#if you want to go even further you could say that given the chemical components of a human body

[scripttorture]

Are there usually pretty clear lines of separation between instances of torture, negligence, and unethical experimentation? Or do the three tend to cross over pretty often because of general lack of respect for prisoners in those types of situations? (Sorry if this sent twice, Tumblr is being dumb)

There isn’t always a clear separation in reality. The lines can be pretty blurred. (And no worries about multiple copies this place is a hellsite I understand.)

 I make a strict distinction because I feel like that can be helpful to writers who might be… approaching a common sci fi scenario with no knowledge of how medical experimentation works.

 The reason I make that distinction is because I think that otherwise it’s really really easy to fall into the trap of portraying torture as ‘smart’ or ‘scientific’. Which… it isn’t. It can’t be.

 Here’s the thing: if any kind of torture or neglect is going on then it is a variable. And anything truly scientific needs to account for variables. The big question here from my perspective isn’t so much ‘could this cross section of abuse happen’ it’s ‘could the scientists get results from it’.

 If you want to write smart scientists who are actually making some kind of progress with their discoveries then torture isn’t usually a good fit.

 The exception would be when the experiment itself is torture, something like ‘how long does it take the average person to die if we take out their intestines?’ or ‘what happens to the body when a person is starved?’

 I’m going to throw out a couple of examples to show you what I mean writing wise and then talk about how these things happen in reality.

 Say you have your bad guys doing something suitably sci fi like trying to graft wings to some humans.

 In a truly scientific (but unethical) scenario there will be lots of groups of test subjects/prisoners all of whom will be submitted to a slightly different regime to see which gives the highest success rate. They might all be given different drugs after the grafting procedure, or the grafting procedure itself might be subtly different.

 But their cell conditions, food, and general environment would need to be kept constant. That’s done so that procedure itself is reproducible. So that the evil scientists can confidently say ‘this version of the procedure is the most successful one and therefore we should use it.’

 These test subjects could still be suffering a lot because the point here isn’t to reduce their suffering (hence unethical). The point is to make sure that they’re not suffering in a way which impacts the results.

 Now if there are torturers in the facility this careful controlling of factors goes out the window because torturers do not show self-restraint, patience or any real ability to follow instructions.

 The torturers might be going round beating up the prisoners or depriving them of food or interrupting their sleep (I’m just picking common tortures here). And any of those things would be expected to effect someone’s immune response and/or chances of dying. And the torturers (if they’re behaving like torturers) won’t keep records of this or do it in an even, consistent way.

 Which means all the results the scientists are gathering become… meaningless. Because now rather then the results showing the most successful version of the procedure they show… well probably something completely random.

 May be all the test subjects on site 3 died regardless of the procedure used (because there were torturers on that site but not the others). May be the only tests that were successful were the subjects at the last four cells of the corridor (because it was further for the torturers to walk before beating someone up).

 Note that the scientists in this do not know the reasons why these things happened and they might not have enough information to guess.

 The information gathered is flawed. And if using this procedure on a large scale is a later plot point… well it could still be possible with the second scenario but you’d expect a much higher failure rate.

 I’m a scientist. My day job is testing medicines. The history of medicine, and science generally, is full of abuse.

 But that abuse does not look like the cackling evil ‘scientist’ who has a grand total of one test subject and somehow gets consistent, reliable results.

 And when torture and/or neglect overlap with genuine attempts at experimentation in real life it gives results that can’t be taken at face value. They need to be analysed and tested further, sometimes for decades, in order to determine whether they’re genuine or not.

 Let’s take some examples that are more like real life.

 Imagine a scenario where scientists are testing a new vaccine* on prisoners. They are doing this in an unethical manner, by vaccinating the prisoners, waiting for a while and then deliberately infecting them with the disease. Unknown to the scientists the prisoners are routinely sleep deprived.

 Sleep deprivation depresses the immune response. Some of the prisoners develop the disease when vaccinated and die. Some of them don’t but they do get the disease when they’re deliberately infected, suggesting the vaccine doesn’t work. And some of them don’t develop the disease when deliberately infected.

 Now we know today that sleep deprivation reduces the immune response and there is evidence that it can make vaccines in particular less effective.

 So does this particular vaccine work or not? The true answer is that we can’t tell and more data is needed.

 But without the knowledge that at least some of these prisoners are sleep deprived the scientists can’t arrive that conclusion. They can’t really make any definite conclusion.

 As another example let’s look at the case of Elsie Lacks**.

 Elsie was a black child committed to a mental institute in 1950. She was deaf, epileptic and had developmental disabilities of some kind. She was experimented on without her consent during the period she was hospitalised and died at the age of 15.

 We have records of some of the things Elsie was forced to endure because samples sizes were such that some of the experiments must have involved every single epileptic child in the hospital.

 One of the recorded experiments was on brain imaging. It involved draining the fluid around the brain (a painful and dangerous procedure) in order to take pictures of it and identify the cause of epilepsy.

 Stress and trauma can effect the structure of the developing brain. There was no attempt to account for the fact that the overcrowded, dangerous conditions in the hospital could have effected the end results.

 There was also no attempt to account for the fact that these children were being used in other experiments. And that means that if this experiment did identify key brain differences there’d be no firm evidence that those differences were due to epilepsy rather then trauma or other experimental procedures.

 What I’m trying to highlight here is that abuse in an experimental scenario isn’t just unethical it gets in the way of drawing accurate conclusions.

 Torture does sometimes take place with a lot of pseudo-scientific trappings.

 Abuse in concentration camps around the world comes to mind because (with a few exceptions) this mostly seemed to involve individual doctors picking out people to abuse with no real regard to results. Things like attempts to change eye colour by putting chemicals in people’s eyes and sewing twins together appear to have been conducted with pseudo-scientific trappings, rather then as careful experiments.

 I say that these things weren’t experiments because there does not appear to have been any consistency, attempt to create a control group or sufficient sample sizes to draw conclusions.

 And yes, I realise just how fucked up all that sounds when we’re talking about people who were tortured to death. That’s part of my point.

 There’s a difference between a villain who is primarily focused on abusing others and a villain who doesn’t really care whether their victims suffer or not so long as they get data.

 Torture can take place with pseudo-scientific trappings and unethical experimentation can take place alongside torture and neglect.

 I make that strong distinction to encourage authors to think about what the most important part of their scenario is and tailor what they’re writing to reflect that. I want you to think about what’s going on in your story and what the consequences should be for the characters and the plot in general. Mostly I want writers to understand what ‘experiment’ means before throwing the word around and making torturers look smarter then they are.

 An experiment should be:

Reproducible

Conducted with control groups

Conducted with a big enough sample size

Well recorded

Involve only one small change to procedure at a time

Account for variables

Analysed

 So what’s the important part of your story? Is it that the victims suffer, or that the bad guys get some kind of knowledge? And if it’s the latter does the victims’ suffering have the potential to get in the way?

 I don’t really believe in hard writing rules. So long as a scenario isn’t actively supporting torture I try to take a ‘never say never’ attitude.

 The message here isn’t to never ever mix these things together: it’s to take the time to understand the separate components before you do that.

 And think about what any mixture you write might be implying.

 I hope that helps. :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

*I chose this as an example because this sort of thing happened and because there were some massive risks involved with a lot of early vaccines. This does not mean they were worse then the diseases they protected people against when they worked. See hemorrhagic smallpox. Or don’t if you want to sleep tonight.

 **I come back to this one a lot because it absolutely infuriates me.

[anangelicday-mrwolf]

Wolfsbane : Noblesse Fanfic (post-ending)

(previous chapter)

Chapter 40 – The Collaborators

“Sol, we have a job to do.”

The man she addressed turned around, looking somewhat short of a man due to his appearance – a face wrapped with metallic mask, not a single speck of skin visible.

It was the “man in the iron mask,” as dubbed by Frankenstein, now his mask void of golden lining, his face much sharper, and his physique larger and more edged, with slick curves under his lab coat.

Though such changes did nothing to invalidate the fact that he was nothing short of a mannequin’s head attached atop human shoulders, equipped with not a single hole that would allow vision or olfaction.

Had he not been given a voice, no one would have deemed him a human, let alone a man.

And he was debatable in terms of his biological classification, considering what he could do.

“How are you hanging in there? Would you say you’re adapted to your body?”

“I’m fine. There was no need for the adaptation in the first place. I was made this way; unlike other modified humans, my brain was cybernetized into a form of data, to settle into artificial bodies for survival.”

“But you’re no longer inhabiting the models you’ve been making use of. Now you’re sitting in an artificial body the Union manufactured for mass production of weapons against heads of noble clans. Which is not based off of a human body so rigorously cybernetized that it’s basically identical to a pure machine. Or emptied to house a cybernetized human brain, like in your case. It was constructed with alloy and machine parts in the first place, to implant with an AI. Your previous bodies would have allowed you somewhat human interactions – the sort you’d expect from daily life. But I doubt your body as of now is flawlessly coordinated by your brain. After all, the AI I just mentioned are but imitations of a biological brain, albeit well-made.”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s true that my body must go through optimization tuning, which is never enough to perfectly optimize my body. Which is why each body does not last more than a week and a half. But instead, now I can finally take part in battles.”

“Still, if this keeps going we’ll have to lose our weapons to let you walk around. We already lost a good number of weapons in the werewolf realm, and we can’t produce more weapons as of now. So don’t you think it’d be better if you go through a long-term optimization? We can make use of that dog I brought in. Besides, that’s exactly why I decided to adopt that dog for the time being.”

“I suggest we use the time and resources for the job instead for our mission. And I see you give much credit for him, surprisingly.”

Helga held her tongue before she soon scoffed and smirked – the smirk she exhibited just before walking up to him.

“I know when to give spotlight when I have to. Though it doesn’t change the fact that he’s nothing but a dog.”

“Honestly, I didn’t think you’d get to find such a talented researcher in biotechnology, especially in relation to brain biotechnology. The topic happens to be the most professional field in the...”

“Knock it off, Sol. Don’t forget – we are the Union. We are nothing like those amateurish scums pretending to be the gods that we are.”

After poking the air with her nose, her sky-blue eyes glinting, Helga cut to the point.

“We have an intel from the 3rd Elder. Frankenstein is suffering from a sleep disorder.”

“Sleep disorder?”

“There is this drink he’d regularly take, and its components include substances from wolfsbane, along with substances that prevent sleep.”

“Wolfsbane...? As far as I’m concerned, the species does not contain any substance that fends off sleep. Perhaps Frankenstein came up with the use.”

“Yup. But now we have found a way, don’t you think?”

Helga proudly placed her hands on her hips, and Sol silently stared at her as he cocked his head.

“You mean...”

“Yes. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“The Union harbors a technique of inducing a chemical effect the other way around. If we can apply such technique on that drink...”

“We can put the man to sleep for a certain period of time. Enough time for us to do whatever we want.”

“But the technique requires a chemical not available for purchase in public. Even if 3rd Elder gets the ingredients needed, I don’t believe he can cook it up on his own. The recipe is complicated, and it sure needs a lot of time.”

“True. Which means it’s up to us to deliver the complete product.”

Both of them fell quiet, as they could not come up with an answer.

“We’ll take our time and think about it. In the meantime, I shall get it ready.”

Sol turned on his heels to start the job, before he turned back halfway towards Helga.

“Speaking of which, how is that accomplice of ours doing?”

Immediately, Helga squeezed her brows, making it very conspicuous that she was in a foul mood.

“Which reminds me, I suddenly lost connection with him. If he’s avoiding me on purpose, I’d so very like to have a word with him later on.”

Though Sol’s face was invisible, he seemed cautious as he talked.

“Perhaps he withdrew his standing. After all, we promised each other a deal – not an alliance – because there were certain agreeing points in our motives. It wouldn’t be strange to find out that he was biding his time to stab us in the back, just like how we are waiting for a moment to let go of his hand from the cliff.”

Helga nodded as a sign of comprehension, but at the same time she raised a corner of her lips, as if reprimanding Sol for worrying for nothing.

“That vermin? Betraying us? Even if he does so, it won’t be long before he wails and breaks down in regret. That I can guarantee.”

Helga raised her head and stared into the air, wondering what her accomplice could be up to by now.

‘Go ahead. Try. Whatever it is that you want to do with that thing. And whatever is the reason why you’re not picking up, and whatever it is that you’re thinking, nothing will go as you wish. I never let my dogs loose without leash.’

*****

Meanwhile, in the werewolf realm...

Frankenstein emitted not a single sound as he gaped down at a monitor blinking with light.

There was no question the transmission was on its way as he stood, yet he could not abandon his anxiety.

He remained stiff from head to toe, until the monitor sparked with life and portrayed someone’s face.

And his face grew stony again, the moment he realized it was not the face he was picturing in his head.

<Sir? Why am I seeing you in the werewolf realm...?>

“Rael? And why am I seeing you in the Lukedonia’s communication chamber...? Where is Mr. Jang?”

The two blonde Adonis’s rolled their eyes and blabbered; neither of them was anticipating each other.

<Uh... I’m afraid he’s unavailable right now.>

Rael peeked behind, his countenance troubled.

“Your face tells me it’s not because he’s too occupied. Did he fall unconscious due to overload of work? Or did he step on a part rolling around in the middle of his battle against an uncooperative computer and hit his head in a corner or something?”

Rael instantly sealed his lips, and Frankenstein asked no more, having seen he was very close to the answer.

He instead decided to loosen up the Kertia’s shoulders, still rigid with fluster.

It was not because he wanted to applaud the boy; he wanted to divert his attention from the reason why he is sending transmission from the werewolf realm.

“I see you have a lot of work as well. You wound up in this project regardless of your will. And ended up babysitting a researcher. And you happen to be the head of the Kertias. Not that this is a disgrace for a head of a clan.”

Frankenstein meant nothing in particular, but his words brought upon Rael much bigger influence than he had imagined.

Rael zipped his mouth tighter instead of replying.

‘...Was it that obvious?’

Just like Frankenstein said, Rael was going through a lot.

He was bringing it upon himself.

Ever since Yuhyung was half-forced to stay longer in Lukedonia to give life to QuadraNet, Rael accompanied him wherever he went.

To make sure someone will be there in case he collapses again, according to him.

In reality, he wanted to be there when Yuhyung manages to pick up something in relation to his soul weapon.

He was so anxious that he was compelled to do something, including what is not mandatory.

And someone noticed his stance and came to see him that day.

After Frankenstein was gone, leaving a message for Yuhyung to please get back to him as soon as he can, Rael sighed.

And a familiar voice chimed in his ears even before his sigh dissipated into air.

“Sir.”

The voice was nothing close to loud, but Rael started as if he were static-shocked.

“...Lady Seira?”

“It’s been so long.”

Seira nodded calmly despite Rael’s reaction.

“What brings you here...?”

“I heard recently you could rarely take yourself out of this chamber.”

Seira provided no further explanation, as if that was a reason good enough for her to visit him.

Did she come to see me simply to see me?

There’s no reason for her to do that.

In the past Rael would have jumped in glee, like a schoolboy reciprocated by his first love.

However, he felt nothing but despair.

‘There’s no need for you to do that for someone like me.’

Now that he stood before Seira, he could feel exactly what he was.

Seira used to be evaluated as the head of a clan most not like one.

When her father was forced into eternal sleep, she had to take on his Death Scythe even before having her rite of passage.

Rael learned later on that for such reason even a human, once called the 10th Elder of the Union, sneered at her in her face.

Nonetheless, now she is worthy of being called a head of a clan, having fought valiantly in their warfare against the Union.

On the other hand, he used to label himself as more than worthy enough to be the head of his clan. And here he was, unable to call forth his soul weapon for a reason nobody could fathom, and wasting his time while obliging himself with a task that a nameless Central Knight can handle.

So Rael listened halfheartedly as Seira was offering him words of condolence, something he would not have dreamed of in the past.

Which is why he had no idea that Yuhyung finally woke up to rub his head, decorated with a huge bump for an unknown cause, to watch what he and Seira were doing.

And he had no idea how hard Deneb grit his teeth upon hearing Yuhung’s report before bedtime.

“Rael Kertia... I figured you’d be busy running errands outside Lukedonia, but here you are, working your way to Seira’s hand. But no, you don’t. Not if I can help it. You brought this upon yourself – just you wait. Since your soul weapon can’t help you now, I will take away your life by my own hands in days soon to come.”

(next chapter)

Like I said before, by “the man in the iron mask” I mean this guy. His name was never revealed in the original webtoon, so I decided to call him “Sol.” It was inspired by the fact that he can enter and leave artificial bodies as he’d like (though the exact mechanism he employs for the job was not revealed). That reminded me of “Project 2501″ from Ghost in the Shell (1995), and I alphabetized “501″ into “SOl,” from which his name for this fic derives. I’m not going to give much details about Project 2501, as it contains the key spoiler for this amazing work of cyberpunk film lol. Anyways, my fic is finally reaching the main event and the grand finale. I hope I can do a good job until the curtains are closed XD. I hope you’d stay tuned!

[thegrandimago]

After hitching a ride with humans, the species has colonised entire areas and may be making the soil too fertile, say scientists

They are a gardener’s best friend, good for the soil and a treat for birds. But the humble earthworm may not always be good news, according to a study that suggests invasive earthworms could be making Arctic soils too fertile.

The earthworm is not typically thought of as an invasive species. “Most parts of Europe have earthworms so we never really saw them as a problem,” says lead researcher Dr Gesche Blume-Werry, an ecologist from the University of Greifswald in Germany. But Blume-Werry and her colleagues realised that “more and more spots in the Arctic have worms because humans brought them there”.

Earthworms move at around five to 10 metres a year in the Arctic, but human mobility means they can jump from the UK to Svalbard in a single move. They are reaching remote areas by hitchhiking in the treads of people’s shoes, from being used as bait for fishing and in imported soils for gardening. As the Arctic warms, they are able to colonise more areas.

Early research indicates that the earthworms could have the same effect on Arctic plant productivity as a 3C rise in temperature.

Typical Arctic temperatures are too cold for decomposers like fungi and bacteria to break down organic matter effectively, causing a lack of nutrients in the soil, which inhibits plant growth. Now, scientists are realising the absence of earthworms is also a key part of the story because they unlock nitrogen, an important component in plant growth.

They do this by breaking down litter and humus, excreting it in their worm casts. Worms move nutrients down to where roots are, through networks of horizontal and vertical tunnels. Anecic worms (the most common in the UK) make vertical burrows and endogeic worms make horizontal burrows. Earthworms that just work on the surface (epigeic worms) don’t make tunnels and are not considered geoengineers.

Taller, scrubby plants (which have grown better due to nitrogen-rich soils) are more likely to stick out of the snow during winter, and scientists believe this could mean more heat is absorbed, accelerating snow melt.

“You have these changes in albedo [the reflective quality of a surface],” explains Blume-Werry. “If the surface is darker, which happens if plants are not covered in snow, then less light is being reflected and more heat is being trapped. You get this positive feedback to warming. The warmer it gets, the better plants grow, and then you have this kind of cycle of more plant production and warmer temperatures.”

In the northern boreal forests of Canada and the US, earthworms had been absent since at least the last ice age, 12,000 years ago. But as settlers from Europe colonised these lands, they brought earthworms with them in the ballasts of ships and on imported plants. Slowly, these invaders changed the forest ecosystem by converting leaf litter into humus. This altered the delicate relationship between fungi and plants, which changed the pH of the top layers of soil, leading to reduced overall biodiversity, according to 2016 research published in Global Change Biology.

In 2017, a team of scientists went digging for worms in the Arctic. Associate professor Jonatan Klaminder, an environmental scientist at Umeå University in Sweden, who was involved in the research, said he had assumed the climate would be too cold and harsh. He was wrong.

Initially, researchers looked at older sites where nomadic Sami people had gathered reindeer for milking between 1600 and 1900 but did not find any geoengineering worms. The first ones seem to arrive in 1850 when people came to the interior of northern Sweden to try to start farming in the Arctic – unsuccessfully, it turned out. At some of these old sites, earthworms had spread 800 metres away from where humans lived, according to the paper, published in Biological Invasions. In total, earthworms were found at around 20 sites. In some spots the worms were found in even greater abundance than in the forests in Minnesota, where they are considered a serious problem.

Arctic soils around this area generally have 10cm of poorly decomposed organic material, but at the 19th century site in northern Sweden the organic layer on top of the soil and leaf litter had disappeared, just as it had in the northern boreal forests in the US. Most of the spots in which earthworms were found were near human settlements such as old farms, cabins, gardens or fishing sites, which reinforced the idea they were brought in by humans.

Geoengineering earthworms have now established themselves in Arctic soils in North America, Greenland, Iceland, Fennoscandia, and Russia. In the paper scientists warned earthworms “may pose a potent threat to some of the most remote and protected Arctic environments in northern Europe”, and called for immediate action, as the worms are almost impossible to eradicate once they have colonised.

Klaminder says the research is a canary in the coalmine. “During the past 10,000 years we have not had geoeningeering earthworms in the landscape. And suddenly if we introduce them this will change how the system functions, so that’s why we’re seeing a strong impact … If you have 10,000 introduction points then this could be a very rapid process.”

In the latest experiment, Klaminder, Blume-Werry and colleagues wanted to find out what these earthworms do to plant growth. They put soil in containers, or mesocosms, that were 50 x 39 x 30 cm and filled them will heath and meadow vegetation. The containers were kept at Abisko Scientific Research Station, which is 200km north of the Arctic Circle.

Around 45 worms were added to half of the mesocosms. To determine root growth scientists put a camera in the soil that took photos of the roots at regular intervals. The “greenness” of vegetation (a measure of photosynthesis and therefore plant productivity) in the different containers was also monitored to work out how much impact worms were having.

The effects caused by geoengineering earthworms were “as strong, or even stronger, than other important environmental drivers in the Arctic”, such as temperature increase, grazing animals and fertilisation using deer faeces, researchers wrote in their paper on the experiment, published in Nature Communications.

Earthworms increased plant nitrogen concentrations on average more than three times as much as a 3C increase in summer temperatures. They caused an increase in plant greenness that appeared similar to the increase caused by a 3C temperature rise. Blume-Werry said the researchers were “super surprised” by the scale of the impact.

Earthworms are not the only invasive species threatening the Arctic. Polar limitations of where species can reach are quickly eroding. In the summer of 2008 scientists sampled the footwear of 259 travellers arriving in Svalbard by plane. They found an average of 3.9 seeds per traveller, which equates to 270,000 seeds for the entire year, according to the team’s paper, published in Biological Invasions. A quarter of the seeds collected germinated under local conditions.

Polar and alpine ecologist Jesamine Bartlett from the Norwegian Institute for Nature Research says there are approximately 8,000 individual dandelion plants that have been creating “enormous lawns”, she says. “What’s alarming is that a couple of years ago there weren’t that many. They’re visually very striking. Every year it changes slightly depending on how warm the summer is.”

Earthworms are also probably a lot more widely distributed than we think, says Bartlett, but there are few specialists working in this area. “I don’t think we’re aware of it at all,” she says. “Some of the major activity in Svalbard has been going on for decades. It’s very likely this could have spread further and no one has done a basic survey of just running through the most populous towns and gone through it to see what is there.”

Detritivores, including earthworms, are some of the most damaging invasive species you can get because if people don’t see them they don’t think they’re a problem. They change the foundations of ecosystems and set a precedent for other invasive species looking to move in. “They are the aliens to watch. Don’t be distracted by the big glossy, invasive plants. See what’s happening in your soil,” says Bartlett, who has set up a “stop Arctic aliens” website to raise awareness about the importance of making sure visitors do not accidentally bring in unwanted species.

Research in this area is still in its infancy, says Marc Macias-Fauria, an ecologist from the University of Oxford who was not involved in these studies. The mecocosm research by Blume-Werry et alwas creative, smart and timely, he says, given Arctic ice melt and increasing numbers of humans in the region. It would be interesting to see how growth varies in different Arctic environments, he adds. “The discussion is engaging and exciting but this is a first stage, there are many more questions in front of the paper than behind it”.

In general, big Earth systems – ways of modelling the interacting physical, chemical, and biological processes of our planet – do not look at the impact of animals and vegetation on the land . Instead, models looking at vegetation are usually dictated by research on the climate. There is only one climate model – the Madingley model in Cambridge – that looks at the impact of animals. Macias-Fauria says encouraging more of these big models to incorporate the role of animals is “definitely very welcome”.

Dr Bonnie G Waring, an ecologist at the Grantham Institute, who was not involved in the research, says it highlights how humans change natural ecosystems in myriad ways, not just by burning fossil fuels. “The Arctic is experiencing multiple perturbations that could lead to rapid and profound restructuring of high-latitude ecosystems, and we need to study these disturbances in a holistic way,” she says.

[artscentremelbourne-blog1]

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[gegenji]

Speaking on Sailing, Sunrises, and Solutions

Tsunene grumbled quietly to herself as she went over her notes again in the flickering candlelight of the cabin, a more “travel-sized” collection of alchemy equipment set on the crate next to her hammock catching the light and refracting it against the ceiling. The top of the container was already stained with spills wrought from the ship’s constant shifting and swaying on the waves, much to the Lalafell’s chagrin. She was already low of the raw materials needed to figure out this formula, and every drop soaked into the wood of the crate was potential gil – and tests – wasted. Which had resulted in her moodily returning to the hammock and reviewing everything she had noted down in her codex. It had been some time since her original attempts at this venture, so there was a strange feeling of detachment when reading over her own musings and comments from back then.

Not that she got much chance to muse over them as the door to the chamber slammed open and a very worn out and irritated D’lilac muscled her way inside.

“Must you make such a monumental racket?” the Plainsfolk chided, peering over the top of her book. “A racket that is so raucous as to ruin my restful reading?”

“Oh, a thousand apologies,” Lilac snarled back as she limped over to their hammocks – hers hanging over Tsunene’s – somehow managing to envenom her sarcasm even through her flagging energy. “I’m so sorry I interrrrupted your reading after being forrrced to help stow away all the carrrgo.”

“Helping with the hard labor more than halved the cost of having us aboard,” the Lalafell countered, looking back down at her notes. “And you’ve shown your skill as with such displays of strength of arm, so it seemed simple enough to sign you up to support them.”

“Yeah, when I had teamsterrrs to help.”

“Lament not, my loyal lioness.” Lilac’s brow furrowed at the term as she climbed achingly into her hammock, the Lalafell pausing at the creak of the ropes – perhaps in concern that they wouldn’t hold – before continuing. “I was not resting on my laurels while you labored. I continued my careful queries into the contents of Khandeed’s confounding ‘konkoctions.’ As much as could be managed given the meager materials and the motions of our mode of transport.”

“Could’ve taken an airrrship,” Lilac murmured as she stretched out, accompanied by the crackling and popping of sore joints. “Would’ve been fasterrr too.”

“And cost considerably more.” Tsunene paused in her flipping through the pages of her codex to prod her companion in the back for emphasis. “Considering our floundering finances, I found being frugal far more favorable.”

“Stop that,” came the warning growl which – surprisingly – resulted in the Lalafell relenting. That alone gave the Miqo’te pause before she continued. “Anyrrroad, it’s also going to take morrre time. Which will leave our equipment unguarrrded for that much longer.”

“The Guild got their goof and gained a goodly amount of his ‘goods.’ Any extra endeavors for the equipment would inevitably come after their intensive interrogation of the idiot and his ‘inventive’ infusions. If at all.”

Lilac made an unconvinced little noise as she stared up at the ceiling, still not liking the idea. Of course, neither of them could’ve known that a very large Auri man with a sword was currently turning their front door into firewood. They both lacked Anstarra’s apparent unique ability to feel the death of such things, after all.

“I still don’t like it,” the Miqo’te settled on, before rolling over a little to peer through the gaps in the hammock down at her often-insufferable partner-in-crime. “Still, werrre you able to figurrre anything out with your… ‘queries?’”

Now it was Tsunene’s turn to make an upset little noise, muffled as it was as she stuck her nose further into her book.

“… Inconclusive.”

“So, no.” There was a bit of smugness to Lilac’s voice to go with the cat-like grin she was sporting.

“Rrrgh. It’s so intensely infuriating!” the Plainsfolk admitted finally, her cool demeanor faltering. It wasn’t something Lilac saw often – though she figured most saw it far less – and so the Miqo’te was absolutely eating it up. “I’m certain these idiotic ingredients are correct, especially considering Khandeed’s own attempts to recreate the chemical!”

“But we ain’t seeing any otherrr giants arrround,” Lilac countered, fiddling with one of the many knots of her hammock. “So, he must be missing something too.”

“And that’s the tincture we’re traveling to restock on!” Tsunene huffed. “Such a shipment went missing shortly before the situation arose. So, it stands to reason that’s what stymies him from snatching success.”

They both went quiet for a moment, leaving only the creaking of the ship to fill the silence between them.

“… It’s weirrrd mentioning ‘Khandeed’ and ‘success’ in the same sentence.”

“Very.”

Another pause as Lilac rolled onto her back again and returned to staring at the ceiling.

“Still, you’d figurrre he had multiple bottles of the stuff even then,” the Miqo’te mused. “But only that brrrat ended up superrrsized. Did he only manage to sell the one bottle, or…?”

“… There’s some special circumstance that sets him apart!” Tsunene murmured, finishing Lilac’s sentence as she rubbed at her chin. Just before yanking at the tail dangling through one of the holes in the hammock – which was still in the process of re-growing its fluff from the encounter with Gran – and garnering a pained yelp of surprise from her bunk-mate.

“What was that forrr!?”

“Your suspicions may have solved this situation!” the Lalafell stated as she hopped off her hammock – having used Lilac’s tail for leverage to do so – and set her tome on the stained crate along with the lab equipment. “Some additional substance must have stimulated the solution…”

“You’rrre welcome,” Lilac sighed, having pulled her poor tail up and out from the hammock to gently massaging away the pain with her hands. “Could’ve shown your apprrreciation a little nicerrr, though…”

Tsunene was unreachable at this point, however, lost to her own musings as she started listing out – and sometimes immediately scratching out afterward – her train of thought into her book. Various other easily accessed potions – including others provided by Khandeed – along with various food and drink one could get around Pearl Lane. Until she hit upon the Quicksand and nearly dropped her pen.

“… Didn’t that Dunesfolk have a drink named after him?” she asked quickly, her sharp gaze levied on Lilac once more. “For overcoming the obstacles of that ogrish organization out on the Ul’dahn outskirts?”

“You mean the Grrrindstone?” the Miqo’te questioned in return, her curiosity piqued. She had always wanted to participate in the thing but had never gotten around to it. “I think so. Called a ‘Champion’ orrr something. It’s just a non-alcoholic Thanalan Sunrrrrise though, isn’t it?”

“… What are the chances one of these caskets contain quantities of this ‘Champion’?” Tsunene’s tone was that of uncertainty – not surprising given how unlikely that would be – though it was still tinged with the slightest bit of hope. Stranger things had happened, after all. Like giant Lalafell.

“Doubt it, it’s not a superrr popular drrrink.”

The lady Plainsfolk let out a dejected sigh and folded her arms over her chest. That would mean having to go get some after their return from the Dravanian Hinterlands. Another obstacle in the way of their success. And that was assuming that it was something that simple…

The Lalafell’s ears drooped at the prospect.

“Howeverrr…” Lilac continued, causing Tsunene’s ears to perk up again in curiosity. “They arrre sailors. I’m surrre they keep some manner of alcohol arrround. Maybe that includes a bottle of Sunrrrise or two.”

That’d work.

“Sounds like we should speak to some sailors.” The tome snapped shut and the candle was snuffed, leaving the porthole as the only source of fading light. “I cannot be certain that it is the correct component, but it can’t hurt to check.”

“Have fun,” yawned the Miqo’te, rolling over to take a well-deserved nap in the dimmed cabin. Or that had been the plan, anyway. Instead, her attempts were ruined by another sharp yank on her tail. “Eeeyow!”

“I did say ‘we’ would delve into the discussion of drinks, did I not?” Tsunene’s hands were on her hips, that indifferent gaze of hers now firmly back in place and locked onto the weary Miqo’te. Lilac, massaging her sore tail once more, groaned at the prospect but relented. Better to just get this over with before the ambitious Lalafell stripped what was left of the fur on her tail.

However, it turned out that getting out of the hammock wasn’t as easy as getting in, and Lilac twisted and turned and flailed before all but tumbling out of it and splatting to the hard, wooden floor at Tsunene’s feet.

“Quite the catlike reflexes there, comrade.”

Another groan from the Miqo’te. She was going to take such a nap after this. Possibly after “testing” the quality of any Thanalan Sunrise they managed to find. Or any alcohol, really; she wasn’t about to be picky.

To Be Continued in “By the Grace of Gob.”

[filmcave]

Not the Same

There is an unusual battle going on right now in the world of cinema. But it also acts as a microcosm and sort of shard of a hologram for other battles happening.

Like every battle there plusses and minuses to each side and naturally the other side sees each other as a kind of threat.

At its core is a philosophical question: Does size matter? The Sophomoric and silly undertones of sexual innuendo aside in this question, it is entirely genuine.

When Louis and Auguste Lumiere screened the first public movie ever in 1895, at the Grand Cafe in Paris, certainly the size of the screen was not the fascination. How could it be? The magic of the moment was seeing flickering light and shadow images dancing on a plain surface transporting the audience to another place and time.

Employees leaving the Factory (in Lyon)

What an incredible moment and experience this mst have been for this audience. Even if they could not have sensed the economic and cultural impact, they were seeing something no one had publicly seen before.

The “moving pictures” were the attraction. The fascination, fear and amazement they felt must have been palpable. This was not an innovation in cinema, it was the creation of it!

From that point forward changes in the production, distribution, performance and experience of cinema are all that was left.

And we know that those changes have proliferated and in many cases advanced film. With the exception of one area - film analysis and discussion. This area has languished in the scrap heap of literary criticism. This is not to say people don’t have or choose not to 'advertise their opinions (far from it). As a conglomerate of disciples of film critics commentary has de-evolved and been reduced to a range of thoughts that can be best described as the binary “I liked it” / “I didn’t like it” dialectic. Yawn, how uninteresting.

When this is typically combined with a lack of understanding of that “that on the screen” came to be the discussion becomes an exercise in auto asphyxiation. Straining and stressing under the weight of its own limitations.

If we begin to look at the individual components of “how its made” we can chart a path towards understanding better the purpose and mission of the film. Most people depart the cinema soon after the final shot of the story. But even as they leave they are well aware there is a very long line of credits. In so e simple sense they probably understand that each one of those people played a role in the creation of that film. But a movie is Spam in a can, if it never gets shown.

This is the point where the evil genius of Netflix enters. Over the 120+ years that cinema has been made public. Many advancements in the movie going experience (and dubious ones) have been cauterized by a single ethic of the social contract. A movie goer needed to get off their fat ass and find their way to an actual physical theatre, buy a ticket and watch the movie in the temporary co-habitation with strangers.

At one point in time the cinemas who screened these films figuratively had a captive audience. There was one or two cinemas in town. They showed one movie for an entire week and then it was gone. Limited supply (number of seats, days and films) made for high demand. People dressed up and went in droves. The film studios owned the theaters, production equipment and the actors were “under contract”. It was an oligarchy of the wealthy. They had immense power and influence.

This power began to fade as independent distributors and cinemas began to crop up. Like in professional athletics actors became free agents where they could take their skills and reputations where they wished. Unions formed and the power dissipated. The website statista estimates the global film industry will be $50 billion dollars in 2020. Thats a pie a lot of people would like to stick their snout into.

Enter Netflix et al. Otherwise known as the Satans of Silicon Valley. Before I pontificate on SVS it might be helpful to philosophize on the question of what kind of value they bring to this world to begin with.

To begin with they are a society. An insulated, top down culture presided over by people with certain kinds of brilliant intellect and intelligence around a few extremely limited things. On top of this there is a self perception that is also pointed outwards as a marketing message cum “social good”. For them to see themselves as valuable parts of society at large they must perpetuate and proselytize this ethic/message. It is a nearly completely corrupt mentality especially devoid of emotional intelligence and a genuine sense of greater good. For many of the FANG stocks (a prescient acronym for Facebook, Apple (Amazon), Netflix, Google) the trick is to write some code, give it to a “user” for free and then have that user do all the work to build a successful revenue generating business. Its genius and entirely immoral. The users are the product, they develop and refine the product, allow a given company to take or steal their information which that company can then use to sell shit right back to them In the words of Karl Marx, the workers are the means of production AND the product.

Allthe company needs to do is continue to convince the users they need to keep working. They fo this by “engaging them” in things that touch in fears, dreams, hopes and deficiencies.

Ok, so a bit of a deviation here but the core point, relative to our topic of screen size, is to examine what value (if any) Netflix is bringing to the movie game.

Lets start with their motivation. First, middle and last Netflix is a growth and consumption machine. But if we look at the content they “recommend” it is created, design and directed to appeal to YOU. Their business wet dream is to have you intravenously fed chemically and neurologically customized euphoric content. Like the masses in The Matrix they need you to have a stable income and an all you can eat mentality. Why else would they continue to push new movies and episodes having them start before the last has finished.

So, how about the quality of said content. Well, financially speaking, they are agnostic on that. However, to steal your attention away from other content (including real life) they need to convince you its better.

This is where awards come to play. Any kind of award will do but of course when you’re talking about insatiable appetites, you’re talking the big awards. Golden Globes, Grammy’s, Oscars. And winners from the elite festivals. And when you’re taking in obscene amounts of cash, there’s lots to spend..and spend they do. For many years Amazon was a money losing venture. Not any more.

According to Statista Amazons Q4 revenue in 2018 was $72.38 billion

Apple - $62.9 B in the same period

Netflix - $4.19 B

Google - $33.7 B (reported for Q3 as parent company Alphabet)

Those four quarterly revenue streams combined (over $173 billionj is more than the annual GDP in Rhode Island, Vermont and New Hampshire.

So, yeah...its all about the Benjamins

Right. So no surprise there. Its not illegal to make money.

But this is the kernal of the issue for chain cinemas. Netflix is taking revenue from them.

Lets look at the core matter regarding quality of work. At this point the poster chold for this is the astounding and impressive film: Roma.

Its is the brainchild of Alfonso Cuarón and it is making waves (if you’ve seen it this is a pun) because of the awards and recognition is has garnered but also by the way Netflix has accomplished it. They have a brilliant beautiful film on their hands the credit to which needs to firmly given to them. They are exploiting the opportunity to attract filmmakers by giving them broad artistic license and backing movies studios shy away from or don’t support due to a personal beef with the artists.

So far as this empowerment to the creators I say “good for you Netflix”. It is certainly their right to distribute it in whichever wsy and to the degree they wish. Its their toy. Obviously it gives them a monopoly in who sees it when its not in cinemas - their customers. This cultural shift might be upsetting or off putting to many for many reasons. But the notion of adopting technologies that already exist comes to mind.

Some credit does need to be accorded to Netflix. They fully funded the vision and sensibility of a Director, cast and crew and single handedly provided access to an extraordinary mvie to millions of people who might not otherwise have access to see it. Kudos.

However...

I first saw Roma on my large screen TV and loved it. I begrudgingly gave credit to Netflix for this coup. But...it haunted me and got me to thinking. The “what about” questions began to creep to my consciousness. It was too good and I wanted more. But the “tiny” 45” screen and schmaltzy TV speakers were incapable of delivering the full, Director intended experience.

But I was stuck. Netflix had cleverly rigged the game. To qualify for the Oscars, the film needed to be shown on a movie house screen in a minimum number of locations. Netflix complied - but barely.. And so, under carefully controlled limited release it was made available. But if you have the misfortune of not being close enough to a legitimate movie screen, you were out of luck. Nay, this lack of good fortune extended further when I learned there were a few 70 mm high definition sound copies out there.

For a cinephile, large screen format is nirvana. Seeing a movie conceived, shot and meant for a large screen is an experience irreplaceable. It can’t be recreated anywhere else.

So sticking this instant classic into a small screen is like telling a great writer they can only use half the alphabet. A musician half the notes. Or a chef food but no spices. Whats the point of trying?

If Netflix wishes to keep its toys to itself, so be it. But really how much farther do they think they have advanced cinema beyond Employees leaving the Factory. Not very far to me.

And watching an epic film like Roma on anything other screen than a large cinema screen, with stereo sound...not the same.

[bearogenes]

Dear Bearogenes: I often hate myself because of my sexuality.

Hey um I’m really uncomfortable with my sexuality. To the point that I go through extended periods of hating myself. Can you help me 

Bear in mind, this is like asking a random person to paint the Mona Lisa using nothing but their breath and a sheet of steel. You've given me two pieces of information that are so generic I could write almost anything and it would sound like it was getting to the point, but I would be swinging blind and you’d know I’d missed completely but I wouldn't. That, however, has never stopped me from trying which is all I can do here without more information.

In the broadest of terms ‘being comfortable’ with one’s self is an intensely complex challenge. It’s up there as one of the ‘big ones’ like finding purpose, meaning, happiness or uncovering ‘destiny’. Even discovering this about yourself can be intensely emotional. I've seen boys breakdown because they weren't ‘normal’, having just discovered a new kink or even an aspect of their sexuality they hadn't explored yet, or that they were improperly gendered.

The revelation of ‘challenges’, which those things represent, can cause frustration, depression, self-depreciation, and much more as all non-’straight’, non-cis folk know well as all of us have experienced it first hand in varying degrees.

For the record: I hate labels with such a passion and fire that I do everything I can to dismantle them as thoroughly as I can because if there was a ‘demon’ in with the skeletons in the closet, it’s labels about who we ARE, what we ARE, and our value when what matters is that we ARE. To hell with those other notions, but that’s a much longer rant for another time.

Your ‘comfort’ is most likely, again speaking in the broadest/statistically common factor, the result of that kind of ‘challenge’. It represents you not being ‘average’ or ‘normal’ (insert angry bear sound at those words) and that means you have to either sacrifice being in the ‘normal crowd’ (insert laughter at the idea of normal crowd) or you have to do horrible things to yourself that have only one end: the destruction of any stable psychological/emotional/spiritual sense of self.

Upon discovering your uniqueness, the very first choice you are given is to be alone (which is untenable because of the nature of things) or to ‘end’ that self that is different. Is it any wonder we have such universal challenges like depression, anxiety, and the rest? We’re virtually never welcomed ‘into the world’ before the ‘world’ tells us we’re wrong. The truth is that none of that is real or true or both. This may sound a little counter-intuitive but I think that’s where we need to go here to find your answer: away from ‘cognitive intuition’ and into something deeper.

There is no such thing as those things that are pushing you to be different from who you are; They are the lie you've been told and accepted. There is no ‘normal’ person and if it does exist, it’s so rare that in 7 billion, you might find it every few generations. This person who is just like everyone else.. the idea frightens me really. A ‘blank’ who fits in everywhere wouldn't be a ‘person’ because what makes us so is that we don’t fit in everywhere.

We aren't meant to. That’s not how the universe works on any level so it’s rather deluded to assume that on our ‘level’ it does. That’s like saying you wouldn't get drawn into a black hole because you’re made of ‘special atoms’ because you’re homo-’sapiens’. There’s no amount of ‘fabulous’ that can change the way things work in the universe. 

As much as we’d like to think so, you just can’t ‘out Queen’ a black hole.

The universe has some pretty simple rules: Everything has a place, everything fits and it all works when it is where it belongs. Please note that ‘getting it’ or ‘understanding’ really aren't in those basic principles because what we do as humans (drawing lines, making connections between concepts and assigning value to unrelated things) has little to do with the universe itself and more to do with what we do in that structure.

Everything “Fits” :

There is nothing that isn't created using the same template, a base code of atoms and chemicals and structures. It manifests in an incredible diversity worthy of the duality of it’s source because it is both simple and complex in the same breath. You are you because billions of atoms obey the rule of “Fit” and “purpose” set out by that ‘template’ that created the code that became the chains of color pallets known as DNA. Every single human has the same base code because we all ‘fit’ in that same sense as an extension of our ‘atoms’ fitting in the cosmos.

This means that from long before you could possibly have existed, you were ‘right with the cosmos’ and belonged here but you aren't always aware of it or able to sense those things because you aren't yet ‘where’ you (as grand component) fit yet. This happens at every level as well. Things come together, form shapes, change and separate making new bonds and forming new things but ultimately nothing remains ‘rogue’ for long at all. It just FEELS like you don’t fit because you aren’t ‘fitting’ at the moment. You’re not wrong but you aren’t right about the grander scale on which you do, and will again, fit perfectly. By way of this metaphor for life, nothing is a ‘universal’ fit because we all have unique bonds to make as part of creating a structure.

Everything has a “Place”.

You are here. Virtually every map in a building has this marker so you know where you start your journey. There’s no indicator, on said map, of where you’re going or a hint or guide of how to get to that place you have an idea of but no clue where it resides. You’ve got an idea that the world is a big place and that somewhere in all of it, there’s somewhere you fit and are happy, but no clue how to get there.

This is where ‘feeling different’ becomes a threat to happiness. A triangle isn’t going to fit in a round hole of the same size without being bent, turned or cut down to fit but it will NEVER be a circle no matter how hard it’s ‘shaped’, it will always be what could have been a triangle. That’s what we do to ourselves when we try to conform every part of our uniqueness to the ‘hole’ given to us at the start. That’s the thing though, it’s just the ‘start’ and virtually never does a piece begin and end in the same spot. “You are here” is only the first rung on the ladder you’ll climb and no indicator of where you’ll go or what you’ll do on your journey. Those are as unique as you are.

So why does the map exist at all then?  It’s the result of people who have been before you but it’s not meant to say ‘this is the only way’ but it is the only ‘example’ you could be given: the result of someone’s journey who went before you. They weren’t ‘constructed’ like you are, weren’t meant to fit the way you will because they weren’t YOU.

Following the atomic metaphor a little further, atoms are passed along because of environmental stresses. Sometimes we come together to form greater structures and other times the bonds aren’t stable (read: aren’t the right fit) and so we break apart and then move along following that ‘ladder’ or ‘chain’ of elements as we move along searching for that ‘fit’.

It’s scary but the only way to truly find that ‘place’ is to be you. In the absence of a genuine sense of self, you can never find a sense of belonging because it won’t be YOU that belongs, just that version of you that was created (by you and outside pressures) for the sole purpose of fitting in. It denies the idea that you could fit in better somewhere else and that to one degree or another you must do so because that’s why you are here after all. Denying that creates false self of place that leaves us feeling uneasy, nauseous because it’s unstable, and we always turn to ourselves as source of that problematic perception. It is, again, a fallacy. The situation/place isn’t wrong and neither are we, but the fit is because you aren’t yet where you need to be.

Everything has purpose.

This one gets ‘sticky’ and is very messy because it can challenge everything else because it’s the big ‘debate’ in philosophy, religion and psychology. Do we have purpose? Does that purpose entail a ‘power’ creating that purpose? The questions go on and on but are a byproduct of assumptions about the universe that are entirely our own creation. They don’t ultimately have any impact on the fact that everything has purpose and that the purpose has no ‘value’ in and of itself.

What I mean by the last is that since we assign value, one of our many human traits, we create this sense of measure that one thing is better than another. We discriminate. It’s our nature.We choose left or right based on one of those being better because of experience/learning but as we are constantly evolving, those choices aren’t always the ‘right’ ones. We push concepts onto the fabric of the universe and somehow expect it to ‘agree’ with us but that’s not how it works.

We’re all the same basic things, a few different kinds of atoms being shoved around until we form shapes by Forces like gravity and such. So too with the nature of human existence. It has no ‘value’ in and of itself, but we create those things when we ascribe meaning and purpose to it which is why we so desperately search for something outside ourselves to give it to us: because we know we can make mistakes and being mistaken about our purpose feels like a terrible fate we want to avoid.

Let me tell you a little about me as a way of illustrating this point. I have chosen to move, to follow the ‘pattern’ and to ‘drift’ a little now and again. I go where I am ‘needed’ rather than where I feel like I ‘should’ go because I know that should is an expectation and not a reality. The reality is that where I am now is a byproduct of being tugged at by a situation, a need in a specific area, or just a sense that ‘this’ is the new ‘place’ for a time. I’ve migrated my whole life and what I’ve learned is that I belong everywhere. I’m far from ‘normal’ but what I do and who i am IS needed virtually everywhere I have landed.

I build connections, create community, strengthen bonds and heal rifts. I weave things and mostly spend my days ‘healing’ the fabric around me. It’s what I do here on tumblr in spite of my original intention of just being a dirty old man since that wasn’t a side of me I got to really express in my day to day because it didn’t ‘fit’ with that situation. Instead my natural tendencies came to the surface as reflex because they were needed by people like you who felt alone, lost or just frightened.

When I was younger I tried to take my own life because I didn’t feel ‘connected’ didn’t have a ‘group’ I felt I ‘belonged to’ because my sexuality made me feel ‘different’ and that in discovering it I had become disconnected. The terrible truth was that I didn’t ‘belong’ anywhere.

In.

Particular... 

Where I was at the time, the place and social groups, were made of disparate ‘isolated’ elements that came together around me. I brought those like me together, the ‘isolated’ lost and ‘cast out’, and formed communities. Eventually I found myself drifting away from that and to a new place where there was ‘nothing’. Only to repeat the process there.

How do you find “Purpose” when you have no “place”? You come to understand the illusion of those things while accepting that it was your understanding of them previously that created the illusions. The truth is, I belong wherever I am because I am needed there. Time will come, as it always does, that I will ‘move’ again. While I may yearn for the ‘quiet life’ of house, fence, kids and dogs, my ‘purpose’ is to ‘create spaces’ as I do here and to share what I have learned of being ‘place-less but with purpose’ because it allows me to form ‘greater’ structures around me than you might if you had a perfect fit in a particular place. My place, it seems, is the whole confusing, complex, crazy, thing. Anywhere. Everywhere. Right here and now because you reached out to me.

It is why I so desperately try to engender a simple understanding in others: that you are critical in your natural state. I don’t mean ‘younger you’ I mean the real you, the deeper true you, because that is what bears purpose and can help find or create place. I may have tried to be an artist, danced my way through years of my life, and been a warrior who defends those at risk around him, but those were never the real me. The real me.. you get to glimpse him here. None of this would exist if I had continued to fight the fact that I was endowed with my unique tool set and that with that came a ‘purpose’ that didn’t ‘fit’ everywhere.

You’re struggling with ‘fitting in’ and understanding why you are the way you are, but the struggle isn’t really with those ‘facts’ about yourself: it’s with the way they ‘fit’ with society and your environment. While it can be a survival strategy to ‘conceal’ those parts of yourself you must explore them safely. I don’t mean go out and do everything your sexuality entails, I mean explore: read, discover that you’re not the only person out there with your sexuality and that in such a discovery find community and get to know what it’s like when people with a shared trait create such a space together.

Remember to breathe. Give yourself a little time. Discover the borders of the pieces of your ‘self’ that don’t ‘fit’ where you are and the discomfort they create and then set yourself on the journey of finding that ‘place’ and ‘fit. It could be as simple as fitting with just one other piece with complimentary borders.

While the map may read: YOU ARE HERE, it’s only the beginning.

I know there’s much more specific you want to ask me. This was, you could say, a primer for what comes next. Ask me what you will and I’ll answer as best I can, but remember I’m the kind of person that will write a book in an answer because I feel you are worthy of it and because what YOU are enduring is a battle other people face daily and if I can ‘double down’ on what my work can do, I will do so.

Tell me what is truly bothering you about your sexuality and we’ll go from there but remember this lesson as a ‘square one’ “you are here” moment. The next steps we’ll take together and see what road opens for you that you might not have seen before.

Until then, you have  my best wishes,

Bearogenes

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Not known Details About hair regrowth

Simply put, ketoconazole minimizes DHT sensitivity, and given that most Adult males eliminate their hair because of their hair follicles staying delicate to the effects of DHT, if a product doesn’t incorporate this component, don’t trouble shopping for it. It doesn’t incorporate biotin, however, you can generally get biotin as being a complement should you Definitely feel that you've got to own it. Moreover, if you continue to have doubts that Hair Surge truly works, you can sift with the A huge number of good responses and testimonies over it on-line. Gonzalo Arroyo Moreno/Getty Photographs 19/ The other proven choice for Gentlemen could be the oral pill finasteride, recognised by its brand title Propecia. The drug can prevent hair loss and promote hair growth, nevertheless it has some Uncomfortable side effects. Hair affirmation is a powerful Device that helps you are concerned considerably less and care far better for your hair. You can develop your very own affirmation and visualize by yourself obtaining it. Hi , I'm utilizing Nizoral two situations a week I need to incorporate A further haie loss shampoo would you help me Make a choice from hair surge and Lipogaine 5 Purpose for 5-6 parts of fruits and veggies everyday. You don’t ought to consume exotic, high-priced ones.  Consume much more range and take in what grows domestically and what variations seasonally – because they comprise greatest goodness and therefore are ideal for your hair, well being and skin.   We’ve think of 5 best hair loss shampoos for guys and women that function, led by Ultrax Labs Hair Surge  – and that is a relative newcomer on the market but one which continuously gets favourable effects. Both concerns are very simple plenty of to reply. You’ll find the main variations in a very facet-by-side comparison of each solution’s elements; Massive 3 contains ketoconazole, which the large 5 does not, whilst the large 5 adds natural ingredients such as argan oil, and observed palmetto. It is just too early to say if This is certainly working but fascinated to hear what you think or regardless of whether I ought to use another thing. Many thanks This article is absolutely really instructive. Selecting https://www.facebook.com/steptoremedies/ is mostly a tricky task And that i constantly use chemical totally free brands and herbal shampoo mainly because too much chemicals from the shampoo may result in dry hair. Hair follows a certain growth cycle with three unique and concurrent phases: anagen, catagen, and telogen. Every phase has certain features that determine the length on the hair. via steptoremedies.com shade my hair and generally make use of a Sulfate-absolutely free shampoo to keep the color. Do have a selected recommended manufacturer for color handled hair? When doubtful, examine the utilization tips discovered on the hair loss shampoo’s container. Those people suggestions are there to ensure that you can get the ideal outcomes out of your shampoo with out creating harm to your scalp or hair. Ketoconazole is The key component. Of each of the limitless ingredients to look for, make sure your shampoo for hair loss consists of ketoconazole because this ingredient combats a lot of the key difficulties associated with thinning hair.

hair vitamins for Dummies

Generally known as linseed, alsi or jawas, flaxseeds are one of many richest plant resources of omega-3 fatty acids. These essential fats moisturise the scalp pores and skin from in just and assistance lessen dryness and flakiness.  Hence, it could possibly Enhance the signs of dandruff, eczema and acne. The body makes vitamin D by means of direct contact with the Sunlight's rays. Great dietary resources of vitamin D involve fatty fish, cod liver oil, some mushrooms and fortified foods. , then I strongly urge you to definitely perform further more research. Though hair transplantion can provide an aesthetic boost, it’s not The solution to your hair loss woes. You’ll still need to work to treat the root result in Vitamin D is believed to Enjoy a task in hair output, but most exploration focuses on vitamin D receptors. The actual job of vitamin D in hair growth is mysterious. Within this in-depth write-up I’m planning to provide you with each and every treatment that may be even truly worth looking at for a cure And that i’m intending to rank them to be able of how really I rank them. eighteen/ Rogaine is often a determination: in the event you stop utilizing it, any hair you’ve regrown could fall out, so you’ll go back to dropping hair such as you were before you begun having it. If you're thinking that your hair thinning or balding stems from inadequate care, then Pure Biology may also help avert further more hair loss and stimulate nutritious growth. And the 3rd most vital issue that many of you by now know but conveniently overlook is Consuming H2o. Our system is 70% water, and when it doesn’t acquire enough h2o it is not going to function properly, as well as your hair won't prosper from the dehydrated setting. Right before utilizing Minoxidil, however, contemplate that constructive results will stop shortly right after use ends. This is due to Minoxidil functions to only deal with the signs; it doesn’t deal with the actual bring about. In addition, you could possibly working experience several Unintended effects, together with: Usually men and women find out about acute (or IgE) food items allergies as the system’s response towards the food stuff will take location quickly and with obvious outcomes which might be easy to see. Something to remember when working with crucial oils is to choose a provider oil that actually works very well to provide the essentials on to the hair follicles. That said, plenty of people don't get sufficient vitamin D and it should still be a smart idea to increase your intake. Immediately after the color tragedy, I stay considerably far from synthetic hair hues. I've not many gray hair, And that i use henna to protect my greys. The truth is, Medical professionals now say baldness styles are inherited from a mix of many genes on either side on the family members. There are numerous environmental variables that occur into Perform, much too.

Facts About how to grow hair faster Revealed

I are already utilizing It really works hair skin and nails and my hair grew 2 inches in 6 months! And my pores and skin appears improved as well. This can cause hair breakage and sooner or later hair loss. Any time you use a gentler, all-natural shampoo your hair has the chance to grow healthier and powerful. Ditch the sulfates for a really Mild shampoo, and you need to see outcomes by using a number of months. Pricey Rupa, each individual remedy isn't going to function for everyone and that's why I've shown 4 shampoos. If this doesn’t operate try out the opposite a few. Get addressed for underlying healthcare issues. Often hair loss effects from an fundamental trouble that you just may not even be aware of. If This is actually the case, regrowth won’t take place till you receive the appropriate treatment. Some disorders develop modest regions of hair loss, while others influence significant regions of the scalp. Typical will cause of patchy hair loss are Remain perfectly hydrated. Drinking h2o might help your hair grow additional vivid and balanced. Identical to other areas of One's body, your hair is enormously impacted by dehydration. My hair is about one and 50 percent inch prolonged. And I would like it to grow to about 5 inches lengthy ahead of January. What am https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcIg5xpL80o to do or use Remedy this concern Flag as... Flag as... Sure go on and experiment with different herbs. Once you uncover the right kinds to suit your needs Will probably be worth it. A major hair loss shampoo can offer your scalp and hair follicles with important nutrients that enable stop thinning or balding on the resource. With excellent high quality solutions, That is reached by stopping the negative hormone cycle that domestically causes bald spots. During the 3-thirty day period telogen interval, the hair root shrivels up into a little "club," then the hair falls out. It really is thus standard to shed about 100 hairs every day, extra of these on times when shampooing loosens the hairs which might be wanting to fall out. The body then replaces the hairs. https://www.pinterest.com/healthhomeremedies/steptoremedies/  have argued that dandruff can lead to an unhealthy scalp and trigger balding. https://steptoremedies.com/argan-oil-hair-growth-skin-care/ is, ketoconazole is the key ingredient in Nizoral that actually works to forestall dandruff and strengthen hair. The body generates vitamin D by means of immediate contact with the Sunshine's rays. Excellent dietary resources of vitamin D include fatty fish, cod liver oil, some mushrooms and fortified foods. Avoid hair extensions along with other harming models. Hair extensions are really hard with your hair plus your scalp. The load of your extensions pulls on the hair triggering breakage, and while in the worst situations, bald patches. After you’re endeavoring to grow your hair in, you would like to Allow it be as natural as is possible. // A Be aware on affiliate marketers: A number of our web pages incorporate affiliate back links to websites like Amazon. These on the internet merchants share a small percentage of revenue with us. If you purchase something as a result of these inbound links it can help aid our exploration and operate assessing hair loss treatments.

Top latest Five hair growth vitamins Urban news

Just as in chemotherapy, hair follicles are forced into your catagen period. Hairs crack and fall out, ordinarily in patches scattered throughout the scalp. A bunch of topical medicines referred to as prostaglandin analogs have just lately started going through tests for probable hair regrowth. They may be used in Gentlemen and women. These drugs are not at present FDA accepted for scalp hair loss. At this time, these are definitely principally employed for eyelash enhancement. One of several new medicines is termed bimatoprost (Latisse). Even further tests and scientific tests are needed to assess the efficacy of those merchandise in scalp hair loss. Bimatoprost solution is typically employed off-label for assist in chosen situations of hair loss. It's presently FDA authorized for cosmetic eyelash enhancement. Frequent balding (androgenetic alopecia) occurs in Males and women which is due to impact of testosterone metabolites in genetically susceptible hair follicles. Catagen. The decrease two-thirds from the follicle shrivels up and is particularly destroyed. The dermal papilla continues to be hooked up towards the regressing follicle. Is there a correlation concerning hair loss and tension? Equally psychological and Actual physical strain (for instance a serious disease or Restoration from medical procedures) have been affiliated with hair loss. Studies have shown that this medication works very well in certain different types of hair loss, and sufferers must use it for about 6 to 12 months ahead of total results are determined. This medication isn't going to "function" in times to weeks, and its onset of noticeable enhancement tends to be gradual. It might be best for men who nevertheless have more than enough hair to keep but additionally will help some regrow hair. Attainable but pretty not likely Unwanted side effects consist of impotence or simply a lessened intercourse drive (libido). https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-SiXXn3EKKI2t7btdwEplw display that these Uncomfortable side effects ended up perhaps somewhat extra prevalent than witnessed in the overall inhabitants and therefore are reversible when clients end getting the drug. The price is about $70-$a hundred/thirty day period, and many well being insurers usually do not reimburse to the expenditure. As being the name implies, this hair growth shampoo is made up of the main ingredient as soya protein and is particularly great for conditioning of the hair and also the scalp. For a person's hair to grow faster, it can be sensible not to scrub it every day, utilize an oil or hair mask weekly. You can even go for hair-boosting supplements which can be Secure. You received’t uncover any sulfates, parabens, or other harsh chemicals that will exacerbate hair loss Within this products. The substances are all natural and holistic, like apple cider vinegar, black castor oil, Shea butter and keratin proteins. The Shea butter moisturizes the scalp along with the keratin strengthens the roots in the hair. Other B-vitamins assist generate pink blood cells, which have oxygen and nutrients to your scalp and hair follicles. These procedures are crucial for hair growth. Pregnancy might trigger a lot of alterations inside the scalp hair. As the hormones fluctuate all through pregnancy, numerous women truly feel their hair thickens and becomes fuller. Androgenic alopecia - can be a genetic problem. Men with this issue put up with what is often generally known as male sample balding, which often can begin all through late teens or their early 20s. source:- steptoremedies strengthens hair, radically cutting down breakage, thinning, and hair loss. This shampoo features a delicate volumizing influence in addition. It could make your hair grow thicker and more powerful with prolonged use. steptoremedies.com , this is an excellent spending plan product or service for mild to moderate hair loss situations. This is able to Enable you to expand the quantity of follicles you receive for the hair transplant. This might not be that considerably off -- five to a decade, maybe. There is certainly Great evidence you will be able to try this."

5 Easy Facts About hair regrowth Described

I used to have actually thick curly hair nevertheless it has never liked growing much… Now it is basically slim, good and greying and still curly however it retains snapping off and nonetheless not getting any longer.. Like minoxidil (aka Rogaine), Ketoconazole has been determined as a fantastic hair loss treatment. Ketoconazole is the primary component in many anti-dandruff and regrowth shampoos, and investigate with the Countrywide Institute of Well being (NIH) has demonstrated the frequent utilization of a 2% Ketoconazole shampoo can lead to increased hair density and dimensions. Comment:Thanks I will try out it cures… my hair isn't growing in any respect and the sides far too are absent. can’t even experience proud to leave my natural hair on.. Hope it really works for me. A cure for hair loss will be Just about the most interesting scientific reports to return along within the wellbeing discipline in quite a long time. Probable, a cure for male hair loss would also crossover and be a female hair loss cure at the same time. It could also make a lot of money for whoever patents it to start with, also. Now, my hair is gentle, easy, and glossy, and doubtless denser than it use to generally be in my teens. And that i would like to share with you many of the things which I did to regrow my dropped hair and hope these will let you as well. Pregnancy includes its have set of ups and downs, and working with sore throat is just one of them.... Some experiments have argued that dandruff can contribute to an unhealthy scalp and trigger balding. read more , ketoconazole is the primary ingredient in Nizoral that works to circumvent dandruff and strengthen hair. Argan oil normally takes center phase During this shampoo, which principal ingredient is crammed with vitamin E and fatty acids to promote nutritious hair and skin. HSC660 is an ongoing feminine hair loss demo that should run for 22 weeks as well as a late phase (Stage three demo) for men has initiated in Mexico. little herbs went to date to reveal commercialization, “We’e in very late-phase negotiations with a few huge retail companions,” she states. It will not be a magic bullet, but it might guaranteed be great to own an alternative/complement to Rogaine that actually stimulates growth. Your entire body creates vitamin D via contact with the Solar’s rays though other sources of it consist of fatty fish, cod liver oil, and some varieties of mushrooms. Lots of individuals don’t get ample vitamin D regularly, nevertheless. Hair follows a certain growth cycle with 3 distinct and concurrent phases: anagen, catagen, and telogen. Each individual section has distinct characteristics that establish the length from the hair. Even though https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_Is_Falling may be affecting your issues with hair loss and thinning, an easy improve while in the shampoo you employ may perhaps make all the real difference. And if you actually need to play it Secure, get one of many products and solutions by using a income-again ensure. This shampoo revitalizes uninteresting strands although strengthening and supporting follicles, hair and scalp wellness. Ideal for Those people aiming to restore weakened hair and aid fight hair loss, this shampoo is actually a guaranteed winner. And The explanation was excessive worry or worry. Stress impacts all of our entire body, and our hair is not any exception. By no means-ending anxiety could cause a disproportionate range of hair to go into resting stage at the same time. Which causes large clumps of hair popping out all at once.

hair loss in women Things To Know Before You Buy

Simply because caffeine can counteract the negative results of testosterone that produce male pattern baldness, we propose you buy a shampoo product or service which contains caffeine to Increase the well being of one's hair and scalp. Medicines Usually useful for rheumatoid arthritis and bone marrow cancer, They're now becoming analyzed for his or her uses to be a hair growth medication. These are a new class of medicines labeled as JAK inhibitors. In one examine, 6 from 9 people significantly went from bald to a full head of hair immediately after using Ruxolitinib for 5 months. The American Hair Loss Affiliation reported it’s crucial that women who may have a background of hair loss of their relatives to become made conscious of the possible results of delivery Regulate supplements on regular hair growth. And DHT is accountable both of those for hair loss and enlargement of your prostate. In a single study, nearly fifty percent of Gentlemen who had been dealt with with saw palmetto experienced an 11.9 % boost in total hair rely. If Rogaine and also other hair growth solutions aren’t Operating for you, Ketoconazole just could. Likewise, you are able to always utilize a shampoo along with a prescription product For added defense. These products usually are harmless but usually not scientifically demonstrated and as a consequence perhaps ineffective. To decelerate hair loss, you will discover at least four most likely helpful, basic possibilities. These consist of medicines like Minoxidil, and Propecia, which are for prolonged-time period use. Stopping these prescription drugs would not appear to worsen or exacerbate the prior hair loss. The individual will basically revert on the condition he would've been in had he hardly ever started out treatment. NIZORAL???? What? Are u joking ? NIZORAL make https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-vFharetTU , NIZORAL is not really á shampoo is a synthetic imidazole antifungal drug utilised mainly to deal with fungal bacterial infections. Ketoconazole is sold commercially being a pill for oral administration (Even though this use has become discontinued within a number of countries), and in a variety of formulations for topical administration, for example creams (used to take care of tinea; cutaneous candidiasis, which includes candidal paronychia; and pityriasis versicolor) and shampoos (utilised primarily to deal with dandruff—seborrhoeic dermatitis from the scalp). It is too early to say if This really is Doing the job but intrigued to hear what you believe or regardless of whether I should really use something else. Thanks They suggest working with it nearly 5 instances every week for max effectiveness. Working with it everyday most likely wouldn’t be a difficulty. You indicate the Ultrax Labs Hair Solaye conditioner or conditioner usually? The company promises it works together with the shampoo and judging because of the ingredient,s may aid to regrow hair to a little diploma. alopecia areata (modest round or coin dimension bald patches on the scalp that usually grow back again in just months), On the other hand, there are a number of topical products and solutions obtainable with caffeine which might be right applied to your scalp. A lot better, study displays that hair follicles don’t Establish up a resistance to caffeine-integrated products and solutions mainly because it does with a few medicines. SLS is a typical ingredient in individual treatment items like soaps, shampoos, and toothpaste. It’s an inexpensive and efficient foaming agent. It might cause discomfort in unusual situations, but it really shouldn’t be a difficulty for your overwhelming majority. ” A similar report also states that it’s unheard of for women to follow a male pattern Except there is too much creation of androgens in her system. Hey Frederique, I eliminated it mainly because it was no longer obtainable for some rationale. I’m undecided how perfectly can these shampoos function if you are under-going chemo.

5 Easy Facts About hair loss treatment Described

I remember the way it feels. Sensation helpless which i was slowly and gradually likely bald and there was practically nothing I could do about this. As such a popular treatment technique, various reports have been conducted over time. A new examine, posted in 2014 by Aldhalimi et. al., researched the effects of Minoxidil on mice. The mice (of which there have been 20 in full) had been shaved as well as their dorsal skin dyed to higher examine hair growth. Under are three standard methods.It’s Unusual to feel that Rogaine and Propecia are two of the preferred hair loss treatments on the planet, nonetheless you will find a lot better natural possibilities that don’t feature the side effects. But the most effective possibility is usually to try to eat refreshing or dried amla every day. I've A different superior alternative – I consider 1tsp amla powder or triphala which has a glass of drinking water each individual morning – It’s probably the greatest detox consume yow will discover. This will likely get Your whole body rapidly alkalised, aid get rid of harmful toxins within the blood and organs, help filter out the gastrointestinal tract producing digestion far more economical and endorse the growth of balanced bacteria. Just after viewing merchandise depth web pages, look below to locate a fairly easy technique to navigate back again to pages you are interested in. Having said that, I've outlined several of the most effective natural blockers in direction of the tip of the guideline if you decide to go down that route. Delayed https://en.search.wordpress.com/?src=organic&q=hair+growth can be a substantial reason behind hair loss in Guys and women. The overwhelming majority of individuals, however, are entirely unaware that delayed allergic reactions from meals even happen, let alone could cause and amplify hair loss. The initial review on the topic was performed in 2007, and it displays that software of tea tree oil can cause a side effect known as gynecomastia. This is an indication of antiandrogenic activities. To perform this study, scientists recruited 76 male people with delicate to reasonable AGA. They were split into two teams. And thank goodness I didn’t. I have utilised steamroller, heat tong and blow dryer a few instances. But When I made use of them, I felt these very hot appliances did far more hurt than fantastic, so I have stopped utilizing them—once and for all. Spironolactone. This really is also a capsule taken at the time day-to-day to block the male hormones within the pores and skin that can result in hair loss. This is usually used for woman sample hair loss. Delayed (or IgG) reactions tend to be more problematic because it is difficult for making the relationship involving the food and the human body’s negative reaction to it. Folks have been proclaiming a ‘cure for hair loss’ will be out there in ‘five calendar year’s time’ for so long as any person can recall.

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[deuce-duce]

Hydrate Hydrate Hydrate

Before I get going I ended my last post telling you why its so important to hydrate. which I do but after I started explaining I went off on a tangent that is obviously more important right now then me explaining myself and how I stay happy. Which is why it just kept flowing... enjoy.

Hydrate hydrate hydrate!! I say this because, essentially we are just a series of chemical reactions all occurring simultaneously while electricity courses through our veins. More specifically positively charged ions/elements (sodium, potassium and calcium). These elements are carried throughout your body by water making it possible for your synapses to fire and for you to function as a living organism. since electricity is naturally occurring throughout your being its important to have the proper amount of conducive substances present, like H20. (Like My Dad Would Tell Me Growing Up... LOOK IT UP!!) 

with a diverse amount of chemical reactions occurring thought-out our bodies it is essential that we provide our bodies with all the nutrients that we need. This is achieved by having a diverse diet, while feeding your gut what it needs to properly digest such a diet. (Your Gut Is Your Second Brain) Heterogeneity is  fundamental and essential in every healthy ecosystem which is what our bodies are. Malnutrition is the primary component limiting the elevation of our consciousness and Growth. So why is it more expensive to get something that is good for you opposed to something that provides no nutritional value. I'm sure you can figure that one out on your own...

Just as a diverse diet is essential to you, functioning optimally, this concept rings true for an optimally functioning society as well. Society=Ecosystem. This is where I will make two VERY important points. Remember when I mentioned that learning fundamental components and concepts in regards to life and really anything is very beneficial?? I said that because once your aware of the functionality of these concepts they lend themselves to many different subjects. For example, although the contexts are different, The Human Body, Nature & Society the fundamental components remain the same for optimal functioning.

This is where Point #two rears its beautiful head. In my last post I mentioned briefly how important your individuality is for you are an important necessary element to a healthy functioning ecosystem called Society!! SHHHH....!!!!! your not supposed to know this. For your individuality is one of many solitary elements needed to progress, grow and achieve better and better and better for everyone.

now although I have talked a lot about normalizing you feeling your emotions and it being ok for you to express them, I think today and always we need to start accepting and appreciating people’s differences. For too long we have sat and used one another's differences as a way to create boundaries and judgement separating us from each other. Would the body function without certain elements or nutrients.... Sure!!! but it usually is a crap day for the person inhabiting that body. so why do we do it in today’s society???? I think this isn't natural and has been implanted as a means to limit and control us... J.M.O.

A very similar instance was the finches on the Galapagos Islands. Do you think that the birds loved... the young birds that had deformities and didn't look like them...? probably not because they saw that it was easier for that bird/birds to eat and acquire their food then they could. while the deformed birds had no clue that anyone had it any harder then they did, they were just using what they had been given the best way they knew how. the un-deformed/un-evolved birds eventually died off making the new evolution a primary genetic trait, essentially saving and preserving the species altogether. Is this why common day society forces us to conform?? I think it is... its so that we cant evolve further making the prior evolutionary life-form obsolete. Essentially sentencing us to our doom because were not allowed to have free thought or expression. one of the main reasons I think Our World is in the State its in today.

Science is Such a Prominent belief structure for many, throughout Our World. Yet we ignore all of the important aspects and instead instill our own ways. What do I mean... You might ask??!! Here are a couple of examples 1 of which I have already shared considering Heterogeneity. The other goes deep into the animal kingdom itself. So in today’s society the man picks his mate or who he wants to be with based primarily off of looks and sex appeal. ”on”  beautiful or sexy... so on and so forth. Or its simply because they have to through necessity! should it be like this?? I don’t think so. For in the animal kingdom, and I get it not all species are the same but lets consider the majority. When looking at the majority its completely opposite from how society does things. In nature more often then not its the female that chooses the male. usually based off of genetic traits leadership and the ability to provide and protect. This is why the male always has more colors or attractive features such as manes or some other varying characteristic. Often times males will fight for one particular female, as it is the females mortal instinct to reproduce and she wants a strong partner with strong genetic make up to be passed on to their offspring. Hence only the strong shall survive. So if animals pre-exist humans... and still continue to exist today... only becoming extinct because of humans... do you think... maybe... we might have wrong...?? I mean Divorces are at an all time high!! most aren't happy and women are falling in love with a fake presentation of a man simply because the man wants to get her into bed... Down the road when the man’s true colors come out, the woman has no idea how she could have been so blind... and has no idea how to get herself out... for 1 she loves them and 2... she just doesn't know what to do...it shouldn't be this way.

not saying everyone has to change tomorrow... just saying when it comes to things as delicate as relationships... there shouldn't be societal norms or certain ways to do things we should be able to do things the way that work best for us... for these relationships are going to be the breeding ground of our future... J.S.

another example of this is Government Bail Outs... Instead of the company going belly up because they weren't prepared for an upset or there business model become obsolete. they get government handouts to keep things the way they are because those companies are powerful and removing them could harm the economy even more. But in reality the economy always bounces back and if a company fails then they fail!! We shouldn't be rewarding failure for it only breeds more failure...  I'm probably wrong though... if these compaines weren't bailed out then another business would fill the void and more times then not its probably going to be a better more successful business then its predecessor increasing Chang and Advancement. Isn't This The American DREAM?? What do I Know!!

My last little thought for the day which is something I cant stop thinking about and is the reason I want to share... Is I think God is our mother... for who else would be so... forgiving and understanding and essentially be consider to be LOVE itself... A Mother. IF God is our mother then wouldn't Earth be our Father?? Providing all of the needs for all who inhibit its atmosphere... for some reason we led to believe that God is the Father...  I have my own theory why this is... but doesn't it make more sense the other way around??

Sun’s Shining!! Enjoy the Day Every ONE!!

LOVE & PEACE

[uniquedonutfest]

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Classilla and TenFourFox – ports of the current Firefox web browser, optimized for Mac OS 9 (Classilla) and PowerPC Macs running OS X Tiger (TenFourFox). Get online with your vintage Mac! PrintToPDF – a free utility to create PDF files on classic Macs running System 7 through Mac OS. Jan 26, 2014  Support Communities / Mac OS & System Software / Mac OS X v10.4 Tiger Looks like no one’s replied in a while. To start the conversation again, simply ask a new question. Online shopping from a great selection at Software Store. Mac OS X Tiger (version 10.4) is the fifth major release of Mac OS X, Apple's desktop and server operating system for Mac computers. Tiger was released to the public on April 29, 2005 for US$129.95 as the successor to Mac OS X 10.3 Panther.Some of the new features included a fast searching system called Spotlight, a new version of the Safari web browser. Apr 07, 2016  The typical reason that many users stay on Tiger (or Leopard) is that they have a PPC processor, which can't go beyond 10.5.8 (Leopard), where TenFourFox would be a good choice - and close to up-to-date for many uses. However, TenFourFox can't run on Intel processors, which is what you have. But, you CAN update the OS X system.

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Back when Ars Senior Products Editor Andrew Cunningham was forced to work in Mac OS 9 by his colleagues in September 2014, he quickly hit a productivity wall. He couldn't log in to his Ars e-mail or do much of anything online, which meant—as someone who writes about new technology for an online-only publication—he couldn't do his work. All Cunningham could do was play old games and marvel at the difference 15 years makes in operating system design.

But as hard as it may be to believe in light of yet another OS X macOS update, there are some who still use Apple's long-abandoned system. OS 9 diehards may hold on due to one important task they just can't replicate on a newer computer, or perhaps they simply prefer it as a daily driver. It only takes a quick trip to the world of subreddits and Facebook groups to verify these users exist.

Certain that they can't all be maniacs, I went searching for these people. I trawled forums and asked around, and I even spent more time with my own classic Macs. And to my surprise, I found that most of the people who cling staunchly to Mac OS 9 (or earlier) as a key component of their daily—or at least regular—workflow actually have good reason for doing so.

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Why? Whhhhyyyyyy???

The reasons some Mac lovers stick with OS 9 are practically as numerous as Apple operating systems themselves. There are some OS 9 subscribers who hold out for cost reasons. Computers are prohibitively expensive where they live, and these people would also need to spend thousands on new software licenses and updated hardware (on top of the cost of a new Mac). But many more speak of a genuine preference for OS 9. These users stick around purely because they can and because they think classic Mac OS offers a more pleasant experience than OS X. Creatives in particular speak about some of OS 9's biggest technical shortcomings in favorable terms. They aren't in love with the way one app crashing would bring down an entire system, but rather the design elements that can unfortunately lead to that scenario often better suit creative work.

I'm alluding here specifically to the way OS 9 handles multitasking. Starting at System 5, classic Mac OS used cooperative multitasking, which differs from the preemptive multitasking of modern Windows and OS X and Linux. With classic Mac OS multitasking, when you want to change apps it's up to the active program to relinquish control. This focuses the CPU on just one or two things, which means it's terrible for today's typical litany of active processes. As I write this sentence I have 16 apps open on my iMac, some of which are running multiple processes and threads, and that's in addition to background syncing on four cloud services.

By only allowing a couple of active programs, classic Mac OS streamlines your workflow to closer resemble the way people think (until endless notifications and frequent app switching cause our brains to rewire). In this sense, OS 9 is a kind of middle ground between modern distraction-heavy computing and going analog with pen and paper or typewriter.

These justifications represent just a few large Mac OS 9 user archetypes. What follows is the testimony of several classic Mac holdouts on how and why they—along with hundreds, perhaps thousands of people around the world—continue to burn the candle for the classic Macintosh operating system. And given some of the community-led developments this devotion has inspired, OS 9 might just tempt a few more would-be users back from the future.

Programmatic hangers-on

Remembering how the comments on Cunningham's article were littered with stories of people who still make (or made, until only a short time beforehand) regular use of OS 9 for getting things done, I first posed the question on the Ars forums. Who regularly uses Mac OS 9 or earlier for work purposes? Reader Kefkafloyd said it's been rare among his customers over the past several years, but a few of them keep an OS 9 machine around because they need it for various bits of aging prepress software. Old versions of the better-known programs of this sort—Quark, PageMaker, FrameMaker—usually run in OS X's Classic mode (which itself was removed after 10.4 Tiger), though, so that slims down the pack of OS 9 holdouts in the publishing business even further.

Wudbaer's story of his workplace's dedication to an even older Mac OS version suggests there could be more classic Mac holdouts around the world than even the OS 9ers. These users are incentivized to stick with a preferred OS as long as possible so they can use an obscure but expensive program that's useful enough (to them) to justify the effort. In Wudbaer's case, it's the very specific needs of custom DNA synthesis standing in the way of an upgrade.

'The geniuses who wrote the software we have to use to interface the machines with our lab management software used a network library that only supports 16-bit machines,' he wrote. This means Wudbaer and colleagues need to control certain DNA synthesizers in the lab with a 68k Mac via the 30-year-old LocalTalk technology. The last 68k Macintosh models, the Performa 580CD and the PowerBook 190, were introduced in mid-1995. (They ran System 7.5.)

This DNA synthesis lab has two LC III Macs and one Quadra 950 running continuously—24 hours a day, seven days a week—plus lots of spare parts and a few standby machines that are ready to go as and when needed. The synthesizers cost around 30,000-40,000 Euros each back in 2002 (equivalent to roughly $35-50k in 2015 terms), so they want to get their money's worth. The lab also has newer DNA synthesizers that interface with newer computers and can chemically generate many more oligonucleotides (short synthetic DNA molecules) at once. This higher throughput comes with a tradeoff, however. Whereas the old synthesizers can synthesize oligonucleotides independently of each other (thereby allowing easy modifications and additional couplings), the new ones do them all in one bulk parallel process, meaning the extra stuff has to wait until afterward. More work means more time, and as Wudbaer says, 'time is money.'

Lutra's package does not use the bash script and launches QGIS directly. Qgis for mac os sierra. If anybody is interested i could supplement giovanni's feedback with a homebrew install + new profile + no plugins on mojave 10.14.1 mbp 13' with intel iris graphics 550. Author Name: Peter Petrik I am not able to replicate the issue on my computer, but I made some research on QFileDialog issues.For the launch from terminal vs launch from Launch Services: Homebrew QGIS package uses the bash script to launch QGIS.app.

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On the Facebook group Mac OS 9 - it's still alive!, people trade more of these OS 9 endurance stories. Some prefer it for writing environment. Others keep it around for bits and pieces of work that require expensive software such as Adobe's creative suite or a CAD package or Pro Tools or specifically to open old files created with this software. Most use it for old Mac games, of which there are far more than the Mac's game-shy reputation would suggest—but that's a story for another day. A scant, brave few not only struggle through OS 9 for these sorts of offline tasks, but they also rely on it as a Web browsing platform.

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[keldae]

Drastic Measures (Chapter Eleven)

It wasn’t often that Jace had the chance to see the soldiers that made up the newest incarnation of Havoc Squad. Despite his fondness for his old squad, his duties as Supreme Commander usually kept him behind a desk on Coruscant. Havoc, in the meantime, typically ran through the entire galaxy like bats from hell — even more than usual with the Zakuulan invasion. But now, with the siege ended and the galaxy under a forced, uneasy peace that felt akin to sitting on top of a crate of unstable explosives, Havoc had been recalled to Coruscant, much to the displeasure of the current commanding officer.

Fortunately, this was one of the rare situations where Saresh’s deeds worked in Jace’s favour, provided that he acted quickly.

He was sitting at his desk when Aric Jorgan marched into his office and sharply saluted. “You wanted to see me, sir?” The Cathar had never been a jovial man, but now was even more sombre than he had been in the wake of Tavus’ defection, or after Major Kota had been injured badly enough to be permanently retired from active duty. Zakuul had taken a toll on everyone.

“Yes. Take a seat, Major.” Jace pressed a button on his desk to lock his office door, grateful that Marcus had taken the time earlier to sweep the room for hidden transmitters. “We have matters of a sensitive nature to discuss.”

Jorgan’s stoic expression cracked with a raised eyebrow. “Is this about Vik losing his temper on Senator Borsani?”

A smirk almost showed itself on Jace’s face. “No, although I do wish I could give him a commendation for that. Unfortunately, what I have to say does not concern Captain Dorne or Forex, either.” The ex-Imperial soldier had proven herself quite a valuable member of Jace’s personal staff — it was an idiotic decision on Saresh’s part to force her out of Havoc, almost as stupid as reassigning Forex to the Morale Initiative. “But before we go any further into this conversation, Major, I need your agreement to maintain operational silence. None of this discussion leaves this room.”

Jorgan’s other eyebrow raised to join the first. “Understood, sir.”

“Good.” Jace reached down into a drawer in his desk and withdrew a datapad, which he handed to Jorgan. “I assume you’ve seen this?”

“The Chancellor’s bounty posting and Zakuul’s Most Wanted?” Jorgan very nearly snarled. “It’s a load of bantha shi— uh, it’s a crock, sir. Even if Master Taerich’s still alive, she was far too much of a Jedi to be a murderer. And I’ve met Agent Shan. He’s the furthest thing from a terrorist.”

“And neither of them would betray the Republic, despite what certain individuals believe. If anything, they’re probably the Republic’s best shot at getting out from under Zakuul’s grip… assuming they aren’t handed to Arcann on a platter.”

Jorgan’s eyes narrowed. “What are you suggesting, sir?”

“Something that, to certain individuals, may be considered treasonous.” Jace carefully watched the sniper’s bright green eyes. “If we do what those certain individuals want in regards to handing over Master Taerich or Agent Shan to the Zakuulans, we’re throwing away what I believe are our best hopes. And I think you and I both know how well those same individuals will take our suggestions for an alternative solution.”

The Cathar slowly nodded. “Those particular individuals haven’t been fond of Master Taerich since she tore Sar – one of them a new one after the Makeb incident; they’ve had it out for both of them since Ziost. Everyone in the armed forces and their mothers heard about that.”

“It’s true. And the leader of these individuals would sell both of them for a scrap of flimsi to Zakuul.” Jace leaned forward over his desk and watched Jorgan as the soldier absorbed the conversation. “Now, if you truly believe your conscience demands that you follow the will of the Republic, I’ll respect that and swear you to absolute silence on this conversation.” He wasn’t going to mention that Marcus would have agents following the Cathar’s every move. “However, if you would rather see the galaxy free again —”

“I’m in, sir.” Jorgan’s fangs bared in a grin. “Where is Havoc going?”

That was a weight off of Jace’s chest. He gave Jorgan a small, conspiratorial smirk. “Officially, Havoc Squad is on leave as of right now; where you take your squad on leave is none of my concern. But if you’ll take the advice of an old soldier, Alderaan is lovely this time of year.”

“Alderaan, hmm?” Jorgan crossed his arms in thought. “You haven’t given us bad advice yet, sir. Any recommendations for where we should visit on the surface?”

“If I was still Havoc’s CO, I’d make sure to visit Organa Castle and catch up with some old war friends. Charle Organa’s an old friend of mine and still quite fond of Havoc. I’m sure he’d be delighted to meet the newest CO.” The fact that Marcus had intel suggesting the Organas were sheltering members of the resistance, if not outright joining the resistance themselves, was a bonus.

Jorgan slowly nodded, a smirk crossing his face. Jace could see carefully-restrained glee in the Cathar’s eyes. “The Organas are good people. Yuun will probably find something tracker-related in their archives, and Vik… I’m sure he’ll find some way to keep himself occupied.”

“Good. Your Thunderclap will be ready for departure soon.”

“Yes, sir.” Jorgan’s smirk widened. “And if anyone asks, we’re on Nar Shaddaa.”

Jace grinned. “Excellent. Dismissed, Major — good luck.”

Jorgan sharply saluted and departed from the office, his stride far more purposeful than it had been when he’d entered the room. Jace sat back down as the Cathar vanished from sight and sighed to himself. There was no turning back now. Treason against the Republic, or betrayal of your son and the entire galaxy… there was only one right answer.

“So, good news and bad news,” Kimble said as he took one of the seats around the table and glanced around at his surroundings again. Despite Sorand’s best efforts to accommodate his Republic visitors, the black walls and red banners proved disconcerting and uncomfortable for them. Still, he couldn’t change all the decor of his apartment on the outskirts of Kaas City. “Which one do you want first?”

Theron looked over as Xaja glanced back at him, then at Sorand leaning against the back of Shara’s chair, then back to Kimble. “The good news.”

“Most of what we need for the cure is available in Intelligence’s stores. Doctor Lokin’s bringing back what we need to create the serum in your brother’s laboratory downstairs.” Kimble had to glance over at Sorand at that. “Do I want to know why a Sith Lord has a fully-decked-out science lab in his residence?”

“Long story involving an ancient Sith artifact leaking mind-controlling poisons into the air. You really don’t want to know the details. Talos still gets headaches going in there.” Sorand shook his head. “I’m pretty sure the ghosts of a few of my old masters came back to slap me upside the head for that…”

“Ooookay.” Kimble shook his head. “It is all cleared out though now, right?”

“Yes, it is. Xalek and Ashara cleaned it out once I had the poison contained.”

“Okay, good.” Kimble nodded, then looked back at Xaja. “With what we’ve got onhand right now, we can form the base serum. Carbonite poisoning’s apparently enough of a problem that a cure has been developed.”

“But it’s not so frequent that anyone just keeps it readily on-hand,” Reanden interjected as he meandered into the room. “It’s the only thing that’s been confirmed to save a poisoning victim, if the serum is given to them in time.”

Kimble grimly nodded. “Unfortunately, the one component that we’re missing is the one that’s critical for the serum to work… and the reason why most victims don’t survive.”

“What is that?” Theron asked as he saw Xaja’s brow crease in worry. Under the table, his hand reached out and found hers, and he felt her cling back to him like her life depended on it.

The medic looked down at his datapad. “Quesh venom. We need it to create a chemical called dimalium-6. For a while, Imperial Intelligence was the only group that had that particular chemical.”

“Even then, there was never very much.” Reanden added; Theron saw the old spy’s mouth tighten like his knowledge had a sour taste to it. “Intelligence used it in the process of developing a mind control serum.”

“And you want to give a mind controlling substance to your daughter?” Theron frowned. “How does that help with the poisoning?”

“The mind control serum was one of the uses of dimalium-6. And I’d sooner cut off my arm than force a mind control like that onto anyone.” Reanden shot Theron a dark glare before looking back to Xaja. “In any case, Intelligence scrapped the mind control project years ago, and the chemical now been classified as a controlled substance, ever since the Hutts found out that it’s a spice enhancer.”

“Potential side effects include kriffing with one’s memory and affecting one’s mood,” Kimble added.

Shara lowly whistled under her breath. “So that’s what that osik is. It’s been makin’ rounds through the underworld, apparently it’s behind the newest and greatest forms of glitterstim. The Hutts have been makin’ a killing off if it on Nar Shaddaa.”

Sorand frowned. “So how does a potentially-mind-controlling spice enhancer help Xaja?”

“There is typically a barrier between one’s brain and blood,” Reanden slowly said. “Most human or humanoid species in the galaxy naturally have one. The dimalium-6 works by breaking that barrier — something to do with the properties of Quesh venom. It’s how it opens up the mind for outside controlling influences, or makes spice hit one harder… or we can create a derivative of the venom similar to the dimalium-6 to open up that barrier for treatment of neurological poisoning.”

“Which is why it’s the last critical ingredient we need for the serum,” Kimble finished. “Otherwise, what we’ve got is an expensive method of symptom control that really won’t do much to help you otherwise.” He sat back in his chair and ran both hands through his hair. “So, in conclusion, Xaja is the most high-maintenance lady, Jedi or otherwise, that any of us have ever met.”

“Thanks, Doc.” Xaja rolled her eyes, then looked back at her father. Her fingers hadn’t yet loosened their grip on Theron’s hand yet. “So if this is a controlled substance, how do we get our hands on it?”

“Affording the credits for it won’t be a problem,” Sorand mused. “Assuming, of course, we can access it. Dad, is there a way that we can get it in here without questions being asked?”

“Any other substance and I could just pull strings to get it here.” Their father tapped his fingers against his chin in thought. “Unfortunately, given how controlled and restricted it is, it’s hard even for Intelligence to get access to it. And it’s not something that can be traded for on Nar Shaddaa, when we need the venom in its unaltered state to make the serum.”

“I can get onto Quesh,” Shara volunteered. “And I don’t have to trade nicely to get it. Skadge is useful for exactly one thing.” She grinned evilly. “I can steal it and get it back here.”

“Without being caught or questioned?” Theron frowned. “If you’re already known to be Imperius’ personal favourite bounty hunter, wouldn’t —”

“They won’t see me. They’re just gonna see a hulking brute of a Houk bashing heads until he gets it and then lighting out.” Shara’s grin got wider. “Like I said, Skadge is useful for one thing.”

“Well, two, if we count the meat-shield usage,” Sorand commented.

“Good point, cyar’ika.” Shara beamed up at the Sith, then looked back at the rest of the conspirators. “What’s the deadline for getting the venom back into your hands, Doc?”

“The sooner the better, obviously,” Kimble said. He glanced at Xaja, then at his datapad again. “With how badly Xaja’s slipping downhill, she might be beyond the point of saving in less than three weeks.” Theron’s grip back on Xaja’s hand tightened, and he felt his jaw clench in stubborn determination as he felt anxiety from her along their bond. Not happening. I don’t care what I have to do. You’re not dying like this.

“Hooo boy, and you’re gonna need time to make the cure when I get it back here. Jetiise, always making my life complicated.” Shara stood up from the table and paused long enough to kiss Sorand’s cheek. “I’m headin’ out now. I’ll letcha know when I’ve got the venom.”

“Good luck!” the Sith called after the departing Mandalorian’s back, then turned back to his houseguests. “Doctor Kimble, you and Doctor Lokin have full access to the laboratory — let me know if there’s anything you’re missing from there and I’ll get it for you. Theron, when you do inevitably get bored and slice into my computers, please just leave the files labeled Dark Temple or Spectres alone. You really don’t want to know.”

Theron had the grace to look a little abashed. “If it makes you feel better, I wasn’t planning on looking through your files. I’m planning on tracking communications regarding the hunt for us.”

“That’s fair. I’d be doing the same thing. Xaja, since you shouldn’t be using the Force here even if you weren’t sick, I’ll just show you where my library is. I promise it’s not all Sith texts.” Sorand looked around the room. “Is there anything else you need at the moment?”

“Nothing that comes to mind. I owe you for this, little brother.”

“Survive this and kick Arcann’s ass back to Wild Space where he and his ilk belong, and we’ll call it square.” The Sith came around the table and offered Xaja his arm. “C’mon, I’ll get you oriented with the apartment before I have to return to the Citadel.”

Theron finally let go of Xaja’s hand as she stood up, trying to be subtle about taking her brother’s arm for support. The spy watched as both siblings meandered out of the room, Sorand notably shortening his long stride for his sister. Without seeing them together, one might have never suspected them to be related. When beside each other, however, the similarities were clear: despite Sorand inheriting Reanden’s brown eyes and Xaja their mother’s green, they shared the same eye shape, the same facial structure. Their hair, also of widely differing color, shared the same thick, poker-straight texture, capping off the same slender frames… even if Sorand did stand almost a foot taller than his sister. This was all without taking into account their respective strengths in the Force. Korin had once even tried to describe the similarities between their Force-signatures. It was a description lost on the all-but-Force-blind spy. As they turned a corner, Theron could see they had the same smile, Sorand apparently having made some sarcastic joke that he couldn’t hear at their current volume to make Xaja laugh, and apparently succeeding.

Settling back into his seat as both Sith and Jedi vanished down the hallway, Theron rubbed his hands over his face. Xaja was scared, no matter how much she tried to hide it, and he was terrified under the brave face he was putting on for her. I can’t lose her, not again, not like this…

“She’ll be okay.”

Reanden’s hand dropped onto his shoulder as the old spy paused behind his chair. Lokin and Kimble were already leaving the room for the lab, talking between themselves about chemical components and the creation of serums and symptom management until Shara got her hands on the venom. “Lokin and Kimble are two of the most brilliant doctors I’ve ever met,” he continued. “Sorand will move planets if he thinks it’ll help his sister. And you know how stubborn Xaja is. She won’t lie down and die like this.”

“You’re not wrong,” Theron admitted as he looked up at the old Cipher. “I might even believe you, if you didn’t sound like you were trying to convince yourself of that.” He could see the stoop of Reanden’s shoulders and noted just how drawn and worn his face looked at that moment.

“She’s my daughter, Shan. I’m going to worry no matter what.” Reanden sighed and squeezed Theron’s shoulder in a surprisingly almost-affectionate gesture before he continued walking. “You have enough common sense to not do anything stupid while you’re slicing into the computers. Let me know if anything happens.” He lingered long enough to see Theron’s nod before he left, leaving the spy alone with his thoughts.

Closing his eyes, he reached for the bright point of light in his mind that was Xaja. I’m going to save you, no matter what it takes. I promise.

Jedha’s winds were cold, even in the middle of the Holy City, the maze of low-lying buildings acting almost as wind tunnels. Satele drew her robe tighter around herself as she walked through the streets to reach the Temple located here, feeling rather relieved that Darth Marr’s ghost wasn’t currently lurking over her shoulder. She had no idea where the Sith’s apparition had disappeared to, but it felt… wrong… somehow to even contemplate bringing him here. It was ancient, almost as old as the ruins on Tython, and had been more frequently inhabited since Tython was abandoned thousands of years ago — although now, with the Jedi all but gone, no Knights or Masters could be found here.

Yet the Force had guided her here to this location. The former Grand Master’s eyebrows drew together in a frown. From what she could sense, Master Xaja was definitely not on Jedha; and if she wasn’t here, Theron would have little reason to be. She hadn’t seen anyone matching her son’s description either. A spy he may be, capable of vanishing into the crowd, Theron wouldn’t be so heartless to not reassure her that he was all right if he saw her… right?

Not dead yet. Can’t talk, will explain later. Sorry. T. That was hardly a sufficient apology note for scaring one’s mother to death. Theron, where are you? Are you and Master Xaja safe, at least? No, that was a stupid question: nowhere in the galaxy was safe, not with that bounty on their heads. Satele supposed that safety was relative.

She let herself into the abandoned Temple through a side entrance and slowly walked through the corridors, brushing her fingers against the softly glowing kyber crystals set in the walls. She had come here once as a Padawan with Master Zho, and had been awestruck by the Temple then; even as an older, wiser Jedi Master now, this place was still beautiful and awe-inspiring. The ancient Temple was still a marvel, even if empty and —

Her blue eyes narrowed. No, it wasn’t empty. She could feel another presence in the Force — not light like a Jedi, nor dark like a Sith. Balanced, like… the Knights of Zakuul. On quiet feet, Satele crept further into the Temple, mouth set firmly at the idea of the Zakuulans in this place.

The Zakuulan in question was a woman wearing a white cloak with a hood, not quite pulled forward enough to hide her steely grey hair. Underneath, Satele could see white and grey armour in the style of the Knights, and a lightsaber hanging from her belt. The stranger had her hands clasped in front of her and appeared to be admiring the Temple, until she turned to see Satele standing at one of the corridor entrances. There were several long seconds of a tense silence before the intruder spoke. “This place is magnificent.” Her voice was lower pitched and quiet, but still strong — this was a leader among the Zakuulans.

Satele inclined her head in agreement. “It is a sacred site for the Jedi. It was one of the first Temples, and is at least as old as the Republic itself.”

The Zakuulan nodded. “You are — you were one of them?” Startlingly pale blue eyes glanced at the saber-staff hanging from Satele’s belt, then back up to her face.

“Yes.” Satele shifted her weight slightly between her feet. “What brings a Knight of Zakuul into the Jedha Temple and the Holy City?”

“Would you believe me if I said the curiosity of a tourist?”

That got a raised eyebrow and the patented Grand-Master-Shan-disapproves look. “Are the sacred places of my people now tourist attractions for yours?”

“No. My apologies, Master Jedi.” The Zakuulan offered a shallow bow. “There has been a call within the Force, one that will not rest. It has led me here, but…” She took another look around the room. “I had hoped to find answers in here.”

Oh, blast it. The Force nudged at Satele — this was who she had been led to. “Strangely enough, I also was called here. I had hoped to find news of my son and his — his partner.”

“They are missing?” The Zakuulan sounded concerned.

You would not be nearly so concerned if you knew their names. “Yes, and have been for some time. She went MIA during the war, and he… didn’t take the news well. I haven’t seen him since he ran off on some damned-fool mission to find her.”

“I am sorry.” Pity softened the Zakuulan’s eyes. She looked away from Satele and back to the ancient architecture around them. “… The Jedi were healers as well as warriors and diplomats, were they not?”

“Some were,” Satele cautiously acknowledged.

The Zakuulan nodded. Her facial expression shifted, hinting at a terrible pain behind her eyes. “I had hoped to find anything in the Jedi teachings for… for healing a broken mind. My son and my daughter… their father did horrible things to their minds, twisted them so that I can barely recognize my own children.” She took a shaky breath. “I would do anything to see them healed and restored to what they were.”

“I’m sorry.” Satele felt a burst of compassion in her heart for the hurting mother in front of her. “Their father is no longer in a position to harm them?”

“No. He was killed two years ago, and I still do not know if I am relieved or grieving.” The Zakuulan sighed heavily. “If I had known he would do that to them, I would never have…”

“The future is always in motion, and not even the wisest can see all paths.” Satele took a step closer to the stranger. “You could not have known what was to come.”

“No, I suppose you are right.” The Zakuulan blinked rapidly as though hiding tears, then turned back to Satele. “I am sorry — I ought to introduce myself. I am Senya Tirall.”

“Satele Shan,” the Jedi answered with a slight bow.

Senya’s eyes widened. “Not the same Satele Shan who was hailed as the leader of the Jedi Order?”

“The very same, while there was a Jedi Order.” Satele carefully watched the Zakuulan’s eyes. “Is that a problem?”

“… Not at all, Master Shan.” Senya inclined her head. “If it means anything… I am sorry for what happened to your people. The Jedi should not have had the fate they suffered.”

Satele nodded in acknowledgement of the apology. “There are enough of us who survived. The Order will endure — it always has.”

“That… oddly reassures me.” Senya’s mouth twitched in a small smile. “It’s an honour to meet you.”

“The pleasure is mine, Knight Tirall.” Until you find out who my son is and who he’s with. “Come, let us find somewhere more comfortable to talk than here.”

“Please, call me Senya.”

“Then I must insist on Satele.”

[ladyvegeets]

Letting Go - 4 Striptease

for @tpthvegebulsmutfest

He stood in her lab, eyeing the equipment and half-put together machinery. He had seen similar rooms before on Frieza’s outer stations. He did not much care for them. The room smelt unpleasant, of strange chemicals, motor oil, and burnt wires among other things. Bulma had asked him to take a seat but Vegeta remained standing, waiting for her to return from wherever it was she had ducked off to. He didn’t know why he was humoring her.

[Read more under the break or over on AO3. Read from part one here.]

Well no, he knew perfectly well why. He was here because it meant putting off another day of self-inflicted torture that would result, like all the others, in nothing. Another futile day where he didn’t become Super Saiyan, where no matter how much he hurt or sweated or bled or screamed, nothing he did made a goddamn difference.

“Ta da!”

Bulma returned from a side room carrying a long rectangular box. She bounded up to his side and handed it to him with a beaming smile, her face flushed in expectation. Her expression threw him. Her smiles were normally more mocking, or so he thought, as if she were privy to some amusing secret that he wasn’t. But now she looked so genuine, so radiant. 

He distrusted it. It needed to be crushed.

“Here,” she insisted, thrusting the box as this chest. “It’s for you, dummy. Go on, open it.”

Vegeta didn’t like surprises but he also didn’t like secrets, so he took the box and cautiously opened the lid.

Bulma couldn’t stand still for her impatience. “Well? What do you think?” she gushed.

“It’s… my suit,” he said, staring at the familiar blue fabric. His battle suit was neatly folded in the box with a pair of pristine white gloves on top.

“Pfft, please!” she scoffed. “Your suit, if you remember correctly, was a complete wreck. But I used it to formulate you a new one. A better one. See? This is lighter, stronger, more breathable and weather resistant. It won’t stain or tear easily, and it’s totally seamless for maximum comfort.”

She leaned in, digging under the suit to reveal his white and gold chest armor. 

“And look here! I made you a new breastplate too. It’s also lighter and more flexible, and way more durable than your last one. You’re really going to have to work hard to break this sucker.”

Vegeta stared dumbly at her gifts. She was giving him battle armor, the same that he had died in while attempting to defend his people’s pride. She hadn’t just fixed it, she had recreated it and made it better. So much of his heritage had been taken from him over the years, so much lost, but with this gift Bulma had given him the chance to fight again in his royal uniform. His hands tightened on the box.

She was still prattling on about her improvements. “—it’s even impact resistant and—”

“No,” he said, cutting her short.

Bulma blinked at him, bewildered. “No? What do you mean, no?”

He threw the lid shut and shoved the box back at her. “No to this.”

Bulma caught the box on instinct, her face paling in shock. 

Vegeta crossed his arms. “Is that all?” he asked curtly. If she had nothing else to show him then he had no further need to stick around.

Her cheeks flushed and her gaze narrowed. “Is that all?” she repeated, her voice rising dangerously high. “I’ve worked my perfect ass off to make this for you, and that’s the thanks I get? ‘No’?”

“I never told you to,” he said coldly.

“You’re not supposed to. It’s a gift, you jerk!” she snapped back.

“A gift?” he sneered, his temper rising to meet her own. “More like a debt I’ll owe you. Isn’t that your thinking?”

Bulma threw the box on the ground between them. “Is that what you think I’m doing? Because if you want to play the debt game, how about the debt you owe for my hospitality, huh? You’re living in my house, eating my food, using my inventions and equipment, taking up my time and barely being civil to my parents. But have I once asked you for anything in return?”

Vegeta thinned his lips and looked away, having nothing to say in his defense.

“Well?” she demanded, not letting him get away with silence this time.

“You invited me, remember,” he replied sullenly. 

“Well if you can accept that, then you can accept one stupid present!” she shouted with exasperation. 

Vegeta kept his eyes down, refusing to meet hers, his arms tightening over his chest defensively. An awkward silence stretched between them. It was abhorrent. He needed to leave.

“Enough of this nonsense,” he spat, and tried to step around the box for the door but Bulma side-stepped in front of him. She put her hand on his arm, and though her strength was minimal, something in her touch kept him in place. 

“Vegeta,” she said, trying to catch his eyes.

He looked away, feeling suddenly queasy. Claustrophobic. Trapped.

“Hands,” he snapped, desperately latching on to anything to regain some control of the conversation. “You promised no touching.”

Bulma let her hand fall away, but she didn’t back down. “I don’t think that’s the problem, is it?” she asked, her tone unnervingly soft. “Vegeta, why won’t you accept the gift?”

He stayed silent, refusing to talk.

“Why aren’t you training today?”

Still silent. Why couldn’t she fucking leave things alone that weren’t her business!

“Why won’t you even look at me?”

Goddamn her. To prove her wrong, Vegeta looked up.

And instantly regretted his decision. 

Her blue eyes shone with worrisome concern. The thought that she, a mere human, would pity him was more than he could bare. He mustered what pride he had left and took a threatening step towards her.

“I owe you no answers.”

“Vegeta, what are you afraid of?”

How dare she. 

“I AM AFRAID OF NOTHING!” he screamed at her, his anger kicking in from 0 to 100 within nanoseconds. “The only one I was afraid of is dead, defeated at the hands of two men who are more jokes than Saiyan, yet somehow they achieved a legendary power that I, the last true surviving Saiyan, haven’t been able to achieve no matter how much I bleed for it!” He bent down, snatching up the blue suit and shaking it in her face. “So what fucking good is this, Bulma? I don’t even have the right to wear it. They’re not the jokes, are they? I am.”

With that, Vegeta threw the suit at her feet and stormed out.

~xox~

 The sky was painted in pinks and oranges by the time Vegeta returned to Capsule Corporation having finished his not-so-little temper tantrum against a few mountains in the middle of a desolate desert. Or if it hadn’t been desolate before, it certainly was now.

Covered in dirt and sweat he headed straight for the bathroom to wash off, then for bed, too drained to even muster the energy to eat.

With only a towel about his waist, his skin still warm from his shower, Vegeta paused when he entered his room. A suspicious looking long box lay on his bed. He approached it slowly. Sure enough, when he reached inside he found the blasted battle armor. That cursed woman. Was she mocking him by leaving this here?

He grabbed the blue suit in his fists and wrenched but the fabric merely stretched accommodatingly.

Someone laughed. 

“I told you it wouldn’t tear easily,” Bulma teased, leaning in the doorway.

Vegeta glared at her over his shoulder. “What’s the meaning of this?” he demanded, holding up the suit in accusation.

“Who else am I going to give it to?” she asked, letting herself into his room. “It’s made for you.”

“Tch.” 

He dropped the fabric back in the box and headed onto the balcony to escape both suit and woman. The soft pat of feet on tile told him he was only half successful.

“You know what I think?” Bulma announced, bracing her arms on the railing next to him and looking out at the backyard. Vegeta grimaced, preparing himself for her lecture. “You’re trying too hard.”

Come again? He looked at her suspiciously from the corner of his eye. Of all the things he expected her to say, that wasn’t one of them.

Maybe it was weariness. Maybe it was knowing that Bulma wouldn’t leave unless she had said all that she came to say. Whatever the motivation, Vegeta found himself asking her, “…What makes you say that?”

“Buddha.”

“What?”

“Not what, Vegeta. Who. The Buddha is a very wise and holy man. Do you know what he says?”

He glared at her. Of course he didn’t fucking know.

She smiled and turned to watch the colors of the sunset. “You only lose what you cling to.”

Vegeta frowned, trying to process that. “Is this another stupid Earth lie you tell children?”

Bulma laughed and turned to face him straight on. “No. In your case, I think it means the harder you try to control something, the more it’s going to control you.”

Vegeta didn’t much care for that logic. “What kind of nonsense is that?”

She shrugged. “Well, I thought you might like to think on it. After all, your method isn’t working, is it?”

“My method?” he sneered.

“Mmm.” Her eyes roved over his half-naked physique appreciatively. “You’re in great shape, Vegeta, and if the gravity readouts are anything to go by, you’re stronger than Son was when he transformed. So it really makes no sense that you can’t. That leads me to believe there must be some mental or emotional component you’re overlooking.”

He narrowed his eyes, thinking over what she said. It sounded plausible, except for one matter—

“Are you suggesting that Kakarot is mentally superior to me?”

Bulma laughed again. She looked so carefree it hurt. “Oh my god, no. Don’t get me wrong, Goku understands fighting like I understand quantum physics, but you and I both know he’s about as mentally complex as a peanut when it comes to anything else.”

Vegeta’s mouth twitched, almost smiling. His esteem for Bulma went up a few notches. 

“So what then?” he asked.

“So, what I’m saying is, Son transformed, not because of this,” she tapped her temple, “but probably because of this.” She tapped her chest. “It just… happened. You’re overthinking things. You need to embrace the moment, not strangle it. Just… let go.”

“Let go of what?” he huffed.

Bulma shrugged. “Who knows? That’s the mystery, isn’t it? But maybe it’s worth experimenting. It’s got to beat throwing yourself around in the gravity room for 18 hours every day, willing something to happen that won’t.”

She had a point. They stood in contemplative silence for a while, the sky bleeding red to purple to blue. A soft breeze cooled the lingering water on his skin and tugged at her curls.

“…What do you propose I do?” he finally asked, his voice quieter than usual. It wasn’t easy for him to ask for help.

Bulma turned over, leaning her back against the railing so that she could get a good look at him. “Well, maybe you should start with something small. Ease yourself into the habit of letting go a bit. Let’s see… What’s something you’ve been denying yourself? Dessert? A rest day?”

Did today count as a rest day? Not exactly. Today had been more about giving up than giving in. But she was right, he needed to try something different because the more he struggled to stay in control, the less he felt he had.

Letting go, giving in, embracing the moment. Was that really the answer he had been missing?

“Oh!” Bulma announced, flashing him a cheeky look. “I know. You could start by accepting a present from a certain smart, beautiful lady-friend? And telling her how amazing she is, and…”

Her voice trailed off as Vegeta approached, placing his arms either side her on the railing. He leaned over her, biceps flexing powerfully.

“I have a better idea of how I could ease myself in,” he suggested in a low voice.

“Oh,” Bulma stuttered. There was just enough light for him to see her blush. When she did not push him away, he inched closer.

Her soft curls danced in the wind, beckoning him, so he pressed his nose against her temple and breathed deeply. His eyes fell half-closed, and he allowed himself the luxury of enjoying her scent, sampling it, burning it into his memory until every cell in his body thrummed from her. She was a woman, young and fertile and blooming open just for him, growing sweeter by the second. She wanted him, and fuck if he didn’t want her too.

Bulma’s breath caught in her throat. She tilted her face to meet his, her petal-soft lips brushing sensually against his cheek. The tiny caress sent sparks of electricity right down to his cock. Pressing his advantage — and his body against her — , Vegeta carefully drew her in. He cupped her face in his palms so that he might relish her scent more. She was overwhelming, like a fruit he wanted to sink his teeth into, and without meaning to he found himself mouthing the pulse in her neck. Her skin tasted like sunshine and syrup.

Bulma whimpered. He swelled in victory when she titled her head to the side, letting him do as he pleased.

Clever fingers soon found the towel at his waist and tugged. The fabric fell to the ground between them, releasing his pent up need.

“I have a confession,” she moaned, stroking his hips, her breath hot against his cheek. “I was hoping for a striptease when I made you that suit.”

He should have known. The sneaky wench. He growled against her throat as if to reprimand her, but it came out far too playful to be threatening.

When the scent of her arousal was so thick he could taste it, Vegeta picked her up and carried her inside. Bulma wrapped her limbs around him and crushed her mouth to his.

Letting himself go, Vegeta kissed her back.

 ~xox~

 AN: I heard you guys like cliffhangers. 

[baileymacias]

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