#ignote

[hec-chan]

"Each time I say something, I only start something. Better if I say nothing."

[griancraft]

very quick and messy Scarian doodle from last night

[electricalcheese]

how does one draw on their phone

[wanopo-daily]

Day 71:

Buraikku Jikorizer

Don't stop the music, don't stop the party!

also funfact: was featured in two concerts!! This is a rare ocasion, especially because it has less than a million views in YouTube and less than 300K views in NND

[cal4hysteria]

thinking about caldre smoking and sharing a cig and how its like a kiss they cant share

[rose-png]

TWINSOMNIA FANARTT

rose finally draws sock.clips OTHEE OCS AND NOT HTBAZ! 1!? 1? 1!! 1? 1? crazy.. . .. . .

IM SO HYPED FOR THE PLUSH GUYS I NED THEM look at her

she lokks so stupif i need

[horografy]

Didn't saw many people do gijinkas of them,sooo...

[lesbiantrish]

i feel like all my friends are starting to ignore mr again

[therealtrophy]

Some goldhand shenanigans

[caminthemoshpitatweezer]

Y'all I think my septum piercing is a bit crooked

[radkatzzstuff]

[mythtiide]

[baladric]

if anyone ever needs to know who i was in 2013

then reconsider

[tobywiththetics]

it suprises me that so many people dont know that toby's "mask", is a muzzel 😭

[purpleartrowboat]

is this double jointed

[such-familiar-distance]

If you're taking other prompts: mpreg? Very sad, angsty mpreg? 👀

Anon, this is so self indulgent that I hope you enjoy it too so I'm not alone here.

--

Kal knew as soon as it happened, but he made himself not know.  It was hard to not know, between the dull ache, the heaviness, and the crushing, overwhelming tiredness, but Kal made himself not know. The problem with Marcus was he was too comfortable, too easy to go along with his blithe, sunny confidence that everything would work out fine, that Kal made himself not know until it was too late to do anything about it.

It was easy enough to hide at first, from Marcus and himself. He didn't look like much naked at the bathhouse, and Marcus didn't need a good look at him when Kal pretended to be desperate to suck his cock or get rolled on his belly to fuck.  The first few months there was hardly anything to hide at all.

When it happened to Florian, Marcus' brother had had it cut out of him.  When it happened to Aurelius, he'd been allowed to keep it long enough to wean and then it had been sold away.  Lodee said he'd made himself barren, but Kal had made himself not know too long to do that now, too afraid of Marcus' anger if he found out.

Some nights Kal was dead certain that Marcus wouldn't want to bother with the mess of it all, and he'd sell Kal back to a brothel or worse, simply turn him out with no way to support himself.  The only thing worse Kal could imagine, lying awake feeling trapped by his own body, was that Marcus would want to keep it and Kal would be trapped with him forever, pretending to be happy for fear that everything Marcus had made him want would be taken away.  Worse when Kal started to feel it move, secret and safe.

Bruno, if he knew, kept his mouth shut against all odds.  He had to know, between the way he brought more from the kitchen at meals and mostly stopped complaining about how much Kal slept, and the weight of that hung over Kal too, that eventually Marcus would find out.  Instead of thinking about it, Kal slept all day as much as he could, as though he could simply sleep through it all.

In the end it didn't matter; he couldn't get away from it anymore than he could get away from Marcus, because he'd been too scared to do anything about it.  Kal woke up one afternoon with Marcus stroking his hair, sitting beside him on the bed.  Kal had fallen asleep on his back and swam up from sleep with one hand on his belly, Marcus watching him closely.

“You’re pregnant, aren't you?” Marcus said, just looking at him.

Kal couldn't hold it together any longer, the crushing weight of keeping it hidden the past few months suddenly overwhelming as he crumpled in on himself.  He struggled to sit and came utterly undone as Marcus helped him to sit against the headboard.  Kal hated crying in front of Marcus more than anything else, hated being that vulnerable and weak in front of him, but now he was nothing but vulnerable and weak, totally undone.  Marcus made soothing noises and petted Kal gently, as though he hadn't trapped Kal so completely with this.

“How far are you?” Marcus asked, horribly gentle, pulling Kal against him, a shivering mess.  How long had Kal been lying to him, he meant.

“Four–five months,” Kal said.  He tried to make himself breathe but it didn't help and he could feel how wet he'd made Marcus' shirt already.  He hated this, hated his body, hated Marcus for doing this to him.

“It's alright, don't cry, it's alright,” Marcus said, petting him before suddenly stopping.  “It is mine, isn't it?”

Kal's stomach dropped.  He pulled back to stare at Marcus, sure that Marcus hadn't found some worse nightmare in this.  “Yes, I swear–I swear, master, I haven't–” Kal couldn't breathe, sure Marcus would turn him out.

Marcus shushed him again with a kiss to the top of his head.  He got up from the bed and went to fetch something from his desk as Kal cried into his hands, utterly miserable and hating himself.  Without Marcus Kal had no way to protect a baby from everything that had been done to him.  Without a pimp he had no way to protect either of them from worse.  Kal would be twenty in the spring with a baby he couldn't protect.

“I can–I can get rid of it,” Kal said when Marcus came back and sat beside him.  Lodee must know how, but Kal hadn't gone to him yet because he didn't trust that Lodee wouldn't do it in a way that would also end Kal. He'd never felt so trapped and alone.  The fragile, precious thing in his belly protested Kal's selfishness by rolling uneasily.  “I'm sorry master, I can get rid of it.”

Marcus stroked his hair and put his forehead to Kal's. He put something in Kal's lap.   “I'll take care of you,” Marcus said.  “I'll take care of both of you.”  He kissed Kal slowly, stroking Kal's hair, and then he–and then Marcus unlocked his collar.  Kal felt it but he didn't understand it, staring wildly with his face still wet as Marcus lay his collar on the nightstand.  In Kal's lap, Marcus had placed a sheaf of papers.  “It'll be alright,” Marcus said, stroking Kal's hair again.  He was always too gentle, as though Kal was actually as fragile and breakable as he felt.  “My mother will acknowledge it, it'll be alright.”

That didn't make any sense, and neither did the papers in Kal's lap or the collar on the nightstand.  Manumission–it didn't make any sense with what Marcus said.  “What if–what if she doesn't?” Kal said, still wiping his face because he couldn't make himself stop.

Marcus put a hand on his belly, pulling himself close to Kal again.  Marcus wore an expensive waistcoat and a fine shirt stained with Kal's crying; Kal felt filthy and wrung out in his sleep-rumpled tunic.  “She will,” Marcus said, kissing Kal's temple with that stupid, blithe confidence that Kal hated and loved in equal measure.  “And if she doesn't, I'll take my dower and marry you anyway.  We'll elope and start a laundry.” Kal looked at him, shaken out of his crying for a moment.  Marcus had said such things before as a joke, but he wasn't joking now, face hard.  “I'd do that for you.  For your baby,” Marcus said very seriously, as though he'd read the question on Kal's face.

Kal let himself be pulled down to the mattress to lie again, Marcus curled around him with one hand possessively, protectively on his belly.  “I promise I'll take care of you,” Marcus said against the back of Kal's neck, lips brushing where the collar ought to be.

“You're not angry? That I didn't tell you?” Kal said.  He both desperately needed to hear the answer and dreaded it, the pillow damp under his face.

Marcus paused for a long moment, as though actually considering the question.  “No,” he said finally.  He stroked Kal's  belly slowly.  “I'm just sorry you were so frightened for so long.  It'll be alright, I swear.” Kal let himself be soothed, exhausted and wrung out and nearly believing it.  Everything always worked out for Marcus with his money and his family and his blithe confidence; maybe he could make things work out for Kal and the precious, fragile thing he'd made Kal want.