#iirc they never say who or what is in the white cloak

[deathbyoctopi]

for @fieri-sentio-et-excrucior

oooh!! WIP 9 is actually something I had forgotten about! Thanks for bringing it to my attention XD

iirc I wanted to write a night hunt with xue yang and xiao xingchen, they went off to investigate a fur seller whose family was haunted by a fox yao

(tbh I think this might have been the initial idea from which A Comedy of Yi City Errors sprouted, I took the concept and just... made it crack. add song lan in the mix for some fun XD

it's not very long, so I'll just put what I have so far under the cut :)

Prompt: A fur merchant needs help deal with a yao. A-Qing needs a new fur cloak for winter nights, The math is very simple, thinks Xue Yang, but Daozhang was never very good at adding up.

They were running low on wood. Xue yang noticed it, absent-mindedly, because he could see the lower cracks on the wall where they stored the logs. He hadn’t seen those until early spring last year, and they were barely in the middle of winter. That much, he was pretty sure of – last winter hadn’t been that fucking cold.

Oh, well. It was something to worry about tomorrow. A trip or two to the woods, find the driest logs and haul them back home. Now that his leg was healed, he could work much faster… Though, if he were to feel a bit under the weather -the cold did make his bones ache sometimes, particularly his hand’s- then daozhang would surely lend him a hand in the woods. In more than one way, if he played his cards right.

But for the time being, he just picked a couple logs and brought them to their little campfire before sitting in his spot, thinking of some ways to entertain himself. Next to him, a-Qing shivered. He thought of getting his knife and carving something out for her, maybe a new hairpin for the new year… but soon got distracted watching Xiao Xingchen, who was twisting and braiding twigs into a new basket. We should start selling those, thought Xue Yang. That’s the third one he’s made since the last one broke, they’re starting to pile up.

However, even working such menial tasks, Xiao Xingchen possessed an ethereal beauty that captivated him. It was the same beauty that he’d longed to ruin ever since the moment he’d laid eyes on him. That he got to ruin and defile whenever he wanted now, and in ways that didn’t leave lasting damage and actually had Xiao Xingchen beg for more.

Xue Yang knew some day he’d give the final blow, his crowning victory, and he’d get to see him crumble one last, definitive time. He certainly wanted his vengeance, but… not just yet. No need to rush. They could stay like that for a bit longer. Xiao Xingchen looking absolutely devastating, him mesmerized by the sight… and a-Qing, still shivering.

“Little Blind, if you keep trembling like that your arms will fall off” he said eventually 

 ((something something, segway))

The night is cold, and a-Qing shivers. She huddles up next to Xiao Xingchen, and Xue Yang is not one to miss such an opportunity, so he comes right along to his other side. They bicker over it (because of course they do) and she goes to sleep, with extra clothes tonight. Also a stone from the bonfire for added warmth. Xue Yang will be all the warmth Xiao Xingchen needs.

Next morning, they go to market and a-Qing pretends to bump against a fur stall. She’s in love with a white fox coat, and dares Xue Yang to get it at a discount. He says potatoes are easy, fur is fucking expensive, and it’s a wandering merchant, which means he doesn’t know him. Then she tells him to steal it (suggests, more like, and discreetly making sure Xiao Xingchen is nowhere in the vicinity), to which he asks who does she think he is. Then she threatens to cockblock him for the remainder of the winter, crying at daozhang that it’s too cold and she’d prefer to sleep with him, and see, that is effective.

Don’t you dare.

Just you watch.

Then he tries to haggle a bit, but the merchant is terribly shrewd and won’t give… (He also seems like someone who’s seen some serious shit, and therefore won’t be easily intimidated. At this point, Xue Yang is already thinking of murdering him on his way out of town and hiding his body in the forest, though he’ll have to find a convincing excuse for a-Qing’s and his own, and daozhang’s new set of furs. He’ll shower him with bloody presents!) Until he sees Xiao Xingchen, and he changes his tune immediately.

Merchant has a yao-related problem, it seems! And needs help, which he can’t find around because of the fucking sects being away, uncaring and fucking expensive. His house is two days away from here, but he’ll make it worth their while. With the fur coat, probably.

[daylighteclipsed]

So, I just finished Kh1 and started KhBBS and I never really noticed the amount of odds and ends that literally pointed to the ending of Kh3 and perhaps four?

Firstly, Kingdom Hearts 1.

In Kingdom Hearts 1 in the terrarium of Hollow Bastion, there is a total of five lifeboats (Or was it timeboats? I don't remember the name of those pods). In Kingdom Hearts Union, there was seven lifeboats which was distributed as follows:

One went to Maleficent.

One went to Ventus.

One went to Brain.

One went to Lauriam.

One went to Elrena.

One went to Skuld.

One went to Ephmer.

By number, seven lifeboats was used, but by technicality only five was used. Reason behind this is because of Brain and our character. In the data world before the escape, it was acknowledged that there was seven boats, seven of us. The Evil Fairy took one, and the other was broken, leaving five.

Five the number that so happens to be in the terrarium of Hollow Bastion. But we're not going into that just yet.

Within this five, four was used and the three that remained was to wait for Brain to send back two. By the time the two lifeboats returned, only two people remained, our character tricking the darkside and locking it away with our bodies in the... Plug? Or was it a wire? Idk.

This meant that at this precise time, there was three lifeboats. One for Skuld, one for Ephmer, no one to take the third.

I don't know about you, but it's time for a little 'Tether' dictionary look up.

Tethered is to tie something to a post or fixed to the ground with a rope or chain. In business terms, it means that data loggers are tied to a computer and tracks data at whatever interval they're set at.

In ones opinion, the lifeboat that remained is a tether.

Now wait, I am aware that the data realm completely corrupted itself by darkness, but according to Kingdom Heart Theory, the data realm should've just showed up in the darkness realm or ended up like 'The End of Worlds'. The worlds never really disappear because the people from the place keeps it alive by having it in there hearts.

Now getting back to Hollow Bastion Terrarium. The five that remained could symbol the actual number of Foretellers and could possibly explain how the heck they got to the current timeline, or it could be a recreational project that so happened to be a coincidence.

Moving on... Moving on!!!

Second thing I noticed was Riku's heart and body. According to them, Riku's heart won against the darkness, but his body didn't. I don't know exactly why that information stuck with me, but it kinda sticks with the whole situation of our character in the plug.

Finally, Birth by Sleep.

Ventus was encased by ice by Xehanort in the cinematic sequence and by some way was purged of his darkness before Xehanort 'Long live the king'ed him. In Kingdom Hearts 3, Sora was crystallized and was comparable to ice. For some reason, if a person heart is affected by the keyblade, ice like effects happen, for example, Kh1 when Sora used the keyblade on himself.

Not his finest moment, please forgive him.

The same can be said for Strelitzia who was struck down by the Keyblade, like Kairi now that I think about it, and she turned crystalized ice like.

I just love the fact that Crystalized Ice = Death = Not Really Dead, but hey! We out here living the after death life.

Sorry for the long ask, I just really, really find it both weird and strange that I didn't pay too much attention to it, and please, tell me if I'm overthinking, or actually on to something. Thank you!

The first half of this sounds so interesting, but KHUX stopped making sense to me at the end so 😭😭😭 I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say about that.

I think Riku trapping darkness in his heart is important because it is related to The Player, like you said, and what the MoM was/is trying to do with the Foretellers… Only, Riku’s the only one to do that “right” so far. Instead of forcing it with the purpose of destroying it, he accepts the darkness as part of his heart and knows how to turn the darkness back into light: love. He’s truly figured out what no one else has figured out in thousands of years… I love him so much.

Also, this ask made me realize Riku is technically a heartless for the entirety of CoM? He doesn’t have a nobody because his body was destroyed? And I guess Sora is a heartless throughout CoM, too, if Namine and Roxas exist while CoM is going on? Right? Sora looks like himself because of Kairi’s Princess of Heart powers, and… Riku looks like himself because his heart won against the darkness. That really adds to the idea that Castle Oblivion should be viewed as less a physical place and more a state of mind. I digress.

I don’t know much about Final Fantasy, but I believe Sora being crystalized in the KH3 secret ending Bad End is supposed to be similar to FF’s crystal stasis. So you’re pretty much right! Crystal stasis is a sleep like death. Not quite death, but pretty close. Like being cryogenically frozen.

Rewatching KH1, Sora doesn’t look like ice to me — he turns into gold sparkles; it’s the same gold hue that Riku (Riku’s heart in the shape of Riku) has when his heart wins against Ansem/darkness — but Xion looks like ice when she “dies” at the end of Days... I’d argue Kairi looks more like water than ice when Xehanort slices her. She looks like the heartless in the Final World that we fight in the tutorial section of KH3. As for Strelitzia… I think her body turns into sparkles, too, but you could argue that’s mist. Water.

Either way, water is consistently used as a symbol for darkness (as well as sleep because “darkness holds our sleep”) in KH, and ice is just another form of water. So the water and ice effects for characters who “die” but still remain are probably intentional.

[eviltothecore13]

IIRC that is correct but I couldn’t remember the exact wording--hence why I said sapphic, as in WLW, instead of lesbian. All we know for sure is she’s into women, no word on whether she might be into any other gender as well.

As for this hidingoutbackstage person...they’re insisting on things that are literally canonically untrue.

Yes Wesker is a eugenicist and a kidnapper and killed huge numbers of people. I never said he was a good person. Not every bi person is a good person! I never said he was a queer icon I just said he’s been confirmed as, at the very least, having been played as not straight. If you think that queer people never hurt/traumatise people or commit crimes or do anything wrong...I don’t know what to tell you.

As for race...Wesker, Umbrella, and even Spencer are explicitly stated more than once not to discriminate based on race. Wesker’s an elitist. He’s a superhuman supremacist who looks down on humans. He’s a terrible person. But the games went OUT OF THEIR WAY to say he doesn’t care whether someone’s white, Black, Asian, etc. (You could maybe argue that a superhuman looking down on people who don’t have superpowers is some kind of fictionalised form of...ableism, I guess?? It’s not racism or even a good metaphor for racism because “undead mutants” isn’t at all analogous to an ethnicity.)

They’ve claimed that Wesker dyed Jill’s hair blonde when the files make it very clear that’s not what happened...that he “put her in an outfit that shows her cleavage” which it doesn’t do until it’s unzipped so you can remove the device (I still think that scene was very creepily done but it’s not WESKER being creepy it’s the devs being male-gaze-y) and is also covered by a cloak, hood and mask most of the time. Of course kidnapping and brainwashing someone is still a horrific thing to do. Wesker is a monster. He’s a villain. That’s the point. But I don’t think it’s in any way sexual or motivated by her race or gender.

And they act like Wesker was preying on Rebecca based on one easter egg photo. And that photo is actually perfectly SFW.

She is literally just sitting here. This is not a sexual image. This is an image of Rebecca at a basketball game because she’s part of the RPD basketball team. There’s no reason to make it any creepier than it has to be...there might just have been a photo of her at a basketball game that fell out of her file onto his desk because...well, she plays basketball, why WOULDN’T there be a photo in her file?

When Wesker interacts with Rebecca in the games he never behaves sexually towards her, simply seeing her as a member of STARS who he hardly knows and doesn’t give a lot of thought to because he’s more focussed on Chris. He hardly even looks at her. I really don’t think he’s attracted to her at all. If Capcom wanted to portray Wesker as a sexual predator, they’d make it far more obvious than that--look at how explicitly creepy Irons’s behaviour was. The writers of this series don’t shy away from showing how disgusting certain characters are and they’re not generally subtle about it.

Honestly though I don’t know why this person is reacting to my post as if me saying Wesker is bi is somehow...an endorsement of the murder, human experimentation, blackmail, kidnapping, etc he commits. Being bi doesn’t automatically make someone good or nice? I never said “Wesker’s a hero” or “Wesker did nothing wrong” I literally just said he’s queer, that’s not a moral defence, no-one’s saying you should be able to get away with murder if you’re queer enough!

WESKER???

[zenosanalytic]

DS9: Tribunal to Prophet Motive

Overall S2 wasn’t really that much better than S1, though it did have a handful of eps that were genuinely “good” television. S3’s also spotty but slightly better. One S3 trend I don’t like is the SUPER heavy-handed selling of Kira/Odo from basically the first ep on, and how it comes entirely out of nowhere. Also, Keiko is royally and consistently shafted and ignored, which is frustrating as hell. They FINALLY give her something to do, and not only is it presented as a “gift” from her husband(which, Ick! Like she’s not following the going’s on in her own damn profession???), they use it to effectively write her off the show! Ridiculous >:(

Tribunal: Bad. What’s the point of doing a courtroom ep that isn’t a courtroom ep? Sure, I can understand the theoretical appeal of the irony of a trial episode about a show trial, but you really need to embrace the absurdity of the concept for it to work and they didn’t. Also, the Cardassians are one-note(like all the non-human species in ST), and their one-note is “Order”, so Cardassian law, even if entirely show-trials in practice, really ought to be procedurally meticulous. An ep about Odo, skilled in these procedures from his time as a Cardassian security chief, out bureaucrating a culture of military bureaucrats to stall for time while the DS9 crew finds dirt to blackmail the Cardassians with would have been great and probably darkly funny; this was just dull. Also, there’s no way the Fed would stand for a Starfleet officer being snatched out of a Fed shuttle in Fed space like that, smuggling weapons or no, or believe for one second the Cardassian claim weapons were on the shuttle in the first place, given their past experiences. This would have caused a major diplomatic incident, and the Fed embassy corps on Cardassia Prime would have been all over O’Brien like ants on a summer picnic.

The Jem’Hadar: Fun and Good. Trying to do something simple and succeeds. Quark’s rant to Sisko about Ferengi history is obvsl convenient writing rather than fact -in TNG they’re aggressive, needlessly violent cruel pirates who, I’m pretty sure, are explicitly slavers as well- but it SHOULD be right. They’d be more interesting as a culture built around a capitalism that never saw any profit in compulsion. Historically, while slavery pre-dated capitalism in Earthican societies, slavery as we think about it -dehumanization, brutality, murderous forced labor- has nigh-universally been associated with capitalism, and quite frequently with commerce(Greek, Roman, and American slavery were all basically built around ag production for commercial markets[though slave-artisans based in cities was a significant part of the Greek and Roman systems as well]). That internal contradiction, attached to a larger ethical distaste for direct, personal violence(and valorization of tattling that’d go along with the instinctive distress-cry DS9 gives to Ferengi), while still being the profit-driven thieves and schemers they are, would have been Compelling.

The Search is… OK. I mean, as television it’s fine. The plot doesn’t make any damn sense though. The Dominion makes it clear they don’t want the Fed entering their territory and the Fed’s response is… to infiltrate deep into their territory to find the Homeworld of their leaders and confront them with the only warship in the Fed fleet? This move is basically designed to start a war. Also, they seem to forget that they’ve had Odo come to the Gamma Quadrant before, so his whole “I feel drawn to this nebula” deal seems out of left-field. Also Also, they should have used The Defiant to add the Romulan liaison as a regular cast member, instead of bringing on Eddington and doing nothing with him. Having Sisko, who has had an excellent relationship with Odo until now, suddenly giving this speech about how he doesn’t like that Odo isn’t “a team player” is pretty ridiculous as well(and out of character. Sisko’s not a team player. His WHOLE CREW is made up of square pegs just like himself). Also Also Also, a Romulan security officer who spends a season or two building up relationships with the maincast, sashaying around being arrogant and cynical in Romulan kimonos during her off-time, gradually developing Maquis sympathies, becomes Sisko’s evil!Valjean and remains so until nearly the end of the series would have been a genuinely surprising character-arc requiring consistently good writing to sell, and kind of explain why, in later eps, the Romulans wouldn’t require one of their own to protect and operate the cloak. Or hey! Maybe her becoming a Maquis could begin as a plot to foment rebellion in the Fed, that’d be neat.

Equilibrium: Meh

Second Skin: Good in some parts, but that the journals would be what starts cracking Kira up isn’t believable and it just isn’t mindfucky enough. Also, Kira’s warmth towards her fake dad at the end of the ep didn’t feel earned. Maybe if they’d had her bond with him over having lost family in the Occupation.

The Abandoned: pretty offensively essentialist, really. Especially given the plotline later in the series(iirc) about a Jem’Hadar trying to break his people’s addiction to ketracel-White, which kinda undermines this eps whole “the Jem’Hadar have no will of their own and are genetically programmed soldiers that it’s useless to reason with” line.

Civil Defense: good. It remains unbelievable to me, though, that Starfleet wouldn’t have done a complete refit of the whole station the minute the Cardassians left, especially given the Star Trek obsession with hard-wired, analog computing.

Meridian: a noxious pile of garbage all round. The subplot is skeezy, but at least it’s in-character, well-written, and believable which the main plot certainly is not. I kinda wish that, if they were going to include such a scummy sub-plot in the ep, they’d at least made it a bit interesting by subverting expectations. At the end, have Tiron be at first taken aback, and then surprisingly pleased with Kira’s modifications to the program. He walks out, “deeply satisfied” with the program and pays 20% extra for it, compliments Quark on his “creativity” as a holodesigner with a slightly amorous look, Quark is clueless and confused yet pleased, Kira and Odo are absolutely mortified. Then maybe leave it around as a Chekov’s Gun; Quark makes a secret copy(of course), offering it to only his best customers, it leads to a small but noticeable increase in custom, then someday in a later season he checks it out and is Horrified to find he’s unknowingly made himself one of the most popular porn-performers in the sector :|

Defiant: fine as it is, except there should have been a bit about HOW the Maquis found out about the Defiant and knew about its cloak. This would be a good time to introduce the long-arc of the Romulan officer’s Maquis sympathies/attempts to use her position on DS9 to co-opt the Maquis and undermine the Federation.

Fascination: dumb and really Skeezy, Ferrell’s is the only entertaining performance in the ep, but, again, the smooch-directing of this series is uncommonly good. Also: Miles is not just a bad dad, but also a bad husband. Also Also: Bajor’s only 3 hours away in a runabout or shuttle for Frak’s sake? You can’t be bothered to go visit her?? People in Texas regularly make three hour drives every DAY.

Past Tense: One of my favorite eps of the series; heavily Nostalgic for me. Having now read To Say Nothing of the Dog, however, I do wish ST writers treated Time and Causality as more robust and stubborn than they tend to.

Life Support: The inevitable killing off of a past love-interest to free Kira up for Kirdo. Bareil was bland and boring anyway, even if his performances in S3 were much improved. Why the heck is the Kai negotiating treaties??? That the Kai and Vedeks plays a direct, institutional role in Bajoran politics needed to be established before jumping into a plotline about the Kai negotiating a secret peace pact with Cardassia. The subplot with Jake and Nog, which reduces the question of female personhood to a “cultural issue” in the context of Nog’s misogyny ruining Jake’s chances with a girl who never appears again(iirc), is repulsive in about a half-dozen ways.

Heart of Stone: Ho-hum. The Nog in Starfleet storyline is good, but they should have built up to it in previous eps. Wesley spends pretty much all his time before acceptance doing science experiments and apprenticing in various departments on Enterprise to build up his resume just to qualify to take the exams; having Nog accomplish the same task with a letter of rec is kinda |:T Also: wouldn’t Sisko have pointed out that, in the Fed and Starfleet, Nog’s “gift” would be interpreted as an attempted bribe and get him immediately arrested? Seems like an important cultural rule to point out to a Ferengi |:T |:T

Destiny: Good. Ulani and Gilora are obviously lesbians and I won’t hear another word on the matter u_u

Prophet Motive: Fun and Good, though the “evolved” talk re: social constructs and cultural modes was annoying.

Why are S3′s subplots so much better done than it’s main ones? I imagine the discipline of having limited time to complete them in has something to do with it. Some other observations:

A-plot B-plot structure is entirely standard in S2 and S3, probably because it’s an obvious way to include such a large cast, but then all the plots revolve around the same handful of characters, so the opportunity is wasted.

It’d have been nice if every species was given the same variety of clothing the Ferengi get to have. Having Caradassians wear mil uniforms IN THEIR OWN HOMES, and when they are scientists, is absurd.

DS9 continues the Trek tradition of having a real nebulous and unexplained relationship with money.

DS9 really needed more women writers and head-writers on staff. Why are male writers so bad at this???

I really need to get in the habit of taking notes while I watch so I can give more detailed reactions later -__-

[evilsapphyre]

Sapphy’s Spoilerific Review

Season 7 Episode 1

In case the title isn’t specific enough, this will be a very spoiler-filled review for Game of Thrones. 

You have been warned!

Welcome back to HBO and Westeros. It's been a long 13 months or so. But finally, we can find out what is in store for our intrepid heroes, and villains, and people we just kind of wish would stop existing.

After a lengthy previous on, we open at The Twins, with another feast hosted by... Walder Frey? Wait, didn't he get his throat slit after eating pie made of his sons. Apparently, he gathered all his sons to feast them again… And he wants them to eat and drink and be merry. Mostly. He still has his dislike of them women of his.

Of course, his actual speech seems a bit strange, almost like he's not really himself. And sure enough, as they all drink their poisoned wines, Arya rips off her Walder suit to watch them die too. And as the women stare on in horror, she tells them to spread the word - The North Remembers.

Yep, you better believe it, bitches! (Someone from the North had to!)

We then head beyond the Wall, where, in case we forgot, the White Walkers are coming. And if that’s not terrifying enough (and it's a really gorgeous shot over snow with mist), there are at least 3 undead Giants! Oh snap! If only they hadn't wasted the last living Giant on getting back Winterfell from Ramsey. RIP Wun-wun!

It seems we get that vision courtesy of Bran and his ever-flowing weirwood wifi connection. Thankfully, Meera saw Wonder Woman this Summer and dragged Bran to safety, as IIRC, Uncle Benjen left them quite a hike away from the gate. Lord Commander Dolorous Edd greets the wayward pair at the gate, wanting to know if they are wildlings. Meera introduces them, but the new LC is rather doubtful. Rather than prove who they are, Bran just states all he's ever seen about Edd, and they are admitted back to the proper North… south of the Wall.

Up next, we find ourselves in Winterfell. Jon is being all Kingly, dictating orders on how they are going to get ready for the coming War. He wants all their dragon glass, and beyond that all able bodied man, woman, and child will prepare for the upcoming war. What, women can't, or shouldn't, fight?! Old School Northern Man tries to claim (in front of Brienne no less!).

Fortunately, we still have hope for Westeros. And to continue making old men look dumb, young Lyanna Mormont slaps him (and any other male daring to think like that ) verbally upside their heads. I'm pretty sure that she’s the true leader of Westeros. I wonder how long it will take the rest of the Queens to realize it?

All hail Lyanna, first of Her Name.

What will Ser Friendzone do when he finds his baby sister on the Iron Throne?

Anyways, I digress!

Jon asks Tormund and the Wildlings to man Eastwatch by the Sea! Good riddance, I say! Tormund needs to go far away from my Brienne, as she awaits her maiden fair. Tormund must realize he’ll never have her and agrees to his suicide mission. (Not before a later scene with a lustful sigh from the Wildling as Brienne tries to dissuade his advances by beating up on Pod.)

Next, Jon needs to handle business regarding the family holds of the Umbers and Karstarks. He wants the families to keep them. Old School Lord wants to destroy them. Sansa pipes up and wants to reward faithful houses with the new keeps. Jon and her bicker in front of the Lords, and it is clear she wishes she was in charge. Jon finally slaps her down with his stern voice, reminding her that HE is king. He asks tiny Lord Umber and Alice Karstark (uhm, why isn't Tormund all about her? He married her in the books) to say the words. And that was the end of that squabble.

Except Sansa and him keep squabbling once they leave the meeting. He tells her plainly to not undermine him in front of the lords. And she whines about not being able to voice her opinion. Now I'm all about female empowerment, but there is a time and place for voicing opinions. Apparently, she forgot. Much like she forgot about telling Jon about the Vale Knights last season.

Anyways, she practically calls him Joffrey because he doesn't want people to see him bicker in public with people. Because it does undermine his authority. He's appalled at the comparison, but she quickly recants saying he's a good ruler. The conversation turns towards Sansa feeling they're looking the wrong way for War. They should be looking South. She diatribes about how awful and cunning Cersei is, but Jon says he knows how bad the real threat is. Plus, no Southern army could last in their Winter. After all, they're Siberia.

He also points out how Sansa seems to admire Cersei.

Which segues us to King's Landing... and Cersei walking across a huge painted floor map of Westeros. Jaime follows her and establishes that he may still be pod-Jaime. (BOOO!) I'm also sensing a theme of bickering siblings as the two are squabbling over things like... how many Kingdoms and dynasties.

Jaime is more sensible than Cersei pointing out that they essentially have no allies (especially since the report out of the Twins has come down) and that all of their children are dead. There's no one left for a dynasty.Especially since Cersei disregards her other brother who she knows is Hand of the Queen for Dany. That only makes her seethe more, and she throws that in Jaime's face.

And really, don't get me started on pod-Jaime and how he wanted to talk about losing their baby boy. He knew King Butters killed himself, so does he know his sister went all Mad King on Sept of Baelor? (Hint: The only acceptable answer is HELL NO! Otherwise, she'd be dead.)

Anyways, when discussing all of their enemies, there are two major foreshadowing hammers: Highgarden, home to the Queen of Thorns, has all the food, and Dany will land on Dragonstone. All the more reason that they need allies in this upcoming war. Cersei points out that she does have an ally in mind, and she learned quite a bit from her father. (Doubtful!)

Enter Euron Greyjoy and the Ironborn fleet, looking for love in all the wrong places. There is an overly machismo display by Euron as he tries to display his plumage for Cersei. He paints a picture of how they were both betrayed by family who defected to the Targs. He makes a few promises and then proposes marriage. After all, he has two good hands. (Pod-Jaime pantomimes quite well in the scene, offering to stick him with his sword.) She declines him, but he says he'll prove he’s worthy and leaves.

We move to Oldtowne and the Citadel, where Sam… Has become an indentured servant of the Maester Order. If we weren't sold on how awful his "tutelage" is, we are given a lengthy montage where he puts away books, cleans filthy shit-filled chamber pots, and pours soup that looks quite like the shit in the pots. Blech! He wants to desperately get into the restricted book section, but he sadly doesn't have a Cloak of Invisibility like a different would be wizard in another series. So instead, he heads off to speak with Ol' Slughorn himself.

Slughorn gives him some advice on what it really means to be a Maester, and how impartial they should be. He reminds them that even in the darkest of hours, ages of ago, people succeeded, and so they will again. But he still can't have access to the books. I mean, horcruxes and all. So, Sam steals the key, steals a bunch of books, and goes back to his Wildling baby mama and kid. He then discovers that Stannis told him the truth about there being a bunch of Dragon Glass on Dragonstone. We also get one brief glimpse of Ser Friendzone, who managed to get to Oldtowne in search of a cure. He's still hung up on Dany too. Even as he turns to stone.

The Hound and the Brotherhood are still moving towards the North. It's snowing pretty hard in the Riverlands, and their banter is kind of boring. (To me anyways.) However, they come across the cottage where The Hound stole the silver of the kindly farmer who helped him and Arya years ago. He wants to be a better guy, and now he has guilt for the fact that he may have killed these people - indirectly.

The Hound has a funny comment about how he ended up with a cult of fire worshippers, but he sees the power of the fire when Beardy McTopknot tells him to. And it works just like that, as Clegane sees the upcoming icy death of the North. If that didn't bond them, Beardy McTopknot and Clegane also bury the dead farmer and his kid in the middle of the night.

Arya and Sansa are spotted each in different scenes. Arya stumbles across some Lannister soldiers, and she does the age old "Tell them the truth" after she befriends them, but they just laugh at her comment about killing the Queen. For a moment, she looked like she would kill these soldiers, but she hasn't become a full sociopath yet clearly. (Although, props to them for singing the song that the musician wrote in the books about Shae.) Sansa has a small chat with Baelish, and I'm sure it leads somewhere, but I wish she would decide who she is supporting - even if it's herself. This waffling of hers... It's getting old! Prove you've learned the game by doing something that will actually accomplish something. (And if you want to top Cersei, just side with Littlefinger long enough to get what you want and then dispose of him.)

Finally, we come to Dragonstone, where Dany has finally come home!

There's not much to say other than that this is a beautiful sequence, and they spared no expense on this set. Nothing is said, and really, it would have taken away if people said anything. And can I just say that the throne at Dragonstone is like so much more awesome than the damn Iron Throne? Sign me up for the interior (and exterior) decorator. I could use some dragon accents around my house.

That pretty much encapsulates the episode. Tune in next week to see what happens next As Westeros Turns.