#if you��ve already seen this it’s because I made a new blog

[writteninthesewalls28]

Too dumb, to know things like love

A/n: So, this is my new story. It is so important to me, I am actually not quite sure if posting it is the right thing to do. Maybe I'm going to delete it again. Maybe not. Anyways, the summary was posted on this blog again, be sure to check that out too. This is the first chapter.

Warnings: none

Tagging @surrowndedbylights bc she said, she’d be interested in reading this!

The start of something new.

Do you also have these days, where you feel so nostalgic? For me, that day is definitely today. This is probably the most important and most memorable day for me. Well, at least when I end up in the "corps de ballet" after my years at the "Opéra National de Paris". If not, I will most likely remember this day, where everything started to go wrong.

But let´s just hope for the first option, shall we?

I totally forgot to introduce myself. But- is there much to tell anyways?

I am Athena, but everyone calls me Thena or Thea. You might wonder, why my parents chose such a hilarious name for her daughter, well they always loved unique things, since they called my siblings Percy (my annoyingly perfect older brother) and Iris (my cute, little younger sister, the most precious member of the family if you ask my granny). I am 16 years old and currently hectically running to my metro so I can get to my first day at the new school on time, which admittedly would be a new record, I never made it on time to any important dates.

I catch the metro and just in the right moment gripped onto the pole in front of me before the metro took off.

Like I already said, I am one of the new student at the dance school of Paris. Younger me would definitely be very impressed by what I achieved already. As little as I was, my mom made me take ballet classes because that´s what she did when she had been a teenager. It had always been my biggest dream to move to Paris one day and perform at the Opéra National de Paris, of course because I wanted to be a ballet star, but also because my mom told me so much about her life in the French metropole before meeting my dad who had been a tourist there and moving to Boston with him.

She showed me pictures of the city of love as little as I was and I immediately loved it as much as my mom did. So, partly, I am here because of her. I would have never had the courage to go and really apply for this school, even though I am the last person to be scared of anything. But- this was such a big step. Leaving Iris, Percy and our cat Tony behind, I never knew if I could really do it, but here I am.

I was smiling to myself, this would totally be a new kind of challenge, but I wasn´t afraid to accept, I knew I´d succeed and make my mom and sister proud. Iris is my biggest supporter, the best fan you could imagine, she is learning ballet and looks up to me, which just makes me feel even more empowered to do this.

The electronic woman´s voice echoed through the whole train and said: "Villiers". The excitement I felt in my stomach was growing stronger and stronger, only two more stations and then I´d see the Opéra for the first time. What an epic moment.

The metro had a really good ability to somehow crush all your positive emotions though. The smell, the darkness, all the people so close around you… not the most aesthetic place to be, especially when you are supposed to feel as happy and optimistic as me. The strange feeling of being practically thrown into these sharp bends is really killing me and my poor organs.

And then this road (can you even call them roads, they´re underground?!) bends THAt sharply that my body can´t take it.

I fall onto the guy standing next to me.

A very attractive guy as well, why is it always in front of the attractive ones when something embarrassing happens to me?

He had the most blue eyes I´ve EVER seen in the entire world, and I´ve seen quite many. His curly, black hair was completely devastated after I crushed into him, I felt so sorry. Not for him of course, for his beautiful hair. People who look so perfect and seem to have absolutely no reaction when someone falls on top of them, they kind of deserve to be ran over, right?

So, maybe that had to happen, maybe I was the CHOSEN person to ruin this boy´s hair to remind him that there are sadly too many people on this planet not as good looking as him.

Anyways, before I could even say "Sorry" or "Pardon" or whatever, the doors opened, I read "Europe" on the wall outside of the train and next thing I know, he stepped out of the doors and exited the train.

Asshole, not even waiting for an apology from the clumsy girl on the train.

The sight at the Opéra as soon as I stepped out of the underground station made me forget VERY quickly about the guy in the train. I focused on the fact that this thing, right in front of me, will be my future. My only hope for a happy future, too.

The Opéra was even more beautiful than it looked like on photos and in the internet. I quickly grabbed my phone out of my back pocket of my jeans and glanced at my lockscreen, showing me and Iris dancing next to each other in the middle of the busy streets in Boston, before I finally opening the camera app and taking a photo of the outstanding building in front of me. I`D be a dancer at the most famous dancing school EVER. I cannot believe it.

But if I didn´t speed up a little bit and make my way inside, I´d not be on time, so I started running to the hidden entrance on the left side of the building.

The inside was even more breath taking than the facade from the streets. Everywhere, I only saw gold decorations. On the walls, the stairs, the roof. I wondered why they didn´t call this place "The Golden Palace", because that´s what it really is.

I took a look around, trying to find a rather large group of teenagers any age, but couldn´t find anybody.

"Dear, are you searching for anybody?" A woman suddenly asked me, I didn´t even see her coming up to me.

"Well, yeah… I am looking for the new students of the Ballet school, we were supposed to meet here…" I said, not really knowing if she could even help me. She looked slightly older and I didn´t really think she was one of the staff members here. But she seemed nice, so why not ask her? I loved talking to others!

"Oh! So you´re the student they´re all waiting for! Come on, I can bring you to them!" She offered me and I gladly accepted her grateful offer. This place was a little too confusing for a girl like me.

Soon we arrived in the main entrance, the famous staircase everybody knows. "There they are!" the woman said and waited till I stood next to them before disappearing as if she´d never even been there.

"Ah, you must be Athena Williams, is that right?" The headmistress asked me as soon as I stood in front of the large group of students.

Why did I immediately knew, she´s the headmistress? Because the most famous French ballerina Ms. Rodriguez and now most successful ballet teacher had the most scary blue eyes ever. Paired with the raven-black hair and pale skin, you could actually think a vampire stood right in front of you. But I saw enough pictures of my future headmistress previously, so I just knew it was her who was talking to me in a very harsh tone.

And that, even though I arrived right on time! I hated people who said: "be on time" and then expect me to be there 20 minutes earlier, that´s just not fair.

"Yes, that´s right. Excuse me for the tardiness." I said, trying to give her a soft smile, but she just stared at me. And I´d rather vanish, god, she´s scary.

"At least we can start now." The teacher said, looking through to the whole group. "Anyone´s got any questions before we go to the school?" None of us said anything, I guess everyone was too stunned by the way she just stared at me. Scary woman, honestly. Maybe she should reconsider her clothing choice, black is not the best thing to wear when you have black hair.

On our way to the school, I looked around and saw a lot of different people next to me. Younger kids, older teens, girls, boys, kids where you´re not exactly sure what their gender is, friendly people, people with an angry look on their face.

And I started to wonder who will be my roommate. All of the students who are going to live in the boarding school because they don´t have any family living near Paris on in Paris, live in little rooms, similar to the rooms you see when you have a field trip with your class in a normal school, but with the difference that we have to live her for a whole year.

So if you don´t get along with you roommate, you really do have a problem. I just hoped my roommates are going to be very extroverted people and who like talking, because as out going as I am, I absolutely hate small talk with people who don´t want to talk. It just gets more and more awkward with every question that you ask.

Our large group was now already walking for about 20 minutes and you could slowly see how more students got upset about the long walk with every meter they made. I liked it though. Paris was just the most beautiful place to walk around. And I maybe also was so chilled because I was too excited to finally meet my roommate. Will it be a new student as well? How many people will be in the room? Will the room be big? Hopefully, I had a big problem with tiny rooms.

Suddenly Ms. Rodriguez walking in front of us stopped in front of the door of a large building. "École de la danse" was written on the sign above the door. "Okay, I´m now going to tell everyone to which room they have to go and if you´re not a boarding school student, you´re just going to wait here with me. I expect everyone back here at 6 pm in the grand hall for a dinner." She said and just started taking out a piece of paper.

Then she called out names, followed by a room number.

And I waited.

And waited.

And finally: Bradley, Athena an Williams, Adeline, Room 006" She said, and I looked around to see the other students who was just mentioned. But since I saw absolutely no one who looked up or anything, I walked up to the teacher and she handed me the key for the room. Still no one behind me, strange. Maybe Adeline was ill today and couldn´t attend.

I walked past the vampire-headmistress and made my way to the girl dorms. The corridors were all decorated very friendly and colorful, in soft summer colors, such as light green, yellow and pink. I really loved the atmosphere and felt immediately very comfortable here. That was a good start to my new life (apart from my tardiness-without-being-to-late, it REALLY was)

Only looking at my beautiful surroundings, I nearly missed my new dorm room. I stood in front of the 006 room and the door said: Luna Cordin, great, now I have two roommates, hopefully they weren´t complete idiots.

And… I opened the door just to see a very small girl sitting on one of the three beds in the room. She looked very shy (but maybe that was because of the huge glasses in her face) and had long, soft, red hair which really suited her rather pale skin perfectly. But she didn´t look like one of the mean and over-ambitious ballet girls. She looked- normal. Well, define normal, but she did not wear too much Make-Up and the fact that the 5th Harry Potter book laid in her hands proved my point. I think I got very lucky with my first room mate.

"Hey, guess I´m your new roommate. I´m Athena, but everybody calls me Thena, what´s your name?" I just ignored the fact that I already read her name on the door because how else should I possibly start a conversation with her? She didn´t look like she loved socializing.

The girl gave me a judging look and said in a really bored voice: "Stands on the door."

Wow, I´m gonna take it back. I didn´t get THAT lucky with my roommate.

But maybe first impressions weren´t quite her thing… who knows.

"Can I choose a bed or did anyone already arrive?" I asked, not really expecting an answer.

"No, all of them are free, just take one." Luna said. Maybe she wasn´t too bad after all, at least she just gave me a completely normal response to a completely normal question.

I made my way to the bed opposite of her, in between the two beds was just the narrow corridor of our room which lead to the large wardrobe. I took a look around and saw a few famous photos of paintings from even more famous artists on the wall and figured Luna must like painting.

"You like Van Gogh?" I asked, not knowing much about him myself, but studies say that it´s a good thing to ask a shy person about things they like because they love telling people about it.

Luna, however, already continued reading as soon as I sat down on the bed. "Yeah, I think he has an interesting way to paint. I really like it." Wow, she CAN talk.

We continued talking about some of the drawings in the room before introducing ourselves.

"I´m from London and now am at this school for about 3-4 years. It´s really cool everybody is nice, especially the teachers. Some students might me a little strange, but that´s the same in every ballet school. And anyways, most people are really cool. I bet you´ll like Atlas a lot. He´s so funny.

I explained a bit about my hometown and talked about my family, especially Iris. "Here, that´s me and her back in Boston" I showed her my phone lockscreen.

"Awww, she looks so cute. I wish I had a little sister. My older sister, Beth, she´s very confident. Iris looks at you as if you´re the best person on the planet. You must be so happy to have her." Yeah, I really was, and that really made me miss her and Percy even more. The two people who I´ll probably always miss most. Hopefully mom was right and it´ll get better with time.

"I think we probably should go to the dinner, I don´t want to be late. Ms. Rodriguez hates that." Luna said and I sighed rather loud.

"Then she definitely hates me to death now." Luna chuckled and looked at me with an amused look on her face. She had a very adorable laugh.

"Don´t worry. She hates everyone." I started to really like this girl. She for sure wasn´t too bad.

"And.. That´s June. She´s here since she was 13, oh and next to her, that´s her boyfriend Jamie. They´re really nice. But, you know. Couples. Slightly annoying." Me and Luna got to the big dining hall, or at least the dining hall for the dinner tonight with all the students, normally it probably was a cafeteria with lots of little tables for the students.

Luna started pointing at all the students who will be in our classes and who are older, who to fear and who´s really nice. A silent observer is a really good person to be close with because she simply knows EVERYTHING about everyone.

I now knew that there´s a girl who is maybe bisexual, but maybe isn´t and that someone is always talking about his long-distance girlfriend but everyone is wondering if that girl really exists because no one ever saw her.

But apparently, Luna was still waiting for her best friend, a boy named Atlas. They arrived in the same year at this school and immediately got best friends. "You´ll like him, he´s so cool." she told me when I asked what he was like. For me, that more sounds like someone who is an absolute asshole that nobody likes, but everyone has to because otherwise he´s going to start some terrifying rumors.

But maybe I think that just because I went to a high school in Boston City and the kids are a little weird there, including me and my siblings.

My gaze wandered around the big hall. The large tables in the middle of the room with the gorgeous plates and even more beautiful decoration in gold and rosé really stood out and made it hard to focus on anything else than this beauty. But behind one of the chairs, I noticed a guy with an annoyed look on his face, not talking to anyone, in contrast to everybody else.

Everyone stood together in either large or little groups, explaining things or showing a new students around, but he just stood there, not interested in anything, only staring at the floor.

"Luna, who´s that boy over there?" I asked her. There was a huge chance that she didn´t know him because he´s a new students, but why not ask?

"Oh, please never talk to him. Ever. That´s Timothée, everyone calls him Timmy though. With his blonde hair and the bad attitude, I am convinced Malfoy would be an even better nickname. He IS Draco Malfoy. I feel so sorry for Atlas that he has to share a room with him every single day of the week. And I really feel sorry for all of us that he is in our class every single day of the week, it´s truly a shame."

Wow.

No, I won´t talk to him. But I did feel a bit sorry for him, he must feel very lonely if everybody hates him.

"Atlas! Come on, I´m going to introduce you to him!" Luna now said next to me and I had to stop looking at the loner in the black clothes and follow Luna, who was walking towards a tall guy with black hair, I couldn´t see how his face looked though because Luna was in front of me.

When they stopped and he leaned in to hug her, I felt like my heart stopped beating for a second.

He had blue eyes, THE blue eyes.

I would´ve probably recognized these special eyes everywhere, but I definitely didn´t expect them here, at this school, as the best friend of my first friend in a different country.

It was the asshole from the metro who didn´t even bother to wait for my excuse. How could he now seem so nice and soft though? Was that just because Luna was in front of him, or had I been the problem?

Well, falling onto someone because the metro is stopping isn´t really the best start to have… but maybe we could fix it?

"May I introduce you to my new roommate Thena?" Luna said and moved to the side so I stood directly in front of him, looking at him and noticed his hair wasn´t ruined anymore.

These eyes, they were too pretty.

"We already met." he said, smiling at me. "In the metro, not the best encounter I had with someone, I have to say." OH, how lovely. He hates me. Just because I ruined his goddamn hair?!

"Got your hair and your ego fixed again?" I asked in return, maybe sounding a bit too harsh than I actually wanted to. But he just continued smiling and looked back at Luna. I didn´t even notice I held my breath while he was talking to me, that normally only happens to me when I´m dancing, strange.

"And these are my new roommates. Luna, Aylan and Milan. Aylan and Milan, my best friend Luna." He introduced them to each other.

The two boys were the most identical twins I`ve ever seen. They both had the same brown hair and freckles. The only difference were the dimples the right one, Milan, had.

"They are Anny´s brothers." Atlas added.

While Atlas and Luna had an ongoing conversation about their summers, while Atlas talked way more than her, I tried doing small talk with the twins. God, I really was terrible at it.

"So, your names sound really Italian, are you from there?" I asked, only knowing a few things about the European country.

Both of them nodded and Aylan said: "Yeah, we grew up there, our mom is from Italy, our dad is from Germany though." Aylan was the talker, I immediately noticed. Milan seemed rather shy compared to his brother, but the grin said it all: both were definitely up to some banter. And I really liked that, every single class needs at least one student like that, having two of them, makes it even more fun, right?

Sooner or later the principal came and we all had to sit down on our chairs and listen to her speech. "I love to see so many new faces at this school, it reminds me that there´s so much good and new stuff coming up. Here´s to a good year and a good start of classes on Wednesday!" She said and everybody started applauding.

Later, during the big dinner, where I sat between Luna and a girl named Taylor, Luna asked me: "So, what´s going on between you and Atlas, I don´t like the way you were talking to him earlier." Oh, god. Please don´t tell me she´s secretly in love with the asshole, but doesn´t want to admit it, so she´s just fighting everyone who disrespects him. I always hated these type of girls, I met tons of them back in Boston in High School.

"Well, we met in the train because I fell on top of him and ruined his PERFECT hair." I responded with a bitter tone in my voice, I still couldn´t believe someone could be such a- well so mean to me just because I did something embarrassing. "And now he hates me I guess."

"No, Atlas hates no one, not even Timmy. And to be honest, maybe you are the person who´s acting up a little here." Yeah, she was in love with him, great. Now I had to mess with this instead of focusing on school and getting good roles in a play.

"I´m not, he didn´t even waited for my excuse-" I sighed, this was completely useless anyways. I was new, they were friends for so long now, she´d just defend him for ages. "You know what, forget it. I don´t have to be friends with him." I said towards Luna and turned away from her to start small talk (yay, my favorite activity!) with the girl next to me who seemed very lonely, so why not cheer her up a little?

Directly after the dinner ended, I practically ran back to our room, just to scare the shit out of the girl who stood in it when I busted through the wooden door.

That must be Adeline Williams, hopefully a lot nicer roommate than my I-fell-in-love-with-my-best-friend roommate I already met and am definitely not friends with anymore, against our actually pretty good start.

"What are you doing?!" Was the first thing she (hysterically) said to me after picking up her luggage that fell out of her hand because I scared her so bad.

"sorry, just not the best first day…" I explained, wanting to say more and introduce myself, but she cut me off.

"Well, then just do something different than running into random rooms. This is a ballet school, not a school for professional boxers!" The new girl said to me and I couldn´t do anything else but stand there completely speechless.

Why was I surrounded by complete idiots?

And in the exactly right moment, Luna steps into our shared room and says: "Everything okay Thena?" before seeing the new girl and look at her confused. "And you are?"

"I´m Adeline, call me Addy. But only if you know how to open doors without scaring the shit out of people."

So she basically just told me to call her Adeline because I busted into MY new room? Man, I wanted to go home and hug Iris and Percy. Right now.

Considering my first encounter with Addy was last night, you can probably imagine how my first night in the boarding school was.

Thank god, the morning was a lot better, especially because I managed to get ready and leave the room before my two roommates.

While enjoying the literally very delicious breakfast (I LOVE pancakes) I texted my sister Iris who was about to go bed, being 6 hours behind me.

Thena: Heyy little sis, how was your first day of school 👯‍♀️?

She directly read my text and responded. Oh how good it felt to know she’s still there for me and I could still talk to her whenever I want (just ignoring that there were 8 hours and so many kilometers between us).

Iris: Good… school I guess. The kids are being weird since our local paper wrote about your new school. Speaking of you, how’s my super cool professional ballerina sister?

Yesterday had been my sister’s first day of school. She was very good in school and loved English and Science, but would rather spend her time in the ballet studio, trying to dance one of the fairies of sleeping beauty, her favorite ballet. Most of the kids there don´t comprehend why she loves ballet so much and why she spends so much time with a "silly" hobby. For me, it had been the same, but at the point where you transfer to Paris to become a professional dancer, everyone tells you how much they look up to you and how proud they are to know you.

It´s just the way things are.

Thena: Don´t mind them, they´re idiots. Paris is so beautiful, I wish you´d be here with me.

Iris: Is everyone nice to you? Met any cool people?

That´s the thing with having a very clever sister, she knows why I´m only talking about the city and not about the people. But bad for her that she had such a stubborn big sis who never talks about her emotions with her, trying to protect her.

Thena: Yeah, everyone is super cool here. It´s so different here though, so happy I learned a little bit of French ;)

I knew she most likely won´t accept that as an answer, but just hoped she won´t ask any further questions about my for now really embarrassingly poor social live, no matter how extroverted I actually am.

Iris: Have to go to bed now or mom´s literally going to murder me… have a good day and please send me lots of photos from your free day!

I smiled reading her message, send her lots of kisses and wished her a good night before putting my phone away and finish eating my breakfast. Because school only starts on Wednesday, we were allowed to go out shopping or exploring the city today.

Which, translated to me, meant, I have to go and buy maaaany new leotards for when I´m gonna be in the ballet studios outside of school times.

But before I could finish that thought, the blonde girl, named Taylor that I talked to at the dinner yesterday sat next to me. "Hey! How was your first night?" She asked.

I was just so happy that someone finally tried doing small talk that I nearly forgot answering her question. "It was okay… have to get used to the time zone and my roommates, but it definitely wasn´t too bad. How was yours?" I asked after answering. I loved sharing information about me, knowing that some people don´t like it as much, but she seemed really okay with it.

"Yeah, same honestly. I´m from Australia. I just really want to sleep and stand up in the middle of the night." She said, laughing.

Our conversation went on for a while before we decided we could go and explore the famous and gorgeous "City of Love" together.

"Let´s meet here again at 10?" She asked while standing up and taking her dirty dishes with her.

I nodded. I at least had someone rather nice to talk to and spend time with. Sad that she wasn´t my roommate after all.

The second I walked back into my shared room I took a deep breath, hoping it would be empty and I could spend some peaceful time alone, maybe chatting with my older brother Percy.

But sadly, I found Luna sitting on her bed in the exact same position as yesterday when I first met her, doing the exact same thing: reading the exact same book: Harry Potter

I awkwardly entered and closed the door behind me. "Good Morning." I tried sounding as nice as possible and she shyly looked up from her book as I made my way to my luggage to take out some clothing, appropriate for a day in the city.

"Morning. And, any plans for today?" Luna surprisingly said. Was she trying to do small talk with me?

I of course answered her, using the opportunity she gave me. "Yeah, me and some girl want to go to the city together and maybe go shopping." I didn´t try to sound too nice, making sure she still knows I´m mad at her for the comment yesterday. "Where Adeline?" I added, not really knowing what else to say to keep this conversation going.

"She said, she´s going to go to the ballet studios, because, I quote: ´I cannot not train, I can´t believe school only starts tomorrow. " I laughed for the first time today and it felt really relieving actually. Maybe this place wasn´t too bad as I thought after yesterday.

"She is a little weird isn´t she?" I asked Luna, getting a huge nod as a response.

"Hey, how about we forget about yesterday and start all over again? I really didn´t mean that comment yesterday… Atlas CAN be a little cold sometimes."

Wow. I expected everything. But not that, definitely not.

"Hold on." I said, going back to the door and playing like I just entered. "Hey, guess we are roommates now. I´m Thena, what´s your name?" I said, taking her words ´start all over again´ very seriously.

She laughed uncontrollably, I didn´t think she had such a pretty laugh. "I´m Luna. Nice to have you here Thena." She then answered, finally catching her breath again. "No, but seriously. I regret these words from the dinner yesterday. I´m just very protective over him, we know each other for so long already."

Yeah, that was the clarification, she was deeply in love with him. But I wouldn´t tell her, we don´t know each other for that long and I was still a little mad about her comment. Even after her second apology.

"Apology accepted." I said, giving her a soft smile and finally continuing my search for appropriate ´going-out-shopping´ clothes in my suitcase.

"Thank you." She stood up from her bed and walked towards her part of the wardrobe. She opened it and grabbed something out of it before handing it to me. "When I found out I´d get two roommates this year, I already bought a book for each of you as a welcome present. Hope you like it."

She bought a book, just for me?

She may be introverted and super protective, but maybe she doesn´t WANT to be like that.

"Thank you so much. That means so much to me." I looked at the beautiful cover of the book. It was light brown with two people holding hands on it. The title said: "What if… I fall in love with you".

"It´s one of my favorite rom-coms. Two very young authors, best friends, wrote it together when they were just 15." Luna said, which really fascinated me. They were as old as us right now when they wrote their first book together? That´s truly incredible.

"By the way, why don´t you ask that girl if you two want to come with Atlas, the twin and me to our favorite coffee shop in town?"

I´ll take that as a peace offering from her side. Even though meeting Atlas again and listening to his dumb comments about me wasn´t the nicest thought I had, I still agreed, just to grow closer with Luna. She´ll still be my roommate for the next 2-3 years. It´s nice to have a good relationship with her.

Suddenly, I heard my phone ringing and saw that my brother was calling me. We were finally nearly in the same time zone, him studying in London, me here in Paris. "Sorry, that´s my brother, I have to answer that." She nodded and sat down on her bed again.

"Hey big bro!" I said when taking the call, immediately hearing Percy soft laugh through the phone and felt like I was home again.

"Hey big little sis. How´s life in the elite ballet school? Heard the tiny little Boston local paper wrote about it. You´re famous now." He always made jokes like that, that´s just his way of showing his love to me.

"It´s.. Okay. Already met some pretty cool people here." For him, it was even more important to know I was okay. I think, he´d actually beat people up if he knew someone hurt one of his sisters. I learned not to worry him too much. "And you? Any big parties at the beautiful Oxford?" Okay, I take it back. Making jokes like that, were OUR way of showing love.

"No, no big parties coming. Have to focus on studying again." My big bro was the kid my parents are most likely the most proud of. He was studying Journalism in Europe and was the best of his year. He´s the perfect kid. Which actually makes it easier for me and Iris because my parents don´t expect that much from the both of us anymore. They already have their perfect son.

"Good luck with that, while I have a free day and can enjoy the beautiful city of love!" I said to him and got a laugh back. I loved when we were messing around like that.

"Have fun and send me photos!"

And then we hung up.

"Your brother seems fun to be around." Luna said after I put my phone down again.

"Yeah, Percy´s really cool." I grinned, he really was. Sometimes a little annoying cause he´s so perfect, but really cool.

 

[rjalker]

K. Remaking this post because the OP is deactivated so I can't click on any names to add image descriptions or plain text.

trender-typhlosion (deactivated) said:

Neopronouns are not a “tumblr fad”. Gender neutral pronouns other than they/them have existed in the English language for actual centuries. They are not harmful to the trans community.

To those who are against neopronouns, you’re acting against the evolution of a language and acting against something that’s been around for far longer than you’ve been alive.

To those who use neopronouns, your pronouns are not harmful. You do not deserve to be made to feel ashamed for your pronouns.

boobless-wonder said, August 10th 2019:

Op you can’t just drop this and expect us to not ask what the old school gender neutral pronouns were!!! How on earth are all my nb friends gonna pick the dapper pronouns????

fallon-has-opinions (Deactivated? Now an empty blog) said:

I found these doing very minimal research:

Ey/Em/Eir (1975, created by Christine M. Elverson) E/Em/Es (1890, created by James Rogers) Per/Pers/Perself (1976, Used in a novel by Marge Piercy) Thon/Thos/Thonself (1858, Created by Charles Crozat Converse) Ve dates back to 1980 Xe dates back to 1973 In 1789, William Marshall confirmed the use of both“a” and “ou” as a replacement for he/she/they and even i. Co/Coself (1970, created by Mary Orovan) Ne (1850, appeared in print in 1884) En (1868, mentioned by Richard Grant White) Han/Hans/Hanself (1868) Un/Uns/One (1868) Se/Sis/Sim (1884) Hesh/Hiser/Himer (1879) Hi/Hes/Hem (1884) Le/Lis/Lim (1884) Hersh/Herm (1884) Ip/Ips (1884) Hae/Haes(Hais)/Haim (1884) Tha/Thare/Them(Thon) (1885) Zyhe/Zyhe’s/Zyhem (1885) Ir/Iro/Im (1888) De/Der/Dem (1888) Hor/Hors/Horself (1890) Ith/Iths (1890) Sources for these as well as many others that I didn’t add due to the list getting too long can be found here. [[Unfortunately, the original link is broken, and no version available on the web archive :( ]] An interesting note is that in the modern language a lot more people use neopronouns then you would expect! Yo is a majorly African American pronoun coined in 2004 and used by Middle School students In Baltimore, Maryland. Fae/Faer, coined in 2014, is used by 4.3% of participants in the 2019 Gender Census. Plus a vast variety of newly coined pronouns that you will have seen commonly floating around! Neopronouns have existed and been recorded for a long time, they are not a new concept, nor are they MOGAI or a tumblr concept. They are not modern, there have just been many modern adaptions to already existing pronouns.

As another addition from me, Ae/aer pronouns are from 1920, from the scifi/philosophy/??? book, A Voyage to Arcturus, by David Linsey.

You can download it or read it for free here on Project Gutenberg:

"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1329"

[lambden]

What better way to break in a new blog than by immediately posting fic? In honour of Nightmare of the Wolf, here’s some Vesemir and Filavandrel!

(read on AO3)

M, 2.9K words, no warnings, Vesemir recognizes Jaskier’s lute when he arrives at Kaer Morhen

Vesemir has been expecting this day for decades. It’s rare for witchers to meet a trusted companion out on the Path, and even rarer to find one who wishes to travel alongside them. But the reputation of witchers has changed in recent years, for better or worse. Their focus is no longer on maintaining the traditional practices of their schools, but on protection— of other witchers, and of helpless commoners. Perhaps the humans can sense that change.

More curiously, the folklore surrounding witchers has changed. Vesemir very badly wants to meet the man who has done so much to change the narrative, but years pass and all Geralt brings home every winter are stories. The younger witchers entertain (and tease) him but no one ever asks where the bard goes during the cold months that Geralt spends at Kaer Morhen. Perhaps even Geralt doesn’t know.

Finally, after hundreds of stories of Geralt-and-Dandelion, Vesemir receives a letter one autumn before he himself has even considered the journey home. His chest warms as he reads Geralt’s careful penmanship, noting how the ink blots at the start of each new sentence. The paper and wax are fine, suggesting that Jaskier used his academic connections to perhaps land Geralt a few contracts near Oxenfurt. Geralt’s lettering may be nearly flawless but his message is stilted, reminding Vesemir of when his pups were nervous children. Does Jaskier really make him act this awkward? Their relationship must be serious, then.

I am hoping you will welcome my guest with open arms, or I fear he may freeze over the coming months. Vesemir looks for a signature but there is none, save a very fancy G at the bottom. No returning address has been provided either, and while he could easily pen a missive to Oxenfurt, it’s probably best not to respond. Each day Nilfgaard only grows stronger, and crueler. Perhaps Jaskier has been caught up in their hunger for power. Vesemir folds the letter up and hides it in his saddlebag.

When the frost begins creeping in, the oldest Wolf begins his trek up the mountain. He’s almost always the first one to arrive; Coën had beaten him to it once and apologized for weeks, and Vesemir would do anything to avoid that again. And if he makes an effort to arrive early this year so that he can make the Keep look as important as it is, well… nobody needs to know.

It takes a week and a half before Geralt arrives, Jaskier in tow. Vesemir spends the time flushing out a bat infestation and dealing with the most perishable of his spoils from the past year. The White Wolf seems to bring the cold with him most years but Vesemir, cognizant of Jaskier’s inferior body, made sure to set out enough furs in advance. As soon as he hears Roach’s hooves approaching he starts a roaring fire, and when the inner doors of Kaer Morhen burst open, Vesemir is ready to make a great first impression.

Upon seeing him, Geralt smiles right away, crossing the room to greet him. Vesemir looks him over; no obvious new scars, no missing body parts. Must have been an uneventful year, but… Geralt is here, safe and alive, so Vesemir allows himself some private, selfish, unwitcherly joy. It’s the sort of thing Deglan would have lectured him for. He finds he doesn’t care.

“I got your letter,” he tells Geralt, who nods solemnly. “I thought it best not to reply. Is Nilfgaard on your trail?”

“Our trail,” Geralt sighs, stepping aside so that Vesemir can meet his companion. “Vesemir, this is Jaskier.”

The bard, dwarfed by a large fur coat, moves forward so that Vesemir can properly scrutinize him. He certainly doesn’t look his age, but Vesemir knows he’s travelled as far as any witcher has gone, and seen sights no human should really have witnessed. “Oh, I’ve heard plenty about you, Jaskier. I was wondering when Geralt was finally going to bring you along for the winter!” That makes Jaskier perk up, and Vesemir chuckles. “I promise that no harm will come to you here.”

“Thank you,” Jaskier says. “Geralt doesn’t like sharing much about the other witchers, but I’m sure you must have a wealth of stories for me to hear!” Sure enough, Geralt frowns. “And I don’t know how much help I’ll be with hunting or gathering, but I would be happy to regale you on the coldest nights—” 

And before Vesemir can read into that unfortunate phrasing, Jaskier shrugs off his fur coat to produce a lute. He must have been wearing it strapped around his front on the journey through the mountains, not wanting to condemn such a fine instrument to being jostled around in Roach’s saddlebags. Vesemir squints at the red-brown wood and the golden details under the strings. They almost look like a particular elven design.

Oh. Vesemir’s realization nearly bowls him over. Geralt and Jaskier stare at him, respectively concerned and curious, but Vesemir can’t take his eyes off the lute. “My apologies, I… I forgot something in my chamber. Make yourselves at home, and… I’ll leave you to it.” He leaves without any further explanation, hastening to his quarters and abandoning the pair of them to their own devices. He can still feel their gazes drilling into his back but he suddenly feels weaker than usual.

---

 “I heard there was a witcher skulking around this forest,” the spy says. Vesemir is almost relieved to hear them speak; he’s been glancing over his shoulder for nearly an hour now to try and reveal an invisible pursuer. He should’ve known he was right. Just because the spy doesn’t lumber like a human or reek of magic like a monster doesn’t mean he won’t be in trouble. 

He stops in the middle of the path, still facing forward. He’s got a sneaking suspicion that the second he turns, a very unfriendly knife is going to introduce itself to his ribcage. Or perhaps an arrow, although he hasn’t heard the sound of anything and he’s been listening very closely.

His pursuer approaches. Fuck, they’re light on their feet. If Vesemir was just an average bandit, he’d be done for. He braces himself for an attack, balling his hands up into fists at his sides. The stranger continues, tone still pleasant enough, “Why not stay in town? A warm bed must beat trudging through mud in the early hours of the morning trying to find ground. I’ll give you some advice, witcher; there’s no dry ground. You’re heading towards a swamp.”

“They wouldn’t let me stay in town,” Vesemir admits, already grumpy. He whirls around and sees the stranger; a lean man, just slightly shorter than him. The long hood of their cloak casts a dark shadow over their face, blocking them from view. “If you’re here to rob me, I hate to disappoint, but you’ve followed me all this way for nothing.”

He holds up his empty coinpurse; not to prove himself, just to complain. The stranger titters, a lovely, high-pitched sound like glass clinking against glass, like chimes. Like birdsong. Vesemir’s eyes narrow. “That’s a shame,” they say. “You do love coin.”

There’s something disturbingly familiar about the words. Vesemir decides to gamble with his own life, stalking forward until he’s face to face with the stranger. Up close, his scent is even stronger. Frowning, Vesemir is about to reveal the man’s identity when he does it himself, pushing his hood back. His hair is tied up in complex braids unlike any Vesemir has ever seen, only a few loose strands hanging down over his forehead. But it would take more than a lifetime for Vesemir to forget that face.

“Fil,” he declares, delighted, and doesn’t think twice before crashing into the elf. Filavandrel laughs again and though it makes Vesemir feel a little silly, the sound still fills his heart with joy. He embraces his friend tightly, clinging to him for so long that both their boots sink down into the flooded dark soil of the forest. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s like I told you.” The elf pats the back of Vesemir’s neck, unwittingly sending a shiver down his spine. Vesemir’s grip tightens. “My scouts said I might find a witcher lost in the woods.”

“I’m not lost,” Vesemir grunts, finally pulling away. “I just… don’t know where I’m going.”

“Come to my camp,” suggests Filavandrel. As if he even had to ask.

Unsurprisingly, elves make their camps much differently than witchers do. When they arrive Vesemir doesn’t immediately see any sort of bedroll, and then he feels embarrassed for looking. He never feels this way around anyone else; he can make bawdy jokes with Sven or blatantly hit on Luka, but in the company of Filavandrel aén Fidháil, shame bursts through him so easily.

Maybe he just has a thing for pretty blondes who he leaves behind.

Except Fil is here, smiling indulgently as Vesemir gapes like a fool. “It’s nice,” he finally manages to say. “Want me to set a fire?”

“A campfire, sure. Not a big one,” Filavandrel teases. Swallowing, Vesemir turns to a firepit that the elf must have fashioned himself. He takes a bundle of wood that’s already been cut and easily ignites it, all the while trying to figure out why his heart is pounding so damn loud. Thank fuck that Filavandrel isn’t a witcher.

“Have you eaten?”

“No. You?”

“I was going to have some bread, and go hunting in the morning.” There’s a small noise and when Vesemir turns to look, his friend is holding out a large chunk of bread. It doesn’t even look that stale. Vesemir sees that Filavandrel has taken a much smaller piece for himself and growls about it, but the elf snatches the smaller piece away before Vesemir can lunge for it. “I don’t want to hear any self-sacrificial bullshit about how witchers don’t need to eat. Take the damn bread, Ves.”

“... Fine,” Vesemir relents, cowed. He accepts the bread, fingertips accidentally brushing over Filavandrel’s when he takes it. It’s fucking delicious, melting in his mouth almost instantly. Seeds and herbs have been baked into it too, and Vesemir savours every bite, moaning. “You should quit being a professional elf and start a new life as a baker, fuck.”

“I can do both. It’s an old recipe, needs a stone oven. And what does being a professional elf even mean?” Filavandrel reaches up to shove him, except they aren’t very far away from each other so the push nearly knocks Vesemir off his balance. Before he can tip over onto the grass Filavandrel grabs him by the collar of his gambeson and tugs him back, and, well. Vesemir may be a witcher, but parts of him are still human. 

Neither of them has to say a word; he opens for Filavandrel like he’s been thinking of nothing but this since the second they laid eyes on each other. Honestly, he sort of has. Fil runs a hand over the shaved part of his head, pressing his palm against the back of his neck to pull him in closer. Vesemir moans, chasing the taste of something sweet and acidic and magic. It certainly isn’t the fucking bread.

Afterwards they lie together by the smoldering remains of the fire, both too spent to clean themselves or dress. Vesemir glances over at the cinders and thinks about making an exit soon. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to stay with Filavandrel. He’s comfortable here, especially right now, and his friend always makes his heart feel lighter. But the Path calls to him; lying here without his weapons or armour, Vesemir can nearly hear Deglan’s scolding. And that thought is enough to ruin anyone’s afterglow.

Before he can move, Filavandrel sits up, arching his back. Vesemir turns to watch him, nearly salivating at how he looks in the low firelight. His hair is radiant, and his skin isn’t nearly flushed enough. He’s beautiful. Ethereal. Selfishly, Vesemir wishes that he’d left more marks.

Fil climbs to his feet and crosses the campsite to retrieve something out of reach. Vesemir cranes his neck to try and peek, and Filavandrel laughs kindly at him. “I was just thinking that something’s missing.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Vesemir says, lowering his head back down onto the ground. “I should have kissed you more.”

The elf pauses at that before finally demanding, “Kiss me later.” A note resounds through the air, clear and beautiful; then a chord, and another. Very soon their little clearing feels more like a fairy circle than a campground as Filavandrel plays music. 

He finally walks into view, still naked, still beautiful. Now holding a lute. Vesemir tries to sit up so that he can properly see the performance but Filavandrel is faster, moving over him and then sitting atop his stomach, resting his back against Vesemir’s thighs. He plays the entire time, fingers moving adeptly over the instrument.

It’s a beautiful lute, probably made of some holy dark red wood. The golden design etched into it is mesmerizing, and the strings could have been plucked from the mane of a unicorn. Vesemir hardly spares it any attention, too wrapped up in the sight of a naked Filavandrel straddling him and singing.

He’ll only realize decades later that the elf was probably trying to court him.

Someone knocks on the door to his chambers and Vesemir jumps to his feet, caught off-guard by the sound that plucked him from his memories. He finds Jaskier waiting outside his room, toying idly with the sleeves of his doublet. Vesemir shakes his head, holding the door open for Jaskier even as he apologizes. “I’m sorry for running out earlier. I meant to give you a tour of the Keep, hopefully Geralt will have stepped up in my absence, but I am sorry—”

“No— please,” Jaskier interrupts. Once more he pulls his lute from around himself, holding it out to Vesemir. “I just… Your countenance changed dramatically upon seeing this, so…”

Fuck. “Yes,” Vesemir sighs, staring at the lute. Jaskier has managed to keep it in good condition after all this time. “I… Filavandrel and I are old friends.”

The bard’s eyes bulge out of his head but he enters Vesemir’s chambers, heading straight to the desk to perch on the edge of the chair. Vesemir finds another chair for himself, moving its previous occupant— a stack of books— onto the floor. In his defence, he hadn’t expected the tour of Kaer Morhen to begin in his personal chambers.

“He didn’t mention knowing any other witchers,” Jaskier hums. “How did you meet him?”

“You’re sure you want to know? It’s sort of a long story.” The bard just nods, eager and polite. Instantly Vesemir can see why Geralt likes him. “Alright,” he obliges, reaching for the bottle of wine on the desk. They’re going to need it. “We met long before you would have been born…”

 ---

 South of Kaedwen, the seasons are more aligned than any other part of the Continent. The winters are crisp, the summers lazy. Filavandrel likes to spend his summers here, where the canopy of trees is thick enough to provide shade but thin enough to provide colour. Everything is verdant, the flowers calling to him as he passes each one. When he was a child he had longed to visit towns and experience human delights like festivals but now he knows better. The elves live off the land well enough anyway.

Some of the younger people in his company these days have that same yearning, and some of them even manage it. One elf who resembles Toruviel always runs off to see some different show, take in some new performance. If Filavandrel thought that she could get away with it, he would pay for her to attend Oxenfurt— she’s very good. And the upside of her risking her life just to listen to music is that she’s got a very good memory, and she always brings the songs back home.

Today she’s singing some new ode to a witcher; not that bigoted anthem of lies that the bastard warbler from Posada somehow spread through the Continent, thank the Gods. This one seems to revolve more around making the right choice, and how a real hero does good deeds not for coin or his own profit, but just to be good. Filavandrel thinks about the few witchers that he’s had the misfortune of contacting over the years, and under his breath he scoffs.

Cheesy chorus aside, the lyrics seem to have some merit. The first verse is all about some terrible monster that was taking young girls, transforming them into half-beasts. The hero witcher’s judgement fails him and he blames himself for years, even losing a lover in the process. Filavandrel scowls; despite his own experiences with witches, he doesn’t want to listen to a song written by yet another prejudiced bard.

Then the third verse lands. The witcher grows old and wise and has children of his own, and he regrets his inaction and he tries to reach out to contact his lover. But at that point his lover, who devoted his life to protecting those in danger, was too busy being King of the Silver Towers. Filavandrel stops dead in his tracks as he realizes which witcher this must have been inspired by.

The elven king huffs, starting to compose a route in his head. He thinks a trip up north is long overdue.

[albino-whumpee]

First mistake

In which we learn Albus can´t see anything.  

Taglist:  @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @giggly-evil-puppy @cowboysrappin @haro-whumps @burtlederp @neuro-whump @comfortforthepain @whumps-the-word @whole-and-apart-and-between @broken-horn @ashintheairlikesnow @rosesareviolentlyread​ @starnight-whump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @as-a-matter-of-whump  @whumpasaurus101 @grizzlie70​ @twistedcaretaker

CW// Pet whump, dehumanization, defiant whumpee, migraines, whumpee as caretaker. Pretty mild one. 

Days later, Albus was having a headache.

It was getting harder to read the reports or even his own notes, and his eyes weren´t taking lightly the increasing strain.

“Are you taking anything for that?” Sasha asked with cards and papers scattered around their table on the cafeteria.

Albus grunted “I can´t take medicine” he said squinting harder at his excel document. Re-reading it for the tenth time.

“You allergic?” Tony asked scratching his head before showing the boy the piece he was working on “Hey, what do you think of this?” Albus sighed, giving up on trying to understand.

“I don´t need them” The boy took a look at the man´s tablet and was marveled as always. But the colors made him stare away. Too vibrant for him “It´s good” he said closing his eyes for a second.

“Dude are you sure about that?” Sasha asked stopping the sound of rushed typing.  

“I have gone through worse without them. I´m fine” he growled annoyed at her insistence “Why does this have last week´s numbers?” he showed her his tablet. She took a look and then directed an even more worried look at him.

“Because it´s last week report, Albus. I sent you the new version an hour ago” she explained making him look at her and then at the tablet.

“No, it´s version 8 right? It´s this one, look” he said feeling a tug on his chest when she shook her head and Tony stretched his neck.

“Ah, no it says right there it´s version 6″ the man said as Sasha pointed with her finger the number 6 at the top. Now more visible at the distance. “See?” the boy sighed before covering his face with his hand.

“Good thing you haven´t sent it to Zarai” Sasha tried to comfort him, but when he didn´t say anything both stared at him. “You didn´t…”

“No, not yet” he said making both sigh in relief. “I have two hours left at least” he said opening the mail app and downloading the correct document. Using index and middle to expand the screen and verify the file´s name.

Sasha looked at Tony and then back at the boy “No, it´s due in half”

“What?” The boy jumped and rushed to check on his notes. His breath growing quicker until he read the actual note and his heart skipped a beat. His eye trembled, before he let himself fall on the table covering his head in a quiet attempt to soothe himself from the anxiety.

He had had trouble reading back at the facility. They had partially erased that part of him before, only to reinstall it later as “costume training” as the handlers liked to call it. It had taken more than just a few hits on his right hand and on his thighs to learn to read and write again without passing out. Despite the white pain he had felt at the beginning, he had gotten used to the small burn at the back of his eyes.

His sight was blurry and even now making up letters up close was difficult sometimes. But he thought it would be fine as long as he squinted enough. He was slow because he always expanded the screen to read…

Was it really something so small, reason enough to get him fired? He shivered and hugged himself harder as he realized that it was enough. Ma´am had a long history of firing slow workers and he couldn´t let that happen.

He trembled at the thought of being returned to the white walls, with its freezing tiles and the muffled sounds of people screaming. The electricity ran through his limbs like a ghost´s caress.

Tony looked at Sasha and reached to tap on his shoulder. Only making him jump away “Hey, hey! It´s ok, Albus, hey, don´t worry man, let me help you with that” the words made Albus teary eyes look up at him at the exact moment Tony gave him his glasses.

The boy blinked a few seconds trying to accustom to the clear view. If just a bit blurry but definitely an improvement.

“Ah, just like I thought. Look here” he pointed to his tablet and he followed his finger to see the document with literal new eyes. “You can read them better right?” Albus nodded.

“Hah, welcome to the four eyes club” Sasha giggled as she went back to work “So you were cranky because your eyes hurt huh? You don´t need to go through pain if I can help it you know. I´ve got ibuprofen in my bag all the time”

“I´ve heard its normal for albinos to have poor sight, didn´t you use glasses before? Your eyes have that little...hm, tremble, you know?” Tony asked him, but he put the act as if he was too busy fixing the document to avoid answering. He didn´t know anyways and time was running out too fast for him to worry about the blinding pain from trying to summon memories kept under the fog.

“Thank you Tony, you´re a life saver” he said so meaning it more than the man could know “I´ll do anything to pay back the favor…just…need to finish this…” he wasn´t lying, but for his luck, he took it as a joke and allowed himself to focus in making his fingers fly on the screen. After Tony simply nodded and waited a few minutes, the man chuckled at the concentration face he put.

“You´re sticking your tongue out” he giggled taking a photo, just before he stood up to sprint to the printer down the hall. 

“You´re done?!” Sasha and him yelled, jaw hanging open. 

He took the paper and read it on his way back to the table “It took me an hour because I couldn´t see the numbers but now?” he smiled shaking the papers in his hands. “Thanks Tony! I´ll give them back later!” the albino shouted, trotting to his owner´s office.

“Good luck!” he managed to hear before he entered the elevator.

He recomposed as he entered the office. Only to find Zarai crying.

She quickly turned around to face the window wiping the tears off. 

“M-Ma´am?” he asked, stepping inside and closing the door. “Are you…?”

“Where´s my report, Albus? You´re two minutes late” she cut him out with a husky voice. Albus shifted the papers on his hands.

“I´m sorry, ma´am”

“Knock on the door next time” her voice shifted to that of anger. The boy stared at the documents for a second, before laying them on her desk.

“I´m sorry, ma´am. I´ll do better next time” he replied in a low voice. He stood there twisting his fingers anxiously, until she turned to face him. Her face looked older, showing some signs of fatigue that didn´t have anything to do with work.

“It´s not like you have a choice right?” she said taking the papers and quickly passed them over to let her prodigious memory work as Albus kept his head down in submission. She put the document down and stared at him. “Are those Tony´s glasses?” Albus hadn´t noticed until now that he still had them on. It was comfortable seeing clearly, but he quickly put them on his pockets. “Why do you have them?”

“I, uh…” he stuttered thinking how to string the words together “He lent them to me”

One eyebrow shot up, “I can see that. Since when do you need glasses?” she asked with her brows in a knot. Albus swallowed, fearing he might have become an inconvenience. Undesirable. But he couldn´t ignore her.

“I´m not sure ma´am…” He managed to say.

“They didn´t say anything about bad vision… its recent then?” she mumbled to herself “Do you see well on those?” the question left him frozen.

“…yes, ma´am” he answered after a second. She nodded absent mindedly before standing up.

“Well, check where there´s an optic store and we will go after work. You have to give Tony back his glasses before he stamps himself against a wall” Albus stayed still as he realized she had joked with him. She gave him a look “Yes, I can try be funny sometimes too. I´m not made of ice” she wiggled her hands in a Duh- gesture. “You´ll have to pay for them yourself though. You can do that now” She proceeded to walk out the office for her evening smoke. “Thank you ma´am” he managed to say before she made a gesture as if to close the door but regretted at the last second. “Yes, ma´am?”

“Do you need a pill for that?” she asked leaning on the door frame. 

“No, ma´am. I´m fine” he lied, putting a smile the woman didn´t fell for. 

“I have ibuprofen on my purse. Take one, please” she ordered him before turning on her heels and closing the door. 

The boy let out a sigh. 

She was so hard to read. 

—-

He stayed there for a while, searching for a place like she had ordered him to. But couldn´t stop thinking about her.

How he had found her crying.

It was true he had seen her gloomy and contemplative lately. More than usual. Definitely more emotional than normal. Hugging Momo and staring at the garden for a long time until she stood up and left to her room.

He wondered if it didn´t have anything to do with that weekend´s trip with Claude and Mister Robert. What was it? Why was she in so much pain?

Albus glanced at the photo on her desk. The one with the kids and Sann´s clone. He already had a hunch about what could it be, but… it wasn´t his place to ask and if she didn´t tell him, it wasn´t information he needed to know.

Browsing the internet the sudden realization he would be seeing Sann for the weekend popped on his head and made him blush. He looked at his hands and tried remembering the lady from the sign language video.

“My…” He pointed with his index at his chest and then pulled up both hands in front. Forming “H” with both hands and then ticking one above the other. “Name is…” then he formed each letter. Stumbling a bit between U and S. Sighing at the way he still needed practice to teach it to Sann.

He was breaking one of the most endorsed rule of the facility by thinking about him.

“Don´t get attached to the others”

But he wasn´t there anymore.

[superconfusedandreadytorumble]

It is the 23rd July, 2021. The summer heats have finally subsided, the morrows now cool giving us normal folk the ability to catch a breather before the work begins anew. The harvest is-

Yeah no, enough of this. It is the day it is but truth be told all this post is supposed to be is an answer to my darling @laninlurks who has tagged me back in March and did not even have the decency to tell me personally! Yeah girl, how dare you! You know I´m not tech-savvy, I´m old. Well at least I feel like it in my head...

So here I go, playing this little game (this is considered a game, right? I have absolutely no idea. I´ve seen this kind of “introduce yourself” thingies here on tumblr but this is the first time I´m participating. Thanks again LANIN!)

Well, let´s get over this:

Name/Nickname: uhhhhh... Yeah, no I know how this goes. Name equals power so you fae can forget it, I ain´t buying this. You shall have no power over me. Ha! As if I´d fall for such a cheap trick. Hahaha! Nah, but on a serious note I really did not think of anything what people coul call me here... I guess Superconfused works?

Gender: female

Height: 5´8″ (thank you Google for converting cm to feet and inches)

Time: 2.55pm

Favourite Bands: Okay, let me stop you guys right there. I´m not going to go posting a ton of different band names because my music taste is very eclectic and most of the time I either do not know the name of the song/band that I´m into. If I hear it and my brain starts projecting a story it´s a good song for me.

Favourite solo artist: *looks up to the previous point* Yeah, you guys get the message

Song stuck in my head: Ohhh now that is easy! It is currently a mix between “A whole new World” from Aladdin (1992), “Save your Tears” by The Weekend feat. Ariana Grande, “Plastic Hearts” by Miley Cyrus and “Racing into the Night” by YOASOBI

Last Movie: The Avengers: Endgame

Last Show: Loki

When did I create this blog: Good heavens, I have absolutely no idea... Lanin, you´ll probably know that... can I check this somewhere? Somehow? Eh... let´s leave it at that, I have no  clue... may have been 2 or 3 years ago

How it started: After ages of going around and sending myself link after link so I would not lose sight of great posts and until my email inbox was full, I finally decided to make myself an account. That is it. That´s the story.

How´s it going: *looks around* Good, I guess? I mean, I´m still here, so...

What I post: Ufffffffff. Everything and anything that touches or inspires me, I guess? The content here that I reblog is as eclectic as my music tastes. We got witchy stuff, fandom stuff, quotes, life lessons, you name it. I did finally get around to making an additional blog to reblog all of the wonderful pieces of fan content here and leave a comment because till now I have been very neglectful of that. But that is another story...

Aesthetic: Personal? Blog related? I have absolutely no idea... Next question please.

Last thing I googled: That would be the conversion of cm to feet, but if that does not count then it was an anatomical picture of the hymen. There was a conversation ging on in the family and I had to explain the location. It was much easier with visuals, I tell you.

Other blogs: And I just mentioned mine two paragraphs ago xD Well then there´s the @studyblr-beginner where I try to collect info on how to be a more productive student (with mixed efforts I might add) and the @stillconfusedandreadytorumble .

Following: Anything witchblr, studyblr, any blog that feeds into my current obsession of any fandom, cottagecore, academia be it light/romantic/dark, quotes, art, etc. Seriously, anything...

Followers: Eh, I think 2 or 3 poor misguided souls... Yeah, okay so I checked and apparently there´s 44 of you. 44!!!! Like guys, guys, are you okay? What are you doing here? Not that I´m not grateful but I´m also very very VERY confused right now... Hi?

Average sleep: 7 hours, if I have time to sleep in even more

Lucky number: I do not really believe in that... Although if I see a platenumber with three identical numbers beside each other I take it as a good omen

Instruments: I may have tried to learn the piano years ago but it was never really my thing

What I am wearing: an oversized shirt with the wolf medallion logo form “The Witcher” series, black shorts and a dark green dressing gown with flowers and pretty little humming birds. Yes, I´m in my sleep wear. No, I am not ashamed. The last couple of days have been hell, I´m still recuperating.

Dream job: Physician, and I´m working hard to get that damn doctors degree.

Favourite animal noise: wolves howling. That moment when it sends chills down your back, when the hairs on your arms stand? Love it and it gets me every time.

Random: If asked a question I start stuttering and mumbling and warbled bla-bla just comes out of my mouth until I try collecting my thoughts. That may take a couple of seconds though.

Dream trip: Japan, Prague, Venice, these three are from the top of my head but otherwise I´d like to travel and see the world. Yes, vague, I know but the world is big and nobody has time to write long lists about this.

Favourite food: Dumplings. Do not, I repeat, do not make me specify which dumplings cause I´ll eat or at least ry them all if given the change. I already diviate from my normal answer of “There is so much good stuff out there, I could never choose”, okay?

Nationality: Welp, before I make this any more complicated I´ll just stick to what is in my passport: AUSTRIAN 

Favourite song: May I refer you back to the paragraph that says Favourite Band/solo singer, please and thank you.

Last book I read: “Alice´s Adventures in Wonderland” by Lewis Carroll

Top 3 fictional universes I would like to live in: Currently it would be either Lord of the Rings, Witcher or Boku no hero academia. Ask me in 3 months and I bet with you that answer might have changed again.

Tagging: Oh boy... who am I supposed to tag that will not shoot me on sight or think of me being a total lunatic, @laninlurks you don´t count, after all you put me in this mess... Who are the last couple of ppl I had a conversation with? Oh okay, if you guys don´t want to do this, just scratch and ignore that but then again all of my 44 followers are very welcome to do this (still can´t warp my head around the amount of ppl). I´ll just tagg @lostoctaviaaugusta and @thewhit3w0lf , but again please don´t shoot on sigth. I promise I´m harmless.

Okay guys, whoever made it this far, I applaud you, cause really you deserve a medal. thank you for reading I guess and have a wonderful day.

Hugs and kisses!

[star-puff]

ღ a love letter, to me and to you.

truth be told, i said to myself that i wouldn’t get too sappy today. i was already doing a new years/milestone event, and i thought to myself, ‘this is good enough. at least i’m not doing nothing for the end of the year’ and i left it at that. that is, until now. i’ve already responded to a few mutuals that have mentioned me in their love letters, and it felt...a bit empty to just leave the year with half-hearted affirmations of the few. so here i am, not even 2 hours from when the ball drops, writing a love letter to me and to you (especially you).

to my followers:

where do i even start. there aren’t a lot of you, at least in comparison to other bigger blogs, but 400!! 400 of you saw my writing and made the conscious decision to join me in my shitposting adventure about 2D boys and the ocs that i somehow force into the role of ‘reader.’ i want to say thank you, but it seems a bit overdone at this point. because ‘thank you’ doesn’t even begin to express the gratitude i have for giving my writing a chance, for clicking on that ‘read more’ and unlocking a world i’ve created.

i’ve never been super confident about my writing, always questioning if what i’ve written, what i’ve bared my soul into creating was even good enough to be seen. frankly, i still have problems with that internal struggle, but having people say that they like it? that my writing made them feel emotions and took them some place other than where they were? i can’t even begin to describe how happy that made me, that i’ve done for others what others have done for me. if there’s anything i wanted to achieve with my creations, it’s making people feel. thank you for making it known that i’ve achieved that.

there wasn’t any obligation to read my stuff, to like it, to follow me, but you did anyway. hell, sometimes i wonder if i’m even deserving of it (but this isn’t the time for self-pity, so shush imposter syndrome! back away!!!!). but for doing all of the aforementioned i’m saying, due to my lack of words to express my emotions fully, thank you.

love,

meg <3

to my mutuals:

i! love all of you!! from the ones who i interact with regularly to the ones who are always sporadic, i love each and every one of you. thank you for being friends with me, thank you for allowing me the chance to be friends with you, i hope you know that if you’re my mutual i see your work & your vibes and i mean it when i say enjoy it and i want to see more.

(to the ones i haven’t seen for a while, i miss you a ton :( i hope you’re doing well, laughing the happiest laughs and eating the tastiest food and living your best life <3)

you’ve allowed me to feel a little less lonely during quarantine, talking to friends who are awake when i should be asleep, screaming about anime and manga that none of my irls are even remotely interested in, you’ve really provided me with a community where i feel comfortable sharing my opinions and thoughts, however random and weird they may be. i won’t be doing any direct letters, partially bc i think i’ve said all i need to say at one time or another, but when i say there are a few special, special people who are a part of my mutual circle, you know who you are. i love you so, so dearly, i hope you know how much you mean to me.

(if you don’t, i’m making a home in your inbox and nesting until you’re forced to call pest control to rid yourself of me. this is not a threat this is a promise >:( )

love,

meg <3

to me:

(to the me of last year)

hey you!! bitch!!!! who would have thought that you would’ve started a tumblr blog about writing fanfiction? when you couldn’t even go a month without writer’s block??? it’s wild, i know, but hey! life’s wild! go with the flow!

i want you to know that things get better :) you stop crying at random times at 2AM, you stop getting that random pang of loneliness when everything feels too far away from you, you stop feeling abandoned and like a dirty rag set in the sun to dry. you’ve made friends! you’ve become more social, you’ve formed a little circle of online friends, you’re a little stressed out because of college and senior year and a? global pandemic that your country doesn’t really take seriously?? and online classes but you can say that you’re happy now :) and sure, you miss some school friends, you miss going to class and talking to teachers but you made a very, very good new friend. someone you can tell pretty much everything to, someone who is on equal level as [redacted] and [redacted]. someone who has a rat dog that you’re not sure likes you or not but at least he follows you around sometimes and lets you pet him so maybe it’s okay! and even one of your online friends is someone you talk to almost every day, even though she ghosts you sometimes (if you see this, which you probably won’t...i l*ve you ok).

all i’m saying is, it gets better. you learn to love yourself and your creativity a little more than you do now. you get a funky lil mechanical keyboard to motivate you to write. you still have some issues you’re working out, but hey! this is only the meg of next year, not the meg of forever :)

be good to yourself, okay?

sincerely,

future you, 2020.

[alexlabhont]

I didn’t mean to fall in love with you

Chapter Three.

Book: Queen B - Choices (Universe)

Pairing:  Poppy Min-Sinclair x Trans!Male MC (Beck Hughes)

Genre: Canon re-write (Because I can)

Rating: Anyone can read it, really

I´ll be posting this one over here because Tumblr, for some reason, thinks my secondary blog is a bot...

This is me trying to write by and for the Trans community, specially FTM community, meaning, trans guys, but I actually took the liberty to use They/them pronouns for everyone out there who´s interested (Also, the name Beck was the most neutral one I could find, trying to use the cannon Bea Hughes)

Now, about the PAIRING... I will be using choices style, kinda, because I want to give you choice at some point. If you have any comment, PLEASE BE RESPECTFULL and patient with me. This is also my first english fanfic and english is not my mother language, so... i’m sorry fo the grammar errors

CHAPTERS

The beginning

Chapter one 

Chapter two

ONE-SHOTS

Just a dance (Zoey x MC)

—————————————————————— 

A truce.

That’s what she said she wanted and for a moment, all their fears disappeared.

“I really hate to admit this, but I personally asked for you to be my partner on this project. I'm familiar with your music, and I actually wanted to work with you.”

She also said. Beck didn't know how to feel, really. Poppy Min-Sinclair heard their songs, or, at least, she saw their videos.

And she liked them.

Or not? They never knew with her. She has been acting pretty weird these days. Giving them a “compliment”, smiling at them, asking for Beck to be project partners…

Open up with them.

That was beyond weird.

Beck couldn't stop thinking about what they saw back at the “Alpha-Zeta deluxe cabin” or whatever it’s called. Poppy really looked hurt… sad… like…

Like she has feelings.

“I don’t know, Beck. I don’t think is a good idea letting you guard down.” Zoey said, playing with their hair, both of them resting on the couch, Beck’s head laying on her thighs.

“Yeah, I get it. But…” Beck took a moment, remembering the sadness in her voice, the betrayal in her eyes… Did she really care about Chloe? “I wish you had been there to see it, Zo. It was so real my head exploded… Like... She was really hurt.”

“Babe, I know what you’re trying to say. And I believe you that she was in pain. But you have to remember she's still Poppy. And even if she’s a… uhm… human who feels, it doesn't mean she's not a bitch.”

Beck stood up, sitting properly while scratching their neck.

“Yeah, I know that.” They replied. Zoey had a point they couldn’t forget. From all people, Beck understood what it felt like to be judge by a cover, but as Megamind's Roxanne said once: Checking the content was what matters, and the inside of Poppy´s book was not so good.

The time on the wall clock pointed it was the moment to go, it was Saturday and Poppy and Beck agreed to meet her in front of an Animal Rescue from downtown around noon. He didn't want to be late, after all, Poppy was capable of start the project without them and argue that they didn't show up.

“Anyway, I have to go now. The sooner we end this, the better.” Beck put on their shoes and leather jacket, ready to impress thanks to Zoey fashion sense.

“I want you far~ away from trouble, Beck Hughes. Do you hear me?” The protector side of Zoey appeared and, again, they were confused by it.

Zoey always had that effect on Beck, she could warm their chest, sculpt a smile on their face. Honestly, after all these years in a toxic environment, bullying and harm, having Zoey´s concern on them was something new, something welcomed, something that made them happy.  Laugh a little if Beck thought about it closely.

“I can take care of myself.” They said. After all of those fake friends, after all of the pain they went through, it was still hard to trust completely.  However… Beck looked at Zoey, the only one who Beck felt relaxed with. Their best friend, the first one to treat them as what they were even after knowing the truth. Beck didn’t miss Farmsville at all. “See ya later, beautiful.”

“I´ll be waiting right here”

~~X~~

They won’t ever admit it, but after they heard Poppy saying that the project was in the Downtown Animal Rescue Beck was excited. Puppies, kitty cats, animals! Beck love them greatly, wholeheartedly. They were their weakness; their adoration was so much so Beck considered seriously taking the vet path almost all their life, if having not found music, their story would´ve been completely different right now. That´s why they couldn’t refrain themselves of stopping at each enclosure to coo over the animals, losing all sense of self-respect over them. Especially after a pup ugly, dummy looking like showed up with the most adorable face they ever seen.

“Oh boy, you’re so ugly I luv ya Tushie-face! Who’s a precious ugly-boy? Uhm? Who’s a precious ugly-boy~” The little pug barked happily, enjoying the attention. “You’re perfect! You’re…”

“… nice to see so many new additions.” Beck heard, stopping them at the moment. Beck was sure it was Poppy, but she sounded… “I guess that means a lot of these little guys are being adopted?” … different. Again.

“Yes, Ms. Min-Sinclair.” A young voice answered, without fear, with respect. A good kind of respect. “We have a ten percent higher adoption rate than last year” Uhh, that sounded good. For some random reason, Beck showed the thumbs up to the ugly pug, flashing him a stupid smile at which the pup moved his tail as if he understand what it meant and agreed.

But then… Poppy laughed.

A real laugh. A nice, non-threatening, actually kind of cute laugh. So honest that they felt terrible attracted to it.

“No… Oh, no, no, no… No. Don't you even think about…”

As if their body was its own person, Beck rounded the corner, wanted so badly to see how a laughter so sincere looked like in Poppy´s face, like some weird kind of siren song they had to see with their own eyes. Instead, Beck saw her talking to one of the shelter’s employees, hugging and stroking a bichon frise puppy´s tummy softly, lovingly. Their heart stopped just a second, running wild immediately after.

“God… she’s so…”

“DON´T!” And they slapped their self. Hard. Beck deserved it. They couldn't… they won’t… They refused to…

The sound where so loud it called the attention of both Poppy and the other guy, while Beck felt the stinging and burning on his now red cheek. Ok, maybe~ they didn't have to do that, actually, the expression on Poppy´s face the moment she saw them, a sour, angry one, was the only thing they needed to feel normal again towards her.

“You're late” Why, hello to you too.

“I´m sorry, it's just that I was playing with Tushie face and…”

“Tushie face?” Beck couldn’t tell if she was amused or making fun of how stupid they were. “That´s how you pet-name?” Poppy added, raising an eyebrow. Beck shrugged.

“If you have a tushie face, then you are a tushie face. Simple as that” Based on Poppy's smirk, they should’ve stay quiet.

“Uhm… Alright, tushie face.” Damn it! “Come with me.” She then gave them a wink, smiling as if they both had now a new secret, before walking toward the back of the kennels.

Fuck.

“So… how do you knew about this place?” Beck asked, very willing to replace the topic to literally anything.

“If you must know, my parents bought me this shelter when I was eight.”

“What?”

“Really? Why?”

“I wanted a dog. Mommy and Daddy didn't want pets in the house… Et, voila”

Beck looked around, the place had now a new light after what they just learned. All this place was Poppy's, just because her parents didn’t approve animals at home. Unintentionally, Beck chuckled, feeling Poppy’s gaze on them almost immediately.

“What’s so funny?” She asked, irritated.

“We’re really very different but the same at once” They said. “Ever since I was a kid, my parents taught me to work with every single farm animal. Cleaning them, feed them, love them… I even helped bring life into this world.” Beck told her, twisting their lips. “I had a lot of different pets back at home. So do you right here. You see?”

“You’re forgetting about the fact the whole point of a place like this isn't for the animals to stay forever…” She said, vulnerable. Beck did actually get that, the hollow feeling that comes after something like that.

“Well… at least they’re not dinner”

Surprisingly, that comment made her chuckle just a little and Beck felt so good to be the one to take away that fragile expression in Poppy’s face. She was definitely more beautiful when she was happy. When she was laughing.

“You are right, that's even worse.”

They both looked at each other for a moment, some complicity in their own way, as if they both shared something, a sentiment that almost nobody felt, both understood each other, at least in one little but significant thing: They both learned very young what it's like to love innocently and truly, to have an unconditional companion, just to lose it to the “greater purpose” again and again. Both learned to never get really attached to anyone.

“But whatever, it gets the humanitarians off our back.” Just as if the conversation never happened, Poppy went back to the factory mode. “Which is why we’re really here. I’m fully aware of your popularity in YouTube, especially after your little performance, so hopefully this project we’re doing will get some good press for us to get the adoption rate it to, at least, 20 percent this year.”

“So this is why you wanted to work with me…” Beck didn't know why, but a little part of themselves felt disappointed… what was them expecting anyway?

Soon they both reach the back of the room, and while Poppy walked in as if it was completely routine, Beck had to stop for a second. A whole crew was already set up, cameras, microphones, lights, everything. A lot of cute pups and cats of all ages were also there looking adorable, sure they were the real stars of all this, but Beck couldn't help but feeling intimidated.

However, it was Poppy’s attitude the one thing that took all Beck’s attention though all the day.

She was kind, professional, caring… making sure of one thing above it all: to have the best commercial of all times for an animal shelter. The way she treated the employees, the animals, people around her… it was like a completely different side of her they never seen before. Poppy even, against all odds, treated Beck as what they were: her project partner. Giving them a fair share of lines, taking care of capturing their best angle, how happy they looked between all those cute little animals. Directing Beck to make sure every detail was perfect, being polite and respectful while doing so.

She was acting as a selfless but powerful leader, and Beck couldn’t take her eyes off of her the whole time. She even managed to convince them to adopt that tushi faced puppy, pointed out that they both had choose each other right at the moment they meet.

“Just look at the way he's watching you!” She said playfully. “You two are really connected.”

“Do you really think so?” Beck asked, playing with the pup. They really wanted to take the little guy home, be able to give him a good life, having another friend in their life. One not farm related at least. Beck felt Poppy coming closer, resting her hand on Beck's shoulder while watching little tushi face with a soft smile.

“I know so. But the real question is: what do you think?”

And now, Beck had a dog named Pepes.

~~X~~

Once they knew every detail was taken care of, and the adoption paperwork were all right, Poppy, Beck and little Pepes walked out the shelter. Personally, they felt drained out, because although they were used to cameras, it was always under their own terms and time, their own edition, their own personal rhythm, but after that day, Beck was seriously considering the idea of being backstage musician, unlike Poppy, who actually looked as fresh as a cucumber.

“Damn, Pops. I have to admit it: you were awesome there.” They said, Pepes barking enthusiastic, agreeing.

“Were you expecting something less?” She said, some mischievous sparkle in her eyes Beck couldn't quite place. “Now, take me to lunch.”

“I'm sorry? Why would I do that?”

“Because…” She started to say, sassiness taking over her. “… I acted, arranged, produce and direct a fully perfect commercial to our project while you just played around with puppies and looked cute. The very least you can do is buy me lunch. I'm starving.”

“Oh, so you think I'm cute?” Beck flirted. It was impossible to let it pass by.

“Like it was a secret” Poppy smirked.

“… What?”

“I’m not blind, Hughes. You are actually very good-looking. It´s not a secret.” Beck was shocked, did they really just heard a compliment from the one Poppy Min-Sinclair that wasn’t commercial related? They looked at her, expecting some irony or double meaning, maybe some hint of a trap, but no…  She was being completely sincere. Beck snorted, it was cool they guessed.

��Now, that's a compliment.” Poppy rolled her eyes evidently, pretending to be irked, but that little smile on her lips proved to be the opposite.

“Hello? My lunch?” Beck laughed, how can she be so rude and yet so cute at the same time? Maybe she wasn't so bad after all.

Maybe.

“Whatever you want, bossy-ass”

----

Next

[love-it-or-its-free]

@dyke-diva

[edited to update pastebin and make links clickable.]

First, just some more context about me: I am a 33 yr old lesbian, butch (in a nerd way) and quite androgynous/GNC.

Until a year or two ago, I was an ardent supporter of trans activism, as it went part and parcel with being a member of the LGBT "Community".

Literally, asking this same question to myself was a turning point for me. I knew I was supposed to hate and denounce anything TERF-related.... but one day I realized, I didn't know exactly what TERFs had supposedly done, that would warrant such seething hatred against them.

Like I said, I comprehend hating Nazis, because I have seen evidence of the unforgivable brutality of the Nazi regime and its supporters. I've taken history classes, read books and original sources, and watched documentaries about it.

Basically, I have seen enough evidence to understand the scope of Nazi evil, so it makes sense to me why some people go around saying "punch nazis." Personally, I'm not the type to punch anybody... and I question whether punching actually fixes the underlying evil... but based on what I know, I totally understand why nazis are so hated.

But why are terfs so viscerally hated that they are directly compared with a mass-genocidal regime? I want to know the truth. If the evidence is out there, I want to see it, to keep my views updated and accurate.

Now on to your response.

I do not believe that you should debate hate groups. I think that doing so will only help spread their hate and

I don't really believe in debating hate groups, either. But I also believe that having a closed mind is a victory for authoritarians of all stripes. I have no problem engaging with people who disagree with me, because I generally believe in having "strong opinions, weakly held" -- I am firm in my beliefs, but my mind is open to evaluating new evidence. If I deem the new evidence convincing enough, I may change my mind or update my views. I value intellectual rigor, so I want to keep my views accurate and up-to-date.

I am severely distressed about the number of terfs in wlw spaces and think that something should be done about it, it has gotten to the point where if it is not stated directly that they do not support transmisogyny that I will often feel paranoid about being in the space.

Honestly, I would love if you could PM me about these "wlw spaces" that are supposedly crawling with terfs. I feel like I'm reading this from a bizarro mirror dimension, thinking... WHAT wlw spaces? Is there really anything like this, outside of a handful of unpopular tumblr tags and a couple of small subreddits?

The only spaces I know of, especially IRL, are bending over backwards to be so "q***r friendly" that actual lesbians are being pushed out. One local activist in my city, started a public speech by claiming, "terfs are lesbians who..." and went on to drag lesbians for not being inclusive enough. Why only lesbians, I wondered??

Singling out and pressuring lesbians that way is not okay, in my opinion. Lesbians deserve to have spaces for lesbian (natal) women only. Lesbians are allowed to be repulsed by penises. None of that is hateful! Lesbians should not be pressured to sleep with anyone they aren't interested in. Unfortunately, I see that happening a lot these days. The "wlw spaces" I know of, offline and online, increasingly pressure lesbians in this way. Not cool.

Now, I can handle those pressures... but I'm really worried about younger lesbians. Being a lesbian is hard enough as it is! We have a right to exist, and to express our sexuality without added pressures.

and finally reason three, trans people who are afab have been seen to dismiss terfs actions and beliefs purely because terfs do not actively threaten their existence like they do amab trans people.

I'm not sure if I follow this part... it seems like you're saying that some FTMs ("trans people who are afab") do not feel threatened by so-called terfs, because the perception is that terfs are more threatening to "amab trans people"? Sorry if I misunderstood, but I would be interested to learn more about this phenomenon either way.

The person who sent this ask had lots of “Terf Safe” tagged posts on their blog and in their likes (though it seems their likes are now private), so I had blocked them, on the post that I made on my @la-joueuse-ultime blog that I quoted above they had asked why Terfs and Nazi’s are being compared, saying “I know about the reasons Nazis are bad, we can study history to see that evidence. But where is the evidence that terfs are comparably bad?” I had responded “@love-it-or-its-free it’s not that their comparably as bad, it’s that they’re bad. They are a hate group that has killed trans people and because of that they shouldn’t get a voice to spread their hate.” I then told them I planned to block them, I had done so and then they sent this ask.

Well, just to be clear, you were the first to interact with my post. It appears that you went looking in terf-friendly tags, found my post, and decided to interact with it. I'm happy to clarify the details of this, but I think your wording makes it sound like I sought you out, when it was actually the other way around. I posted mild terf-friendly content, you directly compared terfs to nazis. I think that's extreme.

I guess it's a good thing I hid my likes, too, because it sounds like you were ready to trawl for "punishable" content. I mean... who among us has not accidentally tapped the heart while on mobile or something? I hope you aren't really intending to police liked content like that.

Now to the actual ask, I believe the reason you can’t find Terfs that have killed trans people is that, well, you’re literally not looking,

I am quick to google anything that pops into my head, so rest assured, I would not pose this question to a tumblr rando unless I had actually attempted to answer it for myself. I'm asking to try and gather more info/evidence on top of what I have seen already.

or you think that they needed to have direct (by direct I mean they physically took part in) killing the trans person. You don’t need to be holding a knife to take part in someone’s death, you can encourage violence against the minority, you can bully and harass them until they take their own life, or you can fight against medical procedures that some of these people need to live. Terfs have done all of these.

Right... but I specifically asked how you can directly compare terfs to nazis. I agree that bullying, etc. is wrong. But I am asking for the evidence you used to make the direct comparison. You are shifting the goal posts here. I'm okay with that shift if you are... because I'm happy to provide evidence of trans activists doing things like sending death threats to terfs (or any woman who is deemed to have "terfy" views) which seems directly comparable to what you are claiming here.

It took a second search to find Terfs encouraging violence against trans women.

I found similarly scant search results... but like I said, I'm willing to evaluate new evidence when I see it.

This post on Reddit (I recommend being careful, tw for violence) is of a screenshot of a Terf stating that “It is a shame that people cannot do this in America” the post contained a picture of a man seemingly attacking a trans-woman for using the bathroom where she was most comfortable to do so. The posts were made on Spinster, a “woman-centric” social media platform that was made by M.K. Fain, a known terf.

So... I'm honestly surprised you would link to that particular subreddit as evidence of anything. But I'll charitably ignore the source for now. What I see, as far as content, is a screenshot of an anon comment on a website. You claim that the comment must be from a terf. Why? 1) screenshots can be photoshopped. 2) Anyone can sign up for an account on sites like that.

Sorry, but this isn't convincing evidence to me. Even if it's real, it's not a death threat, it's not an incitement to violence. It could be "real" in the sense that some troll signed up to the Spinster site just to troll "as a terf". It's just a shitty anon comment. Of course I object to the sentiment behind it (see anti-violence disclaimer to follow)... but I don't believe it stands up as evidence to support your claims.

(aside: I don't want to make this post any longer than it is, but I noticed some not-very-nice comments from that link and collected them in a pastebin here )

Finally, I researched the actual murder case in question. All eight people arrested in connection with the homicide are men... not terfs.

(I'll include this disclaimer here, though I'm bummed out that I feel the need to be pre-emptive/defensive about it:

I am anti-violence. I condemn violence of all kinds. (See above: I'm a softy, not the punching type) I especially condemn murder and homicide, and I do not endorse eye-for-an-eye justice. I want less pain and hatred in the world, for everybody, even folks who disagree with me.

I believe "the Golden Rule" is called Golden for a reason... it's Key! end disclaimer.)

Not only that but I found many articles directly denying violence against trans people, that I won’t link because they were made by terfs for terfs and I do not want to give them a platform. By denying the violence trans people face you are encouraging it, telling the people who enact the violence that they won’t be punished for it.

Yes, "denying violence" sounds like a bad or at least ignorant thing to do. But how is it remotely equivalent to committing violent acts? Unfortunately, if I can't see the evidence, I can neither refute nor accept it.

Trans people have a shockingly high suicide rate, there is no denying it. This article talks about a Terf that targeted a suicidal trans woman to harass, as well as provides a link to an article about Cathy Brennan, one of many who try to directly prevent trans people from seeking medical help.

I read this, but I couldn't figure out the series of events it's describing. I looked around on my own, and found that it seems to be a response to an ongoing feud between Dana Taylor (author of the piece) and at least one other person. For instance, I found multiple blog posts from the "other side" which described Dana Taylor's participation in harrassment and doxxing campagins. Here's one person on twitter, describing their experience with being targeted:

I just googled myself and found this from 5 years ago which said I was going to be watched. I don't think they watched me.

source thread

That's just one example I found. There were many similar tweets and comments about doxxing involving the author of the link you gave. So I'm open to reading more about these incidents, if you have more links. If something bad happened, I would like to understand better. But right now, this at best looks like just one side of a multi-sided internet slapfight.

If you just listened to trans people you would hear story after story of them being attacked by terfs if you just paid more attention you would see them encouraging violence against trans people, and if you just cared a tiny bit more, you’d realize that trans people are human too.

I am listening, or at least I'm trying to listen by asking good-faith questions while trying not to be attacked for it. Are you doing the same, keeping an ear out for stories of terfs being attacked, and listening to their stories?

How would it make you feel if I said, "if you just cared a tiny bit more, you'd realize that terfs are human too." ?

Anyway, that’s the post thank you for being patient.

Same here. I want you to know that I truly appreciate your thorough reply and the time you spent on it.

[hotegg]

🌷✨ valentines to the very special and lovely people in my life ✨🌷

i have so much love to give. with these little letters, i hope to bring a bit of sweetness into your lives 💗

🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷

@heckomygeckom8

my soulmate. my best friend. we truly have something special. the night i laid awake with a stranger was the night my life changed.

you’ve saved me from my lowest points. i can never repay you. your heart is the most tender i’ve ever experienced, easily. you are so in tune with your feelings and the feelings of those around you, which is so, so beautiful. a gift like yours can’t be learned.

i know how much you sacrifice for others. and how much you wish to sacrifice for the ones you love. along with that fact, i will also always admire the absolute fierceness of care you give. you will not stand to see your loved ones take anything less than what they deserve. that’s honestly so fucking amazing.

you’re so unique, even if you don’t think so. you embrace yourself and i love you so much for that. not only do you show the world you, you encourage the originality of others. and that. yep. pretty fucking fantastic, honestly.

anyways, i had to stop myself from getting to sappy. you can hear the rest once we go get some boba. which needs to happen immediately because i miss you and my energy is doing that thing where it’s all unbalanced and uncomfortable because i haven’t seen you.

text me, nerd 💗 love you

🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷

@theprismaticdreamer

i am so proud of you. my joy of seeing you persevere is just as great as the love of our friendship. you are truly magickal. you inspire me. when i think of you, i immediately think of everything you’ve inspired me to do.

it has been such a blessing to be your friend and writing partner even if i’m not writing anymore bc, life, ya know? and it seriously warms my heart to even contemplate the fact that i’ve inspired you.

you have brought me courage. you’ve let me glimpse at just how far true passion can take you. you’ve brought me back to my magick. you’ve opened up my brain to new ways of thinking, which is beautiful.

i’ve learned so, so much from you and i am so excited to see what else we have in store.

i’m so fucking proud of you. of your strength. your honesty. your determination and dedication to your passions. of your heart and of the curiosity and inspiration to plant in people. anyone who knows you is damn lucky.

now you’re blossoming. you always have been, but now the winter and harsh climates are easing, and you can let your bright colors bring even more beauty into this world.

stay wicked, stay rad, stay lovely, stay unique, and stay damn dedicated. you’ve already accomplished so much. and you have so, so many more successes coming.

i love you, friendo. 💗

🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷

@lulloph

jasmine!!!!!!! *squeeeeaaaal!*

you are so pure. my soul sister, i feel your divinity so easily. it radiates off you like the light of the moon illuminates the earth.

you are so, so sweet. your smile, your heart, your voice- everything. everything points to you being an angel.

you truly are something special, something that heavens has sent to grace us with.

i’m beyond grateful to have met you. to already have made this connection with you. to find a sister of my soul tribe. you help my divine, higher self shine! you are the purest expression of divinity, love, and light. of knowledge and wisdom and intuition. you’re a goddess, honestly. i’m so grateful for you because i know how much you impact the lives of so many people. because i know how true you are.

you’re so lovely! i can’t wait to go on so many adventures together! together we can help this world elevate, i truly believe it.

so, so much love to you. i love you 💕

🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷

@jhordxn

jhordan 🌸

we both know there’s so much to say, but not enough of right words to express it all.

i’ll try my best, but nothing i can do on this physical realm can possibly capture it all.

every day, i express my gratitude for you being in my life, whether that’s to you directly or to the source that has kept us together for so many lifetimes.

i’m so lucky to have found you again. you are something else. we are something else, undeniably.

i’m so grateful to be graced with you in my life. someone so smart. so determined. so loving. so understanding. and someone who i just connect so fucking deeply with. it’s a bind the universe herself couldn’t unwind even if she wanted to.

there’s no possible way to describe the connection we have.

it’s as strong as the fierectest fire. as deeply moving as the unstoppable flow of the ocean. it’s as inevitable as creation itself. its simply the connection of the deepest part of the soul.

our connection is... different. it’s just so, so profound. so tangible yet so surreal. with you, i’m home.

i can never not feel you. and i can’t wait to see what lays on our horizon. oh, the adventures we will have.

they’ll never be anything less than epic, no matter how many lifetimes our story repeats.

i love you so much. i’m so, so grateful 💗

🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷✨💗🌷

to the lovelies that enjoy my blog, and to the many others that have helped me on this journey,

i see you. i feel you. i love you. and i’m so grateful. not one of you goes unnoticed. and each time i see any of you in my feed or on my dash, i send you a hug full of warmth and gratitude.

i’m so glad i can be sharing this great experience with you all. thank you for spreading love into the world and for existing. i see the divine in you all.

so much love to you all, so much. 💗

[perfumetulipshop]

No Prob Llama Vintage Retro

Reviewed the nars lip pencils on my blog that I got as a No Prob Llama Vintage Retro free birthday gift at sephora a couple months ago click the link to check it out. Extremely disappointed with the children’s place customer service and website i’ve been trying to log in to my account since place cash became useable and no matter what I try or how many times I try I cannot log in to my account I have 10 worth of points to use even though I should have more and I also could earn points with my order that i’m about to place but I can’t because I can’t log in to my account I called customer service and finally got through after 2 days only for them to tell me to try everything that i’ve already tried also emailed customer service multiple times and to tell me that they’re sending me a temporary password that should fix the problem the problem is obviously with their site as i’ve seen multiple comments stating issues with the site and I still haven’t gotten the email they said they would send after I spend this place cash it is very unlikely that I ever shop here again due to poor customer service and multiple site issues and shady business handling my husband also tried to create an account to see if it was an issue with my account and he was not able to make an account either I love the clothes and prices for the kids but the technological issues is just not worth it. Hi everyone I am an artist and I paint horses I am happy to work from photographs a painting has a depth and character that a photo perhaps doesn’t this is my website and I can be contacted via this or on here of course many thanks www janehayart co uk

Source: No Prob Llama Vintage Retro

No Prob Llama Vintage Retro, Hoodie, Sweater, Longsleeve T-Shirt For Men and Women

No Prob Llama Vintage Retro

See more: No Prob Llama Vintage Retro

Premium Trending, Father Day This Summer Season will Presents Who Love:

Update we have been notified that a No Prob Llama Vintage Retro 3 year old black mare died of a broken neck after running into a panel while being sorted and that the blm also euthanized 3 other wild horses including a 16 year old mare for preexisting conditions 69 horses were captured yesterday at the warm springs roundup in oregon documenting these roundups is a very hard job but was made even more difficult by the cold temperatures and constant rain our representative documented beautiful bands of wild horses in excellent condition being stampeded by the helicopter contractors sun j livestock because of the weather conditions he witnessed a few falls from the muddy terrain he documented several horses attempting to escape the trapsite a heartbreaking reminder that these horses are losing the very thing that’s most important to them their freedom as the days prior another 2 burros one of those a foal were also captured having evaded capture by helicopter they were ultimately brought in by being roped. Our friend joe grushecky has a new album called ‘more yesterdays than tomorrows ‘ check it out here. 4 years ago I was given the opportunity to make over 120 million people smile ️ I will never forget the feeling before I took the stage somewhere between what possibly felt like giving birth or the edge of death neither I ve known but could imagine it s intense and beautiful I am eternally grateful for every day I get to use my gift and that you all continue to press play big shout out to my good friends lennykravitz and missymisdemeanorelliott for bringing incredible style and sparkle to the stage that night ️ enjoy the special moment justintimberlake superbowlxlix 2014 leftshark vancouver british columbia See Other related products: No Prob Llama Vintage Retro

[t-baba]

23+ Best iOS App Templates of 2020

Building an app used to be the domain of hardcore developers only, but with over 2,500 iOS app templates for sale at CodeCanyon, even complete beginners to coding can build an app. That's because an app template gives you the complete source code to a working iPhone app, with key functions already implemented. Just add features to create the product you want!

Many beginners use app templates as a learning tool to improve their coding skills, while others choose to upload their new app creations to iTunes for approval and inclusion in the app store.

CiyaShop is one of the many high-quality iOS mobile app templates available on CodeCanyon.

Integrating an app template into the development process will allow you to start with a professionally designed template, so you can quickly launch your app. Having a template reduces your costs for development and cuts down on bugs. Save time and money by using a premium iOS app template from CodeCanyon.

The Best iPhone and iOS App Templates on CodeCanyon

CodeCanyon has a library of some of the best iOS app templates ever created. With a low-cost, one-time payment, you can purchase these high-quality iOS mobile app templates and bootstrap your iPhone or iOS app project. 

Here are some of the weekly best-selling iOS mobile app templates available on CodeCanyon for 2020.

These feature-rich iOS app templates will help you focus on running your business rather than designing an app. With the premium apps offered on CodeCanyon, you will be able to create all types of apps in many different industries, such as:

cryptocurrency

fashion

ride-sharing

restaurant

eCommerce

Head on over to CodeCanyon and find the right iOS app template now!

Top 20 iOS App Templates (From CodeCanyon for 2020)

1. Best-Seller: Universal for iOS

The magic of the Universal for iOS app layout template is that it lets users create just about any app they want by pulling in unlimited content from blogs, timelines, feeds, channels, playlists, or webpages, and easily combining them in one customisable app.

One of the best-selling iOS mobile app templates at CodeCanyon, Universal for iOS supports most popular web resources, like WordPress, YouTube, Facebook, RSS, etc. It also supports AdMob and gives your users the option of removing banners and interstitial ads with an easy in-app purchase.

The iOS starter app is completely based on Objective-C and designed for the latest version of iOS. It comes with step-by-step instructions and video tutorials on how to configure your template from scratch, and it's suitable for both professionals and beginners as no code knowledge is required.

User thesanguy says:

"Universal for iOS offers an extremely flexible code base for a wide variety of app designs. I found the documentation and support to be top notch, and I am a complete novice with Xcode. My app was quickly approved by Apple and I was very pleased with the end result."

2. Best-Seller: WebViewGold

The WebViewGold Apple app template is another great iOS template that allows users to convert website content into an app. It does so by using a Swift Xcode package to wrap the URL or local HTML into an iOS app. The real genius of this HTML5 iOS app template, though, is that it does its work in just a few clicks. So no coding knowledge is required! WebViewGold is optimised for iPhone, iPod Touch, and iPad.

Apps made with this iPhone web design template are 100% guaranteed by the author to get acceptance into the Apple App Store.

Try this out if you've been looking for template apps for iPad and iPhone. User talimagnum says:

“I have been using this code for a while now and I have to tell it has been awesome. I have never had any trouble and the only time I needed help they answered really fast.”

3. Best-Rated: CiyaShop Native iOS Application

Need to create an app quickly and easily that is compatible with WooCommerce themes? Look no further! The CiyaShop iOS starter app is an ideal solution for your eCommerce business. If you are a retail store, marketplace, or fashion shop looking to buy iOS app code, then this is the right app template for you. 

Here's what you can expect from this eCommerce iOS template:

WooCommerce theme synchronization

reward points

multi-vendor support

push notifications

delivery tracking

View the live preview of this iPhone and iPad app design template to see if it's the right fit for your business!

4. WooBox: WooCommerce iOS App

The ideal app for shoppers, the WooBox app template helps developers create their own beautiful eCommerce app for mobile shoppers. WooBox includes more than 40 professionally designed screens to feature products. Other great features of this eCommerce iOS template include:

light and dark mode themes

RTL support for Arabic and Hebrew

Admob integration

wish list functionality

and more!

If you need to buy template apps for iPad and iPhone for eCommerce, then WooBox is what you've been looking for.

5. WoWonder IOS Messenger

WoWonder IOS Messenger is an iOS chat application template that allows end users to chat together on their mobile phones via the app or send and receive messages. The iOS template features:

registration page

ability to upload and share images as well as voice recordings

offline access to all messages and recent conversions

ability to control privacy and profile settings 

You can't go wrong with WoWonder if you've been looking to buy Xcode templates. User darkpixel66 says this about the iPhone app template:

"Great support and communication."

6. Store Finder Full iOS Application

When you need to find a specific item or store, and don’t want to spend all day driving from one end of town to the other or doing laps around the mall, a store finder app is a lifesaver. 

Enter the Store Finder iPhone app template, a developer’s dream, with a long list of must-have features like:

call, email, and SMS integration

Google directions

social media logins

pinch and zoom navigation

and so much more!

7. Web2App for IOS

Web2App for IOS offers you another way to convert your website into a real iOS app. This HTML5 iOS app template offers great features like:

tabs

built-in advertisements

notifications

easy customisation

styling options

This iPhone app HTML5 template is highly customisable and ships with comprehensive documentation, video tutorials, and step-by-step instructions that make it easy to get started. You can choose from countless display modes and colors to suit your requirements, and of course customise the AdMob integration.

User misterzenith says this about the Web2App iPhone web design template:

“Design quality is awesome with well-commented code.”

8. Item Finder MarketPlace

The item finder marketplace allows you to easily set up an eCommerce marketplace with all the necessary features such as reviews, social media sharing, promotions, and detailed product descriptions. Other notable features for this eCommerce iOS template include SMS integration, user profiles, image sliders, and social logins. 

If you need to buy Xcode templates for your eCommerce marketplace, this template is perfect. See what this app is capable of by viewing the video preview.

9. Classify

Classify is an all-in-one iOS app template for ads. The iPhone application template allows you to create mobile classified services for professionals. The Apple app template is easy to customize to create just the look you need. 

Here are a few notable features for this iPhone app template:

AdMob interstitials

login and sign-up controllers

no external CMS needed

PSD graphics included

Here's what users are saying about this iOS template:

"The developer has created an amazing product that is easy to customize and has fast and accurate customer support." — arudkosky

Download this powerful iPhone app template now!

10. PikLab

The PikLab photo editor Apple app template was inspired by the popular AppStore app, PicLab. This iPhone application template has all the important features of modern photo editors. This makes editing images quick and easy for all users of the app. 

Here are a few of the iOS app layout template's most essential features:

text collages

sticker creation

filter, contrast, and texture photo editing

background insertion

PSD icon files included 

If you're looking to create a professional photo editing app, then this is the iPhone app template for you.

11. Events—iOS Universal Events App Template

Events is an iPhone app template created with Swift that allows developers to create their own mobile iOS events app to store and share events happening all over the world. End users are able to submit new events that you can approve and add to your Parse Dashboard. 

The iPhone app template also has a button that enables end users to automatically add an event on their native iOS Calendar and to open the address in Maps to get directions. They can also share the event via their social media platform of choice.

User dnederlof says this about the iPhone app template code:

"Great code and some of best support I've seen!"

12. PIXL

PIXL is an app template that comes with a built-in custom image editor for editing images and icons. It also comes with a customizable camera built with the AVFoundation framework. The iOS template allows you to either edit photos from your existing photo library or take pictures with your phone's camera. They're useful features if you've wanted to buy iOS app code for photography.

Here is what users of this iPhone app template are saying:

"Outstanding template and customer support! I highly recommend this app template!"—VL

13. Restaurant Food Delivery and Ordering System

This eCommerce iOS template is ideal for any on-demand delivery business or food delivery app like UberEats or Postmates. The process within the app allows your customers to create an account, choose a restaurant of their choice, select the food from this restaurant, and check out with cash or credit. 

Here are a few notable features of this eCommerce iPhone app template:

social login

phone verification

restaurant menu screens

seamless checkout

order tracking

14. Woopy

The Woopy iPhone and iPad application design template allows developers to create listing apps that facilitate buying and selling items online. Users can browse by keyword or category. They can also chat with sellers or potential buyers and give feedback on each transaction.

One of the Apple app template’s outstanding features for sellers is the ability to add a ten-second video to their listings. Another is the app’s optional email verification system that gives buyers and sellers extra assurance by posting a verification symbol next to the user’s name.

Customer Kaya09 said this about the iOS template: 

“Great support, well-designed app, and code is perfect. No issue with iTunes, approved in a few hours.”

15. SuperView

SuperView is another great iPhone and iPad application design template created to enable users to easily create a native iOS container for their website. It is ideal for a single-page web app with on-screen or no navigation. Users who want to ease the difficult learning curve associated with the Swift programming language and iOS SDK will really appreciate SuperView.

This iOS app layout template also has some great features you can take advantage of in your app, including:

Firebase or OneSignal push notifications

GPS support

social network login

Google AdMob

support for right-to-left (RTL) languages such as Arabic

User muhsin2905 has this to say about the iPhone and iPad application design template:

"Really good app and really good support. No problem to release to app store. App is online and we are happy. I would buy this App again if I needed it."

16. Instagram Mobile Template

Love Instagram? Want to create your own Instagram-type app? We have just the thing for you. The Instagram Mobile Template is an iOS template that allows developers to create a photo and video sharing app in the vein of Instagram where users can follow, like, comment, and share photos. 

The Apple app template allows users to log in with their email, Google, or Facebook accounts and supports monetisation with AdMob. It also supports push notifications and comes with built-in analytics to monitor performance.

User Mbosoft says:

“Customer support, code quality, customizability. I recommend it to everyone. Always new, updated and easy to use. No need for coding knowledge. Just follow the steps."

17. Ads listing, Classified app for iOS

If you're looking to buy iOS app code to start a classifieds app, here's your top choice. By purchasing this iPhone app template code, you can set up in app purchases, multiple ad screens, different color themes, and a lot more. 

Features of this iPhone app template design include:

multiple currencies

Google AdMob

account profiles

19. FireApp Chat IOS (Inspired by WhatsApp)

Need to create a messaging app? This iPhone app template design will help you build a WhatsApp-style app in no time. The iOS starter app will allow users to easily communicate with their friends through messages and video calls. Users can share images, video, audio, stickers, location, and contacts when you set up the FireApp iOS template. 

20. ExpensesApp

We end our list of professional iOS app design templates with ExpensesApp. This is a great iPhone app template design that lets users manage their income and budgets. ExpensesApp uses a minimal layout that's easy for users to navigate. It comes with step by step documentation for easy setup, and it's 100 percent ready for the AppStore. If you've been looking for Apple template apps that can help people manage their money, try out ExpensesApp.

5 Free iOS App Design Templates to Download in 2020

The premium iOS mobile app templates available on CodeCanyon will undoubtedly give you the most advanced features and the best possible user experience. They are complete apps with full source code—in many cases you can customize them to create your own working app, without any coding. However, if you're on a tight budget, you might not want to use a paid template. The good news is that there are iPhone app template free download alternatives to the premium Apple template apps found above.

Many iOS app design templates or UI kits have been created by designers and are free to download and use in your own project. To create an app from one of these free app design templates, you will need to do all the coding yourself, though. The UI kit or design template will only include the layout and graphics for your app—you'll have to figure out how to turn this design into a real app. 

Below are my picks for the five best free iOS app design templates available on the web.

1. Move

The Move iPhone and iPad app template is free and will give you a clean and simple design that users can easily navigate. It comes with 12 different templates that will work for businesses and startups of all different types. 

2. Payment App UI Kit

If you need to accept payments on your app, then this free iOS app template UI kit features 11 different screens that will help your users send and receive money from contacts or people nearby. A few of the included screens in this kit are expense log, security login, contact chat, and manage money screens. Try this out if you need an iPhone and iPad app template that's free .

3. Amazon Refresh Design Sketch Resource

This UI kit builds on the Amazon Marketplace UI and gives it a more modern feel. The iPhone app template free download kit comes with three screens that will help your business look professional. This iOS app design will make a great accompaniment to your online store app.

4. Restaurant Wireframe

If you're running any type of restaurant, fast food place, or food delivery service, this wireframe can be adapted to your needs. It's minimal design looks great and is hard to find in other iOS app design templates that are free online. The wireframe features two screens for searching specific types of foods and locations of the different eateries. If you've been looking for a restaurant iOS app design templates for free online, try out this wireframe.

5. Book App Concept

This iPhone app design template free download features a sleek and modern design that can not only work for books but for magazines as well. You can scroll and search through different books and magazines quickly and efficiently with this iPhone and iPad app template that's free. 

Explore More Great iOS App Templates for 2020

While the iOS mobile app templates mentioned above are some of the best available for 2020, they may not fit your business's needs. 

If none of the templates mentioned work for your current business or you need even more templates, then check out our other articles that contain plenty more ideas for high-quality premium and free iOS app templates:

Mobile App

10 Best iOS News App Templates

Franc Lucas

iOS

10 Best iOS App Templates for Business

Nona Blackman

Mobile App

10 Best iOS Map App Templates

Nona Blackman

So what are you waiting for? Get started on your new app today!

by Daniel Strongin via Envato Tuts+ Code https://ift.tt/35Ooc0m

[runwiththieves-blog]

I’M GONNA DO A QUICK LIL INTRODUCTION HERE SISTERS! bc i’m lame and new!!! well i’m not new to the fandom etc but this is a fresh blog and this is the first time i’ve ever posted my writings anywhere for the general public (who happens to be searching for harry styles smut) can read it and I’M GEEKIN TBQH!! anyway, hi hello – i have a name, but im gonna let u guys call me T, even tho my name starts w H. H would get too confusing should this work out the way i’m hoping it will! so i’m T. and i like writing and harry styles and so i thought i, along with everyone i scream about H to in the wee hours of the night, would probably find it beneficial if i had blog where i could do that and ppl who actually want to read about how i want him to spit in my mouth! i’ve been a silent lurker of the tags for awhile now (shoutout to @stylesunchained, @permanentcross, @jawllines, @canistay-haz for the inspo behind me finally making this godforsaken blog) (please be my friend) (i’m very intimidated by all of u). so yeah i hope this works out, and if not then it was fun to share this little bit of a something with all of u! and if it does then i’ll likely post a pt 2 to this!  if u like it like/reblog if ur into the kinda thing ig :) also my praise kink is jsut as alive as harrys and my ask box is always open to discuss either one <3

“Pet,” he starts, and you smile, because after a long moment of just standing there and listening to each other breathe, you hear the familiar nickname and know you’ve got him back. “You are the meanest, most stubborn, woman ’ve ever met. Got a bloke full on puttin’ himself out there in front ‘f thousands, 'nd you run away. Same bloke tells ya’ exactly what he means even after that, 'nd ya’ tell me I don’t mean it?” He murmurs, just loud enough for you to hear it. “Tell me how I can prove it to ya’,” he adds before you can get another word in, and he seems to already have a good idea, because his nose is brushing against yours already, but you quickly figure out that it’s going to take you asking for it before he does it, because Harry’s humble, but he has his pride, and you doubt he needs you fucking with it anymore tonight.

“’M going to start screaming if you don’t kiss me in the next three seconds,” you state, and he’s laughing as he presses his lips to yours, his hand cupping your cheek, and it’s gentle and soft and everything you ever imagined kissing Harry for the first time would be like.

And that’s how you die.

or

Harry’s your best friend and then you realize a lot of things, mostly that you’re an idiot

7k+, smut, overuse of the word ‘because’

It’s when you’re sitting on the couch next to him that you have your ’oh god’ moment where you realize that you’re actually really into him.

Harry hasn’t done anything to provoke this. He’s literally just sitting there, being his angel-like self because he can’t help it, it’s just who he is and you’ve accepted that. He’s beautiful and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. But you can feel it down to your toes when you look over to him and your heart nearly leaps out of your chest because he’s already looking at you, like he knows.

“’S wrong, pet? Not in the mood t'cuddle w'me today?” His voice suddenly breaks the comfortable silence you had fallen into, and you feel yourself flush down to your chest because this is Harry calling you out for being weird with him. You’re pretty sure there’s supposed to be at least a three month pining window before he starts to notice.

He’s Harry, though — not megastar Harry Styles, or the Harry his fans have dreamed up in their fantasy worlds where he takes them on luxury getaways whenever he has downtime (you guess they have no idea that he would rather watch romantic comedies and drink wine on the comfort of his own couch). To you, he’s the Harry who held your hair back while you threw up the first night you met at one of Nick’s parties. He’s the Harry who then proceeded to make his home, whenever he got to hangout with Nick and the rest of his friends, right beside you. He’s the Harry who insists that you sleep in his bed with him whenever you’ve had a bit too much to drink (and when you haven’t), instead of crashing on the couch (there are a gazillion fully furnished bedrooms in his house, you’d never have to crash on the couch, but you always crawl into bed with him instead of pointing that out). He’s the Harry who sort of just wiggled his way into your life and heart four years ago and forced you to be his best mate, whether you liked it or not, because he liked you.

So of course he notices when something is off with you. He always has, so you’re not entirely sure why you thought he wouldn’t notice when you went dead silent and put three miles between the two of you, when you had just been curled up against him like you always were on nights like this (and nights not like this, just kind of whenever the two of you were in the general vicinity of each other).

“Jus’ getting t'be a bit sleepy, I think. Think ’m gonna call it a night soon,” you say, and then you spare a glance to the clock on the wall, and it’s barely half ten, and Harry knew damn well that you almost never fell asleep before midnight, and if you did you’d wake up at three in the morning unable to get back to sleep.

The lie seems to do it’s job, though, because he doesn’t press you for further explanation, despite the fact that he’s looking at you in a way that lets you know he knows you’re bullshitting him and he’s bound to find out whatever it is that’s clearly bothering you. It almost feels like a challenge, but you know that this isn’t a game, and Harry gaining knowledge of your newest revelation would change everything, and probably not for the better.

It’s when you’re putting your answer into action that he presses further, because you’re grabbing for your keys, instead of announcing that you’re going to sleep with a kiss to his cheek, or wherever you can reach, and heading up the stairs to his bedroom. “Y'not staying?” He questions, and he’s got a pointed look about his face, and he really looks genuinely concerned, because you’ve never not stayed after a night like this. “’M supposed to meet m'mum for brunch,” you say, and you know it’s a lame excuse, because you’ve stayed over at Harry’s and went to work the next day with no problem. It also doesn’t help that he knows there’s no way your mum isn’t in town, because she would have texted him and made dinner plans a week in advance. They were close like that and you momentarily hate them for it.

He’s looking you over from where he sits and you don’t know if you’ve ever felt more small or intimidated in your life, and all he’s done is look at you. That’s all he’s done all night, really, and you feel like you’re about to claw your way out of your own skin because of it.

The three month pining window would kill you, probably, so scratch that.

“Has anyone ever told you what an awful liar you are? I mean, I know I haven’t, but that’s because you’ve never lied t'me,” he says, and the words send chills all over you skin, because you’ve been maybe not necessarily caught, but he knows there’s something going on, and you don’t know how to get yourself out of this one.

“I’ll cancel,” you finally tell him, accepting defeat, but not admitting to the lie. The fact that there is nothing to cancel isn’t something either of you bring up, even though you both know it.

“Wanna tell me why you’ve been a mile away fr’m me all night, while we’re at it?” He murmurs, and you just shake your head, setting your keys back down on the coffee table and fitting yourself into Harry’s side. “I just didn’t want t'bother you, s'all. You’ve had people all over you for a month now, w'your album 'nd all. Wanted t'give you your space,” you explain, even though you know he’ll see right through that excuse, too, if he really thinks about it, but it’s not nearly as opaque as the brunch thing.

It’s when he calls her cute and tucks her head under his chin that she knows she’s in the clear, for now at least, and she smiles silently. 

—–

You’re in his dressing room helping him get ready for one of his secret shows when it happens again.

It’s nothing different from what you’re usually doing when you get to go to one of his shows, even did it the last couple of years that One Direction toured. You’ve seen all his bits and helped him cover each and every part of them at some point or another, so seeing him without clothes has never had a very strong effect on you (okay, well it did, because you’re human and you’re not blind to the fact that Harry’s gorgeous, but you did a damn good job of hiding it).

And he’s not even naked now, not really — he’s wearing a pair of black boxer briefs, and he’s got his shirt covering his arms, and you’re standing in front of him buttoning (and smirking up at him when he unbuttons one more of the top buttons, even though you know not to even try to start at the top and fix him up proper) from top to bottom, like you always do. It’s become something you just do, no questions asked and for no real reason, because Harry is perfectly capable of buttoning his own shirt. You just like to do it, you suppose, and he’s never had a complaint.

Your fingertips drag across his lower abdomen by accident, before you’ve finished, though, and you swear you feel like your entire body’s on fire, and he hasn’t even touched you.

“I like this shirt,” you tell him as you drag your hands over the fabric covering his tattooed chest to smooth it out. You don’t even know why you said it, it’s like you were trying to distract him from the much more intimate, in your head at least, touch before, even though he probably didn’t even notice or think anything of it if he did.

“’S the ruffles, innit? Makes all the girls wild f'me,” he says, and you know he’s teasing, but his smirk lets you believe for just a moment that he’s flirting with you.

He’s not. It’s something you decide quite easily for the both of you, because it’s easier to shut your brain down that way than let it wonder if, maybe, possibly, he might be feeling everything that you are. You’re a very humble and grounded person, and ironically enough, you pride yourself in being just that. You wouldn’t dare let yourself believe that Harry Styles would ever have any romantic interest in you.

“’S too bad I only care that this one’s wild about it,” he says, kissing your cheek, but it’s so close to your lips, just barely brushing against the corner of your mouth, that you feel dizzy from more than just his statement.

Well. Maybe that changes things little bit.

Because you’re the only one in the room with him, so it’s not like there’s some other girl lurking in the shadows that you didn’t know about. Also, he almost kissed you. Like, really kissed you. Mouth to mouth. Does he know he almost did that? Does he know that you feel like you’re going to pass out the more you think about it? Also, what does that even mean? Why does he only care that you’re 'wild’ about him? There are so many questions and you feel like you’re going to start screaming any second, so you decide a shot of tequila is the best option right now.

–

You’re standing at the side of stage when you realize there’s no coming back from this.

He’s performing 'Woman’ and you don’t think you’ve ever witnessed anything as provocative as this. He’s really into the song, is the thing, and you’re certain he could tell any girl in the building to drop her panties for him, and they would in a heartbeat. You’ll pretend that you aren’t part of that group.

Until he’s looking to the side of the stage, like he’s looking for someone, and once his gaze finds yours and stays there, you realize it’s you that he was looking for.

And oh. Oh.

You are definitely, undeniably part of the Drop-Your-Panties-For-Harry-Styles group. Very much so, indeed. 

He’s got the microphone stand between his legs and he’s practically grinding against it as he just stares at you — he’s been doing that a lot lately, and that’s another one of the many realizations you’ve had in the past week with Harry.

You swear you nearly pass out when he sings the line ’you flower, you feast,’ with the biggest smirk you’ve ever seen before he’s looking back towards the crowd.

And then you have to go. You have to leave and go to his dressing room for the rest of the song, at the very least, because you’re so fucking confused. Where did all of this even come from? Why is he suddenly acting as if he just can’t resist you anymore, like he’s been longing for you this whole time. Was he just lonely? Horny and unwilling to put any effort into finding someone to get his fix with? Was it just a joke? Because the ache in your heart and between your legs was no joke.

You consider leaving the entire establishment when you hear the beginning chords of the last song on the setlist, so that you don’t have to face him afterwards, but instead you find your way back to the side of the stage and watch proudly as your best friend absolutely rips this crowd apart with his talent. You want to cry sometimes because you’re so proud of Harry, you really do. You think you probably will when he heads off on his first headlining tour in a few months. Cry because you’re proud, but also because you’ll be without him for the majority of those three months. The thought tugs at something in your chest, probably your heart, and it makes your eyes sting just for a second, until you’ve pushed the tears off for the moment.

For now, you’re watching on with a smile you just can’t help as he belts out the last few lines of 'Sign of the Times,’ and you want to join in, but you’d die if his microphone were to pick up your awful howling, as well. So, you wait for the end, and then you cheer and scream with the rest of the crowd in front of him. You notice that he spares a glance back at you, and you send him a nod back as you continue your cheering, watching as he practically personally thanks each and every fan in the crowd until the stage has gone dark and the lights in the main establishment have come up, and everyone’s pushing and shoving their way out.

You’re grinning because the star of the whole goddamn show is walking over to you before he is anyone else, and you’re beaming as you wrap your arms around his neck. “You were fucking incredible,” you tell him against his neck, and you take the kiss to the top of your head as an acceptable way to say 'thank you.’

–

It’s when the two of you are back in his dressing room that you feel the tension build again, and you swallow the lump in your throat as you replay his question over and over again: “Where did you go after 'Woman?’”

You want to scream, shout, throw things; not because you’re angry, but because when the hell did Harry get so confrontational? Or was it just something he was doing because you were being noticeably weird with him?You don’t like it at all, despite the fact that you’re always telling him he needs to speak up more. You never meant with you. 

“Had to use the loo,” is the answer you give him, and he cocks an eyebrow at you not a moment after you’ve spoken.

“You feelin’ okay, then? You were gone for four songs after that, and I talk a lot,” he says, and it’s so matter-of-fact that you know he sees right through you, just like he had the other night when you told him you were going to brunch with your mum.

When you don’t say anything for a minute, he presses on, stepping closer to you. “I don’t understand what you’re tryin’ so hard t'hide from me, babe. First the other night, now this — what’s going on?” He questions, and his stare is intense, and it wouldn’t be if were anyone else, but as always, he’s Harry.

“I’m fine, H, just have a lot on m'mind,” you try, feeling absolutely defeated, because try as you might, it really is impossible to lie to Harry, especially when he’s looking at you the way he is. He knows something is up, because you’ve never hidden anything from him. He knew your deepest, darkest secrets three days into your friendship. He knows more about you than any of your exes ever have, and you think that could be part of what scares you so much about him. You feel like if he ever finds out, the chances of you losing him are far greater, and the idea puts a pain in your chest, because what would you ever do without Harry?

You can’t help but miserably stutter and stumble over your words when he asks you who you’ve been thinking about, rather than what, but what catches you even more off guard is him stepping until he’s nearly got you pinned against the wall of his dressing room, and you’re breathing is heavy as you stare up at this beautiful, sweaty boy who just wants to know why you’ve been treating him so differently.

“You’re all I’ve been thinkin’ about, 'f that’s any sort of encouragement,” he tells you, and you want to speak, you do — you want to say something, fucking anything, but you’re frozen and your heart is about to beat right out of your chest.

“You don’t mean that,” is what you say, for whatever reason, and you feel awful as soon as you see the way Harry’s eyebrows furrow and his lips form into a tight line, but he’s not moving away from you at all. If it were possible, you feel like you’re drowning in him even more so.

“I — of course I fucking mean it,” he argues, his eyes unmoving from yours. “I can’t believe you’d fucking say that. Have you not noticed that I spend every bit of free time I have with you? You’re the first and last person I talk to every morning and every night, and the first person I run to when I have news, 'r just something to say. You’re the first person out of everyone I know that I run to after I come off stage — of-fucking-course you’re all I think about,” he says, and although his words are nice and make you feel all warm inside, he sounds angry, and that scares you, because Harry’s never been actually angry with you.

“Harry, I — I’m sorry,” you say, and your voice is nearly a whisper and you feel like crying, because he was honest with you, and you all but said you didn’t believe him, and honestly, how could you be such an idiot? You’ve got the most beautiful man in the world standing in front of you, telling you you’re all he thinks about, and you tell him he doesn’t mean it — who does that?

“I really — I’m so sorry, Harry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just — it’s kinda’ hard t'believe, innit? That the person you’ve got feelings for has them for you, too?” And you realize there really is no going back after you’ve said that out loud, but hopefully it could fix what’s just happened here if he knows the only reason you said it is because it’s just a tad bit unbelievable.

“Pet,” he starts, and you smile, because after a long moment of just standing there and listening to each other breathe, you hear the familiar nickname and know you’ve got him back. “You are the meanest, most stubborn, woman ’ve ever met. Got a bloke full on puttin’ himself out there in front 'f thousands, 'nd you run away. Same bloke tells ya’ exactly what he means even after that, 'nd ya’ tell me I don’t mean it?” He murmurs, just loud enough for you to hear it. “Tell me how I can prove it to ya’,” he adds before you can get another word in, and he seems to already have a good idea, because his nose is brushing against yours already, but you quickly figure out that it’s going to take you asking for it before he does it, because Harry’s humble, but he has his pride, and you doubt he needs you fucking with it anymore tonight.

“’M going to start screaming if you don’t kiss me in the next three seconds,” you state, and he’s laughing as he presses his lips to yours, his hand cupping your cheek, and it’s gentle and soft and everything you ever imagined kissing Harry for the first time would be like.

And that’s how you die.

–

At least, you thought you were dead because you’re pretty certain Harry’s pillowy soft lips are what Heaven is made out of, and if you were experiencing those, you had to be dead, right?

Except now, he’s got you in the back of a car, and his hand is sliding up your thigh, beneath your skirt, and it’s then, with his lips on yours, that it happens again.

You realize that he’s probably not going to be able to come back from this, either. You don’t know when it happened, or why it seems that you both had the realization that you’re fucking mad about each other at the exact same time (not that it isn’t convenient, it’s just strange), but you’re here with him and it feels like he’s using his mouth to promise a lot more than just a few heated kisses.

You pray that this isn’t just some dare, or an adrenaline thing, because you’d have to be blind or just not paying attention to not see that Harry gets hard each and every time he performs to a crowd. Like, fully erect, you’d noticed, and of course you had always teased him for his evident praise kink (’even the twitter fans know, Harry, it’s not a secret’).

But from the way he’s pulling away to whisper praises in your own ear, about how badly he wants you and all that he wants to do to you, how long he’s wanted to do these things to you, you’re starting to realize that this is very real and you aren’t being fucked with at all.

Well, you will be, hopefully, but in an entirely different sense of the word.

You’ve somehow found your way onto Harry’s lap now, because apparently the silently pining over each other thing did a bang up job of sexually frustrating both of you, so you jumped at the opportunity. If you died in a car accident on the lap of Harry Styles with his tongue down your throat, so be it.

–

It’s only five minutes later when you realize you’ve pulled into the driveway, but it feels like it’s been hours, and your lipstick has gone to hell already, and your shirt is hanging off your shoulders, and so is Harry’s because as it turns out: you’re just as good at unbuttoning his shirts as you are at buttoning them.

Despite your messy states, you both thank the driver as you exit the vehicle, and the rush to get to his front door would be funny to absolutely anyone else, but you don’t think you’ve ever been so desperate to get into bed with someone. Hell, he could get the door opened, closed, and locked again and take you in the corridor and you wouldn’t care. You don’t need a bed, you need his cock. And then you wonder when your self conscious started talking like a porn star.

“Are you goin’ to laugh a'me 'f I try t'dirty talk you?” He asks, and it’s a ridiculous question, because he has no idea how much you’ve fantasized about being the one he’s whispering filth to. “Absolutely not,” is of course your answer, and it’s breathless and you’ve already let your shirt hit the floor, and you’re dropping your skirt at the bottom of the stairs, leaving you in nothing but your bra and panties, which are totally cotton and not matching and not sexy at all, but Harry doesn’t seem to care, because he’s pushed his shirt off of his shoulders and is picking you up to carry you up the stairs a second later.

“Take me t'bed, please,” you murmur in his ear, kissing along his jaw with your arms and legs wrapped tight around him. Everything about this is so, so, so urgent and is happening so fast, and you wish you could slow it down, even if only for a second, because it’s all so much, but it’s not enough at the same time. And you kind of want it to be perfect and remember every little thing, as cheesy as that really is.

He’s got you on his bed in no time, though, and you’re practically shaking, because that’s when it happens again. That’s when you realize this is really about to happen. You’re about to fuck your best friend, and the thought should be terrifying, if for no other reason than all that you’re risking in doing so, but you’re smiling up at him as you grasp the nape of his neck and pull him down towards you so that he’s fitting between your legs and his lips are back on yours for the first time since you got out of the car. “Want you,” you whisper against his mouth, and you realize when you press up against him that there’s no foreplay even needed, because you’re already soaked through the fabric of your panties, and you can still feel where he’s been hard since he left the stage tonight.

“’S that — do you want that?” You ask, and it’s sudden and probably sounds ridiculous, considering the situation you’re currently in, but you think it’s an important question to ask. “This, I mean. Me,” you clarify, blinking up at him, and you doubt seriously that he thinks your awkward quirkiness is cute at all right now, no matter how many times he’s implied how adorable you are because of it.

“You’re the most ridiculous person I know,” is his answer, and you’re starting to think you’ve heard more insults tonight than compliments, which is weird because you always thought Harry would be the type to tell you that you’re beautiful and kiss every inch of your skin. Turns out, he’s still just as good at picking at you even when he’s got you pinned to his bed and your lips swollen from kissing him so much. “Yes, I want that. This. You,” he says after a moment, and you’re blushing as he repeats your own words back to you in confirmation.

“I want you to fuck me, Harry,” is the next thing out of your mouth, because apparently filters don’t exist anymore, and he shrugs before shaking his head. “Was hoping t'get my mouth on you first, actually,” he tells you, licking over his lips, and you’d swear it was for dramatic effect, but it was also really ridiculously hot, so you can’t even be mad at him for being a walking cliché.

As much as you want to argue with that, because you want him inside of you now (and you also argue with him about whatever it is he wants to do before you eventually give up and do it), he’s looking at you like he might die if he doesn’t have his mouth on your cunt in the next two minutes. How could you deny him, really? It’d be wrong and unjust. 

Or: you really want his mouth on you, too, but you’re willing to let Harry seem more desperate to please you than you are desperate for him to eat you out, even though you’re certain that’s not the truth by any small means.

You don’t know when he took his pants off or your underwear, you must have missed it, unfortunately, but you’re watching him as he kisses over your thighs, and you feel sort of like you just got to fast forward to the good part. It’s when he licks over you completely and presses harder on the upstroke against your clit that you know that’s what happened.

You don’t know if you moan or if you scream, because you’ve tuned everything that isn’t Harry’s mouth on you and the little noises he makes against you all the way out, and you feel a little bit like you’re floating as he sucks at your clit, and your hands had flown to his hair the second he’d started that.

“Fuck, Harry, please,” you whine, and you don’t even know what you’re asking for, but you know you need more of anything he’s willing to give you. “Taste so good, baby. ’S it feel as good as y'taste?” He murmurs against you, and his voice vibrating against you may be hotter than anything you could possibly think up for him to do to you — and you’ve thought of a lot. All you can do is nod and give his hair a tug, grinding up against his mouth, and you wonder if he notices that you’re practically riding his face while he fucks his tongue into you, licking in and around your entrance, and you could cry from how good he’s making you feel. But also because it’s Harry who is doing this to you.

It’s the Harry who would rather stay in and cuddle with you than go to a party packed with A-listers. It’s Harry, whose preferred method of clearing out a cake batter bowl before putting it in the dishwasher, is the the two of you licking it clean. Harry, who would do anything and everything for you, and never make you feel like it was anything less than what he wanted to do. It’s Harry, and he’s told you a million times how much he loves you, and even if you roll your eyes at the sentiment from time to time, you know he means it, and you always say it back.

“Harry,” you say, looking down to him and the pleasure is almost overwhelming, so it pains you to make him stop, but you just want to be as close to him as humanly possible. He can devour your cunt afterwards, or later, or something. You’ll fit him into your schedule. “I — Harry, up. Come back up here, please,” and your voice is cracking, so you swallow as you look down at him, and you don’t know why you’re near tears, but you definitely are, can feel them welling in your eyes.

“What is it? Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?” He whispers, holding you by your wrists, his thumbs gliding against the skin soothingly. “Why’re you cryin’, sweetheart? Talk t'me, please,” he murmurs, and he sounds so panicked, and it makes you feel bad because how could he ever think he’s done something wrong? This perfect, wonderful, amazing man hovering over you is clearly unaware of how fantastic he truly is. He’s looking at you with concern in his eyes, and you know he wants to comfort you, especially when you feel the warm tears trickling down your cheeks, because it’s Harry, and he won’t leave your side for hours if he ever catches you crying. Which, you don’t mind so much. But you know he needs his answer now, or he’s going to end up thinking he’s done something wrong, or to hurt you, and it’ll all be over, and you refuse to let that happen.

“No, no, no — ’m fine. Perfect, actually, just — I love you, ’s all,” is what you say, and you give him a watery smile, even when your voice gets a bit quieter and doesn’t sound nearly as rushed there at the end, because you know he knows that, especially now. There’s no way he could ever doubt it, you don’t think. He lets out a throaty laugh as he pushes his hair back where it’s fallen against his forehead, his hands dropping down to yours, holding them tightly as he leans down to kiss you for maybe the hundredth time since you first started about an hour ago, even though it feels like it’s been a lifetime. “I love you, too, you silly girl,” he assures, kissing you once again.

“No, Harry — I mean I really love you,” you murmur, breaking the kiss for a second just to say that, because you need him to know that it’s not just something you’re saying, or even being said in the same sense as you’ve always told each other. He’s looking at you with an amused expression and shaking his head, but in the fond way that doesn’t hurt your feelings. “That’s what I’ve always meant, Y/N,” he confesses, and it hits you like a ton of bricks, because it really feels like everything suddenly makes sense and all is right in the world, a love song is playing in the distance (and it’s not just in your head, so you must have missed when he turned that on, too), all the dumb things that are said in books and movies are happening to you, and you want to appreciate the moment for what it is, but you’re also going to scream if he doesn’t fuck you into his mattress soon. There’s time for talking later.

“Please, please, please fuck me. Now. Please,” and you don’t realize you’re begging for him until you’re begging for him, and it has you blushing down to your chest. “Haven’t even gotten m'dick out yet, 'nd you’re already beggin’ f'me? Love me that much?” He teases, because of course he does, but you look up at him with a new sort of determination your eyes.

You’ve got your hand on the bulge of his briefs not a second later, working over him through the fabric, and it makes your legs spread instinctively when you feel the patch of wet where the head of his cock is pressed against the fabric. It’s then that you decide you’ve had enough, and you’re doing your damnedest to try and push his boxers down. You eventually give up and he laughs and stands to tug them the rest of the way down, and it almost sounds animated, the way you gasp when you see him bare, hard, and leaking for you.

It’s not that you didn’t know Harry was a monster — he’s woken up with enough morning wood pressed against your ass and your thigh for you to be more than completely aware of just what you’re getting yourself into (or what’s getting into you, actually). But knowing it’s all for you and because of you that he’s this hard is a lot to take in.

“Y'still wan’ me?” The question catches you off guard, but you nod almost too enthusiastically for it to be anything other than embarrassing. “Tell me,” is the next thing he says, and your eyebrows knit together in obvious confusion, but your features soften as he lays you back against the bed again and offers more information on what he’s wanting from you exactly. “Tell me how bad you want my cock inside your wet cunt,” he says, and it makes you bite your lip to keep from moaning, just because Harry’s filthy, as it turns out, and your thighs are glistening with how wet you are from it all. “Want it so bad, Harry. Want — wanna’ feel you, please, all of you, every goddamn inch of your cock. Wan’ you t'fuck me until I can’t take anymore,” you whisper, and it seems to have done the trick, because the head of his cock catches on your entrance where he’s sliding between your folds, and you can feel him start to press inside of you.

You really think you could blackout when you feel the whole of him settled snugly inside of you, but it’s not until he starts to move that you have dig your nails into his shoulders and drag them down his back as he fucks back into you. “Fuck me,” you moan, your head tossed back and your hips grinding up against his. It feels so good, is the thing — he’s so big, not just his cock, but everywhere, and he’s got you pinned to the mattress as he drives into you somewhat relentlessly, and he’s stretching you so wonderfully, because he’s thick, too, and it hurts in the best kind of way.

“Wanna’ ride you.” The words leave your lips before you’ve given them permission, but Harry’s smirking at you wickedly, so clearly he’s on board with the idea. You know he is when he’s pulled out of you (and you want to die because of that) and he’s got you on top of himself now and is unhooking your bra. “Feel like I owe your tits a personal apology for not paying attention t'them sooner,” he tells you, and you lean down to kiss his stupid mouth, rocking back over his cock. You tease him like that for a long minute, just grinding against him and feeling him against you, before you’ve decided that you quite miss the feeling of him inside of you.

You start to tell him that, but then it hits you that you’ve got the power now, so you take him into your hand after that, lining him up, and you sink down on him slowly, smiling into the kiss you’re giving him, because you can’t even begin to count the number of times you’ve dreamed of this moment exactly. It feels so good to be fucking yourself on Harry’s cock, and you don’t pass up the opportunity to tell him that this time. It makes him groan as he stares up at where you’re properly bouncing on him, and you notice when his eyes drop down to watch where he’s fucking in and out of your pussy, and you swear you feel him twitch inside of you at the sight. “Takin’ me so well,” he praises, and apparently you’ve got a bit of a praise kink, as well, and you throw your head back when you feel him begin to thrust up into you, the head of him nudging against your most sensitive part each time. “Harry, fuck,” you breathe, your fingers curling and nails digging into his chest.

You’re so torn between wanting to kiss him and wanting to hear everything he has to say, that you’ve settled for just kissing his neck and his jaw, leaving a lovebite or two in your wake, listening while he tells you how beautiful you are (you were right, he is into that), how good you feel, how you’re going to make him cum, and God — you hadn’t even allowed the reality of that sink in yet. Through all of this, you had completely forgotten that you had a goal, something you wanted to accomplish, because all you’ve wanted is to be as close as possible to him this whole time.

Now, however, you really want to make him cum, and you want it inside you (you’re very much on birth control and if you were to get pregnant, having a baby with Harry wouldn’t be the end of the world, and he wouldn’t be the first former member of One Direction to become a father). “Want you t'cum inside me, yeah? Fill me up,” you tell him, and you feel it when his grip on your hips tightens and he helps you fuck yourself over him faster. “Not until you cum on my cock,” he replies, and you clench around him at that, fucking down harder each time. “Need y'to touch me,” you whisper, grabbing for his wrist and guiding his hand towards your clit, “here.”

Your moans get louder the second he presses the pads of his fingers to your clit, rocking your hips harder, with more determination to get off. “I wanna cum,” you whine, and you want it so bad, now that you’ve remembered that’s part of all of this, that you could cry. You were a bit spoiled when it comes to getting your with Harry, you could say, because his fingers are quick and just right on your little bundle of nerves, rubbing in tight circles and applying just enough pressure. “Know y'wanna cum, baby. Wan’ y'to. Wanna feel y'squeezin’ me,” he murmurs, his teeth grazing over your ear. “Can y'do that f'me, angel? Come for me,” he continues, but his voice is so low and he sounds just as wrecked as you feel, and you can feel his lips brushing your skin as he speaks.

And then you’re pretty fucking sure you did, in fact, die this time.

Everything goes black, your lips parted in a silent scream, but not because you’re not trying, but everything feels too fucking good and you can’t even make a sound, aside from the pathetic sobs you’re letting out into his shoulders. You can feel your cunt pulsing around him, your clit throbbing beneath his fingers, and you’re sure he’s drenched with you, but it evens out because you feel him releasing inside you not even a minute later.

This time you moan his name, grinding yourself on his cock while he empties himself inside of you, fucking him through his orgasm, despite how tired and sensitive you are, praising him and thanking him with each and every movement, milking him for all he’s worth as you listen intently to the string of curses and your name falling from his lips.

You feel him dripping down your thighs the moment you slide off of his cock, but you only move to straddle the lower part of his torso, making a mess of his abs, and you can’t begin to explain how little care about that when you lean down to kiss him. “Thank you,” you whisper, and you don’t know why you say it, but it feels like something that needs to be said, because you are thankful for everything that’s just happened.

“I love you,” is his response, a smile tugging the corners of his lips up, and you can’t help but kiss him again. “For how long?” You question, and you’re about to explain what you mean, because you just want to know how long he’s known he loved you, like this, but he answers you with “probably forever” before you can elaborate, and it makes your heart skip a beat. He’s decided to answer the question in the ‘how long are you going to love me’ sense, you realize.

You blink down at him, like you’re surprised, but he’s just wearing his signature smirk and you feel a bit lightheaded. He seems so sure of everything he’s told you in the last day or so, and it’s so scary, but it makes you wonder how long he’s felt this way and how he figured out that you finally realized that you felt this way, too. Was he sitting on the couch beside you, staring at you instead of paying attention to The Great British Bake Off, too?

“How’d you figure out that I was just cranky ‘cos I realized ‘m in love w’you?” Is the next question you ask, and he shrugs, staring up at you and letting his fingertips drifts over your skin. “Jus’ know you, baby,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “‘Nd I remembered how red y’had gotten when y’mum told y���that we’d end up t’gether, ‘nd then y’started tryin’ t’push me away, ‘nd I knew you’d realized she was right. Plus, I did the same bit t’you when I realized. Remember when I’d hardly talk t’ya’ when I was in Jamaica? Wasn’t just ‘cos I needed t’focus on m’album,” he explains, and you laugh, because everything really does make sense now. 

You’re laying down beside him, curled into his side in what has always been your favorite position when you speak again. “I love you, too,“ you nearly whisper, and you’ve got a smile curling your lips, your hand wrapped around his wrist and your other arm slung over his chest where you’re resting your chin to look up at him. “Probably forever.”

[its-a-queer-thing]

Part 1 I 've tried to send the first part a few times but it hasn't gone through so I'm just going to try this again. Lol sorry this was such a hassle. It's even my first ask so I'm worried I'm doing it wrong... I'm new to your blog and I love it. I am a little confused about your thoughts on how Mickey sees Terry. In a few of your post you refer to mickey "defending" Terry- once you said Mickey loved Terry(your review of episode 3x11)  I wanted to understand your thought process for that.

Part 2 As an abuse survivor myself I don’t really see it. What I do see is Mickey practicing common “survival” technuiqes. when mickey said “don’t act like you know my dad.” After Ian was saying Terry is a selfish prick I didn’t think it was mickey defending his father, to me it’s seemed like he was(in a round about way)telling ian he had no clue how bad it was and not to act like seeing one terrible action equated to understanding the depth of fear and terror Terry had instilled in his kids.

Pt2. When mick says that I don’t think he meant it as a justified for Terry actions. But I think more closer to mickey trying to let ian know that it is worse than just a one time instance. Ian passed off Terry as a terrify entity in Mickeys life saying things like “your dad’s an asshole prick don’t let him run your life” and such what. And I think mickey is legitimately terrified of not just his father but Terry’s reach.

AH! Yes, there we go! I see you know! :)

First and foremost, thank you for complimenting my blog, I’m glad you enjoy it! And also, thank you for sharing your experience. Even if it is on anon, it’s never easy to talk about past traumas and it’s clear to see your connection to the topic. Let me then say I think we are both right as far as Mickey’s views of Terry. I think Mickey is terrified of Terry and Terry’s reach, and so is equally afraid for himself if he doesn’t give the man what he wants, and for Ian if Ian does something stupid to draw attention to himself or piss Terry off. We’ve already seen what he can do to his own son, imagine some random kid in the neighborhood he couldn’t give two shits about, right? Plus we can only imagine the type of abuse Mickey suffered growing up. And it’s interesting that you ask this question now, Anon, because I just finished my analysis of 3x11 and I definitely talk about Terry at length, (it won’t be out for a few weeks) but I’ll go ahead and explain my position here.

I can’t remember my first impression of that line “don’t act like you know a thing about my Dad” but based on evidence from future episodes (I don’t know how far along you are in the series so I won’t get too specific unless you want/need me to) in season 4 that definitely demonstrate that Mickey wants his father’s affection and approval, the way I watch this scene has possibly been altered. A lot of what Mickey’s done through this series, I assert, is due to his desire to do his old man proud and be useful, because almost everything he does in the early seasons is related to Terry’s business. Going through with this wedding, however, is a completely different matter. This is 100% survival but I also think he sees this as a way to get back in his dads’ good graces. If he goes through with this, it’s as though everything from before (Terry catching him and Ian together) is forgiven and forgotten, and while he’s CLEARLY not okay with marrying his rapist, he’s going to go through with it because not only does he not have a choice (Terry would probably kill him because Terry would probably see it as the last bit of evidence that Mickey is unwaveringly gay) but it’s the best way he can get things back to normal. 

I don’t think he was defending Terry’s actions with arranging his rape. I think he was defending Terry in general because Ian was speaking about Terry in general. My father was NOT abusive, however he could be hotheaded at times and tended to keep me at home rather than letting me go hang out with people (I learned later that he didn’t approve of the types of people who I wanted to spend time with, and it just turned out that he was right, they weren’t good people) and so when he would tell me “no” to hanging out with someone, they’d call him an ass which made me very defensive. Now, this is obviously a much lighter example, but that is kind of where I draw my thoughts for this line in particular from. As I said, most of my evidence to support Mickey loving him/caring about how Terry feels about him is wrapped up in season 4 and because I don’t know how far along you are in the series I don’t want to spoil anything for you. 

So, “don’t act like you know a thing about my Dad” I think was both him saying “don’t act like you know who he is/how he is,” and Mickey clinging to a desire for some approval from his father, and simultaneously warning Ian that he doesn’t understand why Mickey is going along with this because Ian doesn’t understand the power Terry Milkovich has. You mentioned survival techniques and I think loving his father/caring about his father is a survival technique in itself. I argue most children want to feel loved by their parent and so if he grew up feeling little bursts of it or having to justify Terry’s actions to fit some definition of love, while also being subjected to abuse, I could imagine an unexplainable wanting for approval. If he’s on Terry’s good side, it’s less likely he’ll get the shit beat out of him. The more useful he is to his father, the more approval he gets (I say more not approval period, I don’t think that man can show gratitude if Jesus himself came and worked a miracle right in front of him).

I hope that clarified my position (I know it’s hard when I’m trying to avoid spoiler alerts). 

Thanks for the ask, Anon, and thank you again for sharing your experience and thoughts on this really important scene! 

[getaether]

Aether Dev.13 released: up to 30x faster updates, live-updating ‘firehose’ feed

After a bit of quiet, a new release of Aether has been cut. Your app should update itself on Windows and Mac, and on Linux, you should download the new Snap after backing up your user profile to get this one.

This one does come with two major features, so I wanted to highlight them a little bit.

The new graph compiler

Context

As a quick recap, Aether is a P2P network that distributes a content graph. This distribution happens on a flood basis, so every node has every piece of content. (Upcoming feature: users can choose what to broadcast out)

We manage to keep the network at a manageable size because of two things: a) All content on the network is text, and b) Aether is an ephemeral network: too old content is deleted based on a deletion policy from all nodes. Even if the too-old content is kept available somewhere, the other nodes won't ask for it, so the propagation is killed.

This is all raw data though - while there are some nifty stuff in being able to efficiently sync content on a flood basis (we do some opportunistic caching and pre-baked responses), this is ultimately a few [thousand | hundred thousand] rows on a SQL table.

And it turns out, the derivation step that allows the users to have user profiles, votes (vote counts!), moderation, elections and all the other niceties of Aether from those raw SQL rows is actually fairly complex. As in, it's a little too slow to do it real time: if you open a thread with 50 posts, assuming real time, you'd need to fetch the community entity, the thread entity, the 50 posts, and all votes those 50 posts ever received and the user entities of all of those entities mentioned above.

As you can imagine, even a relatively small thread like this creates an exponentially increasing number of SQL queries, given the constraint to render it on runtime.

What Aether does instead, is that it has a frontend graph compiler. This compiler is incremental: it only compiles content as it comes in, and saves it into a separate, compiled key-value store. This is the main store that the user interacts with, and since these entities are 'baked in' per user settings, the calls are instant. Every time we receive new raw content from the network, we incrementally patch this 'view of the universe'. This solves the issue with not being able to render the whole network in runtime.

This is also what allows the users to ultimately be able to choose their own moderators. Every user is in full control of his own frontend graph, and they can disable specific moderators they don't like, or add the ones that they happen to like. Since this whole graph is compiled on the frontend, these kind of changes can be taken into account at compile time, which happens about every 2 minutes.

Updates

Since we now have a decently sized corpus of content, the frontend compile times have been increasing. This started around a few seconds when Aether first launched, and as of the last month, it's reached 90~ seconds on my computer, which isn't great! Especially considering the fact that the app attempts a refresh every 2 minutes, that means a lot of time spent in 'Refreshing...' state. It does not prevent the users from interacting with the app, neither does it stress the CPU or RAM, but it does create some disk use and general weirdness that manifests itself as latency spikes.

I have been trying a few approaches to bring this back to a reasonable duration (a few seconds for subsequent compiles) for the past month or so. In other words, we want this time to scale with the number of new entries coming in, not with the total size of the database.

Results

Here's what's shipping with this update:

Our first-ever compile has improved 1.9x, and our subsequent compiles have improved a whopping 30.6x. 🙂

But how?

The frontend compiler was, up until now, 'good enough' — it had not seen much attention in terms of speed or optimisation. This was the first time that someone had the chance to dive in and figure out what could be better. In short, a bunch of low hanging fruits!

(Heads up, the two below are largely about software engineering. Feel free to skip if that's not your cup of tea.)

Optimisation 1

This was fairly straightforward: I ended up batching the compilation result writes into blocks, so that they happened as part of the same transaction. Now, this is actually fairly standard, however in Aether, this was a little more complex than usual because of Go's concurrency. We've been using a lot of goroutines (~threads) which do run in their own processor core or hyperthread, and this is great, because it fully utilises your CPU, even if you have a gigantic AMD Threadripper with an ungodly number of cores, Aether can still fully saturate it if needed.

However, that also meant that every thread, when done, would have to commit its own results to the key-value store. This made things simpler, at the cost of writing a lot of tiny pieces of data to the disk in a way that created some disk contention.

In the end, we ended up profiling the parts of the compiler process that suffered the most from this disk write bottleneck, and I've changed the code in a fashion that allows me to delay (tradeoff: RAM) these writes together and flush them into the disk at the same time, and do it in a thread-safe way. Doing this removed a major disk bottleneck at the cost of some increase in implementation complexity.

This is what bought us the drop in the initial compile from 92s to 47s.

Optimisation 2

The best way to make a program be faster is to make it do less, and avoid work as much as humanly possible.

This second trick is effectively that. I've come up with a way to determine, for every patch (raw set of updates coming from the backend), the frontend now determines what is called, borrowing a term from Physics, the observable universe. This means anything that could possibly be affected by the set of changes that are incoming.

The nice thing about having that map of all possibilities that could ever be invoked is that it is possible to reduce the scope the graph compiler operates: instead of working on the whole graph, it can now only operate on the parts of the graph that has a nonzero chance of having been affected. This leads to a massive reduction in the amount of work needed, and this is how we can get the subsequent compile speed from 92s to 3s.

In short, because we can now definitively prove that certain pieces of work is unnecessary, we can now skip them and do nothing, and that is why this is so fast. For the things we cannot prove that won't be changed we still compile. We might be able to push this idea of the observable universe ever closer to its smallest possible form, however this has already provided massive gains even in its v1 that is shipping now.

In the end, though, this is a tricky one to assess the correctness of. We've been testing this for the past week or so, and it seems to be functional so far. Nevertheless, lots of things affect each other in surprising ways, and it is possible that this observable universe determination might be missing 'following' certain possible interactions, at least in its first iteration. Ultimately this is something that we need to see in the real world, so it's probably best that it is out for real user feedback now.

The 'New' feed

This has been one of the more requested features in the recent past, so I'm happy to say that this is now in. This is pretty much what it says on the tin, it's a feed of the most recent interactions on the network. Since the network is not huge yet, this feed still advances slowly enough to make sense, so it's been fun watching it advance for the past day or two I've been testing this. This is basically 'The Firehose'.

This feed is also useful for people who want to build on Aether as well, since it can be consumed by other apps as the raw input.

It is also live updating, meaning you will see new posts coming in as they arrive by the minute.

By the way, it'll start to collect new content from the point of installation on the new update, but if you'd like to get it filled sooner, you can go to your frontend config folder (the exact location is shown in the app settings), and delete the KvStore.kv after fully shutting down the app. After reopening it, it should build the new feed from scratch.

Other bug fixes

We also have a smaller set of bugfixes that don't merit mentions on their own — they are largely cosmetic.

Availability

We've been testing this release for the past week or so, but the changes are large enough that we need to see it on the live network. The update will be pushed to the auto-update system in about a day from this blog post: if all goes right, by the time you're reading this, it should be already available.

This is it for now. Cheers!

[obscurelysevere]

I have a step or half sibling.

I have velvet pants.

I have a t-shirt from a museum exhibit.

I’ve been to Dunkin’ Donuts before.

I’ve been on the subway.

I usually get movies from the library.

I’m scared of heights.

I should be asleep right now.

I have spare batteries.

My speakers are off right now.

My computer is in my bedroom.

I only have one blanket on my bed.

I own or have owned a teddy bear.

I know all the lyrics to “Bohemian Rhapsody” by heart.

I’ve played Runescape.

I like to make lists.

I’ve listened to the Beach Boys.

I am very flexible.

In bookstores, I walk around with my head tilted sideways.

I’m wearing a hoodie.

I know a lot of weird/useless facts.

I’ve watched Nightmare on Elm Street before.

I know what papillon means in English.

Sufjan Stevens makes me happy.

I wish my nose was smaller.

I get at least three emails per day.

I smile a lot.

I use “however” instead of “but” when writing an essay.

I’ve seen The Breakfast Club.

I like sharing books with my friends.

I usually recognize the poets my English teacher talks about.

A stranger has given me a high five for no reason.

I’ve been to a Harry Potter book release party.

I usually need to be reminded to eat.

I like to look for shapes in the plaster on my ceiling.

I have tiny hands.

I prefer pencils to pens.

I write on my hands when I need to remember something.

I’ve been to a roller skating rink.

I own a piece of clothing that is rainbow patterned.

I own a piece of clothing with skulls on it.

I am extremely patient.

I wish I could dance well.

I’ve been to an ice skating rink.

I have a lot of trouble falling asleep at night.

I’ve been on the high honor roll.

I have a purse with flowers on it.

I love to people watch.

I’ve written an acrostic poem.

I have bad posture.

I’ve fallen asleep in class.

I am very easily embarrassed.

I liked to make up stories when I was a kid.

Whenever I ride my bike, I’m tempted to start singing “Bicycle Race.”

I take prescription creams/face washes/pills for acne.

I drink milk daily.

I’ve been told I act like I’m on drugs.

I’ve been told I look like I’m on drugs.

I have my hair up in a bun.

I own something Beatles-related.

I don’t use the caps lock key often.

I have very strong opinions.

I love to eat grinders.

I don’t call long sandwiches grinders.

Teachers have asked me if I’m depressed.

More than once.

I don’t care what you think of me.

I have a toothache.

“Wonderwall” is my “I like someone” song.

There’s a book on or beside my bed.

I really admire improvisational comedians.

I don’t like gym class.

I am going to do better this academic year.

I don’t use the word fag. Ever.

I’ve been told I have a nice singing voice.

I can read Shakespeare without “translations.”

I adore English class.

I know what the Kinsey Scale is.

I read more than one book at a time.

I cried a lot as a kid.

My friends have excellent taste in music.

I know what I want to be when I grow up.

I like to drink Coke Zero.

I watched Labyrinth only because David Bowie was in it.

I bite my nails a lot.

I’ve been to a music festival.

I’ve gotten a sunburn before.

I hate the noise vacuums make.

I prefer showers to baths.

I love people who look classy.

My nail polish is chipped.

I’m going to read a book today.

My mattress is on the floor.

I am an insomniac.

I have a DVD I want to watch.

I’m a really picky eater.

I take ibuprofen a lot.

I tan very easily.

The sun is shining right now.

I love yellow Jell-O.

I’ve made popsicles with an ice cube tray, juice, and toothpicks.

And I called them “Ghetto Pops.”

I’ve never met my neighbors.

I’ve drawn on the street with chalk.

I’ve been in a tree house.

Tire swings are really fun.

I love abandoned places.

I have a plastic bag near me.

I only watch TV when I’m really bored.

I can’t wait to graduate.

I’ve pulled an all-nighter just so I would be really tired the next night.

I really hate needles.

I get along with my parents.

My font on AIM is tiny.

I don’t use AIM.

I fall in love with songs that have beautiful lyrics.

I listen to anti-folk music.

I have no idea what anti-folk is.

I like to blow bubbles.

I’ve won a hula hooping contest before.

I’ve almost drowned.

I’ve choked on something.

I’ve taken a first aid course.

One of my friends is in a different state right now.

I have big lips.

Tape is way better than glue.

I like stickers.

I’ve worn black jelly bracelets before.

There is a type of music that I think is awful.

I don’t have texting on my phone.

I prefer New York to California.

I’ve read all the Harry Potter books.

School is very important to me.

I’d live on the beach if I could.

Avocado is soooo good.

I can speak five languages fluently.

One of my friends already has a kid.

I drive everywhere.

I hate when people say things aren’t art.

I’m currently texting more than 3 people.

My best friend wears the same size clothes as I do.

I’ve only been in one serious relationship.

At least one of my parents is gay.

I rescued my pet from the animal shelter.

I want to live in many different states when I’m older.

I hardly ever go to the movies.

I’ve liked one of my favorite bands for many years.

I’m looking for a serious relationship right now.

A lot of Starbucks locations are closing near my house.

We don’t have H&M in my state.

That’s my favorite store.

I never order things online.

I’m constantly listening to music.

US History fascinates me.

Oranges are the best fruit.

I have lactose intolerance.

Parties aren’t my scene.

I’ve lost friends throughout my life and I’m okay with that.

There are some friends I still wish I had.

Fake nails look gross.

I own an Oyster card.

My birthday is in the fall.

2008 was a horrible year for me.

Actually, it was the best.

I’ve been on a cruise before.

I like chemistry more than biology.

I absolutely despise the color pink.

I don’t have a significant other.

I get all four seasons where I live.

I only shop when I absolutely have the need to.

I have an older brother.

I have my driver’s license.

I don’t want to have kids.

I wear jeans more often than shorts.

I’d rather wear sneakers than high heels.

I don’t go to church.

I always have to look at the keyboard when I type.

I’ve had surgery before.

I don’t mind getting shots all that much.

I’m not afraid of bugs.

I love hot, hot weather.

I have huge eyes and long lashes.

I’m naturally very pale.

I’m usually not very picky at all when it comes to food.

My parents are divorced.

I don’t see what the big deal about photography is.

Or fashion design.

Horror movies are my favorite.

I don’t care if people cut in line in front of me.

My significant other is older than I am.

I curse in almost every sentence I speak.

I get straight A’s in exams.

I don’t know how to play any instrument.

I only know how to speak one language.

I don’t have my own personal blog.

I’m allergic to something.

I’ve been stung by a bee or wasp at least once in my life.

I celebrate Chinese New Year.

I have a step-sibling.

I have a weak tolerance of alcohol.

Are you kidding me? I can drink all night long!

I want a new cellphone.

I have my own bathroom.

I sleep on a single bed.

Nah, I have a King/Queen size bed!

I think one night stands are no biggie.

I’ve been on a helicopter before.

[snarktheater]

The Coldest Girl in Coldtown — Bonus (short story)

Someone requested it, so I'm doing it. I ended up liking The Coldest Girl in Coldtown more than expected, so I'm actually glad to be taking a look at the short story that came before the book. We'll see what it's worth.

The story opens with a girl named Matilda, who is drunk, and apparently this is not a rare occurrence for her. A guy tries to pick up on her (and the story immediately tells us that she is in fact underage, so…ew), and she goes along with it because…I don't know, either she has an agenda, or self-destructive urges. Possibly both.

The guy is named…Mark, or Dan, or Dave, Matilda isn't sure, and she settles on Mardave, because the author thought this would be hilarious. He's also with a friend, Ben. Because…it's more fun to sexually abuse a drunk underage girl with a friend, I guess?

It would be easy for her to close her eyes and pretend Mardave was someone else, someone she wanted to be touched by, but she wouldn’t let herself soil her memories of Julian.

So…yeah, self-destruction mixed with unhealthy coping mechanisms. Okay.

As they head for Mardave's place, Matilda sees streams from Coldtown on the televisions in a storefront, and so the book delivers the crucial information about the world. Remember, this came before the book. Also, wherever they are, Matilda and the boys are currently near Coldtown.

“We’ll protect you,” said Ben, smiling back at her. “We should do what other countries do and blow those corpses sky high,” Mardave said. Matilda bit her tongue not to point out that Europe’s vampire hunting led to the highest levels of infection in the world. So many of Belgium’s citizens were vampires that shops barely opened their doors until nightfall. The truce with Coldtown worked. Mostly.

Hey, why the Belgium hate? And yeah, I've complained about this in the book too, but I have a very hard time believing that Europe would devolve into vampire hunting while the United States of fucking America would choose the diplomatic route. It bears repeating.

Anyway, Matilda is sick…and by "sick" I mean she's probably Cold, judging by her symptoms and the surrounding descriptions.

Now she was the one who was counting. Fifty-seven days. Eighty-eight days. Eighty-eight nights.

I'm…honestly no sure what this is supposed to mean. Has it been fifty-seven days for her or did the book just throw the number at random?

Matilda ends up being found by a guy named Dante while she waits for Mardave and Ben to buy more booze. Dante knows her and has been looking for her, because everyone she knows thinks she's dead. She tells him she is indeed Cold, and cue more infodump as she explains to us why she ran away (which is…basically the same reason Tana did).

Dante tells her that Julian (who is Matilda's boyfriend, in case the earlier reference was too subtle for you) and his sister Lydia ran away together, with Lydia at least looking to turn into a vampire. Matilda doesn't really want to bother with other people's problems when she still has to hold out for thirty-seven days without biting people, but Dante ruins her plans for the night by telling the boys that she's infected. Well, dodged that bullet, I guess.

We get a flashback to fifty-seven days ago, when she got bitten by a vampire at a party, and then some infodump about Caspar Morales for good measure. Then it's back to the present, with Matilda coercing Dante into buying her alcohol so she can keep he bloodlust at bay.

“You can’t keep going like this. You can’t just stay drunk to avoid your problems.” […] “Let me spell it out: if you don’t get me some alcohol, I am going to bite you.”

After he gets her a drink, he explains his sister's situation in more detail: she used to be scared of vampires, then decided to become one, and Dante went looking for Matilda hoping she would have turned and that…what, she could turn his sister for him?

Yeah, pretty much. Lydia was already looking for vampires to bite her through online ads, so getting someone they could trust to do it is a better alternative, I guess? As for Julian…

Dante shrugged slim shoulders. “Maybe he was looking for you.”

Right, whatever you say.

We get some infodump about the token system for humans to get out of Coldtown, in order to establish the stakes: if Matilda and Dante can't find Lydia and Julian before they make it to Coldtown, they won't be able to get them out without hiring a vampire hunter, which they or their families can't really afford.

Also, this:

“Why did Julian go with her?” She tried to keep the hurt out of her voice. She didn’t think Dante would understand. He DJed at a club in town and was rumored to see a different boy or girl every day of the week. The only person he actually seemed to care about was his sister.

Is this a thing with Holly Black, that her male characters are bi? Or is it just this particular case, because the short story more or less inspired the book and so some elements are lifted from it?

They hit the bars around Coldtown looking for someone who might have seen Lydia and Julian, and eventually pick up their trail from a girl, from whom they bought blood that they could use for the transformation once they find a vampire to bite them. Um…ew.

“Said she was tired of waiting.” “What about the guy?” Matilda asked. […] “He said his girlfriend was a vampire,” said the girl.

Yeah, well, he obviously didn't do his research well, did he?

Dante checks his sister's blog to find that she made a new entry titled "One-Way Ticket to Coldtown", and…that doesn't really change anything to the stakes, but okay, I guess?

Instead, we go on a tangent about how Matilda should tell more people about her method of resisting the Cold by being constantly drunk. Because sure, that sounds like a good idea. Make the people infected with something that makes them violent lose all their inhibitions. I can't see that go wrong ever.

Dante also points out that Lydia's never going to be turned inside Coldtown, because the vampires need a food supply and not more competition. So Matilda makes a decision to save Lydia and Julian: complete the transformation.

Crawling over, she straddled Dante’s waist before he had a chance to shift positions. His mouth tasted like tobacco. When she pulled back from him, his eyes were wide with surprise, his pupils blown and black even in the dim streetlight. “Matilda,” he said and there was nothing in his voice but longing. “If you really want your sister, I am going to need one more thing from you,” she said. His blood tasted like tears.

I'm…not really sure why I quoted this passage exactly, but I just had to do it. There's something about it that's brilliant and poetic while also being insufferable. You're welcome.

So she goes to Coldtown to turn herself in in exchange for a voucher for a human to leave. They force her to wait until her transformation is complete first, and then, they do indeed let her in with a token. Cue descriptions of the place, and…Coldtown sounds a lot nicer than it did in the books, but then again, this might be a result of Matilda being a vampire and experiencing her new vampire powers. In fact, she's so overwhelmed that she almost stays out as the sun rises, if not for a random girl who spots her and gets her to come inside her place.

Said place is inhabited by a group of humans who trade on the black market and with the Coldtown guards. They immediately demand that Matilda bites them in exchange for shelter from the sun, and Matilda only agrees to do it at night, though mostly because she's starting to need to feed.

“Why would you want me to do that?” The girl’s expression clearly said that Matilda was stupid. “Who doesn’t want to live forever?” I don’t, Matilda wanted to say, but she swallowed the words.

So Matilda gets settled in for the night, gets a message from Dante (which means he is indeed okay), and sends a message to Lydia asking to meet. She goes to sleep for the day, and when she wakes up, Lydia replied and gave her a rendezvous point.

But first, Matilda has to deal with her hosts. By which I mean she bites one of them as promised…and then feeds on her until the girl dies. Oops?

The worst part is: this doesn't even discourage the others.

Another girl grabbed Matilda’s arm. “Wait,” the girl said, eyes wide and imploring. “You have to bite me next. You’re full now so you won’t have to hurt me—” With a cry, Matilda tore herself free and ran up the stairs—if she went fast enough, maybe she could escape from herself.

Which, for some reason, strikes me as pretty realistic. Right? Everyone thinks they would be the one who does it right.

But as the quote says, Matilda manages to run away, and goes to the Festival of Sinners, where Lydia told her to meet. And she does indeed find Julian and Lydia there, and explains what she did.

“I wasn’t in Coldtown,” Matilda said. “I came here so that Lydia could leave. I have a pass.”

Unsurprisingly, Lydia disagrees with that plan, since…you know, she wants to be a vampire. As for Julian, he doesn't look thrilled at the idea of being here with just Matilda, so…yeah, I guess this is an unofficial breakup right there.

Since Matilda won't bite her, Lydia…takes Julian hostage with a knife. Um…okay, that's a little extreme, girl.

So Matilda caves in…well, kind of. We get a scene break right after she bites Lydia, leaving some ambiguity as to what happened as the narration recaps that Julian ran away from Coldtown with the token after giving Matilda his money and credit cards.

As for Lydia, turns out Matilda didn't drain her dry. Instead, she locked her up to stream her going Cold.

You’ve probably seen lots of video feeds from inside Coldtown. […] Here’s what you never see. What I’m going to show you. For eighty-eight days you are going to watch someone sweat out the infection. […] It’s not going to be pretty. […] This is the real Coldtown. I’m the real Coldtown. You still want in?

And…that's it. That's the short story. And for what it is, it's…all right, I guess. It can't really play upon the same strengths as the book because it just doesn't have the time, but it does what it does well.

Honestly…that's about all I have to say on the subject. The short story's available online for free, so I'd say it's worth reading even if you went through this post, if only to check out if you like Black's writing for yourself. It's not quite as good as the book, but it should still give you an indication of what to expect.

And with that, I'm signing off and moving on to…the next book on the snark pile. shudders