#iiiiiiiiiiiiii made myself unwelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

[thedragonagelesbian]

[graffiticraft-junk]

Hey Guys!

iiiiiiiiiiiiii have a discord! As a good friend of mine @lilyenderborn has written about them, my Jacksepticeye Swap AU has an official arg rp server! Made by me and co-owned by @nofacednerd this server has (currently) 8 Character mods!

@nofacednerd

@lilyenderborn

@wolvesrules1234

@beatlesjukejoint

@gillysepticrose

@anneliis18

@vorpalthumbtack

And myself.

The multiverse is vast, with millions of alternate realities. What happens when one of these realities combines with our own? Join on an adventure of mystery and hell! From @lilyenderborn and @westernskynaida 's STUNNING writing performances in their pages and lovelies @nofacednerd and @anneliis18 to provide stargazing-effect of BEAUTIFUL art! I offer a daring act of glory in the official Swap Serve; a Discord ARG RP Server!

Oh but surely, I offer a link of course!

[lost-little-fawn]

untitled

i

there is nothing left of my old life

(drugs, pills, bright lights, excitement,

frantic spinning through different worlds)

i made sure of that

it wasn't worth the archival ink

ii

existence is terrifying

without a vice

bare bones care feels like too much

being alive is exhausting

i just want to sleep

iii

my caffeine addiction feels like a trope

i feel permanently 17,

the hero's troubled best friend,

cigarettes and energy drinks and good advice she refuses to follow

manic pixie always awake girl

iiii

im scared of surviving

but not sick enough to want to die

every word i write feels fake

im grasping at straws.

what is left of me?

iiiii

ill swap stories of my past if you show me yours,

back alley dealings in traumatic trash

im nodding and spinning on sympathy, pity, disgust

people don't talk about girls like me

emotional whore, ill fuck you for the feeling of humanity

iiiiii

please put away your preconceived notions

im on a crusade for independence in a body

that only knows reliance

please let me grow up

i am not a little girl anymore

iiiiiii

words feel like emotion no matter how brief

i think the medication makes them flourish

grow like flowers from my bones, fertilized by flesh wounds

i wear my emptiness like matter,

i wear my fear into the ground

iiiiiiii

i wish sickness on myself believing i am bad enough and

wish on dandelions, shooting stars, beg them to make things better

im stuck in something bigger than my capacity to acknowledge.

coasting by on verse written on napkin,

discarded notebooks, on my skin.

iiiiiiiiii

i feel like abbreviated flight and doves

something avian and alien, something

birds are lucky because they are free

why would anyone ever cage a bird?

why would anyone ever cage a girl?

iiiiiiiiii

on principle i reject religion 

it bears too many easy outs and no real substance 

i flirt with prayer to make myself feel clean

i will never be saintly 

i have too many stains

iiiiiiiiii

i am a cheap trick, a magicians flourish,

flowers greasy with rain

a disappearing act of a girl. they gave me bones with which to knit myself a life

and i gave them a scarf which i used to hang

this excuse of a body

iiiiiiiiiiii

if i pretend i still have substance after everything he did

they're less likely to ask too many questions

the inquires buzz like bees at the edges of my thought process.

i am thorough and neat in the art of forgetting

was it yesterday? was it years ago? is it now?

iiiiiiiiiiiii

my bedside table is just a few inches too far from my bed to be

within reach. sometimes, at night,

i go to reach for something and my hand

miscalculates, finding only air, and

that's what the entirety of my life feels like

iiiiiiiiiiiiii

sometimes when the sobs start

they don't stop until im tidal

the empty, held in sobs, with the hum.

his sobs. the ones he liked best.

sometimes i can't find the energy to cry for weeks at a time.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiii

(please God, if you ever give me anything, let me thrive)

[scatteredrevelations]

Writer Interivew

1) What made you start writing for the first time?

( Some of dis one is from a previous ask I answered. Don’t hate me )

 Writing is the incision in my mind which allows for my jumbled thoughts to be released from my head. It relieves the constant replay of ideas and memories of what has been going on in my life. It’s an escape from reality, where I can create my own little world, where maybe everything can be okay; though things aren’t okay. But writing helps me envision as if it all is :))

I have a passion for connecting with everyone in SOME sort of way. My writing gives me a larger variety of people I can connect to and it enlarges the amount of people I meet and really get to create that special bond with. Not only that, but I have also found that, with the personal writings, people are able to relate to what I have said and I have been told that it makes them feel understood, and as if maybe they aren’t alone in this self-absorbed world that cares for nothing other than its greedy self.

Writing is kind of like this gateway for what I want to do in the future. I want to be a journalist / author type person thing xD. That’s the “ job description “ though it doesn’t layout exactly what I want to do. I’d really love to travel the world, meet as many people as I can, hear THEIR stories and what THEY have gone through, experience those certain situations myself, and get their stories out there. A lot of people don’t have access to social media or the news where they are capable of GETTING THEIR VOICE HEARD. I want to be that fuse between the world and that one soul :)  If I can help someone in some way, I will.

I started writing for the first time because I finally wasn’t able to keep all my chaotic thoughts and ideas trapped inside my skull. They needed released or they were going to completely destroy me.. so writing was my way of setting them free:     I started writing because I finally had a reason to write.

2) If you could only write about the ocean, the forest, or the desert for the rest of your life, which one would you pick?

I have no favourites. NONE AT ALL! But if I HAD to pick one it’d have to be the desert, and let me tell you why; The majority of people will likely choose either the ocean or the forest, which is something I can understand; the forest is beautiful, mesmerizing, natural, and true to our world - it is the habitat of millions of animals and is a place many people wouldn’t dare roam. The ocean, is mysterious and full of species we have yet to even imagine. It’s truly beautiful and fascinating, how could you not love it? But the desert? What’s so great about that? The desert seems plain, simple, bland, and most of all hot and hopeless. There’s no trees to make you feel safe and watched over, there is no water to quench your thirst. There is nothing but the glaring beams of sunlight and a never - ending swimming pool of sand.  But what about the journey it takes to get across the supposed wasteland? What about the mysteries it holds deep within it’s layers of granular substance that humans are too lazy to explore - being blinded by the belief there is nothing there? What about the beauty of silence, and calmness. Nothing but the familiar sight of orange. Nothing but you and the world around you. You could make anything with that empty space.. and with so many undiscovered secrets of the dunes? There is really no limit..

3) Would you ever write a memoir?

It’s rather humiliating because at first I was like WHAT IS THIS. A MEMORIAL? Then I started planning a memorial for.... I honestly have no clue :) I just wanted to try and be artistic #FAIL. Anyways, I finally decided there’s no way that’s what it was and looked it up :D Erm. From my understanding it’s a biography.  So that means a thing about me.  okay.

4) Do you like writing by hand, or writing with a computer?

I LOVVVE writing by hand. It’s so natural and makes everything feel genuine. But my hands, especially my wrists, are excruciatingly weak and the pain often gives me massive headaches, and for that reason MOST of my writings do end up forming on the computer, and later on I write it on paper.

5) Would you rather be popular among many readers, or unpopular, but loved by critics?

I don’t need people to love my writing, I just need them to read it.  I don’t write for other people, I write for myself. If they don’t like it, why should I care? It’s not FOR them. It’s for ME. And IIIIIIIIIIIIII like it. So shut your mouth.

6) Do you listen to music while you write? What is the best writing music?

I actually used to never really be into music. Like, at all.  But someone special to me showed me music I could really relate to and easily find the story in.  In conclusion, you might think you don’t like music, but really? You’ve just never found the right song.  ( LIKE HAPPY FEET :DDDD AND HOW THEY FIND THEIR MATES :DDDD ) Uh.  The best writing music? Is the music you connect with and are able to feel comfortable with. Music that inspires you, helps you focus, and relates with how you are feeling.

7) Do people you’ve met find their way into your writing?

YES. I THINK I MIGHT BE MISUNDERSTANDING THIS QUESTION BUT YES. I LOVE writing about other people’s experiences. The lot of my stuff is, sure, stuff I can connect to. But really it’s the people I meet and talk to and hear the stories from that inspires me to write. A lot of my pieces are based off of real people and real stories.  Perhaps you’re next? ;))

THAAAAAAAAAAANK YOU, @thoughts-in-the-dawn, for tagging me. Y’all are next |                      v

@wordsofthelost @frankensteins-vish @my-brain-is-fuckeddd @doodles-and-hedgehogs @possiblyawake @jc-poety

[bfgplanner]

In the words of Roger Waters at his (incredible) show last night, Iiiiiiiiiiiiii have become comfortably numb... to not running. Sometimes it feels like it's been ages, and other times it feels like I was just running yesterday. Either way, I've convinced myself that the more patient I am with letting my knee heal fully, the stronger I'll be when I come back. On that note, I feel like I've made tremendous progress since I was last measured. Fingers crossed I'm right. I spent Sunday morning watching the 5th Avenue Mile races with my team which was incredibly therapeutic because at the moment, there are a number of us unable to run due to injury, and some of them will be out longer than I'm anticipating. During the 80-89 yr old wave, I had an epiphany. We have our entire lives to enjoy the things we love, including running. The winner of this age group was an 82 year old who ran the mile in 7:04. There was even a 96 year old who ran and finished. To say that these athletes put things in perspective for me would be an incredible understatement :)

[bigolegay]

This is my super duper long catch-up on various tag games! tagging those who tagged me at various points <3 @xiyade @xie-wang @veronaprincess. Obviously because I’m plopping them all in one I won’t be tagging people because then I’d be asking them to do like... 5 hahaha.

I was tagged by @xiyade for this one! Thank you love <3

Favourite Colour: Green Last Song: Strange - Celeste Last Movie: Relic Last Show: 山河令 Currently Reading: I'm not really reading anything at the moment, but I've have This Is How You Lose The Time War in my checkout for months and I SWEAR I'll get round to it! Currently Watching: 山河令 Sweet, Spicy, Savoury?: Depends, but right now I'll take all three Craving: I want pringles...... Tea or Coffee: Tea, please!

Tagged by @xie-wang AND @veronaprincess, thank you both for wanting to know more about me <3 <3

Favourite Flower: Peonies! But I also love foxgloves Favourite Fruit: Mango Favourite Colour: Green Favourite Scent: Sandalwood has owned my arse since I was like, 9.... Favourtie Season: Late summer/early autumn, before all the leaves fall and turn to slippy brown mush Favourite Tea: I spent a small fortune every time I drink 白毫银针 and I have no regrets about doing so.

Tagged by @veronaprincess!

Why did you choose your URL? I'm just a big ole' gay.....

Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them I have two I don't use at all. One is for my old art @penny-art and the other won't be named because it's a vent space.

How long have you been on tumblr? I joined in late 2011, bay-bee! I'm a fucking mess!!

Do you have a queue tag? I use queue in simplified Chinese, 伫列

Why did you start your blog in the first place? I'm p sure this specific one was because I wanted a fresh start after my last got disused because I was spending all my time on my RP blogs instead (wow). But I started using tumblr at first because I knew it was a place where geeks were? Idk 2011 was a different time. I was 17 and I wanted to fit in lol.

Why did you choose your icon/pfp? I made it because i am in love with one fan man.........

Why did you choose your header? I just really like this painting!

Whats your post with the most notes? A political one regarding the assassination of the UK MP Jo Cox back in 2016. On a lighter note, my second most popular post is about how Gimli and Legolas are in love.

How many people do you follow? 514, and I should probably do some spring cleaning again...

Have you ever made a shitpost? Oh yeah, probably...

How often do you use tumblr? I'm usually on at least once a day, but if life is busy or I fall into a gaming hole then I might not be very active for a week or more (like just happened now... haha sorry)

Did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? Who won? I had a different blog purely for studying and that one got into a bit of a tiff with someone else who is actually quite a popular blogger? and it was really weird and i STILL don't know how what i said was so badly misunderstood. But anyway, on this one? Nope. P sure I've been blocked by plenty of people though.

How do you feel about "you need to reblog this post"? I think that it's a pretty shitty thing to say, whether it's as a joke or about guilting people into reblogging, it doesn't sit right with me.

Do you like tag games? Yes!! Of course! I love to talk about myself.

Do you like ask games? Yes, again! I hardly ever send them off anon though because that feels really uncomfortable for me.

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? I think my most well known mutual is Marzi, she's an absolute doll and incredibly smart and well-read, plus she is a great host and introduced me to Labyrinth. Gotta love her!

Do you have a crush on a mutual? I will crush on a leaf if it gives me a bit of attention. So, yes.

@veronaprincess also tagged me in this one <3 bless your little heart!

Relationship Status: Open relationship Favourite Colour: Still green! Three favourite foods: Chocolate, Fried Rice, Anything with a combo of tomatoes and cheese Song currently stuck in my head: kjsfdhkdshf embarrassing but... that song everyone on tiktok is dancing to with people in a cirlce?? idk... "it's cold outside... djsfhkjhdskfhd my life., lalala lala my life... iiIIIIIIIIIiii nanana every tIIIIIMe"... that one. Last song I listened to: Strange - Celeste Last thing I googled: Baihao Yinzhen - I wanted to double check my characters! Time: 12:21 Dream trip: I still desperately want to visit every Capital city in every Province and Autonomous Region in China. I'm a whore for travel.

[kpopcinnamonswirlroll]

Phrases I have said in my life:

"Vibrating like a scared chicken"

"Dont be an Edison"

"CrUiSiN lIkE nEmO"

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiii~ Im your little butterfly~"

"Why am i like this?"

"Supercaliswagalicioussexyhelladopeshit"

"I aspire to be as savage as Min Yoongi"

"ExCUSE THE HORMONES"

"Dont bring me into this"

"Save me from myself"

"I am either an extremely confident lady or an insecure little slug hiding in the corner. There is no inbetween."

"I beleef in U~~"

"Damn, my skin looks good today."

"Im a a diva"

"Pardon my pterodactyl screeches"

"I am simultaneously mentally 7 years old & a kinky potato."

"Lol you think i know what im doing. Hahaha you fuuuuunnnnyyyy."

"SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK"

"I need a nap"

"What smells like incoming death dipped in depression?"

"IM ON TONIGHT. MY HIPS DONT LIE"

"Damn. I've got some sexy moves for being a gross potato."

"What? I dance when im bored."

"Hi. Im weird & socially awkward. I hope you find that charming!"

"Is it bad that i can identify most BTS songs while they're being played backwards"

"I am fucking hungry~ & i need some caffeine~"

"How does one make friends..?"

"IIIIIIIIIIIII WANNA SWIIIIIIIING FROM THE CHANDELIEEEEER"

"Remember that one time i made choreography to Anaconda?"

"Leave me to the darkness"

"Here i was, in the darkness of my room, & my phone starts screaming JHOOOOOOOOOPE."

"Mmm... I love my thiccc thighs..."

"All i wanna do is daaaaaance"

"IM SENSITIVE"

"Wanna see me do kpop choreo?"

"Im awesome & i own it."

"I am an independent woman that dont need no man."

"IM SO LONELY"

"All i want is someone who'll let me cuddle with them as we do our own things separately together in content silence"

"PHYSICALLY FIT. PHYSICALLY FIT. PHYSICALLY PHYSICALLY PHYSICALLY FIT."

"This is mine. You no touch."

"I am that one person in a friend group that quotes song lyrics. You have been warned."

"I have a knife in my purse"

"To be fair, i also have offbrand Nutella in there too."

"VAMOS A LA PLAYA. A MI ME GUSTA BAILAR"

"That is 100% accurately what i meant to say."

"Lol i dont get mad. If i look mad it's a) you're seeing things. b) im cranky. or c) i am pissed the fuck off & you better run."

"Ah soomaloomadoomasooma youassumin'thatimhuman whatigottadotogetitthroughtoyouimsuperhuman"

"Back the fuck up 'fore you get smacked the fuck up."

"Idc if i slept for 13 hours last night. I need more sleep"

"People drain me."

"This metal version of Milkshake makes my day."

"So i had a nice convo with Josh today. He talks a lot."

"I think i have this aura around me that just convinces people that they can tell me their entire life story."

"The key to being polite is knowing when to keep your mouth shut."

"For some reason people like me. Idk why."

"Kim Seokjin has ruined my s/o standards"

"Idfc if it's 7:00pm. I am fucking tired & have no one to hang out with. I am going the fuck to sleep."