#ig i can do some math after and find out????? i am not committing to glow in the dark wool cloak. maybe some alpaca yarn if im real stupid.

[toytulini]

the thing they dont tell you about doing increases on every row is that it means that every row you do is guaranteed to be longer and slower than the one before it.

the only thing more hubristic than making one cloak. is making. 2 cloaks

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Cosmic {1}

Lewis Tan x OFC Jupiter Azari

Warning: Plot, Cursing, Flirting, POV Changes, Fake Social Media Inserts

Words: 4k

Summary: Lewis has been single for three years after a stifling relationship that ended because of his reluctance to make a strong enough commitment. In that time, he’s focused on his career and living his life to the fullest. His goal was to have worthwhile experiences and make lasting connections. He’s got the experiences part down, but he’s never felt any sort of lasting connection until he’d seen your posts. After months of stalking your Instagram, he can’t stop thinking about you and decides to take a chance. Maybe it was time for him to take a chance on something new. 

Note: *Sigh* Another one, I know. *Deeper Sigh*. I apologize for the blurriness in some of the FAKE IG DMs. I’ve been working on this for so long, and finally, I can post a little something for it. Please tell me what you think. I am so excited to hear your thoughts.

Thank you guys so much for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊❤️❤️

***Loosely Edited/ Proofread***

***Interactive***

***Fake IG Post Creations***

-Lewis-

 He’d been single for a long time now. Three years. He’d been in a serious relationship for twice as long, so the math was right to him. There was no lying that he missed some of the advantages of relationships and having someone to journey through life’s ups and downs with. He missed things such as intimate dinner dates, entwining his fingers with someone else’s and relishing the feel of skin against skin, getting to know someone almost as well as he knew himself, and deep, fulfilling conversations. One of the most significant things he missed was companionship.

He knew he was not an unattractive guy. He also knew that being who he was, he could meet people effortlessly have a series of no strings attached romances where his physical needs were minimally satisfied for a short time. That was not a problem, but he’d long realized that was never enough for him. He needed more—a lot more. His busy schedule didn’t help matters at all, either. He was either on a flight every week or going between fight practice, meetings, filming, and a lot more. It took time to nourish a relationship and mold it so it could blossom into something strong and beautiful, time he just didn’t have. It was a simple fact—or so he thought.

 More and more, he’d been feeling as if maybe he could make that time; maybe he could find a way to have the highly sought after satisfying professional life but also that deeply fulfilling personal life. Maybe it was possible without having something or someone fall to the side. He began to think maybe he was ready to address his other needs.

 Groaning, he looked at the clock beside him. Two o’clock. Rolling out of bed, he walked into his bathroom. The day before was a long one; he hadn’t gotten in until nearly three in the morning. This was the first day in several that he’d been able to get more than seven hours of sleep. His body was telling him something. After tackling his hygiene routine, he pulled on a pair of his athletic quick-dry leggings and shorts then made his way to the back of his beach house.

It was another beautiful day in Spain, and he was ready to carpe diem the hell out of it—after he got his jog in. As he ran his standard four miles, his mind wandered to a variety of topics. He ran down his schedule for the next few days, went over his goals for the month, and made mental notes of things he needed to get done for the week. He believed in discipline, and the utmost show of discipline was having some over one’s life. Perhaps it was something he learned from his father as he trained in martial arts, or maybe it was a life lesson he’d picked up after so many years in the industry, both working and associating.

 By the time he plopped down onto the cool sand, almost two hours had passed, and he was sweaty and out of breath. He panted while gaping at the softy rolling waves and the faint sounds of the seagulls. It was a sight to be seen, one he was appreciative of. As he was getting lost in the view, a reminder popped up on his phone.

 *Social Media update*

 Sighing, he opened up his Instagram account and scrolled through his feed. If he didn’t set reminders for himself about social media, he would forget it entirely. He was one of those people who preferred to live life unfiltered and didn’t see a need to blog or vlog every little thing. He liked to share meaningful things. On the other hand, his team made it a priority for him to do more than share meaningful things. Their motto is if you’re not being seen or talked about, your brand and existence are inconsequential.

 So, four times a day, he had reminders set up. The plan was to engage with his fans while showing his personality. His agent’s exact words were; “Show the world what a swoon-worthy guy Lewis Tan is.”

 Just as he clicked over to his drafts, he registered her face. Quickly he tapped back onto his feed and on her recent post. It was an incredibly artistic photo of what could have been the universe, or even the mind’s third eye, or possibly a woman giving birth. It was just that subjective, but it was done in a way that made it seem as if you were looking through a kaleidoscope. He sat there marveling at the first photo, not even realizing there were three more that accompanied it.

 As he swiped through them, his mind was further blown. Each one gave off a psychedelic vibe. When he got to the last one, he found himself sighing out at the sight of her. The caption was,  “Art is subjective; who do you see?” Her face was one that easily held someone captive. Her eyes were impossibly deep and inviting. They drew him in, in a haunting and mysterious way. Even her username was creative as fuck. JupiterFallingToEarth.

 He’d spent weeks following her activity. She posted every day about once a day, sometimes two, and her posts ranged from artistic shots of landscapes, items, herself, and then she also posted products and fashion. It was clear she was a lifestyle blogger, and according to some of her posts, she was probably an influencer of some sort. There was something about her that drew him in from the first post he accidentally came across. That was four months ago.

 Since then, he’d practically stalked her page. The second he got a notification that she’d posted something, he was looking at it soon after. When he saw her stories, they always put a smile on his face. She was effortlessly adorable and sexy at the same time. It was a contradiction but one that you wore well. He didn’t know if he’d turned into one of those guys he’d seen countless times on Instagram. The ones who stalked a woman’s page and liked every single one of her posts and left vague comments under her pictures that could come off as creepy. He feared he had turned into that man.

 His interactions with her hadn’t gone to creepy lengths. He’d liked most of your posts, never commented because gossip was a real thing in his world, but liked other people’s comments under your posts. Sometimes he’d even tune in if you were on lives, and every time he watched, he was always filled with an urge to know you—really. He wondered if you’d even noticed he’d liked your pictures or if you’d gone to his page from curiosity to get lost in his content. One thing was sure; you’d never liked any of his posts. He’d noticed.

 “Get a fucking grip, man.”

 To help him on his way, he dropped his phone in the sand and ran to the waves hoping the water would do the trick. The coldness of the water shocked him, but it was a welcomed shock. Swimming further out to sea, he fought against the tide. Though he was exhausted, and his limbs were damn near numb, he pushed himself for just a little longer.  

 Ten minutes later, he dropped back onto the sand by his belongings while trying to catch his breath. That swim had his adrenaline surging competing with his exhaustion. Grabbing his phone, he went back to his drafts. Rather than posting one of them, he took a few shots of himself as he was dripping wet and all. Deciding on a relaxed-looking one, he prepped it to post. Before he did, though, he added a caption.

With it posted, he hopped to it. After a quick shower, he was off to tackle the day. On the agenda were three meetings for some brands that wanted him to work with them. The first up was a local Spanish sunglass brand, Vosotros. Throughout the meeting, he could tell that the campaign that they wanted to do was centered around bodies. Since the brand translated to the word “you,” their pitch was why not focus on everyone’s best selling feature—their body. It was a bit shallow for him, but the product was nice, and the pay was equally as appealing.

 After signing the contract, he moved to the second meeting. This one was for a couture men’s wear brand, Alma. This one he was familiar with. He’d worn many of their suits. They were comfortable but stylish and made from the best fabrics. He always felt like a million bucks when he wore them. This one was a no-brainer for him, and the compensation was the icing on the cake.

 Right before the third meeting began, he found he was running a little bit empty. The last time he’d had a meal was the night before. Before the meeting started, he pulled out his phone with the intent to figure out what was nearby so he could refuel once the meeting was finished. Once he saw the notifications, he opened up Instagram just to glance at them, but after scrolling through the eight thousand, among them, he found her name. Thinking he’d seen things, he scrolled all the way back to the top to refresh it, then scrolled back down, and sure enough, there it was.

 She’d liked six of his posts back to back. He couldn’t stop the wide grin that spread across his face. It was so broad that anyone would have thought he’d never gotten a like in his life. He spent the next few minutes going through which posts she’d liked. Each one made him smile wider and wider. By the time the prospective employers walked in, he was refueled enough to carry him through the rest of the day.

 ~~~~~~~~~~ 

-Y/N-

You’d finally bit the bullet. After four months of seeing the notifications on every one of your posts that he’d liked it or liked a comment under; it was about time. Right? The truth was you noticed each of them. The first time you got the notification, you almost fell out of your seat. You knew who he was because you’d seen one or two things that he’d been in and always thought he was hot, but of course, it was in passing. After the second notification of his like, you rushed to his page to go through each of his posts and found yourself salivating over every picture.

 After about half an hour, you got snapped back to your senses. The odds of it being him were slim to none. While you knew many celebrities liked to troll social media for their next piece of ass or entertainment, you never got that vibe from him. You deduced it must have been either a fan page or catfish at its best. So what did you do? Ignored it.

 You ignored every notification and did your best to shrug off the basal instinct that had your belly fluttering. In total, you had nearly two hundred posts, and he’d liked each and every one of them. It was a lot of ignoring. Today though, something came over you, and that something had you going to his page to see his new post. You couldn’t do anything else but stare. The truth was your finger slipped to tap the heart, and once you did, you tapped it again to unlike, but you knew once a like went through, you couldn’t take it back. Your only option was to deal with it. You dealt with it by liking five more of his pictures. Go big or go home, right.

 After ten minutes, you were still lamenting over if you should have or shouldn’t have. The internal conflict in you was high, especially when you began to kick yourself for overthinking it. There was no way it was really him. It was impossible. With that in mind, you calmed yourself enough to meet up with your friends. After pressing mute on your notifications, you proceeded to get yourself ready. It had been a good week since you and your friends had gotten the opportunity to hang out due to your busy schedules.

 When you were more than halfway there, your excitement began bubbling. When the four of you got together, it was always a good time. As soon as the Lyft dropped you off at the restaurant, a new construction that all four of you were dying to try, you were more than ready to eat, drink, and laugh. You stood outside for a few moments to admire the chosen exterior décor. It was an intricate mix of modern and seaside charm. It definitely was something different for the neighborhood.

 Walking inside past a line of about twelve or so people, you marveled at the entrance of the restaurant. Whoever designed it truly did a fabulous job. It was featured in the papers as one of the best new restaurants to try out in the downtown area. The way they’d incorporated indoor plants seriously captivated your attention.

“Welcome to Creator, my name is Kenji,” began the host who towered over you by like eight inches and bore green-hazel eyes. He was cute. “Do you have a reservation?” His smile was wide, and it showed off that his two front teeth were bigger than all the others. He made it work, though.

 “Yes. I believe my party is already here. I���m not sure who it’s under, though.”

 Kenji scanned the list of names on the iPad before her. As he did that, you scrolled through your texts to find the details that Zoë sent you. After a few short moments, he glanced back at you. After you found the reservation name, you rolled your eyes. Your friends thought they were funny.

 “Found it?”

 “Yes, and I apologize in advance,” you began. Kenji, the host, wrinkled his brow, not getting it. He would, though.

 Clearing your throat, held your head high, then spoke. “Punani Dasani.”

 Kenji’s eyes widened, then he pinched his lips tightly before he nodded and tapped a few keys on the iPad.

 “Wow. Eh-em. Yep, they’re here.”

 Nodding, you dropped your phone back into your clutch. When you looked back up, you caught Kenji’s eyes glued to your cleavage. When his eyes met yours, the embarrassment in them was obvious. Dipping his head, he signaled for you to follow him.

 The two of you walked through the restaurant under low hung plants, vines, and flowers. It was like walking through the garden of Adam and Eve. That must be what the owner had in mind when naming it Creation. It was clever, you thought. Just then, Kenji approached the table with your three friends. Once they saw you, they made a loud “Skeee” sound bringing the attention to those nearby. You couldn’t take them anywhere.

 “You guys think you’re funny with the reservation name?”

 They all laughed at you as you dipped down and greeted each of them with cheek kisses.

 “How did he look at you? From the way he keeps looking back, I can bet he wanted to sample that punani Dasani,” Tati joked to each of their delight.

 They were a trip, always had been. You, Tati, Monaè, and Zoë had been friends since high school and somehow managed to remain tight even though you each went your separate ways to different colleges. You each had spent two years apart until you came back together to finish your final two years of university together.

 “Don’t be mad. He wasn’t that cute anyway,” Monaè said, opening the menu before her.

 Cold-hearted, you thought as you did the same. Dinner progressed with laughs and stories of your days and recent happenings in your lives. As you ate, you decided to forget everything else and just enjoy yourself. You were in desperate need of a girl’s night, so you vowed to enjoy it fully.

 The food was delicious. Somehow they’d managed to make it taste healthy but also savory and completely indulgent. You felt as if every bite you took added thirty pounds, but you knew it wasn’t possible. The flavors all melded together so well that you wanted to send a message to the chef, letting them know they’d done well.

After a deeply fulfilling meal, the four of you piled into a Lyft and made it to your favorite club, Surge.  The music in the club was so loud that you could feel it bouncing inside of you. After getting your first round of drinks, the dancing began, and when the four of you got together with drinks and music, it was always an event.  You jumped into the middle of your circle and busted out your wine. Tati grabbed your phone from your hands and began recording you. Ignoring the camera and the gathering crowd, you allowed the alcohol to do its job and take you away.

 When you heard your friends cheering you on, you decided to really bust out your moves. Dropping to the floor, you did your best twerk. Holding your drink in the air, you began to wine your hips as you stood. It was one of your favorite moves. When you turned around, you saw Tati up close and personal. Slapping your hand in front of the lens, you giggled as you took your phone back to end the recording.

 “Jesus girl, those hips definitely don’t lie,” Monaè teased, making all your friends laugh.

 From behind, you felt someone approach you and place their hand on your waist. Turning, you gave him the rays of death with your stare telling him to back off. As quickly as he’d had the audacity to put his hand on you, he took it off just as quickly and backed away.

 “And don’t come back,” Zoë shouted.

 By the time you made it back home, it was three in the morning, and your feet hurt almost as much as your ass did. After leaving the club, the four of you had an impromptu photo shoot that lasted almost forty-five minutes and ended with you on your ass at the bottom of the pile once you’d tried some ridiculous cheerleading pose trying to relive your high school days. Big mistake.

 After a quick shower that had you almost falling asleep a few times, you dove into your bed, ready for some well-deserved rest. Just as you’d gotten comfortable, your phone’s alarm went off. Groaning, you reached over the edge of the bed, grabbing your bag to rifle through it. With your phone in hand, you blearily stared at the harsh light making your eyes feel as if they hadn’t closed in days rather than hours. You went to your alarm to turn it off, deciding that your routine dawn photo expedition would have to be rescheduled. You were too exhausted.

 Just as you were going to toss it away, you saw the notification of messages on Instagram. Your curiosity got the better of you, and you slid it down to get a preview. Through the blur in your eyes, you saw an icon that looked familiar. Tapping it, you nearly swallowed your tongue when you saw Lewis Tan’s image. Bolting upright, you coughed and slid to brace your back on your headboard.

 “What the--!”

The minute you saw it, you couldn’t believe your eyes. He’d send you a message. Chewing your bottom lip, you studied the time he’d sent it—over four hours ago. You then realized he’d see that you saw it, and you debated in your head if you should reply.

 “Jesus, get it together. Just say something simple,” you coached.

It was weak, but it was the best you had. You wondered if he would think it was weak too. As you obsessed about that, you also realized just how late it was. You’d responded to a DM at booty call hours. Rolling your eyes, you slouched back on your headboard. Your eyelids were heavy, and they drooped, trying to tell you something. Once they closed, your phone chimed that elaborate tone for your notifications.

Why had you responded? It was clear this was some fan page who either was using his image to catfish or gain followers. You never responded to questionable DMs, and this was as questionable as they got.

Even though you were still fighting your sleep, part of you was intrigued.

Flipping your smart TV on, and you turned to the Netflix app and found something for background noise.

Nibbling your bottom lip, you thought for a few moments. You didn’t know if it was the alcohol that had you thinking this deeply or if it was something else.

You snorted and shook your head. “He’s really going down with the ship, huh.”

This was always the reaction when anyone found out your name. They were always shocked and speechless. Usually, you got a few corny jokes or mentions about your favorite planet must be Jupiter or bring up some astronomy fact that was always wrong. It was annoying. You braced yourself for some equally corny mention from him.

The corny mention never came.

Your heart fluttered, and you couldn’t help but cheese from his compliment. You hadn’t expected it. Though you tried to stop smiling, you couldn’t. There was something about his words. It wasn’t like you’d never heard sweet words before. You had. This shouldn’t have been any different.

The exhaustion began to take a more significant hold, and you slid lower, tucking your comforter underneath your chin.

Filming? What the heck was he talking about, you wondered. He was really taking this shit a little too far.

You bolted upright again. Was he seriously going to take this that far?

He was insane, absolutely mental. You were so damn ready to end this. One thing you hated was dishonesty. You especially hated being toyed with.

There was no way that he could prove it. What was he going to do?

He thought you were an idiot. He must have. Your anger was rising.

Rolling your eyes, you tossed your phone beside you. You knew the chances of him passing this test were slim to none. You couldn’t believe that you’d given up the last thirty minutes of sleep for this. Groaning, you dropped back down, determined to drift away to sleep. Almost two minutes passed before you heard your chime again. Fighting the urge, you turned to your side, trying your best to ignore the fact that you knew he’d sent something.

After two minutes of curiosity killing you, you flung your hand back, grabbed your phone while flipping onto your back. You held your phone above your face, opened the app, and there he was.

Your jaw dropped, and your eyes drank in every inch and rippling ab. Jesus, you thought. As you were bringing your phone closer, you didn’t register that a video call was coming in. without even realizing it, you answered, and the same image you’d been looking at moments ago was now live. The only difference was the frame wasn’t as low to show his incredible abs. It cut right at his chest, giving you a peek at his dark, dusty rose nipples. You were utterly frozen. He smiled and raked his hand through his hair before he bit onto his bottom lip. It was Lewis fucking Tan.

 “Enough proof for you?” He smiled, and that was when your phone slipped and fell right in your face.

 “Fuck, owww!”

 The pain was so strong you were tearing up. Rolling to the side, you rubbed your face, then searched for your phone. When you got to it, the video call had ended, showing you your home screen.

 You began to freak out. “Oh my god, oh my god! What the fuck! What the fuck! What the fuck!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[unproduciblesmackdown]

returning the favor: do you have any hcs re: winston, past or present, that you haven't expounded upon before or at length or just feel like talking about again. whatever you like

Thank You.......yeah idk really what hc's i've like "officially" described here that often lol, but then also there's that whole complication where i don't really ever come up with ideas & when asked anything i'm probably going [???] like, classics like "what do you like out of [broad parameter]" & it's like damn....i dunno. what ideas do i have about winsotn who i've thought about every day for > 2 yrs??? that's tough.....& Then the further chaos of like, when i do have hc's or w/e it's less discrete, concrete invented ideas & more towards the end of the spectrum that's like "well i kinda interpret this part of canon vaguely this way" &/or "i have This vague notion that i haven't solidified into a pretend fact or that i'm not at all committed to or take that seriously" where it's like, not only is this not really nailed down but it's basically free floating / i might have other ideas that would contradict each other lol. seems like a more concise list of Stats that are fully/exclusively my ideas is more exciting, but instead i can offer vague "i dunno / what ifs" based on vibes that i verbosely describe lmao, plus i'll forget a bunch of ideas i may have had i'm sure but you know. what else have i ever offered; never really trying to sell this material to otherwise uninterested parties or only make posts that guaranteed more than one person might enjoy, why would i be starting now; and ig if i write a bunch of stuff here & go "oh & i forgot like a half dozen obvious things" i can add on to it if it's a big deal.....plus it's always tricky with billions in particular being vague abt its own characters lmao, we only see [outside of work] personal stuff if it's going to become directly tied to [definitely at work] professional plotlines, or Maybe glimpse some character contextualizing things for the more central characters....side characters have more blanks to fill but also that means. just more that's blank lol & kinda a mystery of Up To Interpretation.....i figured one way to have any structure for this at all is to have a part looking at each winston involving episode's info. well anyways, after this meandering intro that kind of illustrates how i'm sure the rest of things will go here lol, i'm just gonna throw a bunch of stuff down in general. thanks again for the prompt to do so, b/c why not

really the one concrete discrete idea i have which isn't in the canon text is, of course: he is autistic

does he Know? idk. either way, think he's pretty aware of how he operates (& how he Can't operate), but if he doesn't know that's probably more for the "also: he's self loathing, which was basically textually implied" stuff lol. just mentioned it but i do always enjoy the tayston idea that taylor's talking abt in the past having it floated by a therapist/s or whomever that they could be autistic, them considering it but it not applying; winston going "hmm" & doing his own considering & researching & then maybe exclusively sharing the news w/taylor....but of course, maybe he's figured it out himself at some point before. i do think he'd figure it out himself though rather than anyone else directly suggesting it (maybe out here being diagnosed with "just the guy who sucks who we don't like / won't act right or normal" sort of usual experience) & i think, if he knows, he's not about to want ppl at work to know, b/c not as though anyone (but taylor & other quants) particularly seems to be impressed by his quanting proficiency, but he sure gets some validation/affirmation through that route (more re: that of course) and knows that ppl going "oh he's autistic so of course he's better at Doing Math / computer stuff as a like, mechanical efficiency sort of thing" or whatever. and the fact that taylor can interact with him / gives him some leeway to generally do his thing means he's kind of already got space to operate how he operates, see the start of this section....and idk. transitioning into the next section ig

just an Interpretation Of Canon thing here but, re: how these characters generally operate & what their reason is for being around doing stuff in the first place, i guess it's that winston does genuinely like to do & is interested in the math/coding stuff involved here, was also genuinely interested in working for taylor specifically (whatever The Hype specifically was), then you have taylor having the "despite your demeanor, your skills are superior" stance & appreciating what he can do & letting him do it by hiring him for real & all, & here we are, Q is for Quantitative, baby......he must find it rewarding enough to be getting to do this quanting stuff and also, the potential for validation when anyone recognizes he's good at it & by extension finds something about him good & wants him around to any degree

okay just that Episode By Episode stuff for a section here

3x03:

kinda extra room for interpretation b/c this was written as a one off character and reintroducing him in 3x09, written to be recurring, feels like it kinda offers a Soft Reboot for what we got here, where i guess how i take things is that we can suppose in both 3x03 & 3x09 winston's putting on a deliberate Performance to some degree based on what he thinks the potential employer wants to see, but it's also not completely fake / inaccurate either time, & like, maybe the 3x03 vibe wasn't a type of performance he'd only just ever put on for this axe cap interview, & even if it was deliberately bold maybe he was sort of thinking he Could bank on his value as a quant meaning he holds most of the cards (or can get away with acting like it)

building on that & as a More General point of interpretation again: think it's easy to suppose winston could've had an existence w/many elements of frustrations & disappointments & Rejection, but where like, he did figure out these areas of interest & proficiency that seemed to be a more positive force in his life, & leaned into them / focused on them further for it, & i could see him focusing on milestones / graduating from one thing to the next & conceptualizing like, well, if i just get to This point by working on This thing then i'll have it together & be able to move through existence more successfully, like, there's winston going into undergrad & kind of disappointed he's not having that good a time socially / feels like he's missing out / being left out still, but he can be like, well that's fine (: i'm totally fine abt it b/c i'm focusing on the Education & Experience here & when i'm entering the job market as an amazing quant anyone would want to hire then ppl will be seeing me in a positive light & things will fall into place / go great for me / i'll feel like i fit in & am doing things right within some structure. & i think maybe he Did have all those other job offers / opportunities & he was at least partly feeling a bit "objectively" confident, & also maybe just hoping he Could be that confident & that, you know, if he goes ahead & acts like that's the case, it could be confirmed / become true....anyways then obviously disillusionment time

since his outfits are introduced here: more "just how i'm interpreting canon" stuff in that i do just suppose he is mostly focusing on comfort & it'd kinda get in the way of things if he couldn't. flipflops might've been a statement piece but also i figure at least in part about the comfort / lack of much opportunity for restriction or ill fit or chafing texture or anything, same goes re: pants & shirts. interesting he likes to wear the patterned layers but doesn't really wear like, stripes or plaid ever. plus it could well be that Just A Tee is too informal unless you're the formalest of all by virtue of position, i.e. the ceo, but also we sure often enough see him wearing hoodies &/or multiple layers, like, maybe that's just for warmth or weight or what have you, always considering "what if it's about being self conchy as well (different way of saying self conscious)"

3x09:

so yeah with winston not having taken another job (at least maybe only like, temporary ones as these self contained gigs / just something to pay the bills) figure it's been a Depressive Period for him here lol & deliberately going on a journey of like self reflection / examination & going "haha yeah hated what i saw" is like, i don't think the self loathing is anything new, the confidence in 3x03 kind of an optimistic bandaid lol like well here's the new me as i understand / hypothesize / hope he could be, totally confident in being backed up by how valuable he is as a quant, then taylor kind of ripped that off and wound's open again but that wound was also not brand new or something he was unaware of / that didn't affect him before now

re: math meetup, i can see that being him presenting more evidence of his talent as a quant but also specifically going "see, i do this collaborative thing" to present this more conciliatory and cooperative approach to taylor, & am also taking it as evidence that he really does Enjoy math / coding stuff beyond it simply being a means to a professional end. i also like to think he has been / continues going to math meetup regularly, at least once a month, maybe every other week, and that it's this semi social event, like the relevant irl group you found back in the day that like, meets up for pizza before and drinks afterwards. i also like to think that, like, while he might come off as A Bit Much during said math meetup / just speak up frequently enough and often enough with some insistence lol, people Are there to meet up about the math and his contributions Are valued despite if his delivery/approach isn't always endearing or whatever. and even if he's not really popular / warmly embraced in the more [socializing event] bookends of the meetup, he's perfectly tolerated, and there's even a person or two or three (also regular attendees) who do vibe with him enough to like, invite / even want him to sit with them / talk with them outside that Math Setting. math meetup pals, maybe he doesn't meet up with these people outside these events but maybe they have each other's contacts and sometimes text. not these intimate personal relationships, but still something real and positive and refreshing. it'd be nice if math meetup could kinda be like what he hoped for from quanting, this way his math lets him "qualify" to access this group / activity, his aptitude "making up for" perceived lack of interpersonal / social charm & charisma & what have you, & having some reliably friendly people around even if of course that's not on its own going to mean he's totally socially fulfilled / not often lonely or anything. hc: he's often lonely & not totally socially fulfilled

he does, of course, want to work for taylor specifically, as long as they want him to, and this is sort of his second chance to find validation through working as a quant lol. think that yeah sure winston likes validation in general, who doesn't but also of course he's maybe a bit Above Average sensitive to / keen on it, but he'll also care about Affirmation if it's coming from people whose opinion he particularly values. think that it's easy to suppose he's also especially sensitive to taylor's assessments here thanks to the fact they really hit a (raw) nerve with him like, sure is the potential to get caught up in feedback loop city & say, have a few months mired in self loathing & an especial lack of certainty & confidence, if someone's kinda gone "i hate your self hatred" lol, but he also Did have this especial interest in / high opinion of taylor before that 3x03 interview, & so that's what continues to be part of it here

but then also interpreting that second 3x09 scene as like, he Does independently Know His Value as a quant and yknow not only has his pride but also can't and isn't going to first and foremost focus on trying to socially perform being peak Accommodating and Appealing here lol. but he still cares about what taylor thinks, wants to work for/with them, and i think it was Mutually Appreciated in the last scene that there was Mutual Effort to cooperate w/the other, giving him a Cue instead of just being mad & obfuscating it unless & until giving up on him completely or w/e is Constructive. interpreting winston as someone who sure can be a bit petty on purpose, especially in the face of some wounded pride (where he seems to take pride in his quant abilities & maybe not much of anything else: see the self loathing otherwise), but isn't really one to be deliberately antagonistic, especially not towards, yknow, the person he specifically wants to appeal to, but he also knows he can come off as grating whether inadvertently or not, so he might be testing the waters a little as well

3x11

he's using headphones even though no one else is in the room, that's a preference / he may also just like to block out other sound in general, as there's no audio of [winston's music faintly playing as / before he takes off his headphones] or indication he paused anything. does he like metal, what with the yngwie malmsteen reference? maybe, but that might just be a Billions Reference thing that isn't meant to indicate much / anything abt the specific character. i don't have any hcs about it anyways besides "okay" if so

first time we see his watch, it's not the calculator watch until s5 but i am a fan of said calc watch....gotta suppose it could represent him being here for the math of it all, what with how fancy/expensive watches are kinda the whole like status / power play thing, and a calculator watch is, afaik, not expensive, these casio calculator watch listings i'm seeing are all priced like, $15 to $25 range. so.

2nd scene is the first time we see sleeves pushed up, a frequent choice, maybe if he's focusing sleeves against forearms / Wrists & Hands can be bothersome. also not the first time he puts his hands in his pockets but i think that's a deliberate choice for winston's sort of Default Pose, equate it to the choice to have jared hang / hold on to his backpack straps.

guess he can also be a bit petty / rude / grating on purpose if ppl are getting in the way of his mathing / coding or otherwise thwarting it, at least probably taylor can relate / sympathize what with them wanting to Get It Right / being bothered if people get it wrong but could've avoided this

noticing all the caffeine and the fact he maybe didn't leave the basement / was powering through that project All At Once....just noting that down as a potential Approach, wanting to not interrupt focus &/or bear down & keep a fairly intense pace until it's finished / stay in the zone or what have you

definitely doing some deliberately cocky Testing / pushing back / amicable power struggle with taylor there, confirming he does have leverage due to that quanting ability after all, Despite His Demeanor / not being "sweet"

by this point definitely consciously kinda wants taylor to rail him.

4x03

i have no concrete hc's of instances inspiring winston to think he's "always seeing the future" but god i wish he did. he's right a lot though, maybe he just notices as much lol

talking mostly to taylor here, then concluding with "i only thought it but didn't say it; doesn't count....damnit." like he wants Their validation thanks, even if recognizing his Win here still wouldn't help them either way....also first time we see him w/coworkers for real, he's really freely Interacting.....time to go ahead and say he'd like to be work friends / at least have friendly interactions at work, might be a bit desperate for such positive social interactions, especially in this environment where he thinks the "objectively" good thing about him is most relevant, but it's cringe & fail (&/or vulnerable to Attack) to outright Want something, like validation / affirmation / a positive response or a simple "yeah you're right" "positive" response

first Space Shirt, followed by ones that are like, also &/Or Sci Fi Shirts. does he like space? i guess so

he's autistic

4x08

here & in 4x11, we don't know how he's gotten this info about taylor re: the arc w/their dad or with axe cap, but he's apparently mused on it on his own like this & isn't just quoting what someone else told him about how taylor must feel about xyz & how that might apply to the situations at hand, even though (unless he cassandra'd it) he wouldn't've had that much cause to suppose it'd definitely be relevant to have ideas about how taylor feels / is navigating a situation & why, maybe he just likes to be prepared like that / stay in the loop but yknow, maybe he's just also interested in them as a person beyond what's most immediately relevant to him doing quant stuff for them

he's already done the sort of kicking himself / wincing / apologizing or agreeing he fucked up an exchange thing before but, the genuine disappointment / momentary discouragement in it always lol....self loathing guy

love how he has these little like, clarifying explanations of things. "total control of the instrument," "always seeing the future," "because i win".....he's out here wanting to communicate to connect & to be understood, not so much as a potential for a power play / status climb and thus a conflict.....can see ppl who are used to / Do see interactions in that light to interpret winston yelling about having won as a like, rubbing it in people's faces show of superiority thing, but pretty sure he's just excited and wants a high five

4x11

having talked about the fact none of the desks in the tmc hq main floor seem to be winston's (& knowing that Could just be wroland not being reliably available to be in the bg of shots lol, analyzing s4 shots for some Consistently Empty desk) but it is fun to also consider that maybe tmc Could've had a secret extension in that that quant haunt in the basement was kept. a little more furnishing and it could be pretty chill, even though the lack of windows might not always be ideal. where's he sit!

also the whole "guy who'd be the first one smothered" moment like, guess i could've mentioned it in 3x03 more but yeah my Headcanon here is that winston maybe has a master's degree, not a phd though (him saying "50 phds" in 3x11 i think was meant to differentiate from him on both points, aka he's 1 guy, without a phd) & this is his first "real" job in any field. b/c i'm guessing like, people are here to get Paid, but as mentioned w/the watch (& just how winston acts in general, he doesn't really seem like he's raring to show off / really take advantage of having money or anything) it doesn't seem like he's, like, the "exceptionally focusing on personally making as much as possible" guy, and lauren's remark seems to emphasize / place the context on winston just not having like, savings from prior salaried years at a job or anything, more of a practical matter, maybe he's out here hoping for some more financial security, also they are all living in nyc, so. on that note, maybe he has an okay apartment but like, not without problems / not absolutely ideal, but it's okay. this would just be Convenient as an hc also lol

don't think the monologue was completely memorized, but it wasn't completely off the cuff either, he'd maybe been brainstorming scripts in his head / had some particular parts solidified word for word, but also hardly think he was guaranteed planning to deliver an admonishlogue at all, seems like it was some important factors that he was just kind of already irritated, nobody was listening / people Were social pressuring him to drop it or not interested in entertaining like "yeah i think you should talk to taylor about it" at all, think it was clear that talking to others was only going to lead to them telling him to drop it / trying to not have anyone say anything to taylor, and then that taylor just jumped in, which i hardly think he was hoping for

always Something that we can expressly see winston moving to sit down in that soon to be empty meeting room as everyone else is clearly filing out lol, like, can see how he might not be able to go "well, back to work" immediately and need some irritation / feeling like shit / guess who just got yeeellllllllllled aaaaaat to burn off, might need some time to absorb "well i guess i just deferred so no bonus as was probably expected," but can also suppose that maybe when winston gets majorly Shut Down he has shutdowns. saying all of four words in the wake of things, otherwise the fact he has this approach of tensing up, not talking at all, kind of just holding onto eye contact as his last way of "properly" participating in the exchange w/o bailing entirely, while also outwardly withering, like clearly these kinds of moments are pretty significantly affecting....feels like he could find it difficult to talk much, or at all, in the wake of some / need some time to recuperate a bit & have some distance & quiet & not just jump back into work like he's having a fine and normal time. sometimes pondering like, not only those notions like taylor insisting winston not be Interrupted when he hasn't technically started talking yet (giving him the buffering / latency time) but also like, fun kinda imagining them sitting across from each other having a texting conversation....or times winston would rather have an exchange via email......or make use of the sticky notes......or just have taylor talking to him and picking up on his nonverbal responses

winston's very Not present in tmc meetups / get togethers this season & again we know that this could be because his actor wasn't very available but it's still the case In Canon that there's only so many tmcers and they're all seeing each other outside work / market hours for varyingly formal or informal purposes & he's never included. & simultaneously hold the hc's that he could be choosing not to go or he could just never be invited in the first place l o l.....in either of these situations the reason for declining to go or being excluded could be up to "b/c other ppl don't like having him around" and idk, best case scenario is he doesn't want to go for some other reason, but he acts pretty okay with the All Hands meetups we do see / when in meetings with the other named employees he's pretty raring to interact with them, so :/

4x12

i do like to think it's fun to imagine What If Taylor Had A Phonecall With Winston Before This Monologue; someone once told me that explaining is an admission of failure, i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart.....just them both having a more sympathetic approach with each other and a sort of dialed back reconciliation, tbt 3x09, without an audience / roomful of other people

do think that his wearing a tmc logo tee into axe cap hq was a deliberate Statement Piece, like wearing flipflops into axe cap in his true first time being there lol

first time we see the backpack, & the headphones (in this season), like the point you (nothingunrealistic) made about the backpack possibly kind of exerting pressure / compression in a Sensory Way. let's see it again

as good a time as any to bring up how it's such a consistent pattern that it Must be a choice that winston smiles in this direction :/ and grimaces / winces / frowns this way :\ but a choice of the actor of course, was it ever a conscious thing on winston's end, would not put it beyond the realm of possibility he's ever consciously thought of stuff like "even if words fail me(tm) i Gotta hang on to eye contact".....i'm thinking of times he is smiling hard enough that you just gotta do it more symmetrically, like here in 4x12

5x01

he likes bagels

think that this could've been another case of "people who are used to interactions used for conflict / power plays / stepping on other people to status climb (axe cappers in general, maybe team ben having to be extra prone to be on the lookout for these strategies when they're more often on the receiving end of them) misinterpreting winston socializing as means of connection (wanting to talk about the common work thread / interest with coworkers)"

even if for some reason quants were cold shouldering axe cappers like, a sound strategy even if team ben are worthy exceptions. Winston Can Get Petty When People Blame Quants Talking About Being Quants For Axe Cappers Harassing Tmc & also when in the process of doing so everyone's like "also you're smarter than us but no you're not, any math quants could do fundamental analysts could do better" like, winston getting more deliberately antagonistic when ppl are going after his Math Aptitude / value as a quant when that's his "objective" point of pride & confidence & possibly like haha self loathing can't get me here

5x02

winston's decimal points being more precise here i think indicates that the show is not taking the stance of "yeah the quants are just any old analysts with an attitude of superiority" lol

do think he selected that particular seating placement b/c it's like, hey furthest away from axe cap, most aligned with taylor's desk & angled towards it, perfect.....what a letdown

guess this episode suggests he and mafee have chats sometimes, and winston maybe confides At All Sensitive Info w/the guy? bold

always just smh like well thank god we were given this subplot where winston was a plot device really for dollar bill's arc or whatever............what a gift

5x03

just noticing as always how winston is the one person saying they should go for it vs the other two's skepticism / trepidation, and taylor decides to go for it.....they do value his input / trust his judgment

i am also noticing how often winston, as the math guy who doesn't really fit in w/ the whole axe / caply approach & style, has this role in giving taylor these crucial opportunities to pursue their own direction rather than be mired down in the misery of axe cap determining everything....3x11 & his algorithm letting them break completely away from axe cap, 4x11 & his admonishlogue making some Points & then next episode taylor does decide to abandon the revenge jag & says they were wrong & they're sorry....5x03 & this nlp strategy plotline being the first thing taylor could actively pursue for tmc after 2 eps of being dragged painfully through axe cap nonsense, & the fact this, in the next episode, leads to the Impact Fund idea / mase carb

5x04

see that last point

5x05

guess that until confirmed, The Glances being significant is a Headcanon Interpretation lol. anyways i do like taylor giving him these discreet, nonverbal cues as a very deliberate method of communication titrated betwixt them

oh right and an Age Cue here, before that was nailed down i think i already hc'd winston as either the same age as, or a year older than taylor, and that's still true lol, think that's how it goes with the timelines (taylor's being kinda uncertain, and winston's as well, having prior just kinda gone "well if taylor's 22 when they show up as the typical post undergrad age, and each season spans approx a year, and maybe winston spent just a year or two post undergrad getting a master's b/c nothing nails down how long it would take & he could've kinda been ahead of the curve as it were, he could be, say, 23 thru 25 in s3 when he shows up, to taylor's Maybe 23" as the Idea)

just wants to work for taylor as long as they'll have him, but would also like to be openly valued / affirmed on a pretty basic level lol...

one of those matters that's like, i do think that this is what the material is Trying to convey but it's not concrete / explicit, in that i think winston somewhat Likes rian right off lol like. i mean he's also still annoyed on principle, this is maybe his replacement & that stings that it's even a possibility & of course he has reason to want to feel like "oh well this person Clearly sucks" lol, but then there he is trying to scope out the situation & get immediate intel & it's like, here's this fellow 20something you immediately think is pretty (the mental comparison to an A lister as a dunk, lmao) & you see her being perfectly friendly with your nice coworker you're also friendly enough with, that's one degree of separation, now here he comes talking about how cool & epic & smart & capable she is, again makes sense he's still first & foremost bothered by the situation & has cause to just be more jealous about how well everyone immediately thinks of her (see: winston making bad first impressions that may never be undone, the fact other coworkers were probably never going around openly impressed with / praising him after meeting him for 5 sec, or like, ever) but i suppose this immediate underlying sense of attraction / affinity hits in that First Sighting as well

love that we see the feet up on the desk show of confidence again, very funny & glad it's back.....a tool in his arsenal for when he's Very Bothered But (unsuccessfully) Acting Very Unbothered / when he's trying to pitch for his employment lol

when did he have a first gf? perfect time for an hc.....feels like it'd have been like, idk, older high schoolers at the youngest, that kind of emotional commentary....or in college. sometimes pondering the idea like, what if he had a bf first actually.....or not, & Feeling A Way around other guys sometimes like, hmm guess i think this guy is pretty cool &/or i'm kinda like "god i wish that were me" about, then some more noticeable Tension as he's older even if he can't really discern the reason b/c this person's pretty nice & cool actually, hmm. then one day you're doing hw together with a while for code to compile & Oh Hey Lol

meanwhile think clearly rian defuses the Reason For Rivalry (and also clearly immediately likes him / interacting with him & you know, outright sticks up for him & in this significant way) & then when they connect over Math it's all coming together very outright like Oh Hey Lol 😳

also he Gets Right Back To Work easily enough, & like, i think already there's a deliberate performance of "i'm now totally unbothered," but he's just pretty good at shaking things off apparently. & he kind of has to be, to not bail completely or else tamp down his own personality / avoid interactions, but you know. plus that like, he may get irritated when his pride's wounded but around here people can have a whole crisis & arc about it if their egos are bruised in the slightest, so like. pretty blasé

5x06

this isn't really any hc or Interpretation by any stretch but this is the first time we've seen winston pull that particular attitude in that second scene with rian and it's beautiful.....if something's bothering him he's so often like outright indignant but this is like, i'm Bothered but i'm being so dignant about it, for like 4 sec

also the bright green hoodie / bright, high contrast, geometric blockbuster tee is so Vivid but like, always noting how he wears relatively colorful outfits. fun to go "maybe this one's deliberately extra eye catching b/c of this new crush" lol

5x07

the difficulty in reading that much into things when the lack of sobriety could be making any & everything an outlier, & can't even really read into "apparently down to take stimulants (beyond caffeine) on a dime" b/c well, so is everyone else, so that this situation can unfold, we knew he had a crush on rian (or i guess we didn't, but this is pretty direct about it), we knew he likes validation, taylor Knows him well enough that it's not just like "oh he's acting weird? well that's winston for you" to them, which we also knew but it's fun to confirm further lol

and now for some more free floating / general concepts

family? i have no idea. feel like he either has no siblings or several but yknow, anything's possible. we know what he's like Now, don't think he got that solid self esteem / self confidence as an emergent quality from [everything that happened to him before 3x03] & don't suppose he has this like, rock solid close warm familial relationship of understanding & unconditional love & support w/whoever he grew up with, parents or siblings or whoever he lived with....like, the relationship/s could be Fine but you know, still not all that close

i don't think he was every completely friendless (or if he was, it didn't last Too long) in terms of like, throughout school maybe he had some pals, no amazing close [fingers crossed Like That] ones where someone had like, grown up as his next door bestie and they did everything together & knew everything about each other, nothing all that close, but he had people to sit with at lunch or what have you, even if at times like, the table nobody else really sits at but the people who don't have anywhere else to sit lmao. maybe some slightly closer friendships here & there, but people often kind of got subsumed into other friend groups that he wasn't otherwise a part of / otherwise just kind of gradually distanced again...but also possible he had perfectly amicable occasions of like, maybe only having a class or two with certain people, not striking up intimate friendships but hitting it off well enough.........like, winston's out here Not having been stomped down into suppressing his personality all the time, he's still fairly earnest & forthcoming & eager to connect, just sort of vaguely going for "he maybe have always had this element of discouragement & disappointment re: socializing / connecting / forming relationships / sometimes just being accepted on a basic level, but he also didn't have his spirit totally extinguished either" although there's also the room for stuff like, yknow, him Holding Out Hope like "well nobody likes me now / i'm unhappy but maybe once i'm in college [gets to college & still isn't having a great time] okay well once i Enter The Workforce" lol. you know

but it's also like, hardly think he's Only Just Now experiencing the [winston: ___ everyone: get his ass] type stuff & pushback & punishment & disdain over not really doing anything but people hate his style & vibe, & feel like there's also still room for like, yep wow got burned sometimes / having had some pretty negative experiences......we do have to end up in this place where, you know, 3x03 happens and he doesn't just go "guess finance isn't for me!" & dust himself off & go get some Guarantees from some tech firms, & instead he's Really Glad [Taylor] Called & hasn't taken some other more desired job between 3x03 & that call & is immediately like "good news: i do hate myself" so like, can't see him having just thrived his way to this point....evidently not all dating relationships have been just epic highs & victories, maybe he has those math meetup pals now & maybe idk there's other people he's in sort of in contact with, maybe people from college / grad school or the like, still not that close, figure he's generally been lonely like, overall, despite regularly enough seeking out / striving for connections

oh yeah speaking of, the idea that he has a cat maybe lol, in part simply for company, a little guy that lives in your house / apartment....but also maybe he doesn't

always just some general notions like, also idk maybe he engages in hobbies, talks to people through that just like with math meetup....talked about the Embroidery idea, got that computers/programming connection, was thinking like, idk fuck it amateur photography, develop your own film, maybe he took a class in college or high school or something, same with like, maybe he plays a musical instrument, said "the cello, why not" about that as an early [shrug] idea lol. he does like space, maybe he does Anything with that....rip to any astronomy clubs In Nyc like, guess you're not seeing shit, but. 4x11 au, after deferring his bonus he goes to some cool cinematographic celestial occasion like taylor & the sea glass fish carousel lmao. taylor catches up & they have their [i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart] exchange lol.....except also not, b/c you wouldn't really want to have Parallels with m/any moments ft. wendy & taylor :/

recalled like a particularly casual / throwaway idea about like "lol what if he was somewhat thalassophobic" in part b/c once actor william dropped that lore abt himself in an interview, but. could have somewhat some other phobia/s. or not really any! what a world

maybe sometimes he's out here like, single & ready to Fuck like, focusing on just hooking up w/people sometimes rather than really looking to date at the juncture, although it could both be true like, he'd Like to be dating but also doesn't really currently want to do all the Putting Himself Out There & such of seeking it out / trying to consciously navigate it, but sometimes it's more manageable like, just wanting to have sex. looking out for himself when he can & how he can lol

speaking of, some vague sexy hcs

gets pegged

especial fan of Tongue Against Tongue texture, enjoys some Grounding elements to avoid being overwhelmed / narrow things to the more relevant sensory input at hand, like the weight/pressure of a partner leaning / lying against him / holding him tightly, if he's overwhelmed in a good way / kinda got some sensory overflow in a good way he might cry during sex In A Good Way lol, took some time maybe in his Personal Sexual Experience to figure out some general differences in "what he doesn't like at all" or "what's off the table / too unpleasant for him at some times but Not necessarily at all times & might be completely enjoyable sometimes," like, am i willing to perform oral sex, am i willing & Enthusiastically so, is that way too much actually, it can be all of them at varying times....maybe in more everyday general situations he refrains from stims in front of others unless stressed enough, but while having sex with someone especially if at all nervous it's like, there can be this transition between repressing stims & being more unfiltered / uninhibited where they kind of build up & then come through in kicks only to be reined back in, either like, he simply does go for a more reined in approach the whole time or anyone else is willing to ride this out with him / he kind of has the time & space to figure out more of a flow, in which case he might still stim but you know, not as though people aren't used to stims in this situation, i.e. reacting to stimulation with movement & vocalization is at least expected & it could once again be like "well he's a bit weird with it but hey" lol or you know, not that some partners can't be understanding or have had experience w/similar partners. hardly make or break but this can be a vulnerable interaction here / hard to shake the self consciousness & sense of "i Do have to filter myself and act The Right Way" all at once just b/c you'd want to

hey and let him sing karaoke or something lmao, winston is as Dramatic as he is, he would give a performance. work in a way to let everyone who sings sing around lol, could throw in some Affectations so that it's like yeah winston can sing without having to be like "wow winston, when'd you become a trained broadway performer" lmao. imagine. which reminds me of the time will joked about like, oh yeah winston Gets That A Lot re: people recognizing he looks like the guy in deh, aka will roland....the limitations of "this is set in real nyc" including occasional references to recent / popular shows, fuck it maybe will roland does also exist in the billions universe. well anyways it would be fun. the karaoke anyways, and that he'd give a top tier Performance whether or not people are first and foremost enjoying his technical / artistic skill at the art of singing, it'd at least be personality infused and engaging

taking it way back to the ideas about winston's social misadventures in general, i'm sometimes considering for fics i never end up writing if he might have some like, misgivings / anxieties about like, is this person i Like acting like they maybe Like me back as some kind of elaborate joke, & maybe the caution comes from experience like you know, classic over the line "pranks" like asked out As A Joke, kissed As A Dare that he wasn't aware of, think there could be like, would be Friendship / friendly acquaintanceship experiences in there where such "pranks" / "jokes" / "messing with him" (and not in a good way) could happen, or even just you know, more Spontaneously, don't even know this person & he's treated as a joke for other ppl's entertainment, realizing at the time or retrospectively like oh maybe i was more being bullied then having any positive social interaction / getting to feel at least "included" or what have you, like, the idea of getting to hang out with a group as The Funny Guy, but he's had these experiences getting to hang out with a group & realize it's b/c they thought he was funny / Amusing in a laughing At him, not with him way, which is easy also b/c winston isn't really out here trying to be funny that we've seen lol. only realizing he was still being excluded after some time / distance from the situation, or escalating open hostility / just more blatant meanness / over the line shit from some people, maybe some stuff that just immediately feels shitty but he figured was just like, well idk, maybe that's normal & still friendly, maybe it also felt more outright embarrassing / demeaning at the time but it's like haha yeah you got me :'] at the time just to save any face lol.....possible unexpected / spontaneous amicability in his socializing history, but also shittiness, whether it's coming at him all at once or he's kind of holding out hope like, well, i just keep at it / have a Friendly attitude here and surely i'll make friends b/c if people didn't like me At All why are they talking to me / letting me be here at all.....

always kind of pondering Fashion Variation, we haven't seen it but it could be possible, musing on "what would he think Looks Good On Him / how does he feel capable of like, dressing for romantic success or what have you lol" like, was the vivid 5x06 outfit anything, cue the drawing like, a bralette & short shorts is shaking it up and could be a Felt Cute outfit and could also be comfortable enough....not always That much room in men's(tm) fashion before you start having to be aware of [Gender] and dunno that winston out here has had the inspiration / motivation / opportunity to consider / try out / explore but hey. what are we here for

just remembered that post like "uhh i just saw a guy crying in the library & then his phone alarm went off & he stopped crying, opened his laptop & started typing / it's called time management" lmao like winston's not out here having the Most amazing time, he could have such Time Management experiences of like, letting it out some on purpose but then reining it right back in, and/or just like some spontaneous paroxysms of crying for a minute or two more unexpectedly in a "do you ever [experience a tiny inconvenience] & realize the thread by which you're hanging on is quite thin" way or otherwise, you know, oops experienced this frustration & now i'm crying over it, or idk, just feeling a bit more vulnerable for whatever reason & something has unexpectedly plucked some emotional string attached to another string attached to another & the resonance = i'm crying now ig. he can't be Thriving out here & i don't think he's all about having such a stranglehold on emotions that he's like oh tf i Never cry (aside from having sex, in a good way)

although speaking of like, emotional repression, maybe he's out here just "good at" compartmentalizing some experiences lol in that "well anyways, back to work" way & stuff like, sure he knew he was risking it in 4x11 but it also did not seem to affect his dynamic with mafee at all lmao like wow.....

think that him not really having anything on his work desk is a choice / preference but also am not sure that that really applies to anything else lmao. what if he had a little plant. that'd be funny

oh yeah and the idea that winston might literally have like prophetic dreams & they're just kind of a nuisance to him but sometimes they can be plot devices in fics (that don't exist) about him kissing people

well i'm just calling it a night there lol but like, it always feels Lacking writing out hc's like, plenty of ideas but also hardly any, and yet the fact that other individual ideas are so Vague / casual that it wouldn't be like "oh i gotta share this via post or manifesting it some other way" so then it feels like, oh no, if i don't list absolutely Everything on something that's specifically a list of hc's, i can never talk about whatever gets left out......and just that like, i ought to have a bunch of really specific, concrete, unique Factoids about winston here to be of any interest but hey lmao. that hypothetical set of concepts is never gonna happen, & the Ultimate Comprehensive List Of Everything I've Ever Pondered Re: Winston is also going to be difficult lmfao (not as though that's what you've asked in the first place) but you know, we took a swing at things here & covered some ground & the thinking about & talking about winston never ends, & this isn't really a post meant to have broad appeal / if you're not already having fun reading vague musings about the quant then i'm sorry you're reading this after having read all that and gone "wow, i'm disappointed" lmao but hey, weird choices made to bring you to this point......also god knows plenty of hcs are more filed away under specific like [Tayston], [Benston], [Riawin] sort of things (lol, [Mafon]) b/c on the one hand, i find it easier to kind of think in Scenarios and the details particular to the "scenes" therein, but i am also not good at thinking of those scenarios! out here operating on vibes, he's autistic and wants to kiss taylor (also now rian but that's kinda right in canon, not just my head) and that's really the crucial info here

[sidecarghost]

Suptober Day 16: Switch It Up!

Destiel Chatfic  - College!AU where Dean and Cas are both dating the same girl. Cas finds out and sends Dean an instagram direct message, and Dean gets an insta-crush on Cas.

~~

Gabriel texts Cas - 11:19 am ~~ Gabriel: Yo little bro! Cas: Hello Gabriel. Gabriel: Are you and Tessa still dating? Because I just saw her kissing this guy in the campus parking lot next to what I assume was his car. Cas: Uh yeah, are you sure it's Tessa? Gabriel: Hold on a sec. Gabriel: Yes, I just walked over and said "Hi Tessa, do you remember me Cas's brother?", and she responded "Oh yeah, hi Gabriel, how is Cas doing?" Cas: That does sound like something she would say. Gabriel: I asked her to introduce me to her friend, and she said his name was Dean Winchester. Cas: what do you want me to do with that name? Gabriel: Hell if I know, I guess fight for fair Tessa's honor? Cas: I'm sure I won't do that, but thanks for letting me know Gabriel.

~~ Later that day, Cas looks up Dean Winchester on IG and finds a likely looking profile and sends DM - 5:48 pm ~~

Cas: Hello Dean, I know you don't know me, but I think we are both dating Tessa. Dean: Welp, that explains somethings. Have you been dating Tessa long? I wasn’t sure if she was playing the field still or not. Cas: Not very long, just a few weeks. Dean: I assumed we were exclusive when Tessa asked me to be her boyfriend, so I guess it's on me for assuming. Cas: Um ok, I just thought letting you know was the right thing. But if you’re upset I understand. Dean: S'okay Cas, you seem cool, and I'm happy I'm getting to know you. Cas: Um, thanks you seem cool too. Dean: Can I call you my boyfriend-in-law? Cas: Well, I was going to break up with Tessa after confirming this with you. Dean: If that is the case, can I call you my boyfriend? Cas: Huh? Dean: Confession time. Since you sent me a dm, I started stalking your IG account, and you look all kinds of hot. I kind of understand why I was being cheated on now. Cas: Uh, that is flattering... I think. Dean: Hold on, I'll break up with Tessa first. Cas: Wait, what? I just wanted to give you a heads up about Tessa, and I'm not sure what is going on in this convo anymore.

~~ Dean texts Tessa - 5:52 pm ~~ Dean: Sorry to break up with you over text, but this is a life & death emergency.  Dean: Btw, the painting of Baby you made for your art course is awesome! I saw it in campus center. Tessa: Oh wow, I hope everything is okay or that it will be.  Tessa: No worries about the break up, I think we are better as friends.  Tessa: And I'm glad you like the Baby painting! ~~

Dean: Okay done, do you like pie? Cas: Um... pie is okay. Dean: Seriously? You like pie? I knew I was in love with you! Cas: I am not sure if you are kidding or serious. Dean: Sorry! I tend to ramble when I'm excited. Want me to pick you up for a date later? We can get pie at this diner I know. Cas: Sure, I'd like that Dean. Dean: Okay, text me where you want me to pick you up at 7pm. I'll be driving a black 67 Chevy Impala. Cas: Okay, I think I saw pics of that car on your feed when I was trying to find you on IG. Dean: What did you think of her? Cas: Her? Dean: Yeah, I tend to think of my Impala as female. Have you ever watched this really old tv show Knight Rider? Cas: Sorry, I don’t think I’ve heard of it. Dean: No worries, I have the box set on Blu Ray. We can watch together some time if you’d like. But I brought up because it’s about this guy that solves mysteries with his talking Pontiac Trans Am “KITT.” Cas: Oh, that’s an interesting premise for a tv show. Dean: Ikr! Anyway, so that’s me and my car, Baby, too. If she had a voice box, she would totally help me solve mysteries. Cas: Like the mystery machine? Dean: asdfasfasgwe You like Scooby doo?!? Cas: Well, I watched some when I was little. And I think I remember the gist of it. Dean: Scooby Doo was my show growing up!! And yeah, Baby is like that. A lot of things just get thrown away when they wear out. But some things transcend the mundane, and throwing them away would be like losing something divine. Cas: Uh, she sounds really special Dean. I’m looking forward to meeting you and her later then. Dean: Ok, Baby and I will show you a good time! Cas: Sounds good, bye Dean. Dean: ttyl Cas!

~~

Cas texts Tessa - 6:13 pm ~~ Cas: Hello Tessa, I don't think we are right for each other, but I hope we can still be friends. Tessa: Oof, the other guy I was seeing just broke up with me over text too. I'm having a rough day. Cas: Was it Dean? Tessa: Yeah, he seemed nice. I wasn't sure how interested in me he was though, he mostly wanted to talk about his car, little brother, and classic movies. Cas: Actually, I met Dean because I found out we were both dating you. So I let him know, because it felt like the right thing to do. Tessa: Oh, it hadn't occurred to me that I was serious enough with either of you to talk about being exclusive. Sorry if I hurt you or Dean's feelings. Cas: I was a little hurt, but Dean seemed okay about it. Tessa: I'm sorry Cas! You are a very sweet guy, and I hope you find someone that doesn't hurt your heart. And I'd be happy to still be friends if the offer stands. Cas: Thanks I do want to be friends, and as for finding someone, well I actually have a date with Dean tonight.  Tessa: Omg! I'm so excited for the two of you! My advice, wear your blue henley and skip the trench coat. Cas: I've never gone on a date with a guy before, so I'm feeling kind of nervous. And also, I’ve never gone a date with someone I hadn’t met in person already. This is definitely a little overwhelming. Tessa: I think you'll be fine Cas. Dean is a nice guy, and if things get too silent and awkward just ask him about his car, brother, or favorite movies. Cas: Dean did tell me about his car a bit already, and it was pretty touching how much she meant to him.  Tessa: Yeah, Dean has a huge heart. I feel like once he loves someone, Dean would wage war against Heaven or Hell to protect them. Baby is definitely part of his family, and while a lot of people tend to take things for granted, Dean is more likely to show reverence for the things that have held him together. Cas: That sounds almost spiritual. Tessa: Spiritual is a good way to describe it. Also, Dean does tend to be all highs and lows, like he either loves something or he hates it. There is really not much middle ground. You seem a lot more level-headed Cas, tbh I think you and Dean are perfect complements for each other.  Cas: Well, we haven’t even been on a date yet. Tessa: Haha, I know. I’m just being sap ig. But I have good feeling about you guys.  Cas: Thanks Tessa, I appreciate it. Tessa: Anytime hun! And I have been seeing this girl, Charlie, maybe we can all go out on a double date sometime. Cas: You were seeing three people? Tessa: yeah, and I should tell Charlie I was seeing some other people, and I'd like to just commit to her. I really like her Cas, and I don't want to ruin it. I think she knows, but I also thought you and Dean knew so I should be more upfront. Cas: Yeah, that's a good idea. And maybe we can all go out some time in the future. Tessa: Yay! I'd like that. Let me know how DeanCas goes tonight. Cas: Ok, I've got to go get ready. Tessa: Later hun!

~~ Tessa texts Charlie - 6:26 pm ~~

Tessa: I really like you, do you want to be exclusive? Charlie: Did the guys you were dating break up with you? Tessa: Lol yes, but it saved me trouble of breaking up with them. And actually they kind of found each other through me, so I'm feeling like their fairy godmother or something. Charlie: omfg! I'm imagining you as a fairy godmother now, and that image is burned in my brain. Tessa: Lol it is pretty funny, and I think Dean and Cas would hate me forever for even saying that. Charlie: Don’t worry I will keep your role as their fairy godmother secret. Tessa: So, you didn't answer my question... Charlie: Sorry, Tessa. I really like you too. But I'm not ready to commit to a serious relationship yet. Can we keep dating each other and other people for a little longer and keep it casual? Tessa: Sure, but when you are ready let me know! Charlie: Ofc, darling! Tessa: Also, Cas and I chatted about four of us going on double date in future. They are both nice guys, what do you think? Charlie: Sure, maybe we can recruit them for LARP. Tessa: Don't worry my queen. I will get them recruited to follow your flag. Charlie: I knew my fairy godmother wouldn't let me down. Tessa: Ofc, not even remotely possible for me to ever let you down, my queen.

~~ Dean texts Sam 6:35pm ~~

Dean: Sammy, remember the girl Tessa I was dating? Sam: yeah, you were forcing her to watch an Indiana Jones marathon with you last weekend. Dean: "forcing" seems like a strong word, everyone loves Indiana Jones. Sam: sure they do Dean. Dean: Anyway, we broke up. Sam: oh, sorry man Dean: No worries Samantha, I've got a date with her other boyfriend, Cas. I’m actually getting ready to pick him up in just a minute. Sam: oh, good for you then Dean: I'm kind of nervous tho, I was stalking his ig, and even though he's really hot I don't think we have much in common. Sam: well, they say opposites attract. Dean: He posts math and physics joke memes. Sam: so what? Dean: I don't know any good math or physics jokes. Sam: Don't bother picking up a bunch of lame jokes. I think this guy would rather get to know the real you. Dean: Well, I did ramble a bit about Baby earlier when we started messaging. Sam: And he still wants a date with you? He sounds like a keeper Dean. Dean: What do you mean? Everyone loves Baby. I gotta text you a pic of this painting Tessa made. Baby looks so badass. Sam: Okay,  well try not to only talk about Baby with Cas. Try to learn about him and open up about yourself too. You keep saying your tired of casual flings, but if you don’t let people in that will be all you ever get. Dean: Ugh, I'm a mess. Getting to know the real me is a really great way to scare anyone off. Sam: hey, I'm still here. Dean: yeah, you're my brother. You are stuck with me no matter how much of a dumpster fire I become. Sam: you're not a dumpster fire. just don't overthink it. do you want me to ask Jess out tonight so we can double date? Dean: no, I can do this, showing up to a first date with my little brother as chaperone would be weird. Sam: it's only weird if you let it be Dean: well, I'm not letting it be Sam: ok, whatever Dean: later moose Sam: drop dead squirrel

[universitykpop]

Lead Me On

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Songfic

Member: Suho

Words: 2,102

A/N: It’s 4 am and i’m tired so i’ll proofread later oops

So don’t call me baby Unless you mean it Don’t tell me you need me If you don’t believe it So let me know the truth Before I dive right into you

“Baby, come on. You’re so slow.” Joonmyeon laughed as he glanced over his shoulder at you.

Little does he know, that made your heart flutter. You could die hanging on the words he says. Did he mean it as a flirty name or just a name for a friend? He was so hard to read.

“Maybe if you helped me carry something.” You squinted your eyes at him, the cake in your hands feeling like it would fall.

“I was seeing if you’d try to carry all the birthday stuff by yourself.” He grinned and took the cake.

His smile was so cute. You wanted to pinch his little cheeks. Ever since you met him in that math class in high school, you swore to yourself you wouldn’t fall for that stupid smile. But the closer you became, the easier it was for him to unravel all resistance you had built up.

As you walked into Baekhyun’s apartment, you heard several friends ask Joonmyeon about his vacation trip with Sehun, Minseok, and Jongdae. It was a guys only holiday, so you kept up to date with their adventures through social media. They spent a week and a half at a gorgeous resort. You were pretty jealous to say the least.

“How you holding up, champ?” Chanyeol teasingly asked you, resting a hand on your arm.

“I will set you on fire.” You warned, and his touch was gone.

“Sounds like somebody didn’t confess.”

“Hush!” You hissed, making sure no one heard, “If he hears you, I promise I’ll kill you, and it’ll look like an accident.”

“God, you are so violent today. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?”

“You know there’s no way I’d tell him.”

“I’ll do it for you. Where did he go?” Chanyeol looked around the kitchen as you glared even harder at the tall boy.

A hand suddenly pinched Chanyeol’s ear and yanked him back.

“If looks could kill, Y/N would commit capital murder. Quit teasing her, you ass.” Kyungsoo shooed Chanyeol away and turned back to you, “Why does he even know?”

“In high school, he took my diary out of my backpack thinking it was my notes. He has yet to let me live it down.” You sighed, placing the gift bag on a counter.

“But he does have a point.”

Your glare returned quickly, finding a new victim.

“What? You really should confess. What if he feels the same?”

“I can tell he doesn’t. I’ve been friendzoned ever since he called me ‘bud’ and finger gunned me.” You rolled your eyes at the memory.

You remembered that night you had a project to finish and Joonmyeon got a text from a girl saying yes to his date offer. Of course, he didn’t want to leave you to do the rest of the work, but you assured him it was fine. “Thanks, Bud.” Bang. Bang. You would be even saltier if she hadn’t stood him up last minute. You also remembered how upset he was when he came back over and how quickly he brightened up when you suggested watching his favorite movie. That adorable little smile and those actual peachy cheeks… kind of like how he looked right then talking to Jongdae. God, you were in deep.

“Please stop staring. You’re being embarrassing.” Sehun huffed next to you, knocking you out of your daze.

“Shut up. I wasn’t staring.”

“Sorry, ogling. You got a little drool right there on your chin,” He pretended to wipe it away as you swatted at his hand, “But there is something I need to tell you.” His voice lowered.

“What? About Joonmyeon?”

“Yeah… Um, on the plane, Jongdae and I were bothering him, and I happened to glance down at his phone. A picture of you and him was his lockscreen. So we-”

“I’m his lockscreen?” You felt excitement bubbling up in your chest.

“He was in the picture too. Calm down. Anyways, we started teasing him about it and asked if he liked you or something.” Sehun looked down at his hands for a moment, and you knew Joonmyeon’s answer.

That excitement fell to the pit of your stomach, and you wanted to throw up. The room was suddenly warm. The air was thick; you couldn’t breathe correctly.

“Why would you tell me that?” Your voice cracked.

“I don’t want to see you pining after someone who doesn’t like you back. It felt selfish not to tell you. Now it’s starting to feel selfish telling you. You shouldn’t waste your time on something that’s not going to happen. I’m sorry I told you.”

“But- How- I don’t understand. He’s been so sweet to me, calling me ‘baby,’ paying for my food, surprising me with candy.” You grasped at words but couldn’t comprehend the situation. Every hug, every hand held, every lingering glance, none of it was real. Was it only in your head the whole time?

“Y/N, he’s just really friendly. You’re one of his best friends, so he’s going to be like that with you.”

“As much as I want to die right now, thank you for telling me.” You turned your head to peek at the man you had fallen for. Maybe you had looked too deeply into everything. Even Joonmyeon had told you that you do that.

“I need a drink.” You dismissed yourself to grab a bottle of some fruity mix that Baekhyun bought and mope in the living room with the rest of the party. Hopefully, Jongin’s birthday would distract you from the thing that was now hurting you so much that you couldn’t even look at your best friend.

Best friend. How could you have been so stupid to think someone like him would even consider you anything more than a friend. He had the looks, personality, and money; he could easily attract someone like that. The more you thought about it, the quicker you drank. Once the bottle was empty, you felt a little loose. This wouldn’t be so bad, right?

“What’s wrong? Did Sehun tell you about that girl and Joonmyeon?” Jongdae asked, wedging himself between you and the armrest.

“What girl?” Your attention snapped to the boy.

“Oh, shit.” A look of panic flashed across his face. As he tried to escape your wrath, your hand caught the back of his shirt and returned his ass to the couch.

“Now, you have to tell me since you brought it up.”

“Fuck… While we were on vacation, we met some girls at the resort bar. Joonmyeon ended up going back to one of the girls’ rooms…” Jongdae shifted on the cushion, “He was gone for a while and met us back at our room. He wouldn’t tell us what happened, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out though.”

“You guys have such a way with words today. You all are making me feel like an idiot.” You growled, grip tightening on his shirt.

Maybe your friends were right; you should have confessed to him already. Maybe you waited too long. Maybe there was no chance for you now.

“Y/N!” A voice shouted from the dining room.

Your eyes trained on the birthday boy.

“Are you going to play this card game?” He asked, completely oblivious to your sour mood.

You headed to the table despite just wanting to curl up in a corner and disappear. “What game?”

“I forgot what it’s called, but we pass out the cards and each person will slap down a card. For every ace, joker, or jack laid out, that person has to answer a question. For every king or queen, that person has to do a dare.” Jongin smiled and made you feel very little happiness. The boy was usually a ray of sunshine that could shine through any gray cloud, but it just wasn’t working today.

After another drink and several weird dares consisting of Jongin kissing Baekhyun’s cheek and Sehun licking Minseok’s abs, Jongdae threw down an ace causing Baekhyun to crack up. He had a smug grin on his face as he assured everyone that he had a good question.

“Out of all the guys here, who would you sleep with?”

“Can I take my card back?” Jongdae joked, “Probably Minseok. He’s really quiet when he’s asleep and doesn’t toss and turn.”

“That’s not wha-”

“Next person!” Jongdae interrupted Baekhyun and nudged you.

When you flipped your card on top of the deck, your body tensed. A joker.

“I’ve got a question.” Joonmyeon giggled as Sehun tried to compose himself and hit Joonmyeon’s shoulder.

“Who was the last person you had a wet dream about?” Joonmyeon grinned, putting you on the spot.

Your face burned with embarrassment, and Sehun began laughing.

“Was it me or something?” Joonmyeon teased.

The joker was you. You couldn’t not answer him because that would give you away. You couldn’t say you didn’t want to answer because you’d be pegged as the new party pooper; you didn’t want to strip Kyungsoo of that title. You held your breath in anticipation for the dumb answer that was about to blurt out of your mouth.

“Don’t flatter yourself. It was about Sehun.”

As the words flew across the room, Sehun, who had just leaned his head back for a drink of his beer, choked loudly, the liquid dribbling down his chin. You stood up from the chair and headed for the kitchen.

Chanyeol was sat on the counter texting and talking to Kyungsoo and Yixing when you hurriedly grabbed his arm and asked him in his ear to take you home. He gave you a once-over before nodding and jumping down to get your jackets.

At the front door, you could hear Joonmyeon talking to Kyungsoo.

“What’s wrong with Y/N?”

“Dunno. She just asked Chanyeol to take her home. They’re getting their jackets right now.”

Not wanting to hear any more, you pushed the door open and headed out without Chanyeol. Once in the elevator, you repeatedly pressed the close doors button, but a hand shot between the doors at the last second. Joonmyeon stepped inside with a concerned look. The elevator tried to resume its way to the ground floor, but Joonmyeon halted it.

“What’s going on?” He asked, searching your eyes for an answer.

“Nothing. I just want to go home.” You looked away from him.

“You were fine when we got here, and you suddenly started giving me a death glare.”

Maybe this was the moment you needed to tell him. There wasn’t any other excuse you could think of. You didn’t know if you could still be friends with your heart broken. If only Sehun and Jongdae didn’t say anything to you, you could continue living your life in ignorant bliss. You were about to jump into freezing waters, helplessly watching the inevitable pain get closer as you fall helplessly.

“Do you have a tendency to lead people on?” Your voice was harsher than you intended.

“What?”

“Don’t call me baby unless you mean it, and don’t tell me you need me if you don’t believe it.”

“Are you- Y/N, do you like me?” He asked, his voice shaking slightly.

“Yes… I apologize for that.” You spoke in defeat.

“You know… you’re a mystery. I’ve traveled the world, and there’s no one like you.” He quietly chuckled to himself.

“That girl you slept with on vacation seemed pretty special too, right?”

“Girl I slept with? I didn’t sleep with anyone. What are you talking about?”

“Jongdae told me you went back to a girl’s room.” You finally looked at him again.

“Babe, I didn’t do anything with her. She was really drunk, and I walked her there because it wasn’t safe for her to do so by herself.”

Your eyes widened and moved to the floor.

“I feel so stupid.” You whispered to yourself. Tears stung the corners of your eyes.

“How would you feel if I told you I love you?” His gentle hand lifted your chin.

“Even more stupid.”

A grin broke out across his face as he leaned down to your lips. His kiss sent a spark down your body. When he moved away, you could see the emotion in his eyes.

“And actually, I’ve been known to give my all,” He corrected your statement from earlier, “I’d never lead you on. I was being obvious because I just couldn’t form the right words.”

“So you do really like me?” You needed to hear him say it.

“I love you, Y/N.”

Your heart warmed at his words as his gaze bored into yours.

“I love you, too.”

[dudence-blog]

Dear Dudence for 25 September 2017

As I read the latest advice I can’t help but remember Newdie advised a person to stay with someone cheating on on their spouse because those errands needed running.  Anyway, through the miracle of fermentation I’m off to provide possibly better answers to questions strangers don’t even known I’m answering!

My husband’s best friend, the repentant wife beater: A month ago, my husband Ben’s lifelong best friend Matt sent his estranged wife Claudia to the hospital. Despite our husbands’ closeness, Claudia and I never clicked, but I’m horrified by how badly Matt hurt her. Since we found out, Ben and I have argued about our relationship with Matt. I want nothing to do with him; Ben believes we need to support him now more than ever.

Dear Best Friend; Wife Beater, let me go ahead and suggest that a viable middle ground for the short term for you two is Ben continues to be Matt’s friend and you don’t spend any time with Matt.  Set whatever boundaries you wish to set about times and locations where Ben sees his friend (”He’s not going to come to our house Ben,” for example).  Giving your husband, with whom you have an “amazing” marriage, the benefit of the doubt something to consider is that right now he’s in a bit of grief and shock.  His best friend, someone he’s known longer than his amazing wife, just committed a shocking act of violence against his intimate partner.  Your husband is probably, internally, grappling with the idea of “Just how bad does Matt need to be for me to end this relationship?” since this is probably something he didn’t know about his friend.  You’re not “out of your mind” to consider leaving your amazing husband because of his friendship with a wife beater.  However it is incredibly controlling for you to consider an ultimatum of “End your friendship with Matt or I’m going to divorce you”.  You should give your husband some support and help him work through his emotions as he deals with the fallout of Matt’s actions on both of you.  Believe me, your husband will be far more open to your point of view on the situation if you go into it as his friend and partner than as the moral scold who is demanding he end a lifelong friendship with his best friend due to something where the consequences and any rehabilitation could have possibly begun.

Instagram insecurity: About a year ago my boyfriend mentioned to me that he thought his Instagram use was “weird.” When I asked him what he meant, he said that he uses it mostly to look at pictures of women he finds attractive. I was surprised he confided this in me and asked him to delete it, and he complied. Since then, I’ve found him using Instagram again to look at women on three separate occasions. Each time we had a huge fight and he would promise not to do it again. This time, when I once again found him on the site (after he lied about whether he used it), he apologized but said he couldn’t promise not to use it again because it was just a “thought crime.”

Dear Instagram Insecurity, your boyfriend is an idiot.  Now with that out the way let’s move on to the rest.  I’m going to assume he’s not just going to Instagram sites which are reposting the porn with which you are “fine”.  That this is more like he’s finding the IG of attractive women and kind of creeping on the more intimate parts of their lives which they share.  This is bothering you more than his porn use because it’s putting him in a more emotionally connected web.  He’s not doing it just so he can see “EggPlantTaker” do her thing, he’s doing it because he likes the way “SweetieBootieCakes” talks about her day and he is ‘shipping himself into her life.  On top of it he has lied to you, broken a promise he made, hid his actions, and is now saying it’s your fault he won’t uphold his word.  At this point you’re going to need to decide for yourself if this is an issue you’re willing to break up over.  Personally I don’t think the Instaporngram is a deal breaker per se, but his actions to lie about it repeatedly and then gaslight (I think I’m using it right) you by implying you’re the “thought police” are not a good look.  NuPru’s advice about possible compromises is good as far as it goes.

Too smart for something like that: Growing up, I’ve always been praised for how intellectual I am. I feel like this is a humble brag, but to give you an idea I read at a college reading level before middle school and was in calculus my sophomore year of high school. My grandmother, who is very overbearing, would brag to everyone about how smart I am. My parents, too, would stress the importance of keeping up so I could go to a good school and be more or less set for life. Now I’m in college in a very rigorous major, and I despise it. The work is fine, and even when I’m challenged I don’t feel overwhelmed, but being forced into this major has made me overwhelmingly apathetic to anything requiring more than basic algebra.

Dear Too Smart, here, let me help you with this; I’ve read a lot of college student writing; reading at their level in the 5th grade isn’t that impressive.  And Doogie Howser was a doctor before you were even taking calculus.  Sorry, that was petty of me.  You are burned out.  You have been going hard at a course of action you weren’t completely sold on for most of your life.  I will take a chance though and assume that, if you’re intending to make 6 figures, shifting to massage therapy is going to be costing you tens of thousands of dollars (so you’re off by at least a factor of one; not looking good for your mathing.  I kid, I kid because I love!).  I say this not to dissuade you but so you have a bit clearer idea what you’re choosing between.  While the money is important the saying “Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” is a platitude, but a useful one.

The necklace: My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now, and we have a wonderful 2.5-year-old daughter. Last year, for Mother’s Day, he bought me a necklace with her birthstone. In the entire span of our relationship I have never worn a necklace, or really any jewelry, to the point of making the statement “I don’t like jewelry.” It’s inconvenient to take on and off every night, every morning, and when I exercise.

Dear The Necklace, I’m old so I read “4 years together and we have a 2.5 year old” and I think “why is he getting you a necklace and not a ring?” but that is none of my business (Googles insert Kermit meme into Tumblr...).  There is something going on beyond the wearing or not wearing of a necklace.  You’ve been together 4 years and have been through 3ish years of parenting.  How on Earth have you two not managed to get to this point without resolving issues of “I want a small act but my partner doesn’t, what compromise can we come to.”  This is some basic couples communication which seems to have broken down for you two in this instance.  For whatever reason your boyfriend has decided that this necklace is a physical token of his love, and your eminently reasonable sartorial choice is being viewed as you denying his love.  There is no reason this needs to break into a fight, but there is probably a fight-having issue percolating in here somewhere.  Be prepared.

Nosy neighbor: A few months ago, I moved into a new apartment. My neighbor across the hall, Jeff, has taken a large interest in me. The first week I moved in, he came by with a platter of cookies and asked me a few normal neighborly questions. Three days later, as I came home from work, he approached me and asked about my job.

Dear Nosy Neighbor, “I gotta go, have a nice day.”  When he doesn’t get the hint escalate to “I’m not going to talk about this.  Good day”  If it continues you’ll eventually reach *pointedly ignoring him as you range-walk down the hall*.  Finally a letter will be sent by the property manager about his harassing fellow tenants.  

Cat fight: For months, my 17-year-old sister has been begging for a cat. Our parents caved and she received a kitten, so long as she was the only one responsible for it. She’s been good at keeping up with the responsibility and absolutely adores the cat, but has recently fallen behind in school and got a speeding ticket. My mother is furious, and decided she wasn’t “deserving” of the cat anymore, and will be rehoming it by the end of the month.

It’s a cat, not a toy.  Whatever “war” is going to be started by “Hey mom, rather than emotionally torturing her daughter by taking away her cat, while also teaching her a valuable lesson about the transactional nature of caring, love, and relationships, why don’t I look after it until she gets back on track?” is probably one that is either worth fighting, or will be over so fast it will become a topic people google (googles “briefest war in history” and loses the next 3 hours to a trek prompted by the Anglo-Zanzibar War).  

And that is how the Legion of Honour was established.

Too empathetic?: I’m naturally a very empathetic person. However, lately I’ve been finding it to have a very negative impact on my life and quite debilitating. Seeing panhandlers on the street always makes me feel bad—but recently, after being asked for change as I was getting into my car, I ended up feeling so bad I cried the entire way home. Yesterday, reading one-star product reviews for a potential purchase sent me into a tailspin: “Someone came up with an idea for a product, and got it made, and it sucks. How horrible for them!” Little things set me off because I go through a worst-case scenario thought process, which always leads to me crying and feeling terrible for hours.

Dear Too Empathetic, in the Army we call this “Catastrophizing” and it’s part of resiliency training.  Granted, you’re thinking this about other people, but it’s close enough.  There’s probably not a whole lot of “good” thinking about someone panhandling, but for your one-star product, sure it got a bad review, and the creator probably isn’t thrilled about it, but they did actually get it made, and that it didn’t meet a customer’s expectation is something they might use to improve it.  Being exposed to someone’s bad experience ruining your day sounds a bit of an outlier, but it’s something in your mind and you can take steps to stop it.  Give some of the many techniques available online a go, but if it keeps being a debilitating problem it might be something you want to consider speaking with a real professional about.