#if your fave is second best to taylor swift that is the same as being second best at gymnastics to simone biles

[livvyofthelake]

sorry i got annoying about taylor swift. what do you even want me to do about this she literally wrote love story and i was 7 once it’s over this is who i am

[pricelessemotion]

Never really over | S.H.

summary: [4.2k] you and steve fall apart, then fall back together.

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

warnings: so much angst, best friends to exes to lovers, language, gratuitous taylor swift references

a/n: exes to lovers is one of my fave tropes so i hope i did it justice! reader is vaguely asian-coded by accident (though there shouldn’t be any direct references to r's appearance!) lmao happy AAPI heritage month to all my fellow asians

masterlist

The day after your breakup, Steve shows up at your house with a bag of takeout and a six-pack. He kicks off his shoes at the front door while you’re in the kitchen, already grabbing napkins and chopsticks. The light on the floral rice cooker on the counter just turned from cooking to keep warm. Steve is nothing, if not right on time. 

To most people, the situation would seem peculiar. But you and Steve were best friends before your break up and you had promised that you would stay best friends after it. 

You settle in on opposite sides of the worn-down loveseat, a rerun of Golden Girls playing on the television. You’re just about to ask him if he remembered to get extra sauce for the chow mein when Steve, seemingly anticipating your question, silently hands you a small cylindrical container. 

The night goes on as it usually would, with Steve lamenting Keith’s tyranny and Dustin’s antics. He helps you clean up when you’re done, scooping the leftover rice into a Tupperware container saying I gotta get myself one of these, it’s so convenient! He even does the dishes, washing while you dry, never commenting on the fact that you have a perfectly good dishwasher that you never use. 

Once he’s standing in the entryway, shoes back on and keys in hand, he instinctively leans in for a chaste kiss goodbye. 

You flinch, turning your cheek at the last second. The moment becomes a sobering reminder as to why you decided to break up in the first place. Instinct over time starts to feel like routine. Routine over time starts to feel like a chore. Another thing that you have to cross off your to-do list.

For a while, it was grounding. It felt good to be normal. Normal felt like warmth, like coming in out of the freezing cold and cozying up next to a blazing fire. But you knew from experience that the cold always comes back. As the days drew darker, the once roaring hearth settled into a pile of ashes. Being grounded can feel like being tied down. It’s only natural to want to break free. 

You didn’t realize freedom would feel like this. 

“Right.” Steve huffs out awkwardly, swinging his car keys around his index finger. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He shuffles out the door while you offer a weak goodbye. You know you’re letting the cold in by watching him as he gets into his car. You do it anyway. 

–

Steve and Dustin have taken to visiting you while you’re on shift at the coffee shop. You’re not sure why. The arcade next door seems much more fitted to their shared interests, but they still come and visit you all the same. Usually, when you come upon them, they’re standing on the other side of the till having a whispered conversation that dies the moment they notice you’re there. 

“A latte for me, and hot cocoa for the kid.” Steve says, ruffling the younger boy's hair. 

“I’m fourteen!”

“Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Maturity. Did you want a coffee? I’m sure our girl over here has some great recommendations.” 

Dustin only grumbles in response, muttering insults under his breath. Steve refuses your offer to comp their drinks, paying and dropping his change in the tip jar.  

You set both drinks down on the counter when they’re done. One is a simple steaming cup. The other is piled high with whipped cream and sprinkles, decorated with a tiny plastic snowman left over from the holidays. 

“Thank you,” Steve says, leaning against the counter. “Y’know, you’re my most favorite barista in the whole world.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the only barista you know, but you’re welcome.” 

“So, would you be interested in movie night tomorrow?” 

“Wow, let me think.” You feign contemplation, sarcasm dripping from every word. “I’ll have to check my schedule. I have a meeting with some venture capitalists but I might be able to squeeze you in.”

“It’s a date.” 

“So… you guys are back together?” Dustin darts a confused glance between the both of you, his irises going back and forth as if watching a ping-pong match. 

“No!” You and Steve both blurt out at the same time. Then you both take a moment to look at each other as if to say, I know why I said no but why are you saying no? 

Is it really over?

Dustin, as observant and tactless as ever, gives off a little shrug. You mutter something about needing to go to the back to do inventory. As you’re walking away, you hear Steve say something that sounds a lot like Nice going, doofus!

–

Dustin answers the door when you ring the bell. Steve’s house has the usual suspects for movie night. Max and El are cuddled up together on the floor, practically laying on top of each other. Robin and Nancy are on the loveseat to the left, so wrapped up in each other that they barely even register your arrival. You presume that the sounds coming from the kitchen are Mike, Will, and Lucas, no doubt making one too many bowls of popcorn in the microwave.  

Steve is sitting, his arm draped over the back of the couch. Before, there would’ve been no questions as to where you would sit. The empty couch cushion practically had your name on it. You would’ve already bounded across the room and snuggled up to the boy that felt like home. 

You search the room for another option, but come up empty. Unless you want to pointedly avoid sitting next to him by crashing on the floor with the kids, which would undoubtedly draw attention to the very thing you want to ignore. 

Taking a seat next to Steve, you toe the line between platonic distance and romantic distance.

“What’s on tonight?” You ask no one in particular. 

“The Princess Bride.” Lucas replies, coming from the kitchen with a bowl of fresh popcorn. 

He barely gets a chance to put it down before the three other boys tumble onto the floor and begin shoveling the savory snack into their mouths. Max and El whine about their lack of civility, yelling at them for having spilled popcorn on the floor before the movie has even started.

“Ah, that’s my favorite!” 

“I know.” Steve finally speaks up beside you. 

“We’ve only seen it like a million times.” Max says, rolling her eyes and resting her head on El’s shoulder. 

“Hey! Little shits who eat my food and use me as a taxi service don’t get to complain about my movie choices.”

“Whatever, Steve.” The redhead remarks, with an unmistakable fondness in her voice. 

You settle into your seat. The January cold has seeped into the house and, despite the heating being on full blast, you’re freezing. Steve notices, tugging the comforter in his lap over your frame, enveloping you in a warmth you didn’t realize you missed so much. You murmur a quiet thank you that you’re almost sure goes unheard until he turns, giving you a small smile before returning his attention to the screen. 

In order to properly share the blanket, you have to scoot in even closer. You tell yourself that it’s a perfectly reasonable platonic distance, that you used to do this all the time before you were dating. If Steve is experiencing even a fraction of your inner turmoil, he doesn’t show it. He just keeps looking ahead, paying far too much attention to the film. The palm that would usually come to rest upon your shoulder stays gripping the back of the couch. 

Sometime after Buttercup and Wesley enter the forbidden forest, you fall asleep.

It’s hard to make out anything through the dense fog. The trees around you loom large, foliage so lush and thick that it blocks out the sky, making it unclear if it’s day or night. The only light source comes from an oil lamp. 

The lamp casts a shadow over the face of the person holding it, emphasizing his strong brow and straight nose. You go to move toward Steve, but you can’t. You’re stuck. Ankle deep in sand, coarse and with the consistency of molasses, that slowly creeps up higher and higher. It takes you a moment to realize; the sand isn’t getting higher, you’re getting lower. 

You’re sinking. 

Desperately, you begin grasping at anything and everything that might get you out. It’s futile. The more you move, the further you fall. You’re waist-deep now. Steve is still standing there, stone-faced, oil lamp flickering. He turns, walking into the fog and taking the light with him. 

You open your mouth, wanting to scream. Needing to scream. But only one word echoes throughout. It does nothing to stop Steve’s retreating figure. 

Stay. 

“Hey,” Steve is tugging on the sleeve of your sweater. “Wake up.” 

The fog dissipates. Feeling slowly returns to your limbs. The first thing you realize is that you fell asleep on Steve’s shoulder. The second thing you realize is that, due to your impromptu nap, the distance between the two of you is practically nonexistent. You recoil, sliding yourself as far away from him as you can. Steve flinches at the sudden movement. 

“Are you okay?” His voice is soft and comforting, like a childhood blanket that you can’t sleep without. “It seemed like you were having a bad dream.”

You blink your eyes furiously, trying to shake the sinking feeling that has settled deep into your stomach. 

“Where is everyone?” You ask, avoiding his question. The once lively living room is now empty. Remnants of movie night surround you in the form of stray pieces of popcorn and a nearly empty tub of Red Vines. 

“They all went home about twenty minutes ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You seemed so comfortable. I didn’t wanna wake you.” He shrugs, saying the next words gently. “Are you having nightmares again?” 

Before, you would tell him yes. You always talked to Steve about your nightmares. Most of the time he was there to witness them firsthand, waking up to your shouting and thrashing. Some nights, he would be able to coax you back to sleep with soothing words and tender touches. Other nights, he would stay up with you for hours, talking about nothing. The next day, the deep bags etched under his eyes would serve as another reminder of just how tiring you could be.

“I’m fine.” You wipe the corner of your mouth, cringing at the slight dampness you find there. Great. Not only did you fall asleep on Steve but you also drooled on him. “I think it’s time for me to head out.”

Leaping from the couch, you get to the foyer in record time. Your shoes are already halfway on before Steve appears, standing in between you and the door. 

“You don’t have to. You know the guest room is always made up for you if you want it.” He bargains. 

“I— I have to go. I’m sorry. Goodnight Steve.” 

“Please, you’re tired. At least let me drive you.” He’s practically pleading, already moving to grab his car keys.  

“Just let me go, Steve!” Your outburst echoes throughout the empty house. 

Steve takes a step back away from you. “I’m sorry.”

Regret washes over you like a tidal wave. You can feel yourself being ripped under the current. You curse yourself, not for drowning, but for dragging Steve down with you. 

“No, don’t apologize. Fuck, I’m sorry. I just—” 

“Have to go?” He supplies. 

He sounds dejected like this is another battle with you that he’s already resigned himself to losing. You fumble through another apology, another goodbye.

You don’t dare to look behind you as you make your way to your car. It isn’t until you’re halfway down your street that you spare a glance at your rear-view mirror. Steve is still standing there, the door wide open. 

You don’t know why you keep having dreams where you ask Steve to stay. 

You’re the one who is always leaving. 

—

“She was totally flirting with you!” You scream whisper, keeping in mind that the diner is mostly empty aside from the loyal patrons that come in every weekday for a hearty serving of beef and potatoes.

Steve showed up to the coffee shop today, sans Dustin, asking if you’d like to grab a bite to eat after your shift. You obliged, hoping to make up for your outburst from the other night. He still hasn’t mentioned it. For your sake, you hope that he won’t.

“No, she wasn’t.” You thought Steve’s obliviousness when it came to romance only extended to you. Apparently, you were wrong because he was completely ignoring the way that the waitress was batting her eyelashes at him.

“Yes, she was!” You take a fry from the basket and Steve pushes his strawberry milkshake toward you, already knowing that you were going to subject him to the gross combination and he might as well get it over with. “Y’know, if you wanted to ask her out you could. Don’t let me hold you back.”

“You’re not holding me back. Anyways, isn’t it weird, having your ex-girlfriend be your wingman?”

“I’m still your best friend. Besides, you totally helped me out with Brandon so I just thought I’d return the favor.”

“What are you talking about?” Steve asks, causing you to furrow your brow at him. Despite having loved him for a long time and having known him for even longer, his inability to read a room knows no bounds. 

“Last week at Family Video?” You utter the words with slow precision, but recognition fails to make its way across Steve’s face. “Brandon Clayborn asked you for horror movie recommendations and you sent him to me.”

“And he asked you out?” Steve gapes at you from over the rim of his milkshake. The idea of grabbing the glass and slogging the pink confection at him crosses your mind, but instead, you clench your fists at your side. 

“Is that so unbelievable?” At your response, Steve’s brows pinch together. He toys with the wrapping paper of his straw, folding it over and over again. 

“And what did you say?”

“I said yes.”

“Oh.” Steve finally stops fiddling with the piece of paper. It’s shredded to pieces in a pile in front of him. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out the bulging leather wallet. “I’ll be right back.” 

With that, Steve slides out of the booth and walks up to the counter. The giggles of the waitress can be heard throughout the diner. You turn toward the window so that you don’t have to see her scrawl her number on the receipt, and you catch your muddled reflection. You don’t know if you look like you’ve seen a ghost or if you’ve become one. 

–

Due to unforeseen circumstances, your second date with Brandon had to be rescheduled. A literal rain check. He’d sputtered out numerous apologies over the crackling phone line, saying how the picnic he had planned didn’t account for a torrential downpour. You promised him that it was fine, that you didn’t even wanna leave the house in this weather. You didn’t think anyone would want to leave the house in this weather, which is why you grew shocked at the sound of the doorbell ringing. 

Then you promptly remember that this is Hawkins and that anyone or anything could be behind that door. Grabbing the old wooden bat you keep under the couch for emergencies, you inch toward the door. The frantic ringing of the bell matches the beat of your heart. Peering through the peephole, you sigh in both relief and frustration before flinging the door open.

“Are you insane?!” You practically scream at the soaking wet boy. “You scared the shit outta me.”

Steve stands in the threshold, shaking his head like a dog would to get all the water out. You flinch as the droplets inevitably fall on you. The fine mist and wind that he’s brought in with him chill you to the bone. 

“Sorry.” He smiles sheepishly.

“How did you even manage to get this wet in the twenty feet from the street to the porch?” You ask, peering behind him to look for the familiar maroon vehicle. It isn’t there. 

“I walked here.”

You balk at him. Sure, Steve has been known to act recklessly from time to time, but never without reason. Instead of taking the time to berate him for being so stupid, you take one look at the soggy shivering boy and shut the door, turning on your heel towards your bedroom. You don’t need to look behind you to know that he’s following you. 

“C’mon, you’re gonna catch a cold if you stay in those wet clothes.”

You rummage through your drawers, managing to find a t-shirt and sweatpants that you had stolen from him long ago. Now is as good a time as any to give it back, right? Stuffing the items in your arm, you thrust them into Steve’s hands and direct him to the bathroom. He doesn’t need direction. He knows the floorplan of your house just like he knows you–all too well.

While Steve is in the bathroom, you go to shut the drawers that you had left open in the rush to find him something to wear. The bottom drawer has always had a problem, getting stuck at the most inopportune moments. Lifting it just a little, you slam the drawer back into place which causes the contents on top of your dresser to shake with the force. The silver picture frame falls on its face and you go to place it right side up. 

It’s a photograph of the two of you from last summer. Robin had pointed the camera at you and at the very last second Steve grabbed you and placed a sloppy kiss on your cheek, causing you to squeal in delight. The memory stings. You almost want to put it face down again so that you don’t have to be reminded of what once was. Instead, you’re interrupted by the sound of a lock turning and quiet footfalls on carpeted floors. 

The moment Steve steps into your bedroom, you’re drenched in nostalgia. It’s been months since you’ve seen him like this–standing in his pajamas in your bedroom. It’s moments like this that are the hardest. The ones where you can feel how everything and nothing has changed. It feels like relief and restriction. 

You realize you’re still standing in front of the dresser and go to sit on your bed. You need to put space between you and Steve. He has this insane gravitational pull and you know that if you stay around him like this for too long, you’ll end up back in his orbit.  

He steps cautiously around the room like he’s afraid of stepping on a landmine. One wrong move and everything could blow up. Standing in front of the dresser, he takes the dreaded picture frame into his hands. He’s still using a towel to dry his hair when he finally speaks. 

“It’s a good picture.” He says, simply. The pads of his thumbs wipe away the layer of dust that coats your sunbleached faces. 

“It is.” You manage to choke out. “Why are you here, Steve?”

He places the picture frame back down on the dresser. It’s perfectly angled towards you. The ghost of your smiling face taunting you in your own bedroom. 

“It’s funny, y’know?” Steve lets out a mirthless laugh.  

“What is?”

“We broke up and the only person I wanna talk about it with is you.”

All of the air has been sucked out of the room. Steve has always been good at taking your breath away. 

“I mean, I get it. I get why we broke up. I do.” He lets out a deep breath before continuing on, not giving you a chance to interrupt. “Except, I don’t. I can’t wrap my head around how one day we were fine and the next day we weren’t. I know that I’m not good enough for you–I’ve always known that. I guess I just wanna know when you finally figured it out.”

His words make you ache. A tightness blooms in your chest and spreads all the way down your arms to your trembling fingertips. You want so badly to reach out to him. He’s on the other side of the room but he might as well be on the other side of the world. You don’t know how to bridge the ravine that you’ve put between the two of you. You know for him you’d make the leap, uncaring of the abyss below. The thought scares you so much that your fists tangle in your bedsheets, hoping for something to keep you from falling back in.   

“The last thing I wanted was for you to feel like you weren’t good enough for me. You’ve always been good enough, Steve.”  

You can tell from the shake of his head that he doesn’t believe you. 

“I thought that maybe you just needed a little space, a little time. Then I have to watch you go on dates and move on like it’s easy. Like the fact that we’re not together anymore doesn’t eat you up inside.”

“It’s not easy! It’s killing me!” Tears collect in your eyes, blurring your vision. “I don’t know why I can’t just be happy with you. I want to be happy with you.”

“What are you so afraid of?” Steve begs, his question punctuated by a boom of thunder and a flash of lightning. 

You found solace in the eye of the storm. Once the storm passed, you didn’t know what to do with the wreckage. Calm didn’t provide comfort. Instead, it only reminded you that there was likely another storm to come. Steve has always been better at picking up the pieces and patching things up. You didn’t want to become just another thing he had to fix. So, you pushed him away. 

He still came back.

This time he brought the storm with him. 

“I’m afraid that the minute I actually enjoy everything, it’ll all get taken away from me.” You confess, roughly wiping away your tears. 

Steve crosses the room and kneels in front of you. His hair is still slightly damp, a stray strand hanging in front of his forehead. You brush it out of the way and he catches your wrist, placing a kiss in the palm of your hand. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” He murmurs, lips still brushing your skin. He says it like a promise. You wish the words were tangible, that you could close your fist around them and hold them close. “Tell me what I can do to fix it.”

The words simultaneously endear and exasperate you. Here is this boy who loves you, sitting in front of you telling you to let him love you. Here you are, about to tell him that he can’t. 

“What if you can’t fix it, Steve? What if I’m unfixable?”

He doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, he takes both of your hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles. 

“Then I’ll still love you anyway.” 

Steve looks up and the clouds part. You’ve been so caught up in your doom and gloom, that you’d forgotten what it felt like to see the light of day. You lean down, closing your eyes, pressing your forehead to his. 

“Why?” The question comes out watery and wanting. 

“I can’t help it.” He breathes out. 

You understand the feeling. 

You bridge the gap, uncaring of the abyss that lies below. You’d fall through eternity if it meant you got to do it with him. His lips feel exactly like you remember them–like home. He kisses soft and slow, hands anchored at your hips as if to prevent you from floating away. When you break apart, both of you gasping for air, there’s uncertainty in his eyes. It fades away as soon as you lean back on the bed, pulling at his sleeves and dragging him with you. 

The night is composed of soft apologies and even softer sighs, accompanied by the din of rain against the roof. It isn’t until far into the night that the storm finally subsides, leaving the pavement to glow in the morning sun. 

Waking up next to Steve is a revelation. You don’t know how you ever survived without it. He’s all sleepy smiles and tired eyes, drowsily pulling you closer to him. Resting your head on his chest, you’re soothed by the rhythmic thump of his beating heart.   

“Y’know, you didn’t have to walk in the rain just to say that you wanna get back together. You’re so dramatic.” You joke, hoping that it isn’t too soon to start poking fun. 

His chest rumbles with laughter, the reverberations quelling your fears.

“In my defense, it wasn’t raining when I started walking.” He says, voice still thick with sleep. “Besides, you love it.”

You smile contentedly to yourself, not offering up a response besides a hum of agreement. He’s right. You do love him. Rain or shine.

likes are appreciated, comments and reblogs are cherished ♥️

[leroiestmortvivelareine]

My aftg song list, if you're feeling brave

or if you want to read my interpretations, for which slightly less bravery is required

Neil

'Come on mess me up' - Cub Sport

A major chapter in the singer's coming out story (leading to eventually marrying his bandmate!) - it's about wanting something (success) so badly that you're not merely willing to sacrifice yourself for it, you’re actively rushing onto the blade…

'Nothingman' - Pearl Jam

For the lonely Millport nights.

'Just one fix' - Ministry

Never trust a junkie...

Yes I know Neil doesn’t like to listen to loud music, but it’s not always about what Neil likes.

'Furr' - Blitzen Trapper

"... and now my fur has turned to skin... and I've been quickly ushered in... to a world I must confess I do not know... "

Neil our wild boy.

Andrew

'I’ll still destroy you' - The National

Because he would.

'I let love in' - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Because he did.

'Bottom' - Tool feat. Henry Rollins

Because.

Sometimes I wonder if the M_y_ard name, the small size and the bad childhood is coincidence.

I already gave him this one.

Wymack

'How to make gravy' - Paul Kelly

*cries into keyboard*

Kevin

'Holy grail' - Hunters and Collectors

I hope you find your grail, dear Galahad, whatever the hell you think it is.

Riko

'Cardigan' [Taylor Swift cover] - Something for Kate

Riko to Kevin, for the Peter and Wendy line.

'Farewell, Mona Lisa' - the Dillinger Escape Plan

If it's in 4/4 time, it isn't real anger.

The maelstrom that is '43% burnt' probably sounds more like the inside of Riko's head, but these lyrics are a closer fit and there's no way you'll last more than 15 seconds of the audio. Also Riko is unworthy of Pennie's genius so he gets relegated to their third best drummer.

In terms of what he'd actually listen to, Riko is 100% streaming Jay-Z with a hoodie pulled over his head, tapping his hands and trying to be gangsta, a would-be boxer perpetually hearing his own walk-out theme song.

Except he he's got no rhythm so he looks exactly like Kendall Roy. (Don’t lie to me Moriyama. I’ve seen you do this.)

Jean

'Bloom' - The Paper Kites

I think Jean feels closest to people when they are physically close and not speaking... he needs those pools of quiet like a dying man needs an oasis. Also it's just a really pretty song. (See, I don't only like earshredding mathcore.)

'Heart out first' - Kyle Lionhart

To Kevin I guess.

'Freedom' by Rage Against The Machine

I maintain my conviction that Jean is a warrior, but what kind of a warrior? Does he take after his misplaced partner enough to be a rebel?

Jeremy

'The outsider' - A Perfect Circle

This song is about a loving but clueless jock trying to help his mentally ill brother by telling him to 'walk it off'.

Dedicated to my first time reading tsc, when I got a bit of a toxic positivity vibe from Jeremy - obviously not in the same way as this song, but in the sense of just being on a whole other planet compared to what Jean was experiencing and not understanding that it doesn't always help to be pushy. The second reading, not so much, his responses felt more understandable.

'Groceries' - Mallrat

Sorry about the cuteness overload. From Jere to Jean with added cuteness on top.

'Pick you up' - Powderfinger

In the hope Jeremy is legendary enough to live up to this legendary song.

Aaron

'Comfortably numb' (live version) - Pink Floyd

Duh.

Renee

'Mace spray' - The Jezabels

Pretty much anything by the jezzies really. Girl power x queer x pure beauty.

Zane

'Jesus Christ pose' - Soundgarden

Make of it what you will. Even I don't know what I mean. I just know this feels right.

If you're interested and maybe want to find new stuff this is my general playlist of faves (not that i use spotify tbh)

[this-daydream-is-dangerous-13]

I always thought that Glitch is about Harry. Here's my interpretation of the song:

We were supposed to be just friends (they did become friends after the broke up in 2013, but they couldn't stay just friends)

You don't live in my part of town, but maybe I'll see you out some weekend (they both lived in LA, Harry even bying a house near hers, but later on sold it while he still lived in LA. In cardigan she also says: Playing hide-and-seek and giving me your weekends)

Depending on what kind of mood and situation-ship I'm in (Harry's Satellite lyrics: I'm in an L.A. mood, I don't wanna talk to you. She said, "Give me a day or two")

And what's in my system

I think there's been a glitch, oh, yeah

Five seconds later, I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, oh, yeah (Harry's song Woman: And promises are broken like a stich is. It's also probably a small nod to the stitches Harry got in the snowmobile accident)

And I'm not even sorry (There's an interview I believe, I can't find it, but it was when Taylor was promoting 1989 and I don't remember who said it but they said something along the lines of and you should've called the song Style "I'm not even sorry" at this point cause it was too obvious it was about Harry)

Nights are so starry, blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch, oh, yeah

I was supposed to sweat you out

In search of glorious happenings of happenstance on someone else's playground (She was supposed to forget Harry with getting with Joe, but obviously she couldn't cause she's still writing about him)

But it's been two thousand one hundred and 90 days of our love blackout (I always thought that the "and it's been 2190 days of our love blackout" as in that the said relationship had ended that long ago, hence the blackout.)

The system's breaking down (the system's breaking down)

I think there's been a glitch

Five seconds later, I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch

And I'm not even sorry

Nights are so starry, blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch

A brief interruption, a slight malfunction

I'd go back to wanting dudes who give nothing ("Go back to dudes who give nothing" as in "all you ever wanted from me was nothing" in Sweet Nothing which is about Joe??)

I thought we had no chance

And that's romance, let's dance

Glitch

Five seconds later, I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch

And I'm not even sorry

Nights are so starry, blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch

Cambridge dictionary definition of the word Glitch: a small problem or fault that prevents something from being successful or working as well as it should

They definitely weren't successful in the end

Thanks for sharing this analysis, Anon. I think it is more of a stretch to think this song is entirely about HS; I still think it is entirely or mostly about YB (or written to look that way). That said: if we get more info on future tracks, I will absolutely reassess.

A couple things I want to lift out:

The “town” references I usually thought to mean “the music industry” and YB was torn adjacent at best, hence not the same town.

I think Blondie and YB spent the summer as friends after the fabled hand touch (during the TH era) and then the Delicate hookup time, which surprised her. And they started seeing each other and that’s the time she’s writing about.

I do love that you mentioned the “I’m not even sorry” quote; it is one of my TS faves. Thanks for send the link in a subsequent ask.

It’s the closest she has ever, ever come to specifically saying that a song is about someone, lol.

“Then there’s the song that sets a new high-water mark for Swiftian faux secrecy – a sexy Miami Vice-sounding throwback about a guy with slicked-back hair and a white T-shirt and a girl in a tight little skirt that is called – no joke – “Style.” (She allows herself a satisfied grin. “We should have just called it ‘I’m Not Even Sorry.'”)”

Thanks for the ask!

[whereyoustand]

https://www.tumblr.com/whereyoustand/755979072298942464/oh-yes-of-course-christopher-wouldnt-possibly

I really wouldn’t give this anon that much attention. I can almost guarantee you it’s a bt stan making their daily rounds to send anon hate to buddie blogs. The way this absolutely follows word for word the typical script they all use here and on twitter, right down to the “the way you had him as a plot device” is the biggest giveaway to it.

Behind closed doors, they are all hoping and wishing Chris never comes back because in their minds it will “free buck to focus on only Tommy” yet they go around trying to act like they are concerned about him which is laughable at best. They have also had an especially bad week for their fandom so they are out in full force right now throwing tantrums in ask box’s etc.

hello, hello, thank you for the anon <3

I would like to stress that I don't care who anyone ships. It's a show and people are allowed their opinions. The second that anyone starts spreading hate, I lose all respect for that person. (talking about characters here, I keep away from the cast... i have learnt that disappointment one too many times.)

my personal opinion is that Tevan is okay for now because Buck deserves to have someone he trusts to explore his sexuality with but I am very confident in Buddie endgame. I also like Buck and Taylor, Buck/Ali, and Buck/Natalia - I genuinely think they were some positive matches for him but I still wanted Buddie endgame.

Liking another ship for a person doesn't mean I'm abandoning the ship, I'm still reading and writing Buddie fics and liking Buddie edits. I just also happen to read Tevan and BuckTaylor fics.

Media is meant to be interpreted in different ways, if you saw HenRen and thought, "Oh they hate Tommy", that's fine. If you saw the deleted scene and thought, "oh Tommy is so fun", that's also fine. I don't care!

I have seen a crazy amount of toxicity on both sides. With Buddie stans, I have seen such an insane amount of posts about Tommy which is crazy because they hate him but he's all they post about.

Tevan stans are also calling buddie fans delusional and getting out everything they don't like about Eddie through nasty comments and then defending some of his problematic actions.

Both are being so incredibly harmful and toxic, they are both as bad as each other, flooding comment sections with their intense opinions. I don't even care about Tommy that much but people keep spreading misinformation about him which I have to correct and people think I'm obsessed with him.

I understand why people don't like Tommy, and I understand why they do. I don't have the time and energy to join in on a shipping war - it's honestly embarrassing for everyone involved. I mean, one of the tiktokers I used to like is now only posting anti-Tommy stuff. At first it was fine, and then it became very toxic and CONSTANT. Like, they started guessing that Tommy would encourage Buck's ED all because he mentioned ketosis? in the same episode that Buck told Ravi; "You don't have to eat everything at a buffet"? please, acknowledge that every character has flaws, even your faves.

I think my whole thing with Tommy is that people don't genuinely believe he could've changed in the 8(?) years he's been gone from the 118, and that makes me feel really hopeless. But on the other hand, I understand why people still keep this opinion of him, it's not an easy past to dismiss. I could go back and forth about this topic, I'll use Trisha Paytas as an example if I had too, but I tend to follow the way Chimney and Hen react to him and so far, not really any issue with his past (just a shovel talk for Buck).

I love that media is up for interpretation, truly I do, but using it to hate on other people with a different opinion? that's messed up. It's kind of like Taylor Swift, people love posting about how much they don't like her but I personally have never thought twice about a band I didn't like - because having a different opinion doesn't matter.

It is a drama show, relationships are going to come and go, and yet for some reason people are always disappointed that there is drama lol.

People thinking hating is a personality trait, when actually it's just a bit sad.

[andreabaideas]

@porkchop200324

You inspired me so : Characters Opinión and show comparison

Eddie - I dislike him. I dont pair him with Daisy, as messy as she is, I think she deserves better. He IS the Nice Guy ™ ugh.

He was better in the book, cause even bitchy, he was dignified, also he crushes on Daisy in the book, not Cami, though Daisy ignored him at best XD.

Daisy - I love her tbh, one of my faves, I like especially that she is real, she isn't perfect, the fact that she is a total mess that then got okay IS what I liked , redemption arcs are my thing I guess...And after reading that many Young Adult Mary Sues , she was an improvement!

Also I kinda liked her better in the show because Riley has a likeable charismatic magnetic presence about her, you can't stop watching when she's on screen, she was as pretty as i expected, her fashion was 👌 and I loved her voice.

Also as i said before, second time they cast my book Cast on anything - first one was with Donald Surherland (RIP) as Snow at The Hunger Games- she was my book!Daisy fancast... which makes me biased but oh well XD. My Tumblr my biases.

Karen my fave girl , I loved her , also I loved her on the show (unpopular opinión i know) , though I would have made her tomboyish, they should of have downgraded Suki's prettiness as much as possible, cause they trying to sell she wasnt prettier than Daisy and Cami and Lisa and Simone...Was scifi serie Z outrageous level of unrealness...I'll post my dads (i got him to watch it, even to read the book!!!) review of djats, cause Its hilarious , totally hurtfull , but like soo truee XD

Graham same as you, and show > book with him.

Warren same.

Lisa same , its said that she had some erased scenes so ...Sad.

Camila, I liked her a lot. Camila Morrone did her best with the script they gave her... but in the book she was better. I also didnt like that she cheated...with Eddie??!!! . I wouldn't have minded (too much) the cheating with the ex fling like the book or even Tobías XD. Sadly she did in fact do It , the "We both done things " Its very clear...But like...With Eddie, gurl!! You can do better!!! (can't get over It was with Eddie! 😩🙄)

Also in the book she did cheat with a high school crush / ex fling (Bad but better than Eddie), like It was non explicit, but no one spends almost 6 hours on a lunch with someone ever, not even in my country. No hopes on that, and ...Thats why we have fics!!! (fix It in your fic please?!).

Show Cami was the light non sugary washed out versión of Book!Cami. And even like that I liked her , so yeah. Imagine Cami adapted as she was on the book in the show!! Camila Morrone would've won all the awards with a faithfull adaptation of Book!Cami on the show, no doubts.

Billy I liked him in the book, he was messy but very intriguing to read, the most interesting to me, cause I didn't believe shit of what he said while reading , but I loved what he told me ! XD

My criticism with Book Billy : not realistic with the real 70's rock stars behaviours. Real ones were shittier and cheated like breathing air with no remorse. I found the never relapsing on alcohol ever ever ever (read as Taylor Swift sings It) unrealistic at best (I know real alcohólics, believe me they relapse at least once or twice). No one IS that perfect.

What i liked the most was he actually was a good dad, looking for redemption.

Show was less nice, less polished, meaner, also super complex , very interesting and a total liar in search for redemption ...and more realistic with the actual 70s musicians. He was to me in the show more like the real Billy IS, the one he didn't want to show her daughter in the book tbh.

Also I loved him because of Sam Claflin ❤️ (biased but my Tumblr my rules). So Its a tie between Book!Billy and Show!Billy. I read that the erasing of the twins was made to prove that if you miss out, you dont get another Chance, to make Billy angstier and look like a worse dad, as karmic punishment, for not being there from the very beginning, to add drama... and paying less salaries dont hurt XD. Warrens twins were supposed to be the CamiBilly ones (Susana and María) but Its cheaper to shot just one scene with two kids , than having two babies and then two kids and two Adults...Having to pay 2 salaries instead of paying 6 salaries (thus saving money) Its better in Producers agenda obviously.

Teddy I like him a lot. I like show better Only because he gets more screen(Life) time!

Rod LOVE him, should have had more weight on the show. And being openly gay. I'm never getting over that 😒.

Simone, Love her!!! Best friend ever tbh. I like her better in the show (one of the few changes I liked) , cause she doesn't have much to do In the book, and also they gave us 1 - A lesbian love story and 2- two strong WOC characters (her and Bernie) , so yeah, one of my faves.

Thats It!!

My opinions on These DJATS characters:

Eddie- Tbh, he kinda sucks. I only like him bc I ship him with Daisy.

Daisy- Love-hate relationship. She can be annoying, but also a good person. Her telling Jonah Berg about Billy missing Julia's birth was messed up.

Karen- One of my favorite characters. She's really cool.

Graham- I rlly didn't like the book version, but the show version was cool.

Warren- Actual unproblematic king. The most sane member of the band

Lisa- Underrated queen. I wish she had more screen time. Also, a fashion icon.

Camila- The show writers butchered her character by having her cheat (though, since that scene's deleted, it probably isn't canon?) but besides that,I love her.

Billy- 1000 times better than Eddie, especially book!Billy. The show writers did a huge disservice to his character, and made him seem like a sh*tty dad, while in the book, he actually spent time with Julia. Erasing Susana and Maria, whose births he was there for, didn't help either.

Teddy- Again, one of the most sane characters.

Rod- Deserves more recognition. I'm still salty that he didn't get any character posters.

Simone- I kinda like her better than Daisy tbh.

[hattiewritesalot]

SO- I saw you wrote for Legolas (my fave elf boi) and you also do song fics, so I would like to request a Legolas x fem!witch!reader with 'Sparks Fly' by Taylor Swift. Reader has Scarlet Witch powers and the fic is set around the Hobbit rather than LOTR. hope this isn't too specific lol <3

Wait but I love the idea of a reader with wanda powers oMG- i also love the song choice. I literally analysed it for an English project LMAO-

~Sparks Fly~

Legolas x fem!witch!reader

Summary: Legolas and (Y/N) have always denied any romantic feelings between the two of them, but, alas, sparks fly.

Warnings: Mentions of killing, the elves being horrible to the dwarves, badly translated elvish, gets a bit steamy at the end but no smut :)

A/N: I love Legolas more than I love my own mother UM-

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The way you move is like a full on rainstorm And I'm a house of cards You're the kind of reckless that should send me running But I kinda know that I won't get far

"Morning (Y/N)."

"Morning Legolas, you on duty again?" The prince laughed. "Valar, no, I don't think my father wants me to be on duty ever again after we led the spiders straight into Mirkwood."

"In my defence, I did not think they could get through the door." He rolled his eyes, turning to look at you, and you glared right back. You enjoyed the friendship you had with Legolas, the bickering and the teasing felt comforting in some ways.

But your heart burned as bright as the flames of Mordor when he looked at you. When he smiled at you. When he was near you.

'Strange,' you thought to yourself, 'perhaps I have fallen ill'

And you stood there in front of me just Close enough to touch Close enough to hope you couldn't see What I was thinking of

He was one step away from you, it would only take you reaching your arm out to be able to touch his. But you didn't.

You had to get yourself out of that stupid, stupid mindset. Legolas was a prince. And you were no where near his level, being a previous member of Elrond's council at best. There was no chance.

He opened his mouth, his gaze still on you, before his name was called.

"My prince." Tauriel announced, running down the stairs, her auburn locks flying behind her. "There has been a report of more spiders in the forest, and sightings of other beings."

Then she left, her pace quick as her hands tightened over her daggers. You'd always liked Tauriel, and you admired her courage and boldness.

"Well," Legolas started, picking up his bow and slinging it over his shoulder. "You ready, little witch?"

You grinned, positioning your hands in front of your chest as a glowing red began spreading over your fingers, the energy building up inside you as your eyes turned the same crimson.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

Drop everything now Meet me in the pouring rain Kiss me on the sidewalk Take away the pain 'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile

The spiders were easy to kill, they always were, or maybe you were just strong. Your brain spun as you shot energy blasts out of your hands, killing the arachnids within seconds.

Turns out, the 'other beings' that Tauriel had been talking about were dwarves. A whole company, 13 to be exact.

"(Y/N), thír an anuinad i aran will anír- na see.*" Legolas spoke firmly, his blue eyes settling on yours in a harsh glare. You knew he was just doing it to look intimidating, and that made you want to laugh.

"-O iór nin cóon."**

Get me with those green eyes, baby As the lights go down Gimme something that'll haunt me whenever you're not around 'Cause I see, sparks fly, when you smile

You walked around the group, fingers moving and stretching out slowly as they glowed a bright scarlet. You could tell just by looking at their faces that they were either fascinated or terrified.

Possibly both.

Every weapon or item of value they possessed, you sensed and pulled away via telekinesis, and tossed to the other elves with careless flicks of your wrist. You eventually stopped in front of the only blonde of the group, who seemed to own a lot more knives than anticipated.

"Ekor many kniveth kav othok zal?"*** You asked, speaking in his common tongue so he could understand you better.

"Tha guesth othok'll mer finduroz out darluroz"**** He responded with a wink, which earned him a harsh glare from both you and Legolas, who was standing behind you.

"(Y/N), follow." "Yes, my prince."

My mind forgets to remind me, you're a bad idea You touch me once and it's really something You find I'm even better than you, imagined I would be

"You've got leaves in your hair." Legolas shot you a look at your comment, before walking quicker to get ahead.

"What! Nobody else would tell you!" You summoned your red energy again and used it to levitate, flying over to where he was to keep up with his pace.

"Glenn- (Y/N)." You frowned at his harsh words and responded in Westron.

"I'm not going to go, Legolas-" "Im said glenn!" He was angry, that was for sure. His diamond eyes were blazing, hands curled into fists by his sides.

His next, and final, hiss of a comment brought a flood of tears rushing to your eyes.

"A Im think cin'll rad- im am cín cóon, ú- cín mellon, witch." *

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world But with you I know its no good And I could wait patiently But I really wish you would

"Hey, Tauriel, wait up!" You called out, chasing after the redhead. She bowed her head lightly in an act of acknowledgement and respect, as did you.

"Do you know what's going on with the prince?"

She shook her head, her brows furrowing in confusion. "No, why?"

You sighed, running both of your hands through your hair before dragging them over your face. "He's been ignoring me ever since the dwarf incident," you gestured vaguely to the imprisoned dwarves around you, "he refuses to even look me in the eye these days."

The elleth noticed the slight droop of your eyelids as you told her, and she placed a careful hand on your shoulder. "Hey, everything will be alright."

You smiled at her, to which she happily returned.

"It's the Feast of Starlight tonight anyways, so you know what we should do?"

"What?" She leant in closer to you, her voice barely a whisper, "Make him pay for it."

Drop everything now Meet me in the pouring rain Kiss me on the sidewalk Take away the pain 'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile

To say that (Y/N) (L/N) looked gorgeous would be an understatement, at least, that's what you were saying to yourself as you stared at your reflection.

While never one for extravagant clothing, you'd be lying if you didn't say that Tauriel was a genius when it came to picking dresses.

The midnight-blue silk covering your body was simply divine, and the skirt twirled beautifully around your ankles. You turned t Tauriel, who was still donning her guard uniform.

"Aren't you gonna wear something different?" She shrugged, "I've got to keep watch over the dwarves, unfortunately." "Ah yes, very unfortunate, you'll have to spend all evening with that young one, with the dark hair and dark eyes." Tauriel's cheeks flushed the same red as her hair. "Shut up, (L/N)."

"Tell me, was it his archery skills? Or the trousers comment?"

"I said shut up!" You laughed at the bright blush across her face.

"Kidding, kidding."

You fixed your hair and made your way to the door, before turning around to look Tauriel in the eye once more.

"Sort of." You ran out of the room before she could chase after you.

Get me with those green eyes, baby As the lights go down Gimme something that'll haunt me when you're not around 'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile

The ball was, well, boring to say the least. Nobody danced with you, which was good, because you didn't actually like people all that much. But, alas, it was the final song of the night, and you supposed you should interact.

And that is when you saw Legolas rushing towards you, eyes trailing over your sapphire gown.

His bright eyes met yours and he held out a hand.

"A dance, m'lady?"

I run my fingers through your hair And watch the lights go wild Just keep on keeping your eyes on me It's just wrong enough to make it feel right.

"I'm a terrible dancer, Legolas, you know this." He let out a light chuckle as he spun you around. "Just shush and appreciate this for once."

"Says the one who's been ignoring me for the past three days."

His mouth formed a thin line, and he let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N), I was just…" "Just?" "Stressed, I suppose." You let out a fake gasp. "He admits it! Pray tell, dearest?"

The dance was nearing an end, and you were glad of it, but when Legolas kept hold of your arm and took you away to one of the hidden corridors, you couldn't help but comply.

The two of you walked in silence, arms still linked.

"I was stressed because I…" "Go on." "If you don't stop interrupting me I'll never tell you."

You caught his eye as you both laughed and you let him continue.

"I'm done hiding this."

He seemed almost shocked by your comment, and turned to face you.

And the next thing you knew, his arms were around your waist and your lips were pressed firmly against each other's.

And lead me up the staircase Won't you whisper soft and slow And I'm captivated by you baby Like a fireworks show

You pulled away for a few seconds, breathless in each other's holds.

"So I take it you love me too?" He pressed a gentle kiss to your collarbone.

"For ages."

You let out a half-hearted laugh. "Good, me too."

Drop everything now Meet me in the pouring rain Kiss me on the sidewalk Take away the pain 'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile

Get me with those green eyes, baby As the lights go down Gimme something that'll haunt me when you're not around 'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile

Tauriel smirked upon seeing (Y/N) and Legolas run off in the direction of his room. Beneath her smile, she mumbled two words.

"Called it."

When sparks fly, oh baby smile, When sparks fly

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

translations

*((Y/N), look for anything the king will want to see)

**(Of course, my prince)

***(How many knives do you have?)

****(I guess you'll be finding out darling)

*(And I think you'll find I am your prince, not your friend, witch."

(the dress I had in mind for (Y/N), as always if you don't like it you can change it <3)

[neon-pink-leitner]

Ask Game: A, B, E, K, L, N, O, P, R, V, Z.

Anon, send me "Z" in its own ask. I got a plan for that one and I've already written enough here. This needs its own post.

A - Ships that you currently like a lot.

V/Johnny is probably one of my main ships right now. Same with Johnny/Kerry but one that I love and don't talk about much is Cletus Kasady/Carnage Symbiote.

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

V and Takamura, at first, I just did not get it at all and while its not a main ship for me, I see why ya'll ship them.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

Oh god. Okay so ummm...I wrote a crack fic that ships Thanos from the MCU with Knull the God of Symbiotes. Its fucking great, its terrible, I want to burn it, I should frame it, you can read it here

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

I got two here. First being Johnny Silverhand. We get glimpses of his past self being a total fucking asshole and we know from others that he wasn't always a good person but we get to watch this slow change with V's help as he grows into a person that you could sit in the same room with. At the end even willing to give his life for V's which I feel like is something that past Johnny would not have done at all. My second one would be Eddie Brock. He went from being one of Mavel's top villains with a grudge to kill Spider-Man to somewhat healing his wounds and ends up, no joke, not kidding, being a fucking God who wants to save the world from Knull. Its really stunning to see.

L- Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your fave

I'm very middle of the road with River Ward. His personality is a little, I don't know, I can't really find the word. But his quest? One of the most interesting in gaming and I said it once and I'll say it again, DO NOT run his quest at the farm if you are not sober, you won't have a good time. Also Mickey Jones from Doctor Who didn't deserve to be led on so much by Rose. He might have been a bit annoying, but The Doctor and Rose didn't treat him like they should have

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

Really the only thing I wish that was a different is I feel like fic writers don't get the credit we deserve. I understand why visual art gets the attention it does and it should! Drawing of any type if hard as fuck! I don't see this as much in the Cyberpunk fandom because everyone is really happy to get any type of content but I saw this in the Marvel fandom where most often drawings would get praised way more than fics. Honestly on that topic, the Cyberpunk fandom is one of the chilliest fandoms I've ever been in. If I had to pick a second one I'd say I wish people would post more about their OCs!(I say this while pointing at a mirror) I love love seeing ya'lls lil guys! I always wanna see more!(Again, still pointing at the mirror)

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

Oof, okay, here we go, loading up my liked songs on Spotify and hitting random. Here were go

Sparks Fly • Taylor Swift (spotify.com)

Had to think of this one but I feel Kerry and V would fit this. I've read alot of MaleV/Kerry stuff where they are both hopeless romantic mushy types and this just feels like something they would dance to in the living room when it was just them. Judy/V also popped into my head but I'm not sure why.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom

AU in which Johnny is a devil hunter in Devil May Cry. He's got the vibe for it, the gun, and the guitar. In fact he's modded his guitar in such a way that he can use it as a weapon (think Nevan from Devil May Cry). I could see Samurai being both a rock band and a band of devil hunters as well. Not sure where V could fit in. Maybe they got, I dunno, bit by a demon and know they got fucked up powers?

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

We really don't get to see enough of V and Misty and that's a damn shame. I would have loved maybe a little side quest thing with the two of them, more so than just Jackie's funeral. I also love Jackie's and V's friendship. I know some people ship them but I just see them as friends. Its really driven home that you can't trust anyone in Night City and here's Jackie willing to take V under his wing after they lost everything. A real choom, good guy, truly.

V - Which character do you relate to most?

In Cyberpunk 2077? Despite her not being one of faves, Judy. Much like her I also a friend to suicide. It was that quest that prevented me from playing the game for two years because I didn't know how I would handle it. Only to find that when I played, and V comforts Judy, It felt like comforting myself. I understood her feelings of loss and guilt. Its a type of feeling you only get when someone close to you takes their own life and its hard to put into words. Recently my grandparents sold my childhood home, my forest and my safeplace. Seeing Judy explore the flooded remains of her childhood home made me cry after this. I understand now. The longing for a place you'll never go back to and even if you do, it won't be the same. The feeling of watching memories play out before your eyes. Its not something you really get over and it changes you.

[p34rl34rring]

um no nuance november: atla edition?

this was all over tiktok and ive seen some people do it here so...here we go...some of these are probably hot takes, you have been warned.

most of the fandom seems to forget that katara is a young girl with deep-seated trauma that she never truly dealt with. cut the racism and misogyny. shes not the “token straight,” shes not annoying, shes not technically the “mom friend,” she deserves a better life (and life partner) than she was given in canon.

katara’s comment to sokka during the southern raiders was harsh don’t get me wrong, but it was justified 

most of my issues with characters fall on their writing...not the characters themselves if that makes any sense

bakoda should have been canon

why didn’t katara, toph and zuko reunite in korra (they’re literally my three faves i was robbed, plus they all just seem sad...)

mako is hot

if we are talking combat, earth is the strongest element...toph can genuinely just drop a rock on someone and its over

republic city is absolutely unnecessary and frankly, stupid. capitalist propaganda :) why would you american-ize this series? im baffled

i just hope that azula got therapy and some love...her actions were outrageous but as far as we know she was conditioned by ozai to just be a pawn

katoph = best duo (friendship and fighting) in the whole show

katara is not a sister to zuko...that role is for toph

(as much as i love firelord zuko) zuko should have waited at least a few years to actually assume the position but even then i truly think he would hate it and institute a democracy

the humor did not land in for me in lok (list of tried and failed for me is meelo, bumi, bolin, varrick, eska...)

i truly did not feel any strong emotional attachment to any lok character (causing me to be pretty indifferent to most of the entirely new editions to the show)

(i think the large cast did not allow for much development for really anyone, save for korra tenzin and maybe lin?, leaving them all to be pretty two dimensional.)

more rambling under the cut (its more shippy you have been warned...)

the fanon portrayal of aang is a glorified version of the canon (you can criticize your faves!)

aang being a “bad” father in canon fits his (poorly written) character 

TAANG IS GENIUS (it makes me like aang more :)

i dont think maiko is healthy...at all (same for bolin and eska and zhu li and varrick) - bottom line: bryke cant write relationships

building on that it felt weird for zuko to change throughout book 3 for him only to revert back to his old life in the finale by staying with mai

sokka and suki are the only valid canon couple

also why is everyone so quick to be “oh suki is bi!!” but so much of this fandom feels the need to say “no, katara is the token straight she can’t be bi...” it seems so silly to say but katara hatred is so normalized in this fandom and it makes me so upset. literally everyone would be fucking dead if it werent for her i love my queen fuck y’all

kanna would not have gone back to pakku

MAILEE BITCHES

why are most zukka shippers women...food for thought

peace by taylor swift is a zutara song...zukkas dont even try to claim that

zutara works...it just seems like antis forget that these two characters (even if it is not explicitly romantic in atla) have such a strong bond. they listen, care, and look out for one another...and bottom line they see each other as equals. (also watch the second half of tsr again...they play off each other and work so well together)

this fandom demonizes zutara shippers for absolutely no reason while completely disregarding actual problematic issues that occur throughout the rest of the fandom

suki in the comics is practically a katara stand in

makorra felt like an attempt to appease the zutara shippers (it failed immensely)

should we love kuvira as much as we do? should we be shipping her with korra...?

in canon it does make sense that sokka could have been suyin’s father, but where did suki go? were they hinting that zuko and suki had izumi, meaning that sokka and suki broke up? but WHY? they were literally perfect with absolutely no complication in canon...tldr: post-atla is so ridiculous

i think this feels salty...and i went on for too long...i needed to get that out...um...

[spencers-renaissance]

Writing Masterlist

All of my writing is available on AO3, but I’ve put together a masterlist of all my work so far for everyone who gets their fic fill on tumblr and will keep it updated! Keep your eyes peeled for new fics on the regular <3

⭐️= indicates my personal faves

If you’re looking for smut, you need to head to my smut masterlist on my nsfw blog!

Current Fic Count: 30

Aaron x Spencer

⭐️turns out that I need you now (much more than you need me)

Spencer is suffering in silence and it’s only made worse when the team messes up and makes him feel even more hurt and insecure. When Hotch goes to check on him, though, things start to look up.

3.5k, angst, hurt/comfort, protective hotch, happy ending

⭐️Vivaldi on Full Volume

Spencer’s done enough pining, so he decides to write a letter for Aaron telling him exactly how he feels and gives it to him on the jet. He cannot be held responsible for what happens when they land.

5.2k, fluff, love confessions, shy spencer, insecurity

Living the Same Lie

Aaron breaks up with Spencer, but when an attempt to move on goes horribly wrong they get a second chance.

5k, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, fluff, breaking up and making up, implied/mentioned physical assault, implied/mentioned sexual assault

East Coast

Spencer and Aaron happen to sit opposite one another on a busy train, and when Spencer spots a breakthrough in the legal case Aaron is stuck on, they strike up an innocuous conversation that quickly stirs up feelings.

2.1k, fluff, meet-cute, train carriage au, lawyer!aaron, academic!spencer, shy spencer, firsts 

All Roads Lead Home

Spencer’s working the Christmas Eve shift when a young boy with a hurt arm comes into the ER. Nothing out of the ordinary, except his rather flirty dad and leaving later with an extra phone number in his contacts list…

2.1k, fluff, hospital au, getting together, first date, gentleman!aaron, soft spencer

To Look on Tempests and Not Be Shaken

In the wake of a blazing row and an empty apartment, Aaron finds Spencer’s well-thumbed copy of Shakespeare’s sonnets and recalls the morning after their wedding, when Spencer sat on his lap and read Sonnet 116 to him. Suddenly, everything makes sense.

2.6k, angst with a happy ending, fighting and making up, married hotchreid, relationship dynamics, introspection, fluff

Derek x Spencer

Even More Beautiful 

The BAU is stuck in Michigan with no case and no way home, so naturally, Spencer and Derek confess their love for one another. (Based on the prompt ‘You look even more beautiful covered in snow.’)

3.5k, fluff, love confessions, shy spencer, insecurity, hurt/comfort

⭐️Hear it in the Silence

A short, fluffy chronicle of Spencer realising in increments how in love with Derek he is, and navigating a real, beautifully sweet relationship that's not always smooth sailing, especially since he's been hurt before. (Based on Taylor Swift’s You are in Love.)

3.7k, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, dev relationship, tw past abuse, domesticity

⭐️Still Left With the River

Derek wakes up to find his boyfriend crying on the sofa. Cue the hurt, the comfort, and the fluff. 

1.6k, hurt/comfort, fluff, caretaker!derek, autistic spencer, crying, sad spencer

100

Spencer's an academic researcher who spends every morning at his local library. Derek just happens to drop by one Tuesday and ask the pretty boy in the classics section if he can help him find a book. Sparks fly.

2.1k, library au, fluff, meet-cute, pining, shy spencer, coming out

when I fall asleep (it is your eyes that I close)

Spencer’s not been sleeping, and as much as Derek adores his sleepy clinginess and physical affection, as soon as they get home he’s determined to get to the bottom of it. 

1.9k, fluff, hurt/comfort, sleep-deprivation, clingy!spencer, physical affection, anxiety, cuddling

⭐️Trees and Seas Have Flown Away, I Call it Loving You

Derek says something hurtful, but it happens to lead to just about the best thing that’s ever happened to Spencer.

3.2k, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, fighting/making up, angst with a happy ending, autistic spencer, coming out, getting together

⭐️A Christmas Like This

Spencer has a very specific plan for their first Christmas in their new house, and it has to be absolutely perfect. Derek’s going to do everything in his power to make his boyfriend as happy as possible, even if that means a house covered in garlands and a tree covered in animal skeletons…

2.9k, fluff, christmas fic, est relationship, neurodivergence, romance, domesticity, day in the life

Secret Santa

Penelope rigs the BAU’s Secret Santa game to finally get Derek and Spencer together with extraordinary success, and they have her to thank for their future first date. Oh, and a sprig of mistletoe nearly throws the whole thing out the window. 

2.8k, fluff, getting together, insecurity/anxiety, christmas fic, first kiss, misunderstandings, friendship

⭐️A Chronicle of Loss

5 people Spencer Reid lost and 1 person he gained. A look at the traumas Spencer faces over the series, and giving him the happy ending he deserves.

3.6k, grief, loss, abandonment issues, insecurity, depression, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, getting together, ‘didn’t know they were dating’, protective derek, autistic spencer

Mayhem

Imagine that scene in S4E1 when Derek is driving the ambulance loaded with a bomb about to explode, except it’s Spencer on the other end of the phone and they finally get their shit together. 

4.2k, canon divergence, spencer is the tech analyst, getting together, mutual pining, insecure spencer, angst with a happy ending, fluff, declarations of love

⭐️my heart talks about nothing but you

Derek finds Spencer staring longingly at dancing newlyweds while on a case and once he gets to the bottom of why he’s tasked with making a proposal to a man who knows it’s coming special somehow. (He pulls it off.)

2.5k, established relationship, hurt/comfort, minor angst, fluff, relationship discussions, proposal, protective derek

I told the stars about you

Derek and Spencer have their first date. They dance to Frank Sinatra and cuddle in an ice cream parlour, before kissing the hell out of each other at Spencer's front door. That's pretty much it. (Prequel to above fic.)

2.1k, first date, first kiss, pure tooth-rotting fluff, dancing, flirting, protective derek

⭐️I can’t hold enough of you in my hands

Derek and Spencer are finally getting married and the rest of the BAU are there to help them through every step of the day. Including a little surprise that Derek has up his sleeve for their first dance. (Third part to the above two fics.)

3.1k, tooth-rotting fluff, marriage/wedding day, team as family, team dynamics, domesticity, paternal hotch, maternal alex, just a whole lotta love man

⭐️ dry me off and hold me close

Derek has finally relented and is bringing his boyfriend Spencer to meet the rest of the team. That means, though, he has to finally tell them about his boyfriend's disability. Terrified that they'll react badly, he puts it off until he can't anymore. Turns out he was worried for nothing

5.7k, so much fluff, protective derek, disabled spencer, caretaker derek, spencer is not in the bau, team as family, hurt/comfort, light angst, est. rel, chronic illness, slice of life: disabled edition

Honeysuckle

The BAU decide to head out for a picnic one summer afternoon, but they’re soon rudely interrupted by a bee sting and anaphylactic shock. Seeing Spencer carted off in an ambulance is not exactly how they expected the day to go.

2.3k, whump, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, hurt spencer, friendship, medical conditions, severe allergic reactions

⭐️The Noiseless Crash of Crumbling Walls

After Derek and Spencer are paired up on a science project in their senior year of high school, they become the closest, most unlikely friends possible. But what happens when Derek finally finds out what Spencer's dealing with at home? Inspired by the prompt “where did you get those bruises?”

4.5k, high school au, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, hurt spencer, protective derek, abuse, friendship, pre-slash, spencer just turned 16, derek is almost 18

Luke x Spencer

Start With This

Luke accidentally hurts Spencer because they are both hopelessly stupid, but when Spencer’s faced with a dangerous situation there’s nothing he wants more than Luke. Calling him turns out to be a very good decision.

3.9k, hurt/comfort, angst w a happy ending, fluff, getting together, misunderstandings

⭐️Foolishly, Completely Falling

Spencer declines to spend the night with Luke, but there’s a reason for that, and things start to click into place when Spencer shows back up at his doorstep at 2am, hours after being dropped home.

2.5k, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, past toxic relationship, nightmares, est/dev relationship

You Said You’d Never Smile Again

“At one point, we had a conversation about how hard Spencer was finding life after prison and he told me that he didn’t think he’d ever smile again. And so, I made it my mission to prove Dr Spencer Reid wrong for the first time in his life.”

1.4k, weddings, tooth-rotting fluff, implied/referenced depression, post-prison spencer, insecure luke, found family 

Emily x JJ

Don’t Be Scared, I Love You

JJ is shot and Emily's world stops spinning.

1.7k, whump, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, fluff, protective emily

⭐️my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Emily leaves. Her heart is breaking. JJ follows. Hers is waking up.

1.3k, angst with a happy ending, fluff, mutual pining, crying, first kiss

Emily x Reader

⭐️Night In/Night Out

Emily Prentiss is your girlfriend and she finally asks you to meet her family (the BAU): cue the fluff.

3.2k, fluff, flirting, cuddling, domesticity, protective emily, slight shy!reader

baby, you’re my new years’ eve

You and Emily are hosting a New Years' Eve party for all of your friends, but she's acting a little weird. You finally find out why when the clock strikes midnight.

3.6k, fluff, nye fic, proposal, getting engaged, domesticity, romance, flirting, day in the life 

Gen

Pull Me Out of the Glowing Stream

Spencer develops bacterial meningitis and Hotch sort of forgets how to breathe. 

3.8k, paternal!hotch, hurt/comfort, sickness, whump, fluff, happy ending

I found my way home

After Spencer tells Hotch about his recent autism diagnosis, he expects that to be the end of it. Somehow, though, it keeps coming up, and Hotch keeps proving himself to be the best father figure he could have asked for. 

4.1k, autistic spencer, protective hotch, hurt/comfort, fluff, paternal hotch, team as family

⭐️The Colour of Waiting is Purple

Spencer's just trying to get home as quickly as possible when a bad decision to take a shortcut down a back alley leaves him broken and bleeding into the night. // Hotch thinks it's a new case when his phone rings at 3 in the morning. It isn't.

3.7k, whump, hurt/comfort, physical assault, major character injury, hospitals, dad hotch, hurt spencer, angst with a happy ending, eventual fluff

[ificanthaveu]

Dani Reviews Wonder

hello, I'm well aware no one asked for this but this is the only way I can order my thoughts on an album and when Romance came out, someone literally asked me to fully review it and I've never forgotten about that and I loved writing a full review so hello here I am

I hate that I have to do this but DISCLAIMER: these are my opinions. I get that you may not agree with them and that’s totally cool, but if you come into my inbox attacking my opinions on a song, I will not answer it and it will be deleted without a second thought. Let’s discuss the songs, not tear each other apart 

and LET’S GO

1. INTRO

Ok so I typically do nothing with intros because I usually think they’re a waste of time. HOWEVER, I really like this one. Now that we’ve heard the whole album, it really encapsulates the entire feel of the rest of the album. It’s been on my playlist since it’s been released and I'm obsessed with it. The soft little piano in the beginning is just perfect and I really love the build up. (not many lyrics to chose from here ope)

You have a million different faces, but they'll never understand unless you let them in

2. WONDER

I never did a full analysis like I was going to for this song. However, I’m going to do like half of one here. I honestly feel like he can be talking about himself, his fans or a girl. You can see it in all 3 ways. I also just feel like there are some lyrics in this where I'm like YES. It reminds me a little bit of Mirrorball by Taylor Swift in the fact that we expect so much from celebrities and like.....why??? It’s just kind of fucked. I think this is honestly such a good single and I really really love it. I feel like it’s just really pure?? if that makes sense. Like he’s just being like “I wonder why it is like this.” and the BRIDGE ugh she's so beautiful.

I wonder why I’m so afraid of saying something wrong. I never said I was a saint.

3. HIGHER

A CERTIFIED BOP. It’s just so lively and upbeat and I wanna dance and I CANNOT WAIT to hear this live. It’s going to be absolutely insane. Blasted it on my way to get coffee this morning. And the lyrics are so lovey and cute but the beat is just too fkn good. I feel like it’s a very common theme in this album to be like “with you, nothing else matters” and like...can’t relate but ALAS I love the music about it anyway.

All eyes are lookin' at us but I can't stop fallin' in love

4. 24 HOURS

OH BOY time to FKN CRY. I absolutely love how old timey it feels. Especially the beginning, it makes me think of 50s music and I’ve been on a big 50s kick recently. Again he’s just so loud about being I don’t care what anyone thinks because I love you and I know it’s you and like YES PLEASE. and just being so in love that you’d throw it all away to come home to that person every day. I really love how the lyrics start with him being like I don’t know how to do this at all but I love you so lets go from there and then figure out the rest. And quoting “only fools rush in” made me so emotional. I love how simple the music is behind it because I think it really encapsulates the feeling of the song. It’s so hard to pick a favorite lyrics for this song my god.

(Besides the entire chorus) I paint the world that you deserve, every color you'd imagine

5. TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE

UMMMM OK???? Very Justin Timberlake vibes for me personally. Very 70s. Very vibey. “Draw a map for me laced with strawberries” ???? HOMIES I cannot I genuinely cannot. As sexual as this is, I also think it’s just so PURE. Like just teach me what’s best for you and I’ll do it. Also like...Shawn say “fuck” challenge like homie you could’ve just said it. Please. I also feel like if I was in love with someone, it’d hit different but for me it is just so FUN and I love the guitar parts a TOn. Like Idk how you can’t just get up and dance to this. Also this one live is going to be other worldly. And “babe I won’t stop til you feel the rush” I MEANNNN

F'ing me up, I'm what you dеserve

6. CALL MY FRIENDS

Ok, so idk what to really say about this one. I like the concept. I think the concept itself is really sweet and fuck it hits different when you’re away from all your friends especially during quarantine and college in general. Like I was (still am) on the phone with my friends constantly, because like Shawn said, they know me better than any one else ever will because they watched me go and grow through it. It’s also just sad because we grow up and grow apart and fuck it’s HARD. I’m not a huge fan of the chorus and I think that’s the main thing for me. The verses are sweet, but idk really about the chorus. I’m just indifferent about the chorus. But there are just lyrics in here that really hit me like “I miss how it was when we we wished we were older.” that one really gets me. 

I know you gotta make some sacrifices, I don't wanna be alone for one more night

7. DREAM

Ok I LOVE THIS SONG but I have to first get something off my chest. The first time I listened to it, I could only think of the dream song from shark boy and lava girl. I don’t know why. But I’m done with that now. Moving on. This song is just so sweet and lovey and I’m obsessed with it. I really like the rhythm of it?? I think that’s the word I’m looking for idk. ALSO him talking about their little touch bracelets like wtf why is no one in love with me. I honestly don’t have much to say about this except that I’m thoroughly obsessed with it. I kinda feel like this song could be in a movie?? you feel me??? The echoey “dream”s are also just GORGEOUS, also how it gets so soft at the end fuck I love this song. And if I think too much about it I’ll cry, but the parallels between Dream and Dream of You

I don't wanna wake up without you laying next to me

8. SONG FOR NO ONE

This song makes me sad. Very sad. God, just the feeling of having a notification and wanting it to be that one person and it just never is but every time you’re like ok but what if. I was thinking about this last night and the way I see it is that he’s made it clear all of his songs are for/about Camila. So I feel like this one is very guard up, being like “no no this isn’t about you, I swear I’m not writing songs about you. it’s about no one. it’s just something I made up” which just makes it all so much harder. Also the use of “someone” instead of “her” or “you” is also very like “I’m not going to say it.” It’s just all very sad because you have to imagine everyone asking him all the time who his songs are about and he just had to keep saying “no one.” This is the first time where he’s actually been able to say “HEY THEY’RE ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND.” And like fuck, finally. Also imagining Shawn drunk calling her and her having to say she doesn’t feel the same. AND when he's like it’s fine I’ll be fine anyway as his voice kind of trails off like GOD that feeling HURTS. I just have way too much to say about this song because I think you can go really deep into it on what the years before Camila and him started dating were really like for him. 

Close my eyes, things are better in my dreams, 'cause I'm with someone, someone I adore

9. MONSTER

I won’t say too much about this bc this song has been out for a little bit, so I’ll make this a little more personal. my friend Han is a HUGE Justin fan and I am pretty obviously a HUGE Shawn fan. and we’d always be like “omg what if” but we thought it was never going to happen so when rumors started circulating about this, we were fucking freaking out. This song is literally our dream collab. I think Justin was the perfect person for this song because of his time in the public eye. And just the whole song being like “you put me up here, so I guess you’re the only one who can push me off.” And it is pretty fucked how we put celebrities on these pedestals and expect them to not make any mistakes at all when we are constantly making them. It’s just hypocritical. It’s also hard to pick a favorite lyric for this one because I think there are a lot that hit hard so I’m doing a fave Shawn and fave Justin

Raise me up into the sky until I'm short of breath // ‘Cause unforgiveness keeps them in control

10. 305

This one surprised me in the best way. I have no idea what I was expecting for this song but god I LOVE IT. I’m obsessed with it and want to jam forever. Just very boppy??? and so HAPPY. I get so smiley when I listen to it. “Waiting for the moment that you’ll let me down” just stuck out to me because I feel like that’s such a universal feeling. Like when everything’s going so good and you’re like....ok what’s about to go wrong. I’m literally dancing in my seat to this baby. The chorus is so catchy and I really wish I was in love pt 358933. I think this may be crowned as my favorite on the album. It’s just so fun and full of love. 

Would take my heart with you if you walked away

11. ALWAYS BEEN YOU

I have been looking forward to this one and she did not disappoint!! Again, this man is screaming about how in love he is and yes, sir I’m listening. You’re the only one my heart keeps coming back to!!!!! And just the very loud instrumental with the soft “always been you”s is SO GOOD. The boy who’s really underneath all the scars and insecurities!!! God, I just feel like this one is especially raw about love. And for the thousandth time, really wish I was in love to fully feel this but STILL it has such a good beat but is still so so soft. 

Full of words I don't know how to say

12. PIECE OF YOU

Heavily reminds me of Jealous by Nick Jonas and I am HERE FOR IT. I feel like we haven’t gotten a ton of this blatant jealousy from him and the HONESTY of this is very like yes I'm possessive. I’m so into you it hurts!!! The counting is also.....hot. Idk why but I love a song that’s very like “yes I'm protective and pathetic and reckless and what about it???” Again, love the beat. A little 80s in my opinion (here’s me remembering it’s MJ inspired lmao). 

From the second you walked in the room, my night is ruined

13. LOOK UP AT THE STARS

*deep breath bc I love this song so much* ok so I read the lil things Spotify had underneath before each song and I cried immediately when I just READ that it was for the fans and then listening to it in that light just killed me. ALSO if you saw his insta live last night he was literally like “look up at the stars!! remember that one!!” and now I'm like OK THANKS. Anyways, It is so soft and fuck it’s so meaningful. This is one of my favorites for sure. It’s literally like he’s sending you away from the concert and this would be such a good closing song (I know it won’t be but I can dream). I’m crying again but “I'm not going to let you down”??? PLEASE I JUST. Calling us angels!! I’LL NEVER BE ALONE Y’ALL I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TOO MUCH. Never Be Alone has very much turned into our song with Shawn as his way to be like hey I’m always here so YOU’LL never be alone, and now here he is saying because YOU ALL are here I am never going to be alone. AND FUCK IT HITS DIFFERENT. AND SPENDING THE NIGHT IN WONDERLAND WITH YOU!!!! God I’m just a puddle after this one

the streetlights are all saying your name, they always say your name

14. CAN’T IMAGINE

he wrote this on his own and yes I'm emotional about it. I don’t think he’s released a song he’s written on his own since handwritten revisited??? (correct me if I'm wrong) but even that alone is enough for me to know he’s getting way more confident in his music. I think it’s a really good closing because it’s so soft and acoustic and very true to him as he started. The raspiness and realness of it even with the lil thing he says at the end. AGAIN, why tf have I not felt a love like this yet??? Of course, I’m just going to not think of it romantically but just having those people where you can’t even begin to even think about what your life would be like without them. Like I think the lack of descriptors is actually really powerful because like...he can’t imagine it, he can’t explain it so let me just tell you that I genuinely don’t know what would happen if you weren’t here. It closes out the album perfectly (not many lyrics to pick from here lmao)

Without you, all things right would feel so wrong

OVERALL - I honestly really like it there are a bunch of songs I can see myself listening to for a WHILE but there are a few that I'm very eh on as well. I really like the sound of it and the production and just the ~feel~ of the whole album

TOP 3

1. 305

2. Look Up At The Stars

3. 24 Hours

Honorary mentions: Dream and Teach Me How To Love

[welshdragonrawr]

For the Valentine's Day asks: 1-5, 7-11, 13-17, 19, 20, 22-27, 29-33, 35, 39, 41-43, 44 (fuck, marry, kill: Amanda, Audrey, Ally), 47-49 pleeeeeeease?? I know I said I wouldn't request a million but I'm a curious bean hehe ;)

Seeing as it is actually Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d finally answer these. Under the cut, because it’s a loooooong post and I didn’t want to overtake peeps’ dash. Well here goes;

(Also, the post format messed up, but I couldn’t be bothered to fix them because this already took ages so they’re just in the order asked and I bolded answers so they stand out)

do you have a crush on anyone? - I do indeed, and I am fairly certain they are well aware of it ;)

what’s your favorite candy? - It changes all the time because I have such a sweet tooth but right now chocolate-wise it’s probably cadbury or kinder chocolate, and actual candy probably haribo (tangfastics to be precise)

favorite love song? - There are too many to choose from or list here but right now it’s probably still ‘Wasteland Baby’ by Hozier, You Are In Love by Taylor Swift, or for entirely cheesy reasons a certain someone might know Hero by Enrique Iglesias 

what was your first kiss like? - Terrible because I didn’t know what I was doing and was with entirely the wrong person at the wrong time and I didn’t know it then

what was your last kiss like? - If it’s the one I’m allowed to think of in this context, pretty damn good ;)

do you prefer poems or love letters? - Both - I can’t decide, because I love anything remotely like that, when someone goes to the length of composing something like either of those because they were thinking of me? Incredible! 

favorite fanfic trope? - Slow-Burn if that counts, with a side order of fake dating or mutual pining, potentially both at once heheh 

have you ever been in love? Mayyyybeeee, maybe I aaaaam, I’ll just have to let you ponder that one ;)

favorite milkshake flavor? - Chocolate brownie, even if I can’t have too much because then it gets sickly but in small quantities? Yesssss! Or cookies&cream in any variation

dinner dates or brunch dates? - This one was tough because I don’t really have any experience with either, but I think Brunch dates, and not just because I would have much much less anxiety about awkward food ordering and stuff, plus I feel like Brunch dates have much less formal expectation about them, and you have the rest of the day after to do more things if you want to!

favorite perfume/cologne?  - Probably the Ghost one that has a bottle shaped like the moon, or Good Girl by Caroline Herrera (the bottle looks like a high heel?)

favorite candle scent? - There’s a seasonal Yankee Candle one they do around Christmas time that I cannot remember the name of for the life of me right now, but it’s just the right kind of sweetness in the air when you have it burning for a lil while? If I ever remember what it is I’ll come back and edit this post haha

what’s your ideal first date? - I’m not really sure, because all types of dates make me nervous especially first dates haha. I’d like to leave it up to the other person to decide what we do, as long as I could treat them in some way with whatever it is/wherever we go? 

favorite love story? - Are we talking classics or fandom or...? What currently springs off the top of my head though is Hades & Persephone - I’m convinced he didn’t ‘steal her’ to be a dick, he stole her away to somewhere cool and calm away from the pressures and terrors of life on the surface so she could catch her breath for a couple months, and can we blame her? And he makes her his Queen, like - if he was gonna be mean, he could have made her his slave, or his concubine or his pet or something, but instead he gave her his whole world to rule with him. Sounds like a better guy than that bastard ol’ Zeus, no? (Historians/Classics students please don’t fight me) 

what’s the most attractive thing a person could wear? - Happiness. Doesn’t matter to me whether you’re wearing a trash bag, or a Chanel dress or your faded ol’ pjs or not a single thread. So long as you’re happy and you’ve got that glow about you and that bright shine in your eyes? Yeah..

snow, rain, or sun? -  I love all three for different reasons (I’m indecisive, don’t judge me, or do) give me a snow day with my dog or my lover with hot chocolate and snowmen and flurries out the window, or an afternoon reading inside while it rains with blankets and a cup of tea, or a sunny afternoon walk with just the right amount of cool breeze to keep it balmy but bright? Yes please. But again, if I had to choose, probably rain... Because I live in England for one thing, but there’s something so comforting about the rain.

sweetest romantic memory? - My partner at the time took me to a second-hand bookshop and let me browse the stacked shelves as long as I liked, and I found a hardback copy of a book by a fave author but it was too expensive so just admired it and put it back, then when my birthday rolled around 2 weeks later, they turned up with that same book they had gone back for without telling me as a surprise gift

fictional crushes? - Cordelia Goode, Theo Crain, Mildred Ratched, I could keep listing but that means we’d be here forever and if you’ve been following me long enough you probably already know anyway...

what’s your dream wedding like? - This would need a whole post on its own to answer if I could actually be decisive and sit down with some thought over it. But alas... I don’t really know, I’d like things to be somewhat fancy and romantic, but I’d also like for it not to feel all stuffy and super serious like, that everyone can have fun and be a little goofy and a little merry and not have to worry about oh am I doing this certain thing right or feeling all self-conscious while dancing. So I’m not really sure how to narrow it down into specific details or events...? Except, there’s a really dumb nerdy part of me that wants to be able to do the cake slicing with a sword rather than a knife. Because reasons. 

what makes you blush? - Too much. Usually compliments. 

do you believe in love at first sight? - I believe in *attraction* at first sight, and *affection* you find or work for later. 

do you believe in soulmates? - Yeah, but I also believe a soulmate doesn’t have to be someone you’re in love with or a romantic partner, a soulmate can just as easily be a friend you keep on keeping on through this silly little game of life with, y’know? You’ve both been dealt shitty hands, but you’d be willing to share each others cards to get through, and some other cheesy af analogies...

denim jackets, leather jackets, or bomber jackets? - Leather jackets, tho technically I have worn and do wear all three so - I hoard jackets like some people hoard shoes and handbags, it’s a problem

are you single? - if you know you know, and that’s the that on that ;)

do you prefer to charm, or be charmed? - Both? I love to see the look on a partners face when they’re charmed, all blushing and cute and sparkly eyes and big smiles - I think I like to be charmed too but I would also get suuuuper awkward and not sure what to do with it or in response to it because I’m not used to being on the receiving end of attention like that?

guitar or piano? - I love both, and girls who can play either/both are heavensent sirens who can have me under their spell for hours (I think it’s the hand thing again, see?) but if I had to choose it would have to be Piano.

favorite romcom (or any romantic movie)? - Um... Does Love & Other Drugs count? Or Imagine Me And You - I’m not big on too many ‘traditional’ rom-coms because they make me cringe way too often, and often not in a good way, but there’s sometimes the odd one I enjoy! (Though I must admit, being British, Bridget Jones and Love Actually are like, historical treasures so...)

do you fall in love easily? - Nope. I mean, do I love people easily? Yeah I try to give the best of myself to the people I cherish as much as possible. But do I *fall in love* easily? Nah, takes a while before this oblivious lil heart realises it.

would you prefer to propose or be proposed to? what’s your dream proposal? - Oh gosh, honestly, I don’t know... I’m one of those people that *love* to do anything and everything to bring a smile to my partner’s face and make them happy and there’s just something so magical about seeing their face light up and their eyes sparkle, y’know? So I feel like I would want to do that by giving them the perfect proposal for them (but on the flipside this means I would also be incredibly *terrified* of ever doing it remotely wrong/not exactly how they wanted it, or getting the wrong kind of ring or all of that plethora of details and minutiae that could be messed up ahha). But also, I kinda wouldn’t mind being proposed to either? Like I’m so used to taking care of other people, it might be nice, at the risk of sounding like a bad pokemon promo. to have that validation of someone else saying ‘I choose you’ y’know? As for dream proposal, much like dream wedding, I’m not entirely sure? As long as it’s memorable and with the one I love? (Which is such a cop-out answer) I honestly don’t know, I’ve never really thought about it, probably because I never really thought it was happen so I figured why think about something that’s never gonna happen ahhah. Somewhere picturesque I guess? So I could really capture the picture in my mind for the rest of my lifen, not like for a social media photo post or any of that shit but just for myself to look back on, if any of that essay ramble makes any sense. 

kittens or puppies? - How DARE- Nope. It’s both. I’m sorry but it’s both. They are both adorable AF and I will love and pet and cherish them all. 

favorite soda? - Cola I guess? And don’t try to rope me into the Pepsi V Coke thing, because honestly I like both for different reasons and choosing one over the other seems silly when either of them tastes good if you’ve got enough whiskey or rum in them ;) 

do you prefer gazing wistfully out the window or lying dramatically over the sofa? - I rather like doing both tbf, but if I’m gonna be honest, give me ‘cosied up under a blanket, with a mug of hot tea/coffee gazing wistfully out the window at whatever weather is going on outside, any day.

favorite ABBA song? - How dare you - umm... Slipping Through My Fingers or The Winner Takes It All because I am at heart a soppy dramatic fool.

fuck/marry/kill? (anons name 3 people of your choice) - You meanie, how dare you make me decide such a thing. Buuuut Fuck Ally (cuz you just *know* that canon wlw got some mooooves), Marry Amanda (because she seems like someone I could get along with in all the day to day stuff y’know? Like, I could settle down with her, you feel me?) and don’t hate me but you asked the question but Kill Audrey (*runs and hides*)

do you think about love a lot? - Yeah, I think so, in all its different incarnations. As a writer I’m kinda obligated to? But I think I think about it even when I’m not super aware of it or the reasons for or why. 

a walk in the park or a walk on the beach? - It’s a tough once because I love it when the light filters *just so* through trees and looks so pretty, but the beach has the lapping waves and soft sand to walk on and pretty colours at sunsets and sharing ice creams/chips/doughnuts/pretzels and- Yeah so beach probably.

hand kisses or nose kisses? - Hand kisses, fo’sho, because haaaands

[brokenbowen-a]

@solarecour asked: 1-50-

( quarantine ask game )

i’m putting these under the cut because... it’s a lot. but, thank you riles. 

What’s your go to snack?

as of lately it’s been m&ms but it’s usually any kind of chips. i dunno, i’m pretty basic.

What’s a movie you could watch over and over?

honestly there’s lots of movies i could say because i love movies and have many favorites that i have indeed watched over and over again, but the main one would have to be now you see me. the first one or the second one, to be honest. if you know me, you know how much i love those movies. they’re my favorite of all time. and huge comfort movies for me.

Favorite show to binge?

hm, i don’t binge watch shows a whole ton. i think i’d have to say one day at a time. back when it was on netflix, i binged each new season so easily and quickly and rewatch binged a few times. like it’s one of my favorite shows ever and it’s just very binge-able and yeah.

5 songs that make you want to dance?

ex wives or don’t lose ur head from six. cruisin for a bruisin from teen beach movie. work this out from high school musical 2. hoedown throwdown from hannah montana. pretty much anything from mamma mia 1 or 2.

5 songs that make you feel less lonely?

i don’t know ... how to answer this, so i’m just putting five songs i really love. just for a moment from hsmtmts. lover by taylor swift. i’m still standing by elton john. all you wanna do from six (even if it hurts). every single song from the wicked soundtrack. plus. like, sooo many other songs. i love music. a lot. 

Favorite meal to cook yourself?

i... don’t cook. so... ramen noodles lmao.

How do you “treat yourself”?

i buy myself food lmao. 

Favorite thing to do when doing self care?

i... don’t know? what does self care mean, like, exactly? because if it’s just... taking care of yourself, then that’s what i do everyday? i don’t exactly go out and like take myself to the spa or something? i don’t know, do baths count? if so, then, baths. 

Who have you been talking to the most?

the crow fam, you know who you are.

One thing you really miss right now?

assuming this means because of quarantine, then, going to the movies with my mom. or just, out with her in general. i also really miss my grandparents, which isn’t really because of quarantine, but like, i can’t call them up and see if i can come over because of quarantine so... i guess it technically is?

If you could be self isolated with anyone who would it be?

the crow fam, again. without a doubt.

Do you have any pets?

yes, a calico cat named ruta ann and a goldfish named fred

Favorite videgames?

i really only know nintendo when it comes to video games, but super mario galaxy 2 is like my favorite video game ever. but like any mario game in general, honestly. also pokemon, nintendogs, and of course, animal crossing. also in non-nintendo, if sims counts, then sims. even if i don’t have it installed on my current laptop. and also, i haven’t played it ages and this may shock some people, but i actually like call of duty.

Favorite podcasts?

i do not listen to podcasts, sorry.

Favorite YouTubers?

shane dawson (if you know me, you know this, he’s not only my favorite youtuber but one of my fave celebrities ever and someone who means a lot to me) + all his people (ryland, morgan, garrett, drew). and then also i love drew gooden, danny gonzalez and kurtis conner a lot. and i don’t think anyone even knows who this is but i love deargreyson aka alex cloutier. and also carissa nunez.

Wake up time?

um... that’s a good question. it... changes a lot. lately, it’s been anywhere from noon to like two pm. and honestly it can change at any given moment.

Sleep time?

similarly to the wake up time, it changes a lot and can change at any given moment. lately it’s been like... 2 or 3 am.

If you could go anywhere right now where would it be?

hm. i dunno. maybe to meet my best friend @luthcrandsupcr because i was just thinking about that a little bit ago.

What’s a change you want to keep when self isolation is over?

well, i haven’t really had any changes so... there isn’t really anything to say here.

Have you learned something?

i... don’t know. probably, but i can’t think of anything to say...

Any new skills?

no, not really, i don’t think...

What’s a hobby you’d like to start learning?

lowkey, drawing. even though i don’t think i’d been good at it because i can’t draw but honestly i kind of want to try to learn. also dancing, even though the same thing applies. 

What’s something you’d like to get better at?

does... being active count? like, i mean, as in, on here, writing. not like... athletic wise. lmao. if so, then, that. i mean, to be fair, i mostly have not been active because of everything going on with the world, so i feel like this can count...

What food do you wish you had right now?

cheese wontons. i had some the other day because we had chinese and now... i just really want some more.

Your go to quarantine outfit?

i ... have not changed my style or anything at all. so, my go to, every day outfit, is a t-shirt, sweatpants and usually a hoodie.

What have you done today?

i woke up, went to the store to buy something for mine and my sister’s friend. then went out with my dad and my sister to get dinner. came home, ate, got a bath, and now here i am.

Any plans for tomorrow?

i don’t think so? besides preparing for easter, i think we may be dyeing eggs? i dunno.

What’s on your “to watch” list?

right now, locke and key. my brother just finished it and he and my sister were telling me about it last night and i became intrigued. also, the second to all the boys because i still have not seen that. and i know it’s literally been months but also let it snow because i was reminded last night i still need to watch that.

Any musicians/bands you’ve discovered?

no, not really. i’ve discovered some new songs because of tik tok or video edits on instagram but like, not really any that i’ve checked out the singer’s other music or anything.

Post a selfie right now!!

i would prefer not to, to be honest.

Post pictures of your pets!

i don’t have any pics of them on my laptop :/

When was the last time you drank water?

i don’t know. i ... don’t drink water a lot. rip :/

When was the last time you ate?

like, a couple hours ago?

When was the last time you got up and stretched?

um, not too long ago because i got a bath. i dunno, maybe like an hour ago?

Favorite song right now?

hmm, i’ve been listening to a lot of throwback lately. honestly, anything from avril lavigne. but also because i am still highkey obsessed, anything from six. and also, obviously, hsmtmts.

Favorite social media to scroll through?

does tik tok count? if so, then tik tok, hands down. but also, twitter and instagram. and of course, tumblr.

What’s the last thing you ate?

a burger and tater tots.

What’s the weather like where you are?

it’s been rainy and cold, mostly.

Have you been playing animal crossing?

yes, but not new horizeons because i am very small and i have no money. but i HAVE been playing new leaf.

How are you feeling?

eh, okay, i guess.

Who’s the last person you texted?

my sister

What does your last text message say with no context?

right lmao, fucking sammy

Post a meme that made you laugh recently!

i hope this counts

Outdoor activity you’d like to do right now?

i... don’t do outdoor activities.

Something you’re looking forward to when quarantine is over?

going to the movies with my mom

Someone you’d like to see when quarantine is over?

my mom, lmao

Any new games coming out you want to play?

not really? i don’t think so...

New shows you’ve discovered?

i mean it was like a month ago, but i am not okay with this. if that counts? and also, if i can count locke and key even though i haven’t watched it yet?

Most comfortable piece of clothing you have?

probably my shane dawson hoodie 

[lonelystarbuckslover13]

Hey hey!! It's your Swiftie Secret Santa!!!! Hope you had an amazing day!!!! Let's see.........okay, what's your top 4 Taylor songs, and why??

OK strap in coz this is about to be a LONG reply lmaooo

Last kiss:

Last kiss is my stan song! As much as I love intricate metaphorical lyracism, my favourite type of lyrics have always been lyrics that are seemingly simple, but are able to really capture a moment or emotion without having to use lots of words or metaphors. Last kiss does just that! The entire song is made up of lyrics that seem simple but have so much meaning to them like “I’m not much for dancing but for you I did”, “All that I know is I don’t know how to be something you miss”, “I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are”, “I hope the sun shines and it’s a beautiful day and something reminds you you wish you had stayed” - I could go on. The older I get the more this song means to me, ugh, I could literally write a whole essay about last kiss.

All too well:

At this point I don’t think there’s anything left to say about this song that hasn’t already been said by the rest of this fandom/the world lmaoo, but it’s a brilliant song and I love it for the same reason that I love last kiss - seemingly simple lyrics that are in fact so meaningful and poetic. I’ll always remember listening to this song for the first time and just being so blown away.

Getaway car:

I love the metaphor of this song! It’s so well fitted and the lyrics explore the concept in such an engaging way. I feel like taylor usually picks moments or one-off lyrics in songs to use metaphors, but I love how with getaway car she spanned a metaphor across the whole song - it feels so narrative, almost like reading a book. The second verse especially is SO GOOD!! “With three of us honey it’s a sideshow, and a circus ain’t a love story” - BRILLIANT !!

Dear john:

This song has some of Taylor’s most heartbreaking lyrics in it. “Never impressed by me acing your tests” always gets me. Don’t have an in-depth analysis for this song, it just feels very real and honest and is lyrically one of Taylor’s best. It will always be a favourite of mine.

Ok, I know you said top 4, but I also just have to quickly mention sad beautiful tragic and cruel summer because I love them so much! They’re two of my absolute faves and I just HAD to acknowledge them too. Sad beautiful tragic is such a different sound from taylor - so melancholy and heartbreaking - and has such unique lyrics. Cruel summer is an absolute BOP and perfectly captures the feeling of a love that feels chaotic - also the production of this song is EVERYTHING! Ugh, I just love taylor swift man.

Ok, I’m done, I need to stop now before I write a whole essay lol. Thank you secret Santa - I really enjoyed writing this! ❤️❤️❤️

[makistar2018]

Why ‘Lover’ Is the Ultimate Taylor Swift Album

Taylor Swift just made her career-capping masterpiece and it’s not OK at all

By ROB SHEFFIELD August 23, 2019

Why is Lover so much more than just another great Taylor Swift album? Because it’s the one where she’s trying to make all the great Taylor Swift albums, at the same time. She’s closing down her twenties, which she spent making five of the decade’s best albums — Speak Now, Red, 1989, Reputation and now this one — all released before she reached the age when Leonard Cohen made his debut. (Here’s betting Taylor keeps writing great songs into her 80s, just as L.C. did.) So overdramatic. So true. It’s her career-capping masterpiece: She touches every place she’s ever visited along her musical journey, and makes them all sound new. So overdramatic. So true. She’s had you for 13 summers, honey, but now she wants them all, and she wants to make you fall in love with this magnetic force of an album. It’s a ridiculously excessive demand, but what other kind would she ever make?

It’s the first time since Red she’s attempted to gather together all the Taylors and sit them down for a summit. But Red was seven years ago, and there are a lot more new Taylors in the mix. All over Lover, she’s in touch with her younger self — “Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince” revisits the high-school girl she was on Fearless, just as “Daylight” updates the six-months-sober young-adult romantic of 1989. The girl who sang about making her mom drop her off a block away from the party is now driving her mom to the hospital. The teenager with teardrops on her guitar is now a woman with guitar-string scars. Yet on Lover she wants to show why all these girls are authentically her. 

In Prince terms, if Speak Now was her 1999 and Red was her Purple Rain and Reputation was her Parade, this is her Sign o’ the Times, the one where she shows she can do all her best tricks on one album. Her goopy guitar ballads, her new wave electro-pop, her Southern accent, her English accent, her brilliant ideas, her terrible ones, every corner of her borrowed and blue heart — it’s all here. Practically every song is saturated in her personal mythology, packed with tiny musical and lyrical details for only hardcore fans to notice — love the way she adds a lost glove to go with the lost scarf from “All Too Well.”

For a songwriter who tends to fall in and out of love on a roller-coaster rhythm, Lover is an album about being in love, which is both scarier and harder to write songs about. “The Archer,” “Lover,” “Cornelia Street,” “Cruel Summer” — these are the kind of disruptively, devouringly hyper-emotional ballads Taylor used to write about her fleeting crushes, but it’s a totally different song when it’s about trying to hold on to a real human being (and trying to stay one).

You could call Lover her “Saturn’s return” album, as people are fond of saying these days. But “Saturn’s return” is too good a word, babe, so I’ll just say, “getting old.” Great songwriters always tend to get introspective when they’re facing 30, whether it’s David Bowie on Low, Joni Mitchell on Hejira, or Al Green on The Belle Album. When I was a little boy, I’d look at Carole King’s wise eyes on the cover of Tapestry and ponder all the adult pain she sang about — but Carole was only 29, the age Taylor is now.

My favorite Lover song as of right now — it will keep changing for weeks to come — is “Cornelia Street.” It’s basically the same plot as “Holy Ground” — a girl in New York City, surrounded by a city that reminds her of a boy she misses before he’s even gone. But it’s from a totally different emotional perspective. “Holy Ground” has always been a fave because it sums up Taylor’s zero-to-60 heart — she goes off the deep end about her latest crush, all the private jokes they share, the poems she writes about him, their deep soul connection. Then she delivers the punch line: “And that was the first day!” (Never accuse Tay of lacking a sense of humor about herself.) What a surprise: the “Holy Ground” romance falls apart in the usual way. Probably on the second day.

But in “Cornelia Street,” it’s not the first day anymore. She’s trying to hold on and make it real before it burns out. How do you keep your holy ground when you actually have to walk on it and live there? That’s the question she’s asking all over these new songs.

“Lover” begins with her trademark Sad Taylor guitar in the Mazzy Star mode, then turns out to be not sad at all, but a ballad of a long-running ever-evolving adult relationship, without any compromise of her extra extra-ness. When Taylor sings, “I swear to be overdramatic and true,” her vow is extremely believable. “Lover” has sent me back to all her Mazzy Swift ballads over the years, which means “Last Kiss” has been currently re-ruining my life on an hourly basis. (Seriously: how the hell did a 20-year-old write the hook “I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe”?) It’s the perfect autobiographical title song, for this most nakedly autobiographical of Swift albums.

She goes back to country with the Dixie Chicks in “Soon You’ll Be Better,” a poignant sequel to “The Best Day” about her mom’s battle with cancer. (She sings about Jesus for the first time since her long-forgotten juvenilia ditty, “Christmas Must Mean Something More.”) On the other side of the spectrum, she enlists Idris Elba for “London Boy,” a roll call of Brit stereotypes that achieves the ultimate in blimey-sploitation. (“Brixton” is the new “therein”? Discuss!)

The lead single “ME!” turned out to have basically nothing to do with any of the music on the album, which — in case you’re late to this game — is the way she always does it. Her lead singles tend to be camp one-offs. But “You Need to Calm Down” holds up well after months of airplay, from the New Romantic synths (play it next to Elvis Costello’s “Green Shirt” for the full effect) to the grand joke of Taylor calming anyone down, which is like the Human Torch advising you to chill. “The Man” is the righteous feminist bombshell Reputation could have used, and Taylor picked the absolute perfect moment to compare her self-image to Leo DiCaprio. As the little girl in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood would say, poor Eazy Breezy.

And for old times’ sake, there’s the obligatory dud, just because it wouldn’t be a real Taylor album without one moment that goes off the rails. So step right up and shake hands with “I Forgot You Existed,” which sounds like it was left off Reputation for wise reasons. I don’t plan to listen to it again, yet I’m glad it’s there because the album needs it to be emotionally authentic — just as the Beatles knew Abbey Road wouldn’t be complete without “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.”

She still zooms into emotional extremes, like in the hilarious way she begins “Lover” by boasting about how she’s wild and carefree enough to leave her Christmas lights up until January, which is (if my math is correct) a week. It’s just like she ended her last album singing about cleaning up the morning after her New Year’s Eve party, which means she didn’t spend New Year’s Day nursing her hangover with an eight-hour Love After Lockupbinge like a normal person. Like Reputation, Lover has plenty of acerbic “therein lies the issue” moments, but she dials down the Therein Factor a couple notches to make room for a whole avalanche of emotion. When she takes that vow of eternal devotion in “Lover” — with every guitar-string scar on her hand — the soulmate she’s really embracing is her chaotic self, and it’s an overpowering moment from an overpowering album. All the Taylors, all the time.

Rolling Stone

[eurosong]

SF1 vs SF2: My preference

Morning, folks - this is the second part of my look at the semis, since one became two back in 2008, to find whether I’ve historically preferred one semi or another. Every year, we hear talk of one semi being strongest, but do I agree? Part one can be found here!

2014: Semi-final 1 had Calm after the storm, a lesson in elegance in simplicity that I still think should have won; Not alone, a divisive song, but one whose epic instrumentation  I really enjoyed; Moj svijet, one of Montenegro's highlights; and in terms of smaller pleasures, the loveably goofy Cake to bake, the roaring No prejudice, and the uplifting Amazing (which unfortunately wasn't so good live.) It also had the creepy, oedipal Mother, and Running, a fan favourite for many but which I always found very annoying and cynical.

In SF2, we had my personal pick for best Swiss song of this century, Hunter of stars; the smouldering emotion of Silent storm; Georgia bringing the experimentalism once again with Three minutes to earth; the bizarrely wronged, fierce Same Heart; but also, a hell of a lot of unexceptional, filler songs (I put Heartbeat, Something Better, Coming home and Miracle into this category tbh) and some like Rise up and To the sky which actively annoyed me. SF1 wins!

2015: SF1 had some seriously good songs for me - Rhythm inside, one of the best of the Belgian renaissance crop; De la capat, which I found exquisitely moving; the fierce and energetic Warrior; the gentle but poignant Wars for nothing; A million voices, probably Russia’s best effort in the past decade for me; and the sublime Goodbye to yesterday, which I think was well deserving of being at least top 5 that year. It also has the inexorably boring One last breath; the six soloists competing hot mess of Face the shadow; I want your love, a one-man early 2000s boyband throwback where the one member manages to be as annoying as a full quintet; the excruciatingly juvenile Walk along; Autumn leaves, whose qualification over Brod szto tone is a high crime; and Beauty never lies, which was the precise moment Serbia broke this serbophile's heart, abandoning a tradition of using their language and musical tradition with aplomb.

SF2 had the other two thirds of the Baltic annus mirabilis: the delightfully cute and catchy This time and Aminata's soaring, epic Love injected. We also had Montenegro's best ever for me, the heartbreaking and yet affirming Adio; A monster like me, Norway's best song in the past 20 years for me; and a trio of beautiful songs whose non-qualification still surprises me, the delicate Playing with numbers, delightfully saudadic Há um mar que nos separa and the baroque Hope never dies. On the other hand, it also has my least favourite winner of the decade; the worst of the two years Warriors by far from Malta; the dull, repetitive duo of songs that "helpfully" cushioned Heroes, Unbroken and Time to shine; and one of those “annual fan faves I can’t get behind”, the advert for nasal spray that was Here for you. Nonetheless, SF2 takes it!

2016: SF1 was a nightmare semi for me in that my biggest favourites, Jüri's dark but inviting Play, Bosnia's catchy fusion of traditional local music and rap in Ljubav je, and the sensationally wronged Hear them calling all ended not qualifying. Amongst the qualifiers, I quietly enjoyed the rousing Pioneer, the imperious Lovewave and the contemplative Slow down, but most of the other songs - qualifiers or not - annoyed me to some degree, like the generic Sing it away and Falling stars; the hymn to co-dependence that was I stand; the inane, repetitive, bubblegummy Loin d'ici; the dull Walk on worrah; and Miracle, whose qualification was a miracle - from the devil.

In SF2, my favourite also did not qualify - a crime of treason against queen Kaliopi and her deeply moving Dona. I also was hoping that the Slovenian Taylor Swift's quietly sweet Blue and red could get through, but no dice. Luckily, my other big favourites in this semi did get through - the defiant Shelter and perhaps the most uplifting song of the last decade, If love [were] a crime. I also really liked Heartbeat, Aminata's equally accomplished sophomore effort, and the delectable slice of mid-90s britrock that was Midnight Gold. This semi also had the whining puppy lament that was Colo[u]r of your life; the lolcow hotmess that was Last of our kind; two songs in one and neither were good in Icebreaker; and  the prissy Made of Stars. SF2 takes it!

2017: SF1 had the delicate, quietly moving City lights; the dark and experimental Skeletons, Azerbaijan's best song ever for me; Amar pelos dois, one of my most favourite ESC songs ever and whose poignancy still hits me in the heart; the soaring Fly with me, perhaps Armenia's greatest moment so far for me; as well as the inexplicable non-qualifiers Blackbird, the deep and meaningful Paper, whose message about depression really got to me; the low key lovely My turn and the banging Line. It also had a ghoulish Keep the faith; the fuckboi anthem that was I can't go on; the embarassing Space; the generic and badly sung This is love; and the equally dull Gravity, On my way, Flashlight and Don't come easy, the last three of which were real dirges.

In SF2, we had the riproaring, cri de coeur that was Origo; Belarus' best for me, the delectable, sweet Story of my life; Dance alone, which was great at least as a record;  the guilty pleasure Yodel it and the surprisingly moving Lights and shadows. We also had the twee Running on air, the dull Breathlessly, the earache-inducing Spirit of the night; the abomination that was Maaa fwenn/Moy frenndddd; Grab the moment, which left me completely cold; the generic I feel alive; the unsympathetic Beautiful mess; and the song that put me against thousands of people I know who were raving about it, the 80s throwback and awkward Verona. SF1 wins easily.

2018: SF1 had Mall, my #1 that year, which absolutely blew me away with the combination of lyrics, voice, music and pure emotion, and my #2, Nobody but you, probably the best gospel-tinged song ever sent to ESC for my money. I also really liked the quietly moving When we're old; Lost and found was one of my most listened to tracks before thát performance; and whilst I was dubious about Together's tangentially-related staging, it gave me the good kind of shivers on the night. The rest of the semi is most unremarkable for me, though I have to note that I heavily dislike Fuego, Monsters and the written in 3 minutes-feeling X my heart.

SF2 had another rock out moment with Outlaw in em; the visceral Viszlát nyár; the overlooked but superior feminist anthem of the year in Hvala ne;  the criminally underrated, poetic Inje; Goodbye, which tore my heart remembering friends lost; and the bizarrely overlooked, sad but sensual Funny girl. It also had the ironically titled That's how you write a song; the deeply irritating Dance you off; the torturous I won't break; embarassing Light me up and overblown Taboo. SF1 has the two songs that I found the most beautiful of the year, but SF2 has a higher proportion of songs that I found good, so SF2 clinches it.

So, in 11 years, it’s been really even. SF1 has been the stronger of the two semis for me 5 times, SF2 6 times. This year, it’s difficult to guess whether SF2 will go 7-5 for me or whether SF1 will tie it up, 6 years each. We’re excitingly close to seeing!