#if youre not niceys about it ill be upset

[miiilowo]

I have seen what they say about npd on Google but may I ask you for the truth or at least stuff people don't mention cause i have a feeling there is a ton of stuff they don't mention and they just focus on bullshit

Sorry if its worded weird I just wanna learn about npd from a better source

Ill start off by saying I'm not the best source since im just some dude who has it, but I dont blame you for asking me specifically, considering how most of the results when looking into NPD are very, very plainly abelist or misinformed. Hell, even some of the non-abelist sources have some things wrong with them.

Before I begin, I wanna get this out of the way (since its very common to encounter): 'narc abuse' isnt real. No illness or disorder will make someone abusive. Abuse is a choice, and is not something one can be born into; Claiming all narcissists are inherently abusive is incredibly abelist, and if someone tells you otherwise, either kindly inform them or beat them with hammers. Everyone is capable of kindness, and everyone is capable of abuse. There is no pattern of abuse that solely correlates to people with NPD. If someone is abusive, and they also happen to have NPD, thats an abuser who has NPD, not a narcissistic abuser. You know? While a disorder may contribute to choices people make, correlation is not causation.

I will say to anyone else reading this who has used the term before, or anyone who has used 'narcissist'/'narcissistic' to describe someone who hurt them--As long as you stop, I wont be mad at you. I know that for a lot of people, it simply doesn't occur to them that it might be hurtful. However, if you know about how it can be hurtful or abelist and you CONTINUE to use it, that's where we have a real issue.

A few people have asked how to refer to me as someone who has NPD, so ill also mention that here. while i dont mind being called a narcissist personally, a lot of people do Not like being called that. generally saying people with NPD or pwNPD for short is a safer bet.

ok, now that thats out of the way, heres some stuff i have tucked in my pocket. they should give you a decent enough idea of what its like, and if you have followup questions, absolutely feel free to ask!!! i dont mind helping de-stigmatize in any way i can. i wont think its annoying i prommy

National Library Of Medicine - NPD

Stigma in the DSM when it comes to how NPD is described (keep in mind for above link) - @/kindnessoverperfection

NPD criteria rewritten by someone who has it (explanations for changes also included) - @/kindnessoverperfection

Me responding to someone who asked what they can do to help out/accommodate living w someone w NPD. <- this one covers some of my personal experiences with it

Collection of resources and an explanation of ""narc supply"" - @/theegosystem

Perception of NPD symptoms vs. how someone may actually experience them - @/kindnessoverperfection

I'm not gonna go over every single symptom and how it affects me, but I do wanna talk about envy, entitlement and narc crashes because those are the things i tend to encounter the most often that are like. Actually Bad And Disordered. some of these traits arent really that bad (like being arrogant and having a big ego. if im constantly talking about how sexy and awesome i am idk how thats a bad thing TBH i recommend it for everyone. does wonders for the mental health. there is a bad side to it [which you can find in the links above] but in my experience its less prevalent of an issue than the stuff im ab to talk about)

For me PERSONALLY, its mostly a problem with ego regulation, and the perception I have of myself is HEAVILY reliant on how other people perceive me and how much positive attention I'm getting. If someone does not like me, it is absolutely devastating, far more than it should be for the average person (though i also suffer from RSD due to my other disorders so i dont imagine thats helping)

If I dont receive enough attention, receive too much negative attention, or am led to believe I'm not actually the specialest boy on planet earth who deserves to be picked up and spun around and kissed on the forehead it can lead to whats referred to as a 'narc crash', or just a crash. Whatever we've been telling ourselves to keep our ego intact has been shattered into pieces, and we'll get rather angry and depressed, though mostly depressed. (we as in people with npd). The length of the crash usually depends on the severity of what happened, and whats being done to amend it, as far as i can tell.

Small things that may contribute to a crash For Me (or just feeling sort of upset tbh) are not being the center of attention in a group conversation, not being perceived as being the Best at something, not being prioritized by other people, not being invited to do things (even if you KNOW you dont want to participate in the activity), and PEOPLE SENDING ME ANNOYING FUCKING ANONS ON TUMBLR (not you. youre fine. this is referring to other people) among other things. Just this general sorta. thang. will get under our skin more than most. like 100% of the time. there are an infinite number of examples, but these are a handful of the most consistent ones for me.

One other thing i want to highlight is the "Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations)" symptom. This is true but the wording is absolute dogshit. I do have a sense of entitlement; I feel like I deserve certain things, and i do heavily desire favorable treatment. However, I KNOW when those things are unreasonable. I know when it's unfair, I know when it's unrealistic, I know not everyone is going to be able to comply to my demands 100% of the time, but I really feel like the focus here should be on how UPSETTING it is when these things arent met vs how it sucks for other people. When I dont receive what i feel like i deserve, i just get. really sad and upset. I personally have the self control to not snap at people (usually; depends on if the infraction was fair or not), but the phrasing here makes it seem like if the person with npd isnt an asshole about it, then they dont have this issue. which is false. i shouldnt be worked up and wanting to cry because i didnt receive an award for something i know i dont technically deserve and didnt commit to. you know?????? idk. IDK man. (its this kind of thing that makes me INCREDIBLY competitive and its also why i never enter contests of any kind. if i dont win i will want to commit murder at a minimum. i am a sore loser)

Envy is also a big problem for me. I think (know?) that other people are envious of me and look up to me, but I'm envious of other people to like, what would be a friendship-ruining level if I actually expressed it all the time. Its an underlying sense of "i deserve this more than you, why are you receiving this, this isnt fair, this should be me instead" that becomes genuinely RAGE INDUCING when half the time its just like. someone telling me theyre going on a cool trip. lmao. like they dont have to be bragging they can just be like Hey check out this thing i get to do isnt that cool :3 bc they wanna share their happiness with me. it sucks. it really sucks. Hell, when I see my mutuals and peers receive fanart for their aus/ocs/etc i get so agitated i have to use xkits "block post" feature so i dont have to look at it LMAO

I do also wanna touch on the 'believes they are special and will only associate with special people or institutions' thing briefly, since its kinda vague. I like myself, and i'm only going to want to interact with people who are also "like me", because, to put it bluntly, i perceive them as being better. people who i cannot relate to get sorta. pushed to the side. and i dont want to say i look down on them, but thats the best descriptor i have for it; obviously, be kind to everyone above all else, but inside i WILL be annoyed by you if i perceive you as being boring and/or 'basic'. probably part of why i hate taylor swift fans so much TBH

Again, this description I've given is very personal, and may not wholly apply to other people w NPD--It also doesn't cover every trait/symptom, but is just a handful that I wanted to go over. Remember to check out the linked sources if you havent, and if anyone reading this has some extra links, I'd be happy to take them!!!! If you have any questions or need clarification on something, also feel free to ask :3

Edit: I feel like its important to note that while trauma is a common way for someone to develop NPD, (neglectful or abusive parents for example), its not the only way. theres a few different ways it can develop, and i personally did due to an excessive amount of praise in childhood, which is one of the more commonly listed causes. set up my brain to need that to function