#ii. stardust memories ( kennedy : ic )

[hatigave]

A LIFE LIVED ON A TECHNICALITY is hardly a life at all. One prison is traded for another; even when he is now allowed to stand on the other side of the bars. The Renown made way for the Jersey, but the harrowing sickness which had lodged itself into his heart and soul remained all the same. Every ounce of joy he had once been able to find on the open sea lay death and rotting underneath her waves once more. SIMPSON HAUNTS HIM STILL, even when the other man is long since dead. Logic matters little now that the Jersey is even smaller than the Justinian, and with even fewer places to hide.

If the others had not yet realized that some screams in the middle of the night came from him, and not solely from the prisoners below, Archie did not expect them to remain clueless for long. He was living on borrowed time, and he was well aware of it. The kind words of Commodore Pellew could not save him here, for they had saved his life, but they had brought him ruin all the same.

It is impossible to learn the names of the prisoners or to find any familiar faces in its crowd. The cast of the play is constantly changing, and even he who prides himself in his ability to spot familiar features from miles away, finds himself at a loss most days. It is perhaps the most painful fact, that he cannot provide the same comfort offered to him in Spain by uttering a dying man's name without a hint of disgust. Archie still tries, remembering bits and pieces but having them stripped from between his teeth just as quickly. They call it hell, and he agrees.

Samuel Tallmadge however is a name he recognizes all too well from dreams and memory     ⎯⎯⎯⎯ just as he recognizes that this is not that man. He keeps his mouth shut. Sticking the knowledge of a lie firmly against the roof of his mouth until he can nearly taste copper from where it festers. Getting what you wish for is easy when you have a silver tongue, and you know how to play the part they wish for you to. All it takes is a few bribes before he's allowed to participate in the exchange.

Childhood friends are not easily forgotten, and now that all he has once owned has been stripped from him, the mere concept of Benjamin is a spark of serenity on the horizon. His breath is held while he watches the interactions of the other men, his gaze fixated on the stranger who came in Benjamin's place. A BROKEN MIND STILL KNOWS HOW TO REACT when the shot rings through the quiet, the moment taken to change costume as quickly as he had done once on stage. Uniform discarded in the grass before heading into the woods to abandon the English.

Archie has never been a tracker, never good at following a path marked by others, and he is quick to lose all signs of other humans in the woods after making his escape. Perhaps it's for the better, even when he has abandoned the uniform he's worn since he was a boy, he is still painfully British ( death to both countries and alive to none. What a curious thing to be. )

The first shot grabs his attention and spurs him forward through bushes and branches with no more evidence than a firm belief in his heart. He has always been a fool. ❝ Benjamin ! ❞ An outstretched hand is offered to the other who has recently fallen from his horse. There is no time for a re-introduction. No time to waste on formalities and pleasantries as his fingers twitch waiting for the other to take his hand.

@honorhearted

[hatilead]

               MUSIC IS PLAYED LIKE AN OFFERING TO UNFORGIVING GOD        underneath dimmed lights of packed bar .        it thrills ,        vibrates in air heavy with the lingering taste of excitement .       time is theirs ,         and tonight ,       they have plenty of it .      elbow rests ‘pon heavy wood of bar as finger twirls strands of strawberry blond hair around .         EFFORTLESSLY  CHARMING    .          WELL TRAINED SMILE       ,           radiant even in crowded atmosphere .         man before him plays the role of clueless charmer well  ,        almost too well       (      perhaps not an act at all ,        and how incredible endearing would that be     !       )          

eyebrow rises in unspoken question as glass is brought to lips       ;         smallest of sips taken in favour of quick thinking and sharp tongue .         LAUGHTER CUTS THROUGH FOG OF BUZZING SURROUNDING       .          shake of his head ,       coy look shot up to other from underneath lashes as cheap glass is placed down once more .       ❝             i’m serious    !        come here ,      give me your hand ,     palm up like this ,      be a good sport and indulge me .     ❞

he nearly whines .      heaven knows he is not above begging to get what he wants  .        lips are still turned into a smile as he reaches out to press their palms together .       there is something exciting about seeing his own be so much smaller than one of companion         ;         FINGERTIPS CANNOT HELP BUT LINGER        as he pulls back ,        sliding down william’s palm as a parting gift .        ❝     see ,       i just have incredibly small hands .       but i do not consider that to be anything but a blessing                ❞           WELL PLACED SILENCE    .           THEATRICAL MOVEMENT OF LEANING CLOSER          to other man ,         voice barely above a whisper ,       a ghost near william’s ear .         ❝                   you see ,       small hands mean certain things always look rather large .     ❞

           @willixmbush​       /      we talked about this for 0.5 seconds but   it’s feral time 

[hatigave]

THE SEA CALLS TO HIM but he has grown fond of ignoring her call. The sun is to go down soon, and he should make haste back to the campsite where they are stationed. Yet, he remains motionless out on the beach. He has also grown fond of ignoring the call of duty most days. ❝You may join me, if you so desire. There are simple pleasures remaining in this world, and one of them is standing near the water.❞ HE IS NO STRANGER TO BEING WATCHED. Knows the feeling of the hairs on the back of his neck standing up well; an old friend to a boy who learned how to be a ghost far too young.

He turns his head, smiling at the other in hopes that it becomes an invitation rather than a simple act of human kindness. Life is too often lonely, even when it is spent on a ship with six hundred souls. A good conversation becomes a simple enough cure. ❝It is a fine country, but the sea is the same as back home. Curious, how that alone is enough to cure a man's homesickness.❞

@reverdies Javert - set the scene meme.

[hatigave]

@notefinal Art said : 025, an empty balcony while a party goes on inside. to Archie

THE SWELL OF THE MELODY RISES through the crack of the doors leading out onto the balcony. It is enough to alert him to the presence of another being, and had he not been so lost in thought, he would have reacted. However, his eyes are locked on the scenery around the villa ; CLINGING TO THE WORLD OUTSIDE as if he is ever fully allowed to take part in the beautiful ritual of being alive.

Had he been a lesser man he would have smoked, and poisoned his lungs with nicotine and tar until he felt mortality each time he coughed. Archie is better than that, but his hands still itch for something to hold and the spark of a flame from a cheap plastic lighter. EVENTUALLY, HE FORCES HIMSELF TO SMILE and his eyes to leave the visual of beautiful rolling hills. ❝ Do you think we can leave this place in peace if we climb down from the balcony ? ❞ Art has long since become an accomplice in his fluttering heart's desire to run. Tonight is no different.

[hatigave]

FMK for Archie: Caleb B, Anna Strong, Ben T

Fuck marry kill, send my muses three names and watch them sweat: (totally not @honorhearted coded, no, of course not!)

He is no stranger to uncomfortable questions being asked. Always armed with an endlessly practised smile and a better story to tell tucked within arms reach inside his pocket to create an illusion of distance between his answer and the truth. Both are helpful tools when one does not wish to show their cards. ❝ Fuck Anna - ❞ it comes out quicker than it should have, years of practising a knee-jerk reaction have paid off. ❝ - marry Ben, as all proper marriages should have a foundation in friendship. Kill Caleb, perhaps that is the kinder option to offer him out of the three. ❞

[hatilead]

iinmortales​:           HORATIO .  

         archie reaching out to him, that smile, the joke. to his ears, there was an audible click, everything settling into place. archie kennedy. his archie. before this moment, he’d been a soulless man, gliding through life with purpose but not with spirit. and now, archie standing in front of him, holding his hand, it felt as if half his soul had been returned to him. now, his hand, the one archie hadn’t taken hold of, returned its previous position, this time pulling archie forward. 

        it was enough, at first, to rest his forehead against archie’s, to share that space. ‘ you should know the only thing i was ever sure of was you, william, and the sea. ‘ never himself. he was a damn fine seaman, a good officer. he could be sure of his skills as a sailor, a leader. and yet in this life he had never felt comfortable with others. more than once, there had been comments on his lack of a social life. he knew why now. why no one else had ever been able to get his attention. he’d been waiting. for archie. for william. 

       and then it was no longer enough to share that space. he leaned in closer, and, after so many years, finally kissed archie once more. it wasn’t a shy kiss, no longer unsure. it reminded him of kisses in enemy forts, tucked away after the heat of battle, desperate and euphoric. there was a sense of something missing, the third pair of hands meeting them, another breathless desperation. william was still missing, but, for now, he could only revel in having one half of his soul returned. ‘ you are many things, mister kennedy, ‘ he spoke breathlessly, resting his forehead against archie’s once more, ‘ but a fool has never been one of them. ‘

                             HEART BEATS STEADY NOW INSIDE HIS CHEST  ,           air returning to his lungs which now can once again function without the need to collapse .          living is such a dreadful thing with ones soul torn apart and stitched all across the world           ;           a cruel game ,         never to feel whole until faith connected the dots .            once he had cursed existence for bearing so much pain ,       now ,       now that he felt what it was like to start the journey of       BECOMING COMPLETE ,        HE WAS ALMOST GRATEFUL        /          for it would not have felt so utterly and absolutely perfect if not for the faint memory of emptiness that lingered .             for one to know what it was like to become whole           -           one had to experience the emptiness first .         

❝     and i of you .       of you both .     ❞         FINGERS ENTWINED        /          ONE HAND RESTING AGAINST THE OTHERS’ CHEEK .         memories are still tangled ,       the here and now slipping out from underneath years of time he already had with his love .         forts and enemy beds ,            hammocks swaying to the rhythm of the sea ,           stolen touches and a swift brush of fingertips .         he can taste salt on horatio’s lips           ;             feels the spanish sun in the warmth underneath his palm .           FRENCH GRIME AND THE TASTE OF LOVE ,          it is too much .       simply too much .          the longing for the third is still there ,          like a gentle hum at the edge of bliss .         but this ,       this shall be enough for now .    

he kisses horatio again ,         and again ,         a barrier between all the words he wishes he could have said and never should have spoken aloud .         ❝     archie .      horatio .        no longer mister kennedy .       times are different now ,       my love .       no need to be so formal .    ❞          

[hatigave]

@willixmbush said : "May I have this dance?" to Archie

IT IS NOT A RARE OCCURRENCE THESE DAYS       ⎯⎯⎯⎯ for the what if's of uncertainty to fall away from them as if they were never even there to begin with. One day, perhaps not all too long ago, neither one of them would have taken the leap of faith to the tune of the crackling Bluetooth speaker. Only in jest it would have been offered, a joke question asked with a smile that hardly covered up the want underneath. Now, after a handful of birthdays, Christmases, and all the other days in the year spent together, it is clear that it is no longer just that.

❝ Only because you asked so nicely. ❞ Smile is infectious when he takes lover's hand, pulling William closer in the middle of their kitchen. There are groceries left to unpack ; a tub of ice cream surely soon to melt if it didn't reach its destination in the freezer. It is simply not important enough for him to care about when he steals a kiss. He does not care that the others might burst in without warning at any moment now. Does not care if anyone were to see them slow dancing in the kitchen with the fridge door slightly left ajar ( oh, how William would surely hate that if he was to notice — another kiss stolen in favour of distracting him. ) ❝ You are just as bad as I am... you incurable romantic. ❞

[hatigave]

@notefinal Art send : 027, an empty sports stadium. for Archie

THE FANFARE OF THE DAY HAS LONG SINCE DEPARTED leaving the stadium a ghost still vibrating with the remains of the shouts from the thousands of voices cheering in unison. Humanity has bled into the cheap plastic of the seats ; soiled the ground like hot dog wrappers and empty cups discarded by idle hands. TANGIBLE PROOF THAT SOMETHING HAPPENED. Something solid to reach out to and understand that they had all been here. Archie does not feel like that     ⎯⎯⎯⎯ he was the ghost watching from the sidelines. Hell, he can barely recall what sport was being played. The roar of the crowd was enough to have him sink into himself like a lifeless body sinks into the ocean.

❝ It must have been a good game. ❞ Actor stands on the mark next to his could-be-friend. They move in the same circles, dance with the same politeness around the same ghosts. BURDENS ARE SHARED even when neither of them really talks about it. ❝ Not that I know what classifies a game as good, but it felt like the other people watching were having fun. ❞ He had been on his phone doom-scrolling for over half of it.

[hatigave]

@notefinal Art said : ❛ i thought you’d like some company. ❜ to Archie.

❛ WE FEW, WE HAPPY FEW ❜ might have been the line he would have used once upon a time to indicate his excitement towards being invited to charity galas. Now, however, all joy had been stripped from receiving an invitation either through a simple text or printed on scented paper. They were, as his mentor used to say, fucking boring indeed. HE IS GRATEFUL FOR THE COMPANIONSHIP of a metaphorical brother in arms in the war against nonsensical socialites and fleeting polite conversation.

❝ You, my friend, are a gift from the heavens. ❞ Archie is quick to hand Art the second glass of champagne he has been clutching for the better part of half an hour. A tactic learned early on   ⎯⎯⎯⎯ it makes the vultures think he has places to be and people waiting for him. ❝ Please tell me you have an escape plan. I would offer to jump on a table and start dancing in my underwear if I didn't think these freaks would somehow welcome the show. ❞

[hatilead]

evermxre​:       adam .

innocent expression spoken with less than innocent words. the actor before him is certainly a tease, a devil with an angel’s face. faint smile on margins at the tiny brush of teeth, eyes as blue as a sky side-glancing at the man next to him. he is breathtaking, isn’t he, with that laugh and boyish smile? that glow that seems to abound from him.       adam may burn up from standing too close to archie kennedy. that is what they say about the sun, is it not? it’s beautiful and it’s golden but it is AFLAME, and it can burn you alive. ah, what does it matter? life is short and miserable, anyway ; best to have a bit of fun playing with fire whilst he can, yes? an innocent shrug, expression one of utter nonchalance. mister kennedy is not the only actor here, it seems.   “ i might have time for one, ”  he answers, and even his WORDS drip feigned boredom.   “ but, there is one condition, mister kennedy : you have to ASK NICELY. ”

                    IT IS A GAME PLAYED BOTH BY SINNERS AND SAINTS         ;         ghost of innocence discarded .         something better found in longing and a way to spend the time .        sunlight collected in blond hair         /          sky captured in blue eyes and he wants to reach out and scar palms of the sharp edges of adam .       SURELY EDGE SHOULD BE BETTER THAN PLEADING SMILE   ?         they’re equal players on equal footing .          nothing more between them than the things they desire to be      (       breath .      naked skin .      there is no sorrow when the both of them are reduced to the basics of humanity .    )        

eyes twinkle with mischief .      he too knows how to play the game .        VOICE DIPS INTO SOFTNESS .       WRAPS ITSELF IN CLOAK OF BEGGING        ;      disguises itself as a sweet thing .        ❝     please .     ❞       word drips poison .     thick like honey ,        lingers in silence as he rises to the tips of his toes     /       arms wrapped around mans’ neck ,       lips a ghost against his .       ❝     please mister haller .      could you please make some time for me    ?     ❞

[hatigave]

HE DOES NOT FEAR DEATH . has not gazed into the maw of the beast and felt fright for a long time now. the sea calls him with a hunger he could never match, and he, son of solitude and grief, finds himself rushing to her embrace with each whisper of his name. COME HOME ! it beckons to those willing to hear. knees hit the hard wood of a deck as his head falls to the side. breath is stolen from his lungs. perhaps he will fade today.

harrowing sun has left his lips chapped and his skin ablaze. smaller boat fades away upon the horizon. that which was supposed to carry him to his grave is gone now. cheek longs to rest against something which he cannot find. HE IS TIRED BEYOND REASON. ❝ i should have been left on the water. ❞ he whispers underneath the caribbean sun. ❝ that would have been kinder. ❞

@helmsrnan ♡'d

[hatigave]

                      KINDNESS HOLDS THE MAN HOSTAGE  more so than the sea  ;    a stranger lost on the waves knows that the tides will bring him home ( sooner rather than later,  all currents pass by familiar ground )  dreams linger on the palms of his hands.  demand not to be lost underneath a harsher sun.  better scorching heat than a spanish prison.  he waves, rocks the dinghy with eagerness.

❝ hello there ! ❞ ocean nearly claims him as he almost topples over into the water.  ❝  care for an additional set of hands ? ❞

                 @survivoirs​    ♡   gets a disaster queer. 

[hatigave]

he'd arranged the surprise nearly a week in advance, speaking with archie's director and manager in order to secure permission to be on set. the only problem? he'd just come from a two month underway, exhausted and in need of a good coffee. instead, he'd been told to wait in archie's dressing room, where he had promptly fallen asleep. and he wasn't sure if it was the door closing or archie had said something, but now he looked up at lover's face and smiled. 'hello, my love. ' horatio & archie        @iinmortales​ 

          heart grows fond at the sight of lover asleep, other man always seemed to bore the weight of the world on his shoulders               features only truly relaxing in sleep. such a simple pleasure it was, to see other truly  relax for once.  fingers reach out to stroke stray strand of hair away from his face, takes extra care not to disturb the other even when he’s sure his hands must be clammy and uncomfortable. makeup stains, leaves the slightest trail across horatio’s cheek.  and he grows fonder still !    ❝  hello, dearest.  ❞  words are accompanied by beaming smile,  one which stretches from ear to ear     /      one which is felt with every fibre of his being.  

time spend apart far too great, like the ocean so often between them, it is a vast distance nearly impossible to cross. late night phone calls and hastily taken selfies before stepping on stage never really quite enough. affection makes puppet out of him still, has him tied to red strings of faith. actor does not ask lover to cut them, instead, dips down to press a kiss to barely awoken man’s nose to solidify their strength. one to tip of his nose, one to each cheek, and one to his lips, for good measure.  ❝  sleep some more, if you want, love. you must be incredibly tired.  ❞ seat too small to fit both of them comfortably, and yet laws of physics mean little as he manages to slide next to other. nearly chest to chest, legs entangled before horatio can even  attempt  to sit up straight to make room for him. 

❝  and yet i’m so glad that you’re here.  ❞

[hatilead]

" i got you. "        @willixmbush​  

             WORLD FALLS AWAY FROM UNDERNEATH HIM          as swiftly as a breath passes from between his lips .        leaves nothing holy in the bed between them ,          nothing covered by messed up bed sheets .       skin is pulled too tightly around him        /          a hand long since gone finds itself wrapped around his throat once again .         HOW DO YOU ASK FOR FORGIVENESS WHEN THERE IS NO GOD LEFT TO LISTEN TO YOUR CRIES     ?            arms wrap around him ,       soothing voice cutting through the fog which has settled around his mind .      knives cutting ,       drawing blood effortlessly .     perhaps he has screamed .       mind cannot recall what the body already knows     -         sore feeling in the back of his throat betrays him forever and always .     

voice of a man haunts him .       laughter fills the space where hope used to live as body thrashes in a weak attempt to       simply get away .       it isn’t pretty .     it never is .      and it most certainly isn’t something he wants william to see .         HOW TO DRIVE EVERYONE AWAY WHEN NO ONE CARED IN THE FIRST PLACE    ?         he is nothing but the shell covered with scars .         and yet william seems so stubbornly hellbent on loving him all the same .      ❝    you shouldn’t .   ❞       it hurts to speak .      yet tongue is as stubborn as lover’s heart .      weak press of palms against shoulders .      he doesn’t want william to leave ,      but neither does he want him to see him at his lowest          (        a never ending battle .       one he has already lost .       )       

❝   you should  . . .       you should go .    ❞         strange thing to say when it isn’t his bed he’s laying in .        stranger even when the crumbling roof above his head isn’t his own .         neither is real .        HE IS A SHADOW WHO HAS BEEN ALLOWED TO LIVE IN THE REALM OF THE DIVINE    .          ❝    i’m sorry william .    ❞

[hatilead]

"Do you have any idea what time it is?"     @willixmbush​  

                      TIME WRAPS AROUND THEM LIKE A NOOSE  ,         settles down inside bones and minds and demands to be felt .        but time ,      time means little to child of stars who has learned how to dance to the tunes of an ever changing earth .       a moment passes during which softly swaying world holds its breath            ;         creaks and groans of ship a lullaby not soothing enough for him to fall asleep to .      THERE IS A COMFORT STOLEN FROM CHILDISH MIND  ,         a man seeking to reclaim what is lost and finding nothing but warm skin .     

❝     i do have a vague notion ,      mister bush .     ❞       playful tone as he slips into the hammock alongside the man           ;          a tight squeeze ,     but not anything he’s unfamiliar with .         ❝     four bells ,      if my mind is still sound .      ❞        MAKING SMALL-TALK COMES NATURAL  ,        even when lips ghost across skin of the man’s neck              /               an arm draped around william’s waist .      almost as if it was the most natural thing to do .      

❝     you don’t mind ,      do you     ?     ❞

[hatilead]

              𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐇        hiding underneath dark waves .       a promise ,    a noose ,      perhaps a bit of both .      ocean parts to call home those who still head its call        /          to those who still feel     something     when seagulls sing and sirens beckon them to come closer .           HE FEELS NOTHING .        HASN’T FOR A FEW MONTHS NOW     .           not since a certain commodore has left ,       not since ships hull grew dark and gloomy rather than something to consider calling home .      

he still hasn’t grown accustomed to the caribbean .       still a stranger in stranger lands .      too proper ,      too    british  to pass for anything else        (      even when the uniform has long since been abandoned .      perhaps it had never really fit him to begin with .     )          DANIEL WALKS INTO THE LIONS DEN      .          forgets how to sit quietly and wait .       how could he ,       when he is there .      unfamiliar street in unfamiliar port but there is something which feels like solid ground all the same .    faded blue of uniform catches his attention first .       green eyes second .    

tongue wraps itself around familiar title ,      presses it against his cheek in denial for a moment .     tastes the ash that remains on it .     there is no need to call it out ,    to bring attention to gold coloured buttons and disheveled wig .      NO DESIRE TO BRING EVEN MORE DANGER    .     ❝   norrington    ?   ❞      it doesn’t feel right ,    to be uncertain ,     to wonder .      but stranger things have happened     ;      and the mirage of a familiar face in a crowd of people is hardly the oddest thing the world has to offer .    

             @norringtxn​     /     feral time  !