#if you're feeling brave here are some spoiler characters to ask about:

[silverseaming]

character ask game 💌

because i have story brainrot and i'm sure you do too! a couple of these are more aimed at historical storytellers because that's what i'm interested in, but of course this game is open to all <3

historical

🗽- do you think your character's story would fit into any other time period? if so, which?

🕯 - does your character conform to the expectations of someone like them during their time period?

🕰 - what made you pick your character's career? how was it influenced by the time period they live in?

🏛 - what would be most different about your character if they lived in modern times?

⚖ - what's a historical trope you're leaning into with this character?

🎻 - what's a historical trope you're leaning away from with this character?

(thank you @auspexsims for some of these 🥰)

relationships

�� - does your character have a good relationship with their family?

👰 - what are your character's views on marriage?

💏 - what are your character's views on relationships?

💗 - which relationship in your character's life is the healthiest?

💔 - which relationship in your character's life is the most unhealthy?

👩🏼‍🤝‍🧑🏾 - does your character have many close friends? do they make friends easily?

personal

🎭 - what are your character's morals?

🗡- what would it take for your character to go completely against their morals?

🌑 - what does your character think is their biggest flaw?

⚡ - what is actually your character's biggest flaw?

🧨 - what is your character like when they're at their worst?

☀ - what makes your character the happiest?

👀 - what is the first thing strangers would notice about your character?

📈 - what is your character's biggest motivator?

other

🖼 - create a moodboard that represents your character

🃏 - wildcard! whoever sent you this gives you free rein to answer whichever prompt you want

[emeryhiro]

Hello!

I am new here and is feeling very overwhelmed right now with that is happening in the caryl fandom. I appreciate your insight into these characters. I am someone who has not seen Daryl Dixon season 1 and is seriously considering if I should even watch it with all that is being said about s2.

Reading all the early reviews that has dropped - I get a lot of mixed reactions to Isabelle's character. Some ppl say she was the best part about season 1 while others don't even mention here in their reviews. The caryl fandom is largely, understandably, biased against her.

I do not know anything about Isabelle and was wondering what your thoughts about her are - how she holds up as a character?

Hi Anon!!

Thank you for your question. I'm really glad you asked this question, and thank you for the kind words🥰 I'm going to do my best to properly answer and share my thoughts on all the points you've mentioned.

Firstly, welcome to the fandom!! 💖 I'm sorry you've joined at a time of so much uncertainty, but I promise that at its core, this community is a beautiful place to be. But like all communities, there is always positivity and negativity, and it's important to be careful with what's surrounding you, ensuring it's a healthy balance that works for you.

I've divided my response into several sections, as I find that to be the best way to convey my thoughts. I also wanted to be as clear as possible since this is a sensitive topic for some, and I want to try to alleviate at least some of the worries.

A mild spoiler warning for a mention of something that happens in episode 1 of season 2.

Reviews on Season 2:

I wasn't planning on reading any of the reviews for season 2, but since you asked for my thoughts, I read all the articles that I could find so that I could give you an informed response. And one thing I advise is to always take reviews with a grain of salt (this includes my thoughts as well) because, ultimately, they're all based on the writers' opinions.

What I've found with all previous seasons of TWD, especially season 1 of Daryl Dixon, was that no single review I read aligned perfectly with what I thought of the show once I watched it myself. And I know I'll say the same about season 2.

Regarding what I read in the season 2 reviews, I don't think I've actually read a single concerning line in any of the ones I've come across, and I'm pretty sure I've read every single one that has been released. There are, however, a lot of people who, out of fear or concern, focus on single lines from a review that may sound negative or worrisome when taken out of context, and ignore everything else in the review that's purely positive.

I can see many people have shared their specific thoughts on different segments of several reviews, but I won't go into my thoughts here for the sake of keeping this response reasonable short. If you're interested in a detailed post about my thoughts on the reviews in general or any in particular, let me know, and I'll share it as soon as I get a chance.

My thoughts on Isabelle:

I found Isabelle to be a fascinating character with many layers. She is unquestionably flawed and has a great mix of both positive and negative characteristics, which I think is what gives her character so much potential. She's intelligent, driven, brave, headstrong, and very protective, but she's also undeniably manipulative, which makes sense when you think of it as a self-defence mechanism that she developed during her rocky life before the apocalypse. I'm also a fan of Clémence as an actress, and I think she's a great fit for this character.

This next bit might sound a bit contrevoursial but bare with me. I've seen Isabelle get a lot of hate for being manipulative towards Daryl, even I personally hated seeing Daryl be treated that way, but it's important to remember that we've also seen Carol behave manipulatively when she's had to in the past in order to protect the people that she loves. This is something you'll see Carol do once again in episode 1 of TBOC, and when I watched it, it made me uncomfortable, but ultimetly, I could see that it made Carol uncomfortable as well; she doesn't feel any satisfaction out of what she does and is willing to carry the weight of that lie and guilt to achieve her ultimate goal of saving Daryl, the person she loves.

Even though, on the surface, it's not an admirable thing to do, we appreciate Carol so much more because of the lengths she's willing to go to for the ones she loves, and we've also seen her journey to this point, which naturally makes us love her and empathise with her.

So my point here is that I can't judge Isabelle for the same behaviour I admire in my favourite character. Just like Carol may act that way to protect Daryl (her loved one), Isabelle was doing it because she believed (to the best of her knowledge) that it was what was best for Laurent (her loved one).

However, what doesn't sit right with me about Isabelle's character is that what the showrunners and writers have been saying about her doesn't align with what I've seen on screen (this is a great example of why I try to avoid looking at unnecessary publicity). I want to love her character for who she is, flaws and all, but the inconsistency in her publicity makes me feel like there's some discrepancy behind the scenes, and that has stopped me from investing in her character and gives me slight concern for the trajectory of her arc, which has so much potential that would be incredibly tragic if wasted.

The only other thing that I would disagree with (IF the show ends up going down that path) is the negative messaging that would be given out about nuns if every surviving nun on the show is portrayed as willing to forget her vows the minute there's a man in front of them that they find interesting. I'm not catholic, but I think that it would be incredibly disrespectful towards actual nuns and the sacrifices that they make for their faith. But please don't take this as fact because I don't think this will actually ever happen. I honestly don't believe that AMC or anyone involved with the show would knowingly do something like that. I'd be happy to explain this a little further, but I don't think it's relevant if you haven't seen the first seasons.

Watching TWD: Daryl Dixon S1 & 2

My question to you would be, what draws you to TWD/TBOC? Is it Caryl itself and potential canon? And if so, do you feel that you'd be left disappointed and/or unsatisfied with the potential lack of romance between the characters in season 2? Or, do you enjoy the show for a combination of things, like the character development, world-building, cinematography, etc.?

I want to emphasise that there is no wrong answer to the above. Everyone is unique, and it's 1000% understandable and fair for each person to have unique reasons for being drawn to and loving, hating, or even being indifferent about a show.

I personally fall in the latter category; I love TWD for its rich story, action sequences, cinematography, multitude of interesting characters, and the mind-blowing ways in which they have developed over the years (the whole package of the show is exactly my cup of tea), and of course, it's no secret if anyone looks at my blog that my favourite character (BY FAR) are Carol and Daryl. I absolutely adore them for everything they are, both as individuals and what they bring out in each other and mean to each other. And if Caryl is ever canon (which I expect would happen in season 3), then that would be the cherry on top of a show I already love.

My very short review of season 1 would be that I really enjoyed it and would rank it at the top between all the other spinoff seasons we've gotten so far. However, in all honesty, I still felt and noticed the hole that was left behind in the story with the absence of Carol, but knowing that she will be returning in season 2 kind of made up for that lack in season 1. All up, I really enjoyed season 1 and have watched it several times in the last year. I'm actually currently in the middle of watching it again in preparation for season 2.

My recommendations:

If you personally fall into the former category and, as mentioned above, feel that you'd be left disappointed and/or unsatisfied with the potential lack of romance between the characters in season 2, then perhaps it's better to wait till all the episodes are released to then decide if it's something that you'd like to watch.

If you're willing to accept and are okay with the potential lack of romance between Caryl in season 2 but are concerned about and would rather not watch any potential romantic relationship develop between Daryl and Isabelle, then I'd say that you should watch the season as it releases because I honestly don't believe that something like that is a real possibility. At most, there may be hints towards one-sided feelings from Isabelle's side and maybe some confusion from Daryl's side, but untimely, it would not mean or go anywhere. I'm personally not even bothered with this worst-case scenario because it doesn't matter how many people have feelings for Daryl or how confused Daryl is because I know that once he's reunited with Carol, there won't be any more uncertainty about where his heart and loyalties truly lie. There's honestly not a single ounce of me that's concerned about this.

If you're more like me and enjoy the show as a whole, even though you may be slightly disappointed with a few accepts, then I'd highly recommend that you watch season 1 before the release of season 2 (if you have the time), because it genuinely was a good season and will give you a lot of backstory and context that would make season 2 feel so much more enjoyable and immersive.

~~~~

Thanks again for your questions!! I hope this all makes sense and that it answers your questions. As I mentioned earlier, if you'd like me to expand on my thoughts on anything in particular, please let me know, and I'd be happy to do so.

My last bit of advice is this: I know it's easier said than done, but I urge you, especially as someone who's new to the fandom, to not allow a lot of different voices and opinions to shape how you naturally feel or invalidate what you take away from watching the show (not that I think that's what you're doing but this is the general advice I wanted to give just in case🩵). It's really easy for anyone to be influenced by negativity and positivity when they find that that's all they can see from the people around them.

I personally try to focus on what I see on screen and what I hear directly from Norman and Melissa because, at the end of the day, showrunners and writers come and go, but Norman and Melissa have embodied these characters from day one and understand them more than anyone else ever could.

♡♡♡

[cecilysass]

Hello! You once told me that I could always ask you for fic recs so here I am! I’ve only seen up to S2E17 so idk if you have anything that doesn’t deal too heavily after that. Minor spoilers/references are okay, just nothing major. I’m also not a smut person generally. If you can’t think of anything that fits those criteria, feel free to ignore this! I hope you have a lovely day:)

Okay, I am SO EXCITED about this question, but also nervous, because I don’t want to accidentally include something that will spoil you. I am going to throw a few recs out, and maybe others will think of more?

Universal Invariants by syntax6 This is so, so good. It’s a classic. A novel-length casefile, plus an AU riff on season 1 and 2 through the abduction arc, so I think you are entirely good with spoilers. The big change from canon is that Scully is still with her boyfriend, Ethan. (If you don't know Ethan, he is a character that was originally in the Pilot but cut from the actual show.) There are... other changes from canon, but you’ll see. There's some smut, but it’s not the focus. And there's a sequel to this, too, which you will definitely eventually want to read, but you're going to have to finish season 5 first.

the progression (and regression) of first names by skuls Scully works through some early identity issues in relation to Mulder. This author (skuls) is always delightful, always recommended.

Center Mass by kateyes224 This fic provides a painful, in character explanation for what might have happened between them after the Pilot that could have resulted in so much subsequent slow burn. Hot and angsty, but not really smutty.

Early On by sunflowerseedsandscience This is also an AU season 1 with Ethan, but this one is more focused on Scully slowly feeling her attention stray from Ethan as her relationship with Mulder develops. It's a series with ten (short) parts. It's very engaging. There are some smutty parts.

Eight Things That Could Have Happened In Oregon by Stephen Greenwood No spoilers here, only things that didn't happen but might sound like spoilers. This is wistful, a little sad, beautiful, odd. The First Year by mldrgrl Their first New Year's Eve, not long after the Pilot. I love the hesitant vibe here.

Still Feeling My Father Ascend - cecily_sass This is my own fic, so I am being kind of a self promoter recommending it to you. But it’s a Beyond the Sea post ep, and I know my own work pretty well lol, so I know there’s no later spoilers, or only really minor things that won’t be meaningful until later. It was written for a prompt for an early season fic exchange.

And I'm not going to recommend it exactly, but I do want to mention that one of the first works of XF fanfic was actually written in 1993 and published online in 1994, so during season one. It's called The Sound of Windchimes by Sarah Stegall. It's got some serious CW (noncon) and some pretty wild content (I've read it), but if you're brave or curious and interested in fan history, you can check it out. Here's the fanlore page, which includes links.

***

Obviously I can come up with SO MANY MORE fics as you get further along. So just let me know. I would say most XF fic is probably written about seasons 5 / 6 / 7 for whatever reason, so once you're in that range, everyone can give you tons. Anyone have any other favorite early season fic they can recommend? It's sometimes tricky because sometimes early MSR has later details embedded in it...

[rising-volteccers]

I've been working on this piece slowly over a few months and finally had the motivation to complete it. This is just a self indulgent piece on the aftermath of HZ044-HZ045. Obvious spoilers for those episodes of course. I'm a bit rusty but hopefully it's still an enjoyable read!

Series: Pokemon Horizons

Characters: Friede, Orla (Major) | Mollie, Murdock, Cap (Minor)

Warnings: Description of a character experiencing a panic attack

---

It's only after the kids have retired for the night that Friede calls for a private meeting. He doesn't have to elaborate on its reason, a quiet sort of understanding prevalent as they all made their way to the meeting room. 

Friede doesn't immediately enter once everyone else does. He stands outside, forehead pressed against the cool wall as he breathes deeply. Once, twice, three times. When he feels a little more centered, that's when Friede slips into the room.

Four sets of eyes turn to him. Graciously, no one comments on the tightness around his own eyes, the way his assuring smile is simply a knee jerk reaction in the face of trouble. It takes a moment for Friede to remember that he doesn't have to, and the smile drops.

Friede gracelessly drops onto his chair. Cap joins him moments later. Usually he perches on Friede's shoulder but his partner, likely sensing the heavy atmosphere, opts to stand on the table instead so he can get a proper view of everyone.

Heavy frowns marred all of their features. No one speaks for a good while, as if fearful of what'll spill out the moment this tentative silence is shattered. The Copperajah in the room is something that needed to be discussed but…

“... I'm glad that you're all alright,” Friede finally whispers. He can't easily shake off the pure dread upon seeing Rayquaza crash into the ship, to see the Brave Olivine fall out of the sky and towards the ocean. If not for Murdock's skill in making an emergency landing and his assuring call afterwards, he wouldn't have been able to focus on the immediate danger in front of him.

“Yeah, us too,” Orla responds steadily. Friede doesn't realize that his fists are clenched until Murdock's warm hand settles atop of them. Friede breathes out, recalls the exercise Mollie taught him. 

In for four, hold for seven, release for eight. Repeat until his head clears up.

Friede is grateful that they give him the time to ease himself back into someone that's not crumbling around the edges. That's better left in private, after he can have a moment to really let the severity of what happened sink in. 

Right now, Friede has to pull himself into the leader of the Rising Volt Tacklers. They're turning to him for support and he'll do his best to become their pillar.

“Okay, so. How badly damaged is the ship?” Friede asks, turning his attention to Orla.

“I'll need time to properly assess it but it's bad enough that we won't be able to fly any time soon,” she replies, lips set into a thin frown. “This isn't like patching up holes. We just about fixed the damage done by that Orthworm last time but the damage here is to the balloon itself, not the ship.”

“Alright, so we're grounded until the balloon can be fixed. At least the ship can sail, so I'll see about getting permission to dock the ship at one of Levincia’s ports.” Friede supposed if there's one thing to be grateful for, is that they’re already close to a major city so that repairs can go underway as soon as Orla gets a full assessment. 

“How are the Pokemon? No one sustained any injuries?” Friede turns his attention to Mollie next. 

“All of them are understandably shaken. It's different from turbulence,” Mollie responds, leaning back against her chair. “Some stuff fell off the shelves but none of it hit the Pokemon. Chansey made sure to keep everyone calm while we made multiple trips towards land.”

“Good, good,” he mutters. It guts him inside to put the Pokemon through such a harrowing experience but at the very least, they’re in good hands with Mollie. Friede will bring Charizard to her later for a check-up.

Friede asks a few more questions about affected areas within the Brave Olivine before they tackle the next course of action: the repairs needed to be done.

“Orla, is the damage something you’re able to fix by yourself?” Friede questions.

She hums, arms crossed as her brows furrow in deep thought. “It’s definitely the most damage the ship’s experienced so far, and while I’ll need to get a good, proper look, I think I can fix it.”

That is gladdening news, even if it’s hard for Friede to feel properly happy about it. “Right. You’ll be having your hands full with it. As for the rest of us, we’re going to have to find ways in drumming up funds for the repair.” It’s not going to be cheap, that’s for certain.

“I know I saw an ad before in the city,” Murdock pipes up, having stayed silent for most of the conversation earlier. “About part-time work at Patisserie Soapberry in Cortondo. The bakery owned by Katy, the Gym Leader there.”

“I can do private consultations,” Mollie adds. “If we’re going to be grounded for a while, I can set something up on the ship. That, or I’ll do online consultations if safety’s a concern.”

“And I can offer online classes or take up researching gigs,” Friede says. “Or take on whatever jobs we get.” 

“That sounds good. Though, now the question is what are the kids going to do?” Murdock’s sporting a deep frown now. “I don’t want them to get bored staying here when we’re doing work.”

“Don’t worry about that.” For the first time since this meeting started, Friede’s lips from a small smile. “They’ve expressed interest in learning about Terastallization. I know someone that I can contact with so they can learn just that.”

He’s going to be pretty busy in the coming days. People to contact, plans to hash out, things to do. Nothing left to do but go at it full steam ahead if he wants the Brave Olivine to be airborne again. 

Seeing that it’s been a long, stressful day for everyone, Friede won’t hold them up any longer. He hangs back long enough to pass Charizard’s Pokeball to Mollie before returning back to his room with Cap trailing behind him. 

Inside, he finds the aftermath of such a violent collision. Anything that’s not taped down is strewn all over the floor. Fallen over books and research papers that are going to be a pain to rearrange greets him. 

Friede sighs deeply. He wants nothing more than to fall onto his bed and sleep but his head is still buzzing with all sorts of thoughts, wanting nothing more than to scratch the itch to be productive. He knows that he’ll feel much better later if he begins the task of cleaning his room up now.

After he hangs up his jacket and rolls up the sleeves of his shirt, Friede gets to work. 

------

It hits Friede thirty minutes later.

The mildly buzzing thoughts rush to the front of his mind all at once. A heavy weight drops in his stomach like an anvil. While he knows what’s happening logically, he's still powerless to stop his own spiraling. 

“Pika?”

Friede has experienced freefall before. Reckless flights on Charizard in his younger years meant instances where he flew too close to the sun. His body is like that right now, floaty in a way that gives him little control. Tremors ripple down his arms, causing his hands to start shaking. 

“Pikapi? Pika!”

Things could have gone terribly wrong. Every time he blinks, the scene plays out behind closed eyelids. The Brave Olivine with a gaping wound to its side falling into the ocean, most of the occupants inside powerless to do anything. 

He was powerless to do anything. 

Friede thinks Cap's trying to catch his attention. It's hard to tell over his increasingly labored breaths. He wants to carefully place the book down in a last ditch effort to exert control but he knows it's not working. 

Sadly, this isn't an unfamiliar sensation. Friede remembers the long and terrible nights where he questions his purpose in life, his brilliant mind viciously turning in on itself. All the times where he shook beneath the covers, grounded only by Charizard's head resting atop his legs. His partner is being checked up at the moment by Mollie after–everything.

Friede hates the cold but the trembles wracking his frame isn't caused by it. Muscle spasms perhaps from the sheer effort, futile as it is, to fight off his own thoughts and feelings. He sucks in air through the tiniest straw in the world and wheezes out a pathetic breath.

I should probably sit down, Friede thinks distantly, eyes flickering down towards his trembling hands. He quietly pleads for his emotions to give him more time to–not think about the memories that are coming out of their hiding place. Shoved to the darkest corners in the heat of the moment, prioritizing what’s in front of him (of Roy and Liko and Dot’s safety) instead of–

The Brave Olivine is fallingfallingfalling he’s not able to do ANYTHING but watch as his friendsfamilyhome falls out of the sky and they’re going to sink in the ocean they’re going to die–

Friede bites his lips, nails biting into the palm of his hands as he hunches over. His vision darkens, white sparks flashing behind closed eyelids from how tightly he squeezes them shut. His shaky legs stumble back, and he trips over nothing before he falls heavily onto his bed. A soft cry slips out when pain erupts from the back of his head as it smacks against the wall but he barely registers it. He’s too busy fighting back the stupid panic clawing at his chest, knowing that he’s being an idiot cause he’s fine, they’re all fine and well and present and they discussed on what to do so there’s no reason to dwell on it anymore.

Yet his ever traitorous mind keeps spinning what-ifs, of scenarios gone horribly, tragically wrong. People he’d have to contact, to comfort, to accept all the vitriol and hate from because he’s the leader so all of their safety should have been his top priority. Friede trusts his friends explicitly but he imagines they’d have regretted placing their trust on him. Can visually see their fear and terror and despair over having followed him in the first place cause now it’ll result in their untimely end.

Friede’s eyes burn. Amidst the sharp panic, he distantly feels a bitter anger growing in himself, at himself, and it’s not helping any. His chest hurt, his head ached, his everything is one giant mass of agony. He hates it. Hates it so so much cause now he’s being reminded just how much it hurts to be afraid.

Above all else, Friede is afraid. Terrified. He’s faced the world with reckless abandon that seeing how his world can easily crumble is a harsh smack to the face. 

He whines softly. Unsure whether the chill he feels now is real, Friede still tries to pull his blanket up to cover himself, hoping that the soft fabric is able to secure him in a way that he’s incapable of. His shaky hands struggle to get a solid grip, and for some reason, this small inconvenience is what finally made the tears bubble over. 

Arceus, this is such a stupid thing to cry over. (In between choked sobs, he fights for air). Friede’s just making a mountain out of an Excadrill hill. (He’s convinced he’s drowning). Everyone’s fine. (He feels lightheaded). The ship is grounded and in need of repairs but with Orla’s handiwork, it’ll be fit to sail in no time. (Black spots dances around his vision). He’s fine so why is he–?

“Friede!”

Warm hands gently enveloped his tight fists. A soft voice gently shushes into his ears.

“It’s going to be alright.” One of his hands is maneuvered into pressing against a soft surface. Vaguely, he feels the gentle rise and fall beneath his palm.

“Try and follow my breathing, okay?”

As he blinks waterlogged eyes, the orange blob slowly sharpens into a familiar face. It’s Orla, sweet, kind Orla who’s looking at him with such soft concern in her eyes. 

Friede doesn’t deserve it. She would have been in the engine room, the first place that would’ve exploded had the ship crashed. The thought causes his breath to hitch, triggering a fit of watery coughs that renewed his tears.

“O-Orla,” he gasps. “I’m–I’m so s-sorry–”

“Shh, none of that now,” Orla gently shushes him. “Just focus on my breathing, okay? I know you can do it. In… Out… In… Out…”

He still desperately wants to apologize but the want to appease her is stronger. So Friede tries his best to follow along. He feels her drawing in a long, deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before slowly exhaling. Orla repeats this for the next couple of minutes, purposefully exaggerating the sound of each inhale and exhale so Friede can more easily follow along.

Friede focuses everything into following along, and soon enough he’s doing it more of his own volition than simply copying Orla’s motions. Slowly but surely, his mind winds down from the nigh high panic it was in before. At some point, one of Orla’s hands gently settles on the nape of his sweaty neck, easing his head down into resting atop her chest. 

Orla’s steady heartbeat further grounds him. It enables him to focus on the fact that she’s alive, unlike what his mind tries to claim earlier. Friede sighs quietly, frozen in this position for what feels like hours until Orla speaks up.

“Hey, are you back with me now?”

“Yeah,” he mouths, then clears his throat to say in a steadier voice. “Yeah, ‘m good now.”

Orla hums in response, and while she seems content to leave him like this for as long as he wants, Friede now feels the deep pangs of shame hitting him. Biting his inner cheek, he slowly pushes himself off of Orla, quickly turning his head to swipe at his eyes. It’s a feeble attempt of regaining back his tattered pride, not when a brief glance at her showcases the evidence of his breakdown on her shirt.

“So… I’d ask if you’re alright but–” Orla gestures lightly between the two of them. “–I’m guessing that’s not the case.”

“I’m sorry,” Friede coughs, feelings his cheeks burn in embarrassment. “I–I didn’t expect you to…”

“Oh, Cap came to get me,” Orla says, sporting a faint smile. “He seems–insistent that I follow him, so I did. And I’m glad.”

Right, Cap would do that. His partner always looked out for him, and in a situation where he’s unable to Volt Tackle his way through, it’s reasonable to assume that he’ll seek out someone who can deal with the issue. 

Friede’s grateful, even if it’s something that he’ll realize much later. Right now, he’s battling both shame and exhaustion. His brows furrow from the stress of it all, but they smoothed out when Orla pressed her finger against his forehead.

“I can practically hear the gears turning in that big noggin’ of yours,” she states. “Whatever it is, stop it. I know you’re going to just work yourself up again.”

Her light tone manages to make the corners of his lip quirk up. Friede’s eyes shift downwards and to the right, unable to properly meet her gaze.

“Heh, you know me well.” The faint smile drops moments later. He’s quiet for awhile, and Orla seems to understand that he needs time to regroup his thoughts. Once again, Friede’s grateful, even if there’s a part of him that thinks it’s undeserved.

“Look, with what happened today…” Friede swallows through the heavy lump in his throat. “It… it could’ve ended up a lot worse than it did. I’m sorry, it’s all my fau–hey!” 

The sudden flick to his forehead cuts off his apology. Friede instinctively covers the sting with his hand, looking confused at Orla.

Orla gazes back, nods once before lowering her hand. She crosses her arms. “Sorry but it sounded to me that you were trying to apologize for something that was completely out of your power.”

“But–”

“Nu-uh. All of us agreed to go. We all understood the risks of going up against the Explorers and Rayquaza.”

“Yes, but–”

“What happened was something no one could’ve expected. The ship suffered damage but everyone got out of it safely, did we not?”

“Yeah but it–”

“Should be all that matters, yes? Then I don’t see why–”

“Because you all trusted me, okay!?” Friede doesn’t mean to raise his voice but it does surprise Orla into silence. He covers half of his face with his hand, heaving out a deep sigh. “I’m the captain of the Rising Volt Tacklers. All of you trusted me and that trust nearly got you all killed.”

Friede closes his eyes, unwilling to see what kind of expression Orla makes. That only serves to make him vulnerable to the next flick on his forehead, this one seemingly harder than the last.

“Ow! Why do you keep doing that!?” Friede’s a bit annoyed now, gaze narrowing at Orla.

“It’s because someone’s being an idiot right now,” Orla replies, meeting his eyes with an unimpressed look of her own. “Look, do you trust me to make sure the ship’s engine runs smoothly?”

“Yeah?” Despite the confused note to it, he responds without any hesitation.

“Do you trust Mollie to look after the Pokemon in the event of an emergency?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, then do you trust Murdock to steer the ship in the event that you’re unable to?”

“Of course.”

“So we trusted you to look after the kids and deal with whatever trouble that came their way, simple as that,” Orla concluded. “I can confidently say that as infuriating as you can get, no one here regrets trusting you Friede.”

Stunned into silence, he remains still when Orla reaches out to bump her fist against his chest. “So put you trust in that at least.”

Friede stares down at the fist. Abruptly, he exhales deeply, shoulders dropping. “Alright, you made your point Orla.”

When she puts it like that, Friede can’t help but think his previous thoughts were silly. It deepens the embarrassment he feels earlier, though he also feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. At the same time, the physical and emotional exhaustion of today hits him like a full bodied Volt Tackle. 

“I think it’s better for you to get some rest,” Orla gently suggests. Friede thinks he nodded at her suggestion, though it’s hard to tell when it feels like his head is stuffed with cotton. There seems to be hands helping him lay down, and when his head hits the pillow, his blanket is covering him. 

“Mmm… but I still gotta…”

“Shh… don’t worry about everything.” A gentle hand settles over his forehead, slowly sliding down till it covers his eyes. “Just rest. Trust us to keep everything safe, okay?”

Trust. That’s something he can do.

[taegularities]

a brief drabble of jk seeing oc in the exhibition or what he thinks when she did not stay the night :( from his pov please

fic: colour me in

pairing: jungkook x reader warnings: overthinking, heartbreak, hope, simping lol, lovesickness, a bit of nervousness, implied tears, soft sweet koo, a cmi9 spoiler :') wc: 1.5k LOL a/n: tysm for the request, i know one or two people wanted that one, so that was a great opportunity to explore koo's mind :') this is unedited, i apologise!! might come back to edit it later. anyways, love you, i hope you like it, lmk what you think mwah!! <3

ask my characters/request a (brief) drabble <3

–

The second day of the showcase and it's already ending again.

And once again, you're nowhere to be seen. It sucks.

He wishes he could calm that raging storm in his stomach; that stressful feeling, mixed with hope you might show up eventually.

But as he glances around, all he sees is a crowd of visitors and fellow artists. They look so happy; the smiles might etch themselves onto their faces forever once this is all over.

From afar, Jungkook waves towards them, faking a brave face. It's annoying how his eyes keep wandering to the entrance of the room, manifesting a glimpse of you.

New guests make his heart skip a beat, and it keeps sinking when it's not you.

That is, until it is.

Some of the people chatting with him finish their inquiries. He sends them off with a nod, following their steps for a moment. Only for his gaze to drift through the room again. And then–

The odd emptiness morphs into gut-wrenching breathlessness. He sucks in a breath when you stand among the dozen faces, looking around.

And you're not a haunting illusion this time. The way you shift your weight to the other leg, heaving your chest in the same nervousness, eyebrows slightly furrowed as you seek him out – no matter how much he's memorised you, he can't make up these tiny details.

You're here.

And now you're looking at him. Directly. Blinking.

As you approach him, time starts moving slower. Thoughts of whatever you shared. Hope for tonight to proceed well. Fear of what you might think of his artistic accomplishments.

He doesn't dare to blink. Doesn't even flinch when you say, "Hi."

He responds, "You came."

"I… almost didn't."

"…I'm glad you did."

Your words are piercing, and his heart in tiny pieces. They pound to a certain, rapid beat, like water drops on drums.

But he doesn't show any of the weakness he feels when you keep talking. Or when you detect his paintings. The speechlessness and the tender gratitude, the pain in your eyes when you understand what he's created.

The moments pass and the uncertainty between the two of you grows, but Jungkook doesn't want this night to end. And when you eventually suggest to take him home, he feels a strange combination of anxiety and relief.

Unfathomable.

–

Small spaces usually didn't bother either of you, because they were the temptation that closed the gap between your bodies.

Like, when he was trapped under the sheets with you, magnetically drawn to you. Arms around you like a safe swim ring, and your breathing against his chest.

Tonight is a little different.

The urge to make you stop the car and to reach to the driver's seat is overwhelming. So he focuses his attention on the outside. Listens as you converse with him.

He appreciates the care, but he'd rather skip to the inevitable talk than to speak about his lack of a transportation vehicle.

The wait toys with him. The tension is palpable. It won't fade; only increases when you finally dive into your emotions. Asking about the showcase and the pain.

Grows and grows when you halt near his place, getting out of the car when you shouldn't need to.

Because aren't you leaving in a moment?

No.

Instead, you pull out a silver object, wrapped neatly. He knows what it might be, and somehow, it already hurts. The intention behind it… that's what aches.

Though the uneasy yearning doesn't end when he opens it, setting eyes on an apparent notebook and his name written in the middle of it, golden and elegant.

Inside, he finds a message

To fill these pages with every curve and contour you desire, and to colour them in. Like you do with me. Happy Birthday, Kookie.

The goddamn hurt won't stop. His breath hitches. He rereads the words, mouths them, relaxing his muscles and slowing down his heartbeat.

It's not working. And his eyes are watering. God, he doesn't think he's ever seen a soul filled with such tenderness before. A heart of cloudy texture; breaking apart every now and then, but soft and light and dreamy and so incredibly vulnerable.

You're looking at him like you're holding yourself together. And he figures he must be mirroring that very expression.

"So… You like it?" you ask.

Does he like it? The fact that you combined his dreams and the affection you hold into one small object? Your feelings for each other aren't materialistic, but if they were, he'd stuff them all into these pages.

He answers, "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

“I’m glad. Happy Birthday, Kook.”

Can he let you go again? He doesn't know. Or he does. But he fears your answer. But he still needs to try, right?

And he does. With all his courage, he does.

When he finds himself close to your body a minute later. Face in his grip, apologies on his tongue, hurt in your pupils – lit by the streetlights.

"I crave your comfort," you tell him. Your words are overwhelming. "I hate that I've grown to crave you."

If you knew. If you knew about the sleepless nights and the damp cheeks. The curled up body, tucked in blankets and the summer's heat, but still cold without you next to him.

If you knew. He should tell you.

"What do I do to make it right?" he asks.

But what you answer breaks his heart anew.

"You open up. You tell me how you feel. What you feel." Your chin is quivering; he wants to hold it, wants to calm your sorrows. "You stop keeping secrets from me and tell me what's wrong."

"I have never opened up with anyone as much as with you."

And he means it. All you know are pieces of him; the most hidden one only ever got out to witnesses or when things became unbearable. Like with Nara. Or Tae.

His fingers rest on your cheek, and you wonder, "Why have you never before? To anyone else?"

He's scared. God, he's scared you'd leave him. This is ridiculous. His worries and his faults and all the mistakes he's made. So damn ridiculous.

Shouldn't be keeping you away from him.

"Can you tell me?" you question again. He wishes you didn't – because he wants you to know, but it's not fucking coming out…

And he can't keep hurting you.

"I can't," he admits.

"Why not?"

"Because it hurts."

It always will, won't it?

And maybe he could endure it if it didn't drag you down in the process. Because he sees as your face falls, frustration spreading across it as you start giving up.

He sees that you're waving the white flag, even when he begs for you to stay, to endure this until he can open up. He sees your desperation when you don't answer and he finally walks away and he hates it.

Head fallen and intense dejection expanding in his chest, slow steps carry him across the street. Tonight will be filled with more hours without solace.

But then he hears your voice again.

"That night at the frat party… last year," you start. He halts in his steps, moving to face you. "We were dumb to treat it like nothing. You kissed me back then, too. You kissed me like you didn't want me to leave."

He blinks at you. The frat party.

Maybe he didn't just kiss you like he didn't want you to leave. Maybe it'd feel the same if he kissed you now, too.

And he fucking wants to. He wants the distance gone. Craves that same warmth, enveloped in you, breath against breath, lips against lips.

He doesn't know what to answer. The hundred thoughts confuse him. But among those, one of them is the most prominent, in bold and capitalised letters, surfacing in high speed.

And perhaps he should hold onto it; so he wraps a mental rope around it, pulling it close and whispers, "Angel…"

Steps back to you, closer until you're barely breathing, "Stay the night."

–

It's okay, he thinks.

That he expected so much. That he thought you'd agree. That he painted a picture of you stepping in here again, sitting on the same couch, crying the same tears as him until you fell into his arms.

But none of it will happen tonight, will it? You won't come back. He saw you driving away…

It's okay.

You're right. You probably need time to think; his attack on you was sudden. The change in mind and the pleas to stay. Only half of him thought you would, really – so it's alright.

But that doesn't mean that his chest won't heave once he closes the door and enters the empty apartment. Or that he won't shower with a certain numbness in his heart, trudging to the bed with a bitter ache in his body.

It doesn't mean that, despite the sliver of hope, he won't yearn and pine and crave and long until his eyes are rimmed red, worse than before.

–

okay :') if you happen to read this, come and let me know what you think, i'd appreciate it super much!! bc lol holy that took like 2h? and i am sad. thank you for the request, love. hope it was alright 🥺<3

[bloomboxygo]

I'm curious to see how you feel about Yuya given, uh, everything. But I know that might be a bit frightening so feel free to do either Sora or Serena instead!

Well, first question and I already have a slammer on my hands. Can't say I didn't ask for this one, so it's best I get these thoughts out on Yuya. Later on I might do the other two. Get ready. Also spoiler warning.

General opinion/How much I care about them: Yuya's a character I found frustrating as the show went on, but it's not his fault. Amongst all the characters with missed potential, Yuya's one of the very few ones who felt complete, with the initial shut-ins, insecurities, and bullying building him up to life his own life and make his mark on the world how he knows best: making people smile with his Entertainment Dueling. And in the Miami Championship, he really started to come on its own and actually impressed me. Another thing that impressed me was the Z-ARC foreshadowing: regardless of execution, you cannot say they didn't have that idea at the start, or at least the core of it. Sure, the road was bumpy (learning the same lesson over and over? Common and overused complaint, but I can't disagree with it) but it did lead to a complete character at least, which I do find endearing at the core. It's the world around him later on that becomes the frustrating part. Especially the post Z-ARC part, it felt like the world itself bent to Yuya's goals, like the whole world will be destroyed if Yuya doesn't get his girl, like... Ugh. AGAIN, he's not entirely at fault for that. I do care for him and wish him very well (despite the frustrations) and proper, thorough therapy. Also for his mindmates. Also... I don't have a strong opinion on Berserk Yuya. It's... A berserk form that always wins. I already know what's the outcome.

A ship I love: Eh... Not much of a shipper myself, but... Fruitshipping is fine, valid and canon, but frustrating because of reasons above which I also explained in my "Yuzu's Exhaustive, Exhausting Elegy". Again, not Yuya's fault here but Yuzu kind of destroying her own self for him just in a writing sense doesn't sit well for me. Even still, they have a fun dynamic and the support they show each other (even while separated by plot) is very much welcome.

A non-romantic relationship that I love: Aight, no complaints with this one YUYA | GONGENZAKA (sorry, don't remember the shipping name). What a fun dynamic the two have together, it's more than clear that they're besties and Gongenzaka's had a huge hand in supporting Yuya as well. There isn't much depth, but it's wholesome and solid the whole way through. I also really like the concept of two best friends having totally opposite Dueling styles, and in some way or another, approaching and learning more about each other's style (though Yuya learning the Heavystrong style was entirely out of my mind, and perhaps someone else's in a fanfic. The opposite happened though.)

The NOTP: Once again, no strong opinions on that one. If I find it weird enough, I'm simply not going to bother with it. I don't really have one that sticks out to me.

An idea for a fanfiction I would like to write/read about them: If I ever get the willpower and knowledge to properly write such a concept, a Spirit World fic when Yuya and Gongenzaka end up being Superheavy Samurai Prodigy Wakaushi and Brave Masurawo respectively would be great. Already shared an idea, IIRC, of these two things being statues that the Superheavies built in honor of their Master and his best friend.

Something that makes me think of them:

You weirdos.

More specifically, the people in the ARC-V fandom. Whenever I see all these super excited posts about the world and characters that the show offered, I can't help but feel your love for Yuya. Like... It seems everyone loves Yuya in this fandom and I can't help but feel like a bit of an outcast sometimes, considering how conflicted I am on him. I don't want to deny you of any fun. I know you're having the time of your lives with a show that gave me headaches, and while I still get shivers from time to time regarding my own experience... Thanks to you, I learned to bear it and make something positive out of it all. Perhaps not letting anyone hinder you, and encouraging yourself to make your own mark and make people happy, is what makes me think of Yuya, so you guys are a part of that.

I know I've mostly shifted to Radiant Dawn these days (Micaiah has claimed my mind with all her woes, and Tibarn with his Stone Cold entrances, and I just want to understand it all), but thanks for making me having a wonderful time here.

[scarlet-cream]

Welcome to my blog!

if you're here, you better be an adult. if not, shoo. this is an +18 blog!

hello! scarlet, she/her, 22 here! this is my trafficnsfw/hermitnsfw blog for prompts, asks and interactions ^^

it took me approximately like. a week to create a sideblog for all this because i got tired of being on anon and unable ro rb and like sksksk (usually signed off as 🍰 anon!)

[]

i'm probably gonna be insane predominantly about scarian because they ruined my life but i'm a multishipper so it's in no way exclusive and i Will shift the characters to fit something i have in mind more if it's more funky that way - lgbt+ headcanons welcome!

i'm a writer so i might do requests if i like your prompt! :D

this is an rpf positive blog. if that's not your cup of tea, that's okay! but i want this to be a friendly place for everyone

POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR H/C10!

may post about:

abo

bimbofication, cum drunk, body modification/transformation

oviposition, inflation, object insertion, size difference

extreme dom/sub dynamics

dubcon, cnc, mind break and the like

tentacles, eggs, general monsterfucking (including mobfucking)

selfcest

rpf may make an appearance

hard lines:

not a fan of omo/scat/emeto

not big on extreme gore/amputation/etc.

vore

never got into feet, sorry? guess that's a widespread one i should make clear lol

[]

tags:

#🍰 storytime - my own writing (for when i feel brave enough to post some)

#🍰 babble - talking about unrelated stuff

#🍰 rb - any reblogs will be tagged like so

[givemethepage]

Layers of Fear 2023: The Actor's Story, Chapter 3

First time through. I didn't realize I was gonna get ALL the backstory I just asked about yesterday. This queer narrative is so front and center and I'm here for it.

SPOILERS.

So so so so. This man is a war photographer, he loses an eye, but he's not a soldier so instead of a pension they give him a medal and call it a day. He's got a wife at home where he becomes a projectionist at a theater he doesn't own. Has a daughter. Real firecracker. Eye hurts. He drinks. You find his wooden eye at one point. Of course that would hurt. Why not glass? Wife gets pregnant, gets sick, dies in childbirth with their 2nd child, MAB. This guy misses his wife, sort of kind of maybe blames the younger child, or that's how it feels to the kid. They're timid, effeminate. This makes the dad ashamed. The older sister is protective of the little one, teaches them ways to cope. Roleplay, hiding. Stay in the dark, play a part. Masking. (See chapter 2 on masks lol,) The young kid doesn't want to do this, isn't great at it. Yet they're coached by the sister to be brave, strong, like her. She even models for him the rejection of traditional gender roles when he questions her choice to play the captain, who is a man in the film. So, playing pirates like the movie that runs in their theater, the sister plays the captain and creates the quartermaster role for the kid, but the kid, instead, decides to create this first mate character, Lucia: a femme pirate who is a lot like the sister, and "so proud" of the captain. And by the way, the sister has seen how the pirate movie ends, but the younger sibling hasn't, and she's sort of withholding it from them. The theater is falling apart and the owner won't invest. People aren't coming, nobody is getting paid. The father must have caught the kid dressing up as Lucia and gotten real mad: you find a belt, the dad becomes represented by the cyclops from the movie, and once you make it through a maze with his burning eye in pursuit, you find these flowers and learn that on the anniversary of his wife's death, which is also the young kid's birthday, he spends all his coin on the wife and forgets the kid. Note here that the dad says "I'm going, look after your brother." Like, maybe he's not coming back. But that's speculation. It's also shown that the sister found news relating to this ship, and has the initial dream to escape their life by sneaking aboard. And perhaps the most interesting bit during the pretend space mission, she reveals that she always knew her sibling had this actor's charisma, this ability to affect people. And that's why she always cultivated it. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't teach them to internalize her natural bravery, confidence, grounded sense of identity. "He could be anyone... But not me." Not the exact quote, but I think that's what that means.

And then! I found this weird box thing! When I got back to the cabin it went in the section with the Rat Queen lore note. There's an achievement about strange objects. This must be one. I must have missed some in the first 2 chapters. I know I missed a poster in ch 2. And when I touched it again in the cabin, the box got stuck on my flashlight hand! Glitch? Puzzle? Do I need more stuff? And then in the telescope I found another floating but, but it didn't appear in my room like the first two. I hate the feeling of missing stuff. But that's why I start in chapter mode.

And then here's what it says when I try to exit on the first floor. This must be dependent upon the choices I make during the decision points.

1. You run, but do you know the way?

2. You build one character. You destroy the other, but do you know which one is which?

3. You follow reason, you see through it. You cut away the strings.

4. You're not afraid to play your part. You accept the inevitable.

Very cool. I can't wait to see the opposite, to mix and match, to fail to decide later??

The Rat Queen does keep taunting the writer, comparing her to the young sibling. "You're just like him," etc.

I'm also really interested in the way the daughter has sympathy for the father, warning us that the monster is also hurting, much like the formless version of the actor. And we see a sort of formless version of the father as he's losing his identity. It's alllll connected. This game is great, and I'll say it again, just as rich as the Painter's story if not richer. It's so REAL and plausible. Not exaggerated, not reliant on egomanaiacal or melodramaritic personalities. So, onward! And then maybe I'll correct myself about details during the 2nd playthrough.

[anhed-nia]

Spoilers be here

The more I think about this movie the less I like it. Under the veneer of competence and sentimentality there may be nothing but a gimmick, and it's an old gimmick too: "What if we made a zombie movie but with REAL human drama instead of all that horror bullshit?" It feels like someone has to ask this question every few years and everybody treats it like it's a really novel idea, even though George Romero was immediately doing Real Human Drama when he invented the zombie subgenre as we know it, and he never stopped. I'm not really doing any kind of good or responsible film analysis here, I'm just venting about this personal pet peeve that won't die (ahem). But this is why I didn't like The Walking Dead (comic or show), because of all this posturing on the part of BOTH the writers and their audiences suggesting that it was really brave and sophisticated of them to have psychological realism and character deaths, and to say "This is NOT a story about scary monsters, it's REALLY about human nature etc" when they're really just imitating what Romero perfected decades earlier. And I mean it would be foolish to insist on originality in any case, but your familiar, derivative thing still needs to be good, it's not enough to just be very serious and self-satisfied. I'm not so sure that HANDLING THE UNDEAD is anything more than just very satisfied with its own seriousness.

Another thing I don't like so much here is also a reoccurring issue in modern horror cinema, and it is also supposed to confer instant sophistication onto a film without the hassle of good writing: that thing of being deliberately ambiguous with your story. I happen to have a very high tolerance for this, in fact I am less tolerant of movies that bend over backwards to rationalize and explain themselves; I mean film is a visual and atmospheric medium, you should be able to tell me a complete story without trying to convince me that it happened in real life. But if you're going to do that thing where some facts are deliberately left in shadow and there are no easy answers etc, there should be a real motivation for it other than just trying to seem smart and artsy. Like in TROUBLE EVERY DAY, which feels like it has about twelve lines of dialog, you don't need any more information than what you get in order to feel fully involved with the story, and in fact more information might have just made the film feel bloated and defensive. But some filmmakers seem like they've decided to be withholding as a stylistic gesture--like they're doing it because they saw Claire Denis (or someone) do it. They don't know why Denis does it, they're just jealous of that bewitching power she has, so they're going to leave stuff out too. But if you don't know what you're doing, this can be really detrimental, for instance:

Some of the characters in HANDLING THE UNDEAD have some sort of troubled past that is not explained. An angsty young burnout doesn't resolve whatever-the-problem-is with her mother before the mom gets zombified, and this is supposed to make their situation extra fraught...but in reality the conclusions are all the same as with all the other characters, "It's really sad when someone dies, you can never go home again, etc." Meanwhile in another segment a woman and her father contend with the re-animation of her five year old son, which raises huge questions not the least of which is "How does a five year old die?" I mean this isn't the dark ages, they don't just expire from obscure weaknesses. And there's this unexplained enmity between the woman and her father, and it's impossible to tell if they're just "dealing with grief differently" or if one of them is specifically culpable in the child's death or what...but once again none of this impacts the answer to the movie's central question, once again it all just boils down to "It's really sad when someone dies." Which frankly is something that nobody really needs to be told. But I think if you propose but refuse to answer a question that is way more intriguing than the central question that you do answer, then that's a big problem and you should rethink why you're doing things the way you're doing them. The End.

HANDLING OF THE UNDEAD (Hanteringen av odöda)

There's a certain common experience of comic awkwardness--actually there's even a Mr. Show sketch about it, if I remember correctly--where, after bidding a sincere farewell to someone at the end of an enjoyable night out, you make the unfortunate realization that you're both walking the same way home. Emotionally you are both somewhere else now, "the night" is conceptually over, and now you're trapped together without a script. Although Thea Hvistendahl's feature debut HANDLING THE UNDEAD probably has nothing else in common with Mr. Show, they both ask this same basic question about closure and the persistence of the past. The film concerns three families of the recently re-animated; there's a sort of will they/won't they tension regarding the obvious question of whether these zombies will behave in the traditional manner, but the focus is more strongly on the emotional problem of accepting that things will never again be as they once were.

I think this film is really going to do it for modern horror fans who have come to expect direct explorations of tough topics like grief and trauma. For me personally, I found it highly competent, but a little flat; yes, it is sad, it is VERY sad, it is VERY, VERY SAD, and what more can one really expect? At my screening director Hvistendahl was available for questions, and she candidly confessed that she didn't have any personal experiences with grief to which she could refer--a fact that had no impact on the amount of sniffling in the audience. She inherited the project from others, after a few false starts over the last decade; it is adapted from a novel by John Ajvide Lindqvist, better known for LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, and the writer really did have a powerful reference point for grief. According to Hvistendahl his father was literally defaced in a hideous boating accident and, despite the warnings of morgue workers, he insisted on viewing the body. The filmmaker says that her own reference points lay outside her life; that she drew inspiration from others who'd had closer encounters with death.

Personally, I started thinking about people I've known who died early in the film, and then I just couldn't stop. I wondered what would happen if various people came back. The basic assumption might be that it's usually desirable to have somebody back, if you missed them. But I feel like things are likely to be more complicated, especially if the living have already gone some distance through the grieving process--potentially accessing feelings that were too hard to face during the deceased's lifetime.

I thought about a much-admired friend, somebody who was kind of my hero and who was adored by everyone who knew her, who killed herself. The main initial reaction among her closest loved ones was rage. People were so, SO angry with her for leaving them, or not allowing them to save her, or maybe for forcing them to feel as sad and lonely as she felt, or for whatever other things seem to piss people off so much about suicide. I don't know what would happen if she came back to life. I mean probably a lot of people would lay down their arms and try to be grateful, but who knows. That kind of really personal anger can be hard to come back from.

I also thought about a couple I know well, the wife was extremely well-loved by many people, all of whom were devastated when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The painful, protracted illness made the loss all the more awful, and it fell to her surviving family members to preserve and sort of reenact her memory for everyone else. But the reality was that things were not so perfect at home--not to suggest anything really dark, but the couple would have been divorced had she survived. So then she died and her widower was left holding the proverbial bag; he could never have the personal satisfaction of separating from someone who was not right for him, and criticizing her would be unthinkable. If she came back to life...sure, they might divorce, but it's just as likely that he would suffer public pressure to honor and keep her in a more extreme way than usual for the rest of his life.

Finally I thought about a friend of mine who was murdered. I watch a lot of slasher movies, and whenever I hear the criticism that horror lovers must all be desensitized or delusional about real violence, I think about this person who was senselessly killed by a random psychopath at her sister's wedding. It shattered our circle of friends and I cannot imagine what it did to her family, especially her sister. I mean even if they were to do another wedding, it would be impossible not to think of the murder the second time. It would be permanently associated with the new couple. It's hard to even wrap your mind around all the effects of this event. In this case--setting aside the problems of zombies, which I have left out of my meditation--I can only think that having my friend back really would fix things for everyone.

So maybe ultimately I'm saying that HANDLING THE UNDEAD would be a more interesting movie if the losses in it were a bit more complicated in some way. However, I can't ask one film to be all things to all people, and surprise is a particularly difficult thing to achieve. But if you like John Ajvide Lindqvist and you want to be surprised, I strongly advise you to watch BORDER. You will see some stuff in there that you will never see anywhere else in your life, and it probably won't bum you out too much.

[thecraftymagician]

I don’t remember if I sent in my request or not ; v ; ) sorry if I sent two in ahead of time— so Asra has to have some form of trauma from their whole ordeal, right? Like that’s a *lot* for a person, can you write something with reader taking care of/helping them through it? They’ve been strong for so long I think Asra deserves to “break” & be taken care of. Who more capable & willing then reader. I dunno if it’s ok to ask for some angst/hurt-comfort with a happy outcome? I hope this makes sense

Absolutely makes sense and I completely agree! There are a few spots in their route where you can get Asra to open up to you about things but it's typically the payed scenes and are pretty short. (All in all which is fair by NixHydra especially because I think each character has a good touch of the same treatment but yes.) This person needs at least a whole month of a break. Bare. Minimum. I know it's clear that Julian is my favorite but Asra is a close second and lord does their route make me want to battle the world for them UGH. This will definitely start out a bit angsty and is based on Asra's upright ending because tbh I'm still reeling. (I also just realized this is my 100th post whooo! Thank you so much for the ask, I'm sorry it took a while!)

Warnings: *Spoilers* for Asra's route, Angst!, Fluff! TW- Trauma, abandonment, d3ath

Asra (Upright Ending) Aftermath

It turned out to be a rather long night after everything was said and done. We had helped Nadia with the masquerade guests and made sure everyone was safe and sound. Needless to say the whole city needed a break so Nadia closed the palace just for the night so everyone could collect themselves. She was generous enough to let Asra share my room for the night seeing as since this all started the two of us had barely a moment to catch our breath let alone process everything. While I still felt my own head spinning there was only one thing, one person on my mind.

When we reach my room Asra ushered me inside with a smile before closing the door. I returned it as I studied their face, violet eyes twinkling in the dim light like starts. Beautiful but not quite hiding the evident exhaustion. Suddenly I was swept up in their arms and spun around. Their laugh was bright and contagious at always but dropped soon after. When my feet touched the ground again Asra kissed my cheek and walked over to the bed, talking a seat on the edge before falling back with a loud sigh. "I just.. still can't believe all of that. Wow.." They chuckled softly. My smile faltered and I took a seat next to them. "I know. It was.. alot." With their eyes closed Asra nodded and mumbled. "Understatement of the century." Instinctively, I reached over taking one of his hands in my own and gently massaged his palm. They smiled in content delight before I broke the silence again. "How are you doing?" "What, me? I'm great. Why are you alright?" His eyes met mind with concern as he sat up to face me. I shook my head before they could continue on. I didn't mean to worry them but.. "This isn't about me right now. I'm asking about you." I kept myself from pushing but kept my eyes on his features. Asra's aura seemed to tense despite the smile tugging at his lips. "MC.. I-I'm fine, no need to worry. Everything is.. great. Perfect even, right?" A shadow crossed his eyes as his bottom lip quivered, sending me scooting just a bit closer to them.

They chuckled once nervously before looking down. "I-I mean look we defeated the Devil of all things, saved the world, solved mysteries.. got back Faust and my.. my parents." Asra turned back to me, eyes brimming with tears. "After it all, you're still here even so everything is perfect." I could feel thing pinging in his heart through mine. The ache and hurt still swirling. I took the hand I was holding and put it to my heart, placing one of mine on his. "It's okay, Asra.. Just because everything is over with doesn't mean it wasn't still alot. You don't have to be brave for me right now. You're safe now, and I'm not going to let anything happen. I hope I've more than proved that to you now," I chuckled softly as I gently wiped a stray tear on their cheek. With a few quick sniffles the dams finally broke and Asra hugged me tightly, sobbing into my shoulder. I rubbed their back and hair. All I could do was hold them close to me and pour as much love into his heart as possible. After a while he pulled away, hiccupping between soft cries. "I know it hurts, it's okay. But I need you to take deep breaths with me okay?" With a nod I led us into one of his classic exercises. He smiled softy as I wiped his cheeks. "I-I'm sorry.. I guess I didn't realize how much I was carrying. I really did think everything was okay because.. well I had you by my side and everything just kept turning out better than I could've expected. But the thought of losing you or Muriel.. Losing Faust.. I know we got her back in the end but I was so terrified. A-And finding my parents.. I still can't believe that wasn't just some sick twisted game. I-I thought.. Well, I was never sure exactly but now.. They're here and that's wonderful but.. scary in it's own right." Their fingers ran through their snowy curls. While they continued talking out their feelings I continued to rub their back in soothing circles. "What if they don't actually like who I am now..? I'm not.. used to them anymore o-or even having.. parents. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. But even so I should just be grateful they're back, right?"

I wasn't used to this side of Asra but it wasn't bad. Honestly it was nice helping them open up about their feelings and work through all that had happened. "You can be grateful and nervous at the same time, Asra.. It seems like they love you just the same and I'm sure they'll love you even more as they get to know more about the person you've become." I didn't say what else I was thinking but they seemed to feel it like they had been the past few days. 'I know I did..' We smiled at each other and rested our foreheads together. They seemed to be doing better but these things definitely take time. Sometimes it helps to just let it out though. "No matter what happens I'll be right by your side, Asra." I gave them a quick peck before we got up to get ready to settle in for the night. If they weren't already worn out after the long day, they sure were after our talk but I think it was worth it. Asra fell asleep with their head on my shoulder, curled into my side and holding me close.

[babyjakes]

forever and a day | 4. you're a superhero, too.

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summary | a story in which america’s favorite captain gives a new life and family to a five-year-old girl who has suffered well beyond her years at the hands of hydra.

characters | dad!steve rogers, girl/willa rogers (original character)

warnings | AU similar enough to OU to include spoilers to many Marvel movies (Age of Ultron and beyond). mature themes related to child abuse/neglect, mentions of past CSA, medical abuse, ptsd/trauma symptoms in a child (developmental discrepancies, de-humanized behavior, detachment, extreme fears). somewhat evil!Tony Stark (eventually)

[Steve]

After Tony explained everything he could to me about Girl, we sat in silence for a good while. It was a huge relief to know that he supported me in taking Girl under our wing and caring for her, but there was still a heaviness in the air that couldn’t be lifted. After about a half an hour of quiet, he exited the room, telling me he wanted to go get some rest.

Maybe only ten minutes later, Natasha joined me, taking Tony’s seat. We’re now sitting together in the silence, braving the stillness of the room. She’s changed out of her black suit into a light yellow tee shirt and some leggings; her hair is pulled back in a loose ponytail. Tears have streaked onto her cheeks and dried there, eyes still puffy and red.

Clearing her throat, Nat looks over at me, her blue-grey eyes still glittering with tears. “How are you doing?” she asks me, her voice low, cautious.

I sigh, pausing a moment before I answer. “I’m all messed up about it,” I admit. “Even though we’ve saved her. I just feel like-… like we were too late.”

Nat nods, looking down. “You wanna go out with the others for a bit?” she asks. “I can stay here in case she wakes up. You look like you could use something to eat. And maybe a nap.”

“No, but thanks,” I reply, glancing over at the sleeping child in the bed. “I-I kinda promised her I would be here when she woke up.” Out of the corner of my eye, I can see my friend’s lips curling up into a smile.

“You know, Cap, I never knew you had a side to you like this,” she says softly.

Taking a deep breath, I nod in agreement. “Neither did I.” Looking over at Nat, I turn my body slightly to face her completely. “Nat, hey. Look at me.” Her eyes shift up, and as I suspected, they’re full of tears. “I know this is really difficult for you… it’s difficult for all of us. Tony told me how much it upset you when, well, you know. I just-”

“Steve, it’s fine,” she cuts me off, shaking her head. Natasha’s never been one to talk about her feelings; I know she doesn’t like it when she gets too upset about things. She always tries her best to hide her emotions, but something like this is way too difficult to just bottle up completely. “I’m fine, really. I’m more worried about her, and about you.”

“Me?” I ask, confused. “Why me?”

“Because I see how much you care about her. And I just…” her voice trails off, and she bites her lip. With a sigh, she shakes her head again, finally saying, “I just want you to know that you’re not going to have to do this alone. We all care about her, and we’re all going to do what we can to make sure that she’ll be alright.”

My heart swells with gratitude, and I nod, taking her hand for a moment. “Thank you,” I whisper, looking down at her fingers placed on top of mine. “I truly appreciate that.”

I’m about to say something more when I hear the sheets shifting from over on the bed, causing Nat and I to glance over, our hands falling away from each other’s hold. Girl is moving around restlessly on the mattress; I can see that tears have begun trailing down her cheeks, though her eyes are still closed. I stand up from my seat, shifting carefully so that I’m sitting on the edge of the cot next to the distressed child. Reaching out a hand, I place it on her shoulder. Her body lurches away, her eyes shooting open.

“Hey, it’s okay,” I coo mildly, retracting my hand. She struggles to take breaths and stares straight at me, her eyes wide and full of tears. “You’re safe, remember? It’s safe here.”

“Sorry, s-sorry,” she begins to ramble. “Please, sorry, don’t hurt Girl, please-… will be good, will do anythi-ing.” My heart aches as her familiar pleading fills my ears.

“Shh-shh shh,” I shush soothingly, carefully reaching out and stroking her hair. Her body presses into the mattress and her neck strains away from me, her eyes closing in fear. “You’re not in trouble, Girl; you haven’t been bad, not at all. No one’s here to hurt you.”

Keeping her eyes closed, the child shakes vigorously against her restraints. More than anything, I just wish I could unstrap her, show her that she’s safe and won’t be made to do anything, but I know that she needs to keep her fluid line in.

Natasha rises from her seat on the other side of me, taking a careful step towards the bed. “Hi Girl, my name’s Natasha. You can call me Nat, though, if you like. I’m a friend of Steve’s,” she says in a calming tone, motioning to me. Girl flinches at the new voice and looks over warily, and for a moment I almost think I see some sort of relief in her eyes. Maybe because Natasha is also a girl. “We’re with the Avengers,” she continues, taking another step forward. “We’re a team of superheroes who help and rescue people from bad guys. I know you’re scared that we might hurt you like the scientists did, but I promise you’re safe with us.”

Girl looks doubtfully at Nat, and I can tell that she’s definitely skeptical of us. I don’t blame her, not at all; Hydra’s brainwashing is quite possibly the most powerful psychological weapon I’ve ever seen.

“I’m Captain America, remember? I wear the red, white, and blue suit, like America’s flag. And I carry my shield, too, the one with the star on it. Nat’s called Black Widow. That’s a kind of spider, you know. But trust me, I like Nat a lot better than any spider I’ve ever met,” I say lightheartedly, trying to see if I can get even just a hint of a smile from the girl. But she just looks at me, and then Natasha, and then me again, clearly still on guard.

“The guy, the doctor who helped you before you went to sleep, his name is Bruce,” Nat continues, catching onto what I’m trying to do by explaining to her who we all are. “He turns into a giant green guy to fight off villains. And the man who gave you the blanket, he’s Tony, but when he’s fighting the bad guys he becomes Ironman. He has this super cool suit he made all by himself that lets him fly around and do lots of awesome tricks.” I see Girl’s eyes widen ever so slightly and smile at her, excited that we’ve perked her interest at least a little bit.

“Girl, we know that the bad guys had you for a long time… and we know that they did a lot of mean things to you,” I say gently. “Bruce made sure that your heart and organs are working properly, and we’re giving you some fluids to get you feeling stronger. But sweetheart, can you tell us if anything else is hurting?”

Her lips begin to tremble as she pouts slightly, begging, “Don’t hurt Girl, please. Please don’t.”

“We’re not going to hurt you, honey; we just want to help you. You have powers too, right?” Nat asks the child. She nods warily. “Well then, that means you’re a superhero, too. And us superheroes gotta look out for each other. So please, if anything is hurting or injured, let us help you.”

Girl sniffles, still looking as if she’s about to burst into tears at any moment. She looks up at me with wide eyes, seeming to reach deep into my soul to search for any danger. I can tell that she finds none, but she’s still too afraid to let us in. She shakes her head, unwilling to say anything.

Looking over at Natasha, I sigh. I don’t know how to get her to show us how to help her, and I know that she won’t want to be searched for injuries. Natasha frowns but nods. “Do you think you could tell just me, if I ask Steve to leave?” she asks slowly.

Girl looks from her to me, then back to her, obviously considering the offer. After a few moments of contemplating, she nods, flinching immediately after, as if expecting to be reprimanded or hit for her response. My heart sinks as I realize that she trusts Nat more than me, but I quickly remind myself that it’s likely just because she was abused by men. “It’s okay, doll,” I reassure her softly. “I’m not angry with you. How about I give you two some privacy and Nat can come and get me when you’re done talking.” Girl nods warily, still seeming unsure as to whether or not I’ll harm her.

Rising from the bed, I nod to the child and my friend. Without another word, I turn and leave the room.

I walk through the hallway and out into one of the main cabins of the ship, where everyone else (but Tony) are gathered. They all look up at me with sad, sympathetic expressions. Walking over to a couch where Bruce and Clint are sitting, I take a seat at the end and lean back, closing my eyes my eyes for a moment.

“Is Natasha in there with her?” Clint asks, breaking the silence. I nod.

“It’ll probably help her calm down a bit,” Bruce says. “Female presence will definitely be easier for her to tolerate, probably for a long time.”

“Nat’s asking her about where else she’s hurt physically,” I explain. “She didn’t want to say with me in the room.”

“I am enraged,” I hear Thor say from over at the table. I open my eyes and glance at him. “Those monsters hurt the human child; I shall make them suffer.”

“Easy, big guy,” Clint comments, “we’re definitely going to make sure that all of Hydra suffers.”

“Tony’s off resting?” I ask. Bruce and Clint nod. “Yeah, I don’t blame him. This whole thing’s been exhausting.”

“He mentioned you want to take care of the kid,” Bruce says quietly. I look down, nodding. It’s quiet for a moment, and fear begins to build in my stomach. What if they say no? What if they don’t agree with me? How will I be able to explain to them this feeling so deep inside my heart that I can barely recognize that it’s even mine? This feeling that Girl needs us, and that in some way… we need her? “I think it’ll be difficult. But between all of us, I’m sure things will work out,” he continues. I sigh in relief, looking at him gratefully. “This isn’t something most of us have dealt with before. But the kid’s got nowhere else to go. And we all know we can protect her better than anyone.”

As soon as Bruce finishes his sentence, loud and fast footsteps can be heard coming down the hallway towards the cabin. Nat appears in the doorway, her face flushed. She looks as if she’s seen a ghost.

I stand quickly, as does Bruce. “What did she say?” I ask.

“She told me there was one place that never stops hurting,” Nat says, sounding out of breath. “She moved away the blankets and pulled up her gown…”

“Oh god,” I breathe.

“I’ve never seen anything so horrific in my entire life.”

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[patroclusdefencesquad]

I've never asked a question on here; I don't know how it works. I hope I'm doing this right. Feel free to skip this....

Anyway, proceeding as if I am doing this correctly, regarding the gay noble who's supposed to flirt with Jaskier and the confirmation of a character who's supposed to be a prince.

I've been tentatively excited about the idea of a gay noble flirting with Jaskier. Excited because I'd be overjoyed to see a canonical gay romance and because I'd be absolutely delighted to see Jaskier fall in love with someone who loves him back (I do ship Jaskier with Geralt but I doubt the show will make it canon because it'd piss off the book purists, and I think the way the show will make the most audience members happy is to have Geralt end up with Yennefer and then set up Jaskier with another man [all that said, Geralt/Jaskier/Yennefer is my OT3 but that would require Netflix being brave enough to allow polyamory]). Let the bard be happy!

However, I've been nervous that there will be even more bard whump in S3. When Jaskier was talking to Yennefer about people donating to the cause of helping the Elves, it sounded like he thought that they were all, well, donations. Money sent in good will. But then the spymaster dude said he wanted the bard brought in to pay up and.... I'm nervous about how the payment will be collected. My guess is that, most likely, Jaskier will be forced to be a spy but....

And then, because I haven't yet read the books (waiting on my library hold), I went to TV Tropes. I didn't find a Prince Radovid but I did find a King Radovid and he's apparently about as bad as the Emperor. He's apparently just a terrible person. So if the Prince isn't a separate character but is the same character prior to becoming king, I don't see how Jaskier would be interested in this guy.

So, maybe they are separate characters and the Prince is a much better person than his father and he and Jaskier will just be a sweet couple. But I'm nervous. I'm worried the storyline could get pretty dark but maybe I've just read too many hurt/comfort fics.

you're doing wonderfully don't worry lmao!

in terms of jaskier and relationships (and presuming you don't mind book spoilers since you've had a sneaky look yourself, and if you DO mind spoilers ignore all this and send me an angry ask and I'll answer again lmao), I haven't read the books but I'm pretty sure he ends up with a woman in them? and although the writers clearly aren't sticking to the book content (cough season 2 cough) they are definitely going down the yenralt route (terrible a job though they're doing of it) so yeah, geraskefer/geraskier unfortunately is unlikely to be a thing. I am however surprised at just how blatant they've made the unrequited love between jaskier and geralt, even if they haven't actually stated anything there's so much that can be taken that way, so who knows where jaskier is going to end up relationship wise. i would assume, if it's anything at all, that this "relationship" with the prince guy is likely to just be a fling though.

here's where we differ lmao bc I'm a sucker for jaskier whump, I just hate the lack of comfort we get for him 😔 so yeah if they whump him again i need some sort of resolution to it not just "oh hey let's torture the bard and then never mention it again." but anyway, considering the set up of this storyline at the end of s2, and that I think spy!jaskier is a significant plot in the books (?) i'm hopeful that it's going to be a decent story!

with this information given from twn twitter, and what we already know about jaskier in s3, it's probably reasonable to assume that these two characters are going to be connected, and the "until someone gets hurt" makes me🤞in a vaguely evil jaskier stan sort of way.

but again, this info compared with the book character doesn't seem to add up, especially when taken with the actors "character types" lmao and twn propensity to ignore the books.

basically, we know nothing lmao i'm just speculating and hyperfixating on a random line of a script that may or may not even be real. we move✌️

[spideyspeaches]

Heart made of glass ↬ t.h

A/N: Beta read by the lovely @hollandcrush​ !! <3<3

Request (Summary): can you please write one about Tom, who is on the filming process of cherry and has some emotional problems because he feels that his character is already part of his life, so he comes home very angry and in a bad mood, so he just snaps and creates a big fight with the reader and just says things that he obviously didn't meant, you know very angst, and at the end just very fluff.

Hope you like this anon! Lemme know your thoughts heh <3<3

Warnings: breakdowns, slight vomiting but it’s not graphic. I’m not in any way romanticizing or sexualising breakdowns. 

WC: 2k+ 

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Masterlist || Taglist

Tom was an ambitious guy. He took his roles seriously, no matter what his character was and who he played. It was an admirable trait, the way he both enjoyed his work and worked hard to earn a high place in such a place as Hollywood. 

You always took pride in how amazing and accomplished your boyfriend was, your heart swelling whenever you heard his name being mentioned in events and interviews. You enjoyed how he tried to diversify the movies he worked in. 

("I've been playing the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man for so long, it's about time I play someone different now." He once said in a Jimmy Kimmel interview. You were watching from the audience, smiling as the audience roared in affirmation. 

"Well looks like you took quite a big leap from playing a superhero." Jimmy said, smiling at the audience with his paparazzi smile. 

You knew the question was scripted, quite harmless, but you still noticed how his shoulder stiffened, his smile not wavering once. 

"Well yeah, I used to be a superhero and now I'm a heroin addict." He joked, winking at the audience as he ran a hand through his nearly hairless head.

He cried himself to sleep that night, burying his face in your chest as you shushed him. )

It always worked in his favour, with the incredible support his family and fan base provided. And he was always so humble about it. 

Filming Cherry, however, was way different than he thought it would. With filming Cherry came consequences that he didn't necessarily like. He knew what he was bringing on himself and his family when he was first introduced with the script.

(Contrary to popular belief, he didn't actually give out spoilers, it was just small promotional stunts that kind of took over as his reputation to spoil minor details.)  

The process was intense, getting into the mindset of "Cherry" was taxing, and people were beginning to notice it in him. He was more restless, tugging at his non existent curls when he thought no one would notice. 

He was more clingy, more appreciative of your body and you, letting you know that there was no sexual intent behind his acts of caressing your waist at random times. You didn't notice the change in his behaviour. 

He had always been like this, watching you with the most gratifying gaze a man could muster, his pretty brown eyes like globes of whiskey, staring at you with a muffled expression. You didn't notice. 

There had always been a cutting edge to his voice, you knew and adored it. Behind the British actor who played Spider-Man, he was your Tom. Your Tom who gave you forehead kisses and baked cakes with you and made silly playlists that reminded him of you and you of him, your Tom who worshiped the ground you walked on, your Tom, your Tom and your Tom.

(Sometimes you envied that he was an actor, so good at hiding any emotions he felt, it came easy to him, just another fake emotion like he was a face behind the camera.)

He was never aggressive towards you. Never. Even on tough days, he was soft, caring and understanding to the point where it made you mad, immediately making you feel guilty. He worked so hard and yet here you were, blaming him for being nice, never standing up for himself.

"Uh, Tom, Tom stop, wait." You grunted, pushing his shoulders as he scrambled away from you at your discontent. 

You held his face, his breath hitching, hyperventilating as he tried to get himself together. 

Ever since he had started filming Cherry, he had been away from you. And now that you were finally here, he had been all over you, making love to every inch of your skin, like it was a holy grail he had to find, caressing your warm skin under his fingers making you shiver as his nimble fingers wandered. It was the intimacy, sexual and quasi-sexual, that made you realise, that there was something wrong.

Sex- it had been a constant in your life other than Tom. But of course, you didn't live on it. It was but a fuel that strengthened your relationship, it was about discovery and showing your vulnerable sides. It was a reminder of the coffee dates and baseball matches. It was loving, gentle and raw, like a gentle breeze caressing your face.

But this, this was different. And you noticed. This, what you had been doing, it was fucking. It was aggressive and needy and it felt good, but at the same time, it felt different.

"Baby?" You asked softly, trying to meet his eyes in the dark lit trailer. It was late, way past filming times, the only time you got to see his vulnerable side. 

You should have been in his hotel room, but you were in his trailer instead. All alone in the all encompassing darkness, it made your heart stutter beats. 

"Baby speak to me. What's happening, who's doing this to you?" You ask once again, holding onto him firmly this time, his squirming frame making you loosen your hold. You didn't care that you were naked, he had already seen it all. 

Fiddling with the rough sheets, he huffed a heavy breath. And that was all it took for the dam to break. 

"Tell me how do you feel baby, you're starting to scare me." You urged. All you got in response was his muffled sobs. Pulling him forward, you let his head rest on your bare chest, rivulets of tears sliding down your warm skin, almost burning you like acid, his tiny hair tickling you, a very contrasting feeling. 

"I can't do it. I can't take it anymore." He sniffed, wrapping his strong arms around you, shivering at the contact. It was a cold night in Cleveland, and you were naked and he was crying. You were berating yourself for not noticing. 

"What can't you take anymore?" You hold him, tracing circles on his buzz cut hair, just the way you did when he had his curls. 

"I feel like I'm becoming him. I don't like it at all, I try and try but I can't." He sobs, shoulders hitching with each sob. You felt your heart break, the sounds of his cries sending daggers into your skin. 

How could you have not noticed? The lively sunshine of a man was almost an empty shell. The interviews with former drug addicts had been excruciating for you, pity, disgust, sympathy and every other sinful emotion swirling in your mind. 

You couldn't believe that you hadn't thought about Tom, of what an effect it would have on him. 

"Bub, listen to me, carefully," you said, shushing him as he continued to look at you, teary eyed and red nosed, snot dripping out of his nose,"you listen to me. You're strong and resilient and nothing like him okay? He's not you. You're Tom Holland. You're brilliant and brave and amazing okay?" 

"But I don't feel that way!" He said, his aggressive stance surprising you, "he's- he's…" 

"He's what?" You asked, a little too impatient. Muttering a sorry, you rub your palm on his cheek, kissing the soft, moist skin.

"I don't feel so good." He croaked, getting up suddenly, making a run for the washroom. You rushed after him, watching him as he heaved into the toilet. Rubbing his back, you muttered affirmations, curling besides him as he sat on the ground, his back to the cold wall. 

You got up to switch on the lights, feeling his hands tugging yours, a soft "stay" coming out of him. 

"Better?" You asked, feeling him now against your collarbone. 

"I shouldn't be this affected, this- this isn't fair. I'm overreacting, I'm sorry I worried you baby I swear I didn't mean to-" 

"Shh, Tom first of all, you're not overreacting okay?" You smiled, kissing his nose, moving towards his brows and his forehead, "It's perfectly reasonable. The role you're playing...It's not exactly picking daisies. Fuck you're playing a heroin addict Tommy, a broken soldier with PTSD, a breakdown was inevitable. It only shows that you're human." 

"Really?" He smiled, it looked more like a grimace, a plea for reassurance. 

"Yes, really." You said, booping his nose, eliciting a giggle from him,"now, you better go to bed mister, you have an early shoot don't you?" You playfully scolded, kissing his lips, laughing as he carried you bridal style. 

"Tomorrow will be better." You whispered, kissing his eyelids, already closed, chest moving rhythmically as you counted his pulse, making sure he was completely asleep before slipping on your clothes, covering him with the thin quilt. 

***

"Is everything okay on set?" You asked casually, watching the crewmates work tirelessly in the daylight. 

You were standing next to Ciara on a prop jeep, fiddling with the water bottle held in your hand. 

"Hmm, as okay it can be with two people playing drug addicts." She shrugged, looking at you with a small smile. 

"Are you okay?" You asked, turning to give her your full attention, remembering your boyfriend's breakdown yesterday. 

"It gets… intense at times. Some scenes are hard to play, but we're okay. Mostly." She answered, taking your water bottle and chugging the water. 

"I'm not a therapist, but you can talk to me, you know?" You smiled, holding her shoulder as she gave you a bashful smile. 

"It's been tough on Tom. He's more aggressive, nearly had a breakdown during a scene." She said. 

"Yeah, that.. that happened yesterday too." 

"It was time, a person can only hold so much right?" 

"Yeah." 

You pondered her words, wondering if you could do anything to curb this. 

"I think I need help." He said one day while you were eating dinner. Harry, who was sitting next to you, looked up from his plate, giving you a knowing look before clearing his throat. 

"I'm gonna get some water." He said, waving awkwardly at you and getting up. You took that as a cue to scoot closer to Tom, running your hands through his camel hair. 

"That's very brave of you hun, asking for help." You smiled, kissing his cheek softly. You felt him smile, sliding closer to you, holding you by your waist. 

"I learnt from the best." He muttered in your hair, kissing your forehead. 

You felt his love that day, felt the way he ran his smooth fingers on your waistline, sliding across your thighs with care and softness you hadn't felt in a while. He was healing. It was a process, it took time but it happened.

***

You were walking across the library, his hand in yours, your hearts beating in silence. 

"How was your appointment?" You asked, shivering in the cold air. You rubbed your palms together, bringing your jacket closer to your chest, huffing the cold air. 

"It was good, much different from what the media portrays. She even showed me this meme she thinks you would like, look." He said, bringing out his phone to show you the saved meme. 

You laughed at his eagerness, kissing his lips as a final gratification. 

"Well it looks like you're having a great time. You have another scene left to do today in the evening so we better scram." You reminded him. 

You always did that, remind him of his schedule, reminded him to take a breath when he felt like he was drowning. You reminded him of home and what he had to look forward to.

"Why can't we have a lazy day today?" He whined, kissing your neck, making you giggle as it tickled. 

"You know you can't do that hun, you already took three days off." You snickered, poking his sides. 

"Well that sucks. I just want to spend my day with my girl, is that too much to ask?" He smiled, kissing your forehead, one hand holding yours, swinging back and forth, the other holding a large cup of coffee in a tight grip. 

You reached to loosen his fingers, taking a sip, slurping loudly, making him laugh. You decided you liked this laugh much better, it was breathy and free, a melody to your ears. 

You noticed how he was more relaxed and back to being that ray of sunshine. Back to being your Tom.

Thanks for reading! also as a side note- here’s a similar fic @itsallyscorner​ !!

[marumafan]

Comments on the murakenzu story 2021.10.29

SPOILERS under the cut

My opinion

There's quite a bit to unpack here.

0) Memo app

Posting from the iphone memo app straight to twitter... keep it classy sensei XDD

1) College

Yuuri's not going to college!? I mean.. you know. He's lucky he got that king gig of his because I wonder what he would have done otherwise. (80% of Japanese people get an education higher than high school)

I remember when a fan guessed that Shouri would get him a job working for him when he became a politician; if the king thing didn't pan out. And I mean... it's a very good fan guess, tbh.

2) Uniforms

Remember when Miko asked Yuuri if he was into "people who wore uniforms" as a euphemism for him liking guys? (douj4. change) Well, here we go! I couldn't stop thinking about that story as I read this...

I found these two guys dressing up other guys in their mind quite shocking... Is this what teenage boys are into now?

3) Mura thirst

XDDD Damn boi, you're gonna turn Shinma into Svelera XDD Are you really putting Yuuri in these costumes? The first one, I imagine is a soccer uniform, thus the shorts. XDD Yuuri's embarrassed to show them layyygs, boiii LOL XDD

But Mura's like NIIIICE.

Also, the thirst for Josa is palpable (Yeah, yeah. Yuuri agrees to it too, but I like a side of josaken to my yuuram, so I read it like that). There's a part where Mura gets mura-mura over Joza in swimwear, and I mean... I understand, but still! Bad Sensei, bad!!! *sprays water*

4) Hachimitsu-chan

Awwn.

Murata asks at some point if Yuuri is thinking of Hachimitsu-chan (Yuuri's pet name for Wolfram since 'Crossheart' April, 2006), Yuuri says "who dat?" and then says "no" in a very tsundere way, adding that 'he' is a guy so no XDD Yuuri pls. I ask again,,, who is tsundere now!?

So, Yuuri lets his imagination fly dressing up all of these characters (including Wolf!!!) in his mind along with Mura, but admitting to daydream about 'gallant, strong, brave, ririshii Wolfie' , that's too much. Yuu, boo; make it make sense~

5) Josa fashion leader

I remember when Gun-gun was the Takuya Kimura of Shinma XDD

((There's this band called SMAP in Japan (as big as the backstreet boys in the 90s), and one of the members was Takuya Kimura who got the 'best jeanist' awards (as in jeans fit him the best award... i know, Japan), and idk why but Gun-gun being the 'most beautiful' whatever always gave me Kimura vibes (Did Yuuri ever say that? Did I imagine it?? Was it all a dream O_O!?).

Anyway, I feel like Jozak is replacing Gyun now as the biggest fashionista. Gunter's too old , too much of a creep? We need someone young to bring in the masses X'D

6) Ice hockey?

Yuuri says they should bring ice hockey to Shinma...? What? How, where... how are we making the ice rink?

Lemme guess MAgic... uh-huh... I mean at least baseball you can play anywhere, but I feel like ice hockey would be a stretch.

Then again I feel like sensei threw that in just to circle back to Halloween, as a story telling mechanism. Yuuri's never talked about ice hockey before. There's no famous Japanese ice hockey players, so probably just a story telling device.

(Although imagine if they do and then Gwen and Anini end up doing figure skating XDDD SENSEI NOO! Bad sensei! *sprays water*- for those who don't know Gwen and Anini's names come from REAL figure skaters who were famous in the 2000s XDD Sensei don't!)

7) Other World Reincarnation Study Group in Yuuri's HS?

Are we gonna get new characters introduced??? Was it just a plot device to end the story?!

8) Sensei's extras

In this tweet, after posting the story sensei says : I think that Yuuri and Wolf would look good in table tennis uniforms XD She also doesn't understand why Yuuri has no problem wearing regular clothes has an issue with the soccer uniform. Sense, if you don't know then who does?

Such a short story, so much to say. I'm just starving for content at this point. Happy Halloween, everyone!

[quirkyackerman]

MAJOR CH. 139 SPOILERS!!!

skip this post to avoid spoilers.

I'm about to trigger some of the AoT Fandom here but I don't give a fuck what so ever. So here's my biggest rant of the day regarding the ending of Attack on Titan.

DISCLAIMER: This is just my honest opinion; you have every right to disagree with me but please don't send me death threats if y'all get offended. 🙃 and NO. I'M NOT SENDING HATE ON ISAYAMA. I'M JUST EXPRESSING HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS CHAPTER.

Also I just don't know where to start explaining but eh I'll write it out how my mind is thinking of.

Isayama did Mikasa dirty...

I'm gonna start this rant off with

What the actual fuck.

Regardless if this is actually the full page chapter of the manga coming from the Korean translation but after seeing through what's going on; I'm very much pissed off on how Mikasa is written out. Like that's it? You're only going to show us that all Mikasa get is her crying over Eren's death?

Are we gonna ignore the fact that she saved everyone's asses just by killing Eren in order to stop the Rumbling? Don't you think she deserves more praise for doing so? Like how the Eldian people celebrated the Survey Corps' victory in defeating the Rumbling? Like fucking give her a medal of honor or something please 🙄

Yeah I'm glad to see Jean and Connie gets to live another day and they get to see Sasha and then she's assuring them there's no need to worry about her.

And I'm also happy to see Levi's part in succeeding and fighting for Erwin and Hange's sake including his fallen comrades. I applaud Levi just like every other Levi stan is doing right now 👏 but still...

MIKASA ACKERMAN DESERVES BETTER.

It breaks my heart to see her sad when this series is ending.

Also I wanna add on that scarf is highkey holding her back on her character development. Eren has mentioned that he hated Mikasa for being a "slave" and Mikasa didn't see it that way regardless of what Eren views the Ackerman bloodline. Even before the "MikAsA iVe aLwaYs haTeD yOu" drama; we've all seen how Mikasa grew and changed in her character development through the series and Eren is not even there most of the time why? Because the dumbass always got himself kidnapped. I understand she cares so much for Eren from childhood til adulthood and what did Eren did? Causing so much bullshit on everyone 🙃 he added so much pain on Mikasa's part. And in chapter 118 where Mikasa leaves the scarf that's honestly a big step for her to fight back against him. That's a powerful statement for me; like yes! Go kick his ass baby girl ✊🏽💁🏻‍♀️ remember Louise asked "Are you leaving the scarf behind?" Then Mikasa replied "I am". Now fast forward to chapter 138... God damn. Did she really go back without anyone knowing and take the scarf with her? It's just adding the fuel of her showing that she really is a "slave" like how Eren says. The kiss with his dead head just makes it worse for me... I'll admit I'll give her credit for being brave enough to show her love towards Eren but seriously she deserved better and sad to say she didn't get something in return from Eren other than more pain for her knowing she had to kill him and Eren asking her to forget about him. Now with the final chapter here just why? I don't know what to feel or add on at this point (if there was more to the final chapter and when there is the full English translation then I'll say otherwise).

I feel like Isayama was rushed to finish the series. There's so much unanswered questions in each character but really he honestly did Mikasa dirty in the end. I hate it. Again I'm not hating on Isayama; I applaud his hard work just not happy with how Mikasa is written out in the end...

T̶h̶a̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶f̶o̶l̶k̶s̶. ✌🏽(for now at least).

[hoaxsen]

| angst has been coming to me easy now and idk how to feel about that.

| tw; character death, in depth talk of death, mentions of blood and other gruesome parts, season three spoilers.

| word count; 1.8k.

It was all over, spreading like a plague inside the walls upon their arrival. The victory of Wall Maria, along with the near extinction of the Scouts. How many supplies were lost during it? How much destruction was there while it all went down? Does anyone have a true number on how many bodies were being carried back on those flatbed carts after that expedition? 

They were mostly parts of bloodied and mangled things, some weren't even able to be called a body. More like a massive piles of mixed dirt, debris and whatever part of the human body there could be. One hundred and ninety nine people, turned into one enormous jigsaw puzzle that anyone has ever seen. How many carts were used for that, and which cart did this specific body rest upon? 

This body held the features of bright blue eyes, that the captain of the Scouts could sometimes find himself staring into for hours on end. Unknowingly at that. Blonde hair just swept back and kept so neat with its undercut. Sometimes Levi wonders if it was soft to the touch, it doesn't look to be hard, or dirty. Just right, minus those brows. If anything there were times where Levi wanted to trim the blonde bricks of hair off Erwin's face himself. 

Now, days like that will never come. For the sole purpose, of Erwin Smith being deceased. Giving his life up to his stupid cause and dream, this isn't what Levi meant by plundering your dream and lead those crying brats to hell. Was it selfish of him to think that Erwin might come back alive for him? It was, wasn't it? The man having to live through this shit as the leader, making gambles that no one knew how the hell they paid off. Let's not forget about the cadets and soldiers lost along the way in his gambles. A devil among men, though it was Levi wanting to be the one to raise hell right now. Bring a darker hell to the one on this very Earth for the fact that he chose to revive Armin instead of Humanity's Hope. 

Cold, and hardened steel grey hues watched as his body was pulled away, riding alongside on his own horse with this cart. Levi felt only himself at fault, what if he did revive Erwin? Despite the small specks of rocks, falling out and shredded intestines, and lack of life in the blonde's eyes, how would he look taking on the power of the colossal titan? Would he have looked the same as the treacherous Bertholdt, or better? If anything, he'd be alive right now. . .fighting a war once more in this hell. Yes, it was selfish, but Levi Ackerman had his reasons to be selfish in a time like this. Bringing back Erwin instead of Armin wasn't just going to be for humanity, it was also going to be for his own desires. To stop toying with the feelings the ravenette has for the blonde, to stop the daily lies about his ' small crush ' being just a phase. 

The captain never even got to make good on his promise before the commander passed. Wanting so hard and bad to end the Beast Titan, to make him feel the pain Erwin did before his final moments. Hopefully that chance comes back for him some other time. How badly Levi needs it, it'd only be fitting since Erwin gave up his dream for the wall retake to even have happened and succeed. 

For all Levi could do now, was regret and hope that Erwin's funeral would bring him into a small state of piece. Since the ex-commander was already in a permanent state of his own, never to be disturbed. The Ackerman slowly starts to wonder to himself, which kind of suit would really bring out a dead man's eyes? For blue, it had to be a subtle white, right? An ashen grey? Whatever color it was going to be, Levi knew he'd detest it. Knowing it'll be the final suit he sees Erwin in. 

Fast forward a bit to the lowering of the old Scouts' commander into the ground, Levi stayed behind a little ways after the ceremony. Standing before Erwin's grave, a short sigh leaving him as he placed a hand on Erwin's tombstone. 

Erwin Smith 

xxxx - xxxx 

Humanity's Beacon of Hope.

The words Levi read over, and over, and over again. Humanity's Hope, snuffed out a little ways too soon. Levi just had to wake up and face the music, it was bound to happen one day or another. He just wishes that day came a little later than this. Brushing his hand over the words, better now to say this before he keeps it inside for too long. He already regrets not saying this to him when he was alive. 

" How many of these have we attended for our fallen? Now look at you, dumbass. Right there with them, tell Petra I said hi when you see her. " 

His last chance to say this all know, because whatever God out there knows that Levi wouldn't visit Erwin's grave again after this. For the small grudge he'd hold against himself for using the syringe on Armin. 

" I followed you into the fire, made it out with a few scrapes. Though you were burned, still had the guts to carry on more bravely than me. . .even make a choice with that odd line. ' What if there is humanity outside the walls. ' Or some shit like that, and then I realized, and knew. . .that was how you were plundering your dreams and leading those crying brats to hell. " 

Unbeknownst to the captain, he wasn't alone. Just standing from afar, was another grieving heart. Armin Artlet, another soul wanting to say an unspoken peace to their old commander. But ended up seeing Levi there before him. 

" It's not fair you know, Erwin. Or that just might be me being selfish right now, yeah sounds like it. A biased opinion, since I fucking loved you and didn't have the guts to say it. Wanna know why? Cause I'm a coward. Since people I love keep leaving me in ways like this, death. Am I that detestable that death is the only way out? Gotta be, shitty way to go if you ask me, but probably your only way. Call it a curse, I guess. Sadly shit like this happens in the fucked world. I didn't even want to use it on Artlet, but you made your choice. So I had to make mine, fucking bastard. " 

Now that was a surprise to the little eavesdropper in the back, covering his mouth with his hand to not make a sound. Azure eyes bugging out of his head as the captain droned on. Armin himself wasn't even sure why he was saved, wouldn't Erwin have been a better pick? The power of the titan wasted on him, that's how it sounded. On the bright side, the colossal titan was in their arsenal with Eren's titan. Just with the wrong user in Artlet's mind. 

" It's not fair, you asshole. You get your peace, and leave me behind in this hell with a bunch of brats! Yes, they can pull their own weight. But you're not leading them anymore, instead it's gonna be someone else who can't live up to your name. All because I got emotional and saved that runt, when I knew, even with Hanji, that you were the better pick! A massive fuck up on my end, but then a small lived victory right? We have another titan ready to fight for us when needed. But I want you here! It's not fair, you trusted me to do the right thing with that weird liquid, and I don't know if I did! I promised myself that I'd follow you wherever, why did you have to go somewhere I can't go yet?! You and your stupid gambles, well make one with the devil down there and win, come back goddamn it! " 

At this point, Levi was screaming to a grave on the verge of tears. From standing to dropping on his knees, the turned up dirt from a freshly dug hole in the ground was staining his pants. Giving him the feelings of touching the underground floors, though this time he didn't care. Fighting back an attack of tears, his hands digging into the soil and gripping it. Dirt being trapped in his fingernails, a fierce look on his face with a few stray falling tears from his eyes. 

" I promise you, I'll make that sonva bitch pay. Along with aiding in to see that your final goal, your final dream is fulfilled. Even if I have to  die to make that happen. " 

It was a footstep, and the use of sharp senses that brought Levi out of his moment. Spinning around quick as could be, just to be met with a crying, tear stained face of one of his cadets. This was Levi's moment of vulnerability, being seen by Armin as if privacy wasn't a thing. Though now, the man couldn't hold it against the boy, dusting off himself to be free of the dirt and grime. Levi sent Armin a small glare, no words have been spoken yet, and not one really knew what to say. 

" Captain . . . I'm sorry, but you should have us--. " 

" Can it brat, I dunno how much you heard, and I hate repeating myself. But I'll make an exception, Erwin made his choice. I acted on it, now you might have to step up to bat. " 

Levi's words drew a small gasp from Armin, making him want to roll his eyes. 

" No one can live up to be Erwin, but I trust that you know what you're doing. Don't make me regret saving you now. " 

" Y-Yes sir! But can I ask a question? " 

That made a brow raise on Levi's face, a sign for Armin to carry on with what he was saying. The boy had to take a deep breath to even get the first word out. It almost made Levi scoff at a time like this. 

" Y-You l-love Commander Erwin, sir? Is-Is that true? " 

The stuttering fool really had the balls to ask. The captain almost looked impressed, but at the same time angered somewhat. 

" Yeah, I loved him, Artlet. A main factor playing on in why I wanted to use the syringe on him. But something happened during it, like I said. Don't make me regret it. " 

All he got was a frantic nod from the other blonde, even a salute for some reason. Levi responded with his own nod back, figuring now that his time alone with Erwin was up. Looking behind him at that grave, he sighed, his eyes narrowing somewhat. 

' Don't worry, Erwin. You won't be along for long, I said I'd follow you right? Into that same fire I'll soon be going. ' 

He whispered out, making his way to leave now. Going as far as to pat a startled Armin on the shoulder. His own line echoing inside his head to help cope with this, just tweaked a bit this time. 

' Plunder all your dreams, and lead those crying brats to victory. In his name. '