#ik 300 isnt THAT MANY

[severevoiddragon]

it's crazy knowing some of my mutuals are like. big blogs. (300+ followers. to me-)

Here's me with my 91 followers hello why am i, a lowly peasant farmer, friends with you royalty-

Thank you for letting my posts go from 1 note to 20 notes with your many followers

[whoreishghost]

hi anon, i just want to say, this has nothing to do with what you said, but this whole topic and a related conversation got me thinking about stuff that i did want to post about. ik like all my mutuals are trans and uk based but im kinda annoyed and i like to write and get attention so here we are. parties, events, raves, etc are not really the primary way we trans people 'crowdfund' our transitions, we use the internet! primarily gofundme, but also a lot of other of other platforms that we all know of. i've made a gofundme, lots of people have made gofundmes. and like a lot of people, my gofundme failed. and thats kind of what i want to talk about?

(i live in the uk so im not gonna talk about anywhere else. yes, the rest of the worlds trans population *also* uses crowdfunding, but i dont have that experience. thanks!)

i live in the uk and the gics in the uk are how trans people are *meant* to transition. it takes years and people are dying. a lot of people are dying and really, thats probaby intentional honestly, but lets not say the quiet part out loud rn. so if waiting however many years it is now (for reference the biggest gic is currently seeing people referred in nov 2018 which is 5 years ago and they offered only 61 appointments last month:/) you might want another option. if you already know other trans people (who have been out a while/are older than you/are on hrt themselves) theres a good chance they can help you out with diying and this is a good option (ps are u in the uk and want to go on hrt but the gic/ur gp is super mean to u? dm me, i can help:3). but what if thats not your situation, or maybe you're looking for surgery? then you can go to one of our extremely overpriced private gender clinics! or a slightly less overpriced gender clinic abroad!

but also, ur trans, so u probably dont have money (statistically speaking, i mean) and that makes these £300 an appointment clinics to diagnose u as transgender when frankly you coulda told the guy that yourself a bit out of your reach. and you havent even gotten mones yet! let alone any surgery, if you wanted that. so you do what you see everyone else doing: you set up a gofundme, post it on twitter or tumblr or instagram or all three and you pray that people will be nice to you. thats where it all kind of falls apart.

crowdfunding is not about being nice. in very much the same way that the raise funds through a party are only possible through social status, crowdfunding is kind of the same. you can only successfully crowdfund if you have a lot of followers, and the *right* kind of followers. are your followers trans/allies? are they in a position to donate in quanities that will make an actual difference (because if youre going for sugery, youre not asking for a small amount)? will your followers spread the gofundme on? can your followers spread it on to other people who will donate/spread it on? are you in an in group maybe? also, are you hot and socially cool? did you make it big online? not really big necessarily, but a couple hundred followers to a couple thousand and at least a couple hundred have to be active.

in short, its a popularity contest. theres really not much more you can say than that. and while online, it doesn't skew so heavily towards White Trans Masc Top Surgery gofundme, that being said, you can't discount the transmisogyny, racism, classism, ableism and just plain old aesthetics that play a role in whos gofundmes achieve their goals. i did ok w mine, i got just under a 7th of the way there which isnt bad in all honesty given my teensy tiny online presence. i had some bigger users as mutuals on twitter at the time which helped me out, but even then even with everything working for me, it wasnt enough. thats the nature of a popularity contest: most people *have* to lose it.

and a lot of trans women (far, far more eloquently than me, mind you. go read whipping girl by julia serano if you havent already or hot allostatic load you can click on those words the link is there!) have spoken about the fact that they are often forced out of trans spaces and forced to make their own spaces with far fewer resources. this is especially true of disabled trans women and trans women of colour. these women are more likely to live in poverty and not be able to even set up the gofundme in the first place let alone have the social network to achieve the end goal of that gofundme. i dont really want to speak over people here, i am a white trans masc with housing and technically income i am on hrt i have gotten top surgery im even in the nhs gic! so if someone wants to add on here and speak from a more experienced and knwowledgeable perspective i'd really appreciate that.

the point i want to make is even when we try and equalise the opportunities for people to get healthcare, we aren't doing that in crowdfunding. its a popularity contest to its very very core.

NOTE: UK PEOPLE WHO NEED HRT, DM ME!!!!!!!!

re the top surgery parties thing I think it’s cute I used to kind of be against them before I made more transgender friends / early transition (hadn’t started t yet) but it’s nice to support each other idk

no i do agree w u on that, its v cute and im not necessarily knocking it as something fun. though as an aside i do think its funny that u say early 'in ur transition' as i came out publically in 2017 (and online in 2014) and ive been on t since early 2019 but thats another point all together.

what i mean more is the social status u need to be able to do one of these events at all leaves a bad taste in my mouth. its a popularity contest essentially and in a community where the 'least popular' are dying and brutalised far more than the 'most popular' its a bit grotesque almost? idk. maybe i am bitter, i think thats a fair way of seeing my response to them. but given that the majority of the people *i* (note: me, personally) have seen fundraising through these events are white trans mascs who are fundraising for top surgery in their early 20s i think its fair to see where i am coming from (please note: tumblr user kankum is a white trans masc in her early 20s).

the point is was making in maybe not the best way, is that there is a certain amount of pre-existing social standing you need to have to even broach this as an idea. and white trans mascs are simply more likely to have it. we are less likely to be ostracised from our communities, live in such poverty we cant access community spaces like raves, and more likely to know organisers for music venues and djs than other members of the trans community. it is a cute and fun community centred way of helping trans ppl but it is mostly helping those who are at the top as is, or so i see it anyway.

EDIT: also, um, not to be rude, but do you think i dont have trans friends?

[gaming-thoughts-by-an-idiot]

Fallout76 again:

"Ok but like, if you dont lock your stuff, it's free so like?"

"Oh my god... three... wE ARE THREE ASEXUALS AT THE SAME TEAM YOOOO! LOOK AT THAT??? THREE FLAGS, WHAT ARE THE ODDS??? YAAAS PRIIIIIDEEEEEE✊🏻✊🏻"

"Leave me alone, I'm shopping"

*tame mirelurk king walks around* "... ok that's just freaky"

"I've done so many quests, so fast, so many daily quests.... and now I have three left, and then I'm changing character and I just... hhhhhhh"

"Someone is waving at me, I'm in pip boy, go away??? Hhh what are they doing?? I hear the ?? Sound"

"Camp hopping, I'm tired of the over priced stuff.... just coman, I never go above"

"Hehe, sloCUM"

"I feel so bad for just going to their camp, and not buying"

"Someone is buying things from me! :D"

"... I think I need like four characters to get all the endings... should I make a new one?"

"Ok ok, interesting camp"

"What??? Where, what?? Its like a maze? And a race track and and?? I got stuck xD I just wanna buy stuff what is going on"

"Fuck.. I missed"

"Xxflo fr... you genius"

"I bet the shop isnt even at the end"

"They can see me when I enter their shelter, they know of my mistakes"

"I'm checking the other shelter"

"Fine, fine, fiiine! I'll make it"

"I'm gonna film this place"

"What a ride this is"

"This bothers me xD I want a jet pack, I wanna cheat"

"I just sent them a message 'Please, where's your vendor?😭😭' I'm stuck in a hole... for the forth time😭😭"

"Its outside! I'm screaming"

"Hell no, they're level 300??? Fuck that, they showed up on the camp, I'm not staying around high levels, ik its dumb, but I get so angsty.. yes I am 270, but I'm an idiot"

"I sent them a reply that said 'I'm a fool😭' "

"Help help help. A power armour ran towards me"

"Just saying that, normally when its night where I live, that's when people get mean to me"

"I generally dont wanna go down to peoples shelters if they have the vendor there... I was here since the beta. I have bad experiences"

"Power armour people are ✨scary✨"

"I should get like a watch that checks my pulse, so I can show when my pulse spikes whenever i see a high level player around me"

" :c i was just removed from the team... it's a glitch ik that but still :c "

"Oh... it wasnt a glitch... they just threw me out..... ;-; i thought we were strong aces.... I'm sad now"

"I'm all alone on a team"

"That's fine, I'm done here anyways so fuck you ;;;;-;;;;;"

"I have to do daily stuff with Jesus too, so whatever"

"I'm sad"

"... I'm on the same map... how why what no why?????"

"No wait, I think flo just jumped map too?"

"What just happened"

"Oh, ok, enemies took care of the quest, cop a squatter thing, so yay"

"Why wont anyone be with me"

"I joined team with flo, spooky"

"Ok, I'm now suddenly doing a quest?"

"This weapon is shit... lvl 45"

"Yay! Someone bought stuff from me🥰"

"Omg its flo"

"I have to remember that is is a good character, Jesus is here for good things. This is not my main where I'd see a scavenger, and even after they give me things, I kill them... no cuz this is a good character and they're not a raider, gotcha"

"A hunt for magazines, they cannot escape me"

"Fighting with my cat, I say 'no, u cant sleep my lap, that's where the controller is', and the fucking moment I wrote that, the fucker jumped on my lap. What an asshole"

"No magazine, but a bobblehead"

"Ok, flo isnt home, let's go"

"!!!! They showed up"

"Ok, flo got a female character, which means nothing, but for some reason it's like 'phew', and that is very sexist of my brain, I am sorry"

"Omg they're approaching me ;-;"

"Oh, waving, yeah hello bye thanks for selling stuff to good prices byee"

Me: oh they're not so scary after all

Them, approaching me, prob with no ill intentions:

Me: STRANGER DANGER😭😭

" but that's just me with any high level or power armour person so"

"Ok ok, I went to get Beckett, and then I have to get his shit, but i went back to my camp first to fix shit, and blood eagles followed me????"

"People left the team... now it's only me😭😭"

"Joined a new one"

"And someone right away started to buy from me, omg thank youuu"

"... here we go again... let's build stuff again, wow a new house woo -.-"

"Jesus.. *heh* I've gamed waaaay too long"

[foryouthegays]

Nothing bad ever happens at a festival. [Dream SMP] liveblog w/ timestamps

yes im still a techno apologist i love him too much [edit after he ‘betrayed’ tommy: yallre still tommy apologists after this???? lmao cringe /hj i think that theyre both right, but techno should be angry about it]

good technolaughs: 00:14:15, 00:50:50

other: (00:01:31 techno calls phil his friend,,,,,i love them) (00:16:55 tommy calls phil ‘dadza’ aww) (00:20:30 do do doo) (00:47:20 HEHH????) (00:56:15 SELLOUT TIMER POGGGG with dream! and then again at 01:06:55 and 01:25:20) (01:20:20 fundy is dead pog blood for the blood god)

posted the summary right before this :D

ik i say this every time but his startin’ the streammmm is so good i love it

a;ldkjfa 00:00:25 ‘whY IS A BOTTLE CONSIDERED A FRIENDLY CREATURE-’

also techno calling his audience ‘boys’ gives me so much gender serotonin ty mr blade ily

00:01:30 PHILZA MINECRAFT!!!!!

00:02:00 ‘im going to be headed to a festival today :D’ ‘oh you got an invite?’ ‘...im gonna be headed to a festival- [laughs]’ a;lkdsjfa love techno

phil is such a horrible person i love him. ‘dont kill too many people!’ 

phil n techno bullying tommys house,,,;alksdfjas

ALJDFAFDK 00:05:55 ‘the economic consequences of murder’ 

HI TOMMY

i love all the ‘inventor of minecraft, philza minecraft!’ jokes theyre so funny jhfdskla

ALS;DKJFA AT 00:07:30 TOMMY ASKS WHAT ENIGMA MEANS I LOVE HIM A;LDKFJA

i love tommy bc he just. he just says things. ex, 00:08:30, ‘it is likely, everything is likely when I am me, and I am always me, until the day I die. when I die, this world will be stupid.’ like how does he THINK of that???? what is his brain like???? i love him

‘technoblade, I only jump on poor people.’ 00:09:05

techno n phil have such similar vibes. like theyre both sarcastic n bounce off each other so easily,,,,,i want a full stream of them again, turtle time n a new home were AMAZIN

techno is literally tommys dad hes like, ‘do u have everything you need? do you have the potions?’ its hilarious

00:12:00 PHIL LOOK OUT ITS A BABY ZOMBIE <- another one of my favorite phil jokes

00:12:15 TOMMY AXE OF PEACE????

00:14:10 ‘wait a minute, its raining!!! see ya, looser!!!! HAAAA!!!!!!! OH NO ITS SNOWIN’ IM GONNA DIE- thats fine, its fine, AAAHHAHAH” sky/bed wars energy 

00:15:45 what do u MEAN u arent against dream. i mean it makes sense, bc tommy isnt ur brother in canon nd hes just a kid u found nd helped but SIR?????

00:16:55 DADZA ALDSKJFAF

AL;DKFJA 00:17:15 ‘i dont think we’re in l’manburg anymore, tommy’ 

technos such a nerd abt directions i love him

ALKDSFJAFA 00:19:45 ‘hey, hey, notice that cool guy who used to live in lmanburg, that always built massive cobblestone towers?’ ‘uhhh yeah, that idiot’ ghjkfdsl techno ur so mean to tommy

tecnos yellin voice is so pretty

A;LSDKFJAS OPERATION INFILTRATION THATS A GOOD NAME 00:23:00

00:25:35 ‘you guys have fortnite?’ techno,,,

00:27:50 [about dream] ‘i think we’re quite a long way past making an enemy, technoblade.’ tommy has some good lines sometimes

aldkaf ‘i dont even see stars,,,’ ‘thats depressin’ ‘..yeah’ i love techno n ranboos mini conversations 

DREAM JOINED THE SERVER OH GOD. 

00:30:40 :CRAB: DREAM IS HERE :CRAB:

gjfsdfk tommy is so bad at directions is great

i love technos ‘????’ in chat when he has to be quiet its so funny. like he could easily mute and say things but its for the Immersion jhfgsdk 

also yall look at how much technos stuttering in his typing he has to go back at like, every other letter to retype it 00:36:15

A;SDLFKJAS HE LITERALLY TYPES ‘WHY CAN I NOT TYPE’ GHKDFJ

00:37:15 50V2 50V2 50V2 also dream sounds so mad

00:40:40 “HE WOULDN’T LIE TO ME, DREAM, HE’D LIE TO YOU, BUT HE WOULDN’T LIE TO ME.” OH MY GOSH

00:41:10 “i mean, you’re out here, accusing him of crimes, and you’re saying just because he’s defendin’ himself, that makes him guilty?” HELL YEAH TECHNO also oh, yeah, whatever, laws, cringeee

HFGJKSD TECNO RANBOO FRIENDSHIP STRIKES AGAIN!!!!! LOVE THEM

ASLDKJFASL AND THE FACT THAT TECHNO CHOOSES RANBOO TO MESSAGE,,,,LOVE THEM

[presidential alert, the boys are FIGHTINGGGGGG] a;lsdfja 00:43:30

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE

HOLY SHIT TOMMY

00:45:05 ‘THE DISCS WERE WORTH MORE THAN YOU EVER WERE’  OH MY GOD

technos right, silent pvp is awkward as well

oh boy dream has alllll the discs

00:46:40 

“Techno...this isn’t me... this isn’t...I mean, I look around, and I’m not the person I want to be. I- I mean... I’m so sorry. Techno, if this is who I am, then I don’t want to be me anymore, man. I- I’m sorry. I’m with Tubbo.”

HOLY SHIT TOMMY JUST BETRAYED TECHNO RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM OH MY GOD PHILZA RLLY IS THE ONLY PERSON TECHNO CAN TRUST

oh holy FUCK technos change in tone from “TOMMY WHEN I SAID- Tommy, perhaps I wasn’t clear yesterday. When I said that I’m going to destroy L’Manburg, and that you don’t have to help me, when I said yOU DON’T HAVE TO HELP ME TOMMY, I MEANT THAT YOU COULD SIT IT OUT, NOT SWITCH SIDES, AND FIGHT AGAINST ME!”

also “youRE BETRAYING ME, IS WHAT YOU’RE DOING, TOMMY” god i love technos yelling voice,,,

hoLY SHIT TOMMY ‘im worse than everyone i didnt want to be...’ DUDE CHILL ITS TECHNOS THING TO HAVE GOOD LINES 00:47:55

the contrast between tommy saying the whole ‘‘it is likely, everything is likely when I am me, and I am always me, until the day I die. when I die, this world will be stupid” and “i know what ive done, and I hate me for it” is just,,,,that HAD to be planned, right???????? theres no way he thought of that on the spot 

“thank you, for giving me the disc, but I just want to say that you’re an idiot” gfkhjsld DREAM you homeless fool 00:48:30

AL;SKDFJAS TECHNO TALKIN TO US VIA CHAT IS SO FUNNY ‘THIS HOMELESS MAN IS SPITTING BARS’ I LOVE HIM SO MUCH GJFKDS 

“you just gave me the ONE THING I needed to destroy L’manburg.” 00:49:05 ohhhh thats why techno ‘betrayed’ tommy jkghsfd because someone directly lined up with his ideals??? because he was just betrayed, and hes hurt, and he saw someone standing up for his ideas and future actions? every single one of u anti c!techno people r fuckin idiots i stg /hj /nm /lh

i love techno yelling at tubbo its so funny to me. like sir u are bullying a small child aldkfjalja

00:50:30 YOU CAN HEAR TECHNOS SMILE WHEN HE SAYS ‘OH IM LIKING WHERE THIS IS GOING’ AHHH I LOVE HIM!!!!!!

LASDKJFALSFJ I LOVE HOW DREAMS LIKE NAH I AM N O T CALLIN IN THAT FAVOR FOR THIS, UR GONNA DESTROY LMANBURG NO MATTER W H A T

GOOD TECHNOLAUGH AHH  YES LISTEN TO THAT JOY!!!!! THAT WAS A SOLID FIVE SECONDS OF TECHNOLAUGH!!!!!

ALDSKFJASF TOMMY KILLS TUBBOS DOG 

00:52:30.

“Tommy. Give me back my axe. You’re not worthy, I was wrong.”

“...no. No! You know what, Technoblade? I am worthy. And you’re not- you’re not gonna side with Dream to take down L’Manburg, are you.”

“I- I’ve been so transparent about how I’m going to destroy the government, I’ve explained my reasons, like, I’m destroying it because of a, b, c, they executed me, they betrayed me, you betrayed me... you know what, Tommy? You’ve made a decision today that can’t be undone, and you know what? I respect you, Tommy. You’re free to make your own choices, wrong as they are, that’s what anarchy is about. It’s about freedom, to do what you want. But all I have to say, Tommy, is that I hope you don’t come to regret it. “ OH MY GOD

also he just LEAVES :LDFJSLDKFJSF AND GOES BACK HOME IGHALSDFJALKF

A;LDKJSFAS DREAM TECHNO SELLOUT POG

a;ldkfja 00:57:10 ‘i’ve always said, you know, if you’re a viewer, the only support I need is your viewership. UNLESS YOU’RE A MILLIONAIRE IN WHICH CASE, RUN THOSE SUPERCHATS LETS GO” i love techno 

also dream :handshake: phil

green

 ALSDKFJALSF HE ALREADY FORGOT WHAT HAPPENED HES SUCH A NERD 00:58:00

AND THAT ‘I HAVE CONFIDENCE’ AN HOUR IN,,,,IM SO GAY

01:01:20 have yall noticed how much techno says ‘i hate this so bad’? its p often. i think he says it in his recent vid w skeppy as well

ok at 01:02:20 techno says to dream ‘this seems like the beginning of a beautiful partnership’ 

and at 01:34:10 of ‘nothing goes wrong’ techno tells tommy ‘this seems like the beginning of a beautiful friendship’ and i just,,,,,the PARALLELS they had both just found out abt the wither room but with one techno was showing him the whole truth and was vulnerable, kinda asking for friendship but the other is unstable and based off of....i want to say fear? mutual gain? 

i love it

01:08:40 techno doesnt trust dream pog

nother speech pog 01:09:10

“you know what I’ve learned, Phil? It’s that common interests are what bind people together, more than trust or anything, because I trust Tommy, I brought him in, I gave him food, the armor on his back, I made him weapons when everyone else ditched him, and what does he do?? He just goes crawlin’ back to the guys that exiled him. I can’t trust people on friendship alone, alright? Just common interest is the only thing I can trust, and we [Techno and Dream] have a common interest, we are going to destroy L’Manburg tomorrow, Phil, it’s gonna be gone, it’s gonna be a chunk error.”

01:14:48 all men do is betray technoblade, eat hot chip, and lie ALSDFJALDSFKAJSF IM LAUGHING SO HARD also why does techno casually use words like ‘exodus’ i love him but why

Run.

THE CAT SEES US. ITS MCGONAGALL A;LKDFJALF 01:22:45

‘we should make a parody of YMCA. dddd m c a’ blitz 2??? cmon techno u know u want to 01:23:25

technos glasses break at 01:26:50 a;ldskfjaf

awww techno got phil like 300 primes bc of the sellout nd techno gained 11,000 subs a;ldkfjaf w o w

[livingtilwedie]

Proud of myself this morning. My dads gf, an AWESOME cook, offered to make me breakfast and I said I wasn't hungry. It has been a long time since I was able to control myself and not take the food they offer me. She cooks a lot and its so good it's impossible to say no to her food. I only ate dinner yesterday but we went out to dinner and I drank 2 sodas w dinner which ik is so many calories and I have no idea how much i ate bc i didn't finish my meal and ate so many chips and salsa before I got my food. I also feel guilty because my friend who also has an ed was over at my house and since i was trying not to eat lunch she didn't either and i feel like its my fault. Luckily my family keeps me constantly triggered so it's not always too hard to not eat but I always binge cause i think well now ive eaten so it doesn't matter anymore and i just binge. Also my dad finally went grocery shopping and bought chicken patties and the whole sandwich is like 300 cals which isnt bad but if I eat that for lunch and then they end up making a big dinner idk what to do. I could purge since im home alone for lunch today but i really dont want to get into that again. Sorry this is just a rant cause i cant talk to anyone abt this stuff cause my bf and best friend both have eds.

[ghostjesse]

TEDDY GIRL YOU ARE AMAZING! IF ANYONE SAYS OTHERWISE THEY HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL AND I’LL MAKE SURE THEY FIND IT. IM SORRY THAT YOUR ISNT APPRECIATED SOMETIMES THE FANDOM DOESNT DESERVE U QUEEN. IK IT’s ANNOYING AF WHEN LIKE AN ASK GAME OR SOMETHING HAS 200,000 NOTES AND SOMETHING U SPENT FOREVER ON HAS 300 OR HOWEVER MANY U GET SO IM SORRY ITS HAPPENING TO U. YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND HAVE THE WHOLE WORD OF POTENTIAL. YOU DESERVE THE WHOLE UNIVERSE TEDDY, I LOVE YOU. KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH ❤️

Lala, honestly, you are such an angel

thank you for saying this, really ♥️ you are always very kind and supportive and I appreciate it, because hardly anyone is like that 🙃 so thank you