#ignore how stiff my girls are lmaooo

[certifiedducky]

loving dead-tired marinette and over-excited alya. specifically an akuma struck late last night.

[sukirichi]

— out of reach | gojo x reader

request: Girllllll I just read your jealous gojo fic and my heart went 📈📈📈📈💥💥💥 youre now one of my fav writers 🙏🧎‍♀️And the spicy parts 😫😫😫 💖 If your asks are still open, could I please request a fic where GOJO has a size kink 🥺🥺🥺 my 5’1 ass is obsessed with that shizzzz 

pov: you’re gojo’s childhood friend and roommate – which leads to utter chaos – or perhaps utter bliss?

warnings: size kink, lots of teasing, lots of cursing, dirty talk, choking (probably not in the way you think), body worship, lots of size difference scenes, slight manhandling, overstimulation, thigh fucking, vaginal sex, unprotected sex (don’t do this irl guys) + unedited fic :D

notes: idk what happened here LMAOOO but i loved writing this one because i’m short as hell too lol. thanks for this request anon, i hope you like it! <3

word count: 10.5k

masterlist ! 

If you’re going to be honest, having Gojo as a roommate is something completely unexpected.

Not only are you two from entirely different worlds – him as a jujutsu sorcerer and you as an average human who can’t see curses – but he’s also just someone who is entirely out of your league. He’s respected and looked up to in his field of work, while half of your co-workers don’t even know your name, much less notice you in function parties where you mostly just nibble on sushi before calling it a day and turning back home.

You and Gojo met in elementary school. You could tell from the way he’s surrounded by servants and stern looking adults, firm hands on his small shoulders, that he was different from everyone else.

Apparently, he comes from one of the three big clans in the jujutsu world or whatever. You honestly don’t care about any of that, because Gojo refuses to act maturely about his role in the clan. You still remember how quiet he was on the first day of school, never smiling and keeping to himself despite your persuasion to eat lunch with him or play with him after school in the courtyard.

You miss that Gojo Satoru – the quiet, serious kid who was far too gentle in his actions yet firm in his words and beliefs. When you were still a little girl, you admired how he seemed older than his age, a wistful look in those azure blue eyes of his that you’ve always loved.

To you, Gojo Satoru was your hero. You’ve always been one of the shortest kids in class, and it didn’t help that you really loved pigtails all the way until middle school that made you an easy target from immature people who’s being hit way too fast by puberty and growing each passing day. You never minded your short stature because really, it’s just height, but you couldn’t ignore how your confidence dwindled each day when they called you several array of nicknames.

Too shy to fight back, you’d laugh it off or force a smile.

Gojo wasn’t having any of it. He’d break his silence and immediately pull you to his side (which only made things worse because Gojo was one of the tallest kids in class, further emphasizing how small you are right next to him) before threatening to smack the kids right in the face.

The threat should be enough to land him detention, but because he’s Gojo Satoru, the golden kid everyone loved, they took his word seriously.

At the age of eleven, you started seeing your best friend as your knight in shining armour. Gojo basked in this, growing protective and always glaring at whoever snickered when you walked past them. Sometimes he even bared his teeth to hiss at them, which was honestly so ridiculous now that you think about, though the message – the threat – always came across loud and clear.

So yeah, you love Gojo, you still do.

Years flew by and the two of you grew apart due to work and also as a part of growing up. You still kept in contact, messaging each other once a month to ask the other how they’re doing. His work kept him extremely busy though, and Gojo didn’t want you involved in the dangers of what he’s doing, so he makes sure to keep a safe distance.

Until six months ago, you hear a banging on your door. You’re just about ready to throw hands because your former roommate moved out to live with her stoner boyfriend, leaving you to shoulder all the bills and responsibilities of maintaining a two man apartment.

A sneer forms on your lips as you swing the door open, a scowl already on your face. You assumed it was your roommate who returned to get the pair of lace panties they left in their room, but instead, your childhood friend stands before you, taller (seriously, how has he not stopped growing?) and definitely a lot hotter than the last time you saw him.

One thing leads to another, and now it feels like there was never such distance between the two of you with how easily you both fell back into a comfortable – yet chaotic – rhythm and routine of being each other’s roommate.

Not that you mind, of course. Gojo’s definitely changed a lot from when you were kids. He’s no longer that stiff or sensitive when it comes to others. In fact, it seems like he loosens up a lot more with age, because you can barely recognize the man living under the same roof with you now.

For one thing, Gojo is loud. Like really talkative, won’t shut the fuck up and speaks like he’s in a screaming contest with someone. It doesn’t matter if you’re taking an important phone call or sleepwalking at three in the morning to pee, Gojo is always creating some sort of ruckus.

You’d never admit it out loud, but you loved it. You love him.

He’s definitely a lot more enthusiastic and fun to be with now that both of you have grown up, or in Gojo’s case, simply aged. His maturity reversed backwards because it feels like you’re taking care of a little kid.

Not only does his body clock is practically non-existent, he’s also horrible when it comes to taking care of himself and being punctual with work.

Fortunately for him, you love him, and you both leave for work at the same time. You always wake up earlier to prepare breakfast so you’d both have energy to start the day – although you highly doubt there’s really anything that depletes his endless source of one.

Sleepily walking through the kitchen with your fist rubbing at your eyes, you rummage through the refrigerator for some eggs when you realize there’s none.

Huh, you think to yourself, scratching your scalp. You’re sure that Gojo went grocery shopping last week since it’s his chore to do the outside stuff like buying groceries and throwing thrash, so where did it go?

You open shelf by shelf, checking each corner and shoving cans aside to look for the tray. With a glare, you stand on your tiptoes to pull the pantry open, only to have your mouth fall aghast because it’s all there – right at the back where you can’t reach it!

Fucking Satoru, you grit your teeth while heaving your body up onto the counter. It’s a struggle because not only are your muscles still half asleep, but because the shelf is right in your face, and if you’re not careful enough, you could hit it right with your face and fall over. Of fucking course you know Satoru did this to make fun of you – and now you retract your statement over your best friend.

It’s all a lie.

He’s a pain in the ass. Why do you even bother cooking for him and letting him live literally just a room away when you know he won’t stop pulling shit like this?

Because, the nagging voice in your head tries to mock, he’s your best friend and you can’t really say no to him. This makes you huff as you carefully pull the tray towards you, hooking two fingers at the edge while your other palm grips at the end of the counter for support. No thanks to your short limbs, you’re practically hogging the shelf by now in an attempt to reach it. You look ridiculous, that’s for sure, and you make a mental note to keep Satoru’s windows open tonight so he freezes to death –

“Aw, cupcake,” a sing-song voice emerges from the other side of the room. “You look so adorable. You should’ve woke me up if you need my help.”

“Fuck off, Satoru,” you flip him off. The man only laughs, the rambunctious sound echoing off the walls. It’s way too early in the morning and he’s already so damn loud; something builds up at the back of your head out of frustration already. His grin only gets wider when you finally got the eggs and clutch it your chest, setting it down on the counter while wiping your sweat away from your face. “Freeloader,” you mutter under your breath, ignoring him when he happily skips over to you.

“Ouch,” he places a palm over his chest, although you both know he’s never really affected by anything. “So what’s for breakfast today? You?”

“You know, I can kick you out anytime I want. I’m being extremely nice even going as far to cook you breakfast before you leave for work, so don’t test my patience.”

“Exactly, my best friend is so kind,” Satoru grows the audacity to rest his arm on your head. This triggers a reflexive response from you; shoulders tensing up and hands curling into fists beside you. “I would totally date her if she wasn’t such a temperamental little devil,” you nearly stab him with a fork with his statement, which he thinks he’s being so sly for but you heard it, and you’re most definitely not pleased with it. “Okay, I’m kidding! I’m going to go shower now!”

You roll your eyes at him and heat the pan over with some oil, muttering under your breath that you’re really going to kick him out soon. As if things couldn’t get worse – as if Satoru couldn’t get any worse – he smacks your backside in the process before darting to the showers.

“Gojo Satoru!”

“Morning, best friend, love ya!”

You were right. He is a pain in the ass.

“You don’t always have to walk me to work.”

“I know.”

“So why’re you still here? I’m not a little kid anymore,” Contrary to your words, you stick closer to Satoru when the morning rush of workers and students begin to crowd the streets. Your best friend notices this with a small smile, his hand resting on the small of your back. “Don’t even try, Satoru.”

“I wasn’t saying anything.”

“I know that look on your face,” you fiddle with the buttons of your uniform, sighing when Satoru follows you inside the bus after tapping your phone for two seats. It’s not a surprise to you anymore that most of your expenses are spent by him, for him, and he lazily sprawls his long limbs across the seat before you pulling you down right next to him.

As much as you hate this man, especially because he smirks at the attention he’s receiving from women – even men – in the bus, you have to admit he’s warm and smells damn good. You bite the inside of your cheeks, looking around in slight self-consciousness before inching a little closer, just to feel his warmth. He’s comforting – irrationally so – so you set your bag between the both of you to keep your sanity. “If you keep doing this, Principal Yaga might fire your ass because you’re never on time.”

“Trust me, cupcake, he won’t. I’m too valuable for that.”

How you saw that coming – you can’t tell anymore. The bus ride is relatively quiet and eventless, with you dozing off every now and then because you’re never a morning person. Thankfully, Satoru is more respectful this time around, lolling your head until it drops to his shoulder. After that, he snakes his arm around your waist before resting it on your thigh as a way to say you don’t have to head bang every damn second and just sleep.

On any other occasion, you would’ve hated it. You always look so small whenever you’re in Satoru’s presence. It doesn’t help that he’s long and lanky, either, his slender fingers effortlessly caressing your thigh while almost your entire body is flushed next to him. But right now, he’s too warm, too soft, and you’re too tired that for just a little bit, you allow yourself to relax.

A beeping wakes you up a moment later. Opening your eyes, you push yourself off Satoru when you see an old lady reaching for the handles. No one gave up their seats for her even as the bus driver asked her to find a seat lest she’d fall.

“Grandma, here, take my seat—” You’re about to stand up and offer it to her when Satoru tugs you by the wrist. Because of your small, wobbly composure, pulling you to him takes little to no effort. You end up on his lap, sitting on him as if you’re nothing but a small, dainty schoolbag. Satoru is clearly enjoying this because you feel him breathily laugh on the back of your neck, charming – annoyingly so – as he gestures to the now empty spot beside him.

“It’s no worries, Grandma. She’ll be fine,” he gestures to you, patting your head like you’re some puppy. “Please, take a seat. The bus is already moving.”

“Satoru, get off me,” You wriggle yourself from his hold, which only ends up in wasted effort because this big oaf doesn’t even budge. He even bounces you on one of his thighs, and you dig your nails into his arms as a silent plead for him to stop. He ignores this, ignores your small whines and the apparent embarrassment that has you debating whether to punch him or hide yourself in the safety of his uniform.

“She’s a feisty little one, isn’t she?”

The old lady watches the two of you banter, giggling behind her wrinkled hands. “You’re an adorable couple.”

“I think so too!”

“You’re so going to pay for this, Satoru,” you grumble, face planted onto your palms. This is it – the worst day of your life. It’s even worse because despite your protests, you have to admit his lap is actually comfortable. You’ve already known this before after countless times of cuddling with Satoru during movie nights, but its different when you’re both out in public. It feels...oddly intimate and maybe even romantic when he rubs soothing circles at your back, almost as if apologizing for this event. Most of all, you just hate the way something pools beneath your stomach at having him so close to you like this. “This is so embarrassing. I’m practically crushing you with my weight.”

“Please, cupcake, you barely weigh anything. I could easily lift you off with just my finger,” when you elbow him in the chest, Satoru only laughs, raising both hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I’ll stop teasing.”

You give up. No one seems to be paying much attention to any of you anyway, so you sigh, letting yourself hide in the crook of his neck as you watch the city pass through the windows. Your body moves as his chest rises and falls from his breathing, the movement oddly comforting. It’s embarrassing – it really is – but at least the grandma was comfortable until Satoru drops you off near your building.

“You don’t have to walk me all the way there.”

“Why not? You don’t want people to see us together or something?”

“No,” you stare at him from the corner of your eye. It’s no secret Satoru is attractive. This bastard knows it too, judging from the way he confidently and arrogantly swaggers next to you, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he walked with no care in the world. “My co-workers keep asking me for your number every time I tell them we’re not dating. It’s getting annoying at this point how they go Satoru this and Satoru that.”

“Am I hearing it right? Is cupcake jealous?”

“I’m not jealous, I’m disgusted,” you correct, “They don’t know how much of a pain you are to have around. They’re so focused with your looks that they completely overlook the fact you can’t even wash your dirty underwear!”

Satoru frowns at this, pointing his finger to you as if you’ve accused him of a huge crime. “Hey, I wash my underwear.”

“Yeah and last time you did, you mixed it with whites! My work uniform turned a stupid shade of blue! Now I can’t picture the colour of your boxers out of my head and it’s giving me a headache!”

“Wow, Y/N,” the smirk on his face and the sudden drop of nicknames lets you know you’ve said something wrong. Even behind his blindfold, you could tell his eyes are just sparkling with amusement. He’s enjoying this way too much. “I never thought you’d ever picture my boxers. I mean, I don’t mind showing it to you if you ask nicely—”

“Ugh, you’re so hopeless. I’m going to work.”

Gojo laughs when you jog away from him. He catches up with you in a matter of seconds, only having to take a few steps forward before he’s right beside you again. You’re unsure if you should be annoyed it’s so easy for him to always be right next to you, and how he almost always is right next to you while you prefer running away. It muddles with your heart and mind so much you pinch the bridge of your nose, trying not to be swayed by the sickeningly sweet sound of his laughter. “I can’t pick you up later, okay? I might work overtime!” (that’s a lie since Gojo prefers shopping and sightseeing)

Both of you know that’s a lie. Gojo never works overtime. He’s going to work for a few hours and so and call playing around with his students as “on-hand learning” before he goes shopping for stupid souvenirs and wild-flavoured mochis, then end his day by sightseeing and coming back home.

“Wasn’t expecting you to,” you mumble, waving goodbye to him as the office doors close. Slowly, Satoru’s grin and enthusiastic farewell fades into view until nothing but the pale, silver walls of your office greets you.

Funny how you claim to hate this man so much, yet the moment he’s out of sight, everything becomes dull and pointless.

It’s an absolutely shitty day. Your equally shitty boss blames you for something you didn’t even do, all because his incompetent secretary – who you’re sure he’s sleeping with – lost this month’s report and claimed she handed it to you last week when you’re not involved in that kind of work. Logic doesn’t come by them because your boss publicly humiliates and scolds you, calling you all kinds of names until tears are streaming down your face.

You slam the door shut the moment you get home, kicking your shoes off as you head straight to your room. You don’t bother taking your makeup off anymore as you change into a loose shirt and floral cotton shirts, padding to the kitchen after seeing Satoru is well nestled into the couch.

At least someone’s had a good day.

Seeing as the sink is empty, he probably hasn’t eaten dinner. This makes you sigh, because when will he ever learn to look after himself? He’s literally like a child.

Satoru pauses whatever he’s watching before he hovers over you, head tilted to the side as he gazes at you with curiosity. You ignore him and begin to set down some bowls and chopsticks for dinner, all the while Satoru is studying every inch of your tightly pulled face. “Bad day?” he concludes.

“Hmm.”

“Bad day it is then,” he nods to himself. “I can cook dinner, if you want.”

“And have you burn my apartment? No thanks,” you scoff, pushing him aside to retrieve the pans when you see that he’s placed them above again, even after you’ve reminded countless times to just leave it near the holders in the sink. “Ugh, why do you keep putting the pans in this shelf? You know I can’t reach this. I’ve had enough with you pulling pranks on me, and don’t think I’ve forgotten you placed my shampoo above the shower head today, you idiot,” you snarl and hop over the counter again to get the pans, trying your best to fight back the tears that are threatening to fall. “You’re really bothersome, you know that?”

“Then why don’t you kick me out?” he challenges, completely oblivious to how you’re struggling – both physically and emotionally. “You always complain about me being a nuisance here, but you’re not really doing anything to keep me out.”

“Because where else would you go?”

“Technically, I have a room back at the Institute.”

“Yeah, but because you’re so stupid and reckless that you got kicked out of your own home,” you spat out, and you watch as Satoru raises a brow at your statement. Banter is common between the both of you, but something about the intensity of your gaze lets him know you’re serious this time around. “I don’t even know how Yuuji puts up with you. That poor Megumi is right when he says you’re insufferable. You’re good for nothing!”

Satoru scoffs, “Fine, if you hate me that much, why didn’t you just say so earlier? I could easily pack my bags and go since I’m just making everything harder—” Satoru doesn’t get to finish what he’s saying when your hand over the counter that acts as support slips under you, and you fall, legs bent awkwardly while you scream, preparing yourself for the impact. The pan is long forgotten, your only thought was oh my god, so this is how I die.

But it never came, and you keep your eyes shut tight even as warm hands cup your ass. Satoru is breathing hard under you. Finally gaining the courage to crack an eye open, your breath halts when you see that he’s sitting on the floor, with you safely nestled between him.

Satoru has always had pretty eyes, but it’s rare he takes off his blindfold off even when he’s home. This is one of those rare occurrences that he seems like a normal human, dressed in a gray sweatshirt that hands low from his collarbones and magnetic blue eyes staring right back at you. His touch is gentle, almost as if he’s afraid to hurt you, and his voice that is usually loud and teasing comes out breathy and hesitant.

“Are you okay?”

Your gaze drops down to his lips. He’s close, so close, that if you just lean a little closer you could – you snap out of your daze. “Get off me.”

“Cupcake, you’re the one who’s on top of me,” his voice falls an octave lower, eyes flitting down to your clothing – or rather the lack of it – before Satoru takes a deep breath. “Did you really have to wear that?”

“I have the right to wear whatever I want in the comfort of my own home.”

“I wasn’t complaining,” he raised a brow, this time completely in control of himself as he gazes back up at you with a burning gaze. You see nothing but the way one corner of his lips tilt up, almost teasing, and he looks so much like a shit-eater that you feel heat crawl down your spine.

You push yourself off him but your bent foot behind you slips, and you fall forward with your hands clutching his strong shoulders. Satoru catches your leg behind you, drags it forward until your knee is pressed in between one of your warmth, very much still enjoying the way you wriggle away from his hold. He knows his effect on you – but you deny this wholeheartedly.

“Careful, cupcake. This isn’t a slip and slide.”

“I hate you so much,” you bare your teeth at him, slapping his chest until he finally lets go of you. Turning your back to him, you pick up the pan and begin preparing your dinner, muttering curses under your breath as you heat up the stove. “I’m kicking you out tomorrow.”

“Why not now?”

“Eat your damn dinner first.”

Dinner after that is awkward. Although Gojo is someone who can wolf down his meal in three seconds, he takes his time in eating to start conversation with you. Sometimes he asks decent questions like how your day was or he’d talk about something stupid, but he’s quiet the whole time. He even volunteers to do the dishes before retreating to his room, coating the house in silence.

It almost feels like you’re all alone over again.

You’ve gotten so used to him being an utter mess everywhere that when he’s not trying to piss you off and actually giving you the much needed peace, you begin to hate it. Memories of the rude things you’ve said to him a while ago play and in your head, and you bang your head against the wall repeatedly.

How are you supposed to apologize to Satoru now?

The answer doesn’t come until you stare at your walls, wide awake at midnight. The house is still eerily silent and you don’t stop shuffling around your bed in discomfort. Many times, you wished that Satoru would shut up and leave you alone, but now that he’s actually done that, it feels weird. Uncomfortable. It feels wrong.

With a grunt, you kick off the sheets and carefully tread to his room, knocking lightly in case he’s already sleeping. “Satoru?” you call out, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. “Are you awake?”

You’ve seen Satoru angry as kids before, but what would he be like now? Would he still want to be your friend? Would he still annoy you by hiding your things somewhere you can’t reach? Or would he be the who is now out of reach? If he leaves...who’s going to walk you to work? Who’s going to complain he doesn’t want to do groceries but buys you things you don’t ask for but want anyway? Who’s going to keep teasing the living daylights out of you if not him?

All these thoughts claw at the back of your mind until your bottom lip trembles. You hate how weak you feel; how you’re never careful with your words.

You never meant it when you said all that.

Your train of thought is cut off when the door swings open, revealing an equally tired-looking Satoru. At the sight of you peering up at him with glossy eyes, he pushes the door wider and steps closer to you, his large hands cupping your face as he leans down in worry. “Cupcake,” his brows pinch together, “Did something happen? Is something wrong?”

“I just wanted to apologize for everything I said,” you blurt out, “I was just tired from work and my boss was being shitty, so I wasn’t totally myself that time and I’m really sorry I took my anger out on you. I didn’t mean it when I said you’re insufferable and that I’m kicking you out so – yeah,” you breathe out, trailing your gaze downwards to stare at your feet instead. It’s difficult to look him in the eye right now. When you finally gain courage to speak again, it barely comes out as a whimper, your hands delicately tugging at his shirt. “Please stay. I like having my best friend around here.”

Satoru doesn’t answer.

You’re about to look up at him just in case you’ve said something wrong, or worse, he refuses to forgive you, but then – “Yeah, I know you wouldn’t kick me out. You’re too much of a darling to say no to me.”

Sigh. Satoru laughs when he sees your shoulders deflate, absolutely shattered in exhaustion. Hiding your smile to now show him you’re relieved, you punch his chest that really feels like a fly had accidentally flew into him. “Way to ruin the mood, Satoru. And here I thought I could have a serious conversation with you for once.”

“Apology accepted,” he beams, tilting your chin upwards so you could look at him. Even in the darkness of his room, his eyes glow, leaving you hypnotized in its beauty. “Plus, I think I’m the one who should apologize. You’re right; I haven’t been the best roommate and I am a freeloader,” he scratches the side of his head in thought. “But I do buy you food all the time though.”

“Yeah, with my money,” you counter, but you don’t really care anymore at this point. You’re beyond elated you’re both fine now, and you shyly gesture to his big, warm bed that suddenly looks so comfortable. “Can I stay here for tonight?”

“You want Satoru’s bear hug?”

“Yes, I do.” There’s no hesitation in your words and you don’t complain anymore when he easily picks you up like a ragdoll using only one arm. He’s surprisingly gentle when he places you both down on the bed, sheets warm and soft as it blankets over you.

It would be perfect – except it’s so damn awkward.

Gojo’s long limbs are everywhere. Your face is pressed into his chest, both your legs tangled together. His arm is sprawled over the curve of your hip, his hand nearly grazing your ass that’s barely covered by the thin material of your shorts, but if he shifts, he’ll end up cupping the back of your thighs which is equally uncomfortable.

He seems to be stuck in the same position because you’re so small, and your knees are grazing his groin. Had he known you’re going to sleep with him, he would’ve worn underwear or even boxers under his sweatpants.

He’s never told you before, but he prefers to sleep in the nude. Satoru only picked up the nearest pair of pants when he heard you knock, and even then, he didn’t have the time to wear a shirt.

Your breath is hot on his skin and he’s so sensitive and aware of all your movements. Satoru clears his throat awkwardly, shifting until his arm lightly holds your back instead, but then he pulls away as if he’s touched fire when he’d unknowingly fiddled with your bra clasp instead. It’s so painfully awkward that Satoru chuckles above you, while you scrunch your nose, silently praying to the heavens above that he won’t hear how loud your heart is beating right now.

“Why is it so hot in your own room?”

“Maybe it’s time you get me an AC.”

“You wish, Satoru,” you mumble beneath him, making yourself as comfortable as you can with your cheek resting on his bicep. It’s not the softest pillow considering he’s pretty muscular, but he’s warm and smells like mint spice nevertheless. “You’re really not going to put on a shirt?”

Satoru sighs, a long and loud one that is extended for dramatic purposes. Suddenly, he pushes your knee off of him, grimacing and thanking the darkness that you can’t see how much he’s struggling right now. “Cupcake, this is hard for me as much as it is for you. You’re barely wearing anything.”

“Since when have you cared about what I wear?”

“I’m a man, Y/N,” is what he reasons with, “You’re lucky it’s me. Had it been someone else and you crawled into their bed wearing these—” Satoru pinches the waistband of your shorts, and you squeal in protest, only making him laugh afterwards before he lets it go and the material snaps back at your skin, “—poor excuse of what you call shorts, I can’t guarantee they’ll give you a peaceful night.”

You know exactly what he’s trying to hint at. Still, it’s hard to believe that Satoru is capable of seeing you that way.

It’s not that you feel you’re unattractive. You know you’re pretty and have been out on many dates, but it’s easy to feel that you’re not sexy when you have the height of a thirteen year old and you’ve been constantly chastised about it.

Satoru’s not-compliment compliment has your heart skipping a beat, and you scoff in response. “Shut up,” you warn lamely, “I want to sleep.”

“Then let’s sleep, cupcake.” You don’t know if it’s because you’re utterly exhausted that you doze off seconds later or if Satoru’s words just held power in them, but soon all thoughts of anything unwanted drifts out the window, his arms keeping you close, completely safe and sound until the worst nightmares couldn’t even come close.

Hot. It’s extremely hot.

You crack an eye open to try and find the source of this uncomfortable heat, but you freeze when you realize you can’t feel your muscles from the chin down. Panic rises in your throat once you see the current predicament you’re in, and a scream rips through your throat so loud that the birds outside scurry away in a flurry.

You’re wrapped in Satoru’s blanket and comforter, rendering you unable to move because of how he’d treated you like a burrito wrap. Even your toes are captured inside this hell, and only your head is able to wriggle side to side.

“Satoru!”

The culprit comes out of the shower a split second later, his hair dripping wet and only a towel hanging low from his lips. If you weren’t so hell-bent on killing him, you would’ve been speechless at the way water drips from his hair down to the curves of his abs, going down down down into a place only your darkest imaginations could take you.

Satoru bends over in laughter as he whips out his phone, jumping from angle to angle and side to side to take photos of you. “Fuck,” he howls, slapping his thigh while you snarl in an attempt to break free. “You’re a lot cuter than I thought you’d be.”

“Satoru! Get me out of here!”

“No, this is way too gold. I’m sending these to my students.”

“Satoru, I’m serious!” The devil incarnate himself falls deaf to your please.

Maybe it’s because the violent intent has coursed through your veins so strongly that a surge of energy and strength overcomes you, and soon, you’ve rolled out of the blanket. The fresh air nipping at your heated skin is most welcomed, but right now, you had a mission to fulfil: obliterate Gojo Satoru.

The platinum haired man is still laughing to himself, too distracted in scrolling through the best photos to send to his students that he doesn’t notice you escaping and zooming straight right at him.

The momentum is enough to catch him off guard until you end up on top of him, short arms clawing your way through to snatch his phone. Satoru yelps when his phone lands out into the living room and your hands come down to choke him. You don’t have plans to kill him, but you want to hurt him enough to remind him you’re not someone he can fuck with.

You’ve just about had enough of this man and you’re so sick of him!

Satoru yells out a “Hey!” when you let out a battle cry, using your legs to kick him back when he tries to sit up. Your plan backfires when your hands slip down his wet skin and you fall face forwards, hands barely touching the ground for support when your lips come crashing down on his.

He stills underneath you. It takes a moment for you to realize that holy shit, you’re kissing him and his lips are so soft that has you scrambling back, but Satoru doesn’t let you.

His large hand comes up at the back of your neck to pull you forward. The sudden movement makes you gasp, and Satoru slips his tongue inside when you do so. You no longer remember how you got here or try to make sense of what’s going on, because he feels so good, tastes so good that you bury your nails in his hair while he ravishes your mouth.

You’re so tiny that his hand cups your entire buttcheek almost possessively, a low growl emanating deep in his throat when your tongue eagerly intertwines with his. Satoru tastes like heaven and everything about the kiss is sloppy – tongue clashing with one another and teeth nibbling at the other’s lips. It’s clear both of you can’t get enough of one another as you moan in his mouth, shamelessly grinding on his crotch, suddenly thankful that you’re always wearing thin clothes when you feel him harden underneath you.

“Fuck, baby,” he pulls away to breathe, a string of saliva connecting the both of you. “Yeah, just like that,” There’s something empowering about the way he pants at your ministrations, especially when you roll your hips faster across his erection. “Keep going, baby, you’re doing – fuck – so well.”

You smirk at his praises, latching your teeth on his neck to suck marks on them. Satoru groans at the same time you muffle your moans through his skin, his hands sliding under your shirt to tug the cups of your bra down. You nearly lose it when he pinches your nipple, bolts of electricity running down your spine at the contact. A moan breaks through your lips just as you come right there and then, the wetness of your sudden orgasm barely hidden in your flimsy underwear.

“Feel good?” he teases and drags your shirt down to the other side, but the post-nut clarity hits. And when it does, it hits hard.

Fuck. You just came from Satoru’s simple touches, and he’s so unsatisfied, still painfully hard underneath you but nothing but panic and regret washes over you like a strong tidal wave. Suddenly, you grow lightheaded as you push yourself off him, fixing your bra while ignoring the confused and hurt look on his face.

“I gotta go to work,” you run out the room, feeling your body tremble as Satoru runs after you. “Make yourself breakfast. I’ll eat on the way out.”

“Y/N, wait!”

You know you’ve just ruined everything – that nothing will ever be the same after that – but you’re scared, utterly and remorsefully so, that you slam the door right in his face as if you don’t have any idea how much you broke him.

You’ll never forget the way Satoru’s face fell when you left.

Just as you thought, nothing is the same after that. The tension is so thick around the apartment you make an effort and go out of your way just to avoid him and the apartment completely.

It’s cowardly – you know this much – but do you ever try to fix the friendship you cherish but shattered completely? You don’t. You don’t because it only crashes down onto you now that maybe your feelings for him aren’t just platonic, after all. It’s even worse because you touch yourself at the thought of him filling you up when he’s asleep, all because you want him so bad and the mere presence of him has your brain malfunctioning.

It isn’t entirely sexual either. Yes, you want to fuck him badly, but it scares you down to the core even more because you want so much more than that.

Now you understand why you always say he’s a bother but never asked him to leave. It’s because you like him, actually romantically interested in him. It makes sense now why you always felt so annoyed whenever your co-workers asked for his number, or how you’re immediately pissed off when Satoru talks about this hot woman he saw at work. You always chalk it up to an excuse you just hate how he can’t keep in his pants, but it isn’t true at all.

It’s because you actually like him – and you’re at a loss on what to do or how to deal with it.

The next few days feels like hell. Satoru isn’t stupid; he knows you’re avoiding him. He stops teasing you eventually and even buys takeout all the time when you lock yourself up in your room right after work, refusing to cook dinner or even eat all so you’d be spared the torture of looking at him.

He’d knock at your door and ask you to eat, but other than that, he’s respected your distance.

You feel like the most terrible person on earth. You don’t miss the way dark circles line under his eyes or how he’s lost his spark, barely even speaking to you when you’ve come or about to leave for work.

You’re alone the whole ride, as well, and it only dawns on you how lonely you are when Satoru isn’t always annoying you all the time.

But it doesn’t make sense. Why is he so bothered by it? Didn’t he regret it? It’s painfully clear you’re not Satoru’s type. You’ve seen the women he dated before, and you’re not close to them so why does he seem like he’s struggling with this as well? Or maybe...he’s just sad that his friend is avoiding him.

Yeah, that has to be it.

Satoru is a man. He was probably turned on at that time, but after giving some thought about it, he probably wants to keep his distance too. He’d be insane if he ever actually wants to date you – his best friend out of all people – because he’s Gojo Satoru and he could literally have everyone else.

You don’t care that you’re a coward.

You don’t care that Satoru is sad to see you this way.

You don’t care because you know he’ll reject you, you know he’ll be weirded if you admit your feelings for him. To him, you’re like his little sister. There’s just no way you two would work out. For now, you have to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. You just need some time to get over your feelings for him, and when you’re confident you won’t fall for him again, you’ll mend your friendship.

You just need time.

“So, Y/N, you still don’t want to give us your friend’s number?”

“Yeah, Y/N, you should share it,” your co-worker encourages by jabbing her shoulder to yours. It’s a lazy Friday night and the staff went out for dinner. You don’t usually come to these hangouts since dinner with Satoru is always much more fun, but he’s the last person you want to think about now, so you happily join them. Now, though, you’re starting to regret ever coming here. “If he’s really single like you said, then it shouldn’t be a big deal to ask for it.”

“Well, since you want it so badly, why don’t you ask him directly for it instead?” you snap, feeling anger begin to trickle. All you wanted was just one day where you don’t have to think of him, but of course they had to bring him up. It’s also annoying how they can never seem to get the message across that you don’t want them dating him. “Why do I have to be the messenger?”

“We haven’t seen him much. Doesn’t he always walk you to work?”

“He’s been busy with his job, that’s all.” And also because I’m avoiding him – so now he’s avoiding me too.

“He’s a teacher, right?”

“Oh, come on, guys, don’t be so dense,” your senpai chugged her drink rather loudly, catching the attention of your nosy co-workers who wouldn’t stop pestering you for his number. “Look at how uncomfortable she looks. It’s obvious she doesn’t want you guys to be involved with her friend for a reason. Think of how weird it is for her too if ever her co-worker and best friend dated. She’s going to feel like a third wheel.”

“I’m not—”

“That makes sense,” your co-worker nodded beside you, “Are you sure you just don’t like him though?”

“Ew, why would I?” the food began to taste bitter through your lies, “He may be tall and attractive, but as his roommate, I’ve seen his ugly side. Satoru is a complete slob and can’t even cook to save his life.”

“I don’t mind cooking for him all the time if I were to be his little housewife.”

“That’s never gonna happen,” your words came out harsher than it was, and you laugh it off with a wave of your hand when your co-workers’ eyes widened. “I’ve been living with him for six months and he’s never brought anyone home or told me he’s going on a date. I told you already, he’s a no strings attached kind of guy. He’s nothing but a one night stand.”

“You have to admit he’s still sexy though.”

Right. You hide your groan through another shot because there’s no way of convincing them otherwise. As much as you hate to admit, you’re actually jealous on how freely they could talk about him like that, but then again, it’s not like you and Satoru were dating – or would ever date, for that matter.

They start to leave one by one when it starts to get late, leaving only you who’s still desperate to avoid Satoru. Nothing prepares you for when the sky darkens and a storm comes pouring just as you’ve left the closing shop, the rain drenching and soaking your clothes through and through. Running under the nearest tree for shelter, you shiver. It’s cold – way too cold – and curse yourself for not bringing a darned umbrella.

The nearest bus stop is like what, fifteen to twenty minutes away? Your teeth are chattering and your legs are shaking, and you fumble through your phone as you dial a number you know by heart before you even realize what you’re doing. “S-Satoru?”

“Y/N,” the surprise is unmasked in his voice, something shuffling in the background before it falls silent. “Is everything okay?”

“Uhm, are you busy right now? It’s fine if you are, I’m just—”

“I’m training with Yuuji, but what is it?”

“Listen, I,” you inhale sharply when coldness bursts through your body, making you shiver and press yourself closer to tree to get away from the rain. Above you, thunder crackles before the rain grows heavier and angrier. “I forgot to bring an umbrella and I’m absolutely soaked right now. The nearest bus stop is fifteen minutes away and all the buildings here look so shady—”

“I’ll be on my way. Text me where you are,” You nod and thank him, too cold and numb to realize you’ve just broken days of silence. You lose track of time under there, hugging yourself until your lips turn blue. It doesn’t take long before Satoru shows up minutes later, his hair equally drenched and sticking flat to his eyes free from his blindfold while he pants, hand on his knees. “Thank goodness you’re safe. I rushed here so fast I forgot to bring an umbrella.”

After seeing Satoru drenched like that, something snaps within you. He doesn’t seem bothered by the fact the rain is unforgiving as it slaps the pavement, and your heart breaks when you see that he’s more concerned for you – even after you’ve given him the silent treatment. “You idiot! Now you’re soaking wet too, you’re going to get sick!”

“Highly unlikely,” he shrugs. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

“But what about—” Satoru suddenly carries you before draping his coat over your head, running until he found a cab to hail. He immediately asks the driver to turn up the heater while you tremble on top of him, not caring anymore that you’re sticking so close to him for heat.

Satoru doesn’t let you go all the way inside the apartment. He sets you down on the couch where you take off your wet clothes in haste, too cold with teeth chattering that you silently take the hoodie and boxers Satoru offers you, making sure to keep his gaze averted the whole time. Once fully dressed, you snuggle back into the sofa’s comfort, stiffening when the couch dips beside you.

Not a moment later, Satoru towel-dries your hair, leaving your mouth and throat dry with guilt. Even after you’ve unnecessarily been a bitch to him, he’s still so kind with you.

“Thank you for coming.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Satoru...” you twiddle with your thumbs just as he starts to ruffle the towel in your hair, making sure to squeeze water out of the strands as he dries it. “About what happened the other day—”

“It didn’t happen if you don’t want it to,” his voice is cold’ monotonous and so emotionless you’re rendered speechless. “You can forget about it.”

“I...”

“You regret it, right?” he’s done with drying your hair, and he stands up to place the wet towels in the sink as you watch him stride all the way there. He’s changed his clothes too; looking comfortable in a plain white shirt and some grey sweatpants, looking every bit the domestic boyfriend you’ve always wanted but can never have. “It’s fine. We can forget about it and go back to normal,” to emphasize his point, Satoru winks at you, though it does nothing but make your heart sink.

“What if I don’t want to forget it?” your voice is small; hesitant and wavering with fear. “What if...the only reason I pulled away is because I wanted more of you?”

Satoru’s back freezes as he sets the towel aside. At this point, your heart is pulsing on your tongue, and you dig your nails onto your thighs when Satoru sits down next to you, right next to you. He’s silent the whole time; eyes calculatedly piercing through yours. Your breath hitches when his hands that are burning hot against your cold skin cups your jaw before his thumb runs across your lips, his eyes turning dark at your reactions.

“And what if I said I felt the same way?”

“I,” you gasp, closing your eyes because it all feels so surreal. “I like you, Satoru. I like you a lot and I—” he doesn’t let you finish. Soon, you find yourself in his lap with his hands cupping your cheeks while he smashes his lips onto yours.

Satoru is absolutely feral. He’s breathing hard and almost angry, even, with the way his teeth are biting down to nibble on your lips. You moan when he drags you closer, your clothed centre rubbing on his thigh with delicious friction. “You have no idea,” he rasps down on your lips, “how much I’ve fucking liked you ever since we were kids,” Satoru pushes his hoodie aside, revealing your sweet neck to him, and he doesn’t waste his time in sucking and abusing the poor flesh so he can mark you as his. “I’ve always wanted you, Y/N, it’s always you, always you.”

You fist his hoodie when Satoru sinks his teeth down into the juncture of your neck, his hands curious and exploring every inch of your body. He knows you’re naked underneath his clothes, but it’s a different thing when he actually feels your breasts right on his palm. Satoru tweaks the hardened bud in his fingers, growling when you moan at the contact and use his thigh to get off.

“You—” you gasp as you expose your neck to him, wild and needy as you keep rubbing your heat over his thigh. “—talk way too fucking much,” you scold, finally pushing his lips away from your neck. Satoru chuckles at your eagerness but you silence him by flinging his boxers off of your body and somewhere far away, exposing your heat slick with arousal right in front of him. His pupils blow in excitement, hands coming up to grab at your hips, but his attention is taken away when you nibble on his ear to whisper, “Shut up and fuck me.”

The simple command is enough to make his patience snap. In a flash, you’re pinned underneath him, whining and moaning when his finger meets no resistance as he slips it inside. “You’re that needy, huh?” he laughs even louder when you lose it, humping yourself on his finger because it’s not enough.

“Satoru,” you beg, clutching his bicep when he adds another finger in. “More.”

His fingers are so long, hitting places that your small ones could never reach. He begins to scissor his way in, his fingers deliciously rubbing against your velvety walls while pumping them inside and out in a speed that causes you to squelch around him.

It’s absolutely lewd how you’re eagerly spread out before him, but your head is clouded with lust, no longer hindered by shyness out of your need to cum. Your chest is rising heavily, his thumb now rubbing against your clit as he coaxes you to cum. “Tell me what you want, baby,” he kisses your cheeks, eyelids, nose, anywhere but your lips, his voice so gentle and innocent as if he’s not knuckle deep inside you. “Tell me how you want me.”

“Inside,” you whine, gasping when he brushes against a really sensitive spot that has you clamping down on him. “‘Toru, fuck, just fuck me.”

“Beg for it,” he smiles against your skin, relentless and harsh as he keeps pushing inside you. You feel him everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Another finger adds in until you’re dripping enough on his palm and staining the couch, but neither of you care. “I said, beg for it.”

“No,” you hold back, nearly crying out when he pulls your fingers out of you. That sudden emptiness is back again, but you don’t want to beg. You’ve never begged another man before, and this won’t be the first time you’ll be doing so either. You refuse to let him have the upper hand despite the crystal clear fact you’re already soaking wet for him, but because you’re stubborn, you only fumble with his sweatpants to spring his cock free.

He’s already dripping with pre-cum from the slit, his cock hard and angry. Despite his arousal, Satoru stops you from going further, using only one hand to trap both your wrists. “Beg for it,” he demands again, his other fist already pumping down on his shaft.

You nearly cry at the sight. Both of you are aware that Satoru is capable of pleasuring himself, but it’s not that easy for you. Your small, dainty fingers will never be parallel to the pleasure his long cock could give you. All you had to do was beg for it. He’s right there, within reach, if only you’d just –

Impatient for your answer, Satoru takes you by the hips and discards your hoodie in the process, sinking you down his cock, inch by delicious inch. You don’t hold back from the sensual and high-pitched moan that leaves your lips. He’s long, and the tip of his cock just about brushes your cervix when he bottoms out. He feels so good, so warm and huge and filling you up right where you want him to be. Your head falls down on his shoulder as you begin to roll your hips, but Satoru has had enough.

“Fuck, look at you,” he presses on the bulge of his cock visible through your abdomen. “You’re so fucking small – how do you take me so well? I could ruin you. Do you want that? Do you want me to ruin you?”

“Yes, yes, fuck.”

“You think you can just leave me hanging like that, huh?” he slaps your ass, eliciting another moan from you and making you clench around his cock. Satoru falters for a moment. Before you can react, he stands up, your legs wrapped around his waist with nothing but his tip hitting inside you. “You’ve been so fucking mean – leaving me wanting you like that and ignoring me for days. Do you think you deserve this, huh?” Satoru kicks his door open at the same time he loosens his hold around your ass, making you slide down his length the next second.

“Oh, fuck,” you cry out just as Satoru begins to bounce you, your breasts following the motion of him fucking deep into you. “Fuck, Toru, that’s too—”

He’s so eager to fuck you, to make a mess out of you and have you losing your mind over his cock that he doesn’t even wait until you’re both on the bed. You no longer register when your back hits the pillow, or how your arms are frozen when he pins it above your head.

“You’re so beautiful,” he praises as he watches you clench around him. You’re so small and his eyes zero in on the way your abdomen bulges then flattens again every time he pounds into you, rolling his hips in a way that has you screaming and thighs quaking. “Beautiful, beautiful, perfect,” the moment his hands grip at your hips to pin you down, you know he’s not going to stop. And you don’t want him to.

Satoru latches his lips around your right breast, gently grazing his teeth over it while his other hand pinches and rolls the pebbled nipple between his fingers. He feels so good – and you’re crying already by the time you wrap your legs around him to pull him closer.

The room is filled with the smell of sex, the sound of skin slapping against skin combined with his breathy grunts and your moans like heaven on his ears. Satoru wants you to feel how much he loves you – how much he adores you – and the pace he sets is torturous. He snaps his hips against yours and presses down on the bulge of his cock through your belly, chuckling when you tighten more around him.

Your head lols to the side, tears falling down your pretty face because of how rough he’s being. But you don’t complain, not when he’s filling you in so deep and he’s kissing you everywhere, touching you everywhere, making you feel nothing else and nobody else but him.

“You’re amazing,” he rasps, watching the way your tight cunt sucks him in greedily as if you don’t want him to go anywhere else. “You take me in so well – you really want me to destroy you, huh?”

“Satoru, please,” you finally plead, “I-I’m cumming, I want you, I need you, oh,” you squeal when he finally lets your arms free. You look so precious, so innocent, and he doesn’t let up his pace. He plants his feet into the ground and his strokes begin to grow sloppy, your tight walls encouraging him to go faster, go deeper.

If possible, Satoru is only even more fuelled with the way you look so precious and innocent in that moment. His touch is gentle in comparison to the way he’s mercilessly plowing into you, using his thumb to wipe away the tears streaming down your cheeks. He knows he’s too big for you, that much is obvious from how much you’re already overstimulated just by his size, but your nails sink down on the flesh of his ass as a silent plead for more.

“Fuuuuck, I’m so close!”

“Yeah?” He fondled your clit, loving the sight of your small body creaming down on his cock. “Come for me, sweet girl. I want to feel you coming on my cock. Come on, tell me you’re mine. You’re made me for aren’t you?”

“Yes, Satoru, fuck,” you squeal, throwing your head back for a second when he keeps hitting your g-spot that has you seeing stars. Your toes curl and your hands fist the sheets behind you as he keeps impaling you with his cock right then and there.

You looked perfect; so perfect to him that he’s basically using you for his own pleasure at this moment. Your orgasm hits you like a tidal wave, back arching and nipples brushing against his chest.

In that moment, you grow needy to have him even closer, tilting up to blindly search for his lips. Satoru complies; leaning down and leaving open mouthed breathy kisses that’s a mix of you moaning and crying around him, while he struggles to do so when he’s cursing at the feeling of you coating his cock with your juices. Satoru looks down at your tiny frame trapped in his arms, his voice husky as he groans once he saw both of your arousal absolutely leaking out of your wet cunt.

He’s so close but you’re already over the edge, scratching at his back at the overstimulation. You’re still so sensitive from when you came and Satoru doesn’t slow one down one bit. He loses his rhythm as his thrusts go sloppy, and Satoru buries his face in your neck as his cock twitches inside you until he bursts with his cum leaking out of your hole.

Satoru’s arms give out beneath you, his chest colliding with yours but not enough that he’s crushing you with his weight. You’re both breathing hard and panting, his dick softening inside you.

He pulls back a moment later to slide out his sensitive cock, wincing while he watches pools of cum gather in your pussy before it drips out. It isn’t until he’s witnessing the mess he’s made he realizes how you’ve been so good for him; taking him all the way in despite your quivering frame. It dawns on him now just how tiny you are when he pulls you close to him; you’re practically hanging off his chest with how small your body is.

He wonders how you’re able to fit all of him, but he’s grateful nevertheless. Satoru shows his appreciation by peppering kisses all over your face, his hand snaking down to caress your inner thighs.

“Hmm,” you moan into the kiss, jolting when his knuckles brush against your sensitive clit. “Satoru, no,” you whine while pushing his hand away, and he shushes you with another kiss. “’M too sensitive, please...”

“It’s fine, cupcake, it’s fine,” his nickname for you is back again, and you lean closer to him just as he begins to massage your sore legs. “You did so well for me, cupcake, you know that? You’re such a good girl for me,” too fucked out to have a comprehensive answer, you only nod in response, spreading your legs open again and ignoring the warm stickiness between your thighs as Satoru kneads your abused flesh. You feel him kiss your temple before he leaves to get a towel and cleans you up. Meanwhile, you’re so tired you’re about to doze out in his bed.

“Hey,” he soothes, bundling you up in his arms until you’re tucked in the safety of his body. So small, he coos inside his head, watching as you fold yourself even smaller while your eyes flutter. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you sigh into his shoulder, “I feel good. Thank you.”

Satoru doesn’t really know what you’re thanking him for. He feels like he’s the one who’s mostly indebted to you after everything you’ve done for him. You’ve already fallen asleep before he gets the chance to tell you how he feels, so Satoru only covers you both under his blanket, making sure there’s no more space between you out of fear you’ll distance yourself from him again.

But he doesn’t have to worry about that because you’re right next to him, and you’re never out of reach.

[ncllywrites]

The Love of God

A/N: they are 18!!! i need to mention that none of the characters i write for are underage cause that's gross :)

i've been in catholic school my entire life (jk-gr.12) so all of this information has been ingrained in my brain lmaooo anyways, this is based on a dream i had so i hope you like it and if not, then blame my unconscious mind :)

warnings: smut, sacrilegious acts, religious commentary/imagery, we beat jules' ass :), elliot is kinda mean and rough

wc: 2320

I was glad to finally get to leave Our Lady of Immaculate Conception, even if it was only for a few weeks. I get that it's a reform school and the students here have done some pretty fucked up shit but the way that the staff treat us like we’re prisoners is a bit extreme.

The only downside to leaving was that I had no way of contacting Elliot. Elliot and I never officially called each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but to everyone who saw us together, it was obvious that we were exclusively interested in one another. We had gone from spending every waking hour together to not even being able to see a glimpse of each other and that killed me. I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye to Elliot. One day I’m bored out of my mind in algebra and the next thing you know, I’m cramped in the back of my mother’s car on our way to visit my sick great aunt. At Immaculate Conception we’re not allowed to have any contact with people outside of the school. The only time we talk to someone other than the staff or other students is when our family would write us letters or call the front office - or in my case, my mom showing up in a panic, demanding that I be released to her.

My family gave me awkward greetings and stiff side hugs before I tucked myself into the gloomy hospital room corner, trying to ignore their curious eyes on me. I was the black sheep of the family; the one my aunts and uncles told their kids to stay away from, but little did they know, their kids were doing worse things than I had, they were just sneakier than I was. Although I wasn’t completely welcomed back into the family, it was nice to be out in the world. I had grown tired of seeing the same 100 faces everyday but I wanted nothing more than to be back in Elliot’s arms, talking about what we would do when we finally left the academy.

———

By the time I was brought back to the school, it was well past curfew, meaning that I would have to wait until morning liturgy to see Elliot, and even then we’d be three pews apart to maintain the “sanctity and purity” of the girls as Father John worded it. All throughout Father’s homily, I fidgeted on the hard wooden bench, kicking my feet against the kneeler to pass the time. After mass, I tried to catch Elliot’s eye but he looked like he was in his own little world, lips barely forming a smirk as the rest of the boys laughed about something around him. Deciding that I’d just ask him what was wrong later, I made my way to the main building. I was walking down the hall to get to my next class when I felt someone’s shoulder harshly bump me into the wall. When I turned around to curse the person out, I saw it was Elliot - and he had his arm wrapped around Jules’ shoulder. My jaw fell slack at the sight; I was too stunned to move. What the fuck? I thought.

Following close behind the two, I called out Elliot’s name, barely getting a glance over his shoulder while Jules sent me a mocking pout. Before I could step closer to the pair, the bell rang and students flooded the halls rushing to their next class causing me to lose Elliot’s bleached curls in the crowd. Rolling my eyes with a huff, I turn on my heel and head to French class.

With my luck, I had no classes with Elliot and almost every class with Jules. She made sure to make my life hell, glancing at me and snickering with her friends when she thought I wasn’t looking, making sure she was just close enough for me to hear her gossip about how she and Elliot were made for each other and how amazing the sex is. As soon as the bell rang at the end of the day, I was out the door and speeding down the winding hallways towards my dorm room. After going through countless days of the cold glares from Elliot and the sly comments that came from Jules calling me every bad thing she could conjure up in that pea-sized brain of hers, I was fed up. As soon as I turned the corner to go to my room, Elliot passed me, still pretending I didn’t exist, while his little shadow trailed behind him.

Once Jules uttered a “stupid bitch” in my direction, I grabbed a fistfull of hair from the back of her head and pressed her face into the wall. Her shrieks of terror drew attention from the other students walking past, causing them to form a circle around us. “Ellie! Get this crazy bitch off of me!” she screamed as I flipped her over and began throwing punches. For such a slim girl, she managed to get a few scratches on my face and arms but nothing too serious.

Eventually, Elliot dragged me off of Jules before I could cause anymore damage to her face. He grabbed my wrists and pressed me against the window. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He spat through gritted teeth. My chest was heaving at the proximity, this being the closest he’s been to me in over a week. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you! You’re -” and before I could really tell him how I felt, a teacher came running down the hall at the sound of all the commotion, pulled us apart and gave us both chapel duty.

------

Waking up at 5 o’clock on a Saturday morning cleaning the entire chapel was definitely not how I wanted to spend my weekend - especially not when I had to be around someone that clearly hated my existence for no apparent reason. After having two buckets of cleaning supplies shoved towards us, Mr. Garcia walked off, letting us know he’d be back to check on us every few hours. With a groan, I dragged my bucket over to the opposite side of the sanctuary, beginning to clean that section.

It was quiet, the only sound heard being the spray of the cleaning solution or the trickle of water from the mop bucket. As I swept underneath the pews, I began softly humming a random tune to myself. Hearing a frustrated sigh, I look up to see Elliot rolling his eyes at me. “Would you shut the fuck up? God, you’re so annoying.” I raise my brow at the aggressive tone, placing a hand on my hip. “What crawled up your ass? I’m literally not even doing anything.” With a scoff, he mocked my stance “Your humming and breathing loud as fuck and it’s pissing me off, cut it out.” Shaking my head at him, I turn around and continue to clean in silence.

I made my way to the altar where I started to polish the chalice, when I felt someone watching me. I looked up and saw that Elliot had been glaring at my every move, barely blinking when I caught him in the act. “If you’re just sitting there, you might as well come help me. Then we can leave faster and you won’t be burdened to spend time with me anymore.” He grumbled a soft ‘shut up’ before making his way up the steps and grabbing the other polishing cloth. We worked in silence for a few minutes before I spoke up.

“What did I do?” I watched as Elliot’s jaw tightened while he scrubbed at the silver dish in his hand, avoiding my question. “Like why do you hate me? I leave for two weeks and come back to you giving me the silent treatment. What’s that about?” Looking at me, his face was stoic but his eyes sold him out. “You left. You left me and you didn’t even say goodbye or tell me why you were leaving.” My heart truly broke for the boy. Dropping my cloth, I reach for his hand. “Hey, I didn’t know I was leaving right away, otherwise I would’ve told you! My aunt was sick and my mom wanted me to see her one more time before she passed, that’s all. I would never leave without saying goodbye, you know that.” Dragging me in for a hug, Elliot rested his chin on the crown of my head, my head nestled into his pecs. I inhale the scent that clung to his hoodie - God, I missed the smell of his cologne.

“‘m so sorry, y/n/n, I’m such a dick. And I’m sorry about Jules. She meant nothing to me. I just needed someone to fill your place but she wasn’t enough for me; she wasn’t you.” I pull back, looking into his deep brown eyes, seeing nothing but pure sincerity in them. Grabbing his cheeks in both hands, I pull him closer and begin placing soft kisses all over his face. He hoists me up onto the altar, grinding his crotch into mine as my eyes roll back in pleasure from the friction. He kisses me, our kiss rough and impatient, having not touched each other for so long. We were hungry for one another.

Elliot slides his slender, ornate fingers underneath the hem of my shirt before running his fingers across my stomach. I flinch at the cool shock of his rings making him laugh. “You’ve been gone for a couple weeks and you already forgot how to act? C’mere'' he teased before sliding me closer to the edge of the table by my waistband. My hands fly towards his own pants, struggling to undo the button in my lust-fueled haze. Elliot swats my hands away before completing my task. “You’re so excited to get fucked that you can’t even undo a buttton, huh? The thought of my dick deep in your guts made you go dumb?”

With a whine, I begin to rock my hips, the seat of my jeans bringing me a sliver of pleasure. With a quick slap to my thigh, my actions stopped. “Hey, cut it out. I’ll deal with your little problem in a minute, just be patient.” And in one motion, Elliot had dragged both my pants and underwear down my legs and let them pool on the floor.

Hearing the sound of keys move closer towards the sanctuary, I scramble to get down off of the altar right as Mr. Garcia popped his head in through the doors. “Hey kids, just checking in on you. Looks nice here! Keep up the good work.” I sent him a forced smile, praying that the altar cloth was long enough to hide the fact that my bare ass was on display. He looked around once more before heading back out of the church.

The doors barely shut before Elliot put me back on the table and dove head first between my thighs. “Fuck, I missed this pussy so bad. You don’t know how bad I need you right now.” he groans before slurping my sensitive bud into his eager mouth.

———

Basking in the pleasure of finally having Elliot all to myself again, I felt uneasy. Looking up, my body tensed as my eyes locked with the statue hung on the crucifix above us. “Um, El? Can we leave now? I can feel Jesus’ eyes on me and I can tell he's judging me.” With a snort, Elliot poked my side. “Hey, at least we gave him a good show, huh?” My jaw dropped as I slapped him on the shoulder. “Oh my God, shut up!”

Elliot rubbed his nose against my clavicle before finally getting up, handing me his hoodie to put on. Reaching out to grab my hand, Elliot pulled me down the steps and towards the exit. “You wanna chill in my room or yours?” Intertwining our fingers together, I stared at the back of his head, still in awe of what we had just done. Turning back to look at me, he cocked a brow. Snapping out of my trance, I reply. “Huh? Oh, sorry. We can go to yours, I don’t mind.”

Walking through the halls hand in hand with Elliot felt like heaven to us but for Jules, it was like her world came to a screeching halt. I was laughing at a stupid joke Elliot had made when I felt him stop me abruptly. Looking ahead, I saw Jules standing in front of us with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face that said she would kill me if she could. “What’s going on here, Ellie? You picked her over me?”

I rolled my eyes with a scoff, biting my tongue before I said something I would really regret. “Yo, chill out, Jules. You’re being really disrespectful right now.” I couldn’t help but giggle at her expression, shocked that Elliot had put Jules in her place. “But- but we-” “What we did was a mistake and it didn’t mean anything. Now excuse me, my girlfriend and I have places to be.” And with that, he grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind him.

Once we made our way to his dorm, I sat down on his bed, playing with the fringed edge of his blanket. “Did you mean what you said back there? When you called me your girlfriend?” Holding my smaller hands in his own, he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Of course I meant that. When you were gone, I was so lost. I knew that I never wanted to feel that way again. I love you.”

Sending him a little pout, I reached up to brush his unruly curls away from his face. “I love you too, Elliot.”

[mythiccheroacademia]

Attitude

A/N: Lord knows I got a nasty attitude when I get in my feelings. I swear I’m working on it 😭 Anyways, when my past entanglments used to (respectfully) put me in my place, it had me feelings some things 🥴 so I’m translating that into headcanons. Hopefully this will get me out of my little writer’s block. Hope y’all enjoy ❤️

Warnings: cursing, implied sexual activity

Todoroki Natsuo:

natsuo is generally an easy-going person so it takes a lot to get him riled up 

when you get an attitude, it doesnt really bother him bc he can understand where you’re coming from

but dont get too disrespectful bc he’ll remind you who you’re talking to

like when you do poorly on an exam and it just ruins your mood

you don’t feel like talking to anybody so you ignore his text when he asks you to meet up for lunch 

he’ll assume you didnt see it or youre napping 

but then he spots you on campus and goes to hug you 

he notices you’re stiff in his arms but doesnt think much of it 

“did you see my text?” he asks 

“yea, sorry. i forgot to respond.”

that makes him give you a side eye bc that’s what you usually say to people when you just didnt want to answer their text 

“it’s okay if you had other things to do. you just had to tell me—“

“i said i forgot, okay? sorry!”

his head kind jerks back in surprise but he drops it

he’s a todoroki, so instead of giving you space, the dense™️ gene activates and he’s all up in your business 

even though he’s only being a good bf and trying to cheer you up, you’re annoyed af 

texts you throughout the rest of your day about how you’re doing even though you respond with two word sentences

shows up to your dorm and you only let him in bc you feel bad

and he brought food

but now you’re regretting it bc he’s just yip yapping away and his cheery attitude is pissing you off 

fed up, natuso finally confronts you after you snap at him one too many times

“what’s with the attitude, y/n”

“i don’t have one” (okay miss girl)

“well you’ve been acting like you have one all day”

you smacked your teeth and got up “i don’t care natsuo. if you think i do then you can just—“

“y/n”

natsuo barks your name in a way that makes you turn your head

he grabs your arm and firmly tugs you back on the couch so you’re face to face with his frown 

“now i dont know who you’re mad at, but i know it ain’t me. so you can either sit here and have a conversation with me like an adult or i can leave bc i don’t need the attitude”

you: 😮

you keep up an annoyed faaçade but inside youre melting  

who knew natsuo could be so assertive? 

like damn, okay daddy

you apologize and telling him what’s got you so sour 

once you seem relaxed, he goes back to his usual self and y’all end up cuddling until his hands start roaming your body 

next thing you know, youre making great use of the couch 

needless to say, you were back to your normal self the next morning LMAO

Shigaraki Tomura:

shigaraki is not the one 

he might have his moments, but ever since he grew into his role, he expects everyone else to do the same 

he lets his friends and loved ones get away with a lot of shit so he doesnt think it’s hard to give him some respect

and usually, it isn’t

but ever since he woke up, he’s been practically ignoring you

you got one kiss and a “missed you” and he kept it pushing

like bitch, wtf?

you know you were being selfish and petty but you went three whole months without dick your man and for him to pretty much ignore you bc he was “busy with his responsibilities” was making you feel some type of way

king of the underworld or not, you weren’t gonna take this laying down 

for the next few days you were ms/r. petty 😌 

every time he tried to greet you, you’d just nod your head and keep walking 

he’d try to kiss you and you’d turn your head so his lips would land on your cheek instead

if you came back late, he’d ask you where you were, just to try and make conversation, and you’d just say “out”

shiggy is confused atp and it’s pissing him off

he didnt have the time to ask you about it before it got bad

there’s a meeting with the higher-ups, talking about the next game plan and you walk in about five min late bc you were held up with a previous responsibility

shigaraki happily regards you

“y/n, good. we wanted to wait for you before we started.”

“oh that’s suprising. didn’t think you’d notice my absense. sorry for the hold up,” you bite before sitting down with a huff

everyone: 😦

you: 🙃

shigaraki: 🤨

the people in the room are sweating bc now that shigaraki was thicc™️ and highkey indestructible, he was actually really scary now

even though you were his respected s/o, no one knew how he’d react 

surpringly, he ignores your attitude and starts the meeting; so everyone forgets about it

the meeting goes on and whiles someone else is talking, you notice your bf shuffle his chair closer to yours 

you give him a side eye “what do you--”

shigaraki grabs the side of your neck in a firm grip and pushes your ear against his lips

“i don’t know what’s up with you, but watch it, sweetheart” he whispers before he goes back to listening like nothing happened

you: well call me scared and horny!

when the meeting ends, it’s just the two of you and he eventually figures out why you’re being like this

he gives you a smirk and calls you a spoiled brat before laying you across the table and apologizing to you in the best way he knows how   

Dabi: 

lmaooo funny how you think this man gives a fuck

you’re really beefin with yourself bc he don’t got enough energy to deal with the pettiness 

if you act way out of line though, don’t put it beneath him to retaliate

you give him nice, he’ll treat you sweeter 

but you give him bitch, he’ll give you bitch back tenfold

it’s the same for you

you’re just as jelaous and stuborn as he is

you’re perfect for each other but still a lil toxic in a good way 💀   

one time, you dragged him to go grocery shopping with you (he really hates how much he likes you lmao) 

whiles you were a ways away getting something, a woman came up to him and started flirting with him

*spidey senses activated*

you watch from afar, expecting him to immediately turn her down but he “plays nice” and you can see him gobble up the attention

it’s not until she asks for his number that he points to you and she genuinely apologizes before taking her leave

dabi acts all surprised when you throw a soup can in the cart and stalk off 

“you good bro?” he asks

“i’m great and i’m not your bro” you say, but there’s a clear attitude in your voice 

you couldnt even hide it on your face

he’s mad confused, but dabi doesn’t push it bc he doesn’t time for all that

“okay, be mad by yourself lol”

you weren’t even that mad but now since he wants to be funny, it’s game over 

“and you go fuck your other bitches”

he literally turns into that nick canon meme

dabi’s head is spinning 

bc wtf are you even talking about, my guy?

“yooo, i dont know who you talking to but i know it’s not me”

“who tf else is here, dumbass?”

now you got him heated and he’s this close to just walking up out the store 

but he thinks youre hot when you’re being crazy so he stays

he grabs your wrist to stop you “you’re doing a lot”

you snatch it out his hand, “and you didn’t do enough when that woman came up to you and started putting moves on you!”

ahh, so that’s why you’re angry

dabi’s anger fades and now he’s chuckling

“oh so you think this is funny? i’m not gonna stand here and be disrepsted by no man looking like a fucking burnt piece of charcoal--”

he pulls you into his arms and smothers your rant in a kiss that makes you see stars 

you’re lucky the aisle is empty bc you spend the next ten seconds with his tongue down your throat 

when he pulls back, he smirks at your speechlessness 

“well this burnt piece of charcoal is your man. no one else’s. and don’t forget it, doll-face”

he smacks your ass and walks away leaving you nearly skipping behind him

[bnhababyyyy]

Bro’s before that kinda bro part 7/??

A/N: HGIsioNGIEO Thank you for waiting!!! 😭😭This chapter was incredibly hard to write LMAOOO but I hope you guys enjoy it! Thank you for your support!!😭😭❤️❤️❤️

---------------------------------------------------------

Your room was filled with this tooth grinding silence. You were so used to the laughter and conversations you had with Todoroki that this silence stung. You didn't realize how much of an effect he had on your sleep pattern, now it took hours to fall asleep without him.

You wished the two of you didn’t talk about everything because now everything reminded you of him. Unwelcome memories would wake you in the middle of the night and make you cry yourself back to sleep, and tonight was one of those drench your pillow in your tears kind of night’s.

You gave him so much and it felt like he gave you the bare minimum as a friend. You opened your heart up and tried your best to improve your relationship only for him to not care. Ever since the trip ended Todoroki didn’t try to resolve anything, he passed you in halls and acted like he didn’t even know you. You wanted him to talk it out but he ignored every text and call you sent, the two of you had gotten so far in your relationship you didn’t expect him to drop you so fast.

Lately you have been passing out in the middle of a break down and waking up to a soaking wet pillow. Tonight’s breakdown went way longer than usual, to the point where you were falling asleep by the time your alarm rang. You jumped awake to the sound and moved out of your bed, you were too exhausted to think and not ready to deal with today’s drama.

As soon as you and Jirou returned to school, Midnight pulled you both to the side and explained what your punishment was for sneaking out so late. The two of you were in charge of cleaning the classroom before and after school for a whole month. 

You and Jirou still hadn’t made up after all that time, the tension from the conversation of that night (which was over a week ago) still hung high. Since the two of you were too stubborn to apologize and move on, you would both work in this stiff, awkward silence. 

When you arrived at the classroom you were shocked to see Kaminari with cleaning supplies instead of Jirou. You couldn’t help but stare at him until he noticed you. “Kami? What are you doing here?” 

He looked surprised. ”You’ve been cleaning too? Why didn’t you ever tell me!?”

Ever since the trip, you and Kaminari didn’t talk about anything that happened the night of the dance and made a silent agreement to not tell the group either. The both of you did your best to act like he never confessed and you were on good terms still, but being alone with him and no need for filters felt unnerving. 

You shifted your attention to grabbing a broom. “Did you get caught sneaking out?”

“Yeah, I was too busy crying to notice any teachers sneak up on me.”

You choked. Guilt slammed into your gut as the memory of that night flew into your mind. “Kami I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to-“

“No I was kidding. It’s fine, It wasn’t all your fault.” He flicked your nose. “I got in more trouble for going off on Midnight though. So now I gotta clean three classrooms a day.”

“Really? How long have you been cleaning?”

“I dunno…” he checked the time. “For like two hours! I mean it’s not that bad since I can clean whatever classroom I want but no one told me you were cleaning in here.”

Before you could respond Jirou walked in. You and Kaminari both whipped around to see her standing at the doorway with her eyes switching between the two of you.

“What’s he doing here?” She asked, avoiding eye contact with Kaminari.

“Oh he was caught too. Don’t worry I’m sure we can finish fast!” 

When she didn’t say anything the room got incredibly quiet. 

“Uh good morning Jirou!” Kaminari said, to try and fill the silence but Jirou only scoffed making the silence hit harder. She obviously didn’t like you talking with Kaminari but you ignored her attitude and went back to cleaning, you didn’t feel like dealing with any drama at the moment. 

As you cleaned Kaminari would constantly ask if you needed help. Which was fine until he asked “Do you need help with that?” for the twentieth time that day. You found it getting awkward. Each time he asked how you were doing Jirou would flinch and glance at the two of you. It was hard to not notice and Kaminari’s obliviousness to it set you on edge. 

Eventually you got so caught up in your thoughts that you accidentally knocked over a glass jar but when you tried to save it you instead got cut by the shards that bounced off the floor. You hissed as soon as you felt the air hit the cut, a burning sensation coursed through your hand quickly. Kaminari ran to your side in a split second, already cupping your hand in his.

“Woah- you okay!?”

You retracted your hand from his when you felt Jirou’s stare on you. “No I’m fine! I can just get a bandaid later, let's finish cleaning!”

“Are you crazy?” He pointed to the cabinet in the back of the classroom. “I can’t just leave you here to bleed out. Sit down, I'm gonna find something in there.”

As Kaminari looked for a first aid kit, Jirou approached you with a clean napkin. You were shocked, you didn’t think she would help at all.

Jirou only shook her head as she adjusted the napkin on your cut. “How are you that clumsy?”

You felt your shoulders loosen up. It was kind of nice having her not ignore you, although she did kind of insult you, you felt a smile begin to form on your face. This was the most interaction you have had with her the whole week. So you would take it.

Kaminari approached you with a first aid kit and immediately got to work on healing your hand. Jirou kept her distance from him by sweeping the glass while he applied the disinfectant and wrapped the bandage. You felt awkward having so much attention on you, it was only a small cut but they were putting so much care into you, (Even if Jirou was kind of mad) you felt like it was a serious medical procedure. You hoped everything would work itself out soon so you could all return to the way things used to be.

But that might not happen for a while. When Kaminari finished he did something you didn’t expect him to ever do in the presence of Jirou. Or just in general because you thought that maybe he had some sense in him. The man was completely oblivious to everything, of course something like this would happen. 

“Yeah be careful with your hands, they might not be as soft if you keep being so clumsy.” Then he,

Pinched. Your. Cheek. 

You held down a gag. The moment of softness and ease was immediately snatched away. Jirou looked  hurt as she tied up a garbage bag. Why would he say that? Why would he do that!? Especially in front of Jirou? He must have realized his mistake when Jirou threw the bag to the floor and stormed out the room in an instant. 

You and Kaminari stared at the doorway with your jaws to the floor. 

“Kaminari what the hell was that!? You know she still has feelings for you, why did you do that!?”

Kaminari raised his hands in defense. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make her mad! It just came out before I could think about it!”

“You can’t just...” You groaned into your hand, trying to calm your nerves. “Kami, you can’t just make flirty jokes like that in front of the girl you just rejected! The whole day you asked if I needed help instead of her, I'm sure she was already pretty pissed off!”

“I know, yeah, it’s just hard to think about other people when I still- you know…” Kaminari’s eyes drifted to the floor.

Right. You forgot he still had feelings for you. “Yeah, I know I get it.” You looked him in the eye. “Just keep your boundaries, don’t flirt with me like that in front of her or like in general, you know how I feel.”

He paused, his expression turning sour. “I don’t know how you feel, we haven’t properly talked about this. And I don’t know where our boundaries are, I kinda never knew where they were in the first place.” 

“What do you mean you never knew where they were? When did we ever touch each other’s faces like that? I don’t remember you showing any romantic gestures before you confessed.”

“What? I’ve always done that kinda stuff, and you've done it to me too.” He held his hand out. “You would always hold my hand and rub it and stuff, how is that not a flirty gesture.”

“Kaminari I do that with my other friends too!” 

“Oh really, like who?” 

You paused, racking your brain for any proof to back you up. You didn’t want him to be right, it felt like there was someone on the tip of your tongue who you held hands with all the time. Then it hit. The only other person who held your hand from night to morning, when either of you were struggling, whenever they just felt like it was,

“Todoroki…” you groaned.

“Exactly.” He nodded. “You only did that with the guy you liked and me. So how can that not be considered a flirty gesture, I thought you only did that with the people you liked!”

You were taken aback, you never thought he saw you holding his hand as a romantic thing. But if that did look like one, then it explained why so many people thought you two were dating. You couldn’t remember if the two of you even flirted that much, everything past the night of the dance was hazy.

You sank into your chair. “Ok, yeah, I get what you mean. That does seem kinda flirty when you put it that way…” You inspected your palm as you thought about how much damage a simple hand hold could bring. “Should we just stop hanging out then, I mean what do we even do?”

“What, no way! We just gotta set up some new boundaries.” He pulled a sheet of paper from his backpack and tore it in half. “Write down stuff you don’t want me to do anymore on the front and stuff you do want me to do on the back! I’ll do the same for you.”

You reached for the paper and continued to stare at him. The two of you would get into stupid arguments alot, but your relationship would always get stronger in the end. This made you a little happier than usual, yeah he was a bit of a pain but he always tried his best to salvage your friendship in different ways.

As you thought back on the past week you realized how ridiculous it was for you to be scared in confronting him about his confession. No matter what, he would always come back and you felt beyond grateful to have a friend like him.

“Hey what are you crying for!?” Kaminari‘s hands almost went to your face, but just as quickly retracted. You ran your sleeve over your wet face with an awkward laugh. You didn’t even feel any tears running down. (You were probably a little too used to crying)

You waved him off, beginning to write away your new set of boundaries for Kaminari.

By the time class started you were forming a plan in your head. You were going to fix all of the relationships that went haywire on the trip, you were not going to sit in your self pity anymore you needed to move on! You doodled your plan out on your worksheet.

Step one: you would talk your problems out with Jirou and discuss how you two would move on from that night.

Step two: You knew Kaminari didn’t want his relationship to be so bad with Jirou, he probably wanted the two of them to be friends again, so get those two to communicate somehow!

Step three:.....

Your pencil hovered over the next step. The only other person who you had to make amends with made you squirm. You silently freaked out as you went over how and where you would approach him but every scenario ended with him still unhappy with you. You just wanted him back in your everyday schedule, and you were sure you could do it, but you needed to figure that out later, right now focus on friends.

You decided to text the group chat you made with the girls that didn’t include Jirou. You sneakily pulled out your phone as the teacher went over a lecture and typed away.

That was it. She didn’t say anything else, but left it very ominous like. You glanced over to Momo but she only sent you a wink before typing away on her phone, not texting your group chat but someone else it seemed. You tried to switch your attention to the lecture but Todoroki caught your eye.

He wasn’t looking at you, or anything actually, he was propped up on his hand falling fast asleep. Todoroki didn’t start napping in class until after the trip. He seemed more exhausted than normal, he would answer questions wrong when called on, he zoned out when others talked to him, and would have slower reactions during training.

Midoriya and Uraraka constantly talked about how zombie-like he had been since the trip and it worried you. You shouldn’t be because he was a jerk that night, but you couldn’t help it. You still cared for him. 

The sound of the bell snapped you out of your thoughts and you began packing away your things. You were feeling a little nervous for whatever plan Momo had created but you tried your best to calm your nerves. You just hoped her plan would make everything go back to normal.

Mina called for you as soon as you left the classroom, with Uraraka and Momo by her side. “(Y/n)!” She grabbed your hand. “Come here hurry hurry we need to grab a table before anyone else does!”

“Oh okay, what’s the plan going to be?” You asked.

Momo piped up beside you as you all rushed through the halls. “So I took a bit of your plan into consideration, but instead of lying to everyone…” you all turned around a corner. “I decided to tell them to meet up for group therapy! So now they all know what they’re coming into!”

You cocked your head. “All? How many people were affected during that trip!?”

“Oh don’t worry, the only people getting counseled are you, Kaminari, Jirou, and Todoroki!”

You gasped. As soon as you heard his name you tripped, nearly pulling Mina down with you. “Wha- You invited him too!?”

“Who, Todo-“

You slapped your hands onto Momo’s mouth making her go quiet. “Yes him! I thought it was only going to be Kaminari, Jirou, and I! What if he… does something?”

“Aw don’t worry. We’ll  all be here for moral support!” Uraraka said. “I'm sure the two of you will probably leave the cafeteria with an even stronger relationship than before!”

Momo nodded peeling your hand off. “Yes, I hope you can get your frustrations out! He’ll understand what you‘re feeling this way.”

“Guy’s c’mon let's hurry it up!” Mina said.

You nodded, feeling dazed as they settled into a table. You appreciated the girl's optimism but it didn’t change the fact that you were still terrified. You felt your heart get caught in your throat while you had this mixed feeling of queasiness and butterflies, just thinking about him activated too many bodily reactions.

You didn’t know if you were ready to talk to him yet. The imagery of him looking disgusted that night continuously flashed in your head over and over. ‘What made you think I wanted you to do that’ the words he said repeating in your mind as the girls talked.

Uraraka asked something but you accidentally tuned her out. “I’m sorry? What’d you say?” 

“I asked if you were okay.” She gestured to your hand. “You’re shaking.”

You hid your hand under the table. “Oh, yeah I’m fine just uh… nervous.”

“Oh, take deep breaths with me!”

“No it’s fine! I’m just a little nervous.”

“Shhh! Just copy me!”

You watched Uraraka as she closed her eyes and took meditative breaths, studying her breathing pattern. Inhaling for a few seconds, holding, exhaling. Inhale….hold....exhale. You slowly closed your eyes and let your worries slip out of your mind, only focusing on your breathing. You were about to get into some heated conversations, you needed something to help calm your nerves and this was it. You felt much looser now than when you first came in.

“That was actually kind of nice. Thank you.” You said.

Uraraka smiled back, looking quite pleased with herself. You began hearing the table gain a few more people, the rest of Bakusquad were beginning to sit at the table. When Kaminari spotted you he walked over to you.

“Hey, are you doing meditation or something?” Kaminari settled into the seat next to you. “I didn’t know he could stress you out without even being here!” 

“Oh shut up,” You slapped his arm. “You’re telling me you’re not nervous? Even when Jirou looks like she wants to strangle you everyday?”

He shook his head. “No way, I’m more hyped since I can yell at Todoroki with an excuse!”

“If that bastard tries to do anything snarky I’ll just kill him at this point.” Bakugou leaned back, letting a few sparks pop from his hand.

“I appreciate the violent gesture Bakugou…” You said.

Kirishima patted Bakugou’s shoulder and leaned back as well. “What he’s trying to say is that we’ve got your back in case he starts being a jerk.”

“Which he often is.” Kaminari coughed.

You rolled your eyes. Your friends figured out when you were out of your zone and somehow knew how to cheer you up (even if it involved threatening your crush). Confidence began to flow through you. You could probably confront him with your friends and get a better hold of your emotions.

As you all talked Jirou came in and chatted away with Momo, completely ignoring you and Kaminari. Time passed as you all changed subjects and casted quick glances to Jirou. You were all waiting for the last person and you couldn’t help but check the time every few seconds. It had already been ten minutes into lunch and Todoroki was a punctual person, you wondered what took him so long. Eventually the rest of the group started to share your thoughts.

Uraraka took out her phone and began dialing. “I texted Todoroki but he never responded,” She turned away from the noise. “I'm gonna call Izuku and ask where he is, you guys should start though!”

Momo clapped her hands together. “That’s fine we can just solve their issues for now! You guys ready?”

You had a gut feeling that Todoroki wouldn’t show up, and with Bakugou’s angry expression you were sure he had the same feeling. Disappointment filled your chest, it felt like he wasn’t trying anymore and it sent a bitter taste down your throat. You wanted him to try and no matter how much you denied it, it felt like a one sided relationship right now.

“Yeah sure let’s start.” Jirou said.

“Great!” Momo exclaimed. “So let’s start with some basics, what happened on the trip that frustrated you?

“Oh that’s easy, Kaminari rejecting me.”

“Uhm it would be Todoroki rejecting me too.”

“Todoroki showing up.” Kaminari said.

You casted him a sideways look. Joking around wasn’t going to get you guys anywhere. “Dude, be serious.”

“I am being serious. If it wasn’t for Todoroki none of this would have happened.” he mumbled. 

You cocked your head as confusion flooded through your mind. You thought the both of you dealt with your issues earlier that morning, you didn’t understand why he decided to bring it up all of a sudden. “He’s not as bad as you make him out to be though 

“Are you kidding? The dude doesn’t care about anyone other than himself!” his tone got more serious. “He would try to be here if he actually cared about you.”

“Todoroki sucks at times but so do I. You keep talking about him so negatively he has bad days like anyone else, I’m sure we're going to make up soon enough.” You tried your best to keep a stable tone, you wanted to believe it but it was hard to do that when Kaminari sounded so accurate to your thinking.

“Why are you so desperate for him?” Jirou piped up.

You paused, your eyebrows furrowing deep. Did you hear her correctly? No, you couldn’t have. “What did you say?”

Momo tried to intervene between you two to stop the conversation from going downhill but you waved her off. You wanted to hear what she had to say.

“I mean you’re all over that guy all the time. Even when he's not here.” She glared at you. “Didn’t he reject you?”

“Jirou why are you being such a jerk? You’ve been so rude this whole week and you’re getting more and more passive aggressive each day.”

She rolled her eyes. “How can I not? The two of you pull stunts like this morning so much it feels like it was done on purpose. I’m not being a ‘jerk’ I’m just pissed off.”

“Same thing!” You threw your hands up. “Look, I’m sorry about this morning but it was not done on purpose, it was just Kam and I being stupid at the wrong time.”

“That is such a lie. You knew he didn’t like me and you wanted me to confess so I could look stupid.”

“Jirou! I didn’t know he liked me until he confessed that night! Nothing was planned!”

As soon as you said that the table let out many gasps and stared at you with their jaws to the floor. You looked over to Kaminari whose face went completely red but you didn’t know what you said that was so crazy. “What’s wrong, what did I say?”

“When did Kaminari confess to you!?” Kirishima leaned over the table, looking at the both of you.

You facepalmed, you forgot that the two of you were trying to keep that a secret. 

Bakugou scoffed. “I knew there was something up with those two all along. They were being too damn weird.”

As Uraraka began a rant about how she was right and you were wrong, you and Kaminari both shared a mutual embarrassment of having your secret loose. You felt sweat pinch and roll off your skin, the tension on the both of you physically burned. 

You were so busy with Jirou you hadn’t noticed that you had revealed your secret. She was trying to drag this conversation but it continued to go into circles. You wanted her to understand that the both of you were not intending to hurt her but she just let her insecurities continue to get the best of her.

“I warned you!” Uraraka pointed at you. “I knew he was going to do something, I just had a gut feeling ya know?”

Jirou nodded. “See everyone knew he liked you. It’s impossible for you to not know it too, it’s such an obvious lie.”

“Jirou, that makes no sense. Just because they knew doesn’t mean I believed it, I only see him as a friend. I mean me and him even set up boundaries for each other!” You felt like you were going to lose your mind. She was dragging this thing on for too long and it all made no sense.

“Yeah Jirou, I’m sorry if it looks like we’ve been pushing you too far. We could maybe make a list of boundaries for you too.” He motioned to his backpack.

“I don’t want to make a list of boundaries! Knowing how you are you’ll probably break them.” Jirou snapped.

Kaminari looked hurt but before you could yell at her for being insensitive Uraraka put her hand on Jirou’s shoulder. “Ok, I think that’s enough. Jirou you’re letting your insecurities get the best of you, I know my friends they wouldn’t do anything manipulative like that. You need to calm down.”

Mina stepped behind Jirou. “Yeah, I mean they should have told us about the confession a long time ago!” She glared at the both of you. “But they wouldn’t ever try to be mean on purpose, I’m sure of it!”

Jirou looked down at the table. She looked seriously in thought, maybe considering the words they were speaking to her. “I just find it hard to believe that-”

You stood from the table. You were not going to listen to her go on another rant about how everyone was against her, you were not in the mood for it. At this point she needed to trust her friends because you couldn’t give anymore reassurance.

“I’m going to lose my mind, I’m this close to throwing my drink at you,” sounds of your friends' protests went your way but you waved them off. “I mean I’m not! But I’m only going to apologize for this morning, everything else is just a conspiracy you made up in your head. I don’t care if you’re angry, just don’t take that out on me.”

The two of you stared at each other, her eyes were unreadable. You couldn’t tell if your words got across to her, but either way you didn’t care, you needed a break. As the two of you stared at each other the bell interrupted your thoughts. You sighed out of relief and walked to class with Mina and Uraraka, Momo wanted to stay back with Jirou.

“I’m really sorry about Todoroki!” Uraraka said. “I didn’t know that he wouldn’t show up at all.”

“No it’s not your fault at all! He sucks and you shouldn’t take the blame for him.” You pinched her cheeks.

Mina wrapped your arm into hers. “Don’t worry, he’s being a jerk but I’m sure the two of you will make up. I mean he looks at you in class all the time.”

You choked on your spit going into a coughing fit. What was she talking about? Everytime you made eye contact with him he would glare you down. He avoided you and your usual route to class, he hadn’t acknowledged you at all what was she talking about?

“Don’t tell me you don’t see that! He looks at you so much I’m always sure you would notice him.” Mina continued.

“I don’t think he could have been looking at me… maybe he was daydreaming in my direction?”

Mina and Uraraka gave you a funny look before shaking their heads. As soon as you entered class the memory of lunch and Todoroki left your mind, all you could think of now was the lesson about ribs and how to not break them. Something about how you have three sets of ribs… blah blah, you felt yourself falling asleep and that’s how the rest of your classes went boring!

You were ready for the weekend, maybe this could be the first weekend you didn’t cry away. You were starting to feel better and it was thanks to your friends' help. When the day ended you walked out with the Baku squad, listening to Bakugou y’all about how he knew you two were hiding something. You and Kaminari had to explain what happened on the trip and why Jirou was going crazy. It felt nice talking to them about that night without crying. You were getting over it.

You decided to go to the dorms and sleep the day off, you didn’t need to worry about homework! Your friends wanted to go shopping instead, so you all went your separate ways, you felt great, like nothing would bring you down. You decided to make yourself a cup of tea before taking a nap, hoping the warmth would help guide you into a meditative sleep.

As you were searching for tea you spotted one of Todoroki’s teacups. It was the one you saw in his hands every morning, asking if you wanted a sip every time he saw you were awake. It hurt seeing it there, almost placed there on purpose. Everything was much simpler then and you wish you could go back.

You hid the cup as soon as you heard someone come into the common room, busying yourself with finding a tea packet. But when you glanced over to see who it was your eyes were met with two heterochromatic ones. 

“What are you doing here?” You whispered more to yourself than him.

“Getting tea,” The two of you stood not moving at all, you were so shocked to see him this whole encounter didn’t feel real. “It’s behind you.” he gestured.

“Oh.” You moved out his way in a daze. You still couldn’t believe that he was standing right in front of you, you couldn’t process anything.

The silence continued as you both waited for the water to heat up, not looking at each other. Soon enough he began pouring his tea and using his quirk to cool it down to his preferred temperature. He was about to walk away but then your body moved on its own again, grabbing his wrist. You couldn’t let him leave yet.

“We need to talk.” You said. He exhaled and stood in place. “I don’t know why you’re acting like nothing happened. Why didn’t you show up for lunch?”

“I was busy.” No emotion in his voice like before, his eyes were unreadable. You remember Todoroki acting like this when you met in his “I’m not here to make friends” phase. A reminder that you were back to square one.

“Midoriya and Uraraka said even they couldn’t get a hold of you today.” You cleared your throat, preventing yourself from making any voice cracks. “And you haven’t been responding to my calls from the past week either, how can you be that busy?”

Todoroki continued to stare at you, then he directed his eyes elsewhere. “What happened to your hand?”

You hid it from his view. “What? Don’t change the subject. I know you’re avoiding me and I’m sorry for kissing you that night.” You held your jittery hand, your nerves were acting out again. “It wasn’t okay, I messed up and I'm sorry, but can you try and save our relationship? Please?”

“I don’t know what I can give you.” His tone was cold almost like he was bored of you.

“Duh-uh clarity? What do you see our relationship as right now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well you could make an effort to think about it!” He only looked at you with that stupid confused expresssion and it was pissing you off. “Shouto! Why are you being so-”

He flipped his head around way too fast, Aggression settling into his features. “Don’t call me that.” He snapped. “I see you as a classmate. Nothing else.”

You felt your heart drop into your stomach and your fingers go numb. You felt heat rise behind your eyes and into your chest, it all pissed you off. You were putting so much work into whatever this relationship was and he didn’t do a thing. It was all one sided.

“Goodnight (Y/L/N).” He said your last name to make a point. Show that he wasn’t planning on being as close anymore and walked away for real that time.

You were beyond angry, hot tears built up inside you and you couldn’t help but to angrily wipe them away. You didn’t want to cry over him and you felt your tears betraying your thoughts. You wished you weren't so calm, you wished you screamed at him and cursed his name. But you didn’t. You were crying over him and it pissed you off even further as you climbed into your dorm. As you banged your head on the wall at how angry you were you got a text from Midoriya.

You brought your attention away from the text to the sound of a light knocking at your door, too light to be Todoroki. When you opened the door you were surprised to see Jirou facing you. She was fidgeting with a bag in her hands and teetering on her toes.

You quickly wiped away any stray tears from your face, “Hi... what are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” You stared at her, unmoving from your position behind the door, until she held the bag up. “I brought snacks.”

You peeked into the bag and noticed a few good snacks, with another quick glance you widened the door. Letting her take her shoes off by the door, and pulling a snack or two out. “You can sit if you want.”

Jirou sat stiff against the chair, her eyes wandering around the room until they landed on you. You pretended to not notice her stare by opening a bag of chips, hoping she would explain her reasoning for coming. You felt like the day only continued to get more hectic, just continuous disagreement and blaming, you weren’t sure if you could handle another argument.

“I Uhm talked to Uraraka, she said that I should apologize to the both of you.” You glanced up from your snack. “I mean I didn’t agree with her at first obviously, but after a while I was in my room thinking about what I said and it all just sounded stupid.” She swiveled in your chair, fidgeting with her earlobes. “I think I just let my fears get the best of me, but how I treated you this past week was gross.”

You thought her words over as you inspected a chip, really trying to see if you could forgive her right now. She accused you of saving Kaminari as a second choice to Todoroki, ignored you for the past week, called you desperate, etc. So you really wanted to be sue you could accept her apology without mulling over it for the next week.

“Yeah it sucked, you were jealous of me for no reason and it bothered me. It was like you were trying to blame me for him rejecting you, and no matter what we told you, you were stuck on that theory.”

“I get it. I was being so stupid about it- I mean I was being stupid about everything.” She rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe I got jealous over Kaminari of all people.”

You giggled moving to sit on your bed. “Yeah, morons will make you feel all kinds of ways. But I think I can forgive you for the lunch thing, everything else might take some time.”

“I’ll take that. Baby Steps then?” You nodded patting the space next to you on the bed. She shuffled her way over, adjusting herself. “And sorry for doing that when I knew you were hurting. I never asked if you were okay and just bombarded you with more stuff.” She glanced at you, searching your face for a defined emotion. “I mean are you okay?”

As soon as you heard that you let out a gasp you didn’t know you were holding. Your lips started to quiver and it was like she set something off inside of you that you couldn’t control, that dropping feeling in your stomach came up again and emotions began swirling inside. You rubbed your eyes to stop them from betraying you, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself again.

“Uh-hm,” your voice wavered, “I’m…. yeah…” You tried your best to form a sentence but the tightness in your throat wouldn’t let you speak without any tears running loose. But when she patted your hand and asked if you were really okay, the waterworks started flowing. You couldn’t hold back the hiccupy gasps and sobbed into your hands. It felt so weird crying in front of someone, she hesitantly pulled her arms around you, patting your back to soothe you.

“I miss him s-so much he’s not the same,” Your words muffled into your hand. “And I dunno I missed you too and everything just really really shucks. You both shoved me away and I felt so helpless like I didn’t know what to do…”

“I’m so sorry.” She pulled you in a little tighter. “I’ll be a better friend, I swear. I won’t do something that stupid again.”

The two of you stayed like that for a while, just until your sobbing went down into light sniffles. She tried to calm you down and waited it out for you, you felt happy about that. As time went by you somehow ended up watching a movie with your head resting on her shoulder. It felt comfortable, you didn’t realize how much you missed cuddling with friends and watching movies. You found yourself enjoying her company, so different compared to watching a movie by yourself in the dark, this felt safe and happy.

You felt your eyelids slowly close, the scenes of the movie starting to blur out. Jirou was fast asleep next to you but somehow held the phone up still, you glanced over her and then took it from her hands. You hooked it up to a charger before you woke up to a dead battery. But before you could go back to bed a text from Midoriya caught your eye. You rubbed your eyes to adjust, but as soon as you read the message you dropped the phone, pure surprise overtaking your mind. You didn’t know what to think as you reread the message over and over, it continued to stay the same:

Midoriya: Can you join me for dinner at Todoroki’s house?

How do you even respond to that?

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[skzhabibi]

An Old Crush (A Long, Bittersweet Personal Storytime/Rant)

When I was in Junior High, I had really, REALLY low self esteem. I was still very much in the awkward phase of puberty and all of those hormones paired with the fact I was having lots of problems at home resulted in some pretty severe mental health issues (which I won’t get too much into, because I don’t wanna trigger anyone). Not only that, but I’m naturally pretty sensitive, so any negative comments people had made about my appearance in the past, whether they were trash talking my hand-me-down clothes, pale ass skin, acne, big nose, etc., it really stuck with me. I was a mess, basically. And I’m part Arab on my mom’s side, so seeing a psychiatrist was never really an option.

Anyways, I was 13 or 14 (8th grade) when I took my 1st Spanish class. This had a bunch of the more “popular” kids in it, because they were trying to get the credit out of the way before High School and there were only 2 teachers who taught Spanish at my school, so it was bound to happen. There was a popular boy in my class, called T for the sake of the story, who sat a seat in front and to the left. I don’t know how we first started talking, but it was probably because of many factors. I laughed at his jokes, he sat near me in Spanish and English which we had right after, I was pretty solid academically at the time and he wasn’t, we had a couple mutual friends/acquaintances, etc... I guess it’s also good to mention he was known for his good looks and the fact he was A-string quarterback on our shitty little football team while I was kind of a social floater; a decent amount of people knew of me, but not many people actually knew me well, if at all.

I didn’t really pay him any mind in a romantic way at first, to be honest. I just thought he was reasonably attractive, but I figured he’d think himself “too cool” to be associated with me since that’s the vibe a lot of the other popular boys in the class had given me if I ever tried making friends with them. People really just gave me the cold shoulder in general, which hurt my feelings, so I wasn’t gonna risk it anymore. But what really made that first little crush for him start was when one day as I was rushing to get out the door first after the bell rang (which I always did because I’m impatient as fUCK and hate that huge ass crowd you had to shove through or come out last), he rushed forward, squeezing through the door around the other jocks and practically pushing them out of the way, to catch up to me and ask me to walk to English together. As an inexperienced little simp, that shit really looked like something out of a movie. It gave me such a needed boost of confidence that I actually started beaming, which was REALLY out of character for me (I’ve always been known for my “resting bitch face”).

So this became such a regular thing, walking to English, that we actually began waiting for each other by our desks to pack our stuff up, and we were usually around the last 2 to leave the room. At some point I finally plucked up the courage to ask him for his number, which was TERRIFYING because I’d never done anything like that. I think I made some excuse that since we had 2 classes together if we forgot about the homework we could remind each other (holy shit I was such a nerd). We texted a few times, but it never got super deep that I remember. I never really initiated the conversations because I didn’t want to make it seem like I liked him even though at this point I REALLY did; I even told a couple of my friends, which I didn’t normally do either. I was always someone to bottle up that shit and bury it so it never saw the light of day because I was so fucking afraid of rejection (Fragile Ass Self Esteem wants to know your location).

I literally thought that I was unlikeable in every sense of the word, so a bunch of the signs that he liked me back at the time never dawned on me. He could’ve literally screamed in my face that he liked me and I’d probably be like “As a Friend, right???”

I guess I’ll just take this moment to tell you about a bunch of the things that should’ve bee HUGE ASS signs he liked me:

1.) This girl on the volleyball team at our table in English that T knew would make passes about how he was really sought-after by a shit ton of girls and then look at me. He also looked at me afterwards like he was shy but gauging my reaction. She had a sort of Jade from Victorious vibe to her so I figured she saw through me and was trying to embarrass me by getting a reaction, so I kept my face straight.

2.) He would compliment me more than anyone else I spoke to (which was uhhhh never. I never got complimented.) For example: He was always calling me smart or a “try hard” to joke with me. I took it as an expression of friendly jealousy. When I curled my hair one day he noticed and literally said, “Can we all take a moment to appreciate (my name)’s hair?” It made me blush so hard, but I thought he was making fun of me. He would also insist on reading my shit or me reading his when the English teacher made us peer review/journal check and would compliment the work I did or my handwriting or how organized it looked. Living that emotionally stunted Y/N life.

3.) The Spanish teacher made us partner up any time there was group work, and she moved his seat to right next to mine every routine seat change. I was gullible as shit thinking that that was coincidental when he had other friends in class. I figured it was cuz I was good and he sucked at Spanish lmaooo. I’ve since read posts on reddit where teachers have confirmed that they can tell when kids have crushes on each other and they’ll play wingman/woman. When I read that I was like WAIT A DAMN MINUTE. Mrs. G was a real one and I was so fucking oblivious to it.

4.) Another girl on the volleyball team asked if he and I were dating. I was taken aback and said no, we weren’t (conveniently leaving out the “I wish”) and asked why she would think that. The reason she gave was that since people saw us walk together between classes, a lot of people figured we were together. I chalked it up to stupid gossip that had no roots in anything he said, so I laughed it off to keep from getting my hopes up.

5.) A similar thing happened AGAIN with a guy who was also on the football team. When he learned my name, he was like, “Wait, (my first and last)?” And I was like yeah wtf how did you know my last without me telling you? And he’s straight up like, “Oh, you’re the girl T has a thing for.” AND I WAS SO FUCKING BLIND OMFG I was just like well he’s never told me he likes me so even though multiple people at this point have said something I think that is completely baseless fake news.

6.) One of the MOST telling signs: he would always say hi to me outside of classes when I was alone. He found me outside my locker one day and started talking to me. The coaches would make the kids on sports teams run back to locker room, and one day he was doing that when he saw me at my locker (which was right by the sport locker rooms since I was in girls’ athletics). His teammates would glance at me while they ran by, and he told me to wait for him while he changed so we could walk to Spanish (1st period) together. Ngl, this really sealed the nail in the coffin for my huge ass crush on this kid. I was taken aback because I thought our friendship was just for convenience and he didn’t actually see me as a real friend he would be seen outside of class with. But in the end I still psyched myself out by saying I was just something to entertain him.

7.) One time in the library, I was working on printing out some paper. An annoying ass kid who was overly friendly and rode the bus with me was talking to me a lot, and I was pretty clearly not interested in my mind at least. T walked in for some reason and smiled and said “Hey, (my name)” pretty loudly. I wasn’t expecting to see him, so I was just like “Oh, hey, T,” because I lack social skills. He glanced at the kid and back at me and his face kinda dropped before he kept walking. I think the kid asked me to hang out with him and our mutual friend and I was basically like no thanks man I’m kinda busy.

8.) Other times he would do this as well. One time my girl friend and I were sitting across from each other at a lunch table in the morning after getting off the bus. Out of LITERALLY NOWHERE he just swoops in and sits next to my friend across from me and starts talking to me about some project in Spanish he finished, showing me excitedly what he wrote and asking if it was right. He pretty much ignored my friend, and she was hella socially anxious and knew about my crush on him so she kinda got huge eyes and shut down socially. He and I talked for a bit before it got awkward because we ran out of shit to say and it was awkward now that we had an extra person and we pretty much only talked to each other without anyone else in the conversation. He left after that and my friend and I freaked tf out.

9.) One time while I was waiting for the bus in the cafeteria after school, I was alone because my friends were taking too long. I was on my phone when he comes up and starts talking to me. I was hella fucking awkward because for some reason I‘m always a fucking stiff around the person I like. Then my guy friend who rode the same bus came up and cock blocked the shit out of T because he’s super fucking loud and just starts fucking around. He and I are super close even to this day and I guess T got intimidated by how easily we were joking around and kinda saw himself out before I could say anything.

10.) THIS LIST IS GETTING TOO LONG SKDJDJASKDJDJ BUT I FUCKIN FORGOT whenever we would walk between classes we would sometimes not even talk. Like whenever the conversation died we would just kinda stare into each other’s eyes 😂 I thought I was just being creepy, but he fucking smiled at me when it happened why am I so dUmB fUUUCK. Also sometimes the popular kids would run up behind us and fuck with him like make fun of him or make some sort of awkward pass that I wouldn’t react to before running down the hall ahead of us. My guess now is that he was meaning to make a move but my neutral reaction to whatever dumbass thing they said made it impossible to tell if I felt the same so he chickened out.

ANYWAYS I think our little friendship/mutual pining fizzled our after one time he made a more up front attempt because at this point he was probably fed up with waiting for me to get the hint but this exchange really fucking backfired:

Basically he got a girlfriend, this girl on GUESS WHAT??! THE VOLLEYBALL TEAM. I heard about it straight from him while we’re walking to English together and that shit hurted but I was like whatever I still want him as a friend and this pretty much confirmed in my mind that he NEVER liked me. So basically he’s talking about how he’s been seeing her to pass the time but he doesn’t actually like her. And I was like why not? She’s really cool/nice and REALLY pretty. But if you don’t like her then why date her? Seems like a waste of time. He’s like yeah well basically she said she liked me so I asked her out but tbh I think she’s annoying. And I’m like what did she do something on a date that was annoying? STILL UTTERLY CLUELESS AND HES DEADASS LIKE what are you jealous like in a flirty way and my DUMB. ASS. Is like.... WHATTTT PSHHH NO I MEAN WE’RE JUST BROSSS AHAHA.

Can I get an F in the chat pls?

Basically we just stopped talking after a while. I think my friend texting his brother officially knifed the shit out of that ship’s sail. Years later I confessed that I liked him back then and asked if he liked me back back then so I could stop worrying about gaslighting myself and he’s basically like yeah I would’ve tried something with you (came across really unenthusiastic). And then one time in like my freshman year of community college I was with my bio study group in the library going to where we were meeting up for a project when I felt eyes on me from the computers and literally LOCKED EYES WITH HIM AND HES JUST LIKE 👁👄👁

LMAO I PRETENDED LIKE I DIDNT KNOW THAT BITCH

OH TO SEE WITHOUT MY EYES

1 like = 1 smash of your head against the wall at my fucking idiocy

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

Do you remember?

😳 I don’t think you remember the “exact moment” I felt a spark for you. You A.D.D. mf)

But yea, I had a crush on you since then.

I made a sad cover of “Sprung” by T-Pain the night that I realized I actually did like you. And that I was ok with it. I had finally accepted it. I fell for my coworker who was already in a relationship. But that was late of January 2019.

I think we had this conversation in December.

Right around the end of Fall Semester at the college bookstore.

I remember I walked over to the unofficial, packing table that was placed right before you to get to the bookshelves of all this many textbooks that I never gave a fuck about.

We were unpacking boxes of school supplies for inventory with a few others.

I started grabbing some boxes while you said “Hey, what's up?”

And Then I probably awkwardly, “Alright, How’s it going?”

I don’t know why I was nervous around you. Probably because this was our only other time we had to talk other than those last 2 that made me very uncomfortable and confused. 

(I used to be so jittery around that time, because I hated being the newbie, in a new place with a bunch of people I didn’t know. I was shy, silent, observant and goofy awkward if someone tried to talk to me. I avoided being in view of conversations because I hated being in the center of attention. It was too uncomfortable. )

Convo #1

The first day we met, was my training day with another new girl named Nicole.

I had asked you and her for your names as I introduced myself

And I noticed your voice was a lot deeper than I expected it to be? Compared your soft white-like pale skin. I thought you were Latino-mixed. I had no idea that you were black, too. (omgg this sounds so racist typing this shit out loud lmaooo wtf) You kinda sounded similar to my cousin Joq, who’s a firefighter.

I seemed a bit taller than you, but your brown hair was kinda cute. It was like a curly top with a faded cut on both sides. Your natural Brown hair was my favorite on you. Cause’ sometimes I saw speckles of light brown, gold, and grey when you were outside or took pictures in the sunlight. You seemed chill, and you had these cute fluffy cheeks like they were freshly made dough covered in baker’s flour. Like right before they toss it up in the air to make it bounce.

Plus, I didn’t know if you were a girl or a boy. Or just a girl, who like dressing up like a tomboy. Because you had very pretty eyes. And I didn't notice any facial hair.....but no I wasn't looking hard at your face. It was just stuff I remembered to look back on later on that day. I didn’t want to ask, because one, thats none of my business and two, I couldn’t make eye contact with you. It just didn’t seem right at the time. I glanced, but not too hard because eye contact still makes me uncomfortable to this very day.

I had asked you if you could show me how to clock-in, how to post a timeline thing for the store’s facebook out of curiosity because I saw you do one, and I didn’t know how to put the size tags on the hooks of the hangers....which was new to me too. You seemed a lil tight lipped, so I probably thought I should stop asking you for help. I didn’t know you preferred being called “they” until that one girl with shaved head, I think Jordan, had answered my question about you being a guy or a girl. I wanted to know, but I wondered if I was like that, I would have assumed someone was being too nosy or judgmental. So I didn't speak to you about it until later. Also, you had a very intimidating smile. Maybe it was because I had never seen you smile with your teeth out unless it was because you were laughing at a joke I made or something weird I said.

Convo #2

I don’t know how it started, but I was readjusting clothes to put back onto their hangers and I saw you were in between register 2 and 3. This was the first time I had found out you had a girlfriend....who also worked at the same store....fucking kill me.

Because she started to walk in, and then you yelled to me, “Do you got a bae?” from across the counter I was standing at. And I said “Huh? No”

In my head, Im like why are you asking me that? But then as she came into your view you said “Cuz I got a bae.” And she came behind the register where you were at to clock in and you ignored me and greeted her with a kiss. Then you pointed at her and said to me “That’s my bae.” 

And I looked at you so confused like....you fucking weirdo.

And this all happened within a span of like 8 seconds or so....

It was like you were so curious to know if I was single or not, because later on you had asked me again like as if you had forgot, 

“Do you got a bae?” 

“No.”

But you said it so quick it was like weird because it was in passing that you asked me that again. Like how could you forget that you asked me that? And why were you asking me that if you had a girlfriend already? Were you trying to set me up with someone else? I didn’t want any trouble with you, so I kinda backed off from you because one, I barely even knew you to have that kinda question answered. But me being in shock that you asked, made me blurt out no....like nooo wtf I wasn’t supposed to answer. I used to stick to my morals, tough.

OK>>>SO BACK TO WHEN MY CRUSH STARTED

We were unpacking boxes, greetings...

You asked me “Where you from?” And somehow we were talking about how weird and thirsty it was for Bella to make a set of her phone number out on paper for her to pass to all these college guys. You said it was because she liked getting guy’s attention. And I said yea with all those business cards. 

And then somehow the topic of Bella’s sexuality had us talking about our own. 

You had asked me if I was gay and I hesitantly said, “I wasn’t sure.” Cause I wasn’t sure if I wanted people know that I was at least bicurious because of my mom. My dad eh.... I was more afraid of her ever finding out. Also, because I honestly never quite had the chance to officially know, I had only looked at certain girls in that certain way unless I had gotten to know them a little better, if I already knew they was gay, or I was just watching lesbian porn. I especially like tongue kissing videos the most. Idk why tongue sucking make out vids was such a clit boner for me. Especially when they suck each others....hold up back to the story 🤣.

But then, you told me that the first time you lost virginity was in third grade. You said “I think about sex all the time.”

And this is where I said “Oh,” because it wasn’t like you were casually saying this. Your eyes changed. 

They grew so full, so big and so dark, I didn't even know why you were looking at me like that and how the fuck did you make me so fucking scared and aroused all at the same time. Like I said “eye contact makes me uncomfortable” (It was an adrenal thing...I think. Lets just say anxiety for rn.)

Especially when it looks like a big, bad wolf wants to see what you taste like.

You walked away to go help a customer, but as you came back you asked “so are you a virgin?” and I said “Huh?”

I was still short stiff with a clit boner that I tried to make go away, how else was I supposed to feel??? I was like oohhhhhh shittttt are we gay? I don’t even know what exactly “they” are.

I noticed you started to stare at me a little bit too longer than you should have been looking at my face, but I could understand why now. You knew.

You knew that I was attracted to you.

And my flushed cheeks would not go down as you kept looking at me when we talked. I think thats when we got separated again, because boss told me to start helping people in the aisles.

I looked at you differently after,

I didn’t know what made me pulse up like that for you, because I rarely got clit boners. I thought it was a sign, because it was blinking. Just like my heart was beating.

Looking back on it now, you probably were praying on me, since I was a virgin. You told me way later on that you liked sex with virgins. How come I didn’t runaway after you said that?....I was a blind fool for those eyes. 

Fuck. 

I ignored all those red flags lol. You know what's even more weirder, I just realized you set that story up 1st to ask me if I was a virgin first, then you asked me if I was gay. But then again, I did mention “what would you say is another word for vagina?” I said “blossom😊” and you said “blossom🤨?” 

Cause of course, the only pussy I’ve seen was on porn, but I didn’t watch them “up-close masturbation” videos until after we....😳 

How dumb, innocent, and naive I must have been.

I had a hard time accepting my crush for you because you were my 1st gay crush. I came out the closet for you. Over Christmas break, I had to rationalize what it all meant: do we have romantic feelings? do we care if you had a dick, pussy, or none (because you were nonbinary, but I still wanted you), do we care if this crush never comes out because you had a girlfriend? How desperate was I to kiss you? I had never kissed someone outside my gender...I had only kissed one guy that I found out was my cousin at 16. I was 22 and never had a real kiss, still a virgin, still in the closet....at my mom’s house.

My insecurities were through the roooofff and my overthinking made me hesitant to even consider ever ever ever ever telling you...because 2019 was about to start and we were about to get let off as temp workers. I thought maybe I should just let it go because you started working somewhere else and I never saw you at the store for awhile.

Even when boss ended your term 1st, I was so sad, so emotional because I never got to hang out with you like that. We used to play tag with the note clips on people’s shirts, and I used to crack jokes about Brian’s hair patch. It was fun, but I was ready to give up until I saw you at your last day. 

I wanted to help you out, but you said you got it when you were putting up calculators. In my head, I was like noooo, let me help you out. Its your last day, how else am I going to see you again? You didn't even have a facebook or instagram with your name, I checked 1st 🥺. I thought maybe it was supposed to be short lived like a crush...until I had my 1st dream about you and I was like ohhhh hellllll nahhhh. Its a sign bitch, go. 

So I got you and your gf number off the employee directory list boss had for us to contact each other in case we wanted to trade shifts. 

I texted something similar to you like “hey, just wanted to say goodbye to you since I didn't get the chance...”

(which was true because I said goodbye to you the day you came back in to get your scarf, and then you left. Without saying anything back to me out the door. I thought maybe my voice was too soft...or you just didn’t like me as a person..... 😔)

“Just wanted to say it was nice working with you. Maybe I’ll see you around campus?”

But you must have left me on read because I didn't hear nothing back for 2weeks until your gf invited me and some coworkers to go bowling late in January...right around this time. I was the only one that showed up like lol wtf. 

I felt like an idiot after we started talking about Taylor.

Thats when I heard my head’s dark side say “BINGO”

Because I had no idea you two were having a threesome with her. In fact I was a little bit jealous that you two were seemed so close as friends...compared to you and I. But I thought it was weird when Bella asked you about if she should hook up with Taylor, you said “Nah, she a little too crazy for you.”

That shoulda been my hint.

Cause’ you even talked about looking at other girls with Key, and I became jealous and insecure then too,

Because Key, looked like a fucking bulldog. Why tf would you want to have sex with her? (my jealous petty thoughts...smh) I looked wayyyyy prettier than her. I thought I should have been the more worthy one to have ben chosen.

I thought you must have liked skinny girls to have liked Taylor like that.

And yea...that me fall down in my esteem too. Sighhhhhh, I thought she must have been lucky to have been picked by you.

Ewwww why am I going goo-goo-ga-ga all over again.

What still rattles me up to this day is...why was I so jealous of your “sub-slutstitues” and not your actual girlfriend? I never understood that. 

Was it because me and her were actually starting to become friends and I wasn’t bothered by you and her’s chemistry. It was weird af for me, because usually I would have scowled at someone who was with someone I wanted. 

But I guess I actually liked her too,

Which made this last part pretty hard to accept.

That I was a bad friend to her too,

I had only became friends with her to get closer to you, but in the process I wanted her to stay too. We were comfortable with each other and I never experienced being comfortable with intimacy with another woman like her. She made me feel calm, but in a different way than you did. She made me calm like a mother would...like I was a motherless child.

That touch that I had been so longing for, was right there.

And I knew it, after she kissed me. There was no going back. Like I’m right here for both of you now. Not just one.

It was sad, comforting, and rejuvenating all at the same time. 

You guys sparked a light in me that I knew I had, but was afraid to light it because of what other people wanted me to be. I never knew that I could make my own choices and do as I pleased because I was always in my mother’s spotlight. And so they became home in my heart and she became my ease of pain.

Maybe I just didn't want to be alone. But I swear, something felt different between you guys and I was so close to proposing us throuple rings. But thats not what she wanted....nuh uh.

Something changed after that 1st lil passionate moment.

Its like she didn’t want me, I was just using you to have some fun.

What I thought was true, wasn't true at all.

And just like that she became my mother. And just like my real mother, I hate her all over again. 

I thought how could you be with someone who was so cold and bitter?

She never liked me, she was emotionally unavailable.

Thats why my heart didn’t go ding for her like it did for you. It was like she was always gone, but she was always there.