#ig i really am a dyke now

[thatdykepunkslut]

overstim for the ask game?

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |

I'm arguably stone at the best of times but it's fun to do to other folks!

[halsaph]

🧡🌼🌾?

1-

I suppose the easiest way to describe how the way I've presented has changed is to say I'm presenting myself? I first came out when I was 12 (as a lesbian) and I didn't really pay attention to how I looked. Now I am for vaguely somewhere between punk and goth when keeping in mind I am disabled and do not usually have spoons for things like diy and altering clothes

2-

Oh I used. So many labels.

I originally came out as a lesbian. Then I thought I was pan bc I tried dating a boy who was Incredibly androgynous sjdkdek, then I came out as nonbinary. Then I tried like a million microlabels I ended up hating. I don't really do like strict labels anymore tho. I'm trans but I'm not a boy, I'm a dyke not a lesbian. If you wanted me to but a label on it I'd honestly say I'm a transmasc butch dyke. I'm also on the aro spectrum tho

3-

I look queer enough that despite not passing every other visibly queer person I've met has clocked me as trans so I'd say I look Queer Enough? I can manage full fag if I go all out but I'm usually fucking tired and Don't Do That. I've also found that I get clocked by cishets differently depending on if I'm also noticably disabled to them and in what way. I get he/him by strangers when I'm trying to quickly get in and out and can afford not to use a mobility aid. That dies down with my rollator and I get they/them-ed more by other Queer Kidz Tee Em. The only people who have ever gendered me in a not she/her way in my wheelchair are other trans ppl strangers wise. So like ig it depends yanno? There's a lot of intersectionality at play too effecting that

[genderwizard]

lmaoo

[xswestallen]

I am officially done with Shethority. The Variety podcast Candice did with CL was pushed me over the edge. As long as CL is running Shethority it will never be inclusive. You know how she went to bat for DP on IG, well on the podcast she called WOC COLORED WOMEN!!! Candice didn't correct her prob b/c she didn't feel empowered to do it. I think we got a peek at how their friendship really works and I think Candice needs out ASAP.

Me again. I wanted to add Candice talked about reaching out to fans. CL only talks about reaching out to more celebs to grow the organization. Candice wants conversation but CL shuts them down. I am done with her.

I haven’t listened to the podcast yet, so I’ll take your word for it. I’ve been restraining myself from talking about Caity’s comment in Danielle’s defense because I didn’t want to react out of anger and bad mouth somebody who’s important to Candice. But, seeing Caity’s behavior over the past year or so, I have lost a lot of respect for her. I no longer see her as a real feminist.

I first got angry with Caity when she said “dyke” on stage at some event (I don’t remember which one, but it wasn’t too long ago). I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I’ve never seen her talk about her own sexuality and thought she may be queer and reclaimed the word, like some lesbians and other queer women have. Then, there was her awful response to a reasonable, constructive comment saying how Danielle should mention Candice when talking about Shethority’s founding. It was so dismissive. Caity made Danielle seem like the victim. It made me feel like maybe Caity was jealous of Candice for all the fans who were sticking up for her, and wanted to be given sole credit for Shethority. I can’t read Caity’s mind, so that’s just my impression and I could be wrong. But, it came off as disrespectful to Candice and defense of herself. 

Now, we apparently have this podcast. Like I said, I didn’t listen to it yet because I haven’t had a lot of free time lately. But, you’re not the first person I’ve seen on social media being outraged by the way Caity behaved in that podcast. If she’s a feminist and the leader of a feminist organization, Caity should be familiar enough with terminology to know that “colored” isn’t an acceptable term because of the negative historical association, so “of color” is used instead. It’s not that hard to learn that.

As of right now, I am still going to support Shethority for Candice. It’s just as much hers as it is Caity’s. Shethority means so much to Candice and I don’t want to abandon it because in a way, it feels like abandoning Candice. But, I understand why you don’t want to support it anymore and I completely respect that. I hope Shethority will return to the inclusive space that it created to be. I believe in Candice (and many other women in the Arrowverse who are involved with Shethority). I think they can save Shethority. While I won’t be wearing my Shethority sweatshirt with as much pride, I’m not giving up on it yet.

[themelaninmamifiles]

Can We Talk About Maternity Style (or the lack thereof!)?

Seriously...can we have a very brutally honest talk about maternity style? Or should I say the lack of style in this category? As someone who’s spent the last decade plus working in and around NYC’s iconic fashion industry in straight sizes, I’m honestly very surprised by how bad the majority of mass (i.e. most easily available designers/brands/stores) maternity fashion is. I’m finally starting to grow out of my pre-bump wardrobe and I need to start buying maternity clothes. But so much of what is out there is disappointing (by my standards). Let’s discuss:

1. Why the hell are you giving bump fashion an empire waist?

Seriously...this is such a counter intuitive design element because it ends up creating such a weird effect when viewed on a body with stomach curves. Empire waistlines are fairly mundane on straight styles, and a common tool in bridal fashion (of which I’m intimately familiar thanks to The Anti Bridezilla) because they can actually give the illusion of elongating the torso. But on a bump or anyone who carries a lot of weight in their stomach, it easily falls into “oh no baby what is you doin’” territory. It draws attention to your “problem area” or in this case your growing bump. Add in the fact that your bump may not hit in the same place as the fit model used to create the style...and your shirt/dress/coat might end up pulling or bunching in the wrong area.

2. And the belted styles too?

Kind of piggybacking on the empire waist concept...most belted bump styles I’ve seen also hit the same off notes. I’ve seen this fashion faux pas the most in the outerwear category. I just want to find a nice parka style because I live in the Northeast. It gets brutally cold here and the remainder of my pregnancy is going to be in cold weather. Normally, pre-bump Dorian would be totally about a belted parka or military style coat. Bump Dorian is not interested in jacking a belt up over her bump so that she looks like Rob & Laura Petrie in their dance routine on the Dick van Dyke Show holiday episode (yes that’s the intro pic to this post).

3. Floral on extreme...

I’m not a huge floral fan because I feel it’s an overused element (hey I survived ‘90s fashion) but I don’t mind it from time to time. But in the maternity category, it’s a print that’s quite frankly...abused. Perusing a website or store makes you feel like you’re being beaten by a field of wildflowers. Seriously, I feel like I fell out of a Laura Ashley showroom - but no shade to Laura Ashley tho because she does make a fab bedroom set.

So...what am I doing about it?

I refuse to settle for looking like a sad frump-a-dump for the rest of my pregnancy. And I really do need to get a new coat now that it’s starting to feel like Fall and pretty much none of my pre-bump coats fit me. The other reality is, I’m not interested in dropping car notes & rent on clothes that I’ll only be wearing for possibly the next 5 to 10 months (I’m a realist and know I want to give myself attainable goals to get back to my pre baby weight). So, here’s the strategy:

1. Sizing up in straight styles when possible.

Now...this isn’t a strategy for staple pieces like jeans, leggings, undergarments or basics (tanks, tees, long sleeve, etc). For those things, I’m going to invest in actual maternity items so that the fit is right and comfortable for my growing belly. But for a lot of tops, sweaters and for sure outerwear, I’m just going to go up a size or 2 in styles meant to be worn loose.

2. Amazon is my bestie.

Seriously, I’ve read this on numerous mommy blogs and pregnancy sites and it’s true. If you’re not interested in making every maternity style a splurge expense, you need to make Amazon your new best friend. And FYI...eBay also falls into this category. Especially for basics, this is a great way to score on tanks, tees, basic long sleeve tops and even name brand maternity jeans from mass brands like Motherhood Maternity, the Gap and Old Navy or even designer brands like 7 for All Mankind or Citizens for Humanity - all for a fraction of the in-store price. 

3. Embracing my inner Tokyo Street Style

This is probably my core wardrobe concept...to literally “channel my inner Tokyo Street Style”. I am actually a huge fan of minimalist Tokyo Street Style which is not to be confused with Harajuku style which is more about channeling your inner kawaii or even goth/visual kei style. In general, Tokyo Street Style is often categorized as a looser fit top or overcoat that’s usually paired with a more fitted bottom. Although from time to time, you will see street style snaps showing someone in a completely oversized outfit.  I’m not trying to go that way...but more minimalist, just enough to be intentional and comfortable. ~_^ Thankfully I was naturally small pre-bump, so I can do oversized by going up a size (or 2) and still look intentional and fashionable. Real talk, I still have items I’ve bought from my very first trip to Tokyo almost 10 years ago that still fit bump Dorian because they’re oversized.

Note: I won’t be doing the platform shoes...I know my limits with my bump!

I’ll try to make sure to chronicle my evolving pregnancy style as I make it to the finish line - both on here and especially on Instagram. So if you’re not following me on IG (@talesofamommy2be) make sure you do!