excited to be able to share one day. for now i feel like i gotta put it somewhere besides my phone so heres to sy 2 one day: sys(tem) [for future ref this was gonna be (to even me) but then i thought of smth even Better that actually reads well n makes sense so!! hahaha now instead of calling it sys i can call it. system. if i end up changing it i will absolutely share this title]

i said when i first posted ch1 that i didnt have an ending but i knew sy was gonna b super long and that still holds. i know in theory what the last thing i have planned is but i dont know if thats where the storys gonna end. i jave a lot to address and i wanna do sy justice in some capacity which means tying up some of the main loose ends. i cant say for certain if they (all) will be at that point in the story. i wasnt kidding when i said sy was gonna b a thing for a long time

ill make this official (or maybe ill change my plan entirely by then) when i post the last ch of sy on ao3 but. putting here for posterity also since im rambling abt system thoughts maybe if i get it all outta the way i can leave it alone for a while. my plan is to finish uploading sy. then write system entirely. all of it. before posting. maybe in parts?? by that i mean breaks between updates. maybe all at once. when i do im gonna private sy bc that keeps comments intact while still hiding it from public view since itll basically be the same story as system, jus under a diff name. so the order is finish system>private sy>post system. i do not know how long this will take so sy could be up years before system is ready. i jus felt like i should warn ppl so if anyone wanted to like, download or save or w/e before its gone, or like jus generic warning before sy disappears. ik system will be the superior vers but also sy isnt bad n i dont wanna withhold it from ppl that wanna read it while system is in circulation

also ive decided none of this short chapter stuff. i dont even write sy divided at all n have such a hard time figuring out where to break sections for ao3 chaps. i thought it was gonna be fun naming chapters too but it was for for all of 2 maybe 3 and then it got to be such a chore. system chaps re gonna be massive and there will be far less of them. the first scene is going to be new content. the 2nd scene will be the 1st of sy. i feel like i can post the entirely in one go and be done? but also there will be SO much in each chap that i can also get away w spacing them out a lil. system isnt gonna be Just Like sy, but Rewritten, so i might not wanna post all at once bc that gives the impression that its basically the same?? at least i feel. system is gonna be sy Improved. if that makes sense. i feel like when ppl (n me) do rewrites its updating everything to newer writing. like rewriting the same thing you wrote 5 yrs ago is not gonna be different fundamentally but it will read a lot better bc youve had 5 years to grow/improve. system is not going to be like that. its the fix to sy. its making things more comprehendible. i started before 1 and its 230 :'c

i am. glancing over the draft bc i have no self control so one more point. i have a 'slowly reveal over time' list and Half of these ar things i dont know how to address properly. or where theyre going at the end of the day. so like, when sy is done, i can go back in system and introduce them properly AND THEN carry them properly throughout the story. theres only One on here thats gonna b one of those unforgettable twists that im p sure defines the midpoint of the fic, and thats gonna be a spoiler for system but also i think its gonna be one of those fun things where youll catch all the hints if you know going in, so its gonna be fun too. otherwise the others are all gonna benefit from being handled better the 2nd time around.

ok if i do have prelim stuff for system its somewhere else n i dont have time to dig (nor do i want to) - if you read thru this whole rant bless you. heres a reward: the next chap of sy is the first big turning point of the story. i am super excited to post it. i am still going to wait n hold myself to finishing the 2nd half before posting the 1st half. i feel like writing the 2nd half in full will contextualize things better and ill end up going back to change things in pt 1 so i dont wanna post it then say Sike, Read It Again. i am so excited tho. i think? ive been away for long enough that it wont be so hard to start writing it again, i jus cant now lmao. i kept myself from touching it during school and overloaded myself during winter break and thats spilled into spring term. i write so much all at once n i cant rly afford to write for sy now so its still gonna be prolly until summer/may, but like i think the length of pt1/2 back to back will make up for it.

this is all jus throwing out my struggles n why things have been so slow. there are so many things i cant wait to get to in sy. my interest hasnt died at all. (and then even after its done, ill still have more to look forward to)

also im highkey not tagging this w anything if u find it n its relevant to u good for u i guess