#iitv asks

[solsearchingnights]

Hi! You reblogged a post recently about authors not wanting to talk about symbolism and repetition and themes and foils and analysis stuff in their own work, and I was wondering if you had anything like that for your fics (that you’re willing/able to share) because if so I’d love to hear it! (I may have become mildly obsessed with iitv and a lesson of fire and ice recently since they’re the kind of thing I like to read and amazingly well done)

OOOOOOoooooohhhhh boy!! There is so much

But because I'm at work and also terrified of accidental spoiling my own fic by getting too excited talking about it let me just talk about the title. It's something I've wanted to explain for a while!

Ink in the Vase

I needed something to evoke an image, right away. And its a complex one. Even if you're not familiar with "Flower Husbands", 'vase' is almost always connected to a bouquet of flowers. So it's a steady image. Everyone can put their own flowers in it. Maybe the flowers will change over time, with new events in the story or in the reader's own life events.

The same goes for the vase itself. Up until the carafe of flowers in the hospital chapters, there was no indication of a particular style. I describe Jimmy's dishes as having a mish mash of antiques and hand me downs from Ela, so maybe the vase becomes a chipped and repaired antique to some people. Maybe the image of the carafe was impactful enough that it's what stays as the image to people. Or maybe the bleakness of Jimmy's home in the beginning sticks with the reader, and they imagine a plain, dusty, glass vase.

It's interactive, flexible, and starts a process of pulling the reader into the story before they ever read it. And it's a good hook every time an update comes. It brings up the reader's personal experience with the title, and makes it easier to recall past events of the story.

And the Ink.

It took a bit of a leap on my part, but I found two ways to make this work.

The first, is that ink is staining, permanent. Whatever it touches, purposely or not, leaves a mark. Anything that happens in the story or the backstory, I want it to feel like it's clinging, staining, impossible to completely ignore. If that ink, those events, are touching the rest of the mental image, the vase you're picturing isn't allowed to be "perfect", the flowers are going to be poisoned.

And second, is where I took a leap. I loved doing flower staining growing up. That thing, where you make a fresh cut of a stem and feed the plant dyed water to turn the petals different colors. There's ways to do it with living flowers and cut bouquets. It depends on what you feed the flowers. So we can see the flowers, see the results of what they've been fed, what they've been placed in and forced to make a part of themselves. If that food/water is toxic and dark and ugly, signs of that experience will show. But if you clean the food source, put in bright colors and healthy food, fresh water and love and care, the next buds will come out healthier and healthier, until all that's left of the toxic relationship is memories and pictures and maybe a little bit of a shadow of a stain. It can get better, if people are willing to put in the work and care to fix it.

Put it all together and even if no one ever thinks about me as much as I did- even if no one knows what exactly the title is doing, I know that it's special. I know there's gonna be people who it has an effect on, even if they don't know why. I know how important this little four word summary of the story is.

Honestly, I would love to see the images "Ink in the Vase" has brought to people's minds.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you for this ask!! I hope it's what you were looking for. If you had specific things you were wondering about, feel free to ask. This was so so cool to have permission to talk about and I'm very much happy stimming atm lol.

<3

[solsearchingnights]

i finished! I fiNISHED! I AM STIMMING SO MUCH RN if it werent late as hell i would be Loud but it is late as hell so im just gonna Ramble! it is probably not great that i read this fic and the entire time i was going "ah yes, logical" wrt the depression thoughts and self-isolation but i did and that is a thing i am Working On so like that hit hard and it was just another way to be emotionally devastated by this fic. and also i love xenbe, and the blood sport crew and i love (1/???)

Okay so basically I would kill on your behalf holy shit you are so sweet. Oh my god this is incredible to get.

The fact that other people lose their minds just like I do over this story is so wild to me.

I really wish I had like, the words and coherence to reply to like every point and thank you for every single thing, but can I just offer: I am now stimming wildly and my face hurts from smiling!! Thank you so much!! <3 <3 <3 <3

[solsearchingnights]

YOU!!!!!!! [Yes this is about the new IitV chaoter]

Me! :D

legit i love this chapter so much i makes me so happy

[solsearchingnights]

Just so it's clear and to make sure you didn't misinterprate, the "piece of shit" I meant in the comment is Scott's ex. Wait, didn't they kill Scott? I think you mentioned in an earlier chapter. Wouldn't the whole server get the chat message saying it was them? Did they face repercussions from the community on there? I hope so, I hope so so much

oh dont worry, i understood

the chapter "old neighbors" has some interesting perspective on what the other server members thought about the arrangement...

[solsearchingnights]

Genuine question I have now

How much longer are you expecting iitv to be cus you definitely act like its close to being done

I wouldn't say close. More than halfway, but I've definitely had to add chapters to fix some pacing issues. I'm writing it faster than I started, so it's gonna feel closer. And as I talk about it, it feels tighter because I have so many scenes already outlined, and pretty much all of the foundation is already locked in so I'm getting to write the stuff that feels like it moves faster/smoother.

I gave DRA the timeline of "summer" so that if I can't start it until the end of August I'm still on time. I don't want to rush either of them.

[solsearchingnights]

Read iitv first thing after I woke up so naturally I've got a terrible headache and my eyes are burning but

ahshdjsjs them they make me do eueueueuei love them and I just wanna clutch them in my hands and never let go

I completely understand!! I just wanna squeeze them!! I keep saying it, but I love this chapter.

[solsearchingnights]

I read the new chapter instead of working on research for a class and all I can say is

Why

I don't even know what I'm asking why about

Just why

They're both such idiots and I love them but why are they just so

Just so them I guess

My feelings are hurt and I should probably do my classwork

Great chapter and you will be hearing from my lawyer

Oop. The adult in me is like, "damn stop posting early so these folks can work/go to school/have a normal day." But like, thats not gonna change lol. It just so happens that around 4 in the morning for me is usually when it's done.

I hope you can recover for school work! <3

(also I answer lawyers with blade drawn, so make sure they come prepared)

[solsearchingnights]

have you listened to Exeunt by the Oh Hellos? It reminds me of Ink in the Vase (one of my favorite fics by the way, I am definitely due for a reread)

Ooooo I might have to add that to the playlist!

I'm so glad you enjoy it! Might as well update the blog here: I promise, it's not abandoned. Updates were slowing down as my health got worse until we reached the hiatus it's on right now. I ended up having surgery to address the health issues, have been in a roller coaster of depressive episodes due to recovery, lost two beloved pets, quit my job, and my computer with chapter drafts broke (coolant pump is dead)..... and then all the bullshit with Xenbe came out.

So. All that being said, I'm writing the rest of it, I swear. I'm still figuring out how to rewrite parts of it to remove Xenbe's character (seriously considering taking my betas notes from waaayyyyy back that my TapL and Xenbe voices were too similar and giving my beloved Harvy the role). And it will involve rewriting, since I care about character voice and personality so I refuse to just replace names.

It's a lot. I'm going to return to it. I swear. And I'm so glad you enjoy it. <3

[solsearchingnights]

OKAY this feels weird, but when this next chapter gets posted please be a little extra gentle with me? For all the things I've written for IitV this is the one thats really (for lack of a better word) triggered me significantly. All things considered, it's not significantly worse than other things in the fic, but the way it's affected me personally and immensely is worth mentioning.

I'm still gonna post it, but editing is taking significantly longer because I keep needing to walk away from this part. So maybe if this fic has done anything positive for you, remember than when this gets posted and maybe leave a comment or ask or something? I'm going to need the positivity.

[solsearchingnights]

Fanfic wip guessing game--

murder

A bit of the backstory for IitV Hannahxxrose if I ever get around to finishing it.

They called her a rose, but that was ignorance. She was beautiful, yes, but her thorns were more than a nuisance, her stem more than tough. She was caapi, able to climb anything, wild. She was hunted down for what she could give to others, and she was fed by a toxic soil.

But she would let them think her a rose; decorative, common, delicate.

It made the look of shock on their faces much sweeter when she drove a blade through their bodies and they figured it out for themselves. She was a murderer; unstoppable, unpredictable, bloodthirsty.

ask meme

[solsearchingnights]

You asked for it.

2, 5, 9, 17, 18

Oh thank gods, you're okay. I was really worried about you <3

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

Yeah. I have one read through after posting to get the last minute typos, and then I guess I probably read things again after a month or so to see if it holds up? Then maybe every once in a while I'll come back to one to reassure myself I'm actually okay at writing.

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

*sigh* My post-Mass Effect 3 fic. I love that bitch, and I think about it all the time, but I don't see myself ever able to reconcile ideas and headcanons I've had since I was 17 with actually writing it down today.

9. Do you write every day? If you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written!

I try to. (I think you just want IITV spoilers /lh)

“I kind of owe you some explanation.” He held up a hand before Jimmy could protest his choice of words. “Just give me a minute.” His ears turned just a little red and he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. “And, can you sit with me?”

17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?

I learned about the "Jack is a time traveler" theory because of looking up Titanic trivia for a fic that I didn't even end up writing (I haven't seen the movie so I had to look up everything lol).

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

“Scott?” His voice was broken, a beg for mercy and teetering on the edge of tragedy.

and

“Petal, I used to know every inch of you.” Jimmy’s other hand traced down his husband’s chest, following old marks from servers long dead. “I could map your life and mine by these scars.”

Because I am a purple prose, poetic, pretentious bitch and I love it.

[solsearchingnights]

Oh wowee it's me who would've guessed I'd return wow mhm mhm great yea anyways

I just wanted to ask how my favourite fanfic author is before I either sleep or reread iitv at 10 pm while sleepy knowing that I'll need to be up at like 7

Hope you're having a nice time I'm currently fighting sleep :)

omfg sleep. I know it's hard to believe, but sleep is better for your body and brain than rereading sad minecraft men the soap opera.

I am still at work for another hour (at least) so I'm doing as well as that can go lmao. Thank you for saying hello! <3

(also i shouldn't be anyone's favorite anything its only a matter of time before i tell you to go flip a cop car and light a crisis pregnancy center on fire)

[solsearchingnights]

Ask game: 6, 10, and 27!

Hi Storm!!

Okay, 6 I just answered for Oli but the other two....

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

IITV for sure.

I really thought I would be writing it for me and maybe another survivor with complicated trauma that came along. I don't know how to begin describing the fear that took hold in me when that bitch got 10 bookmarks.....I try not to look at the numbers anymore lmao.

But I'm glad so many folks seem to think it's good. As much as I'm afraid of it, I really do appreciate all the love.

27. Is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? Why?

I know saying "all of them" is a cop out, but to some degree it's true! But I think especially one shots of less popular characters and ideas. The Ponk & Hannah one shot is the best example of that. I'm almost glad it didn't get much attention, because I see a lot more griping and toxic fandom opinions about those characters. I love them, but I know a lot of people don't.

For that same reason, I get nervous about adding in less popular characters to larger works. Adding Xenbe and Elania to IITV was the right choice for the characters I wanted/needed, but because readers aren't as familiar with them, they get more heavily scrutinized.

[solsearchingnights]

Fanfic wip guessing game--

seven (7)

okay I promise this is the last one because I've just given you a lot of notifications

(side note: your fics are great, I especially love ink in the vase, but your other fics are also very awesome)

I genuinely can't find something with seven?? Of all the ones....huh. I mean, there's always the already posted flachbacks from IitV, but nothing in progress.

Thank you so much!! I really really appreciate it!

ask meme

[solsearchingnights]

BY THE WAY, I haven't had any IitV readers reach out to me about having commissions open, so I'd like to remind you, yes you, dear reader, that if you or someone you know that is also a reader has visual art commissions open, please let me know! I want to have a list in case the couple I ask aren't interested!