#ik how scary your last year can be it’s going to decide your future so it feels shit

[vrmxlho]

hi zaina, im taking you up on your prev post ab anons getting things off their chest. first off, i adore your blog and your writing (esp speak easy speak love), and thank you for doing this ^^

i got waitlisted by a college i really wanted to go to. dream school and whatnot, it had a 20% acceptance rate and i got waitlisted. this is after i had a really shitty application cycle and overall a bad year in 2022 and i was liek: YEAH 2023 is going to be my year. for a while, it was. i got called for a scholarship interview, selected to possibly go to a t5 uni but that fell through. this entire admissions cycle I’ve just gotten “almosts” but never “yes”. and i know it’s not all black and white, but a rejection is a rejection, yk??? it reallly crushes me because i know how hard i worked for this. i really wanted to go to these places and getting those almost rejections makes me feel so horrible. i genuinely want to give up and stop trying because then i know i won’t be disappointed again. and i know adult life has literally just stated for me but why should i put myself through that struggle to eventually end up disappointed anyways?

sorry for the rant. i think ill get over it soon.sorry if this is overwhelming. have a great day :)

hi anon, first of all ty for the compliments i almost forgot about that smau but yk what i might just post it now 😭😭

anyway to what you were saying. i completely understand what you mean, last year i was in the same position as you, i had gotten acceptances in the uk but i had gotten rejected from all my uni applications in the us, the biggest hit was columbia because that’s where my brother went and he had always told me he’d know i’d get in. and i got an interview and everything and then i open my portal and there’s just a that stupid letter saying “unfortunately”. and it really hurt. because i’d always wanted to go there. it’s in new york it’s in the middle of everything and it’s a fucking ivy league. but no.

and i completely get you on the 2022 being a shit year. in my case it was the year before 2021, i failed my y12 mocks and i had a predicted of 35/45 which isn’t bad but for the unis i wanted to apply to it was very low. i had to beg my uni counsellor to even let me apply to some of my choices. but i got into a great uni here in the uk and i worked my ass off to get top grades and several scholarships to get almost a full ride.

i feel like telling you to work hard just isn’t going to help so let me say this. hard work doesn’t always pay off, especially with unis and i know it’s sad and horrible but that’s just the case. but just know that work ethic is going to help you so so much, i was always a lazy person but after working so hard for the ib now uni is so much simpler because i’m able to work focused and dedicated and finish everything i need to do on time. and ik you’ve probably heard this before but waitlisted is not a rejection, it’s not an almost rejection either. and let’s not forget that getting into a uni with 20% acceptance rate is insanely difficult and just so yk i’m so so proud of you for all the work you’ve put into your application and i wish you luck in this endeavour.

last thing cuz this is getting so long, my friend did this a while back to get out of a waitlist, but write letters to your uni about how excited you are for this opportunity, ask for updates on your application and be super super annoying about this. ask them every other day and tell them just how grateful you are for the opportunity. worst case you stay on the waitlist. but best case you get a place, it’s worked before so. feed into their ego!!

i hope you know that you’re not alone and there are thousands of people who feel the way you do and you all deserve a place at your top school.

[angelicasgrotto]

Last First Day of School

Today I started my senior year in college... and for the first time in five years, I can say that it was an exciting first day.

Let's start from the beginning, I was a senior in high school when the COVID-19 pandemic made the world stop abruptly. My school wasn't particularly exciting, it was a mediocre bilingual christian institution that was more worried about girls looking at boys than the overall success of their students (lolz). The school didn't sponsor dances or any events that high school movies romanticized either. No homecomings. No proms. Nothing.

So we took it upon ourselves to organize a senior trip. The plan was to hop on a cruise and sail away to the Virgin Islands. We were also going to have our well-deserved prom night onboard... sigh.

All my high school dreams crashed against the pandemic truck, including the ones I had for college.

I was able to start my studies in my dream school but that kinda got cancelled out because I spent my freshman year stuck at home. The memories of all the Zoom meetings filled with black boxes and a professor losing hope in the education system is just too depressing. Oh! I also wasn't pursuing the degree I actually wanted. The cherry on top to an awful start of an experience that was supposed to be "The best four years of your life."

Anyways, I'm a bad bitch so I was able to turn it around and figure out what I wanted to do. Slowly but surely!

First, I transferred to another school (ik sad but hear me out) because they had a better online platform for their classes. However, that didn't really change the "you're stuck at home" problem. The universe had my back tho...

At the start of my sophomore year, I learned about the Disney College Program. At that point, the world was used to the pandemic and it felt a little bit more safe to travel since we had our shit together. So you bet that my ass hopped on a plane and started working for the Mouse the next semester. My program was supposed to last six months but that turned into a whole year... LISTEN! I KNOW! INSANE! I was offered a role in the Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser (rip disney shut her down) and had to extend my program to accept it. Disney was my first job and I couldn't imagine what other role could top this one. It was amazing and I made life-long friends.

Disney also helped me realize just how much I loved acting, theatre, and overall, the creative process! By the time my program ended instead of pursuing a career with the company, I decided to give another shot to my degree but this time my major had to be something I really wanted to do. Now, I'm excited to share that in 10 months I will officially have a Bachelor of Arts in Theatre!!!

For the last three years, I've been slowly working my way to have a foot in the entertainment industry. I've also met so many talented young artists. It's very scary and I still have no idea how my future is going to look like. All my past "first day of school" were just filled with so much anxiety and the thought of not being successful would eat me up every semester. But today...

On my last first day of school, I was able to see the seeds that I sowed are starting to grow. It was so exciting and bittersweet to greet all my classmates and professors again. I'm also very stoked for an upcoming project during this semester teehee...

I'm glad that this semester started on the right foot (and hopefully it ends like that as well :P). To a new academic year!

p.s. Congratulations to all the peeps who are also graduating this year!

[kurohoely]

more (kuroo x y/n)

here's my first random mini drabble, self-indulgent kuroo fic because i can :) twitter saw it first but reduce, reuse, recycle am i right :'D

genre: hurt/comfort, fluff if you look respectfully

wc: 866

You and Kuroo were both in your junior year in college, the point where your assignments are piling up and harder but you didn’t have any special treatment because you were in the ‘middle’. Everything needs to be done during this year before its too late after graduating.

There are bad days for sure but having them back to back two weeks straight is just inhumane. You need a break this time. You forgot to save your report after fixing it. You dropped your bubble tea right in front of the shop. Your groupmate decided to bail on the project.

You had enough. You just can’t handle this anymore. The fatigue kept building up and today it reached its breaking point. You grabbed your keys and walked to your shared apartment as fast as you could.

“Fuck it. I’m just gonna go to bed”

As soon as you arrived in your apartment, you thought Kuroo would be here, greeting you as always. But he wasn’t. Your shoulders dropped and you stashed your keys into the wooden paw bowl. You sigh, dragging your feet into the bedroom.

The bed never looked more warm as ever. A place that was so intimate, a small world that was built within the four walls with your other half. Your cheeks dampen without you realizing it.

“Ah shit”

You climbed on your side of the bed, hugging Kuroo’s pillow tightly. You cried. You law down and cried. What else can you do. You felt as if you weren’t good enough for your major and even more so feeling that you will have to retake the classes. Why was the world hate seeing you having a little control over your own life?

You grabbed your phone with the last bit of your energy and texted Kuroo.

“im tired”

Sent. The last bit depleted just as you hit send. Kuroo was struggling to understand why was his Nutrition mid term got some missed mark when he thought it was perfect? This isn't fair.

After staying back for office hours with the TA, he finally saw your text. His heart drops and cold sweats started dripping.

“Hey bub, you okay? I’m coming home rn”

No reply. He waited for a few more minutes before texting you another on the bus.

“Hey. Did you have a bad day?”

“You’re not talking about me right? I’m sorry ik ive been busy but its mid terms week so yknow how it is right”

Nothing. Not even read by you. He didn’t think much. His ride home was silent but only god knows the chaos inside his mind right now.

He was grateful at least to see your shoes on the floor. At least he knows you’re home, safe. He called out your name but didn’t heard a reply so he thought that maybe you were in the shower.

As soon as he opened the door, he could hear his world and future cracked. Near to shattering when he saw you curled up, hugging tightly onto his pillow with a wet stain on it. The view somehow convinced him that he IS the reason for the text. He drops everything and slowly climbed to the bed. Softly, pulling your body into his laps, resting your head on his chest. He hugged you tightly, firmly as if you it was the last thing he’ll ever do with you. His warmth was home but his heartbeat was thumping. Hard. You woke up as he tugged you.

“Hey bub are youー”

“Please. I’ll fix anything. Don’t leave me”

The hug tightens more.

“Hey baby? What are you talking about? You don’t have to fix anything and I’m not going to leave you. What made you to have these thoughts? Did I do something wrong?”

He shook his heads but his body was still trembling out of anxiety.

“Your text”

You grabbed your phone and saw ‘17 missed calls and 9 new messages from Kuroo bub <3'

Your eyes widen but then soften. You understood why he was acting like this.

“Hey baby, look at me”

You cupped his cheeks and gently thumbing his cheekbones. You gave your earnest smile.

“I was having the worst day. I cried my eyes out when I saw the bed and how I missed you so much for this past week. We’ve been busy with assignments and everything that we barely have time for each other. My fatigue was building up and it broke today. I’m sorry to have you hanging like that. It must be so scary right? But I’m here now bub. Okay?”

“I thought you were tired of me for not making you my priority. I was so scared that our home was going to break because of me. My own lack ofー”

You kissed his lips gently before he could even finish. Kuroo has always been the teaser in your dynamic but when things get serious, he became quiet and uses less word. Cautious because he knows words weigh more in these situations.

“Do you wanna cook dinner with me? All of the crying is making meー”

Kuroo’s stomach cuts you.

“Shut up”

You both giggled and walk into the kitchen, scavenging whatever is left. You both looked at each other.

“Let's just have takeout, how's that sound?”

Yeah, we’ll be okay

[spideymarvelws]

It Was Fun While It Lasted

Main Masterlist / Add Yourself To My Taglists

A/n : this is kind of an alternate ending to endgame ig? a version where your a long lost child of thanos and Peter lost the gauntlet only to find it at the same time as you and plot ensues. Kind of the same thing with Clint and nebula but way further down in the movie. I just really wanted to write a villain reader okay leave me alone idk what im doing. also sorry for any inaccuracies i havent watched endgame is so long😭im just going off what i remember. 

Summary : Despite your life on earth, your life with the avengers, you’ve always felt like something was missing. You never felt that longing to save the people of the world, their wide smiles and thanks never satisfied you like it did everyone else. That was until Thanos told you about your true past, your true purpose.

To destroy the universe.

Warnings : cursing, betrayal, (ik we should just give Peter a break, but its for the plot im sorry) just pretty angsty so you’ve been warned

Word Count : 2.8k

Heavily inspired by this and this playlist on youtube

Peter Parker x GN!Villian!Reader

...

“It’s under all that ruckus,” Sam yelled through coms, flying over the fallen building he once called the avenger’s compound, “Can anyone reach?”

Peter webbed one of the aliens, using the makeshift leash to pull himself over the creature, knocking it into another one of his kind. His new spider legs retracted from his suit, helping him land gracefully on the floor quick enough to see the domino effect he just caused.

He quickly caught Sam’s words, looking up to see he was right outside the fallen building.

“I can!” he quickly said, flicking his wrist to catch on to a random flying alien, pulling it down to the floor as he took flight, landing on the top of one of the cracked walls. He swiftly searched for an opening under the rubble with the help of Karen tracking where he looked.

Suddenly a red light flashed from a cave like opening, giving him a small cheer at victory. As he crawled into the gap, some static came through his ear piece signalling that someone was about to talk.

“Good luck Kid,” Tony muttered into his ear followed by a loud blast as the comms cut off. Even with the rough cut, he could still feel the small smile making its way to his face.

Though there was a full fledged war going on that might decide whether everyone lived or not, all his young brain could think about was how cool it was to be fighting alongside every superhero he’s ever known, and more. If only he could go back to when he first got bitten, to tell his past self that at some point in the future he would be fighting alongside the avengers.

That he himself was an avenger.

It was crazy to think about. To think about how far he’s come that he was able to save the world and not just help some old lady cross the street. As thoughts continued to bloom in his head, he carefully crawled through all the debris, taking care that he didn't stick to parts that might take down the small opening.

Soon enough he found a clearing, what looked like a living room area judging from the couch covered in dust and the familiar stone pillars and plants. He detached himself from the ceiling, landing softly on the floor as he looked around the dirty room, moving away from the flickering wires that hung from the slanted ceiling.

He soon caught sight of something shiny and gold from underneath a fallen pillar. He punched his arm in the air, running to the object and carefully pulling the gauntlet out of its snug position.

“Found it,” he said into his comms, grunting as it finally released, sending him back slightly, “Coming out now,”

“I’ll meet you outside,” Tony said before cutting off once again.

Peter looked back at the opening determined, strutting towards the exit, his confidence growing with each step. A crunch of debris shook him out of his pride, making him stop in his tracks. He quickly ducked behind a piller, looking at the shadows shown on the wall opposite him with his hand ready to web whatever it was making its way into the cavern.

But as soon as he caught your silhouette standing in the shadows, he let out a deep breath, his shoulders sagging as his muscles lost the sudden tension. He stepped out from his hiding spot to greet you.

“Oh thank god it’s you,” Peter chuckled, his hand falling to his side as he adjusting the gauntlet in his hand, “I thought it was another one of those alien thingies,”

You stayed silent, standing ominously with your arms to the side, twirling your gun slowly. He couldn't see your face hidden in the shadows, only the red glow of the necklace around your neck, illuminating details of your suit on your chest. He noticed how your body shook lightly, like a bomb about to go off. 

Peter chuckled nervously, tightening his hold on the glove.

“Is- is everything alright?” He said, taking careful steps towards you. 

He didn't listen to the voices in his head telling him to run, to get away as fast as he could. You were his friend, his partner in crime he liked to say. 

You would never hurt him.

You stayed silent a few seconds longer, the only thing proving to him that you weren't a lifeless manikin were your movements as you shifted from leg to leg. But he didn't think much of it, it was a scary time for everyone. Maybe you were just glad that he got the gauntlet and not someone from Thanos’ army. Maybe you were just glad to know he was okay after being separated.

“I’m sorry Peter,” you finally spoke up, your voice dangerously low, something he wasn't use to, “But I’m going to need you to give me that glove,”

Peter was taken back by your words, mostly still confused but also slightly worried at your words and sudden presence, “What! Why?”

“I can’t-,” you let out a harsh breath, “I can’t tell you why Peter, just give me the damn glove,”

“No, I-,” he let out a gasp when you raised your gun, aiming it directly at his chest, “Woah, woah, woah!” he held his empty hand up in defence, “What are you doing!”

“I’m getting that glove one way or another Parker,” you said harshly, your tone slashing at his heart, “So either you give it to me or i’m prying it off your dead corpse, you decide,”

Peter stayed silent, trying to process your sudden change in, well, you.

Only minutes ago, you were fighting alongside him, well what felt like minutes ago. He lost all concept of time when the army charged towards him, his main focus was getting that gauntlet away from Thanos and doing his job as an avenger. 

But you were there, using the same gun pointing at him now to blast the same aliens attacking him. That was until the land beneath you detached itself, creating a small floating piece of dirt that took you up in the air, taking you away from him.

He didn't have time to follow you when he got tackled to the floor, losing sight of you as you moved to the direction of Thanos.

That's when it clicked in his head.

But before he could question anything, his senses went off as he narrowly dodged the blast of your gun. With the distraction, you took the opportunity to lunge at him, knocking him to the floor.

“What did he do to you!” he grunted, throwing up the gauntlet and webbing it to the ceiling. Before you could jump for it, he tackled you to the floor, webbing one of your hands to the ground.

“He told me the truth!” you screamed, punching him in the nose with your other hand. He webbed that hand to the floor as it tried to reach out to your gun. He kicked away the weapon, webbing the rest of your body, making sure that you were secure, unable to escape.

He didn't want to, but you were unstable, not yourself. Whatever Thanos did to you, fucked up the person he knew, the person he loved and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. He was determined to get you back.

“What do you mean ‘truth’? Do you hear yourself right now!” he said in vain, his chest heaving with every breath. 

You stopped struggling in the webs, making Peter question if you ever were. You only laid with a wide smile on your face that soon turned into hysterical laughter. Tears flowed freely from your eyes as you tried to catch your breath making Peter’s breath hitch.

“loud and clear Peter,” you managed to get out, your laughs calming down to little giggles.

“Then why are you doing this? Why did you attack me!”

You rolled your eyes, “You refused to give the what i wanted that’s why,”

“But why do you want it?” he said desperately, growing annoyed with your vague words.

“Why do you want to save the world?” you countered, “Because it feels good right? You feel accomplished? You feel needed, you feel useful,” you shook your head, “You feel like aching pain in your chest to do the right thing, to do what you think is right for the world” you paused, “So what’s so wrong in wanting to destroy it,”

“I save the world because it's the right thing to do Y/n,” he said seriously, disgusted that you would think of the possibility of destroying the universe, “You’re killing innocent people! You lived through those five years, you knew how devastating it was for everyone,”

“But i enjoyed it,” you cut him off, “I enjoyed watching them suffer, because- because i knew it was the right thing, what Thanos did- it was destiny. It was fate! But you fail to see that, you all fail to fucking see it!”

“See what! See what!” he shouted, trying his best to understand what you were saying because none of it was processing in his head.

“People don’t appear out of thin air Peter! I didn’t have a family or friends! I woke up in the middle of nowhere! Knowing nothing about myself and you people fucking took me in and USED me because of my skil!” you spat, “When i asked to find my real family you all denied it, you denied everything i ever said, i asked, you people did nothing for me!”

He started to back away when he noticed your hands begin to glow red, the webs around your body melting off your skin. Suddenly his hands became heavy, something cold clicking around his wrists, pulling him to his knees. He struggled, his muscles strained as he tried to break free but it was futile.

He let himself get trapped, he let himself get distracted.

What confused him more was your sudden power. You were known for your slick fighting skills and use of your guns and various weapons. Not powers that made chains burst out of the ground strong enough to withhold him even with his super strength.

Did Thanos do this to you? Is this why you turned to his side, because he gave you special abilities?

“But now, I know my true self, I know my purpose,” you continued, “I’m not a superhero Peter, maybe not by your definition. Saving all those people, using my powers for ‘good’ means nothing to me,” you stood tall over him, power surging through your veins, “cause guess what! It’s repetitive! People will always find a way to get hurt, to use people for their gain! Humans! Humans are a fucking waste of time but you all never saw that. You just saw the good not the evil,”

“Because that’s our j-”

“Because that’s our job, yes I know, but it's not,” you cut him off once more, “Who ever said that we need to protect people who can’t even help themselves? Who ever said we needed to have this responsibilities on our shoulders for something we can’t even control,” you pointed at him, “You never asked to be spiderman, sure the same can’t be the same for iron man or captain america but they choose that, we didn’t,” you sighed, “But none of you understand that, only-” you paused, “only Thanos does,”

“Is that why you're doing this? Because of something our enemy said,”

“Your enemy, not mine,” you smiled weakly, “He’s made more sense to me that any of you have, he showed me my true powers, my true self in the matter of minutes, something you all couldn't do in years,” your hands dropped to your side, “because he’s my family, he knows my true destiny the real reason why I was given my gift,” you gestured to the gauntlet, “And that’s to complete what he started, that’s why he put me on earth Peter, and I can’t let you or anyone ruin that for me,”

That’s when it clicked, “You’re his child,”

You smiled softly at his words, “I’m not a hero Peter,” your shoulder shook as you let out a tired laugh, “I’ve tried telling you this so many times but you-,” you took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, “You just never fucking listened!”

Peter stayed silent, looking down at the floor in defeat. You knelt down in front of him, talking his jaw in your fingers to pull his face up, forcing him to look into your eyes.

“I never wanted to hurt you Peter,” you whispered, your eyes softening as you looked directly into his now dull, dirty browns.

“You already did,” he sneered, feeling no remorse for his words, “You did when you took his side, when you betrayed us, after everything we’ve fucking been through your side with a purple fucking raisin,”

You only sighed, your head dropping as you stood back up, stretching your back, “You’ll understand Peter, one day you will,” you began to walk back to the gauntlet, flicking your fingers to get rid of the webs, “To bad I won’t be there for that to happen,”

The shiny piece of metal fell softly into your hands, laying snugly in your palms. Peter watched with dread as your eyes glimmered with glee, reflecting all the colours of the stones, glowing dimly when it landed on the red one.

“How do you think it’s going to feel?” you said out loud, staring in awe at the gauntlet, “I mean I’ve felt the wrath of one stone but six?!” you chuckled, “I could only imagine what that must feel like,”

Peter only grumbled at your words, looking around for something, anything that might spark a light in his mind. That might help him to escape but he found nothing. You had the power of a fucking infinity stone running through your body, if he were to try anything you were sure to break him back down despite which stone you got your powers from. It didn't matter, you were still stronger than him in every way.

“Question is, should I put the glove on, then the stones? Or maybe the other way around? Should I do them all at once or individually,” you looked back at him with a mad grin, “The options huh?”

“You really are his child,” Peter grumbled, looking off to the side, “Sick and twisted, just like him,”

“See! You finally get it!” you said excitedly, throwing your arms in the air, “Glad to know we’re finally on the same page,” you giggled right after. 

Normally it would make his heart flutter, but now it only made him sick to his stomach.

“God, It’s just-” you took a deep breath, “I’ve haven't used my powers in fear of hurting others that- that I never even cared about! I just acted like i cared cause- cause that was my job right? That’s what everyone said!” you flicked your hands at the glove, morphing it into the perfect size to fit your arm right in front of his eyes, “Now, I could explore its limits, its full power without being thrown into some tacky jail in the middle of nowhere,” You grinned, “Isn't that exciting?”

You began to take out each individual stone, keeping them floating by your ideas, your eyes flickering from each one to judge it like it was a beauty pageant.

Peter looked at you ridiculously, “No, it isn't,” he took a deep breath, “Y/n, this isn’t you,”

You chuckled, fitting the glove on your hand snuggly as you raised the six individual stones further in the air, spinning them around you, “On the contrary,” you moved the space stone to one of the slots, groaning as its power seeping into your body, “I think this is most i’ve felt like myself in a while!”

He watched in horror as you put each stone in its individual departments, your smile growing wider and wider with each one. Your body began to float off the floor, the light emitted almost blinding him at how bright it grew.

“You don’t have to do this Y/n!” Peter shouted desperately, grunting as he pulled on the chains keeping him locked to the floor, “God dammit Y/n! You don’t know what you’re doing!”

You ignored his pleas, his words void of anything to your ears. 

“I’m sorry Peter,” you whispered, turning back to look at him with red glowing eyes, “But the villains just have more fun,” you cackled, breath heavy as the power of all the stones surged through your veins, making them pop with colour, “And I’m about to have the time of my life,”

With that, a bright white light filled Peter’s eyes, knocking him back against the debris, taking him out cold on the floor.

...

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Couldn't tag

[obeymematches]

Heya! I hope you’re not too swarmed by requests and that you’re staying healthy 💕 I was hoping for an obey me matchup if that’s okay?

I’m a cis bi girl, ENTP/ENFP, Capricorn sun, Virgo moon, Sagittarius rising (if you’re into astrology these are helpful otherwise just ignore uwu) and a Gryffindor. I have short blonde-ish hair, kind of a golden color ig, with bangs and hazel eyes. I’m a bit tanned and very VERY buff because I do loads of sports, and so I’m also not curvy at all unless you count in *cough* 🍑 My clothing style is kind of a melting pot of cottagecore, dark academia and goth, it makes no sense ik. Also I may have light autism according to my parents, but I’ve never been taken to get diagnosed because my brother has a therapist and two would be too ✨expensive✨

I have two very distinct sides to me that are complete opposites. The only way I can describe it is a goblin qkfbkafjwk. At first glance lot of people think I’m scary looking because I’m quite tall and have a light case of RBS but they dont know it’s just because I’m really tired all the time :) I can appear as a bit stuck up, emotionless and as a big pp energy type of gal, which isnt necessarily false but it’s not completly true either. I would never hurt anyone or anything and if I even see a squashed bug I will absolutely cry. Besides that I am quite emotional but i keep it to myself to my best abilities. Although when I’m happy, I’m really hyper and do little dances/ hug and kiss everything in my proximity. I’m dirty minded, subconsciously flirty and not afraid to talk to people I like. On the other hand, if someone makes an advance on me I’ll assume it’s for a practical joke or that they’re not serious because why would you do that, I’m kind of shit 💫🧚‍♀️

I do tons of sports, mainly swimming and I was close to going to junior Olympics last year (I didnt manage it because I overworked, didnt tell anyone and ended up with an injured shoulder and knee whoopsies). I also pole dance and I love high impact sports like boxing and such even though I don’t have a lot of time to practice those. Some other stuff I can do is horse riding, archery, singing, writing, drawing, stuff like that.

I actually have good grades even though I dont really study. I procrastinate every single thing and end up with better results than the people who worked hard which always makes me feel guilty. I really want to study English literature at Oxford but HAHAHAHA dream on, it will probably never happen, my family isnt exactly the rich kind lol. I’m also Slavic so it isnt even my first language. The only subject I could never do in high school was physics because what the hell is that.

Some other stuff about me is that I’m a foodie and a good cook. I really like taking care of people and comforting them. In my friend group despite being the youngest I’m the eldest sibling friend, aka I enable chaos but never join in, just stirr up a mess and observe from afar 🤠I’m really calm in situations that freak people out, for example I had an infection and was in a lot of pain but i laughed my way through it and while i had my surgery i chatted with the nurse which was overall a good time even though I was half naked and numb from the waist down oop

Relationship wise, not to be horny on main but I just wanna hold hands and make out 🥺🥺 Feelings are terrifying and I may be demi/aromantic which makes me feel really shitty about myself, but maybe I’m wrong. Although to be honest, all I really wanna do is make people happy and pamper them and maybe get some cute jewelry every once in a while because I’m a crow and I like shiny things that I cant afford ✌I’m kind of submissive (not exclusively in a sexual way) in the fact that if my s/o asks me to do something, ANYTHING, I will do it if it kills me.

Anyways, I know this is a lot but I hope it’s okay and I didnt forget anything. Take all the time you need and have a great day 💕💕

———–

Hiiii, thank you for sending in a request, i’m sorry for being like half a year late!! :( :( 

I decided to match you with Diavolo! 

Both of you being extroverted is a good combination as he is a very curious demon, meaning there is always something to talk about. Both of you enjoying others’ company is a huge bonus - no need to worry about boundaries! 

big booty couple

Don’t worry about therapy being expensive, if anyone then a prince can afford that for sure - not just that, he is as wholesome as it can get so you wouldn’t have to metion it. He wants the best for his princess!!! don’t mind the cost!!! (unless him paying for you would make you uncomfy… just be open about it darling)

You mentioned that you have a sibling. In a healthy relationship it is important that your partner and your sibling(s) can get along, which might lead to conflict in some cases - BUT NOT IN THIS ONE i mean Dia might overwhelm your family (being a prince and a demon u know) but he would really try his best for you and that is what matters!  

(i feel appearig tired all the time fghjk) 

Anyways your appearance wouldn’t like scare him off ar anything. Man is huge and strong but also a very sweet himbo

He falls for your soft side ngl. Like you crying over a bug is just so cute how could he not- 

Oh darling he knows how to deal with ppl who keep to themselves.. have you ever heard about his 2 best men? 👀 you wouldn’t have much chance at keeping your emotions from him. He wants this relationship to be healthy!! he cares for you so much!!! also who couldve hurt you emotionally i mean who wants to mess with a future queen… it’s his personal job to make your feelings be safe!!!! 

its all worth it because spending time with a happy you is the best thing that has ever happened to him 

you’re fun and he’s fun and its unlimited fun!!!!! 

your confidence when it comes to talking to ppl you like is great!! not everyone dares talking to him, which makes him lonely

but yea he is going to be the one to make the first move 

you have the range when it coes to sports which is, again, nice as he is curious. you are going to have to help him try out all that!! 

super interested in your hobbies and activities, which is a green flag! definitely indulging. 

i think he is very supportive of your studies and he is going to do his best to support your studies at RAD. you could definitely impress him with your talent!!

 hopefully studying at his academy is as good as your dreams of oxford 

he can only hope that

i think he would appraciate your calm approach to life! he is also the same, although he has some baggage hidden under the surface  - but no worries, he is going to open up when he realizes that he can trust you with his emotions. 

you beig dependable is also a nice bonus, but he will have to make sure not to ask too much from you - knowing you are going to push yourself too much if needed. 

you two would do like healthy couples do - every week there is a date; either a chat over tea which he likes and wants to share with you, or doing sports with you, or going go-karting, honestly the options are unlimited with this combination. 

its imprtant that you both can depend on the other emotionally as well 

one conflict might be because of his title, and also because you both tend to keep emotions to yourself. once you two can overcome these i think it should be a very healthy and mature and fun relationship! i think he would definitely fall for you but if you wanted to stay just friends he would be down too. he just can’t lose the one living person he can actually be himself around, can he ? 

[eldritchsurveys]

o58.

1. If you had the last person you kissed’s Facebook password, would you go snooping through their stuff? Why or why not?: >> Can Calah doesn’t use facebook, first of all; but second of all, if I had someone’s facebook password I wouldn’t be using it for that. I just don’t see the point of being that level of nosy, unless they’d given me express permission or something. Even then... meh. 2. Have you ever fainted? If so, when was the last time? If not, have you ever came close to?: >> I did once when I had a period for like three straight weeks and it was really heavy; blinked and suddenly I was on the floor somehow. The only other times that I’ve come close is when I was being asphyxiated with a plastic bag (consensually), and when I forgot to eat or drink for a while with drugs in my system and I had just walked a total of 60 city blocks. 3. Do you still trick or treat? If so, how old will you be when you stop? If not, how old were you when you stopped?: >> I have never done it. 4. Ever take a keyboarding class? Do you type using the skills you learned in that class or how you used to before you took the class?: >> Yeah, I’ve taken them. But I taught myself to touch-type when I was like six, so those classes were actually redundant (they made me do all the assignments anyway, even after I proved I could type at competent speed/accuracy). 5. What did the last umbrella you used look like?: >> It’s red and black and huge.

6. How many pairs of boots do you own?: >> One pair of fashion-y boots, one pair of rain boots, and one pair of snow boots. 7. Ever cut your hair (the entire thing – not just the bangs or a little part) yourself?: >> I always cut my own hair. It’s just a buzzcut so it’s really easy to do. 8. Do you find your best friend’s significant other/crush attractive?: >> --- 9. How much was your last paycheck?: >> Hm. 10. Do you get paid bi-weekly or weekly?: >> Monthly. 11. What do you do with your clothes that don’t fit anymore or just don’t want?: >> I either throw them away, give them to someone, or take them to Goodwill. 12. Do you cut out coupons?: >> I did as a child, because I liked the stim of cutting out things, not because I was actually going to use them for anything.  13. Does anyone in your house play xBox live?: >> I mean, our Xbox is connected to the internet... 14. What was the last school you attended (if you’re still in school, put the school you attended before you came to your current school?: >> Westfield High School. I mean, I did attend that one vocational school for a month before I left, but first of all it was just a month and hardly counts in my opinion, and second of all I don’t even remember the name of it anymore. 15. Would you ever date a co-worker?: >> --- 16. Did you ever breathe in helium and talk funny afterwards?: >> Yes! It’s hilarious. 17. Would you ever open your own business? If so, what kind of business could you imagine yourself having?: >> Probably not. I don’t have the patience or dedication for that sort of thing. But I’d help someone else with theirs. 18. What’s the age to buy alcohol and to buy cigarettes in your area?: >> 21 and 18, respectively, if I remember correctly. 19. Do you ever eat candy cigarettes?: >> Yeah. Didn’t care for them. 20. Is there anyone on your block/in your apartment complex/whatever that you’ve never seen? For example, you know someone lives next door but you may have never actually seen them leave the house or anything.: >> Sure. 21. When shopping, do you usually head straight for the clearance or sales racks?: >> Depending on the store, sometimes. 22. What’s your biggest pet peeve at your job?: >> --- 23. How old do you want to be when you move out?: >> That ship has sailed. 24. Have you ever seriously considered dropping out of school or college? What made you decide to do it/not do it?: >> My father never would have let me drop out of high school, and besides, what else would I have done with my life anyway? He would have kicked me out and it would have been downhill from there, lol.  25. Ever meet and talk to someone from an online dating site?: >> Yeah, I met Darkness that way (on GothicMatch, lmfao). But I’ve also met other people on dating sites, it just never went anywhere with anyone but him. 26. Last type of candy you ate?: >> A sour Mike and Ike. 27. Last time you deposited money in a bank?: >> I don’t remember, I have direct deposit after all. 28. What about withdrew money?: >> I withdrew money from an ATM at the Rebirth show. 29. Ever kissed someone with braces? If so, was it any different than kissing someone without braces?: >> Never done it. 30. Would you date someone you weren’t physically attracted to? Why or why not?: >> I don’t think I’ve ever dated someone I wasn’t at least aesthetically attracted to, even if not fully like “I WANNA TAKE THEM TO THE BONE ZONE IMMEDIATELY” levels of attracted, lol. Also, sexual attraction is its own beast, like, sometimes I might not start out sexually attracted to someone but as I get to know them I end up that way, or something. Or sometimes I’m not sexually attracted to someone (not like “ew” but just like “meh, can take it or leave it”), but I’m attracted to other things about them. Life and love and shit just be like that, it’s still all love.  31. Ever had egg drop soup?: >> Sure. 32. How many tattoos do you want in the future?: >> As many as I can fit on this small frame of mine. 33. How soon do you start planning your Halloween costume each year?: >> --- 34. Last time you had Chinese food?: >> I don’t remember. 35. Are you any good at dying hair?: >> I suppose? 36. What brand of shampoo did you use last?: >> I forget. 37. Ever spent outrageous amounts on a hair product that ended up not working as well as you thought it would?: >> No, not outrageous amounts. 38. What color were the seats in the last car you rode in?: >> Black. 39. Did you decorate your house for Halloween? If so, how many decorations? Did you go all out or just put up a few things?: >> We put up what few kitschy decorations we have, but it isn’t much. Sparrow’s mostly the one into the whole decorating business, I like to look at them but I find the actual process of decorating to be a little tedious, lmao. 40. When you were little (or maybe you still trick-or-treat now), which house gave the best candy?: >> --- 41. Last person to hang up on you?: >> --- 42. Are you excited for winter, or are you dreading it?: >> Can I have summer first, please, lol. 43. Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners?: >> I don’t really like pencil sharpening to begin with, I prefer mechanical pencils. 44. Do you still own a VCR? What about any VHSes?: >> No. 45. What’s your favorite scary movie?: >> I don’t know that I have a specific favourite, I just like a lot of horror movies. 46. How do you plan on spending your Halloween this year?: >> I don’t know... :/ 47. Which type of Halloween costume do you prefer, sexy ones or scary ones? Or maybe funny ones?: >> I like all of them. I’ve still never worn one, so... 48. What was the most boring costume you ever had?: >> --- 49. Heck, do you even celebrate Halloween? If not, sorry, those questions must’ve gotten annoying.: >> I celebrate it as well as I can, but I don’t really get to do much, is all. 50. Do you like cranberry sauce?: >> Sure.  

[inthewordsofahalfgoddes]

Free Writing

I feel sick. On friday i came home dizzy feeling like I was dead walking and passed out sleeping for most of the night into the day. I woke up sunday feeling a lot better but as i tried to eat my body was not having it. Even now I can’t stomach too much but apples and even then that is pushing it. i feel like at any second i will puke but It’s a faint sensation. I had two dreams that had me startled and put a slight cloud on my day until i forced the thoughts away. The first was strange and happened about 2 days ago. i was in an apartment listening to a friend of mine talk about his life. I was trying my best to fight trying to have sex with him and failing. even going so far as to entering the bathroom with him. ugh. i was pretty upset at myself in my dream cause I watched myself do it but in my head I was like ‘why are you doing this. don’t do it’. so anyway I have a pair of headphones on connected to like a walkkie talkie and I hear my ex’s voice on the other end. he’s talking about old money business and i click the talk end and ask him to repeat it. He is shocked and he says ‘your voice is too much right now’ and I apologize and ask him to repeat it. he starts to cry and i can hear the emotion and I look up feeling his pain. It was strange because I didn’t really care too much about the situation. I feel like I already moved on from him a long time ago and I didn’t regret my decision at all but haring the pain and emotion in his voice was too much. the dream ends and its a shallow dream so i know im near to akinng up. I carried that with me for the majority of the morning and it bothered me because i feel like i am being punnihsed for how the relationship went. I dragged it on for longer then it needed to be. wayyy longer and I still look back now and regret it but I’m learning to move past it and not dwell too much on it. I eventually was brave enough to face being alone and potentially being unloved so there is that. The other dream happened today. jesus had a weir dtanget and left a silly conversation we were having. i think he really just wanted to step away from me and i was actually pretty okay with it. I feel when we talk too much it puts a strain on our friendship. i wanna-say relationship but...I don’t like that. Inn my head im much more happy seeing it as a friendship because that means its safe. i almost don’t give myself any reason to be jealous  about others and i can give him my love in friendship and that is much more better for me. but some things he said got to me. He was talking about how dull and boring my life would be without him and at first i just joked about it but now I’m startting to see his point. Would i have been exposed to music without him? not as intense bth.My obsession with music and desire to persue it in some shape or form was inspiredby him and who he pointed out to me. I covet his songs so much. They are like staples for me and i dunno im actually listening to one of his songs now (let ‘em know by bryson tiller). So now that he has done his typical thing pretending to be upset and leaving “for couple of days” I have time to think. Its also venus retrograde whihc is like time to revisit and reassess how I see love, how i want to be loved and how I love others. also how my relationships look like and if there is a need for change. This is a simplistic view but its my understanding of it. So I know his venus is in Leo. which lmao is very fitting. hmm sometimes i wonder if I need to slow down with my thoughts of him. I am fascinated by him, pused by him, fired up by him, irritated, annoyed, and some feelings that i cant or wont name. So where does that leave me? Sometimes in my head i’ll call him allan and that makes me pause. Am i waiting for a saviour again? if i am i need to step back and realize that that only ends in pain and dissapointed hope. My last relationship i leanre da lot but it was under duress. it was painful and like forced me out of my caccoon under his hand and i felt so constrained as i tried to heal. it was too much for me and he never did understand me. Now that i’m just feeling jesus out I now see i see him as a saviour and i’m torn bewteen seeing him as one and being okay with it. is it so bad to have friends as liferafts? but at the smame time i dont think he should be treated like one :/ idk its weird though things have been feeling so surreal to me. watching my hands type and literally giving form to my words is unsettling to me. I feel like something is happening to me and i’m scared that its something bad. i don’t rmember being so sick before. in 3 years i only ever experieneced slight sniffles and here i am full blown sick and shit. i’m worried for myself and my body.I ask for michael’s healing and proetction. I am in a strange place and I wonder what will become of all of this. I feel so out of place. maybe its the books i have been reading too. When i read i somtimes carry bits of it into my life. i wake up in this world slightly disjointed and off. I finished reading parable of the talents and that left me shook. i have oto write a book review for that but ive been avoiding it for some reason? anyway I’m a lil way halfway trough lilith’s brood and I find the book fascinating and also scary in a way. i’m not scraed perse about the alients. or maybe i am idk. I’m more scared of the future where women and children will be vulnerable. why is it that males resourt to being bullies again once oscieties are gone? why sare they the most dnagerous? i mean even now they still are and its wrapped up in laws, decorms etc but in a dystopian futuere? terrifying. I couldnt be like Olomina and dress like a man because I am too fullfigured and womenly to pass. i am worried for myself. I just want to be free....i dunno what is going on with me? I ffeel like im drifting in and out of reality and things feel dreamy. I had a thought about my empathy and pisces power and like...maybe all my empathy is for books? thats when i feel so misty and out of it after reading ike my mind really led me away. im happy im reading again at least. it unsettles me that i am becoming  a women. I am entranced with myself seeing the curves, my skin and body seeing how beautiful it is but also seeing how dangerous it is to me and my life. How many times will people punish me for how i look? men mostly. and i dont mind suing what power i apparently have over them but its like i know it will be used aaginst me soon. i never feel wrong for knowing that my body is beautiful. I know it is and i know i am beautiful and a creature many may want to touch and have. I am growing into it and i feel like a flower that is maturing before peoples eyes and im afraid. i know fear is bad so let me say mor elike it unsetles me. but with chnage comes growth and i feel like because of my freeizing myself as i unthaw and turn into who i was supposed to be i am going to blossom very quick. its also weird too because as I say i want this this and this in my body over time i gain that. i was so e skinny and i wished to be thicker and now here i am getting thicker and i know if i atemore id be even thikcer and yet my stomach has not changedd and actually has remained smaller then it as before? i am also finally looking pretty. i felt like such an ugly child and now i wonder if its not that im being graced with it now but that i am seeing it in myself. i know i have eyes that can trap people. I actually look away to make them feel comfortable because if i stare too long at eople they either get caught up in my face (men especially) or they paue for a second.. idk. i feel like im changing t into something that ahs power that i am not comfortble handling;. or am i just being dramatic? the voice in my head is soft and quiet and that is the true me. I have to protect her because thhis world wants to hurt her and she is too good for it. that sounds weird.. But i know i have to keep this shell around me because peope see weakness and want to go for it/. when i gaine dback my sag and leo self i have used it like a shield against people and emotions. only a few know about my soter side/. jesus nampende and allan do. allan has used it and used it agains me to quiet myself, jesus looks down on it and i think nampende is the only one who sees it and sympathzes with it. alone i am soft and always ondering. when im with peoplei am dynamic lughing being wild and having fun. i know that that needs to be my face to protect me. these days i feel like i need to make a descion.  I dont know when and what i need to decide on but i know something will happen soon in my life. something big. idk.maybe its the new moon in virgo? or maybe its just me. im usually okay with momnets of confusion but coupled with this sickness and weird feeling im worried. i had my period so im worired im pregnant but....idk.anywasy on a more shallower side im getting my hair done and im trying to get a new phone. i know its mostyly because i wanna just fuck show people i actually am cute asf? for some reason i cna never capture how beauiful i am in pictures. maybe its the dymanicness of my face. idk i mosty want jesus to se it i think he thinks im ugy af and im like not??? if he saw me in person i dont think he would be saying and talking to me the ay he does. but i cant help things and tb its better that way. if i eve rsee him it will be a good suprise for me when i smirk at him like boyyyy you don fucked up;. anywyas im being etty and yes my exercises ha and will be fueled with this drema in mind veen tho i know it may not actually happen nor go the way i want ti to go. ughh sometimes i forget that im 23 and dont need to have it ll figured out. like thast not un expuse but i always be putting so much pressure on myself to know so much and catch up because i froze so much of myself. i know my body ma=eant well with how it chose to protect me but sis, i suffer lol.I am trying my best to just do my best. I feel tested and tested constantly but i guess with trying to be a better person and working on yourself. oh wait. PLUTO. i remmeber asking pluto a month ago to reveal all my bad shit a lotttt over the course of a month and sicne its a slow moving planet its prob now just hitting me. yikes. well if i cna make it through this then i really will be rdy for anything. so much pressure and stimulation i know i can survive but damn i need a break and shit.well i have tomorrow off so im probgonna chill and dhit. i have a meeting with some witches and other femmes in about an hour so lmao idk man im just trying my best. I hoope the universe sees that im trying because awd jesus i am. I love myself through this no matter what. the feeling that im gonna die is creeping up again its so strange i hvent felt this oh...its probably just anxiety over this sickess. ugdwheteriutuieyte45465hthrethuwt im gonna stop lol this has been too long already (peep the change in tone thast my sag self shining through)