#ignore me am in a depression bout doing math to make myself feel worse
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80 years already feels short as hell but it also feels long as hell yknow. whereas if i instead say 29,200 doesnt that feel so much shorter
#ignore me am in a depression bout doing math to make myself feel worse#something about how life is exhausting cause like say i live 80 years total i still have abt 60 yrs to go which is abt 22000 days#which means i have to take 11000 showers and brush my teeth 44000 times and buy groceries 3143 times#and doctors appointments and get a job and pay rent and pay phone bill and pay credit card bill and pay and pay and pay#and clean the litterboxes and clean the bathroom and feed the cats and feed the lizard and clean your room and do laundry#and fold laundry and put away laundry and hang up laundry and get dressed and do laundry again and again and again#its EXHAUSTING#and i have suicidal thoughts repellant aka a severe phobia of death and the afterlife or lack thereof#which sounds great and is certainly helpful however it also induces a certain level of hopelessness#cuz no matter how shit i feel theres no way off this ride for me. i just have to keep goinf#the way i explain it to myself is like. i feel like im limping towards a finish line so i can collapse the second i cross it except#there is no finish line‚ the race is just life and it doesnt matter if i dont have the energy to keep going because#not keeping going just isn't an option#i have no energy. im so tired. n i dunno whats gonna happen when i run out of money but am still out of energy#i suppose i go back to overdrawing the tank again probably n just. hope the drain isnt so fast this time and i#can get to a rest point sooner#one way or another i continue#whether thats a pessimistic or optimistic statement is up to you
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